Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just-The Power of Lifting Others 9.10.25

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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just-The Power of Lifting Others 9.10.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Found the Bornman fundamental point.
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  It's like this we he's talking about being a Hasid and the idea
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  of being a Hasid is doing something above and beyond.
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  So we explained it's possibly to be a Hasid regarding a fellow
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  Jew. Now I just think Hasid needs to
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  be golf and means the thing I was about to be a Hasid.
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  So we told us how he's so financially to worry about
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  someone else's finances, how you Hasid benefit.
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  It's to worry about someone else's well-being.
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  And that means when you walk into a room, paramount on your
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  mind is what are other people are going to feel like?
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  How am I going to make them feel?
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  How I'm going to make them feel good?
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  That's being a chassis, right? And you say to yourself, come
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  on, what does that mean? Like worry about this?
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  What exactly does it mean? So it means like this.
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  You have the power. Every one of us does.
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  You have the power when you're having a conversation with a
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  groom or buy a one-on-one, the ability to really change
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  people's days in a very easy, a very sensitive way, which means
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  if you talk to people in a way that builds them up, they feel
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  better about themselves. He told people in a way that
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  puts them down, they feel worse. It's that simple, It's that
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  easy. And it's very effective and
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  destructive. And he's telling us, benefish.
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  You want to be a Hassid, benefish.
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  Be conscious of this concept. Think of ways how to make other
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  people feel good. I see there was science.
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  She is Tasdale it should be focused la soda havido to
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  provide for your friend. Call Cora to dua CSB adua any
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  manner of making him feel good that you have Ben benoni a Cabot
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  whether it be when it comes to giving him Cabot Ben behold
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  Shahi anim why the other top. You can make a person feel good.
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  That means you may help him by giving him respect.
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  My open Italian, a kind word, not specifically respect for a
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  fine word, a nice compliment, something small and slight.
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  And it sounds so childish. It sounds so maybe even small if
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  the reality is everybody's days are all dependent on this sort
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  of feeling, how other people treat me.
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  All that. And you can be a Chassid if
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  you're a focus on making other people pro.
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  Good call, Marsh Rio deya. Anything that, you know, shame
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  ya sero la havito, if you would do it for your friend whom is
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  going to feel good. You go to a wedding, you see
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  people all over the face. You can, you know, just shake
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  the the groom's hand and the groom's father's hand and walk
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  away. Or you can make it your business
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  to try to lift as many people up as possible.
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  And by the way, it's extremely simple and it's unbelievably
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  powerful and effective. It's probably the greatest bang
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  for your buck of anything you're going to do.
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  All right, Literally, people spend their life dedicated to
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  certain campaigns and certain missions.
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  You can spend your life dedicated to lifting people up
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  and changing people's lives. And you can get so much done
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  without giving a dollar by giving a person a kind word, by
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  saying so I saw your son, I saw your kids.
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  I can't live a good day. Look, I saw what you're doing.
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  I noticed where you're going. I heard about your learning.
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  I heard about what you're doing, all these little slight things,
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  and it's so easy and so effective, unbelievably
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  productive. Because think about the bad
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  thing. When I say bang for your buck,
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  think about this, OK, You see, I know personally I'm dependent on
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  good feeling like anyone else. And I know if I walk out a
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  wedding, someone says something nice that makes me feel good.
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  Someone doesn't say something that's the opposite.
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  It changes my approach. I've had a funny feeling for a
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  little. While but ignores you.
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  You know, it's not somebody that just so.
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  I got past that personally, but a lot of times people ignore you
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  a lot of times. It used to be a thing.
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  A lot of those people ignore you many times because they're so
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  focused on whatever their mind is thinking.
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  There's not that many people out there who are nasty enough to
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  flat out ignore you. I mean, people get hurt by it
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  all the time. That's a hard.
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  Thing to do. But to flat out ignore is really
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  nasty man I. Tell my wife too, even if you
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  don't like somebody, why do you have to put your head down?
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  Why you put your head down? Walk straight, Say hello.
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  Walk. And walk.
