Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / If you want lasting change, do these 5 things (E)

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If you want lasting change, do these 5 things (E) · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:19
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful Booms, and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
0:23
Speaker 1: I'm actually just jumping in here before we get started
0:26
Speaker 1: on the topic of today's episode, to let you know,
0:28
Speaker 1: especially my Sydney beans, that I am doing a one
0:32
Speaker 1: off Sydney live show in February feb fourth. It's going
0:36
Speaker 1: to be unbelievable. It's going to be the best show yet.
0:39
Speaker 1: And I am apologizing because I left Sydney out of
0:43
Speaker 1: the Lost But Make It Look Intentional live show tour
0:46
Speaker 1: across Australia. It was unbelievable, but unfortunately I was not
0:49
Speaker 1: able to add Sydney on that to a list. But
0:51
Speaker 1: now we are coming back to Sydney with the Lost
0:55
Speaker 1: But Make It Look Intentional show, one last show off
0:57
Speaker 1: that tour, and it is going to be bigger and
1:00
Speaker 1: better than any other show I've ever done. So if
1:02
Speaker 1: you live in Sydney or really anywhere in the world,
1:05
Speaker 1: because I have had people come from New Zealand and
1:08
Speaker 1: Seattle by the way to my live shows from around
1:11
Speaker 1: the world love it so much. So if you live
1:13
Speaker 1: in Sydney or anywhere in the world, then head to
1:16
Speaker 1: dyfimpod dot com and click on the link for the
1:19
Speaker 1: live show tickets and by yourself a live show ticket.
1:23
Speaker 1: It's going to be epic. We're going to have things
1:25
Speaker 1: going on before and after. There's VIP tickets as well
1:28
Speaker 1: that are available where we're doing a meet and great,
1:30
Speaker 1: we're doing drinks after, there's a whole it's all happening.
1:34
Speaker 1: So jump on the website get yourself a live show ticket.
1:38
Speaker 1: It's going to be on a Wednesday night, so maybe
1:41
Speaker 1: go have dinner, have drinks in the city and then
1:44
Speaker 1: come and change your life at the live show because
1:46
Speaker 1: I will. That's my aim to change your life anyway
1:49
Speaker 1: over and out. Love you guys so much. Let's get
1:51
Speaker 1: straight inedo the episode of today. Since hello, my beautiful beans,
1:57
Speaker 1: and welcome to today's episode. Today's episode is all about
2:02
Speaker 1: what to do if you want lasting change. So this
2:04
Speaker 1: kind of ties into all things around productivity, motivation, drive,
2:10
Speaker 1: sticking something out and kind of also taking a leap
2:14
Speaker 1: of faith so and goal setting, so it ties everything together.
2:18
Speaker 1: So if you're somebody who's been saying, oh, I'm going
2:21
Speaker 1: to do this for the last you know, five years,
2:25
Speaker 1: and it's never actually eventuated, or someone that's always setting
2:28
Speaker 1: the same New Year's resolutions, or as I like to
2:30
Speaker 1: do birthday resolutions and it never changes. Then this is
2:32
Speaker 1: the episode for you. Hopefully, I'm going to get you
2:37
Speaker 1: understanding some hard truths about the reality of your situation,
2:41
Speaker 1: but also making you realize that it is within your control.
2:44
Speaker 1: There's a few things you need to tweak and you
2:46
Speaker 1: need to get real about it. But once that's done,
2:48
Speaker 1: you're going to see big differences in how you structure
2:52
Speaker 1: your goals and how you follow through with your goals
2:55
Speaker 1: to you know, see the changes that you want to see. Okay,
2:58
Speaker 1: time to get into the brain factor of to day.
3:00
Speaker 1: I'm going to wrap it up nice and quickly and
3:01
Speaker 1: then we get into today's episode topic. So the brain
3:05
Speaker 1: fact of today, I'm talking about a sleep disorder called narcolepsy.
3:08
Speaker 1: So what is it and what causes it? So let's
3:10
Speaker 1: start with what is it. It's a neurological sleep disorder
3:14
Speaker 1: where a person, the person who has it, gets hit
3:17
Speaker 1: with bouts or attacks of drowsiness. It's this chronic and
3:21
Speaker 1: excessive drowsiness that they get throughout the day. And these
3:26
Speaker 1: these bouts can last for minutes at a time, or
3:28
Speaker 1: it can last for just a couple of seconds at
3:30
Speaker 1: a time, and the frequency of it can vary during
3:33
Speaker 1: the day, it can happen maybe just like a handful
3:34
Speaker 1: of times where it can be happening throughout the whole day,
3:37
Speaker 1: and it also affects your sleep patterns during the night. Now,
3:41
Speaker 1: this disorder, this sleep disorder, is often paired with something
3:44
Speaker 1: called cataplexi, so narcolepsy and cataplexy, which is the onset
3:49
Speaker 1: of extreme muscle weakness. So you've got type one narcolepsy,
3:54
Speaker 1: which is narcolepsy with cataplexy, and then you've got type
3:57
Speaker 1: two narcolepsy, which is narcolepsy without cataplexy. Narcolepsy is also
4:04
Speaker 1: often called excessive daytime sleepiness so EDS. It can be
4:08
Speaker 1: associated with a whole bunch of other things as well,
4:10
Speaker 1: And one of those things is called automatic behavior, and
4:13
Speaker 1: this is where you do something automatically, but then you
4:15
Speaker 1: have no recollection of having done it, almost like as
4:18
Speaker 1: if you were in like a sleep state but not.
