Latest / Chatting with Cara - The Relationship with Food Podcast / If you've ever thought "this probably isn't for me" Stay with me!

Transcript

If you've ever thought "this probably isn't for me" Stay with me! · Chatting with Cara - The Relationship with Food Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello, welcome to Chatting with Cara.
• 0:02
  I'm Cara, your compassionate life coach, relationship with
• 0:05
  food specialist, and I'm here to help you understand yourself a
• 0:09
  little bit better each week. However you found your way here
• 0:13
  today, I'm glad you're listening.
• 0:14
  Maybe your friend sent you this episode.
• 0:16
  Maybe you've been with me from the start, or maybe you're just
• 0:19
  curious about doing things differently when it comes to
• 0:22
  food, your body, and how you feel about yourself.
• 0:25
  Whatever brought you here, you're in the right place.
• 0:28
  Here's what I do on the show. I have honest, kind
• 0:31
  conversations about the stuff that's actually holding you
• 0:34
  back. Not the surface level stuff, the
• 0:36
  deep stuff, the root causes. Because when you truly
• 0:40
  understand why you think and feel the way you do, then
• 0:44
  everything starts to change. It doesn't feel hard anymore, it
• 0:47
  just feels natural. So get comfortable, make
• 0:50
  yourself great, and let's have a proper chat about the things
• 0:53
  that matter. This is chatting with Gava.
• 0:57
  Welcome to today's episode of Chatting with Kara.
• 1:01
  And normally I say, oh, this is really juicy.
• 1:03
  This is a really good one. This is like, oh, you're going
• 1:06
  to love it, but I'm not saying it's not good.
• 1:11
  But today is a little bit of a it's not juicy.
• 1:17
  Let's say that I'm going to try and articulate this the best I
• 1:23
  can because there is so much nuance to the conversation that
• 1:27
  I'm going to have with you today that I just hope I can do it
• 1:31
  justice. I just hope I can do it justice.
• 1:33
  So stay with me. Stay with me on this, please,
• 1:39
  because today I am going to talk to you about like what you no,
• 1:46
  not So what they've they've started already.
• 1:52
  I've, I've had this podcast on my radar for quite a long time
• 1:55
  today and I've been like, oh, I don't know if I can do it
• 1:59
  justice, but I'm going to try my best.
• 2:01
  It needs to be said. It needs to be said.
• 2:03
  Today I'm going to talk to you about an image in your head of
• 2:09
  the people that I work with. So that is like a who do you
• 2:16
  think that I work with? And in specific, in
• 2:20
  specifically, specifically what type of body, because whatever
• 2:27
  you've got in your head of the type of person that I work with,
• 2:32
  I'm going to tell you in the most compassionate way, it's
• 2:36
  wrong. It is wrong and it's wrong.
• 2:41
  And that's actually stopping some of you from getting the
• 2:44
  help that could change everything.
• 2:47
  So if you've ever thought, oh, I love Carla, she's great.
• 2:51
  But what she does probably isn't for someone like me.
• 2:55
  Stay with me because this podcast is literally for you.
• 3:01
  I know. So you'll probably think that
• 3:06
  someone who works for me is in a larger body.
• 3:11
  So when you hear let's shoot food coaching or emotional
• 3:14
  eating, you will think of somebody who is in a larger body
• 3:19
  whose struggle is visible. And this is diet culture in
• 3:26
  disguise. It's a bit that like really gets
• 3:29
  me. Somebody who looks like they
• 3:31
  need help might not actually need help, but actually someone
• 3:39
  who doesn't know how they need help in a smaller body still
• 3:42
  needs the help. And I totally get why people go
• 3:45
  to larger bodies because weight and food problems have been
• 3:52
  intertwined. Weight and body problems have
• 3:55
  been intertwined for years, decades of diet culture.
• 4:00
  And it all comes up into this really neat judge mental little
• 4:03
  package. And it's I'm here to challenge
• 4:08
  that for you. I'm here to challenge that.
• 4:10
  And I'm here to say that having a difficult relationship with
• 4:13
  food has absolutely nothing to do with what your body looks
• 4:17
  like. Absolutely nothing, literally
• 4:20
  nothing at all. The women I work with have all
• 4:23
  different types of bodies. They're not just in a large
• 4:26
  body, They're not just in a smaller body.
• 4:28
  It does not discriminate. It does not judge it.
• 4:32
  Not everything is visible. And I'm seeing this.
• 4:37
  I'm really, I'm really compassionate.
