Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: Dog Eat Dog World

Transcript

The Fifth Hour: Dog Eat Dog World · The Ben Maller Show

0:00
Speaker 1: Kabooms.
0:02
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
0:05
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
0:09
Speaker 2: of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
0:12
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
0:15
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
0:18
Speaker 1: Wow.
0:18
Speaker 2: The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
0:22
Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in.
0:29
Speaker 1: The air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler
0:35
Speaker 1: and you were hanging out together on this Friday. You
0:39
Speaker 1: can listen whatever you want. There are people that go
0:42
Speaker 1: back and hear these podcasts days later, but we are
0:46
Speaker 1: plausibly presenting the podcast on this fifth day of June.
0:51
Speaker 1: It is the one hundred and fifty sixth day of
0:53
Speaker 1: the year twenty twenty six, which means my computer like
0:57
Speaker 1: brain tells me there are two hundred and nine days left.
1:00
Speaker 1: This is our first Fifth Hour podcast of the month
1:03
Speaker 1: of June. You always remember your first Fifth Hour podcast.
1:08
Speaker 1: On this edition, we have the Freedom Fighters, random word
1:13
Speaker 1: of the Week, and foody fun. Those will all be
1:18
Speaker 1: things we'll be getting into at some point here as
1:21
Speaker 1: we celebrate National Fish and Chips Day, which is apparently
1:25
Speaker 1: today the stereotypical meal of the United Kingdom our buddy
1:33
Speaker 1: Terry in England, so it is National Fish and Chips Day.
1:39
Speaker 1: And we've talked about this before. I eat fish and
1:42
Speaker 1: chips about once a year, usually in the summer, normally
1:45
Speaker 1: in the summer, and this meal goes back to the
1:52
Speaker 1: sixteenth century and the fried fish the Sephardic Jews apparently
2:00
Speaker 1: where the immigrants from Spain and Portugal introduced the custom
2:05
Speaker 1: of coating fish in flour and frying it in oil
2:10
Speaker 1: and then became very popular in London and other British
2:14
Speaker 1: port cities. And now all these years later, that is
2:17
Speaker 1: what it's known for. So National Fish and Chip's Day,
2:21
Speaker 1: extra tartar sauce, knock yourself out, why not? But we
2:25
Speaker 1: begin with this. One of the strangest things about doing
2:29
Speaker 1: the job that I have the Overnight Show, hosting that
2:33
Speaker 1: show is that eventually you stop being surprised by regular
2:39
Speaker 1: human behavior, because there really is nothing regular about human
2:43
Speaker 1: behavior right now, not completely. You still raise an eyebrow
2:48
Speaker 1: now and again. However, after enough time behind the microphones,
2:55
Speaker 1: years wandering the back alleys of in some you know,
3:02
Speaker 1: talking to the truck driver driving across the back roads
3:06
Speaker 1: of Nebraska at three in the morning. And my favorite,
3:10
Speaker 1: the security guards. It's my latest favorite, the guys that
3:13
Speaker 1: are protecting buildings. Nobody intends to rob. They're ghost buildings.
3:20
Speaker 1: There's hardly anyone in the buildings. Well, when you talk
3:23
Speaker 1: to these people your standards for what qualifies as unusual,
3:28
Speaker 1: they move, they shift, they begin to move in other
3:32
Speaker 1: areas like this week. For example, one of the biggest
3:36
Speaker 1: stories in our little universe involved Ferg Dog. Yeah, not
3:44
Speaker 1: some kind of actual dog, not a movie star, not
3:48
Speaker 1: a professional athlete, the character known as Ferg Dog. That's right,
3:53
Speaker 1: from the Winter Wonderland of Fullerton. Enough you did not listen.
3:58
Speaker 1: Towards the end of the week. Here the Brigadier general,
4:02
Speaker 1: highly decorated in the Malad militia and his ex account
4:06
Speaker 1: was given the squad douche treatment. It was suspended, sent
4:12
Speaker 1: to the digital hues gal put on time out. And
4:18
Speaker 1: I did not know this. I do not pay much
4:20
Speaker 1: attention to social media. During the day. A number of
4:22
Speaker 1: you reached out to me and said, hey, wait a minute,
4:24
Speaker 1: something's not right with Fergie. What happened to my friend
4:27
Speaker 1: Ferg Dog? Now if you do listen on a regular basis.
4:30
Speaker 1: You know who Ferg Doog is. Even on this podcast.
