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The Fifth Hour: The Gremlin Manifesto · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: If you thought four hours a day, 1,200 minutes a
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: the old republic, a sole bastion of fairness. He treats
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: pill poppers in the penthouse.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: The clearinghouse of hot takes break free for something special.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. In
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: the air.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: Everywhere, the fifth hour with me, Ben Maller, and you,
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: and a happy Saturday. It is going to be a
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: really happy Saturday today. Man, am I fired up just
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: hours away from the event, the social event of the
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: year in Vegas, unless it's not. On this podcast, we've
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: got Comic-Con-like and the Gremlin Manifesto.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: But we begin with this.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: It is Saturday, August 29th, day number 241 of the year.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: That means there are just 124 days left, if my
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: math is correct. The 35th week of the year, and
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: it is the biggest day on the calendar, kind of,
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: because it's on, that's right, Like Donkey Kong. Now, what
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: is it, you ask? That would be the Malheur meet-and-greet,
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: which will be taking place later today from 3 till
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: 5 at the Stakeout Bar and Grill, if you somehow
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: have not heard that, right next to UNLV, where Jerry Tarkanian,
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: the running Rebels, put on the most exciting team.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: In college basketball when I was a kid, even though
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: they only won one championship, doesn't matter. Now, we're going
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: to be upstairs.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: It's multi-level at the Stakeout Bar and Grill. We're going
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: to go upstairs because apparently the Mahler Militia has finally risen.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: to the upper levels of high society. It's like the
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Royal ball, if you will. And if you've never been
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: to a Mallory meet and greet, we've done a lot
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: of them. You need to come out. It's a bucket
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: list item. This is a gathering that is kind of
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: like a family reunion, not a blood family. We're not
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: really related. It's like a family reunion where the entire
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: family was raised in the back of a Bass Pro
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Shop in And we all communicate primarily by grunting and
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: howling at the moon.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: And that's about it.
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  Speaker 3: The production is being quarterbacked by our fearless leader for
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: this event, our friend Slug, a longtime loyal minion of
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: the Malheur Militia, veteran hostess with the mostest. And he
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: has put together some amazing events in Sin City. Having
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: Slug organize an event.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: It's like your buddy saying, don't worry, I got a guy. Remember,
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: we've talked about this. You got to have a guy
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: in life.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: You got to know somebody for every phase of life.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: You need somebody who's good at fixing refrigerators.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: I got a guy, right? You need somebody that can
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: give you advice on cars. I got a guy.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: So then the guy walks in, it's slug, and somehow,
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: against all conventional wisdom, everything works out fine.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Everything will work out fine. We are fired up.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: For everyone who shows up, a number of big names
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: have RSVP'd. Now, I know Jay Scoop's.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: Going to be there. He's going to have some Mallard merch.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Robbie the Mariner fan, who's essentially part of this podcast.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: He's on it so much.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: Lance the bus driver from a previous generation of callers.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Big Balls Bob, who was the star of last year's show.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Mouthwash Mike.
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  Speaker 2: Dante.
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  Speaker 3: From Vegas, Tammy from Vegas, JT the Wingman from Tennessee,
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  Speaker 3: Kyle and his magical glasses, our friends coming down from Vancouver.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: and all of the other assorted insomniacs, radio degenerates, and
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: lovable oddballs who are my friends, who I'm forgetting, including
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: surfer Todd the Comedian, who will also be making an appearance.
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  Speaker 2: That is the beauty of these things.
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  Speaker 3: People who have been nothing more than just voices in
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  Speaker 3: the night or a social media post with an odd
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: nickname and a fake avatar. suddenly materialize as actual human beings.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: And I've mentioned this in the past. It's kind of
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: like Comic-Con for people with insomnia who yell at the radio. Officially,
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: the festivities will go from 3 o'clock and run until
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: 5 p.m. That's the official on-the-record thing. That means you
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: can't complain if everyone leaves at 5 p.m. Now, unofficially,
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: we're probably still going to be there long after.
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  Speaker 2: And when.
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  Speaker 3: People start stacking chairs and giving us the universal restaurant
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  Speaker 3: signal for please leave, you're at number one. There'll be food,
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  Speaker 3: adult beverages available, of course, for purchase, karaoke, because apparently
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: civilization has advanced to the point where people voluntarily gather
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  Speaker 3: in Nevada to hear middle-aged men scream Bon Jovi lyrics
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  Speaker 3: at four in the afternoon.
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  Speaker 2: So that's where we are.
