Latest / Dear Chelsea / Night Kayak with Sam Jay

Transcript

Night Kayak with Sam Jay · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I just had a very quick turnaround. I
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: just came from LA to Whistler right after the Critics
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Choice Awards, which were Sunday. Monday morning, I woke up
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: with my new baby dog. My dog dog is a
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: fucking dream boat. I feel like all of my dog
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: karma has finally come full circle.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: Amazing.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: I mean, Chunk was my very best, he was my sweetheart,
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: my first he made me a mother. But this dog
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: is it's almost like my dream dog is in front
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: of me. And I had to go to so the
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: same place I got Burton Bernice, they had some chows.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: So they brought some chows to audition for me in LA.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: When I was home for the Critics Choice Awards. I
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: came home for four days and I went to this park. Oh,
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: this is a good story. I went to this park
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: and this guy's walking towards me, and there's these two
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: metal gates and I kind of opened them to I'm
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: looking for these dog people because they said they were
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: bringing me two chows, and so I'm looking for these
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: dog people and I have the gates like open, I
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: don't know, two inches each, like I hadn't shut them
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: because I was just peeking in to see if I
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: was at the right place. This guy comes running up
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: to me and he's like, can you please shut the
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: metal gates? And I go, well, no, I will when
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: I get back out. I'm just taking a look. He
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: goes it takes one second before there is a dog
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: killed on Barrington and I go, sir, you need to relax.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I am looking for.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: A dog right now. And he goes, oh, oh, you're
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: looking for a dog. How funny you must have you
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: already lost your dog, you lost your dogs?
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: And I was looking at him. I go, sir, whatever.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Happened to you this morning has nothing to do with me,
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: so shut up and stop communicating with me. And then
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: he goes, you celebrities are so entitled, you are I go, oh, really,
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: that's what this is about me being a celebrity and
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: coming into a dog park. I go, sir, just stop
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: talking to me. And they were across the street at
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: a different park, but right as I was walking away,
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: he goes, Chelsea Handler, you're a whore. What an interesting
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: choice of saying You say such? And he was so
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: unhinged that it was so funny, like I couldn't stop laughing, like,
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: Chelsea Handler, you're a war Like I'm like, I couldn't.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: I wanted to go, sir. I want you to go
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: home tonight. And when you're reflecting on your day, like
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: what are you thinking? Like, way to go, way to go?
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Off on Chelsea Handler because she's such an entitled bitch.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Because she opened a gate at a dog park and
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: didn't close it.
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, that is when you know it's like
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: just not about you, just about it was so funny.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: It was so funny. But anyway, So anyway, I met Doug,
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: who is beautiful. Dog is eight Okay, do you know
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: how hard it is to get a full child. The
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: reason I've never had a full chow is because you
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: have to buy them, and I don't want to buy
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: a dog. I want to rescue dogs, obviously, so I've
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: never had a full chow. Doug is eight months. He's
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: a baby. I've never had a baby. I mean, I
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: had Gary, but you know how that one I had
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: to return Gary to send her. But he's eight months.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: He's housebroken, he's black, he is full, he is a lover.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: He loves my Bell. My Bell's already trying to pull
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: her bullshit and stirrup shit by taking him. She has
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: him right now because he has to get vaccinated to
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: come to Canada, and then Casey's gonna drive him up
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: here next week. But I literally patted my bed because
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I moved into my new house. My bedroom and my
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: gym and my bathroom are ready, so i'm's like hotel living. Hey,
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: the rest of the house is still a construction site.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: But I'm like, I don't care, I'm moving in. I
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: pat my bed and Doug just comes up on the bed.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: He rolls around, plays with you. He runs. I've never
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: had a dog that could run. And he is a lover.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: He loves Felix, he loves my Bell, he loves Carla,
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: he loves Casey, he loves me. He's so cuddly. He
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: lies on his back and puts his legs up in
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: the air for you to rub his belly. I mean,
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: it's my dream dog. And I'm like, it's happening. After
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: all these years, I finally got a dream dog.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: And you listen to your gut and you waited for him,
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: and he waited for you, and it's love.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: It is love. I love Doug.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: And you were just telling ze Wave you wanted to
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: a black chow because she has black chows, and you're like,
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: oh my god, I want this. Oh it just it
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: worked out right.
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: And I mean, you don't get an eight month old
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: dog that is a full chow that is beautiful and
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: his house broken.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: Oh that's that's truly the cherry.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, he's just I just am so lucked out.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: I feel so grateful for this dog. And he is
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: gonna he and I are going to have such a
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: great time together.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: Are he and Bernice getting along?
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Bernice is in Whistler, So I'm with Bernice. I wanted
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: to come back and have some alone time with her
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: before she and I are just finally hitting our stride too.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: And so I don't know.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: How she's going to feel about Doug, but I have
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: a feeling that Doug is going to put a little
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: pep in her step. Yeah, she needs to pick up
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: the fucking pace.
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: That's definitely. What's happened with Mimsy is like she's age,
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: she's getting a little cratchety, but like she runs around
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: after these puppies, and I like, this is the best
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: thing we could have done for her health.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: I think, yes, yeah, I think that's true, So that's good.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: The credits choice was a fucking blast.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, he looks so amazing.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Oh thank you. I had such an incredible time, so
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: many incredible moments, and the overall feeling I had that
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I recognized on that day was I've done so many
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: high profile events, you know, where there's pressure or filming
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: your special or filming something or doing wort shows, you
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: name it. This was one of the first times where
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: I recognized that I had no nerves at all. I
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: was just pure excitement, Like I couldn't wait to get
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: out on stage and show everyone how it's done. Like
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I couldn't wait to go show my professionalism and that,
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: you know, like, and I just wanted it to happen.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: I was like, it was noon, I'm like, I want
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: to go. And then between my fashion and my looks
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: and all the hair and makeup. I mean, I've never
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: spoken about fashion and dresses more than I did leading
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: up to this with my team, because we had so
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: many dresses that looked so incredible and we had to
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: keep narrowing it down and they wanted me to do
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: more outfit changes, and I just think that's silly. I'm
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: not going to ch the night isn't about the host changing,
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: so I didn't want to do that many but anyway,
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: it was one of those nights where I just was
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: so in my own feet and in my own body
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: with every moment, and I was like, I know I
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: could do this, and I'm going to crush it. And
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: I did, and it was just like a very beautiful
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: cementing of like all my hard work and all of
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: my focus and energy and doing all the work that
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: you do on yourself. Like, yeah, you don't necessarily see
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: it right away, which is why I think people get
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: frustrated with therapy or with meditation or with any of
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: these other things, because they want instant results and it
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: doesn't work instantly. It works in phases. And like, I'm
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: in this moment right now, and this isn't going to
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: last forever either. I'm sure I will have find a
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: time to be insecure about something again. But to recognize
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: that you're in these moments when you are in your
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: flow state and you are firing and you're in the
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: zone as an amazing, very fulfilling failing.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you could really tell too. It showed on
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: your face, it showed in your body you just seemed
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: like you were up there having fun and like just
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: filled with joy. Like you seemed very relaxed.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: And I also have to say this because we talked
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: about this, I well, we're gonna talk about this, but
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: I was very relaxed. There were a couple of people
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: that were going to be at this show when I saw, like,
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: you know, when I was rehearsing and you see all
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: these names and you're like, oh my god, fucking Harrison
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: Ford sitting right in front of me, and fucking de
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Niro was there, and you're like, I'm gonna be you know,
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: And there were a couple of people there that I
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: thought for sure did not like me, Like I just
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: I just had a feeling these people did not like me.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: There are three people actually that I was like, oh,
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: that person doesn't like me. That persons is like all
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: three of those people came up to me and gave
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: me kudos for my show, for the for the show,
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: for my career, for things that Like. It was just
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: so funny that I had these three people in mind,
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: and in succession, all three of those people approached me
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: telling me giving me compliments.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: That's so funny because they also I thought that, but
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: not come up and told you about it, like no,
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: But it's.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Like this universal intelligence that we keep talking about or
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: that I keep banging on about. I'm just feeling it
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: so much. I just feel so grounded lately that I
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: just know, like I know what I'm doing, I know
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: what's right. I know. Then I just thought, I'm just
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: gonna win these three people over tonight, like That's what
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna do, And whether they were not on my
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: side to begin with or not is irrelevant, because.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: That's the right attitude.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: Even if you have people that don't like you or
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: you've had a bad experience with, you can turn on
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: it always. You can always there's always an opportunity to
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: give them a new experience. Yeah, and a new version
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: of you.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that.
• 8:29
  Speaker 5: I love that.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: Well, congratulations, that's such an achievement. And you look like
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: you had a lot of fun.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, And who knew? I
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: finally have the body I want when I'm forty eight
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: years old. I mean, honestly, I am in the best
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: shape of my life and I'm forty eight, so anyone
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: listening to me, it is possible. So it just it
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: is getting better my life is getting better with age.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: I have to say, like.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: A fine nine. All right, Well, today we have a
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: very special guest who you know very well.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Oh yes, we have my boo on today. Okay, yeah,
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: she's a and she has a new special on Max
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: called Salute Me or Shoot Me and please, yes, yes,
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: watch it. She's awesome. Sam Jay Okay, I've got this
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: fucking bitch with me right now, Sam j Okay. And
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: first of all, if you haven't seen her stand up specially,
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: you better watch it because it's really really funny.
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: Have you actually watched it?
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Chose, Yeah, yes, of course I watch it. I fucking
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: posted about a bitch. But you don't even know how
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: to use internet, So how the fuck would you know?
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: I know, I mean, would you do really watch? Do
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: you think I would say I watched it if I
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: didn't watch it?
• 9:36
  Speaker 5: Oh no, it's not like you were doing a commercial.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean I am, because you're on the podcast.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: So Sam's late to the podcast. By the way, Sam's
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: late to everything, So let's just get that out of
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: the way. Sam's late to the podcast because she took
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: a shower where the elliotts she was excited about telling
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: that to me. She was excited to share that with me.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: So I have a little story to back it up.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Did you wash your legs?