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  I don't think it's, I don't think that many people who are
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  normal. You feel bad.
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  You know, so many decent people that would ignore other people.
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  I don't think it's a normal thing.
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  I think they do is occupies. Maybe they're self-conscious of
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  themselves. People are extremely
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  self-conscious. The number one thing on most
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  people's minds is me, myself and I, not an ego way, but in an
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  existence way. And because of that, maybe
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  they're thinking about seeing the other person.
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  They don't see you wherever it is.
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  Ignoring for ignoring sake is not that come.
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  Right. But at least I don't see it that
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  much. If you can, Rabbi, I'm not sure
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  what it is, but when it comes to giving people khazuk or putting
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  people down, you have to understand how effective it can
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  be to give a person khazuk. It sounds like it's overdone.
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  It sounds like it's very shallow.
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  It's not shallow. It's not overdone.
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  It can never be overstated. It's the most underrated thing
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  you can do as a human being is lift the people around you up
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  literally day in and day out. You have the power of changing
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  lives and you're not spending a dollar.
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  You're not go away. You're not even, you know,
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  inconvenient to yourself. We're just doing what's right in
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  front of you instead of ignore, like you said, ignore or saying
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  something small. You can see something that could
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  change your life. I went to wedding last night and
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  made-up my business. Try to why, why not?
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  Why not tell the people up and you can tell someone something
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  you call. I I don't know on on Saturday
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  night's best Saturday night, someone's son did something very
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  nice. So I called the mother up.
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  Well, they tell me I called the mother up to tell her about her
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  son. I can't tell you.
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  They literally would like jump him off the phone.
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  They were so excited what I do nothing.
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  But the point is you lift them up changes the whole outlook.
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  Someone told me something, I feel like what it was someone
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  told me recently a compliment of some sort about learning or
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  something and it made me feel good for hours.
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  And I'm being honest, it changed my next few hours.
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  It's that easy, it's that simple.
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  So why don't we do it? Preoccupied.
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  Preoccupied not because we're bad people or even selfish
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  people or just preoccupied. We don't realize it's effect.
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  We do when it comes to us. You don't realize when it comes
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  to other people, if you want to be a Hasid when it comes, you
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  want to be top of the line. The best there is when it comes
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  to caring about other people worry about their well-being.
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  Now there are different layers to this.
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  One is the top level. Is being focused on the posit
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  the same vein, avoiding the negative.
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  It's equally as it may be much more important, which means if
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  you're around other people, there's so many ways you can put
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  people down and they won't even get it.
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  You talk about yourself and you're successful and they're
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  not. You just give everybody a pain
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  in the stomach. Flat out everyone's out of pain
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  in the stomach 'cause you're building a home and then not.
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  That's the way it is. This is a reality.
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  Ty talks about his daughter getting married.
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  Another guy's got a daughter who's 27, not married.
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  When he talks about the first doesn't make a difference if
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  she's marrying a guy who's from out of town and no one knows his
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  name. We don't know if his parents
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  doesn't make a difference. The fact you're talking about
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  your daughter getting married another guy not is a pain in the
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  stomach, it's a reality. Cat talks about getting a job,
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  another person out of a job, same thing, pain in the stomach.
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  A person gives a half a hint to not being impressed by the
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  person in front of him. Also same idea, you're beating
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  the guy down to the ground. And I am not overstating any of
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  this. It's unbelievable how both
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  effective and building people and destructive and taking
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  people down. Our words can be, our absence
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  can be, and we have the power to be a hasid.
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  A hasid means if you're nice to a person, you lift them up.
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  She's the right thing. And you do something that hints
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  that you're impressed by a person.
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  You recognize their existence, you walk over to them, whatever
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  it may be, you're changing their day and ultimately their life.
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  I'm telling you, I know people who have been hurt slightly and
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  they came home to the wife and kiss and they were in a bad
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  mood. Then they got into a fight.
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  All this is perfectly normal. And where'd it come from?
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  One guy who didn't intrigue them.
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  With the right respect to the office.
