Latest / Ambitious Podcast / EP. 34: The Power of Masculine and Feminine Energies in Business: Insights with George Bryant

Transcript

EP. 34: The Power of Masculine and Feminine Energies in Business: Insights with George Bryant · Ambitious Podcast

• 0:07
  Hello, hello and welcome back to Ambitious.
• 0:10
  I am very excited to dive into today's episode.
• 0:13
  Today we are joined by a name that is probably going to be
• 0:17
  familiar with you. If you are somebody who has
• 0:19
  listened to our past Ambitious episodes, especially those that
• 0:24
  have been a sneak peek the behind the curtain of my
• 0:26
  coaching experiences. Today we are joined by one of my
• 0:29
  amazing coaches and one of the supports that has helped me to
• 0:31
  get to where I am today in my business, George Bryant.
• 0:34
  And I want to give you a little bit of context as to who George
• 0:38
  is and kind of the background of his story.
• 0:40
  I've definitely at some point we will have him come back and
• 0:43
  share more of his wisdom. But as a high level of an aspect
• 0:46
  of his story, George actually years ago was in the military
• 0:50
  and had gone through many extreme circumstances as part of
• 0:53
  that career, which ultimately led him to leave the military
• 0:57
  and go out on his zone into entrepreneurship.
• 1:00
  The first business that he ended up in was specifically in the
• 1:03
  food space. He is a bestseller with his book
• 1:06
  that was a cookbook that actually crushed during his time
• 1:08
  as a food Blogger. He also had a top performing app
• 1:12
  and then realized very quickly that he was actually destined
• 1:16
  for a entirely different industry with the skill sets
• 1:18
  that he had, the awarenesses that he had, the supports that
• 1:21
  he was able to bring to people around him.
• 1:24
  And so from the food Blogger days, he then shifted over into
• 1:28
  business consulting and supporting other businesses to
• 1:30
  see the success that he had seen in that business and much, much
• 1:34
  more. So today we're going to be
• 1:36
  diving into a topic that I have learned so much about
• 1:40
  specifically from him. And this is really in the
• 1:43
  context of the masculine and the feminine.
• 1:45
  And I know as someone who's probably like myself, you're
• 1:48
  thinking, what does this mean for me?
• 1:50
  Is this a problem that I'm having right now?
• 1:52
  Is this something that I need support with?
• 1:53
  And I can tell you this, if you are someone who's listening too
• 1:56
  ambitious and you are driven in your business and you're going
• 2:00
  for massive big goals and you're looking to achieve a lot of
• 2:02
  things. There is a duality that needs to
• 2:05
  exist inside of you in order for you to have the ultimate success
• 2:09
  that you're looking to have not only as a person, but also in
• 2:11
  your business. And that really is the duality
• 2:14
  of the masculine and the feminine energy.
• 2:16
  And I will be honest, when I first heard about this concept
• 2:19
  and topic, I was not sold. I was someone who definitely
• 2:22
  needed more of the science, the strategy, the tactical of what
• 2:25
  this meant for me. And it, once I actually
• 2:28
  understood it was able to get that clarity and awareness, it
• 2:31
  really helped to completely unravel all the clarity that I
• 2:36
  needed for my business to really take it to the next level.
• 2:39
  And so I really am just so excited to be able to pick his
• 2:42
  brain. Today we dive into what is the
• 2:45
  masculine, feminine? What does that look like in your
• 2:47
  business? How do you know which one you're
• 2:48
  more dominant in? How does this translate to other
• 2:51
  areas of your life, such as friendships or romantic
• 2:54
  relationships, the way that you're processing your feelings?
• 2:57
  And most importantly, if by finishing today's episode, you
• 3:00
  start to realize which of these two you are or is your dominant,
• 3:05
  we're also going to talk about ways for you to tap into the
• 3:07
  other side to really unlock the power of what the duality of
• 3:11
  both can do not only for you and your life, but also for your
• 3:14
  business. So absolutely honored to be
• 3:16
  joined by George Bryan today. So without further ado, let's
• 3:19
  get into today's episode. Hello, you guys, and welcome
• 3:22
  back to ambitious. So if you're watching, you'll
• 3:24
  see that I am joined today and you guys already know who it is
• 3:27
  because if you listen to the Montana Insights episodes, which
• 3:31
  we had a Part 1 and a Part 2 of because there was so many
• 3:34
  takeaways. You already know the guy sitting
• 3:36
  to my right and that is George Bryant.
• 3:39
  And we're going to be going through today a lot of like a
• 3:42
  deeper discussion on something you probably didn't hear
• 3:45
  actually in the Montana Insights episodes.
• 3:47
  And bless his heart. But I obviously, as you guys
• 3:50
  know from some of my recent updates on Instagram and also
• 3:52
  previous episodes, have been in a season of travel.
• 3:55
  And so right now I'm staying with my girlfriends Gabby, as we
• 3:57
  record this in Calgary and he lives in Montana, which is like
• 4:00
  four or five hours away. And bless his heart, he drove up
• 4:03
  from Montana to podcast together.
• 4:06
  So all that to say, welcome to Ambitious and excited to dive
• 4:09
  in. Thanks for having me an in
• 4:11
  person podcast with the incredible Kate Perkovic.
• 4:13
  Like let's road trip through like beautiful Canada to get
• 4:16
  here. Yeah, I'm really excited to dive
• 4:18
  in because you guys know in the last two episodes that we did
• 4:22
  about Montana, I went to what was that May?
• 4:25
  Yeah, that was May. May we did the intensive.
• 4:27
  So I went to go do an intensive with George for coaching in
• 4:31
  Montana in May. And so in the Montana Insights
• 4:33
  episodes, we kind of broke down all the things that he taught me
• 4:36
  and broke my brain about. And one of the things that has
• 4:38
  been a massive impact on myself, but also the people that I have
• 4:42
  introduced him to in my world has actually been the duality of
• 4:46
  masculine and feminine. And I know as I say that you're
• 4:49
  going to be like, I don't need this.
• 4:52
  Turn off the episode. This is too foofy.
• 4:54
  And I want strategy because I know you and I know how your
• 4:56
  brain works. But what I can tell you is that
• 5:00
  the masculine feminine side, we just hosted a retreat just a
• 5:02
  little while ago, the soulful scaling retreat, which by the
• 5:04
  way, we do have another one that we are Co hosting in February.
• 5:08
  So if you have not messaged about that yet, slide into my
• 5:10
  DMS happy to chat with you about it.
• 5:12
  But at the last retreat, we also talked a lot about masculine
• 5:15
  feminine and what that really looks like.
• 5:18
  Because if you're someone listening to this, hence the
• 5:19
  reason you're driven to listen to a podcast called ambitious is
• 5:22
  probably because you're probably decently masculine energy.
• 5:26
  And so George and I had a lot of conversations about this.
• 5:29
  He's talked to girls, the retreat about it.
• 5:31
  And because I coach so many incredible driven women, a lot
• 5:35
  of us are in our masculine. So when we hear masculine,
• 5:38
  feminine, I was actually just asking Gabby, who's house I'm at
• 5:40
  right now, like, what do you think?
• 5:42
  And she was like, Oh yeah. Like that would just be like in
• 5:44
  one ear and out the other. And I'm like, OK, perfect.
• 5:46
  Even more reason to dive into it.
• 5:48
  So all that to say, excited to dive in and to pick your brain
• 5:51
  about all things masculine feminine.
• 5:53
  Yeah, I'm. I'm honored to be here.
• 5:55
  I have no idea how my reputation precedes me.
• 5:58
  I feel completely unqualified on paper to have this conversation,
• 6:02
  but something that like I genuinely care about.
• 6:05
  And also I think I might be able to define a little bit better in
• 6:08
  the lens since, you know, like 90 plus percent of my clients
• 6:11
  are female entrepreneurs. And so, yeah, I'm really, really
• 6:14
  excited and, and quite frankly, there's no prep for this one.
• 6:17
  So like, you just get to spit them for me and we'll see.
• 6:20
  We'll see what silliness comes out.
• 6:23
  Yeah. Well, one of the things that I
• 6:25
  can tell you from my calls that I've had inside of our
• 6:27
  mastermind coaching clients, all of it is that there is like a
• 6:30
  huge misconception of, first of all, why should we even care
• 6:34
  about it? And what does it even mean to be
• 6:37
  more in your masculine or more feminine?
• 6:39
  Because I think for anyone who's not super, super deep into like
• 6:42
  the personal development world, they think about it as like
• 6:44
  masculine traits or like I am a more feminine person or I'm a
• 6:47
  more masculine person in the sense of like aesthetic or how
• 6:51
  you present, which obviously it goes so much deeper than that.
• 6:54
  So would love if you could just kind of unpack like, why is this
• 6:56
  even something that someone who's like a driven female
• 6:59
  entrepreneur who is really ambitious and going for big
• 7:02
  things, things needs to be conscious of.
• 7:03
  It needs to be aware of. Yeah, it's a great question.
• 7:05
  And I want to give a little context too before I answer
• 7:08
  that. My understanding of masculine,
• 7:10
  feminine in this, like I've been an entrepreneur since like 2009,
• 7:14
  but I've been leading people like as a Marine for 13 years,
• 7:17
  since like 2002 and ended up in personal development buckets and
• 7:21
  consciousness buckets and men's work and women's work and Coed
• 7:25
  couples and facilitating them and breath work and NLP and all
• 7:28
  these different things. And I think the first thing is
• 7:31
  to define them, right? And the way that I define them
• 7:34
  to make them really, really easy.
• 7:35
  And we were having this conversation before we hit
• 7:37
  record is that the best businesses are harmonious
• 7:41
  between masculine and feminine, right?
• 7:43
  It's not I'm so, so, so, so rigid or I'm out sniffing the
• 7:47
  flowers and flying with butterflies in the field, right?
• 7:50
  So for me, the definition of masculine is the the structure
• 7:53
  of time and space. So for lack of better analogy,
• 7:56
  it's like the bumper lanes on a bowling alley.
• 7:59
  Like when I go bowling with my son, the only reason I beat him
• 8:01
  is because I keep the bumpers up for me too, because no matter
• 8:04
  where I throw the ball, I'm guaranteed to hit a pin.
• 8:06
  But what happens inside of those bumpers is feminine, right?
• 8:10
  It's intuition, it's feelings, it's space, it's not having
• 8:15
  rigidity to where we turn off our greatest superpowers, right?
• 8:18
  And so business in general is structured, right.
• 8:22
  Entrepreneurship is structured, right.
• 8:24
  Like if we're coaches, if we're consultants, if we're creators,
• 8:28
  we need some semblance of structure and consistency to be
• 8:31
  able to bring our gift to the world.
• 8:33
  But in that consistency, in those bumpers is where we get to
• 8:37
  express ourselves authentically, where we get to come from a
• 8:41
  place of our intuition for some women or sharing our feelings or
• 8:45
  sharing our values or things along those lines.
• 8:48
  And so having too much on either side tends to be the biggest
• 8:52
  problem. And you know this as as one of
• 8:54
  my clients who I absolutely love supporting and serving, and a
• 8:57
  lot of my other female clients that have just spent like you,
• 9:01
  What ends up happening is when you're too far in that, let's
• 9:04
  just call it ambitious for the show.
• 9:06
  Too far in that ambitious bucket, you end up accidentally
• 9:10
  living in transaction in to do and you get trapped up in the
• 9:15
  weeds of like, go, go, go, go, go.
• 9:16
  There's no finish line, There's never enough.
• 9:19
  And and really over time, what ends up happening is you either
• 9:21
  get burnt out, you lose your energy, you end up getting into
• 9:25
  creative blocks, or you start to resent the things that you're
• 9:28
  doing that you love to do because you're just so in the
• 9:32
  structure constantly. It's like it's fight or flight
• 9:36
  24/7 and the trap never stops. But then on the inverse side is
• 9:41
  if you're in the field of butterflies and rainbows, right?
• 9:45
  And you're just like, I'm going to do what feels intuitive and
• 9:48
  all these things that I've heard, you're missing the
• 9:50
  structure that allows you to bring your gift to the world or
• 9:53
  to serve your clients in the world.
• 9:55
  And so it's really important just to understand that when we
• 9:58
  talk about masculine, feminine, and even when we talk about it,
• 10:01
  the retreat, it's not like, oh, like I'm a dude or I'm a woman
• 10:04
  or there's these roles or there's anything like the
• 10:07
  definition of masculine is the structure of time and space,
• 10:11
  right? It's having a container is the
• 10:13
  word that I use all the time, right?
• 10:14
  And then the definition of feminine is when you have that
• 10:18
  container, you feel safe to operate in your day-to-day and
• 10:22
  your creativity and your emotions and in your flow, which
• 10:26
  really in genuine nature for entrepreneurs, and this is
• 10:28
  something we just did in our last intensive, is the most
• 10:30
  supportive thing that we can do. Because when you live in your
• 10:33
  masculine, you end up in task based business and task based
• 10:38
  items and you end up losing the ability to build and scale your
• 10:41
  business because of all these checklists.
• 10:43
  But when you operate in masculine and structure and
• 10:46
  allow your feminine and you operate towards outcomes, like
• 10:49
  working towards a shared goal and allowing yourself the space
• 10:52
  to get there and allowing some creativity to go.
• 10:55
  And so even for, you know, one of my clients that you know,
• 10:58
  very, very well operated, very, very masculine, like, I want to
• 11:02
  build this $20 million business. I want to be able to do this.
• 11:04
  I want to scale it 10X. And it basically cost her
• 11:07
  everything. Like it went from six hours of
• 11:10
  calls a day to like 16 hours of calls a day, seven days a week.
• 11:14
  And it was like, holy moly, there was no space for the
• 11:17
  person. And as I've seen this, because
• 11:19
  I've helped literally at this point, hundreds of women build
• 11:22
  and scale their business. 5 figures, 6 figures, 7 figures is
• 11:26
  that we end up sacrificing our life and the things that we say
• 11:29
  we want. We want more time, we want more
• 11:32
  freedom. We want to be able to have
• 11:33
  relationships with our friends, we want to be able to build a
• 11:35
  family, we want to spend time with our partners.
• 11:37
  But when we get stuck in that rigid masculine of like task,
• 11:40
  task, task, do do, do, do, do, the only solution that we're
• 11:44
  convinced we have is to add more onto that plate.
• 11:46
  And so then you start looking at it and you're like, I don't want
• 11:49
  to scale my business, I don't want to have a bigger impact.
• 11:51
  And so it kind of creates this self filling trap that the
• 11:55
  deeper and more you're in it, the longer you get stuck.
• 11:58
  So that's how I would define masculine, feminine.
• 12:00
  Does that does that make sense? It does make sense.
• 12:02
  The analogy that was given to me was almost like a coffee cup.
• 12:05
  Like the coffee cup acts as a container, but it has no
• 12:08
  purpose. If it's not filled with
• 12:09
  anything, it just sits there. And on the flip side, if you
• 12:12
  just have coffee but you have no cup, you have no structure,
• 12:15
  which means everything is a mess and there's no outcome for a
• 12:19
  purpose for that. Coffee just spills everywhere
• 12:21
  and now it's dead. So it's kind of really the
• 12:24
  combination of both the structure gives the purpose and
• 12:28
  the fluidity in the feminine basically helps to fill that in.
• 12:31
  It was an allergy passed on from a pass coach that always was
• 12:33
  like, OK, that makes sense to me.
• 12:36
  And I think, you know, even for myself, when I used to hear
• 12:39
  about like masculine feminine work, I think because I saw so
• 12:42
  much on the Internet of people who are like, tap into your
• 12:44
  feminine and get into your flow. And I was like, no, thank you.
• 12:47
  Because it was just something to me that I didn't associate at
• 12:50
  that time with an outcome. And so I think for, you know,
• 12:54
  the reason that we wanted to talk about this is because at
• 12:56
  the retreat, like as I said, a lot of the women that I work
• 12:58
  with are super, super driven. And So what ends up happening
• 13:01
  usually not consciously, by the way, it's not always a matter of
• 13:04
  something that you choose. We see a lot of women who step
• 13:07
  into their masculine either as a byproduct of the business, but
• 13:10
  also I feel like, which is another piece of it as a
• 13:12
  byproduct of modeling and learning.
• 13:15
  Because even for myself and you guys have heard me talk about,
• 13:18
  you know, working with family in that episode and the power of
• 13:20
  the pivot and talking about obviously like my, my upbringing
• 13:23
  and everything like that. But you guys have heard me talk.
