Latest / Jess Ask / Motherhood Changed Everything: I Didn't Want Kids | FT Cia Edwards-Wiggins | EP106

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Motherhood Changed Everything: I Didn't Want Kids | FT Cia Edwards-Wiggins | EP106 · Jess Ask

0:07
Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl Jessica and Smith, and you already
0:10
Speaker 1: know that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress.
0:14
Speaker 2: Have fun and just ask God.
0:17
Speaker 3: For another Do you already know what it is? And
0:19
Speaker 3: then you know it's about to get real.
0:22
Speaker 2: To be sure to show your girl the love and
0:25
Speaker 2: like coming subscribe God.
0:27
Speaker 3: For another day?
0:30
Speaker 4: Hey, hey, I know we could be another way.
0:37
Speaker 3: Four, five, six, seven, eight years in my bank account?
0:42
Speaker 1: Is your is your elbow? They look a little shining,
0:45
Speaker 1: so I think it might be all right. Yeah, you're good,
0:48
Speaker 1: welcome If you don't know where you just answered, you've
0:54
Speaker 1: entered the same space with influences, decompress, have fun and
0:58
Speaker 1: guess what, just as just as you know, it's another one,
1:02
Speaker 1: it's another one, another week and it's another desert. Rate
1:06
Speaker 1: a a desate just a rate doesn't rate? Yo, man,
1:13
Speaker 1: what's up you guys? Welcome back to another episode of
1:16
Speaker 1: Just Ask the podcast gird this episode one hundred and
1:18
Speaker 1: so it's a hundred one hundred and some. You mean
1:21
Speaker 1: it's a hundred and songs something, but bless God for
1:26
Speaker 1: the open, Oh my God, A hundred and something one
1:29
Speaker 1: hundred and some, man, God is good all the time.
1:32
Speaker 3: God is good.
1:33
Speaker 1: I think somebody asked how how do we stay focused
1:37
Speaker 1: to get there? And I don't even think I thought
1:39
Speaker 1: about it. But I didn't think about one hundred at
1:42
Speaker 1: twenty or thirty. I was just like, hey, I just
1:44
Speaker 1: let me focus on what we got right here.
1:45
Speaker 3: It's on dropping.
1:46
Speaker 1: We didn't think about one hundred until we sat down
1:49
Speaker 1: and playing for real, Like that's what really like. And
1:53
Speaker 1: it's not even the planning on how we're strategic about
1:58
Speaker 1: how we're doing the episodes, but really we took time off, y'all.
2:02
Speaker 1: Like literally, we took We recorded, We bat record, that
2:05
Speaker 1: is no secret, but we BAT record enough episodes to
2:09
Speaker 1: where we can have a full break in July of
2:11
Speaker 1: last year. And so when we took that break, we
2:17
Speaker 1: ended our break with a retreat right And I for
2:20
Speaker 1: any influencer creative, you need a break. Your brain is
2:24
Speaker 1: going so doing so much at a time, like you
2:29
Speaker 1: need a break. And I promise you my guests would
2:31
Speaker 1: probably say the same thing, because this the herle line
2:33
Speaker 1: of work is take some time for you, okay, but
2:37
Speaker 1: you really need to give yourself time to breathe, give
2:40
Speaker 1: yourself mind to breathe, your mind to breathe and you're
2:43
Speaker 1: gonna come back like when I say full We were
2:47
Speaker 1: ready to go after that trap. Well, especially with Auntie Pam.
2:49
Speaker 1: Shout out to Auntie pa. We love you Auntie Pam.
2:53
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. She is the smallest I love
2:55
Speaker 1: how intentional she was with the smallest thing.
2:57
Speaker 3: The smallest thing.
2:58
Speaker 1: Like, Hey, I like fancy coffee, but I'm not gonna
3:00
Speaker 1: pay five six seventeen dollars every day for fancy coffee.
3:03
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna get fancy coffee at home. And that
3:06
Speaker 1: you start doing. I sure did some stuff that made
3:09
Speaker 1: me some fancy coffee at home. Shoo, it still took
3:13
Speaker 1: me that you call it fancy coffee. It's fancy coffe.
3:15
Speaker 1: You know, the whipped cream and all the all the
3:18
Speaker 1: syrup and all this. That's fancy coffee.
3:19
Speaker 5: You know.
3:19
Speaker 1: Regular coffee is just a little cream. Yeah, you're right, okay,
3:23
Speaker 1: but if you know how to make coffee right, you
3:24
Speaker 1: will have it fancy all the time where you just
3:26
Speaker 1: have cream and sugar, or you have the whipped cream
3:28
Speaker 1: with I don't need all that whip cream and stuff.
3:29
Speaker 1: Fan coffee, it's fancy coffee. Yeah, they can keep that man, y'all,
3:33
Speaker 1: this is gonna be a good episode.
3:34
Speaker 3: Really excited. Listen.
3:36
Speaker 1: I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all the
3:40
Speaker 1: mothers out there. We know this is Mother's Day weekend,
3:42
Speaker 1: and so really really super excited about Mother's Day. Speaking
3:47
Speaker 1: of Mother's Day and my Auntie Pam, my Auntie Pam
3:50
Speaker 1: has a sister who happens to be my mother, who
3:53
Speaker 1: happens to be the community highlight for the day. So, Mama, Mama, Mom,
4:01
Speaker 1: you know I love you.
4:04
Speaker 3: You know I love you. You know I love love you.
4:09
Speaker 3: My mom.
4:12
Speaker 1: Literally and not only I just heard the Lord say,
4:15
Speaker 1: not only my mama, but there's a ray got a mama.
4:18
Speaker 1: You got a mama.
4:19
Speaker 3: What's your mama name?
4:20
Speaker 1: Does her name is Willie Fay Greenwood?
4:23
Speaker 3: Uh huh? And I love her And I dare not
4:25
Speaker 3: say my mama full name. I'm just I did not.
4:30
Speaker 3: I love Mama. You know who you are. I don't
4:33
Speaker 3: even know.
4:33
Speaker 1: Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, that's what we call her, That's what
4:36
Speaker 1: she is my phone, Nancy Nancy.
4:38
Speaker 3: Mammy, Mommy.
4:39
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna give you tell mama to shout out
4:41
Speaker 1: your mama to desay, Mama, I love you so much.
4:45
Speaker 3: You are literally the queen of my heart.
4:47
Speaker 1: I embody with you and body you really spent me out,
4:52
Speaker 1: and so I just thank God for you. I thank
4:54
Speaker 1: God that he connected me and assigned me to your DNA.
4:57
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful and honored that that you still see
5:02
Speaker 1: something special to me to even just continue to do
5:05
Speaker 1: relationships with me, to a relationship and life with me.
5:08
Speaker 1: People choose to just disregard, they don't care about blood
5:11
Speaker 1: or anything like that. I just thank God that you
5:13
Speaker 1: keep choosing me, that you keep choosing to enhance our relationship,
5:18
Speaker 1: that you keep choosing to talk to me, that you
5:20
Speaker 1: keep choosing just to be my mom. It's just such
5:22
Speaker 1: a such an honor called you my mom. You are
5:25
Speaker 1: for a woman of God, you are a prophet, you
5:28
Speaker 1: are the bomb dot com, you are that chick. And
5:31
Speaker 1: so I want to tell you on today, Happy Mother's Day, Mommy.
5:36
Speaker 3: I love you. Okay, those are read let me see you.
5:41
Speaker 1: There you go. You know technology, we learned things, we
5:45
Speaker 1: learned things, right, Hi. But I just want to say
5:48
Speaker 1: I think within the last couple of years, I've been
5:51
Speaker 1: able to tell my mom thank you like she was.
5:54
Speaker 1: When I've said this before, she was rough hard like
5:58
Speaker 1: who Jesus. But you know, as I got older, I
6:01
Speaker 1: didn't understand then, but as I got older, I can appreciate.
6:06
Speaker 1: I can appreciate it because it has definitely helped build
6:09
Speaker 1: some of the character that I have now. And and
6:13
Speaker 1: and once I begin to understand who she was and
6:16
Speaker 1: the journey that she had taken, I could definitely uh
6:19
Speaker 1: extends the grace like it's easier to extend grace right,
6:21
Speaker 1: And so I have been u awarded the privilege just
6:25
Speaker 1: to watch her grow as a woman, you know, these
6:28
Speaker 1: last few years, like from you know, she actually listens
6:31
Speaker 1: to things that I that I that I share with her,
6:34
Speaker 1: even down from like budgeting, like my mom has a budget.
6:39
Speaker 1: Now she has a money system. And that within itself
6:42
Speaker 1: is a a a testimony of God's goodness, you know.
6:45
Speaker 1: And so I just wanna tell my mommy, Willie Faye Greenwood,
6:49
Speaker 1: how proud I am of you for growing, How proud
6:53
Speaker 1: I am for you for stepping out of what has
6:55
Speaker 1: been comfortable for you to just be able to experience
6:59
Speaker 1: the fullness of what God has for you.
7:00
Speaker 3: And this is not the beginning.
7:01
Speaker 1: As you continue to give God your yes, He's gonna
7:04
Speaker 1: continue to meet you at every step of the way.
7:05
Speaker 1: And so I just wanted to say Happy Mother's Day
7:08
Speaker 1: to my mom, and also happy Mother's Day to all
7:11
Speaker 1: the wonderful mommy's out there.
7:13
Speaker 3: All of them, all of them.