• 4:39
  I but I really want to get this like over in a really kind way,
• 4:44
  but it's not always visible. It can be invisible.
• 4:51
  And when you don't look like you need help, when you don't look
• 4:55
  like you need help, from a societal perspective, that could
• 4:58
  stop me from getting help. Are you with me?
• 5:03
  Are you with me? So what this might look like for
• 5:07
  you. So let me just see if this
• 5:09
  resonates. So you wake up in the morning,
• 5:11
  you're all good. Yeah.
• 5:12
  Final cylinders until, until badly coffee.
• 5:16
  But like really quickly you think about what you're going to
• 5:19
  eat. You're thinking what you ate
• 5:20
  yesterday, what you probably shouldn't have, what you're
• 5:22
  going to have. And then you like, right, you're
• 5:25
  on it. You have your baked protein
• 5:29
  oats, you have that. What's the viral cheesecake oat
• 5:34
  thing at the moment? I haven't tried that, but I see
• 5:37
  they're all over the place. You start off really well, you
• 5:40
  get your packed lunch but then you go to work.
• 5:44
  Getting at the doors is stress because the kids won't put their
• 5:47
  shoes on. You get to work, you have like
• 5:49
  rubbish emails to deal with, you are constantly on it.
• 5:52
  Then you've got to leave to do the school run.
• 5:55
  The school one's stressful, it's probably raining, always rains
• 5:57
  at the school. 1 doesn't it never rains before 3 and then it
• 6:01
  rains anyway I don't guess. And then you get home.
• 6:05
  You're starving, you delve into the kids leftovers, you overeat
• 6:09
  at night time. You then keep on eating and then
• 6:13
  you're like standing in the kitchen at 9:00 and you're just
• 6:16
  like looking at the fridge and just eating.
• 6:18
  And then you're like, right, tomorrow I'm going to be good.
• 6:20
  I'm going to be better. And then you feel really guilty
• 6:24
  and then tomorrow hits and you're like, right, I'm starting
• 6:27
  again. And then you do that again and
• 6:29
  again. You have that start over
• 6:31
  mindset, right? I'm going to start over again
• 6:34
  tomorrow, right? I'm going to start over on
• 6:35
  Monday, but I'm going to start over again after the holiday.
• 6:38
  Does that sound familiar? Because that's exactly who I
• 6:42
  work with. And on the outside, I bet you
• 6:47
  that no one's thinking, oh, she's probably struggling with a
• 6:49
  relationship with food. She is thinking about food
• 6:52
  constantly. She's, like, handling all this
• 6:54
  guilt weighing her down. Yeah, that's it.
• 7:00
  I know it's not about what you look like.
• 7:05
  It really is not about what you look like.
• 7:10
  Quite a lot of people that I work with have actually done
• 7:16
  coaching in the past with other coaches and they have got
• 7:21
  amazing physical transformations.
• 7:24
  They do photo shoots. They, they are like the before
• 7:29
  and after photos that get put up on other coaches social media,
• 7:32
  which obviously I don't do. And it is very aesthetic
• 7:38
  focused. And that aesthetic focus comes
• 7:44
  with tracking calories. It comes with tracking macros.
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  It comes with tracking how many calories you've quote UN quote
• 7:54
  burned and then a thought allowing you to earn quote, UN
• 7:58
  quote tying exercise and feed together.
• 8:03
  And I see it quite a lot while people are doing the shoot,
• 8:06
  while people are tracking, they are really hyper focused.
• 8:11
  Like all good. Like yeah, it's going to be hard
• 8:14
  if you're on 800 calories to stick to.
• 8:16
  But there's a goal at the end of it.
• 8:17
  There's a timeline at the end of it.
• 8:19
  It's normally people can do it for three months, right?
• 8:23
  It's OK while they're in it, but then comes after and because the
• 8:31
  restriction, because the focus is so aesthetic and so severe,
• 8:36
  there's always, always a rebound.
• 8:39
  There's always a rebound effect, A, on the body, what the body
• 8:42
  looks like, and B, there's a rebound on food because no
• 8:48
  longer super controlled. And I see it quite a lot where
• 8:52
  people think that tracking calories is giving you control,
• 9:00
  but actually it's the other way around.
• 9:02
  It actually takes it away. It doesn't help you understand
• 9:06
  yourself. It doesn't help you listen to
• 9:08
  yourself. And when you do those two
• 9:11
  things, you can't go wrong. But tracking is very rigid,
• 9:18
  let's say. And people who've done photo
• 9:20
  shoots generally are never happy after the photo shoot.