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: Do watch my legs?
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Okay? Because I got a talking to from Sam is
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: in a long term relationship with a woman who is
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: batshit crazy and her name is fucking yah Yah. We're
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: gonna have her on the podcast at some time too,
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: because she would be really good, my best.
• 10:13
  Speaker 5: She will go off.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: On people, because she she went off on me. They
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: came to my worka we had a comedy weekend. We
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: had Vanessa Gonzales, who you know opens for me on
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: my tour. We had her partner, he's not her husband,
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: and then yah Yah and Sam are a couple. Then
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: Fortune Fortune femes her and her wife Jack's and then
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: Jamie Jamie Greenberg my makeup arty, and I was assaulted
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: by yah Ya, I mean emotionally assaulted so many times
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: throughout the vacation as she fucking will flip.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: She's that bitch will flip on a dime.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: She is fucking normal and fun and then after nine pm,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: something happens at nine where she's just like listen, bitch,
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: and then she starts yelling at me for being white
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: one in the conversation. She's always yelling at me for
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: being white, you know, like I had the choice. And
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: then one of the days we got in this conversation
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: about white girls showering versus black girls showering. And I've
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: had this conversation with Tiffany Hattish, yes, because she said
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: the same thing to me once. She was like, do
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: you wash your legs in the shower? And I was like,
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: wash my legs? I'm like, I don't.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: I don't think so.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: I mean, what about they're club Oh.
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: You believe this too. Yeah.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: I want to start though, because I heard tell about
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: this and I was like, I guess I gotta watch
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: my legs.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: But I never used to.
• 11:33
  Speaker 6: That is I really want to know, like how this
• 11:36
  Speaker 6: step gets skipped.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna tell you because first of all, my
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: legs are covered most of the day, so what's getting in.
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: There you're still sweating? Is so bad.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: I'm not legs sweating. My legs are not sweat all
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: I have under arms that's a sweaty area. Sometime.
• 11:52
  Speaker 6: This is what I want you to do before the
• 11:54
  Speaker 6: one time you shower, before you do anything, take a
• 11:57
  Speaker 6: white rag.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: All right, that's a good idea.
• 12:01
  Speaker 6: Actually clean your legs and see what's on the rag, okay,
• 12:04
  Speaker 6: and then you will understand that there's dirt on your legs.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: I'm so busy wiping my Pikachu clean and cleaning my
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: asshole and my underarms that I'm like that those are
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: my three hot spots, and I very very rarely sometimes
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: the bottom of my feet if if things got dice.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: So then Sam was like, I can't believe white girls
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: don't watch their legs. You have to wash your legs.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: You have to watch you legs. So I tried it
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: like a few times, and I was like I reported
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: back to the IA too.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I was like, all right, I've.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Been washing my legs and I'm like, I just don't
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: feel that much of a difference because I feel like
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: my legs even when I ski, even when I ski,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: which I know you're not gonna fucking do.
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: I told you that I know to ski. I'm from Boston.
• 12:45
  Speaker 6: I wouldn't need like a refresher because I'm was skied
• 12:47
  Speaker 6: in a long time, but I know that mechanics of ski.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, you're right.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Anyway, My point was, even when I ski, I am
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: fucking like everyone gets hot and sweaty when they ski.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: My I don't even ski with underpants on, Like I
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: ski with ski pants and nothing else because I'm so
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: warm all the time, so my legs are definitely not sweating.
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: Do you sweat? Are you just not a sweat person?
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: No, my under arms will sweat. I could get some
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: fun going there, like nothing in the crek right here,
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: no sweat.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: But I don't look back there a lot, so I
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: don't know what's going on back there.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: She's talking to the back of my knees, and I'm
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: not doing anything back there. I mean, unless somebody was
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: holding me up by like I was having crazy sex
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: and they were holding my legs behind my head, like
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: pushing on the backs of my knees. Maybe then I
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: would have fingerprints or something. But that's the most I
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: can imagine. Anyway, we had them there for a week,
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: and let's talk about some of the highlights of that week,
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: because that was fucking fun.
• 13:42
  Speaker 5: It was a great week.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: My favorite part of the story is that Sam revealed
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: to us at the end of the trip that on
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: their way to my house in Spain that they didn't
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: know what kind of host I was gonna be so
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: that they had made alternative backup plans in case they
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: had to get out of Dodge because I was like
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: a nightmare or what was the reasoning break it down
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: for our listeners.
• 14:03
  Speaker 6: I mean, you just never know, like especially like with
• 14:05
  Speaker 6: like You're, like, I would you know what, You're a
• 14:08
  Speaker 6: comedy legend, Chelsea, you're a comedy legend.
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: Oh you're you are just a high level comedian.
• 14:16
  Speaker 6: You've had a lot of success, a lot of people
• 14:19
  Speaker 6: love you. You can kind of go anywhere on this
• 14:22
  Speaker 6: planet and people are like, yeah, that's Chelsea Handler and
• 14:24
  Speaker 6: she's the best, and that type of energy makes some
• 14:26
  Speaker 6: people crazy.
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: So I just wasn't sure.
• 14:30
  Speaker 6: Like it's one thing you meet people in passing or
• 14:32
  Speaker 6: you have a quick moment here and there and you're
• 14:33
  Speaker 6: like they chill, but then you're in their home they
• 14:36
  Speaker 6: might not be so chill. So I just didn't want
• 14:38
  Speaker 6: to be stuck in by Yorka in your house if
• 14:41
  Speaker 6: you wasn't that chill. So I was like, well, let's
• 14:45
  Speaker 6: just make sure we have some other options case.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I fucking love that. I mean, how funny is that?
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: And I'm honestly I am always read it abouts like
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: I have a special signal to Carla when I'm traveling,
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: and and I don't stay with a lot of people
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: because I have the same I have the same experiences.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: I don't like being under somebody else's watch. I don't
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: like not being able to open up a fridge. I
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: need to have access to everything, and I don't want
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: to be everyone looking around at me like I need
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: to feel like I'm home.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: So I don't have a lot.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: I don't like to stay with a lot of people,
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: And so sometimes I just text Carla one letter and
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: that means I gotta go.
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, we had our we had our signal.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well.
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah it was not necessary, say that it was not necessary.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we had a good time.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: But the other thing that Sam did, I mean I
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: would like to report on her being a guest now,
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: because the other thing Sam did was she didn't bring
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: any drugs. She didn't bring any drugs to Spain, but
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: then wanted all of my drugs, which, as a generousupposed
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: to Listen, everyone, everyone who knows me knows how I'm
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: a giver. You can take the shirt off my back
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: and I will fucking fly around topless, you know what
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: I mean. I don't need it, and I'm always happy
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: to give. But I was almost out of drugs. Out
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: of drugs by the time Sam left. I had to
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: give her medicine every thirty seconds and then okay, fine,
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: every forty five seconds and.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Then fucking yeah yeah. I was like, bitch, what.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: You doing with my girlfriend?
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: She's all sorts of fucked up because you gave her
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: some LSD or mushroom or whatever the fuck.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, yeah, please don't act like
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: I'm the problem here.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Clearly Sam is the problem and you are you already
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: know about it.
• 16:20
  Speaker 6: Chelsea is kind of a bad influence because I've got
• 16:23
  Speaker 6: great and I've ever done before.
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: I was like, I won't do that. That sounds nutty
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: and it tells me. Was like, just do it and
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: shut up.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: And it was great. It was a perfect the LSD.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: I liked it.
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: It was cool.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: It was on the same vibe as mushrooms.
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: It wasn't crazy.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: Actually chocolate mushrooms and my thing I can give to you. See,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: I'm still trying to get try to give to her.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: So then we go to New York City and during
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: our trip, Sam had these Louis Vauton and like Birkenstock
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: type of shoes that I used one day. I wore
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: one day because I didn't have them, and I was like, wow,
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: these are really nice. These are really broken in like
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: I would I'd love this. And yeah, I was like, oh, well,
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: get you a pair. I'm like, actually, like I want
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: to mind this pair, you know, because they were all
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: all work already, were already broken in. I was like,
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: it seems like we have the same exact foot situation already. Anyway,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: we go to dinner Sam's in La I go to
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: dinner with ya Ya some other friends in New York
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: City and fucking yah Ya her crazy bitch girlfriend wife
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: girlfriend wife to be awesome.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll keep that on the back of crazy, to.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Keep her crazy.
• 17:24
  Speaker 5: It's complicated.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: She shows up to our dinner with a DHL box
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: that was literally the size of a Toyota Echo. It
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: was that big. She's like, did you get up present?
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: We sent you a thank you President. I'm like, you
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: don't need to send me a thing. She goes, oh, no, no, no,
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: we did. We did.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: We sent you thank you President.
• 17:39
  Speaker 5: Did you like the glasses too? We got you some cool.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you got some great glasses for my New today
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: we were talking about the Smurfs, how much I love
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: the Smurf So it was very thoughtful. Thank you gift,
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: and I loved it. Thank you so much. You didn't
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: have to get me anything.
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: And I gave you so much from gummies. Bro, well,
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: oh you did you know what?
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: You know what? That was in New York and you
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: know what, I ended up giving them away because that's
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: how sweet I am. The guy I shared him with.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: My friend Terrence goes, oh my god, where are those
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: mushroom guppies? Like, go, let me the mail them to you.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: I have the whole jar right here, cause I get
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: so many drugs. So have you been getting a lot
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: of amazing feedback about your special People.
• 18:13
  Speaker 5: Are liking it. People are definitely it's cool. I'm proud
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: of it. People dig it. They get what I was
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: trying to do.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: It's on HBO, everybody, I mean, sorry, it's Max. It's
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: on Max.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Now that's never going to happen, naturally saying that, And
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: now you're on tour, I'm touring and oh.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: And then this is the latest.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: She's on tour and her yah Yah is with her
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: on tour, fucking getting into it. Left and right with
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: audience members. Anyone who speaks up or talks during a show,
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: She fucking goes to town on. I got in the
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: car the other morning because I were both on tour
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: and I was with Vanessa and Carlo.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: They're like, have you seen Yaya stories? And I'm like,
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: and they.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Told me that she's just going off on some woman
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: who's telling her to calm down.
