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Voddie Baucham - Gospel Healing for Hurting Marriages · Voddie Baucham Sermons

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  Speaker 1: Would you pray with me? Father, we are so grateful
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  Speaker 1: again for this opportunity that you've granted to us to
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  Speaker 1: be here in your presence, to be here among your people,
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  Speaker 1: to be here in this place where you meet with
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  Speaker 1: us for another Lord's Day when we celebrate the resurrected one. Lord,
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  Speaker 1: we set our mind's attention and heart's affection on you
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  Speaker 1: and praise you for who you are and for what
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  Speaker 1: you've done. Lord, as we come to this moment when
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  Speaker 1: we break the bread of life, we say with the
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  Speaker 1: hymn writer, feed us till we want no more. This
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  Speaker 1: is our prayer. This is the earnest desire of our souls.
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  Speaker 1: And we ask it because we believe it's in accordance
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  Speaker 1: with the will and the nature and the authority of Jesus,
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  Speaker 1: who is the Christ. Amen. Well, it is good to
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  Speaker 1: be here. And it is good to be at the
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  Speaker 1: last of the three services. Because I'm tired. It wore
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  Speaker 1: me out this weekend. First night at the conference, I
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  Speaker 1: was the third speaker on the first night at the conference.
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  Speaker 1: I'm sitting there and I'm listening to the other two speakers.
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  Speaker 1: And one gets up and he's from Mountain Time. And
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  Speaker 1: then the second guy gets up. He lives in California.
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  Speaker 1: So he's on West Coast time. I live in Houston.
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  Speaker 1: How come I got to be the one to wait
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  Speaker 1: until 11 o'clock on my body clock to get up
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  Speaker 1: here after all these? Okay, anyway. All right. But anyway,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not bitter at all about that. It was an
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  Speaker 1: incredible weekend. It really was. And this is an unbelievable
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  Speaker 1: way to cap it off. I want to talk to
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  Speaker 1: you about something this morning that is very practical, very
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  Speaker 1: relevant for us. But it's also an issue that I
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  Speaker 1: believe we need to learn how to think about biblically.
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  Speaker 1: A lot of people come to church for a lot
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  Speaker 1: of different reasons. Some come just because it's what we're
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  Speaker 1: used to doing. It's what we've been taught to do.
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  Speaker 1: It's what we've been conditioned to do. Others come for
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  Speaker 1: very wonderful biblical reasons. But one of the key reasons
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  Speaker 1: that people come to church, and maybe not just for
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  Speaker 1: a worship setting like this, but it's when they're having
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  Speaker 1: difficulty within the context of their closest interpersonal relationships. A
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  Speaker 1: lot of times couples will come to the church because
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  Speaker 1: they're at the end of their rope. They've tied a
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  Speaker 1: knot at the end. And they're holding on to the knot.
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  Speaker 1: But truth be told, they don't think they can do
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  Speaker 1: it much longer. And there are people all around you
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  Speaker 1: who may not admit that, but that's precisely where they
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  Speaker 1: are right now today. There are people seated all around
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  Speaker 1: you who spoke things to one another this morning that
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  Speaker 1: were shameful. Unthinkable. Just this morning. Amen. Perhaps just last night.
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  Speaker 1: There are some people who may not even be here
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  Speaker 1: with their spouse right now because of this kind of friction.
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  Speaker 1: And we come and we have this desperation. And there
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  Speaker 1: are a couple of ways that we try to get
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  Speaker 1: around this. And here are those two ways. Over here
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  Speaker 1: on the one side, and there's a ditch on both
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  Speaker 1: sides of this road. The ditch over here in this
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  Speaker 1: neotherapeutic model this non-directive neotherapeutic model over here that we're
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  Speaker 1: all familiar with. We understand that model, and that model
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  Speaker 1: sounds a little something like this. Well, what is your problem?
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  Speaker 1: Can you tell me? Can you just put it in
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  Speaker 1: your own words, ma'am, the difficulty in your marriage? Well,
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  Speaker 1: it's just he doesn't do this, and he doesn't do that,
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  Speaker 1: and he doesn't do that. Okay, okay, that's great. Now,
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  Speaker 1: how does that make you feel? But I just feel
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  Speaker 1: so this and I feel so that. Okay, now you've
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  Speaker 1: heard what she said. Now, how does that make you feel? Now,
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  Speaker 1: how do you see the difficulties and problems? Well, I
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  Speaker 1: just think she's got this, she's got that, that, that, that, that, that.
