Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / The Superpower Burden for the Enneagram Two

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The Superpower Burden for the Enneagram Two · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have an Enneagram 2 in your life?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you lead as an Enneagram 2?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: If so, you need to know some important insights about this personality style.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Enneagram 2s are often labeled as helpers, and while this is one of their character traits, there's so much more beneath the surface.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, this superpower can be more of a burden than it is a joy.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now this is why I'm spending a whole month sharing stories from each Enneagram type and their perspective on motherhood, spiritual growth, and what is really going on inside their beautiful minds.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: For this motherhood and Enneagram series, I've invited my personal friends, the ones who've sat in my living room week in and week out, and have gone through my customized Enneagram coaching session for moms.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And Peyton Gracia, our guest today, has also gone through my one-on-one coaching.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And before baby number two, she was my virtual assistant.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: In this episode, Peyton is going to share her typing journey and how the Enneagram brought awareness and healing as she remembers the life her mom lived.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: We also end up diving deep into the struggle for a two when it comes to being compelled to help others, especially when motherhood limits your capacity.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Peyton also shares what it looks like to flourish as a type two and the top book that she would recommend to fellow type twos.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's really insightful that you don't want to miss this part of the conversation.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by your personality weaknesses?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: You aren't alone.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now this is why I wrote and created the Simply Wholehearted Enneagram for Mom's ebook.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: It'll help you cut through the overwhelm of your personality so you can overcome your weaknesses and connect with those you love.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's a one-of-a-kind ebook with an overview on each type.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And in addition to the beautiful layout, I've mapped out mom challenges, questions, and truth statements that have led each of my clients to freedom.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: You are the mom for the job, and I want to help you love it.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Get your copy on the Simply Wholehearted website or at the link in the show notes.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, my name is Amy Wicks, and I love to talk about the gospel message your heart was created to hear.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a Christian Enneagram coach for Mops who loves to share resources which help you be confident that you are the best mom for your kids.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a mountain mama who somehow ended up on a cul-de-sac in the Midwest.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was overwhelmed by motherhood, and I struggled to understand my true motivations.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: But the Lord didn't let me stay there.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: He helped me turn those challenging moments of motherhood into a wholehearted decision to get intentional with my faith, my marriage, and my kids.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I share a broken-hearted perspective with story, but with wholehearted purpose and plan so you can live a life full of courage and abundance.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Think of this podcast as your on-the-go mom pal and friend who can't help but talk about Jesus and the Enneagram.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: So get to that pile of laundry, or hit the treadmill, or load up the kids in the car for that grocery run.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Get ready to be encouraged and challenged while you listen.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Most of the other women who are part of this month of conversation about what does it look like to use Enneagram insights into motherhood and just how it's helped you thrive and all those different things.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: But we've also done the one-to-one sessions too, because that was part of the perk of getting too.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was a really great perk.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: For research, right?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: We have to do this for research.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Research.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: It was great research.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, proofreading and you know, how did this flow?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: All that stuff.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how I got away with it, but it was great.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: It was good.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's because I love you.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, when it comes to working with people, it's about who can help me, yes, but who can I have fun with too?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I love it.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I I know the ins and outs of your story, and so do some of our besties who've sat on the couch together in my home.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: But would you share with my other friends here who are listening in just a little bit about your Enneagram journey and your dominant type discovery?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: I had heard about the Enneagram kind of before we started working together, just like anybody had, right?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like it was all over Facebook and social media, and everybody was talking about it.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so I took a test and I was told I was a two, but the six was really close, and I kind of like went back and forth between a two and a six.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Anytime I would see like a meme or something like that, I would look at both the two and the six.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, uh-huh, who am I?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like pointless memes should tell me.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, sometimes we do look for the answer in those.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: That was kind of how I was going about it before we started talking.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then we started having a conversation about any agreement in the motherhood specifically.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: It was really looking at the stances and the triads that brought me to understand like, okay, I am a two 100%.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: This is who I am.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then, like you said, we had the opportunity not just to talk about it with our group of friends, but to talk one-on-one, and it just became more and more evident.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it's true.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody I feel like in our group has had this like mistyping moment of like, wait, this is the type I really am.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like I wanted to have one to fit in.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: And every time I would think about it, I would be like, nope, I'm just for sure a two.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's where it is.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's just me.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and even, I mean, there was a moment that one of our good friends was talking with us and talking about just kind of observing us parenting, and they're like, Well, Peyton's just so obviously a two in the way she talks to her son.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like, I guess I am a two.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody sees it.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it really did come down to the stances and the triads, just kind of made it super clear to me.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And even just that core understanding of like the core desire and the core longing, just really spoke to me anytime we talked about it.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so there were pieces, which I'm sure is true for everybody that felt like, oh, I don't know if that entirely fits.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: But when it came down to those like bigger important things, it was like, yeah, for sure, I'm a two.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's really good.