Latest / Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast / Ep. 89: Imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, & still going after what you want...with Omaira

Transcript

Ep. 89: Imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, & still going after what you want...with Omaira · Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast

• 0:00
  We're back at Oakland Podcast Studio.
• 0:02
  So first I got to give a shout out to Oakland Podcast Studio.
• 0:06
  I just said that and I am very grateful to be back with not
• 0:13
  only a friend of mine, Omira, but she is a second time guest
• 0:19
  on the show. Yeah.
• 0:21
  Happy to be back. Thanks.
• 0:22
  Great. Thank you for having me.
• 0:24
  Appreciate it. You're welcome.
• 0:25
  And I don't remember what episode were you on?
• 0:28
  It was in the first, what, 12? Was it episode 12 or 13?
• 0:32
  I don't know, but it was in the beginning.
• 0:34
  Stage It was very beginning, it was.
• 0:36
  We're at like Blackhawk Plaza. Yep.
• 0:39
  Well, we'll put in the show notes right now if you're
• 0:41
  interested. In the first episode that she
• 0:43
  was on, you talked about life's curveballs and just handling all
• 0:49
  kinds of things, from medical scares to grief to all sorts of
• 0:54
  stuff. And I just want to give you a
• 0:55
  shout out. It is one of our most popular
• 0:58
  episodes. Just saying.
• 1:01
  Well, I was very raw about it and you don't really see a lot
• 1:05
  of people that are very transparent about everything
• 1:08
  they go through. And I think an element of that
• 1:11
  is that you want to feel like you have a common denominator
• 1:14
  with someone. And when you go through so much
• 1:16
  life at such a young age, you don't have that common
• 1:21
  denominator with other people. Like I couldn't relate to 99% of
• 1:25
  the people in the age group. So I can understand.
• 1:29
  So now, like working through everything, I don't care what
• 1:33
  people think. Like I'm that this is my story.
• 1:36
  This is what I've gone through and it is what it is.
• 1:39
  You you've seen adversity from a very young age.
• 1:44
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:45
  And if you guys haven't had a chance to check out that
• 1:47
  episode, we just talk about you lost your dad at a young age.
• 1:53
  We talk about you went through health scares, you have a big
• 1:58
  family, just lots of things, right?
• 2:01
  Like you've, you've navigated a lot.
• 2:03
  Surgeries. Surgeries.
• 2:05
  You just had a healthy you had a clean scan a couple months ago.
• 2:09
  Yes, yes, thank you. My ecologist, you know, read the
• 2:13
  scan and everything's good, but it's still like scary.
• 2:16
  You know, you have petsky anxiety.
• 2:18
  It's been, you know, a handful of years, but you never know.
• 2:21
  Once you relapse, you're always going to have that in the back
• 2:24
  of your mind. There's one element of like
• 2:27
  having it and then getting it resected.
• 2:29
  But then once you relapse it's like, oh shit, I'm never in the
• 2:32
  clear. Yeah, yeah.
• 2:35
  So I mean you and we'll talk about it, but you've you've had
• 2:40
  to train yourself mentally to get through a lot.
• 2:46
  Like it's in the title of the last episode that you were on
• 2:49
  like life's curve balls. That's that.
• 2:53
  But on a really good note, you have a lot of amazing things
• 2:57
  going for you that you now you're like, do you see that
• 3:01
  nod? You see why she was like, yeah.
• 3:05
  Never good enough, no? It's never good enough.
• 3:08
  Wow. It almost relates to what we're
• 3:10
  talking about today, and that is imposter syndrome, old set of a
• 3:17
  gun, imposter syndrome. And I suffer with it a lot.
• 3:23
  I think we have that in common. So when I just gave you a
• 3:26
  compliment, your body and mind immediately were like, yeah, you
• 3:31
  were like, I'm not good enough yet.
• 3:36
  Yeah. And, and, and I, we talked about
• 3:38
  on the, on the in the car on the way here.
• 3:40
  So I'm not just like telling you.
• 3:42
  Oh, I know what you're thinking. We did talk about it, and you
• 3:46
  and I have that in common. Where?
• 3:48
  Well, first of all, what is imposter syndrome in your eyes
• 3:51
  if you had to define it? It's always downplaying your
• 3:54
  accomplishments. You're never good enough.
• 3:56
  You always like minimize yourself even though you should
• 4:00
  not. Like you're more than capable,
• 4:03
  but you feel like you're never enough.
• 4:06
  Like on the way here and I'm just going to bust you from the
• 4:08
  car. She's like, I have an MBA.
• 4:10
  But you know, it's, it's, it's just not, it's not, it's I got
• 4:14
  it in Italy. So it's just, it's not.
• 4:15
  It's just an Italian. Italian MBA guys, it's just
• 4:19
  sorry if you're Italian, I mean, I'm part Italian.
• 4:21
  I, I'm, I have to take offense to that actually, No, I'm
• 4:24
  kidding. No, you just, you minimize it
• 4:27
  because and if you had it here, you'd say it's not from that
• 4:30
  school. So it's not.
• 4:31
  If it was here, Oh well, it's not that.
• 4:34
  And if it's not that, it's not that.
• 4:36
  So you, it seems like, and by you, I mean, I understand, I do
• 4:40
  it too, but you move the target for yourself.
• 4:43
  It's. So annoying like it's always.
• 4:45
  It's like I'm my biggest OP and I don't know why.
• 4:50
  Well, I do know why only because we did a little research on in
• 4:54
  the car on the way home. And then I want to hear what you
• 4:55
  think about this on the way here.
• 4:58
  Imposter syndrome is apparently a cognitive distortion, so
• 5:04
  something that your brain does that's distorting reality.
• 5:08
  So in reality, your MBA is an amazing MBA, it's just your
• 5:14
  brain is distorting it as not enough.
• 5:17
  Yeah, but why? I want to understand why because
• 5:22
  then I can get to the root of it because I see it translating in
• 5:25
  a lot of different variables in my life and I'm self aware of.
• 5:29
  It you're very self aware, yeah. But I just don't know how to.