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  Speaker 1: And how does that make you feel? Dick. Can I
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  Speaker 1: tell you why that's horrible? Here's why that's horrible. Because
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  Speaker 1: when you talk about your feelings, when you talk about
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  Speaker 1: what's in your heart, that would be okay if the
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  Speaker 1: Bible didn't teach us that the heart of man is
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  Speaker 1: desperately wicked. Who can know it? So here's what that
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  Speaker 1: model says. That model looks at a person who is egocentric, narcissistic, selfish.
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  Speaker 1: and sinful and says, what does your egocentrism, narcissism, and
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  Speaker 1: sin really want? Then it looks at the other person
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  Speaker 1: and says, can you accommodate their sin? Okay, great. Now,
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  Speaker 1: what is your egocentrism, narcissism, and sin really want? Great.
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  Speaker 1: If he accommodates your sin, will you accommodate his? Wonderful.
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  Speaker 1: Go be codependent sinners and see if that works. In
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  Speaker 1: the words of that Texas theologian, Dr. Phil, how's that
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  Speaker 1: working for you? The answer is, it's not. That's why
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  Speaker 1: you have to keep going back, paying those people over
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  Speaker 1: and over and over again because you discover new sinful
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  Speaker 1: appetites that are not being satisfied by your partner. If
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  Speaker 1: you can't say amen, you ought to say ouch. Right? Well, then,
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  Speaker 1: here's the other side of the road. The other side
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  Speaker 1: of the road is the more directive approach. And the
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  Speaker 1: other side of the road basically says, okay, here are
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  Speaker 1: these sinful behaviors and these sinful appetites. They're bad. This
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  Speaker 1: is why they're bad. Stop doing this. Start doing that.
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  Speaker 1: Go make it work. There's a couple of things wrong
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  Speaker 1: with that. Number one, you can do it for a while.
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  Speaker 1: Some people for a long while. You just make up
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  Speaker 1: in your mind, I am going to do this. And
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  Speaker 1: you go and you do all of those things. And
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  Speaker 1: then after a while, you get tired of doing them
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  Speaker 1: or forget to do them. And then your partner says, see,
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  Speaker 1: I know you didn't really mean it. And then you say,
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  Speaker 1: you know what, forget it. I mean, I'm trying. You
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  Speaker 1: can't even recognize that I'm trying here. I'm even trying
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  Speaker 1: to do what the Lord says I'm supposed to do.
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  Speaker 1: You know, forget it. Again, it's not you. I'm telling
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  Speaker 1: you this for the people that you know in your
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  Speaker 1: life who struggle with these things, okay? That's who this
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  Speaker 1: is for, alright? Let's just go on and get that
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  Speaker 1: out there right now, alright? Here's the second problem. The
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  Speaker 1: second problem with that approach is every last one of
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  Speaker 1: us has a natural propensity towards works righteousness. All of
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  Speaker 1: us desire to save ourselves. We love Jesus and we're
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  Speaker 1: grateful to Jesus for dying on the cross. And that
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  Speaker 1: was just real cool. Thank you, Jesus. What we really
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  Speaker 1: want to do is, we want to find some things
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  Speaker 1: that the Bible tells us to do, work real hard.
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  Speaker 1: That's why we use words like rededication. I dedicated myself,
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  Speaker 1: and that didn't work. So I'm going to dedicate myself
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  Speaker 1: again and see if it will work this time. And so,
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  Speaker 1: what we really want to do is find something in
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  Speaker 1: the Bible that God says to do. And we want
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  Speaker 1: to do it either out of fear... Or pride. If
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  Speaker 1: it's out of fear, we're going, see God, I did this.
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  Speaker 1: I did this. Did you see that? Did you see that?
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  Speaker 1: I really hope that was good enough for you. I
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  Speaker 1: really do. That's the kind of person where every negative
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  Speaker 1: thing that happens in your life, you're sure it's because
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  Speaker 1: you weren't good enough. By the way, let me just
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  Speaker 1: put a footnote here. For that person, something bad happens
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  Speaker 1: in your life and you immediately start going and looking
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  Speaker 1: for what you did wrong to deserve it. Here's the
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  Speaker 1: problem with that kind of thinking. That means you actually
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  Speaker 1: think that you were worthy of the goodness you received before.
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  Speaker 1: Help you if you think that. So if it's not
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  Speaker 1: out of fear, then it's out of pride. And here's
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  Speaker 1: the pride part. Pride says, I went to the Bible,
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  Speaker 1: I found what I was supposed to do, and I
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  Speaker 1: did it. So that you can come into heaven, walk
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  Speaker 1: through the gates and say, I am pleased that Christ
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  Speaker 1: died on the cross for me. Here are the works
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  Speaker 1: that I have added to make his sacrifice sufficient. I'm here, God.
