Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Unmasking the Quiet Narcissist: The Subtle Art of Control (REMIX)

Transcript

Unmasking the Quiet Narcissist: The Subtle Art of Control (REMIX) · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  The most dangerous narcissist isn't the one that is screaming
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  at you, right? It's the one sitting quietly
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  across from you, playing the victim while they slowly
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  dismantle yourself esteem as a diagnosed narcissist.
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  Today I'm going to show you the quiet traps that I and other
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  other narcissist used to set on people that a lot of people miss
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  until it's too late. That's what we're talking about
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  today y'all. The quad covert narcissist and
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  y'all the intro. I know y'all love these new
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  intros. Ah boy, I fired up.
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  But seriously, y'all, the quiet or the covert narcissist doesn't
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  need to be the center of attention.
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  What they need to do, what we need to do is be the center of
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  concern. So today y'all went about the
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  five red flags that so many people miss that that are that
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  show you that you're dealing with a quiet, oh, covert
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  narcissist, right? So the first thing we're going
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  to cover today, y'all, is the professional victim hook the
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  professional victim where they give you some type of sob story
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  about their past, right? And a lot of times these sob
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  stories be getting y'all. Don't look, don't act like they
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  haven't. The sob stories will get you.
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  They absolutely will. Look, the reason I treat you
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  badly is because I got cheated on by all my exes.
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  I've never done anything bad to anybody.
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  All 45 of my exes have cheated on me.
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  I've never cheated before. Did it work?
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  No. You see, in that situation right
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  there, I didn't leave with the strength, right?
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  I LED with my wounds. I LED with the pain that I've
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  suffered, right? The pain that I went through,
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  the pain that I felt. And guess what?
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  You felt that pain too, didn't you?
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  Didn't you? You've been cheated on before.
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  You've been hurt before. You've been betrayed before.
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  So you get it, don't you? You see, that's what covert,
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  that's what covert narcissists do.
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  They play the victim. We get very good at playing the
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  victim, very amazing at playing the victim.
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  Professional victim should have a, should have a card in my
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  wallet that says professional victim card and I should pull it
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  out. Anytime I get in trouble,
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  anytime I get ready to get held accountable, professional victim
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  card. I'm a professional victim.
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  Watch out. You can't, you cannot hold me
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  accountable. I'm a professional victim.
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  You see right there, that's how they get you to trust them early
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  on. That's how I get you to trust me
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  early on. That's how I get you to feel bad
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  for me early on, right? Because I told you about my
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  crazy exes. I told you about my unsupported
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  family. I told you about all of that
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  because you have a crazy ex, right?
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  You have an unsupported family member, don't you?
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  So you feel it, don't you? I got you.
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  That's what covert narcissistic people do.
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  They play the victim. So guess what happens later on?
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  If I do something bad, you might feel bad for holding me
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  accountable, right? Because I'm damaged, I'm hurt.
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  I told you about my trauma, didn't I?
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  And you don't want to. You don't want to exacerbate my
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  trauma, you don't want to add to it, do you?
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  You 2, you're a good person. You wouldn't hold me
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  accountable, would you? Watch out for the for the
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  professional victim red flag that so many people miss, right?
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  Y'all? See me looking now?
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  I got this stuff ready now y'all?
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  But seriously #2 this self deprecation right here, the self
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  deprecation red flag. I ain't got my red flags with
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  me, which I did. I normally have them right on
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  me. But the self deprecation red
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  flag out this thing about like this narcissistic people that
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  are self deprecating or fishing for compliments, right?
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  They fish for compliments by putting themselves down.
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  Something like this right here. I'm just not smart enough.
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  I'm just not good enough for you.
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  I don't deserve you. Have y'all heard those words
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  before? You have, haven't you?
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  And you just, you just, you had a hot moment, didn't you?
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  Didn't you? You had a hot moment.
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  You're like, damn it, they got me.
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  What I'm doing right now is fishing for compliments.
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  Self deprecation is a sign of covert narcissism, of quiet
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  narcissism, right? And this is what ends up
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  happening, What I really want you to do when I'm beating
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  myself up or I'm putting myself down, I want you to pick me up.
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  I want you to make me feel better.
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  I want you to help me and be there for me, right?
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  Am I right? I want you to do all of those
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  things because I need you to do those things, right?
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  That's what self deprecation is, is making you feel bad by
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  making, by talking negative about me, I make you feel bad.