• 5:34
  I can combat it sometimes but there are times where I can't.
• 5:38
  And I just feel like if you understand the root cause of it
• 5:42
  then it's easier to build a solution around it, right?
• 5:47
  Essentially. But I really don't know why.
• 5:50
  Well, what do you think about this?
• 5:53
  What I've read about the brain. And again, I pretend that I'm a
• 5:57
  psychologist because if I go to therapy and I interview
• 6:00
  therapist, then that makes me a therapist.
• 6:03
  No, I am not a therapist, but I I like reading about the brain
• 6:07
  and they say that I think this was on the being well podcast.
• 6:11
  It's a father son podcast. They're amazing and they talk
• 6:14
  about how your brain does not want to keep make you happy.
• 6:20
  It doesn't want to make you, it actually doesn't care.
• 6:22
  It wants to keep you safe and that's it.
• 6:28
  And no kidding. So that that would for me, you
• 6:32
  doing all these things outside your comfort zone or with the
• 6:37
  with the NBA thing, though, I wonder what your brain is doing
• 6:40
  there, why it's minimizing that accomplishment.
• 6:44
  I think it's because no one in my bloodline has done that,
• 6:48
  right? So it's yet another
• 6:51
  differentiator. Everyone's in one field and then
• 6:54
  I'm in a different field, so then I am therefore considering
• 7:00
  myself lost. Them, yes, 'cause you're not in
• 7:02
  medicine. Yeah.
• 7:04
  And you have siblings and who are doing medicine.
• 7:06
  And all that and it's self-inflicted.
• 7:09
  They're not, nobody else is saying that to me.
• 7:11
  Like they, they're really supportive and they're like, no,
• 7:16
  you went in the right path. Like you're really smart.
• 7:19
  But I just never feel like I am. Yeah.
• 7:26
  Let me ask you this. Do you have moments where you
• 7:31
  have passing moments, And I say this because I'm describing
• 7:35
  myself a little bit, passing moments of real confidence?
• 7:38
  Yeah. So tell me about those.
• 7:41
  You know, I should actually write it down when it happens to
• 7:46
  see like the sequence or like the timing.
• 7:49
  But there are times where I do feel very confident and it just
• 7:56
  I move forward like with confidence versus I'm a decisive
• 8:03
  person. So it's not like I'm indecisive.
• 8:06
  But when I'm, for instance, like tackling a problem and I don't
• 8:12
  feel confident, like I'll double guess myself a lot.
• 8:15
  And then instead of just moving forward and like making three
• 8:18
  mistakes and then like pushing it through, I'm really like
• 8:22
  critically thinking when I shouldn't be critically thinking
• 8:25
  about about this certain like subject like for instance,
• 8:29
  yesterday for one of. We've been talking a lot lately.
• 8:33
  Yeah, it's like I, I have a small business and I had to do
• 8:38
  like a restock. So like last night I went and I
• 8:40
  got the stuff to do the restock and then obviously I told myself
• 8:45
  I'm going to go even though it's late at night, I'm going to do
• 8:46
  the restock after buying the products.
• 8:48
  And can you tell us about what your business does real?
• 8:51
  Quick Yeah, it's a small vending solution company.
• 8:55
  So if anybody needs a vending machine in the Bay Area, there
• 8:58
  you go. Her contact info is below.
• 9:00
  Yeah, thank you. Sorry.
• 9:02
  So I was like, yeah, I'm going to go and I'm going to go to the
• 9:04
  facility and do the restock. And then I was like, no, maybe I
• 9:08
  shouldn't like it's late or like I'm, I'm just going to like go
• 9:13
  home and relax and do it tomorrow.
• 9:14
  But it's like no. You start negotiating with
• 9:16
  yourself. So annoying.
• 9:19
  But you did it. I did it, yeah.
• 9:21
  But you had to, it's almost like we talked about, it's like a
• 9:25
  self sabotage 'cause you know, like you started this vending
• 9:30
  machine business in the last year.
• 9:32
  I remember when you were talking about it and then you're like, I
• 9:34
  did it. Oh my gosh, I bought the
• 9:36
  machines and now you have three machines.
• 9:39
  But yet whenever we talk, we both and and you struggle with
• 9:46
  the feeling like you're really doing like you're doing it, but
• 9:51
  you don't give yourself credit. No.
• 9:53
  Like you, you sent me a picture. She sent me a picture of an
• 9:55
  empty vending. Machine it's empty.
• 9:58
  It's like. Really, it's all empty.
• 9:59
  I'm not. I'm like, but isn't that the
• 10:01
  goal? You won't celebrate.
• 10:04
  You don't celebrate your win. No.
• 10:06
  She immediately and Ryan says that too, that he's like, will
• 10:09
  you celebrate a win before you start like berating yourself
• 10:13
  again, like give your take a minute.
• 10:16
  The the vending machine was empty.
• 10:18
  Yeah, Yeah. Is it like women, do we do that
• 10:22
  to ourselves? I don't know.
• 10:24
  It would be interesting to get data on that to see like how
• 10:27
  women are versus men when it comes to this.
• 10:29
  I think we're the only two people in the world who have
• 10:31
  ever had imposter syndrome. There's I think every person
• 10:35
  listening to this and and if you haven't, please tell us how has
• 10:39
  probably had imposter syndrome, but you and I struggle with it I
• 10:46
  think more than most. Or we're transparent.
• 10:49
  Or nobody else is talking about it, yeah.
• 10:51
  Maybe we're just transparent because the whole like fake it
• 10:53
  till you make it thing, right? Like people go about that being
• 10:58
  their motto, but that only takes you so far, right?
• 11:01
  Because like when you have like deep rooted, like, you're not
• 11:04
  good enough. Unworthiness.
• 11:06
  Yeah, like verbiages, like thrown at you by yourself.
• 11:12
  It's hard. Yeah, what if the trick is that
• 11:17
  you're never really going to full fully feel 100% confident
• 11:21
  in anything? Like are we going to get to a
• 11:24
  point where I've like, this is episode 84.
