Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Run a One-on-One That Actually Matters
Transcript
- Lucas: So there's this moment that every new manager recognizes — you're sitting across from a direct report in your weekly one-on-one, and about ninety seconds in you realize you've both run out of things to say. Luna: Yeah, the dreaded silence. Or worse, the manager fills it with a status update they could have read in an email. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the problem right there. Most new managers treat one-on-ones as a project checkpoint. But if you're just reciting timelines, you're burning the single most valuable relationship-building slot you have. I want to talk about a concrete case today — a new engineering manager at a mid-size SaaS company who inherited a team of six. Luna: What's the company? Can we name them? Lucas: I'll keep it anonymous — they're not public, and the numbers are from an internal retrospective the manager shared on a management forum. But the dynamics are universal. So this manager — let's call her Priya — spent her first three one-on-ones going through sprint status. She'd ask 'what are you working on, any blockers, cool.' And each meeting lasted twelve to fifteen minutes. Luna: That sounds efficient on paper, but also completely hollow. Lucas: Exactly. After three weeks, one of her more senior engineers — someone who'd been at the company four years — pulled her aside and said, 'I don't think these meetings are useful for me. Can we cancel them?' And Priya was smart enough to realize that was a red flag, not a time-saving hack. Luna: So what did she do? Lucas: She scrapped the format entirely. Instead of her running the agenda, she gave each team member a simple three-question template to fill out before the meeting. Question one: what's the one thing you want to discuss that isn't about your current project? Question two: what's something I could do differently to support you? Question three: what's something you're excited about or worried about that you haven't told me yet? Luna: Oh, I like that third one. That's the one that actually surfaces stuff. Lucas: It is. And here's the key — Priya committed to talking no more than twenty percent of the meeting. Her job was to listen, ask clarifying questions, and then — this is critical — actually follow up on what she heard. She kept a running doc for each person, and she'd start the next one-on-one by referencing something from the previous week. Luna: That consistency is where trust builds. If you bring something up from last week, it signals you actually heard them. Lucas: Right. And the results were pretty striking. Within eight weeks, Priya's team saw a forty percent drop in escalations to her — meaning fewer urgent fire drills. The senior engineer who wanted to cancel the one-on-ones became the one who'd show up with three topics ready. And Priya herself said she started catching small problems — a team member burning out on a particular codebase, a personality clash between two engineers — before they became big problems. Luna: Forty percent fewer escalations is a huge number. And it makes sense — when you have a real one-on-one, people actually tell you what's broken before it breaks. Lucas: That's exactly the insight. The one-on-one is your early warning system. But only if you design it to surface the stuff that doesn't show up in a Jira ticket. Luna: I want to pause on something you said earlier — the twenty percent talking rule. I think a lot of new managers struggle with that because they feel like they need to prove their value by providing answers. Lucas: Totally. And there's a cultural piece to this too. In many organizations, being a manager is associated with being the person who has the answers. So sitting back and listening can feel like you're not doing your job. But Priya's experience shows the opposite — her job was to create space for her team to solve their own problems, with her as a sounding board. Luna: And if we've helped you think through a career move or a management challenge, listener support is what keeps this show ad-free and independent. If you'd like to chip in, you can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Just a quick way to say thanks and help us keep doing these deep dives. Lucas: Yeah, we really appreciate everyone who does that. It makes a difference. So back to Priya — one thing she also changed was the frequency. She went from weekly half-hour slots to weekly thirty-minute slots, but she made them non-negotiable. No rescheduling unless someone was out sick. That consistency alone built a rhythm. Luna: What about the people who didn't have much to say? I imagine on a team of six, some folks are naturally more talkative than others. Lucas: Great question. Priya had one engineer — a junior hire who'd been there about six months — who would submit the template with one-word answers. 'Fine. Nothing. Not sure.' So Priya started using the first five minutes of their one-on-one to just talk about something non-work related. What did you do this weekend? Seen any good movies? And over a few weeks, that engineer started opening up. Luna: So she met them where they were. Lucas: Exactly. The template is a tool, not a straitjacket. If someone needs a warm-up, give them a warm-up. The goal is a genuine conversation, not a completed form. Luna: I also wonder about the follow-through piece. A lot of managers hear something in a one-on-one, promise to look into it, and then never circle back. Lucas: That's the fastest way to erode trust. Priya had a rule: within twenty-four hours of each one-on-one, she'd send a brief email or Slack message summarizing what she heard and what she planned to do. If she couldn't do something, she'd say why. That transparency — even when the answer was no — built more credibility than saying yes and ghosting. Luna: So the real framework here is: prepare with a simple prompt, listen for most of the meeting, and follow up religiously. Lucas: That's it. And I'd add one more layer: use the one-on-one to coach, not to evaluate. Priya made a deliberate choice to never bring up performance issues in the one-on-one unless the team member raised them first. That kept it a safe space. Performance conversations happened in separate, dedicated meetings. Luna: That's a smart boundary. If the one-on-one becomes the place where you get criticized, people will stop being honest. Lucas: Right. And the numbers bear out the impact. Eight weeks in, Priya's team engagement survey scores went up fifteen percent compared to the previous quarter. The team reported feeling more supported and more heard. And the senior engineer who initially wanted to cancel? He later told Priya it was the best management change he'd experienced in his career. Luna: That's a powerful testimonial. So for any new manager listening who's currently running one-on-ones as status updates — what's the one thing they should change tomorrow? Lucas: Stop talking first. Ask your team member what they want to discuss, and then just listen for the first ten minutes. If you do nothing else, that shift alone will change the entire dynamic. Luna: And if they want a simple template to start with, the three questions Priya used are a great place to begin. Lucas: Absolutely. And remember — you're not trying to fill thirty minutes. You're trying to build a relationship that makes the other twenty-nine hours of the week more effective.