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Bingo & Fuck All · The Pork Roll, Egg, And Cheese Podcast

• Shamus: Hello everybody and welcome back to the Pork Roll Egg and Cheese Podcast. My name is Seamus. And I'm her babe. And as always, you can be anywhere in the world, but you're here with us. And for that we thank you. I'm not gonna do sponsors today 'cause I don't feel like it. I'm feeling some kind of way. I'm miserable, I'm angry. Yeah. Herbie: Today's a lazy day. Shamus: I mean you guys know all the sponsors by now. I will mention the one that was just on just because he's new. Blue Moose artwork. Herbie's buddy Steve, last episode, does amazing work with wood, wood burning and stuff. And you can see his work and reach him on Facebook at Blue Moose Artwork. if you're looking for somebody to do some artwork on some wood, like burning stuff, and that's the guy to call, man, or hit him up. So Herbie: Gone wood. Shamus: Yeah. And if you tell him you're a buddy of Herbie's, he might hook you up. Yeah. So Herbie: Or he'll just tell you an embarrassing story about me when I was a kid. Shamus: Yeah. Well that episode last episode was nothing but that. Sure Herbie: Dude, I was I could have Shamus: that's I was gonna say I'm sure that's just a tip of the ice. Herbie: And it was PG rated too, so I'm pr pretty proud of myself. I'm not s doing all the extra cursing and all the crazy stories and stuff. Shamus: You can go ahead and talk about what you did this week 'cause if I talk about mine I'm just gonna put my head through this wall. Herbie: Well I spent like a whole big thing of like yeah, I partied hard, bro. I went to bingo night. Shamus: That's okay. Is that where we're is that where we're at at our age? Herbie: You know when you're getting older when a Friday I think it was a Friday or Saturday w went to Bingo. Shamus: Holy smokes, dude. Well I was supposed to go to that, but I didn't think you really I didn't think you considered that a big party thing. So well let's we can talk about bingo today, the history of it and all that stuff because I was supposed to go. I gave up my ticket so Steve and his wife could go together. Yeah, thank you for that. yeah, no doubt, no doubt. And like I said, it was I was like it's bingo, fuck it. I was Herbie: yeah. Shamus: like, I I think I'll be able to miss this. So Herbie: They they they get serious though, bro. I mean, there's money to be made there. I'm like the last time like a lady won like two grand. The the last this past Bingo night was like the main prize was a thousand dollars. There was a couple of them that were like three hundred pots, a hundred and fifty dollar pots. Even like the freaking what is it, the Shamus: we Herbie: fifty fifty, like two people walked out with eight fifty eight hundred eight hundred and fifty bucks apiece. People walked out with my goddamn e bike that I was trying to win. freaking all these other prize they had like Fifty baskets. Shamus: Well first of all, where was it and what was it for? Was it a fundraiser or Herbie: yeah, it's actually it's a fundraiser for the firehouse. So they would they in town we there there's a firehouse and they they normally do like this Okay. Shamus: Yeah. Herbie: So they do that and you know they just try to raise money for for the for the fire fire department. Shamus: Was there any problems, man? South side and school side, lakeside, they're all there, there would no problem. Herbie: I mean there's beefs. There's there's like there's definitely like the MIMO and the Nana beefs, man. Okay. 'Cause you got like the Mimos that are kinda like, you know, they're like the more wide back, a little tougher type. I got you know what I mean? But it's kinda Shamus: Well listen, listen old p when it comes to bingo, old people don't give a fuck where you from. Yeah. If you ain't old, you ain't with Yeah. That's some gang shit right there. Herbie: Yeah, you ain't lying, bro. 'Cause I swear to god, it's almost like the the the Mimo and Nana version of like a guy's tailgate, man, 'cause it's just like they get there early, they have all their shit packed, they bring their own food, they got their game faces on, bro. Shamus: Right. And if you ain't got your AARP car with you, you ain't with Herbie: Damn No, you ain't The one like the well, the Mimas are always like the bigger back ones. So they're always the ones that are serious. They have like the big ass bingo bag. It's always like this black and white checkered one with those dauber things for like the little to make the little dots and everything. Shamus: And they have backup Dobber thing. Herbie: dude, it's almost like they got a bandolier looking like Chewbacca with the goddamn thing. There's like all the colors. They got everything, dude. So they have a bag of like the bingo gear. And then they have like either they they and no shit, dude. They are carrying a crock pot or they just got like some food like pepperoni bread or just like just everything very high calorie foods. It it is just like tailgating food, but for like memos nanas, you know? The nanas are like Yeah, Shamus: They could gum down, you know what I mean? Herbie: dude. I mean they get in there, dude. They get in there and there's concessions there to be sold. You know, they have like hamburgers, hot dogs, stuff like that. But man, the the ones that are the ones that are serious, bro, they bring their own stuff, man. Shamus: Well that's what when I was talking to our friend Kim, former guest of the show, she was saying that everybody's bringing food and I was like, Don't they sell food at this shit? And then she explained to me like everybody. Yep. And she said these old people roll in, they put the crock pot right in the middle of their table and they just eat their own shit. Yeah, bro. Herbie: Wow. And and they th they have their own tables and stuff, bro. It's like the goddamn Game of Thrones, man. It's like house memor, house nana, house pawpaw. It's just like it's just it's crazy, man. Like the nanas are like the really sweet ones. But so like the for me, like a nana is more like the lady that will actually bake you banana bread and give you a nice hot cup of tea. And the Mol, she's either gonna give you like a bologna sandwich and a Frickin' hot coffee. But the nanas would just give that to you, even if she doesn't know you. Now Mimol might be a little bit of a seasoned woman, so she might have a little bit of an attitude, not like people, and she actually might not like the gigglers. The gigglers are basically like the younger chicks that actually like to go there but either because like they're related to like the firemen or the EMTs or related to the Mimals or the Nanas and they go there and they pre gaming a little tuned up. So a of times either they're sitting at the end of the table or they have their own table and they start giggling. Yeah, yeah. And Mimas don't like that. Nanas Nanas actually don't kinda like it either. So like I mean Mimas and Nanas actually have like beef with each other. Shamus: Gotcha. Yeah. I was like I say it's a very it's like I said, I went one time before and it's a very weird it's a weird crowd, but it's also a very tense, awkward feeling in the room and shit. yeah. And don't be that dude. Like don't you can't laugh, you can't fucking rant like I instantly got it like after a couple like one or two games, I was like, I gotta get out of here. They're gonna lynch me. Yeah. Because I'm just like, who the f like it's bingo, like yeah, and they're just like they're just like Herbie: Ha ha ha ha ha. Shamus: You said the word in the middle of the g I was like, yo, it's just bingo and like who's got bingo? What? Herbie: Yeah, God forbid. Yeah. God forbid you call bingo and it's not bingo. Shamus: You could be on your phone, wife would be like or your girlfriend or whatever, be like, hey, what are you doing? I'm like I can't talk to you right now. I'm I'm playing bingo. Yeah I'm not talking to you. Herbie: They're like someone called bingo You're like Set of Yeah. It's it's yeah, it's that serious man. 'Cause they're also like they have like fifty fifties, they have all that crap there. So like what you normally what we do is we go in there, you give your ticket, 'cause of course this thing is like it's like a frickin' concert, man. Like it sells out a c a few months before you know, the game day I should say. Shamus: I was gonna say we bought our tickets what end of July, beginning of August? Yeah. Herbie: So like it's limited seating, but it's like it's like the whole firehouse is full of people, just tables and all Shamus: It's crazy. Herbie: And it's like the one side room has like fifty baskets from like a lot of donations. There's a lot of cool prizes. there was Shamus: Did know what they were raising money for? Was it to build a new firehouse? 