• 11:27
  We were joking when I'm I was getting ready, curling my hair
• 11:31
  and I'm like, I had a thought come in going, oh, like you're
• 11:35
  going to you think you're just a little podcaster.
• 11:38
  And I'm like, yeah, I am a little podcast.
• 11:40
  Like I'm having this dialogue and I'm like, yes, I am a little
• 11:43
  podcaster. It's like, oh, you think I'm
• 11:46
  like I'm having this imposter syndrome dialogue of like.
• 11:51
  But I think if you push through it, we're here.
• 11:55
  I think it becomes a real problem when it stops you from
• 11:58
  doing like what you want to do. When it can a lot of times, and
• 12:02
  it does a lot, it's so hard to like, it's so important to not
• 12:07
  listen to that little voice. It's not a little voice.
• 12:11
  It's a really mean ass voice, yeah.
• 12:13
  It's a bully. It's certainly not the bull,
• 12:18
  it's not the omira I hang out with.
• 12:20
  Because if you talk to me the way you talk to yourself, we
• 12:24
  wouldn't be friends. And I, and if I talk to you the
• 12:27
  way I talk to myself, you'd be like, you're so mean.
• 12:31
  You're like, I don't want to hang out with you, but we think
• 12:33
  it's OK to talk to ourselves. Like what do you think you're
• 12:37
  doing starting a vending machine business?
• 12:38
  What do you think you're doing having a podcast?
• 12:40
  I have a thing where I go, I used to talk about the podcast
• 12:43
  and you say, Oh, it's just like a little like it's not people be
• 12:47
  like, oh, she has a podcast and they'd be like, no, I'm just,
• 12:50
  it's like a side little that I used to have a wannabe podcaster
• 12:55
  and actually my therapist is like, can you stop saying that?
• 12:57
  You are a podcast and I was like.
• 12:59
  Oh right, yes, I am a podcaster and you are a business owner.
• 13:04
  Yeah, I'm an entrepreneur on the side.
• 13:09
  And you're also working at a world class company.
• 13:12
  Yeah. So it's hard to balance
• 13:16
  everything at times. Yeah, it's hard.
• 13:19
  It's a balancing act for sure. I would like to also say that
• 13:25
  making sure that you're around the right individuals really
• 13:32
  does play a big role. Because if you have imposter,
• 13:34
  which I presume a lot of people do, one comment, one negative
• 13:39
  comment from some hater around you or a friend that like says
• 13:44
  it as a joke. But there's meanings to jokes
• 13:47
  that can really like it's a domino effect.
• 13:53
  Can take you down mentally because it bothered.
• 13:58
  I've heard something that you're triggered If I were to say to
• 14:03
  you right now, you're like this guy Julian.
• 14:07
  Have you ever seen that guy that dresses all crazy and he tries
• 14:10
  to get you to like just love yourself 'cause he's like, I
• 14:12
  don't care what you think of me. So he'll wear like crazy stuff.
• 14:14
  And anyway, he goes, if I say to you, Omaira, you have blue hair,
• 14:19
  like your hair is so blue, you'd be like, or I'd be like, you
• 14:23
  have red hair and you're like, no, I don't, but OK.
• 14:27
  But if I said to you something that you believed a little bit
• 14:30
  of, then you're like, you feel like you're screwed, 'cause
• 14:33
  you're like, oh. Yeah, they're adding salt on
• 14:36
  that wound or you make you think that it's like very apparent to
• 14:40
  others. You're like, oh, you can see
• 14:41
  what I already believe about myself.
• 14:46
  It's hard. So even like I, I do positive
• 14:49
  self talk. You do.
• 14:52
  I do like the affirmations, but in parallel to that I still have
• 14:56
  these like negative thoughts in my mind.
• 15:01
  You and I, I think are getting to a point where we're like so
• 15:03
  tired of it. Yeah, when we, we met for coffee
• 15:06
  yesterday and we made like a 90 day plan.
• 15:09
  Yeah, 'cause we're just, we have, I think we both have big
• 15:13
  dreams, but we, we become our own worst enemy.
• 15:17
  Yeah, it's so annoying. And in the an imposter syndrome
• 15:20
  is like one example of I'm being my own worst enemy right now.
• 15:26
  Yeah, it stops you. It's pretty bad, Yeah.
• 15:29
  So. But it didn't stop us from
• 15:31
  coming here. Like when we walked into, we
• 15:34
  were like, oh shit. Oh yeah, yeah, we're doing this.
• 15:37
  And then you just like pushed through it, just like you pushed
• 15:41
  through not wanting to restock the thing, but really you did
• 15:44
  want to restock it. It's just some voice being like,
• 15:46
  are you really doing this? Yes.
• 15:48
  Are you really a business owner? Like, can you really do it?
• 15:53
  Like, are you really a podcaster?
• 15:54
  Aren't there enough podcasters? I, I sometimes are like, oh, are
• 15:57
  you just trying to do that? Like, I'm like, no, I'm just
• 16:00
  talking to people. Why are you such a Dick about
• 16:02
  it? Like this is my internal dial.
• 16:04
  And you actually save lives too, which you have.
• 16:11
  There it was cool to have that story from somebody saying that
• 16:14
  it impacted somebody who was in a really suicidal position.
• 16:19
  But that was cool. But see, even you saying that, I
• 16:23
  always I deflect it a little bit 'cause I'm like, wow, it really
• 16:27
  it's working 'cause that imposter wants to go like, well,
• 16:30
  it wasn't really Bree. I'm sure they, you know, it's
• 16:33
  just a weird we push away like the praise that we so
• 16:39
  desperately want or what we, you know what I'm saying?
• 16:42
  An accomplishment. Accomplishment.
• 16:44
  Yeah. It's like you minimize.
• 16:45
  Your, you minimize it. So I think what it might be is
• 16:51
  if maybe, maybe if you and I walk in somewhere, like let's
• 16:55
  say you walk in to go pitch a place on a vending machine or I
• 16:59
  some, I'm interviewing somebody and for some moment I'm like,
• 17:02
  oh, is it maybe if I like reject myself first, that you can't
• 17:08
  reject me? Like I've already been rejected?