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  Speaker 3: Now, Vegas in August also gives you two options. Now,
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  Speaker 3: we're recommending today you go to the Malheur.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Meet and Greet.
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  Speaker 3: The other option is to wander outside and participate in
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  Speaker 3: the annual August ritual in Sin City.
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  Speaker 2: It's a heat stroke convention, and.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: You can become a member of the heat stroke fan
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: club just standing outside. Easy call to make. Free parking.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: You got free parking. Now, what I love about.
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  Speaker 2: These gatherings, there's a lot of things I like about them,
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  Speaker 2: even though I'm not the most social. It's not the bar.
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  Speaker 3: It's not the karaoke or even watching people discover what
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: their favorite radio weirdos look like.
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  Speaker 2: In three dimensions, it is the people.
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  Speaker 3: Radio is this odd little thing that we've got, and
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: we're holding on to it. No matter how much they try,
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: the industry tries to kick us in the nuts. We
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: sit in that studio talking about into these microphones, and
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: while you're doing your thing, cleaning toilets, driving trucks, making donuts,
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  Speaker 3: stocking shelves, working security, delivering packages, driving Uber, delivering food
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: like Femi, our Uber Eats driver in Minnesota, or just
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: staring at the ceiling wondering why the hell you're awake
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: and why you cannot sleep. And then every so often
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  Speaker 3: we all end up in the same place.
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  Speaker 2: We all end up in the same room.
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  Speaker 3: And for a couple of hours, the imaginary neighborhood becomes
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: a real Mr.
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  Speaker 2: Rogers-like neighborhood. And it's going to be great. So we'll
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  Speaker 2: see you upstairs. That's the plan. We'll see you upstairs.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: Steakout Bar and Grill today. Look forward to it.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: Now, turning the page, turning the page on that, I
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  Speaker 3: did want to address the Gremlin Manifesto. As you likely
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: learned in school, the four seasons of the year are spring, summer, autumn,
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: and winter. That's a kindergarten lesson.
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  Speaker 2: It's simple. It's neat. It is predictable.
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  Speaker 3: Now, in the world I live in, the world of
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: audio content, however, there are more than four seasons. We
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: have rating season, which is usually during the NFL. We
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: have preemption season. which also can be during the NFL.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: We have the boss is looking at the budget season,
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: which means you might want to update your resume on
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: Express Pros because you're about to.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Get whacked and decommissioned.
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: And lately, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we have
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: been living in the season of the G. Now that
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: is capital G for gremlins. You heard it if you
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: were listening closely, not once but twice this week on
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: the mothership, the original recipe, Ben Maler show, under siege
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: from these little gremlins attacking the equipment. Because, of course,
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: as you know, the universe, they send creatures specifically designed
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: to ruin your day. And you mix them with the
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: influx of cockroaches who are likely eating the wires, and
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: you have a chef's kiss.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: Mwah!
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Of audio agony.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Twice during my award-winning Mahler monologues. Now, the only awards
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: I've won are from Ferg Dogg and Mahler Prop Guy
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: and Alf. They're still important. And at some point, I
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: believe that Alf is going to get me eligible for
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: a solo Marconi award. And he'll also get me in
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: the Hall of Fame. Because my bosses aren't going to
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: do that. So I need Alf to help me out.
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  Speaker 2: He'll do it. He'll do it.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: So anyway, I was forced to abandon my post, as
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: you heard. I had to quickly scamper across the room.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: I grabbed my computer, my headphones, my mic condom, because
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: I practice safe talk.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: And I was like being hit with ordnance.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: Shrapnel was flying. The show must go on. I earned
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: a purple microphone, which I think is something that Prince
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: either sang about or won in the early 90s. So
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: you heard all this play out on live radio.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: We'll do it live. I'll talk. You listen.
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  Speaker 3: Now, what you haven't heard is the rest of the story.
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  Speaker 3: As the late, great Paul Harvey would say, good day. Yeah,
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: Paul was a legend. in radio most people have no
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: idea who he is these days but he was one
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: of the greats Paul Harvey these little commentaries five minute
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: commentaries which were wonderful so the fifth hour podcast a
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: labor of love I don't do it for the money
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: trust me if you knew how much I actually made
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: you would say why are you wasting your time But
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: I love it. I love to come in here and
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: change it up a little bit. So every weekend, three episodes,
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: no days off on the podcast.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: No days off. And as you are listening right now,
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: this podcast was under attack.