'Cause I know that got approved. Herbie: Yeah, they're they're talking about like the new firehouse and stuff, but they've always done that because it it's more it's a volunteer fire department. I know. So like of course a lot of the you they're they everyone still has like their own job. So that that department they don't have like they can't really stay there. I gotcha. You what I mean? So Shamus: I used to be a volunteer all the way back when I was in high school, man. I used to be a volunteer fine. I know how it is with the volunteer shit. All right, let's take a quick look at I'll give you some quick facts about bingo. We'll start with who invented it and what shaped it. Modern bingo evolved from an Italian Italian lottery game called Guccio del Lotto di Italia from the fifteen thirties. But then it moved to France as Li Lato in the seventeen seventies, where the five by five card layout took shape. Are they still five by five? Herbie: yeah. Shamus: Okay. Herbie: They got like big newspaper ones, man. There's like a bunch of on there. Shamus: there are five bu it's like one big paper, but there's different calls. Herbie: It looks like the frickin' New York Times, bro. It's just like a big hu each sheet is like a different color code, so there's like maybe six blocks or maybe more I think more than that. But each sheet is like a different game and like different values and stuff like that. Shamus: All right, an American carnival operator, Hugh J. Ward, standardized and copyrighted the game, originally played as Bino in western Pennsylvania during the nineteen twenties. Herbie: Crazy. Shamus: He published an official rule book in nineteen thirty three. So that was made this is our neighborhood, dude. Yeah. Bingo was a product of Pennsylvania. Herbie: And it moved down to South Jersey with memes Shamus: So now so now it's you know, it's cheesesteaks, it's soft pretzels, and it's bingo, bitch. Yeah. Herbie: And crock pots. Shamus: That's right. Herbie: Pepperoni pizza bread. and not for not and shout out to Jen and all them, you know, the cheesesteak egg rolls and the cheesecake mini bites. Yeah, our table actually had a good like we had a great spread. There's like you don't really need to go buy concessions. Shamus: Yeah, I kinda felt bad because like I ordered the rivet stray from Billy Pretzel Factory. And then I asked you and you said you were out, I was like, I'm not gonna eat fucking enough rivets for ten to fifteen guests. Yeah. So I I text Cam and I was like, I took it over there. Yeah. And I put it on the table and I was so proud of myself. I'm like, Yeah And they're like, Hey you want a cheesesteak egg roll or do you want this? And I was just like, Damn, I just bought pretzels. You know what I mean? So yeah, some of the food they had looked really good. Herbie: The pretzels the pretzels went too bro, don't worry. It like it by the end of the night dude it was like a lot of food got ran through. So Shamus: Good, yeah. Good, good. Let's see. Here's where your boys from New York come in. Edwin S. Lowe, a New York Tory merchandiser who discovered Bino, which what it was originally called, Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: at a Georgia carnival in nineteen twenty nine. He renamed it Bingo after a winner winner accidentally burted out the wrong word. He mass marketed the game and hired a math professor to create thousands of unique non repeating number cards. Wow. Lowe, hired Columbia University Mathematics professor Carl Leffler to design over 6,000 unique bingo card combinations. Legend says the grueling task drove the professor insane and to an asylum. Herbie: Dude, just when you thought like the Mima and Nana freaking gladiator gladiatorial fights were going hard, it it drove the dude crazy. Shamus: Yeah. I it's like a well, I couldn't listen, man. I was one of those guys that hated math. I hate numbers. I always thought when I was in school I was just kinda like, why not just teach us like if you're gonna be an engineer and all that shit like that, you need to know algebra and angles and all like but like blue collar guys like me who weren't going to college just need to know how to add, subtract, divide and multiply. That's it. So to be honest with you, sitting there playing bingo and look at all those numbers would drive me fucking batshit. Herbie: Did you know how crazy it is? Cause actually everyone's like talking shit about bingo. I mean like I went to play bingo on a Saturday night. Some dude literally went frickin' nuts to make this goddamn Shamus: Somebody gave up their their whole mental health status. Bingo to watch a bunch of ninety year old people duke it out on a Saturday afternoon. Herbie: You know what drives me nuts too? I swear to God. And it like listeners, Bingo night reminds me of the parking lot of Wawa. So freaking, I swear to God, you like all the Mimas and Nanas and Pa Paws and Pawpaws all show up, right? They get there early. They take their sweet ass time getting into the building. Okay. Then they settle. They all have like their little territories. It's just like tailgating. So of course, like when you go there, you have your spot. You have your table. No one else that you don't know sits at your table. They all go they take your sweet ass time getting in there. And they'll even take their sweet ass time when you're buying your fifty-fifties to go into the room to put in like your tickets for the baskets on what you want to do. Because, you know, Mima sees Betty and wants to have a discussion with her right in the middle of this small cramped room because she hasn't seen her a peanut last Thursday. You know what I mean? But after when they do that, it takes they take their sweet ass time. But I dude, I swear to God, as soon as the game is over, it's like The cannonball running the dukes of hazards, bro. These memals and nanas are just jumping in their frickin' cars like the cars with the windows open. They got their carts, all sudden it's and it's just like complete chaos in the parking lot, dude. Shamus: Mini vans driving down the road with like the jet ski tow rope like the the people on their larks holding on to like Herbie: Well listeners, the the the reason why I've been going to Bingo, everyone is like the last time I went with my friends, I actually won a flat top Weber grill. But then I Shamus: No. Herbie: yeah. But in the parking lot, I got fucking it. Shamus: I thought you did get clips. Herbie: Some nana fucking backed up into me, dude. I swear to god, they just scramble like crazy, dude. So you got the Shamus: She dent one of your stickers? Yeah. Herbie: son of them. That's the only thing that's holding my jeep together now is all the stickers. You're freaking you do have those, then you also have like the middle aged ladies that are there that actually have their husbands just drop off. But they're like, you know. Shamus: Was there drinking was there alcohol? Herbie: well yeah there's that well that's yeah that's the giggle table. That's like you know the the like the the younger ones that like I said are either related to the EMTs or the firemen and they're all pregaming and partying up. So, you know, of course the Mimas and Nanas don't like each other, but they do agree they will, you know, roll under one banner when they that giggle table starts, you know, giggling little bit too much. Yeah. So it's either you're gonna get the stink eye or you're gonna start getting like Them talking about rumors like, Well, I heard Nancy's her second kid is is not her husband's shit like that. They get like yeah, they'll get yeah, they'll definitely get into real petty stuff. Shamus: Before it became so competitive. In the eighteen hundreds, German educators used early versions of bingo cards as educational tools to help children learn multiplication tables. That's cool. Yeah, I have no idea how that would work, but some of the global names for bingo is in the UK they call it Housey Housey and Australia, Tambola. in India and La Torilla in Mexico. You can read more about global variations in history in this overview of random facts about bingo. We're not gonna do Herbie: You could go insane. Shamus: I wonder if they get crazy like the like the old people in India and in Mexico and shit get that wild. Herbie: I think so, man, 'cause there's there's money, there's gambling, there's food. Yeah. Shit's gonna get crazy. Shamus: What TV show was I watching where they I mean they had a bingo thing going on, but somehow like the bad guys were skimming off the Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: fucking movie's at what was it Tess Tulsa King. Yeah, well one of the bad guys, like some of his henchmen were working a bingo game, but like it was rigged where only like people in their crew would win. And they found out about it and they were just like and they switched their cards. So like Sylvester Stallone's crew was winning all the bingo shit. And there was almost a gunfight there, man. Herbie: Yeah. It's just like that here too, man. Shamus: And they literally walked up to the guy and he was just like, I'm gonna tell him you guys were cheating. And they're like, Really? And they turned around and you see this room of old people. And they're like, We're gonna tell you guys have been robbing them for the last year and a half. You've been running this shit. And like he looked and you see all these old people like 'cause they can't it but the old people are like, What's the hold up? And he was just I was like, She didn't want no smoke. He was like, Take that money and get out. Herbie: Yeah, not from them dude. 