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Andy Stanley- What Happy Couples Know Part 3 Sometimes You Have to Throw Things · Andy Stanley Sermons

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We're brought here today by the love that Sarah and Davis share for each other.
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We're going to be so happy. We will be so happy, and
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I'm going to crush it at being a husband. I really hope she looks
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like her picture. Pete says she has a good personality. That's a red
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flag. Davis, WHOA, that is one beautiful personality. CUTI alert,
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thank you, Sorry, I got you a latte. Thanks. Why did
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I just say quickly say something? Oh yeah, that's dairy. Probably should
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have immediately correct him. So do you sports failure? Yeah? I love
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golf? What No, I don't. I hate golf me too, Yes,
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I love with the chipping and the putting birdies. No tweet tweet,
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you get a hold of yourself. I'm so what are you? Are you
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looking for in a relationship? Oh my gosh, I'm gonna dialogue? Oh
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you know, it's an umm, someone just like me, someone who's just
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kind of their own person, someone pretty adventurous, someone who likes to stay
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at home, someone who will just listen to me, someone who doesn't talk
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too much, someone who isn't intimidated by how much money I make. Somebody
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who doesn't mind how little money I make. He looks like a good dad.
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I hope she doesn't want kids liked soon. You know, it's like
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another person. That's me. I mean me too. I think I love
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her. Wow, time blue by, it's over. Think fast? Oh
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yeah, oh yes, you gotta do you want me to? Maybe you
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should I give her a hug? Is that weird? No? Okay?
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No kids? Okay? No? Wait? Oh my gosh, what do
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I do? This is? What is this happening? He sounds good?
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Well I just see it. Well, you messed that up. It's okay,
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we'll crush our second date. So we are in part three of what
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do happy Couples Know? And so the question is what do happy couples know?
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And here's what happy couples know that over time, and sometimes initially but
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oftentimes eventually, that our hopes, dreams, and desires become expectations, and
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they become expectations when we take our hopes, dreams, and desires which seems
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so light and so happy and so tangible and so easily fulfilled, and we
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hand them to somebody else, and it feels like that. And so from
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my perspective, it's hope, streams and desires. I mean, who wouldn't
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want to, you know, organize family the way I want to organize family,
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resolve conflict the way I want to resolve conflict. I mean, I
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know exactly how we're going to do money and budgets or no budgets. I
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know how many kids we're gonna have, and when we're gonna have. I
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know I'm gonna get to keep my car and you're going to drive whatever,
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and I know where we'll live. And so we we all come into our
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relationships with hope, streams and desires, and from our perspective, that's what
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they are. But from the perspective of the person on the other side of
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me, or the other side of you, or the other side of Sandra,
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it begins to feel like and look like expectations, And then what was
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meant to be enjoyable becomes transactional. And when the relationships becomes to when the
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relationship becomes transactional, it's not as much fun anymore because everybody's negotiating and we
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did it your way last time, it's my turn to do it my way.
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It was your family last time, it's my family this time. You
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got to spend extra on Hey, you blew the budget, I get to
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blow the budget, and back and forth, back and forth, and now
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we're negotiating, and now it's debt debtor. And the problem with transactional is
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the best negotiator in the relationship always wins because it's a negotiation. So the
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best negotiator continues to win. He always wins, she always wins. I
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had my plan, I knew exactly what I was gonna say, I had
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my approach all planned out, and she won again. He won again.
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And the problem is in a relationship, when someone wins, the relationship loses.
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In a relationship, when I win, we loses. When you win,
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we loses. But the problem is we all bring this stuff into the
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relationship and we just can't help it. It's absolutely unavoidable. And it's not
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just you know, the kinds of stuff that you can put in a box.