4:21
Speaker 1: And another thing that may occur but not in all cases,
4:24
Speaker 1: is hallucinations, but not in every case. And additionally to that,
4:30
Speaker 1: you can also get sleep paralysis, which is like the
4:33
Speaker 1: feeling of not being able to move your limbs. While
4:36
Speaker 1: when you've gone to sleep or you know, around the
4:38
Speaker 1: time of sleep, what causes it. So type two we're
4:44
Speaker 1: not sure what causes it. We're not sure what causes
4:46
Speaker 1: narcolepsy without cataplexy. But type one there's quite a lot
4:51
Speaker 1: of evidence to support that narcolepsy is an autoimmune disorder,
4:55
Speaker 1: which is fucking fascinating. So this is basically where your
4:58
Speaker 1: immune system is attacking something that it's not supposed to
5:01
Speaker 1: be attacking. It's identifying something. It's saying, ah, you've got
5:04
Speaker 1: to go your fucking you're going down, and it snipers
5:08
Speaker 1: it down, it attacks it, which normally causes an issue. Okay.
5:13
Speaker 1: In this case, the immune system is targeting a neuropeptide
5:16
Speaker 1: which is called hypercretin or it's also called orexin, so
5:20
Speaker 1: let's just call it orexin for the sake of today.
5:23
Speaker 1: Orexin is made or it's synthesized, within a bunch of
5:28
Speaker 1: neurons in the lateral hypothalamus. Okay, and the hypothalamus I've
5:31
Speaker 1: spoken about heaps of times. It's involved in a bunch
5:33
Speaker 1: of things, but namely memory and learning, memory consolidation, all
5:37
Speaker 1: of that. Now, these erecs and neurons are involved in
5:41
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of things, but really importantly, the eurexin
5:44
Speaker 1: neurons are involved in maintaining wakefulness, the sleep wake states,
5:50
Speaker 1: regulating your appetite, your homeostasis of energy. It also impacts
5:54
Speaker 1: your cognition and your mood. And they found that in
5:58
Speaker 1: a rat model study, I think it was rat or mice,
6:02
Speaker 1: deficient levels of this orexin was linked to obesity, which
6:06
Speaker 1: is interesting because that's given that when compared to the
6:10
Speaker 1: wild type rats or mice, they had the same caloric
6:15
Speaker 1: intake or even less. Now, when erection and levels are
6:19
Speaker 1: healthy or high, it can improve your memory because it's
6:23
Speaker 1: in the hippo campus of course, so you can improve
6:24
Speaker 1: your memory, your mood, and your learning. It's also involved
6:28
Speaker 1: in neurogenesis within the hippocampus, so that's the growth and
6:31
Speaker 1: the birth of new neurons. So you know, I've spoken
6:33
Speaker 1: about a whole bunch of things that can enhance neurogenesis
6:36
Speaker 1: within that area. If the brain, orexin is one of
6:39
Speaker 1: those things. It also is orexin is also controls spontaneous
6:46
Speaker 1: physical activity, so this might be why if these neurons
6:49
Speaker 1: are being attacked, the ones that produce orexin. This is
6:52
Speaker 1: why cataplexy occurs as well, because you've got that reduction
6:56
Speaker 1: of spontaneous physical activity. Now, if the levels are low
7:01
Speaker 1: of orexin, then that might be linked to mood disorders, depression,
7:06
Speaker 1: learning problems, memory problems, all of that. Now, this peptide,
7:10
Speaker 1: these chemicals act as a neurotransmitter. So a neurotransmitter is transmission,
7:15
Speaker 1: so your help. It helps in the communication and the
7:17
Speaker 1: transmission of a nerve impulse from neuron to neuron, and
7:22
Speaker 1: the immune systems attacking these neurons that produce the erecsin
7:26
Speaker 1: the hypocretin. And we don't know why it happens, but
7:29
Speaker 1: we do know that genetics plays a role and that
7:32
Speaker 1: environmental factors also might contribute to it. So that is
7:38
Speaker 1: narcolepsy for you. That's the brain factor of today. So
7:41
Speaker 1: we don't really understand why exactly it's going down, but
7:44
Speaker 1: we do have a really good feeling, and by we
7:46
Speaker 1: scientists do have a really good feeling that it is
7:49
Speaker 1: an autoimmune disorder based on all the studies that they've done.
7:53
Speaker 1: So there you go. Good times. That is the brain
7:55
Speaker 1: factor today. Let's get straight into today's episode. Sense sense. Okay,
8:06
Speaker 1: So the episode of today we're talking about if you
8:09
Speaker 1: want lasting change, you need to start doing these things.
8:12
Speaker 1: Start or stop doing these things. There's five things that
8:14
Speaker 1: have got for you to focus on. Let's break it down.