7:14
Speaker 1: If you was a mom, you're doing a good job. Okay,
7:18
Speaker 1: because some of us, well, no shout out to me.
7:21
Speaker 1: I'm a dog mom.
7:23
Speaker 3: Oh, don't do that, true truth, don't.
7:26
Speaker 1: Anyway, A more loves she does anyway, A great dog mommy.
7:29
Speaker 1: By the way, baby baby clockey clocky. Speaking of mothers,
7:34
Speaker 1: we do have. Our guess is a mom and baby.
7:37
Speaker 1: She's a good mother. She's a great mother. I love
7:40
Speaker 1: I love how she talks about Brad. He's just walked
7:43
Speaker 1: in the buildings. But speaking of mothers, we have a great,
7:47
Speaker 1: great guest on today that we might talk a little
7:50
Speaker 1: bit about motherhood.
7:51
Speaker 3: But let me tell you the tea that she's gonna
7:53
Speaker 3: bring today.
7:53
Speaker 1: Okay, today we our special guest is not only a
7:58
Speaker 1: trauma recovery coach, but she is a relationship coach. And
8:03
Speaker 1: y'all know, lately, I don't know what this relationship conversation
8:06
Speaker 1: being about. And it's you know what, it's not just
8:10
Speaker 1: you know, the intimate relationships. We can talk about relationships
8:13
Speaker 1: with mom, relationship with parents, stuff like that. We think
8:15
Speaker 1: about so one sided when it comes to relationship. But
8:18
Speaker 1: I love that she does trauma and relationship because in
8:21
Speaker 1: her slogan, she she believes that trauma keeps us from
8:25
Speaker 1: growing and being in healthy relationship. So I'm really super excited.
8:29
Speaker 1: I'm also excited because this is my sister. I met
8:31
Speaker 1: her in morning meet up. Well actually I met her
8:34
Speaker 1: at the podcast summit, met it morning meet up, and
8:36
Speaker 1: now we just locked in.
8:38
Speaker 3: Ain't no switching up, you know what I'm saying.
8:39
Speaker 1: So I introduced to some and present to others my
8:43
Speaker 1: girl see ya atwards Wiga girl. I was gonna just
8:51
Speaker 1: I was just gonna skip the weakness girl. And when
8:53
Speaker 1: y'all be having three these hashtag.
8:56
Speaker 6: Names, Listen, I need to do my husband some justice, okay,
9:01
Speaker 6: because we actually are making ten years this year and
9:05
Speaker 6: I we're forgiving. I have yet to change my stuff
9:09
Speaker 6: with the Social Security department.
9:11
Speaker 5: Okay, so we.
9:18
Speaker 1: Don't judge.
9:18
Speaker 3: We listen and we don't judge. Okay, but you're married years.
9:29
Speaker 1: Years.
9:30
Speaker 5: Listen.
9:31
Speaker 6: It feels like a lot when you have to go
9:32
Speaker 6: to the Social Security office and then change all your
9:34
Speaker 6: bank cards and all all the things right they need
9:37
Speaker 6: to make it so that is just one click of
9:39
Speaker 6: a button. And you know what they might now, it's
9:42
Speaker 6: just when I got married, it was just like I
9:43
Speaker 6: gotta do all of this. Yeah, nah, like he knows
9:46
Speaker 6: who he knows who he's married to, because it does.
9:50
Speaker 3: It's already worked to marry you.
9:51
Speaker 1: Now you want me to go down to the road
9:53
Speaker 1: to stand in the line for three hours to change
9:56
Speaker 1: my name when you know you married me.
9:57
Speaker 3: I get it, I get it. But you know that's
9:59
Speaker 3: what they like. I know that's what they like.
10:02
Speaker 5: You know we got a lifetime to do it. That's
10:04
Speaker 5: that's my That's how I say.
10:09
Speaker 1: Listen, because I'm still your wife. I'm still your wife.
10:13
Speaker 1: You claim his last name though I do.
10:16
Speaker 6: I do so, Like if I'm speaking to people, I'll
10:18
Speaker 6: say like Edward's Wiggins or I just like cut the
10:20
Speaker 6: Edwards and just say Wiggins. But because professionally, I've been
10:23
Speaker 6: this way prior to marrying him, Like all everybody knows
10:26
Speaker 6: me as Edwards, right, and.
10:28
Speaker 5: So it's a slow transition.
10:32
Speaker 1: He's a confident Listen. That speaks that he's confidence though too,
10:36
Speaker 1: because I Okay. So I'm gonna tell you it might
10:39
Speaker 1: not be funny to y'all, but it was funny to me.
10:42
Speaker 1: So I was talking to someone, right, and we were
10:45
Speaker 1: talking about marriage or whatever, and I was just like,
10:48
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know if I don't know if
10:52
Speaker 1: I would want to change my name, just just hypothetically speaking.
10:56
Speaker 1: You know, I go by Jessica and Smith and that's
10:58
Speaker 1: a brand.
10:59
Speaker 3: Now, you know.
10:59
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just saying, you know, I was just
11:04
Speaker 1: bringing it up. I was like, what if I chose
11:06
Speaker 1: not to, you know, take my husband's last name. And
11:10
Speaker 1: the response I got was, what's the point of getting married?
11:19
Speaker 3: I said, well, we just we just getting married because
11:23
Speaker 3: I'm changing my last name or or all.
11:26
Speaker 1: But anyway, let's that's the Lord's gonna bless me. What
11:35
Speaker 1: I was willing to change my name? You know, good good,
11:37
Speaker 1: good man and all. You know what I'm saying, I
11:39
Speaker 1: want that name. Okay, But anyway, see how you doing
11:43
Speaker 1: since it's been a minute since I talked.
11:44
Speaker 6: To you, I know, I mean, oh my gosh, So,
11:48
Speaker 6: as you said, I am my mother, right, so I've
11:51
Speaker 6: been doing motherly things, which feels like it just consumes everything.
11:54
Speaker 6: But I've been doing blessed right. I think since we
11:57
Speaker 6: last spoke, I've actually been looking more in embracing motherhood
12:04
Speaker 6: because people come to me today and still be like,
12:06
Speaker 6: I can't believe you're a mother, because if you knew me,
12:09
Speaker 6: I wasn't one. I said, actually, I never wanted any kids,
12:11
Speaker 6: so I gave my husband kids, right, Yeah, I didn't
12:15
Speaker 6: want no kids.
12:16
Speaker 5: I was very selfish.
12:17
Speaker 6: And then there's still a part of me that's a
12:19
Speaker 6: little selfish because it comes with a lot of responsibility.
12:21
Speaker 6: Like you're a dogorm right, you know the responsibility it
12:24
Speaker 6: comes with when you're caring for another You're giving somebody
12:27
Speaker 6: else a portion of your life. And this is all relationships.
12:29
Speaker 6: So to have like three dependents, you know who was
12:32
Speaker 6: just like really depending on me. I feel like when
12:35
Speaker 6: we last met, I was in this battle of like, hey,
12:38
Speaker 6: I still want self identity, but I still want to
12:41
Speaker 6: show up for my kids.
12:42
Speaker 5: And I think I spent like the last year trying
12:44
Speaker 5: to balance the two.
12:45
Speaker 6: So that's that's what's been going on, like really showing
12:49
Speaker 6: up to be a mother authentically and generally, but then
12:52
Speaker 6: still capturing who I am Sea as just Sea and
12:56
Speaker 6: nothing else.
12:56
Speaker 3: So what does that.
12:57
Speaker 1: I think that's so good because we do have a
12:59
Speaker 1: lot of influencers entrepreneurs that watched the episode, and I
13:03
Speaker 1: think this is a great segue into the balance of
13:06
Speaker 1: motherhood and what you know yourself to be as an individual.
13:10
Speaker 3: How how do you balance it? What have you learned
13:13
Speaker 3: in this process?
13:15
Speaker 6: M That's such a good question, I feel like, and
13:18
Speaker 6: I mean, everybody's story is really unique, right, Like I said,
13:22
Speaker 6: I when I got pregnant, we were actually trying for
13:25
Speaker 6: a while, and because I couldn't be pregnant or I
13:28
Speaker 6: couldn't conceive, I was just like, look, see, I told
13:31
Speaker 6: you I didn't want no kids.
13:32
Speaker 5: And then once we stopped trying, we had kids.
13:36
Speaker 6: And at the time, my husband was like a over
13:38
Speaker 6: the road truck driver, and so me and motherhood just
13:42
Speaker 6: didn't click right away. Actually, I would say to some
13:45
Speaker 6: that I feel like I might have had some post
13:46
Speaker 6: part of depression and I didn't even know it.
13:48
Speaker 1: Right.
13:49
Speaker 5: It's funny because like I was a therapist and I'm
13:50
Speaker 5: just like, right, is this depression?
13:52
Speaker 6: Right?
13:53
Speaker 5: Is this is what my clients go through? And so
13:55
Speaker 5: it actually took me a long time to walk into motherhood.
13:58
Speaker 6: Like I really felt like with my first born, I
14:01
Speaker 6: was just making sure she stayed alive, like I had
14:03
Speaker 6: love for her, but I couldn't really grasp the concept that, like, this.
14:06
Speaker 5: Is my baby, right. And then I had my second right.
14:10
Speaker 6: Back to back, and I remembered I remember bawling, right,
14:14
Speaker 6: and I remember bawling because my first born, I was
14:17
Speaker 6: just like, well, I feel like I didn't have enough
14:18
Speaker 6: time to even really create this bond with her. And
14:21
Speaker 6: then I felt like my second born is just like, well,
14:23
Speaker 6: how am I going to manage the two? Because my
14:25
Speaker 6: husband is like, oh, way on the road a lot.
