Latest / Wives and Daughters / 044 - Cynthia's Confession

Transcript

044 - Cynthia's Confession · Wives and Daughters

0:00
Speaker 1: Chapter forty three of Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell.
0:05
Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter forty three,
0:09
Speaker 1: Cynthia's Confession. You said I might come, said Molly, and.
0:14
Speaker 2: That you would tell me all.
0:16
Speaker 3: You know all I.
0:17
Speaker 1: Think, said Cynthia heavily.
0:19
Speaker 3: Perhaps you don't know what excuses I have, but at
0:22
Speaker 3: any rate, you know what a scrape I am in.
0:25
Speaker 2: I've been thinking a great deal.
0:27
Speaker 1: Said Molly, timidly and doubtfully.
0:29
Speaker 2: And I can't help fancying if you told Papa.
0:32
Speaker 1: Before she could go on, Cynthia had stood up no,
0:36
Speaker 1: said she that.
0:37
Speaker 3: I won't unless I'm to leave here at once. And
0:40
Speaker 3: you know I have not another place to go to
0:42
Speaker 3: without warning. I mean, I dare say my uncle would
0:45
Speaker 3: take me in. He's a relation and would be bound
0:48
Speaker 3: to stand by me in whatever disgrace I might be.
0:51
Speaker 3: Or perhaps I might get a governess, a situation, a
0:53
Speaker 3: pretty governess.
0:54
Speaker 2: I should be pray, Please, Cynthia, don't go off into
0:58
Speaker 2: such while talking. I don't believe you've done so very wrong.
1:02
Speaker 2: You say you have not, and I believe you that
1:05
Speaker 2: horrible man has managed to get you involved in some way.
1:09
Speaker 2: But I am sure Papa could set it to rights
1:12
Speaker 2: if you would only make a friend of him and
1:14
Speaker 2: tell him all.
1:15
Speaker 1: No, Molly said Cynthia.
1:17
Speaker 3: I can't, and there's an end of it. You may
1:20
Speaker 3: if you like, only let me leave the house first,
1:23
Speaker 3: give me that much time.
1:25
Speaker 2: You know I would never tell anything you wished me
1:27
Speaker 2: not to tell.
1:28
Speaker 1: Cynthia said Molly, deeply hurt, Would you not, darling, said Cynthia,
1:33
Speaker 1: taking her hand.
1:34
Speaker 3: Will you promise me that? Quite a sacred promise, for
1:37
Speaker 3: it would be such a comfort to me to tell
1:39
Speaker 3: you all now you know so much.
1:42
Speaker 2: Yes, I promise not to tell. You should not have doubted.
1:46
Speaker 1: Me, said Molly, still a little sorrowfully.
1:49
Speaker 2: Very well, I trust to you. I know I may,
1:53
Speaker 2: but do think of telling Papa and getting him to
1:55
Speaker 2: help you persevered Molly never, said Cynthia, resolutely, but more
2:00
Speaker 2: quietly than before.
2:02
Speaker 3: Do you think I forget what he said at the
2:03
Speaker 3: time of that wretched mister Coxe, how severe he was,
2:06
Speaker 3: and how long I was in disgrace? If indeed, I'm
2:09
Speaker 3: out of it now. I am one of those people,
2:12
Speaker 3: as Mamma says, sometimes I cannot live with persons who
2:15
Speaker 3: don't think well of me. It may be a weakness
2:18
Speaker 3: or a sin. I'm sure I don't know, and I
2:20
Speaker 3: don't care. But I really cannot be happy in the
2:23
Speaker 3: same house with any one who knows my faults and
2:26
Speaker 3: thinks that they are greater than my merits. Now you
2:29
Speaker 3: know your father would do that. I have often told
2:31
Speaker 3: you that he and you, too, Molly, had a higher
2:35
Speaker 3: standard than I had ever known. Oh, I couldn't bear it.
