Latest / Jess Ask / How God Heals Trauma and Restores Your Voice | FT Yolanda Lewis | EP122

Transcript

How God Heals Trauma and Restores Your Voice | FT Yolanda Lewis | EP122 · Jess Ask

0:07
Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl, Jessica and Smith, and you already
0:10
Speaker 1: know that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress,
0:14
Speaker 1: have fun and just ask God for another day? Do
0:18
Speaker 1: you already know what it is? And then you know
0:20
Speaker 1: it's about to get real, So be sure to show
0:23
Speaker 1: your girl the love and like comments and subscribe God.
0:27
Speaker 2: For another day. Hey, hey, I know we could be
0:33
Speaker 2: another way.
0:37
Speaker 1: There's a storm out on the old shun hand this
0:43
Speaker 1: moving this way?
0:47
Speaker 3: If your soul's note ain't gonn ge, y'all can y'all
0:58
Speaker 3: can hear how I gets seeing with us?
1:00
Speaker 1: She merged for today. But y'all listen, if you don't
1:03
Speaker 1: know where you've land and you've let it in the
1:04
Speaker 1: safe space where influences can deepress, have fun and guess
1:08
Speaker 1: what just.
1:09
Speaker 4: As face Okay, just ask just ask me, ask yourself,
1:22
Speaker 4: ask the Lord, the Lord.
1:24
Speaker 1: Listen. You know I'm here with my wonderful co host,
1:26
Speaker 1: Miss Desert Rat. Does a race, doesn't rate, doesn't doesn't rate,
1:32
Speaker 1: doesn't ray y'all, y'all can't see her because we're actually
1:37
Speaker 1: having technical difficulties. We wanted the cameras to day. So therefore,
1:42
Speaker 1: though she said remember back in the day when I
1:44
Speaker 1: used to get onto you about not being on camera,
1:47
Speaker 1: and you know what, I've actually started to come in,
1:49
Speaker 1: you know, come into like and get just a t Yeah,
1:52
Speaker 1: I think you like it for real because she put
1:53
Speaker 1: her lashes on because you know, I don't have my
1:58
Speaker 1: My eyes is big and my eyelashes as little, so
2:00
Speaker 1: I need to make them bigger so it can match
2:02
Speaker 1: the vibe with your eyes. Yeah, I gotta say little eyelashes. Yeah,
2:07
Speaker 1: you do have. Your eyes are really they're nice I
2:11
Speaker 1: can see, but they're beautiful.
2:13
Speaker 5: You know.
2:13
Speaker 1: It's some It's a man out there that really loves
2:16
Speaker 1: your eyes. Like I just believe in God it is.
2:24
Speaker 3: Y'all. Y'all.
2:25
Speaker 1: But y'all know I don't care a camera or no camera.
2:27
Speaker 1: We're gonna cut up. You're gonna cut up. Okay, listen,
2:30
Speaker 1: this is a wonderful time to be alive, a wonderful
2:33
Speaker 1: time to be on this episode. We love seeing you
2:35
Speaker 1: each and every Thursday on this platform. And if you
2:38
Speaker 1: haven't done this year, I need for you to hit
2:40
Speaker 1: that subscribe button quickly and thank Bail, put that like
2:45
Speaker 1: and put that comment, and make sure you share this out.
2:49
Speaker 1: We are building community out here. Speaking of community, if
2:52
Speaker 1: you have not joined the Yes three sixty five Collective,
2:56
Speaker 1: what are you doing? It's free, it's free. We're not
2:59
Speaker 1: charging you when I come join us. We just want
3:01
Speaker 1: we just want to commune and actually do community. So
3:04
Speaker 1: we're using the WhatsApp. All y'all to do is download
3:07
Speaker 1: the whatsap Dese Ray has so graciously put the information
3:11
Speaker 1: in the description. We want you to join the community
3:14
Speaker 1: because it is for you. We have community because we
3:17
Speaker 1: made it for you, okay. And so the community highlights
3:22
Speaker 1: are gonna come from there now just to see. I
3:24
Speaker 1: think it's fair, right, because we're getting to know people,
3:27
Speaker 1: we're gonna do a community hoighlight. We should be doing
3:29
Speaker 1: community with the people, right And so for those that
3:31
Speaker 1: just want to watch, that's cool. I love y'all. Everybody
3:34
Speaker 1: is not gonna be for everybody, but for those that
3:36
Speaker 1: is for we're gonna highlight you. We're gonna promote you,
3:38
Speaker 1: gonna we're gonna push you, we're gonna do life with you. Okay.
3:41
Speaker 1: So our community highlight out of the Yes three sixty
3:45
Speaker 1: five Collective, it is none other than my girl. I've
3:49
Speaker 1: been rocking with this girl for some years now and her, Uh, well, no,
3:53
Speaker 1: I just messed that up. This that's not the community
3:55
Speaker 1: highlight for today. Let me I've never done that before.
3:58
Speaker 1: I've never done that before. Let me see I hear you,
4:01
Speaker 1: Holy Spirit. Okay, let's go with it. So this is
4:03
Speaker 1: gonna be the community highlight. And then I'll shout my
4:05
Speaker 1: girl out with my shirt in a minute. So the
4:07
Speaker 1: community highlight is Mary and nickall. I love my girl. Listen.
4:14
Speaker 1: My girl supports literally everything thing that I do, anything
4:18
Speaker 1: from retreats she was reporting when I was doing retreats.
4:21
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna bring bring the retreats back, man,
4:25
Speaker 1: especially now that we're building this year three sixty five community.
4:28
Speaker 1: I'm really feeling that pull to bring something to where
4:31
Speaker 1: we can just actually gather in person instead of just virtually.
4:35
Speaker 1: But Mary, I love you so much. God, I hear
4:39
Speaker 1: the Lord say, I'm about to do it big. That's
4:41
Speaker 1: the word. I just heard the Lord say, I Am
4:43
Speaker 1: about to do it big. And big things are not
4:46
Speaker 1: coming your way, big things are coming out of you.
4:48
Speaker 1: And I even heard the Lord just say big things
4:51
Speaker 1: are actually moving out of your way too. The big problems,
4:54
Speaker 1: the big issue, the big obstacles, that's moving out your way,
4:57
Speaker 1: So expect big, the big moves, big, the big transformations.
5:02
Speaker 1: Everything's got to be big for you because you have
5:05
Speaker 1: a big heart, you have a big spirit, and you've
5:07
Speaker 1: been spending some great time and being very intentional about
5:12
Speaker 1: you and the Lord's relationship. His heart is big for
5:15
Speaker 1: you and your heart is big for him, and so
5:17
Speaker 1: I'm super excited to see what God is doing for
5:20
Speaker 1: you in this hour. Girl. I love you down Okay,
5:25
Speaker 1: dumn Okay, did y'all did y'all get that that that baritone?
5:29
Speaker 1: Or no? It was just tena? Was it tena or baritone? Okay,
5:32
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. But I love you down, Sis,
5:36
Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful that God has granted me the
5:39
Speaker 1: opportunity to do life with you in real life, but
5:42
Speaker 1: also allows you the opportunity to join the Yesterday sixty
5:45
Speaker 1: five collective. We love you over here and just as
5:47
Speaker 1: the podcast, y'all can show my girl some love. Marianne.
5:53
Speaker 1: All right, girl, I was I'm all over the place,
5:56
Speaker 1: I feel like, but I'm not. It was perfect, okay,
6:01
Speaker 1: but shout out. I want to show y'all my shirt.
6:02
Speaker 1: Hold on and for those just just listening, y'all just
6:06
Speaker 1: gotta go to YouTube to see it. Y'all, see my
6:09
Speaker 1: shirt says power strengths a woman of power, strength and courage.
6:13
Speaker 1: And this young lady just gave just blessed us with
6:18
Speaker 1: these shirts. And I think this comes as a timely
6:21
Speaker 1: message and reminder that I am a woman of power,
6:24
Speaker 1: I am a woman strength, that I am a woman
6:26
Speaker 1: of courage, Miss Porsche, at which we thank you for
6:28
Speaker 1: these gifts. We like it. It's very comfortable, these crew necks.
6:32
Speaker 1: I love a good crew neck. It's very comfortable, it's
6:34
Speaker 1: not itching. I just put mine home from the package.
6:37
Speaker 1: This is my first time wearing it because and I
6:39
Speaker 1: love it already, So thank you so much. Y'all will
6:42
Speaker 1: link Porsche's website. It's PEC Apparel, PEC Apparel. It's gonna
6:48
Speaker 1: be in the description so you can see it. Y'all,
6:50
Speaker 1: go get my girl. She has some other t shirts
6:52
Speaker 1: and merch that you can get, but definitely I vote
6:56
Speaker 1: for this one. It's comfortable, it's cute, it's colorful. To
7:00
Speaker 1: get black because I can't do too much. Okay, okay,
7:02
Speaker 1: cool beings, all right, you guys, listen, we're in for
7:06
Speaker 1: a treat today. I'm excited because the guests that we
7:09
Speaker 1: have today, I've never met her. She reached out to
7:12
Speaker 1: me and said, hey, I would love to be on
7:14
Speaker 1: your podcast. And I always go into like I told you,
7:18
Speaker 1: I always go into prayer when I'm dealing with people
7:23
Speaker 1: that I'm not familiar with, even people that I do know.