14:28
Speaker 6: And that's when I was just like, ooh see, I
14:29
Speaker 6: knew motherhood wasn't for me. And it wasn't until I
14:32
Speaker 6: think I bumped into a friend and she had twins
14:36
Speaker 6: around my best friend actually, she had twins around the
14:38
Speaker 6: same time I had my the end of my first pregnancy,
14:43
Speaker 6: and so we would bond a lot, and she was
14:45
Speaker 6: telling me, like, you know, though I'm a therapist, like
14:48
Speaker 6: I tried to separate my life from being a therapist.
14:50
Speaker 6: Though I'm a therapist, it's really easy for you to
14:52
Speaker 6: kind of get really involved in just helping others and
14:56
Speaker 6: not helping yourself and she's like, you're not helping yourself
14:58
Speaker 6: like you are just you're not You're not showing up
15:00
Speaker 6: for yourself. You're not doing anything for yourself, right, So
15:02
Speaker 6: I really applaud her because there will be times where
15:04
Speaker 6: she'd be like, look, leave your daughter here. I know
15:06
Speaker 6: you're probably gonna go do something. And I think it
15:08
Speaker 6: wasn't until I gave myself the great the grace and
15:12
Speaker 6: the opportunity to be like, look, that baby's gonna be okay.
15:15
Speaker 6: You can go go get your nose and go take
15:17
Speaker 6: yourself out to eat, go do something. It wasn't until
15:20
Speaker 6: somebody had to tap me on the shoulder and say
15:21
Speaker 6: that that I realized, like it's okay. Like even if
15:23
Speaker 6: I step away from my daughter for a little bit,
15:26
Speaker 6: or my son or my other daughter, I'm still their
15:28
Speaker 6: mother while I'm away.
15:30
Speaker 5: And I think we get so.
15:31
Speaker 6: Fused and the idea of we have to be this
15:33
Speaker 6: one thing at all times, and that's not that's not
15:35
Speaker 6: how life works.
15:37
Speaker 1: So I think that's so good. Thank you for so
15:40
Speaker 1: much for being transparent. That's one thing I love about
15:42
Speaker 1: talking about the therapist. I'm learning even with my therapist,
15:45
Speaker 1: she uh one of the tactics that they use is relatability,
15:48
Speaker 1: and that's that sometimes.
15:51
Speaker 3: You be like, oh, well you have rather go to
15:54
Speaker 3: your therapistition.
15:56
Speaker 1: Go to your therapist, pay them folks, talk to them
15:59
Speaker 1: and they can they gonna help you out.
16:00
Speaker 3: Okay. Anyway, that was a little little shameless plug.
16:04
Speaker 1: Okay, So curiosity struck when you were bringing up your
16:08
Speaker 1: first two, right, So even in that, in that, in
16:11
Speaker 1: the midst of that, you first you go from not
16:14
Speaker 1: saying that you're not gonna do uh, that you're not
16:17
Speaker 1: interested in being the mother, and you say, hey, I
16:19
Speaker 1: get married. Obviously your husband wanted kids. You say, okay,
16:22
Speaker 1: I'll give it to you. We try, and we try
16:24
Speaker 1: and it doesn't work out, and then it works out.
16:27
Speaker 3: Did you ever have a.
16:32
Speaker 1: A spite in your heart towards your kids developed because
16:37
Speaker 1: it wasn't really what you wanted, not.
16:40
Speaker 6: Towards him, interestingly in life, and I talk about this
16:42
Speaker 6: sometimes sometimes too, like it was towards him.
16:45
Speaker 5: Like my husband, it was just like, look, I gave
16:48
Speaker 5: you these kids, but you're.
16:49
Speaker 6: Not here, and I don't know how to do this
16:50
Speaker 6: by myself. Right, It didn't click for me, right because
16:56
Speaker 6: obviously he's not there. He wasn't not there by a choice.
16:58
Speaker 6: It was just like, well, this is my occupation, like
17:01
Speaker 6: you knew what it was when we did this, And
17:03
Speaker 6: for me, I think I was just so closed off,
17:05
Speaker 6: as many people are, to what you really want, and
17:08
Speaker 6: then when you get it, it's like this is this
17:09
Speaker 6: what I really want?
17:10
Speaker 5: Right? And I don't think it was a spike.
17:12
Speaker 6: It was just more so I couldn't relate to him
17:15
Speaker 6: being able to be away and getting a break and
17:18
Speaker 6: me like here all the time with these kids, right, So.
17:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're talking real good because and when I talk
17:24
Speaker 1: to I got a lot of mothers in my community, right,
17:27
Speaker 1: That's that's our age, right, And the main thing that
17:31
Speaker 1: they bring up and this I think this even segues
17:34
Speaker 1: into your profession, like where you where you, where you are,
17:36
Speaker 1: So I think you're about to help a lot of
17:37
Speaker 1: people out right now.
17:38
Speaker 3: The main thing that I hear is he gets to
17:41
Speaker 3: do what he wants to do. I don't.
17:42
Speaker 1: I'm the one who has to take care of the kids.
17:44
Speaker 1: I'm the one who has to you know, just be
17:48
Speaker 1: ten told down right. And I think that even disrupts
17:55
Speaker 1: that ends to me, this is me being a single
17:58
Speaker 1: person with no actual human kids.
18:01
Speaker 3: I don't have human kids.
18:03
Speaker 1: I have a dog.
18:04
Speaker 3: But in my mind, it.
18:08
Speaker 1: Almost sets up for failure for the marriage because when
18:13
Speaker 1: you have this outlook of Okay, we birth this child together,
18:17
Speaker 1: like we made this child together, and I'm the one
18:19
Speaker 1: that's taking care of this child. I'm being mother all
18:23
Speaker 1: the time, while you get to choose when you be
18:26
Speaker 1: father or whatever. Not saying that every man is like that,
18:28
Speaker 1: but this is what I'm hearing. What is your response
18:31
Speaker 1: to that, Like, how would you encourage that relationship because
18:35
Speaker 1: that could be an interruption in a marriage versus a blessing.
18:40
Speaker 3: Does that make sense what I'm saying.
18:41
Speaker 5: No, it does.
18:42
Speaker 6: I think it's actually really important to even have these
18:44
Speaker 6: conversations before you conceive. And that's something I didn't really
18:47
Speaker 6: think about having, right But obviously in my career as
18:50
Speaker 6: I'm servicing more mothers, or I should say earlier in
18:53
Speaker 6: my career, as I started to service more mothers, I
18:55
Speaker 6: realized like, well, we weren't having these candid conversations. It's
18:57
Speaker 6: just like, oh, you want to go to family, all right, cool,
18:59
Speaker 6: let's do what we gotta do. I think it's important
19:03
Speaker 6: to address the un like it's called unspoken rules, right
19:08
Speaker 6: when you have a relationship, there are some things that
19:10
Speaker 6: you just expect to happen, but it's sometimes unbalanced because
19:13
Speaker 6: that understanding is not there with the other person.
19:15
Speaker 5: Right.
19:15
Speaker 6: So as a mother, you might think like, all right,
19:19
Speaker 6: my husband is here or you know, my partner is here,
19:21
Speaker 6: depending on the situation, right, and I'm expecting them to
19:26
Speaker 6: show up as much as I show up. But for
19:28
Speaker 6: that other person, it's like, well, I've seen it done
19:30
Speaker 6: this way in my family. I don't have that same expectation.
19:33
Speaker 6: But those things are not unspoken about or spoken about.
19:36
Speaker 6: They're unspoken rules, right, And so that's where we start
19:39
Speaker 6: creating these tips where it's just like, well, how come
19:41
Speaker 6: you going out with the boys but I'm still here?
19:43
Speaker 6: How Come I don't get as much time away but
19:46
Speaker 6: I still got to do all these responsibilities. I do
19:49
Speaker 6: think it's something as simple as having a conversation but
19:51
Speaker 6: then also agreeing on that, agreeing on what it's going
19:54
Speaker 6: to look like moving forward.
19:56
Speaker 5: And it's in that agreeance, right, because.
19:59
Speaker 6: There are some people who are just like no, I
20:00
Speaker 6: don't actually have a friend who's just like no, I
20:02
Speaker 6: don't expect them to do none of that. That's not
20:04
Speaker 6: his role, right, and so it comes down to traditional
20:07
Speaker 6: roles too, and what the relationship look likes, what that
20:10
Speaker 6: person has been through experience wise, what their expectation is,
20:14
Speaker 6: what they pulled in from the values of their family
20:16
Speaker 6: of origin. Like all of it is tied together, but
20:19
Speaker 6: it's not until you really sit down and have that
20:20
Speaker 6: silent conversation to be like, look, most we have this
20:22
Speaker 6: kid or these children, this is what I really expect
20:26
Speaker 6: from you, and this is what I think I'm gonna
20:28
Speaker 6: need in return as well, and have just that bond
20:32
Speaker 6: in that time to really co create your family because
20:36
Speaker 6: you can build by obviously you lay down, do what
20:38
Speaker 6: you gotta do.
20:39
Speaker 5: But then what happens after that?
20:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is so good.
20:43
Speaker 1: And I think that even what you just said is
20:45
Speaker 1: so powerful just being able to have a conversation prior
20:48
Speaker 1: to get into the knitty gritty.
20:50
Speaker 3: Like, let me ask you a two part question.