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A lot of it is intangible. It's things that maybe you haven't thought
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through, but they're kind of on the emotional, intangible, relational side of
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things. When you think about you know, future successful, happy relationships,
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you think about things like this, right, I mean, you want to
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be respected, I do you want to be desired? You want to be
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admired. I mean, as guys, we want to you know, whoever
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we spend our life with, we want them to think that we have what
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it takes. And the reason we want them to think we have what it
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takes is because about every other hour of every other day, we wonder if
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we have what it takes. But I want Sander to think I have what
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it takes. We want to be cherished, protected, defended. I want
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to be trusted. I don't want somebody always checking up on me, and
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I want somebody who's trustworthy. I want to be prioritized. You don't want
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to compete with his car, you know, you don't want to compete with
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her job. You don't want to compete with his income. You don't want
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to compete with her family. You want to be pursued, you want to
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be attracted to you. I mean, there's all these things in the list
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goes on and on and on, and these are good things, and these
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are good things. In fact, some of these things I think are a
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reflection of the image of God in us, So that this isn't a good
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bad thing. This is just a thing thing. But the question is what
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do we do and how do we handle this, This is just an ongoing
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relational dynamic. So last week we said in the week before that as well,
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we said that happy couples know that in order to keep hope streams and
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desires, to keep them from feeling like expectations, you have to make a
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decision. And the fundamental primary decision that you make is he doesn't owe me,
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she doesn't owe me. Yes, this is what I desire, but
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I'm not expecting him. I'm not expecting her. He doesn't owe me,
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she doesn't owe me. And then last week we looked at what I think
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is the most powerful relational dynamic in the whole world, the whole idea of
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mutual submission. Mutual submission that in a Christian marriage, specifically, it is
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a race to the back of the line. In a Christian marriage, it
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is a submission competition. Everybody's trying to put the other person first. And
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if you you argue over how can I put you first? As opposed as
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opposed to how can I get to the front of the line, and a
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submission competition in that kind of relationship. We talked about that whenever it becomes
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a tug of war over expectations and desires, and wishes and dreams that happy
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couples know. Happy couples know in order to win. In order to win,
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the only way to win is to drop your end of the rope,
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because in dropping your end of the rope, you put yourself in the back
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of the line. But it's scary to go first, But happy couples know
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that you have to go first in order to be last, in order to
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win in the relationship. So today, what do we do with these And
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the good news is Peter tells us Now, Peter was a follower of Jesus,
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one of Jesus' original followers. In fact, some of the most famous
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stories in the New Testament have to do with Peter and all the cool things
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Peter did. Peter had a big mouth, Peter got in trouble, Peter
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talked too much. Peter was a coward at the end, and in the
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end he was one of the first two people to look into an empty tomb
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and realize that Jesus had risen from the dead. Now Peter is somebody we
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should listen to, not only because he's spent three or so years listening to
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Jesus. And by the way, everything Jesus taught doesn't show up in the
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gospels. The gospel writer John said, Hey, if I were to have
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if I had written everything down, Jesus said, it would take up all
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the books in the world. So Jesus taught so much about so many things,
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and Peter was there for all of it. And then after Jesus left
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the earth, Peter went on to help other people become Christians and to teach
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what Jesus taught. But he faced extraordinary persecution and eventually his life was taken
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from him, probably under Nero in the sad city of Rome. So he
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knew what it was like to be with Jesus, he knew what Jesus taught,
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but he also knew what it was like to face extraordinary hardship. And
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so Peter tells us exactly what to do with all the things in our box,
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because he gives us a relational principle that is not specific to marriage and
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specific to romantic relationships, but it certainly applies to those as we're about to
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see. Now. I got to warn you, though, what Peter says
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is a little weird, okay, And what Peter says may be a little
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uncomfortable for you. And what Peter says may just seem so religious you're not
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sure you want to embrace it. So I just want to invite you,
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if you would, to put down your skepticism for just a few minutes,
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put down your objections for just a few minutes, and listen to the words
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of a man come on, who knew Jesus. And besides that, the
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alternatives to what Peter suggests, they don't work either. I mean, what
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are you gonna do with this stuff? Right? What are you gonna do
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with this just you're gonna ignore it? You can't ignore it. If you
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just ignore it, you're gonna become in health, you're just gonna be a
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pretender. And pretenders are no fun to have in a relationship. And eventually
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the person you're in a relationship with is gonna think you're getting kind of weird.
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And if you just give and give and give and give and give and
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give, and never acknowledge what's in your heart and never acknowledge perhaps the God
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given desires that rattle around in your heart and your soul, eventually you're gonna
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get worn out. You're gonna get tired. The relationship isn't gonna be healthy
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because you aren't gonna be healthy. And besides that, ignoring your hope streams
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and desires doesn't make the relationship any better. What is your other option?
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You can just stay busy, I guess, you know, just you know,
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pour more time into tennis, more time into golf, more time into
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work, more time into the kids, more time into hunting. Something that
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just keeps you apart. So you just kind of show up like roommates.
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But that's not what you got into this for. I mean, that's no
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fun, that's not exciting. It certainly doesn't model anything positive for your kids
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when you have kids, or if you have kids. So staying busy isn't
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isn't an answer. Creating your own world isn't an answer. And besides that,
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this sets you up for the third eye option, which is, I'm
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just gonna go find someone else. Now, if you're dating and you're just
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a few months in or a few weeks in, or you know, you're
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not engaged yet, you're just kind of moving in the direction of maybe a
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permanent relationship, and it dawns on you that your hope's dreams and desires are
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nothing like the person you're dating's hopes, dreams and desires. Then you probably
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should change relationships or maybe get out of that relationship because there's time and you
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have that opportunity. And this is very very very important. But if you're
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in a relationship, and especially and obviously if you're married, this simply getting
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out of the relationship oftentimes doesn't solve anything. And here's why, and this
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is this is pretty deep. Okay, wherever you go, there you are.
