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Healing Through Management with Krystal Shanelle · Just Heal with Dr Jay

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: All right, welcome back to another episode of Just Here
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: with Doctor J. I am your host, Doctor J, and
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I am excited because this is an episode that my
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: producer CJ has been waiting for. Uh. And and there
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: are some people who watch a live that I did
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: with Crystal, Uh, They're like, man, when you're gonna have
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Crystal a well, guess what people, she is here for you.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Miss Crystal Chanelle is a close, dear friend of mine.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: She was my first manager, and so I'm excited about
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: this episode because we getting into all things healing. We're
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: talking about managing me. Uh, We're talking about how it
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: got started. And I just want Crystal to share her
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: journey of not only just about managing and working with
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: some of the you know, top artists uh in the
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: music world, but is also all the things that she does.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Manjean been a mom, business woman and a woman, So
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: all those three elements that we're gonna get to talk to. Chris,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: what's up. Welcome to the Hilling community.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: So we're here and here, don't start.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Well, we get together, man, it is always a great time. Listen.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: It's so good to see you. Six the last time
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: we see each other probably last time he was giving
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: me a word nine times out of ten or telling
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: me a word here I digress. Yeah. So well, welcome
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: to the Hilling.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Thank you guys for having me. I'm excited.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: We've been talking about doing this this episode for years,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Like we did before he was a podcast. We was like, yo,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: we gotta do a lie and then it was like, oh,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: the lie went off, but now it has somewhere to
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: live because the stuff you even shared on that lie,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I was like people needed to hear this information. So yes,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: so you know you are all things management, business, business,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: and and all things you know with with not just
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: trade the truth as an artist, you work with me,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: you work with so many other artists behind the scene.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: How did you get to, you know, being who you
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: are and working with these artists? I know I was
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: like the first person you work with that was kind
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: of that wasn't an artist.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: He was close though, he was close. Yeah, I was closed.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So how did you get into this space?
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: So if I trade, I'm an accountant, started in the
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: off field, moved to Houston, ended up with you. I
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: don't know how just kind of stumbled upon each other. Honestly,
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: I feel like it sounds like I'm a manager overall,
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: and I do do business and I do do management.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm degreeving, But I think it's more of
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: the development of people in purpose. That's the just of
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: what I do that most people don't see. So, yes,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: I handle a lot of business, Yes I handle accounting,
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Yes I do payroll, Yes I get to make bookings,
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: but the most of what I do is help people
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: operate in the level of who God called him to be.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: That's fladed heavy. Oh, It's kind of like a trick, right,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Because God says, okay, I want you, you say christ
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: I want to work with you, or somebody says, hey,
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: I love the way you do business, Come and do
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: my business, and you're like, okay, cool, I'm gonna tackle
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: your business. And then you realize that this person is
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: not who they profess to be, Like God has more
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: for them to actually do. And then he's like, Okay,
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: this is what I want you to do with this person.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: But he always tricks me initially like help them with
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: their business, but it's like, no, that person's a profit,
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: that person's an apostle, this person's a pastor. Walk them
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: through that, and I'd be like why, I mean I
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: don't know. I'm still asking it.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Still ask that question. When you ask that question, what
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: is the answer that you get because I called you
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: to And when you hear that, how does that make
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: you feel? Honestly?
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: How do I hang up the phone? I don't want
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: that call? Truthfully, I sit and I watch people run
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: towards a call that I would never like. If I
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: had to choose it, I wouldn't have chose it. So
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: it kind of scares me when people run and say
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: this is who I am spiritually or this is my title,
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  Speaker 2: because I think people miss the part that the hits
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: that we actually take to be that person. I don't
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: want that. I never signed up for that. I would
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: give it back. And all the people who say that
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: that's what they are and they really not that I
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: would like to give it to them because they walking
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: in fakeness. But hey, you know, but I think when
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: you I feel like I've understood that my call is
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: not negotiable. So it's better to obe in the call
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: then to get drug. Because I've gotten drug a couple
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: of times, my god, and I'm cool on that, So
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  Speaker 2: I just obey.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Now, you know, as you're as you're talking about that
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking about how we first met and because I
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: didn't want to. And we often talk about when you're
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: really called and annoying it to do something, you're not
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: running to do it because you understand what comes with it,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: and then you understand the things that are not talked
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: about that comes with it, that no one, no one
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: you know, cares to even discuss openly. So it's almost
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: like you get in it and you're like, oh, dangn
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: y'all dealing with all of this. That's why I like you.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: You you hit that thing on that head. Be careful
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: of people who are telling you who they are.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I wouldn't, like I don't I'm Crystal, I don't this.