2:38
Speaker 3: If he were to know, he would be so angry
2:40
Speaker 3: with me. He would never get over it. And I
2:42
Speaker 3: have so liked him, I do so like him.
2:45
Speaker 1: Well, never mind, dear, he shall not know, said Molly,
2:49
Speaker 1: for Cynthia was again becoming hysterical.
2:51
Speaker 3: At least we'll say no more about it now, and
2:54
Speaker 3: you'll never say any more, never, promise me.
2:58
Speaker 1: Said Cynthia, taking her hand, a.
3:00
Speaker 2: Never till you give me leave. Now, do let me
3:03
Speaker 2: see if I cannot help you. Lie down on the
3:05
Speaker 2: bed and I'll sit by you and let us talk
3:08
Speaker 2: it over.
3:09
Speaker 1: But Cynthia sat down again in the chair by the
3:11
Speaker 1: dressing table. When did it all begin, said Molly, after
3:15
Speaker 1: a long pause of silence.
3:17
Speaker 3: Long ago, four or five years. I was such a
3:20
Speaker 3: child to be left all to myself. It was the
3:23
Speaker 3: holidays and Mamma was away visiting, and the Donaldsons asked
3:26
Speaker 3: me to go with them to the Worcester Festival. You
3:28
Speaker 3: can't fancy how pleasant it all sounded, specially to me.
3:32
Speaker 3: I had been shut up in that great dreary house
3:35
Speaker 3: at Ashcombe when Mamma had her school and belonged to
3:38
Speaker 3: Lord Cumnor, and mister Preston as his agent, had to
3:41
Speaker 3: see it all painted and papered. But besides that, he
3:45
Speaker 3: was very intimate with us, I believe. Mamma thought, No,
3:49
Speaker 3: I'm not sure about that, and I have enough blame
3:51
Speaker 3: to lay at her door to prevent my telling you
3:54
Speaker 3: anything that may be only fancy.
3:56
Speaker 1: Then she paused and sat still for a minute or two,
3:59
Speaker 1: recalling the past. Molly was struck by the aged and
4:02
Speaker 1: careworn expression which had taken temporary hold of the brilliant
4:05
Speaker 1: and beautiful face. She could see from that how much
4:09
Speaker 1: Cynthia must have suffered from this hidden trouble of hers.
4:12
Speaker 3: Well. At any rate, we were intimate with him, and
4:15
Speaker 3: he came a great deal about the house and knew
4:17
Speaker 3: as much as any one in Mamma's affairs. In all
4:19
Speaker 3: the inns and outs of her life. I am telling
4:22
Speaker 3: you this in order that you may understand how natural
4:25
Speaker 3: it was for me to answer his questions when he
4:27
Speaker 3: came one day and found me not crying, for you know,
4:31
Speaker 3: I am not much given to that in spite of
4:33
Speaker 3: to day's exposure of myself, but fretting and fuming, because
4:37
Speaker 3: though Mamma had written word I might go with the Donaldson's,
4:41
Speaker 3: she had never said how I was to get any
4:42
Speaker 3: money for the journey, much less for anything of dress.
4:46
Speaker 3: And I had outgrown all my last year's frocks, and
4:48
Speaker 3: as for gloves and boots. In short, I really had
4:51
Speaker 3: hardly closed decent enough for church.
4:54
Speaker 2: Why didn't you write to her and tell her all?
4:56
Speaker 1: This? Said Molly, half afraid of appearing to cast blame
4:59
Speaker 1: by her very natural question.
5:01
Speaker 3: I wish I had her letter to show you. You
5:03
Speaker 3: must have seen some of Mamma's letters, though, don't you
5:06
Speaker 3: know how she always seems to leave out just the
5:08
Speaker 3: important point of every fact. In this case, she discant,
5:12
Speaker 3: and largely on the enjoyment she was having and the
5:15
Speaker 3: kindness she was receiving, and her wish that I could
5:17
Speaker 3: have been with her, and her gladness that I too
5:20
Speaker 3: was going to have some pleasure, but the only thing
5:22
Speaker 3: that would have been of real use to me she
5:24
Speaker 3: left out, and that was where she was going to next.