7:26
Speaker 1: It's people that I do know. And I said, no,
7:28
Speaker 1: I can't. The Lord said no, you can't have them
7:30
Speaker 1: on your podcast yet. But she the Lord gave her
7:33
Speaker 1: a quick years and I was like, oh, okay, God,
7:34
Speaker 1: what your daughter doing over here? So let me She's
7:37
Speaker 1: doing some amazing things. She is actually in the realm
7:40
Speaker 1: under mental health, self empowerment, pushing women towards their destiny,
7:44
Speaker 1: their purpose. She is a coaching an author. What I'm saying,
7:49
Speaker 1: she's a minister like I herbilly. We were doing something
7:54
Speaker 1: y'all heard of singing in the beginning, all right, she
7:57
Speaker 1: got a little preaching her belly. So we are so
8:00
Speaker 1: excited to have our new friend of just as the podcast,
8:05
Speaker 1: Miss your London, Louis, Hey girl had a beautiful welcome, girl,
8:15
Speaker 1: a beautiful walk through, a beautiful person. Oh thank you.
8:19
Speaker 5: I feel the same about you. Yes, even though we
8:22
Speaker 5: never met. I just I feel it and you and
8:25
Speaker 5: look you you caught me singing. I didn't know we
8:28
Speaker 5: was going in. I didn't I wasn't ready. Otherwise I
8:30
Speaker 5: would have been.
8:32
Speaker 1: The girl the secret sauce to just as that we
8:34
Speaker 1: start with a good old song, because sometimes when we record,
8:38
Speaker 1: we don't feel like like you're an entrepreneur. You you
8:40
Speaker 1: you have community. Sometimes you just don't feel like you're
8:44
Speaker 1: going to tell us what you do. When you just
8:46
Speaker 1: don't feel like it, well you put up, you put
8:50
Speaker 1: a song on. I move.
8:51
Speaker 5: I like to move, and or I go outside and
8:54
Speaker 5: I like to get fresh air, like the air to
8:57
Speaker 5: hit my face and the sun if it's out. But
8:59
Speaker 5: even if it's not the sun, I like the air
9:02
Speaker 5: to hit my face. It just resets my whole everything.
9:05
Speaker 5: So I take full advantage of what we have. And
9:08
Speaker 5: I think that's so important for women to know you
9:11
Speaker 5: don't have to go get something outside of you.
9:14
Speaker 1: God already gave you everything. Okay, I'm sorry everything.
9:18
Speaker 6: You You already have everything you need for healing, for empowerment,
9:24
Speaker 6: to boost yourself. It's in your vocal cords, it's in
9:28
Speaker 6: your hands, being able to lift your hands all that
9:32
Speaker 6: I won't go too far in but I say about that,
9:36
Speaker 6: so let me just say this then. Look, let me
9:39
Speaker 6: just say this then, I you know, I just I'm
9:42
Speaker 6: healing right now from surgery. And I'll get into the
9:46
Speaker 6: details of the surgery later.
9:48
Speaker 1: But from the.
9:48
Speaker 5: Surgery, I couldn't lift my hands because that was a
9:51
Speaker 5: part of the healing. I had to I had to
9:53
Speaker 5: put it down. So when I get a chance, like
9:55
Speaker 5: I've never been so much more appreciative, never been more
10:00
Speaker 5: appreciative of being able to just lift my hands, just
10:05
Speaker 5: lift my hands.
10:06
Speaker 1: And and one of them still don't go all the
10:07
Speaker 1: way up.
10:08
Speaker 5: I lift it as far as I can, and I'm
10:11
Speaker 5: in there because God deserves that much praise. Where even
10:15
Speaker 5: if I can't do it all the way physically, I
10:18
Speaker 5: have some impediments, I have some you know, obstructions, things
10:23
Speaker 5: holding me back, I'm still gonna lift my hands. I'm
10:27
Speaker 5: gonna do what I can with what I've got.
10:31
Speaker 1: That's so good. So I know y'all wondering who the
10:35
Speaker 1: Woman of God is, we're gonna get Obviously we got
10:39
Speaker 1: them all on here, okay. Because the Lord don't lie
10:42
Speaker 1: to me. The Lord don't lie to me. Okay, so deseibrat,
10:46
Speaker 1: we already see what we're going in there. Okay, so
10:48
Speaker 1: put put on that seat belt up, Yolanda, Yolanda, Is
10:54
Speaker 1: it okay if I call you Yolanda just directly? Yeah, okay,
10:57
Speaker 1: because actually I'm a little so I'm a little soul
10:59
Speaker 1: in some and you know some people who want to yes,
11:03
Speaker 1: miss yes, well it's okay, Yolanda Solelanda. Can you tell
11:07
Speaker 1: us about yourself? Where are you from? Like, like, who
11:11
Speaker 1: is Yolanda Louis? Yeah?
11:14
Speaker 5: Well, you know who I am is just a person,
11:18
Speaker 5: a person. I'm a woman, just like you. I'm a
11:20
Speaker 5: I'm a mother, I'm a wife, I am you know,
11:25
Speaker 5: a heal I'm healing, I'm vulnerable, I'm all of those things.
11:29
Speaker 5: I have a list of accolades. I'm doing my I'm
11:32
Speaker 5: finishing up my doctor I'll be done next year in
11:36
Speaker 5: trauma and counseling. And I own a publishing company. I
11:41
Speaker 5: help people to share their story.
11:44
Speaker 1: Right.
11:44
Speaker 5: The scripture says that people are overcome by the blood
11:46
Speaker 5: of the lamb and the power of testimony. You have
11:49
Speaker 5: to share, and so we have a magical way we
11:53
Speaker 5: help people to use their story to actually build profit
11:58
Speaker 5: so not just telling your story because I then to
12:00
Speaker 5: the day, I guess what says, nobody cares, But if
12:02
Speaker 5: you connect it to a problem that they have, now
12:06
Speaker 5: they're listening. And so we teach authors how to do
12:09
Speaker 5: that and really grow themselves and grow their platform if
12:12
Speaker 5: they choose to. Sometimes they are just telling their stories.
12:15
Speaker 5: So so yeah, we do that. I'm a mom of
12:18
Speaker 5: an autism person. Yes, but my boys are twenty and
12:25
Speaker 5: twenty two, and so they're grown. So husband and I
12:29
Speaker 5: we are not quite empty nesters, but where the door
12:33
Speaker 5: is open, so sometimes it is feeling like empty nesting.
12:37
Speaker 5: And so now I've just started a business. I founded
12:42
Speaker 5: a you know, just bridging myself into that mental health
12:45
Speaker 5: space where it's called Embodied Life Wellness Institute, and there
12:49
Speaker 5: is where I teach and I hold workshops and I
12:52
Speaker 5: really just hold space safe space as you talked about
12:56
Speaker 5: for healing and really letting God, really letting God in.
13:02
Speaker 5: That's the way I want to say that, really letting
13:04
Speaker 5: God in and having a space to process that within community.
13:09
Speaker 5: So excited to be here, Thank you for having me,
13:14
Speaker 5: and I'm just I'm grateful. I'm grateful and ready for
13:17
Speaker 5: our conversation.
13:18
Speaker 1: I'm ready for the conversation too. I love you already.
13:22
Speaker 1: I'm just I love you too. Just that's how I
13:25
Speaker 1: feel for real, I do and deserate to like. I
13:29
Speaker 1: love y'all like already. No, this is gonna be a
13:32
Speaker 1: great conversation. So you said something that I did not see.
13:35
Speaker 1: I missed this in my research. You said that you
13:38
Speaker 1: have children that are autistic. And I'm very much so
13:44
Speaker 1: interested in your journey on there. Let's start there because
13:47
Speaker 1: that is more recently heightened in the communities, there's more
13:52
Speaker 1: people are more aware of it, especially what is it
13:56
Speaker 1: love on the spectrum? Shows like that give us an
13:59
Speaker 1: opportunity to dig in deeper. What has your journey being
14:03
Speaker 1: with And I'll share this with you real quick. My
14:05
Speaker 1: brother has been diagnosed with autism and my nephew more
14:09
Speaker 1: recently just got confirmed. We kind of already knew, but
14:13
Speaker 1: musta still go he got a little tism or on
14:16
Speaker 1: the But she so she's the right parent to have,
14:20
Speaker 1: you know, an autistic child, because he's going to be
14:23
Speaker 1: loved either way. What was the journey like of you
14:26
Speaker 1: finding out that your children was autistic and how has
14:29
Speaker 1: that molded you in motherhood? Great question?
14:35
Speaker 5: So, The first thing is I just have one son
14:37
Speaker 5: who is autistic. Oh okay, the other son is he's
14:41
Speaker 5: regular ad if you want to call it like that.
14:43
Speaker 5: But and he plays basketball overseas like he's he's amazing.
14:47
Speaker 5: But there's a dynamic there as well, because when there's
14:49
Speaker 5: a diagnosis of autism, it's not just a mom thing.