• 9:23
  They there's always a rebound, there's overeating.
• 9:26
  There is also almost like common overeating as well, that you're
• 9:31
  expected to overeat, there's expected to be rebound and that
• 9:34
  can be really hard when the focus has been so aesthetic on
• 9:37
  what you look like to then do behaviours that take you away
• 9:41
  from what that was you with me. And I see people, they come to
• 9:48
  me because they are just done. They are like, I am done with
• 9:53
  all this tracking. I am done with the constant
• 9:56
  preoccupation with food. I'm done with like what my body
• 10:00
  looks like. I I just want to have my brain
• 10:03
  back. I just want to go about playing
• 10:05
  my kids. I just want to like wear normal
• 10:08
  clothes. I just want to go to the gym and
• 10:10
  just have a good time and honestly get really good results
• 10:17
  for those people. Because it's unpicking
• 10:21
  relationship with food and exercise.
• 10:24
  It's unpicking, taking away, the calorie counting taking away,
• 10:28
  and it's not all in one go like we take it down in steps and
• 10:33
  it's unpicking that. It's taking it away eventually.
• 10:36
  And then it's building up a new trust in themselves.
• 10:38
  And when you see somebody who has not trusted themselves for a
• 10:42
  long time, build that trust and then go on holiday and just have
• 10:46
  a great time, it is so rewarding.
• 10:50
  That's what I love about my job. That's what I love about my job.
• 10:55
  Another person, I'm going to like generalisation, but one
• 10:58
  person's really springs to mind was a lady who came to me and
• 11:03
  she was turning 50. She was like 49.
• 11:06
  She was turning 50. She had dieted all her life.
• 11:11
  She was what we call a professional Dieter.
• 11:14
  And she came to me and she's like, I can't believe I'm doing
• 11:16
  this all my life. It's like, yeah.
• 11:18
  And on the outside you would have objectively from a diet
• 11:23
  contract report of you obviously would have thought that she
• 11:26
  wouldn't need a diet. But she had been dieting her
• 11:28
  whole life, trying to lose that half a stone constantly.
• 11:33
  She had a really high-powered job, a really lovely family
• 11:38
  life. But she she loved the wine.
• 11:41
  I mean, I like all good roads. They don't go wrong.
• 11:43
  She loved the wine, she loved the snacks, She loved a Friday
• 11:46
  night take away. And the whole thing was always
• 11:49
  keeping her stuck in the same sort of cycle because she would
• 11:53
  then have the wine, she would have to find out take away.
• 11:55
  She would start again on Monday. She'd come, Monday would come
• 11:57
  around. She would be quote UN quote Good
• 12:00
  Friday would come around, she'd be quote UN quote bad fall off
• 12:03
  the wagon. The whole thing literally just
• 12:05
  go round in the spiral all the time, all the time.
• 12:11
  And she came to me and we were just like, right, let's just
• 12:15
  stop dieting then. It's clearly not worked for you.
• 12:18
  And within I think 4 weeks, probably a bit less than a
• 12:24
  month, she'd lost the weight that she'd been trying to do
• 12:28
  lose forever. And she was so much happier.
• 12:31
  She's like, I can't believe I have been spent.
• 12:35
  I've spent years doing what I've been doing.
• 12:37
  Wish I phoned you earlier. It's like, I know everybody says
• 12:40
  that and she didn't look from the outside like someone who
• 12:47
  would quote UN quote, need a relationship with food coaching.
• 12:50
  Are you getting the dis that it doesn't actually matter what you
• 12:54
  look like? It matters what's going for your
• 12:56
  head. It really matters what your
• 12:58
  relationship with food like, what the conversations are like
• 13:01
  that you're having around food in your head.
• 13:04
  And it's not just for people who are in larger bodies.
• 13:09
  It's really, really not. There's a lot of people out
• 13:12
  there. There's a lot of women out there
• 13:13
  that are struggling every single day and they stay silent.
• 13:17
  They don't reach out. They think, oh, I don't have a
• 13:19
  thing. Don't think I have a problem.
• 13:21
  Maybe I don't, maybe I do. Maybe I'm just weak.
• 13:24
  Maybe I don't have enough willpower.
• 13:27
  And they start again, another diet.
• 13:29
  And that's why nothing sticks, because they're solving the
• 13:32
  wrong problem. They're solving a problem that
• 13:34
  doesn't actually need to be fixed.