5:27
Speaker 3: She mentioned that she was leaving the house she was
5:29
Speaker 3: stopping at the day after she wrote, and that she
5:31
Speaker 3: should be at home by a certain date. But I
5:33
Speaker 3: got a letter on a Saturday, and the festival began
5:36
Speaker 3: the next Tuesday.
5:38
Speaker 2: Poor Cynthia said Molly. Still, if you had written, your
5:42
Speaker 2: lesson might have been forwarded. I don't mean to be hard,
5:45
Speaker 2: only I do so dislike the thought of your ever
5:48
Speaker 2: having made a friend of that man.
5:50
Speaker 1: Ah, said Cynthia, sighing, How.
5:53
Speaker 3: Easy it is to judge rightly after one sees what
5:56
Speaker 3: evil comes from judging wrongly. I was only a young girl,
6:00
Speaker 3: hardly more than a child, and he was a friend
6:02
Speaker 3: to us then, excepting Mamma, the only friend I knew.
6:06
Speaker 3: The Donaldsons were only kind and good natured acquaintances.
6:10
Speaker 1: I am sorry, said Molly humbly.
6:12
Speaker 2: I have been so happy with Papa. I hardly can
6:15
Speaker 2: understand how different it must have been with you.
6:18
Speaker 3: Different, I should think so. The worry about my money
6:22
Speaker 3: made me sick of my life. We might not say
6:24
Speaker 3: we were poor. It would have injured the school. But
6:27
Speaker 3: I would have stinted and starved if Mamma and I
6:30
Speaker 3: had got on as happily together as we might have done,
6:33
Speaker 3: as you and mister Gibson do. It was not the poverty.
6:36
Speaker 3: It was that she never seemed to care to have
6:38
Speaker 3: me with her. As soon as the holidays came round,
6:41
Speaker 3: she was off to some great house or another. And
6:43
Speaker 3: I dare say I was at a very awkward age
6:45
Speaker 3: to have me lounging about in the drawing room when
6:47
Speaker 3: Carlos came. Girls at the age I was then, are
6:51
Speaker 3: so terribly keen at scenting out motives and putting in
6:54
Speaker 3: their disagreeable questions as to the little twistings and whirlings
6:58
Speaker 3: and vanishings of conversation. And they've no distinct notion of
7:01
Speaker 3: what are the truths and falsehoods of polite life. At
7:05
Speaker 3: any rate, I was very much in Mamma's way, and
7:08
Speaker 3: I felt it. Mister Preston seemed to feel it too
7:11
Speaker 3: for me, and I was very grateful to him for
7:13
Speaker 3: kind words and sympathetic looks, crumbs of kindness which would
7:17
Speaker 3: have dropped unto your table unnoticed. So this day, when
7:21
Speaker 3: he came to see how the workmen were getting on,
7:23
Speaker 3: he found me in the deserted school room, looking at
7:26
Speaker 3: my faded summer bonnet and some old ribbons I had
7:28
Speaker 3: been sponging in half worn out gloves, a sort of
7:31
Speaker 3: rag fare spread out on the deal table. I was
7:34
Speaker 3: in a regular passion with only looking at that shabbiness.