'Cause man, the like the degree of like how much hatred built up is if you win their prize or if they're very close to bingo and you got someone else that won and or or it's that lucky table, you're gonna get rolled in the parking lot. Shamus: Well they just had in that TV show, they just had that look in their eyes like, bitch, I'm ninety. Yeah. I'll burn this thing down with me inside of it. Yes. I've had my share. She don't care. Like it's been a good run. Yeah. I'm on God's you know, I'm on house money right now. Herbie: Yeah, they don't care, dude. They don't care. Especially like the only time nanas actually get really aggressive if they didn't win the gift that they think their grandkids would really like. That's the that's that's when the nana the sweet nana will turn into a a mega meme all and start smacking ass. Shamus: Yeah, those motherfuckers are like, I'm right with God already, bro. I'm ready to go. Herbie: Yeah. But see, you know what? The Mimas and the and the Nanas will actually they hate one other person. It's almost like the the rich lady that is either related to one of the EMTs or the fireman, that she doesn't really need any of the like the prize money, nor does she need the gifts. Some reason she's winning baskets and shit. Shamus: I've been hearing for the last couple of months that you really didn't need that that grill, bro. Herbie: I'm young Shamus: They're like he still ain't used it. It c Herbie: True. But I got the cover and everything for it. I got a whole bunch of cool stuff for it so this way I can start using it. Shamus: Take a guess how many people participated in the largest bingo game in history in person? Herbie: Hundred thousand. Shamus: Close. Herbie: Yeah, see that was right off the bat too, bro. Shamus: The largest in-person bingo game in history took place in Bogota, Colombia. Home of Herbie: W the what? What? Bogotap. What I don't why am I why did I draw a blank? Really? Shamus: Pablo Escobar. really? Yeah, that's where Pablo was from, man. That's where they killed him. largest in-person big old game in history took place in Bogota, Colombia on December 2nd, 2006, gathering an astonishing seventy thousand participants in a single Herbie: Pork. Jesus. That's a lot of cocaine. Shamus: no doubt. Well My question is how many people won the 'cause like if you're splitting it with five hundred people, it's kinda like being in Earth, Wind and Fire. There's ninety people in that band. Who gets paid? Yeah. Herbie: You're still getting like five cent residuals like in like every month. Five pesos. I don't know. Shamus: That's what I said. Time you see Earth Wind to find like the early clips of them, there's it's like slip knot. There's like so many people on stage. I'm like Yeah. Herbie: I always thought about that too. Every time you see like friends or something like that, I never I never liked the show or never really watched it. Like how much residual checks is fat Jennifer Aniston getting? Shamus: Well, they probably have it worked out with their managers and stuff. But like their individuals. But like when you're in a band or a group, yeah. It's usually all for one, one for all kind of deal. Yeah. Yeah, I was just kinda like, damn, seventy s seventy thousand people and five hundred people like bingo. Herbie: there's th you know what? They they probably didn't mention how many fatalities happen afterwards dude 'cause there was people getting killed in that one. Shamus: All right, the US versus the UK boards, apparently they're different. American bingo uses a five by five grid with numbers one through seventy-five, while traditional UK bingo uses three rows and nine columns with numbers one through ninety. Wow. So I guess they have more numbers. Yeah. So and then studies and this is probably why all the old people show up for this. Studies show that playing bingo helps improve memory, concentration, and overall cognitive health. Particularly in older adults. So Herbie: That brings out actually when they say like, you know, I sixty nine or something like that, they all get to go So there's a little bit of Mimo Nana. You know what I mean? They do, man. They never do. I swear to God, it's a thing. Whoever whoever's listening, I ever been to a Mimo Nana bing bingo game, like when that number calls out, but yeah. It's a whole fire department full of like old nanas going Yeah. Every time, dude. Shamus: That's awesome. Herbie: That, but everything, you know, and I was like, see, and just like the last time, because like I was getting in the groove, man. Like, you know, I won the kayak, I won the grill, and then it had an e-bike. And I wanted the e-bike, and I did what you said, just like, you know, visualize it, and you could bring it into reality. So I was hyped up for this this bingo. I was like, I'm I and this time I learned my lesson. The last time I drove up, my Jeep got hit. So I walked up. Shamus: I was gonna say that's right in your neighborhood, isn't it? You didn't Herbie: But I yeah, also I was like the way they f Shamus: have to cross over into the south side though, did you? Yeah, I say in your side I had to go Yeah. Herbie: Go lakeside. Yeah, I had to go lakeside. Shamus: Mean streets down there. yeah, yeah. Herbie: Thank God like that they see me like they know I'm hanging out by the lake and stuff, but they're like you can do the lake. That's like the that's like the neutral area. You know what I mean? But when you start going far fire high you know fire station side, yeah, now that not not now you're crossing the line. But yeah, I was just nervous to get out of there because like I said, when they all leave, freaking they just scramble like crazy, so don't want to get hit by a frickin' Mima or Nana or a Paw Paw. Because you also have like some of those husbands actually just drop off their wives. And then they treat like, you know, like they're they're loading up a chopper or dis disembarking a a chopper for like Navy SEAL team six, man. They just drop off like, get out, get out, go, go, go, get out, go, go, go. Shamus: Let's see what else here. here we go. Biggest bingo wins. John Orchard won 5.9 euro in 2020. I Herbie: That's happening. Shamus: have no idea. This must be like a UK site. no, Anne Marie Farrer won 3.4 million dollars in 2015. Herbie: I don't know. Shamus: And then some other guy won some 1.1 million, I guess, Euros in 2008. Eight eight percent of the UK population play bingo, ten percent of all women and five percent of all men, with over three million people playing regularly in the UK. Herbie: That makes sense. Shamus: And it's not just for grannies. Many people think that bingo is mainly played by older adults, but they're wrong. In fact, over one third of online bingo players actually fall within twenty-five to thirty-four years old. With an average age of land based players, bingo a little higher at whatever. Herbie: Yeah, but that's that's online though, but like who's really pulling up to the dance? 