• 13:25
  But the fact that I was raised by like a single mom.
• 13:27
  And so like for me, I saw women and I was just talking to a
• 13:30
  private client about this actually.
• 13:32
  And she's like for women like us, like that's all we've had.
• 13:35
  Like all we've known is you bust your butt to get the outcomes
• 13:38
  you want for your life and like surrender and flow and like,
• 13:42
  just like tuning in and stillness is like never been
• 13:46
  something that's been modeled for us.
• 13:47
  So because of that, you don't have any point of reference to
• 13:50
  say that when I quote UN quote, slow down to tune in or get into
• 13:54
  flow, that that's going to get me where I want to go.
• 13:57
  Because for some women, and that's not for everybody, but
• 14:00
  for some women, they've seen modeled moms or, you know, other
• 14:04
  businesses that maybe they worked in where like the person
• 14:07
  was go, go, go, hustle, hustle, hustle.
• 14:09
  And so then when you see that as your point of inspiration and
• 14:12
  that becomes your north star of how you're like, oh, that's how
• 14:15
  I get success. OK, or which we are kind of
• 14:18
  talking about because we just recorded a podcast for his show.
• 14:21
  We were talking about as well, like the idea of like when
• 14:23
  you're looking at role models in business, like let's just say
• 14:25
  that you're looking at a man and how they run their business,
• 14:28
  right? And you're seeing the fact that
• 14:29
  they're go, go, go. And they're like, you know, on
• 14:31
  this plane and that plane and this meeting at 4:00 AM.
• 14:34
  And you know, all of these like really like crazy hustle culture
• 14:37
  pictures when you have that. And then you go, oh, but like
• 14:40
  just slow down and TuneIn and like, I'm like, what are you
• 14:44
  talking about? Because there's been no point of
• 14:46
  reference where some women have to justify to themselves that
• 14:52
  that could be an Ave. to explore.
• 14:53
  So like, I'm curious when it comes to like someone being more
• 14:56
  in their masculine because again, we're going to talk about
• 14:58
  like the the negative impacts of that as well.
• 15:00
  And also if you're someone who wants to change it, where you
• 15:02
  can get started, like when women are super in their masculine,
• 15:06
  like where did where do you think that comes from?
• 15:08
  Like why do you think they end up there?
• 15:09
  Yeah, well, I, I think you nailed it, right.
• 15:11
  I think 1 is what's modeled right.
• 15:13
  And, and I'll, I'll even share like a personal antidote because
• 15:16
  I grew up basically relatively homeless and neglected as a
• 15:20
  child, right? I had to be very rigid to be
• 15:23
  able to survive like being on my own since like 13.
• 15:25
  And then I joined the Marine Corps, right?
• 15:27
  So if those Canadians, you don't know, you might know what that
• 15:29
  is. You might not, right?
• 15:31
  But for those in the United States, right, I ended up in
• 15:33
  probably the most rigid, structured organization that
• 15:37
  exists on the planet. And when I got out on the Marine
• 15:40
  Corps and I went into business, I was so resistant to that
• 15:44
  structure because like for 13 years of my life, it was awake
• 15:47
  at 4:00 AM, in bed by midnight, and it was go, go, go, go, go.
• 15:52
  So it was almost a gift for me coming into entrepreneurship
• 15:54
  because I started as a food Blogger.
• 15:57
  But it was really like an intuitive thing of like, I
• 15:59
  didn't want that structure. I didn't want standing calls on
• 16:01
  my calendar. I didn't want those things.
• 16:03
  So I think bucket #1 is it's what you're modeled in your
• 16:06
  life. Like if you go all the way back
• 16:08
  down to your childhood, which let's all be honest, right?
• 16:11
  Everything that starts in our life starts at our childhood.
• 16:14
  Your paradigm is formed 0 to 8. And once that paradigm is
• 16:17
  formed, it becomes our default lens in which we see the world.
• 16:20
  Your paradigm can't change, but your perspective can.
• 16:22
  And you can shift it with awarenesses, right?
• 16:24
  So that's number one #2 who's taught you in business, who
• 16:28
  you've learned from what, what models they gave you, what
• 16:31
  frameworks they gave you, or even like in some of the
• 16:33
  buckets, like what templates they gave you.
• 16:35
  Copying somebody's templates is very masculine in nature.
• 16:38
  Do this thing. You'll have this thing and it
• 16:40
  loses your creativity. And then I think a lot of this,
• 16:43
  because I've had so many female clients and I'm in this bucket.
• 16:46
  I think a lot of our intrapersonal relationships also
• 16:49
  model it for us, right? You end up as a female
• 16:52
  entrepreneur in a relationship, but yet you're driving that
• 16:56
  relationship, right? Like you're taking the lead,
• 16:58
  you're planning dates, you're doing all of this.
• 17:01
  And that like the core part of your essence of like where
• 17:03
  you're supposed to be the happiest, the healthiest, the
• 17:06
  most supported, you're end up driving.
• 17:08
  And so it, it can be anywhere, socio economics, your friends,
• 17:11
  your circles. And I think the most important
• 17:13
  part is not really even asking where it came from.
• 17:17
  It's just acknowledging that you find it right.
• 17:19
  And you know, one of the models that I taught you was the four
• 17:23
  stages of competence, right? Which is basically unaware aware
• 17:26
  learning and mastery. But there's nothing wrong with
• 17:30
  being masculine, right, or having masculine tendencies
• 17:33
  because that structure is so, so, so important.
• 17:35
  But in order for it to be supportive of us, there also has
• 17:38
  to be the flow and the feelings and the intuition inside of
• 17:42
  that. And so, you know, if you find
• 17:45
  yourself like when you get an idea and you're like, OK, I'm
• 17:49
  gonna go do this thing and you're like, all right, here's
• 17:50
  my schedule for the next 12 weeks.
• 17:52
  I'm gonna go 75 hard. This thing, I'm gonna go blank.
• 17:54
  Like that's a very masculine tendency thing, right?
• 17:57
  Zero to 100 or all, zero to 100 or all or nothing.
• 18:00
  But then if you find yourself and you're like, God, I have
• 18:02
  this idea. You're like, oh, I'm gonna go
• 18:03
  sit with this. And I'm gonna get creative and
• 18:05
  I'm gonna see what comes through.
• 18:06
  And I'm putting in pieces like that's, that's more feminine
• 18:09
  tendencies. And, and up until a couple of
• 18:11
  years ago, I lived way more in my like feminine tendencies and
• 18:15
  feminine bond. Even my brand, you know, you're
• 18:16
  a client of mine and we work together.
• 18:19
  Everything is about love and connection.
• 18:22
  And you know, for those that are watching this, like, one of the
• 18:24
  first things I said to Kate that like broke her brain, I was
• 18:26
  like, hey, if we work together, you better be OK with me telling
• 18:30
  me, telling you I love you because, like, I love my
• 18:32
  clients. I remember he sent me that
• 18:34
  message because he sends it as like a basically like a welcome
• 18:36
  message to every new client that signs.
• 18:37
  And he was like, you're going to have to get like comfortable
• 18:39
  with me, like loving on you and just like really supporting you.
• 18:42
  Like, almost like, like when your family's like, I love you
• 18:44
  so much. And they say it consistently all
• 18:47
  the time. And I remember getting that
• 18:48
  message and being like, this is so weird because I like, and I,
• 18:51
  we've already had this conversation.
• 18:53
  You thought the first time he's hearing me say this, but it was
• 18:55
  like I said to him, I was like, it's very off putting.
• 18:58
  Like I just like, I don't know what to do with this kind of
• 18:59
  thing. And I was so that was so uneasy.
• 19:02
  And I'm really happy that you brought up like the other
• 19:04
  buckets of your life piece because I think something that,
• 19:08
  and you've told this to me too, like it's OK if you want to be
• 19:11
  masculine in your business. Like there's like, I think that
• 19:13
  was also helpful for me to get the validation of like, if you
• 19:16
  want to like drive and really be the person who's like, you guys
• 19:19
  know, I don't love this term, but like the essence of it is
• 19:21
  what I mean, like a boss babe day-to-day in the business.
• 19:25
  Like that's OK. But I think it's also, and it's
• 19:27
  interesting. We had a lot of conversations
• 19:29
  about this at the retreat. One of the women that was
• 19:32
  sharing had basically noted that she was like, you know, I do
• 19:35
  drive in the business, like I definitely am like the go, go,
• 19:38
  go, but I've actually recognized like I don't want that at home.
• 19:41
  And so I think that was something that was really an
• 19:44
  interesting conversation that came up with the retreat because
• 19:46
  we started to basically pull the ways in which we operate from
• 19:49
  our business of like make quick decisions, moving very fast, the
• 19:54
  all or nothing quote, UN quote, get shit done as kind of the
• 19:57
  mindset. Ten goals, goals, goals.
• 19:59
  I got it. I don't need anybody's help.
• 20:01
  I'll handle it. And so we ended up kind of
• 20:04
  unpacking was like the ways in which that was actually showing
• 20:06
  up for people in other parts of their life.
• 20:08
  And like one of the big common denominators, which is why I was
• 20:10
  excited to talk about this, is also unpacking how that works in
• 20:14
  relationships. Because I think for a lot of
• 20:17
  women at the retreat, like they had shared, like, I actually
• 20:20
  don't want to be the person who's in the driver's seat,
• 20:23
  like. All the time in every single
• 20:25
  bucket. And this is also, by the way,
• 20:26
  not to say cuz I know you've actually, we've talked about
• 20:29
  this and you have clients where it's the opposite, right?
• 20:32
  Where like the man has kind of assumed the more feminine and
• 20:36
  the woman does assume more of the driver and then it flips
• 20:38
  when they go home kind of thing. And so I think it's also
• 20:41
  recognizing that like the experience of how you might feel
• 20:46
  in a given dynamic in a relationship can also be
• 20:48
  correlated to the fact that you're not willing to tap into
• 20:51
  your feminine, not only not in the business, but frankly
• 20:54
  anywhere, like in every single part of your life, you quote UN
• 20:58
  quote. We like when we say drive by the
• 21:00
  way, like how would you define driving like basically?
• 21:03
  Making every decision, having to control every single input,
• 21:07
  basically trying to pre handle the next 100 years in one moment
• 21:11
  and then taking charge and control of everything.
• 21:13
  Like there's no surrender, there's no trust because there's
• 21:16
  like a lack of self trust and, and primarily rooted in
• 21:20
  something done in our life or a fear that we have or something
• 21:22
  that's happened. But like genuinely I have to
• 21:25
  control everything in order to feel safe.
• 21:28
  Right. And like at the retreat, there
• 21:30
  were women who were sharing that like they realize as part of our
• 21:33
  masculine feminine conversation, which is why we wanted to talk
• 21:35
  about it, that one of them had shared.
• 21:37
  Like I actually don't think I've ever told my husband.
• 21:39
  Like I actually would really love if you could drive right
• 21:41
  now in the sense of when she's done with her day and she's been
• 21:44
  making decisions all day and she's been coordinating all day
• 21:47
  that it would be amazing for someone else to be like, I got
• 21:49
  it kind of thing toward the end of the day and be able to shift
• 21:53
  out of that to go tap more into your feminine or like vice
• 21:56
  versa. Like you were saying with, you
• 21:57
  know, an example of the clients that you work with that there
• 22:00
  was a couple and he was saying that like their roles shift and
• 22:03
  change depending on which bucket they're in.
• 22:05
  And so I'm curious because obviously with the retreat, we
• 22:08
  had some conversations about it and you've seen it with your
• 22:10
  clients as like your main client base is female.
• 22:14
  What have you seen as to like women who are super in their
• 22:16
  masculine with their business? And kind of like how that if
• 22:18
  they don't start to see some aspect of balance or duality,
• 22:22
  like how that can kind of domino into other areas.
• 22:25
  Oh, that's a, that's a great question.
• 22:26
  And it, it, it's a really, really slippery slope.
• 22:28
  Like the first important thing to acknowledge, right, is, is
• 22:31
  one of the things as human beings is we convince ourselves
• 22:33
  that we can compartmentalize, but we actually can't.
• 22:36
  How we operate in one area is how we operate everywhere else.
• 22:39
  We just convince ourselves that we don't, which is considered
• 22:41
  cognitive dissonance, right? But I've seen this and, and
• 22:45
  I've, I've had the absolute pleasure of coaching a lot of
• 22:48
  couple entrepreneurs to where they have that dynamic.
• 22:51
  But when they leave the business where the the woman is driving
• 22:55
  and then the man is not, it ends up leading to resentment and a
• 22:57
  breakdown in their relationship on the backside because they're
• 23:00
  not communicating. He feels demasculated, like he
• 23:03
  doesn't have a voice and he ends up feeling like a wounded little
• 23:06
  boy and like can't share anything except say yes.
• 23:09
  And so there's no structure but for women, when that starts to
• 23:12
  bleed into their life, like your identity starts to get wrapped
• 23:14
  up in your business, right? And you're starting to measure
• 23:16
  yourself worth based on what results you create rather than
• 23:21
  your intention and what you're shifting it.
• 23:23
  And that the sticky trap is when your identity is wrapped up into
• 23:27
  your results, you then convince yourself the only thing to do is
• 23:30
  to create more results, which just drives the Titanic to the
• 23:33
  bottom. And one of the things that I
• 23:36
  think is so, so incredible, right?
• 23:38
  Another way to define masculine. Feminine is the masculine is the
• 23:41
  canvas in the world. Like it's the blank canvas.
• 23:44
  And the feminine is the art and the feelings and the intuition
• 23:48
  and all these different things, right?
• 23:50
  And, and most of us and, and every one of my clients,
• 23:53
  yourself included, you had an idea, right?
• 23:56
  You're like, I want to do this. I want to bring this vision to
• 23:59
  life. The vision itself is feminine.
• 24:02
  It's this, no one's ever done this.
• 24:04
  I have this feeling, I have this gut hit.
• 24:06
  This is how I want to serve, how I want to support.
• 24:09
  And then the masculine is the structure you put around it to
• 24:12
  be able to bring that plan into life.
• 24:15
  And so it really, really the, the deepest part of it that I
• 24:18
  see happening. And, and the one that's probably
• 24:20
  not acknowledged the most is the burnout, right?
• 24:23
  Like you wake up in the morning and you literally feel like if
• 24:26
  you cannot get on your phone, if you do not check something that
• 24:30
  the business is burning down. You literally feel like
• 24:34
  constantly you're in fight or flight.
• 24:36
  You're starting to resent the things that you loved of.
• 24:39
  Like God, I love doing a podcast.
• 24:41
  I love creating content. And you'll hear this a lot from
• 24:43
  female entrepreneurs. Like, God, I wish I could just
• 24:44
  go back to the beginning when I was on Attached.
• 24:47
  That possibility is still here. But because we drive, drive,
• 24:51
  drive, drive, drive, we lose the ability to take a step away and
• 24:55
  for lack of better terms, to get off the field to rest right.
• 24:58
  Because another easy way to think about it is the the
• 25:01
  masculine is like running the race.
• 25:03
  The feminine is the recovery after the race when you reflect
• 25:07
  and you make adjustments and you keep these things tweaking.
• 25:09
  And so it just tends to be this really slippery slope to where
• 25:13
  the only way that we think is out is to add more to our plate.
• 25:17
  I'm going to add more calls, I'm going to create more content,
• 25:19
  I'm going to do XYZ because we're not seeing the outcome.
• 25:22
  We're getting stuck in the doingness of it and it always
• 25:26
  leads to burnout every single time.
• 25:28
  And it and it looks identical across the board.
• 25:31
  Well, I think also on the note of like recovery as well is that
• 25:34
  I think that there's also women who in their business are trying
• 25:38
  to push, push, push, push. And they're pissed that their
• 25:41
  body or their mind or their creativity is like kind of
• 25:45
  tapping out. Like they can feel themselves
• 25:46
  burning out. And instead of them being like,
• 25:48
  oh, this is a sign for my body that I think I need to slow
• 25:50
  down. They're like, I'm just so
• 25:52
  annoyed. I'm so frustrated that I can't
• 25:54
  achieve more. And it's always this aspect of
• 25:55
  achievement. And I think you hit on a note
• 25:57
  there that was really important, which was the aspect of identity
• 25:59
  connected to the business. Because I think that a lot of
• 26:03
  the time when you're super, super in your masculine, it
• 26:05
  basically means that you're business is who you are, not a
• 26:07
  part of what you do. And so I think that part of that
• 26:11
  comes up though, because people who are in their masculine, and
• 26:15
  I say all this by the way, not to say that like I literally
• 26:17
  everything I'm saying and explaining was literally me in
• 26:20
  the last six months. I want to say this has been like
• 26:24
  a really intense growth and deep dive into all of this because I
• 26:28
  was basically being the dude in my life and not even necessarily
• 26:33
  in just my business. Like I think to be totally
• 26:37
  transparent, like I wasn't really resting.
