Latest / SoWhoCaresAnyway / SoWhoCaresAnyway E42 Intelligent Kindness

Transcript

SoWhoCaresAnyway E42 Intelligent Kindness · SoWhoCaresAnyway

• 0:04
  Welcome to So Who Cares.
• 0:06
  Anyway, a fortnightly podcast exploring stories that shape care community and the systems we live in.
• 0:12
  I'm Ruth Germaine, and in each episode I'm joined by my guests, people from behind clinical doors to the North York malls, whose experiences open a window into how we care for one another.
• 0:24
  Together, we explore care through creativity, connection, and the strengths we already hold.
• 0:31
  Because care isn't small.
• 0:32
  Care isn't soft care shapes the world, so who cares? Anyway, it's time to talk about it.
• 0:42
  Hi and welcome to So Who Cares.
• 0:44
  Anyway, and today it's a solo episode.
• 0:47
  I've been doing more of them recently, as you probably noticed, and other people seem to enjoy them and have to admit, I enjoy them too.
• 0:55
  It's just a time for me to, to think and um, to share some of the things that have been going on in my mind and what's been going on in my mind a lot, um, for quite some time to be fair and really sort of, um.
• 1:08
  Shapes.
• 1:08
  My work is around intelligent kindness and I just want to share something that happened recently.
• 1:16
  So I was invited to a small group at a university.
• 1:19
  So this is where a small group where people with lived experience of learning disability helps to shape research and teaching and making sure that the university includes people in a way that works.
• 1:31
  So I was invited to a small group at a university, and this is a small group of people with lived experience of learning disability where they helped to shape research, teaching, and education.
• 1:43
  And I was there to share what I'd been doing.
• 1:46
  But what surprised me, well, I expected to hear their stories and their insights, but what struck me instead was how they held each other in the room.
• 1:56
  They just made space for each other.
• 1:59
  They listened.
• 2:00
  So yeah, there was a lot of excitement and talking at times, but they would stop at the end of each bit.
• 2:06
  People would stop and they would actually look around the room and make space and ask people, what do you think? You've been quiet.
• 2:14
  Is there anything you want to add? And then they would naturally explain things in different ways.
• 2:19
  So we talk about how we change our communication and can communicate with people, but these people just done it.
• 2:26
  They just demonstrated it.
• 2:27
  If you are on the heart, on communication, then being in that, um, to learn more about the art of communication than being in that room was a place to see it.
• 2:36
  There was no rushing, there was no irritation, there was no hierarchy.
• 2:41
  There was no just talking louder.
• 2:43
  Thinking that would make all the difference.
• 2:46
  It was just naturally explained in a different way until they were sure the other person got it.
• 2:51
  Time just didn't matter.
• 2:53
  The other thing is that I often hear is people say just one person with lived experience is just one person.
• 3:01
  We've lived the experience well, I challenge that.
• 3:05
  I've always challenged it.
• 3:06
  The word just nobody is just anything.
• 3:09
  We are all a sum of the parts of everything that we bring from our background.
• 3:15
  And these people really demonstrated, again, they brought insights from their families, their friends, and their communities.
• 3:23
  They told stories of other people's.
• 3:25
  Um, lived experience of their, what was happening for them.
• 3:29
  And some of those stories were really, well, really heart rendering really, um, to hear.
• 3:37
  But they put their insights, they understood what had gone on for those people, so they didn't try and say, it's like that for me.
• 3:44
  Um, or if it was me, it was like hat.
• 3:48
  They really just instead understood what was going on for that person.
• 3:52
  They'd taken time to think about it.
• 3:55
  They had taken time to think what would be different, what else could happen? How could we change that? What needs to happen? So to me, these people brought a broader perspective beyond being just one person with lived experience.
• 4:13
  So that challenged what I'd heard in so many arenas before or so many places before.
• 4:19
  What arenas, do you know what I mean? I, I just heard it so often and I just thought, no, that's so wrong.
• 4:25
  And I actually remember telling people in the room at the time, what you've brought is so much more.
• 4:30
  Um, and it was just incredible to see.
• 4:33
  So there's a few, three things really that I just wanted to, to share.
• 4:40
  People just don't just bring their own experiences, they bring insight in of the wider world, and we have to respect that and understand that and that wider understanding.
• 4:53
  That's probably what shaped how they treated each other.
• 4:56
  They were patient and to me, they demonstrate how patience is, are slowed down because you need me to, and acceptance well.
• 5:08
  They just demonstrated.
• 5:09
  I will meet you exactly where you are.
• 5:13
  And I will un make sure I understand you in your context.
• 5:18
  Um, so that blend of acceptance, patient's acceptance, and wider insight.
• 5:24
  Well, what they de demonstrated to me that day was intelligent kindness.
• 5:29
  So what did it teach me? Well, I didn't expect to go into that room to see intelligent duck kindness demonstrated.
• 5:37
  So maybe.
• 5:39
  I need to stop and think and not be re restricted in what I expect from people because I saw it there that day.
• 5:48
  What I saw were people that were caring and attuned, and I have to say I felt quite humbled to see that they modeled something that we are, that systems and people try to teach.
• 6:03
  But they just simply lived it from their lived experience.
• 6:08
  So maybe what I was thinking afterwards is intelligent kindness is less about effort and really thinking about it, but it's more just about being present and being there.
• 6:20
  For the people that we are with and being aware of what it is that they bring.
• 6:27
  So thanks for listening and coming with me on my reflection.
• 6:32
  So as I always say, stay curious and until next time.
• 6:38
  I hope today's conversation gave you something to think about.
• 6:41
  If it did, please share it with someone.
• 6:44
  Ripples matter.
• 6:45
  You can also follow the show so you don't miss future episodes, and if you have reflections or ideas, then please leave a rating or to support my work.
• 6:54
  Head over to my link tree, which you can find in the show notes.
• 6:57
  But for now, stay caring, stay connected, stay curious.
• 7:02
  Thanks for listening.