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Let me go over that again. Okay, wherever you go there you
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are. In other words, you go with you and whatever part of the
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relationship problem you are, you're going to take that into your next relationship.
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So simply swapping out people oftentimes doesn't solve anything because you're still the same old
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girl you used to be. And besides that, this is still a lot
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of weight for somebody to carry around. And just because somebody else couldn't fulfill
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your hopestreams and wishes, what makes you think you're gonna find somebody else who
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can. Besides that, besides that, when you meet this other person,
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and you know this, but sometimes it's just good to hear somebody tell you
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when you meet this other person. If you're married and you meet somebody else
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or you're engaged. It's like I met this other person. Or you're in
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a committed relationship and you meet this other person. Let me tell you about
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the other person. I've met them. Okay, they are on their best
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behavior. You don't know them, you're not gonna get tell mean, remember
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when you were dating the first time, and now you're meeting this other person.
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You're on your best behavior too. They think you're incredible. They just
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need to talk to your husband or your wife, or your fiance or your
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roommate. I mean, aren't we all on our best behavior? And so
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it's so enticing, it seems so easy and the problem with this, This
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is so much easier than staying in a tough relationship, and it feels so
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fresh and exciting, and it stirs all that stuff that got stirred up the
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first time around. But this is generally not the answer. Again, here's
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an observation that I promise I'm not gonna stay here too long. This is
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another message for another day, but just in case, this is for you.
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People don't rush into a new relationship because they're eager to give their lives
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to someone. In other words, the person that you're thinking about getting in
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a new relationship with Okay, you're not anxious for that new relationship because it's
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like, Wow, I just want to know what his or her hope streams
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and desires are. I need a new relationship so I can help somebody else
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fulfill their hope streams and desires. That's not why you're looking for something new.
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And by the way, that's not what they're looking for either. People
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don't jump into new relationships because they're trying to give their lives away. You
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know, the problem with my relationship is I just can't give my life to
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my husband. I can't give my life to my wife. I just can't
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give my life to my fiance. I gotta find somebody else. That's not
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what's going on, is it. I mean, come on, let's be
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adults. Let's be honest. You're hoping to get something that you aren't getting.
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You're hoping to have something happen on the inside of you that is not
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happening on the inside of you. You're hoping to get some of the stuff
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in the box that you're not getting, even though it's been in your box
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for long long time. To be honest, this isn't about giving of yourself.
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You may just be looking for somebody to get the stuff from, and
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get the affection from, and get the affirmation from that you're not getting in
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your current relationship. And you should at least know that, and you should
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be honest enough with yourself to acknowledge that, which means you're gonna hate me
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for this. But if you are dating someone who is recently divorced, time
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is your friend. If you are recently divorced and you're dating someone, time
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is your friend. In fact, the only rule I have for our pastors
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and our staff in terms of who they marry or remarry. My only rule
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for all these years has been not to do a wedding for anyone who's divorced
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and has been divorced for less than two years. You say, Andy,
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why two years? And it's because I don't think I can talk people into
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five years. That's why two years? Okay, Because if I can talk
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here into five years, I talk you into five. And let me just
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tell you this, I've been doing this a long long time. Time is
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your friend. But come on, let's be honest. Why do we rush
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into another relationship. It's not because we just want to be selfless with someone
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new, is it No, it's because I got this dang box and I
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am tired of lugging it around and I'm ready to hand it to somebody new
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because I think she's gonna do it better. He's gonna do a better job.
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Now again, we don't think this way, but come on, you
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just gotta be honest about this stuff, right. So when you start feeling
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pressure in this new relationship with this new person, when you start feeling pressure
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to perform, when you start feeling pressure to maintain, when you start feeling
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pressure to you know, step it up, you probably need to hit pause,
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and you may need to hit eject. And if your mama said hitding,
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you need to hit a ject, okay, because she knows. And
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if two or three of your friends have come to you and said, okay,
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you know he's really cute, but hey, okay, if two or
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three friends of you they're red flights, come on, pay attention. Just
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getting into a new relationship doesn't mean anything changes except the face and the address
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and the complexity perhaps of the problem. So okay, back to what we're
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talking about. So the question is for today, what in the world do
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we do with this stuff? And as I said, Peter, tells us.