• 26:39
  Like I would say I was resting, but I would still rest with like
• 26:43
  my laptop on my lap. But I'm like on a soft surface.
• 26:46
  So I guess that's resting right. And so I would like watch
• 26:48
  Netflix and I would mind numb and I would do these things that
• 26:53
  I would kind of even resting was checking a box like I'm, and you
• 26:56
  guys know this about my burnout episodes where I talk about this
• 26:59
  like my recovery even from burnout and the fact that
• 27:03
  they're like these supplements and the red light that became
• 27:06
  boxes. And it was like, great, I'm
• 27:07
  crushing this red light routine, right?
• 27:09
  And it's like it still became achievement and it still became
• 27:13
  an outcome. Or when you go on a walk, the
• 27:16
  walks, not just about, oh, I went and got fresh air and I
• 27:19
  looked up and I looked at the leaves and I looked at the sun.
• 27:22
  It's like I went for a walk and I crushed 10K steps.
• 27:24
  Look at me go. Like every single thing very
• 27:27
  quickly becomes about an outcome.
• 27:29
  And what I realized in the process was like me just being.
• 27:33
  And we have like a mutual friend, Nancy, who did a segment
• 27:36
  at the last retreat and we hosted at her at her house and
• 27:40
  she's beautiful, like retreat center in like the Toronto area.
• 27:44
  And when we went and she did like her segment, she was
• 27:47
  talking about masking and feminine as well.
• 27:49
  And when I had first met her, she was like, well, what if you
• 27:52
  like could just be? And I was like, what are you
• 27:54
  talking about? Like, what does that mean?
• 27:56
  Like, I don't know what I, what does that look like?
• 27:58
  Like she wanted me to sit in a field with her and I was like,
• 28:02
  but what are we doing? Like, what's like the purpose?
• 28:04
  And she was like to just be. And I'm like, I hear the words
• 28:08
  coming out of your mouth, but I don't understand like what
• 28:10
  you're talking about in the sense of like the goal.
• 28:12
  Like for me, I've never done things without intention because
• 28:16
  to me it went against everything that I had learned in business,
• 28:18
  which is like, if you don't have intention and a goal and an
• 28:21
  outcome for what you're doing, you're quote UN quote wasting
• 28:23
  time. And so then when she would
• 28:26
  challenge me to just be, I tried to basically start like what I
• 28:29
  consider to be like self-imposed exposure therapy of like going
• 28:33
  on a walk and like not bringing my phone.
• 28:35
  And then, you know, looking at saying, OK, well, like, how am I
• 28:39
  trying to take control of every single situation in my life
• 28:42
  instead of allowing something else to literally just be Like
• 28:46
  if I wasn't driving, I realized I had intense, intense anxiety
• 28:51
  and stress and nerves because something wasn't going to go the
• 28:55
  way that I thought it was going to go.
• 28:57
  And then seeing how that trickled not only in the
• 28:59
  business, but also like, for example, in relationships and
• 29:03
  seeing the fact that like, I wasn't allowing like men to be
• 29:06
  men, if I can be candid about it, right?
• 29:09
  And that's because I drove every day in the business.
• 29:11
  And I realized that like, I was trying to also drive every
• 29:14
  single decision in every other bucket as well.
• 29:18
  And if I wasn't able, to your point earlier to make the
• 29:21
  decision, I wasn't in control. And if I wasn't in control, I
• 29:24
  wasn't safe in the sense of like, I don't want someone else
• 29:27
  to be the one driving the bus, if you will.
• 29:30
  And it impacted every area. So like I'm curious for, for
• 29:33
  you, like when you obviously you've seen all the changes that
• 29:36
  I've had happen in the last like six months ish, like when you
• 29:39
  see people who are struggling to let someone drive, like where
• 29:44
  that comes from? Because I think like obviously
• 29:47
  we just hosted A-Team retreat in Toronto area and one of the
• 29:51
  conversations came up about like, you know, masked men and
• 29:54
  women and what that looks like. And you know, I think also
• 29:57
  women, frankly, because of, you know, independence and all of
• 30:00
  these things, I want to have a little bit of a worry about
• 30:04
  releasing, quote UN quote, control and having someone else
• 30:07
  drive. And like, I hosted office hours
• 30:10
  in our program and one of the women was actually,
• 30:12
  interestingly enough, hosting a masculine feminine master class.
• 30:15
  So she was like, Hey, I have some questions about my webinar.
• 30:17
  And I was like, hey, great, brought to the office hours.
• 30:20
  Well, very quickly, our office hours became a debate about
• 30:23
  masculine feminine. And so she was trying to help
• 30:26
  women to tap into their feminine like we're talking about now.
• 30:29
  But the feedback from other women was like, I'm not going to
• 30:30
  be submissive, I'm not going to be passive, I'm not going to be
• 30:33
  controlled. I'm not going to be like, you
• 30:35
  know, the passenger in my life. And so I'm wondering if you can
• 30:39
  kind of expand on that because I think that it's something that a
• 30:41
  lot of women fear. And it's not even, again, just
• 30:45
  in a romantic relationship. It can be in any dynamic, but
• 30:48
  I'm just wondering like for people who feel like thinking
• 30:52
  about any aspect of them not driving makes them worried or
• 30:55
  concerned or anxious, like what you think about that.
• 30:59
  Yeah, I, I love this question because at the deepest root,
• 31:03
  it's a lack of self trust and it's giving our power away,
• 31:06
  right. When you let somebody drive,
• 31:08
  like, for example, I'm not the CEO of my company.
• 31:12
  I have a woman who's incredible, who is the CEO of my company.
• 31:16
  And quite frankly, she drives because she holds me accountable
• 31:20
  by saying, hey, here's what we're committed to, here's what
• 31:22
  you said you would do, and here's your deadline.
• 31:24
  Because I'm out here in Fufu fairy land playing in visions
• 31:27
  all the time, right? But there's this semblance of
• 31:31
  like knowing ourselves. So I think at the deepest part,
• 31:34
  when you let somebody drive, let's take team for an example.
• 31:38
  A lot of people build and scale their company and they hire team
• 31:41
  members, but they basically hire glorified task managers because
• 31:44
  they try to control everything they do and tell them how to do
• 31:47
  their job. And so then they end up doubling
• 31:49
  the workload on themselves because now they're paying
• 31:52
  somebody to do a job, but then telling the person how to do the
• 31:55
  job because they want to have the steering wheel the entire
• 31:57
  time, right? And if you take this in the lens
• 31:59
  of relationships, quite frankly, I think the person who
• 32:02
  surrenders to let the other person drive is 100% in the
• 32:06
  empowered position because what they're really saying is like,
• 32:09
  hey, I trust you and nothing you do can make me trust myself any
• 32:13
  less. And I can just communicate like,
• 32:14
  I don't like this, I don't have this.
• 32:17
  And it allows us to be able to articulate our feelings or how
• 32:19
  we share about things. And so, you know, I think one of
• 32:23
  the, the things at the deepest level is like, there's no
• 32:25
  success alone, like none at at the deepest level, right.
• 32:29
  Myself, a man, a woman or anything in business is is not a
• 32:34
  solo project. It's a team community project
• 32:38
  and it's not being submissive. It's being committed to a big
• 32:41
  idea and leveraging the strengths of everybody.
• 32:44
  So like in the point of relationships, do I think like
• 32:47
  I'm blessed to be surrounded by incredible men in my life and I
• 32:50
  and I try my best to be the most supportive masculine man that I
• 32:54
  can be from a place of empathy and compassion.
• 32:57
  But that's not saying every man is great.
• 32:59
  Just like not every woman is great, right?
• 33:01
  But there's this lens of like, it's really not submission.
• 33:04
  What it's saying is that like, I know myself, I love myself, I
• 33:08
  feel safe with myself and anything you do, even if you
• 33:11
  drive in the wrong direction, isn't going to change how I feel
• 33:14
  or my identity because I can always get off the bus.
• 33:16
  I can always get out of the seat.
• 33:17
  I can always communicate my feelings.
• 33:20
  I'm pretty intentional like of not getting into like
• 33:22
  relationship things of like men, women and, and all these things
• 33:26
  because quite frankly, I've never been on a dating app in my
• 33:28
  life. And I have no idea what like the
• 33:29
  swipe right culture is, right? But from what I hear, because I
• 33:32
  have a 19 year old daughter and then some of our mutual friends,
• 33:35
  I'm like, oh, it's rough out there, right?
• 33:36
  It is, it is rough out there. And, and I can also see why
• 33:40
  people feel the need to drive everywhere.
• 33:42
  But that, that illusion of control that we think we have is
• 33:46
  really self sacrificial because we can't control other people's
• 33:50
  behaviors. We can't control other people's
• 33:53
  inputs or outputs, but we can 100% control ours.
• 33:57
  But in order to be able to control ours, we have to be in a
• 34:00
  relationship with ourself. And, and, and I've said this to
• 34:03
  you, one of the number one things that I do with my
• 34:06
  clients, men and women, is they're like, oh, I don't know
• 34:09
  how to be. And I'm like, give me your
• 34:11
  phone. Go sit in that chair in nature.
• 34:12
  And there's no agenda, no outcome.
• 34:15
  And I just need you to make it 30 minutes and you'd swear 2
• 34:17
  minutes in, it's like Chinese water torture.
• 34:19
  Like I'm putting them through the wringer, but like our
• 34:22
  nervous systems get so overwhelmed with the do, do, do,
• 34:25
  do, do, do that we don't know how to be in a relationship with
• 34:27
  ourself. But then even to you and knowing
• 34:30
  you as a client, one of your, let's call it coping mechanisms
• 34:34
  is water. Right to where you would get so
• 34:37
  overwhelmed and so inundated trying to control everything
• 34:41
  that it would force you to break down.
• 34:44
  You'd go get in cold water, which forced you to be because
• 34:47
  the only thing you could focus on was your breathing.
• 34:49
  And then you would come out of it completely clear of like, Oh
• 34:53
  my God, and releasing control of all those things and coming back
• 34:56
  into what can you control? And you're like, oh wow, if I do
• 34:59
  this and I do this, I'll feel this way and I'll be able to
• 35:02
  create this outcome. So for me, like this whole like
• 35:05
  submissive or all of it, like I think it's a crock of crap that
• 35:09
  people fight about because what we're really talking about is
• 35:12
  self regulating and understanding when it's
• 35:15
  important for us to drive because we can control the input
• 35:19
  that's going to create the result.
• 35:20
  And when it's important for us to rest or pull back so that we
• 35:24
  have the space to release that stress or release that emotion,
• 35:27
  or to shift our perspective to then find where to put our
• 35:31
  energy next is how I would answer that.
• 35:33
  Well, it's almost like the gas and the brake when you think
• 35:35
  about. It and the.
• 35:36
  Fact that people are like, well, of course, if you press entirely
• 35:38
  on the brake, you're literally not going to go anywhere.
• 35:40
  And also, if you press entirely on the gas and you never touched
• 35:43
  the brake, you're going to crash.
• 35:44
  So. It's like regardless of which
• 35:46
  path you take, different outcomes, but at the end of the
• 35:49
  day, still both not getting you where you want to go.
• 35:52
  And I think like kind of to the example he was giving the aspect
• 35:55
  of like, for example, Nancy, when she said like just be, I
• 35:58
  didn't really know what that meant.
• 35:59
  Because for me, again, all of like the stealth regulating
• 36:03
  practices were always with an outcome.
• 36:05
  Like it was like with meditation, I'm like, did I do
• 36:07
  it right, right. Or like, was I, was my mind calm
• 36:10
  enough breath work? Like did I go hard enough in the
• 36:13
  sense of like, go fast enough with the breath worker, go slow
• 36:16
  enough or hold the breath as long as I was supposed to?
• 36:18
  Like, it was every single thing or workouts, even workouts are
• 36:22
  not about going to the motion and being able to actually like
• 36:24
  live and embody the value of like I value taking care of my
• 36:27
  body. It was like, oh, well, like, did
• 36:28
  I lose weight this week? If not, or did I gain that
• 36:30
  muscle this week? If not, then I didn't hit my,
• 36:33
  my, my bucket, right? And so to his note of water,
• 36:36
  like, I started to realize, like for myself, I was like, go, go,
• 36:41
  go, go. And then I would get frustrated.
• 36:43
  My body wasn't working the way that I wanted it to.
• 36:45
  And so even now, like, I'm not gonna say this is an old
• 36:48
  practice. It's still something that I do
• 36:49
  technically, it's just decrease in how much I do.
• 36:52
  It is like I would literally go to a cold tub or I would go to
• 36:57
  like a hot bath. And like I was telling the girls
• 36:58
  with their treat, like sometimes in a day I would take two baths
• 37:01
  in the middle of the day, which I know sounds so weird.
• 37:03
  But for me it was the forced stillness to your point and the
• 37:07
  forced tuning into my body for me to be like, OK, take a breath
• 37:13
  now, go back and attack kind of thing.
• 37:15
  And I think the idea of like, I can't just keep going and going
• 37:18
  and going and going. The thing that I see, at least
• 37:21
  for the women that I coach. And it's hard for me as well now
• 37:24
  having I guess like the awareness that I have when I
• 37:26
  witness in other people. You can see, and I'm sure you
• 37:29
  even saw this in me when, you know, obviously we first met at
• 37:32
  an event that we were both speaking at.
• 37:34
  And I was at that point like really pushing like I was just
• 37:37
  like grow, grow, grow, scale, scale, scale.
• 37:39
  Like it was just always more, more, more.
• 37:42
  And I was so raw to the point where like if something had
• 37:48
  activated me or like triggered me, I became like unglued
• 37:53
  because I was frankly, which is part of the feminine, terrified
• 37:58
  of feeling my emotions. And we saw this a lot of the
• 38:00
  retreat as well, right? Because, and the reason we keep
• 38:02
  mentioning retreat, by the way, is because a lot of the women
• 38:04
  who attended that are literally duplicates of me and yourself
• 38:07
  who are listening. Like you're somebody who's super
• 38:10
  driven and you're like, go, go, go in the business.
• 38:12
  But because of that, like if I didn't have a bathtub and
• 38:15
  there's been instances in the last couple months where I
• 38:17
  didn't have one handy, which has been interesting.
• 38:19
  But if you don't have that vice of whatever that thing is for
• 38:23
  you, you may not be self regulating.
• 38:26
  And So what ended up happening was women at the retreat were
• 38:29
  kind of in a container and in an experience where they were
• 38:32
  forced to feel and they were like, uh oh, uncomfy, uncomfy.
• 38:35
  Like I don't want to do this. And it became so scary.
• 38:39
  And for me on the other side of it now, I witnessed people had
• 38:42
  having to actually feel and how terrifying it was to them that
• 38:47
  they were feeling an emotion. And the number one consensus of
• 38:52
  anyone who feels like they're super burnt out and they just
• 38:54
  need to cry or they need to scream and they need to do any
• 38:57
  of these things is the first association If something's
• 38:59
  wrong, Like the amount of times I must have said to you, like
• 39:02
  something is wrong, like I don't know what's going on.
• 39:04
  I can't stop crying. I feel like I'm like shaky.
• 39:07
  I have really bad nerves. My stomach is in knots like
• 39:09
  whatever it is. And it was just like business
• 39:11
  things that were like pulling me in a million different
• 39:13
  directions, but I genuinely didn't know how to sit with my
• 39:16
  emotions. And it became very clear that I
• 39:19
  had actually never sit with them ever, which is why it had
• 39:23
  nothing actually to do with business, but about the fact
• 39:25
  that I had never allowed myself to be in my quote UN quote
• 39:29
  feminine. I'd never allowed myself to
• 39:31
  surrender to my emotions. I'd never allowed myself to
• 39:34
  surrender the feeling that I was having.
• 39:35
  I was like, you know, feelings are fluid and let's just deal
• 39:38
  with the facts, right? Like it was just always like
• 39:40
  moving on. Like it was always trying to go,
• 39:44
  go, go, go. And it was like, as soon as I
• 39:47
  started kind of having these conversations, like with
• 39:49
  yourself about the impact of feeling like what would happen
• 39:52
  if that was OK? One of the biggest things that I
• 39:55
  think was a huge download of our work is like there was times in
• 39:59
  coaching where I'd be like in complete breakdown and I was
• 40:01
  like, I don't like, this is what's coming up for me.