• 18:57
  Speaker 6: A white woman they had, and the lady got The
• 19:00
  Speaker 6: lady didn't know she was my fiance. She thought she
• 19:03
  Speaker 6: was just like an audience member. So the lady was like,
• 19:05
  Speaker 6: I'm getting you thrown out of here. And I was like, no,
• 19:07
  Speaker 6: you're about to leave, ma'am.
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: And then the lady did get kicked out.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: How has it been banging on the road with her?
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: It's always fun.
• 19:18
  Speaker 6: I mean, I'm really really into my relationship now. There
• 19:22
  Speaker 6: was a time when I was being a rascal and which.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: I like to bring up and she's like, I go, so,
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: were you guys always faithful to each other? When we're
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: in bi Orca? I go, are you guys always faithful?
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: And Sam goes, what the fuck are you doing?
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Chelsea? Shut the fuck up.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: I can't help myself though I love the you know,
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: I love like the dirt.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: I want the tea right away.
• 19:41
  Speaker 6: And when I was being a rascal, I feel like
• 19:42
  Speaker 6: I was always trying to like go on the road
• 19:44
  Speaker 6: by myself. But now like that, I'm really like locked
• 19:48
  Speaker 6: in and I'm doing the thing. I love having her around.
• 19:51
  Speaker 6: It's just better. I actually do more when I'm on
• 19:54
  Speaker 6: the road. When she's not around, I'm just in the
• 19:55
  Speaker 6: hotel room watching bad porn, being like a weirdo all day.
• 20:00
  Speaker 6: I don't come out till it's showtime, and it's like
• 20:02
  Speaker 6: like a goblet of sorts, you know.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: But I do the same fucking thing when she's around.
• 20:06
  Speaker 6: I go to the museums, I go out to eat,
• 20:09
  Speaker 6: I take walks, you know what I mean.
• 20:11
  Speaker 5: And then she's there.
• 20:11
  Speaker 6: She remembers the sets and like she'll remind me of jokes,
• 20:14
  Speaker 6: and she also yells at audience members so that I
• 20:17
  Speaker 6: don't have to be bothered with them.
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: So it's it's actually great.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: That's good because it can be daunting being on the road.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: It's lonely, dude.
• 20:23
  Speaker 6: Then it gets really isolating and you get really depressed,
• 20:26
  Speaker 6: like you don't think it's gonna happen that way. But
• 20:28
  Speaker 6: it gets really depressing really fast.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there is a depressing element to it because like,
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: like you like, I like to drink, Sam likes to drink.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: We all drink. I mean, I don't know either. If
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: it's a comic, either you drink or you're sober.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: And yeah, good point.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: But I agree.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: There are many days where I'm just like, but you know,
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: I really like to be in bed, but I don't
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: like to be in bed feeling like shit. Yeah, I
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: like to be in bed when I'm happy. Sometimes when
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: i'm I'm like, okay, this is like if I'm not
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: in the right hotel room, if it doesn't have the
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: right light exposure, if it does, if it's not nice enough,
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: I'm not happy.
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: I'm just like, it's like a little jail.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I wanted to have to make sure i'm in.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: Like sometimes we check in, I go, I can't stay
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: in this room.
• 21:04
  Speaker 6: Sometimes we go to these towns where it's like it
• 21:07
  Speaker 6: don't matter. There's just nothing here, you know, no things
• 21:09
  Speaker 6: to the place. But it's like you can put me
• 21:11
  Speaker 6: in any hotel. I'm going to be facing a work
• 21:13
  Speaker 6: wall looking at nothing, and you're just like, why am
• 21:17
  Speaker 6: I doing this?
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: It really makes you like question the whole thing. I know,
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: what is this for.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: I had a friend there to me recently at comic
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: She was like, because she's always like, I don't know
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: how you tour so much. I'm like, I'm in that
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: zone right now. I'm just loving touring and I've just
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: whatever I go. I usually sometimes I don't, but you
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: right now, I'm into it. So I'm just gonna keep
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: it going.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: And she goes.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: I feel like, she goes, I went on my tour
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: and she goes, and I'm sitting backstage about to go
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: on stage, and I'm just thinking to myself, this is
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: the dream, right, this was the dream, and now you
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: it can be easy to forget that this is what
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: you wanted.
• 21:51
  Speaker 6: I thought that it was going to be the best
• 21:52
  Speaker 6: life in the world. Like there's a time like prayed
• 21:55
  Speaker 6: for it.
• 21:56
  Speaker 5: Like I was like, I just.
• 21:56
  Speaker 6: Want to do comedy in different cities every night and
• 22:00
  Speaker 6: people and I would just love to have shows all
• 22:02
  Speaker 6: over the country.
• 22:03
  Speaker 5: And now I'm like, I gotta go to fucking Utah.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: I know, I know, but you.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: The shows there are You're going to Salt Lake City.
• 22:11
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm excited, but when you it's like It's just
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: one of those things when you first hear it, you're like, what, yeah,
• 22:16
  Speaker 6: but Utah.
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: And now I like dug into Utah.
• 22:19
  Speaker 6: I was like, let me look up some stuff and
• 22:20
  Speaker 6: like let me see what's going on out there.
• 22:23
  Speaker 5: And now I'm like, I kind of want to go
• 22:24
  Speaker 5: to Utah right right.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: Talk to me about becoming more successful as a comedian
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: and having people more people recognize you. How are you
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: handling all of that that aspect of things.
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: You know what, It's been super chill. I think I
• 22:37
  Speaker 6: have cool fans. I think you build your fan base
• 22:40
  Speaker 6: to some degree. It's like your attitude, your energy, your
• 22:42
  Speaker 6: fans kind of reflect that. And I'm not a big
• 22:45
  Speaker 6: like type of person, so my fans don't ever approach
• 22:49
  Speaker 6: me with too much.
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: They're just like, yo, Sam, what's up?
• 22:51
  Speaker 6: Yeah right, I mess with you. You ma have funny
• 22:53
  Speaker 6: and I'm like, oh, thank you. So it's been very
• 22:56
  Speaker 6: chill and like manageable, especially like I like when the
• 23:00
  Speaker 6: older black people like tell me to keep going and
• 23:03
  Speaker 6: like they see what I'm doing and like they appreciate it.
• 23:06
  Speaker 6: That makes me feel really good because I am trying
• 23:09
  Speaker 6: to just you know, uphold some of legacy of black
• 23:12
  Speaker 6: art and being vocal about our black.
• 23:15
  Speaker 5: Experience in this country.
• 23:16
  Speaker 6: So when older people who have really been through the
• 23:18
  Speaker 6: shit can look at what I'm saying and see the
• 23:21
  Speaker 6: genuineess in it and the black excellence in it, then
• 23:25
  Speaker 6: that feels good to me, you know. And then my
• 23:27
  Speaker 6: white fans they're chill. They're a little more, but they
• 23:31
  Speaker 6: so chill.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, talk a little bit about black excellence. I like
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: that term a lot, So I want to hear a
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: black woman talking about.
• 23:38
  Speaker 6: That black excellence just you know, like we have a
• 23:40
  Speaker 6: legacy of barrier breaking artists, not just groundbreaking, but really
• 23:44
  Speaker 6: having to break barriers to be heard, to be seen.
• 23:48
  Speaker 6: I think that's a lot of where the term black
• 23:49
  Speaker 6: excellence comes from. This need to have to rise above
• 23:53
  Speaker 6: and then rise above again just to get to any
• 23:56
  Speaker 6: level of recognition, and you have to actually be excellent.
• 24:00
  Speaker 6: Can't just be okay, you can't just be like on
• 24:02
  Speaker 6: par you have to be excellent. And especially all the
• 24:06
  Speaker 6: black people, they have seen that with like the greatest.
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: To do with the Diana Rosses. They've seen it with
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: the Dick Gregory.
• 24:13
  Speaker 6: So if they look at me at all and go like, hey,
• 24:15
  Speaker 6: young lady, we see some of that in you, then
• 24:18
  Speaker 6: I'm honored.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting because I was like, oh, and when
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I didn't realize that the term meant like that you
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: have to be excellent in order to get through. I
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: thought it was just when I first heard it, that
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: it was just about about black excellence. And it's like, no,
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: it's almost like black excellence is mandatory to get through.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: And that's a different framework of looking at it. And
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: we had some deep conversations when we were in my end.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: I took people kayaking at the wee hours of the night, drunk, drunk,
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: and that's not dangerous. I just want to say, I
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: live out of bay. We didn't go out into the ocean.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: We lived and we were in a little port and
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: I just and it and they were so fucking scared.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: I was going to cap size of kayak.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: I'm like, there's no current, there's no there's like the
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: tide of the life.
• 25:05
  Speaker 6: It's dark as shit. Chelsea's drunkest shit. We're coming from
• 25:11
  Speaker 6: a restaurant. None of us talked about a kayak, and
• 25:14
  Speaker 6: Chelsea just goes I'm kayaking and just starts like getting
• 25:17
  Speaker 6: it all together, and we're like okay, and the only
• 25:20
  Speaker 6: thing that gay was comfort is. We were all worried,
• 25:22
  Speaker 6: and Carlo went, she does.
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: This all the time, and just went in the house.
