Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How narcissists shine a light on your insecurities

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How narcissists shine a light on your insecurities · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how narcissistic people,
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  toxic people, amplify your insecurities and your
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  weaknesses. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Company.
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  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, folks.
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  Yep, Yep, Yep. Narcissistic people talk to
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  people, amplify your insecurities and your
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  weaknesses. They use it as a form of power
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  and control of you. They use it as a weapon to hurt
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  you and to harm you and to like I said, manipulate you to get
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  some type of control over your mind, over your mental health
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  and to have you consistently and constantly questioning yourself.
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  And this right here happens to so many people.
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  This is not just a you know, this is not just a one off type
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  of thing. This happens to a lot of people
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  that are dealing with toxic, narcissistic, abusive people.
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  It it just does y'all. And one way that they do this,
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  if they just ask you, like they ask you to tell you, they ask
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  you to share your deepest, darkest insecurities with them,
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  right? This is a tactic, you know,
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  they'll they might share something, something small with
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  you, but they expect something big in return.
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  Hey, since we're getting since we just getting to know each
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  other. What's your biggest fear?
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  What do you feel like you could change about yourself?
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  How would your exes describe you?
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  What would your exes say about you?
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  What's your biggest weakness? You know, What's your greatest
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  strength? Give me that.
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  What does that sound like? Y'all?
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  What is it when I say it like that?
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  What does that sound like? It's not like a damn job
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  interview, doesn't it? It's when you're in a
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  relationship with a narcissistic person, when you get to know
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  them, sometimes it can feel like you're getting interviewed for a
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  job, you know, maybe not a good job, but you're getting
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  interviewed for a job nonetheless.
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  And this happens to a quite a few people right here when you
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  get into these relationship dynamics, you get into these
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  relationship spaces and they treat you and they, they say
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  they treat you good at first. They, they, they work hard at
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  getting to know you. They work hard at analyzing you
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  and whatnot. And they work hard at getting
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  you to open up and feel safe with them, right?
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  You feel safe enough with them to share your vulnerabilities.
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  Yeah, they might share something at first.
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  Like they they very rarely when a narcissist share some major
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  truth, truthful trauma with you unless they're coming from a
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  place of trying to manipulate you, right?
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  Unless they're coming from a place of trying to get to try to
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  get something from you or to try to get you on their side.
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  Very rarely would they do that. Do they do some of them do it?
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  Yes, they do. Do they will they will trauma
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  dump on you at first, but they're hoping that you are they
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  hoping that you are trauma dumping.
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  They're hoping that you are an open book.
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  They're hoping that you give them the benefit of the doubt
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  and just trust. And they hoping that you have
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  this thought process or this belief that all people and most
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  people are good and there's good in everybody.
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  They're hoping that you trust them without making them earn
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  it. This is the hope of a lot of
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  narcissistic people. So and so they will weaponize
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  the stuff that that hurts your feelings the most, they will use
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  against you. The stuff that pains you the
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  most they will use against you. They will weaponize against you.
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  This is part of the process of dealing with an abuser.
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  This is part, part of the process of dealing with an
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  emotional abuser, an emotional manipulator.
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  This is how they get you. They will learn that you are
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  subconscious or insecure about your weight.
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  And guess what happens? They they amplify that.
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  They will amplify that. Like you whisper how you're
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  insecure about your weight, but they amplify.
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  They shine for the things that you might feel weak about.
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  They shine a bright light on that stuff because at the end of
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  the day, them shine. Them shining that light benefits
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  them. Try and shine this light on you
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  because there is a great benefit in it for them to do that.
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  Because like Lee, what kind of benefit does do they have from
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  amplifying our weaknesses or our insecurities?
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  The benefit of being in control of you.
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  The benefit of being able to hurt your feelings in a moment's
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  notice. The benefit of knowing that if
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  you have abandonment issues, they can amplify your
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  abandonment issues by threatening to leave you.
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  I'm just going to leave. I'm just walking out here.
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  You, you'll never hear from me again.
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  You want to act this way? You want to hold me accountable?
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  Well, I'm just going to leave. How you like that.
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  You'll never hear from me again. You'll never see me again.
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  I can understand why your dad never came back.
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  I I can understand why your mom abandoned you.
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  Your mom treats you horribly. I can understand that right
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  there. I understand why your ex used to
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  beat your ass. I understand why your ex
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  cheating on you. I understand why your ex left
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  you for somebody to be younger and prettier, with more money
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  and had a nice body. I understand all of that.
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  They amplified the stuff that you have told them about, the
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  stuff that hurt you, the stuff that has traumatized you, and
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  the stuff that you might actually still be trying to heal
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  from. They will shout that type of
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  stuff from the rooftops. This does happen.
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  They will yell and scream this type of stuff from the rooftops,
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  like this abusive behaviors, this toxicity, this narcissism.
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  They will absolutely try to shine that on you.
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  And it does it work? Yeah.
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  Yeah, it does work. Let's be real.
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  Let's keep it hot and ready like a Little Caesar's pizza.
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  This type of stuff does work, you know what I mean?
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  It does work. Why wouldn't they do it if it
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  works like this? Wasn't when y'all hear me?
