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Things That Irrationally Annoy Me · Ok But Are You Good?

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there, I'm your host, Corinne, and this is Okay But Are You Good?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Where we check in ourselves on a weekly basis to see how would it work.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are we living our best lives or are we just trying to get by?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I've been trying to get by, I've been super sick, it's been awful.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: There's just a lot going on in life.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: And because there's been so much going on in life, it's brought me to today's episode, which is something I think we can all relate to, and that is pet peeves.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: We all have stuff that other people do, or maybe you even do it and it annoys you, right?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it could be something so small and completely reasonable or unreasonable, and you're like, this is driving me crazy.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I'll feel bad.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, like this wasn't intentional, like you're just being a brat about this.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't know.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: After spending multiple days with a new person, like stuff sticks out, and you're like, oh my gosh, like this is really driving me nuts.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And pet peeves are interesting because some of them are just like random habits can bother you, and others say a lot about the things that you value.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's a difference between someone chewing loudly and someone constantly lying to you.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Both are super annoying in different ways, obviously.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of what I wanted to get into today is some of my pet peeves.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Some of them are justified, some of them are a little bit like, girl, you're doing too much.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, oh, you actually do that yourself.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure my siblings are gonna tell me that after this.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: But hey, I never said I was perfect.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just working my way towards being perfect, and here we are.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get into it.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Number one pet peeve is people chewing loudly.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I probably have done this, uh, but I really, really try hard not to when I'm eating.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just with someone for way too long and they chewed loudly the whole time.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're like not talking, it sticks out even more.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's like no background noise.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's why I ended up noticing it more.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just like you have to think like this isn't like cool, right?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: You have to notice this isn't like normal.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you have to notice this is like kind of being rude, and it just like it's nails on a chalkboard for me.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure I do it sometimes, but I really try and make the conscious effort to not, but like sometimes I you can't breathe through your nose, so you have to like do it, right?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you're sick or whatever's going on, but it just it drives me insane.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: The loud chewing, even gum, too.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: That that was it.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think the person I was with was also chewing gum all week, and I was like, I can't catch a break, man.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's either it's like you're constantly eating, basically.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it just, I was like, uh, thank god, like I don't chew gum anymore, like very rarely, so I don't have this problem, but but yeah, chewing loudly number one pet pee as of late.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And this also comes with um my next one, which is not doing any research before you travel somewhere.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Why is the expectation that I'm supposed to be in charge of everything you're doing?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't sign up for this.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I've been there before.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: When I went to Japan back in college, I didn't do any research because I went to Japan with like eight other people.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: They were way more into it and very much more like, okay, this is what I want.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna go with the flow.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And my friend's mom's like, why didn't you do any research?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why did you just leave it up to everyone else?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Well, I don't really care, and like I'm fine doing whatever.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: But my friend's mom was right.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's like, why are you here and you didn't do any research?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't contribute to anything.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of learned from that, like, if you want certain stuff done, like you gotta like have your voice and like contribute and don't make everyone else be in charge of stuff.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, people, I don't think, realize how big LA is, and like not everything's 10 minutes, everything's at least an hour away, and probably longer, because there's nonstop traffic.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, manage your expectations, throw some work in there to like help this trip.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Don't expect me to just do everything for you and pay for everything.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I just I realized like being around new people, like this is why I have the friends I have, because we're all very well traveled, we do our research, everyone's obsessed with like getting whatever activity your restaurant in.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just used to doers, not like go with the flow people as much.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I think you don't need every single minute planned out.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, let's be let's be real.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: I would love every single minute of all my trips planned out, but I'm trying to not be so type A all the time and be more spontaneous.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And my best friend Sam does not like to have every minute of all his trips planned out, so it's about balance people.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, do your research before you go somewhere.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just respectful of like the people you're with and the country or city you're visiting.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's a that you can be balanced if being a planner and spontaneous.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just think put some effort into it, you know?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: And my next topic: not saying what you actually want.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: I unfortunately am not a mind reader.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that is not a skill I have acquired yet.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I am at fault too.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I've learned as I've gotten older, like you're not gonna get what you want if you don't speak up.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: If we're hanging out and then you want to go to a certain restaurant or get dessert or go do this activity, I'm just gonna keep doing what I want or whatever we planned on, and not switch up gears because I didn't know that you didn't want to do something that we had already talked about.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I learned this on one of my trips that like our friend kept not saying what they wanted, and then they get really mad and we're like, dude, we're already at this restaurant, like we would have gone wherever you wanted, but everyone was fine, no one spoke up, no one gave a second opinion, and now you're mad.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think it comes with age, like you really learn that to get what you want, you gotta speak up, you gotta make the effort, or else people are just gonna walk all over you, people are gonna make the decisions for you.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this is why communication is so important in all aspects of life and in relationships.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: So we can all be happy and you know, compromise when we have to.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it helps like if you're doing things with the same people, your same friends, it's like easier to know whatever they want.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and you kind of learn and figure out like how they are when you're traveling or just like casually hanging out.