• 13:36
  It's needs like a little mindset shift, which is what I do.
• 13:41
  And when you look like, I know from coaching, mental and
• 13:50
  emotional things that we go through is invisible.
• 13:56
  Like you could be any shape, you can be any size, you can be any
• 13:59
  age, you can be any background. You can be like anybody.
• 14:04
  But who you, if you are thinking in a negative way around food,
• 14:12
  if you're preoccupied by food, and if you're thinking, oh,
• 14:15
  actually my relationship with food isn't probably where I
• 14:18
  needed to be, then that's who I work with.
• 14:22
  I have people who people, there's one thing that people
• 14:25
  will say, oh, I eat healthily. Like, yeah, no, like, yeah, I
• 14:29
  get it. I get it.
• 14:30
  I have people who run marathons, I have people who do The Who are
• 14:35
  the before and after transformation photos, who on
• 14:39
  paper and society in diet culture have the quote UN quote,
• 14:43
  the perfect body, but they're still deeply unhappy inside.
• 14:48
  And that's who I work with. That's who I work with.
• 14:51
  Body size is not a measure of how much people are suffering
• 14:54
  and it's not a qualifier for getting support.
• 14:57
  Like it's absolutely not a requirement for working with me.
• 15:00
  I will work with anybody. Don't work with men though,
• 15:04
  because I've worked with men before and I find that they
• 15:07
  don't listen. So they don't do men.
• 15:14
  However, if you're, if you're listening to this and you're
• 15:17
  all, or you are also in a larger body and you have tried to get
• 15:22
  help before, but you've always been handed meal plans.
• 15:25
  You've always been told just to stick to your calories and
• 15:28
  you've always thought that that's what you need to do.
• 15:30
  You always thought that you needed to do a diet.
• 15:33
  Like that's the assumption that someone's putting on you.
• 15:37
  That's not what I do. That's, that's literally not
• 15:40
  what I do. I'm all about the emotions.
• 15:43
  I'm all about the patterns. I'm all about the why behind
• 15:46
  eating. Like I, I don't care what people
• 15:50
  look like. I really don't.
• 15:54
  I don't care. I don't really care what you eat
• 15:56
  either. I just care about like what you
• 15:58
  eat, what you eat. I'm not a judge mental person at
• 16:03
  all apart from when I play netball.
• 16:05
  If you're not very nice to be a netball, I will judge me.
• 16:08
  Judge you anyway. Don't rest.
• 16:14
  But when you work on your relationship with food with me,
• 16:17
  I sought out the root cause. I actually sought out like what
• 16:22
  is going on for you? The food noise like quite and
• 16:26
  sound that constant harm of like, oh, what should I eat?
• 16:29
  Should I be eating that? I can't be hungry yet, surely
• 16:33
  I've only just had that. She's not eaten a lot.
• 16:36
  Why am I? Why do I want to eat more?
• 16:39
  Am I? Am I like odd for like wanting
• 16:42
  to eat more? Oh, I'm going out tonight.
• 16:44
  I probably shouldn't have a snack now, but I'm really tired.
• 16:48
  All that all that chat in your mind just starts to fade away.
• 16:54
  You stop using food as a crutch. You start using wine to deal
• 17:00
  with stress, loneliness, overwhelm, boredom.
• 17:04
  You stop just doing it by yourself because you've built
• 17:07
  other ways to deal with those things that you like.
• 17:10
  Still happen, still happen. Stress.
• 17:13
  I can't take stress away from anybody.
• 17:15
  I can't take overwhelm away from anybody.
• 17:18
  But I can give you coping strategies that work in a better
• 17:21
  way than food and drink. That is the better thing to me.
• 17:25
  That is the better thing for you, and that's what works
• 17:27
  really well. I can get you to keep those
• 17:30
  forbidden, quote UN quote foods in the house.
• 17:33
  I'm not sure if that just came across on my podcast, but I just
• 17:36
  did quote, UN quote, earmarks and my fingers just clicked.
• 17:39
  Sorry about that. Yeah.
• 17:44
  If you can keep forbidden foods in the house and just forget
• 17:47
  they're there because you're going about your life.
• 17:49
  If so, if you've spent years like hiding wrappers, if you
• 17:54
  spent years eating secretly in your car, that's fine.
• 17:57
  We can sort that out. Not a problem.
• 18:00
  Regardless of what you look like, regardless of what you
• 18:03
  tried before, regardless of how long this has been going on,
• 18:06
  like it's absolutely fine. I can sort that out for you.