20:53
Speaker 1: At what point do you supposed to have a question
20:56
Speaker 1: before or before or after you get married? Right, like
21:00
Speaker 1: that type of detailed conversation and what happens when my
21:05
Speaker 1: mind changes in the marriage about how I want to
21:10
Speaker 1: how do I address my partner in that meaning not
21:13
Speaker 1: necessarily about the marriage, but I came in one way
21:16
Speaker 1: thinking I want to do something because that's what I
21:18
Speaker 1: learned in my household. But now that I'm a developing
21:20
Speaker 1: in the woman, now I'm developing, well, let's talk about
21:23
Speaker 1: as a woman, because this is Mother's Day. I'm developing
21:26
Speaker 1: as this woman, and I don't think I want to
21:28
Speaker 1: do it this way anymore. You know, like, I don't
21:30
Speaker 1: think this is working out for the condition of our
21:34
Speaker 1: now only just our relationship, but our household.
21:38
Speaker 6: So actually, I'm a firm believer that it is never
21:41
Speaker 6: too beet for the intro, right, we'd be like, I'm
21:43
Speaker 6: not having that conversation on the first day. I think
21:45
Speaker 6: if your goal is to really have this and build
21:49
Speaker 6: with a person, maybe first second date, you're talking about Okay,
21:52
Speaker 6: what does the family structure look like for you? What
21:54
Speaker 6: was it like in your household? Do you have those
21:56
Speaker 6: same expectations? Right, And this is if you're really trying
21:58
Speaker 6: to build with a person. Now, yeah, we'll have those
22:01
Speaker 6: situations where we're now in the relationship, we might have
22:04
Speaker 6: a family, and we're like, wow, this isn't really serving
22:07
Speaker 6: me anymore. I actually think it's time for you to
22:10
Speaker 6: sit down with your partner and again another conversation. But
22:13
Speaker 6: understand that your whole entire relationship is a system, right,
22:17
Speaker 6: and systems are built on patterns. So those patterns that
22:20
Speaker 6: you've had from the beginning to this point is kind
22:23
Speaker 6: of a routine that your body falls into. And if
22:25
Speaker 6: you're expecting your partner to kind of just fall into
22:27
Speaker 6: a new routine that hasn't been built up, it's kind
22:31
Speaker 6: of going to fail. I think for some of us too,
22:34
Speaker 6: we have to look at our environment what is making
22:36
Speaker 6: us feel like this isn't working? Because is it really
22:39
Speaker 6: not working or is it something that you're lacking in
22:41
Speaker 6: yourself that's not making it work. Because all some terms
22:44
Speaker 6: we kind of push the responsibility onto somebody else where,
22:48
Speaker 6: were just like you know what, I thought, I wanted this,
22:49
Speaker 6: but it's not working. Well, it might not be working
22:51
Speaker 6: because you actually don't have a sense of awareness of
22:55
Speaker 6: how or what the part you play in the relationship is,
22:58
Speaker 6: especially when you are mothering, right, because it can become
23:01
Speaker 6: too overwhelming. And we do see mothers who walk away,
23:04
Speaker 6: you know, from their families, like I'm actually it's okay
23:08
Speaker 6: for me to say this, but like my mother's mother
23:10
Speaker 6: did that, right, So I don't even know my grandmother, right,
23:14
Speaker 6: and it's important for us to see like, Okay, is
23:17
Speaker 6: there something in the relationship that I missed that maybe
23:21
Speaker 6: if I had more of it, this would feel more
23:23
Speaker 6: manageable or feel less overwhelming.
23:25
Speaker 5: Sometimes it's just simple affection.
23:27
Speaker 6: Sometimes it's simple affirmations, look, I see or validation, I
23:30
Speaker 6: see what you're doing, I respect it, thank you, giving
23:33
Speaker 6: your partner a thank you, because sometimes we're not getting
23:36
Speaker 6: that thank you, and it's just like, well, do you.
23:38
Speaker 5: See all the stuff I'm doing? Do you it matter
23:41
Speaker 5: to you?
23:41
Speaker 6: Because we need that validation, We need that affirmation sometimes
23:45
Speaker 6: to just know that, okay, keep doing what you're doing.
23:48
Speaker 6: And it's not just like because we'll have these situations
23:51
Speaker 6: where just like we'll point out what's not happening right
23:55
Speaker 6: instead of what is happening, and that's that positive praise
23:58
Speaker 6: that keeps the behaviors going. So as a mother and
24:01
Speaker 6: you're like, well, I can't do this anymore, Well, what's
24:04
Speaker 6: happening like really sitting down to asas And that's when
24:07
Speaker 6: a therapist or coach comes in too, because there's some
24:09
Speaker 6: things that you can't see because you're you're already in
24:12
Speaker 6: it that somebody else might be able to see.
24:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so good when you speak, When you speak
24:17
Speaker 1: of the affirmations and the language and stuff like that,
24:22
Speaker 1: it makes me think about the five love language.
24:24
Speaker 3: You know, we throw that, people throw that awaund I
24:26
Speaker 3: don't mean to just say like throw it with. People
24:29
Speaker 3: are literally always telling what y'all love language? Oh my love,
24:34
Speaker 3: I'm one of them. I'm one of them. Read I'm like,
24:37
Speaker 3: oh my, guys, my love life is.
24:41
Speaker 5: People say cooking is a learn love language. Just be cringing.
24:45
Speaker 5: I'll be like no.
24:48
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my gosh, I think I'm hilarious.
24:58
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, So when you speak of that, right, it
25:04
Speaker 1: made me, excuse me, it made me think about like, okay,
25:08
Speaker 1: so the timing of the affirmation, right, what's the appropriate
25:13
Speaker 1: time for the affirmation?
25:15
Speaker 3: Because this is my thought process here. You can tell
25:17
Speaker 3: me if I'm right or wrong.
25:19
Speaker 1: If I'm arguing with you and then I begging for something,
25:24
Speaker 1: I think for me, let's just talk about Jessica.
25:26
Speaker 3: Okay.
25:26
Speaker 1: If I'm in an argument with somebody I think I like,
25:30
Speaker 1: and I'm talking to you, and I don't want to
25:33
Speaker 1: say argument, but I'm in a heightened discussion and I'm
25:37
Speaker 1: saying I need.
25:38
Speaker 3: This and I need this, and that's the only time
25:40
Speaker 3: you get it. I get it.
25:41
Speaker 1: It's gonna frustrate me, and it's gonna make me feel
25:44
Speaker 1: like that's not how you feel about me in real.
25:46
Speaker 3: Life and my inaccurate and feeling like that.
25:51
Speaker 1: And if that's true, at what point should someone affirm
25:56
Speaker 1: or give you those affirmations.
25:58
Speaker 3: What would be a good point put it to have it?
26:01
Speaker 6: I'm gonna challenge you a little bit, right because we'll say,
26:05
Speaker 6: like we'll say, like, I want this thing, and then
26:08
Speaker 6: when we get it is I think I said this earlier.
26:10
Speaker 6: It's like this is not really all what I want.
26:12
Speaker 6: And I do understand where you're coming from. It's just like, well,
26:14
Speaker 6: I didn't want to have to tell you I wanted
26:16
Speaker 6: this thing. You should have just knew, right, But that's
26:18
Speaker 6: when we start to realize, like, well, other people are
26:20
Speaker 6: not my readers. And I always tell people we have
26:22
Speaker 6: to teach people how we want to be loved, right,
26:25
Speaker 6: because everybody loves a little differently, everybody receives love a
26:28
Speaker 6: little differently. So I think for you, just maybe letting
26:31
Speaker 6: your partner be aware, like I'm going to tell you
26:34
Speaker 6: this right now, but.
26:35
Speaker 5: Do it tomorrow.
26:36
Speaker 6: Don't do it today, Like do it tomorrow next week
26:38
Speaker 6: when I'm not expecting it, because for you it probably
26:41
Speaker 6: feels disingenuine, right, Whereas from the person's perspective, it's probably
26:45
Speaker 6: just like I knew I wanted this, or I wanted
26:48
Speaker 6: to do this for you, but I didn't know this
26:49
Speaker 6: is what you wanted specifically, So they might be very
26:52
Speaker 6: genuine in that moment. But I think again, Yeah, I
26:56
Speaker 6: hate repeating this, but things are so simple if we're
26:59
Speaker 6: just transparent and tell people what we need right and
27:02
Speaker 6: then set the foundation for the expectation to be mad right.
27:05
Speaker 6: So for you, it's like, if you're telling this person
27:08
Speaker 6: you need this in the moment and then they do
27:09
Speaker 6: it right after, it's like, well, why do you even
27:12
Speaker 6: do this before?
27:13
Speaker 5: Well, they ain't do it before because maybe they didn't
27:15
Speaker 5: really know.
27:17
Speaker 3: That's fair. That's fair. I'm gonna take that.
27:19
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this what I talked told them, delire
27:22
Speaker 1: reaate the fletch chick. Yes, I'm gonna take this fletch
27:25
Speaker 1: chick because I'm not gonna lie. I'm the type of
27:27
Speaker 1: person is like when I'm telling you it's not because
27:31
Speaker 1: I need it necessarily that in that moment, I'm glad
27:34
Speaker 1: you gave me language for being okay with just saying Okay,
27:38
Speaker 1: I don't need this now, but I would like to
27:41
Speaker 1: see this. You know, maybe I need to preference it
27:43
Speaker 1: with like I don't need this now, but I would
27:46
Speaker 1: like to see because if you give it to me now,
27:47
Speaker 1: I don't think it's genuine. I wanted to make sure
27:49
Speaker 1: you hear me, and that way, if I feel like
27:52
Speaker 1: if you really heard me, I would see it down
27:54
Speaker 1: the line.
