Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 73 | What’s Yours to Carry? Healing Over-Responsibility and Finding Emotional Freedom
Transcript
- 0:00Erin Gray: You're listening to Generate a Life Well-Lived podcast.
- 0:02Erin Gray: I'm your friend and confidant, erin Gray.
- 0:04Erin Gray: On this podcast, we will explore all things money, business and self-development, including human design.
- 0:10Erin Gray: I hope you enjoy the journey where I share everything that I know and am continuing to learn along the way, as I honor my heart's desires while inspiring and Hi, how are you?
- 0:22Erin Gray: It's just me today and I want to talk about.
- 0:30Erin Gray: It's 100% our responsibility and it's not our responsibility.
- 0:36Erin Gray: And before I dive into that, I want to share a couple of things.
- 0:41Erin Gray: One my neck broke out in a skin rash yesterday.
- 0:50Erin Gray: I started feeling it coming on the night before last and I used to get rashes when I was a child and we always thought that it was something I ate, because we just didn't know at the time that you know our emotions, our energy, is what creates everything on the in our bodies and in the outside world.
- 1:18Erin Gray: And I started feeling the rash come on my neck and I thought it was.
- 1:25Erin Gray: I was getting curious about it and I was.
- 1:28Erin Gray: I started to ask myself like, is it this or is it?
- 1:30Erin Gray: This?
- 1:30Erin Gray: Is it?
- 1:31Erin Gray: And obviously you know, around my neck is your throat chakra and what I recognized or realized is that you know, I've had a story around saying how, exactly how I feel, and it the story has come, or or the story that I have is that you know I'm being, I'm being harsh, and while that's not true, when you have been told that right, the body starts to believe it.
- 2:02Erin Gray: So a lot of times what I have done in the past is I've just kept my mouth shut because I would never want to say something that would hurt someone's feelings, and also I have shut my mouth and not spoken up for myself.
- 2:18Erin Gray: So, learning that balance of, okay, you can say how you think and feel when, asked right, someone's asking for advice, then I most definitely say yes, we get to give it.
- 2:31Erin Gray: I don't believe in unsolicited advice.
- 2:34Erin Gray: It doesn't always work out so great and so when someone does ask us for advice or our feedback or whatever, we can come from the energy of love and compassion and we can still honor our truths, our knowing, and that's what happened the other day.
- 2:53Erin Gray: I spoke my truth and even though, you know, I went back and I read the email and even though the email is very kind, the email, and even though the email is very kind, there is this underlying the body doesn't feel quite safe yet to speak up and say exactly how I feel, and more so, am I causing harm or am I causing someone to feel a certain way, right, intellectually?
- 3:23Erin Gray: I know this isn't true right, and also the body still feels that way at times.
- 3:31Erin Gray: So I've got a good little rash.
- 3:35Erin Gray: It's all basically on the left side, which you know in the, in the chakra world or in the body world or energy work.
- 3:45Erin Gray: You know that represents typically the feminine side and just recognizing and honoring that when we are doing difficult things, when we are moving outside our comfort zone, it might show up in the body.
- 4:03Erin Gray: I mean, I've talked about having rashes in my underarms before and so it's just manifesting right now on my throat and allowing for that to be there.
- 4:12Erin Gray: I did some tapping and just honoring that we get to say how we think and feel from a loving, compassionate place and allowing others to have their feelings as well.
- 4:27Erin Gray: So that brings me to the podcast today around.
- 4:32Erin Gray: You know it is 100% our responsibility to own our thoughts, our feelings, emotions, our actions and at the same time, it's not our responsibility to own everyone else's.
- 4:48Erin Gray: And this has come up for me, this has come up for clients and sessions recently, and I just wanted to dive into this and expand on this a little bit so that, if this is something that you are doing, recognize that you're in good company.
- 5:06Erin Gray: There's a lot of us that are working through this, and what I have noticed in myself and with clients is we did a lot of what I call parenting when we were younger.
- 5:18Erin Gray: We helped around the house a lot.
- 5:20Erin Gray: We might have even kind of taken on the role of mom, um, because either our parents were working or maybe our parents were divorced and you know the the the mother wasn't around, or maybe the father wasn't around and we were having to, you know, be the surrogate parent.
- 5:39Erin Gray: And we do this.
- 5:42Erin Gray: I think it comes from a place of wanting to support and be there for our parents and also recognizing that we might've taken on more than what was actually like from a child standpoint, right Required from a child.
- 5:59Erin Gray: So when I say it's 100% our responsibility, what I mean by that is when we take 100% responsibility for our life.
- 6:07Erin Gray: We are now in the driver's seat.
- 6:10Erin Gray: We become empowered because we are the ones that are owning what is happening in our life.
- 6:18Erin Gray: Right, you can't change something unless you own it 100%.
- 6:22Erin Gray: So, if you are looking at where you are financially and you're still blaming something or someone, there is power that we are giving away because we aren't able to own 100% of where we are and maybe we don't necessarily like where we are, and that's okay.
- 6:43Erin Gray: But when we own it 100%, then that's when the energy shifts and we get to change it.
- 6:48Erin Gray: So, starting to look at where are you taking responsibility for your life, your circumstances, where you are and where are we still outsourcing our power?