'Cause I mean there's there's more Mimaw and Papa's there and nanas than like, you know, the the people like our age. Shamus: Well the old people aren't the old people aren't getting online to play. That's the younger the yeah Yeah, they want cash. yeah. Herbie: Yeah, they're pulling up, bro. Yeah, they they want cash, they want it tax free, they want to eat a bunch of sassy little freaking fatty foods, and they want to spread gossip. Shamus: That generation still thinks cash is king. You know what I mean? Like that's what it is. yeah. What's the word I'm looking for? Most common winner's name. Herbie: Betty. Shamus: Close. Margaret. Herbie: shit. It's close. Shamus: Margaret is the most common winner's name statistically. So if you are called Margaret, you're more likely to win than anyone else. Herbie: Dude, that sounds like a b like a Margaret would be like that rich chick that doesn't really need to win all the shit, but she does. Or that one annoying chick that like cleans up the whole goddamn table. Like her table just like just wins everything. wow like our table, like a Charse thing. Shamus: Get your heart racing. When you are one number off off Calling Bingo, your heart beats faster than if you were on a major roller coaster ride or something at an amusement Herbie: A rail of cocaine. Shamus: yeah, I well it doesn't say that, but maybe that's why they were in Bogota. Yeah. Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: Let's see. The most common reasons for playing bingo are because it's fun, exciting, and offers a chance to meet friends and socialize. Celebrities love bingo too. Catherine Zeta Jones can thank bingo for her career after her dad wanted enough to afford to send her to theater school. Herbie: How should Shamus: Robin Williams has been known to drop well, I used to be. Yeah. Apparently this is little old. Robin Williams has been known to drop into his local club and played bingo with Darrell Hannah in his music video for Feel. Other celebrity fans include Denise Van Otten, Scott Mills, not to mention Her Majesty the Queen, who apparently chose to call Palace rather than House, which is bingo. Yeah. Also played by Kylie, Cher, Ellie McPherson, and I guess the band called Take That. Bingo offers lots of different jobs in clubs and online with many offering flexibility in relation to location and hours. So if you're the number dude or the announcer, apparently that's a big thing. Yeah, you yeah. Herbie: My Shamus: I wonder we should look into that. How much they make. Herbie: Dude, pork will egg and cheese bingo. Shamus: instead of instead of call him bingo, he'd call breakfast. Yeah, I c I'm kind of not that I'm sad I didn't go, but man. But I was like, Yeah, I'll go to bingo, check it out. But then I was just kinda like, Herbie: I was so pissed too 'cause like I said, I wanted to win the e bike. Shamus: That was a door giveaway though, right? That was like a big prize. For winning bingo? Herbie: No, it was like they they have like the the the big prize for bingo I think was a grand Shamus: Okay. how did you have to win the bike? Herbie: The by l by lottery. You know, ca like you're buying like the fifty fifty tickets. Shamus: okay. I thought they everybody at the door got like a door ticket and then Herbie: Yeah, there was there's the door ticket, there's also fifty fifty, there's also you know, the tickets for for the the baskets. Shamus: Okay. Herbie: So like last time I was all pumped up. I was like, okay, what I'll do is cause they basically take nothing but cash. They're not doing Venmo or nothing like that. So the last time when we did it, they had that side room with all like all the baskets and everything showed up, and because the grill was big, they had a picture of the grill. In there with with a bucket, so you can actually, you know, each each thing had like a butt a little bucket where you can put your tickets in. Yeah. So of course. So I Shamus: Yes. Herbie: go in there, I buy all my tickets cash, right? I go in there, I'm looking around, I'm like, where the hell's the goddamn thing for the e-bike? And they go, yeah, well, you gotta go to this other line and buy some more tickets. I was so f pissed. Because it like I spent all my money my cash. It like you know what I It like ten bucks for a t I like, You su w why didn't they tell me this shit? I spent all my money on all these freaking tickets. So then I was like, Okay, d like right from the jump, I'm not getting a goddamn e-bike. So I was pissed off. Shamus: Now you're frazzled. Yeah. Now you're going into a frustrated and just mad. Like I've been Herbie: Exactly. Shamus: doing for the last month and a half, two months of my life. Herbie: You know what? And like secretly, me too, man. Shit's not going my way either. And that's getting me aggravated. So freaking I go in there and I bring my buddy Steve and his wife Donna. And there was a couple other ones. Like the first like the first ten baskets are actually pretty decent stuff. So there's like fifty in there. And I there's there was a freaking there was a an ice cream excuse me, an ice cream machine. Fucking a place Red Top was giving out like like Frozen meats like steaks and all that crap. No shit. There was a beer you know, there was like a booze basket. There was all this other crap. There was a goddamn drone. I wanted the drone. There was even like a I was gonna like, you know, settle for like the freaking solar paneled bug zapper. I like, that's good for the backyard. So there was at least maybe six other baskets that I was like I guess so. It Shamus: still a thing? Dimfred zappers? I haven't seen one of those in forever. Herbie: was it was there, dude. So I was like, cool, you know? I mean after and there was like other shit. And I was all pumped up and I w I was like, okay, I'm not getting a goddamn e-bike, even though I was all hyping myself up and my goddamn job knows that I wanted an e-bike, because that's all I you how I obsess. I was just that's all I was saying. Like, hey, good morning, everyone I'm gonna w I want an e-bike. So freaking I go in, you p you play a couple of games of bingo, didn't win shit in bingo. I'm like, okay, whatever. I got kinda close a couple of times. I was like, okay, it was like a little money, 150 bucks. And then they they call some of the baskets. So Mount like the three ones that I wanted. Nope. Nope. My numbers nowhere near. They called like these numbers. I had like 2001 some crap and they're like, seven fifty. I was like, where the hell is seven fifty and nine hundred? It's over. I know it's over. I know. But I j I j I was just Shamus: You went to Bingo the follow the year before and won the the flat top thing. We went to that fundraiser for Miss Charlene's husband. Yeah. And you won the goddamn kayak and nine other things. Yeah, yeah. It it's Herbie: Over. Because I was on a roll, man. I was like, you gotta keep track of when the iron's hot. I was like, you if I get the freaking e-bike, that'd be cool because I could I could use it at the park. If I get the drone, I could use it when I'm when I'm kayaking and stuff and have it fly over me and crap. It just would've been cool shit. Or a goddamn ice cream machine. I like ice cream. I would have liked that ice cream machine. It's over. It is over, but that's but that's what like it was like it was so co Shamus: Hey, it's been a good run. Herbie: Yeah, yeah, but still, but it like so quickly over that I like getting aggravated, and then my buddy Steve was close to winning. So I they kept on. We played some more bingo games. Didn't win shit. Then they call out more baskets. I didn't win shit. It was like 50 baskets, so by the time they got to the end, it was like didn't win shit. You played, it was like they pretty much stopped three times to do like, you know, the games and then call the baskets and stuff. I said, okay, I'm not winning nothing. Okay. Maybe I'll get 50-50 though. Didn't get shit. Your ticket has like a thing for like a door prize. I didn't even get a goddamn little bullshit bottle of wine. I didn't get shit. Our whole table didn't get shit. And we had like we rolled like fit 20 people deep. Joel won one basket. But you know normally our squad, we actually we're winners, man. We win shit. We can get shit. Shamus: Not today. Herbie: man, it was horrible. And then you know I mean? And then like freaking after that, Jackson Dark gets hurt. Like Game two. my God. Just Shamus: Let it go. Let it go. Herbie: remind me, like, it's like end the New York Giants football season just started. Jackson's back to basketball. And the season's over. Good night. I'm like, son of a bitch. Mother. You know what mean? What is Why does everything gotta suck ass right about now? You know what I mean? You know what? Bingo. I swear to God, I love Bingo. Shamus: Single struggle with the Tennessee Titans, bro. Herbie: But you still won the game and everyone's healthy. I Shamus: I've lost my poor. Herbie: lost Anakin Skywalker, my quarterback, for the whole year. First they had to play it off to like, he's down, it's hurt. He's like, it might not be that bad. He might be bout like a couple of weeks. Then they're like, Yeah, we gotta replace his leg. I'm like, You son of a bitch. Shamus: You know why I like that kid though? As much as I hate the Giants, you know I like that kid? Because that bitch, Caleb Williams, in Chicago, rolled around on the grass like somebody shot him in the back of his Achilles and like and I was like, his season's over. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. They got the card out. He's crying. They came out at the press conference. They're like, yeah, he pulled his hamstring. We're like, what? Like right now on the internet, there is a million and a half Caleb Williams memes about him being just a bitch. But Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: on the other hand, you got Jackson Dart who tears his stuff. And that dude got up, walked to the sideline, and say, Can I still play? Yeah. That's a dude. Herbie: And then he got in like regular street clothes and he's walking up and down the sideline just I was like, Jesus Christ, he's y you know what I mean? We cannot we we are cursed. I'm going to a couple of games. I'm I'm bringing a goddamn shaman, a medicine man. I'm gonna write a letter to the Vatican because I think we need to do an exorcism. There's something going on, man. It's just bad freaking juju. Shamus: It's Herbie: I need to break the curse. I like we w like they might have built the goddamn the the stadium on a goddamn old Indian burial ground or something. I don't know, dude. I don't I don't know what's going on. Shamus: You can't blame Hoff anymore. Herbie: Dad, Hoffa's not there. I just don't know what the hell's going on, man. Everything j like football just sucks. I'm like out of football already. And I don't have no goddamn e bike. Son of a bitch. And the weather's getting colder now, so I might have to wear a goddamn Eskimo Parker to go kayaking and crap now. Shamus: Yeah, I thought that this morning. I was like, Yeah, it's time to put that kayak over. I can get my fat in the I ain't get my big ass in the Herbie: didn't get my other speed boat yet. I didn't bust that bitch out yet. It hadn't been delivered. I'm like, son of a bitch. You know? So yeah, finally finally Shamus: They did pick it up. Herbie: I was just like, my god. I was gonna actually it was gonna sit there any longer, dude. I was gonna turn into a porch fort. I swear to god, like the box was huge. I was just gonna turn into a fort. I was just like, forget it. Like just cut my losses. I still don't have my kayak seat. I'm like, what the you know, you know what I mean? Do we have any beer left? This is sort of Shamus: God. There's a ton of whiskey over there. is it? I was saying listen, I I've I I was driving home today and I was just like, dude, you're down, I'm down like 17 pounds. I was like 250 at the end of the school year, tabernacle. I got on the scale today. I'm like 235, 234, and I was just like, man, this health shit. I was like, it's cool and all. I've been working out like a monster and all this. And I'm just kind of like, I feel worse than I did when I fucking drink and smoke and yeah. Herbie: I don't know why you wanna do a shot, man, 'cause we like we both had a shitty week. I was like I don't smoke though, but I'll smoke cigars, but Shamus: I just need to start drinking and smoking again. Fuck this. Yeah, I would so much easier when I just didn't give a fuck. Yeah. Herbie: Well what happened with the dude like Burgess Meredith Grumpy Old Men? The dude ate bacon and beer. That was it. The dude was an immortal. You know what I mean? Shamus: Here's a prime example of a day in a life of Seamus. Putting this stuff together for the video podcast that's coming out in about three episodes. I buy all the top of the line equipment. So I do some research on cameras. I want as many cameras as I can. I want this shit to look official, blah, blah, blah. I buy all these cameras. And when they all got here, none of them have USB or USB C ports or all USB regular. And you can't and when you even when you put the attachment on there they don't w and I'll and well some of them need HDMI. Yeah. And I put the the adapter for the USB C to an HDMI and d and they're just like not work. I'm like I spent all this fucking money on cameras. Herbie: Remember like when there used to be like you know the universal remote, like w why can't everything else be universal? Shamus: Yeah, I just don't understand. It's a fucking camera. Yeah. Like how does this not work? Herbie: Like it would kick your pitcher butt. You didn't stick an HDMI plug in its butthole. Shamus: So I got I got two of them to work, but now I gotta figure out like I'm just I this shit is just bro life's it's not not everything in life's supposed to be this hard. It really isn't. Yeah. Herbie: It's like at command. You know, just command. You Shamus: Yeah. Herbie: know what I mean? People like I know like your listeners like there's times like go everything goes shit for you guys and like you're where the hell does it come from? You're like in a command. Just command. Come on. Shamus: Like said, I'm not boo-hooing or anything. I'm just kinda like, because I'll get through it. I always do. No boo hoo. You're just kinda like, what the f golly, man. Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: People have it a lot worse than I do. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. True. But I'm just like, man, this is crazy. Herbie: Yeah, it's just a command. You know? No boohoo, just yeah, command. Just command. Shamus: You buy a big you retire and you buy the dr like the house of your dreams. You're like, okay, it's it's a little cheaper 'cause older people lived here and you gotta fix it up and all it needs is paint, doesn't he? A lot of stuff, and then all of a sudden New Jersey's just like, by the way, electric's going up like two hundred percent. Great, that's great. Seamus just bought a three thousand square foot house with two air conditioners and an in ground pole in the summertime, so Yeah, my electric bill's about twelve hundred dollars someone's in the summer. Not to mention, and don't get me wrong, I'm not a political guy or anything like that. But then the president goes, Hey, we're gonna go to war with these fucks. Yeah. Again for the nine thousandth time. Yeah. And gas is going up. So the first year electric went up, I called a break when fall rolled around because natural gas and regular gas wasn't that expensive. This winter Yeah, we're we're gonna be ripping some fences out of a neighbor's house and burning some wood in a fireplace. Herbie: shame, she has Shamus: I got every time you try to better yourself or something, it's just like it I don't know. It's it's an uphill climb all the time. And like I said, I'm not bitching, I'm healthy, I don't have any major, you know, ailments like cancer or anything. And then for that I'm grateful and I'm grateful to have his house. But I'm just like, Jesus Christ. Herbie: Yeah, I guess you're right. It makes the when you say it like that it's like puts me in perspective like Shamus: I forgot my wallet the other day. Me, my brother and a buddy of mine, Mike, who used to work at Hamilton with me. He's a range master for the state. So when you're retired law enforcement, you still have to apply five or six months. Yeah. He's the guy who can fill out the paperwork, you turn it into the state police and you're good. So we went shooting. I forgot my wallet. So on the way back, we don't let me and my brother don't let that guy pay for anything. I buy the ammo. My brother pays for the lane. 