8:17
Speaker 1: Number one, stop setting conditional goals. That's what you need
8:21
Speaker 1: to start doing from the beginning. Conditional goals are going
8:24
Speaker 1: a second, are going to it in a second. But
8:27
Speaker 1: conditional goals are weak, and they're pathetic, and they only
8:31
Speaker 1: reinforce to yourself that you don't believe that you are
8:34
Speaker 1: in control of a situation. When you have this conditional goal,
8:38
Speaker 1: you're kind of at the whim of what is happening
8:40
Speaker 1: to you in your life. Not good enough, and nothing's
8:43
Speaker 1: going to change if you're constantly setting conditional goals. Okay.
8:46
Speaker 1: A conditional goal is waiting for something external to occur
8:51
Speaker 1: or to align with you, and then you can start
8:54
Speaker 1: to do that thing. Okay, and I'm here to say no.
8:57
Speaker 1: An example of this are when work gets easier, I'm
9:02
Speaker 1: going to start going to the gym, or when I'm
9:05
Speaker 1: less tired over the weekend, I'm going to spend some
9:07
Speaker 1: quality time with my partner, or when winter is over,
9:11
Speaker 1: I'm going to start getting up early, or once UNI finishes,
9:15
Speaker 1: I'm going to start taking care of myself again. No,
9:19
Speaker 1: this kind of thing is so unhelpful, and a lot
9:21
Speaker 1: of people use excuse well, I just can't do it
9:23
Speaker 1: right now, I can't do it right now. Whatever. No,
9:25
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. No, A conditional goal is your key to
9:29
Speaker 1: staying where you are and to feeling pissed off and
9:33
Speaker 1: frustrated at all these external things that are not allowing
9:36
Speaker 1: you to do that goal, or that you believe is
9:39
Speaker 1: not allowing you to do that goal. Okay, you're not
9:42
Speaker 1: learning to take accountability for what you do have control over,
9:45
Speaker 1: and you're putting in the hands of the external world
9:48
Speaker 1: being like, well this is just too much, so I
9:50
Speaker 1: can't so unless I get this little pocket of free time,
9:52
Speaker 1: I just can't do it. Okay. You need to stop
9:54
Speaker 1: setting goals that are worded like that, or that are
9:57
Speaker 1: framed in a conditional way. Okay, if you have to
10:01
Speaker 1: wait until something external changes for something to happen, then
10:06
Speaker 1: it's never going to happen and it's not going to
10:09
Speaker 1: be consistent. Sorry, there's Habibi in the background having a
10:12
Speaker 1: little winge in the middle of his sleep. Number two,
10:16
Speaker 1: you have to understand that you make the time. Okay,
10:20
Speaker 1: you make the time. If you want something, you make
10:23
Speaker 1: the time. In ninety nine point nine nine percent of cases,
10:26
Speaker 1: when you say I don't have the time, you are
10:29
Speaker 1: saying there are too many things that I'm putting before
10:32
Speaker 1: this as being more important, so I'm not going to
10:34
Speaker 1: get to it. That is what you're saying. It's the
10:37
Speaker 1: idea of when, for example, if someone that you're not
10:41
Speaker 1: really that interested, let's say you out. You've put yourself
10:44
Speaker 1: out into the dating world, and someone that you're not
10:46
Speaker 1: really that interested in asks you out, all of a sudden,
10:49
Speaker 1: there's a million things that you could use, and as
10:51
Speaker 1: an excuse to why you don't have the time, you say,
10:53
Speaker 1: I'm actually really busy. I'm genuinely busy. No, they're lovely,
10:55
Speaker 1: I just don't have the time. Okay. But then the
10:59
Speaker 1: perfect pert and strolls along, the love of your life
11:02
Speaker 1: walks into your life and asks you out tonight. Miraculously,
11:08
Speaker 1: you can free up some time tonight or if not tonight,
11:11
Speaker 1: this week, you make the time to meet up with
11:15
Speaker 1: that person because you value that person very highly. You
11:18
Speaker 1: value that encounter so highly that you prioritize it above
11:23
Speaker 1: everything else. Okay, you make the time. To tell yourself
11:29
Speaker 1: that you don't have the time is again confirming to
11:31
Speaker 1: yourself that you actually don't have control over your situations.
11:35
Speaker 1: I have single mothers in this community who post in
11:40
Speaker 1: the group, who work full time and fit in three
11:43
Speaker 1: training sessions per week and have now taken on part
11:46
Speaker 1: time study. They've made the time. That's a fucking busy life.
11:51
Speaker 1: That's a fucking hectic, busy life, but they've made the time.
