Latest / The Front / He’s right, she’s left: no wonder Gen-Zs aren’t having sex

Transcript

He’s right, she’s left: no wonder Gen-Zs aren’t having sex · The Front

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: From The Australian, here's what's on the front. I'm Claire Harvey.
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  Speaker 1: It's Friday, October 23, 2026. A grandparent's allowance, lower income
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: tax for young parents, in-home care for families. There are
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  Speaker 1: a few of the bold new ideas coming from former
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Minister Alan Tudge. He's urging the coalition to totally shake
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: up how we think about childcare. That's an exclusive, live
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  Speaker 1: now at theaustralian.com.au. There's a relationship recession on. If you're
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  Speaker 1: not a 20-something looking for love, you might have missed this.
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  Speaker 1: But our guest today has a thesis that notions of love,
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  Speaker 1: sex and politics are all being radically redrawn. Louise Perry
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  Speaker 1: is here in just a moment.
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  Speaker 2: They're facing a romance recession.
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  Speaker 3: About two-thirds of Gen Z and millennials say they're lonely.
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  Speaker 1: Stark political division is turning friends and family into enemies
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  Speaker 1: and strangers.
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  Speaker 2: So why is it that political polarization is impacting our
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  Speaker 2: relationship so much?
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  Speaker 3: And more than three-quarters say they're burnt out by the
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  Speaker 3: dating apps.
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  Speaker 1: Louise Perry is a journalist and an author and a
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  Speaker 1: deep thinker about men and women. Louise, you've written a
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  Speaker 1: story for the Australian's Weekend magazine called The Great Relationship Divide.
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  Speaker 1: And I thought I might start by getting you to
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  Speaker 1: think about or talk about two young people today trying
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  Speaker 1: to kind of meet others. She might have her pronouns
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  Speaker 1: on her email signature and she might have a Palestinian
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  Speaker 1: flag on her social media and she might be very
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  Speaker 1: interested in the environment. He might be very interested in
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  Speaker 1: investing and the stock market and how to get ahead
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  Speaker 1: and the economy more broadly and maybe has some views
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  Speaker 1: that don't necessarily align with hers about Donald Trump and
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  Speaker 1: so on. One of the things we're hearing from young
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  Speaker 1: men and young women today in public opinion surveys is
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  Speaker 1: that those differences are really important to them, that they
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  Speaker 1: really matter, maybe in a way that they didn't matter
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  Speaker 1: when I was looking for a partner in my early
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  Speaker 1: 20s and late teens. What do you think about that?
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  Speaker 1: Are men and women getting more different in terms of
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  Speaker 1: what they say they're looking for?
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  Speaker 2: So there's been this amazing and really historically novel political
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  Speaker 2: divergence between the sexes over the last, 20-ish years. It's
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  Speaker 2: not unique to Australia. It is apparent in Australia, but
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  Speaker 2: actually it's probably less apparent in Australia than in some
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  Speaker 2: other countries. So countries which have really big gender divergences
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  Speaker 2: among young people include Germany, South Korea, the US, but
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  Speaker 2: it's a very, very common trend where we're seeing young
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  Speaker 2: women verge to the left, often really sharply, And young
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  Speaker 2: men verge to the right generally less sharply. So we're
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  Speaker 2: seeing women change more than men, basically. But there's been
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  Speaker 2: this gap open up between the sexes among young people
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  Speaker 2: when it comes to politics. So people are simultaneously becoming
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  Speaker 2: more politically different from the opposite sex, particularly at the extremes.
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  Speaker 2: And they're also saying that they value political alignment with
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  Speaker 2: a romantic partner more and more. And you see there's
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  Speaker 2: an obvious problem there. And I suspect that this is
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  Speaker 2: very tightly bound up with another trend that we're seeing
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  Speaker 2: in the data. And again, it's not just true in Australia,
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  Speaker 2: it's true all over the place, where people are not
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  Speaker 2: just getting married later and getting married less frequently. We
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  Speaker 2: know that marriage rates have fallen off a cliff since, say,
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  Speaker 2: the mid-20th century. But they're also just coupling up less.