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And in one of his letters that he wrote to Christians in the first
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century, he picks up on this, you know, put other's first idea.
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He doesn't use the phrase mutual submission like the apostle Paul did. He
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uses a different term. So we're going to jump into this passage and make
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this super practical. So here's what Peter says. This is powerful. He
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says, all of you, that's all of you, all of you clothe
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yourselves. That is put on so that you're characterized by all of you.
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Put on. Clothe yourself with humility toward one another. It said general relationship
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principle that we're gonna apply romantic relationships in just a minute. In other words,
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clothe yourself with humility. That means go small, That means go others
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first. That means go to the back of a line. That means at
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every relationship iteration, at every point of decision, at every transition, anytime
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there's a potential conflict. Here's what you're supposed to do. You should ask
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yourself, what would a humble person do? So we're gonna practice that because
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most of us have never asked that question before. Right, Well, what
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a humble person, do you say, well, Andy, I'm not really
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humble. I know that's why we're asking this question. And you don't have
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to be humble, but you should at least know what a humble person does,
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because in just a minute, Paul's i mean, Peter's gonna tell us
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why he says that. And when he tells us why, you might get
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interested. So I would like for all of us, and if you're at
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home alone, this is gonna be weird. It's gonna be weirder if there
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are other people in the room. But I would like for all of us
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to say out loud, because this is a powerful and compelling question. I
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want us to all ask the question, what would a humble person do?
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Ready, here we go, what would a humble you should? You don't
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have to do it, you should at least ask the question. You should
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at least pause and ask the question. Okay, if I were humble,
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what humble person do? Now, let me tell you a little little secret
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about humility. If you start doing what a humble person does, you'll be
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humble. You. Oh no, it's an internal thing. It's not see
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you read your mind, you know if you're arrogant, But everybody else just
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reads your actions, and actions speak louder then exactly. So, if you
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start doing what a humble person does, you'll be humble. And if you
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go, oh, I'm already humble. No, you're just reading your own
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thoughts. We're reading your actions. You're not so stopping every once in a
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while, I'm telling you this is a relational game changer and asking the question,
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Okay, I know what I'm gear enough to do. I know what
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I normally do. I know how I feel, I know what happened last
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time, I know what my mama says. But you just stop and you
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go okay. But if I were to go small, if I were to
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go into the line, if I were to put someone else first, what
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would that look like in this circumstance, what would a humble person do?
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Now? Before you, you know, just turn me off. Listen to
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how Peter finishes this statement. All of you clothe yourself with humility toward one
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another, because why humility, Peter? Because God opposes proud. It's like,
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oh, okay, yeah, what what a humble? In other words,
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do you really want to be in opposition to God? In fact,
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some of you would say the reason I don't believe, you know, I
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don't believe in God. I'm so sure about a personal God. Part of
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it is, you know, you've stiff armed God a little bit. And
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Peter, who knew Jesus, who was the son of God, said that
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God pulls back from proud people. That God leans away from and leans back
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from proud people. And before you judge God too harshly, that's what you
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do as well, Right, I mean, you don't you don't You're not
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drawn to arrogant people, right, don't you pull back? Don't you kind
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of resist entitled people, demanding people, people who are always trying to squeeze
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out of you whatever they can get out of you for their benefit, and
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they only think about themselves and they rarely think about how their behavior impacts you.
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But look what he says. God opposes the proud, but he shows
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favor or grace. In fact, grace is actually a better translation of this
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word. He shows grace or favor to the humble. Now, this is
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an extraordinary promise, and in the English text it's a little hard to see
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how this is a promise. But here's what this means. Peter says that
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when you humble yourself in a relationship. It is an invitation for God to
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give you the strength you need, the endurance you need, the power you
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need to maintain and to do the right thing. Because humility is an invitation
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to God. Humility is an invitation of God humility throughout the Old and New
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Testament, humility. And perhaps you've experienced that humility. When we go small,
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when we go back the line, when we go others first, it
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is an invitation for God to do something extraordinary in our lives and in our
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relationships. So he says this, let me say it again a different way.
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Peter says, humble yourselves. Therefore under God's mighty hand. Not under
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God's mighty hand like gotcha, Not that kind of under God's mighty hand.
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To be under God's mighty hand is to be under the canopy of his protection,
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is to be under the canopy of his authority. He says. When
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you go humble, you are basically backing into the safest place you could be.
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Because God leans into the humble. God leans toward the person that says,
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what is the humble thing to do? What would a humble person do?
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When she says, when he says, when he doesn't, and when
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she does, and this is an imperative. It's when you want to power
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up, when you want to get demanding, when you want to defend.