14:52
Speaker 5: It's a dad thing, it's a sibling thing. So we're
14:55
Speaker 5: all impacted, and not negatively, but impacted in the space
15:00
Speaker 5: of needing to shift, needing to look at life different,
15:03
Speaker 5: needing to employ patients, needing to employ understanding. You know,
15:09
Speaker 5: all of those things are not easy. There's and because
15:13
Speaker 5: it's a spectrum disorder and I'm using just the clinical
15:17
Speaker 5: terms disorder, but because it's a spectrum disorder, every situation
15:23
Speaker 5: is different, Every situation is different. How they have meltdowns
15:27
Speaker 5: is different. And I believe there's a place where you
15:31
Speaker 5: can grow to manage how those meltdowns happen, so that
15:36
Speaker 5: you are building emotional intelligence and you are building autonomy
15:41
Speaker 5: to be able to teach them how to make their
15:44
Speaker 5: own decisions and decide whether or not and I'll say
15:47
Speaker 5: crash out for lack of better terms, but decide whether
15:50
Speaker 5: or not they're going to crash out, and how deep
15:52
Speaker 5: they go into it. So it's really humbled my motherhood
15:58
Speaker 5: journey because you have to balance this one child who
16:04
Speaker 5: has certain gifts. They both have gifts, but one child
16:07
Speaker 5: who has certain gifts and another child whose gifts come
16:10
Speaker 5: out a different way, and how you make them engage
16:14
Speaker 5: with each other, how you make sure to make sure,
16:17
Speaker 5: how you make sure to make them feel like they're
16:20
Speaker 5: not excluded, like something's not wrong with them. We actually
16:23
Speaker 5: didn't even tell our son he was autistic until he
16:28
Speaker 5: was about to graduate high school. And my reasoning, whether
16:31
Speaker 5: right or wrong, my reasoning for that was because I
16:34
Speaker 5: didn't want him to feel like something was wrong with him.
16:37
Speaker 5: I wanted him to just be himself, and we gave
16:40
Speaker 5: him space to do that and whatever that meant. He's
16:43
Speaker 5: very creative, he likes certain things certain ways, and so
16:48
Speaker 5: we let him be that. However, we told him and
16:52
Speaker 5: started to explain to him what autism was and what
16:56
Speaker 5: that meant for him, because he wanted to work, and
16:59
Speaker 5: so you need to include that because you know there's
17:02
Speaker 5: a certain there's actually certain benefits you can have in
17:05
Speaker 5: terms of companies making accommodations for you so that you
17:10
Speaker 5: can still work, but you have like a buddy and
17:13
Speaker 5: you know, different things that you can put in place
17:15
Speaker 5: if you if you embrace the title, not necessarily the diagnosis.
17:21
Speaker 5: So it truly transformed how I pray, It transformed how
17:25
Speaker 5: I parent, and transformed how I love looking at love
17:29
Speaker 5: just so different because this is your child, this is
17:33
Speaker 5: your baby, this is you know, you were tasked and
17:36
Speaker 5: assigned to this, to this child, to this soul. You
17:40
Speaker 5: were assigned to this soul. And there's so many times
17:43
Speaker 5: where I feel like I'm doing it wrong.
17:45
Speaker 1: I gotta be.
17:46
Speaker 5: Like this, you know, I feel like I'm not doing
17:48
Speaker 5: enough sometime. But that's a part of the journey too,
17:52
Speaker 5: and I've embraced that to give myself grace to be like, Okay, Lord,
17:56
Speaker 5: you put me here. I don't see it, I don't
17:58
Speaker 5: get it. But how me, you know, help show me
18:01
Speaker 5: what I need to do, show me how I need
18:03
Speaker 5: to say this, show me when I need to back off,
18:07
Speaker 5: and and you know, all all of those things. One
18:10
Speaker 5: thing that doesn't change with parenthood is people think that
18:14
Speaker 5: our parents think a lot of times your hardest times
18:18
Speaker 5: are when they're young, Big fat lie. The hardest times
18:22
Speaker 5: are when they get older and you have to trust
18:24
Speaker 5: that what you poured in was enough.
18:26
Speaker 1: You have to.
18:27
Speaker 5: Trust that when they need help, they know where to
18:30
Speaker 5: go I e. You and or God and or community
18:34
Speaker 5: that you've placed around them. So those are those put
18:38
Speaker 5: you in a different place in terms of parenthood and
18:41
Speaker 5: seeking Him and and you know, I was there at
18:45
Speaker 5: every single i EP meeting, every single one, didn't miss
18:48
Speaker 5: a thing. I was the one who I was the
18:50
Speaker 5: parent who talked the most. I might even cry the
18:52
Speaker 5: most too.
18:54
Speaker 1: Now what is I.
18:56
Speaker 5: Ah, Yes, your individual education plan. So throughout his academic career,
19:02
Speaker 5: they have a special plan for them to walk through
19:05
Speaker 5: so that they hit their own goals and they you know,
19:07
Speaker 5: are developing a certain way. And it's very important I'll
19:11
Speaker 5: say this too, for parents to know that your child
19:14
Speaker 5: has has their own personality. For example, I remember when
19:19
Speaker 5: a part of the IEP, the teachers wanted to add
19:22
Speaker 5: in buttoning up his clothes, and so I rejected that.
19:25
Speaker 5: I said, absolutely not. This is a standard that he
19:28
Speaker 5: does at home. So why are you saying that this
19:30
Speaker 5: needs to be included. She said, Well, when he's here
19:33
Speaker 5: at school, after he goes to the bathroom. He just
19:35
Speaker 5: stands there and we help him, you know, get dressed.
19:39
Speaker 5: So I laughed because I said, well, he kind of
19:41
Speaker 5: got you then, because he can do that on his own.
19:45
Speaker 5: And so she was perplexed. So the next day she
19:49
Speaker 5: wrote in his notes that while you were right, we
19:53
Speaker 5: didn't assist him and he did it himself. I said, yeah,
19:56
Speaker 5: that's his personality where if you let if you think
20:00
Speaker 5: he can't, he's gonna let you think it. He doesn't care,
20:03
Speaker 5: He's gonna let.
20:03
Speaker 1: You think that.
20:05
Speaker 5: And and so it's important for parents to be so
20:08
Speaker 5: in tune with their child their personality and not be
20:11
Speaker 5: tripped up by the actual diagnosis that you miss certain
20:14
Speaker 5: things that are just them, so that you can help
20:17
Speaker 5: them grow beyond that.
20:18
Speaker 1: That is so good. No, that you're you're bringing some
20:21
Speaker 1: valid points up. And I think you're hell. I didn't
20:24
Speaker 1: know who was gonna go down the lane, but holy Spirit,
20:26
Speaker 1: you like, And so now I'm curious as how do
20:29
Speaker 1: how what was the adjustment with your marriage? Like? And
20:33
Speaker 1: I'm not assuming like something's wrong or anything like that,
20:36
Speaker 1: but I do know we had our good homegirl. Crystal
20:40
Speaker 1: Bowman her her daughter is a Brancher patient. I mean
20:45
Speaker 1: what I say, brain cancer? Brain cancer? I could did
20:48
Speaker 1: I put? Yeah, I was just gonna go. We wasn't
20:59
Speaker 1: but a brain cancer patient at Saint Jude and Tennessee.
21:04
Speaker 1: And so we've talked to her and she was talking
21:07
Speaker 1: about how she was mothering and still having to go
21:11
Speaker 1: different places, still a mother to her son, but still
21:14
Speaker 1: trying to be a wife. It was just kind of
21:16
Speaker 1: a terror. How does that look with the autistic child
21:19
Speaker 1: that does need special or more attention in the season
21:23
Speaker 1: when you're trying to maintain a marriage and maintain your
21:27
Speaker 1: other child. Great question.
21:29
Speaker 5: I think the biggest thing for my husband and I
21:32
Speaker 5: so we've been married twenty three years, and I think
21:34
Speaker 5: the biggest thing for us even in all of that,
21:37
Speaker 5: was getting on the same page to what he needed.
21:42
Speaker 5: We both agreed that treatment. He was diagnosed at three,
21:46
Speaker 5: so treatment as early as possible. We both agreed with that. However,
21:50
Speaker 5: as we you know, as development occurred, there were times
21:55
Speaker 5: where he wanted to baby him a little bit more,
21:58
Speaker 5: you know, because you just that's your boo, that's your like,
22:01
Speaker 5: that's your child, and you could see their struggle and
22:03
Speaker 5: you could see their you know, their effort. They're trying
22:06
Speaker 5: to do certain things. So I think that was a
22:10
Speaker 5: big thing for my husband. For me, one of the
22:13
Speaker 5: things and that affected our relationship to what we had
22:16
Speaker 5: to work through. It was I was I wanted to
22:19
Speaker 5: be defensive, so I would like bring you and your
22:23
Speaker 5: mama to So in my Ted talk, I talk about that, Look,
22:27
Speaker 5: I love Jesus, but don't mess with my children. So
22:30
Speaker 5: in my Ted talk, I talked about a situation and
22:34
Speaker 5: this was just one of a few that happened where
22:37
Speaker 5: he he's very social, he's just a lovable dude, and
22:42
Speaker 5: it was social media, so they you know how you
22:44
Speaker 5: get on the live so people were getting on and
22:46
Speaker 5: sharing their little gifts. So he got on and sang
22:51
Speaker 5: like a song to you know, the intro song to
22:53
Speaker 5: like some show he watched. So they were laughing and
22:57
Speaker 5: all this thing. It took everything in me not to
23:01
Speaker 5: you know, these are kids at the end of the day.
23:03
Speaker 5: Cust them out, you know, bless them out how you
23:06
Speaker 5: want to put it, and let them know how wrong
23:09
Speaker 5: they were for making fun of just it doesn't even
23:12
Speaker 5: matter that he's autistic. The fact that he's showing up
23:14
Speaker 5: trying and you ask people to join showing up trying
23:18
Speaker 5: and you're making fun of him. So that was our
23:21
Speaker 5: biggest challenge. Thankfully we were able to be there for
23:24
Speaker 5: each other for both. So my husband, he knows me
23:27
Speaker 5: enough to know how to calm me down and put
23:30
Speaker 5: me in perspective of but is that really going to
23:33
Speaker 5: help him?