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, I'm curious.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't ask this ahead of time, but how does it feel to lead as a type two?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: But in our circles, mostly the faith-based circles, we tend to see a lot of of mistyping for women in particular that they may lead as a type two.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: So two things.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: How does it feel to be kind of maybe sometimes challenged?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because that is a narrative that has gone out a little bit more widely, like, oh, even you know, if you're a Christian and you test as a two, you might need to second guess it.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: But then also on the flip side, just that, like, no, you don't understand.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to lead as a type two.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just all, well, looking like Christ helper type of thing.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and it's funny because even in those moments of where's my mistyping story I'm trying to fit in.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: I was talking with my husband before recording this podcast.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I know I'm a two, but am I the good parts of the two that like everybody talks about?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: I just feel like it's so placed on a pedestal.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, this idea of being that helper, that it sometimes feels like, oh man, I just don't know if I fit that bill, even though I know there are other things about this type that are definitely me.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't know if I'm rising to that level, I guess.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: But it's so funny because I mean, I was having that conversation with my husband.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna share this story and it's gonna sound so braggy.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's just in this conversation.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I was driving down our street, and we're still somewhat new to the area, especially because like we don't go out in this season of our lives.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so COVID.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: And two little babies.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um I was driving down the street and I saw this young man playing basketball, and I don't know anything about sports ever, but I saw him playing basketball and he wasn't playing with a group of friends.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: It really seemed like he was like in it, practicing, doing the thing, you know.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I just noticed he was alone.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: It seemed like he was practicing, but I saw that his ball had a hole in it, it just looked damaged.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh, that's so sad.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: He is really into this, but he doesn't have a ball, and I don't know why.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: I have no idea.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had this moment where I felt like the Lord asked me to buy him a basketball, and I was like, Wow, I don't even know what I would get him, I don't even know if I could find his house again.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: I was just driving, and so it was a couple days later that we were driving again, and I saw him again, and I was like, okay, gotta get him a basketball, gotta do it.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I just went to Target and bought a basketball and dropped it off, and I've never met this guy.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: I saw that it wasn't on the porch.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's the extent of the end of the story.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm talking to Kenny, and I'm like, I don't know if I'm really a two, if I'm generous enough to be a two, like if I'm those good parts of a two, if I'm helpful enough, like all this different state.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Oh, okay, was it somebody else that bought that kind of basketball?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: Or was it you?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is you.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's so funny because it just feels like it's such a high calling to be that kind of Christ-like serving, even talking about being a healthy two, like serving without trying to get anything back or like trying to get love or whatever, and it just feels so hard to reach that mark.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's hard to sometimes see moments when I do because I'm just convinced that I don't, if that makes sense.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like it does.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it does.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: It makes so much sense.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I will never forget.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I had a conversation with Lisa Joe Baker, maybe last fall, maybe a year ago.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: She leads as a type two, she used a chapter in her book to illustrate the difference of personalities between she and her husband.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if she used the word Enneagrams.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: She certainly didn't kind of call out their personalities.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: So we ended up diving into that, the type two struggle, sort of illustrating as you did.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: No, listen, we don't actually like the burden of seeing the places that we need to help or people who need us, similar to a type one, who can't help but see all the things that need to be fixed, whether in their own life, in their own head, in the surroundings around them, or the people that they love.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same sort of element, especially in just a kind of a pro tip, anneagram tip for those who lead as a type two, they're thinking repressed.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so they sometimes get stuck in the thinking about who they haven't helped, who they need to help, how come your help wasn't received the way you envisioned it?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: How come didn't match your expectations when it came to helping?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so I know a lot of our coaching talked through some of this, but that is a real struggle of a tier.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and it's such a difficult place to be in when you are in a season where you're just kind of maxed, especially as a type two, and not to say it's not difficult for other types, but to be in a place where it's like we were talking a lot when Luther was 18 months and I was like eight and a half, nine months pregnant with Mara.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: I was just maxed, like I was just so exhausted all the time, and I was like struggling so much with the reality of being unable to help other people.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: I remember that, and I think even beyond that, specifically at the idea of not being able to serve in my local church the way that I wanted to, because I mean, even still, because I've got a nursling and a two-year-old, you know, that's not something I can do right now, and so at least not easily.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so just feeling the extra pressure of like, I know I'm not helping the way I would like to help right now, but does that mean that I'm not loved the way that I want to be loved?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: That makes sense or value.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: A million dollar question for an Enneagram too.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: True.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: There it is.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh true.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love it.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for sharing that.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's really good.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that's gonna resonate with a lot of women who are listening, especially those who lead as a type two, just to understand, or even if they're wondering, do I lead as a type two?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: And how some of that resonates.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you talked about the whole, you know, just in your day-to-day, you drive down this street, you see the need for the kid who has a basketball issue, you know?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: So what also does it look like as it pertains to motherhood and the responsibility of motherhood?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: What's kind of the day in a life of things that go through your mind or that weigh on your mind even?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think the thing that I experience the most is that I am just so incredibly in tune with my children's emotions.