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He says, no, ask what would a humble person do? And then
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you just do that? And not only are you under God's mighty hand,
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He's about to say, you're also in God's mighty head. So it's not
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only under authority, it's not only under protection. It's in a place where,
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when God is ready, he can do something extraordinary for you. And
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that brings us to this second promise, that or the purpose or the result
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that He may lift you up because you're in his mighty hand. God,
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I've done the humble thing. I've done the submissive thing. I've done the
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you know, I've done the others. First thing, I've placed myself in
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your mighty hand. And God says, and when the time comes, when
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the time is right, you've put yourself in a position to where I can
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lift you up. Now you hear all that and you think, Okay,
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you're the preacher. I'm sure that makes perfect sense to you. I have
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no idea what you're talking about. Okay, I don't even think God had
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hands in fact, I read somewhere in the Bible where he had wings.
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So does he have wings or does he have hands? Okay, is God?
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An egle is God? A lion is God? What God's mighty hand
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like, I'm supposed to go home and say, God, you know,
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give me a hand? You know what? What does this even mean?
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So I think when Peter was writing this, this made perfect sense to him
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because of the context and culture he was. I think he's writing this and
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he realizes, Okay, this is probably way over everybody's head. So I
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need to give him some handles. I need to explain exactly what I'm talking
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about. What does it mean to go humble? What does it mean to
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put others first? In this context? What does it mean to rest under
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God's mighty hand place? What does that look like? So Peter gets really,
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really practical. Now, a few weeks ago, Clay Scragan's preached on
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this very same passage in a different context and gave us an incredible, incredible
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visual some of you might remember that. So we're gonna look at what Peter
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says within the context now of relationships, personal romantic relationships. And here's what
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Peter says. This is incredible. He says, I'm inviting you because I
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spent time with Jesus and so speaking on behalf of Jesus, the Son of
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God, he says, I'm inviting you check this out. He says,
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cast all your anxiety, all your frustrations all year, she said. He
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said, I thought, I always thought it was going to be, always
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dreamed it would be a promise. Cast all of your anxiety on him.
23:00
Talking about God and whose mighty hand you stand, and under whose mighty hands
23:03
you dwell cast all your anxiety on him. In other words, don't miss
23:06
this. This is an invitation for you to unload on God. Here's what
23:12
he's saying. He saying, Look, instead of trying to get you know
23:17
your significant other or whoever it is you're in love with, to carry this
23:21
stuff around, He says, I want you to cast it. I want
23:23
you to hurl it. I want you to fling it towards your heavenly Father,
23:30
all your anxieties, all your cares, all your frustrations, all your
23:36
unfulfilled dreams, all your he promised, And she said, and I believed,
23:40
And I thought, and I thought we'd talked that through, and I
23:41
thought we'd agreed upon. Peter says, Okay, before you take it to
23:45
them, take it to him, cast all of it on your heavenly father.
23:53
Wow. Now here's where you're gonna struggle with this, and so I'm
23:56
gonna kind of bear down a little bit, okay, maybe comfortably. You've
24:02
got to stop praying polite prayers. Okay, don't pray polite prayers. Don't
24:11
pray formal prayers. Okay, stop praying formal prayers as well. In fact,
24:15
sometimes I talk to people and it's like, well, you know,
24:18
Andy, you know I used to pray. I don't know how to pray.
24:19
I'm like, yes, you do. And here's how I know that,
24:22
because you need to pray honest prayers, and everybody knows how to pray
24:26
an honest prayer. You may have never prayed one because you were prayed,
24:30
or because you memorize prayers as a child, or because the only prayers you
24:33
pray are behind the steering wheel or why you're putting on makeup or at the
24:37
meal. But Peter's like, Okay, forget all that. I'm talking about
24:38
some different kind of praying. I want you to get honest. In fact,
24:44
when it comes to praying about this kind of stuff. You need to
24:47
get on your knees by yourself. You go, andy, that's weird.
24:52
I said, I told you part of this is going to be weird.
24:52
Let me tell you why you need to be on your knees, because you
24:56
know what. Being on your knees demonstrates humility, and in some cases,
25:00
if you're desperate, you need to raise your hands. You go, Okay,
25:03
that's really weird. Do you know why you need to raise your hands?
25:06
Who raises their hands? Children? Children? Hope? Let me pick
25:11
you up. When you go to pick a child up, what do they
25:11
do? They raise those hands. They're saying, I'm dependent on you say
25:18
okay, okay, okay, I think I'll just maybe find a comfortable chair
25:21
and look up here. This is very important, you know you say it
25:25
is the posture of prayer important. It's very important. Let me explain why.