7:38
Speaker 3: He said, he was so glad to hear I was
7:39
Speaker 3: going to this festival with the Donaldson's. Old Betty, our
7:42
Speaker 3: servant had told him the news, I believe, But I
7:45
Speaker 3: was so perplexed about money, and my vanity was so
7:48
Speaker 3: put out about my shabby dress that I was in
7:50
Speaker 3: a pet and said I shouldn't go. He sat down
7:54
Speaker 3: on the table, and little by little he made me
7:56
Speaker 3: tell him all my troubles. I do sometimes think he
8:00
Speaker 3: was very nice in those days. Somehow, I never felt
8:03
Speaker 3: as if it was wrong or foolish or anything to
8:05
Speaker 3: accept his offer of money. At the time, he had
8:08
Speaker 3: twenty pounds in his pocket, he said, and really didn't
8:10
Speaker 3: know what to do with it. Shouldn't want it for
8:12
Speaker 3: months I could repay it, or rather Mamma could when
8:16
Speaker 3: it suited her. She must have known I should want money,
8:19
Speaker 3: and most likely thought I should apply to him. Twenty
8:22
Speaker 3: pounds wouldn't be too much. I must take it all,
8:24
Speaker 3: and so on. I knew, at least I thought, I
8:28
Speaker 3: knew that I should never spend twenty pounds, but I
8:31
Speaker 3: thought I could give him back what I didn't want,
8:33
Speaker 3: and sew, well, that was the beginning. It doesn't sound
8:37
Speaker 3: so very wrong, does it, Molly.
8:39
Speaker 1: No, said Molly hesitatingly. She did not wish to make
8:43
Speaker 1: herself into a hard judge, and yet she did so.
8:46
Speaker 1: Dislike mister Preston, Cynthia went on.
8:49
Speaker 3: Well, what with boots and gloves and a bonnet and
8:52
Speaker 3: a mantle, and a white muslin gown which was made
8:55
Speaker 3: for me before I left on Tuesday, and a silk
8:57
Speaker 3: gown that followed the Donaldsons and my jo and all,
9:01
Speaker 3: there was very little left at the twenty pounds, especially
9:04
Speaker 3: when I found I must get a ball dress in Worcester,
9:06
Speaker 3: for we were all to go to the ball. Missus
9:09
Speaker 3: Donaldson gave me my ticket, but she rather looked grave
9:12
Speaker 3: at my idea of going to the ball, and my
9:13
Speaker 3: white muslin, which I had already worn two evenings at
9:16
Speaker 3: their home. Oh dear, how pleasant it must be to
9:19
Speaker 3: be rich, you.
9:21
Speaker 1: Know, continued Cynthia, smiling a very little.
9:24
Speaker 3: I can't help being aware that I'm pretty and that
9:26
Speaker 3: people admire me very much. I found it out first
9:29
Speaker 3: at the Donaldsons. I began to think I did look
9:32
Speaker 3: pretty in my fine new clothes, and I saw that
9:34
Speaker 3: other people thought so too. I was certainly the bell
9:37
Speaker 3: of the house, and it was very pleasant to feel
9:39
Speaker 3: my power. The last day or two of that gay week,
9:42
Speaker 3: mister Preston joined our party. The last time he had
9:44
Speaker 3: seen me was when I was dressed in shabby clothes
9:47
Speaker 3: too small for me, half crying in my solitude, neglected
9:50
Speaker 3: and penniless. At the Donaldsons, I was a little queen,
9:54
Speaker 3: and as I said, fine feathers make fine birds. And
9:57
Speaker 3: all the people were making much of me. And at
9:59
Speaker 3: that ball, which was the first night he came, I
10:02
Speaker 3: had more partners than any what to do with. I
10:04
Speaker 3: suppose he really did fall in love with me, then
10:07
Speaker 3: I don't think he had done so before. And then
10:09
Speaker 3: I began to feel how awkward it was to be
10:11
Speaker 3: in his debt. I couldn't give myself airs to him
10:13
Speaker 3: as I did to others. Oh, it was so awkward.
10:16
Speaker 3: And uncomfortable, but I liked him and felt him as
10:19
Speaker 3: a friend all the time. The last air, I was
10:22
Speaker 3: walking in the garden along with the others, and I
10:24
Speaker 3: thought I would tell him how much I had enjoyed
10:26
Speaker 3: myself and how happy I had been all thanks to
10:29
Speaker 3: his twenty pounds. I was beginning to feel like Cinderella
10:32
Speaker 3: when the clock was striking twelve, and to tell him
10:35
Speaker 3: it should be repaid to him as soon as possible,
10:37
Speaker 3: though I turned sick at the thought of telling Mamma,
10:39
Speaker 3: and knew enough of our affairs to understand how very
10:42
Speaker 3: difficult it would be to muster up the money. The
10:45
Speaker 3: end of our talk came very soon, for almost to
10:48
Speaker 3: my terror, he began to talk violent love to me
10:51
Speaker 3: and to beg me to promise to marry him. I
10:53
Speaker 3: was so frightened that I ran away to the others.