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: And this is the global exclusive. Now, we're doing this
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: in Vegas, but the remote podcast studio. which has worked
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: almost flawlessly for nine years, finally tossed in the sponge, surrendered,
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: and said no mas. We put this thing together when
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: I was double dipping and working some nights remotely for
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: WEEI in Boston, back when I still had some hair,
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: back when my right knee did not.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Ache from the weather. which is just odd.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: And I, at that time, foolishly believed electronics had a soul.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: And I didn't have any issues for almost a decade.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: I had no issues.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: And then about a week ago, the mic randomly stopped working.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: I thought it was the mic. I couldn't hear anything
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: in my headphones. Everything was on the fritz. And I
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: was like, what is this? Now, I am a man
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: of simple needs. I need crunchy tacos once a week.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: I need a clear line of straight sight to the television,
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: the remote control. And I need equipment in the remote
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: audio podcast studio that turns on when I press the
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: button labeled microphone.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: I need that. That's all I need.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I do not want to know how it works. I
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: do not care about the internal combustion engine of an
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: audio interface.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Just work. Is that too much to ask? Well, yes.
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: Recently, it's been too much to ask. Far too much
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: to ask. Now, I didn't know what to do. So
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: the thing stops working. I got three podcasts to do.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: I'm completely lost. I was wandering into the wilderness of
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: signal flow something, phantom power, completely out.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Of my depth. Now, I will give you a random
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: fun fact by request.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: Alf says, Mallor, if you want me to get you
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: a Marconi, if you want me to nominate you for
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: the Hall of Fame or even some cheeseball podcast award,
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: I need a fun fact. So here is my fun
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: fact about me. And for the other people not named Alf,
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: I actually have an FCC license. And I'm not talking
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: about one I purchased on the dark web or on Teemu.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: It is true. You can stop laughing right now. I
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: have official government.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: Stamp paperwork proving that at one point in human history,
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: the United States federal government looked at me and said, yes,
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: let this man operate heavy broadcast machinery. I also have
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: a pass thanks to the pandemic, the martial law passed,
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: where if martial law happens, I'm allowed to leave my
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: house without getting shot. I can go through checkpoints and
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: go work because the American people need sports talk radio,
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: even during a situation.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: Where they use martial law. But I do have this
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: FCC license.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: It was long, long ago. It is long expired, mind you.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: I had to get it.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: When I ran the.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: Board briefly at COGO in San Diego and the mighty 690,
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: the border blaster station from Baja, California to the Canadian Rockies. Now,
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: in those days, you had to pass a test. You
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: had to demonstrate basic human intelligence. Now, these days, all
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: these years later, you just have to have a pulse.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: You just have to have a warm body. Honestly, sometimes
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: they'll even put a cold body in there in a pinch. Now,
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: if you can decay without knocking over the microphone as
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: your body rots, congratulations. You get the midnight shift in
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: market 246, which I believe is the smallest radio market
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: in America. That would be Grand Forks, North Dakota. Now,
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: if you want to know the power of of the
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: Ben Maller Show, and this is more of a fun
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: fact for our friend Sports with Coleman.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: We have gotten calls from Grand Forks, North Dakota, Market 246,
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: the smallest.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: Radio market, and I believe we're on a station in
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Grand Forks. At least we were at one point. So anyway,
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: back to the story. So there I was, an FCC-certified idiot,
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: staring at a board full of knobs like someone, if
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: I'd been born in the 1800s trying to decipher a
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: microwave oven clock, it just, no, as much as I tried,
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: I couldn't get it to work. I looked at the soundboard.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: The soundboard looked at me like, No chance. Why are
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: you bothering?
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: I asked what was going on. I said, who's running
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: this place?
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: One of the gremlins popped up from the back and said,
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: not you cue ball.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: And I was like, well, that's kind of rude. You
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: shouldn't say that. That's not, you know, come on.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: And you know, your podcast is struggling when even mythical
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: creatures try to shut it down.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Like what's the deal with the gremlins anyway? What is
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: their end game?
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: They don't pay rent. They don't pay my salary. They
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: don't book guests. They just kind of sit there chewing
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: on fiber optic cables and ruining my day, destroying my equipment.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: So my original plan, when in doubt, you got to
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: have a guy. My guy on the pod studio, the
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: remote pod studio, is Jake Warner. When it comes to
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: this kind of stuff, Jake is a genius. He's been
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: the audio engineer for the Dodgers, the Clippers, the Kings
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: over the years. He is the architect. He actually helped
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: build the original remote podcast studio brick by brick, cable
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: by cable. If anyone could save me from the brink
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: of audio extinction, it was my guy, Jake. However, there
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: was a turd in the punch bowl based on his
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: recent social media post.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: On the gram.