11:54
Speaker 1: And I'm sure that for those women who have posted
11:58
Speaker 1: in the group or have messaged me about this, I'm
12:00
Speaker 1: sure they have had to make sacrifices, but they have
12:02
Speaker 1: chosen what their priorities are and they've somehow shuffled things
12:06
Speaker 1: around to put those priorities first and then other things
12:10
Speaker 1: to come second. So it's possible, but you have to
12:13
Speaker 1: identify what you're going to make time for and what
12:17
Speaker 1: you are not going to make time for. My sister
12:21
Speaker 1: always says this to my mom, and my mom she'd
12:23
Speaker 1: like say, she's like, Oh, I want to start doing this,
12:25
Speaker 1: but I just don't have the time. And stephan is like,
12:27
Speaker 1: you make the time. She's like, no, I know, but
12:29
Speaker 1: I've just got this on and this on, and Steffan's like,
12:31
Speaker 1: you make the time, and literally all she says is
12:34
Speaker 1: you make the time. You make the time, You make
12:36
Speaker 1: the time. And then eventually my mum caves. She's like, fine,
12:38
Speaker 1: I'll find a way to fit it in because my
12:40
Speaker 1: mom loves to always like take on new hobbies and
12:43
Speaker 1: skills and whatever, so she ends up doing like a
12:45
Speaker 1: million different things. But it is that it's like, if
12:48
Speaker 1: this is something that you've always wanted to do, if
12:50
Speaker 1: it's a hobby that you've always wanted to do or
12:52
Speaker 1: a skill you've always wanted to acquire, you're going to
12:54
Speaker 1: have to make the time because sitting there saying, oh,
12:56
Speaker 1: I don't have the time to do this is only
12:59
Speaker 1: going to make you feel like you're missing out, that
13:01
Speaker 1: it's frustrating. And if it's something that's important enough, you
13:04
Speaker 1: can do it. Okay, you've got the time to listen
13:06
Speaker 1: to this podcast right now, you can do it. I
13:11
Speaker 1: understand that everyone has their own capacity limits, and some
13:15
Speaker 1: people's limits are a bit more stretched than others for sure,
13:19
Speaker 1: but you can always make the time for what is
13:21
Speaker 1: a priority to you. So this now leads me on
13:24
Speaker 1: to point three, which is prioritize and identify your primary goals.
13:32
Speaker 1: So point number three, prioritize and identify your primary goals.
13:36
Speaker 1: It's really important because there's a lot going on in
13:39
Speaker 1: every person's life. Everyone is busy. Everyone's got shit that
13:43
Speaker 1: they have to do, and shit that they want to do,
13:46
Speaker 1: shit that's crucial and something they kind of escape, and
13:49
Speaker 1: shit that's really really important to them, to their soul,
13:52
Speaker 1: to make them happy. We've all got it, we all
13:54
Speaker 1: have our plates full, okay, But you have to identify
13:58
Speaker 1: what the hierarchy of those things are in your life,
14:01
Speaker 1: because some things are going to have to sit really
14:03
Speaker 1: high up there, whether you want to or not, for example,
14:05
Speaker 1: a way of making an income so you can survive,
14:08
Speaker 1: and other things are going to have to fall a
14:10
Speaker 1: little bit further down, like how much time is spent
14:13
Speaker 1: doing you know, things that you don't need to be doing.
14:16
Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about free time, because that is
14:18
Speaker 1: crucial and that is a very important thing. I'm talking
14:21
Speaker 1: about wasted time. And you guys all know what I
14:24
Speaker 1: mean by that. For example, I haven't. This is an
14:27
Speaker 1: example of I have a friend, he works for himself,
14:31
Speaker 1: he's a trading Okay, he's got his own business, and
14:34
Speaker 1: he always talks about wanting to start exercising regularly in
14:38
Speaker 1: the mornings, right, and he knows that if he doesn't
14:41
Speaker 1: exercise at the start of the day, he's not going
14:42
Speaker 1: to do it. He's just the kind of person that
14:44
Speaker 1: needs to exercise in the morning. He already has identified
14:47
Speaker 1: that about himself. He works all day long. By the
14:50
Speaker 1: end of the day, he's had this physically demanding job,
14:54
Speaker 1: he's tired physically, he's tired mentally, and he's like, I
14:58
Speaker 1: just want to get home, i want to eat something,
15:00
Speaker 1: i want to wind down, so I'm ready for the
15:02
Speaker 1: following day. Okay, that's his call, that's his thing. Right. However,
15:07
Speaker 1: he never gets to exercise early in the morning or
15:09
Speaker 1: maybe one day here or there, depending on the job,
15:12
Speaker 1: because he always prioritizes starting work early. He likes to
15:16
Speaker 1: start work early, and if he can pick up a
15:18
Speaker 1: job that starts early, then is like perfect. But then
15:21
Speaker 1: exercising goes out the window. So he's always saying, oh, yeah, yeah,
15:24
Speaker 1: next week's i'm gonna start. I'm gonna start. Next week,
15:26
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start. And this goes on forever, and what
15:29
Speaker 1: ends up happening is that he exercises maybe on a Tuesday,
15:33
Speaker 1: and then nothing for two weeks, and then he'll exercise
15:35
Speaker 1: on a Wednesday here and then maybe the Friday, and
15:36
Speaker 1: then nothing for two weeks. And that's kind of how
15:39
Speaker 1: his timetable is because what he's done is he is
15:41
Speaker 1: prioritized above all starting work early, and whenever the opportunity
15:46
Speaker 1: is there to take on a job that he can
15:47
Speaker 1: start early, he takes it. And there is nothing wrong
15:50
Speaker 1: with doing that. But the problem is if he knows
15:53
Speaker 1: that he's only going to train in the morning, he's
15:55
Speaker 1: literally prioritized starting work early versus getting the exercise done
16:00
Speaker 1: in the morning. So this is where you personally have
16:03
Speaker 1: to prioritize your own primary goals and you've got to
16:06
Speaker 1: identify what is more important to me having a morning
16:09
Speaker 1: routine where he and he knows that every time he
16:12
Speaker 1: does train he feels fucking phenomenal after it, he feels great.