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um and the reality is I know that Luther is gonna be okay to not get the red cup.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: He's gonna have the blue cup, and it's gonna be fine, and I know we're gonna move on.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, I feel his frustration and I feel his emotions about it, you know?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so sometimes it's really difficult for me, especially at the age where he is where he's just trying to figure out his life, or even like moments where he is trying to communicate and I don't understand what he's trying to say.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: Feeling not only my frustration at like I want to be able to help you, but like feeling his frustration.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: I need to communicate, and I can't get my point across.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: And like, even just today, I put him down for a nap before this recording, and he was just so emotional, and I could not figure out why.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: I just had no idea what it was that was causing him that emotion because isn't that life sometimes, you know, like yes for two-year-olds, but for us, like uh, but I really, really struggle throughout my days to not strive to have the solution every time to let them feel emotions that they need to feel, or even to try to like allow them to feel their emotions that I know they need to feel without rushing to fix it, in the sense that like I don't want to try to fix the solution in order to just repress emotion because I'm feeling their emotion.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: I need to allow them to feel what they're feeling, even if I want to make it better, not just because I want them to feel better.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense what I'm saying?
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's powerful.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's really good.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's a big part of just my day in, day out as a two is just feeling what they're feeling, uh just with such clarity.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I've started to notice just in comparison that it so often does come back to like, I'm trying to get in Luther's mind, get in Mara Dell's mind, trying to understand like what it is they're experiencing, what it is they're feeling to figure out what's motivating their actions.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: They're 18 months apart, and Luther for a little bit was just pushing Mara down, just would come up and like run up and push her down.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: But it was so crazy because I knew it was not malicious.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: He was just trying to play with her, and so like we're having these conversations, me and my husband trying to figure out like how do we fix this behavior?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: But the reality is like we couldn't just point to how do we stop hitting?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: We had to look at why he is trying to do this, he's trying to play with her.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: So, do we offer other ways to play with her?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: Just other solutions for him trying to play with his sister.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: I think it just really points to me being so in touch with what they're feeling.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this is goal that you've just articulated so well.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think those who lead as Enneagram too are just going, yes, thank you for giving me words, giving me language to this.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I know that a lot of this comes from, you know, obviously a journey of self-awareness, not only discovering your dominant type, but the one-on-one sessions we did, the group stuff.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love for you to share maybe one of your big aha moments that you had in our mom's group.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because we had every type represented.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was just so much laughter.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I miss it.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: I miss it.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, something off.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't I try not to think about it too much because it's so sad all the time.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: I think about it.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: Again, it's not forever.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I think one of my biggest revelations for me personally in my journey was figuring out my mom's type.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because my mom led as a type two.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: She passed away a couple years ago, but she never was in a place where she like took a test or we talked about it or anything.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: But she led as a type two and unfortunately as an unhealthy type two.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's been a really interesting journey for me to recognize the similarities between my mother and I because I spent a lot of time, as I'm sure others have experienced this pretty common, I don't want to be my mom.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't want to be like my mom.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: It was very difficult for me to realize that we were incredibly similar.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: It was such a big moment for me to realize our similarities, to specifically see that she had been living in an unhealthy place in the sense that we are the same, but we don't have to live it out the same.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: So specifically, I watched my mom in her motherhood journey desire so intensely love from my sister and I because she hadn't gotten it from Jesus and she hadn't gotten it from a spouse.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so, as a type two, her main desire, her main motivation was to feel loved, but she wasn't getting it anywhere.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: And she had these two daughters that were built in, in a sense.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so it put such an incredible strain on our relationship to be in a place where I was expected to be her source of love, her source of comfort in a lot of ways, too, when my parents split.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she was confiding in me a lot in a really unhealthy way, and even got to the places of like expecting to be not just loved, but helped because she had helped in the past.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: That kind of like, think about all the things I've done for you.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Just because of the reality of like, really, how much do we owe our mothers?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like so, so much.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, but she really would use that in a lot of ways once she got to a place where she was not physically or emotionally really able to take care of herself any longer.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was just such a difficult journey.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: Thankfully, we kind of had started on the road to reconciliation before uh she passed away.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: But now, being a mother myself, it's been a really interesting journey to look back on my experience with my mom, especially to not have her around as I've entered this motherhood journey, because it's so easy to look at everything with rose-colored glasses and imagine the kind of grandmother she would be and the type of mother she was to me when I was at the age of my kids and all these different things.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: But trying to really look at the reality of what things looked like when she was alive and really learn from them, I think that something that happened with my mom is that it was so important that we poured our love out on her, that she put so much pressure on us that it put an incredible strain on our relationship.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I've heard it said over and over again, and really as though it's a good thing, that we were everything to her.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: We were her world, and there was nothing more important than us.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I think to some extent there's something good in that, but I think at the same time, like I can't be your world, Jesus needs to be your world.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: I can't be your world, you need to focus on your relationship with your spouse.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's been a really incredible challenge for me in the way that I love my kids to try to maintain correct priorities when it comes to Luther and Mara Dell.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, but how is my marriage?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: How's my relationship with Jesus?