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: Were like this.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: I got up through the middle. I got up in
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: the middle of dinner, grab my mango, dac ray.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm going for.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: A kayak ride. I was like, I'm hit a wall,
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: so I went I had Sometimes the ocean is calling me,
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: you know, and I have got to get in it,
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: and I'm and I just want to say, I've given
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: over like probably sixty kayak rides and nothing has ever happened.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what condition I'm in, because I'm at
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: one with the water. And you're going two miles an hour,
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: by the way, no one's going faster that. You're just
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: like on this bay, circling around boat. Sometimes you hit
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: a boat, but you can't even that's we tapped the boat. Yeah,
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: but you're not going fast enough to do any damage.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: But just go with me here on the visual I
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: want to paint a picture of Sam's body language when
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: she got in the kayak, which was fucking erect and
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: fucking tight, like she was sitting up straight with her back,
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: hands behind her back, holding onto the type, but slightly
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: shaking because of the nerves and scared.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: She was so scared.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: I was like, Sam, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: be like and then as we start to go, because
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: you're under the moonlight, so it's so gorgeous, you know,
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: you're like underneath the stars, and the stars are so
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: bright in my Orca, and you're just watching the port.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: So you get out there and you can see the
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: whole town in front of your Oh.
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: That is very true.
• 26:31
  Speaker 6: But like my blackness knew, like I didn't have no
• 26:34
  Speaker 6: business out on his kayak with this white woman at
• 26:36
  Speaker 6: his hour.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: They were already.
• 26:39
  Speaker 6: If something goes wrong, everybody in my family's would be like,
• 26:42
  Speaker 6: what was she doing?
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: I would never lie. I would swim your ass back
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: to short. It doesn't matter how shitfiss I am. You
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: would be on my back. I do you know how
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: many people I've saved swimming, Well, only one really, but
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: I could do it again. But anyway, as we went
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: out there, we were talking about your mother, and we
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: were talking about her relationship with her mother, who was
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: very deep.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Meaningful conversation.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: And I was coming back in and then she just
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: really started to relax and I was like, well, we're
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: gonna hang out, then we're not going in because now
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: she's relaxed and she's looking up at the stars and
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: the moon, and it was really beautiful. Every night there
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: is so beautiful. And you said some very profound things
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: about your mother, who's no longer with you. Yes, so
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: can you talk a little bit about your dynamic with
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: your mom and your relationship with her and how it's
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: impacted you.
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: Man?
• 27:23
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I was, well, I was really a mama's like
• 27:27
  Speaker 6: a mama's girl if it exists, Like, spent a lot
• 27:29
  Speaker 6: of time with my mom.
• 27:30
  Speaker 5: We were kind of best friends. We would do everything together.
• 27:33
  Speaker 6: She was very much like one of those black excellence mothers,
• 27:36
  Speaker 6: would like droll black history into me, take me to
• 27:39
  Speaker 6: see Alvin Elli every year when they came to the city,
• 27:43
  Speaker 6: make sure I went to like see black place, made
• 27:45
  Speaker 6: sure I was you know, well read and just you know,
• 27:50
  Speaker 6: had some education about myself and all that kind of stuff.
• 27:53
  Speaker 6: But mostly she was a person that was focused on
• 27:56
  Speaker 6: making a whole person. I noticed a lot of people
• 27:59
  Speaker 6: just like feed a kid and take care of it,
• 28:02
  Speaker 6: but she was really into like who I was going
• 28:04
  Speaker 6: to be and like what type of human I was
• 28:06
  Speaker 6: going to be in the world, and she spent a
• 28:08
  Speaker 6: lot of time like building a human, which I really appreciate.
• 28:13
  Speaker 6: There there were so many times where she would check
• 28:15
  Speaker 6: my behavior and I didn't understand it.
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: But now that I'm older, I was like, oh.
• 28:18
  Speaker 6: She was just nipping some nasty shit in the bud
• 28:22
  Speaker 6: before it got too nasty and giving me real perspective.
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: Like when I was.
• 28:26
  Speaker 6: Little, I was like a little bit of a mean girl,
• 28:28
  Speaker 6: and I could be a little bit of a bully,
• 28:30
  Speaker 6: and like if I ever would act like that and
• 28:32
  Speaker 6: my family or cousins would come over and I'd start
• 28:34
  Speaker 6: being nasty and didn't want to share my toys, she
• 28:36
  Speaker 6: would like pull me to the side and be like,
• 28:38
  Speaker 6: you don't treat people that way, and like now they're
• 28:40
  Speaker 6: playing with anything they want and you go sit over
• 28:42
  Speaker 6: here by yourself because you don't know how to behave
• 28:45
  Speaker 6: and like just stuff like that.
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: She was always actively parenting.
• 28:48
  Speaker 6: And then when she was sick and she was passing
• 28:50
  Speaker 6: away and she knew she was sick and was most
• 28:53
  Speaker 6: likely going to pass away from lupus, she really started
• 28:56
  Speaker 6: to like kick it into high gear of just like
• 28:59
  Speaker 6: make sure I had.
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: The stuff that I needed, you know.
• 29:03
  Speaker 6: And I just remember one poignant moment when I was
• 29:07
  Speaker 6: about fifteen and my mother passed away when I was sixteen,
• 29:10
  Speaker 6: and I was really acting out.
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: I was acting out in school. I was like coming
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: home late.
• 29:15
  Speaker 6: I was just not acting of my character because I
• 29:17
  Speaker 6: was so upset about what was happening. I just really
• 29:19
  Speaker 6: didn't know where to place any other feelings. And I
• 29:21
  Speaker 6: had started to just kind of separate from her. That's
• 29:23
  Speaker 6: really what I was trying to do. I didn't want
• 29:25
  Speaker 6: to be hurt when she died, so I started to
• 29:27
  Speaker 6: try to like just act like I didn't just try
• 29:31
  Speaker 6: to separate that connection. So I started like hang out
• 29:34
  Speaker 6: late with friends and not coming home and just shit
• 29:37
  Speaker 6: like that. And one day she just pulled me to
• 29:40
  Speaker 6: the side and she was like, are you mad at me?
• 29:43
  Speaker 6: And I was like no, and she was like, you're lying,
• 29:47
  Speaker 6: you're mad at me? And I was like so scared
• 29:50
  Speaker 6: to tell her that I was angry with her, because
• 29:52
  Speaker 6: I was like, what kind of person does that make me?
• 29:54
  Speaker 5: To be angry with my mom? Just because she's sick,
• 29:57
  Speaker 5: you know what I mean?
• 29:58
  Speaker 6: Like she can't do anything about that, but I I'm
• 30:00
  Speaker 6: really angry you know, and she was like it's okay, yeah,
• 30:04
  Speaker 6: that she's dying, that she was gonna leave me, that
• 30:06
  Speaker 6: she wasn't the same mom that I knew just four
• 30:09
  Speaker 6: years ago, you know what I mean, we couldn't do
• 30:11
  Speaker 6: the same things together and we were so close and
• 30:14
  Speaker 6: always together, and now she's kind of bedridden and can't
• 30:16
  Speaker 6: go outside and there's always doctors around and home health
• 30:20
  Speaker 6: days and it's just not what I'm used to, you know.
• 30:23
  Speaker 6: And she was like it's okay. She was like, I
• 30:25
  Speaker 6: know you're mad at me, and I know you don't
• 30:27
  Speaker 6: know how to tell me, but it's okay, and you
• 30:30
  Speaker 6: deserve to be angry. This is you know, this is
• 30:33
  Speaker 6: a situation that is upsetting. And I'm your mother and
• 30:36
  Speaker 6: there are things that I am supposed to do and
• 30:38
  Speaker 6: I can't do them, and I get how that hurts you.
• 30:40
  Speaker 6: And I just started like fucking balling. I mean, I
• 30:43
  Speaker 6: just started crying because it was like fear but also
• 30:47
  Speaker 6: relief that like, oh, she sees me and understands this
• 30:50
  Speaker 6: and I'm not like a fucking monster for feeling this way.
• 30:55
  Speaker 6: And then she passed away the next year, and I'm
• 30:57
  Speaker 6: always very grateful for that conversation because I don't know,
• 31:01
  Speaker 6: I would probably had a lot more guilt on my
• 31:03
  Speaker 6: hands without it. Yeah, I'd probably been feeling way more
• 31:06
  Speaker 6: guilt and out of carried that and it was already
• 31:08
  Speaker 6: hard enough to figure myself out after that, But I
• 31:11
  Speaker 6: can't imagine if I had added this.
• 31:13
  Speaker 5: Super layer of guilt on top of that.
• 31:16
  Speaker 6: And I think, you know, she was such a dynamic
• 31:18
  Speaker 6: parent that she had the hindsight to relieve me of that,
• 31:22
  Speaker 6: And you know, I just I will always have a
• 31:25
  Speaker 6: special place.
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: In my heart for my mom.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't think it's a little I mean, I don't.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: I mean, there is no one that I mean, hopefully,
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: when your mother is a full bodied person, which is
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: what she was trying to encourage you to be, there
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: is no one that sees you like your mother sees Yeah.
• 31:40
  Speaker 5: Just a good woman.
• 31:41
  Speaker 6: And in times when I was very lost without her,
• 31:44
  Speaker 6: it didn't really have my way anymore, and I started
• 31:46
  Speaker 6: to do some things that I felt were really against
• 31:48
  Speaker 6: my character. I leaned on her lessons and who she was,
• 31:51
  Speaker 6: so I always say she still was my parent all
• 31:54
  Speaker 6: through my life, even though she wasn't a lie because
• 31:57
  Speaker 6: all of her lessons and everything that she laid the
• 31:59
  Speaker 6: groundwork for parented me in those crucial hours when she
• 32:03
  Speaker 6: wasn't there, so it was still like I had a mom.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: Oh I love that. Well, on that note, let's take
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: a break and we'll be right back.
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: And we're back, and we're back.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: I love what you said about your mother, And there
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: are so many mothers listening.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: So I mean, there is a.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: Big differentiation between parenting and being like Okay, they have
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: to go to school and get fed and da da da,
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: and actually shaping the person that they become, yea, and
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: also all along allowing space for the emotions that you have,
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: you know, because I always say, like people think they
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: own their children.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: It's like that's not your property, that's just of you.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: Like they are here because of you and by way
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: of you, but that's it.
• 32:45
  Speaker 6: Like truly engaging your kids. Like my mom would ask
• 32:48
  Speaker 6: me a lot of stuff about how I felt, what
• 32:50
  Speaker 6: I thought. You know, even before we go to the doctor,
• 32:52
  Speaker 6: she'd be like, what are you going to talk to
• 32:54
  Speaker 6: the doctor about today?