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  Speaker 1: How does it make you feel? Like I said, there's
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  Speaker 1: a ditch on both sides of that road. So what's
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  Speaker 1: the answer? I'm so glad you asked. Open your Bibles
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  Speaker 1: with me to Ephesians chapter 4. Ephesians chapter 4. Now
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  Speaker 1: in Ephesians chapter 4, we come to a crossroads. The
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  Speaker 1: book of Ephesians is divided into two halves. The first
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  Speaker 1: three chapters are about orthodoxy or right believing. The last
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  Speaker 1: three chapters are about orthopraxy or right behaving. Or another
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  Speaker 1: way to put it is, chapters 1 through 3 are
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  Speaker 1: calling in Christ. Chapters 4 through 6 are conduct in Christ.
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  Speaker 1: The dividing point is chapter 4 and verse 1. Look
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  Speaker 1: at what he says. I therefore... Therefore, what? Therefore, because
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  Speaker 1: of all the things I said in the first three chapters, therefore,
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  Speaker 1: a prisoner of the Lord urged you to walk in
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  Speaker 1: a manner worthy of the calling to which you have
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  Speaker 1: been called. So, first three chapters, here's what salvation is.
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  Speaker 1: Here's what Christ has done. Last three chapters, therefore, here's
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  Speaker 1: how you live. Now, here's the problem. Because of that
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  Speaker 1: works righteousness muscle that we all have and really like
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  Speaker 1: to flex, we want to get to the imperatives, those
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  Speaker 1: are the things that you're to do, but we want
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  Speaker 1: to skip the indicatives. Okay? For those of you, you know,
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  Speaker 1: non-English majors, non-grammarians, you don't like grammar and all that
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  Speaker 1: kind of stuff, let me just make that real plain
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  Speaker 1: for us all. That is a chair. That's an indicative.
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  Speaker 1: I'm indicating what that thing is. That is a chair.
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  Speaker 1: Sit in that chair. That's an imperative. You are a
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  Speaker 1: holy nation. A royal priesthood. That is an indicative. Be
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  Speaker 1: ye holy as I am holy. Which, by the way,
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  Speaker 1: same book. In 1 Peter. That is an imperative. Here's
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  Speaker 1: what you need to hear. Get this. Because everything we
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  Speaker 1: talk about this morning is built on this principle. The
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  Speaker 1: imperatives of the Christian life. The stuff God says, do this.
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  Speaker 1: The imperatives of the Christian life grow out of the indicatives.
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  Speaker 1: Not the other way around. Works righteousness says this. I
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  Speaker 1: will do the imperatives so that I can achieve the indicatives.
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to do the holiness in and of myself
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  Speaker 1: so I can achieve the royal priesthood. No. No. It's
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  Speaker 1: because of what God's made you that you're able to
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  Speaker 1: do what God commands. Okay? It's not the other way around.
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  Speaker 1: So we've got to get squared away on the indicatives
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  Speaker 1: and the imperatives. Here's the other thing. This is what
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  Speaker 1: that does. If you're here today and you're an unconverted
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  Speaker 1: man or an unconverted woman, here's how we usually think
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  Speaker 1: about Christianity. Christianity is a bunch of rules. It's a
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  Speaker 1: bunch of do's and don'ts. If you're attracted to Christianity,
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  Speaker 1: or if you're not attracted to Christianity, you usually say,
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  Speaker 1: forget that. I don't want all those do's and don'ts.
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  Speaker 1: I don't want all those rules. If you're attracted to Christianity,
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  Speaker 1: you say, okay, Christianity is a bunch of rules, a
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  Speaker 1: bunch of do's and don'ts, so I will keep the rules,
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  Speaker 1: do the do's and don'ts, so that I can be
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  Speaker 1: accepted by God. Well, as we say down south, that
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  Speaker 1: dog won't hunt. Folks, if you could accomplish the righteousness
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  Speaker 1: that God requires in and of yourself, you'd have been
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  Speaker 1: the one hanging on the cross, not Jesus. You are ruined,
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  Speaker 1: rotten to the core. In you, that is in your flesh,
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  Speaker 1: dwells no good thing. You've never done a good thing
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  Speaker 1: in your life if you're unconverted. Well, no, no, no, no, no.