4:35
Speaker 1: Ferg Dog and Alf, the Alien Opiner and a few
4:39
Speaker 1: others Reggie and Detroit and whatnot have become staples of
4:43
Speaker 1: this But Reggie and Detroit rarely, he'll rarely contact us
4:48
Speaker 1: about the radio show. He's mostly just the podcast gal
4:51
Speaker 1: who he says he does listen Fergdog and Alf. They're
4:54
Speaker 1: fully immersive in everything that we do. And Ferg Doog
4:59
Speaker 1: is harmless, like not harmless in the way people describe
5:03
Speaker 1: alligators at a wildlife sanctuary right before they lose their
5:07
Speaker 1: left hand, harmless in the way a sloth is harmless,
5:11
Speaker 1: a koala, a slightly confused golden retriever, That's what I'm
5:17
Speaker 1: talking about. So his specialty is showing up with sharp,
5:22
Speaker 1: goofy over the top observations and then wandering off before
5:27
Speaker 1: anyone remembers to argue with him. Right, And so that's it.
5:31
Speaker 1: And so yet somehow, in the vast ecosystem of the
5:36
Speaker 1: Ben Mathers Show, overnight he has become the center of controversy.
5:41
Speaker 1: Ferg Dog like who gets upset at a golden retriever?
5:45
Speaker 1: Who does that? A cartoon character. Now the working theory
5:49
Speaker 1: from several of the fans of the show that have
5:53
Speaker 1: told me they believe it was friendly fire, that it
5:56
Speaker 1: was friendly fire. Not actual friendship, mind you, the kind
6:00
Speaker 1: of friendship that exists when people send thousands of hours,
6:04
Speaker 1: spent thousands and thousands of hours listening to the same
6:09
Speaker 1: radio program, and develop emotional attachments to complete strangers they
6:14
Speaker 1: have never met. It is interesting to node that while
6:18
Speaker 1: this was going on, Mom man Alf the alien o
6:21
Speaker 1: pinter who knew these guys were buddies. They're on the
6:24
Speaker 1: same wavelength. So Alf the alien opineer was working as
6:27
Speaker 1: the mouthpiece for Ferg Dog. He was the one that
6:32
Speaker 1: was the messenger pigeon. He was the one that was
6:34
Speaker 1: getting the messages out from behind cyber jail, behind cyber
6:40
Speaker 1: jail where Ferg Doog unfortunately is hanging out in the
6:44
Speaker 1: prison yard. And so listen, this is a show where
6:50
Speaker 1: we have a community, and it's less community and more
6:53
Speaker 1: a village populated entirely by amateur political operatives. If you
6:59
Speaker 1: ever day we do the show, somebody is campaigning. Someone's
7:05
Speaker 1: got an agenda, whether it's Mike the Leprechaun, Marcel and
7:09
Speaker 1: Brooklyn hollering, James, all of these cats, and lately we've
7:15
Speaker 1: got people leaking information, somebody attempting a coup. The caller
7:21
Speaker 1: slash social media drama O Ramba resembles WWE Royal Rumble,
7:30
Speaker 1: in which every participant is convinced that they're the main event.
7:35
Speaker 1: It's that syndrome. We've talked about it in previous episodes.
7:38
Speaker 1: It's the main actor syndrome where everyone's got a camera
7:42
Speaker 1: crew following them around. They're the star of their show.
7:44
Speaker 1: Which I do believe you're the star of your own
7:47
Speaker 1: life and you can do what you want with that.
7:51
Speaker 1: I buy that, like the rest of us, are merely extras.
7:55
Speaker 1: And I've noticed this phenomena for years, especially with the
7:59
Speaker 1: radio stuff we're talking about right now. A listener will
8:01
Speaker 1: call up regularly or become a character on social media.
8:07
Speaker 1: The audience, the listenership, enjoys the contributions of the social
8:12
Speaker 1: media person or the caller. The caller begins receiving attention.
8:18
Speaker 1: It's the same paint by numbers formula, and then another
8:22
Speaker 1: listener notices, and at first it manifests as a mild irritation,
8:29
Speaker 1: and soon it becomes this passive, aggressive type thing, and
8:37
Speaker 1: then suddenly we are operating inside a miniature version of
8:42
Speaker 1: the Benny Beltway, complete with intrigue whisper campaigns. There's strategic alliances,
8:50
Speaker 1: the whole ball of Wax, the full Magilla, the whole Mgilla.