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  It's unbelievably common and no one thought, no one realizes
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  just how it is. The most important thing you
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  have to worry about when it comes to character is worrying
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  about the nefesh, the existence of people around you.
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  People can be nobodies if you lift them up.
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  They feel like everything. People can be everything if you
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  take them down. They feel like nobody's not
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  talking about the biggest rabbis who have gotten slight levels of
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  disrespect and it ruined the days, and the smallest people
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  who have given the most shallow, childish levels of respect.
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  Someone told them, Hezuk, I gave you the example yesterday.
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  I'll say it again. It's classic.
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  I was giving a speech in the shul and deal on Friday night a
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  month or so ago, and it was a speech that I had to prepare.
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  I had only an hour to prepare. It was driving.
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  I had no time to appear because my brother called me last minute
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  that he couldn't speak. I'm going to speak, OK?
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  He was supposed to say it was his time to speak, call me to
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  speak, give me a speak. I'm a little subconscious of his
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  speech because I'm not prepared. It's not actually decent speech.
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  Meanwhile, I said yesterday there's a guy sitting in the
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  front room I never saw before who is nodding his head the
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  whole time, like only he's nodding to say, lifting me up a
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  little, pushing the speech forward.
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  I even decided to tone this story.
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  I decided tone this story because I have this nodder going
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  on. So it's going well, OK, I was
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  otherwise going to do it as sure as possible and now I was
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  pushing. After the speech is over, the
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  guy comes over to me. Everyone say sharat Shalom.
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  They comes over and he says who takes care of the all the odds
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  on this? Who takes care of the all the
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  odds in the shoe? I said he's not here, it'll be
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  it tomorrow. And he's like yelling.
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  He says because I need aliyah, I need the yard side or something.
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  And he says, and I'm hard of hearing, I can't.
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  The guy didn't hear a word. I say who the bun is?
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  He nodded. Right.
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  Who's sleeping? It doesn't, by the way.
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  It doesn't make a difference. I still feel better by myself
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  even on that one. Still.
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  It's just the way we are. It's the way we wire.
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  It's the way you function. A Job by Joey made one of his
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  speeches unite during the summer, saying that you know how
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  Hashem loves you, there's people are happy when you're around,
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  then you know that. Hashemos, that's true.
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  That's true because the man says anyone who's right?
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  If I If someone is loved by briot, Hashem loves you too.
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  Well, so one of them wanted to add, I guess 11 has that in
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  there being a nice start of people he's actually helping
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  himself also because he becomes a well liked person found over.
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  Him that million percent, but even.
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  If they love it's school July like party he was knocking you
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  down. Say with their.
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  Words even though that you love a guy, right?
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  You don't intentionally go to knock him down, that ruin his
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  day and make him fight with his wife.
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  But you really have to be. Mindful, unbelievably conscious
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  of every particular situation, every person and they're how
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  they walk out of the room. Do they walk out of the room?
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  Are you smaller or bigger? And it's really, I'm telling
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  you, it's like once you keep that on your mind, we're not
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  talking about taking bad people and making them good people.
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  We're talking about already good people who may be a little bit
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  too conscious of their own mind or not really realizing how it
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  affects the people around them. Even though we should all know
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  this by now because we've had the foot, you know, on the other
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  shoe, shoe and the other foot and we've had the same exact
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  feeling. You know, I've had the feeling
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  as a speaker when I walked down, the one said a word and it felt
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  small, super small. I have the feeling when someone
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  says something puts you down and you feel very little or someone
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  disrespects you. Before I had this feeling and
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  you can't even understand how small it feels.
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  And you think to yourself like, what do I care?
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  That guy's got so many problems and he's the one who I'm judging
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  my life by. You know, I have certain people
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  that, that, that, you know, I'm going to give this example.
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  They give it away. I'll leave it out.
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  But the point is you got to be careful how you think of other
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  people. He gives an example on the
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  bottom we mentioned yesterday also of a person taking over a
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  job, but the rabbit told him don't take.
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  And he says, why don't they take it?
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  Because the original guy who got fired is going to feel bad when
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  you replace him. That's a very high level.
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  And people always say, what do you mean?