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: Especially when it's emotional for them for me to have to set boundaries to realize like it's important that they're not my everything, because that's not healthy and it puts too much.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Pressure on them.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: So a couple of weeks ago, we were watching my sister and I old VHS tapes on the doing the thing.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: My sister and I are three years apart.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so there was a video of my sister like six months or something.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I was just three and a half.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: In the video, I was trying to do everything McKenna was doing because I was trying to get attention.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so like they're trying to record her like spinning or like dancing to music or whatever.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: And like I'm trying to get in there, you know, like that classic, like oldest, like, but I'm not sure.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: Don't forget me.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um it was so interesting because I was watching this video and it could have just been an off day, it could have been an off moment, but my mom's tone with me sounded so annoyed in that video.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm trying to record my canna, like stop doing that, whatever.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: And it's crazy because I've got a two-year-old who's now trying to mimic his sister.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm in the place of trying to like understand those emotions.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, Luther really does just want attention, and attention's not a bad thing to want.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so, how do I respond when he is mimicking his sister, you know, like trying to do the same things that she's doing because he's looking for attention?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I should not be responding out of annoyance or like I mean, that just comes back to like trying to understand what he's feeling emotionally and what the motivations are.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think that is a big thing that probably a lot of us could testify to.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I know this has come up in several of our conversations about just with, you know, my mom friends in particular here for these podcast series, which is that there may have been someone in our life that we were trying really hard not to be like, usually parents or a sibling.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so it kind of created maybe typing confusion, but then also it was a hurdle to overcome as we processed through what type we do lead as and what does it look like to be similar, but lead in health, not out of a place where all of our defense mechanisms are up and we're living out our core fears and core motivations in an unhealthy way.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because essentially what you said, I think that's a great word of caution for all of us parents that you know that's what we've championed in our mom's group of our number one calling, our most important mission is being in relationship with Christ, is being his daughter first and foremost, over everything, Jesus over everything.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: And while motherhood might be our one of our biggest adventures in our biggest missions field, it's not the only thing.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: And no matter what type we lead as, if that becomes the biggest thing, then we our motivations get skewed and we're living out our core fears, protecting them and our kids, and then manipulating them to try to fulfill what it is that we desire.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: So right.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and it's so much striving as well, because then you're not doing it out of overflow, just creating that catch-22 of feeling like this is my mission, and I need to pour into it, and I don't have time to be poured into and to spend time at the foot of Jesus.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're not living out that mission well because it's not happening out of overflow, it's happening out of striving.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: Even just when it comes back to motivations, especially for a type two to like be looking to Jesus to feel loved, so that you're not going elsewhere for that, so that you're not putting unfair expectations on your spouse or on your children or on your friends, you know.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: So as we finish up here, I've been doing kind of three rapid fire questions because each of our conversations have gone so uniquely and so different, but I thought it'd be fun to keep a few of them exactly the same.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: So how would you describe in a word or in a phrase what it looks like to flourish as a type two?