8:56
Speaker 1: The only difference is that our version is inducted by
9:00
Speaker 1: people that enjoy eating gas station burritos at four in
9:05
Speaker 1: the morning. So I get messages, and I'm bad at
9:10
Speaker 1: writing back. I admit that, and I do skim the email,
9:14
Speaker 1: and I'll say, well, what are the people upset about?
9:16
Speaker 1: Ben Malors Show at Gmail? By the way, benmallershow at
9:18
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. If you want the Ben Mahler Show
9:21
Speaker 1: email address, this is obviously the real, real fifth hour
9:25
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. So you start seeing things like, hey,
9:28
Speaker 1: this guy's getting too much airtime. I liked your show,
9:31
Speaker 1: but I can't stand this caller, which I love. That's
9:35
Speaker 1: my favorite. So I like a four hour radio show,
9:38
Speaker 1: but a caller who's on the air for at the
9:40
Speaker 1: most three minutes, that's a bridge too far. I can't listen,
9:44
Speaker 1: so I will forget the other three hours and fifty
9:48
Speaker 1: seven minutes of content that I like because of the
9:52
Speaker 1: three minutes I don't like. Okay, that makes sense. Why
9:57
Speaker 1: not let's do that anyway? The the complaints coming. Hey,
10:00
Speaker 1: this guy gets too much airtime? Why was he mentioned again?
10:06
Speaker 1: I don't think he does anything for the show. What
10:08
Speaker 1: exactly does he contribute? These are questions that I get
10:13
Speaker 1: that I think are normally reserved for members of Congress.
10:16
Speaker 1: Yet somehow they're being asked about a man named Ferg
10:21
Speaker 1: Dog Fergie. The Malard Militia has evolved into the United
10:27
Speaker 1: Nations of Insomnia. Now we pride ourselves on the show
10:31
Speaker 1: as being all inclusive, meaning everyone is welcome as long
10:35
Speaker 1: as you're willing to bust each other's balls. We don't
10:37
Speaker 1: take ourselves too seriously. Everyone's got a seat. I don't care.
10:42
Speaker 1: We're all in this battle together. I don't care where
10:44
Speaker 1: you're from. Be looney Todes. Everybody claims in the Malad
10:51
Speaker 1: Militia in our little United Nations, the Mala Militia of Insomnia,
10:55
Speaker 1: you know, we support peace and harmony, and everybody secretly
10:58
Speaker 1: believes the organization would function much better the Malad Militia
11:02
Speaker 1: if their rivals were launched into the Sun in a
11:07
Speaker 1: SpaceX rocket and just kaboom. And I've often thought that
11:13
Speaker 1: what we do here is basically a neighborhood hoa meeting,
11:19
Speaker 1: except everyone has a microphone and many unresolved issues. Whether
11:26
Speaker 1: it's a random caller from Michigan angry at a caller
11:30
Speaker 1: from Texas, or some dude in Oregon who's going down
11:34
Speaker 1: the Oregon Trail convinced that a woman from wherever is
11:39
Speaker 1: receiving preferential treatment. Someone in the Great State of Ohio
11:44
Speaker 1: who's spent six months constructing a legal brief proving another
11:50
Speaker 1: caller is overrated. The arguments frequently become so convoluted. It's
11:57
Speaker 1: so convoluted that I feel like I'm a substitute teacher
12:03
Speaker 1: on my own program, and that's where I am, and
12:08
Speaker 1: I walked into the wrong classroom, and here we go.
12:13
Speaker 1: The thing about the Overnight Show that I think is
12:18
Speaker 1: one of the key building blocks is the authenticity that
12:23
Speaker 1: is the product, Like that's really it. Like you don't
12:26
Speaker 1: want to tune in because the operation is polished. You
12:32
Speaker 1: don't want that. You definitely don't want it. And nobody
12:35
Speaker 1: wants corporate to prove focus group content other than programming
12:41
Speaker 1: people who listens to them. So that's not how we roll.
12:45
Speaker 1: We're a little rough around the edges, a little rough
12:50
Speaker 1: around the edges, and we certainly embrace the odd bass.
12:55
Speaker 1: We love the goofy. We do. Dysfunction, dysfunction, junction, what's
13:02
Speaker 1: your function? The occasional train derailment, if you will. And
13:06
Speaker 1: what you don't realize, what you don't realize is that
13:10
Speaker 1: when you remove rules, you don't create paradise. You create
13:16
Speaker 1: Dodge city is what you create. Look it up, Google it.