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  I'm doing it for the right reason.
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  I don't know. I'm building Torah, I'm building
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  this. I have to worry about this type
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  of thing. No, no, no.
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  If you are destructive in your method of building Torah, you're
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  probably not going to get that far on life.
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  That's the way life is. People do things and they don't
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  really recognize all those families around them.
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  To give it a sake of Torah, have to be very conscious.
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  There have been people, I know there's a, a rabbi in Lakewood
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  who there was a little bit of an issue in community rabbi,
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  literally a shoe in the hiring and the firing of the rabbi and
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  people. He told me that they're asking
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  me hila all the time, scratch my mind because they feel bad.
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  He has a better job now actually, but they're asking me
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  hila all the time that they feel bad.
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  The way it was dealt with. That's people who are conscious
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  of this concept. They have to be very super
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  conscious of how people feel to the fullest extent.
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  Fullest extent. That item's done with them,
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  right? You know the heart of a Rab, I
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  get fired and everything was done the right way.
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  It's usually done. I got to tell you the truth.
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  You know why? Partially because we're
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  utilizing, like I said before, with the don't talk and true
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  thing, to be very careful from the businessman model getting
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  involved and toward our stuff. You know what if the thing
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  falters, let the organization falter with the rabbi at its
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  helm. Let that be.
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  My father told me years ago, he said on the first firing of a
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  rabbi that he knows. I mean, there's been some
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  classic ones years ago, in recent years, the first fire
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  rabbi, he told me, I don't care what the Rob I did or what
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  people are saying. He said once that's get started,
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  watch what's going to happen. Told me this about 10 years ago,
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  12 years ago. And since that time, it's been
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  literally a musical chase. Now the shamash.
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  Could stay along. With the dog and he used to be
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  I, I literally, but it's not a job.
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  First in the red schoolhouse. How many times they changed
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  Jesus I don't talk about. Places I came back. 1.
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  But he said all he said is it there.
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  So he said I might not be there. What I I thought you used to be
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  in the air job. You're moving in for life.
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  Everything in your mind today is settling for life.
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  Now it's like getting a quarterback job on The Jets.
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  I mean, it's really a year or three years.
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  What it says son to black rides. That's a Gamaris, but it got
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  extreme. How did it get ashamed?
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  Because we use we shifted our minds.
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  So you bring the wrong people in and on my that's my opinion,
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  whatever. So I think, but you had to be
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  very super careful about how people feel when you're
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  replacing them because you have to worry about their well-being
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  and that feeling. That's the example, because over
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  here it's true when it comes to Tehran.
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  Well, you could you help them too.
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  You tell them that, you know, you didn't do enough of this.
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  You should have been more classes.
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  You should have been more with the people.
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  You know what I mean? You know.
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  It's a very hard, I happen to be it's a very hard place.
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  Via Robber 'cause. Organizations all do falter and
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  then they stuck and they don't know what to do and this is the
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  easy go to move. I don't want to judge it too
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  much. I'm just telling you the
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  approach got a little bit my own opinion a little bit too
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  business like that's a big but he said, but the overall idea is
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  you have to be a has seed when it comes to other people's
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  well-being. How do you make sure that they
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  feel good Mitzvat Hasidut who lost what to do you want to be
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  Hasid do things that make other people feel good and all the
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  more so avoiding things are paying people right.
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  A guy has got a close to this. A guy has got a sibling who
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  can't really make a nice wedding, and he's going to throw
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  a crazy way. Now, some people say I can't
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  control my family based on what someone else is going to feel.
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  You're right. Can't overdo it.
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  But at the same time, just be conscious of what they're
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  thinking because whatever you think they might be thinking,
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  they're thinking 1000 times, right?
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  So they're going to come to the wedding, They're going to have
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  their pity in their stomach. They're going to be upset.
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  They're going to be sad. They're going to say comments.
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  They're going to try to downplay this, and they're not going to
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  really be happy for you. We don't want that anyway.
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  We want everyone to be happy for us as well.
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  Yeah. And that requires being
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  conscious of how they feel. All right, Stop at this.