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  Speaker 1: I've done a lot of good things in my life.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, a lot of my Christian friends say that
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  Speaker 1: I am actually better than a lot of the friends
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  Speaker 1: that they have who are actually Christians. No, you've never
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  Speaker 1: done a good thing in your life. According to Romans
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  Speaker 1: chapter 3, there is none righteous and there is none
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  Speaker 1: who does good. Now, wait a minute. You mean to
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  Speaker 1: tell me that an unconverted person has never done a
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  Speaker 1: good thing? No, I don't mean to tell you that.
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  Speaker 1: I don't write the mail. I just deliver it. Paul
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  Speaker 1: tells you that in Romans. But what about the unconverted
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  Speaker 1: man who actually goes out and he helps rescue an
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  Speaker 1: old lady from in front of a bus? That which
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  Speaker 1: is not done of faith is sin. In order for
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  Speaker 1: an action to be ethical, it must be a right
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  Speaker 1: action with the right motive and the right goal. The
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  Speaker 1: only right goals are obedience to God and bringing glory
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  Speaker 1: to God. An unconverted man does not do what he
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  Speaker 1: does out of obedience to God or to bring glory
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  Speaker 1: for God. Therefore, his most righteous act, Isaiah says, is
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  Speaker 1: as filthy rags in the sight of a holy God.
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  Speaker 1: You can't get there from here. So, as we look
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  Speaker 1: at these imperatives, understand this. That the unconverted man, the unbeliever,
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  Speaker 1: may be able to approximate these things but can never
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  Speaker 1: accomplish them. And the only reason that the converted man
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  Speaker 1: can is because the indicatives which come from God alone
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  Speaker 1: are true of him and therefore it is God who
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  Speaker 1: works in him both to will and to do his
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  Speaker 1: good pleasure. Now trust me, it was very important to
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  Speaker 1: lay that theological groundwork, if you're going to understand what
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  Speaker 1: we're going to read here in Ephesians chapter 4. Let's
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  Speaker 1: look here at some of those imperatives, shall we? And
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  Speaker 1: this is usually what we do, okay? Here's that ditch.
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  Speaker 1: Here's that ditch over here on this side of the road.
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  Speaker 1: Let's find the right stuff that we're supposed to do.
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  Speaker 1: Look at the beginning of verse 25. Therefore, having put
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  Speaker 1: away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth
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  Speaker 1: with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.
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  Speaker 1: There we go right there. Speak the truth. Amen. Hallelujah.
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  Speaker 1: Praise the Lord. Speak the truth. We must speak the truth.
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  Speaker 1: That's an imperative. Verse 26. Be angry and do not sin.
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  Speaker 1: Do not let the sun go down in your anger
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  Speaker 1: and give no opportunity to the devil. He doesn't say
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  Speaker 1: don't be angry. Anger is not a sin. Okay? God
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  Speaker 1: is angry with the wicked every day, the Bible says. Amen.
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  Speaker 1: Which is why nothing they do is good, by the way.
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  Speaker 1: Be angry, but do not sin. Well, what do you
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  Speaker 1: mean be angry and do not sin? He kind of
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  Speaker 1: explains what he's talking about. One way we sin in
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  Speaker 1: our anger is by letting the sun go down on
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  Speaker 1: our anger. In other words, holding on to our anger.
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  Speaker 1: I'm angry with you and I want you to know it.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, I want my anger to be punitive. I
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  Speaker 1: will punish you with my anger. So I will hold
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  Speaker 1: on to my anger until I feel like you have
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  Speaker 1: suffered sufficiently. Thank you very much. That's when it's sin. Amen, somebody.
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  Speaker 1: That's when it's sin. I'm going to hold on to
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  Speaker 1: my anger because I want you to know that I'm angry.
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  Speaker 1: I want to be vindicated. By the suffering that you
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  Speaker 1: endure as a direct result of my anger that I'm
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  Speaker 1: spewing out all over you. The text says, when you
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  Speaker 1: do that, you give Satan the foothold. That's something he
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  Speaker 1: can grab onto. That's something he can hold onto. And
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  Speaker 1: he just brings you close to him. And he says,
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  Speaker 1: oh yeah, hold onto that anger. Because he was wrong.
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  Speaker 1: You're righteous in your anger. He deserves this anger. In fact,
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  Speaker 1: you might not be angry enough. What he doesn't tell
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  Speaker 1: you is, I own you. Because the only one who
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  Speaker 1: has any right to be this angry about anything is
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  Speaker 1: God the righteous one himself. Which means that right now,
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  Speaker 1: your anger is actually a form of blasphemy. Amen. 27,
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  Speaker 1: 28 rather. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather
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  Speaker 1: let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands,
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  Speaker 1: so that he may have something to share with anyone
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  Speaker 1: in need. This is tangible repentance. What do I mean
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  Speaker 1: by tangible repentance? Well, if you do something, I'm sorry.