• 40:03
  And I don't know if I can do this or do that.
• 40:05
  And you're like, yeah, I'm like, that's OK.
• 40:08
  And you're, I was like, what? Cuz like to me, I'm being like,
• 40:11
  coach me, coach me, help me fix it, remove the feeling.
• 40:14
  And you're like, yeah, like that's OK.
• 40:15
  Like all I want you to do is just like, if you need to cry,
• 40:17
  cry. And if you need to scream, like
• 40:19
  go get a pillow and scream into a pillow.
• 40:21
  Like it's coming up for a reason.
• 40:24
  So like let it out. And one of his motto is that he
• 40:27
  has all his events and in his coaching is like.
• 40:29
  If it's coming up, it's coming out.
• 40:30
  And so I would love for you to kind of expand on like the
• 40:33
  process of feelings because I think sometimes for women who
• 40:37
  are like go, go, go #1 which you heard from other women that I
• 40:40
  coach is like, it can feel like an inconvenience.
• 40:42
  Like I don't have time to be upset right now.
• 40:44
  I don't have time to be stressed right now.
• 40:45
  I have things happening in the business.
• 40:46
  I have goals happening. Launch is happening.
• 40:48
  I don't have time for this. And so the aspect of like,
• 40:51
  feeling like they don't have time for it, feeling like they
• 40:52
  don't want to honor it. And also kind of like this
• 40:55
  underlying fear of like, I don't really want to go there because
• 40:57
  that feels in their body like opening up like a can of worms.
• 41:00
  Yeah, so, and I love this and thank you.
• 41:03
  You don't have time not to because all you're doing is
• 41:07
  delaying a crash, right? And there is a rule like I'm a,
• 41:11
  I'm a breath work teacher and I and I facilitate, but I also sit
• 41:13
  with a lot of breath work. And, and just for some context
• 41:15
  for everybody listening, the reason I share these things is
• 41:18
  I've not had an easy journey of, you know, going from homeless to
• 41:22
  drug addiction to, to war, to combat, to being shot and
• 41:26
  shrapnel and quite frankly, probably 1 of like the
• 41:30
  accidentally like worst men in relationships because of trauma.
• 41:34
  I've walked through every one of these modalities and I've been
• 41:37
  blessed to have incredible teachers and people around me.
• 41:40
  But one of the mantras that we always say is if it's coming up,
• 41:43
  it's coming out and and our bodies are this incredible,
• 41:46
  credible vessel that knows how to self regulate.
• 41:49
  And then we try to get in the way because it's an
• 41:51
  inconvenience. But I'll give a tangible
• 41:53
  example. You going to the bathtub is one,
• 41:56
  but I know every woman listening to this has gotten to a point
• 41:58
  where everything's been an inconvenience until like you're
• 42:01
  almost forced to go take it, right?
• 42:04
  Like I'm going to go for a walk or I just need to get in the car
• 42:06
  and drive or I'm going to go lock myself in my room.
• 42:09
  And then all of a sudden there's this massive flood of emotions,
• 42:12
  right? Whether it's anger or sadness or
• 42:14
  tears, but always right on the other side of it when that
• 42:18
  feeling has been released is this beautiful space of clarity,
• 42:22
  right? And I teach this in the lens of
• 42:25
  my 7 year old son, right? Because there's this book I had
• 42:28
  to read him every single night when he was younger called Bear
• 42:30
  Through the Woods. And it says you can't go over
• 42:32
  it, you can't go under it, you can't go around it, you have to
• 42:34
  go through it, right? And if you have kids, this is
• 42:38
  going to land massively. If you've ever seen kids, you'll
• 42:41
  see a kid in a grocery store get told no, drop down on the floor,
• 42:46
  throw the biggest temper tantrum of their life, cried out, stand
• 42:50
  up and be happy 2 seconds later. Or you'll go to a playground and
• 42:54
  see two kids fighting over a toy.
• 42:56
  They'll get mad at each other. I hate you.
• 42:59
  They'll go to their parents, they'll yell it out.
• 43:00
  Two minutes later, they're playing with that kid again
• 43:03
  because they're not stuffing the emotion.
• 43:05
  They're actually feeling it right.
• 43:07
  And what ends up happening is when we think feelings are
• 43:10
  inconvenient, we end up stuffing them until it's a pressure
• 43:14
  cooker and it's a bomb that's waiting to go off.
• 43:16
  So then when that happens, we're convinced that every time we
• 43:18
  have a feeling, it's going to be this massive, massive thing.
• 43:21
  But it's just because we don't allow ourselves to feel like
• 43:23
  Kate and I have done so much work together, even in our
• 43:26
  intensive, I cried like 3 or 4 times a day and not because like
• 43:30
  something was bad, but my body just felt like crying.
• 43:33
  And even we were facilitating the retreat.
• 43:34
  I'm, I'm briefing the women and all of a sudden I break down in
• 43:37
  tears. And then two minutes later I'm
• 43:39
  like, OK, great guys, here's what we're going to do.
• 43:41
  Here's where we're going to go. But it's really just allowing
• 43:44
  ourselves to honor what's coming up in our body to be able to
• 43:47
  operate in our superpower, like to be able to operate both
• 43:51
  connected to how we feel and where we're giving our energy
• 43:55
  and attention. Because I've learned this, like,
• 43:58
  your body doesn't lie to you. There's so many times that I've
• 44:01
  had female entrepreneurs that literally don't allow themselves
• 44:05
  to feel because they're just convinced it's not a real
• 44:08
  problem or they are OK serving that client or this is what they
• 44:11
  want to do. And eventually the pressure
• 44:14
  cooker breaks and they're like, Oh my God, I had like 30 signs
• 44:19
  throughout this whole time that I shouldn't be doing business
• 44:21
  with this person or I shouldn't have coached that client or that
• 44:23
  offer wasn't right. But because they just didn't
• 44:26
  give themselves that little bit of space to feel that feeling,
• 44:29
  they just kept going down a darker Rd., which took longer
• 44:32
  and longer and longer to recover.
• 44:35
  I was just. Going to add to that too, I
• 44:36
  think the aspect too is like even when you feel it because
• 44:38
  I've, I even had moments in the business that were like tapped
• 44:41
  into like intuition and like I just have a gut feeling.
• 44:44
  But then my brain and you often talk about this with like the
• 44:47
  heart and the head. My brain was like, but it's
• 44:50
  strategic to have that offer. Like we had talked about after
• 44:53
  our intensive in Montana about something we're going to add to
• 44:55
  our product suite, which I've since killed and been like, no,
• 44:58
  nevermind. And it was interesting because
• 45:01
  even though my intuition or like again, my gut or my feeling or
• 45:05
  my, my heart was like, no, this doesn't feel like we should do
• 45:08
  this. Like I don't feel excited about
• 45:09
  it. I don't feel like I'm aligned to
• 45:11
  it. I used to be like, what the heck
• 45:12
  is alignment? Like I used to like make it, who
• 45:14
  cares? You know, like it's like what's
• 45:16
  strategic. But then I realized that, like,
• 45:18
  I think to that point, we know and we hear the voice, we have
• 45:23
  the pull our hearts like super clear about what it needs to be.
• 45:27
  But then logistically we're like, no, that can't be because
• 45:30
  that product suite is that's that's strategic or like that's
• 45:33
  what I'm supposed to do, or that's the box or that's the
• 45:36
  milestone. And so I feel like just to add
• 45:39
  to that, I think there's an aspect too of like the head and
• 45:41
  the heart was a huge, like, you guys know, when I talk about in
• 45:45
  episodes like frameworks and structures, because I'm a nerd
• 45:47
  like that. And I really like like anything
• 45:49
  that I can fit into a bucket of some kind that I can make rinse
• 45:53
  or repeat. I'm like, OK, I got it.
• 45:54
  Like I can, I can stick my teeth into that now.
• 45:57
  And when he explained the head and the heart piece, like
• 46:00
  there's moments in business where you have these like 2
• 46:02
  pathways and you're like, I feel like I need to go this way or I
• 46:05
  could go that way. I don't really know.
• 46:07
  Like that offer that team member that launch, whatever it might
• 46:09
  be. And there was so many moments
• 46:12
  where he like, OK, we'll like, tell me what you're thinking
• 46:14
  about it. And I'm like, well, OK, like
• 46:15
  this is the plan. I think this is a strategy.
• 46:16
  Whatever. He's like, OK, I hear that.
• 46:18
  That totally makes sense. How does it feel?
• 46:20
  And I'm like, what are you talking about?
• 46:21
  I was like, who cares? Like just tell me what's
• 46:24
  strategic, right? But then I started to realize
• 46:27
  that often times when I would actually just ask myself that
• 46:29
  question, when you started to kind of guide those two is
• 46:31
  totally separate, which really in its basic essence is
• 46:33
  masculine is the head feminine is the heart.
• 46:36
  He'd be like, I hear you. And like, I hear what you're
• 46:38
  saying and I, I hear what you're explaining, but also like, I'm
• 46:41
  not asking logistically how or what or why, just how does it
• 46:45
  feel in making that decision? Like if you were to make that
• 46:49
  decision, how would that feel? Not what you think about it, How
• 46:51
  would you feel about it? And how does it feel in your
• 46:54
  body? How would it feel?
• 46:56
  You know, how could you perceive that to feel?
• 46:57
  How do you feel now? And I used to, again, because I
• 47:00
  minimize like the impact of feelings.
• 47:02
  I was like, I don't want to make decisions based off of feeling.
• 47:05
  But that distinction I feel like was really helpful for me as
• 47:08
  like a model for when I'm in those moments to be like, OK,
• 47:11
  like my head is spiraling in a million different directions.
• 47:15
  But my heart, when I asked, like what's on my heart about it or
• 47:18
  what I feel about it, it felt so clear.
• 47:20
  Like it was like, boom, there it is.
• 47:22
  And then I was like, no, it can't be that simple.
• 47:24
  There has to be all these things like, you know me, like I go
• 47:26
  like around, around the thing that he's like, OK, like she's
• 47:30
  getting closer. And like for me, I have to
• 47:32
  sometimes my thing I'm still working on to be totally
• 47:34
  transparent with you guys is like, I struggle to make
• 47:36
  decisions off of what I feel because I'm like, but there's so
• 47:39
  many other things that like, it could be this and it could be
• 47:42
  that. And what about this?
• 47:43
  Like I go into the logistics like, yeah, but you already know
• 47:45
  what you need to do. My thing is I don't trust my
• 47:48
  heart enough still. So because of that, I ignore it
• 47:51
  until I have enough, enough, enough evidence to then be like,
• 47:54
  OK, fine, now I'll do it. And most times I end up right
• 47:57
  back to where he told me I would be.
• 47:59
  But it's because I'm still in that kind of balance of trying
• 48:02
  to figure out the head and heart.
• 48:03
  So like for someone who feels like they're like, OK, listen to
• 48:05
  my heart. What the hell are you talking
• 48:06
  about? Like, how do you, how do you
• 48:08
  explain that to someone who feels like they've never done
• 48:10
  that before? Because they're always thinking
• 48:11
  logistics in business. Yeah, I think it's asking
• 48:13
  yourself better questions and also not allowing yourself to be
• 48:17
  the only barometer, right? The human brain, right.
• 48:21
  And just so everybody knows, I have no degrees in this
• 48:24
  whatsoever. I've just Matt Damon and
• 48:26
  Goodwill haunted my whole life and studied this extensively and
• 48:31
  healed myself and have supported a lot of people in this.
• 48:33
  But but a lot of memory is made-up to collapse all the
• 48:39
  different pieces of information that we take in every single
• 48:41
  day, right. And and I'll give a tangible
• 48:43
  example of this. Like I was deployed a lot of my
• 48:46
  life and and went to combat. And if you grab five of us that
• 48:49
  were in the same situation in that same 5 minute block of
• 48:53
  trauma, and you ask each of us what happened, you will get 5
• 48:57
  completely different movies of the same exact situation and
• 49:01
  none of them are absolutely true.
• 49:04
  A combination of all those pieces are.
• 49:05
  And the same with our brain. Like with our conscious and
• 49:07
  unconscious brain, it filters so much information.
• 49:11
  And So what it really, really is, is, is asking ourself better
• 49:14
  questions. But even to your point and, and
• 49:16
  like as your coach, this has been absolutely incredible to
• 49:19
  witness. One of the things that you
• 49:20
  celebrate so much is that when everybody's head told you to go
• 49:25
  right, you're like, Nope, my gut says go left and you go left.
• 49:28
  And it's the reason you have this podcast.
• 49:30
  It's the reason you had the retreat.
• 49:32
  It's the reason you did XYZ, but it's also not a rigid example
• 49:37
  of. I just learn how to trust it
• 49:39
  the. Only thing I was going to add to
• 49:40
  that though is it usually goes through 1500 cycles of not
• 49:45
  trusting it before I ever get to that place.
• 49:47
  So like I'm still in my head usually.
• 49:50
  Like once the end proof is there, I'll never let anyone
• 49:52
  live it down. But before that there's like
• 49:55
  1500 times I'm like, no, no, yeah, no.
• 49:58
  Yeah, and and even like thinking about business as an
• 50:01
  entrepreneur, if I asked you right now to go back to when you
• 50:03
  were a server, I'm like, great, write me the perfect workout
• 50:07
  path and plan that you're going to follow from being a server to
• 50:10
  being where you're sitting here right now.
• 50:12
  Completely impossible because you took 77 forks in the road
• 50:16
  readjustments. Pause.
• 50:17
  I'm going this way. I'm going this way, which 100%
• 50:21
  is feminine in nature, not this logical.
• 50:25
  And it's the same reason you and I both teach frameworks instead
• 50:28
  of copy paste templates, right? And So what it is, is really
• 50:32
  learning how to tune in, but how to separate what's happening in
• 50:36
  our brain, right? If you're stressed, if you're
• 50:38
  overwhelmed, if you're constantly in scarcity, anything
• 50:41
  that your brain tells you, the way that your reticular
• 50:43
  activating system works is if you're in trigger, it will only
• 50:47
  see other triggers, right? And so state changes are huge.
• 50:50
  It's one of the biggest things that I supported you with and
• 50:53
  still support you with is, is state changes, right?
• 50:55
  Which is why your bathtub was so powerful when used
• 50:59
  intentionally, because if you're spiraling in your brain and then
• 51:03
  you go get into your body, it allows everything to slow down.
• 51:06
  And so having a different perspective, but asking yourself
• 51:09
  some questions. And one of the things that I
• 51:10
  always say to you, you're like, well, this is what my head says.
• 51:12
  I'm like, amazing. Like, how does it feel in your
• 51:14
  body? And even if your head convinces
• 51:17
  you like this is the path, this is the path, this is the path.
• 51:20
  If your body resists it, it's not going to work anyways
• 51:23
  because you don't want to go to the gym, you don't want to
• 51:26
  follow that workout. You feel out of alignment.
• 51:28
  And so really what it is, is it's finding the Venn diagram
• 51:32
  between what feels good. And by the way, it's not 100%
• 51:35
  feels good. It could be like, hey, this
• 51:39
  makes sense. 25% of my brain and 75% of my body, I'm going to do
• 51:42
  this. Well, it's just feeling, not
• 51:44
  necessarily it feeling good. Yeah.
• 51:45
  It's just feeling like actually asking yourself like what this
• 51:49
  looks like and what this feels like.
• 51:51
  But also the best decisions aren't made instantaneously.
• 51:54
  Those are reactions, and reactions are liabilities in
• 51:57
  business. And really, and somebody like
• 52:00
  I've helped a lot of people scale.
• 52:02
  When you're scaling your business, the stress doesn't go
• 52:05
  away and the amount of challenges and implications
• 52:07
  don't go away. They actually increase.
• 52:10
  The thing that builds over time is your ability to not take it
• 52:14
  personally and to operate in the clarity to figure out how I'm
• 52:18
  going to respond instead of how I'm going to logically or
• 52:22
  emotionally react, perpetuating this damage.
• 52:25
  And so I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is
• 52:28
  when they get stuck right where they're like ruminating or any
• 52:30
  of those things that they stay in that bucket with either out
• 52:33
  state changing or getting a different perspective, right?