• 17:11
  Is that it? I think 'cause why would we do
• 17:12
  that? I think it's multifactorial.
• 17:14
  That could be it. I think also like when you for
• 17:19
  me, I'm gonna say from experience, if I'm going and
• 17:22
  trying to pitch or something and I feel someone's energy like
• 17:25
  really negative or just like. Like they're not nice.
• 17:29
  Yeah, like strategically standoffish.
• 17:33
  Then that really changes how I feel and how I'm going to
• 17:38
  present whatever I need to present.
• 17:41
  So it's a play on play. It.
• 17:45
  But you need, I need to, and I think that the key here is to
• 17:49
  not let somebody else's energy affect how you present it or
• 17:54
  present yourself. And it's hard.
• 18:00
  What I think that's why a lot of people don't want to be
• 18:02
  entrepreneurs, because it's really hard.
• 18:04
  It is because you're gonna, you're gonna get Nos all the
• 18:09
  time. Yeah, like I have.
• 18:11
  And people all reach out to the They don't want to be on the
• 18:14
  podcast. There's a difference between a
• 18:17
  no and then like someone being rude and it being a no and I
• 18:22
  have gotten take your snacks and like.
• 18:25
  Throw it at you for. Some reason.
• 18:27
  No, it's like, like receptionists that are like
• 18:29
  senior citizens and they're like so mean.
• 18:32
  And I'm like, all right. You're like, I'm actually just
• 18:34
  trying to bring you snacks so that your blood sugar isn't low.
• 18:38
  I'm here to help you. I'm here to help you.
• 18:44
  But I think as you were saying that, my dad's voice came in my
• 18:48
  mind and you know what he said. Grasshopper, you're going to
• 18:53
  have to toughen up. That's so true.
• 18:56
  To me too, I'm saying that to myself as you say this, we have
• 19:01
  to toughen up. We have to feel the feelings at
• 19:03
  the same time. I mean, like, yes, that Lady was
• 19:06
  really mean and I want to cry right now, but I'm I'm going to
• 19:10
  go to the bathroom and then I'm going to find someone to pitch
• 19:13
  on this vending machine or. Like a quick reset.
• 19:16
  Yeah, but it's it's really hard. I know theoretically that's what
• 19:21
  needs to happen, but it's so much easier to say it.
• 19:23
  Than in the moment you don't want to reset, you just want to
• 19:25
  go. Cry it yourself.
• 19:27
  Not like crying or just like in a phase or like in a funk.
• 19:32
  Like it just puts me in like a very like weird state of mind.
• 19:36
  And then I'm just like on idle. You'll go down for a couple days
• 19:40
  or you'll go down for a day like we know when.
• 19:43
  Full transparency, I think we can sense when you'll be like,
• 19:47
  Oh yeah, I can sense when you're in a funk.
• 19:49
  And I think you can sense when I'm in a funk.
• 19:53
  Like I'm maybe not social for a couple days and people are like,
• 19:56
  what? I'm like, yeah, I we go down
• 19:59
  too, but then we don't let it keep us there.
• 20:04
  So I think the key is to get yourself out of that moment,
• 20:08
  like whatever it is, go, run, walk, go, even though you don't
• 20:13
  want. To you don't want to.
• 20:14
  You're like, I don't want to, but you have to.
• 20:16
  Yeah, you feel literally just still or whatever it is.
• 20:20
  Listen to a song. Get yourself out of that moment.
• 20:23
  We were talking about how accountability buddies.
• 20:26
  Yeah. You need to text someone and be
• 20:28
  like, you texted me, you've texted me and you'd be like, I'm
• 20:30
  in a mood and I've been like, dude, I'm tripping.
• 20:34
  I like. I text you that a lot.
• 20:35
  I'm in a mood and I'm like, Oh no, they're like, but you have
• 20:42
  to name it. I just Googled before we came
• 20:44
  here. It said, 'cause that's I'm not a
• 20:47
  therapist. We Google stuff to talk about.
• 20:49
  And then hopefully this like makes people, listeners feel
• 20:52
  like, Oh my gosh, they feel it too.
• 20:55
  Yeah, it's relatable. 'Cause I guarantee you people
• 20:58
  don't meet you and go, oh, when you're on your way to your job
• 21:02
  and then you're on your way to restock your machines, like, oh,
• 21:04
  she must have imposter syndrome, 'cause you're just moving.
• 21:07
  Yeah, you're going, but it says one of the ways.
• 21:13
  Let's say tomorrow morning, it's Monday morning and you and I
• 21:17
  like imposter syndrome hits. Name it.
• 21:21
  It says to say this is imposter syndrome.
• 21:24
  It literally says I'm feeling imposter syndrome right now.
• 21:28
  That's what's happening right now.
• 21:30
  And I have this happen in every like component of my life,
• 21:34
  whether it's riding my horse, playing violin, even in Pilates,
• 21:38
  sometimes running. It's crazy.
• 21:42
  It attacks everything you love. Imposter syndrome is an asshole.
• 21:48
  It really is. Why do you keep hanging?
• 21:51
  No, I'm kidding. No, it's, it's so when you say
• 21:56
  it like that, it makes me realize that I think I do too,
• 22:01
  because it attacks the things you love you.
• 22:04
  And by the way, she's an amazing equestrian.
• 22:06
  You do Italian classes, you do Pilates, you like to run.
• 22:11
  So you even have it in Pilates. Yeah.
• 22:15
  And I'm like in intermediate advanced classes.
• 22:18
  And then when I'm in the class I'm like what the fuck am I
• 22:21
  doing? Like I'm not good enough to be
• 22:22
  here, but I'm like crushing it. Like why am I doing that to my I
• 22:27
  like I don't understand. I don't think you're doing it.
• 22:30
  I think it's we have 10 to 15. What is it?
• 22:33
  It's anywhere from. I'll Google it and put in the
• 22:35
  show notes from 10 to 20,000 thoughts per day.
• 22:39
  Yeah. So some of those aren't there's
• 22:42
  like the garbage thoughts and I think imposter syndrome is in
• 22:46
  the garbage section, but it feels so real.