25:27
Because your brain is connected to your body. Your brain is connected to
25:33
your body, Your body is connected to your mind, and your posture sends
25:37
your mind and your mind sends your body signals. Now you know this,
25:42
and some of you study that. Some of you could come up here and
25:45
explain this better than I could. In his incredible book, Love Does.
25:48
Bob Goff tells this incredible story. He's when it was an attorney for many,
25:51
many years and when he was doing depositions, or when one of his
25:53
clients was being deposed and having to go through a deposition. Here's the advice
25:56
he would give them. He would say, when we get there, I
25:59
want you to sit at the table. I want you to put your hands
26:02
in your lap. I want you to put rest your arms on your knees,
26:04
and I want you to open your hands and do not close your hands,
26:08
because it is virtually impossible to be defensive with your hands open. What
26:15
happens to your hands when you start getting defensive? What do they do?
26:18
They start going like this? You just try this at home. In fact,
26:21
some of you, you're gonna get home and you're gonna notice everybody sitting
26:23
around the table and slightly trying to eat like this because you know I'm not
26:26
getting defensive. You know, I just you know there there's something I'm telling
26:30
you. There's something about your posture. And when you decide I'm gonna get
26:34
in the habit of casting all my hopes and dreams and desires on my father
26:40
in heaven. You should be in a posture of prayer that signifies submission.
26:45
And if it's a tough, tough, tough season in that relationship, you
26:49
may need to lift your arms, because you're lifting of your arms is a
26:53
sign of desperation. In other words, here's what Peter's saying. He's saying,
26:59
Look, you're you're gonna take all this energy somewhere. Start with your
27:03
father in heaven, not the guy down the hall, not your wife in
27:07
the other room. Don't wait for that garage door to open and get ready
27:11
to unload your hope, streams and desires. You start with your father in
27:17
heaven, and you pray this out loud. Told you this is gonna be
27:23
weird. But let me just tell you something. If you're in any of
27:26
our rooms, if you're in any of our gatherings, I would bet you
27:30
just about anything, there are people within ten people of you who could come
27:34
up on this stage right now and tell their story about how they learn to
27:38
pour out their heart their heavenly father. And here's what they would say.
27:42
They would say, it was that habit, it was those prayers of desperation.
27:47
It was those honest and polite prayers where I found the strength to carry
27:51
on. I found the strength to endure. I found the ability to take
27:53
one more step. I found the ability to go back into that relationship.
27:57
I found the ability to listen. I found my strength on my knees in
28:02
the small place, so that I could experience the peace of God, the
28:07
presence of God. And sometimes it was almost like the power of God in
28:11
the difficult times. Now, Peter didn't make this whole cast your cares on
28:17
the Lord thing up. He actually lifted this from one of David's psalms,
28:21
written hundreds of years earlier. So, because I know some of you have
28:23
never prayed honest prayers. Again, you say, well, I don't know
28:26
how to pray. You do know how to pray, you just haven't done
28:27
it like this. Because if you've ever been mad, you know how to
28:30
pray. If you've ever lost your temper, you know how to pray.
28:33
If you've ever told someone off, you know how to pray. That's part
28:37
of what praying is. And the thing is, Peter, this is powerful.
28:40
You see, one day Peter and the guys, the Disciples, they
28:42
would watch Jesus go away and pray, and then they would pray and they
28:47
would look at each other and they would say, I don't think we're doing
28:48
it right. These were Jewish boys who memorize all kinds of prayers, but
28:52
they would watch Jesus pray and they were like, it's different. I mean
28:56
it's lucky he's going there in a wrestling match. I mean he gets kind
28:57
of loud. I think we should move for further away, right, I
29:00
don't know if we should overhear this. And so one day they went to
29:03
Jesus. This was their praying and his praying were so different. One day
29:07
they went to Jesus. You remember this maybe if you grew up in church,
29:10
and they said, Jesus teach us to pray, which means we've been
29:15
praying. We don't pray like you. We don't think we're doing it right.
29:19
So, all these years later, Peter says, okay, I learned
29:22
a few things about prayer. Unload on your father in heaven cast throw fling
29:30
it all at him. So anyway, he lifts this little phrase out of
29:36
the Psalm of David getting back to that, and so what I want to
29:37
do real quickly, I want to read you a bit of this psalm where
29:41
he got this, because it's a great example of what I'm talking about now,
29:45
when David would write he's a poet, he's a warrior. I mean,
29:48
he's been covered in the blood of his enemy. I mean he's a
29:52
king, he's a shepherd, been there, done that. He's an adulterer,
29:55
he's forgiven. I mean, he's a father, he's a grandfather,
29:57
He's all these different rolls, and yet time after time after time, he
30:02
would recenter himself on his relationship with God, and he would write his prayers,
30:06
and his prayers were kind of like journals and prayers and rants all mixed
30:10
together and God. The scripture says he was a man after God's own heart.