- 7:02Erin Gray: Now the ego is going to want to argue, because the ego loves to be right, and what I have always thought about is, you know, we can either air quotes, be right, or we can feel completely empowered, or we can have an abundance of love, like if you think about you know, arguing with your spouse.
- 7:26Erin Gray: Do you want to be right or do you want to have an amazing relationship where you get to talk and understand and have compassion?
- 7:35Erin Gray: So, recognizing when the ego wants to come in and asking yourself okay, where do I own responsibility in my life, A hundred percent take responsibility, and where am I still outsourcing that?
- 7:52Erin Gray: And starting to see where can you shift those areas?
- 7:55Erin Gray: What is coming up, what stories or beliefs are you carrying that are allowing you to create, not taking responsibility.
- 8:06Erin Gray: So once we own where we are, where our life is, that's where we get to change it.
- 8:15Erin Gray: If we want to right, we get to decide what do we want to do differently?
- 8:19Erin Gray: Because we have created this, we can uncreate or we can recreate something different if we want to.
- 8:25Erin Gray: What I want to focus on is it's not our responsibility, because that seems to be more so of the line with my clients myself, I'm sure with each of you we probably take too much responsibility, right, and so it's not our responsibility.
- 8:41Erin Gray: And what I mean by that is not taking responsibility for other people's thoughts, feelings, actions and this isn't a blatant disregard like someone's feeling this way.
- 8:53Erin Gray: So you know, I don't have to apologize or I don't have to consider them.
- 8:59Erin Gray: That's not what I'm saying.
- 9:00Erin Gray: What I am saying is sometimes we almost take it to the extreme of we're having to care for people, that we aren't empowering them to own their thoughts and their feelings and their emotions.
- 9:16Erin Gray: It almost comes from this place of a little bit of disempowerment when we think that someone else isn't able to make the change, like we're all capable of making changes.
- 9:30Erin Gray: The question becomes are we willing?
- 9:32Erin Gray: And sometimes I think for each of us if you're listening, clients, I have experienced this myself is we take on so much responsibility over what our own right, our responsibility is?
- 9:47Erin Gray: Because that has been a story and that has been part of our lives childhood, growing up of like, we were responsible for everyone, right, doing everything, or I should say, a large portion, and what I have seen is it's a way that stops us or holds us back, because when we don't see other people as capable or as willing, you know they have a choice.
- 10:20Erin Gray: They, whether they're willing or not.
- 10:22Erin Gray: That is a different question, but we all have the choice to make changes if we want.
- 10:29Erin Gray: But when we start to buy into this belief system that we're responsible for other people, we're responsible for other people.
- 10:43Erin Gray: What I have seen is either we aren't taking care of ourselves, whether that be from a health perspective, whether that be from a financial perspective, whether that be from a spiritual perspective and we are taking on that responsibility of of someone else.
- 10:57Erin Gray: And so what?
- 10:58Erin Gray: I would encourage you, if this resonates with you, I would encourage you to start pondering and reflecting.
- 11:06Erin Gray: What are those stories that come up when someone says you should have, or why didn't you?
- 11:19Erin Gray: Or when you start feeling those feelings of, of shame and guilt, when you've honored your boundary and your no or your yes, and recognizing those stories that are coming up.
- 11:38Erin Gray: They're coming up to be healed, to be transformed, to be worked through, and obviously it's not going to feel so amazing in the body.
- 11:47Erin Gray: Right Like this is.
- 11:49Erin Gray: This is the, the effort, this is the work that we are doing to live our most vibrant life.
- 11:58Erin Gray: When we take responsibility for everyone else and we think that they aren to do to meet in the middle.
- 12:07Erin Gray: This isn't always easy, because these stories run really, really deep.
- 12:29Erin Gray: I, I it still comes up for me.
- 12:33Erin Gray: I used to have that story right, like I'm responsible for everyone else.
- 12:37Erin Gray: I have to make it work.
- 12:38Erin Gray: I have to do the thing because other people and and whatever stories that we have and it it keeps those of us that take responsibility.
- 12:48Erin Gray: Where we're giving our energy more than what is required, I should say, or what we're, we're not taking care and making care, making sure we're our number one first.
- 13:05Erin Gray: And so, honoring where you are this is a time and a place to get curious, not to have more judgment or more shame or guilt around where you are and honoring that there was a part of you that probably did that for to receive love or to receive attention and recognizing that we get to give that to ourselves now and when we're aware and when we know where we are, that is there's power, in that we get to change that.
- 13:40Erin Gray: So I want to honor the parts of you that have taken responsibility for other people and they're either feelings or their emotions or their actions, because that was a way that probably kept you safe and also recognizing that we get to constantly redecide and make new decisions and form new beliefs and shed old layers of ourselves that no longer serve us anymore.
- 14:10Erin Gray: If this resonates, I love hearing from you.
- 14:13Erin Gray: You can send me a message in the show notes and let me know what you thought of this episode.
- 14:20Erin Gray: I also wanted to say that the four-part video workshop that my friend and colleague, carmen Toledo and I did and created together around transforming your relationship with money and decision-making using your human design is up live on my website.
- 14:38Erin Gray: I will put a link in the show notes.
- 14:39Erin Gray: I just want to say thank you for listening, for spending your time with me.
- 14:46Erin Gray: I truly appreciate and think about each of you and until next time.