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  Speaker 2: I don't run by my titles, even my degrees. It's
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: for me, like, of course, if I'm applying for a
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: job or something, they're relevant, but I prefer to And
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: you know, I think sometimes we misunderstand. It's like, oh,
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: don't shrink yourself to you. No, I know exactly who
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: I am. I'm a big dog. I know that, but
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: the price I've paid to be here still stings a
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: little bit. So when you make it to a certain
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: level of success, you almost can enjoy it because you're tired.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: You've been running, you've been fighting, you've been warring, and
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: it's like, okay, I mean I'm here, yay, but I'm tired.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: And no, there's no finish line. You're continuing to do
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: the work day after day, so you're having to process
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: how you feel, what you think, and how to balance
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: all of that. So people that tell me like this
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: is who I am and I'm excited about a certain title,
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: I'm like, y'all weard, but hey, you.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Know very well. Because people who are wanting to get
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: to a stage and a platform really scares me.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: It's so much light and the light brings heat. Why
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: do I want to sweat? Like that's not you know,
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: something that I want to do. So when you watch
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: them walk to that and so it's such a great rise,
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: but then the fall is just this great when you're
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: running towards something, especially the people that claim that they're
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: there and they're not called to it because you can't.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: There's no glory to keep you there. There's no character
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  Speaker 2: development because yes I have a title or yes i'm
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: this person, but if I don't work on me, I'm
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: not going to stay there. I don't have the character
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: to stay there. I don't have the bandwidth, I don't
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  Speaker 2: have none of these things that keeps me in that place.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm constantly trying to fight to be in a space.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: And I don't prefer to be out the way and
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: behind closed.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Doors, which is why I always say I would rather
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: be in Portugal somewhere, yes, and not doing with quietly
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: and not caring about what others feel, meaning like not
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: how you feel about me, but how you feel from
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: what you've gone through. And I have to now be
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: open allow him to work through me so you can
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: get your healing to help you do.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: What you want to do while I'm still struggling with
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: what you left me.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I was so ready for this episode
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: as much as c J was. But talk about character
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: development in what you do? Why is that so important?
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  Speaker 2: It's kind of like when you talk about an artist, right,
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  Speaker 2: Like a lot of artists are really great, a lot
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: of hairstylists are really great.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: But if you if.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: You're a stylist or you're a business person, but you
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: don't have good customer service, then your business only can
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: go so hot high and then you plateau. If you're
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: an artist, and you get in front of the camera
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: and they ask you the wrong thing you can be
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: in this culture canceled because you've said something that I'm
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: from Louisiana. So a lot of words that we may
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: say can get me canceled, but it doesn't mean what
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: other people would think that it means. So it's like
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: developing myself to be able to continue to grow. But
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: then I think the biggest piece is even to figure
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: out what's wrong with me before I even develop those pieces,
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: because you got to be aware self wise of what's
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: with you, what you've dealt with, what are the root
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: issues that you have, and how to begin dealing with
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  Speaker 2: them or else, you know, you're just kind of running
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: in circles chasing your tail. But it's super important because
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: I think a kind of I always tell my kids,
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: like accountability seems harsh in the beginning because you're somebody's
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  Speaker 2: telling you something about yourself, but it's the very thing
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: that will that will help you build and you won't
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: be able to be stopped when you get to the
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: top because you're accountable to self and it helps you
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  Speaker 2: to be.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Successful because the sess will kill you if you're under
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: developing your character.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: It'll hit you like it's on the bricks. It's like
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: running into a brick wall, essentially, because we don't know.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: And I think the other thing is you don't really
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: fully know. No one says that this is what success is,
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: so you're constantly chasing a feeling. And I don't trust
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: my feelings. They're dangerous, they're scary. I can be from
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: zero to one hundred. So if I'm trusting my feelings,
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: were gonna all lose. So when I do business, I
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: don't do it with emotion. I don't do it with feelings.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: I don't come to the table. It's just like spiritually wise,
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: my kingdom gift is the profit. But people misunderstand that, like, oh,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: she's mean. It's just like, no, if God tells me
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: to tell you something, I'm saying what he said. I
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: don't put my emotion in it because God doesn't have emotions.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: So why am I coming with my emotions to the
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: table for your word? It's like it has to process
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: through me, but it's not my word. So I can't
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: process it with emotions. I can't do business. If I'm
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: trying to get you a contract, or get you built,
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: or get your structure built for your contract or your business.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: I can't do it with how I feel because we're
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: all gonna lose because my emotions they be all over
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: the place. I have to manage that so we can
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: win successfully as a.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Woman and a woman who works with so many men,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: and a woman who is understanding of her emotions but
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: all so not allowing the emotions to be the driver
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: and decision. Is that something that you had to work
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: at or is that something that you just kind of was?
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: What was that like for you?
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: On a Myers bring, I'm only thirteen percent emotions, so
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: that's kind of my baseline. But yes, dealer with men
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: because I have a tough relationship with my father. Early on,
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: he was an addict and he got better, and I
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: still kind of struggle with those pieces. So working with
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: a lot of men could be very tough because when
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: I see traits of what I dealt with my father,
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: it'll sting. It's kind of like a trauma space. So
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: sometimes if something hits, it's like you get a different
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: version of me that I've had to really manage, especially
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: dealing with who I'm currently dealing with because he's alpha,
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: so it's like his alpha and my alpha used to
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: and having to take a space where I was submitting
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: not to the person, but to the space. And that's
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: what I learned. The biggest oof is that you know
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: sometimes when I'm a man and it's like you know,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: you're like who you talking to? Like you don't really
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: want to smoke with me because I'm not that girl,
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Like I'm not weak. And it was always me early
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: on having to prove that I wasn't weak until God
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: just really started dealing with me, like, you don't have
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: to defend yourself. What are you doing? You're here to help.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: I can't use you like this, like you are disrespect
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: to my anointing when you're doing this type of behavior
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: when you just just chill or just relax, And I
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: just I didn't get that because I always felt like
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: I had to keep hitting something. But when I learned that,
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: I'm not submitting to the person because men and women
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: are flawed. I'm submitting to this assignment that God put
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: me in because what I need from God when we
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: work together. You could never give me what I needed.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: It wasn't the dollars that you were paying me. I
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: needed God to move because I was walking in that
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: assignment to help you become this person someone you didn't even.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: See, didn't even see it, didn't even know it at all.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I didn't know I was me. You know Bishop Jake's
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: pre semessage call I didn't know I was me. That