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  That's what I want. I want compliments.
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  I want to say I'm not. I want, look, this is how I
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  wanted to go. I want to say I'm not good
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  enough for you and I want you to say no, no, no, babe, you're
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  amazing. You're the best thing that's
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  ever happened to me. I'm so sorry.
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  Did the blip got you? You see how that just happened
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  right there? Got you.
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  That's what that's that's the mix of it right there.
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  That's what covert quiet narcissists do.
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  That's literally how it works right there got you.
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  I just beat myself up for you to pick me up for you.
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  I look I'm kicking my own ass for you to make me feel better.
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  That's the self deprecation right there dude.
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  That's a trick to get narcissistic supply.
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  This is a trick to get validation.
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  So you got to watch out for that.
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  When you see them beating themselves up or putting
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  themselves down or texting you saying I'm the problem.
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  I'm always the bad guy. I'm such a horrible person.
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  Don't fall for the self deprecation trap.
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  Please don't because we look you fall for the trap.
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  It's hard to get out there, y'all.
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  It's got kind of like a trapdoor spider.
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  Just imagine, just imagine your narcissistic partner right with
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  as a or your ex or whoever it is right as a trapdoor spider where
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  they look, they got 8 legs, they got 8 little narcissistic legs
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  right now and they're just waiting for you to fall into the
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  trap. Don't fall into it.
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  Don't fall for the self deprecation trap y'all.
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  The third one these not these are not any any in any order of
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  a port. And idiot.
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  The third one I got written now is the stealth superiority
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  complex. Look the red flags.
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  They judge everyone quietly and think they are misunderstood
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  geniuses. I quietly put other people down
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  to pick myself up, right? I quietly think I'm better than
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  everybody else. I don't say it out loud.
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  Look, I don't, I don't, I don't boast around.
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  I don't boast to everybody. I just boast to you, right?
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  I'm not boasting everybody. I'm literally just boasting to
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  you. I'm just putting it on Front St.
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  for you. That's all that I am doing.
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  That's all that is happening right now.
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  I'm literally putting people down, talking negative about my
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  boss, talking negative about my mom, my dad, my best friend, my,
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  my husband, my wife, whoever it is, right?
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  I'm talking negative about that person because I want to lift
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  myself up. I'm, I'm an extreme.
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  What really is going on here is that I'm an extremely insecure
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  person, but I want to feel secure.
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  So I need to put, I need to feel like I'm better than everybody
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  else. That sense of entitlement is
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  true, right? So unlike A boisterous, overt
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  narcissist, I don't need to brag out loud.
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  As a covert, quiet narcissist, I do it too.
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  I do it in a different way, right?
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  I just acted. Look, I think I'm smarter than
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  everybody else. I just act like my stream of
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  consciousness is too deep or too missing, is too widely A
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  misunderstood like you just don't get it.
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  You don't think like I do. I got a big narcissistic brain,
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  right? I'm too intellectual.
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  My stream of consciousness is just my intellect is just on a
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  higher plane than yours. Now it might be true sometime I
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  couldn't be smarter, right? I couldn't be smarter.
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  But a lot of time I'm just not smart.
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  I'm just bragging. I'm just trying to put myself
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  out there. Humble, humble brags.
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  Watch out for the humble brags, right?
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  But that just ends up happening right there, right?
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  Like, but guess what happens if you don't agree with me, I'm not
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  going to argue with you. I would just look disappointed.
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  I would just look like you 2 you know I thought you were better
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  than I thought you were smarter than other people.
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  I guess you just like everybody else.
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  See, I got you see I did see you see what I did there got you.
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  I mean that mind then I'm in that mind brain right there.
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  Y'all the 4th again in no particular order, the 4th ready
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  flag right here. Y'all is the passive solid
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  treatment. Now I know most of not everybody
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  so overt narcissists do this as well, but covert narcissists are
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  just masters at the silent treatment, right?
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  I don't need to scream or yell. I just remove the communication.
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  I just remove all the communication.
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  I remove all the talking, all of it, right?
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  All of it. Y'all know if y'all follow me
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  for any period of time? I refer to the silent treatment
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  as silent rage, right? Because that's all it is.
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  It really is silent rage. It's me raging out being angry
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  as hell, pissed off to pissed off to an extreme.
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  But I'm not going to let anybody know that out loud.