16:16
Speaker 1: He knows that. So you've now got to identify what
16:20
Speaker 1: do I want more. Do I want to start work
16:23
Speaker 1: early and finish a bit earlier, or do I want
16:25
Speaker 1: to have this routine set in stone where I'm you know,
16:28
Speaker 1: waking up, getting to train, feeling good, eating and then
16:31
Speaker 1: starting work a little bit later. That's your call. That
16:34
Speaker 1: is your call. But to sit there and say, oh, no,
16:37
Speaker 1: I will do it. I will do it when this
16:39
Speaker 1: comes down, when that comes down. No, This is kind
16:42
Speaker 1: of bringing in point one into point three, and that
16:45
Speaker 1: is you setting these conditional goals, saying oh, when things
16:48
Speaker 1: come down, especially when you can determine what time you
16:51
Speaker 1: start work and whatever, you're deciding when things calm down
16:55
Speaker 1: or not. Okay, and sacrifices may have to be made,
16:58
Speaker 1: but what is more important to you? You are kidding
17:01
Speaker 1: yourself to say, oh, when things came down, that's an
17:04
Speaker 1: external thing that you now can't control, or you're telling
17:08
Speaker 1: yourself that you can't control. You have to decide what
17:11
Speaker 1: is a non negotiable in my fucking life. Is it
17:15
Speaker 1: my morning routine where I set my day up for myself,
17:18
Speaker 1: for my mental health, for my physical health or not.
17:22
Speaker 1: There's no right or wrong answer. Okay, but you are
17:25
Speaker 1: the only one that can make that call. And you
17:27
Speaker 1: have to identify what is a priority, what is important,
17:31
Speaker 1: and what is the most important thing, and that is
17:34
Speaker 1: what you need to prioritize. If starting work early is
17:38
Speaker 1: the be all, end all and that's what makes you
17:40
Speaker 1: the happiest in life, then so be it, and that
17:43
Speaker 1: is fine, But then you need to just remove that
17:46
Speaker 1: goal altogether and stop pissing yourself off. Stop setting that goal,
17:49
Speaker 1: find a different goal, stop talking about it, because all
17:52
Speaker 1: you're doing is annoying yourself. And you're also reinforcing in
17:57
Speaker 1: yourself that you can't stick to goals. If you've determined
18:00
Speaker 1: that it's just not possible to get it done, change
18:03
Speaker 1: the goal or change how you're going to get to
18:05
Speaker 1: that goal. Because by maintaining the same goal but it
18:08
Speaker 1: never happening because of other circumstances that you're allowing to
18:12
Speaker 1: stop it from happening, then you are reinforcing in your
18:15
Speaker 1: head subconsciously that you can't stick to a goal, and
18:19
Speaker 1: that's a problem. You are reinforcing this pattern of oh,
18:22
Speaker 1: every time I set out to do something, I just
18:24
Speaker 1: never really get it done. Look at all the times
18:26
Speaker 1: I've tried to do this just hasn't happened. So if
18:28
Speaker 1: you have decided not training in the morning cannot happen
18:31
Speaker 1: because more important than training for me is starting work early. Fine,
18:35
Speaker 1: but identify it, acknowledge it, own it, and then stop
18:39
Speaker 1: saying that you're going to be training in the morning.
18:41
Speaker 1: When things lighten up, find a different way to fit
18:44
Speaker 1: your training in, or just don't prioritize training. It's your decision. Okay. However,
18:50
Speaker 1: if training is the priority, you have to do it early.
18:53
Speaker 1: You start work a little bit later, and that's your
18:56
Speaker 1: new lifestyle. But you're getting the thing that really that
18:58
Speaker 1: really matters to you. You're getting it done every day.
19:01
Speaker 1: If something is important enough to you, like number two,
19:03
Speaker 1: you make the time. The issue is that sometimes we
19:06
Speaker 1: have a really hard time prioritizing things and determining what
19:09
Speaker 1: is more important, and it only becomes clear to us
19:13
Speaker 1: later down the track when not when it's too late,
19:15
Speaker 1: but when it feels like time has been wasted. You know,
19:18
Speaker 1: it only becomes clear using hindsight and saying I wish
19:22
Speaker 1: I prioritize my health, or I wish I just got
19:25
Speaker 1: up early. I wish like three years ago, when I
19:27
Speaker 1: said I was going to get up early, I started
19:29
Speaker 1: getting up early on doing these things I wish I
19:31
Speaker 1: did it. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but it's also
19:33
Speaker 1: a very painful thing because it shows you what you
19:36
Speaker 1: could have been and what you could have done, and
19:38
Speaker 1: you don't want to experience that so often in your life.