30:15
So I think we all have permission to do this. So here's an
30:18
example of what I'm talking about. Okay, this is David. If an
30:21
enemy, not a friend, If an enemy were insulting me, I could
30:23
endure it. That's what enemies do. If a foe were rising against me,
30:29
I could hide. But it is you he's writing this down. But
30:32
it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend.
30:36
I can't believe he would do this. I can't believe she would do
30:38
this. I can't believe they've turned on me. With whom I once enjoyed
30:41
sweet fellowship at the House of God. We used to go to church together.
30:45
As we walked about among the worshipers, and people thought, Oh,
30:48
look, how there's such a lovely couple. Oh, they get along,
30:49
and it's like, I can't believe it's happening to me. Check this out.
30:53
Let death be honest day. Let death take my enemies by surprise.
30:59
Let them go down a little to the realm of the dead, for evil
31:00
finds lodging among them. Who can you say that to God? Do you
31:04
know what the English equivalent of this is? To hell with them? That's
31:11
what that means, to hell with them? Oh okay, he keeps going.
31:19
As for me, I call to God and the Lord saves me,
31:22
and I check this out. Okay, this is so powerful. Not behind
31:26
the steering wheel on the way to work, Not while I'm putting on my
31:30
makeup, Not while I'm you know, getting dressed and having a thought prayer
31:33
evening morning and noon, evening morning and noon, evening, morning and noon.
31:37
I cry out in distress, and he hears my thoughts. He hears
31:42
my voice, Dave saying, sometimes I'm so desperate and frustrated. I pray
31:48
three times a day, and I pray loud, and they are not polite
31:52
prayers. Wow. And as a result, he rescues me. He rescues
31:57
me, unharmed from the bow waged against me. He's like a war,
32:01
he says, even though many opposed me. God love is God who is
32:07
enthroned. He lifts his eyes off of his circumstances, off these relationships.
32:10
God who is enthroned from of old, who does not change. He will
32:15
hear them and humble them because they have no fear of God. God's gonna
32:19
get my enemies. Wow, my companion, my companion, This person that
32:22
I thought was a friend. My companion attacks his friends. That's me.
32:25
He violates his promise. He broke his promise. He violated his covenant.
32:30
He said, she said, he promised. She promised. I thought we
32:32
I thought we were on the same page. Didn't we agree? Haven't we
32:36
talked about that? Didn't we write it down? He violates his covenant with
32:40
me. And he's such a talker. She's such a negotiator. He always
32:45
wins the argument. She always wins the argument. His talk is smooth as
32:49
butter, Yet war is in his heart. His words are more soothing than
32:52
oil. Yet they are drawn swords. Everybody's like, she's so sweet.
32:55
I'm like, no, she's not sweet. You ought to see her else.
32:58
She's like an home. He is so sharp, he is so polite,
33:02
he's so gentle. Oh that's an act. You should see the way
33:06
he is at home. Words. Oh knows how to use words. Smooth
33:08
as butter, smooth as silk. But behind all that his swords. And
33:14
then David kind of regathers himself, recenters himself, and he makes this statement
33:21
that Peter lifts up and uses in the New Testament years later. He says,
33:23
this, cast here, it is cast. Throw herl fling your cares
33:29
on the Lord, and he will sustain you. He will never let the
33:34
righteous be shaken, or he will never let the righteous be brought down.
33:39
But you, He's not done. But you, God will bring down.
33:44
I might not be brought down, the righteous may not be brought down,
33:46
but you, God will bring down the wicked into the pit of decay.