27:55
Speaker 3: Is that fair?
27:57
Speaker 5: It is?
27:57
Speaker 6: But I think you could also add more language like
27:59
Speaker 6: I feel a cure when you do this, or I
28:01
Speaker 6: feel more loved or understood. Because sometimes too, when we
28:05
Speaker 6: were talking to people and we're like, hey, I need
28:07
Speaker 6: this thing, they might think like, okay, you need it,
28:10
Speaker 6: but underlyingly they don't know why.
28:13
Speaker 1: Right.
28:13
Speaker 6: But if they understand like okay, well, when I don't
28:16
Speaker 6: give her this thing, she feels less safe, she feels
28:18
Speaker 6: less secure in this relationship, she feels less heard, then
28:21
Speaker 6: maybe it'll give them some more orientation on how to
28:24
Speaker 6: give it to you or present it to you later on.
28:27
Speaker 3: This is so good.
28:28
Speaker 1: This reminds me of during MMU this week. They meant
28:32
Speaker 1: he was talking to somebody, he's doing a Q and
28:34
Speaker 1: that you know how he does it. And he says
28:38
Speaker 1: the lady she was complaining about communication, right, and it's
28:41
Speaker 1: like people don't understand me or they don't understand me.
28:44
Speaker 1: He was like, well, is it their fault that they
28:46
Speaker 1: don't understand you?
28:47
Speaker 3: Like how are you communicating? So literally? When you just
28:50
Speaker 3: said that, It brought me back to that moment because
28:53
Speaker 3: I was like, ooh, Dave, that's so good. I wrote it.
28:54
Speaker 1: It was so good that I wrote it down. And
28:56
Speaker 1: so this is challenging me on am I effectively communicated?
28:59
Speaker 1: I think what happens in relationships and in communication see you,
29:03
Speaker 1: and I think you can expound on this, is that
29:05
Speaker 1: we get so frustrated with the communication styles that we
29:09
Speaker 1: have to alter ourselves in order to seek to be
29:14
Speaker 1: have the their understanding versus just being just talking and
29:18
Speaker 1: saying I told you this.
29:20
Speaker 3: But if they don't understand English, you might have to
29:22
Speaker 3: learn a little Spanish.
29:27
Speaker 1: So how how would you encourage people that are in
29:32
Speaker 1: a communicative dysfunctional space in their relationship?
29:38
Speaker 6: I think it also comes down to because I'm hearing
29:40
Speaker 6: what you're saying but I also I think it comes
29:42
Speaker 6: down to how people handle like conflicts right, So conflict
29:45
Speaker 6: resolution right, Because there are some people where you might
29:50
Speaker 6: need space, you actually, you very well might need space
29:52
Speaker 6: to process what just happened, right, And there are some
29:55
Speaker 6: people who like, I need to right now because if
29:58
Speaker 6: I don't, I'm gonna go crazy, all right, That in
30:01
Speaker 6: itself is learning your partner again.
30:04
Speaker 5: Some of those first second date questions is just like,
30:08
Speaker 5: how do you handle conflict? Do you like space?
30:10
Speaker 6: Do you like to handle it right away? Can we
30:13
Speaker 6: come up with a method so that both of our
30:15
Speaker 6: needs are met? And there's something that I tell my
30:17
Speaker 6: clients and faciers all the time. You safe words, right,
30:19
Speaker 6: and safe word would be like a neutral word that
30:21
Speaker 6: you say when things feel like too hot in the moment.
30:24
Speaker 6: You might say, so, I'm like umbrella, and umbrella means
30:28
Speaker 6: I'm coming back in thirty minutes and we're going to
30:30
Speaker 6: talk about this.
30:31
Speaker 5: Pardon me, I'm coming back in thirty minutes. I'm going
30:33
Speaker 5: to talk about this.
30:34
Speaker 6: And instead of saying like, hey, I don't want to
30:35
Speaker 6: talk right now, because that makes someone feel shunned or
30:39
Speaker 6: it makes someone feel unseen. When you say something like umbrella,
30:42
Speaker 6: y'all both have already agreed, like umbrella means this is
30:46
Speaker 6: getting nowhere and we're going to come back and recovene
30:49
Speaker 6: in thirty minutes because now we both have space to
30:53
Speaker 6: one process. But then it also reassures the person that
30:56
Speaker 6: wants a nip it in the butt to say, look,
30:58
Speaker 6: I know this person's coming back. And now if in
30:59
Speaker 6: thirty minutes y'all still not in that space, do another
31:03
Speaker 6: thirty minutes. I'll just say, don't ever let twenty four
31:05
Speaker 6: hours past without you come into some kind of resolution
31:09
Speaker 6: for the problem at hand. And we really need to
31:12
Speaker 6: take time to learn our partners right, because even if
31:15
Speaker 6: you're in a past relationship, you're like, oh this work
31:16
Speaker 6: with this person, well there's a whole new person and
31:19
Speaker 6: we can't have the expectation of our last relationship and
31:22
Speaker 6: our current relationship.
31:23
Speaker 5: It just doesn't work that way. And that's with anybody.
31:25
Speaker 6: Friendships, familiar relationships, things like that.
31:30
Speaker 1: Listen, in every relationship, romantic friendship or whatever, Desirayaltia.
31:35
Speaker 3: You will see.
31:38
Speaker 1: I'm the one that says I need the space and
31:41
Speaker 1: I don't. And then okay, since you've already put me
31:45
Speaker 1: on the threshing board or whatever they call it, the
31:50
Speaker 1: shopping block. I find myself to see you saying I
31:56
Speaker 1: need space, and then space possible turns into avoidance.
32:03
Speaker 6: It is so it can be right because you're avoiding
32:06
Speaker 6: something that's making you feel uncomfortable. And I mean, I'm
32:09
Speaker 6: not gonna read you because I don't know you're past
32:12
Speaker 6: like that. But sometimes we avoid things because we are
32:15
Speaker 6: fearing the neglect that might come with it if we
32:17
Speaker 6: address it right. And so, if I really address this thing,
32:20
Speaker 6: is it going to end up the way I want
32:22
Speaker 6: it to?
32:23
Speaker 1: Right?
32:23
Speaker 5: If I really address this thing, is it going to
32:26
Speaker 5: have love loss? Right?
32:28
Speaker 6: And so there's also like a certain inks that comes
32:30
Speaker 6: with addressing hard things, which is why if you are
32:34
Speaker 6: someone with like an avoidant attachment, it's just like, I'm
32:36
Speaker 6: not talking about this because if I talk about this,
32:39
Speaker 6: I'm gonna start to inspiral. And then on the opposite end,
32:42
Speaker 6: you have people with like anxious attachment, where they'd be like,
32:44
Speaker 6: I need to talk about this right now for the
32:46
Speaker 6: same reason because if I don't talk about this, I'm
32:48
Speaker 6: gonna spiral and think you're just gonna leave me, and
32:50
Speaker 6: then I'm gonna do anything And everything to keep clinging
32:54
Speaker 6: on to you. So again it comes down to learning
32:57
Speaker 6: your partner learning their attacked. I stand by ten toes
33:01
Speaker 6: down right attachment styles because they explain so much and.
33:05
Speaker 1: It goes through them like all the what are attachment
33:09
Speaker 1: styles and what are the types of attachment styles?
33:12
Speaker 6: Yeah, So basically, attachment style is a theory that basically
33:16
Speaker 6: states that you the way which you grew up is
33:19
Speaker 6: the way which you might communicate your feelings or how
33:22
Speaker 6: you show up in relationships.
33:24
Speaker 5: There's four.
33:25
Speaker 6: So there's a secure attachment, which means that you're very
33:28
Speaker 6: secure in your relationship, you don't get too anxious, you
33:30
Speaker 6: don't be too avoidant, you're okay with some emotional distress
33:34
Speaker 6: because you know how to handle it. Then you might
33:37
Speaker 6: have anxious attachment, and anxious just means that as a child,
33:41
Speaker 6: maybe you became a people pleaser because a parent or
33:45
Speaker 6: a caregiver just wanted and requested so much from you.
33:48
Speaker 6: And then in this manner you then developed into an
33:51
Speaker 6: individual who's just like I have to give my partner everything,
33:54
Speaker 6: and I have to make sure that I'm showing up
33:55
Speaker 6: authentically all the time or even inauthentically all the time
33:59
Speaker 6: to make sure that this person and it's pleased, and
34:00
Speaker 6: if God forbid I don't, I'm then going to overcompensate
34:04
Speaker 6: because I don't want to lose them. An avoidant attachment
34:09
Speaker 6: is more so a person who is avoiding any emotional situations,
34:14
Speaker 6: and maybe that's because a parent didn't really give the
34:16
Speaker 6: person a space to be vulnerable, like if you had
34:19
Speaker 6: a bad day at school, the parent was just like,
34:21
Speaker 6: figure it out right, because we're not talking about any emotions,
34:24
Speaker 6: and so that carries on into your romantic relationships or friendships.
34:28
Speaker 6: A disorganized attachment is the mixture of the two, but
34:31
Speaker 6: we usually see that when there's some sort of trauma
34:33
Speaker 6: that has happened in childhood. So maybe witnessing domestic violence
34:38
Speaker 6: or watching like a parent, like an alcoholic parent or caregiver,
34:43
Speaker 6: and those are the people that are more hot and cold.