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  Y'all been riding with me for a while?
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  Y'all hear me say? Make people earn your
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  information. This is what I mean.
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  I mean make them earn it. If you are sharing something
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  deep with them, make sure that they're sharing something deep
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  with you. If you are sharing something
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  deep with them anyway, make sure this is a person you can trust.
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  This is not a first date type of stuff.
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  Set boundaries early on. Yeah, sorry.
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  I I know this is our first date, so I don't really feel like real
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  comfortable sharing my deepest, darkest secrets with you.
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  We're just getting to know each other.
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  Come on now. This is the type of stuff that
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  we have to wake up on right here, because this is the type
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  of stuff that can help balance you out in real life.
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  This is the type of stuff that can benefit you at the at the
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  end of the day, to help protect you, to help, you know, you move
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  forward. This is the type of stuff that
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  can help you out in the long run.
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  It absolutely is making people earn your information because
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  the more they amplify your weaknesses, the more you, the
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  more self doubt that you have, the more they amplify your
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  insecurities or that they. Is that not a true point right
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  there? You start to question yourself
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  when you're a narcissistic partner or parent or whoever is
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  sane or doing this type of stuff to you.
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  Is that true? Right there, you see what I'm
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  saying? This happens to so many people.
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  It does like it's true, it just, it just does that it because it
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  works y'all? Why would they?
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  Why would they stop doing something that works for them?
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  You know what I mean? I'm not trying to be mean.
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  I know I'm trying to believe you being me.
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  I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just to let you know why I'm
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  asking the question. Why would they stop doing
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  something that they feel is greatly of of great benefit to
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  them in this situation? Because it works because it
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  serves them. It serves their purpose.
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  They because they're so they're going to keep doing the stuff
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  that benefits them because they they gain something from it.
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  They gain something from manipulating you.
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  They gain something from being toxic to you.
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  They gain something from being abusive to you.
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  They just do y'all, and it's not me just coming off the top of my
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  head like this is they, they do gain something from doing this
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  type of stuff to you. I feel like most people
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  understand and most people get a can get a grasp on it because
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  this is the mentality that they that they experience.
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  Narcissistic people, abusive people, toxic people are going
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  to live their lives to their to their greatest benefit.
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  And a lot of times in order to pick themselves up, they need to
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  pull you down. So what's the quickest way to
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  pull you down other than physically pulling you down?
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  They emotionally pull you down. They tell you that you're
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  overweight. They tell you that your hair is
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  not long enough. They tell you that you ever got
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  a ball spot in the back of your head.
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  They tell you that your teeth are messed up.
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  They tell you that your mom abandoned you.
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  They tell you this type of stuff.
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  Whatever your insecurities or your weaknesses are, they shine
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  a light on them whenever they see a benefit to in it to them.
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  And they will keep doing this type of stuff because they feel
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  like there is a direct benefit in it for them.
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  You know what I mean? They will keep doing this type
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  of stuff because they feel like, OK, if I can keep doing this
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  type of stuff right here, there's direct benefit in it for
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  me to do these toxic behaviors, to keep lying, to keep
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  manipulating, to keep stealing from this person, whatever it
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  is. So that's what I say make people
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  earn it, y'all? Because it's the more they know
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  your weaknesses, the more they know that the things that you're
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  insecure about, the more that they will continuously use them
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  against you. Like seriously.
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  And this is what this is what I tell people all the time.
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  Like if they can use it against you, they will, like I said, and
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  again, will Lee, will they ever stop using it when they ever
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  stop bringing it up? Not when it not when it works.
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  If they see that they can get a reaction from you by mentioning
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  something, by bringing something up, they're going to keep doing
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  it. If they can see they can do
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  something to you, they're going to keep doing it.
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  If they're going to see that they can say something to you
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  and get you to start crying or get you to start to hurt your
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  feelings, they're going to keep doing it because they see a
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  benefit in it for them. They really are.
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  So this is a question you have to ask yourself when you're out
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  there getting to know somebody. Make sure that you're sharing
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  information that you don't want used against you later on.
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  And if you were the narcissistic partner that's doing it right
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  now, just try not to give them a reaction.
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  Y'all, set boundaries. Let them know like, hey, look,
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  if you keep bringing this up, I'm going to leave.
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  You keep bringing this up, I'm not going to talk to you
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  anymore. You keep bringing this up the
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  relationship, I'm going to have to end the date, set those
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  boundaries. Stay as strong as you possibly
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  can y'all, and be as strong as you possibly can.
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  Anyway, y'all, thank y'all for tuning in to another episode.
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  I really appreciate every single one of y'all.
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  Y'all know y'all know I'm. I'm so thankful for the job and
• 10:54
  ride with me for so long. If you haven't already, check
• 10:57
  out joining my support group called the Mental Healers.
• 10:59
  You can find more information about about my my coaching, my
• 11:03
  support groups, my courses, my events coming up in Dallas and
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  Houston, TX. Everything is available at
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  mentalillness.net. Y'all make sure you subscribe to
• 11:11
  the channel if you haven't already.
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  And as always, y'all mental illness is up.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
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• 11:33
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.