19:41
Speaker 1: I mean, it's going to happen, but if you can
19:44
Speaker 1: stop it from happening using what you know about yourself,
19:47
Speaker 1: then stop it from happening. Okay, you don't want to
19:50
Speaker 1: look back and say, I wish I prioritize my health
19:54
Speaker 1: my health because I would feel so much better now,
19:56
Speaker 1: or I wish I prioritized travel when I was younger
19:59
Speaker 1: and didn't wait until I was retired to do it, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
20:04
Speaker 1: You need to sit down with yourself, sit down today
20:08
Speaker 1: with a piece of paper and say what is my
20:11
Speaker 1: absolute priority in life? What is my non negotiable And
20:14
Speaker 1: to me, one of the best ways of doing that
20:16
Speaker 1: is identify the feeling. How do I want to feel
20:20
Speaker 1: after a month, after a year, How do I want
20:22
Speaker 1: to feel in ten years time. What do I want
20:26
Speaker 1: my health to look like in ten years time, in
20:28
Speaker 1: five years time, in six months time. What is that
20:32
Speaker 1: picture and what do I want it to look like?
20:35
Speaker 1: Really identify what it looks like and what it feels like,
20:39
Speaker 1: because it's so easy to say, oh yeah, label that,
20:41
Speaker 1: yeah that. All these things bring it back to the feeling.
20:46
Speaker 1: Because you might look in this example that I've been using,
20:50
Speaker 1: he might look back in ten years time and be like, yeah,
20:52
Speaker 1: I was able to start work early and finish a
20:55
Speaker 1: bit earlier, but I'm really bummed that I never prioritized
20:59
Speaker 1: my health and fitness hypothetically or not. But that's what
21:04
Speaker 1: I want you to do. Think about the feeling. What
21:06
Speaker 1: will you achieve and what don't you want to regret.
21:10
Speaker 1: So if you say, oh, in like a year's time,
21:13
Speaker 1: I will regret it. If I don't dot dot, then
21:15
Speaker 1: that's a priority. If you think, oh, in a year's time,
21:18
Speaker 1: I'm actually not going to regret that because it's not
21:20
Speaker 1: really that important, then it's not a priority. Okay, So
21:23
Speaker 1: always put yourself in your future self shoes looking back,
21:28
Speaker 1: because we all know what regret feels like. There's all
21:30
Speaker 1: everyone's got something that we wish we had done in
21:34
Speaker 1: the past. All of us have, okay, and sometimes it's
21:37
Speaker 1: not big enough to affect us, and sometimes for some
21:40
Speaker 1: people it is really big, and we really wish we
21:42
Speaker 1: did those things. We wish we told our partner that
21:44
Speaker 1: we appreciated them more. We wish that we made the
21:47
Speaker 1: most of time with our friends or whatever we wish
21:50
Speaker 1: that we prioritized our health and we didn't. Okay. We
21:53
Speaker 1: all have something, whether big or small, that we wish
21:57
Speaker 1: we did more off or less off, okay, And that's
21:59
Speaker 1: a really good way to structure your goals and how
22:02
Speaker 1: you prioritize things in your life. Number four, Get realistic
22:09
Speaker 1: with yourself. I personally don't love the saying you can't
22:12
Speaker 1: have it all, because I like to think that you
22:14
Speaker 1: can have it all and that you can live a
22:16
Speaker 1: life where you literally are just milking it for everything
22:19
Speaker 1: and you're having it all. But I do believe that
22:23
Speaker 1: you can't have it all. At the same time, that's
22:27
Speaker 1: a pretty big truth in a lot of situations. You
22:29
Speaker 1: have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself, how
22:33
Speaker 1: bad do I want change? How badly do I want
22:37
Speaker 1: this change? And the reason often the reason you don't
22:41
Speaker 1: do something doesn't really come down to not wanting it
22:45
Speaker 1: bad enough, because you might desperately want something, but it's
22:48
Speaker 1: just not sticking. Something's just not happening. You're setting the
22:51
Speaker 1: same goal again and again and it's just not happening.
22:53
Speaker 1: And someone says, oh, you just don't want it bad enough,
22:55
Speaker 1: and you think, well, that's not true, I really want it,
22:58
Speaker 1: but I just can't adapt to doing it. What's going
23:02
Speaker 1: on here is that you are prioritizing your fear of
23:07
Speaker 1: discomfort or your fear of the unknown over putting yourself
23:12
Speaker 1: out there and going for that thing that you really want.
23:15
Speaker 1: The reason you don't take action on the thing that
23:17
Speaker 1: you want to take action on, despite wanting it so
23:20
Speaker 1: badly is down to fear. And you might not think, oh,
23:25
Speaker 1: but I'm not scared of that thing, but fear manifests
23:27
Speaker 1: in many, many different ways. It's an avoidance behavior. Okay, So,
23:31
Speaker 1: like I said, discomfort, fear of the unknown. It could
23:34
Speaker 1: also be fear of things getting too hard, or fear
23:37
Speaker 1: of the struggle of trying something new and it not
23:40
Speaker 1: being easy, and fear of not seeing the light at
23:44
Speaker 1: the end of the tunnel at the very early stages
23:47
Speaker 1: of trying something, fear of being an absolute novice at something,
23:50
Speaker 1: fear of not knowing what you're doing. They're all Everything
23:54
Speaker 1: that you're avoiding comes down to some sort of a fear.