• 52:37
  And a different perspective could be somebody that sees you
• 52:39
  or be like, Hey, can I run this situation by you and let me know
• 52:42
  what you think or how you feel about it.
• 52:44
  But actually changing the way that we see things and, and I
• 52:48
  think it's important and I'll explain the reticular activating
• 52:50
  system really, really quickly. But if you've ever bought a new
• 52:53
  car before, let's just say you buy a red Jeep, right?
• 52:56
  You're like, Oh my God, I want a red Jeep.
• 52:57
  And you're like, God, I love it. I look at them, you don't see
• 53:00
  any red Jeeps whatsoever. The moment it's in your
• 53:04
  driveway, you realize 17 people in your neighbourhood have a red
• 53:07
  Jeep. They were there the entire time,
• 53:11
  but your brain couldn't see them because they weren't in your
• 53:13
  reticular activating system. It's no different than when
• 53:16
  we're triggered and really, really deeply in our head, which
• 53:19
  is why some of the most powerful practices from some of the most
• 53:22
  powerful coaches and psychologists all involve state
• 53:25
  changes as well as journaling or audio recording to get the
• 53:30
  things out of our heads so we can look at them neutrally.
• 53:33
  And so it's really, really important to allow yourself to
• 53:37
  make a decision, but don't make a decision with only part of the
• 53:40
  puzzle. One part is your brain.
• 53:43
  Another part is your heart or your feelings and how you feel
• 53:45
  about it. But I think there's a third
• 53:47
  part, which is what is the situation without my involvement
• 53:51
  in it, right? Like one of the ways that I do
• 53:54
  this is I'm like, OK, if this was a client of mine or if this
• 53:56
  was a friend of mine and it wasn't me and it wasn't my
• 54:00
  relationship or my business, what would I tell that one?
• 54:03
  Of the most annoying questions that I feel like you asked and
• 54:08
  some of your friends also got the memo of because like, you'll
• 54:12
  be like the depths of a situation.
• 54:15
  You're like, this is what it is. And you're like, yeah, OK, so
• 54:18
  what's a private client's name? And I'm like, OK, Sam.
• 54:22
  And he's like, great, what would you say to Sam?
• 54:24
  And I'm like, hey, Sam, by the way, because I know you listen
• 54:26
  to this, What would you say to Sam?
• 54:28
  And I was like, well, it's different.
• 54:30
  And it's just like it really. It changes you start to realize
• 54:33
  how much you're wrapped into either the emotion or so deeply
• 54:38
  heels dug into like it has to be this way again, control,
• 54:41
  control. And something that I just wanted
• 54:43
  to hit on because you kind of nodded to it is like this aspect
• 54:46
  of like awareness. Because one of the things that I
• 54:50
  remember I had said to him when we've been, you know, really
• 54:53
  diving into like this work and coaching was like, I feel like
• 54:57
  when I had realized I hadn't really been feeling, and then I
• 55:00
  started to realize like, whoa, OK, Like I'm having a lot of
• 55:02
  feelings happen overnight now, basically because I've opened
• 55:05
  the door. The number one thing that I had
• 55:07
  vocalized to him was like, I can't Unsee.
• 55:09
  I can't Unsee now the way that I used to do business and how
• 55:12
  flawed that might have been. I can't Unsee the ways that I
• 55:15
  was operating and how that wasn't serving me.
• 55:17
  Like I can't Unsee these things. And so back to his aspect of
• 55:21
  awareness, like that was also really hard because the process
• 55:24
  of rebalancing this either going from super, super from your
• 55:27
  feminine energy and very, very flow and no structure and being
• 55:30
  like, whoa, I can't, I haven't. And you even talked about this
• 55:33
  yesterday, right? Feeling like, cuz we're almost,
• 55:36
  I would say opposite in the sense of I'm very much play in
• 55:38
  the masculine dominantly. And then you're more in flow
• 55:41
  dominantly. And so we've basically been
• 55:44
  talking about the fact that like sometimes when you start to have
• 55:46
  an awareness of like, OK, here's what it would look like if I
• 55:49
  integrate more structure or for me, this is what it would look
• 55:52
  like if I actually added a little bit more flow and
• 55:53
  feeling. I started to be so like aware of
• 55:57
  what that looks like that I honestly couldn't, I couldn't go
• 56:01
  back. Like I used to have moments
• 56:02
  where I'd be on my laptop till like 2:00 in the morning working
• 56:05
  and like go, go, go drive, drive, drive.
• 56:07
  And I physically my body won't do it anymore.
• 56:10
  And so it's this whole thing now that I have an awareness of what
• 56:13
  balance could feel like or what tapping into your emotions
• 56:17
  without being wrong. And I wanted to note to
• 56:18
  something to that you mentioned earlier, it's just been sitting
• 56:20
  in my brain was also the aspect cuz you're talking about like
• 56:23
  your support system and things like that.
• 56:25
  And really seeing are those people that help you to tap into
• 56:28
  one side or the other or are they potentially hindering you
• 56:30
  doing that? One of the things that has
• 56:33
  really been interesting for me around feelings, a lot of
• 56:36
  feeling as of recently has been a ton of friggin tears.
• 56:40
  And with that, what's been interesting is like you also
• 56:43
  don't ask clients what's wrong. And it's really like an
• 56:46
  interesting awareness that I've seen because nine times at a
• 56:48
  time. And this is actually interesting
• 56:50
  because at the retreat, the same thing happened with some of the
• 56:53
  women, like not intentionally. It's not like they're not doing
• 56:55
  it on purpose, but one person, there's a lot of tears about the
• 56:58
  retreat. So just brace yourself.
• 56:59
  If you're coming in February, we're going to break your soul
• 57:01
  in a good way. When they were crying at the
• 57:03
  retreat, someone would say to them, Oh my God, what's wrong?
• 57:06
  And naturally, which again, I think for masculine women, women
• 57:10
  who are very like, frankly, like anti feel or haven't felt a lot
• 57:13
  or createspace to feel, you're sometimes also back to modeling
• 57:17
  and conditioning. We're conditioned to think that
• 57:20
  feeling and having that overwhelming emotion means uh
• 57:24
  oh, like this is not good because we associate crying with
• 57:27
  like a funeral and a breakup and sadness and grieving and like
• 57:32
  it's always a negative connotation.
• 57:35
  And so then when women are like, wait a second, like to your
• 57:37
  point, you want me to cry in the middle of the day and then just
• 57:40
  like get back on Zoom and just keep going or like be in the
• 57:44
  middle of a podcast and just be able to feel and then keep
• 57:46
  going. There's this association with
• 57:49
  like weakness or this aspect of it being negative.
• 57:52
  And so I think that's also that I just wanted to add, like, I
• 57:55
  think it's an important aspect because for me, I basically had
• 57:58
  to change my relationship with what my emotions represented.
• 58:02
  And most importantly, what I realized with the feminine was
• 58:04
  like, I wasn't feeling because I, it's not that I was scared to
• 58:07
  feel. I didn't like the labels of what
• 58:10
  I associated with those feelings meant to me.
• 58:13
  So because of that, I was like, well, if I feel that thing, it
• 58:16
  means I'm X person. Or if I feel that thing, it
• 58:17
  means I'm weak. If I feel this, it means I, you
• 58:20
  know, don't have what it takes or whatever it might be.
• 58:24
  And we had one of the events my, some of my private clients were
• 58:26
  AT. And it was interesting because
• 58:27
  one of the main pieces of feedback they gave me is like,
• 58:29
  it was so helpful to see you like myself cry.
• 58:33
  And I was like, why is that? They're like, because you're
• 58:35
  always so curated and you're so on and you're so like just
• 58:38
  crushing it on all sides. And they're like, it's not to
• 58:41
  say that you don't do that, but it was just so like it was such
• 58:44
  an aspect of permission to be like, oh, she's human.
• 58:48
  Interesting. And I was like, you guys
• 58:50
  realize, like everybody poops, right?
• 58:52
  And they're like, yeah, no, I know.
• 58:54
  But like to see to see also and witness other people in it is
• 58:59
  why I think even in coaching, it's been helpful for me to see
• 59:02
  you cry at moments that had again, nothing wrong.
• 59:05
  There's nothing that's happened. And now the question is just,
• 59:07
  hey, what is it like in the sense of what is it that's
• 59:10
  coming up for you less of like what's wrong?
• 59:13
  So I just wanted to share that because it's just been sitting
• 59:14
  on my brain since you said that. Well, and it reminds me of an
• 59:17
  open loop that I have from earlier and Kate and I are both
• 59:19
  marketers. So open loops drive me nuts,
• 59:20
  right? And earlier, when you're talking
• 59:22
  about some of the pain of being in your masculine so much and
• 59:24
  not allowing yourself to feel, the reason your identity gets
• 59:27
  wrapped up into this is because you also don't allow yourself to
• 59:29
  feel the wins. You also don't allow yourselves
• 59:32
  to feel the joy of what you've accomplished.
• 59:34
  You take that away from yourself because feelings are not these
• 59:37
  things that are only attached to like winning or losing.
• 59:40
  They're just things that we experience.
• 59:41
  They're not our identity and our bodies are incredible.
• 59:44
  And I'll share an antidote around this, right?
• 59:46
  I've sat with plant medicine. It healed my life.
• 59:50
  But I'll never forget when the shaman was briefing this because
• 59:53
  with one of the particular modalities that I used, he's
• 59:55
  like, your body's going to purge.
• 59:56
  And even when you hear that word, what's the first thought
• 59:58
  you have poop, poop or puke, right?
• 1:00:02
  And he's like, but did you know that shivering is purging,
• 1:00:05
  Laughing is purging, moving your body is purging.
• 1:00:08
  You ever been in a conference where there's somebody giving a
• 1:00:10
  keynote and it's like hitting the emotions and you see people
• 1:00:12
  start yawning? Yawning is purging.
• 1:00:15
  It's your body releasing energy, right?
• 1:00:18
  And I think there's this mistake that people make to put labels
• 1:00:21
  on it because like, we would never get upset if we saw a six
• 1:00:24
  year old kid in the middle of a school day win and be like,
• 1:00:28
  whoo, right? But yet as entrepreneurs, like
• 1:00:30
  it's inappropriate to laugh in this moment or it's
• 1:00:32
  inappropriate to feel in this moment.
• 1:00:34
  And we make our own internal feelings wrong which break our
• 1:00:37
  self trust. Because like, as much as you're
• 1:00:39
  joking about it, not once that I prompt a woman to cry.
• 1:00:42
  No, no. They were just like, God, it
• 1:00:44
  feels so good to actually just be open and honest.
• 1:00:46
  And then at the end of this retreat, they were all like,
• 1:00:48
  I've never felt so clear, so grounded, so excited.
• 1:00:52
  But it's almost like the first time you get like, you eat that
• 1:00:56
  favorite chocolate cake you've never eaten before, and you're
• 1:00:58
  like, what have I been missing out on my entire life, right?
• 1:01:03
  And it's not this thing of like, I'm going to go cry for a couple
• 1:01:06
  hours in the middle of the day. But like, people have laughed at
• 1:01:08
  me because I've given keynotes to 1500 people and in the middle
• 1:01:12
  of the keynote, I was telling a story that related it and it
• 1:01:15
  like brought up a lot of emotion in my body.
• 1:01:19
  And if I didn't release it, I wouldn't have been able to give
• 1:01:22
  them any value in the keynote. So I just stopped speaking and I
• 1:01:25
  cried for a minute and I didn't even acknowledge that I cried.
• 1:01:28
  I just stopped and stared at them.
• 1:01:29
  And I was like, and I was like, alright, so back to customer
• 1:01:33
  journey, right? Because we're going to have to
• 1:01:34
  cover that in another episode. Back to customer journey.
• 1:01:37
  And then every single person that came up to me after that
• 1:01:40
  was like, I want to work with you, not because of what you
• 1:01:43
  said, but because like, I want to be able to do that and like
• 1:01:46
  who you are. But at some point we have to
• 1:01:49
  allow ourselves to be human. Like entrepreneurship is not
• 1:01:54
  easy, right? And I can't even imagine being a
• 1:01:57
  woman in it. It's hard enough as it is.
• 1:02:00
  And then you stack that pressure and all the labels that the
• 1:02:02
  world puts on you, I think, which is why I love working with
• 1:02:05
  women. I'm like, I will be your pit
• 1:02:07
  bull. I will hurt people and more with
• 1:02:11
  words than physicality. I don't do that anymore.
• 1:02:13
  But like I will protect you and I will support you in this
• 1:02:16
  because your mission and your voice matters.
• 1:02:18
  But like, our feelings are our greatest superpower.
• 1:02:20
  Like think about it as a parent. Like when we're feeling a
• 1:02:24
  certain way, we want our parents to empathize or have compassion
• 1:02:27
  for us to allow our feelings to be there.
• 1:02:30
  It's like the greatest superpower because really it's
• 1:02:32
  about helping people feel seen, heard, known, trusted, safe.
• 1:02:37
  And we have the ability to do that.
• 1:02:39
  It's not something that happens outside of us or when somebody
• 1:02:41
  else does it. It's our job to lead into that.
• 1:02:44
  And it's not this thing of like, oh, crying makes me weak or like
• 1:02:48
  I have more happy tears than than anytime.
• 1:02:50
  Like even when we end up at conferences together, I'm
• 1:02:53
  answering somebody's question and then I'm like, they're like,
• 1:02:55
  are you OK? I'm like, I'm great, like.
• 1:02:58
  I'm just so happy. I'm just so happy.
• 1:03:01
  And it's, it's it, it feels so freeing when you get it.
• 1:03:04
  But it's also a muscle, right? And it's, we live in a world
• 1:03:08
  that is transactional in nature and makes your feelings wrong
• 1:03:11
  unless you check this box or fit the status.
• 1:03:14
  But yet in order for us to like somebody or to trust them, we
• 1:03:17
  want to know that they're human. And it's like this relegated
• 1:03:20
  bucket of just being robots over and over.
• 1:03:23
  But like when you feel like I watch you as your coach, feel
• 1:03:27
  for your clients, like at a level that like helps me be
• 1:03:30
  better as a coach. And when I see that, I'm like,
• 1:03:33
  they don't even see this, but it's the reason that they're so
• 1:03:36
  supported and safe. And I'm like, OK, you should
• 1:03:38
  probably tell them this or show. Them well, it's interesting.
• 1:03:41
  I was going to say too, it was was coming up as you were
• 1:03:43
  saying, that is like, I think also with the retreat, what was
• 1:03:45
  really interesting is a lot of the women who came said they
• 1:03:48
  came like, we have this aspect when people sign up for retreat,
• 1:03:51
  which is like, what are the number one objectives or the
• 1:03:53
  outcomes that you want to get from this?
• 1:03:55
  And all that was like, I need strategy, I want a scale, I want
• 1:03:57
  to delegate, blah, blah. And like, obviously with the
• 1:04:00
  retreats, we do the whole like Seoul, which is the individual
• 1:04:02
  and the CEO and then the second day of strategy.
• 1:04:04
  And so it's really interesting though, because when we did like
• 1:04:06
  the reviews and kind of like the testimonials at the end, not a
• 1:04:10
  single person noted a strategic aspect.
• 1:04:13
  They were like, I had such a preconceived idea of what I
• 1:04:17
  thought my bottleneck was. And almost every single woman
• 1:04:22
  who left a review was like, I feel like I've realized I'm the
• 1:04:25
  issue in my business. Like I'm the cap.
• 1:04:27
  I'm the reason it's not growing. I am too closed off with my
• 1:04:31
  team. I'm closed off in my
• 1:04:33
  relationship and it's creating friction that's dominoing into
• 1:04:35
  my business. I haven't felt a single thing
• 1:04:38
  until this weekend. I realized in the last like 6 to
• 1:04:41
  9 months. And it's interesting because you
• 1:04:44
  just noted that about clients. I have never been so close with
• 1:04:48
  my clients until the last six months because truthfully, like
• 1:04:51
  and even with social media, I'm like a work in progress.
• 1:04:53
  The podcast is probably like this, obviously, as you guys
• 1:04:55
  know, is the most raw state you'll see me in.
• 1:04:58
  But it was interesting because they've like they had shared
• 1:05:01
  feedback with me and we're like, hey, like I've actually never
• 1:05:03
  felt so close to you. I've never respected you so much
• 1:05:07
  for the fact that you feel all these things and you cry now and
• 1:05:10
  you like randomly sneak up behind us at the retreat and hug
• 1:05:13
  us like it's so we never thought this was going to happen.