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: What are you feeling? What's bothering you?
• 32:57
  Speaker 6: Like, just giving me autonomy over myself is super important. Yeah,
• 33:02
  Speaker 6: So you guys don't know how to parent better than
• 33:04
  Speaker 6: me and Chelsea.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Hot Parents and Tips is the hotline where you
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: can contact me.
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: Yes, indeed, are we ready for some advice?
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: I think so. I like it.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: I feel like Sam's ready.
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you're ready, Sam, I'm ready. Well.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: Our first question comes from Elle. Dear Chelsea, I have
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: a predicament and it's hard to stand by and watch.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: I've been with my husband for eight years and his sister,
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: who I love, has been with her husband for twelve years.
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: We love them both, but they've had a conflict for
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: the past two years due to his inappropriate relationship with
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: a coworker who we all think he cheated on her with.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: He's never confirmed it, but he has engaged in a
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: lot of inappropriate behavior, such as being in her room
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: overnight while on a ski trip, lying to his wife
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: about staying over in Fire Island with this woman, and
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: also claiming she is his quote best friend. They're in
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: couples therapy, and he is in his own therapy for
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: his depression, which I personally think is fueled by his
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: secrecy of what he's done. He even said he's unwilling
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: to completely let go of this quote friendship for the
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: sake of their marriage. My sister in law says that
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: in her gut, she does believe something happened, but she
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: feels she quote needs confirmation eye roll. I'm a therapist myself,
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: and so it's difficult from not only a personal standpoint,
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: but a professional standpoint to watch this go on. No
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: one else knows this is happening. She wants kids, as
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: she's in her mid thirties now, and the situation is
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: of course not making her want kids with him anytime soon,
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: So she's putting her life on pause for him. I
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: encourage her to set firm boundaries, which she struggles with.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: What else do I say to her? I really want
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: to say something to him, and he knows, she confides
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: in us. It's so hard to watch her hurt. Meanwhile,
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: we all know the untold truth.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: Sincerely, Elle, well from your from one rascal to another,
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: what's your advice?
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: You're a cheat? You were a cheater?
• 34:52
  Speaker 5: WOA. Well see what I'm saying this, This is what
• 34:55
  Speaker 5: I'm talking about. Rab arouser. Really, Oh, there's nothing she
• 35:02
  Speaker 5: can do. She got them on her business.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's really nothing she can do. Like, what are
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: you gonna do? Like your sister? It doesn't.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: She has a hard time creating boundaries, so that means
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: she's not like as strong as she can be, and
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: she doesn't want to know the truth even though her
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: God is telling.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: Her or something different.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: Anyone who lies about sleeping with a woman in a
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: place is lying because they did something right, not because
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: they didn't want to upset you. Because you can tell
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: the truth and say, listen, I know this sounds but
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: that's not true.
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: Bro, that's not true.
• 35:30
  Speaker 6: Here we go, that's not true. That's not true. There's
• 35:32
  Speaker 6: been plenty of times where things like that have happened.
• 35:34
  Speaker 6: I really did not do anything. But I'm like, it
• 35:37
  Speaker 6: doesn't matter. If I come with this whole truth and
• 35:39
  Speaker 6: I go, yo, I didn't do anything, I'm gonna live
• 35:41
  Speaker 6: under the same suspicion as if I don't because.
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: She's not gonna believe I didn't do anything. Yeah, and
• 35:48
  Speaker 5: I'm telling you, I've literally lived this. So is this
• 35:50
  Speaker 5: not all? That's not all the way true.
• 35:52
  Speaker 6: But the problem is most likely he was already displaying
• 35:57
  Speaker 6: certain behaviors. And that's where I'm not I wasn't taking responsibility.
• 36:00
  Speaker 6: It was the fact that I was already doing other
• 36:02
  Speaker 6: shit that made me less believable in that situation, even
• 36:05
  Speaker 6: though I was telling the truth.
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: In that situation, my track record was fucked.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Like in a loving, happy relationship, I would say to
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: the guy like, oh, yeah, my boyfriend, I would say, oh,
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: by the way, I slept in a bed with this
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: guy last night, Like I don't know why I would
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: do that, because I mean, I'm too old for that shit.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: But maybe maybe there would be some circumstance I couldn't
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: get home or something. But I would always front load
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: the truth because I'm not guilty of anything, you know
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: what I mean in that realm, Like in my relationships,
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: I'm not some sort of you know, I'm not up
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: to one relationship at a time is exhausting enough. So
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: and also him saying that he wouldn't that he wouldn't
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: end his friendship with his coworker over his marriage hello, Like,
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: I mean, she's just gonna find out he's cheating on
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: her at some point, so it would be more proactive
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: to like get to the bottom of it now.
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: So yeah, there's nothing you could do.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: No, I think as a sister, you have to let
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: everybody learn the lessons they're supposed to learn.
• 36:56
  Speaker 6: Stay out of people's marriage. I have a firm stay
• 37:00
  Speaker 6: out of people's marriage rule. Like marriage is a whole
• 37:03
  Speaker 6: different sport. People have a lot tied into that. You
• 37:07
  Speaker 6: get in the middle of some stuff and then they don't.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: Leave Rosebud's husband to get plugs.
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: I say, their marriage, that's different. I'm the reason that
• 37:17
  Speaker 5: babies here.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Okay, oh my god, Yeah you probably did say if
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: that marriage, I wouldn't put it past you.
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: I mean, would you say anything to the husband? I mean,
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: what do you?
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: I would because I'm a confrontational person and I would
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: be like, hey, fu face, I fucking know what you're
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: up to. Yeah, totally, just to get a read on
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: the situation, because I'm pretty good at telling if people
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: are lying or not. I mean, it's pretty easy to
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: spot a liar. Yeah, people lie and they act like,
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: you know, they can't look you in the eye, they're distracted.
• 37:46
  Speaker 6: But the wife knows she's lying. I suppose that's his wife.
• 37:50
  Speaker 6: She knows that he's lying.
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: She's just not ready to do with.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: It's not ready. Yeah, she's not ready. And also, your
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: gut is like how many times can we say this? Like,
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: you have got to listen to your gut, your gut
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: is telling you that you yes. And the only time
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: your gut is wrong is maybe if you're so high
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: that you're a little bit paranoid, and that might be fake,
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: like a false intuition. But like when you're clear headed
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: and you have this feeling and it doesn't go away,
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: it's because something is not right.
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they say have more like brain cells, more thinking
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: cells in your stomach than in your actual brain. So
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: like your gut is actually communicating with you, it's physically
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: literally telling you stuff. We just have to listen. I think.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: Also the question that comes up for me too, is
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: like saying to your sister, like, if this is not
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: the deal breaker, If like not knowing whether he cheated,
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: whether he didn't cheat, it is not the deal breaker.
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: Do you really still want to be in a relationship
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: with someone who treats you this way, who says he
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: would not give up a friendship for you, who says
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: you know, that's probably an unhealthy thing, who lies to you,
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: et cetera, who's being cagy Like, is that enough for
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: you even if he didn't cheat, Is that an okay
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: relationship for you to stay in?
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: No, I'm right, it's not.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: It's not no, none of it. Yeah exactly, there you go.
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: Yeah they're married though, yeah, yeah, but still I don't know, man.
• 39:01
  Speaker 5: I think I think.
• 39:02
  Speaker 6: I think we like to live in the world where
• 39:04
  Speaker 6: we like to make these things so clear and cut
• 39:06
  Speaker 6: and so is this that or is this this? It's
• 39:08
  Speaker 6: you meet people at different places and phases in their life.
• 39:11
  Speaker 6: They're going through different shit. Some of it is if
• 39:14
  Speaker 6: you fuck with a person, are you just gonna deal
• 39:16
  Speaker 6: with this person shit? Are you willing to dig in there?
• 39:19
  Speaker 5: Unpack it?
• 39:20
  Speaker 6: Figure out why they are the way they are, why
• 39:22
  Speaker 6: they're moving the way they're moving, because there could be
• 39:24
  Speaker 6: a million reasons. And it's not just all cheating, because
• 39:27
  Speaker 6: even under cheating, there's usually a lot of shit as
• 39:30
  Speaker 6: to why someone moves this way and why someone gets
• 39:33
  Speaker 6: whatever they get out of cheating. And so it's like
• 39:35
  Speaker 6: are you are you do you want to work with
• 39:37
  Speaker 6: this person? And then the boundaries of how you're willing
• 39:41
  Speaker 6: to work with this person, which is hard for someone
• 39:43
  Speaker 6: who's like I am bad at boundary setting. It's the
• 39:46
  Speaker 6: thing I we talk about a couple of therapy all
• 39:47
  Speaker 6: the time, as Ore was not good at setting boundaries.
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: And if we get into this big discussion about Partially
• 39:53
  Speaker 6: that is not the reason, but that was a partial reason.
• 39:56
  Speaker 6: Why cheat is because I was feeling so violated in
• 39:58
  Speaker 6: my relationship and I was not good at going stop,
• 40:02
  Speaker 6: I don't like this, or this makes me feel this way,
• 40:05
  Speaker 6: or this does this to me. I was just splintering, Okay, fine,
• 40:09
  Speaker 6: you're gonna do that, do you. I'll just go over
• 40:10
  Speaker 6: here and do me. And that's not the way to
• 40:12
  Speaker 6: handle it, which is why it's like do you just
• 40:15
  Speaker 6: you got to decide if you want to deal with
• 40:16
  Speaker 6: the person. And that's why they stay out their marriage
• 40:17
  Speaker 6: because you just don't know. She could also be doing
• 40:20
  Speaker 6: shit you don't know about. They're in the workings of
• 40:23
  Speaker 6: what's happening there. She might understand more than you understand,
• 40:26
  Speaker 6: like oh, some of this is based on this or that,
• 40:28
  Speaker 6: like you just don't know their business.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Or she could just go directly to the source
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: and ask the girl. Oh oh, not that she'll always
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: tell you the truth, because she said she needs a confirmation.