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  Speaker 2: They're less likely to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend
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  Speaker 2: when they're teenagers and In some parts of the world,
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  Speaker 2: somewhat unexpectedly, people are losing their virginities later. They're having
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  Speaker 2: fewer romantic relationships, less likely to have a longstanding romantic relationship.
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  Speaker 2: I think one statistic I can remember off the top
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  Speaker 2: of my head from the piece is that in Britain,
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  Speaker 2: a third of 18 to 25-year-olds have never had a
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  Speaker 2: romantic relationship, a lasting one. They might have had casual sex,
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  Speaker 2: but that's a bit different from having a loving, intimate
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  Speaker 2: relationship with a member of the opposite sex. And I
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  Speaker 2: think that this personal story and this political story are connected.
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  Speaker 2: And I think there maybe is a vicious cycle actually
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  Speaker 2: at play where the more close relationships you have with
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  Speaker 2: the opposite sex, not just romantic, I'm also thinking friendships, siblings, cousins,
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  Speaker 2: all the other ways in which you might have a
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  Speaker 2: really close loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex,
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  Speaker 2: are declining at the same time that we're also seeing
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  Speaker 2: men and women more politically at odds. And I think
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  Speaker 2: that there's a sort of feedback loop there. And that's
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  Speaker 2: what the piece is about.
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  Speaker 1: It's interesting, isn't it, in this age when, you know,
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  Speaker 1: we're in the age of screening where nobody just knocks
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  Speaker 1: on the door anymore to come round for a cup
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  Speaker 1: of tea, as was always happening when I was a kid.
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  Speaker 2: Like, the neighbours would just show up or friends would
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  Speaker 2: just drop over for the day.
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  Speaker 1: We're also able to screen people away from us in
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  Speaker 1: the sense that we expect them to text us before
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  Speaker 1: they call, maybe, or we send an email rather than
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  Speaker 1: just ringing someone cold. Do you think that's contributed to this,
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  Speaker 1: where you can live in your little bubble where you
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  Speaker 1: only let certain people in and you're not necessarily being
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  Speaker 1: exposed to the random encounters with someone who might disagree
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  Speaker 1: with you, but actually you really like them?
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  Speaker 2: So this definitely has something to do with technology. It's
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  Speaker 2: the obvious culprit. So the internet is the big one,
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  Speaker 2: but also other things, as you describe, texting becoming so
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  Speaker 2: much more common compared with even phone calls, let alone
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  Speaker 2: showing up at people's houses. The way that we engage
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  Speaker 2: with each other socially has been completely transformed over the
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  Speaker 2: last few decades. And that does seem to be what
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  Speaker 2: is going on because we're seeing this all over the world.
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  Speaker 2: The question, I guess, is exactly what the mechanism is.
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  Speaker 2: Often the way that this gets framed in more progressive
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  Speaker 2: media is young men are being radicalized by the internet.
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  Speaker 3: The UN has recently warned about the dangers of online misogyny,
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  Speaker 3: specifically in relation to the so-called manosphere, a network of
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  Speaker 3: communities The claim to address men's struggles would often promote
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  Speaker 3: harmful advice and attitudes, as well as false narratives about
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  Speaker 3: gender equality.
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  Speaker 2: There probably is a little bit of truth to that.
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  Speaker 2: But I think what that story forgets is that there's
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  Speaker 2: another side to this, which is also what's happening to
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  Speaker 2: young women, which is, if anything, more striking. Actually, young
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  Speaker 2: women have moved more politically than young men have during
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  Speaker 2: the same period of time. And maybe is that to
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  Speaker 2: do with like the femosphere, as it's sometimes called? Is
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  Speaker 2: it that young women are being exposed to extreme political
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  Speaker 2: ideas online? You know, maybe that might be a bit
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  Speaker 2: of it. But I tend to think that it's probably
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  Speaker 2: more likely that the mechanism for the way that tech
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  Speaker 2: is changing our social relationships and our politics is to
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  Speaker 2: do with exactly as you describe us just not having
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  Speaker 2: as much social face-to-face social connection with one another anymore
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  Speaker 2: because we're just not going out and seeing people. as
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  Speaker 2: much as we used to. So much more of our
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  Speaker 2: socialising is done via a screen or is done not
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  Speaker 2: at all. And I think that actually is probably the
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  Speaker 2: reason why we're seeing the sexes increasingly estranged from one another.