23:34
Speaker 3: Right?
23:34
Speaker 5: We don't even care about these people. We care about
23:37
Speaker 5: our son. How is he doing?
23:39
Speaker 1: And he was fine.
23:40
Speaker 5: I was more crushed, and I wanted to, you know,
23:43
Speaker 5: just fix the world in that moment of hey, let
23:47
Speaker 5: me educate you on while this might not be a
23:50
Speaker 5: part of your world, it is a part of the world,
23:53
Speaker 5: and you should be more sensitive to people who are different.
23:57
Speaker 5: And then for him, me saying to him, hey, babe,
24:00
Speaker 5: he's gonna be a His body is a man, even
24:04
Speaker 5: though his mind is not.
24:06
Speaker 1: His body is a man.
24:06
Speaker 5: We've got to show him beyond us, right, because we're
24:10
Speaker 5: not gonna be here forever, beyond us. We've got to
24:14
Speaker 5: show him how to be able to survive on his own.
24:16
Speaker 5: So we can't baby him. We can't do everything for him.
24:19
Speaker 5: We can't just buy him whatever he wants whenever he
24:22
Speaker 5: feels like it, or go you know, we can't do
24:24
Speaker 5: that because that doesn't help him, and so being able
24:28
Speaker 5: to you gotta find time to talk about those things
24:32
Speaker 5: in a calm space. You cannot do it when the
24:34
Speaker 5: motion is heightened. Like my husband knows, I needed to.
24:37
Speaker 5: I needed to find a way to self regulate myself,
24:39
Speaker 5: to calm down from that moment. And for me, it
24:42
Speaker 5: involves tears. I had to cry. Give me a second,
24:45
Speaker 5: let me cry, let me get it out, and then
24:47
Speaker 5: I could come back and I can hear and I
24:48
Speaker 5: can listen. And that's something to note for all facets
24:52
Speaker 5: of healing. When we're addressing conflict in any way, you
24:56
Speaker 5: have to bring your whole system down before you can listen.
25:00
Speaker 5: Just the body's designed that way. You have to bring
25:02
Speaker 5: it down. So I just wanted to say that and
25:05
Speaker 5: then with him bringing it to him, not in the moment,
25:08
Speaker 5: and you know how we are as women, data that
25:10
Speaker 5: that we all the way in it. Not to do that,
25:14
Speaker 5: give him space to feel like this is my son. Yeah,
25:18
Speaker 5: and I can't. I can't fix it. It's the one
25:21
Speaker 5: thing I can't fix as a man, as a husband,
25:24
Speaker 5: I can't fix this.
25:26
Speaker 1: So what do you want to do?
25:27
Speaker 5: You want to you want to keep it close and
25:30
Speaker 5: to let him know I'm right there with you, baby,
25:32
Speaker 5: I feel the same thing. And let's talk about together
25:36
Speaker 5: how we can do it different. Let's talk about together
25:39
Speaker 5: what would be best for him. But giving each other
25:43
Speaker 5: space to process that was what helped us to get through.
25:46
Speaker 5: And we still have moments because he's still evolved. As
25:49
Speaker 5: long as there's breath in our body, we're always changing
25:52
Speaker 5: and evolving and growing, and so we have to practice
25:55
Speaker 5: that even today, even as he's older and understands more
26:00
Speaker 5: but still is not able to fully integrate himself into
26:04
Speaker 5: society independently.
26:06
Speaker 1: That's that, man. You so eloquent, Like I know, I
26:12
Speaker 1: said that, right, Like, yeah, you said that. You You
26:16
Speaker 1: are very much so put together. I don't know, and
26:19
Speaker 1: I guess it's because I'm I'm in school. I'm actually
26:23
Speaker 1: in school to be well, I'm on a break right now,
26:26
Speaker 1: but I'm pursuing a master's family and family UH therapily
26:32
Speaker 1: and so marriage and family therapy, and so I understand
26:38
Speaker 1: from my perspective of the classes that I have taken
26:41
Speaker 1: so far that your personal UH journey impacts your professional
26:47
Speaker 1: journey pretty heavily. Has if this hasn't been the pinnacle
26:52
Speaker 1: point or what I know, this is a big pinnacle
26:54
Speaker 1: point for you? What has been the married marrying factor
27:00
Speaker 1: for you to decide, Hey, I wanna help people through
27:02
Speaker 1: their journeys because I figured this out about mine. What
27:06
Speaker 1: was that? What was that moment for you?
27:08
Speaker 5: I I would have to go back to my first book.
27:10
Speaker 5: So I have sixteen books, and my first book was
27:15
Speaker 5: about my experience to overcoming what was at the time
27:20
Speaker 5: the biggest trauma of my life, which was being sexually
27:22
Speaker 5: molested and figuring out how to navigate through that with God.
27:29
Speaker 5: I couldn't wait to share, although I was very, very
27:32
Speaker 5: nervous that it took me twenty years too from the
27:35
Speaker 5: when the experience happened. My first experience happened at three
27:39
Speaker 5: and lasted until about eleven twelve. And then from there
27:44
Speaker 5: I just hid. I found what found ways to hide
27:47
Speaker 5: in church A teacher, so I found ways to you know,
27:52
Speaker 5: the louder you saying, the better you are. I knew
27:55
Speaker 5: all the scriptures. My I come from a line of
27:58
Speaker 5: Bible teachers and scholar so I knew all the stuff.
28:01
Speaker 5: I knew how to hide, and what that did was
28:05
Speaker 5: build a wall of Even though I knew God, I
28:10
Speaker 5: didn't know him.
28:11
Speaker 1: We didn't have relationship.
28:13
Speaker 5: I knew him though, and I heard him and I
28:15
Speaker 5: was there, I was present, but I didn't let him
28:18
Speaker 5: in right Like I talked about, That's what I helped
28:21
Speaker 5: people do. I helped them to understand how to let
28:24
Speaker 5: God in so he can do all the things.
28:27
Speaker 1: So when I.
28:27
Speaker 5: Figured out, like, oh, that was what my issue was,
28:30
Speaker 5: and that was what caused consternation and other relationships, that
28:34
Speaker 5: was what caused me to not feel good about myself
28:39
Speaker 5: and other situations.
28:40
Speaker 1: All of that.
28:41
Speaker 5: When I figured out there was a way, not the
28:44
Speaker 5: end all be all, but there was a way to
28:46
Speaker 5: do it with God, I wrote my first book and
28:49
Speaker 5: from there I've just Oh, I've been on that journey
28:52
Speaker 5: of helping people.
28:54
Speaker 1: And I will say too.
28:55
Speaker 5: Another piece that kind of enforced that was when I
28:58
Speaker 5: got to my third book. When I got to my
29:01
Speaker 5: third book, I was approached by a publisher that said, oh,
29:04
Speaker 5: my gosh, we love you, know what you're doing, and
29:06
Speaker 5: blah blah blah, let me read your manuscript. So I
29:08
Speaker 5: sent the manuscript over and looked over the deal and
29:12
Speaker 5: everything looked okay. It just didn't feel right in my spirit,
29:15
Speaker 5: and so I declined the deal and they proceeded to
29:19
Speaker 5: tell me, well, you weren't that great anyways, no one
29:21
Speaker 5: will ever read your stuff, you know, all this terrible things.
29:25
Speaker 5: And so after I cried and you know all that,
29:29
Speaker 5: I said, you know what I want to be the
29:32
Speaker 5: space where people can come where they don't have it
29:34
Speaker 5: all together and they don't know what they don't know,
29:37
Speaker 5: and we helped them through that. And that was when
29:39
Speaker 5: I started my publishing company. And that transformed everything in
29:43
Speaker 5: terms of how I help people heal through their story
29:49
Speaker 5: and you know, through building a business that they can
29:52
Speaker 5: live off of.
29:53
Speaker 1: You said, Okay, so you're talking so good you you're
29:58
Speaker 1: I'm the type that I'm gonna listen. Knowing therapy they
30:00
Speaker 1: teach us to listen and then have your follow up question.
30:03
Speaker 1: You gave me about five follow up questions. Let's do it.
30:10
Speaker 1: First of all, let's celebrate you.
30:12
Speaker 5: Sixteen books yeaes and counting, because I have two more
30:17
Speaker 5: that will release in Canly and August.
30:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, like sixteen, Can I just get one because we're
30:28
Speaker 1: gonna get I'm we're gonna come back to the publication
30:32
Speaker 1: and being an author because I think that that that
30:34
Speaker 1: subject keeps coming up, So I think that's a safe
30:38
Speaker 1: space for us to go into. But you said something
30:42
Speaker 1: that cannot skip over. You said earlier that you were
30:46
Speaker 1: in church, but you hid in church. What does that
30:50
Speaker 1: look like to hide in church? And how did you
30:55
Speaker 1: come to the point where you unveiled? So great question.
31:02
Speaker 1: I will say that hiding in church.
31:05
Speaker 5: That that was kind of easy because there was a
31:09
Speaker 5: part of church. Now it's a little bit different, but
31:11
Speaker 5: there was a part of church that didn't touch emotion.