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  Speaker 1: Is that tangible repentance? No, that's an apology. It's not repentance.
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  Speaker 1: Repentance is a change in attitude that leads to a
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  Speaker 1: change in behavior. There's an example of this, for example,
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  Speaker 1: in the Old Testament case law. You steal an ox
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  Speaker 1: from me. Well, what do you do? Well, okay, you
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  Speaker 1: give me my ox back or the equivalent in cash
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  Speaker 1: and then you go off to jail. No. In the
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  Speaker 1: Old Testament case law, you steal my ox from me,
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  Speaker 1: you give me my ox back, plus one of yours. Why?
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  Speaker 1: Because what you did was not just take my ox.
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  Speaker 1: You actually deprived me of an ox. So tangible repentance
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  Speaker 1: would be you, therefore, being deprived of an ox. So
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  Speaker 1: you give me mine and one of yours. that's tangible
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  Speaker 1: repentance in other words man speaks to his wife like
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  Speaker 1: she's got a tail between her legs says nasty vicious
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  Speaker 1: and vile things to her and Is an apology appropriate? Sure,
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  Speaker 1: an apology is appropriate. But an apology is not tangible repentance.
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  Speaker 1: What's the opposite of the nasty, vicious things you say?
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  Speaker 1: Perhaps some things that are the opposite of nastiness. Speaking
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  Speaker 1: appropriate words in the place of those other words. Which,
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  Speaker 1: by the way, leads us to the next imperative. Let
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  Speaker 1: no corrupting talk come out of your mouth. But... By
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  Speaker 1: the way, that phrase there in the Greek, let no decaying,
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  Speaker 1: dying words come out of your mouth. But, what's the
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  Speaker 1: opposite of that? Only such as is good for building up,
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  Speaker 1: as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to
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  Speaker 1: those who hear. That's the kind of words we speak.
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  Speaker 1: By the way, we need to make a connection here.
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  Speaker 1: The first imperative is that we speak the truth to
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  Speaker 1: one another. Now, here's what's unfortunate about that. There are
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  Speaker 1: some people, they're not in this room. But there are
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  Speaker 1: some people who use that first imperative, speak the truth
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  Speaker 1: to one another, as an excuse to be vicious and
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  Speaker 1: nasty and biting with their tongue. I'm just telling it
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  Speaker 1: like it is. No, you're sinning with your tongue is
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  Speaker 1: what you're doing. You're crushing another human being with your words.
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  Speaker 1: That's what you're doing. You cannot obey that first imperative
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  Speaker 1: of speaking the truth without obeying this one, let no
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  Speaker 1: corrupting talk come out of your mouth. There is a
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  Speaker 1: way you say that thing that is true. And if
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: you don't say that thing that is true in the
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: appropriate manner, then you're in sin. Well, you know, I
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: just speak my mind. Well, see, that's the problem. Speak
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: the mind of Christ, not your mind. Your mind is
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: corrupt from the word go. Your mind is polluted and vile.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: Don't you dare speak your mind. Don't think that much
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: of your mind. First of all, who do you think
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: you are? You don't speak your mind. You speak the
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: mind of Christ. There's a way that you speak the truth.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: We humiliate and disgrace people. In the name of just
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: being a truth teller. That's not Christian. Do we back
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: away from the truth? You better not. Because then you're
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: not obeying that first imperative. Look at the next one.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Verse 30. Some of y'all say I can't take another one.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: That's alright. Hold on. It's going to get more better. Alright.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: Verse 30. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: That's what we do by the way with the corrupting talk.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: slander be put away from you. By the way, that
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: also goes back to the first imperative. If I'm saying
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: something and it's true but it's bitter, it's true but
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: it's slanderous, it's true but it's angry, I'm in sin.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: And all malice. Be kind to one another. Don't say
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: things that are unkind. Tenderhearted. Forgiving one another as God
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: and Christ forgave you. Another indication that an unbeliever can't
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: do these things. Forgiving one another. And let me clarify that,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: because a lot of people when we talk about forgiveness,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: you know, we, for whatever reason, you know, there's this
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: phrase in our culture, forgive and forget. Newsflash, human beings
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: were not created to forget. A human being who forgets
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: things is actually a human being who is malfunctioning. I
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: mean that in all seriousness. You have Alzheimer's or you
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: have amnesia or something, but it's not normal brain function
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: for a human being to forget things. God has not
