Latest / Pathological Positivity / Positivity Wasn’t The Plan, It Was The Lifeline – Episode #676
Transcript
- This is Live on Purpose Radio episode 676. Positivity wasn't the plan, it was the lifeline. Now is the only time to create and live the life you love. I'm doctor Paul Jenkins, the positivity psychologist. My job is to connect you to powerful positive psychology principles that immediately upgrade your relationships, business, and mental health. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Live on Purpose Radio. This is doctor Paul, the shrink who expands your life, and I have problems. They don't have me. Do you know who said that Carrie Fisher, Carrie Fisher of star wars fame, princess Leia, who struggled with bipolar depression for entire adult life. And she said that I have problems. They don't have me. I had to learn that very personally before I ever became the positivity psychologist. Come back with me a couple of decades. We're in the minivan. There's an early morning start to an annual pilgrimage from our home in the... In Utah to Seattle where my wife's parents live. The kids are in the back. They're all hunkered down for a long roadie, and Vicky's right over there. She's gonna fall asleep in just a minute. I'm driving. This is on me. The annual event where we get to reconnect with my family, have a fun road trip with the kids. Usually, this is a really joyful occasion, but not this year. I'm in a really dark place. My problems have have me busy. An outpatient psychotherapy practice where you can't even get an appointment with me in weeks, and I've got negative cash flow. Now with the kind of math I do nowadays, that's not sustainable. I had some investments. I I used to call them investments, and now I know that they're gambles. What I was doing back then... This is twenty years ago. They all went south at the same time, and I'm crashing and burning fast. I know where this is headed. Now remember, we're going to see Vicky's parents. This is a family trip. Her father, the one that we're going to visit, the one that I promised twenty years ago that I would take care of his daughter, sent me a prepaid Visa card so I could put gas in that minivan. How embarrassing. How shameful. I wasn't planning on this. This isn't what I signed up for. I'm broken. I'm I'm defeated. I'm depressed. I'm energetically dead. I got a question for you. What happens when life breaks the psychologist? And this happens. This is our story with my details. As I share this with you, I invite you to consider what's my version of this crisis? You know, a really, wise client of mine said something so profound. He said, hey, doctor Paul. You know, there are two kinds of people in this world. Well, I'm curious. I'm a clinical psychologist. Tell me. Please reveal. There are those who are humble and there are those who are about to be. Wow. That burns a little because that's where I am at this time. That's where I am. My circumstances have humbled me to the point that I am now open. I like to define humility for my clients as giving up the need to be right in exchange for being open. And you know how when the student is ready, the teacher appears? I had many, many mentors who showed up in my life. I wanna mention just one of those today. I can't get to all of them. There's so many who helped me, and the one that I'm thinking of is Mary Louise Zeller. I don't know if you've heard of her. She's 83 years old in a six degree black belt in Taekwondo. This grandma can kick you to next Thursday. And she's on my microphone right here at Live on Purpose Radio, my podcast. I get to interview Mary Louise Zeller, and she knows what's going on. She knows about all of this because of the relationship that we had. And I think this was just for me. Even though she said it on the mic and and this is what she said. She leaned in a little bit. She got a very serious look on her face, and she said, Paul, the troops are not coming. The troops are not coming. She left out land and then followed it with this: We are the troops. Wow. That hit me hard. And she might as well have kicked me. I'm glad she didn't. That woulda hurt. But she kick started me. That's what opened my eyes. I saw myself for the first time in fetal position in some dark corner waiting for what? The troops to come? I I had told myself, once the economy changes, once those troops come, then I'll be okay. Or once the insurance companies figure out how to compensate psychologists fairly, when those troops come, then we'll be okay. Or once those guys I invested with pay me back, when those troops come, then I'll be just fine. And they promised. They promised they would pay me back. I'm sure as soon as they get out of prison, that's right there on the top of their agenda, to pay back doctor Paul. Not, How long am I willing to wait for the troops to come? See, that kickstart from Mary Louise put me in position. Not only to preview next Thursday, but to do exactly what I was placed on this planet to do. It was from there that the positivity model that I am now known for was born. Our mess becomes our message. Sometimes the doctor has to be the patient to learn what I needed to know and to create a model that has now literally saved and enriched the lives and key relationships of people all over this planet. It had to be that way. I I promised myself when I started this episode today that I would give you a special nugget, okay, from the model. This is a brain hack that immediately makes a real tangible difference in your life. Does that sound good? K. Here's the nugget. First, I have to do the disclaimer because we've all heard it, haven't we? Just think positive. Is that annoying to you? We have to get past the trite, fluffy versions of just think positive