13:19
Speaker 1: And so the Ben Maler show, the show that we do,
13:21
Speaker 1: becomes a verbal demolition derby where the only rule is
13:28
Speaker 1: that there are no rules. It's the wild wild West,
13:34
Speaker 1: except everyone is armed with smartphones, social media and grudges,
13:41
Speaker 1: lots and lots of grudges. And you're like, come on, man,
13:46
Speaker 1: like what are we doing here? Seriously? And as the
13:50
Speaker 1: man who plausibly is in the catbird seat, I am
13:55
Speaker 1: constantly tempted to intervene, and I do so, searching like
14:01
Speaker 1: should I create guidelines? Should I instart install those guardrails
14:07
Speaker 1: and all that stuff? And I have always rejected it,
14:11
Speaker 1: like I said, well, I'll put a permit here, do
14:15
Speaker 1: a background check. You imagine if I did background checks
14:17
Speaker 1: on some of these guys. Weed man would vanish into
14:20
Speaker 1: thin air. He's been arrested so many times. If he
14:23
Speaker 1: even gets near a back ground check, it's all over.
14:27
Speaker 1: It is all over again. So I go back to
14:30
Speaker 1: the point, the synopsis, the thesis, what everyone says, it's early.
14:38
Speaker 1: I remember why people listen. That chaos is the point.
14:41
Speaker 1: And it's one of the more maddening things that we
14:47
Speaker 1: we have, as I often point out, like we prepare.
14:50
Speaker 1: I prepare a lot to try to do a good
14:53
Speaker 1: show and all that, and then it's the moments when
14:57
Speaker 1: things don't go right that people like, no one's ever
15:01
Speaker 1: come up to me at these events that I do say, hey,
15:04
Speaker 1: let me break down that sports take. It's always the
15:08
Speaker 1: other stuff. It's when you bring the groceries home and
15:11
Speaker 1: you drop the milk and explodes and the milk goes everywhere.
15:15
Speaker 1: That's the stuff that resonates. And so it's always been
15:19
Speaker 1: that way. I spent a lot of time worried about,
15:21
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm gonna put a monologue together, and that's
15:24
Speaker 1: not the stuff that people remember. It's not necessary. You
15:27
Speaker 1: gotta do it. However, there's other things involved, and so
15:34
Speaker 1: the chaos is the thing, and you can't manufacture that
15:38
Speaker 1: you can't plan the chaos, you certainly cannot regulate it.
15:42
Speaker 1: I don't believe in the minute everything becomes orderly the
15:47
Speaker 1: magic evaporates. Is just every other boring sports talk radio
15:51
Speaker 1: show that are horrific, and who wants to do that?
15:55
Speaker 1: There's plenty of that out there. And so every now
15:57
Speaker 1: and then I find myself again with some ridiculous controversy
16:03
Speaker 1: like Ferg Dog randomly getting banned from social media, who
16:08
Speaker 1: never sends anything out that is even more than benign.
16:13
Speaker 1: And then here we go, right, and so somebody, apparently
16:17
Speaker 1: if the malad militious correct my investigating arm, decided Ferg
16:21
Speaker 1: Dog needed to be drugged, handcuffed, gagged and put in
16:24
Speaker 1: a bag to disappear. Who the hell does that? Who
16:29
Speaker 1: wakes up and thinks, you know, you know what would
16:31
Speaker 1: improve my day and improve the world sabotaging a social
16:36
Speaker 1: media contributor. That's the ticket. That's what we need, Like,
16:41
Speaker 1: come on, really, that's what we need. The level of
16:47
Speaker 1: commitment truly fascinates me. I'm amazed, right, I am expand
16:55
Speaker 1: my horizons here and yet somewhere in audio old Land,
17:01
Speaker 1: somewhere out there is a person willing to wage a
17:05
Speaker 1: shadow campaign against a man whose primary offense is being
17:11
Speaker 1: moderately amusing to the overnight audience. And it's impressive in
17:19
Speaker 1: a deeply troubling way. We're talking about ferg Doc. What
17:24
Speaker 1: makes it especially funny is that everyone involved is convinced
17:29
Speaker 1: that they're fighting for justice. Nobody ever says, hey, I'm jealous.
17:34
Speaker 1: I yet to have anyone say I'm very insecure. I
17:38
Speaker 1: don't get those comments. Nobody says I wish people paid
17:43
Speaker 1: attention to me. Instead, they become freedom fighters, the old
17:49
Speaker 1: freedom fighters, revolutionaries, protectors of the republic. Now meanwhile, the
17:56
Speaker 1: rest of us are standing around wondering why there's another
17:59
Speaker 1: food fight in the cafeteria at the mal Ard Militia Building.