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: commanded you to forget things. Here's what forgiveness means. Forgiveness
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: means I forego my right to seek vengeance and justice
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: for what you did to me. That's what forgiveness means.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Here's why we need to hear this. Because there are
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: some of you in this room, your life is being
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: controlled by somebody who's already dead. Because you won't forgive them.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: They're controlling you from the grave. Because you won't forgive them.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: There are some of you being controlled by people who
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: live a thousand miles away from you because you won't
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: forgive them. They're going on their happy way, but you
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: won't forgive them. Why? Because your anger needs to be vindicated.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: They need to not hear from me, not get a
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: letter or a phone call. It's their birthday, and they
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: didn't get a card from me. Interesting. You're thinking about them.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: They're not worried about you. That's why somebody said unforgiveness
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: is like you drinking poison hoping they die. Here's another
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: matter of unforgiveness. There's tangible repentance. Baby, I forgive you. Okay,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: you just lied. How do I know you lied? Next
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: argument comes. You bring that thing up from behind your
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: back and stab him in the gut with it. Thought
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: you forgave me. Yeah, I forgave you, but I knew
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: you didn't really mean it, so I held on to
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: it so I could stab you with it the next
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: time you made me mad. That's not forgiveness. Now, here
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: are all these imperatives. Here's the problem. We don't do
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: this stuff. So there's a couple of options. Number one.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: We could just say, okay, fine. I don't do this stuff.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, baby. Please forgive me. Let's go home and
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: we'll do this stuff. Small problem. You won't. Some of
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: you can't. Because you're unconverted. But you won't do it.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: So here's the question. Why don't we do it? This
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: is the key. Remember what we were talking about, those
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: indicatives and those imperatives? We looked at the imperatives, but
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I want you to notice something that for most of us,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: just because of that works righteousness muscle that we like
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: to flex, and just because of the way that we
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: read the scripture, we didn't realize that there were a
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: couple of indicatives here in these imperatives that are necessary.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: Look at the first one. Verse 25, therefore, having put
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: away falsehood. By the way, that's an indicative, not an imperative.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: He says, because you've put away falsehood. Who's put away falsehood? Well,
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: if you go to the paragraph before, it's truly converted
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: people who put away falsehood, and it's a result of
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: their conversion. So one of the reasons that we don't
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: do this is because we haven't put away falsehood. Or
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: because we've forgotten that we've put away falsehood, and we
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: try to go and grab it and cover ourselves up
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: with it like a blanket. And we're still walking in falsehood.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: We're not appropriating what is rightfully ours. Here's the other one.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Let each one of you speak the truth with his
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: neighbor for, why? Here's an imperative. Why? Because of the indicative.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: We are members of one another. If I'm not speaking
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: appropriately to my wife, it's not because I'm not trying
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: hard enough. It's that I'm not realizing, acknowledging, or appropriating
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: the reality that she's not just mine, she's me.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Amen. We are members of one another. By the way,
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: that happens two ways. When we get to chapter 5,
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: beginning of verse 25, our time is running from us here.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: But let's look at this here. Husbands, love your wives
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Why?
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: washing of water with the word, so that he might
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: wrinkle or any such thing. That she might be holy
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: and without blemish. In other words, my wife is not
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: just part of me, but I am actually, through the
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: way that I treat her and nurture her, presenting her
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: to myself. So when I am not doing these imperatives
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: with my wife, I am actually inflicting harm upon myself.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: Look at the next part of the text. Look at
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: what it says. In the same way, husbands should love
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh,
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does his body. Therefore,
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: a man should leave his father and mother and cling
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: to his wife. Why? And the two should become one.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: One flesh. So, reason number one that the husband or
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: the wife does not practice these imperatives is because we
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: are not realizing or appropriating the reality that we are
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: members of one another in marriage. But it gets worse.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: Go back to chapter 4 beginning at verse 11. And he, Christ...