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  Speaker 1: There are ways in which Gen Z are wiser and
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  Speaker 1: smarter than their parents. When I was young and dating
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  Speaker 1: in my 20s, It was kind of taboo to say
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  Speaker 1: that you wanted to have babies and be married and
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  Speaker 1: you were looking for a long-term monogamous partner. It's kind
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  Speaker 1: of like it was the age of sex in the city,
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  Speaker 1: even though that show was actually about the fact that
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  Speaker 1: these women were really searching for meaning, even though they
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  Speaker 1: might have sent opposite signals. How does it happen that
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  Speaker 1: four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends?
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  Speaker 2: It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.
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  Speaker 3: What about us?
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  Speaker 1: Is there a possibility that in all these behaviours that
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  Speaker 1: you're describing and we're talking about, they're actually waiting a
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  Speaker 1: bit longer, being a bit more cautious, waiting for the
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  Speaker 1: right person and being less interested in casual sex?
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  Speaker 2: So I think there are definitely some good news stories
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  Speaker 2: in the generational data. I certainly don't want to be
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  Speaker 2: representing this as all doom and gloom, not at all.
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  Speaker 2: But yes, I think that there probably is greater caution
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  Speaker 2: and The phrase that's sometimes used is that American psychologist
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  Speaker 2: Jonathan Haidt, he famously describes Gen Z as the anxious generation,
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  Speaker 2: because there is also one of the other things at
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  Speaker 2: play is a rise in mental illness, and particularly anxiety
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  Speaker 2: and depression among this generation, which Jonathan Haidt argues, I think,
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  Speaker 2: compellingly is linked to tech use. So I suppose there's
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  Speaker 2: a question about the line between anxiety and laudable caution.
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  Speaker 2: Sometimes those things are a little bit difficult to disentangle.
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  Speaker 2: And of course, it will vary between individuals. For some individuals,
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  Speaker 2: they've moved towards being much more thoughtful and considered about
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  Speaker 2: their relationship choices, which is great. And then others are
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  Speaker 2: paralyzed by anxiety and are so withdrawn that they're not
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  Speaker 2: meeting people at all. So sometimes these big social effects
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  Speaker 2: can push some individuals in a positive direction and some
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  Speaker 2: individuals in a negative direction. I think it's just the
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  Speaker 2: nature of looking at the whole population level, we're going
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  Speaker 2: to see a lot of complexity.
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  Speaker 1: We've seen young parents or parents, maybe not young, Gen
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  Speaker 1: Xers like me, you know, almost reinvent parenting for good
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  Speaker 1: and bad. There's a lot of kind of helicoptering and
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  Speaker 1: kind of control and an ideology, but there's also warmth
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  Speaker 1: and friendship and lavishing of love, maybe in a way
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  Speaker 1: that my grandparents would have struggled with a little bit,
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  Speaker 1: that there was not a lot of I love you
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  Speaker 1: or a lot of kissing and cuddling, particularly between fathers
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  Speaker 1: and their sons. That's really interesting, isn't it? You know,
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  Speaker 1: in the whole tide of humanity, the whole, you know,
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  Speaker 1: hundreds of thousands of years, that it's changing now. Has
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  Speaker 1: that got a relationship with the increased sort of power
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  Speaker 1: and freedom that women have to determine the terms on
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  Speaker 1: which the family operates, maybe?
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  Speaker 2: It is amazing, actually, how different millennial parenting norms are
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  Speaker 2: compared to the past, and particularly when it comes to dads.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, dads are so much more involved. And again,
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  Speaker 2: this runs against sometimes some of the progressive framing of
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  Speaker 2: a lot of this, that people will say, oh, you know,
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  Speaker 2: it's because dads disengage or whatever. Like, no, actually, dads
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  Speaker 2: are doing more housework and childcare than they've ever done before. Like,
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  Speaker 2: that's actually a really positive trend in terms of parenting norms.