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: My man, stay awake with Jake, had committed the ultimate
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: act of betrayal to a struggling radio host and podcaster.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: He ran off and got married, which meant.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: Of course, that he was deep in that honeymoon phase,
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: completely unavailable to help a struggling, mostly bald, weekend, now
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: podcast guy, and just sitting.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: There trying to figure out, what did I do? And
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: I don't want to bother Jake. It's his time. He
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: got married. It's a big deal.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: And let him enjoy his time with his bride, and
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: I'll leave him alone. So while Jake was off, I
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: imagined sipping fruity drinks on a beach somewhere, living the
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: great life. While I was sitting in a dark room
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: surrounded by dead copper wires and broken.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: Dreams, was I happy for Jake? Damn right I was
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: happy for Jake. Absolutely.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: Do I forgive him for prioritizing lifelong marital bliss over
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: my gain knob?
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: So with Jake out of the picture, things became truly pathetic.
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: I had reached rock bottom. I was hitting bedrock.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: I turned.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: to artificial intelligence. Yeah, I sat there staring at the screen,
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: talking to a machine, and.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: Let me tell you something.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: I felt like I was talking to the god of tech,
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: the tech god. I asked a series of rapid-fire questions
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: for advice, and literally within half.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Of a second, half of a second, I got detailed
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: descriptions of flow charts, diagnostic questions, follow-up on what I
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: needed to do. I was like, you've got to be joking.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: This is unbelievable.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: You go out to the store, you get the tech
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: support team, and it's like, what is going on here?
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: The machine was polite.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: It was fast. It spoke to me in a woman's
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: British accent, which.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: That accent just makes you sound smarter. It just does.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: The British accent to an American ear, you're like, well,
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: you must be smarter. You've got that British accent. It
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: was vastly superior to me in every conceivable metric.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: It was crazy. It didn't mock my appearance.
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: It didn't mention my complete lack of technical aptitude. It
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: just spat out answer after answer after answer. So does
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: that mean I solved my quagmire with AI?
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: Not exactly. Because here's the rub on this. Because the problem.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: with AI, AI assumes that the human operating the machinery
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: has a baseline level of competence. It tells you to
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: check the bus routing or routing as if I know
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: what a bus is is in this context. I know Roberto,
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: the bus driver. I know Lance, the bus driver and
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: our buddy in the Pacific Northwest, who's now a bus driver.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: To me, a bus is a large yellow vehicle that
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: carries children to school and Right. Children's school or get
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: stuck behind me when I'm already five minutes late for
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: a appointment to go see some random person. So I
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: was able to get some of the equipment working with AI. However,
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: it wasn't back to the way it had been. And
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: this bothered me quite a bit. It was hanging on
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: by a thread. There was a red button flashing that
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: seemed like it was a bomb.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: And I was.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: Holding on, rubbing the back of my head like, I
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: don't know what to do. So naturally, when in doubt,
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: you got to go old school. So I'm from the
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: old country, apparently. I didn't know that until I got
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: a little older. And by the old country, I mean
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: an era where if the television screen started bouncing.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: You didn't.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: Call a technician. You walked up to the side of
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: the console and you delivered a crisp right-handed haymaker to
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: the wooden cabinet. If that didn't work, you start kicking things.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: And so I started kicking things. I started unplugging things.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: I was hitting buttons with varying degrees of rage and desperation.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: I grabbed the doohickey. Well, that didn't work. Why didn't
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: the doohickey work? I don't know. I hit it. How
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: about the whatchamacallit? Twist the whatchamacallit. Okay.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: I had better luck if I had a whatchamacallit candy bar,
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: I would have had better luck. So then I was like, okay,
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: I got to wiggle the thingamajig. So I wiggled the thingamajig.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: And for some reason, the thingamajig wiggled.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: It didn't do anything.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: And so I was spinning loogies on the connectors, trying
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: to get a spark. I was trying everything. I was
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: like a caveman poking a fallen meteorite from somewhere outside
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: the Milky Way at a big stick and hoping I
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: would play like a bumper music or something. For several days,
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: this went on. The studio was only partially fixed. I
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: was able to do my hit in Edmonton in the studio.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: But the thing was held together by electrical tape, prayer,
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: and my own sheer refusal to accept defeat. And as
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: always with these things, the answer was hiding in the
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: very last place that you looked, because once you find
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: the solution, there's no reason to look anymore. So after
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: days of agonizing frustration after contemplating the time-space continuum and
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: how it relates to the setup of a remote podcast
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: studio and thinking I should throw it out the second
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: floor window, I found it.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: What was it?
