Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / Your EGO Is Making Everything HARDER (S5) S40:E4 Tuesday

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Your EGO Is Making Everything HARDER (S5) S40:E4 Tuesday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:23
Well there, hello everyone and welcome to the
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1:00
All right guys, let's get into this show
1:01
because I have another great show just for
1:04
all of you.
1:04
So hello everyone and welcome, and if you're
1:07
thirsty, if you're hungry, feel free to go
1:09
grab some fresh Aro water like I have,
1:11
another beverage or candy, snack.
1:16
This is Aro water with fresh lemon and
1:18
it is delicious.
1:19
All right, so again, we're here for another
1:21
great, amazing episode of the ever-popular Inspirations
1:24
for Your Life show.
1:25
Who am I?
1:25
Great question.
1:26
I'm John C.
1:27
Morley.
1:27
I'm your host.
1:28
I'm a serial entrepreneur, I'm an engineer, a
1:30
marketing specialist, video producer, podcast host, coach, keynote
1:33
speaker, passionate lifelong learner, a graduate student at
1:36
Montclair State University, and so grateful now to
1:38
be a published author.
1:40
Yes.
1:42
Our weekly master topic is your actions are
1:44
telling the truth about you.
1:47
And this is series five or season five
1:49
show, yes, number 40.
1:53
And ladies and gentlemen, in case you did
1:55
not know, this is episode number four.
2:02
All right.
2:02
So now, and it's Tuesday, by the way,
2:05
it's September 29th, and it's about today's specific
2:10
granular topic.
2:11
Your ego is making everything harder.
2:14
Now when we hear the word ego, we
2:18
sometimes imagine somebody bragging about themselves or believing
2:21
they're better than everyone else, right?
2:23
We've all heard that before.
2:25
But ego can be much quieter than that,
2:27
guys.
2:28
Ego can be needing the last word, refusing
2:31
help, defending a mistake, feeling threatened when somebody
2:35
else succeeds, pretending we understand something because we're
2:39
embarrassed to ask even a simple, small question.
2:42
And sometimes the problem isn't nearly as difficult
2:46
as our ego is making it seem.
2:50
So let's dive into our 30 points so
2:52
we can get more closely acquainted with what
2:55
ego is.
2:56
Number one, ego can make simple problems complicated.
3:00
A mistake might require an apology.
3:03
A misunderstanding might require a conversation.
3:06
But ego can turn a five-minute solution
3:09
into five days of conflict or more because
3:12
somebody needs to win.
3:15
It's not about doing what's best for the
3:18
situation.
3:19
Number two, you don't need to prove you're
3:22
the smartest person in the room.
3:24
Being intelligent doesn't require constantly demonstrating it.
3:28
In fact, some of the smartest people understand
3:30
how much they still have to learn.
3:33
Number three, being teachable is a strength.
3:37
When you're teachable, you're open to information that
3:41
can make you better.
3:43
You don't have to surrender your judgment.
3:45
You simply remain willing to learn.
3:49
Number four, stop treating every correction like an
3:53
attack.
3:54
Some corrections are uncomfortable, but discomfort doesn't automatically
3:59
mean disrespect.
4:01
Before reacting, ask whether there's something useful inside
4:06
what you're hearing at the moment.
4:09
Number five, listen for useful information before defending
4:13
yourself.
4:14
And I know that's a hard one for
4:16
a lot of people.
4:17
Our first instinct may be to explain why
4:21
we're right.
4:22
Instead, let's listen.
4:24
Even poorly delivered feedback can occasionally contain something
4:28
valuable.
4:29
You can disagree without making everything personal, guys.
4:34
Two people can look at the same situation
4:36
and reach different conclusions.
4:39
Disagreement doesn't automatically mean rejection or disrespect.
4:44
Challenge the idea without attacking the person behind
4:48
it.
4:49
Number seven, admit when somebody else has a
4:52
better idea.
4:53
Somebody may have a better idea than you,
4:55
and we should embrace that better idea so
4:58
that we can become a better version of
5:01
ourselves.
5:02
Someone else's good idea is an evidence of
5:05
your failure, guys.
5:06
If their approach is better than yours, use
5:08
it.
5:09
The objective should be finding the best solution,
5:11
not making sure your name is attached to
5:14
it.
5:15
Number eight, you don't lose value when someone
5:18
else succeeds.
5:21
Another person's success doesn't remove something from you.
5:24
Celebrate people.
5:26
Learn from them.
5:27
Their achievement doesn't just decrease your potential.
5:30
Number nine, stop competing in situations that don't
5:33
require competition.
5:35
Not every room needs a winner.