• 1:05:16
  And it's just changed our perspective in a positive way of
• 1:05:20
  how much we want to continue to work with you.
• 1:05:22
  And it's interesting because for me and obviously like, you know,
• 1:05:25
  like I went into our intensive and you guys, I talked about
• 1:05:27
  this in the Montana episode, I went into the intensive and I
• 1:05:30
  had like a 15 page document even look at it.
• 1:05:32
  I went, I had a 15 page document of all these things that I
• 1:05:35
  wanted to achieve. And then like I just had so many
• 1:05:39
  personal development awarenesses, but then those
• 1:05:42
  awarenesses are the things that have like made our team shift in
• 1:05:46
  the last like 30 days and have changed my brand to people like,
• 1:05:50
  oh, like I can feel like you're showing up a little bit
• 1:05:52
  differently. And then with clients, we've
• 1:05:54
  never been so connected. And yet what's really
• 1:05:56
  interesting is like, yes, we've done some strategic elements of
• 1:05:59
  like customer journey and stuff, which we'll do in another
• 1:06:01
  episode. But the core fundamentals of
• 1:06:05
  like, kind of like the backbone of the business, while there has
• 1:06:07
  been optimization and refinement and like, you know, making
• 1:06:11
  adjustments along the way, the massive leaps and bounds have
• 1:06:14
  been from that whole, which I know we talked about very
• 1:06:17
  briefly in Montana episode of like you're the cap of your
• 1:06:20
  business. And I know that that's a big
• 1:06:21
  piece cuz I think for women, they're thinking, OK, if I
• 1:06:23
  scale, what more do I have to do?
• 1:06:27
  And I think the basis of today and why I wanted to talk about
• 1:06:30
  masculine, feminine is I think that the question needs to
• 1:06:32
  become like, who do I need to be before it's what do I need to
• 1:06:36
  do? Because I think that both are
• 1:06:38
  like, obviously you know a lot about strategy and that there's
• 1:06:41
  also people who need immense strategy help.
• 1:06:44
  But I'm curious, that's like the aspect of like when we think
• 1:06:46
  about scaling a business and we're thinking about, OK, like
• 1:06:48
  again, masculine, what's all the stuff I got to do versus
• 1:06:52
  feminine? Who do I have to be?
• 1:06:55
  Where's that line? Because obviously you've seen so
• 1:06:57
  many of the clients that were at the retreat and like, you know,
• 1:07:00
  you know, my private clients and stuff like that.
• 1:07:02
  Yeah. Like what's that divide of like
• 1:07:04
  if someone's listening to this and like, I'm, I really want to
• 1:07:06
  tap into that next level of business and like, I feel like I
• 1:07:09
  do need a lot of strategy help. Like they maybe don't think at
• 1:07:12
  this moment, again, in the awareness that they have
• 1:07:15
  anything to work on in this area.
• 1:07:17
  Like how does someone know you saw it in me in 5 seconds?
• 1:07:20
  Because obviously like I broke down crying about my business,
• 1:07:23
  but like if someone's feeling stuck at that point, like how do
• 1:07:27
  they even in listening to this and they feel like they've got
• 1:07:29
  awareness of masculine and feminine now they're like, OK,
• 1:07:31
  this is really great theory. This is lovely.
• 1:07:34
  What do I do with this to like tactically start to integrate
• 1:07:37
  it? Because the interesting part of
• 1:07:39
  today is like, we're like feel and TuneIn and be.
• 1:07:43
  But then it's also like you almost need structure to know
• 1:07:46
  how to do that. And which is obviously you said
• 1:07:48
  to your earlier point, you do with a lot of private clients
• 1:07:50
  when they start with you. Yeah, I think so.
• 1:07:53
  I'm going to take a minute to answer, to give a tangible way
• 1:07:56
  to think about this, right. So as a recovering personal
• 1:07:59
  development coach, because I don't like the term and I really
• 1:08:01
  what I think about it is US becoming the, the best versions
• 1:08:04
  of ourselves, right? Because entrepreneurship is like
• 1:08:06
  20 years of therapy a day right on a couch.
• 1:08:09
  And one of the, the number one premises in personal development
• 1:08:13
  is most people go into life thinking it's due behalf.
• 1:08:16
  If I do these things, I'll become this person and I'll have
• 1:08:19
  these results. It's actually opposite.
• 1:08:22
  It's be do have here's who I want to be and how I'm going to
• 1:08:27
  be every single day. And in that state of being or in
• 1:08:30
  that view of the world, these are the actions that I'm going
• 1:08:33
  to do that are in alignment with that so that I can have these
• 1:08:36
  results, right. So to your joke earlier, I
• 1:08:39
  didn't read it. I I don't most of the time, but
• 1:08:42
  really. Guys, don't do it, don't prep
• 1:08:43
  the dog. It's such a waste of time.
• 1:08:44
  Well, it's not a waste of time. Because is intensive.
• 1:08:47
  No, because what it does is it brings you to current state of
• 1:08:51
  every awareness that you have of where you think the doing this
• 1:08:55
  is broken. But it's not our doing this,
• 1:08:58
  it's our perspective of the doing this because it's just
• 1:09:00
  tasks and what we need to focus on or like the outcomes that
• 1:09:03
  we're trying to achieve, right? So an incredible book that I
• 1:09:06
  could recommend on this, and this is a very, very feminine
• 1:09:09
  book is from the Cola Para. I recommended this to you too.
• 1:09:12
  It's called How to Do the Work. And there's a little insert I'm
• 1:09:16
  going to add in here. I think everybody has this
• 1:09:19
  really misunderstood definition of trauma, right, because
• 1:09:23
  there's big T in little T trauma.
• 1:09:25
  Big T is like big life experiences, like my abuse in
• 1:09:28
  the past and the things that I struggled with.
• 1:09:29
  But little T is like a school teacher told you that AB plus
• 1:09:34
  wasn't good enough and you're like, I'm going to spend the
• 1:09:35
  rest of my life proving that beotch wrong, right?
• 1:09:39
  It's anywhere where we're operating from a lens or a
• 1:09:42
  perspective of somebody else's view of us.
• 1:09:45
  It's something that I would consider trauma, right?
• 1:09:47
  And the premise of Nicole, and Nicole is a former psychologist
• 1:09:51
  who then decided to go on Instagram and teach everybody
• 1:09:53
  for free and then has like 10 million followers and sold a
• 1:09:55
  couple million books because her stuff is incredible, is that we
• 1:09:58
  have to operate as the person we want to be 90 days, 180 days in
• 1:10:03
  the future, Not we have to earn the right to get there.
• 1:10:06
  But it's not from a state of doing.
• 1:10:07
  It's from a state of being like, how would I think?
• 1:10:10
  How would I react? How would I respond?
• 1:10:12
  What would my day look like, right?
• 1:10:15
  And so one of the easiest things that I find when people are
• 1:10:18
  really, really stuck in their masculine is they're very closed
• 1:10:21
  off, right? There's no curiosity whatsoever,
• 1:10:23
  even with you, right? I'm like, all right, Kate, like
• 1:10:26
  here's what I think you should do.
• 1:10:26
  And you're like, absolutely not. I'm going the other way.
• 1:10:29
  And then 90 days. And emotionally closed off.
• 1:10:31
  And emotionally closed off right and then 90 days we end up right
• 1:10:34
  there. But that was a part of your
• 1:10:35
  process. One of the easiest ways to step
• 1:10:38
  away is to to acknowledge like what you're doing.
• 1:10:42
  And this is to your point earlier where you can Unsee what
• 1:10:45
  you've done is the greatest gift ever because it's gotten you
• 1:10:48
  here. All of those parts and pieces
• 1:10:50
  are required because you learned a strategy, you learned a skill,
• 1:10:53
  You know how to build a funnel. You did a high ticket closing,
• 1:10:55
  you did this, you followed that script.
• 1:10:57
  But just because they got you here doesn't mean they're going
• 1:10:59
  to get you there. You can take bits and pieces of
• 1:11:02
  them, but it's really when you make them your own.
• 1:11:05
  And so being curious and being open about the way in which we
• 1:11:10
  operate is the most important step in this.
• 1:11:12
  It's like acknowledging of like, Oh yeah, you know, I have 10
• 1:11:16
  hours of calls a day. Maybe I don't feel OK with that.
• 1:11:20
  Well, instead of deleting them all, like, what's the first step
• 1:11:23
  that I would take that would allow me to be excited about
• 1:11:25
  these calls again? Could I reduce it?
• 1:11:27
  Could I do an on week or an off week?
• 1:11:28
  Could I, you know what, maybe keep them, but change how I
• 1:11:32
  start my day in the morning and not get on my laptop till 9:00
• 1:11:34
  AM. And what it's really allowing us
• 1:11:36
  to do is to start kind of dancing with the way that we
• 1:11:39
  operate every day and then making subtle changes to feel
• 1:11:43
  better about how we're doing it. Not these massive rigid swings
• 1:11:47
  or these massive distinctions. And even for a lot of the women
• 1:11:50
  at the retreat who had these massive breakthroughs, they're
• 1:11:52
  like, great. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:11:54
  But it's bite by bite by bite by bite.
• 1:11:56
  It's these small adjustments, not these massive, rigid swings
• 1:11:59
  of like, hey, maybe you should go sit in a field for 30 minutes
• 1:12:03
  a day. That was all Nancy, not me.
• 1:12:04
  I do it differently, right? But but maybe that's a part of
• 1:12:06
  it. And we had a lot of them be
• 1:12:07
  like, God, I've never actually just taken the time at the
• 1:12:10
  beginning or the end of the day to just go outside and just sit
• 1:12:14
  here and reflect on my day. And it's starting to trust
• 1:12:17
  ourselves and allow ourselves to be in this process of caring for
• 1:12:21
  ourselves, recovering our bodies and allowing our perspective to
• 1:12:24
  shift. And I found most of the time,
• 1:12:27
  yourself included, is that even when we were in Montana and we
• 1:12:31
  started to have questions or I'm like, hey, Kate, what about
• 1:12:33
  this? It wasn't that you didn't know
• 1:12:34
  what to do, it's that you hadn't trusted yourself or giving
• 1:12:38
  yourself a chance because I didn't say anything to you,
• 1:12:40
  didn't know. I reflected back what you said
• 1:12:42
  and you're like, oh, yeah, I probably should do that, or I
• 1:12:46
  should start doing that. Or maybe it would be better if I
• 1:12:48
  ran my day this way or if I communicated this way or if I
• 1:12:51
  delegated this way. So it's also allowing ourselves
• 1:12:53
  to be in the learning process and to make iterative
• 1:12:57
  adjustments as we go. Because just because you have
• 1:13:00
  feelings, right? Like you still need to show up
• 1:13:02
  for your business. You still need to hit the needle
• 1:13:04
  movers in your business. But maybe you realize I'm not
• 1:13:07
  emotionally available for my team and they have no idea how I
• 1:13:10
  feel. I just bark orders at them all
• 1:13:12
  day, which happened at the retreat.
• 1:13:14
  And then said person was like, I told them how I felt.
• 1:13:17
  And our whole team is so close and connected.
• 1:13:20
  And by the way, now I have less work because they're doing it
• 1:13:23
  because I'd never told them how I felt, right?
• 1:13:26
  And I think just allowing yourself the ability to be human
• 1:13:30
  and to share how you authentically feel.
• 1:13:32
  And I can feel sad, but if I have client calls, I still get
• 1:13:35
  to get on those client calls because I made a commitment.
• 1:13:38
  But you know, this as a client, I've gotten on calls.
• 1:13:40
  I'm like, hey, just, you know, I'm having a really, really
• 1:13:41
  rough day. Can we clear this for like 2
• 1:13:43
  minutes? And then I'm in with you and
• 1:13:44
  you're like, yeah, totally. And then you're like, OK, I'm
• 1:13:46
  like, no, no, I'm good now. Now we're on the same page,
• 1:13:49
  right? And it's operating in the self
• 1:13:51
  integrity and allowing both to integrate.
• 1:13:54
  Because I can't tell you how to fill your own bucket everyday.
• 1:13:57
  I can't tell you when you wake up in the morning what's going
• 1:14:00
  to make you feel the best or feel in your body or feeling
• 1:14:02
  your power. Only you know that.
• 1:14:04
  But you have to give yourself a permission slip to actually take
• 1:14:07
  care of the thing that's going to get you to the goal.
• 1:14:10
  Because an entrepreneur is like a professional sport and it's
• 1:14:13
  hard, but like we don't sleep. I remember one of the first
• 1:14:17
  things you said to me, you're like sleeps an inconvenience.
• 1:14:20
  I wish I could just not sleep and I could work more.
• 1:14:22
  And I was like, oh, this is going to be a fun one, right?
• 1:14:26
  And now I was. Like, what's your sleep like?
• 1:14:28
  I'm like, honestly, I hate sleeping, and I find it
• 1:14:30
  extremely inconvenient to have to even go to sleep when I could
• 1:14:34
  just stay awake forever. Yeah.
• 1:14:35
  He's like, OK, yeah, yeah. And now how much do you sleep?
• 1:14:39
  Oh, I sleep. Like sometimes I sleep in 10
• 1:14:41
  hours now. It's insane.
• 1:14:42
  Yeah. And then you feel better.
• 1:14:44
  Yeah, things happen that are hard.
• 1:14:47
  And you're like, hey, I got clarity in a couple minutes.
• 1:14:49
  I didn't even need to call, tell you this time, I felt this, I
• 1:14:51
  did this. I realized it was here because
• 1:14:54
  we have to have the capacity to be able to almost be a witness
• 1:14:58
  of what's happening in our business and in our life and not
• 1:15:02
  a part of the story when things feel hard.
• 1:15:05
  And so we have to care for ourselves and we have to protect
• 1:15:08
  ourselves. And that looks different for
• 1:15:09
  everybody. Like for me, it's every morning
• 1:15:12
  going outside barefoot in the weather just to get grounded and
• 1:15:15
  to get clear and like to read my Bible and to do these certain
• 1:15:18
  things that that make me feel grounded and connected.
• 1:15:21
  And just like, if I have a bad day or I lose a client, I don't
• 1:15:24
  make it bad and wrong. You've been around me because we
• 1:15:27
  were doing an intensive and I lost a client and I was like,
• 1:15:30
  hey, is it OK if I just take a minute?
• 1:15:32
  You're like, yeah. And I just bawled my eyes out.
• 1:15:34
  And then 20 minutes later I message them and I'm like, thank
• 1:15:37
  you so much. I'm so glad that you felt safe
• 1:15:38
  enough to share this with me. I love you, your family, and
• 1:15:42
  it's just allowing ourselves to be human.
• 1:15:44
  And that's going to look different for everybody.
• 1:15:46
  But I feel like freedom comes from 100% owning who you are and
• 1:15:51
  allowing yourself to be however you decide to be.
• 1:15:55
  Whether you're sad, you're happy, you're overwhelmed,
• 1:15:57
  you're static, you're joyful and expressing that because that's
• 1:16:00
  when you're operating in true presence in your true
• 1:16:03
  superpower. And then you get to make the
• 1:16:05
  clearest decisions on where to spend your time because if your
• 1:16:08
  business is out of alignment with how you really feel, it's
• 1:16:11
  never going to work. And if you don't allow yourself
• 1:16:14
  to grow and make adjustments as your business grows or be like,
• 1:16:17
  God, maybe that isn't supporting me anymore.
• 1:16:19
  And like one of your clients who I love, it's like I'm going to
• 1:16:21
  launch 4 new businesses this year.
• 1:16:22
  Yep, tried it, didn't like it. You know who you are.
• 1:16:24
  Love you girl. Tried it, didn't like it.
• 1:16:26
  OK, got it. Now I know I'm coming back here,
• 1:16:29
  but like, imagine all of those were continuing to go because
• 1:16:32
  we're like, this is just how I have to do it or this is what's
• 1:16:34
  here. You just get on yourself and
• 1:16:36
  allow yourself to make changes and feel however you feel.
• 1:16:40
  And, and I think that that's the most important part.
• 1:16:42
  And it could be taking an intentional bath.
• 1:16:44
  And one of the things I have and I, I did this at the retreat.
• 1:16:47
  I told every single one of them I was like tonight when you go
• 1:16:50
  home, you have a date with water, right?
• 1:16:52
  Go take a bath, go take a shower.
• 1:16:54
  Like just allow yourself to be. And then we would even be like,
• 1:16:57
  hey, just go take space. Like go for a walk, go do these
• 1:17:00
  things, but allow yourself to be in a relationship with yourself.