10:56
Speaker 3: But that night I got a letter from him, apologizing
10:58
Speaker 3: for startling me. Knewing his offer, his entreaties for a
11:02
Speaker 3: promise of marriage to be fulfilled at any date, I
11:04
Speaker 3: would please to name in fact a most urgent love letter,
11:08
Speaker 3: and in it a reference to my unlucky debt, which
11:10
Speaker 3: was to be a debt no longer, only in advance
11:13
Speaker 3: of the money to be hereafter mine, If only you
11:16
Speaker 3: can fancy it all, Molly, better than I can remember
11:19
Speaker 3: it to tell it you?
11:20
Speaker 1: And what did you say, asked Molly, breathless.
11:24
Speaker 3: I did not answer it at all until another latter
11:26
Speaker 3: came entreating for a reply. By that time Mamma had
11:29
Speaker 3: come home, and the old daily pressure and plaintive poverty
11:32
Speaker 3: had come on. Mary Donaldson wrote to me, often singing
11:35
Speaker 3: the praises of mister Preston as enthusiastically as if she
11:38
Speaker 3: had been bribed to do it. I had seen him
11:41
Speaker 3: a very popular man in their set, and I liked
11:43
Speaker 3: him well enough and felt grateful to him. So I
11:46
Speaker 3: wrote and gave him my promise to marry him when
11:48
Speaker 3: I was twenty. But it was to be a secret
11:50
Speaker 3: till then, and I tried to forget I had ever
11:52
Speaker 3: borrowed money of him. But somehow, as soon as I
11:55
Speaker 3: felt pledged to him, I began to hate him. I
11:58
Speaker 3: couldn't endure his eagerness of greeting if he ever found
12:01
Speaker 3: me alone, and Mamma began to suspect I think I
12:04
Speaker 3: can't tell you all the ins and outs. In fact,
12:07
Speaker 3: I didn't understand them at the time, and I don't
12:09
Speaker 3: remember clearly how it all happened now, but I know
12:12
Speaker 3: that Lady Coxhaven sent Mamma some money to be applied
12:15
Speaker 3: to my education, as she called it, and Mamma seemed
12:18
Speaker 3: very much put out and in very low spirits, and
12:21
Speaker 3: she and I didn't get on it altogether. So of
12:23
Speaker 3: course I never ventured to name the hateful twenty pounds
12:26
Speaker 3: to her, but went on trying to think that if
12:28
Speaker 3: I was to marry mister Preston, it need never be paid.
12:31
Speaker 3: Very mean and wicked, I dare say, But oh Molly,
12:34
Speaker 3: I've been punished for it, for how I abhor that man.
12:38
Speaker 2: But why when did you begin to dislike him? You
12:41
Speaker 2: seem to have taken it very passively all this time.
12:44
Speaker 3: I don't know it was growing upon me before I
12:47
Speaker 3: went to that school at Boulogne. He made me feel
12:49
Speaker 3: as if I was in his power, and by too
12:51
Speaker 3: often reminding me of my engagement to him, he made
12:54
Speaker 3: me critical of his words and ways. There was an
12:56
Speaker 3: insolence in his manner to Mamma too.
12:59
Speaker 1: Huh.