18:03
Speaker 1: And I've spent enough time around people to know that
18:08
Speaker 1: attention is a very strange drug. It's just as some
18:15
Speaker 1: people can take a compliment and move on, others spend
18:19
Speaker 1: years chasing the next compliment. It's recognition that becomes oxygen.
18:26
Speaker 1: And you've likely seen it in your world, like if
18:29
Speaker 1: you don't receive enough of it, you create your own
18:35
Speaker 1: weather system, right, storm clouds, thunder lightning, anything to make
18:40
Speaker 1: sure somebody notices. So we circle back around now, to Fergdock,
18:47
Speaker 1: back back back back back back back back back back
18:49
Speaker 1: to Fergdock. And I don't know whether he'll ever discover
18:55
Speaker 1: exactly what happened for all, and I don't know if
18:59
Speaker 1: I will. And we're trying to get to the bob
19:01
Speaker 1: of it. And maybe the suspension was random by some
19:06
Speaker 1: Russian bots or some North Korean things, or a bot
19:10
Speaker 1: farm in Maldova went on the attack as possible, as malicious,
19:16
Speaker 1: like we think in some bitter soul launching a digital
19:20
Speaker 1: spitball that accidentally hit the target. So what I do
19:25
Speaker 1: know is that the entire episode serves as another reminder
19:28
Speaker 1: that the Ben Maler Show overnight audience remains one of
19:33
Speaker 1: the most entertaining collections of knuckleheads humanity has ever assembled.
19:38
Speaker 1: It's a little bit of a support group where you're
19:42
Speaker 1: a circus. We've got a seal bouncing a beach ball
19:45
Speaker 1: on its nose. It's a family reunion. We don't hear
19:49
Speaker 1: from someone we get upset. For example, we've not heard
19:53
Speaker 1: from the Power couple from Bradenton, Florida, Jack, the Judge
19:58
Speaker 1: and Leslie. They went on a European vacation and never
20:02
Speaker 1: came back. And I don't know what happened. I've tried
20:05
Speaker 1: to track them down. And that's the part, is like
20:09
Speaker 1: we miss these people. These are part of our family.
20:10
Speaker 1: These people are part of our family. And I talked
20:14
Speaker 1: about Roscoe the parrot and David from Winter Park, Florida,
20:17
Speaker 1: who we were ninety nine percent sure passed away, and
20:22
Speaker 1: the characters on the show, and so it does feel
20:27
Speaker 1: like it's some kind of psychological experiment. Sometimes, as we
20:30
Speaker 1: said earlier, dysfunction junction, what's your function? And apparently this
20:34
Speaker 1: week it was reminding us that even among people united
20:39
Speaker 1: by insomnia and sports opinions, there will always be squabbling.
20:43
Speaker 1: There will always be another Malard Melo drama right around
20:46
Speaker 1: the corner. It's like a soap opera. I gotta sell
20:49
Speaker 1: the soap, as John Sterling said, will there will always
20:52
Speaker 1: be somebody trying a dirty trick, those dirty tricksters in
20:57
Speaker 1: the Malad militia, and there will always be a Ferg dog.
21:01
Speaker 1: We hope it's the Ferg dog we have now, and
21:03
Speaker 1: if not, there'll be somebody else in that chair, and
21:06
Speaker 1: hopefully back from time out to not go to time
21:10
Speaker 1: out again, right, because every neighborhood needs it's harmless sloth.
21:16
Speaker 1: And that's our guy, ferg dog. It is all right. Meanwhile,
21:21
Speaker 1: turning the Patriots. The random word of the week. Now,
21:25
Speaker 1: that is not the normal word of the week, which
21:27
Speaker 1: we haven't done that much recently, or the phrase of
21:29
Speaker 1: the week, or the idiom of the week. This is
21:32
Speaker 1: the the random word of the week, all right, random
21:37
Speaker 1: word of the week, that's what this is. And the
21:40
Speaker 1: word is cheese, not breeze cheese, the great Breeze cheese,
21:46
Speaker 1: a classic staple when Brianna would fill in on the
21:51
Speaker 1: producer's chair. So the random word of the week is cheese.
