Latest / ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women / 128 // What is the Cost of Negative-Thinking in ADHD?

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128 // What is the Cost of Negative-Thinking in ADHD? · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

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  Have you ever stopped to consider what your negative thinking is costing you?
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  Are you tired of feeling like you don't fit in? Like you're not good enough the way you are?
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  In this podcast, I will give you the strategies to build God-centered confidence
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  so you can know in your heart that you do belong.
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  You are enough and you are made on purpose and with a purpose.
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  Hey, I'm Kelsey Spronk, fellow ADHD mom and entrepreneur.
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  Join me in building confidence so you can experience.
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  Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host,
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  Kelsey, and today we're going to talk about what the cost of negative thinking in ADHD is.
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  Now before I get into that, don't forget to click that follow button so you
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  don't miss out on upcoming episodes.
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  All right, in today's episode, as I typically do, I will break it down into
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  kind of a couple of steps and tips for you and then give you some practical
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  ways that you can implement this.
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  But first, I just want you to think about in your life, how many times have
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  you been in a situation, whether it's on your own or with others,
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  thinking about the future, thinking about a conversation that maybe hasn't even happened.
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  And how many times do you get caught in catastrophizing, in ruminating about something negative,
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  in thinking that the worst is going to happen, that you're going to fail,
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  that nobody's going to like you, that the project's not going to work,
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  that, you know, you're going to be rejected, whatever it is.
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  How often do you get caught in this negative thinking and it paralyzes you?
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  It prevents you from.
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  You know, making new friendships, from engaging in friendships that you already
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  have, from investing in important relationships in your life,
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  from taking chances in your work,
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  from, you know, spending quality time with people, from trying new things,
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  from making new friendships.
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  It can be costing you so much.
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  Another area that you may not have thought of as far as what it's costing you
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  is your energy, your time and your energy.
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  It's not that we want to waste a bunch of our energy on negative thinking or
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  spiraling or catastrophizing.
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  So I want you to consider what the cost is of negative thinking so that you
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  have something that is important beneath why we are working on this.
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  So when I think about this, not only do I miss out on relationships and on opportunities,
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  on you know making new friendships I
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  also waste so much of my energy in projecting
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  negative thoughts of what I think is going to happen you know conversations
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  with people that haven't actually happened yet assumptions of what people think
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  or assumptions of what's going to happen when I try something that's new or
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  that's scary you know I'm oh what if they laugh at me what if what if I fail
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  what if I fall what if it doesn't work you know
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  Okay, so today I want to look at some of these areas for reflection.
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  So the first one is, number one, if you are struggling with negative thinking,
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  I want you to just become aware.
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  Now this is awareness without judgment, without guilt, without shame.
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  I want you to become aware. Where in your life do you tend to struggle with
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  negative thinking and potentially catastrophizing?
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  The second thing I want you to ask yourself, is this realistic?
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  Is this a realistic outcome? And what am I basing it on? What are the facts?
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  So for me, something that I struggle with is, you know, in my friendships,
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  I can often walk away from a conversation thinking, oh, I think I offended them.
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  I think they're mad at me.
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  I think they're avoiding me or whatever it is.
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  But often this isn't based in anything real.
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  This isn't based on anything that has happened in the past it's
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  based out of fear and so there
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  are different ways we can approach this as well but I think for right now
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  it's just important to have kind of an awareness so
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  for that one for me sometimes I'll go talk to the person and the sooner the
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  better because sometimes when we're left with this negative thinking it is not
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  good when we're left with these thoughts on our own so the next part that I
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  want you to try before you get too caught up in this negative thinking is to
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  try another angle or another perspective.
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  What is a positive perspective on this?
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  Now, I'm not saying if you're going through a hard time to try and sugarcoat
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  it and, you know, I'm not saying anything about toxic positivity.
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  I'm talking about the times where you're assuming the worst,
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  you're assuming everything's going to fall apart.
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  What is another option, something else that could happen? So let's say,
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  for example, with this friend of mine.
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  When I'm assuming, you know, she probably doesn't want to talk to me.
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  I probably offended her. Maybe I was too bold in what I said or whatever it is.
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  Maybe I could say, hey, you know what? She might have just been distracted that day.
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  Maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe I should reach out.
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  Maybe we should get together. Maybe we should talk about things.
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  So instead of living in this fear and this worry of, you know,
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  negative thinking of what could happen,
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  flipping it to something that can be more positive, especially when a lot of
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  times these thoughts are assumptions that are not based on facts.
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  So say, for example, you're going to try something new and you're stuck in the
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  negative thought pattern of, I'm going to fail.