• 18:10
  If you've been sitting on the fence and you've been thinking
• 18:13
  maybe one day, or maybe actually this problem doesn't, probably
• 18:16
  I'm not one of these people, then I want you to hear this.
• 18:20
  I want you to hear this episode and I want you to think that
• 18:24
  actually, it does not matter what your body looks like.
• 18:28
  Anybody can talk to me about their relationship with food.
• 18:31
  I have absolutely 0 judgement. I have absolute 0 interest in
• 18:36
  what your body looks like, to be honest.
• 18:39
  I know that the whole thing is mental.
• 18:42
  I know the whole thing is emotional.
• 18:44
  I know the whole thing is deeper.
• 18:46
  The deeper. That's why I get to the root
• 18:48
  cause. None of this surface level
• 18:49
  stuff, none of that. I get deep and it's not painful
• 18:54
  deep. It's just like, oh actually,
• 18:57
  yeah, I do that because of that. Oh, I could stop doing that
• 18:59
  because of that. Couldn't like, yeah, why don't
• 19:01
  you try this? Oh, I could do that.
• 19:02
  Then you do it and then it works.
• 19:03
  You're like, Blimey, why haven't you ever done this before?
• 19:05
  And I'm like, I know I've been trying to tell you this.
• 19:09
  Is it telling you now if you are interested in changing your
• 19:15
  relationship with food, no matter what you look like, then
• 19:17
  I have my free 30 minute consultation call which the link
• 19:22
  to booking is in my show notes. Literally there's no pressure.
• 19:25
  Let's just chat. Let's just have a conversation
• 19:27
  about where you are, where you want to go.
• 19:29
  I'll tell you how I can get you there like absolutely fine.
• 19:33
  I've got a new package that is 6 months and in six months you
• 19:38
  will totally transform your relationship with food and
• 19:40
  you'll also be completely independent.
• 19:43
  It's three months of 1 to 1 calls every week.
• 19:47
  Then there's two months of calls every other week and one month
• 19:51
  of WhatsApp support. So by the end of the six months,
• 19:54
  you go out feeling completely transformed with your
• 19:58
  relationship with food, not as a person, but transformed your
• 20:00
  relationship with food. And you feel confident, you feel
• 20:05
  independent, you feel empowered because you have a new
• 20:09
  sustainable and ethical way of looking at food.
• 20:13
  And all you've got to do is just go onto the show notes, book
• 20:17
  your call. And we can just have that chat.
• 20:21
  So if you, I want you to do that, please do that.
• 20:25
  Please share this episode. If you are thinking, oh,
• 20:30
  actually I've got someone in mind for this.
• 20:31
  Or I could, you know, my friend does this or actually maybe just
• 20:38
  have this conversation. We need conversations like this.
• 20:43
  And that's what it's taken me so long to do, but I was like, I
• 20:45
  need to say it to the universe. And please, please, please don't
• 20:51
  feel like you have to suffer in silence just because of the way
• 20:54
  you look. You really, really don't.
• 20:57
  And my coaching is friendly, it's compassionate, it's non
• 21:04
  judge mental, but I have the tools and strategies that can
• 21:08
  help you. And on that note, thank you very
• 21:11
  much for listening. Thank you so much for listening
• 21:16
  to me today. If something in this episode
• 21:18
  landed for you, if you've had that moment when you thought,
• 21:21
  oh, that's me, I want you to do something with it.
• 21:24
  Don't just let it sit there. Share this episode with someone
• 21:27
  who needs to hear it. Send the link, tell them you
• 21:30
  need to start listening to Chatting with Carla because this
• 21:33
  work spreads when we talk about it.
• 21:36
  And if you're ready to stop cycling for the same patterns
• 21:39
  and actually do the deep work, it changes everything.
• 21:42
  I'd love to work with you one to one book yourself for free, no
• 21:46
  obligation consultation. Call in the show notes.
• 21:49
  We'll chat about what's going on for you, where you want to go,
• 21:52
  and I'll give you the road map to get there.
• 21:54
  If you love the show, hit subscribe so new episodes drop
• 21:57
  straight into your library every Friday.
• 22:00
  And please leave a review. It helps others find chatting
• 22:03
  with Cara and build this community.
• 22:06
  You can find me on Instagram and Facebook app Coach with Cara or
• 22:10
  e-mail me at Cara at Kojimukar ke de Ike.
• 22:15
  Until next time. Thanks team.