• 22:49
  It feels like it's really important to listen to, but I'm
• 22:54
  sick of it. Me too.
• 22:55
  I ain't. I'm not down with this anymore.
• 22:58
  Like what if we leave it in here on this day and when we're 90
• 23:02
  watching this, we'll be like, remember that day when we left
• 23:04
  for imposter syndrome? But is that realistic?
• 23:08
  I don't know. OK.
• 23:09
  Fine, we're not going to leave it in here then.
• 23:11
  So what do we do? What do we do when it?
• 23:13
  How do we handle it then? Recognize that.
• 23:16
  Help me. Yeah.
• 23:17
  So name it. Yeah, name it.
• 23:19
  Which I don't do. So you've never tried?
• 23:21
  That I I haven't done that, but I get myself out of the moment.
• 23:24
  OK. Like if I'm riding and then I'm
• 23:27
  like, we're like trotting and then I feel like that, then I'm
• 23:30
  like, we're going to go down to a walk because the horse feels
• 23:33
  your energy. If I'm in Pilates, then I'll
• 23:35
  like stop just a few seconds and then do that.
• 23:39
  But I don't name it like, Hey, this is imposter.
• 23:42
  Like I why am I'm good? I'm, I am this, I am that.
• 23:47
  I just go into an idle state, but then I'll stop everything if
• 23:51
  I'm in communication with someone and then I feel that
• 23:54
  imposter syndrome. I just become like silent.
• 23:58
  You shut. You should shut down.
• 23:59
  Totally shut down. So maybe the maybe a different
• 24:04
  approach that both of us can try is this is imposter syndrome.
• 24:11
  That's what's happening right now.
• 24:12
  This is a cognitive distortion. Maybe even make it like this is
• 24:17
  my brain distorting it out of fear.
• 24:20
  It's fear of failure, I think, because if.
• 24:24
  Or fear of the unknown. It's trying to fill in like, oh
• 24:28
  I'm uncomfortable so that must mean that this is really bad and
• 24:32
  I'm unqualified to be here. Or you're doing so well and then
• 24:38
  you're. You sabotage it.
• 24:40
  Yeah, See, that's the, I can understand why we do that.
• 24:44
  Like, oh gosh, I'm in this, this is new.
• 24:47
  But when you're. Yeah, you do it to yourself,
• 24:51
  even when you you're competent. Totally.
• 24:55
  Like, everything's going well and then like.
• 24:57
  What can I sabotage today exactly?
• 25:00
  How can the other shot drop? What can I?
• 25:02
  What can I, what can I sabotage today?
• 25:10
  Like it's almost like it's it's just comfortable to.
• 25:16
  Yeah. It doesn't make sense though,
• 25:17
  because we want to be happy, right?
• 25:21
  Let me ask you this. I am starting EMDR tomorrow.
• 25:26
  Oh my God. I love EMDR. With your EMDR. I
• 25:31
  can go on about EMDR like all day long.
• 25:34
  OK, so for someone that isn't as nerdy about psychology as we
• 25:38
  are, what is EMDR? OK, I don't know like the actual
• 25:42
  definition of it, but I'll tell you like loosely what it is.
• 25:46
  You basically go back and you visit that past trauma, whatever
• 25:49
  you dealt with at that time that you have a negative connotation
• 25:52
  to in this moment. For instance, if you fell and
• 25:56
  broke your arm when you were like 8, and then like you see
• 25:59
  something that reminds you of that day, that moment.
• 26:02
  And then you whenever you see that, it triggers back to that
• 26:05
  moment, your throat closes, you feel nauseous.
• 26:07
  Whatever is tailored to that feeling that that you felt
• 26:10
  during that time, you go back and you deal with that situation
• 26:14
  in a healthy manner and as opposed to just brushing it
• 26:17
  under the rug like nothing happened.
• 26:19
  So then you don't have that negative connotation.
• 26:21
  But I will tell you it is really painful when you do EMDR. You go
• 26:25
  back to that exact moment. Your throat closes, You feel
• 26:28
  nauseous, You cry, you shake. You can't wait.
• 26:33
  But. It's.
• 26:35
  Imperative. You have to.
• 26:37
  For growth. Yeah, what if you went to EMDR?
• 26:42
  Did EMDR around this feeling of this imposter syndrome a hole
• 26:47
  who comes I. Think that's a really good call.
• 26:50
  Out because it seems like and I think I'm going to need to do it
• 26:56
  too. Natalie.
• 26:58
  See you tomorrow. She's like, guys, I, I don't
• 27:01
  want both of you as clients. Actually, this is a lot.
• 27:06
  No, but you've been talking about her as a therapist.
• 27:09
  I'll put her. I'll put her in the show notes.
• 27:11
  If you're in the Bay Area and you need an EMDR therapist, I'm
• 27:14
  going to her tomorrow at 2:30. You've been going to her for 10
• 27:17
  years. It's amazing but not like
• 27:22
  consistently. It's like as needed but like I
• 27:25
  have known her. She's for a.
• 27:28
  Long time she has literally saved me.
• 27:33
  Through all the adversity. Through everything, yeah.
• 27:37
  She has seen it all. She's heard it all from me.
• 27:40
  She's one-of-a-kind, and I feel really fortunate that I have
• 27:45
  that ability to go to therapists and to have someone on my side
• 27:50
  like that, an unbiased third party.
• 27:52
  And I understand that not a lot of people have that luxury.
• 27:55
  One, it's expensive. 2 It's so hard to find one that you.
• 28:00
  Feel comfortable with you, don't just connect with every
• 28:03
  therapist. Yeah.
• 28:04
  Absolutely not. So I feel very fortunate, but I
• 28:07
  would like to, I guess, have some tools for folks that don't
• 28:12
  have that luxury, right. So like if you're facing that
• 28:16
  imposter one, name it, name it you said.
• 28:19
  So say it out loud. Two, get out of that moment.
• 28:23
  So if you're in physically, get out of that moment, change
• 28:27
  something, change. Something, yeah.
• 28:30
  If you're at home, take a hot shower.