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  People are going to laugh at me. It's not going to work.
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  Now, if you are an adult and you are going to try something new,
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  I think that alone is something that you should be proud of yourself for.
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  I think that's important to try new things.
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  And in reality, if you're going to try something new, everyone else is probably
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  so focused on themselves that they won't notice.
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  That it won't be the big deal that you feel like it's going to be.
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  So in some of these situations, I want you to think about a positive perspective on this same situation.
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  So another question within this is
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  how would things be different if you stopped assuming
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  the worst stopped assuming the worst for yourself
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  for others for interactions so for
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  me for example if i stopped assuming the worst i would
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  be less afraid which means i would take more chances
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  i would more likely
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  live out my god's calling in my life
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  which would probably make me feel more fulfilled and it's something I do feel
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  like I'm doing I wouldn't hold back as much I would do more life-giving things
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  spend more time with friends without so much fear of judgment and rejection
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  which would probably allow me to have deeper more meaningful friendships and
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  overall life would just be better.
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  So I want you to take these three things. Number one, becoming aware.
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  Number two, asking yourself, is this realistic and what am I basing it on?
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  And number three, trying out a more positive outlook and perspective on the situation.
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  And I want you to try implementing these three things in different areas of your life.
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  So for example, with your spouse, maybe you had a conversation with them and it didn't go well.
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  Instead of assuming the worst, instead of assuming that they hate you and that
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  they're mad at you and whatever it is, I want you to become aware of your negative thinking.
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  Ask yourself, is this realistic? Maybe have a conversation with them.
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  That's not a bad idea. And try a more positive outlook on this.
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  Even with your kids, maybe you feel like, you know, on your hard days,
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  oh, I'm screwing up my kids and everything's going to fall apart.
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  And, you know, you get the idea. I don't want to catastrophize for you.
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  So maybe pause for a second and say, is this realistic?
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  What am I basing this on? You know, am I doing my best? Do I love my kids?
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  What is another approach that I could look at this with?
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  You can look at this as well in your work, in your friendships,
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  with your family, so your siblings, your parents, your in-laws,
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  at your church, at your kid's school, with strangers at the store or coffee shop, in traffic, etc.
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  I think the point overall here is to have this awareness of when a situation
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  doesn't merit the extent to which we think negatively about it.
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  Because I think we can spend way more energy than we realize in negative thinking and assumptions.
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  When we have a new assignment
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  at work how much time and energy and
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  stress and anxiety do we waste
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  on assuming that we're going to fail assuming it's
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  not going to work thinking that people don't like
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  us that they're not going to like our presentation or whatever
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  it is or maybe we waste a lot of time in
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  you know negativity about ourselves
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  beating ourselves up about something instead of
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  recognizing that we are all human and
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  we all make mistakes sometimes that we're all learning or all growing
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  learning from our mistakes forgiving ourselves and
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  moving past something genuinely moving past something now this is something
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  that I also struggle with it's something where I feel like God has to kind of
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  show me every once in a while hey you know what you haven't actually let that
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  go for yourself and it's something that he convicts me about and then And I
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  have to forgive myself and move forward.
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  Because the cost of negative thinking, you're going to miss energy.
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  You're going to miss time. You're also going to miss out on depth of relationship,
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  on opportunities, on things.
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  You know, experiencing life to the fullest. And so I just want you to keep that
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  in mind as you go about your day, become aware of when those negative thoughts
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  come up. Ask yourself, is this realistic?
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  What else, what other story could I tell along with this?
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  So instead of assuming, you know, my work presentation is going to go horribly,
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  I always fail, I'm probably going to be late, whatever other kind of lies that
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  are there, I want you to think about what would it look like if it did go well?
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  What would it look like if you, you know, used your strengths?
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  You were creative. You thought outside the box and you focused on this project
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  and did your best with it.
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  What could that look like for you? Could it present new opportunities?
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  Could it be an opportunity to, you know, grow into a new position in your job?
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  Maybe take on different kinds of projects. Would it be something that would
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  be fulfilling for you? something that brings a lot of purpose,
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  something that's interesting and motivating for you.
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  I want you to practice having this awareness and then seeing if there is another way to look at this.
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  Now keep in mind this will take time. It is tricky. It is easier for us to kind
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  of get caught in that negative thinking.
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  But I promise you that it will feel a lot better to look at the positive options in our lives.
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  I hope you found something helpful in today's episode.
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  Don't forget to click that follow button so you don't miss out on future episodes
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  and I look forward to next time. Until then, God bless.