'cause he's hooking us up. He's signing off on our paperwork. on the way back we always stop at a diner. So I forgot my wow. But luckily in the bag from the last time we went, I had an American Express card that I used to pay for the lane and stuff because it's got Delta Miles on it. So I'm trying to save up miles of fly shit. Go in a restaurant, we sit down, we eat, blah, blah, blah. Go to pay. And they're like, We don't accept American Express. I'm like, what fucking year is this? When do we Herbie: What if you Shamus: and they're We don't expect American Express and Discover. And I'm like, who the fuck doesn't accept? Like that was something like long distance calling back in the day. Like that is something that does not exist anymore. Unless you're Seamus and you pick the only diner in South Jersey to eat at. I mean my brother's like, dude, I got it. And I ended up then mowing him money, but I was just kinda like, What the fuck? Like come on Herbie: We don't take those, but we do take diners club card. Shamus: Do you have any ruples? What? We are we are arrested, we take our rubles. Herbie: I'm like, Shamus: Not American Express. Yeah. How the fuck am I supposed to get my miles up for Disney? Herbie: What do you do? What do you take any bingo? What do you take with like bingo cards or anything for it? Jesus Christ. There's daubers. Just like whatever the hell those things are. Cause like like getting back to the bingo thing, like Shamus: They get pissed off if you don't call that way. If you say, hey, do you got one of that markers? Yeah. Herbie: If you don't have your gear due, they look at you like you're a goddamn peasant. Shamus: They'll stick one of those right in your fucking eye. Herbie: mean? They're like, holy shit. Memo is serious, man. I'm like, they're supposed to be nice. You know when like they're getting older, you think they're gonna be nice 'cause they wanna get into heaven. You know what I mean? But when it comes to bingo, dude, it's like goddamn zombie apocalypse and cannonball run mixed up, dude. Shamus: The Lord himself could be at one of those tables and it's it's every man himself. Herbie: Yeah, God forbid he wins. If he wins the big bingo and they're one away, ho ho It's yeah, I never liked that boy, Jesus anyway. That's true. Shamus: I'll be warmer in hell anyway, I'm always cold. Herbie: Nuts the wedding. But yeah, I I'm still gonna go again. Shamus: Well did you guys all have a good time? Herbie: I had a good time until I well yeah. Yeah. Shamus: A bunch of people there actually text me, we're like, Hey, thanks for still dropping off the pretzel train and everything. We had a great time. Yeah. like I said, our one friend sent me a picture of you and Miss Charlene sitting next to each other and you guys look so intense. yeah, dude. Like looking at your cards and stuff. they're in it to win it. Yeah. I said, keep me posted. And then at the end. I got like a little decrying face with the thumbs down. I was like, You guys didn't win nothing? They're like, We didn't win. Herbie: Shit. It was horrible. Everyone at work knows I didn't win anything today too. I got in there early in the morning and they were like, Hey, how was your Shamus: Yeah. Herbie: week? First thing, you know, they were like they're a lot of them are all Eagle fans, so they're like, you know, dude, we're sorry about Jackson. You know, like we just Shamus: I'm not gonna lie, man. Like I hate the Giants, but like I actually like that kid. I like, you know, I like the direction they're going because when they're relevant again, yeah. Like I hate the Giants, but I I haven't really thought about them in so long that it's always been us and the Cowboys for the last couple years. So like even the commanders or the Redskins or whatever the fuck they're called now. Yeah, like I'm just kinda like, Yeah. Besides that NFC championship game, I was just like, shit, they're gonna be good again. Like I miss when the NFC East was like Four teams were ten and six, or like even when Arizona was in that division, they were always eight and eight or something. Yeah. But like all of us were ten and six or eleven and five fighting. Yeah. Cause not everybody was getting every Herbie: Dziękuję. Shamus: game. And for a while there, every NFC E's team was going to the Super Bowl, whipping the shit out of the Bills. Yeah. So I kind of missed those days. So like when the Giants got Harbaugh and I was like, Okay, here we go. And then they got Jackson. Because as much as I love the Eagles, I love the game of football itself. the sport, everything about it. So much so that I'm still claiming to be a Florida State fan and fucking that's another thing. It sucks. You want to talk about the Giants and mediocrity? Florida State used to be this fucking powerhouse, man. National championships all those years with Bobby Bowden. And then, you know, last time we won was twenty thirteen. And now we can't dude, we got SMU smoking us. And nothing else pisses me off more than when you're getting beat and you I hate this because a lot of people do this now. Alabama threw a deep ass pass. They're losing Florida State was up like 21 3 at the half. Now they're getting blown out. And Alabama puts up a bomb. This fucking dude from Florida State, his last name's Rawls, deflects the pass in the end zone and like gets up and does like this whole, you know, waving his finger no and shushing the crowd. I'm like, bitch, they just they outscored you 37 10 in the last 18 minutes of this game, and you're doing that. I was fucking Herbie: That makes no sense. Shamus: But anyway, getting back to the Giants. I was just like, okay, I kinda like I everybody likes that kid's gotta be runs like a maniac. Yeah. He's got that Larry Zonka thing to him. and I love guys who play like that. Jackson darts like that. And I was just like, okay, they're gonna be relative again. I can actually get to fucking hate them again. Yeah. I can get to walk into the pick a lily and they can talk shit back. You know what I mean? Like that kind of thing. And me and Herbie could like, and then when that kid got hurt, I felt so Herbie: Shit to bet. Shamus: Like it was almost like not as bad as if like Jalen got hurt, but I was just kinda like, dude, that totally sucks for that man. It was almost like when Scott got hurt last year. And Herbie: We're cursed. We are Shamus: that happened in Philly. And I was so glad that some of the guys from the Eagles went to the hospital and bought him a cheesesteak and all that shit. That's a sign of respect. When you when guys from the opposite team are dropping shit off for you. But yeah, I I kind of felt bad for you, man, because I do like that kid. And the fact that he walked off and Caleb Williams from Chicago got carted off with a fucking Pull the hamstring is absolutely Herbie: Dude, a lot of people got worked. This this this this the the football gods did not like the quarterbacks in week two of football. Shamus: No? Herbie: And they sure as shit hate us for some goddamn reason. I don't know what the hell we did. I don't I I don't Shamus: No, You're not Chicago. That kid, the kid who replaced Caleb Williams, Pagnet or whatever name is, they found out he's got a concussion. So now they're going, we're playing him on Monday night, and they're putting their third string out there, which is Case Keenum. Wow. Who I think graduated with me. That guy's like forty nine years old. So Herbie: God And I like football. And you know what dude? When I like I Shamus: love football. I just hate the way people play it anymore. Herbie: I had all my shit ready, dude. I had like I had shrimp, I had the the salsa with the chippies, I got some honey barbecue wings, got some other bullshit. I was already pregamed, I have a couple rummen cokes in, and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna watch this game because I was off the next day, and then shit to bed. Like, my god, Jackson's back to pass and the season's over. Shamus: Well, it's like I said, they they still have a good team. Hopefully Jameis Winston can fucking I do that. He's Herbie: I swear to God. Shamus: the last quarterback Florida State had when we won the national championship. Herbie: didn't even wait for him to to play, dude. I I didn't even get the goddamn saran wrap off the freaking salsa. I put everything back in the goddamn refrigerator and I went to bed. And I felt numb. Just like Shamus: I'll tell you what, they had a chance to still win that game. The Rams are horrible, bro. Everybody's like, they're gonna be Super Bowl. If Jackson Dart stays healthy, I think they win that game. I don't know. The Rams look horrible for some reason. Herbie: We just god. It's just why any other giant I'm sure like other people are just like reveling in in like my my agony and pain about the giants. But if there's if there's any giant fans out there, I I know how you feel right now. Man like it's like it's a mix of like numb and just like it's like you're in a abusive marriage and you know that she's going out cheating on you, but you're just like you're just there. Shamus: Well don't feel bad, man. Herbie: you don't wanna leave 'cause all your shit's there. Yeah. Shamus: I Is it confirmed he's out for the year? Herbie: he's done dude. He's like scheduled for surgery and I was Shamus: That sucks. Herbie: like, and I'm going to I got three games to go to this year and I'm just I'm just gonna get belligerent Shamus: It'll be all right. Herbie: drunk. And I hope I don't do the like the thing I did last time 'cause I blew up a dumpster like years ago when we lost to Mark Sanchez. Shamus: You what? Herbie: I blew up a dumpster at the stadium. Shamus: Night. Herbie: It was we had no my god, dude. I didn't r you know, for all you p listeners out there, those little