31:15
Speaker 5: And the biggest part of the biggest part of healing
31:20
Speaker 5: is being able to allow yourself to feel. That's a
31:23
Speaker 5: big pillar of your healing journey. You have to let
31:26
Speaker 5: yourself feel. You have to be present to is what
31:30
Speaker 5: is happening to you. And when you go through a
31:32
Speaker 5: traumatic experience such as being molested, how you survive it
31:37
Speaker 5: is you don't feel. You completely disconnect your body feeling
31:42
Speaker 5: from your emotions. So any environment that will support that
31:48
Speaker 5: is where you can hide easily. And so with church,
31:51
Speaker 5: I knew all the scriptures, and knowing the scripture doesn't
31:54
Speaker 5: require you to feel them.
31:56
Speaker 1: You know how to shout, you know how.
31:58
Speaker 5: To This is why I actually don't like playing church
32:01
Speaker 5: because it takes away the feeling and I just it
32:06
Speaker 5: makes me uncomfortable that that's comfortable for some and so
32:11
Speaker 5: it's easy to hide in a space where you can
32:15
Speaker 5: on paper do it all right. I served on all
32:19
Speaker 5: the committees, all the boards. I taught, because that was
32:22
Speaker 5: actually a gift I knew, how, you know, I was
32:25
Speaker 5: just good at being able to teach. That was a
32:27
Speaker 5: gift that flowed through my bloodline. But you couple that
32:30
Speaker 5: with like we used to play Bible pictionary, not even
32:33
Speaker 5: just regular pictionary, Like it was just ingrained in me
32:36
Speaker 5: to know. And you couple that leadership with just doing
32:42
Speaker 5: the things you skip feeling, you just skip it all together.
32:47
Speaker 5: It wasn't until gosh, I don't think I started feeling
32:51
Speaker 5: until I became an adult and moved. So I was
32:54
Speaker 5: born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts, and I live now
32:58
Speaker 5: in Georgia, North Georgia, and I don't think it was
33:02
Speaker 5: until I moved to Georgia that I really broke f
33:05
Speaker 5: broke of that. And it happened when a friend of
33:08
Speaker 5: mine passed away, and she was a friend of a friend,
33:11
Speaker 5: you know, I met her three people, so we weren't
33:13
Speaker 5: like super close when we had done so we did
33:14
Speaker 5: an event together. We had plans to do other things,
33:17
Speaker 5: and so I remember telling my mom.
33:20
Speaker 1: My mom met her and loved her. I was telling her.
33:23
Speaker 5: How she had passed away, and when I was fixing
33:29
Speaker 5: my curtains, that's why my hands raised. I was fixing
33:31
Speaker 5: my curtains, and all of a sudden, I was like,
33:32
Speaker 5: oh my gosh.
33:33
Speaker 1: What is this wet on my face?
33:35
Speaker 5: My face is wet, and I started tapping it, and
33:37
Speaker 5: I was like, wow.
33:38
Speaker 1: That's tears.
33:40
Speaker 5: I was so disconnected from my physical body and emotion,
33:45
Speaker 5: the two of them together, disconnected. I didn't even realize
33:49
Speaker 5: that I was crying because my body needed to release sadness,
33:54
Speaker 5: because I was actually sad that she had passed away unexpectedly.
33:58
Speaker 5: All the things she was young I was said about it,
34:00
Speaker 5: but I was so disconnected. I was so functional at
34:06
Speaker 5: making it happen and being responsible and doing all the
34:09
Speaker 5: things of life.
34:11
Speaker 1: Church included that I could not feel.
34:15
Speaker 5: And was at that moment that I realized, oh, wow,
34:18
Speaker 5: I gotta work on this. So I had healed from
34:21
Speaker 5: the actual event of it happening to me. I had
34:24
Speaker 5: figured out the formula of how to process the trauma
34:27
Speaker 5: from a mental space, but my body was not involved.
34:31
Speaker 5: In that healing journey all the way up until that
34:35
Speaker 5: moment where I began to feel, and that was when
34:40
Speaker 5: the Lord brought to me, like, why it's time to
34:41
Speaker 5: work on this.
34:43
Speaker 1: It's time to feel because I designed you to release.
34:46
Speaker 5: That's what feeling is, and it's an expression. And when
34:49
Speaker 5: we can't express, then our soul is quenched, you know,
34:54
Speaker 5: and we are not flowing with the Holy Spirit. We
34:58
Speaker 5: can't flow in life. Every thing, even from a physiological standpoint.
35:02
Speaker 5: Our bodies are designed to flow. And when we can't
35:05
Speaker 5: allow that to happen, we silence it by not letting
35:09
Speaker 5: it flow. And when we silence it, we're also forfeiting,
35:12
Speaker 5: if you will, or silencing our authority to create and
35:17
Speaker 5: command something different in our life, to see something different
35:21
Speaker 5: in our life, to manifest something different in our life.
35:25
Speaker 1: We miss it. Look, I'm done, Yolanda Landa. You're talking
35:36
Speaker 1: so good right now, Like you're okay. So a couple
35:39
Speaker 1: things came to mind. Let me ask you this real quick. So, yeah,
35:42
Speaker 1: how old were you when the molestation happened? Three?
35:47
Speaker 5: So you were My first experience was three And I
35:49
Speaker 5: only know that because we actually have a picture of
35:53
Speaker 5: it happening. After the fact, and I remember taking the
35:57
Speaker 5: picture after these situations.
35:59
Speaker 1: So what happened.
36:00
Speaker 5: I was actually at my grandma's house and it was
36:02
Speaker 5: an older family member, and I was there at my
36:05
Speaker 5: grandma's house safe place, right because my baby sister was
36:09
Speaker 5: being born. And so this is a whole safe space.
36:14
Speaker 5: It's not even anything you would ever imagine as a
36:16
Speaker 5: place that that would happen. Now we know statistically the
36:20
Speaker 5: statistics are like one in four people have been violated
36:23
Speaker 5: in that way. But at the time, you know, parents
36:26
Speaker 5: didn't know to look for that kind of thing. You know,
36:28
Speaker 5: you know, you have the crazy uncle or the you know,
36:31
Speaker 5: weird aunt or whatever, but you but if it doesn't
36:34
Speaker 5: show up like that, then you don't know and you
36:36
Speaker 5: don't put together trauma. So later I learned the initial
36:40
Speaker 5: and this happened by male and female over the course
36:43
Speaker 5: of three to eleven. But at that three year old space,
36:47
Speaker 5: that male family member had been through so much. I
36:52
Speaker 5: didn't learn that till later. They had been through so much.
36:55
Speaker 5: Both of their parents, one of them ended up committing suicide.
36:59
Speaker 5: But they use to try to drown them on a
37:02
Speaker 5: regular basis. They used to try to drown them as
37:04
Speaker 5: a child. They were both on drugs, and the father
37:08
Speaker 5: he'd be just so whatever that the child would be
37:11
Speaker 5: left in alleys and you know, hungry, dirty, and people
37:15
Speaker 5: would say, hey, ain't that so and So's grandbaby? And
37:18
Speaker 5: bring the child to my grandmother and she would clean
37:21
Speaker 5: him and feed him and all the things. And then
37:24
Speaker 5: the mother would come like, why are you always trying
37:26
Speaker 5: to take my baby? All this and that, And because
37:29
Speaker 5: it wasn't her child, she had to give the child
37:31
Speaker 5: back over to the parent until the state got involved,
37:35
Speaker 5: and he actually started living with our grandmother. So say,
37:41
Speaker 5: you know, it's safe. It was a safe place. You
37:44
Speaker 5: would never imagine it, but it happens.
37:48
Speaker 1: Wow, you keep saying stuff that's leading to these questions. Yeah, okay,
37:56
Speaker 1: so let's almost stay right here for a second, because
37:59
Speaker 1: what I hear from you is compassion. At what point
38:03
Speaker 1: did you learn to be compassionate towards the person that
38:09
Speaker 1: initiated this experience for you?
38:12
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a great question, because when you have a
38:17
Speaker 5: violation like that at such a young age by someone
38:21
Speaker 5: who you're supposed to trust because he was like a
38:24
Speaker 5: big brother to me, like I loved him, and it
38:28
Speaker 5: confuses how you interpret relationship. And when you have that
38:32
Speaker 5: confusion of interpretable of a relationship, you never stop feeling that.
38:38
Speaker 5: You just also feel these other things. So because of
38:43
Speaker 5: their journey, I had the opportunity to heal without them.
38:48
Speaker 5: I didn't need them to heal. I didn't need an apology.
38:50
Speaker 5: I didn't because forget again. I process. Remember, I processed
38:55
Speaker 5: everything mentally, and you know, like I didn't feel anything.
38:59
Speaker 5: I didn't nothing was inside. It was just like, oh,
39:03
Speaker 5: I'm gonna cognitively decide this and this and this makes sense,
39:07
Speaker 5: be analytical about it, and boom, here we go.
39:09
Speaker 1: We're all set.
39:11
Speaker 5: And so it was years where I got over the
39:15
Speaker 5: event and I could hear the person's name didn't bother me.
39:20
Speaker 5: But I will say fast forward to I want to
39:23
Speaker 5: say maybe twenty five years after the fact, approximately that
39:28
Speaker 5: person got out of jail and I felt led. I
39:33
Speaker 5: know this sounds crazy, but I felt led to reach
39:36
Speaker 5: out to him, and so I did, and we had
39:40
Speaker 5: a couple of conversations. It was like group settings, all
39:42
Speaker 5: of us, you know, group talking together on the phone,
39:47
Speaker 5: talking together on the phone. Then randomly, maybe I would
39:49
Speaker 5: say a week after that reconnection.