13:00
Speaker 3: You're thinking that I'm not too respectful a daughter, And
13:02
Speaker 3: perhaps not, but I couldn't bear his covet sneers at
13:05
Speaker 3: her faults, and I hated his way of showing what
13:08
Speaker 3: he called his love for me. Then, after I had
13:11
Speaker 3: been a semester at Madame LeFevre's, a new English girl
13:14
Speaker 3: came a cousin of his who knew but little of me. Now, Molly,
13:18
Speaker 3: you must forget as soon as I've told you what
13:20
Speaker 3: I'm going to say. And she used to talk so
13:22
Speaker 3: much and perpetually about her cousin Robert. He was the
13:25
Speaker 3: great man of the family, evidently, and how he was
13:27
Speaker 3: so handsome, and every lady of the land in love
13:30
Speaker 3: with him, A lady of title into the bargain, lady Harriet.
13:35
Speaker 1: I daresay, said Molly indignantly. I don't know, said Cynthia wearily.
13:41
Speaker 3: I didn't care at the time, and I don't care now,
13:43
Speaker 3: For she went on to say there was a very
13:45
Speaker 3: pretty widow too, who made desperate love to him. He
13:48
Speaker 3: had often laughed with him at all her little advances
13:51
Speaker 3: which she thought he didn't see through. And oh, and
13:54
Speaker 3: this was the man I had promised to marry and
13:56
Speaker 3: gone into debt to and written love letters to. So
13:59
Speaker 3: now you understand it all Molly, No, I don't yet.
14:04
Speaker 2: What did you do? On hearing how he had spoken
14:06
Speaker 2: about your mother?
14:08
Speaker 3: There was but one thing to do. I wrote and
14:10
Speaker 3: told him I hated him and would never never marry him,
14:13
Speaker 3: and would pay him back his money and the interest
14:15
Speaker 3: on it as soon as ever I could well. And
14:18
Speaker 3: Madame Lefev brought me back my letter, unopened, I will say,
14:22
Speaker 3: and told me that she didn't allow letters to gentlemen
14:24
Speaker 3: to be sent by the pupils of her establishment unless
14:27
Speaker 3: she had previously seen their contents. I told her he
14:30
Speaker 3: was a family friend, the agent who managed Mamma's affairs.
14:33
Speaker 3: I really could not stick at the truth, but she
14:35
Speaker 3: wouldn't let it go, and I had to see her
14:38
Speaker 3: burn it, and to give her my promise I wouldn't
14:40
Speaker 3: write again before she would consent not to tell Mamma.
14:43
Speaker 3: So I had to calm down and wait till I
14:45
Speaker 3: came home.
14:47
Speaker 2: But you didn't seem then, at least not for some time.
14:50
Speaker 3: No, But I could write, and I began to try
14:53
Speaker 3: and save up my money.
14:54
Speaker 2: To pay him. What did he say to you a letter?
14:57
Speaker 3: Oh? At first he pretended not to believe I could
14:59
Speaker 3: be an earnest He thought it was only pique or
15:02
Speaker 3: a temporary offense, to be apologized for and covered over
15:05
Speaker 3: with passionate protestations.
15:07
Speaker 2: And afterwards he.
15:09
Speaker 3: Condescended to threats. And what is worse, then I turned coward.
15:13
Speaker 3: I couldn't bear to have it all known and talked about,
15:15
Speaker 3: and my silly letters shown. Oh, such letters, I cannot
15:19
Speaker 3: bear to think of them, beginning my dearest Robert to
15:22
Speaker 3: that man.
15:24
Speaker 2: But oh, Cynthia, how could he go and engage yourself
15:27
Speaker 2: to Roger.
15:28
Speaker 1: Asked Molly. Why not, said Cynthia, sharply, turning round upon her.
15:34
Speaker 3: I was free, I am free. It seemed a way
15:36
Speaker 3: of assuring myself that I was quite free. And I
15:38
Speaker 3: did like Roger. It was such a comfort to be
15:41
Speaker 3: brought into contact with people who could be relied upon.
15:44
Speaker 3: And I was not a stock or a stone that
15:46
Speaker 3: I could fail to be touched with his tender, unselfish love,
15:49
Speaker 3: so different to mister Preston's. And now you don't think
15:52
Speaker 3: me good enough for him, And of course if all
15:55
Speaker 3: this comes out, he won't think me good enough.