34:45
Speaker 6: So maybe you're a little avoidant, a little anxious. You
34:48
Speaker 6: kind of just don't know what you're gonna get. But
34:50
Speaker 6: again it just depends on what has happened in your childhood.
34:54
Speaker 5: That's you.
34:55
Speaker 1: Because I was gonna ask you, can you have a
34:58
Speaker 1: mixture of the avoiding and anxious Because I am a
35:01
Speaker 1: Polica pleaser, I have been a people pleaser, right, But
35:04
Speaker 1: I also get to these spaces where I'm like, please
35:06
Speaker 1: just leave me alone. This hurts this, I know this
35:10
Speaker 1: hurts too much, or I feel myself rising somewhere that
35:13
Speaker 1: I just don't want to go.
35:15
Speaker 3: I need my space. I don't want to be I
35:16
Speaker 3: don't want to be around you right now. This hurts
35:19
Speaker 3: your your presence is hurting me.
35:21
Speaker 1: Like, so, no, I'm so glad that you answered my
35:25
Speaker 1: question before I could ask. And So, in those attachment
35:30
Speaker 1: styles and being able to recognize them, what are some
35:33
Speaker 1: steps to get to get closer to the secured attachment style?
35:37
Speaker 3: What would you say?
35:39
Speaker 6: I like to say having an ideal of what secure
35:42
Speaker 6: looks like, because it's really hard to attain something that
35:45
Speaker 6: you're not sure it should look like. Right, So, if
35:48
Speaker 6: it's like a TV character, and maybe it's somebody in
35:50
Speaker 6: your life, understanding how they communicate with their partner, understanding
35:53
Speaker 6: how they deal with emotional distress. Right, So, let's say
35:57
Speaker 6: you come from like a toxic environment and nobody in
35:59
Speaker 6: your face family you know, has a secure attachment. Well,
36:04
Speaker 6: getting some resources, reading books, looking at television shows where
36:08
Speaker 6: you see the secure attachment, You see how they handle
36:10
Speaker 6: conflict and then honestly just emulating that it's tough, right,
36:16
Speaker 6: because there is no cookie cutter way to be one
36:19
Speaker 6: hundred percent secure. Actually, I'm glad what you said earlier.
36:23
Speaker 6: Sometimes we show up differently in different areas of our life, right.
36:26
Speaker 6: So for example, myself, I have a very avoidant attachment
36:30
Speaker 6: with my who I had a very avoidant attachment with
36:32
Speaker 6: my family.
36:33
Speaker 5: Was actually probably even disorganized, to be honest.
36:36
Speaker 6: And then like in my first relationships, I was very
36:39
Speaker 6: anxiously attached, right because I honestly wanted to please my partner.
36:46
Speaker 5: I didn't want the rejection that would have come with it.
36:50
Speaker 6: But in learning to be secure, I think I have
36:52
Speaker 6: a cheek code because I became a therapist, right, So
36:54
Speaker 6: it's just like, well, I know the way which to
36:56
Speaker 6: become secure. But for those of you who probably aren't
36:59
Speaker 6: in therapy, or don't or not at the point of therapy,
37:03
Speaker 6: or don't have a coach, or don't have people around
37:06
Speaker 6: your immediate environment that have secure attachment, are just like
37:09
Speaker 6: reading books, looking the Bible is a great resource, right.
37:14
Speaker 3: Come on, now tell them again, I see you.
37:17
Speaker 6: I always always compare to Joseph right, he had a
37:20
Speaker 6: very secure attachment with God. But he had his brothers, right,
37:24
Speaker 6: had a avoidant attachment with him, maybe even disorganized because
37:28
Speaker 6: they cast to him away. It's just like, we're not
37:30
Speaker 6: gonna deal with this, right, So kind of just looking
37:32
Speaker 6: for Jesus and the Father okay, although he's one and
37:37
Speaker 6: the same, but looking at all of the ways in
37:40
Speaker 6: which you can be secure and how you can emulate
37:45
Speaker 6: and just mimic those behaviors can help.
37:52
Speaker 1: Sorry, girl, out the the bread grading bred he's walking
37:58
Speaker 1: out the building.
38:02
Speaker 3: No, you're fine, but no, that's so good.
38:04
Speaker 1: And I think it's also a segue into a question
38:07
Speaker 1: I had for you because you recently posted something that
38:09
Speaker 1: I felt like you was trying to take me on.
38:11
Speaker 5: I did.
38:15
Speaker 3: You know them carousels y'all love to do. It's a
38:20
Speaker 3: carousel and it says.
38:24
Speaker 1: Unhealed trauma can make you believe being along is safer
38:27
Speaker 1: than being vulnerable. Put a put her back on the
38:31
Speaker 1: screen so I can see her face.
38:34
Speaker 3: I want and.
38:37
Speaker 5: Mm hm.
38:40
Speaker 3: I felt I felt attacked on this because vulnerability I
38:48
Speaker 3: feel like, and you you can come for my knick.
38:50
Speaker 3: I don't care, it's just ask.
38:54
Speaker 1: The vulnerability I feel like I've been in a place
38:57
Speaker 1: where I was too vulnerable mm hmm, and then my.
39:01
Speaker 3: Vulnerability was mismanaged.
39:03
Speaker 1: So I'm afraid to be vulnerable, but I feel better
39:09
Speaker 1: holding stuff. Well, in the beginning, I feel better just
39:14
Speaker 1: holding stuff or just being reserved. They allowing, because in
39:17
Speaker 1: my mind, I always take you. I've said this before,
39:20
Speaker 1: and you can correct me on this. I've said this before.
39:23
Speaker 1: Where I can handle everybody else stuff, I know how
39:27
Speaker 1: to manage it.
39:28
Speaker 3: I know how to manage the.
39:30
Speaker 1: The, the good, bad, and the ugly, right, But I'm
39:34
Speaker 1: not confident that others can manage.
39:37
Speaker 3: My good, bad, and ugly.
39:41
Speaker 5: And that's because of past experiences.
39:43
Speaker 1: Right, That's where the trauma, I guess you would say,
39:47
Speaker 1: because you already discovered that my attachments.
39:51
Speaker 3: Trauma time.
39:53
Speaker 5: Right.
39:53
Speaker 6: And so there's this fragmentation, right, is when we different
39:58
Speaker 6: persons of ourself kind of break off into different they
40:04
Speaker 6: get stuck right in experiences, and so that part of
40:08
Speaker 6: you just that just that got hurt, you know, when
40:11
Speaker 6: you were too vulnerable. That part of you just keeps
40:13
Speaker 6: coming back up whenever you think about being too close
40:17
Speaker 6: to somebody else, right, And I can't fault you for
40:20
Speaker 6: it because you're human, and I would say that part
40:24
Speaker 6: of you that did get hurt when you had those
40:28
Speaker 6: experiences needs to reprocess and feel safe again.
40:32
Speaker 5: What does she need to feel safe that I don't
40:34
Speaker 5: know right? Only you would know that?
40:36
Speaker 6: Is it that because that experience let you feel like okay,
40:39
Speaker 6: well nobody's listening to me or nobody understands me. Did
40:43
Speaker 6: that experience leave you physically hurt?
40:46
Speaker 1: Right?
40:47
Speaker 6: Kind of going back retracing and seeing like, okay, in
40:49
Speaker 6: that moment when I was vulnerable and I got hurt,
40:53
Speaker 6: what could have saved me emotionally? So that I don't
40:57
Speaker 6: keep resurfacing this part of me whenever there is a
41:00
Speaker 6: new opportunity for me to be vulnerable, because vulnerability is beautiful, right,
41:05
Speaker 6: It would actually help, It would help mankind honestly if
41:09
Speaker 6: we were vulnerable because we put this we have this
41:12
Speaker 6: facade like everything has to be perfect, and sometimes when
41:16
Speaker 6: we close in on ourselves, some people can't learn from
41:19
Speaker 6: that experience.
41:20
Speaker 5: And not saying everybody's story.
41:21
Speaker 6: Everybody has to know your story, it's just we make
41:24
Speaker 6: it seem as if we have to be perfect all
41:26
Speaker 6: the time, and we've been through some stuff, and your
41:29
Speaker 6: vulnerability can help somebody else, Your vulnerability with that other
41:32
Speaker 6: person could also help them be a little bit more vulnerable.
41:35
Speaker 5: But I definitely think just.
41:37
Speaker 6: Processing that part of you that was stuck and hurt
41:40
Speaker 6: the first time or second time or fifth time, and
41:43
Speaker 6: given that part.
41:44
Speaker 5: Of you what she really needed in the moment that
41:46
Speaker 5: she didn't get.
41:49
Speaker 3: That's so good.
41:49
Speaker 1: So is this what you're saying right now and how
41:52
Speaker 1: you're advising me right now? Is this an experience when
41:55
Speaker 1: we're talking about you being a trauma coach? Because the
41:58
Speaker 1: people thought is word trauma around And I was watching
42:01
Speaker 1: another content creator and she was like, we miss youse
42:06
Speaker 1: that word, and so can you explain the word trauma?
42:10
Speaker 1: And then also what you do as a trauma cloak?
42:13
Speaker 1: So if I was to hire you, what what that
42:15
Speaker 1: looked like? So I need to know what trauma is
42:18
Speaker 1: and then what it would be what it would look
42:20
Speaker 1: like for me to hire you to help me through that.