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  I'm going to just not talk and I can look the solid treatment.
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  Y'all know this. The solid treatment has no
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  extra. I I hear people y'all be
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  experiencing the solid treatment for months, months.
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  I know somebody in the comments. I already know somebody in the
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  comment section going to go try years.
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  I know some of y'all are going to the comment section are going
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  to drop that in the comment section.
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  But if if it if it has happened, then drop it in the comment
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  section. Don't feel ashamed.
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  This is the safe place, right? This is the safe place.
• 9:54
  Just like my support group, the mental healers is a safe place.
• 9:57
  Find it at courses.mentalillness.net.
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  Check that out right. But the solid treatment it
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  really is. You don't deserve to hear my
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  words. You don't deserve to hear me
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  speak. You are beneath me.
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  My words are better than my my words are too powerful for your
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  ears. My words that you're not worthy
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  enough of my words. So the solid treatment is really
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  is just pissed off narcissistic rage.
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  But instead of yelling and screaming, I do the exact
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  opposite. I'm internally screaming right,
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  I'm in scream. I'm screaming on the inside.
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  I'm using my inside voice just like you.
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  Just imagine you in a little a narcissistic library and I'm
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  using my inside voice right instead of my outside voice like
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  this. I'm talking like this is doing a
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  silent treatment. That's what silent rages, y'all.
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  And last but not least, call it the empathy gap, right?
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  The empathy gap, y'all already know the narcissist lack
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  empathy. That's not that's not a
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  revelation, Lee. We all know that, right?
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  I know that everybody understands that for a certain
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  extent, right? You get into this space right
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  here where this narcissistic person, this toxic person,
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  whoever, right? They're a great person in public
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  to everybody and sometimes including to you in in front of
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  everybody. Man, they nice as hell.
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  They giving their kind, compassionate that that outside
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  the house image is completely different, right, That outside
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  the house image is just powerful.
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  They are the best person ever, right?
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  But behind closed doors, woo, y'all know?
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  That's where the real monster lives there, don't you?
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  Behind closed doors, That's what a monster had, ain't it?
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  Y'all know? Y'all know?
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  But isn't this space right here? They bought like this?
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  They would spend an entire day helping out a neighbor or acting
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  like the nice guy at work or something like that, right?
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  Being the pastor at church, being a firefighter, lawyer,
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  whoever, right? Nurse, doctor, whoever, right?
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  They'll do all of that out there in public, but the second they
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  get home, it's like the color is stripped from their lives.
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  Right Outside is color. Inside is black and white,
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  right? You, they, they, you see the
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  brightness of this person outside, but inside, man, black
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  and white, horrible, evil people behind the door.
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  And I tell this like I say this to people right here,
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  narcissists have a limited capacity for empathy, right?
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  We already know that. I also think the narcissist,
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  most narcissists have limited emotional capacity.
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  We don't have enough to go around.
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  So when we're out there in the real world, we're giving all we
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  got. So we get home, we have none
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  left. We have nothing left to give or
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  we have very little to give. So we give it to the kids a
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  little bit, maybe to the pets, but our partners, Nope, you got
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  none. And that can make you feel like
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  a horrible person, right? Just think about like this right
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  here. If everyone thinks that they are
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  a St. except for you, it's not that you are the problem.
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  You aren't the problem. It's that you're the only person
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  that has solved the real version of them.
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  Like you're seeing the real them.
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  You're seeing the black and white, not the color version of
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  this person, right? You've seen it.
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  So it doesn't mean that you're wrong or you're crazy.
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  That's what ends up happening to this type of person, right?
• 13:19
  Yeah. So that you have to prepare for.
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  So think I was tuning in, y'all. Those are the five red flags of
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  the quiet covert narcissist. So that's what you have to
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  prepare for, y'all. And so many people get into
• 13:30
  these situations right here when you're dealing with this type of
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  person and you don't see it until it's too late.
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  Because a lot of people think they're narcissist or about
• 13:38
  about yelling and screaming and being loud and boisterous.
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  No, overt and covert narcissist have the same goals.
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  They just go about getting them differently.
• 13:48
  You see what I'm saying? Anyway, y'all make sure you want
• 13:51
  to check out my courses. Check out
• 13:53
  courses.mentalillness.net for all my courses.
• 13:56
  You can enter the code mothers for 50% off.
• 14:00
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• 14:03
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