5:38
Not every conversation needs a champion.
5:41
Sometimes collaboration creates more value than competition ever
5:45
could.
5:47
Number 10, ask questions instead of pretending you
5:50
already know things.
5:52
There's nothing wrong with not knowing everything and
5:56
learning.
5:56
I think that's a real important thing to
6:00
understand, and we have to definitely embrace that.
6:05
So there's a tremendous strength in saying, I
6:08
don't know.
6:09
Can you explain that?
6:11
Pretending may protect your ego for a moment.
6:15
Asking can expand your knowledge for years.
6:19
Number 11, confidence doesn't require superiority.
6:24
Confidence says, I believe in myself.
6:27
Superiority says, I need to be better than
6:31
you to feel good about myself.
6:34
Those are very different things and different caveats.
6:39
Number 12, humility gives you room to improve.
6:42
If you believe you already know everything, where
6:46
does growth happen?
6:47
Humility creates space for new ideas, new skills,
6:50
and better ways of doing things.
6:53
Number 13, you don't need the last word.
6:56
A lot of people think they've got to
6:57
have the last word to be successful.
7:00
You really don't need the last word.
7:03
I think that's an important thing.
7:06
You don't need to have the last word.
7:08
Sometimes the conversation is finished before we allow
7:13
it to become finished.
7:15
Ask yourself whether another sentence will solve something
7:18
or simply satisfy your ego.
7:22
Yes, I said it.
7:23
Sometimes people talk because they want to feel
7:27
good, but they're not really contributing to making
7:29
the situation any better.
7:32
Number 14, walking away can require more strength
7:35
than arguing.
7:37
Let's talk about that for a minute.
7:43
There are moments when continuing argument produces nothing
7:47
valuable.
7:48
Or fruitful for the situation.
7:50
Walking away doesn't always mean you've lost.
7:54
Sometimes it means you've decided your piece is
7:58
worth protecting.
8:00
Number 15, stop protecting an image that prevents
8:05
growth.
8:06
If you're constantly trying to appear perfect, admitting
8:10
weakness becomes almost impossible.
8:14
Growth requires enough honesty to recognize where improvement
8:17
is needed.
8:20
Number 16, your reputation doesn't require constant defense.
8:27
If you think it does, you're still operating
8:30
from ego.
8:32
Ladies and gentlemen, let's face it.
8:33
You cannot control every opinion someone has about
8:36
you.
8:37
Today, tomorrow, or whenever.
8:39
Live consistently.
8:41
Act with integrity.
8:42
Give your reputation enough room to be built
8:45
by patterns rather than constant explanations.
8:51
Number 17, let your work speak louder than
8:55
your ego ever will.
8:57
You don't need to announce every accomplishment.
9:01
Do meaningful work.
9:02
Produce results.
9:04
Allow consistency to communicate what endless self-promotion
9:08
cannot.
9:11
Number 18, accept help without feeling diminished.
9:16
I think a lot of people, when they
9:17
hear they're going to get help, they're like,
9:18
oh no, I don't know if I want
9:20
help, right?
9:21
But help might be exactly what you need
9:23
for your sanity and to make the situation
9:25
be a little bit better.
9:27
So that could be a problem for somebody.
9:29
So accept help without feeling diminished.
9:33
Receiving help doesn't erase your abilities.
9:35
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is
9:38
allow another person's strengths to complement your own.
9:43
Number 19, give credit when someone else deserves
9:47
it.
9:48
Giving someone credit doesn't take credit away from
9:51
you.
9:52
Strong people can recognize the contribution of others
9:55
without feeling threatened by it.
9:58
Number 20, stop making every accomplishment about recognition.
10:03
Recognition can feel great, but ask yourself whether
10:06
you'd still value the accomplishment if nobody applauded.
10:11
Some of your most meaningful work may happen
10:14
quietly, right?
10:17
Behind the scenes, as if no one ever
10:21
knew this was taking place.
10:29
That's important.
10:31
Very important.
10:35
Number 21, learn without needing to impress the
10:39
teacher or the professor.
10:41
When you're learning, focus on learning.
10:43
You don't need to prove how much you
10:46
already know.
10:47
Ask questions, make mistakes, use the opportunity you
10:50
have to grow.
10:52
Number 22, feedback isn't automatically disrespect.
10:56
Evaluate feedback based on its substance, not merely
11:00
on how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
11:03
You can reject feedback that isn't useful while
11:06
remaining open to what actually is.
11:10
Number 23, separate your identity from your mistakes.
11:15
I think that can be hard for a
11:17
lot of people.
11:18
They don't realize the mistakes are not them.