21:55
Speaker 1: That's a standard definition. And I'll tell the story. I
22:00
Speaker 1: think i'll get to it tomorrow. I ended up at
22:04
Speaker 1: an amusement park with some family and we took some
22:08
Speaker 1: photos and the person that took the phone to take
22:13
Speaker 1: the photo said, everyone say cheese. And it reminded me
22:18
Speaker 1: of something that I have known for some time, that
22:21
Speaker 1: the history of the word cheese. Well, I know Provolone,
22:24
Speaker 1: I know Swiss, I know Cheddar. I know a little
22:27
Speaker 1: bit about cheese, not as much as Brie. She's the
22:30
Speaker 1: cheese expert, right, thus the bree cheese. So I was like,
22:36
Speaker 1: when did this start. Why do we say cheese? Now?
22:39
Speaker 1: I kind of figured it out when I was a kid.
22:42
Speaker 1: The main reason we say cheese is it forces a smile.
22:45
Speaker 1: The word cheese contains a long e sound, which naturally
22:50
Speaker 1: stretches your big fat mouth into a smile like shape.
22:55
Speaker 1: Not a full cheshire cat smile, however, a solid It's
23:00
Speaker 1: simple linguistic. It's a little trick to make people look
23:05
Speaker 1: happier in photos, which is interesting because for a long
23:09
Speaker 1: time people did not smile and photographs photographs took a
23:14
Speaker 1: lot of time and energy to get, and so the
23:19
Speaker 1: word cheese is arbitrary and funny. And saying something random
23:24
Speaker 1: and unrelated to photography like cheese, you know, it makes
23:28
Speaker 1: people loosen up a little.
23:30
Speaker 2: Bit, laugh.
23:32
Speaker 1: It's a genuine expression that those camera people use. Now.
23:37
Speaker 1: The other thing I was like, when did this begin?
23:40
Speaker 1: Like when did it was Shakespeare saying cheese? Of course,
23:44
Speaker 1: they didn't really have photos back in those days anyway,
23:49
Speaker 1: so they as we know them today, and the tradition
23:51
Speaker 1: of saying cheese, it's not as old as you think.
23:58
Speaker 1: In fact, the early est known reference to this is
24:04
Speaker 1: in the nineteen forties there was a US ambassador politician
24:09
Speaker 1: Joseph E. Davies who suggested saying geeze to create a
24:16
Speaker 1: smile for photographs. The word caught on because the long
24:19
Speaker 1: e again, as we said, stretches the mouth. The phrase
24:22
Speaker 1: became much more popular in the nineteen fifties, so we're
24:25
Speaker 1: still going back seventies six years or so. In magazines,
24:33
Speaker 1: television personalities began recommending the social media influencers of the
24:37
Speaker 1: day recommending doing this, and so by the late sixties,
24:41
Speaker 1: I guess early sixties, saying cheese had become the standard
24:45
Speaker 1: in English speaking countries. However, did you know that around
24:51
Speaker 1: the globe, around the globe, using their own equivalent words,
24:57
Speaker 1: many countries do the same thing. In Sweden when you
25:02
Speaker 1: take a photo, I'm told, according to the interweb, you
25:05
Speaker 1: say omelet. In Germany it's cheesecake or spaghetty. Let's have
25:12
Speaker 1: some spaghetti, because you mean you think spaghetti, you think Germany,
25:16
Speaker 1: or marmaset in France, kim chie in Korea, that'll get
25:22
Speaker 1: you to smile. Raisins from Russia it doesn't smile, you
25:27
Speaker 1: don't smile much, or in Ja in Denmark, and going on.
25:32
Speaker 1: In Finland, their word is a small freshwater fish. Vendas
25:40
Speaker 1: is the name of the fish. So anyway, there you go.
25:42
Speaker 1: It's all about the smile. You gotta smile. Smile, smile, smile, smile, smiles, smile, smile. Meanwhile,
25:51
Speaker 1: FOODI fund not a lot of foody fun stories this week.
25:54
Speaker 1: Bad job by the restaurant industry. I'm not sure. Why
25:57
Speaker 1: is it summer? Are they done for this sum They're
26:00
Speaker 1: just waiting for the season to change again and then
26:03
Speaker 1: they'll be back in stride. I don't know. I did see.
26:07
Speaker 1: Burger King has introduced the new loaded Jalapeno Whopper. They
26:12
Speaker 1: also have the Orange Dreamsicle Freeze King that sounds good,
26:16
Speaker 1: and the Firecracker cookie pie. I give Burger King credit.
26:22
Speaker 1: I feel it is a feeling. Who knows? It's the
26:24
Speaker 1: fact Burger King is on the upswing? Who says no?
26:28
Speaker 1: Does anyone say no? I think that they're trying, that
26:32
Speaker 1: they're connecting more with people. So I'm going yes on that.