42:22
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I want to clarify real quick.
42:25
Speaker 6: So trauma, there are big T traumas and there's little
42:28
Speaker 6: T traumas. A big T trauma is something that really
42:32
Speaker 6: throws you off your track, like you can't maybe if
42:35
Speaker 6: you had a car accident, right and the thought of
42:37
Speaker 6: going into that car again, you have a whole panic attack. Right,
42:40
Speaker 6: that's a big T trauma. A little T trauma might
42:43
Speaker 6: look like, Okay, maybe I got like a or I
42:49
Speaker 6: had a performance and I messed up, and now I
42:52
Speaker 6: have a little bit of stage fright, but I'll get
42:54
Speaker 6: on a stage again, but I'm still having that anxiety.
42:56
Speaker 6: The big difference here is how it right, how well
43:00
Speaker 6: you regulate your emotion after that said incident and if
43:04
Speaker 6: you can, right, and how triggered you become with any
43:08
Speaker 6: experience remotely similar to that experience. Right, So when we
43:12
Speaker 6: talk about trauma, we're talking about something, an event or
43:15
Speaker 6: an experience that disregulates you emotionally so much so that
43:20
Speaker 6: any proceeding experience becomes really hard to do. And I
43:24
Speaker 6: hope that kind of simplifies it, right, But we do
43:28
Speaker 6: overuse it, right, Yeah, We use it as like a
43:31
Speaker 6: colloquial term like, oh, yeah, that's traumatic.
43:33
Speaker 2: Well is it?
43:35
Speaker 5: Are you having flashbacks? Are you trembling at the thought
43:39
Speaker 5: of it?
43:39
Speaker 1: Can you?
43:39
Speaker 5: Are you ruminating? Right? And I get it. We have
43:42
Speaker 5: a lot of terms that we use, but for some
43:43
Speaker 5: people this is real life.
43:45
Speaker 3: Right.
43:47
Speaker 6: And then the second part of your question, like what
43:49
Speaker 6: it looks like, so I do something or several things,
43:52
Speaker 6: like I'm a certified trauma coach where I therapist and
43:55
Speaker 6: coach where I had to be trained for seven row
44:00
Speaker 6: months on how to really reprogram the brain. Because if
44:05
Speaker 6: you remember I said earlier, our bodies are used to routine. Well,
44:08
Speaker 6: our brains are also like computers, right, and so when
44:11
Speaker 6: you go through trauma, kind of think about that experience
44:15
Speaker 6: recoding your brain right, and that experience kind of gets stuck.
44:21
Speaker 6: So the best example too is let's say you walk
44:23
Speaker 6: into the library and you know, like I'm not to
44:25
Speaker 6: pick me up like a really good fiction book. Well,
44:27
Speaker 6: you go into the fiction section, You're like, what's this
44:31
Speaker 6: scientology book doing here? Like I said, right right, Well,
44:35
Speaker 6: when trauma occurs, it's like a memory being placed in
44:39
Speaker 6: the wrong section of your brain, and so you then
44:42
Speaker 6: get triggered and your body reacts abnormally to whatever that
44:47
Speaker 6: said trigger is. So what I go and do is
44:50
Speaker 6: I go ahead and I help reprogram.
44:53
Speaker 1: Right.
44:53
Speaker 6: So our body and our minds are connected, So sometimes
44:56
Speaker 6: we need movement in order to help put that memory
45:02
Speaker 6: back into the right place and help process it more
45:05
Speaker 6: effectively and then give words to that said trauma because
45:10
Speaker 6: when we go through traumatic experiences, the ernarchy area in
45:14
Speaker 6: our brain gets shut down. That's the area in the
45:18
Speaker 6: brain that's responsible for words, right. So that's why sometimes
45:21
Speaker 6: when people go through things, they freeze, they can't talk
45:24
Speaker 6: right because that area in brain get shut down. So
45:26
Speaker 6: what I'm doing is I'm going in safe place. Sometimes
45:29
Speaker 6: it takes years for us to kind of move through that,
45:31
Speaker 6: sometimes months. It really just depends on how fast your
45:33
Speaker 6: brain wants to reprocess, goes in, moves that trauma memory
45:37
Speaker 6: back into the right place, gives it more expression, love, safety,
45:42
Speaker 6: so that now when you have anything that triggers it,
45:45
Speaker 6: it feels okay, like hey, I could talk about this
45:48
Speaker 6: and not feel like the walls are closing in on me.
45:51
Speaker 3: That's so good.
45:52
Speaker 1: I love. I loved how you explain that I was
45:55
Speaker 1: gonna let you go. But this is another word that
45:57
Speaker 1: I think that I know. I use it, use it
46:01
Speaker 1: a lot, right.
46:04
Speaker 3: Trigger m hmm.
46:07
Speaker 1: Yeah. So our relationship with our triggers invites the regulation
46:16
Speaker 1: of trauma. This is my interpretation, Justine. Sometimes I think
46:21
Speaker 1: I'm smart and you are areas you know, just make
46:25
Speaker 1: connecting dots and stuff. So if this sounded smart, to you.
46:30
Speaker 3: Clock clock, but no, like our relationship? How what does it?
46:37
Speaker 1: How our relationship is what our triggers, in my mind
46:41
Speaker 1: can help or harm the process of trying to declutter
46:45
Speaker 1: the trauma or detach from the trauma. Would you agree
46:49
Speaker 1: with that? And what is the healthy relationship? I'm using
46:53
Speaker 1: quotation because I don't know if I'm using the right language.
46:56
Speaker 1: Relationship with our triggers look like and when we say, oh,
46:58
Speaker 1: it's triggering me, just trigger me. I don't think we
47:00
Speaker 1: should just be saying it out a while. We say
47:02
Speaker 1: stuff that we really don't don't mean, but true, honest
47:06
Speaker 1: to god triggers. What does that relationship because the thing
47:10
Speaker 1: still happen, How should I respond to or what ways
47:14
Speaker 1: do I need to make it to where I'm responded
47:16
Speaker 1: to it in a healthy manner?
47:19
Speaker 6: That's a good question, right, I honestly think do you.
47:23
Speaker 6: I never heard anyone say like healthy, like a healthy
47:26
Speaker 6: relationship with the trigger, but I do think it's an
47:28
Speaker 6: appropriate term. It can be appropriate term to use because
47:31
Speaker 6: technically what you're doing is you're desensitizing your emotion to
47:35
Speaker 6: that said trigger, which then would make it healthy.
47:38
Speaker 5: Right, So, like I put myself back on you know.
47:42
Speaker 6: The spotlight I had for a little bit, I had
47:46
Speaker 6: an unhealthy we listen for anybody, but like a gunshot, right,
47:50
Speaker 6: because I've had I've had a friend get shot right
47:54
Speaker 6: next to me, right, and for a while, what I
47:57
Speaker 6: would hear like a gunshot?
47:59
Speaker 5: My body would.
48:01
Speaker 6: It wasn't until I went through my own therapy, like
48:04
Speaker 6: it's not something I could do on myself where I
48:06
Speaker 6: was able to have a healthier relationship with a trigger
48:09
Speaker 6: because she made me understand that in that moment, I'm
48:14
Speaker 6: still safe. I can reorientate myself to where I am
48:20
Speaker 6: in proximity to my now versus what was happening back then.
48:25
Speaker 6: So I do think it's possible to have a healthy
48:28
Speaker 6: trigger or a healthy relationship with a trigger. I just
48:33
Speaker 6: I think it takes some time to get there, you
48:37
Speaker 6: know what I mean, right, Because a trigger is going
48:40
Speaker 6: to still be a trigger. It's just your response to it,
48:43
Speaker 6: Like are you going to clam up, are you going
48:46
Speaker 6: to have a flashback of what has happened in the past,
48:49
Speaker 6: or are you going to be able to just acknowledge like, oh, yeah,
48:52
Speaker 6: you know that has happened. But in the moment, I'm safe,
48:55
Speaker 6: I'm fine because that's what the body that it requires
48:57
Speaker 6: is just safety.
48:59
Speaker 1: That's so good and I love that how she just
49:01
Speaker 1: she just keeps using this word safe because you know
49:03
Speaker 1: this is the safe space. And I just love that
49:07
Speaker 1: word because some people, like I've been asked the questions
49:10
Speaker 1: like all I've been trying to figure out is I
49:13
Speaker 1: just want to be safe.
49:14
Speaker 3: That's my goal. I want to be safe in relationships.
49:16
Speaker 3: I want to be safe in my environments.
49:18
Speaker 1: I want to be safe and it doesn't mean as
49:20
Speaker 1: it feels, go harm, but more so emotionally for me,
49:22
Speaker 1: I want to be able to be vulnerable.
49:24
Speaker 3: I want to be able to be transparent.
49:26
Speaker 1: I want to be able to be byself right, And
49:28
Speaker 1: safety for me is me being able to show up
49:30
Speaker 1: is me and being accepted.
49:32
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Like, I'm learning that.
49:36
Speaker 1: And just and not saying that you gotta like me,
49:39
Speaker 1: but just be like, oh okay, that's that's her, and
49:41
Speaker 1: not and not discredit me for being me. You get
49:44
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So I'm learning what that safe word
49:48
Speaker 1: means for me and what the safe space looks like
49:52
Speaker 1: for me personally doesn't read I want to check in
49:55
Speaker 1: what you says. I'm good.
49:57
Speaker 3: You know, you know you can turn the camera back.
49:59
Speaker 5: On on you.