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: teachers to equip the saints for the work of ministry,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: for the building up of the body of Christ. Christ,
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: until we all attain to the unity of the faith
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: and the knowledge of the Son of God, to a
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: children tossed to and fro by the waves and carried
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: craftiness and deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love,
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: does that sound familiar? That's one of the indicatives of
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: the members of the body of Christ. So that imperative
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: of the way that we speak to each other in
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: that last paragraph comes from the indicative of what the
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: members of the body of Christ do when they speak
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: to one another. Look at this. We're to grow up
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: from whom the whole body joined and held together by
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: every joint, with which it is equipped, when each part
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: is working properly, makes the body grow, so that it
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: builds up itself in love. My wife is not just
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: a part of me in marriage. She's also a part
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: of the body of Christ, as I am a part
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: of the body of Christ. So when I despise my wife,
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: and I'm not building up my wife, and I'm not
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: doing these imperatives with my wife, here's what I'm saying
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: to Jesus. Jesus, this is a part of your body,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: and I despise this part of your body. I love you,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: but I hate your toad. I despise it. I want
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: to crush it. In other words, when I am at
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: odds with my spouse and not practicing these imperatives, I
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: don't have a behavioral problem. I have a worship disorder.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: Same is true of the wife. Look at chapter 5,
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands because they
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: are worthy of submission because they've accomplished all the things
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: that God says a husband is supposed to accomplish before
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: the wife will submit. No. Wives, submit to your husbands
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: as unto the Lord. Why? Because of an indicative. The
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: husband is the head of the body as Christ is
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: the head of the church. An imperative and an indicative.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: Submit to your husband. Why? Because of who God says
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: he is. No, I'm not going to submit to him. Why?
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Because I disagree with God. God says he's my head. However,
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: he may have met God's qualifications for my submission, but
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: he hasn't met my qualifications for my submission. Therefore, God,
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: I outrank you, which means I am violating the first
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: commandment because there's another God besides you, and that God
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: is my standard. You've got a worship disorder. You're in sin.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: You're a blasphemer. You're an idolater. An unsubmissive wife is
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: guilty of idolatry. Who's her idol? Look in the mirror.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: A husband who doesn't love his wife is guilty of idolatry.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: Who's his idol? Look in the mirror. Does this not
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: change the way we look at those imperatives? I'm going
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: to go home and I'm going to rededicate myself to
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: trying harder to do all of these things. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jesus,
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: please forgive me for not worshiping you appropriately and not
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: recognizing that this woman that you gave me, that I
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: have brought into my bosom, is a part of me
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: in marriage and is a part of your body. And therefore...
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: I should love her and cherish her and nourish her
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: because she's your gift to me and she's a part
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: of you. Forgive me for despising you through despising her.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: Changes everything. Everything. I've had men that come to me
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: and I speak... very plainly to men who come to
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: me on these issues, because we don't get it. And
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: they'll come to me and they'll say things like, you know,
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I'm through. I'm finished. I'm done. She's not this. She's
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: not that. She's not the other. I'm not fulfilled. I'm
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: not happy. To which I respond, suck it up and
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: go love your wife. No, you don't understand, brother. No,
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: I do understand. You said for better or for worse, right?
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: This is worse. Go love your wife. You said sickness
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: and health, right? This is sickness. Go love your wife.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: You said till death do us part. She's still living.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: You're not through yet. Go love your wife. Yeah, but
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: you don't understand, brother. There's no way that God would
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: want me to remain in this marriage and be unhappy. Really.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: Let me see if I get this straight. The spotless,
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: sinless Lamb of God, the Father crushed and killed for
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: sin that was not His own, but you He wouldn't
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: want unhappy. Who do you think you are? Unhappy may
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: be right where God needs you to bring maximum glory
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: to His own name. She is a member of his
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: body and she is a member of you. You should
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: sooner cut off your arm than abandon that woman. If
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: your arm wasn't doing what you wanted it to do,
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: whenever you wanted it to do it, would you cut
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: it off? Go love your wife. Because God commanded you to.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: You have a command from God. Husbands, love your wives.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: Go love your wife. You don't understand, brother. I don't
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: even feel like that anymore. I don't even see her
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: as my wife anymore. Okay, fine. The Bible says love
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: your neighbor as yourself. Your wife is your closest neighbor.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Go love your neighbor. She's not even my closest neighbor anymore.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: I've moved out. That's fine. Jesus says, by this all
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: men will know you're my disciples, that you have loved
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: one for another. Go love her because she's your sister
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: in Christ. I don't even think she's saved. That's cool.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Jesus said, love your enemies. So she's your wife, she's
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: your neighbor, she's your sister in Christ, she's your enemy.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: Really doesn't matter. You have no choice. Go obey God
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: and love your wife. And here's why you don't feel
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: like it. Because you have forgotten or you have not
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: appropriated the indicatives of Scripture. I just can't love her.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: That's because you're in sin. You don't realize that she
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: is part of the body of Christ. And what you've
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: just said is, Jesus, I can't love you. Not this
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: part of you. Because this part of you is not
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: making me happy right now. And since I am the
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: center of my universe, if you want me to love you,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: you make me happy with this part of you. And
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: then maybe I'll give you some love. Because your bloodshed
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: on the cross is just not enough reason for me.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: How dare I not love my wife? How dare I?