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like you get to know your friends, and my friends I've known for a very long time.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I know what flows and what doesn't most of the time.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: They know what flows with me and does like, you know, we all really do try and be nice and like accommodate others, and we're like, so-and-so's not gonna want to do that, or I'm not gonna want to do that, but that's not always the case.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: No, we can't always be like super logical.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes things are just so last minute, and it's just like, uh, all right, well, we'll we'll try better next time, right?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: My next pet peeve is getting hangry, and this is very much towards myself.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know how annoying it is that I'm already a vegetarian, a picky eater, and then on top of that, I get hangry.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, why can't it just be one of the like three?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why can't you just be a picky eater, but you don't get hangry?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, of course you're vegetarian and don't like all the vegetables out there in the world.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what kind of vegetarian are you?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: I I I'm a I'm I'm a unique one, I guess.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: But getting hangry is so annoying.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I laugh at myself because like it's so avoidable, but not always.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you think by now I would have learned to just pack a granola bar, pack some like easy snack that I can just keep in my bag before it's too late, but it always ends up being too late.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the times it's when I'm out of my normal routine and I'm traveling and you know, we're gone all day and we don't have plans for like set plans to eat, wherever.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then by the time I realize, like, hey, it's been way too long since your last meal, boom, the gremlin comes out and I'm hangry and it's too late.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like an we eat and then an hour later, not even, it's so instant.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I feel so much better, but it's like my own pet peeve about myself.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I'd throw that in there because this is something I probably should work on, but I just haven't figured it out.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if I will unless I extremely change my diet and like start eating meat.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I just don't know if that's gonna happen.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's too much of a life commitment for me, especially because I've been vegetarian my whole life and I've been hangry my whole life because I'm not getting enough food, uh, or I'm not eating enough to keep myself full, if that makes sense.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, so being hangry is on my list of pet peeves.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: So switching gears, getting a little bit more serious.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that bugs me is lying.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Look, we all do it, we have our little white lies.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're lying about dumb stuff, you're lying so you don't get in trouble, you're lying about like if you like someone's outfit or something, and you actually don't.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: But lying drives me nuts.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Especially you're lying to my face about something stupid that could have been avoidable.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd rather have you just be straight up and honest.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to hang out, you don't want to do this, you don't want to be my friend anymore.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: You screwed up the dates and like you can't show up or like something.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just just just be straight up.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Being honest is like very the only word I can think of is attractive.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's very like for real, like you're a standout person, and like it gets you more places.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Lying only gets you so far.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then if you're constantly lying about shenanigans that shouldn't be lied about, uh, I don't want to hang out with you.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Me and my one friend, there's someone we know, and they always lie about the most absurd things.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And we're like, why are you friends with these this person?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why are we lying about crazy stuff that like just made up stories about someone they met or some restaurant they went to and had this insane experience that we like know is too insane to be true?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like just just be honest.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, you can fib a little bit, I guess, to like spruce up the story, but like don't go out of your way to lie about something so absurd.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I find out later that it's a lie and like you've been lying for a long time, I'm gonna be pissed and I'm gonna lose all my trust in you.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why lying is so annoying to me and such a pet peeve.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're in my life, I most likely trust you with everything and anything.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: So if I can't, then I just feel like I'm being fake and I don't want to hang out with you.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like a little phony, but you're the real phony because you keep lying about everything.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's just something like I think is such a waste of time.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's really what it is.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're wasting my time and your time trying to remember what story you last told me.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Which leads me to my next pet peeve.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Not paying me back.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you didn't know that this is one of my biggest triggers or pet peeves, uh, you gotta go listen to my my uh my one of my last episodes.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Pay me back.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Stop agreeing to do stuff that you can't afford to do or like you know you're never gonna pay someone back on.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's so, it's such a simple concept.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we can work something out, we can come up with a payment plan, we can do something else that doesn't cost so much.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I can work with you.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: But if you already are on my trip and you can't pay for this, and then I have to cover your charge, the rest of the group has to cover for you.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna stop being friends.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I will distance myself from you.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just cannot stand it.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: I am too old, we're all working.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, obviously, everyone has different financial circumstances, but everyone's willing in my friend group is willing to make whatever work, we're accommodating.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, why are you lying?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Why you always lying?
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just pay me back.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: If I haven't made it obvious, there is still some people in my life that owe me money and need to pay me back.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess this is why I keep talking about it, but it is such a pet peeve.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Don't agree to do or go somewhere that you can't afford to do it because you're just setting everyone else up for failure.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: My next pet peeve is not showing up when you say you will.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: This probably has something to do with like childhood, like past childhood trauma in some way.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: I showing up means so much to me if it's like a race, a birthday, just like a dinner, like whatever big life event, little life event, like showing up really matters.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: So when people don't show up when they say they will, or they're just like flaky people, I cut you out.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't have time and I'm trying to manage my own expectations, not get so lit down as easily because it just hurts.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And there's definitely like a couple people in my life that have let me down because they haven't shown up.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I just I've realized it's taken me like 30 years to get here that it's like, okay, you know what?