39:52
Speaker 1: Mind you, I hadn't spoken to.
39:53
Speaker 5: Him for all that time. So then this reconnection, he says.
39:57
Speaker 5: He calls me on the phone. He says, Londa, he said,
40:00
Speaker 5: you want to know why I did it. I was like, whoa,
40:05
Speaker 5: because I had already taken care of that in my mind.
40:10
Speaker 1: I it did it.
40:12
Speaker 5: Not that it didn't matter, but it was just like
40:15
Speaker 5: I hadn't even thought about why because it didn't matter.
40:18
Speaker 5: I hadn't even thought about why because it didn't matter.
40:22
Speaker 5: But I felt like he needed that. So I said okay,
40:26
Speaker 5: and he shared, and you know, it was his reasoning
40:31
Speaker 5: and I understand that, and then I had to process
40:34
Speaker 5: that well.
40:36
Speaker 1: I would say.
40:37
Speaker 5: Three years later he died of you know, an overdose
40:44
Speaker 5: of too much alcohol. And so I believe that that inclination.
40:50
Speaker 5: Now I don't say everybody should do this, but that
40:53
Speaker 5: inclination of I feel led to reach out to him
40:57
Speaker 5: was for his soul and to be recompensed, because only
41:02
Speaker 5: God knows, like I know those little things that he
41:05
Speaker 5: went through and I'd learned later, but only God knows
41:07
Speaker 5: what he really was struggling with and what would really
41:11
Speaker 5: keep him in that place of torment where you think
41:14
Speaker 5: it's okay to violate people and that's a part of
41:18
Speaker 5: your natural, lived experience. Only God knows what's going on there.
41:24
Speaker 5: I can't touch that, and so and I don't want to,
41:27
Speaker 5: and I don't want to play God to try to
41:29
Speaker 5: figure it out. That's not for me, that's for him
41:32
Speaker 5: and God. And so that place of compassion, as you
41:38
Speaker 5: say it, came from God. And I don't recommend it,
41:43
Speaker 5: but if you feel led, I definitely recommend you obey
41:46
Speaker 5: the Lord. But it allowed me to see that healing
41:53
Speaker 5: in that space is bigger than the experience, is bigger.
41:58
Speaker 5: These are souls, yeah, these are souls being tormented, These
42:05
Speaker 5: are souls living in agony. These are souls living outside
42:10
Speaker 5: of God's purposeful design.
42:14
Speaker 1: That's bigger than me.
42:15
Speaker 5: That's bigger than any compassion or unforgiveness I could hold
42:20
Speaker 5: against him or any of them for that matter, or
42:24
Speaker 5: anybody for that matter. Now, it doesn't take away that
42:27
Speaker 5: sometimes it hurts, It doesn't take away that sometimes it's hard,
42:32
Speaker 5: but it does give perspective of this is way bigger
42:36
Speaker 5: than just this little event. And so I'm gonna trust
42:40
Speaker 5: that God has got me even in this space of
42:44
Speaker 5: what I have in front of me and how it
42:47
Speaker 5: feels and let him take care of the rest.
42:52
Speaker 1: So Yolanda, you man, you're talking so good. You said
42:58
Speaker 1: a few things that just hit me differently. And when
43:03
Speaker 1: we think about the idea of violation, you can be
43:07
Speaker 1: violated physically, but you can also be violated mentally and emotionally.
43:14
Speaker 1: And I have experienced all three. I was just sharing
43:20
Speaker 1: with my sister last night and if I cried, so okay,
43:22
Speaker 1: it's just me me expressing myself. I have to tell
43:25
Speaker 1: say that a loud but I've experienced abuse. And in
43:32
Speaker 1: the revelation of that you've been in an abusive situation,
43:38
Speaker 1: I think it scares you more than about you, then
43:42
Speaker 1: it scares you about the person, because it's like, how
43:45
Speaker 1: do I allow myself to be in a situation I
43:48
Speaker 1: thought I was stronger than that. I know I wasn't
43:50
Speaker 1: around that. I wasn't really around abusive situation situation, So
43:55
Speaker 1: how could I allow my mind to be affected and
43:58
Speaker 1: my finances to be affected than my body to be affected?
44:02
Speaker 1: And in the same sense stuff, And I'm coming to
44:05
Speaker 1: the recollection that I've experienced abuse more than I thought
44:08
Speaker 1: I did, Like I experienced abuse in two different relationships
44:12
Speaker 1: and coming to that realization, like girl, you let this
44:15
Speaker 1: happen again? Was kind of like crazy. But in the
44:18
Speaker 1: first situation I can tell you that I've had. I
44:21
Speaker 1: had a similar experience to where I got to talk
44:26
Speaker 1: to my violator, Like I got to talk to the
44:28
Speaker 1: person that I experienced abuse with and he got the
44:33
Speaker 1: opportunity to apologize and I didn't necessary. I didn't know.
44:39
Speaker 1: I didn't need his apology because I didn't. I was
44:43
Speaker 1: going through, like you said earlier, like I'm a PK,
44:45
Speaker 1: Like I'm going through this journey of understanding God as
44:49
Speaker 1: a dictator versus somebody as God as a friend, God
44:52
Speaker 1: as a father, God is Lord. But when I found
44:56
Speaker 1: out that God was my friend and he wanted to
44:59
Speaker 1: do actual relationship with me, that's when I started really
45:04
Speaker 1: tuning into the heart beat of God and so in
45:06
Speaker 1: that it maybe took a maybe a year or so.
45:09
Speaker 1: And I can't even tell you how we got into
45:12
Speaker 1: the space I think I was because I was still
45:14
Speaker 1: I'm still cool with his mom to this day, and
45:17
Speaker 1: I was visiting her and we had this experience where
45:21
Speaker 1: we got to talk to each other and he was like, Hey,
45:25
Speaker 1: I've been without you for this X amount of time
45:30
Speaker 1: and I'm realizing that you are a queen. I should
45:33
Speaker 1: have never treated you like I did. I should have
45:35
Speaker 1: never put my hands on you. I should have never
45:37
Speaker 1: done that. Right, But on the uh and we had
45:41
Speaker 1: a conversation like I would wap him up if I
45:43
Speaker 1: see him in the street, Like you would think I
45:45
Speaker 1: was supposed to run away from this man. But really
45:48
Speaker 1: the compassion for this man to believe like, Okay, he
45:52
Speaker 1: doesn't really understand the love of God like I do.
45:55
Speaker 1: You haven't experienced the freedom of the Lord like I have.
45:58
Speaker 1: I have to have compassion for you because you might.
46:00
Speaker 1: I might be the only God you get to see.
46:03
Speaker 1: Like I'm all that example. And when we talk about
46:07
Speaker 1: we have this campaign that's Yes three sixty five, giving
46:11
Speaker 1: yes God daily. That is a part of the yes.
46:13
Speaker 1: When you have to say yes God, I will submit
46:16
Speaker 1: my feelings. I gotta submit my me being right, me being, me,
46:22
Speaker 1: being the the the victim in this space. I have
46:27
Speaker 1: to submit that to you so the soul can be saved.
46:31
Speaker 1: That's a whole other level of relationship with God that
46:33
Speaker 1: you don't know. You gotta go through somethings with the Lord.
46:37
Speaker 1: Yes to be there. So I wanted to say that
46:41
Speaker 1: out loud to say, you didn't sound crazy to me
46:43
Speaker 1: at all, because I've been through I've walked through it.
46:46
Speaker 1: So now I want us to bring bring us to
46:49
Speaker 1: a point I hear, Holy Spirit. Let me backtrack. So
46:52
Speaker 1: for those that those women or even men that have
46:56
Speaker 1: experienced molestation in this sense, what would be your encouragement
47:02
Speaker 1: for them so that they can overcome that memory?
47:08
Speaker 5: You know you said something key there in that you're
47:11
Speaker 5: overcoming the memory over I want to explain that first.
47:15
Speaker 5: Overcoming the memory doesn't mean you never remember it.
47:20
Speaker 1: That's not what it means. Wow, you almost made me
47:23
Speaker 1: choke on his water.
47:25
Speaker 5: That's why I paused to make sure you did it.
47:30
Speaker 5: Overcoming the memory just means that when it comes, your
47:34
Speaker 5: body doesn't respond, Your mind doesn't respond, your emotions don't respond,
47:39
Speaker 5: your spirit, you.
47:40
Speaker 1: Don't crash out.
47:41
Speaker 5: That's what it means. That you don't crash out, not
47:44
Speaker 5: that you'll forget. And I think if we stop spending
47:46
Speaker 5: time trying to forget the experience and start spending time
47:53
Speaker 5: remembering it as a past occurrence that's already happened, that
47:59
Speaker 5: is separate from your now, then we can move forward.
48:03
Speaker 5: I think that's the bigger issue is that we remember
48:06
Speaker 5: the experience and you go right back to who you were,
48:11
Speaker 5: how you felt in that second. And the reason that
48:14
Speaker 5: happens is having to do with a trauma response. So
48:18
Speaker 5: when we don't finish the cycle of emotion that happens
48:22
Speaker 5: when we are being violated, meaning like you get angry,
48:25
Speaker 5: you get sad, you get you know, you don't finish
48:27
Speaker 5: that whole occurrence until you're back at ground zero and
48:31
Speaker 5: it gets stuck. Then we have a trauma response such
48:34
Speaker 5: as fight, flight, fawn freeze, or now there's a new
48:39
Speaker 5: one called fine where everything you say I'm fine, I'm fine,
48:43
Speaker 5: and you have that response to it, and you keep
48:46
Speaker 5: repeating and replaying that response until you let the emotion
48:52
Speaker 5: finish processing. You have to let the emotion finish processing.