propane tanks, yeah, they do blow up and they go Shamus: Okay. Herbie: it was just man. And it was funny too, cause like this little fire truck came out just and just like just shot this because like there's the red combustible dump dumpster and then there's like the regular trash dumpster. And I was just like hammered. And I was still wearing like my giant's wrestling mask and my poncho and I was just like burning chair. I just like because we were in the parking lot, so I was just grabbing shit together, just burning chairs. We had leftover charcoal and I was just Yeah. I just blow shit up. And I thought I like everything was cool and I was still like like I was away from it. I threw all this charcoal and all this other crap in there. And I was just like, some shit was still on fire. I threw that flaming chair in there. Thought that was done. I figure if I throw it in the dumpster, it won't be in the parking lot so the guys don't have to pick it up. So then after like maybe five minutes later, dude, I'm still like ranting raving him with my buddies and stuff and then fucking just spin sh Shamus: Should you Herbie: like son of a bitch. It's like every time I get mad, I'm trying I'm trying to give myself to Jesus. I try not to bl I I I've done better. Shamus: Well you got the Yankees, right? Yeah. Herbie: They're gonna shit the bed I I don't wanna say it, I wanna say nothing. Shamus: you know the Phillies are gonna do it. You know the Phillies are getting knocked out in the opening round. Every friggin' year. Bryce Harp Bryce Harper is the biggest waste of money in Philadelphia sports history. Heard it here first. You would disagree or agree with any of this shit that we're talking about, to include Bingo, team pork roll two five at Gmail. Herbie: Yeah, it is something, man, because we want to do some more mailbags. We normally do a lot of things that are like, you know, upbeat and stuff. But you we're going like week by week. So we're coming up with new ideas and we have some new stories and stuff to tell you guys about. So hopefully you guys are listening. Hopefully you're having fun. I mean, we are pissed off. We didn't have really like a great week or nothing. But you know, hopefully maybe you guys are having like a little a little fun listening to our our anger. rants. And don't blow stuff up, yeah, 'cause I I did I blow s set things on fire. That's actually how I got in a frickin' ER a couple of times 'cause I've I've cut myself with my own swords and crap. I got a frickin' I had this Roman Gladius sword. And I was like messing around with it in the backyard. And I was of course I was drinking and was by the fireworks and I like trying to like the goddamn King Arthur like Knights of the Round Table thing. I just stabbed the sword into the freaking stump. And then freaking sure enough with a gladius, you know, the the pommel's not that big and the handle's not that big. So my hand slipped down and right across a goddamn blade. Shamus: Nice. Herbie: And then that's and that was the third time I went to the ER and get stitches. Shamus: You know what else sucks? Herbie: The Shamus: Relationships suck. Herbie: Well yeah it w Shamus: Actually no, not relationship, just people. Herbie: Had a relationship with all like forever. And you know what? That you know what really chaps my ass too? Girls are always like, I wish I could find a guy with a sense of humor and a personality just like you. I'm like, you hate your freaking hate your face. Or or they just want to be your friends because, like, you have such an interesting life. You want to hang out sometime? I like you as a friend. I'm like, okay, well, why don't you get some goddamn hobbies? Cause I'm not here to entertain you. Shamus: Like I said, I'm done. Herbie: I don't mind being friends with people at all. But like my dating is like Shamus: Gone. Herbie: it's like I can't even mac a chick no more. Shamus: You know, just being nice. it was my ex-girlfriend's birthday yesterday. And like I said, to this day, I don't know I know she follows us on Instagram because it comes up every once in while that whatever. But I don't know if she still listens. But like I said, to this day, I have no idea what the fuck happened. Like I don't know what I did. Or it was just kinda like, Yeah, I don't think we're gonna spend time together this summer, beat it. Herbie: I think. Shamus: So I was like, all right, so she never responded to like, do you want to go talk about this or anything? So I was like, so on my calendar, because she's not even on my Facebook. I got rid of her on my Facebook because that's how pissed off I was. Because how the hell are you just gonna be like, later and not explain like can we be adults about this? So it came up on my calendar that her birthday was yet. So just being nice, I still have her number and I was just like, hey, just I know you hate me for some reason, but Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. Hope you and the kids are well and you had a great summer and you be safe. Cause she worked at the school I worked at last year. So you know, hope you have a safe and happy school year and everything. if you ever change your mind, you just want to go get a coffee or dinner or something like that and talk about what happened, because I have no idea what happened, you know, let me know. If not, it's cool. Yeah. Nothing. Well, Science. Yeah. Ran into a friend of hers and I think I told you before the show, long story short, because we're running low on time here. She was just kind of like, Yeah, she won't even tell us what happened. I'm like, what do mean? She was just like, She won't she when it comes to you, she'll I don't want to talk about it. So I even they don't know. So I don't if if you're listening to this, happy birthday. And if you do want to go out, like look, I'm not mad, I'm not gonna make a scene at a restaurant or anything like that. I just want to know. So maybe I could be a better person down the road, like you know what I mean? Like Herbie: I have to be honest, I don't think that's gonna happen for you, bro. I Shamus: I don't think so either. Herbie: th like you you're basically like the Thanos nap, bro. You just disappear. Shamus: I exactly like I don't want to go. But I was just kind of like, what the f I I've never in my life had that happen to me before. Herbie: Officially Voldemort now, like your even your name is cursed. Shamus: It's kinda it's kinda here's here's what I compare to. Huh. The end of the Sopranos. It just went bla and everybody's Herbie: Yeah, what the fuck? Shamus: like, what the fuck just happened exactly nobody knew for years what had happened. But Herbie: I'm not trying to get you poetic. Shamus: like me and her relationship was. It was like what happened? And it was just gone. It was like what happened? Herbie: Do you ever think like maybe you might have like a split personality or something like that? 'Cause I think I do. Cause for some reason it's like I think my split personality I do. You see? I'm butt crack. Shamus: Well, a buddy of mine in military, we had this guy in our unit. He was kind of a dork and everything, but he always hung out with me. And I was always that guy, like, hey, come on, hang out with us, bro. You know, I'm not gonna da da da and my buddy was like, You're his Tyler Durden. And I'm like, What? He was just like, Yeah, you're Brad Pitt to his Ed Norton and Fight Club. Like, you're Tyler Durden to him. Yeah. Herbie: What that makes sense, dude. Shamus: And I was just kind of like Well wait a minute, my shape like who the fuck am I? Like 'cause that was all I was all bagged up and I'm like, so I'm gonna fake like I can put this bull like gun in my face. It just Herbie: Dude, you what's funny too, 'cause they even like people when they say the pork roll, egg and cheese, well, we've talked about the pork roll, egg and cheese 'cause of the song that we you know with Sal and everybody and it's a South Jersey thing. But I got people asking They're like, Who who's so who's the pork roll and who's the egg and cheese? I'm like, What? But I really think like sometimes like for me, when I go to bed, I wake up, I have like these bruises and all that stuff on me. So I think I either have like a double life, like A split personality of like I'm hurry by day and either I'm a super villain or superhero by night. You know, cause I wake up with all these bruises. It's like or for like a while I had a little camera in my room just to make sure like someone didn't come in and just beat the shit out of me while I'm sleeping, 'cause I'm always like like at a a a a shoulder, a knee Shamus: Oshikiro. Herbie: so something, man. Like is there a goddamn cabinet trolls or closet trolls that are just coming and just whooping the shit out of me? I get I don't Shamus: Here, Ishikiro. no. You know what that is? No. It's a comic book. It was on that TV show, Two and a Half Men. Uh-huh. Charlie always wrote like TV jingles and all that stuff. Well, there was a comic book they were making into a TV show that Charlie had to write a thing for. Yeah. His nephew, the fat little kid on the show, read the comic book, Aishikiro, and it was about this kid who was possessed by a demon samurai. And like when he would go to sleep, he would fight like all these evil people and shit like that. So that's probably your Oshikiro. Herbie: I have some weird ass dreams. I mean one time I I went to sleep and I woke up and I had this goddamn I no shit. I had actually had one of those construction like what the hell is like the the the construction light thing workhorse, Shamus: like the Herbie: but it has like those two lights on there. Yeah. Yeah, I woke up and it was there in my room. And not for nothing. Those lights take forever to shut because I don't know how to shut those things off. I had to put it in the basement and throw a couple of blankets on it. I don't know what the hell I was doing in my room. Shamus: Yeah, I it's like I said. Herbie: You know what I mean? But maybe I do. I don't know. Maybe we got split person. Maybe we're just Shamus: I it's like I said, it's gotta be something because to the to this day. Like even if I just need her to text and go, This is why jerk off. And Herbie: Right. Shamus: I could be like, I don't even have to rebuttal, I just need to know what you're thinking. It's like I said, Herbie: Yeah, 'cause you you you you Shamus: it's it's like I said, the only thing I can compare it to is like that the ending of Sopranos. It just And just and everybody in the world was checking their TVs. Table's Herbie: Don't Shamus: What just happened? Like you went to And all of a sudden, you know, like executive all the credits are coming up. People are like, What the fu? Yeah, man. That's how me and relationship ended. It was the end of the surprise. So but it'll get better. It's like I said, I'm not booing, but I just sometimes like this morning I just woke up and I was already mad. I was just like I didn't get enough sleep. It's groundhogs day again. Herbie: It basically basically. Shamus: Can't wait to see the electric build today! Herbie: And you know what sucks too? Like for for me, the the guy that won the freaking e-bike looked like that uncle that's got already a couple of DWIs and he uses that as his mode of transportation to get to the liquor store. I'm like, you son of a bitch. Like God bless. Yeah, th and you know what God. Shamus: Shit. And then on top of it all, my last company totally fucked me, right? Yeah. So my brother still works for that company. Right. But I think he's probably gonna make a jump next year after the school year. Okay. My brother's one of those people that gets attached like I do to kids and staff. So he loves it in Hamilton. my brother's like, We're going to shoot. And my brother's like, Hey, the owner reached out to me and I was like, Okay. And he was just like, Do you wanna work some overtime? And I was like, What? Apparently they we provided security for the Jason Aldean concert that was just down. Yeah. And he was like, Yeah, Kevin wants to know if you wanted to work. I'm like, Are you fucking kidding? Like Was he not there when we had the conversation? When I was just like, Fuck you and your company? Yeah. Like Herbie: Call up butt crack. Shamus: I know for a fact that this is what happened and you sold me it wasn't I I'll I will say this. There's two owners. The guy who asked me to work overtime was actually the the good guy. Yeah. The guy who hired me was the skeezy. Yeah. backstabbing fucking he was the one that kind of orchestrated all that shit yeah in Southampton. and I was just like Art are you fucking d was he not in that conversation and I was like look it's not the first one you but I will never work for this company again. This is the shittiest fucking thing I've ever been a part of. So and they were just like hey you want to work overtime and I'm like what is wrong with people like do people not remember what is going on? Herbie: Remember the time. I don't know. I have a feeling this episode is gonna be edited pretty good. Let it ride, man. Shamus: I'm I'm probably gonna let this one go. Herbie: actually we should actually have cuts where we don't edit because there's a lot more stuff that we say and do, man. Trust me. Shamus: yeah, good I if you guys saw the digital cutting room floor in this house Herbie: The director's extended edition. Shamus: and one day it's just gonna open up and like the devil's gonna be like, Well, here's the hole to jump in when you die because all this shit you got on the floor, the man upstairs ain't he ain't down with You're just paving your way to the gates of hell. Herbie: Right, you're gonna go to hell with all the memals. Shamus: All right, let's get up out of here, bro. remember to give your pets pa actually who gives a fuck? Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: Let have at it, man. Herbie: Yeah man. Happy Wu Tang Wednesday, everybody. Have a goddamn drink on us. Yeah, you know, sometimes Shamus: That's right, it is Wednesday, Wu Tang Wednesday. Also whiskey whiskey Wednesday. yeah, hell yeah. So yeah, I was I was watching Brett's booze and tattoos and I was just like dude it's done. Yeah. I gotta start drinking Fuck this hell shit. Yeah. I made it to fifty in July. So I'm gonna start Herbie: Get back in the saddle of drinking. Yeah listeners. Shamus: Yeah. So you know get all wound up and like next thing you know, people Medverbs like, Have you seen this guy? Like it's like a picture a blurry picture of a big fat kid running through the yard naked Like on a ring kid. Well we went out to see what it was, all we could smell was marl than tequila. Herbie: It's just where like people like look on their like door cameras and just like your eyeball in the camera. Hello. Anybody got a light for these Marboros? My porch Shamus: Yeah, it's it's probably not a good idea. Yeah. Never drink Angry. Herbie: Who's that little dude in the background wearing a Boba Fett helmet? That's my buddy Herbie. so listeners, I hope you had like a nice time with this one. You know, enjoy our little rant. Shamus: Yeah. what we got coming up is I think the next up what's this is forty seven. Herbie: Eighty seven Ronin. Shamus: forty eight. If I get around to it, I gotta go through the mail. We're gonna do one where we just catch up on mailbag shit. Yeah. we're gonna pick like ten or fifteen of the best ones and we'll discuss it. and like I said, I did take a peek. I just it's like I said, man, things suck so bad lately. I just kinda peek in there every once in a while and it's pretty loaded, man. So Herbie: Good. Shamus: So we'll pick ten or fifteen of those. episode forty nine, we'll kinda take a look back on the episode 'cause we already did one through twenty-five with our twenty-fifth episode anniversary. So we'll do we'll look back on twenty-sixth through fifty. And then the last one we'll just celebrate the show, episode fifty, before we make the jump to the video. And we'll just kinda look back and we'll we'll pick our favorite shows, our favorite guest. you know, that kind of deal. some of our favorite moments. Yeah. And that kind of stuff. And then Herbie: We go to video. Shamus: At fifty one it's fifty one it's gonna be amateur hour up to this. Herbie: An evening at the improv. Shamus: It's going to like eight millimeter because we can't get these cameras where Herbie: We'll sort of like talking about shit in the camera. Shamus: Like that old school seventies. Welcome to your future presentation. Herbie: Maybe we could finish off with like, you know, that that little what is it, the fire Shamus: The first shoot is just like half of your face. Welcome to the market. Herbie: We can have like the old days with the TVs like with the flag and everything before it just shuts off. Shamus: All right, we're gonna get up out of here. It's like I said, everybody have a good night. hopefully your week's going better than ours and remember to get your cat spader neutered. Dogs, every animal you have spated or neutered, control the pet population. And remember this just because somebody else thinks you suck doesn't mean you suck. True. Have a good night, everybody. Herbe say good night. Herbie: Play more bingo and eat more pork roll. Good night, everybody.