23:56
Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be like, oh, it's good fear,
23:58
Speaker 1: but it's that kind of avoidance of discomfort fear. So
24:02
Speaker 1: I want you to get real with yourself and say,
24:05
Speaker 1: what sacrifices do I actually need to make in order
24:09
Speaker 1: for this thing that I want so badly to happen?
24:11
Speaker 1: What discomfort do I need to go through in order
24:16
Speaker 1: for this change or for this goal to manifest. Often
24:21
Speaker 1: what ends up happening with so many people is that
24:24
Speaker 1: they reach a point of absolute saturation. They reach this
24:28
Speaker 1: point of desperation and a point of no return where
24:31
Speaker 1: you reach breaking point, and then when that happens, you're
24:35
Speaker 1: willing to do something no matter what. Often this manifests
24:39
Speaker 1: in you get a health scare like the doctors like,
24:42
Speaker 1: if you don't change this, then you're fucking gonna die.
24:45
Speaker 1: So you end up thinking, okay, fucking everything needs to
24:47
Speaker 1: change on whatever you know. Or it could be in
24:50
Speaker 1: a relationship where your partner gives you this hectic ultimatum
24:52
Speaker 1: and says, if you don't start prioritizing our relationship and
24:56
Speaker 1: spending some quality time with me, I'm out, and then
25:00
Speaker 1: you think, fuck, this is a wake up call. I
25:02
Speaker 1: adore my partner and I've just taken them for granted.
25:04
Speaker 1: You know, there are certain things in life that can
25:06
Speaker 1: occur that make you reach breaking point, and it's do
25:09
Speaker 1: or die, And that's what often makes people think, fuck,
25:12
Speaker 1: I need to make this drastic change. But you don't
25:14
Speaker 1: have to wait for something to get to that point.
25:17
Speaker 1: You don't have to wait till you're desperate in order
25:20
Speaker 1: for change to happen. You just have to get to
25:22
Speaker 1: the point where you realize that you have to be
25:25
Speaker 1: more willing to want to do something than you are
25:29
Speaker 1: willing to keep the life that you have. It's that
25:32
Speaker 1: separation of when I start doing this and when I'm
25:35
Speaker 1: serious about it, it means giving up something, letting go
25:38
Speaker 1: of something, or letting go of the old version of me. Okay,
25:42
Speaker 1: so that is what I mean when I say that
25:45
Speaker 1: you need to that you need to get realistic with yourself.
25:48
Speaker 1: Certain things are going to have to be dropped off.
25:53
Speaker 1: Time has got to be shifted around. You're going to
25:56
Speaker 1: have to sacrifice some things. And for a lot of people,
26:00
Speaker 1: that thing that has to be sacrificed is a lot
26:03
Speaker 1: of kind of wasted time where you feel like, oh,
26:06
Speaker 1: but I just don't like getting up earlier, I don't
26:08
Speaker 1: like a routine or this or that. Sometimes what you're
26:10
Speaker 1: actually missing out on is not much at all. You
26:13
Speaker 1: just have to have more discipline around the time that
26:15
Speaker 1: you do. Have a lot of people, you know, just
26:18
Speaker 1: wake up, grab their phone and start scrolling and scrolling
26:21
Speaker 1: and scrolling, and before they know what, the first forty
26:23
Speaker 1: minutes of their day has been eaten up into scrolling
26:25
Speaker 1: on their phone. I don't look at that as much
26:27
Speaker 1: of a sacrifice in your life. If anything, it's all wins.
26:30
Speaker 1: So when you look at at what you have to do,
26:32
Speaker 1: you have to be realistic and say how much time
26:34
Speaker 1: am I actually wasting or what is it that I
26:37
Speaker 1: actually do need to sacrifice in order for me to
26:40
Speaker 1: achieve this new life, this two point zero version of myself.
26:43
Speaker 1: But something's got to give, and you have to identify
26:45
Speaker 1: what that thing is because you can't have the infinite
26:49
Speaker 1: scrolling and also feeling great about yourself in the morning.
26:52
Speaker 1: You can't have all this time fucking around doing shit
26:55
Speaker 1: that's not important and also feel fulfilled at the end
26:59
Speaker 1: of the day. You can't have it all. When it
27:01
Speaker 1: comes to that, something's got to give. Is it going
27:03
Speaker 1: to be the thing you want or is it going
27:05
Speaker 1: to be the thing that you don't really have to have.