• 1:17:03
  Like one of the things that I say to every entrepreneur, men
• 1:17:05
  and women included, is we literally spend our entire day
• 1:17:09
  ignoring the one relationship we're guaranteed to spend the
• 1:17:12
  rest of our life with, which is our self.
• 1:17:14
  And our business becomes the place that we hide.
• 1:17:17
  But the moment you can be in one with yourself and then you use
• 1:17:20
  your business to support that and the goals that you have,
• 1:17:23
  your identity is not wrapped up into it.
• 1:17:25
  And you love what you do and you wouldn't trade it.
• 1:17:27
  And it feels like rocket fuel because you're lit up.
• 1:17:31
  It's in alignment at the deepest level.
• 1:17:33
  And so I don't know if that was helpful, but that's how I would
• 1:17:35
  answer that. And I also feel like part of the
• 1:17:37
  reason it's so scary, I was thinking, as you were saying
• 1:17:39
  that is because I feel like with masculine, there's more
• 1:17:42
  structure. There's more example, right?
• 1:17:44
  Like when you think about when you think about feminine, it's
• 1:17:46
  so fluid and it's so interpretive and it's so
• 1:17:48
  individualized and it's so unique to each person.
• 1:17:51
  And you're like, OK, like how do you know if you're quote UN
• 1:17:54
  quote doing it right? And like, it feels like it's so
• 1:17:58
  Gray, it's so fluid, it's so not static.
• 1:18:00
  So because of that, it feels difficult for most people to
• 1:18:03
  wrap their head around the idea that like, basically success is
• 1:18:07
  the ability to float, not necessarily to actually be able
• 1:18:09
  to like, swim against the current.
• 1:18:11
  And I think because that like, what?
• 1:18:13
  How do I know if I'm going at the right speed in the right
• 1:18:15
  direction? Like there's still always this
• 1:18:16
  assessment, right? Whereas when you think about
• 1:18:18
  somebody who's more in their feminine needing to go more into
• 1:18:21
  masculine, the essence of masculine is structure, right?
• 1:18:24
  So when you think about someone who, and you guys may even have
• 1:18:27
  people that you know, and obviously you know who these
• 1:18:29
  people are on the online world, they're usually pretty vocal
• 1:18:31
  when someone's super in flow. And it's just like it's all
• 1:18:34
  about flow, it's all about alignment, it's all about
• 1:18:35
  intuition. It's almost easier to go from
• 1:18:38
  flow and intuition to adding structure, then you go from
• 1:18:40
  structure into adding flow. And I think that that's why it
• 1:18:43
  was so difficult for me because I was like, I don't know how I'm
• 1:18:47
  making progress at this. And the thing we know with
• 1:18:49
  business is like everything that most of us do is a goal.
• 1:18:52
  Like it is, it is a milestone, it is a project management, it
• 1:18:56
  is a lot like a launch. It's a it's a set of boxes and
• 1:18:59
  most of the things we execute day-to-day.
• 1:19:01
  So then when someone says like, Hey, tap into your feminine,
• 1:19:03
  like go feel you're like, what? Because you don't really
• 1:19:06
  necessarily have an example or a reference point to know that
• 1:19:10
  you're making progress. I think that was the hardest
• 1:19:12
  part for me, which was like, how do I know that I'm, I'm
• 1:19:16
  expanding or growing in this? Like when you think about a
• 1:19:18
  workout plan, you increase the weight of the sets of the reps
• 1:19:21
  in business, you see more money come in or you feel like you
• 1:19:23
  have less hours you're working with.
• 1:19:25
  You always have a point of reference that tells you, Hey,
• 1:19:27
  you're making, you're making strides and you're seeing
• 1:19:30
  success in this. But then when it comes to
• 1:19:32
  tapping into the feminine, it's kind of this aspect, which
• 1:19:34
  again, I know you guys are going to hate this answer, but it's a
• 1:19:36
  feeling. You have this feeling.
• 1:19:38
  And the only way that I can kind of quantify what the experience
• 1:19:41
  has been for me is the experience of my business has
• 1:19:45
  become lighter and brighter as a result of tapping into the
• 1:19:49
  feminine. And it just means that things
• 1:19:51
  are not as resistant. It feels like that the current
• 1:19:54
  or the waves that I used to experience, like the storm
• 1:19:57
  basically has passed and like you're on calm waters and you're
• 1:20:00
  just kind of floating under paddle board versus before I
• 1:20:02
  felt like I was like backstroking my life away for
• 1:20:05
  seven hours. And I think it's just the, the
• 1:20:08
  water is the same, but the experience feels totally
• 1:20:10
  different. And so it's really the only way
• 1:20:12
  that I can quantify. But I was thinking about that as
• 1:20:13
  you were saying that because I think for most women, the
• 1:20:16
  resistance to it is the fact that there's, it's very
• 1:20:18
  difficult to feel excited about diving into it when you feel
• 1:20:22
  like you don't know how to see progress in it.
• 1:20:25
  And because everyone's so driven to a goal, if you don't have
• 1:20:27
  that mile marker, you're like, it feels like I'm kind of just
• 1:20:29
  going in circles and just doing things to do them, which goes
• 1:20:32
  against the essence of what business teaches you, which is
• 1:20:34
  like everything has a purpose and an objective.
• 1:20:37
  So I just wanted to add that because I think sometimes in
• 1:20:39
  listening to this, at least I know like me a year ago would be
• 1:20:42
  like, I have no idea what you're talking about.
• 1:20:44
  Me a year ago would be super resistant because I'm just like,
• 1:20:47
  this feels so Gray. And I think the thing that I
• 1:20:51
  would just say to like kind of finish that is the fact that
• 1:20:54
  like that's kind of the point. The point is that you've been
• 1:20:58
  living in the black and white, you've been living in the boxes,
• 1:21:02
  you've been living in the structure.
• 1:21:04
  And what it is is an invitation to play in the Gray.
• 1:21:08
  And I think for most people, the resistance is the fact that it's
• 1:21:12
  safe to know that you're all in on one side or the other.
• 1:21:15
  Being in the Gray to your point earlier, which is makes total
• 1:21:18
  sense, is the aspect of like trusting yourself.
• 1:21:21
  And it's this aspect of being intuitive and leaning into you
• 1:21:25
  and you don't get to hide frankly, behind the structure of
• 1:21:28
  a box anymore. And I think that that can feel
• 1:21:30
  really scary for people. So I just really, I think
• 1:21:33
  masculine, feminine, like knowing the clients that both of
• 1:21:36
  us know myself, your journey with it, your dominant, my
• 1:21:39
  dominant, all the pieces like it.
• 1:21:42
  Also, I feel like, and obviously you've done a lot more in this
• 1:21:45
  than me. Like it's also a massive topic
• 1:21:47
  to unpack. Like in the sense of there's so
• 1:21:49
  many nuances to it, in the sense of you're dominant and then in
• 1:21:53
  relationships and all these things.
• 1:21:55
  So like if someone feels like OK, like they're listening to
• 1:21:58
  this and they're kind of getting the high level of it.
• 1:22:00
  Like if someone was to have like 1 action item that you would
• 1:22:03
  want for them. Is there like a practice or a
• 1:22:06
  homework or something like that that someone can kind of take as
• 1:22:09
  their first step to being like, OK, when I do this, it's me
• 1:22:13
  setting my intention that I'm taking.
• 1:22:15
  As to your .1 of the mottos he has guys is like bite by bite or
• 1:22:18
  step by step Because as the way that we are listening to this,
• 1:22:23
  we usually go zero to 100. So it's like I don't do it until
• 1:22:26
  I have the full plan and the full thing outlined.
• 1:22:28
  If someone wants to take the first bite toward being like,
• 1:22:30
  OK, I'm hearing what you're saying, this resonates with me
• 1:22:33
  and some of these ways of operating are definitely the
• 1:22:35
  ways that I've operated. What is that first bite?
• 1:22:38
  Because I know you've done that with a lot of clients.
• 1:22:40
  Yeah, yeah. And I love this because I'm
• 1:22:41
  going to, I'm going to answer this for both sides.
• 1:22:43
  I'm going to answer this if you're masculine dominated or
• 1:22:45
  feminine dominated, because the secret to both is consistency,
• 1:22:49
  right? So for all of you planners here
• 1:22:52
  and all of you mini Kates, that's what I like to to label
• 1:22:56
  them all because they've all matched the same flavor is
• 1:22:59
  taking your intensity that you love that rigidity of black and
• 1:23:02
  white and applying that to consistency on either side.
• 1:23:06
  And so you if you're in the more masculine dominated bucket, this
• 1:23:09
  is the number one thing that I do with everyone.
• 1:23:12
  You need to intentionally open your calendar, whether it's once
• 1:23:16
  a day or once a week, depending on the time.
• 1:23:18
  And you need to go do an activity for fun.
• 1:23:21
  And I mean fun, not because I'm going to get my nails done so I
• 1:23:25
  look good in a photo or I'm getting a massage.
• 1:23:27
  So I have less tenseness in my shoulders and I can create more
• 1:23:30
  content. Just joy, just joy.
• 1:23:32
  And if it's five to 10 minutes a day, which is one of the ones
• 1:23:36
  that I love and I've given this to clients like, and it's really
• 1:23:39
  funny because you'll find very masculine dominated women.
• 1:23:42
  And I'm like, no, no, No, 10 minutes a day of dance, turn on
• 1:23:46
  a playlist, get in your kitchen and dance right.
• 1:23:50
  Or 10 minutes a day of a bubble bath or once a week for an hour.
• 1:23:54
  I'm going to go do this thing that I haven't done in five to
• 1:23:57
  10 years that I used to love doing, that I stopped doing when
• 1:24:00
  I became an entrepreneur. Yeah, and mine was a bubble bath
• 1:24:02
  where I answered DMS. So also as a side note, check
• 1:24:05
  the phone. Just the bath.
• 1:24:07
  Yeah. And so the, the side of if it's
• 1:24:09
  masculine is actually just allowing yourself the consistent
• 1:24:13
  space to be able to just be. That could be sitting still, it
• 1:24:17
  could be doing yoga, it could be meditating, but not attached to
• 1:24:21
  the result, but like just actually being in it.
• 1:24:24
  I'll give you one for women that like to have a lot of anger in
• 1:24:26
  their body, go to a rage room. If you don't know what that is,
• 1:24:29
  Google it. But go break stuff for an hour,
• 1:24:31
  like just some semblance of fun, but do it consistently and allow
• 1:24:35
  yourself to do it. Because one of the things that I
• 1:24:37
  even noticed about you is you integrate so quick when you pick
• 1:24:43
  things up, but one of the things that you integrated is you
• 1:24:46
  became aware of the bathtub and why you were going into it.
• 1:24:49
  And then you changed your relationship with it to instead
• 1:24:52
  of going in as a coping mechanism, you went in as an
• 1:24:55
  intentional like, I'm going to reset and get clarity.
• 1:24:58
  I'm going to reset and get clarity.
• 1:24:59
  And so whatever it is that you do, do it consistently.
• 1:25:02
  And if you're in the feminine dominated side and you're like,
• 1:25:05
  God, I show up inconsistently with my content and I show up
• 1:25:08
  inconsistently with my clients. You need to plan the same thing
• 1:25:12
  on your side for like, what's one of those habits and
• 1:25:15
  behaviors that maybe feels less comfortable to you because it is
• 1:25:18
  structured that you can put into practice that will allow you to
• 1:25:22
  have the result that you want 30 days from now, 60 days from now,
• 1:25:25
  90 days from now and make a commitment to follow it because
• 1:25:29
  that's where structure really, really supports us, right?
• 1:25:32
  And even for me being like feminine dominated a lot of the
• 1:25:35
  times, like I resist the structure of my own podcast.
• 1:25:37
  I'm like, what do you mean I can't just do the last minute,
• 1:25:39
  right? Like, why do we have to be
• 1:25:40
  ahead? Why?
• 1:25:41
  And so using consistency to our benefit either side and
• 1:25:45
  regardless of which bucket you're in, I think one of the
• 1:25:49
  biggest mistakes that entrepreneurs make is they don't
• 1:25:51
  build a relationship with themselves with a pen and a
• 1:25:54
  piece of paper. They don't allow themselves to
• 1:25:56
  journal or to talk about their thoughts or to talk about their
• 1:25:58
  feelings or to get it out of our brain.
• 1:26:01
  And so whatever side of the bucket you're on, however you
• 1:26:04
  feel completely fine and normal. Whatever thoughts you're having,
• 1:26:06
  completely fine and normal. And you're not alone.
• 1:26:08
  Holy moly, if you could see inside of my brain, it is a mess
• 1:26:14
  and you want to avoid it at all costs.
• 1:26:16
  But allow yourself the intentional practices outside of
• 1:26:20
  the business to really allow yourself to dream and allow
• 1:26:23
  yourself to vision and, and start putting some practices
• 1:26:27
  into play. And I'll give you 1 tangible way
• 1:26:29
  to do this. And I do this to my clients.
• 1:26:30
  I taught this to Kate, but I have this philosophy in
• 1:26:33
  business, whether you're a man or a woman, is you have to earn
• 1:26:35
  the right to touch your business every day and in our businesses,
• 1:26:38
  right? If you've read Clockwork by Mike
• 1:26:40
  Mcalowitz or any book on success in business, there's your queen
• 1:26:44
  bee roller, your daily needle movers or your core tasks that
• 1:26:47
  like when you do those every day, they move the needle in
• 1:26:49
  your business, right? We know those exist.
• 1:26:51
  You have to earn the right to touch those.
• 1:26:52
  And So what I teach to my clients is I'm like, great.
• 1:26:54
  There's three other buckets that are important for you, your
• 1:26:57
  mindset, your physical body and your heart, and I have them
• 1:27:01
  listed behavior under each one that's either helping them
• 1:27:03
  change their perspective or learn something like consuming
• 1:27:06
  personal development. I have them do something in
• 1:27:09
  their body that isn't normal for them, like going for a walk or
• 1:27:12
  going outside or being consistent in the gym, and then
• 1:27:14
  in their heart, anything that taps them into their feelings.
• 1:27:16
  For mine, it's faith and prayer and I make them list out at
• 1:27:19
  least one behavior in each one of those buckets to do
• 1:27:23
  consistently every day before they're allowed to do the needle
• 1:27:26
  movers in the business. And the goal is to protect the
• 1:27:29
  consistency of those things. So when you wake up in the
• 1:27:32
  morning, the first thing you do is not go on your phone or not
• 1:27:35
  going to blank, but you get to decide who you're going to be
• 1:27:39
  that day, what you're going to feel and releasing that.
• 1:27:42
  So in the mindset bucket, it could be I'm going to spend 10
• 1:27:44
  minutes journaling and free writing or answering these
• 1:27:46
  questions. The things I'm grateful for in
• 1:27:48
  the body, it's I'm going to go for a 10 minute walk or do
• 1:27:51
  stretching or do yoga or go for a 30 minute workout.
• 1:27:54
  And in the heart, it could be I'm going to do something that's
• 1:27:57
  fun for 30 minutes every morning.
• 1:27:59
  Or I'm going to fill my bucket or play with my kids or read my
• 1:28:02
  Bible or do anything that taps me into my heart.
• 1:28:04
  And when I've done those things, then I'm going to go execute in
• 1:28:07
  the business because I've decided who I'm going to be
• 1:28:10
  today and it's doing those consistently that will bring the
• 1:28:13
  results with consistency or whatever side that you're on.
• 1:28:16
  That's what I would say. Yeah, everything you just said.
• 1:28:19
  Does that work? Yeah, yeah.
• 1:28:23
  I feel like we're over an hour now.
• 1:28:24
  I always do this. So we'll definitely do a Part 2
• 1:28:27
  on customer journey. Because the other thing that
• 1:28:28
  also you guys probably heard me talk about in the Montana
• 1:28:31
  Insights episodes is like he has done customer journey for
• 1:28:34
  businesses of like baby businesses all the way up to
• 1:28:37
  billion dollar businesses and is really like the Forte and the
• 1:28:41
  the heart of everything that he talks about.
• 1:28:43
  But I was like, I really want to talk about this topic
• 1:28:45
  specifically because we were fresh on our mind about it from
• 1:28:48
  the retreat. But also he's done a lot of work
• 1:28:50
  in this. And I think for myself again, as
• 1:28:52
  someone who's very much still a work in progress with this work,
• 1:28:54
  I already know the impact it's made on me in such a short
• 1:28:56
  amount of time. So to be able to share that with
• 1:28:59
  you and give you little bite sized pieces to be able to take
• 1:29:01
  and run with is is massive. And I will say like it is a
• 1:29:05
  process and it's very uncomfy initially.