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think exactly what we were talking about, just spending that time with Jesus.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think flourishing as a type two looks like getting your love from Christ so that you can in a healthy way love the people around you.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: Going from codependence on people to dependence on Christ.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that way you don't have that vicious cycle.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's good.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: I know we've talked a lot about that.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's good.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: What soul care routine has made you feel like you're thriving in motherhood and just that you are rocking it, that you are the mom for the job.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is gonna be hilarious.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is super random.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: I love all the different answers.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's so good.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, okay, so I have curly hair, I have naturally curly hair.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's beautiful.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's seriously, for those, I mean, who are not watching this video and who are listening, it is gorgeous.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you you probably get compliments all the time, but it was one of the first things I noticed, and I think I told you like you have the most gorgeous hair.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's gorgeous.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I totally interrupted the whole rapid fire element, but it's gorgeous.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's good.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so the reality is though, I grew up having no idea what to do with it.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: I never knew how to take care of it.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: I never knew how to like get the best curl out of it.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: It was just shortly after I had Luther that I came to a place of realizing like my hair's a mess.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's like not curling the way it used to anymore, and the way it used to wasn't even great.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: And like, and you know, just feeling yes, and just feeling so insecure about it.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I started like super nerding out, like researching how to take care of curly hair.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: I started doing the curly girl method, and like it's not even that much more time for me specifically, like in terms of me showering, washing my hair, and trying to style it, but it has made such a huge difference for me to like really set up that time.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm gonna take this time and I'm going to not only like research how to take care of it, but I'm gonna like take care of it well and make it look as best as it can be.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really been for me in a really weird way a journey of self-love, like learning to love the hair that the Lord gave me and um how to take care of it best.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's my really random answer for self-love.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, it perfectly illustrates that line of growth to the fore.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, come on, because you're embracing the uniqueness and that this is part of your identity, and you're allowing to cultivate that creativity with it.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: I love it, I think it's so good.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, last but not least, what is a spiritual growth book that has impacted you the most?
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe there's a couple of them, and you think it would be perfect for a fellow type two?
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so uh here's the deal.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: This is gonna be such a like classic answer, I feel like, for a type two, but the book is boundaries.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: Ah yes.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: Henry Cloud, John Thomson, like that book wrecked my life because I just had no idea how to set boundaries or when it was even appropriate to set boundaries.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that is such a classic struggle, um, especially for a type two.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I, in my own life, have gotten to a place of burnout because I hadn't set boundaries.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: It was just revolutionary for me to read that book, and I think everybody should read it.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: But I think specifically twos, I think it would be super helpful because there is not just a desire to serve, but like so much.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: So much comes from like I'm trying to serve to be loved, and it turns into this whole thing like, if I'm not serving, then I'm not loved, and it can lead to burnout so so quickly.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's really good.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think, yeah, that's a perfect book.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: Articulated all the things really well.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, as we just wrap up here, I'm kind of curious.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: You said you actually had a ton of great wisdom and advice for your average Enneagram, too.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, any last words as you encourage someone who is going, oh yeah, I want more than just the t-shirt, I want to do more than the memes.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: How would you encourage them on this self-awareness journey?
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think being able to look into even the things you were talking about, lines of growth and what it looks like to live as a healthy type too, or healthy in your type, whatever it is, um, is so, so vital.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I think specifically for a to, because like love is the thing, right?
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: I think that it has been such a journey for me, not just of self-awareness but self-love.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's been really, really vital for me to come to a place of loving who the Lord's created me to be, and even in that sense, loving the way that the Lord's created me to mother, because it's not the same as everybody else.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: And like recognizing that the Lord created me, not just for me, but for those around me, and I'm the person for that job.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the wife that Kenny needs, I'm the mom that Luther and Mara need.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that being able to go on that journey of self-awareness for a two is a lot about going on a journey of loving who you're discovering when you're coming into that awareness of who you are, being in a place of like, not only is this who I am, but this is who Jesus loves, and this is who Jesus created.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, everybody can grow.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_01: There's health that everybody needs to grow in, but really coming to a place of like I am loved right where I am, and being able to move forward enough.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: Love it.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Peyton.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: I loved having you on here.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to share this.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for having me.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm guessing that there is more than one takeaway from this conversation, whether you live with the two or you lead as a type two.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: I am so grateful Peyton was willing to share so honestly with you and me.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram twos in my life show me how to be more loving and intentional with my friendships and be aware of the needs of others.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now maybe you listened and you were wishing that you could join our moms group.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know in 2020, meeting and gathering with other moms has been super challenging.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: So while I work with something special with you in mind, I've created an ebook from the perspective of motherhood as it relates to the Enneagram.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've packed it full of helpful information so you'll not only understand your core fears and weaknesses, but also how each type is uniquely gifted for motherhood.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, I have written specific challenges, reflection questions, and truth statements that I use to lead my clients to more freedom in their life.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can read it on your phone or print it out and refer to it as we go through this special podcast series.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to know that you are the mom for the job, and I am here to champion you to love it.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: So until next time, continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for a simply, wholehearted life.