11:22
The mistakes are not their identity.
11:24
You made a mistake, so what?
11:26
That doesn't mean you are a mistake.
11:28
When identity and error become fused together, we
11:31
defend mistakes because it feels like we're defending
11:34
ourselves, but we're not the mistake.
11:37
The mistake or that situation happened to us,
11:43
okay?
11:45
It happened to us.
11:47
That's probably the most important thing I can
11:49
tell you.
11:50
Number 24, you can be accomplished and still
11:54
have more to learn.
12:01
Success doesn't graduate you from learning.
12:05
In many cases, success exposes you to larger
12:09
challenges that require even more growth than you
12:11
currently possess.
12:14
So I guess it's like building your knowledge
12:19
muscle.
12:21
Number 25, curiosity grows when your ego gets
12:24
quieter.
12:27
That's interesting because a lot of you will
12:28
think your ego gets better when you're louder,
12:32
but it actually hurts you more, okay?
12:36
It hurts you more.
12:37
Curiosity asks, what can I learn here?
12:42
Ego asks, how do I look here?
12:45
See the difference?
12:47
Shift your attention, your perspective from protecting your
12:49
image to expanding your understanding.
12:53
Number 26, humility helps you see what pride
12:58
hides.
12:59
Pride can hide weakness, mistakes, and opportunities because
13:05
acknowledging them feels threatening.
13:08
Humility allows you to look directly at reality
13:12
and work with what it actually is.
13:17
My water and fresh lemon tastes really good.
13:21
Number 27, please stop needing everybody to know
13:24
what you've done.
13:27
I know you're proud, but you don't need
13:28
to be up on a great big billboard.
13:30
I'm just being quite honest with you guys.
13:32
You don't have to do that.
13:37
So you have to realize how that works.
13:40
You don't need to distribute your resume in
13:41
every conversation you have.
13:44
The people who need to know about your
13:47
experience can learn about it when it's relevant
13:50
and if it's relevant.
13:51
It may not be relevant, but if your
13:53
ego's saying, hey, I got to tell them
13:55
how smart I am, don't do that.
13:59
There may not even be an alignment that
14:00
they even care about it, you know?
14:04
There was a phrase many years ago that
14:06
people said, you know, people don't care how
14:09
much you know until they know how much
14:11
you care.
14:13
Number 28, please focus more on becoming better
14:16
than looking better.
14:19
When we're focused on the looking better, that's
14:21
our ego acting up.
14:23
Appearance can attract attention, but improvement creates substance.
14:28
Invest your energy in becoming more capable, knowledgeable,
14:35
dependable, and yes, guys, effective too.
14:39
But when the ego gets in the way,
14:42
a lot of you are like, how are
14:44
we going to do this?
14:44
How does this work?
14:46
And it happens because we don't understand like
14:49
what's going on, right?
14:56
That's the real thing.
14:59
How does that work?
15:01
I think it happens because people don't understand
15:09
like how this affects their lives, but it
15:11
really does affect their lives in more ways
15:15
than you probably could imagine.
15:17
Number 29, you don't have to prove your
15:20
worth in every room, you know?
15:23
You don't have to do that.
15:26
And this is important.
15:28
A lot of people hearing this will be
15:29
like, oh, John, you know, I've been doing
15:30
this for years.
15:31
This is how I operate.
15:33
It might be how you operate, but maybe
15:35
if you changed, you actually would be a
15:40
little more respected, okay?
15:43
And you may even get more business.
15:50
You may even get more business.
16:02
And I think that can hurt a lot
16:03
of people.
16:06
And I think it comes down to, again,
16:08
making sure the ego's not getting involved.
16:11
So walk into a room knowing you have
16:14
value without demanding that everybody immediately validates, hey,
16:17
look at me, look at me, I'm a
16:19
success.
16:20
Don't do that.
16:23
You don't need to outperform every person you
16:27
meet.
16:28
You don't need to dominate every conversation you
16:31
will have.
16:33
You can simply show up as yourself.
16:37
What does it mean to be ourself?
16:40
That's a great question.
16:42
It means to be who you are, right?
16:46
It means to do things because you're happy
16:50
about doing them.
16:51
You're not trying to impress anybody.
16:52
You're doing them for that main reason.
16:55
I think that's something that a lot of
16:57
people, again, don't realize.
17:00
They don't realize what that's about, okay?
17:04
They don't realize how that actually works.
17:10
And I think that's an important piece.
17:14
How does that work?
17:17
And it works in a way that hopefully
17:19
gets people to change, to understand, right?
17:27
But does that mean that we suddenly have
17:30
to change everything tomorrow?