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is how you are.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna change.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: I accept it.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be in my life as minimal as possible, and then I have no expectations.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think my problem in the past is I've put such high expectations on a lot of people, and then I've just constantly gotten lit down by them, and then it just hurts the friendship, and no one's happy.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, this is just a waste of energy and time, and I'm just hurting myself here.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: So my friends that do show up during the time that matters, it like means so much to me.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think they like fully grasp that.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I guess my love language really is like um quality time.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to spend that time with you.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: So if you can't show up, if you don't show up when you say you will, it just like sucks.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, like people can't come to everything.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I know that.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And like, if you let me know, then we're good.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's it's just communication.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's all you gotta do.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it definitely hurts when people don't show up when they're supposed to.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, even I got a family that does that too.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: I I get it, everyone's lives are busy, but for me, it's just like a trust thing, and I just like I know people in my life that will show up, and I'm always gonna put all my apples in their basket, or that doesn't really make sense, but you get what I mean.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Which leads us to our next topic: one-sided friendships.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've also talked about this, and I think it just gets frustrating because it is frustrating of like I'm constantly checking in on you, reaching out first, making the plan, seeing how you're doing, and then I don't get any text or callback, I don't get any plans made.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't talked to some of my friends in months, and it's because I stopped texting them first.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, life gets busy, obviously.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: And like life is harder seeing people as we've gotten older, but you show up for the people you want to be there for.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're not checking in, I just assume you don't care.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that also hurts.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: But I've realized like, I feel like when we were kids, it was so much easier to like meet people where they met you, and like it was very two-sided way of friendships, and it was wonderful.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then as you got older, like life got busier, people's priorities changed, and like I get that.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: My priorities changed too, but I'm still showing up, I'm still checking in.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: I remember people's birthdays, death adversaries, anniversaries, anything with a date I'm pr really good at.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I get other people aren't, but it's just the little things like that matter and mean a lot to people.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: So why don't you just show up and you try?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that is why I've lost so many friends throughout the years, because I'm trying tired of trying so hard and you're not putting any effort in.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And this leads me to my last and final pet peeve of the day: not listening when I'm telling a story.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I also feel like I'm at fault of doing this.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think when I'm out with friends that I haven't seen in a while, which is a this is a pattern.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't noticed, I just get so excited and I have to like word vomit all my stuff out.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like the best intention.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then I feel like no one wants to hear what I have to say.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, wait, but this is a really funny story, or or at least I thought it was funny, and you're not listening because it's not about you.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And like with my best friend, I especially try and be conscious of like, okay, don't talk the whole time, even though you have like 500 stories to update them on, like, let them tell their story.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, remember what's happening.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember I was just with my best friend, and I was like, she asked me like a question, and then it led to like four other stories.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't even know how we got here.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that was a really long story, and she's like, Girl, we're having a conversation.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I want to know what you have to say.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you're good, like you're talking, and like, like, this is how a conversation goes.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're fine.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I felt so seen and heard in that moment, and I just wish that like other people can do the same, and like, not look at like me talking and telling a story as like a negative, but as a positive, and just like, hey, this is Corinne.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is she has lots of stories, and she gets so excited, and not looking at it as like a chore, because that's how it feels sometimes of like, okay, no one's listening to me.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: I just let you go on for an hour talking about whatever shenanigans been going on.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've been the one calling you, like, let me tell my story and like fill you in on this is what's been happening, this is how life's going.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: I this is why I think hanging out with people not consistently gets exhausting because then you gotta catch up for so long.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then it is hard to like my cat is eating my hair right now.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think the point I'm trying to get to is I need to make sure I'm doing good on my listening skills, and other people are also making the effort to listen to me.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's the point.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is a this is a growing opportunity for me and you listening.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we all are working to be our best selves.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: And as I've told all these stories and pet peeves, I've realized like they're not like all pet peeves, it's just like what I expect from other people and what I would love to get out of my friend, all my friendships.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I know people are gonna meet you where they can, and pet peeves can be annoying, or they're just like a lit down, basically.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like how this is how I view it.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: And look, this is just like fun, safe space vibes.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm just getting stuff off my chest that annoys me, and like what I want to work on, and like what I want out of my life um from my friendships and like close relationships.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I think like we need to not take life so seriously.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like I think it's okay to admit that there's stuff that annoy us, like people chewing with their mouth open or getting hangry and not doing anything to break that cycle.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: So let me know what your pet peeves are.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe listening to this episode was a pet peeve.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Is it something about friendships?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is it a habit you can't seem to break that just like drive me nuts?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it something that other people do that you feel like no one else understands and that annoys you in itself?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm doing what I can to enjoy life, not take it so seriously, call myself out on stuff like, hey, you also need to work on better listening and getting your hanger under under control.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe I chew with my mouth open.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I'll ask my husband.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: But as always, make sure to check in with yourself this week and ask, okay, but are you good?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: And don't forget to like and subscribe.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll see you all later.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.