48:59
Speaker 5: We get stuck in that cycle because it wasn't permitted
49:03
Speaker 5: in that moment. Maybe you grew up in an environment
49:05
Speaker 5: where you weren't allowed to express emotion period like how
49:09
Speaker 5: you know you get a spank in and then will
49:11
Speaker 5: have shut that noise up. Yeah, right, You're not allowed
49:14
Speaker 5: to fully express and finish crying. So in this situation,
49:19
Speaker 5: you didn't finish having sadness. You didn't finish feeling like
49:23
Speaker 5: that's not fair. You didn't finish feeling like the victim.
49:26
Speaker 5: You didn't finish. You didn't finish any of those feelings.
49:29
Speaker 5: So they are stuck. And what releases them is you
49:36
Speaker 5: have to finish the emotion. So for me, that tear
49:40
Speaker 5: that I felt when my friend passed and I'm fixing
49:42
Speaker 5: the curtain random, that was a tear, yes, from her sadness.
49:46
Speaker 5: But my body was tired. This is why I believe
49:49
Speaker 5: healing is sematic too. My body was tired of holding
49:52
Speaker 5: in every expression. My body was tired of it to
49:57
Speaker 5: where it leaked it out. And I'm so glad and
50:01
Speaker 5: thankful to God that he wired us that way to
50:05
Speaker 5: where our body has to release. So here's what happens too,
50:12
Speaker 5: and I'll let you finish. What happens too, is we
50:14
Speaker 5: get stuck in the sense of because I feel like
50:18
Speaker 5: I need to bring this up alcoholism, right, we pick
50:22
Speaker 5: up other stuff, shop food. You know I don't addiction. Gluttony,
50:28
Speaker 5: Come on, gluttony, right. We get in that space and
50:32
Speaker 5: then you start looking like your issues.
50:35
Speaker 1: Woman of God, you start looking like your issues, right.
50:40
Speaker 5: Your your eyes dark and sunken in and your belly
50:43
Speaker 5: hanging over what I heard somebody say that before you
50:46
Speaker 5: look like your habits. I immediately stopped eating so much.
50:50
Speaker 5: And I'm on the journey to curve that because.
50:55
Speaker 1: I don't want to look like I don't want to.
50:57
Speaker 1: I don't want that to show.
50:58
Speaker 5: We do all these things where we got spe shape
51:01
Speaker 5: shifting underwear and all that kind of stuff to try
51:03
Speaker 5: to mask.
51:04
Speaker 1: What's really the truth of you look like your habits.
51:08
Speaker 1: Let's do better instead. Let's do better.
51:12
Speaker 5: So all that to say, if we can get to
51:15
Speaker 5: the place where we remember and allow ourselves to finish
51:19
Speaker 5: the process of emotion.
51:21
Speaker 1: Now we can move forward.
51:26
Speaker 7: Your London, your London sys yes, jeeus man, when you
51:38
Speaker 7: were talking, you've said this something twice regarding this subject,
51:41
Speaker 7: and I have not read.
51:42
Speaker 1: I started the book and I didn't finish it. It's
51:45
Speaker 1: the body keep score, yes, and that book, man, I
51:51
Speaker 1: gotta finish that because I've heard nothing but great things
51:55
Speaker 1: about it, and what you're saying is so relevant to understanding.
52:01
Speaker 1: We reject, we reject what we remember because we don't
52:05
Speaker 1: want to feel it again. And so many it's spends
52:10
Speaker 1: so many times where I know I personally rejected talking
52:15
Speaker 1: about things, or like battling rejection, right, just experience. I
52:21
Speaker 1: don't like you know, I've had moments where I've been
52:23
Speaker 1: injected as a child or whatever. And because of that,
52:28
Speaker 1: if I think that I'm gonna be rejected, I'll avoid
52:30
Speaker 1: a conversation or I avoid interaction, or I avoid telling you.
52:35
Speaker 1: Really people think, people really think that I'm just like
52:38
Speaker 1: this outspoken person, But really I'm trying to be mindful,
52:42
Speaker 1: just about the most mindful you gonna get. Like, I've
52:45
Speaker 1: tried to dig for a resolve. And so when you're
52:49
Speaker 1: saying that, I feel like even not being able to
52:52
Speaker 1: express myself. We just recently talked about freedom, not being
52:55
Speaker 1: able to express myself and live in the freedom and
52:59
Speaker 1: authority that you said, you said something so good earlier.
53:03
Speaker 1: They're living in the true authority that God or dained
53:07
Speaker 1: me to live. We are danging to be free. We're
53:10
Speaker 1: are deign to be healed. We are are deigned to
53:14
Speaker 1: live in the way that God is. So anything that
53:16
Speaker 1: disrupts that affects our mind, soul, and our body. And so, girl,
53:22
Speaker 1: if you was here, you're lucky you did not you
53:27
Speaker 1: You're lucky you had something else, because this Bible would
53:32
Speaker 1: have been Okay.
53:34
Speaker 5: Talk that talk, talk that talk, and that's what you know.
53:38
Speaker 5: One of the things that we both share in common
53:40
Speaker 5: is creating that community space for that level of healing.
53:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't that's what we're doing. I don't
53:49
Speaker 1: want to miss it because I know we're getting close
53:51
Speaker 1: to time and I know you got other stuff to do.
53:53
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go ahead. Let you know we're gonna
53:55
Speaker 1: have to have you again because we have to talk
53:56
Speaker 1: about the publication. I don't think that's gonna work right now.
53:59
Speaker 1: The Lord just went where he wanted to go. Quickly,
54:03
Speaker 1: he did it different, Yeah, fast he is. Oh he
54:06
Speaker 1: did it. That's why I tell people I can research
54:09
Speaker 1: all day about stuff. The Lord is always going to
54:12
Speaker 1: have his way with our conversation. That's why I enjoy
54:15
Speaker 1: about just ass. But you do have work books that
54:18
Speaker 1: I'm kind of curious about, Like does that tie into
54:21
Speaker 1: like helping people mold through like if they were in
54:24
Speaker 1: a situation where they experienced abuse, milstation, all that stuff.
54:28
Speaker 1: Can you talk to us about those work books and
54:30
Speaker 1: like how they help us? Yes.
54:32
Speaker 5: So the workbook series is called Embodied Life, Well Well
54:37
Speaker 5: or Wellness, and they are broken out into four different categories.
54:42
Speaker 5: So one is the soul. On a soul level, how
54:45
Speaker 5: do you heal? What does that journey look like? And
54:47
Speaker 5: it walks you through what that journey looks like from
54:51
Speaker 5: not just a cognitive standpoint, which is what traditional therapy does,
54:55
Speaker 5: but from a somatic standpoint and a spiritual standpoint, which
55:00
Speaker 5: is there's modalities for each one of those, but not together.
55:04
Speaker 5: And so that is what makes this workbook series different
55:07
Speaker 5: is that they are bridging those three parts of ourself
55:13
Speaker 5: together in a healing format. So it focuses on your soul.
55:17
Speaker 5: I have another one that focuses on inner child, so
55:19
Speaker 5: getting through the things that from your past, as well
55:23
Speaker 5: as abundance and purpose, finding out your purpose and how
55:28
Speaker 5: to be abundant in it. And then the last one
55:32
Speaker 5: is more so for my Christian brothers and sisters, where
55:37
Speaker 5: it focuses on refreshing. So it's a culmination of all
55:41
Speaker 5: the things, but it uses scripture. The other three don't
55:44
Speaker 5: necessarily use scripture. However, there's room for you to interpret
55:48
Speaker 5: how you need to and how the Holy Spirit drops it.
55:51
Speaker 5: But for this refreshing is simply on that because I
55:54
Speaker 5: believe the Body of Christ needs to be empowered and
56:00
Speaker 5: and feel empowered to help facilitate healing in the way
56:05
Speaker 5: that mayn I almost want to call it magical, but
56:08
Speaker 5: in the way that only God can do. And so
56:12
Speaker 5: those workbooks are available on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, wherever
56:16
Speaker 5: you get your stuff, and yeah, I want people to
56:20
Speaker 5: enjoy it. I want people to get feedback on it.
56:22
Speaker 1: I want you to use it in.
56:23
Speaker 5: Your circles because it's a tool that can It lives forever.
56:28
Speaker 5: And that's the other piece of it. If you get
56:31
Speaker 5: the Soul Workbook today and three years from now, you
56:34
Speaker 5: might need another, you might need another dig You know,
56:37
Speaker 5: healing is it happens in layers. And so while that
56:41
Speaker 5: helped you to heal one aspect of something that's agitating
56:44
Speaker 5: your soul, there's other.
56:47
Speaker 1: Aspects to explore.
56:48
Speaker 5: So I want people to really be able to get
56:51
Speaker 5: that in depth embodied. And that's the other piece of
56:54
Speaker 5: it too that I want to highlight, is that it's embodied.
56:57
Speaker 1: It's not just you.
56:58
Speaker 5: Thinking through it. It's literally the whole totality of your
57:02
Speaker 5: being experiencing a release.