27:07
Speaker 1: Nobody can make that decision for you. Nobody, Okay, you
27:11
Speaker 1: can only be led to water. But you're the one
27:14
Speaker 1: that has to do the drinking. You have to decide
27:17
Speaker 1: now the last point number five. If you can only
27:22
Speaker 1: do it temporarily or in drips and drabs, don't expect
27:27
Speaker 1: the results to be permanent. Okay. I am the biggest
27:31
Speaker 1: advocate for if you're going to make change in your life,
27:33
Speaker 1: it's got to incorporate itself into your new reality because
27:38
Speaker 1: there's no point. I hate the idea of going on
27:41
Speaker 1: a crash diet to fit into an outfit. What the fuck? Like,
27:44
Speaker 1: you either want change for a reason or you don't,
27:48
Speaker 1: because what's the point in the scheme of life? What
27:52
Speaker 1: is the point of doing this horrendous crash diet where
27:56
Speaker 1: you're punishing your body just so you can fit into
27:58
Speaker 1: this outfit, just so you look a certain way in photos,
28:01
Speaker 1: when in reality, that's not what your lifestyle reflects, that's
28:04
Speaker 1: not who you really are. The moment those photos are taken,
28:07
Speaker 1: you're going back to your lifestyle because what you're putting
28:09
Speaker 1: yourself through was so tortuous that it's not sustainable. Like,
28:12
Speaker 1: what is the actual point You're putting so much importance
28:16
Speaker 1: on how you're going to look in a few photos
28:18
Speaker 1: instead of really breaking it down and thinking, well, what
28:20
Speaker 1: do I actually want for my life? How do I
28:22
Speaker 1: want to feel? You know, is it that important that
28:25
Speaker 1: I do this crazy crash diet. Do I actually want
28:27
Speaker 1: to lose weight for how I feel? Or do I
28:29
Speaker 1: want to lose weight for what I look like in
28:31
Speaker 1: an image? Because a lot of the time, I know
28:34
Speaker 1: a lot of people, and I've interviewed some people on
28:36
Speaker 1: the podcast who think, wait a minute, I just fuck
28:40
Speaker 1: how I looked in the photo. I actually just wanted
28:42
Speaker 1: to tweak a few things in my lifestyle, and I
28:44
Speaker 1: feel so much better. And I actually didn't end up
28:46
Speaker 1: losing the weight that I thought I wanted to lose,
28:48
Speaker 1: But I feel so much better in my body and
28:49
Speaker 1: I've got a really healthy lifestyle. It's fucking sustainable. I
28:52
Speaker 1: feel great, and I'm not at the weight that I
28:55
Speaker 1: thought I had to be at, but I'm happier than
28:57
Speaker 1: I've ever been because I've got this great new love style.
29:00
Speaker 1: Anything that makes you count down to the last days
29:04
Speaker 1: of doing that thing, I just don't see the point
29:06
Speaker 1: in doing it, because it's obviously not sustainable if you
29:09
Speaker 1: are suffering every step of the way, and if you
29:12
Speaker 1: are holding yourself, cutting yourself off from so many things
29:16
Speaker 1: that are valuable in your life instead of trying to
29:20
Speaker 1: tweak it and find a better balance. Then it's not
29:23
Speaker 1: going to be sustainable. Like, for example, if you're somebody
29:27
Speaker 1: that genuinely is so social, but you're like, I'm not
29:30
Speaker 1: going to socialize at all because it means that when
29:32
Speaker 1: I socialize, I drink and I whatever. So I'm not
29:35
Speaker 1: socializing at all. You're causing yourself to suffer. You're cutting
29:38
Speaker 1: out something that you value to get something that you
29:41
Speaker 1: want to get. But then when you get it, the
29:43
Speaker 1: results are going to be they're going to be temporary
29:46
Speaker 1: because once you've achieved that thing, you go back to
29:48
Speaker 1: your old lifestyle. Instead of looking at your lifestyle and saying, Okay,
29:51
Speaker 1: how many of those nights that I'm going out do
29:52
Speaker 1: I actually have to drink? Why don't I just not
29:55
Speaker 1: drink for some of those nights but still go out
29:57
Speaker 1: enjoy the company of people I want to be around.
29:59
Speaker 1: You can make tweaks so that way your lifestyle can
30:03
Speaker 1: be better and sustainable instead of cutting yourself off from
30:08
Speaker 1: something that actually brings you joy. Okay, so if you
30:11
Speaker 1: can only do something temporarily, do not expect the results
30:15
Speaker 1: to be permanent. All right, So to wrap up the
30:18
Speaker 1: five points that I want you to even if you
30:21
Speaker 1: focus on one of these things, it will help. But
30:23
Speaker 1: the five points are number one, stop setting conditional goals.
30:27
Speaker 1: Number two, understand that you make the time. Number three,
30:31
Speaker 1: prioritize and identify your primary goals. Number four, get realistic
30:37
Speaker 1: with yourself. And number five, if you can only do
30:40
Speaker 1: it temporarily, don't expect your results to be permanent. Guys,
30:44
Speaker 1: that is today's episode. I hope that you found that helpful.
30:48
Speaker 1: Hopefully you can implement one, if not all, five of
30:50
Speaker 1: those things, and how you set your goals and how
30:54
Speaker 1: they play out should change. It's a bit of tough
30:57
Speaker 1: love for yourself that you've got to do on yourself,
31:00
Speaker 1: but it's so worth it. It's honestly so worth it,
31:02
Speaker 1: and you'll look back and you're not going to have
31:04
Speaker 1: the regrets that if you don't put these things in place,
31:06
Speaker 1: that you might have in a few years time. Guys,
31:09
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening, Love you guys so much,
31:12
Speaker 1: and as always, please remember be kind to yourself, be
31:15
Speaker 1: kind to your brain, don't text it from anyone, and
31:17
Speaker 1: especially don't text sh it from yourself. Dunk it