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: She's got a guy that she wants a confirmation. Go
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: to the girl and ask her.
• 40:40
  Speaker 5: Which she hasn't done it yet. Is because she knows
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: it's true.
• 40:42
  Speaker 6: Because that's Usually a woman's first move is to text
• 40:45
  Speaker 6: the woman.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but texting is no good. It's a face to
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: face because.
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: Then you even read the signs, read the eyes.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: Yes, like my girlfriend was having someone was having an affair.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: Her husband was having an affair with this other woman,
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: and my girlfriend the same thing. They're now divorced, thankfully,
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: but same thing. She went over to his house to
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: snoop and guess who was there? The girl that he
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: denied having a relationship with, and they were sorry, they
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: were separated at this point, so they were married and
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: they were getting separated, and she didn't know because he
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: kept denying it.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: I've never cheated. I've never cheated. This girl does that.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: We're not we're only friends. We're only friends.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: She found all these texts and she went over there
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: and guess who was there with the key to his house?
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: The fucking girlfriend.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: So there's the confirmation, like you know, and that was it.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Then she's like, fine, I fucking know now. So I
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: guess everybody needs to figure out the way they need
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: to figure out. But we're telling you he's probably juting. Yes, anyway,
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: do we have next call?
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: Our next question comes from Anna and she is joining
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: us on the phone. Here, Anna says, Dear Chelsea, it's
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: been a year since my ex and I broke up.
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: We dated for about a year and it ended on
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: pretty horrible terms. A few months ago, I found out
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: through a friend of mine that he's on dating apps
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: looking for relationships with men. On the one hand, this
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: took a huge weight off my shoulders because up until
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: then I didn't understand why the relationship ended. On the
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: other hand, I recently trying to be in dating again,
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: but no matter what I do, every time I go
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: out with a man, I'm inundated with thoughts that he
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: is gay. I genuinely had never thought of it before,
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: but now it's become my greatest fear. How do we
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: get out of this headspace?
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: Anna, Hiana, Hiana, hi Hi. I don't think you have
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: to worry about every man being gay. I mean, you
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: already did that. That doesn't happen multiple times. You're not
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: just only attracting gay men. That's just like one example
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: of what happened in your life. You know, stick to
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: your original instinctual reaction, which was what a relief like.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: It probably had very little to do with you and
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: more to do with him. Struggling with his sexuality and
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: most men that are on dating apps, especially apps, because
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: there's the I mean, what's the point of looking for
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: someone you're not attracted to. The whole point is to
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: hook up and meet somebody and possibly date somebody. So
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: if you're on an app and they're seeking women, that's
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: where the honesty comes in.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: That's the most honest part about.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: Being on an app is like, I'm looking to get
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: laid with you.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm looking to date you.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, they can lie about other things, but the
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: actual sexuality is pretty like it's an open playing field.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: So if they're there to meet women, then I think
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: you can, like, you know, pretty much rest assured that
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: that's the truth.
• 43:19
  Speaker 6: And he's also might not be like gay, right, he
• 43:23
  Speaker 6: might just be fluid. He might just be by and
• 43:25
  Speaker 6: didn't want to talk to you about that part, and
• 43:27
  Speaker 6: he might be like, now I want some dick this week,
• 43:29
  Speaker 6: you know, like now I'm in my months of getting
• 43:32
  Speaker 6: dig So you shouldn't take it like, oh, is it me?
• 43:35
  Speaker 6: He's just out here chilling. I mean, at the end
• 43:37
  Speaker 6: of the day, it's like he's just dating other people.
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: Right, So I think my fear is that I live
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: in the South, and that adds like a whole other
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: element too, And I think.
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: And he's military too, right, he said, so like there's
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: a lot of.
• 43:49
  Speaker 5: Oh, you gotta give us all the details.
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it actually has like a kind of incredible
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: dramatic story of the breakup.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: But what tell us give us the abridge version.
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: You gotta give him the juice?
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Okay. So when I told Katherine the story, I
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: was the first time I'd ever told her like in totality,
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: and so I'm going to try to make it a
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: little more brief than what I told her, But essentially
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: what happened we like, we dated for a long time.
• 44:11
  Speaker 4: Everything was great, and then one night we ended up
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: going to sleep together in my apartment. He lives about
• 44:17
  Speaker 4: an hour from me, so every weekend he'd like come
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: down and stay in my apartment. Whatever. That was nothing different,
• 44:22
  Speaker 4: and we went to bed together and I woke up
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: at like four o'clock in the morning to him coming
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: into my apartment and I was like, that's weird because
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: I fell asleep with you. What are you doing? And
• 44:31
  Speaker 4: so I see him walk in and he is like
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: blacked out, like figety figety fucked up, like to the
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: point that I'm like, what happened in the last you know,
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: four hours that you got to this point. So he
• 44:41
  Speaker 4: comes in my room and I'm like, not about to
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: argue with the drunk person. So I'm like I'm going
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: to go to sleep. What is that?
• 44:47
  Speaker 5: Okay?
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: Whatever?
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: So I wake up, you know, like four hours later,
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, where did you go? And he was like,
• 44:51
  Speaker 4: I told you that I left. No you didn't, No,
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: you didn't. And he's like, no, I told you. I
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: told you. I want to go meet some of my friends.
• 44:58
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry, like maybe you just forgot. And I was like, okay, well,
• 45:01
  Speaker 4: like on the off chance that that happens, whatever, but
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: go on with our day. And then later that night,
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: I am in the bathroom getting ready to go to
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: a friend's birthday dinner and he's coming with me, and
• 45:12
  Speaker 4: I see his phone light up on my bathroom counter
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: and it's a bumble notification. So I looked at it
• 45:17
  Speaker 4: and I look at myself in the mirror, and I
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: need everybody listening to this podcast to just like send
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: a future prayer to my children. And I'm ever blessed
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: with them because unless they take on like the criminal
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: prowess of whoever the hell killed the black doll. You
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: ain't no way they're going to get away with anything
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: with me because I took the phone and I start
• 45:34
  Speaker 4: packing up his stuff and just walk in the living
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: room and I'm like, gotta get out of here. What
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: am I looking out on the screen. And he's like, oh,
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know, and starts like messing
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: around with it and deleting some like fleeting stuff, hands
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: it back to me. He's like, I don't know what
• 45:45
  Speaker 4: you're talking about. I said, okay, let's redownload the app. Then,
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: so I redownload Bumble and I give it back to
• 45:50
  Speaker 4: him and see like all his matches, all his everything,
• 45:53
  Speaker 4: and he hands it back and he's like no, like
• 45:55
  Speaker 4: I don't know. And I was like, all right, well
• 45:56
  Speaker 4: then me can tipeck your phone now. So I took
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: back his phone and I went to the Uber app
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: and I see that he ubered from my apartment last
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: night at like one am to a bar that he
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: said that he went to, but he ubered home from
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: somewhere else. So I said, let's look up the address.
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: So I look up the address and it's a hotel
• 46:13
  Speaker 4: so I give it back to him and say, now,
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: what's this? How did you get back? Like, how did
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: you get from here to here? He's like, oh, I walked,
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: I walked there. I was having a bad night, so
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: I just ended up walking. And then I ubered back
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: and I said, okay, let's open up your woop app then,
• 46:25
  Speaker 4: which is like fitbit kind of what tracks your steps.
• 46:28
  Speaker 5: And I said, oh god damn.
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: I said, you didn't take the steps?
• 46:31
  Speaker 5: King?
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yah king ya ya ya yagu yeah fucking seriously, yeah.
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: I was like, you didn't take enough steps. There ain't
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: no way you could have walked from this.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: Bar to the Why were you at a hotel? Like
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: why you got that?
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: He said that that's just like where he ended up.
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: And then I was like, yeah, I know that lie.
• 46:48
  Speaker 6: Like I just was walking and I was angry and
• 46:50
  Speaker 6: that this was the best place to get a car
• 46:52
  Speaker 6: because it was a location.
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: And then I took and then I used his faith
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: and I opened up his bank app and said, now
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: you spent six hundred dollars on a room at this hotel?
• 46:59
  Speaker 5: Though, yeah, yeah, will do yes, yeah, yeah, You're like
• 47:03
  Speaker 5: magnum pia.
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm a horrible liar myself
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: because this is what I go through on my own head.
• 47:09
  Speaker 4: I'm like, how could someone possibly debunk this? And then
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: I'm just like, oh, a raccoon actually came over to
• 47:14
  Speaker 4: my house and my lives are horrible.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: Because I just like and so that's how you broke up?
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: Well, no, unfortunately I don't have I didn't have that
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: much self respect at that point, and was like, I'm
• 47:24
  Speaker 4: you know what I can forgive you of this? And
• 47:26
  Speaker 4: then throughout the week he kept calling me saying that
• 47:29
  Speaker 4: he was having a lot of mental health problems and
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: that he was suicidal. Then one day he was like, hey,
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: I'm having a really hard time. I think I have
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: access to you know, guns and stuff because it's the military,
• 47:37
  Speaker 4: and he's like, I'm having a lot of really really
• 47:38
  Speaker 4: negative thoughts. So he's like I just need like a
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: little bit of space for a second. And I was like,
• 47:43
  Speaker 4: all right, that's okay. That was at like five pm
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: on a Friday, and I wake up the next morning
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: I've not heard anything from him, So I start calling
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: him and I realized he'd like removed his location and
• 47:52
  Speaker 4: he wasn't answering his phone. I called him like a
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: lot of times after testing his friends asking they'd heard
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: from him, and they said no, like reaching out to
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: his brother everybody. So I ended up getting the car
• 48:01
  Speaker 4: and driving up to his apartment. I had a key
• 48:04
  Speaker 4: and I go in and all my stuff is gone
• 48:06
  Speaker 4: out of the apartment. We had pictures and notes all
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: hung up, that was all swept clean from the apartment
• 48:11
  Speaker 4: and I didn't hear from him for two days.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: I really thought that he was dead.