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: was so powerful. And it's the messages about what you
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: just said is not only walking with people who didn't
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: know that they were them, but also you walking with
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: me when I didn't know I was me.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: That's tough because you have to get outside yourself. I
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: have to be super patient and loving with who God
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: showed me that you were before you even because you
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: know he has some moments what's doing. And what I
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: had to learn prophetically is that you're in the future.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: So you were in the present, but what God was
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: showing me about you was in the future. So it's
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: like I had to tone that back a bit so
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: I identify that. Okay, wait, he doesn't know who he is.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: It's my job to help him walk out. When you
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: saw you, you saw a former player who was going
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: to school trying to figure out the therapy thing. I
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: saw this. I saw a king, I saw a prophet.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: I saw a person who was gonna change generational lines
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: for other people. But it's like the bridge to get there.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: I had to control me so that you could get
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: to where you needed to be. That's tough, though, because
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: there was some some some tough moments.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: And it's tough because I feel like I'm walking with
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: somebody like that right now.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: But that's that's how the gift is. I pull you
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: up and then you go get.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: Somebody else because I'm pulling him.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's what it is. It's it's and sometimes
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: like you don't never get to see and God has
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: blessed us to where we could see the other side.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: But that's not always the case.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Oh it is not it is not six, It is
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: not always the case. Man.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: That's the tough part. That's tough. But I'm so proud,
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: Like point, I'm proud because your journey was hard. People
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: see this, they see this camera, they see all of
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: this stuff. But the knights that you cried, the time
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: that you did I know who you was, or when
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: the money was funny because God had to show you
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: how to manage certain things and you couldn't see what
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: I saw. It was tough to get you like no way,
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: come on, keep going, We're gonna get there and all
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: of these things. But I'm super proud that you didn't stop,
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: because there were moments that you could have and you didn't.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I was sitting there thinking about when I was in Atlanta.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: I moved to Atlanta because we're gonna be open this.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: This is my dog. I moved to Atlanta. She didn't
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: say anything. She was just like, Okay, go I get
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: to Atlanta. When I tell you, God whipped my behind,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about whip my behind. I'm talking about every
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: stone I turned over. Nobody would hire me, nobody would
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: work with me. It was like I was like I
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: had a disease of sickness. That was just like it
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: was like because it was almost like nobody would touch me.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: I remember you being on the phone with you one
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: day and you go, did you do you really think
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: you were supposed to go to Atlanta. I'm doing another
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: accent and I'm like, she said, you really do you?
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: She know you asked me, you said, did God tell
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: you to go to Atlanta? And I remember pausing him
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: like I didn't know, and I think I said, God
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: said go to Atlanta. Because when you are not hearing clearly,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: you can create the voice in your mind and call
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: it God if you're not careful. And we don't talk
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: about that enough because we are so in golf into
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: what we wanted. And I wanted to go to Atlanta
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: because I thought I needed to change environments and I
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: thought I need to be in a new space. And
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: what God did was use that space to say, I
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: tell you what, good brother, I'm gonna put you in
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: this cave and I'm gonna get you to surrender, because
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: that was what I was running from in Houston. I
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: didn't want to surrender.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: That was your room in to eight twenty. And I
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: think sometimes we think, Okay, I'm out of God's will,
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: so he not gonna move. I'm just gonna down here.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: It's like, no, He's gonna use that as your space
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: and he was. I was like, why are you going
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: to Atlanta? What are you gonna do over there?
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: And you know, and he was, what's crazy is that
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: when you're off course, you're really on course?
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because he'll make it good even when it's bad.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: He's that awesome.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: And he made it bad. God, he made it bad. Man.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: I let me tell y'all something. Man. I had gotten
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: a place at Smyrna, Georgia, right off of two eighty five,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: beautiful place, and I couldn't afford to pay the rent.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: And when I look back at it today, it wasn't
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: it wasn't much. It was like maybe eleves and it
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: was like a huge space, and I'm just like, God,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: why can't I pay this rent? And it wasn't like
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: I wasn't making money, but nothing was shaking for me,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: nothing was.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Coming because you're trying to do it on your own. Yeah,
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: we always do that. We're smart, we're educated. It's like, okay,
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: well I can just go get a job. I'm gonna
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: pay my bills. And what he wants to know is
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: are you gonna trust me to be your provider? That's
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: the big thing, is like will we surrendered? And when
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: you have that non negotiable call everything I called it,
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: there's no democracy here. It's one of those things like, hey,
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: you have to depend on me for everything, and when
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: you're independent, that's hard that I'm gonna call you and say, well,
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: I gotta live, like for what. But he's saying, I
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: want you on a certain trajectory of where I'm taking
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: you because you're gift. It's not for you. Your gift
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: was for them, for the people that he was calling
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: you to, but you were trying to live your life
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: for you and he's like, yeah, no, I didn't break
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: you for that.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: And I remember you telling me you can't give it back.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: It's been trying for forty two years, and.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: You kept saying it's non negotiable, and I'm just like, dude, why,
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: because that heaviness and that that that's just that pool
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: because even when you're running, you feel like, man, I
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: don't think I didn't ever feel like I was getting away,
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: but I did feel like there was some like kind
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: of moment to breathe. And then it's a facade. It's
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: almost like a being in a desert and it's like, oh,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: there's water, and it's like, oh no, this is mirage
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: and it's like and it's like I kept going back
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: and forth and hitting my head time at the time
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: after time at the time, and when my healing started
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: is when I fully surrendered.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: And it's a process because I think sometimes people think
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: like there's this magical moment with palm trees where you're
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: just like, oh, I surrender and you're like in the
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Garden of Eden, But surrendering is constant. It's almost every
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: season because as you continue to grow from higher heights
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: of deeper debts, there's another level of surrender respir like, Okay,
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: what does it.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Do You feel like you're still in the process of surrendering.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm surrendering, but now just being here to say
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: yes to you, because you know me, I'm a background player.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: I don't want nobody to see me. I'm not like,
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: I'm not that person. I don't need to be seen.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: I have three thousand followers. I'm not trying to dance
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: on TikTok. That's not me. I don't do none of that.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: I'm out the way. I just want my invoices paid
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: and I want to make it to heaven and I
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: want my children to be successful. That is it. That's
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: all I want. But somewhere God got some other plans
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: and I'll keeps just telling me as we go and
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: I'm just trying to obey.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: That's it, Listen, that's my thought process constantly, Like I
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: love that I get to do this and CJ, you know,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: he checks on me every day. Like there's days where
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I'm literally like, why are you texting me?