• 1:29:07
  But as you start to put into his point earlier, like more and
• 1:29:10
  more reps with it, it definitely does get easier over time.
• 1:29:12
  So. Can I ask you a question to wrap
• 1:29:15
  the show? So as somebody who's been a
• 1:29:17
  client of mine and so alike, all the women who listen to this,
• 1:29:21
  right, like 'cause we met six months ago and I've watched you
• 1:29:25
  transform who you are, how you serve your clients, how you
• 1:29:30
  operate with your team, how you support yourself, how you self
• 1:29:33
  regulate. How did you Because I didn't
• 1:29:36
  tell you how he. Will not tell you how.
• 1:29:40
  That is for sure. He will not tell you.
• 1:29:41
  How? I asked really good questions
• 1:29:42
  though. But how did you take what we did
• 1:29:46
  in Montana to start when we started coaching in that
• 1:29:48
  intensive? What were some of the most
• 1:29:50
  important actions or behaviors that you took every day that you
• 1:29:55
  do more consistently now that allowed you to start to operate
• 1:29:58
  in that Gray? And how do you feel about it
• 1:30:00
  now? That's a good question.
• 1:30:02
  I, I would say one of the first things I did to tap more into
• 1:30:07
  feminine was also the aspect of doing things without distraction
• 1:30:11
  because like I also, which is a side conversation, we actually
• 1:30:14
  have a separate episode coming on about ADHD.
• 1:30:15
  But that was something that I was like struggling with of
• 1:30:18
  constantly being consumed and never actually present in
• 1:30:20
  anything. And so one of the things that
• 1:30:22
  has been really helpful is literally just going outside and
• 1:30:26
  just breathing, like just going and being in the sun, putting
• 1:30:29
  your feet in the grass or like literally just laying down
• 1:30:32
  outside. And obviously, you know, in
• 1:30:34
  Canada it's a little bit more difficult some of the months.
• 1:30:36
  But that was one of the things that I feel like even
• 1:30:39
  truthfully, when I was in Montana for my first intensive
• 1:30:41
  was part of what you know, quote UN quote broke me.
• 1:30:44
  We one of the days went to like be outside basically for the
• 1:30:48
  entire day and like on one of the mountains, you could
• 1:30:50
  literally, I don't know how to explain it other than you like
• 1:30:52
  hear the air. Like there was not a single
• 1:30:54
  sound of anything near and no cars or no like anything.
• 1:31:00
  Obviously being from Toronto area, there's a lot of noises
• 1:31:02
  happening, dogs barking, whatever.
• 1:31:03
  And to have just like complete silence.
• 1:31:05
  I realized how little silence I actually have.
• 1:31:08
  And so I think one of the things for me was starting to kind of
• 1:31:11
  like tune into my relationship with what stillness and silence
• 1:31:14
  meant. And like, listen, I'm not at the
• 1:31:16
  point where you are cuz like he can stay still like a little
• 1:31:19
  vegetable for like a long time. I don't, I definitely can't do
• 1:31:22
  it as long. But for me it's again, inching
• 1:31:25
  toward that and like changing the relationship with silence
• 1:31:28
  and stillness has been huge. I think looking at the practices
• 1:31:32
  that I had before that I had already been doing like
• 1:31:34
  meditation and breath work and stuff like that, but doing it
• 1:31:36
  from a place of like intention and desire of just like how I
• 1:31:40
  wanted to like take care of my body and feel less of a matter
• 1:31:44
  of doing it as like a checklist. And like, oh, if I didn't hit it
• 1:31:48
  today, then I hadn't succeeded type of thing.
• 1:31:51
  I also, which is going to sound so simple, but it was also like
• 1:31:54
  physical things like sleep, as you were noting earlier, like I
• 1:31:58
  just I didn't really sleep before.
• 1:32:00
  And I realized that I saw my perception and my relationship
• 1:32:03
  to sleep was what was also part of why I wasn't sleeping because
• 1:32:07
  in my mind, like it was an inconvenience.
• 1:32:08
  I didn't look to it as like a, Hey, I'm taking care of my body
• 1:32:12
  And if I do this, this is going to help me to perform 10X
• 1:32:15
  tomorrow. And I think part of the reason I
• 1:32:17
  struggled so much before is like, I wasn't sleeping.
• 1:32:20
  So because of that, I'm like frustrated.
• 1:32:21
  I can't get things done. It had nothing to do with
• 1:32:23
  motivation or ability. It's like I was genuinely
• 1:32:25
  exhausted and because I wouldn't let myself recharge, but then I
• 1:32:29
  was also like, oh, I want to get things done.
• 1:32:31
  And also a part of that, which again is a very simple thing,
• 1:32:34
  but it was also which still very much a work in progress, but it
• 1:32:37
  was like caffeine and water. Like I realized that like again,
• 1:32:40
  thinking about your body as like a vessel for the work you're
• 1:32:43
  looking to do. I'm like, how am I taking care
• 1:32:45
  of it with the food that I'm eating?
• 1:32:46
  How am I taking care of it with the water that I'm consuming,
• 1:32:50
  how much caffeine I'm having? You know, I will say like in the
• 1:32:52
  last like six months, like I don't really drink anymore.
• 1:32:55
  Like I have a glass of wine. I want to have a steak or
• 1:32:57
  something, but other than that, I don't really consume anything
• 1:33:00
  like the way that I used to. And I realized that I was having
• 1:33:03
  wine because I was trying to escape how I was healing, not
• 1:33:05
  TuneIn. And I think the biggest take
• 1:33:07
  away for me has been the fact like I'm excited to feel now.
• 1:33:11
  Like I used to be terrified to be sad, terrified of like I felt
• 1:33:16
  angry, I felt annoyed, I felt overwhelmed.
• 1:33:18
  And then now I'm like when I feel like I need to cry, I don't
• 1:33:23
  feel any way about it, especially in front of other
• 1:33:26
  people. Like before when I used to cry,
• 1:33:27
  I'd be like, I'm so sorry. I don't know.
• 1:33:29
  I'm crying. Like I would have this like
• 1:33:30
  weird apology for feeling. And I've realized now that like
• 1:33:35
  if I need to cry, cry. And even to his note earlier,
• 1:33:38
  like, you know, obviously when I first met him, because again, I
• 1:33:42
  had no concept of any of this work.
• 1:33:44
  I was like, what is wrong with this man?
• 1:33:46
  He was, he would cry and like literally 20 minutes later he'd
• 1:33:48
  be like, all righty now let's get into funnels.
• 1:33:50
  And I'm like what? Like it was so confusing to me
• 1:33:52
  because again, I had only had a point of reference of feelings
• 1:33:56
  and crying were bad. Like I was like, something's
• 1:33:58
  wrong. And now I probably cry or feel
• 1:34:05
  or am angry or annoyed or like want to scream or like whatever
• 1:34:09
  the release is to your point or like yawn or whatever that thing
• 1:34:13
  is. Like multiple times a day.
• 1:34:15
  Like I would say probably for the last like 5 months I've
• 1:34:18
  cried almost every single day in some capacity.
• 1:34:20
  Sometimes happy, sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes sad.
• 1:34:25
  But the duration of feeling is so much less intense #1 and also
• 1:34:32
  so much less time like I used to be.
• 1:34:33
  Because to your point earlier and I, I loved that you said
• 1:34:36
  that I didn't feel. So when I felt, it was like a
• 1:34:41
  storm. And I remember one of my past
• 1:34:43
  mentors had said, like, if you don't choose when you feel it,
• 1:34:46
  you'll feel it when it wants you to feel it.
• 1:34:47
  Yep. And like, basically, it's gonna
• 1:34:49
  keep coming up until you process it.
• 1:34:51
  And then that's why you're finding it so frustrating 'cause
• 1:34:53
  it's coming up at times where it's like quote, UN quote,
• 1:34:55
  inconvenient, but the reason it's coming up at inconvenient
• 1:34:58
  times is because you're never addressing it when it actually
• 1:35:00
  is convenient. And so I think for me, I have
• 1:35:05
  seen the biggest change in feminine with feeling, with
• 1:35:09
  taking care of my body and also frankly with my relationships
• 1:35:12
  because I feel like I had a facade around a lot of people of
• 1:35:18
  like, I'm fine, I got it handled, I'll take care of it.
• 1:35:22
  Like again, very much that masculine of like, I got it, I
• 1:35:25
  got it, I got it. And then I realized like, Oh no,
• 1:35:28
  girl, you don't have it. Like you, you don't got it.
• 1:35:32
  And like, I just really needed to tell people like how I was
• 1:35:34
  actually feeling and like being able to say to my clients like,
• 1:35:37
  Hey, like I'm really struggling with some stuff in my personal
• 1:35:39
  life and telling my friends who were also clients.
• 1:35:42
  Like I was really nervous. And I said to him, like, I need
• 1:35:44
  to tell my friends what's going on with me and like, I need to
• 1:35:47
  talk to them. But I feel so insecure telling
• 1:35:50
  my private clients cuz I'm like, what if they don't trust me?
• 1:35:52
  What if they don't want to hire me?
• 1:35:53
  Like, and again kind of thing. Or what if they, they question
• 1:35:55
  whether I can do my job? And then seeing how we become so
• 1:35:58
  much deeper connected because of all of it.
• 1:36:00
  I was like, Oh, I would do it 15 times over.
• 1:36:02
  And even with team, like I've shared to team members like some
• 1:36:06
  really deep, real and raw things that if you had told me two
• 1:36:10
  years ago, oh, you're going to tell your team these things, I'm
• 1:36:12
  like, no way. Like that's not professional.
• 1:36:14
  There's no way. And it's brought us so much
• 1:36:16
  closer to literally like obviously you guys know, I work
• 1:36:19
  with family, but for non family to literally feel like like
• 1:36:22
  family, like this is somebody like I would trust my life with.
• 1:36:25
  And that's only there because there's no gap between us.
• 1:36:28
  Like anything that you're not honoring with your clients, with
• 1:36:31
  your team, with your business is a block.
• 1:36:34
  And I realized that because I wasn't feeling or doing any of
• 1:36:36
  these things, I had so much resistance in my business that
• 1:36:41
  was planted by me and in the strategy of what I was doing,
• 1:36:45
  not honoring what I wanted to actually do with my business
• 1:36:48
  Because my last, you know, mentor, coach or consultant or
• 1:36:51
  the person I hire would say, hey, this is the way to do it.
• 1:36:53
  I'm like, OK. And so not honoring my voice in
• 1:36:55
  business, not being honest and transparent about just like,
• 1:36:59
  hey, here's where I'm actually at with friends and stuff.
• 1:37:00
  Like when you just really are like, OK, clarity of how I'm
• 1:37:04
  feeling, feel it and then freaking tell somebody about it
• 1:37:08
  and stop trying to fake it was the basis of what a lot of the
• 1:37:12
  work came from. And again, like, which is why I
• 1:37:15
  think this is so important to dive into.
• 1:37:17
  Can I make it very clear this was not on my brain dump in the
• 1:37:20
  Google doc, OK? Like I did not have this on my
• 1:37:23
  agenda. This was not something that I
• 1:37:24
  was asking for. It was not something that I even
• 1:37:28
  had like any realm of understanding that I'd needed.
• 1:37:32
  And it's a classic thing of coaching, right?
• 1:37:33
  Like always a matter of like, OK, sell them what they want,
• 1:37:35
  give them what they need. Like when I hired you, it was
• 1:37:39
  not about like, I didn't want to dive into any of this.
• 1:37:42
  Like I was like, just give me the freaking sales process.
• 1:37:44
  OK, So when we dove into all of it and I started to realize,
• 1:37:48
  like, and again, that quote that I know you share of Alex's of
• 1:37:51
  like, you know, you don't have the business you want because
• 1:37:53
  you haven't become the person to run it.
• 1:37:55
  It wasn't, I hadn't become the person to run it because I
• 1:37:58
  wasn't like a leader or I, I wasn't able to hold capacity for
• 1:38:01
  team or like all of those things.
• 1:38:02
  It was a matter of like I wasn't the person to run it because
• 1:38:04
  like I was a robot. And until I allowed some
• 1:38:09
  freaking feeling into myself, the people in my circle, my
• 1:38:12
  team, my business, my personal life, whatever the, the category
• 1:38:17
  is like until I unlocked that my business was going to stay where
• 1:38:20
  it was because there was no more equations or strategies or boxes
• 1:38:23
  or checklist or data that was going to move the needle unless
• 1:38:27
  I basically broke myself open. And one of the things that I
• 1:38:30
  love is that he kind of reframed for me.
• 1:38:32
  I always see things as like breakdowns, like, oh, so sorry,
• 1:38:35
  I'm having a mental breakdown. And he like, it's a
• 1:38:37
  breakthrough, not a breakdown. And I think that that was also
• 1:38:40
  helpful because I realized that now I like seek the
• 1:38:43
  breakthrough. Like I'm just like, OK, like if
• 1:38:45
  I'm feeling uncomfy, let's just dive right into that.
• 1:38:47
  Because by doing so, now that I've seen, I've seen what's
• 1:38:50
  happened in six months with even just like my identity around the
• 1:38:53
  business and in my life, I realized like I was avoiding the
• 1:38:57
  work that I needed to do. And so the thing that I will say
• 1:39:00
  as someone who's going through it, if you're someone listening
• 1:39:02
  to this and you're kind of like, OK, like I feel like I'm old,
• 1:39:04
  Kate, this is a little bit overwhelming right now.
• 1:39:06
  That's OK. And it's, it is like addictive.
• 1:39:11
  Like once you start to really tap into what you can do as a
• 1:39:13
  person and realizing like, oh, I'm the limit on myself.
• 1:39:17
  I'm the limit on the life that I want.
• 1:39:19
  I'm the limit on the money that I'm looking for.
• 1:39:21
  It gets really exciting because you get to be the person who
• 1:39:24
  unlocks it. And so I think as part of our
• 1:39:26
  work together, it's made me really re re evaluate and very
• 1:39:30
  much appreciate business coaching in a totally different
• 1:39:32
  lens. Because I think a lot of people
• 1:39:34
  associate business coaching and what we do of just what are they
• 1:39:37
  going to teach me to do that I'm not already doing?
• 1:39:40
  And I think it's the repositioning of like, how can
• 1:39:43
  working with this business coach teach me to become the person
• 1:39:46
  that I'm not right now? And so I think that that was
• 1:39:49
  like a bunch of massive downloads and a very long winded
• 1:39:52
  answer, but yeah. That was an incredible answer,
• 1:39:54
  and you get to be incredibly proud of yourself.
• 1:39:57
  Thanks. Yeah, thanks.
• 1:39:58
  Yeah, well, yeah, it was a really good show.
• 1:40:01
  It was really good show. Nice and long.
• 1:40:02
  So thanks for hanging out with us.
• 1:40:03
  We definitely will do a Part 2 because we have all the things
• 1:40:05
  to dive into. I think we probably have like
• 1:40:06
  two more good episodes in us, to be honest.
• 1:40:08
  There's definitely a dive into customer journey which he can go
• 1:40:11
  on about probably like like a three day seminar if we really
• 1:40:13
  wanted to cuz there's so much to unpack there.
• 1:40:15
  And then we also had some really good feedback from you guys
• 1:40:17
  about the Montana Insights episodes and being like, can we
• 1:40:19
  get more of that? And so we had a really great
• 1:40:22
  idea to basically unpack the frameworks that he taught me and
• 1:40:25
  the strategies that he taught me.
• 1:40:26
  We nerded out on frameworks. And so we were gonna.
• 1:40:29
  Down his framework for his business and then underneath
• 1:40:32
  that one, all the kind of like core six or seven that he taught
• 1:40:34
  me that really helped to move the needle in our business.
• 1:40:37
  And so this was very much unlocking the person I needed to
• 1:40:40
  be in order to have the business I want.
• 1:40:41
  And so the next episodes that we'll have together will be very
• 1:40:44
  much focused on strategy. So anyways, all that to say,
• 1:40:47
  thank you so much for coming on. It was so fun.
• 1:40:49
  Oh, thanks for having me. Yeah, and we'll, we'll get on
• 1:40:51
  the next two in the next recording.
• 1:40:53
  So all that to be said, you guys, we'll see you on next
• 1:40:55
  week's episode. And, as always, stay ambitious.