33:51
The bloodthirsty and deceitful will not live out half their days. See that's not
33:58
nice, is it? You know what that is? That's honest? You
34:02
ever prayed like that? I know you've unleashed hell on you know, the
34:07
person you're living with, or your husband or your wife, or you know,
34:10
you just kind of I'm gonna tell you one more time. You know
34:13
you've done that. But if you ever talked to God that way, you're
34:15
like, I didn't know we could talk to God that way. Look,
34:19
if you've never been that honest with God, my friends, you've never opened
34:23
your heart completely to God. He doesn't want polite if he wants you,
34:30
and that's part of humility. It's heart wide open. God. I am
34:36
so frustrated. I am so fed up, I am so done, I
34:39
am so over it. I got I wish I'd never met him. I
34:45
wish i'd never married her. I wish I'd never slept with him. Well
34:49
there's that, okay, I wish i'd never met him. You know,
34:52
I'm so I'm just so over it, and I need you because I don't
34:58
know what to do. I mean, this isn't unrealistic. We talked about
35:01
this. God, I need you. And here's the thing, and I
35:07
understand this. If you didn't have permission to be that honest with your parents
35:10
growing up, especially with your father, don't you talk to me that way,
35:14
you know, one of those deals, this is going to be hard
35:16
for you. And I've been doing this a long time. And when my
35:21
kids hit that age where they just had some things to say, I told
35:24
Sandra, it's okay. I am honored. And I'd always tell them when
35:29
they would just lose it at me, on me, because of me,
35:30
whatever it might be, I would just absorb it, and when they were
35:36
finished, I would say, thank you, thank you for honoring me with
35:42
what's inside of you. And you're thinking you're making that up. If you
35:45
didn't do that with your teenage kids, Yes, I did. And you
35:52
know why I did it because I've known for a long long time that my
35:57
father in Heaven invites that kind of feedback from me, even when I'm wrong,
36:02
even when I'm misguided, even when I don't see the world the way
36:06
the world really is. And I decided a long time ago before my kids
36:08
ever hit adolescens, you know what, I would rather them bring it to
36:14
me fearlessly than to shut it down and let all that energy go somewhere else.
36:22
But here's the best part of all. This is so powerful. And
36:28
if you've been away from church for a long time, or you've been out
36:30
of church for a long time, or you're skeptical. I get that.
36:32
If I were you, I would be as skeptical as you are. If
36:35
I went to school where you went to school, I'm sure i'd have the
36:37
same you know, thoughts and doubts, and if I was raised the way
36:38
you were. So I'm not critical at all. I mean, we are
36:42
where we are because of things in most cases we had no control over.
36:45
I get that. But if you're the least bit open, this next part,
36:50
this is gold. This is so powerful. He says, cast your
36:53
anxiety on him. Why because he cares for you. That's why. The
37:01
reason you can bring it, the reason he's not offended, the reason he's
37:06
not gonna shut you down, the reason he's not gonna be like whoa,
37:08
we don't use that kind of language, you know, is because he cares
37:12
for you. Listen, if it's important to you, it is important to
37:15
your father in heaven. That's how good fathers are. Right. If it's
37:21
important to you, it is important to your father in heaven, because you
37:24
are important to your father in heaven. And Peter saw this in Jesus.
37:31
I mean, come on, Peter really saw it, because there at the
37:36
end, Peter was exactly like the friend in David's som He spent three years
37:44
with Jesus and saw it all, did it all, walked on water,
37:46
did the whole deal, and at the end he betrayed his friend. And
37:52
in the end Jesus took him back. He didn't just take him back,
37:58
he put him in charge of the whole enterprise. Peter knew God can handle
38:04
it. God can take it. You are invited to bring it again.
38:09
You're gonna unload this somewhere, your heavenly father says, Start with me,
38:17
Start with me. Get on your knees every day and just give me your
38:22
list, Give me your box, give me your expectations, give me your
38:27
disappointment, give me your heartbreak. Give me all the things he or she
38:31
promised or the things that aren't working out. I'm telling you bring them to
38:35
me every single day, because that is an expression of humility, and humility
38:38
is an invitation for God to do something remarkable. But I gotta warn you,
38:45
the first remarkable thing God does will not be in the person down the
38:50
hall. The first remarkable God, the first remarkable thing God does, if
38:55
you do this, will be in you. In fact, you'll begin to
39:02
see this box differently. You'll begin to see some of the things in this
39:07
box differently. Chances are you'll take some things out of the box. You
39:14
may discover that you've been trying to squeeze something out of your husband or your
39:19
wife or fiance that was never in them to give in the first place,
39:22
and that they weren't created to give you in the first place. And you
39:29
may discover that you both really hope for, and dream of and wish for
39:35
the very same thing. But that transformation will never happen as long as you're
39:42
taking it to them first. And so your heavenly Father says, I invite
39:47
you, no more happy prayers, no more polite prayers, no more you
39:52
know, go through all the just just bring it to me, you see.
39:58
Happy couples know. Couples know that hopes, wishes and dreams and hopes,
40:01
dreams and desires quickly become expectations. And happy couples know that they just
40:06
have to decide the other person doesn't know me anything. Happy couples know that
40:09
it's a submission competition, that it is a raise to the back of the
40:13
line, And happy couples know that sometimes, sometimes, sometimes you have to
40:19
throw things. And there's one other thing, that one other thing that Happy
40:23
Couples know, and we'll talk about that next week as we wrap up our
40:27
series What Happy Couples Know,