• 48:16
  Speaker 4: I was horrible. I was a mess. I it was
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: just a really bad time for me. And then he
• 48:21
  Speaker 4: kind of just cheat ended up showing up in my
• 48:23
  Speaker 4: apartment and was like, sorry, I can't be in a
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: relationship anymore, and he told his whole family. I forgot
• 48:29
  Speaker 4: one of his friends to call me back and he
• 48:30
  Speaker 4: was like, yeah, so I heard you all broke up
• 48:31
  Speaker 4: last night, So sorry about that. So he called his
• 48:34
  Speaker 4: entire family and friends and said that that we broke up,
• 48:36
  Speaker 4: so that if I had reached out then it would
• 48:38
  Speaker 4: look I was like, I was like a crazy ex
• 48:40
  Speaker 4: girlfriend being like where is he? What are you doing?
• 48:43
  Speaker 4: So it was wild. I haven't really heard a journey.
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: Well, good riddance, good good ridden. I mean First of all,
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you shared all of the your sleuth thing
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: because that's very important for our listeners to hear about.
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: Because I am more disappointed that you stayed with him
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: after you found out that he went to fucking hotel
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: room and rented a hotel room I know, and then
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: came back to you at four in the morning. So
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: you know, let's not try let's try not to repeat that.
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: But honey, listen, you don't have to worry about Most
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: men are not trying to have sex with women when
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: they're gay. This guy sounds like he had a lot
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: of issues going on. He knows what they are. Who
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: knows if it's his sexuality at all. Maybe he's into
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: both people and maybe he's into God take whatever. I mean.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: He sounds gay.
• 49:22
  Speaker 6: I think he was secretly gay and he was struggling
• 49:25
  Speaker 6: with it, and he was getting blasted and going to
• 49:27
  Speaker 6: hooking up with dudes and having drunk blasted gay sex.
• 49:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's interesting because his little brother is by and
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: he's like super supportive.
• 49:33
  Speaker 5: Of that, and like is he's the oldest.
• 49:36
  Speaker 4: He's the oldest, and he has a lot of gay friends.
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: Well he's that's in the military.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: It's like that's not very easy to be in the
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: military and be out as gay, Like that's not like
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: that's not like rooted for you know, you can.
• 49:48
  Speaker 6: Also be like cool with other people being something, but
• 49:50
  Speaker 6: then you can you know, sometimes people fetishize things and
• 49:53
  Speaker 6: they're like, I'm not really gay, I just like get
• 49:55
  Speaker 6: my dick suck by dudes, and then they like like
• 49:58
  Speaker 6: go like compartmentalized. Yeah, and it sounds like it kind
• 50:01
  Speaker 6: of crashed on him and he was like, no, maybe
• 50:02
  Speaker 6: I actually I'm just holy this and he didn't know
• 50:05
  Speaker 6: how to like make that make sense.
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: Almost all my friends also have the same fear though
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: as I do, because of.
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: What you went through.
• 50:11
  Speaker 4: No, I know this was like a pre this is
• 50:13
  Speaker 4: like before this even happened, that we're all like secretly
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: dating guys that are gay.
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: Maybe need to get out of the South.
• 50:18
  Speaker 4: No, it's well I live. I'm gonna expose myself further.
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: I live in Nashville, and so it's very like everyone
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: here is like newly gay, but they all have this
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: like look where they were like their grandmother's pearls and
• 50:30
  Speaker 4: weigh like a collective eighty pounds. So like I think
• 50:32
  Speaker 4: it's not what I grew up because I'm from the
• 50:35
  Speaker 4: Midwest originally and so like it's not like picturing like
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: a man to be I guess, which is like so patriarchal,
• 50:41
  Speaker 4: and I fully understand that. But okay, now it's just
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: like an irrational fear that I have.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think, like, you know, it is irrational,
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: and that's all you need to know about it.
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: Like you can't just like let.
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: That run you. You have to go out.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: First of all, I would have sex with people.
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: I'd like to have sex with people right away to
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: get things going, to understand if you even know what
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: that vibe is to be, because I've gone out with
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: guys who aren't able to like have sex with me
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: even you know, or get it up or whatever, and
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, this isn't gonna work. It doesn't matter
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: if you're gay or not. Like that's not gonna work
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: for me, you know. But like, yeah, there are a
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: lot of people that are fluid, and there are a
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: lot of people that are by and there are a
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: lot of people who are shamed of being gay that
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: don't want to be out and about about it. But
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: it's the exception. I would say, it's not the norm,
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: like those dating apps. Do you know Taren Feldman by
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: any chance? She's in Nashville local. She's a makeup artist.
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: Follow her on Instagram because she talks about online dating
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: all the time.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: She's like, it's dick delivery. She's like, this is what
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: I use it for.
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: She's like, I want dick and then if I like them,
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: then I start dating them. And I'm like, okay, well
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: that's one. You know, that's an avenue for her. That's
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: not for everybody, because if you're trying to find somebody,
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: you know, you may have a different approach. I don't
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: have any shame about people having sex on the first date.
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: I think that's actually very natural as adults, what you know, Like,
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: that's how you find out if you have chemistry. But
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: I really need you to like reset your expectation. It
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: would be very rare for this to happen to you twice, Okay,
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: I think, so think about that, you know what I mean.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: There's not a lot of people who are like, oh,
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: I dated too gay men.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Usually it's one and done.
• 52:05
  Speaker 4: Okay, that makes me feel better.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: But it's also not a rational thought, you know what
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: I mean. It's an experiential thought like it's happened to you,
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: and you're saying your girlfriends it's definitely irrational for them
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: as well, because if it hasn't happened to you, there's
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: no reason to be really that.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: Worried about it.
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: That's like me getting worried about being bitten by a
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: snake when it's never happened, just because I don't like
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: snakes and I don't want them to bite me. I
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: don't worry about that because it's ridiculous. Sorry if that's
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: not the right parallel, but it's just like the fact
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: that it's happened to you is more on your side
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: than it is for your girlfriends. Okay, your conversations with
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: them should be like, hey, listen, I'm in the clear.
• 52:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I got mine off the way.
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: My whole thing is like, now that I've like lived
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: through this, I'm like I could survive damn near anything,
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: because I like I have come out on the other side.
• 52:51
  Speaker 4: I'm sure, like I'm all glued back together now and
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: I'm it's fine. So even if it does happen again,
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: if it's like lightning strikes twice kind of thing obvious, yes,
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: my god.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: You will be fine. You will be fine, but just
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: start thinking about all of the things that you actually
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: wanted a man and actually visualizing that, manifesting it, all
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: of that stuff. That's yeah, yeah, Sierra's prayer. Get one
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: of your what is that called? What is Oprah's like?
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: Not her wish list?
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: What is it?
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: Oh no, it's not. Oh a vision board.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: Just start cutting out vision board, Oprah's favorite. Just go
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: to oprah dot com and figure out your problem. Okay,
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: but seriously, just start and body and like, think about
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: what you are looking for. Write it down, pull out
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: pictures for magazines, whatever is going to help you to
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: shift your energy towards the positive things that you're going
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: to find it.
• 53:38
  Speaker 5: Amazin picture of Billy Porter and then you put a circle.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: Not what I'm looking for. Okay, all right, all right, yeah,
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: get back on track. I'm glad you're past that. And
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: you know what, listen, and everybody who's ever gone through
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: anything difficult and is out on the other side as
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: on the other side of it, understands we can survive
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: almost anything. As you know, any sort of emotional trauma
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: people survive. So you've gotten through that, you'll get through
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: other things. And the important thing to remember is, like
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: you're in the position of a situation, you've accepted the outcome,
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: and now your life has moved on. Like, if everyone
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: could hear that when they're going through the thick of it,
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: it would be a much different grief process. It would
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: be much shorter, and you know, a lot if you
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: would feel a lot less like shit all the time.
• 54:31
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and even though your situation was different because he
• 54:33
  Speaker 6: was cheating, I do think this message is to like
• 54:35
  Speaker 6: all like straight to his people. Stop making it such
• 54:38
  Speaker 6: a big deal. It's not that big of a deal.
• 54:40
  Speaker 6: It's not different than an if he just was dating
• 54:42
  Speaker 6: other people. People grow and are consistently changing who they
• 54:45
  Speaker 6: were when you met them to who they are later.
• 54:47
  Speaker 5: It doesn't really fucking matter.
• 54:49
  Speaker 6: You know, there's a lot of dudes I had sex
• 54:51
  Speaker 6: with you with like a modern reason you're eating pussies,
• 54:54
  Speaker 6: and it's like, nah, man, I'm just living a different
• 54:56
  Speaker 6: life now, right, that makes sense.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: It'd be fun to tell a guy you're exactly the
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: reason I went from you to eating pussy. That's what
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: I have to say about that relationship turns.
• 55:08
  Speaker 4: You can go run and tell people that now. Thank you,
• 55:12
  Speaker 4: Anna appreciate y'all.
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: Good lighting and though too, Thanks Carols, just my apartment,
• 55:20
  Speaker 5: Thanks Anna Bute.
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: It was like soft porn lighting a little. I just
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: felt my edible kick in just in time for our
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: last call. Yeah, excellent.
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: Well let's take a quick break and we'll be right back.
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: right back. And we're already back.
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, we're already back, So Lena wrote in,
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: and she says, Dear Chelsea, my partner doesn't drink often. However,
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: about once or twice a year he drinks a lot.
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: He's British on an empty stomach, and that's when it
• 55:54
  Speaker 3: all goes downhill. He turns into a different person, and
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: it often ends with him getting naked. And one of
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: these times he left the house. If I hadn't been
• 56:02
  Speaker 3: home to open the door, he'd just be locked outside
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: the building naked. Another time, he got naked and walked
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: into the flat next door, and as the door was open,
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: he got into their bed and slept. Fortunately he didn't
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: wet their bed, which is another thing that often happens
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: on these occasions. Last time he was so out of
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: it he didn't know how to get home and didn't
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: even know where home was. It took him four hours
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: to finally get home after one too many calls from
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: a then pregnant me. I have no idea how he
• 56:29
  Speaker 3: feels about these episodes. Brits are not exactly known for
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: their communication skills. He behaves like it's no big deal,
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: but I suspect he knows it is. I really really
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: want him to go to therapy to learn how to
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: deal with his shit, not just drinking, but any other
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: curveball's life throws. But I know if I suggest it,
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: he'll dismiss it and possibly be upset with me. What
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: can I do. I'm tired of dealing with his shit,
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: even if it's sporadic. Thank you Lena.