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  Speaker 2: These things are complicated, right? Because yes, I think the
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  Speaker 2: norms are towards being more affectionate and involved. And if anything,
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I would say sometimes the millennial norms around
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  Speaker 2: parenting maybe go a little bit far in terms of
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  Speaker 2: encouraging you to like, your life is consumed by your
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  Speaker 2: children's extracurricular activities and all of.
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  Speaker 3: This, right?
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  Speaker 1: Become their PA.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, indeed.
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  Speaker 2: But then the other thing that's interesting is also we've
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  Speaker 2: got more fatherlessness than ever and a really high proportion
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  Speaker 2: of kids who are reaching their teenage years and no
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: longer having their biological father in the home. Those rates
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  Speaker 2: are very high. And that is also, I think, going
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  Speaker 2: to be playing into what we started the conversation talking about,
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  Speaker 2: which is in this instance, girls in particular, not necessarily
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  Speaker 2: having a strong relationship with an adult male who loves
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: them in their lives. They're seeing day to day. So
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  Speaker 2: that's probably another story when it comes to the estrangement
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  Speaker 2: of the sexes. Family sizes are also shrinking because of
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  Speaker 2: lower birth rates. So you've got fewer siblings. I mean,
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  Speaker 2: you can imagine a scenario, and actually I've spoken to
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  Speaker 2: women whose lives roughly look like this, a young woman,
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  Speaker 2: who grows up, either she's an only child or maybe
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  Speaker 2: she has a sister. Statistically, she's going to have fewer
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  Speaker 2: cousins than she would have done a generation or two ago,
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  Speaker 2: because again, the lower birth rates thing. So maybe she has,
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  Speaker 2: you know, one or two cousins. My children so far
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  Speaker 2: have no cousins, right? It's not that unusual for that
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  Speaker 2: situation to arise. And her parents are separated. Maybe they
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  Speaker 2: never got married in the first place. Dad's not in
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  Speaker 2: the home. He lives elsewhere. She doesn't see him so
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  Speaker 2: often as if she would if she lived with him.
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  Speaker 2: She might not develop any friendships with boys because of
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  Speaker 2: this social withdrawal that we've spoken about and it's tech triggered.
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  Speaker 2: And she probably isn't going to have a boyfriend either
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  Speaker 2: when she's a teenager for the same reasons. And so
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  Speaker 2: she hits university and she's never really had a close
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: relationship with a male of any kind romantic or otherwise.
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  Speaker 2: And then she encounters either online or in person. some
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  Speaker 2: very radically progressive ideas, which include a lot of negativity
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  Speaker 2: about men, I think it shouldn't surprise us that that
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  Speaker 2: young woman might end up being quite anti-men, right? In
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  Speaker 2: both a personal sense and also in a political sense.
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  Speaker 2: And that will be made worse if she then, when
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  Speaker 2: she does have sexual encounters with young men, if they're
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  Speaker 2: casual ones, if it's not the old style courtship going
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  Speaker 2: steady and then you start having a sexual relationship kind
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  Speaker 2: of pattern, if it's the much more modern, have sex
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  Speaker 2: straight away, maybe in a situationship or a friends with
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  Speaker 2: benefits kind of arrangement and not necessarily have that intimate
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  Speaker 2: emotional connection, which might leave her feeling unhappy, used, you know,
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  Speaker 2: not feeling happy about the situation. I think that that
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  Speaker 2: biography almost inevitably actually leads to a sort of political
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  Speaker 2: outcome in terms of women in particular feeling at odds
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  Speaker 2: with men. And there's a story you can tell about
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  Speaker 2: a young man that would look very similar. And I
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  Speaker 2: think that this is one reason among many that I
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  Speaker 2: think we should take these kind of social trends seriously
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  Speaker 2: is because we do see them play out in our
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  Speaker 2: politics and they can have very important ramifications at a
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  Speaker 2: societal level.
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  Speaker 1: Louise Perry, thanks so much for being on the front.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you.
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  Speaker 1: Louise Perry is a journalist and author. Her piece is
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: published at theaustralian.com.au and in The Australian's Weekend magazine.