• 28:32
  Cold shower if you are. Go walk outside, put some music
• 28:35
  on. If you're in public, let's say
• 28:37
  you're walking in somewhere and you're like, I can't do this.
• 28:40
  It's OK to go to the bathroom, take a break and then like give
• 28:43
  yourself a pep talk or the box breathing too, right?
• 28:48
  Like inhale so. Important the way.
• 28:51
  You inhale 4 seconds each side. Yeah, OK.
• 28:54
  So name it. Change your state physically.
• 28:58
  If you're sitting, get up. If you're up, sit down.
• 29:04
  I think there's shame around it. So this for me talking about it
• 29:08
  and then like broadcasting it to the world.
• 29:11
  I think that's also good to be like, yeah, I have.
• 29:15
  I struggle with this, right? You don't have to just name it
• 29:17
  to yourself. And be like.
• 29:20
  You can maybe talk to a friend. It's important and it's I think
• 29:25
  with a lot of cultures it's taboo.
• 29:28
  I know for mine it is and I really don't care.
• 29:31
  Like I think that it's more important to talk about things
• 29:38
  and be transparent versus like pleasing a community that is.
• 29:46
  Yeah. That they're not where I want to
• 29:48
  be, so why would I even pay attention to that?
• 29:51
  And I have done really well with like differentiating it and like
• 29:54
  not having that be my driver or stopping me.
• 29:59
  And I might no one tries to stop me either.
• 30:01
  Like usually a lot of people that are from a different
• 30:04
  culture, like they won't do it out of shame because their mom
• 30:08
  or whatever their bloodline, they know who I am and they
• 30:13
  don't try to stop me anymore. It wasn't always like that.
• 30:17
  You're very open, you're very self aware and like you're not a
• 30:21
  brush at under the rug type of friend.
• 30:23
  No, like I will address things you will.
• 30:26
  I think it's great. In a very calm, yeah, methodical
• 30:29
  manner. I don't yell, I don't scream.
• 30:33
  I talk very calmly. If I need a few moments, maybe a
• 30:36
  few days to extract the emotion that's tied to whatever was
• 30:41
  said, I will take that time. Thank you, Natalie, for teaching
• 30:45
  me that, by the way. And I exercise that.
• 30:47
  You're like I need to before we talk, I need to take.
• 30:49
  Some time, absolutely, yeah. 'Cause you don't want to like
• 30:53
  come out from a highly emotional.
• 30:55
  From a hostile place because then when emotions are high,
• 30:59
  intelligence is low. So I take my time.
• 31:05
  If it's someone, even a sibling and they're annoying me, like I
• 31:08
  won't talk to them for a few days because I don't want to say
• 31:11
  something that I I'm saying in the heat of the moment and I'm
• 31:15
  human. Like I know that that will
• 31:17
  happen. So I'm not positioning myself
• 31:20
  for that to happen. Yeah, you, you're, yeah, you
• 31:24
  know yourself a lot what you need.
• 31:26
  A little too well, yeah, on the cellular level too.
• 31:31
  Yes, I can relate to that. Yeah.
• 31:34
  OK, so we talked about naming it, taking a breather, confiding
• 31:40
  in a therapist or I think again, this podcasts are not a
• 31:45
  substitute for therapy. If you there's great online
• 31:49
  options, right, that hopefully you can like finance and stuff.
• 31:52
  But if you don't have, you're just like, I don't have money
• 31:55
  for therapy. I think what podcasts do is they
• 31:59
  create a community where it's OK to just like talk.
• 32:03
  It doesn't. Maybe you don't find a solution.
• 32:06
  I mean, hopefully you do out of this episode, but maybe you just
• 32:09
  leave from this going. That's a thing.
• 32:13
  Yeah. And other people have it.
• 32:15
  Yeah, it's a great. Resource like going to the web,
• 32:19
  like there is a lot of there's a lot to it, but I think it like
• 32:23
  you just need a filter. There's so many great resources
• 32:27
  like on YouTube. Joe Dispenza, Oh my.
• 32:29
  God, Joe Dispenza. But visualizing things before
• 32:33
  they happen. Yeah.
• 32:36
  What about if you know that you have imposter syndrome in
• 32:39
  certain situations? Visualizing before the
• 32:43
  situation, That's that is like Olympic, Olympic athlete.
• 32:48
  Yeah, I don't do that enough. I.
• 32:52
  Don't know, I meditate and visualize not as much as I would
• 32:56
  like to nowadays, but there was a time where I was literally
• 33:00
  meditating in the dark for one hour a night.
• 33:02
  Like people were walking on me. They're like, what is she dead
• 33:05
  is like. Yeah, you were just connecting.
• 33:07
  Yeah, I love it. And I need to get back to that
• 33:10
  because that is really key. They say like if you're really
• 33:14
  busy. You need more.
• 33:16
  Oh, they say try 20 minutes a day if you're busy. 40 an hour a
• 33:20
  day. Yeah, I think my yoga teacher
• 33:21
  said that, yeah. Which is so true.
• 33:24
  Well, I, I remember sharing your reel about like Michael Phelps,
• 33:27
  another all these Olympic athletes were talking and then
• 33:30
  they showed a Blue Angels pilot and they're all they showed a
• 33:35
  Blue Angels pilot sitting there in his flight suit doing like
• 33:39
  pretending he's in the plane doing the.
• 33:41
  And then Michael Phelps said he visualized winning the race.
• 33:47
  He visualized what he would do if his cap broke, if his goggles
• 33:50
  broke and he would swim the whole race in his mind and what
• 33:53
  he would do. Like he visualized all
• 33:56
  situations so that if one of those situations happened, he's
• 33:59
  like, Oh yeah, I, I already thought about that.
• 34:01
  If they do this, they do this. It's not like a fear based
• 34:03
  though. It's like, and you swim cause
• 34:07
  your brain actually doesn't know if it's real or not.
• 34:09
  It just knows that you're doing it.