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Those cocon dates.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Because there are days that I just it's not that
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be bothered, but him texting me
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: is also a reminder of we're building something, yeah, And
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: it's also reminded that, hey, I'm checking in because he'll
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: check in like like like tomorrow, because we work, you know,
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: all day to day. He'll check in and say how
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: you feeling, how you're doing because of the poor But
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: then I'm reminded, like, man, this thing ain't going nowhere.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: Every day. I talk to Tray every day and someday
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: and like his call is so heavy and he's just
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: starting to realize that. And we've been dealing with this
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: for eight years. This man is just like you had
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: no idea. So every day he called me, I'm like, oh,
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: we still at it. I've been looking for an exit
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: for eight years because the weight to carry someone like yourself,
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: someone like him with a heavy annointing, it hit me
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: before it hits you. And that's what people don't know,
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Like you're where you are and you're heavy. When I'm
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: carrying you, it hits me first. So I'm carrying it
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: for both of us. Then I have five kids that
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: I'm carrying it for, so It's like the heavyweight is
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: in the front, but the big weight is in the back,
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: because I have to make sure we both don't fall
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: when I'm assigned to you, because if I fall, you dead.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: And that's why God stay on you, because he's making
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: sure that the person you're called to carry don't fall.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: Because every time I pour into somebody, imagine being able
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: to carry somebody that got a heavier weight than you.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: That's why a lot of mentors become falls because a
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: lot of times you're covering a David who's gonna be
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: a better king than you. Imagine being able to see
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: somebody and you're not healed, and God tells somebody to
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: go mentoring and the heartshipt. I didn't have a saw
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: mentor before. So it's like you have to balance that
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: because sometimes I could get mad at you if I
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: ain't right with my heart because you didn't ask me
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: to help you. God did. I can't mistreat you because
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: of what He told me to do. And many times
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: God has checked me my socks off, like what are
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: you doing? You're looking for this person to help you.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: I told you to serve. I told you to go in,
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: so what you mad at them? For that's on me.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: You got a problem, take it up with me, don't
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: take it off on them. So when the phone ring
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: and it's like, hey, we got this and that to
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: do today, I'm looking at the phone and guy's like,
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: check your attitude, get your spirit and honor. I'm keeping you.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: So did you not come to me this morning to
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: lay down that burn at the altar? Or you want
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: to card and then be met at that person? What
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: you're gonna do.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: It's on pause for a second and just let that
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: that just marinate. Because David and I talked about this
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: and the weight of what you were carrying, and I'm
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: loving that you sharing it because you're also sharing it
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: from the perspective of female. And we talked a lot
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: about dating, you know, and talked a lot about you know,
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: what is it like to be with somebody that has
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: like a strong calling a mandate. And I've always seen
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: myself as having the three m's right for the mandate,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: the mantle, and the mission, and all three of them
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: carry their own weight for what they represent because the
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: mission is to be carried out, you know, for the people.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: The mandate is this is a this is non negotiab
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: and then the mantle is the I'm not Lord. You know,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying calling a yoke, but the mantle is
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: almost like this cloak of just like has just set
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: on you, and no matter how much you do this
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: and try to adjust it, that thing ain't going nowhere.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: And I'm saying, and I'm saying to God, hey man,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not Elijah. Elijah was like, hey, I want a
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: double portion. I'm like, what are you Like? Even when
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: I read that, it's like, what was you own? Bro?