15:57
Speaker 1: Either, falling into a plaintive tone, very touch to hear.
16:00
Speaker 3: And sometimes I think I'll give him up and go
16:03
Speaker 3: off to some fresh life amongst strangers. And once or
16:06
Speaker 3: twice I thought I would marry mister Preston at a
16:08
Speaker 3: pure revenge and have him forever in my power. Only
16:12
Speaker 3: I think I should have the worst of it, for
16:14
Speaker 3: he is cruel in his very soul, tigerish, with his
16:17
Speaker 3: beautiful striped skin and relentless heart. I have so begged
16:22
Speaker 3: and begged him to let me go without exposure.
16:25
Speaker 1: Never mind the exposure, said Molly, it will recoil far
16:29
Speaker 1: more on him than harm you. Cynthia went a little paler.
16:32
Speaker 3: But I said things in those letters about Mamma. I
16:35
Speaker 3: was quick eyed enough to all her faults and hardly
16:37
Speaker 3: understood the force of her temptations. And he says he
16:40
Speaker 3: will show those letters to your father unless I consent
16:43
Speaker 3: to acknowledge our engagement.
16:45
Speaker 1: He shall not, said Molly, rising up in her indignation
16:49
Speaker 1: and standing before Cynthia almost as resolutely fierce as if
16:52
Speaker 1: she were in the very presence of mister Preston himself.
16:55
Speaker 2: I am not afraid of him. He dare not insult me,
16:58
Speaker 2: or if he does, I don't care. I will ask
17:00
Speaker 2: him for those letters and see if you will dare
17:02
Speaker 2: to refuse me.
17:04
Speaker 3: You don't know.
17:04
Speaker 1: Him, said Cynthia, shaking her head.
17:07
Speaker 3: He has made many an appointment with me, just as
17:09
Speaker 3: if he would take back the money which has been
17:11
Speaker 3: sealed up ready for him this four months, or as
17:14
Speaker 3: if he would give me back my letters. Poor poor Roger,
17:18
Speaker 3: how little he thinks of all this. When I want
17:20
Speaker 3: to write words of love to him, I pull myself up,
17:23
Speaker 3: for I have written words as affection into that other man.
17:26
Speaker 3: And if mister Preston ever guessed that Roger and I
17:28
Speaker 3: were engaged, he would manage to be revenged on both
17:31
Speaker 3: him and me by giving us as much pain as
17:33
Speaker 3: he could with those unlucky letters, written when I was
17:36
Speaker 3: not sixteen, Molly, only seven of them. They are like
17:39
Speaker 3: a mine under my feet, which may blow up any day,
17:43
Speaker 3: and down will come father and mother and all.
17:46
Speaker 1: She ended bitterly enough, though her words were so light,
17:49
Speaker 1: How can I get them? Said Molly, thinking.
17:52
Speaker 2: Forget them, I will will Papa to back me. He
17:55
Speaker 2: dare not refuse.
17:57
Speaker 3: Ah, But that's just the thing. He knows. I'm afraid
18:00
Speaker 3: of your father's hearing of it all, more than of
18:02
Speaker 3: anyone else.
18:03
Speaker 2: And yet he thinks he loves you.
18:05
Speaker 3: It is his way of loving. He says, often enough
18:07
Speaker 3: he doesn't care what he does, so that he gets
18:09
Speaker 3: me to be his wife, and that after that he
18:12
Speaker 3: is sure he can make me love him.
18:13
Speaker 1: Cynthia began to cry out of weariness of body and
18:17
Speaker 1: despair of mind. Molly's arms were round her in a minute,
18:20
Speaker 1: and she pressed the beautiful head to her bosom and
18:23
Speaker 1: laid her own cheek upon it, and hushed her up
18:25
Speaker 1: with lulling words, just as if Cynthia were a little child.