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: How dare I think so much of myself? How dare I?
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: How dare I be so egocentric and narcissistic as to
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: look at that woman who has given me her youth,
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: her life, and say to her, because I am not
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: pleased in this moment, I'm done with you. Especially when
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: God has commanded me to wash her with the water
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: of the word. So in large part, who she's not
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: is a result of the investment I haven't made. Now
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: you wouldn't tell that. I haven't discipled you appropriately. I
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: haven't loved you the way the Lord commanded me to
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: love you. As a result, you haven't become what I
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: really want you to become. So I'm finished with you.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: How dare I? How dare I? We don't have a
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: marriage problem in our culture. We have a worship disorder.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: Whatever's going on in your marriage, it's a direct result
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: of one or both of you. not understanding, not appropriating
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: the realities here in this text. The problem is not
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: what your wife isn't doing or what your husband isn't doing.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: The problem is that Jesus Christ is not magnificent enough
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: to you. He is not majestic enough to you.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: And above all else, He is not sufficient for your egocentric, narcissistic, sinful,
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: fleshly desires.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: And you will not worship Him. You refuse to. He
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: refused to look at him like Job did and say,
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: Though you slay me, yet will I trust in you.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: Naked came I into the world, and naked I shall leave.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: be the name of the Lord. We're not saying that
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: to him. No, no, no, no, no. We're saying, I'm
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: the sinner of the universe. How dare you not satisfy me?
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: How dare you? How dare you allow me to live
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: in difficulty and discomfort? After all I've done for you.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: That's why the ditch... on the self-righteousness side of the road,
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: is so dangerous. We think far too much of ourselves
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: and far too little of Christ. He is to be adored.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: He is to be worshipped. He is to be magnified.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: He is to be loved. He is to be loved.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: And once we understand that our relationship with our spouse
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: is a means through which we do that, it changes everything.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: Would you bow with me? And as we bow before
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: the Lord, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: that there are those of you in this room right
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: here today who have said, I am done. My prayer
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: for you today is that you would readjust Your focus.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: Readjust your gaze. And gaze upon the majesty and magnificence
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: of Christ. You're giving up because that's not where you
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: were looking. You're giving up because your focus is not
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: on the indicatives. Yes. You have not worshipped Him for
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: who He is and for what He's done in your life.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: He has redeemed you from the pit. He has satisfied
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: your soul. His divine power has given you everything you
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: need for life and godliness. And yet you have chosen
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: to focus your gauge on the imperfections of one who
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: was never intended to be perfect. Don't you dare walk away.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: Don't you dare give up. Don't you dare lose hope.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: Don't you dare. Because to do so is not just
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: a rejection of your spouse here on earth, but it's
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: a rejection of the bridegroom, Jesus Christ, who, in case
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: you were wondering, laid down his life for his bride
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: when she was still yet an adulteress. Yeah, bro. And
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: is in the process of sanctifying her, though she still
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: from time to time wanders off pursuing other lovers. Shed
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: His blood for her. is seated at the right hand
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: of the Father forever making intercession for her and is
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: going to come back for her, not to condemn her,
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: but to embrace her and to bring her into himself,
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: into his bosom, to carry her off to the wedding
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: feast of the Lamb. Not because she is worthy and
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: she has satisfied Him in every regard. But in spite
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: of the fact that she is not and she cannot.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: She is precious to Him. Not because of what she
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: provides to Him. But in spite of what she cannot
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: provide to Him. He makes her precious because of the
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: price he pays. Oh God, don't miss this. Don't miss this.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: Don't you dare miss this. Don't you dare miss the
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: one who loves you beyond your ability to comprehend it. Father,
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: as we bow before you, we recognize, acknowledge, and confess
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: our unworthiness. We also recognize and confess our utter hypocrisy.
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: In being a spouse who is unworthy, And yet, at
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: the same time, being on the verge of rejecting a
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: spouse who is unworthy. May we fix our gaze upon
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: the magnificence and the majesty of Christ. Trusting you to
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: work in us both to will and to do your
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: good pleasure. Rejoicing in the indicatives of scripture. That in
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: turn allow us and empower us to rejoice even in
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: the imperatives. That we then do not out of fear
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: or out of pride, but out of gratitude to the
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: one who redeemed us from the pit. Help us to
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: hear and to heed what you say to us today.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: And bring glory to yourself through our lives. We pray.
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: In the name of the Magnificent One, the Majestic One,
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: the Bridegroom, the Lover of our souls, who died to
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: redeem us. And lives to reclaim us. In Jesus precious
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: name we pray. Amen.