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Like what was you thinking? And so my battles at
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: times is not trying to, you know, negotiate out of it,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: but it's constantly trying to sort of find understanding in
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: it because I don't like yourself. It's like, I mean,
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: it's a blessing to be a blessing right now in
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: this season because to be in a season where I
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: know what lack feels like, I know what it's like
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: to go speak and there's no invoice and they're like
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: shaking your hand you like, well, I thought y'all was
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: gonna give me some God bless you. Man. We appreciate you, like,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: I know what that's like, and I know what it's
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: like for somebody to feed you and to say thank you,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: and so to be in this season. I'm grateful, but
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I only think about what you just said. I don't
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: have kids, so for me, it's like, man, I just
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: want to get to heaven and make sure you know
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Things are good and I have the
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: essential because even for people like us to be blessed,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: it's not to be somebody who's flexing. It's like the
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: blessing is also to do more with what we've been giving.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: So that's usually my warfare. It's like every day for
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: the past three weeks. When we got back from Canada,
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: it was just like, Man, I literally woke up every
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: day and said, God, Man, thank you. And I said,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: because I know it's you that's keeping me going, I've
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: had them days like it's like it's like I'm just
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: in my closet just like, man, dude, it's you, because
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: the human the man in me is like, man, you
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: can have this, yeah, and people.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: Be coveting that. That's the crazy part. People will covet
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: what you carry, not knowing that you barely standing up.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: You pretty much like a hunchback of artre down trying
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: to carry the weight of what's on you.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and and and two in this healing space because
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: not only are we being healed, we're also leading people
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: to their healing. And then we're leading people because now
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: that I'm where you were with me, I get it.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: It's like leading people to their healing. And you're like, hey,
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: that's freedom on the other side, waiting for them to
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: choose them choose the healing, and God is saying not.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: Now, yeah, now, we can't get to it.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: No, I need to teach them this. Yeah, I need
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: to teach him that. So what has your healing journey
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: been for you? Like? Who was that person when you
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: discovered who you were? Who was the person that saw
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: who Crystal was before Christalin came.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Christly ironically, I'm a lady that my mom used to
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: work with. My parents went to her to basically complain
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: that I was this crazy person or hard to deal with,
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: shall I say, And she couldn't understand from her perspective
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: how parents could have such an issue with their child.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Leave it at that, and so she felt the need
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: to get to know me because she as a mom,
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: she couldn't and a healer of hearts, that's her sign
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: that she have a pastorial heart. She couldn't understand how
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: somebody could do to their child like that, right, And
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: so her and I got to know each other, and
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: she would call me every day every day. Are you okay, baby, I'm.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Praying for you?
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: And I'd be like, girl, I'm with this five piece
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: of chocolate right now. I hit you babe, woo, I
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: got something going on. She would call me every day,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: every day till one day I was having a bad day.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: We started talking. God used her. I had a stony heart.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: I would have never been able to be used by God.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: I was so angry things happened to me in my
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: childhood that I just couldn't get over. The people that
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: were supposed to protect me didn't grew up in church
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: and getting preached on and all these things with you know,
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: they say they love God. Because I initially saw the
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: church as a representation of God, I'm like, yeah, that's
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: what God is. I'm cool on that, you know. And
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: so I get to a space where every day I
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: had never My grandmother loved me and she loved God,
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: but she didn't know God like my spiritual mom did.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: So when she was doing it, it was just like
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: God was using her in human form, and each time
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: she would give me things to work on. And at
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: the time, I had recently had bilateral pulmonary embolism, so
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: I couldn't go nowhere. I couldn't move back. Then I
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: used to like to go outside. The clubs had smoking it,
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: so I couldn't go out no more. I couldn't drink
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: because I was on bloodin us. So God just started
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: using her to deal with me. And she just started
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: telling me who I was. And I'm like, bro, yeah,
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: I'm good on it. Yeah, I mean, I'll go to church,
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: I'll pay my tithes, but all of that. So she
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: walked me through this process and I started to understand.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: And God, because I was at a steel place, he
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: started talking to me, and he started telling me that
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: there was people that needed me. I'm like, who need me?
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I'm broken, I'm battered, I'm bruised. I got these kids
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: and nobody paying j'all support, Like what's happening right now?
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: And the more I kept walking it, the more I
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: realized that it was bigger than me and I just
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: had to accept it. So by the time I made you,
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: I was fast forward to Houston, came to Houston for
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: a job, got fired, started being an entrepreneur, and not
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: fire but laid off, but started being an entrepreneur, and
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: I just felt lost. So when I started when I
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: met you, it was like I was looking at me
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: when I was there, and I knew that outside of her,
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: she helped me with my heart, but my head was
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: another story. My mind was another story, my mouth was
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: another story. So by the time I met you, I
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: was like, man, if I had a meet for me,
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: I would have been in a better spot earlier. And
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: so it was easy for me to submit because there
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: was some things I needed God to do and I
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: was like, Okay, well if I do this, you do
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm gonna do what you want me to do,
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: but I need to do this. So I was over
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: there a bargaining with the shooting little dice. That's how
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: me and him moved so and I don't think I'm
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: healed all the way. I enjoy the journey now. I
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: think i've in the time that we worked together, in
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: the time that I've been I was a lot harder
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: when we were together. Moe tame Gorilla, A little bit
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: of spiritual a little bit of roughness, rough neck, whatever.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: But now I just feel like at peace. I've accepted.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: You know, me and God still be talking about when
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: he send me certain people, I'll be like, yeah, no
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: I'm not. I don't go bring them to somebody else,
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: but we negotiate. But right now, I feel like I'm
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: at peace. I feel like I've walked into my womanhood.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: I've successfully raised four of my five kids. I got
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: my twelve year old still, so I'm at peace. Like
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: there's just so much So when I see this, I'm like,
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: when you ask me to come here today, it was like, Okay,
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: I guess it's time. So it was like another level
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: of submitting and surrendering to where we are and where
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: we walked. So I'm here.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: And you're here in such a way that it's loud
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: for you because for you, you like silence, which is
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: why working behind the scenes is perfect because it's solid