17:32
No.
17:37
It means that we've got to be intentional
17:39
about what we're doing.
17:41
When you walk into a room and you
17:42
say, hey, look at me, I'm this, I'm
17:45
that, I have all this experience, as opposed
17:48
to walking in the room and be like,
17:50
hey, I'm John.
17:52
You know, when I walk into a room
17:54
and I meet someone, I don't go saying,
17:56
hey, I'm John C.
17:57
Morley, serial entrepreneur, author.
17:58
I don't do all that.
18:00
They say to me, hey, what do you
18:01
do?
18:03
I might say I'm a serial entrepreneur and
18:05
I'm an author.
18:06
Oh, really?
18:08
What book did you write?
18:10
Oh, I just happened to have it here.
18:12
I wrote Drained to Driven.
18:13
Really, what's it about?
18:15
Well, it's about breaking the cycle of burnout
18:17
through awareness, boundaries, and intentional living.
18:19
I help people get their joy back in
18:21
their life.
18:22
Really?
18:23
It sounds cool.
18:24
Yeah, I have copies here.
18:27
If you want to purchase one, I'll be
18:28
happy to autograph it for you if you'd
18:30
like.
18:31
Yeah, that's cool.
18:32
Or I'm not interested.
18:34
So I think a lot of times people
18:37
will want to go somewhere, like go through
18:41
a door, but the other person is necessarily
18:43
not ready for that, right?
18:46
A perfect example I can give you this
18:48
is you have prospective clients.
18:50
They say they want something from you, right?
18:53
You spend the time, you do the quote,
18:55
and then they don't even have the courtesy
18:57
to get back to you.
19:00
It's OK.
19:01
You move on and you take your energy
19:05
and you focus on people in your life
19:08
who are making your life better.
19:11
Don't get upset because somebody doesn't want to
19:14
give you the time of day or because
19:16
somebody doesn't want to purchase a product or
19:19
service from you.
19:20
Who cares?
19:23
You're not trying to manipulate people into your
19:26
life.
19:27
You're trying to help and guide those people
19:29
that see the value you offer.
19:33
As I said, you don't need to outperform
19:35
every person you meet.
19:37
You don't need to dominate every conversation.
19:39
You simply show up as yourself.
19:42
And showing up as yourself means you being
19:45
genuine, you being who you are in life.
19:49
Not a false facade that you're coming up
19:52
with because you think that, well, this person's
19:55
going to like me better if I come
19:57
across like that.
19:58
That's not going to get you like, it's
20:01
not going to get you business.
20:02
It's going to get you, well, into a
20:05
stage that people are going to either abuse
20:12
or ignore, right?
20:14
That's important.
20:16
So show up as you.
20:19
Show up as the person you are.
20:20
And I can tell you this when I
20:21
do reels all the time, right?
20:22
I don't try to do a reel to
20:24
become viral.
20:24
Some of my reels have gotten 25,000,
20:26
30,000 views.
20:27
I don't do a reel to get viral.
20:29
I do a reel to express how I
20:31
am right now in communicating with another person
20:34
one-on-one.
20:34
They go viral, they go viral.
20:36
So remember about you don't need to perform
20:39
out before other people, okay?
20:42
Number 30, life gets lighter when your ego
20:45
doesn't have to carry it.
20:48
Imagine how much becomes available when you stop
20:52
constantly protecting an image.
20:55
You can ask questions.
20:57
You can admit mistakes.
21:00
You can receive help, right?
21:03
You graduate somebody else and you can change
21:06
your mind.
21:08
Yeah, you can change your mind anytime you
21:11
want.
21:13
You could say, I don't know the idea.
21:19
You could say, you had the better idea,
21:22
not me.
21:23
And none of these things reduces your value
21:28
or your worth, despite what anybody else says.
21:31
So I think these are important things for
21:33
us to ponder over because they set the
21:39
precedence of where our life is going.
21:42
This week, I've been closing the distance between
21:46
what we say and what we actually do.
21:50
And this leads me down the ISO 9000
21:55
journey world.
21:57
For those of you who don't know, ISO
21:59
9000 is all about producing, having quality and
22:05
yes, quality manufacturing.
22:08
So quality service and quality manufacturing.
22:12
Now, the way it works is the process,
22:16
right?
22:17
ISO doesn't control the process.
22:19
What it does do is give you guidelines
22:22
on how you should operate, measuring things, writing
22:26
things down.
22:28
So it's right process, right outcome.
22:34
But it doesn't dictate the process, okay?