26:38
Speaker 1: Now these items, let me break this down a little
26:40
Speaker 1: further here. What do we got. We've got the loaded
26:44
Speaker 1: Jalapeno whopper that'll sit you back eight hundred and twenty calories,
26:49
Speaker 1: a lot of fat, protein, sugar, The whole thing, the
26:54
Speaker 1: Orange Dreamsicle Freeze king medium that's three hundred and forty
26:59
Speaker 1: calorie and the Firecracker Cookie pie two hundred and fifty calories.
27:06
Speaker 1: So if you do the math on that, that's what
27:09
Speaker 1: do we ad? Thirteen fourteen hundred calories. I believe something
27:13
Speaker 1: like that. That seems let's just go with that. That's good, right,
27:17
Speaker 1: we'll go with that. What else? Pizza Hut has added
27:20
Speaker 1: the somewhat recently the new Crispy Palm Pan pizza to
27:25
Speaker 1: its menu. So if you're into the whole Pizza Hut experience,
27:29
Speaker 1: the Crispy Palm Pan Pizza starts at a suggested retail
27:35
Speaker 1: price of ten dollars a medium thirteen or ten ten
27:40
Speaker 1: dollars for a medium, thirteen dollars for a large, said
27:44
Speaker 1: the man with the microphone. So one slice of this
27:49
Speaker 1: will set you back two hundred and seventy calories if
27:51
Speaker 1: you're counting calories. And how about this for night mirror fuel?
27:56
Speaker 1: You want night mirror fuel. So I read this story,
28:00
Speaker 1: I got my attention. I thought, boy, that's really wild,
28:03
Speaker 1: that's wild and crazy. Let me dig into this a
28:05
Speaker 1: little more. And I had not heard anything about this.
28:08
Speaker 1: I don't know anyone that's had this happen. If you've
28:10
Speaker 1: had it happen, I'd love to have you email me
28:12
Speaker 1: at real fifth hour at gmail dot com. We do not,
28:16
Speaker 1: as of this hour, have a celebrity booked for the
28:20
Speaker 1: mail bags, so I'm not sure I might end up
28:22
Speaker 1: doing it solo. Who knows? Anyway, get to the point, please,
28:26
Speaker 1: all right. So I saw this, I thought, boy, this's
28:28
Speaker 1: a nightmare. So I was reading this story about major
28:31
Speaker 1: safety issues with oven doors that chatter spontaneously. Let me
28:38
Speaker 1: repeat that this is not where the oven door is manipulated, fondled,
28:47
Speaker 1: any of that stuff. That's not it. No, no, no. Between
28:50
Speaker 1: January of twenty twenty five and March of this year,
28:53
Speaker 1: so a couple months ago. They according to the US
28:57
Speaker 1: Consumer Product Safety Commission, that sounds like a fun bunch
29:02
Speaker 1: almost four hundred reports, almost four hundred reports of spontaneously
29:11
Speaker 1: exploding oven doors where the glass shatters. Over forty people
29:18
Speaker 1: were injured, and I hadn't earn anything. Frigid air accounts
29:24
Speaker 1: for the vast majority, according to the US Consumer Product
29:28
Speaker 1: Safety Commission, two hundred and sixty three incidents. However, other
29:32
Speaker 1: brands have had some as well. Ge sixty three. That
29:36
Speaker 1: seems like too many, Whirlpool thirty five, LG fifteen, Samsung ten,
29:44
Speaker 1: Samsung ten. So the thing that scares you is these
29:49
Speaker 1: You say, well, you cooked, the oven got too hot
29:52
Speaker 1: and kerfluy all of a sudden. No, no, no. From
29:56
Speaker 1: what I read, these incidences of the the oven door
30:00
Speaker 1: shattering have happened every so often for a while. However,
30:08
Speaker 1: they often happen when the oven's off, and there are
30:13
Speaker 1: examples in this story where sometimes it's days after the
30:18
Speaker 1: last use, like you're just sitting there as the oven,
30:23
Speaker 1: You're minding your own business, and then all of a
30:25
Speaker 1: sudden you commit oven suicide. Why would you do that
30:29
Speaker 1: as an oven? I don't know why I did that
30:31
Speaker 1: as an oven, but I did it. And there you go.
30:34
Speaker 1: That is crazy that your oven glass door can just
30:37
Speaker 1: explode with enough force to sound like a small bomb.
30:44
Speaker 1: So why is that happening? Why do you think? The
30:46
Speaker 1: reason is, well, it's something in the construction of the oven.