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: back there, because when you come out front, it gets loud,
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: and I'm making that it is loud. And what I
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: love that women will get to see is that surrendering
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: looks different in so many different facets because you have
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: not only the surrender to God, but you have the
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: surrender to your purpose. Your calling, your assignment. You have
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: the surrender to your life, your children, and just to
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: have the surrender where you can now say I'm at
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: peace with what has costing me. Yeah, And that's where
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: I'm at too. I'm at a place where, Okay, it's
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: gonna cost me, and I know it's probably not gonna
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: be what I want to pay, but I'm okay with
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: that because I think where we are now, we're at
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: a place where we understand it's not leaving us. Yeah,
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: that's nothing that we can do to get rid of it.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: And I think the more I lean into what God
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: has called me to do, the more healing comes through
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: me for others. And then I've just accepted, like I'm gonna.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: Be used yep. Yeah. And I think too, like what
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: I've identified is it's costing me something, but when God
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: give me the change back, it's more than what I
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: put in. Once I finally just stop trying to control
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: this situation and I'm like, Okay, it's costing me this.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: But then He's like, open your hand, and you know,
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: as a person who went through a lot of trauma,
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: I keep my hand, my fistball I used to do that,
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: tighten my jaw a lot my shoulders. When I finally
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: started opening my hand and he would release things to me,
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: it was like, WHOA wait a minute. I put in
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: fifty dollars and he gave me back twenty five hundred.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: This time I paid twenty five hundred, he gave me
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: back two fifty. I was like, Okay, this is what
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: you've been trying to and he's like, Dug, I've been
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: trying to tell you this whole time. If you just
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: let go and trust me, there's something in it for you.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: Because at first I used to see me getting used,
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: like it's all about the person I'm pouring into. But
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: because I was a serial sower, I didn't know how
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: to read. I grew up in a time back in
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: the day when we was in church, it was always
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: about being a cheerful give or give, give, give. I
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: was never taught how to read. I didn't know how
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: to receive. I felt like if I received, I was
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: less than so I was always and then when people
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: would use me, I was mad at them, but it
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: was like you're giving him when it's really your season
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: to receive. So I was never balanced. But now that
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: I'm balanced, I see it like there's a big reward
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: for me by doing what he's telling me to do.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: So as I'm settling in the call, there's just so
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: much more reverence, peace, grace. I love it here like
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: nothing really bothered. I mean, you know, with the reason
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: you're not. And then I get a little ratchet, but
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: it's small potatoes compared to my big sack I used
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: to carry on the truck. I had some sex. Well, yeah,
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: God be doing this big one. He really do.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: And you know I can feel it because I think
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: we're both there. We're both at a place where in
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: our reaping, we're also having rest because I didn't have
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: much of that. You know, when we met, man, it
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: was just like such warfare and it was just such
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: weight to where I just felt like, Man, I could
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: never get any rest. Like I would go to sleep
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: at night, but I just woke up feeling tired. I
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: woke up feeling even more worn down. I woke up
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: feeling like, man, dude, when I ever catch a break,
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: And that's what I was just looking, just to catch
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: a break, because I remember one season of warfare where
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: it was just like I was tormented in my sleep.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: It was just constantly and even to be in a
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: season like that. I'm in now, and God is saying,
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: this is where I wanted you to get to is
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: when you took your hands off and let me put
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: my hands on. I'm showing you what I do when
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: you let go. Yeah, and true healing can't take place
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: until we let go of who we think we need
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: to be.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: And who we think we are, and.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: Who exactly and who we think we are. And God
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: is saying that it's not who you are. I want
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: to show you who you were called to be. And
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: part of that is allowing yourself to be molded. I
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: never forget going through what I went through in twenty eighteen,
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: and I just remember God telling me, do not get
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: off this wheel. Let me keep shaping you. Let me
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: keep molding you. Let me keep developing you. Let me
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: keep forming you. Let me keep pressing in. Let me
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: keep pressing in. Because when that potter is pressing in
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: on that clay, he's not hurting it. It feels like
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: it's stretching. And it's necessary because if you're going to
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: endure and have sustainability, you gotta let him press in.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's like the squeezing of the oil. But
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: then I think too, like when we hold on, we
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: get drug. So it's like if you just let go,
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: it's gonna keep moving, but you're not going to be
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: dragging with it. Teach you what a drug. For a
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: long time, out of control, just control, ego, pride and control.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: I like control was my protection mechanism. I thought I
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: was doing what was right for me because I was
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: protecting myself. And I realized, like, my dad's the biggest
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: protector of them all, so why can't. But again, I
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: didn't have much trust for people, so it was hard
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: for me to trust God in full. I said I did,
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: but I think for me, like when my son, my
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: baby was born and he had open heart surgery at
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: two months, you only can trust God. Like when God
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: take you through a health thing, it's like it's either
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: you gonna surrender all this is gonna happen. That was
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: when I started realizing God could do whatever if these
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: people saying okay, well if you don't, your child could
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: have a two stints on and then he'll have five
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: surgeries by the time he's saying, I'm like, yeah, no, okay,
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: what you need me to do God, because we're not
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: finna do all eight like, I'm tired. So I saw
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: the power of healing. And that was when I knew, Okay,
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: could nobody at that point, couldn't nobody tell me? How
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: did man do things? I'm like, all right, now what
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: I go. I'm like David when he went to fight Alid.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: He reminded himself of the bears and the tigers and
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: all that and the allions. That's what I do. I'm like, Okay,
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: when we went through this, this happened, So I have
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: to remind myself constantly now when I go through things
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: that he's the same guy that did that. Watching you
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: you the same he the same guy that took you
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: from here to there. So I know he could do it.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: You know, I wanted man, that's that's that's such powerfum word. Uh.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: Working with men and there you going. I knew.
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: I knew he was gonna get.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: So working with men, you I mean, if you worked
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: with some good brothers and I'm not talking about you know,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: that's just what I like to call men, good brothers.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: How did you balance? You know? Because people always ask
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: it again, I'm bringing this up because people always ask
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: you like, how was it working with Jay? Was he
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: did was he dead?