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: The magic button. The magic button. I pressed it, and voila!
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: Everything worked perfectly. The remote studio is back to the
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: way it had been. Nine years or so of muscle
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: memory restored in a single click.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: The magic button. I went out. I had bought a
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: new mic cable, and I've never....
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: I mean, listen, I've never been the guys, I got
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: to run out and buy all this stuff. I ran
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: out and bought a bunch of stuff. I added a
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: few other bells and whistles to enhance the setup. Some
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: of the stuff got returned. It doesn't matter. We're operational.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: We're loud. We're proud. We're back, baby. Not that you
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: knew any of this. I didn't yap about it.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: Now, along this magical journey, recovery, a trip down the
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: yellow brick road. We also added a brand new feature
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: to the studio. Now, we have not used the new feature.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: We need a guinea pig to figure it out. I
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: believe this setup will finally allow us to get back
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: to our roots and record off the phone. Yes, we
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: can use the old cell phone, or if you have
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: a rotary phone, we can use that as well. For
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: months now, we have been pretty limited to doing mailbag
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: guests like Robbie the Mariner fan, Justin in Cincinnati, Terry
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: in England, all these cats.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: On the Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, which I don't mind Zoom.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: Zoom is fine. It seems like it's.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: Better used for corporate executives or people who possess basic
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: digital literacy. And I've realized that the audience, the core
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: of the audience, not exactly that group. But Zoom excludes
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: the very niche demographic that is the core of the
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: characters on the show. Ergo, we're talking about those who
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: happen to own Obama phones. Unfortunately for some of you,
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: this means that we will now have access to to
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: people like Weed Man Hippie, a man who, bless his heart,
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: does not know how to use technology, at least passwords.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: He somehow manages to get on the YouTube.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: However, as we.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: Talked about briefly on the radio show, we tried to
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: get Weed Man to get Zoom, and it just didn't work.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: So Weed Man Hippie does not have Zoom. He does
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: not have the ability to get Zoom. He doesn't own
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: a laptop. I'm not merely.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting here, I'm like, I'm not convinced that he
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: can breathe on his own. Right?
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: I don't even know if he has electricity. He might
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: be an old world Mennonite, and he just has candles,
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: and that's it. And he doesn't have live electricity. However,
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: he does have a phone, an Obama phone. And there
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: is a number he can call, and we can do it.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: If it works, if the gremlin truce holds, and there
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: is a nice truce with the gremlins, I'll finally get
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: the audio levels right, because right now I am D-O-N-E
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: with the many machines after this little episode that has
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: happened over the last however long. Now, I'm not necessarily
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: done with the AI tech overlords. That was a very
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: interesting experience. Pretty much, I'm just the dude, not the dude,
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: but the dude, sitting in a room, clutching a new
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: mic cable, fighting off the woodland demons that are out there.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: So wish me luck today.
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: I'm going to need it. The Big Maller meet and greet.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: Cannot wait for that. Going to be a lot of fun.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: And so come one, come all. I'd say fun.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: For all ages.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: It's at a bar. And I always look forward to it.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: I'm sure this will happen today. The dude that drags
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: the wife, the girlfriend, and that woman is mortified to
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: be there and questioning her decision to... dedicate parts of
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: her life huddled together with this man. Can't wait for that.
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: There's always somebody that brings a kid. Now, usually the
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: kids are pretty cool. There was a really nice event
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: that we had in Newport, Kentucky, and that was a
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: lot of fun. I'm not talking about that. The young kids,
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: they're into it. They got good energy.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: That's awesome.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: Freaking awesome when we get that. And it doesn't happen
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: that often. It doesn't happen every once in a while.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: Somebody will bring somebody, and it's like, okay, that's kind
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: of neat. You're like, okay, we're good on that. For example,
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: I think at the Newport, Kentucky thing, we had a
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: grand old time, and Dad brought his son, and it
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: was really cool.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: The teenagers, though, that's the one, right? That's like, what
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: are we doing? Why are you, you know, here? You're
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: a boomer. You're old. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: Anyway, on that note, we'll see what happens. And we'll
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: have the Sunday pod and all that. And so we
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: look forward to communicating with you tomorrow as this is
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: the last. I guess it's not the last Sunday because
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: there's that dead week before the NFL begins. But it's
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: getting close. We're getting close to real professional football. It's
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: going to be a lot of fun.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Anyway, have a great day.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: Dick and Dayton would say, bye-bye, bye-bye. That's exactly what
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: he sounds like.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: No? That is not exactly? I thought that was? No? Okay.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: See ya!