Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 3 - Episode 291 - Handling Disappointment

Transcript

Season 3 - Episode 291 - Handling Disappointment · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the Good Morning from the Chicken Coop podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermindset
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop, along with all her chickens.
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  Hey everybody. Good morning from the porch.
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  Yep, we're having to do it from the porch today.
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  So OK, let's talk about disappointment.
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  This is probably such a complicated subject for so many
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  of us because I don't know about you, but I experienced
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  disappointment on a regular basis and it happens.
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  I mean, we're human beings. We get disappointed by things.
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  We have these hidden expectations, or maybe they're
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  not even hidden. Maybe you put them out there in
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  the world and then there's a state of whatever happens comes
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  in and you're disappointed because it didn't work out
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  exactly the way you wanted it to.
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  Or maybe there's a blatant disregard for it, which is
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  actually a mix of you're not just disappointed, but you're
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  kind of angry about it. And, and, and listen, this is
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  real. We have to deal with this
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  because in our lives, boy, I can tell you, it happens a lot for
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  me. It happens in my personal world
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  with the garden. You know, what am I growing?
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  The disappointments of this past summer were really big for me
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  with all the tomato disaster. As you know, we've talked about
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  the tomato disasters and, you know, certain the flower garden
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  did not do as well this year. And I just am, what is that?
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  I got to figure that piece out. So I'm putting myself back
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  through the flower school this year.
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  I'm going to study like crazy all winter long, getting ready
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  to open the gardens for the chickens to go in and RIP them
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  apart with me this coming week because now it's finally
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  starting to cool off a little bit so we can get in there and
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  do some work. And the disappointment of it all
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  will be reminding me all over again.
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  So, but it's not just things like that.
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  I mean, even in your day, let's say you have a coworker and
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  you're working on something together and they don't finish
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  in time, which causes you to be late, which links us back to
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  feeling like we're in fifth grade.
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  And we've been, you know, paired up with that one person in the
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  class that no one wants to get paired up with because they know
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  that person is not going to pull their weight in the group.
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  Boy, if that doesn't remind me of my childhood, I'll tell you
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  that That is a sore point for me.
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  And it was always such a big disappointment because you want
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  that good grade. You want that outcome, whatever
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  it might be. And if you're a human and you
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  have a relationship with another human of any kind on a personal
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  level, disappointment will show up.
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  It will happen. They will say something, they
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  will do something. Why?
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  Because we're human, because we're not perfect.
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  And that's that is OK. We have to 1st get in our head
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  that this happens. There is no such thing as
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  perfection at all anywhere. It doesn't matter it perfection
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  is non existent. And we can use the word we can
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  say perfect or that's that his sheer perfection.
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  But that is only through the filter that we see with that one
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  filter is so important to us. So remember, that's the first
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  aspect of this when you're in disappointment.
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  It's that filter, it's that piece that you're looking
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  through that says it didn't hit my, my need, my outcome, my
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  unexplained or unidentified. But you know, expectation
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  version of perfection. That's what's happening firstly.
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  Then you come back to, OK, well, how do I handle it now?
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  What do I do? So for me, a big piece of what
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  helps me is to be able to talk about it with the person that
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  disappointed me or with the situation, explain myself in the
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  situation that that helps me personally, but it doesn't
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  always help. Like if I use my husband as an
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  example, if I'm explaining myself to him, it doesn't help
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  him. He doesn't care about that
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  stuff. So some might say, well, that's
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  inconsiderate and it might be inconsiderate, but what are we
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  talking about here? We're talking about how we get
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  through it. So if I want to talk about it, I
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  need to do that in a neutral space.
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  So sometimes it's just great to write it all on paper so you get
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  it out of your head. That is a very useful tool for
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  me. Sometimes I like to record
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  myself going on a rant and then I can go back and listen to it
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  and say, jeez, does that sound unreasonable?
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  And you all have that because you can do it right in your
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  phone on voice memos and you can, you can do it easily.
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  It really does help to listen back to yourself.
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  And the biggest, biggest piece of all of this is saying, OK,
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  how do I, once I get it all out in some way, shape or form,
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  whether the person is listening, whether I've just written it
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  down, whether I've recorded it, you can even videotape yourself
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  if you need to. Then you have to go back and
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  say, OK, how am I going to move forward?
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  What is my strategy to move forward?
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  You have to say it's not about letting the disappointment go.
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  It's about moving forward. First you can let it go.
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  There's a process of this. It partly let's go when you just
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  get it out of your head and the next piece is knowing you're
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  moving forward. And then it, it's almost magical
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  sometimes where it just feels like it let go.
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  Now, if it doesn't let go at that point and you still feel
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  that frustration, you know, 24 hours, 48 hours, and some things
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  are big. Believe me, some people
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  disappoint us in big ways and we hang on to it for a long time.
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  And if that's what's happening, that's OK.
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  Keep checking in with yourself and saying, am I still moving
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  forward? Because the most important thing
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  is that you don't stay stuck and in analysis paralysis.
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  You just keep moving forward. And then eventually, I promise
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  you will be able to let it go. And it might take sometimes it
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  takes a really long time, but you will.
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  It will happen as long as you keep moving forward.
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  All right, my friends, I hope you have a blessed day and I
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  will see you tomorrow. Bye.