18:29
Speaker 3: Oh, it is such a comfort to have told you.
18:31
Speaker 1: All, murmured Cynthia, and Molly made reply, I am.
18:34
Speaker 2: Sure we have right on our side, and that makes
18:37
Speaker 2: me certain he must and shall give up the letters
18:40
Speaker 2: and take the money.
18:41
Speaker 1: Added Cynthia, lifting her head and looking eagerly into Molly's face.
18:45
Speaker 3: He must take the money. Oh, Molly, you can never
18:48
Speaker 3: manage it all without its coming out to your father.
18:50
Speaker 3: And I would far rather go out to Russia as
18:52
Speaker 3: a governess. I almost think I would rather No, not.
18:57
Speaker 1: That, said she, shuddering away from what she was going
19:00
Speaker 1: to say.
19:01
Speaker 3: But he must not know, please Molly, he must not know.
19:04
Speaker 3: I couldn't bear it. I don't know what I might
19:07
Speaker 3: not do you'll promise me never to tell him.
19:09
Speaker 2: Or Mamma, I never will.
19:13
Speaker 1: You do not think I would for anything short of
19:15
Speaker 1: saving She was going to have said, saving you and
19:18
Speaker 1: Roger from pain, but Cynthia broke in.
19:21
Speaker 3: For nothing, no reason whatever, must make you tell your father.
19:25
Speaker 3: If you fail, you fail, and I will love you
19:27
Speaker 3: forever for trying. But I shall be no worse off
19:30
Speaker 3: than before, better indeed, for I shall have the comfort
19:33
Speaker 3: of your sympathy. But promised me not to tell mister Gibson.
19:37
Speaker 2: I have promised once, said Molly, But I promise again.
19:41
Speaker 2: So now do go to bed and try to rest.
19:44
Speaker 2: You're looking as white as a sheet. You'll be ill
19:47
Speaker 2: if you don't get some rest. And it's past two
19:49
Speaker 2: o'clock and you're shivering with cold.
19:51
Speaker 1: So they wished each other good night. But when Molly
19:54
Speaker 1: got into her room, all her spirit left her, and
19:57
Speaker 1: she threw herself down on her bed, dressed as she was,
20:00
Speaker 1: for she had no heart left for anything.
20:02
Speaker 2: If Roger ever heard of it, all by any chance,
20:05
Speaker 2: she felt how it would disturb his love for Cynthia.
20:08
Speaker 2: And yet was it right to conceal it from him?
20:10
Speaker 2: She must try and persuade Cynthia to tell it all
20:13
Speaker 2: straight out to him as soon as he returned to England.
20:16
Speaker 2: A full confession on her part would wonderfully lessen any
20:19
Speaker 2: pain he might have on first hearing of it. She
20:23
Speaker 2: lost herself in thoughts of Roger, how he would feel,
20:26
Speaker 2: what he would say, how that meeting would come to
20:29
Speaker 2: pass where he was at that very time, and so
20:33
Speaker 2: on till she suddenly plucked herself up and recollected what
20:36
Speaker 2: she herself had offered and promised to do. Now that
20:39
Speaker 2: the first fervor was over, she saw the difficulties clearly,
20:43
Speaker 2: and the foremost of all was how she was to
20:45
Speaker 2: manage to have an interview with mister Preston. Howard Cynthia managed,
20:50
Speaker 2: and the letters that had passed between.
20:52
Speaker 1: Them too unwillingly, Molly was compelled to perceive that there
20:55
Speaker 1: must have been a great deal of underhand work going
20:58
Speaker 1: on beneath Cynthia's apparent openness of behavior. And still more unwillingly,
21:02
Speaker 1: she began to be afraid that she herself might be
21:05
Speaker 1: led into the practice.
21:07
Speaker 2: But she would try and walk in the straight path,
21:09
Speaker 2: and if she didn't wander out of it, it should
21:11
Speaker 2: only be to save pain to those whom she loved
21:16
Speaker 1: End of chapter forty three,