49:59
Speaker 3: You figure that out this time. Let me think about it.
50:08
Speaker 1: Hold on, here we go. So one thing I think
50:12
Speaker 1: I was thinking about as you guys are talking with
50:14
Speaker 1: more so the attachment styles and just kind of finding
50:18
Speaker 1: myself in that space because I'm definitely in the season
50:21
Speaker 1: of uh healing and growing, and I do know that
50:26
Speaker 1: the relationship that I have with myself and people is
50:30
Speaker 1: definitely avoidant, only because you know, just because of because
50:33
Speaker 1: of a lot of my I'm the only kid, but
50:38
Speaker 1: also and it was just a little it was tough.
50:41
Speaker 1: So I just stayed by. I stayed to myself a lot.
50:44
Speaker 1: So as I as I've gotten older, and I just
50:47
Speaker 1: recognized that I avoid a lot of confrontations and conversations
50:51
Speaker 1: that that are hard because of m because of the
51:02
Speaker 1: lack of sometimes conversations with my mom. Right. So in
51:05
Speaker 1: this season, I'm learning and I'm growing and I'm being challenged.
51:10
Speaker 1: I'm being stretched in good ways, you know what I'm saying.
51:12
Speaker 1: But the stretching, I can feel it, but I know
51:15
Speaker 1: that it's it's really the Lord bringing those things up
51:17
Speaker 1: to surface so that I can work on them. So
51:19
Speaker 1: I can show up better in relationships, and also so
51:23
Speaker 1: that I can have language to articulate the things that
51:25
Speaker 1: I needed relationships too, because before I really didn't, you know,
51:28
Speaker 1: I just kind of allow people to, I don't know,
51:33
Speaker 1: kind of treat me a certain way, but I wouldn't
51:35
Speaker 1: say anything about it. I would just go in my feelings,
51:37
Speaker 1: you know, and not say anything. So I think he's
51:40
Speaker 1: teaching me how to giving me language to teach me
51:43
Speaker 1: the things that I need and being okay with expressing
51:46
Speaker 1: those and not and knowing that some conflict is good,
51:49
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So it's been good. So
51:51
Speaker 1: I appreciate you and see you for coming through today
51:54
Speaker 1: and blessing to people. She showed blessing the people, honey,
51:59
Speaker 1: she she definitely bless me because I was I saw
52:02
Speaker 1: this conversation going multiple ways, right, and.
52:06
Speaker 3: The relational.
52:10
Speaker 1: Aspect can go, like I said, to parenthood, to intimacy
52:15
Speaker 1: or whatever. And she said something earlier that really struck me.
52:19
Speaker 1: And it's the fact that wherever you, however you show
52:23
Speaker 1: up in one relationship nine times up to ten, you're
52:25
Speaker 1: gonna show up in another one, right the way I
52:28
Speaker 1: show up with my mom and my dad it's gonna
52:31
Speaker 1: show up into my intimate relationship, it's gonna show up
52:34
Speaker 1: in my friendships, some part of us on form of it,
52:37
Speaker 1: just because it's a different type of relationship. I'm still
52:39
Speaker 1: the one that's constant, right, And so I think that
52:42
Speaker 1: was I think that was the big takeaway from me
52:46
Speaker 1: in that portion of the conversation because it's like, all right,
52:50
Speaker 1: it's almost like when we expect people.
52:53
Speaker 3: To change and we was like, we keep.
52:55
Speaker 1: Doing the same thing over and over and over again,
52:58
Speaker 1: but we're not realizing we're the one that's in the.
53:01
Speaker 3: Situation over and over over again.
53:03
Speaker 1: It's almost like a fletch chick, like a real life
53:06
Speaker 1: flesshit is like, Okay, so you continuously have this problem.
53:09
Speaker 3: So where do you fit in the problem? Like what
53:12
Speaker 3: part of the equation of the problem are you in?
53:15
Speaker 1: And so that was I needed this conversation because baby,
53:19
Speaker 1: she checked me real good a few times. Okay, but Ciyah,
53:22
Speaker 1: this is the part of the conversation that we just
53:24
Speaker 1: lead to you. We like to give our guess the
53:27
Speaker 1: final say, there is anything that you want to clear
53:29
Speaker 1: up or anything that you want to aspound upon, even
53:32
Speaker 1: anything that you came in with your heart.
53:34
Speaker 3: If God has led us to say something, this is
53:36
Speaker 3: your time to do it.
53:38
Speaker 6: M Okay, I mean there is so much I could say, right,
53:42
Speaker 6: but what I will say is a lot of times
53:46
Speaker 6: people think like healing is like a one and done thing,
53:49
Speaker 6: and it's not right.
53:50
Speaker 5: It's actually ongoing.
53:51
Speaker 6: So for the simple fact that we have new experiences
53:53
Speaker 6: every day, we encounter new people, we look at things
53:56
Speaker 6: a little differently, and our brains are so intricate, so
53:59
Speaker 6: much so that sometimes it will rewire itself but then create.
54:03
Speaker 5: A new problem for us.
54:05
Speaker 6: And so healing is just like an ongoing thing that
54:08
Speaker 6: we should really be open to. I like what Desire
54:10
Speaker 6: said a little bit earlier. She said being uncomfortable, and
54:14
Speaker 6: I want everybody to kind of resonate with that, right,
54:17
Speaker 6: because you do have to be uncomfortable to grow. Nobody
54:19
Speaker 6: grows in comfort, right, And so if you're really challenging
54:22
Speaker 6: yourself to overcome some trauma or getting too better relationships,
54:26
Speaker 6: you have to deal with being uncomfortable first. Because if
54:29
Speaker 6: you're gonna keep doing the same thing like they say,
54:32
Speaker 6: you get the same results, right, It's not until you
54:34
Speaker 6: make even a small shift to say, like, Okay, I'm
54:37
Speaker 6: gonna do a little bit more work on me, or
54:39
Speaker 6: I'm gonna have more uncomfortable conversations so that I can
54:43
Speaker 6: grow in this relationship or even grow within myself. I
54:46
Speaker 6: think that's what's really important. And then I'm also tie
54:49
Speaker 6: in this part here. A lot of times being uncomfortable
54:52
Speaker 6: means that we have to submit ourselves, right, submit ourselves
54:55
Speaker 6: to God, submit our experiences to God too, right, because
54:58
Speaker 6: a lot of times we try to where things out
55:00
Speaker 6: in our own strength, and so giving it to God helps.
55:03
Speaker 6: But then also I feel like God will place the
55:05
Speaker 6: right people in your life, so whether it's a coach,
55:06
Speaker 6: a therapist, a friend, that will help move you through it.
55:09
Speaker 6: So no shade, right, But isolation is not always the answer, right,
55:15
Speaker 6: Be okay with being a little bit more vulnerable so
55:18
Speaker 6: that God can increase I guess the people around you
55:22
Speaker 6: to help so they can see you, right, because you have.
55:24
Speaker 5: To be vulnerable to be seen.
55:26
Speaker 3: So yeah, you have to be vulnerable to be seen.
55:32
Speaker 3: Clock it. Let me tell you something. Sea knows her stuff.
55:39
Speaker 1: She was able to answer every question we ease, Okay,
55:41
Speaker 1: so we're definitely gonna have to have her back because
55:44
Speaker 1: we got probably we probably got some more trauma questions.
55:46
Speaker 1: Maybe we need to do a live or something to
55:48
Speaker 1: see or we got to plan something. I definitely enjoyed
55:51
Speaker 1: you sis, that's ray. Did you learn something? Did she
55:55
Speaker 1: learn you something? I got notes. It's been a blessing
56:00
Speaker 1: to have you here and again, Happy Mother's Day. And
56:05
Speaker 1: Mother's Day is actually in Mental Health Awareness month, so
56:08
Speaker 1: we are celebrating that. We acknowledged that. Last year we
56:11
Speaker 1: did a whole.
56:13
Speaker 3: Month of it.
56:14
Speaker 1: I think it all about war men does a ray out,
56:16
Speaker 1: So we couldn't We couldn't do that again.
56:18
Speaker 3: So see see it was enough.
56:19
Speaker 1: We felt like we were going to therapy every week,
56:21
Speaker 1: and I don't think we were ready for that. But
56:25
Speaker 1: make sure you take care of yourselves, moms, Make sure
56:28
Speaker 1: you take care of yourselves. You deserve a great healthy
56:31
Speaker 1: relationship with others, but you definitely deserve a great healthy
56:34
Speaker 1: relationship with your selves. So in other words, have a
56:37
Speaker 1: great week, Love on you until next time. Until next week.
56:41
Speaker 1: Remember life could be much more simple if you just.
56:45
Speaker 3: Asked, thank you for tuning in to this week's episode.
56:54
Speaker 2: Since you've made it this far, you might as well
56:56
Speaker 2: connect with us on all social media platforms THEE that's
57:00
Speaker 2: an as Smith. I know I won't see you back
57:03
Speaker 2: until next week, but until then, remember to love always
57:08
Speaker 2: yourself and always think.
57:11
Speaker 4: Thank God for one another day. Hey, Hey, I know
57:17
Speaker 4: we could be another way. Hey, pray thank God for
57:22
Speaker 4: another day. Hey hey, I'm just thankful another day. Hey, Hey,
57:32
Speaker 4: another day? Oh, another day wise, another day to get
57:36
Speaker 4: it right, another day to rise up, another day living,
57:39
Speaker 4: another day we loved ones. I always remember hold it
57:42
Speaker 4: down for a ball one yelp