• 34:11
  So maybe we we need to visualize like going into meetings
• 34:15
  visualize, you know? Yeah, visualize the future
• 34:21
  before it happens. Yeah, let me do a time check
• 34:24
  347. We're good.
• 34:26
  Cool. We just keep it, keep it open.
• 34:29
  You know I love. It and go by so fast.
• 34:31
  Yeah, I forgot we were here. Yeah.
• 34:33
  So we've talked about what imposter syndrome is, that it's
• 34:41
  this cognitive distortion. It's this.
• 34:43
  It's not a, in doing my research, it is not like a
• 34:46
  mental illness that you have or it's not something you diagnose
• 34:50
  like that. It's a state that can, like,
• 34:54
  come and go for you. Do you feel it?
• 34:58
  You said you feel it in your throat.
• 35:00
  My throat and I just become numb and like idle.
• 35:06
  Yeah, like I literally like will stop talking.
• 35:09
  You'll just, Yeah. Yeah, like I no voice, like
• 35:13
  nothing. Yeah, for me, I'll sometimes
• 35:15
  shake my palms will sweat, I'll get like the stomach drop.
• 35:21
  You're like, yeah, it's so different for everyone, right?
• 35:25
  And. Then sometimes, like in Full
• 35:27
  disclosure, I've been on like a meeting where I've been like, I
• 35:31
  don't and then I just kind of like numb out and I'm like, just
• 35:35
  just get through this. You'll be fine.
• 35:37
  And then you're like just you just like want time to pass.
• 35:41
  You kind of, you get paralysis a little bit and you're just like,
• 35:46
  yeah, fine. It's tough, it's really tough,
• 35:49
  but just you have to get through, get through, ebb and
• 35:52
  flow. Breathe.
• 35:54
  Yes. And you say this is imposter
• 35:56
  syndrome. That's my goal for this week
• 35:58
  'cause you know it's gonna happen.
• 36:00
  We've already got our goal. Our goal is discipline for the
• 36:02
  next 90 days. But when we're which?
• 36:05
  We are pretty disciplined, but we just have really like.
• 36:10
  High expectations. High standards for ourselves and
• 36:15
  I think it's always good to push yourself to do better, but we're
• 36:19
  not like we're pretty disciplined, I would say, when
• 36:21
  we compare ourselves to other. People, we don't give ourselves
• 36:26
  credit for the effort that we put in.
• 36:27
  No, not at all. It's never good enough.
• 36:29
  'Cause it's imposter syndrome. Exactly.
• 36:33
  Yeah. So we're like, we're really
• 36:35
  disciplined. And then imposter syndrome was
• 36:36
  like, are you? And you're like.
• 36:39
  Yeah, we're a bitch. I'm sorry, sometimes it's a male
• 36:45
  voice, sometimes it's a female. It's just not a nice voice,
• 36:49
  right? No, it's just I think the
• 36:51
  problem is we get the imposter syndrome voice confused with our
• 36:53
  own and it's actually not. You need to differentiate the
• 36:57
  two. That's why I think calling it
• 36:58
  out is really important. Naming it now, can I get
• 37:02
  spiritual for a second? Whatever you see as God,
• 37:09
  whoever's listening, I know that you and I both have a belief in
• 37:12
  God and I respect everybody's beliefs.
• 37:17
  And but I will say God is helping me through.
• 37:24
  Like I do hear a voice of God being like, please try to push
• 37:28
  through this. Like something is pushing me
• 37:30
  through it. Do you connect spiritually with
• 37:34
  God when you when you're or do you kind of forget that God is
• 37:37
  there sometimes? It's a little bit of both.
• 37:40
  So I'm very spiritual. I'm Sophie.
• 37:43
  So what I turn to, like the traditional praying, I don't
• 37:46
  pray five times a day, which like Muslims are supposed to
• 37:51
  maybe once a week, twice a week, just to be transparent.
• 37:54
  But I will listen to like verses of the put on.
• 37:59
  And that to me is a form of connecting.
• 38:04
  And that does help me. Like if I'm working on a task
• 38:07
  that's very like gut wrenching, right?
• 38:09
  Like I will put that on and that helps me.
• 38:12
  It helps ease me into it. And it doesn't seem like a big
• 38:15
  bad wolf. It like gives you a little
• 38:19
  spiritual hug. Yeah.
• 38:20
  So it's like whatever works for you in whatever spiritual way
• 38:26
  you do that. Yes, 'cause it can be hard to
• 38:29
  fight all of this just as a human, like fighting your brain
• 38:33
  all the time. We're like these, your nervous
• 38:35
  system. We're like these humans walking
• 38:38
  around trying to figure it out for me too.
• 38:41
  I I put on worship music. Yeah, I feel so good.
• 38:46
  I'm like. And it's so nice that we can
• 38:49
  lean on that. I think that we should lean on
• 38:51
  it. I'm speaking for myself more
• 38:53
  than I already do, but it is and a big element of my life.
• 38:58
  And I think it's like, there is so much bad going on in the
• 39:01
  world right now. So even though we don't see it,
• 39:05
  we're not living it, even seeing it through a screen, it impacts
• 39:10
  us because you feel helpless, like you can't help that
• 39:13
  innocent individual and you don't agree with a lot of the
• 39:17
  politicians, with all of the politicians, so to speak.
• 39:20
  Across the board, everywhere. Yeah, they're they suck.
• 39:23
  Like they they all need to do EMDR. They need to have imposter
• 39:27
  syndrome because they're they they don't have it and they.
• 39:30
  Need it like. They're they're we got some
• 39:32
  imposters. Can ours go to them?
• 39:34
  Can. Can, yeah.
• 39:36
  No, they need like a yoga retreat all.
• 39:38
  Of them, they need a lot of things and that is another
• 39:43
  episode. No, but no God.
• 39:45
  I think it's important to lean on spirituality because life is
• 39:53
  hard. It feeds our soul.
• 39:54
  It's there for a reason. So as we come to the top of the
• 40:00
  hour on episode 87. Only because, you know, I'm a
• 40:06
  yapper and I'm keeping an eye on time.