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: They like they say, that's not what they say, you know.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: What they said, Like people always tried to wonder, like
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: most of my managers and people that I've worked with
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: have been with I've been women, black women, And this
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: is why I love sisters, because they have supported not
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: only my work, but they poured into me when I couldn't,
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: you know, do it for myself. But it was always
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: this thing as if you can't have platonic relationships for friendships,
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: and people will always like, you know what I mean,
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: is this something going on? And and if you could
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: just speak to that, because yeah, like go ahead, And
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: because I think there's something to be said about the
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: integral approach that you have had throughout your career because
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: you work with a lot of masculine men in the
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: spaces of entertainment, in the spaces of faith based like,
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: you've worked with a lot of men.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: So I think the biggest thing, first off, is just
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: me separating the two, like am I blind? Women would
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: always when I work with you. For instance, when I
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: work people always ask me, Jay, fine, you wouldn't hit that,
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: just like like that's what they say. He trying to club,
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: But we're gonna tell the truth Shane to death. I'm like, yeah, no,
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: you know, am I blind?
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: No?
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: I see all the men I work with, even the
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: men that work with other people that I work with. Okay,
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: that's one part of my summer where I'm flying a
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: lot of men. I ain't blind, and I'm not gay,
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: no shade to the gay, but I see what I see.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: But for me, when you're working, the work supersedes how
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: I feel. I never wanted to build my businesses on
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: my back, I'll say that respectfully. And in addition to that,
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: when God generally puts me working with someone because of
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: who I'm called spiritually, it's always bigger than me just
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: doing your books, our business or whatever. So it's an assignment.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: And you know my rule, you do not smash the assignments. Now,
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: me being real, I've done that. It felt good. However,
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: it killed me pretty much because there was a moment
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: where purpose started to look like love. There was a
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: moment and I engaged in that prior to my celibacy.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: I enjoyed it. That's me being honest. But you then
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: realize that you have dishonored God. You felt good, you
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: enjoyed what the flesh was looking for because you know,
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: we worked late nights, early mornings, and everybody loves the
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: godly Crystal, you know, until I get a little savage
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: and like, oh she crazy. But there was moments where
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: that happened, and I after understanding what was what was
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: my fatherly issues and all those things, and I managed that,
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: then I realized what the how the devil walked me
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: in today? He opened the door and I gladly walked in.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: I'm not even gonna lie, I'm not one of them Christians,
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: but working with you was like my do over right,
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: because I always now ask God, show me who your
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: children are from your perspective. If I see you in
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: God's perspective, no matter how close we get, I'm not
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: going to sleep with God's son who needs healing. But
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: if I keep seeing you as a man who's chocolate
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: and look good and you got a couple of dollars,
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: because not my clients ain't Brokener and Crystal love a
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: man with dollars. But I'm not going to look at
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: you from that perspective because I'm on assignment, so I
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: have to stay focused on assignment. So no different than
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't sleep with a coworker. I'm not gonna sleep
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: with a client, and whether they pay me or not,
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna sleep in an assignment because what I
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: need from God is bigger than my need to enjoy myself.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: I don't say it like that because we're on your
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: you know, when we talk in private, that's different. But
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: I've had to that's part of the management of self
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: that you got to put self in perspective, like, hey, girl,
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: were not doing it? Because if you're grown and you
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: have already dealt with that part of yourself, Let's be honest.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: In church, they don't tell you your body gonna start talking.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: They like, that's a sin, you're going to hell. But
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: what you doing it purs and you know the dog
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: want to take a walk. Nobody talks about that. That's
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: like it's an issue. It's a thing, and you have
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: to be willing to put that thing under subjection. And
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: sometimes I don't care how many scriptures you quote to
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: your body. It is not coming under subjection by quoting
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: the scripture and the pastor be up there telling you
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: what not to do, but he go home and tear
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: it down because he got a spouse. So you have
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: to find your self accountability, and I have to put
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: what I know God wants me to do and what
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: I know He has for me on the other side
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: of this higher than my need to enjoy myself. And
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: I did enjoy myself that time. I did, but after
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: I enjoyed myself the conviction the whip, because that was
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: somebody that I had something spiritually that for them. But
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: I gave them something else and it broke the connection
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: because at that point I'm like, yeah, we can't you know. Sorry,
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: So I think you know in the era of I'm
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: looking for my boas because a lot of my queen sisters,
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: when you ask them how they're doing, they're telling me
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: they're looking for they both not that I don't understand,
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: but I do respect it. I think if we put
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: what God wants us to do before our need for
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: a relationship and connection and I desire to be with someone,
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: I think we would get a lot done faster, and
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: then God could give us those things. Wow, I said
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: it nicely.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: I just wanted you to cook, and that's exactly what
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: you did. You heeded the stove, put the water on
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: the pot, it got the boiling, and man, you did
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: you did what you were supposed to do being at
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: that place and learning that lesson, And what would you
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: say to the woman that's trying to maavigate her walk
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: business in womanhood?
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: Be honest with yourself and give yourself grace because we
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: do mess up. You see how we just talked about
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: my mess up. I stand on that right. I take
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: this thing from Eminem into eight mile. When he told
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: his opponent the issues that he had within himself, his
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: opponent had nothing against him. The devil can't play with
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: me with what I did wrong, because I tell him myself,
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: and I always tell people, be honest about where you at.
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: Because even though I practice celibacy, there's never a moment
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: where I can't say that I might jump on someone.
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: I can't say that I'm not I would lie about that.