22:38
So when we're ISO, let's say 9000 compliant
22:42
and you change your workforce, you're going to
22:45
get the same quality, the same products because
22:49
of the process that you've built.
22:52
That's what ISO helps you do.
22:53
ISO has regular interval reviews.
22:57
So companies that stay ISO are destined to
23:01
get more business, right?
23:04
But getting ISO compliant is not the easiest
23:08
thing.
23:11
Right process, right outcome.
23:14
But it's not about a process you follow.
23:17
It's a framework to help you get the
23:21
right process, to always get the right outcome
23:25
because every industry is different.
23:29
But if we learn a standard, then we
23:31
can say, wait a minute, this is a
23:33
difference.
23:34
So the way quality assurance works, you basically
23:39
say what you're going to do.
23:43
You do what you said and then you
23:47
back it up with validation, which is your
23:49
logs.
23:52
So a perfect example is universities, they want
23:54
to get accredited again.
23:56
They're going to basically say what they're going
23:59
to do so they understand it and they're
24:01
going to do what they say.
24:04
And then they're going to have audits and
24:07
they're going to be able to look up
24:08
that information and people can be able to
24:11
see that, yes, they are doing what they
24:13
say.
24:15
So we're closing the difference in the distance
24:17
between what we say and what we actually
24:19
do.
24:20
Two very important parts of ISO 9000.
24:24
And also say, do, and then we have
24:28
proving it through audits.
24:30
So we started with intentions and action.
24:33
And we talked about changing our minds as
24:36
we grow.
24:38
Yesterday, we examined the promises we made to
24:40
ourselves and how keeping them builds self-trust.
24:44
Today, I'm asking whether ego is getting between
24:48
us and the person we're trying to become.
24:51
So here's your challenge for today.
24:53
The next time you feel yourself becoming, let's
24:57
say, defensive, pause, take a breath.
25:02
Ask yourself one question.
25:05
Am I pretending something important or am I
25:11
protecting my ego?
25:12
Am I protecting something important or am I
25:16
protecting my ego?
25:18
Maybe you genuinely need to stand your ground,
25:23
keep your boundaries.
25:24
But maybe there's something useful to learn.
25:28
Maybe someone else has a better idea.
25:32
Maybe you need help.
25:33
Maybe you are wrong.
25:34
Maybe the conversation doesn't need another argument.
25:37
Maybe you have absolutely nothing to prove.
25:39
Confidence doesn't need to shout.
25:40
Achievement doesn't require superiority.
25:44
Growth doesn't require perfection.
25:46
And your worth doesn't disappear because someone else
25:49
knows something you didn't.
25:52
Your actions are telling the truth about you.
25:55
Let them tell the story of something and
25:58
someone confident enough to remain curious, accomplished enough
26:03
to remain humble, and strong enough to keep
26:06
learning.
26:06
Do you know what ISO is?
26:07
It's about demonstrated accomplishments.
26:12
That's what it is.
26:14
And I think that's hard for a lot
26:15
of people to realize.
26:16
Ladies and gentlemen, I am John C.
26:18
Morley, serial entrepreneur, author, and a lot more.
26:21
And this has been another powerful episode of
26:24
the amazing Inspirations for Your Life show.
26:26
I thank you so much for choosing to
26:28
join me today for this great episode.
26:31
And I want you to remember something.
26:33
You can spend enormous amounts of energy trying
26:38
to prove who you are.
26:40
You could do that every single day of
26:43
your life.
26:44
Or you could invest that energy in continuing
26:49
to become who you want to be.
26:51
Let me say that again.
26:53
You can spend enormous amounts of energy trying
26:57
to prove who you are.
26:58
Or you can invest that energy in continuing
27:01
to become who you want to be.
27:03
So you can invest a lot of energy
27:04
in trying to prove who you are or
27:06
invest the energy into continuing to become the
27:09
person you want to be.
27:10
So ladies and gentlemen, let the ego go.
27:14
Let it be quiet, okay?
27:17
Let curiosity get louder, okay?
27:22
Encourage yourself to keep learning, to keep growing,
27:27
to keep improving.
27:30
And allowing your actions to speak for themselves.
27:35
Don't let other people be the distraction, okay?
27:39
Or the interference that precludes you from staying
27:45
on the road to success.
27:47
Because people will try to take you off
27:49
that road.
27:50
I have to be very honest with you
27:53
when I say that.
27:54
People will try to take you off that
27:56
road.
27:57
So do check out BelieveMeAchieved.com, of course,
28:00
for more of my amazing, inspiring creations.
28:03
At least, gentlemen, I'm going to see you
28:04
guys under the show.
28:05
Take care, everyone.
28:06
Be well.