• 40:11
  Is there anything we talked about imposter syndrome at work
• 40:15
  in like we, I don't, we didn't talk about it a ton, but you can
• 40:22
  have it in relationships. Like am I being a good enough
• 40:24
  friend? Am I being a good enough aunt?
• 40:25
  Am I being a good enough mom, being a good enough daughter,
• 40:28
  right. The the common theme, whether
• 40:30
  it's like, it seems like regardless of the topic, it's an
• 40:35
  attack on something you love and.
• 40:40
  They don't feel good enough. Right.
• 40:42
  But you're doing it because you, you, you.
• 40:44
  Obviously there's a part of you that believes maybe you could be
• 40:47
  good enough, but I think maybe the trick is you already are.
• 40:54
  Like if you look at it in a spiritual sense, you already are
• 40:57
  everything and God loves you just as you are, but he also
• 41:00
  like loves who you're becoming. So like we love you.
• 41:04
  We love you just as you are. Don't change, but work on
• 41:07
  yourself. So have a growth mindset.
• 41:10
  Growth mindset is the opposite of imposter syndrome.
• 41:13
  Maybe that's why a lot of people they don't grow and they don't
• 41:17
  have imposter syndrome is because they're fine with that
• 41:20
  state that they're in. They love it.
• 41:25
  They they don't grow like they have been the same.
• 41:30
  And if you don't try, then you don't fail.
• 41:33
  Yeah. So if you're going to try.
• 41:35
  So they feel safe. Yeah, imposter syndrome syndrome
• 41:38
  might come up, but I think you and I maybe need to turn it into
• 41:42
  the name it this is imposter syndrome.
• 41:44
  And then be like, hey, well, guess what?
• 41:46
  We have a growth mindset. So you can't exist here if you
• 41:49
  have a growth mindset. I don't think imposter syndrome
• 41:52
  can exist. You have to combat it well, it
• 41:54
  exists because you have a growth.
• 41:56
  Oh, darn it. Yeah, but when it happens, then
• 42:01
  you pair it with like, hey. The tool.
• 42:03
  It's I have a growth mindset, therefore that's why imposter
• 42:07
  syndrome is here, right? Now and then you just kick its
• 42:09
  ass out and move along your way. Yeah, it Could it be that
• 42:12
  simple? Respectfully.
• 42:14
  Respectfully decline. Yeah.
• 42:16
  And I'm gonna go ahead and continue to be scared.
• 42:18
  I should do it anyway, yeah? To kick ass.
• 42:24
  Any parting words about imposter syndrome?
• 42:26
  About episode 87? About adversity?
• 42:30
  You can think for a second I'm tying it up here.
• 42:33
  I think it's OK. I think what I would like to say
• 42:36
  is that even though it's painful and it does stop you, like don't
• 42:41
  let it, don't stay in that state of being idle or keep yourself
• 42:48
  from making that move. Like what?
• 42:50
  Just break it down hour by hour. Like a lot of people have a lot
• 42:54
  of goals that they want to push forward, but the imposter
• 43:01
  syndrome like keeps them from it.
• 43:02
  So I would say like as much as you can, the resources that we
• 43:06
  mentioned, like try to lean on those to go head 1st and don't
• 43:12
  let it stop you from like reaching your milestones because
• 43:17
  that's what it does. It wants to just keep you safe,
• 43:19
  so to speak. So keep you in the state that
• 43:21
  you're in. You're not going to be happy
• 43:23
  like that. So just keep it moving.
• 43:27
  Keep it moving. No matter how much it hurts or
• 43:29
  how much you feel like you're not ready, keep it moving.
• 43:32
  Yeah. Hey, I can.
• 43:36
  I can get on board with that this week, I think.
• 43:40
  Yeah. Well, ladies and gentlemen of
• 43:44
  the podcasting world, and I'm a dork now, first of all, I would
• 43:49
  like to thank you, Amira for believing in me two years ago
• 43:54
  when I was just a little Wampy podcaster.
• 43:58
  But now I am no longer that imposter syndrome used to say
• 44:01
  that. Thank you for coming on the
• 44:03
  show. Of course, thank you for being
• 44:06
  vulnerable. I know it's not easy to just on
• 44:09
  a Sunday be like shine light on me and put a camera on me and
• 44:12
  let's talk about insecurity. This is amazing.
• 44:15
  Like, let's talk about all the things that I'm thinking about
• 44:18
  that no one knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 44:20
  But it's true. It's right.
• 44:22
  It's real. Yeah.
• 44:24
  So. And I like to have deep rooted
• 44:26
  conversations versus like Faux just.
• 44:30
  The weather. And how about them Dodgers?
• 44:32
  Yeah, no, that's not me. You're like, I don't care about
• 44:35
  the Dodgers. Get to the root.
• 44:37
  Yeah, exactly. Well, if you would like more
• 44:40
  information about Omira's vending machine business, don't
• 44:45
  laugh. Is this a business and you're in
• 44:50
  the Bay Area and you have a communal space, I'm selling it
• 44:53
  here for you that you need a vending machine that is stocked,
• 44:58
  A vending solution. Vending solution.
• 45:00
  AI vending solution. Intelligent vending solution
• 45:05
  from a kick ass businesswoman. The cool thing about you is you
• 45:07
  care about the facilities like you really care about your work
• 45:10
  and you want to. People need snacks.
• 45:12
  You need snacks to do your work. So check out her link below.
• 45:17
  Also check out a link below to the episode that is in the top
• 45:20
  10. Thank you, Omaira, thank you
• 45:22
  very much, and don't let imposter syndrome win this week.
• 45:27
  Nope, keep it moving. Keep it moving.
• 45:30
  What if imposter syndrome is an imposter?
• 45:32
  It is. Flip the script.
• 45:34
  Yeah, there you go. All right.
• 45:36
  And we're going to sign out and how do I wrap it up?
• 45:40
  Thank you, Bree, sign us out. Look at that camera.
• 45:42
  Look at that camera and. Sign the Xbox camera.
• 45:45
  Have I been looking at the wrong camera?
• 45:46
  No, this, this camera's been on you the whole time.
• 45:48
  We'll. Say Bree and my out.
• 45:51
  Out.