• 56:52
  Speaker 5: Damn, as she considered that she might be dating a werewolf.
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know why the British loved to get naked
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: when they're drunk. I was at a wedding once in
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: England in the countryside, and this it was a fancy wedding.
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: We were at like some manor, and the fiance the
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: groom came out. We were all in this backyard of
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: this manner having drinks and it was a very British affair,
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: and this guy, the groom came running streaking through the
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: backyard butt naked, and it was like a very fancy event,
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: and ran right into a brick wall because the whole
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: backyard was encased by brick walls. Ran streaking naked, ran
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: right into the brick wall, slammed his head and face
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: into the brick wall, ricocheted off of it, fell down,
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: and then pete on the ground. Oh geez.
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: And then the next day.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: Was the wedding and he was there and everyone acted
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: like nothing had happened. And I was like, wait a second,
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: what is happening. I go, if this were America, he
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: would be at Betty Ford. If this is the same dude,
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: it sounds like, but everyone was just like everyone in England.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: There's a much different attitude towards alcohol there. First, But
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: this is a dangerous problem that you have with your husband,
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: and the fact that you're scared to upset him is
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: really like very telling because you can't be scared.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: You have a child with him now, right, Yeah.
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't be scared to upset him. Who gives
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: a shit. He has a fucking like allergy to alcohol.
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: He's like allergic to alcohol. If when he drinks he
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: ends up in someone's bed, Like, what the fuck do
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: the neighbors have to say about that? You could get.
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: Arrested for that, especially being naked in their bed.
• 58:34
  Speaker 6: Also, he's covering like a lot of ground naked. He's
• 58:37
  Speaker 6: getting really far naked.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: She's like he and opening the door for him, Like
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: why would you let him sleep outside in the fucking
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: cold so he can learn his lesson and wake up sober?
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: And I understand British people.
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: Are less skillful in areas of therapy and communication in
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: terms of emotions, but this is something that he does
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: need to go to therapy. He needs to find out
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: why he's acting like that, why he even needs to
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: do that twice a year, because it's clearly he can't
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: be having a good time when he doesn't remember anything.
• 59:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and it's also you sat in a boundary and
• 59:08
  Speaker 6: you confronting him like that's a part of it is
• 59:11
  Speaker 6: that you can't be complacent. You got to go to
• 59:13
  Speaker 6: him and say clearly, like you're doing this and this
• 59:17
  Speaker 6: is a problem, like and we have a child in
• 59:19
  Speaker 6: this can't continue.
• 59:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: I mean you have like five examples already, and so
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: I'm sure there are many more that you can cite
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: and it's not acceptable. It's not acceptable behavior. You're not
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: going to tolerate it anymore. And what does he want
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: to do about that? Yeah, because it's not like he's
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: doing it all the time, so he doesn't need to
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: do it at all.
• 59:35
  Speaker 6: Right, But that's probably why he thinks it's okay too,
• 59:39
  Speaker 6: because he's like, I'm not doing this a bunch, just
• 59:42
  Speaker 6: twice a year. You got to do with me getting
• 59:43
  Speaker 6: a little wacky? What's the big deal? But it's like, no,
• 59:45
  Speaker 6: it's a big deal, bro.
• 59:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, But I think Chelsea, what you said is really
• 59:48
  Speaker 3: important too, Like what do you want to do about that?
• 59:50
  Speaker 3: Because it's not like are we going to or are
• 59:53
  Speaker 3: we not? It's like putting the ball back on his court,
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: Like what are we doing? What do you want to do?
• 59:57
  Speaker 3: What are the steps you want to take? Because steps
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: need to be to whatever.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: They are, And let him know that you called into
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: a podcast, be like I've actually reached out about this
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: because I'm so worried.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, nip it in the bud.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 3: I think that's all we can do there. So moving
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: right along to our last question, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 3: twenty seven year old gay guy, living in New York
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: City to start. My problem feels like somewhat of a
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: champagne problem. In short, I'm a people pleaser with too
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 3: much on my social calendar. Since I've moved to New York,
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 3: I've gone from knowing nobody to making a ton of
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 3: different friends in so many different circles gay, straight men, women,
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: My groups run the gamut. Now, However, I feel as
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 3: though each group and each friend wants a piece of me,
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 3: and when I can't give it or decide to take
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 3: time for myself, someone gets hurt and or upset with me.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm always digging myself out of a
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 3: hole with someone, or kissing ass after skipping their dinner party, etc.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: For something else. I also feel like this is cutting
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 3: into my dating life and the occasional nights I'd actually
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 3: like to stay at home alone. I love my busy
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: life and I'm an extroverted people enthusiast, but I do
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: feel like I need them to understand that I have
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 3: to fill my cup before I can fill theirs. Any advice, John.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: Well, Yeah, just fucking do it, John.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 5: You know what do you mean to do?
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: You don't have to explain yourself to all of these people.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: You just say, oh, I'm not available that night. You
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: don't have to tell them why, or that you want
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: to be alone, or that you're sleeping or you can
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: you know, just you don't have to explain yourself to
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: all these people. You're just not available when they want
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: you there. So it's not a big deal. You're actually
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: making it a big deal.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 3: And I think too, if you do want to have
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 3: like something concrete to do, you could be like, you
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: know what Sundays is my like alone time, It's my
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 3: hermit time. And also like turn your phone off. Stop
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 3: looking at your phone, because if you're not seeing these
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 3: text messages come in being like hey come to our
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 3: party whatever, you're not gonna feel a fomo.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: And you're blaming everybody for wanting pieces of you instead
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: of yourself, Like you're the problem. You are over extending yourself,
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: you're allowing yourself to be like you know that's people
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: want pieces of me too.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 5: I don't give it to me.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: No, I'm like, I know I need to sleep for
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: two days. I came up yesterday. I'm like I have
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: to for twenty four hours. Do you not fucking talk
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: to me? You don't call me nobody, and I throw
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: my phone in the garbage.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 6: And it also sounds like I'm reading this, but it
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 6: feels like you're not being straight up either. It feels
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 6: like because you're a people pleaser, you know probably two
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 6: days before you're not going to this thing, or you
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 6: don't want to go, but you're just not being straight
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 6: up and being like, yeah, probably not gonna make that
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 6: one or so it's a little bit about you being honest.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: To yeah, because people pleasing is a lie. Yes, that's
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: a lie, because you're not you're only just growing resentment
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: towards the people that you're pleasing that you don't feel
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: like it, so you're really not You're pleasing other people
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: while taking away your own kind of sanctuary of space.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: And it only gets worse as you get older.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: So you have to really honor the time that you
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: want to spend by yourself, and filling your cup up
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: is way more important and you're gonna have way more
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: bandwidth for when you're around.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: Other people when you have enough energy on your own.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 3: And also like, it's okay to disappoint people sometimes it's
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: okay for them to be man.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: And also it's okay to just be honest and say, hey,
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: I'm just not in the mood. I mean, I'm really spent,
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: really tired. I've been socializing. I promise myself I'm going
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: to take some time, and I am. And that's what
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: I need to do tonight.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 5: So it's okay to just not show up like everybody's
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 5: grown exactly.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, well some people are, but some people are
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: still growing. I mean they look like they're grown, but
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: they're not now anyway, Well, I hope that helps John
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: get your shit together. As our final statement for that. Yeah,
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: so problem solved, Sam, It's been a pleasure as usual.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: It was fun, all right, Love you Sam Jay. Everybody
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: make sure you watch your special on Max.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, So show dates coming up Canadian show dates. These
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming January nineteenth, Edmonton, January twentieth,
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: Saskatoon February ninth. I'll be in Winnipeg February twenty third.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: Calgary that is almost sold out, so we'll get your tickets. Victoria,
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: BC is March eighth, March ninth. Is Kelowna also almost
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: sold out. Not sure if I'm adding second shows yet
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: because of my schedule. Vancouver is March twenty ninth, and
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: that is almost sold out. Then I will be in
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: Salt Lake City April fourth and Denver April fifth. I'm
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 2: coming to Arizona at Maricopa April twelfth. April thirteen, I'll
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: be in Brooks, California at the Cash Creek Casino, and
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: then I'm going to be in Santa Rosa Sunday, April fourteenth.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: I'm coming to Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland on April twentieth, Gary, Indiana,
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: Prior Lake, Minnesota. Coming to Oklahoma Norman, Oklahoma on May
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: third and May fourth. I will be in Thackerville, Oklahoma
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: for my rescheduled Windstar World Casino date. And I want
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: to make sure that I give a shout out to
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: our show for Netflix. As a joke festival, I put
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: together a show with some of my favorite comics. It's
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: May eleventh at the YouTube Theater Downtown, which I've never
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: performed in, so that's going to be fun. It's pretty big.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: I have Beteo Lane, I have Fortune Themester performing. I
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: have Sam Jays on the show and Vanessa Gonzale. So
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: we it is called a Jew two Mexicans, No, a
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 2: Jew two days at a Mexican.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: You know, a Jew three days at a.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: Mexican, So it's political correctness at its finest. And then
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: I will be in Verona, New York on May twenty sixth,
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 2: and then I'm coming to Australia in July and New
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: Zealand July fifth, Auckland and I'm coming to Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Brisbane,
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: Sydney and then Thursday, August first, which is a long
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: way away and a date I am just seeing that
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 2: I am not ready to announce. Okay, So those are
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: all my dates that are up and available, so get
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: your tickets.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to see you. Yeah, that's it.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 3: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 3: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 3: com