30:52
Speaker 1: The manufacturers, including frigid Air and their parent company, they
30:57
Speaker 1: have not given a direct root cause. The common theory
31:02
Speaker 1: is that there are flaws in the tempered glass, meaning
31:09
Speaker 1: scratches from cookwear improper door closing or just general misuse.
31:16
Speaker 1: How are most of the incidents involving the ovens going
31:20
Speaker 1: bad turning into gremlins four to six year old ovens,
31:26
Speaker 1: which you're supposed to have an oven for more than that.
31:28
Speaker 1: The oven is supposed to last and last, and so
31:32
Speaker 1: four to six years. I will tell you Samsung, from
31:36
Speaker 1: what I read, is offering free door replacements. That's nice,
31:40
Speaker 1: even outside warranty. So if that happened to you, or
31:43
Speaker 1: has happened to you recently, there you go. Apparently some
31:47
Speaker 1: of the other companies that sell ovens, they're telling you
31:52
Speaker 1: to go cry an ocean. They are not being very
31:55
Speaker 1: proactive to try to help out the consumer to figure
32:00
Speaker 1: that out. Yeah, so, which is not not shocking at all.
32:05
Speaker 1: I'm happy to report that our oven door at the
32:08
Speaker 1: Malor Mansion is working fine. So that is that. Today
32:15
Speaker 1: is also I wanted to finish. I mentioned it was
32:17
Speaker 1: National Fish and Chips Day. It's also Hot Air Balloon Day.
32:21
Speaker 1: I was last in a hot air balloon at a
32:24
Speaker 1: marine base in El Toro, at El tore Marine Base,
32:29
Speaker 1: which is no longer there. It's a shopping mall pretty
32:32
Speaker 1: much right now. And I was the kid, and they
32:35
Speaker 1: had open house at the marine base and we would sit.
32:40
Speaker 1: They had higher balloons and we'd go up and we
32:43
Speaker 1: were tethered. So I don't know if it counts. I
32:45
Speaker 1: guess it does count because if the hot air balloon
32:48
Speaker 1: something goes wrong you fall down to your death, you
32:50
Speaker 1: can say on the death certificate, well it did actually
32:54
Speaker 1: come tumbling down and he was in a hot air balloon.
32:58
Speaker 1: So yeah. It's ot National Donut Day today and World
33:03
Speaker 1: Thickshake Day, whatever that is, so celebrate appropriately. We'll have
33:07
Speaker 1: another mail bag audition on Sunday. You want to send
33:10
Speaker 1: questions in Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. And
33:15
Speaker 1: again for those of you in the back of the
33:17
Speaker 1: room that are a little slow, you want to send
33:21
Speaker 1: email in for the bit that we do on Sunday,
33:25
Speaker 1: you can do that again. Send it in care of
33:28
Speaker 1: Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. That's Reeal fifth
33:33
Speaker 1: Hour at gmail dot com. We will have another episode
33:37
Speaker 1: on Saturday. No daysah, We've got an NBA Finals game tonight,
33:41
Speaker 1: Game two between the Spurs and the Knickerbockers. Will Victor
33:47
Speaker 1: wimb on Nyama wake up from hibernation? Does Jalen Brunson
33:52
Speaker 1: have another Magicmind Game to play on the Spurs where
33:55
Speaker 1: he lulled them in sandbag them for the first half
33:58
Speaker 1: and then took off after that. Inquiring Minds would like
34:03
Speaker 1: to know. Inquiring minds all like know, So anyway, that'll
34:07
Speaker 1: be coming up tonight and as far as I know,
34:08
Speaker 1: the plan as of this morning is to participate to
34:15
Speaker 1: take in the said NBA game. So if something better
34:20
Speaker 1: comes along, I don't have to watch it. I love
34:23
Speaker 1: that I don't have to take notes while I'm watching
34:25
Speaker 1: the game. That's kind of cool. I can just watch
34:28
Speaker 1: it and I don't have to pay attention to everything,
34:30
Speaker 1: and I can just kind of do my own thing,
34:32
Speaker 1: and I'll check it out and I'll flip around baseball
34:34
Speaker 1: and nobody will say anything. And that's that. On that note,
34:39
Speaker 1: have a wonderful rest of your Friday. We will have
34:43
Speaker 1: again a new episode on Saturday, then the Big mail
34:46
Speaker 1: Bag on Sunday. And as Dick and Dayton would say,
34:51
Speaker 1: bye bye, bye bye, I think I got that. I
34:56
Speaker 1: think I did right. Yeah, Okay,