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: I'm honest. I don't. Oh my god, I'm a virgin
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: Mary like no. I think if women just be honest
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: with themselves, give themselves grace, and just continue to walk
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: their walk day by day like we did and didn't
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: give up, I think they'll be fine life. I think
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: a lot of times life is just life, and we
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: have to treat it as such. I feel like sometimes
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: we make it harder or bigger than what it was.
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: We do. So just keep it light, keep it going, man, Crystal,
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: like this this is so rich. And I'm just sitting
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: here processing because when you said earlier, I want to
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: go back to something you said. Man, we get to
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: see this on the other side because I could tell
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: you when we first started ten years ago, because it
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: was twenty fifteen, ten years ago, and this is twenty
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: twenty five, and to see where I'm at, I just
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: want to say publicly thank you.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: I never knew we would get I knew where you
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: would be. But here's the thing. Your gift don't work
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: for you. So I didn't see me. I saw you.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean because I didn't know I was mean.
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: I didn't know this, I didn't know. I had no clue.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: I just I can see myself now even when I
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: met you, just as loss as I was, and just
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: as lost as I want to be, just not knowing,
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: searching but not knowing what I'm looking for, lost but
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: not knowing that I need to be found, Confused but
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: wanted to be understood. Just all of the things and
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: all I kept asking for. I do remember this prayer
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: that I prayed before I met you, I kept saying God,
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: I kept saying, God, send me a man, and he
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: sent me you, and he sent you because that was
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: parts of me needed to be healed, what my mother wounds.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: Because listening to you, I had to surrender not only
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: to God, but I had to surrender to the space,
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: because my healing journey was that. Sometimes I didn't want
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: to listen to Mama because there was a barrier because
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: of what had happened, and I felt like, can't tell
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: me nothing. In fact, I don't hear what you got
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: to say. And the relationship and the friendship and us
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: working together, it helped heal that. And I didn't know
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: that it was needing to be healed until I moved
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: to Dallas and I had to see my mother often.
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: I remember that we used to call me.
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: I didn't know because as long as I was away
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: from her, I didn't have to deal with it. Yeah,
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: it's just a phone call. But now you got to
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: face it. Now you have to and I'm not saying
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: this by my mom, but I'm saying it's putting somebody
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: that's my shoe. Now you have to face your accuser,
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, the person who violated you Now you have
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: to face the uncle, you gotta face the cousin, You
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: got to face the other. Now you have to face
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: these very people who I don't think some was intentional,
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: some unintentional, but you got to face the people who
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: calls her And man, that thing was so hard for
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: me to work through. And I just remember you telling
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: me that, hey, you would have to heal this in
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: order for God will to be done in your life,
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: because I don't believe I'm sitting here today if I
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: don't resolve that with my mom. Yeah.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: What I appreciate though, is that your mom was willing
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: to go on the journey. That's not my story. There
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: is no I had to heal without the conversation. I
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: had to heal without somebody asking me for forgiveness. And
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: many people have to have that healing where the other
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: person or people don't say because they would have to
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: go back to a place that they're not ready for. Yes,
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: and my brothers and I talked about that. We had
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: a conversation about it last week for that very reason
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: that you know, they're younger than me, so they're having
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: a hard time when one of them is having a
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: hard time with that process and trying to walk him
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: through the fact that we may never get that, and
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: you gotta be okay with that. But I did it
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: for my kids, and my hope is that they understand
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: in time some of the decisions I made, you know,
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: And they're grown now, so they're getting it slowly but sureley.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: But I'm proud of you for taking that step. And
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: the men that have been healed and will be healed
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: because you did the work is astronomical.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's all I can do is excel because it's
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: I still wake up and just like man, I don't
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: know how I made to the side to.
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: Who much is given, much is required.
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: And nobody knows what's required.
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: We don't even know we walk in it. You sometimes
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: don't know uside hit you in the face.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: All you know is you've been given, but you don't
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: know what it's going to require.
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: And the higher you get, the more is required, the.
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: More it's required. In closing, what is healing for you.
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: Krystin every day a journey peace, an opportunity to get
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: it right again, the understanding of knowing that he that
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: begin a good work and you shall complete it to
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: the day he returns. So I don't have to fight
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: to feel like I have to be perfect every day,
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: because as long as I wake up, it's an opportunity
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: to change and heals some things. I'm okay with that.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that she's okay with waking up every
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: day knowing that I get to do it again. I
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: get a fresh star, I even get to just be again.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: You know, I love this thing that I told these men,
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: and recently Gideon told God everything that he wasn't and
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: he was challenging God every time he was. God showed
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: me this and showed me that he wanted all of
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: these mirrors, if only if he could just just realize
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: that he was the miracle. And for you that are listening,
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: that are watching, you are the miracle. If you woke
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: up today, you're watching this, you're hearing my voice, you
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: are the miracle. You don't need another sign. That's a
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: sign right there that you that you are alive and
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: you have another opportunity to heal, to get it right
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: and whatever way that you decide to do that. And
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: I'm hoping that you stay on your heel and journey again.
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: It's not linear. It's not going to be six months.
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: It's not going to be a year. For some it
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: may takes longer, and for some it may be shorter.
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: But however long it takes, you stay with the process
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: because you're worth seeing what's on the other side. And
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: that is my encouragement to you. Again. Thank you to
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: my good friend Crystal for coming on to Just Heal
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: with doctor J joining the healing community, and remember subscribe
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: each and every Tuesday we had new episodes. The visuals
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: drop on Tuesday at five pm Central Standard Time, and
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: until next time, remember healing is a journey and wholeness
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: is the destination.