57:05
Speaker 1: Man, I feel like we're gonna have to add your
57:08
Speaker 1: work book, or at least one of your work books
57:11
Speaker 1: collective because right now, yes, three sixty five collective, we're
57:15
Speaker 1: doing like we're reading and we're journey journeying. Yeah, okay,
57:24
Speaker 1: my fluent language is tongue. So sometimes they try to
57:26
Speaker 1: come out look speaking.
57:28
Speaker 5: To probably trying to come all all through this conversation.
57:32
Speaker 1: It's no real bad. I had to hold my mule. Okay,
57:35
Speaker 1: but no, we're gonna. I think we're gonna. We're gonna
57:37
Speaker 1: talk of off camera on the net because I think
57:40
Speaker 1: this the hunger that I know the audience that listen to,
57:45
Speaker 1: just as the podcast, they're desperate for a change, They're
57:48
Speaker 1: desperate for a way out. They're desperate for tools to
57:52
Speaker 1: really solidify their yes to God and manage the yes
57:56
Speaker 1: with God. And I feel like this is this would
57:59
Speaker 1: be a good tool. DESI, I gotta hear from you
58:01
Speaker 1: because this, this, this, this didn't done some stuff. You know,
58:05
Speaker 1: this was a great conversation, and I think what it
58:08
Speaker 1: has done is almost you know, there's how can I
58:12
Speaker 1: put it? We never know what people are going through
58:15
Speaker 1: or what people have gone through, right, and if they
58:17
Speaker 1: have not been exposed or you know, exposed to somebody
58:21
Speaker 1: who has journeyed or who has been open enough on
58:24
Speaker 1: the other side of their healing to have these conversations.
58:26
Speaker 1: They'll think that you know where they are is okay,
58:29
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like and like you said,
58:31
Speaker 1: like the Lord has ordained us to be free, He
58:33
Speaker 1: has ordained us to be saved and healed and all
58:35
Speaker 1: these things. And so I think it's just important that
58:37
Speaker 1: you know that as we journey along, because I've been
58:40
Speaker 1: I've been in James this week, and you know, James
58:44
Speaker 1: says that to count it joy, that when trials and
58:47
Speaker 1: tribulations happen, it's it's working something in us right, and
58:50
Speaker 1: if we allow the process to finish that we will
58:53
Speaker 1: be perfect and not needing anything, you know what I'm saying.
58:56
Speaker 1: And so it's like, yes, things will happen, but we
58:59
Speaker 1: don't have to they in those things. But sometimes it's
59:02
Speaker 1: it's it's somebody else's testimony or somebody else's journey that
59:05
Speaker 1: helps us unlocked. And so I'm just grateful to meet
59:09
Speaker 1: another Kingdom believer who has stepped into the space that
59:12
Speaker 1: God has carved out for for for you, Miss Sheilanda,
59:15
Speaker 1: to to reach back and just to share into to
59:19
Speaker 1: really step into this and sh and shell the light.
59:21
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, because we just never know.
59:24
Speaker 1: But your journey is definitely setting people free. So I'm
59:28
Speaker 1: just grateful, and I'm sure the listeners have gleaned and
59:32
Speaker 1: just found the found found themselves in the space. It's
59:34
Speaker 1: like okay, like I know I can I can walk
59:37
Speaker 1: through this healing thing and I don't have to do
59:39
Speaker 1: it about myself. So we just thank you for for
59:41
Speaker 1: being a part of the platforms. Yeah, she gonna she
59:43
Speaker 1: gonna be back and we might be doing something together.
59:46
Speaker 1: Like I can really see that in my in my
59:49
Speaker 1: I can see it. Yeah, I can see us working together.
59:54
Speaker 1: Clock that tea clock it, clock it, you know, because
1:00:01
Speaker 1: Deseltrate didn't know Miss Londa, she she was.
1:00:05
Speaker 5: Look, I just got helped, like last weekend you got
1:00:11
Speaker 5: I didnatched up.
1:00:15
Speaker 1: Mister London. I'm sorry I said that, but your London.
1:00:20
Speaker 1: What a fraend we have. In Jesus my god, I'm
1:00:22
Speaker 1: I'm a mad. I'm gonna be fixing on some of
1:00:25
Speaker 1: the things that you said, because I do believe that
1:00:30
Speaker 1: we don't we don't want to leave people without a resolve.
1:00:33
Speaker 1: And I feel like I'm just trying to mentally just
1:00:35
Speaker 1: make sure that we did it. But also and to
1:00:39
Speaker 1: do the work, you have to invest in your in
1:00:41
Speaker 1: your healing, and they look like therapy getting the work
1:00:46
Speaker 1: books from miss Y Londa. I think that it's imperative
1:00:49
Speaker 1: that you just don't stay on this conversation, but you
1:00:52
Speaker 1: go beyond this conversation, and so human just asks mister London.
1:00:55
Speaker 1: We we allow our guests to have the final say.
1:00:58
Speaker 1: So if there's anything that you want to add to
1:01:00
Speaker 1: the wonderful things that you've already said, or if you
1:01:04
Speaker 1: want to if there's something that's on your heart, this
1:01:06
Speaker 1: is your time to share that. Thank you.
1:01:10
Speaker 5: I you know, I think I'll just reiterate one particular
1:01:13
Speaker 5: point and we touched it, but I think I wrote
1:01:16
Speaker 5: it down in preparation and wanted to share. But suppressing
1:01:21
Speaker 5: your sound, and when I say sound, I mean expression.
1:01:25
Speaker 5: Suppressing your sound suppresses your authority. Suppressing your sound suppresses
1:01:32
Speaker 5: your authority. I want you to know that it's okay
1:01:35
Speaker 5: to let it out the other side, that your whole
1:01:40
Speaker 5: body wants you to let it out, the other side
1:01:43
Speaker 5: of the healed version of you, that healed version of
1:01:46
Speaker 5: you that's waiting for you to let go, want you
1:01:51
Speaker 5: to release your sound and not suppress it. So whatever
1:01:55
Speaker 5: that looks like for you, it might be just crying,
1:01:58
Speaker 5: even in this moment, just letting the tears flow as
1:02:02
Speaker 5: the Holy Spirit is coming into the room, even right
1:02:04
Speaker 5: as we speak, into your car, into your office, into
1:02:07
Speaker 5: your cubicle, letting the tears flow, feeling, allowing yourself and
1:02:13
Speaker 5: acknowledging the feel of his presence, just warming you up,
1:02:19
Speaker 5: feeling where it hits your body, and then giving him
1:02:23
Speaker 5: praise for the opportunity to heal. You get the opportunity
1:02:29
Speaker 5: because there's breath in your body, because you're here right
1:02:32
Speaker 5: now listening to this cast, you get the opportunity to heal.
1:02:36
Speaker 5: It is your time right now. He wants you. He's
1:02:39
Speaker 5: calling you to heal, which requires you to release the
1:02:44
Speaker 5: sound so you can take back your authority.
1:02:49
Speaker 1: So good, take back your authority, Yolanda, Thank you so much. Yes,
1:02:56
Speaker 1: thank you, Just a beautiful conversation. Part one. We're gonna
1:03:01
Speaker 1: call this part one because we're definitely not done. Okay.
1:03:06
Speaker 1: I know we're not done, y'all, So you don't even
1:03:09
Speaker 1: got to ask me to come in. I already know
1:03:11
Speaker 1: this one's gonna hit. Okay, But thank you guys for
1:03:15
Speaker 1: tuning in. If you have more questions, If you have
1:03:19
Speaker 1: if you want to reach out to Yolanda, we're gonna
1:03:22
Speaker 1: put her information in the description. Go go go like go,
1:03:27
Speaker 1: come and subscribe. She has a YouTube page as well.
1:03:30
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go ahead and profess that she's gonna be
1:03:32
Speaker 1: doing some more things on her YouTube page because oh man,
1:03:36
Speaker 1: this is good like that today today was good, and
1:03:39
Speaker 1: so I'm really excited about what God is gonna do,
1:03:42
Speaker 1: uh through not only miss Yolanda, but through you using
1:03:46
Speaker 1: Yolanda as a vessel. And so I hope and pray
1:03:49
Speaker 1: that something resonated with you. If if it's not just
1:03:52
Speaker 1: for you and somebody else, make sure you share this.
1:03:55
Speaker 1: Don't be stinging with the freedom, Okay, do not be
1:03:58
Speaker 1: stingy with the freedom. Get listened? Doesiray? This one was good.
1:04:02
Speaker 1: We got we got it. We definitely have to have
1:04:04
Speaker 1: her back, y'all. We love you, guys. We hope you
1:04:07
Speaker 1: have an amazing rest of your week. But until next time,
1:04:10
Speaker 1: Until next week, remember life could be much more simple
1:04:15
Speaker 1: if you just ask thank you for tuning in to
1:04:23
Speaker 1: this week's episode. Since you've made it this far, you
1:04:27
Speaker 1: might as well connect with us on all social media
1:04:29
Speaker 1: platforms at the Jessica S. Smith. I know I won't
1:04:33
Speaker 1: see you back until next week, but until then, remember
1:04:37
Speaker 1: to love always yourself and always thank thank God for
1:04:42
Speaker 1: one another day.
1:04:45
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, I know we could be another way. Hey,
1:04:52
Speaker 2: pray thank God for another day. Hey hey, I'm just
1:04:58
Speaker 2: thankful another day. Another day, Oh, another day wise, another
1:05:06
Speaker 2: day to get it right, another day to rise up,
1:05:08
Speaker 2: another day living. Another day. We loved ones. I always
1:05:12
Speaker 2: remember hold it down for a ball one yep