that you hear from motivational speakers, gurus on the stage, people who I'm sure intend well but have no idea how how to operate the equipment. That's my life's work. See, I knew it in my head. I didn't know it in my heart. It hadn't become real to me until I was in that dark corner. So this is not the toxic positivity that you hear about in the media. We know from research and clinical experience that gratitude is the fastest and most convenient way to reprogram your brain into positivity. There's a lot of reasons for that. Trust me. I know what I'm talking about here. Gratitude. Now, here's the hack. I call it five for five. Alright? Now, five meaning five days. You've you've done a gratitude list before. Right? You've done this? We're going to, for five days, make a list of five gratitude items. Simple enough? But most people do it wrong wrong. They do it different. Here's what happens when we do the gratitude list. Usually, as humans, we start to write down on our list all those things that are easy to be grateful for. So we we include health, obviously, family, yes, puppies, rainbows, indoor plumbing. The equivalent of what I'm talking about... If you go to the gym, you're going to get stronger. Right? So you go to the gym, you reach down on that reception desk, pick up the pen that's sitting there, give it five reps on the right, five reps on the left, put it back down, come back tomorrow, you're gonna get stronger. Not you have to put on some weight, do some heavy lifting. Do you agree? Look. Do you want to wimp out or do you want to work out? So let's put some weight on and do the heavy lifting. What that means in the gratitude power up is this. You choose you choose first. Work out or wimp out. And if you're signing up for the workout, five times every day, You come up with these five items, and don't repeat anything on tomorrow's list that was on today's list. Here's the heavy part. Those five items are about something hard, difficult, painful, frustrating, annoying, something that's kicking your butt a little or a lot. Have you got something? Think of it right now. As you're listening to this podcast, think of it right now. What is it? And if you don't have something, we can get you something. I'm just kidding you about that. But... Alright. Now bring that to your mind. What are you grateful for in, from, because of that? My... Let me give you an example. My oldest son, Ryan, called me. It's been about two years ago now. Dad, I have cancer. What? Cancer? This is my oldest son. He's raising five of my grandkids out in Chicago. Cancer. I'm asking you to think about what is your cancer. You know, whatever your cancer is, and I may have already labeled it for you with that. I mean, a third of the people around us are dealing with cancer in some form. But whatever it is, I'm not saying be grateful for the cancer. Open it up and look inside of there. Rummage around. Find something that you are grateful for. Put that on your list. You know what I found in that cancer? Nine trips to Chicago to support cancer treatments, and they've earned their reputation too, but also to visit my five grandkids that live there. Am I grateful for that? Oh, yeah. Am I grateful for the cancer? See, that's harder, but that's where I found it. Positivity was not the plan. It was the lifeline. I love how the the mentors keep showing up. And a couple years ago, another one dropped into my life. I've only worked with him for a couple of years now, but it's been phenomenal what I've learned. In fact, I'd love to introduce you to him. His name is Ezra. I like to call him Ezzy. He likes to call me Granby. And I got to spend some quality time with Ezra just last month. And once again, I'm driving. He's in the back in his car seat. He's got his little zippy cup. I'm having conversations with him through the rear view mirror. He's back there in the back seat. And we pass a raccoon on the road. We're in the beautiful mountains near my home in Utah. We we pass by this raccoon. I see it as he sees it, and I hear this cute little voice from the back seat. Granby? What's that? And I respond, well, Ezzy, that's a raccoon, but it's dead. It got hit by a car. And I wasn't sure how that was gonna land. I mean, he's only three. But he seemed to handle it okay. He seemed fine with it. And then just a couple of miles later, I hear this little voice again in the back saying, grampy, can we go find a raccoon that's not so dead? How cute is that? So cute. I love the things little kids say. Adorable and profound. Think about this. Positivity saved Paul. And now I can provide a grampy for Ezzy that's not so dead. And that's what he needs. Here's my promise to you. Get your positives. You remember you're five for five. Get your positives. There's enough negatives in this world. We have problems, but do they have us? Get your positives. And here's my promise to you. Your life gets better. I promise. That's the selfish part. Who do you have in that back seat? Who needs you? Who needs a version of you that's not so dead? It's not about us. This is what I learned from discovering this model. Yes, it improved my life. Yes, it has saved and enriched my key relationships. All of that is true. And it's not just about me. If there's anything in your heart that's telling you, you know what? I need that positivity model, which you do, by the way. It's it's the operating instructions for the equipment of your own mind. K? That's what it's all about. But there might be another little part of you that's saying, who is it that needs me to show up a little differently? Can I become a provider of the positives for other people? If you're ready to check that out, I invite you... I just put together a free assessment. This is completely free. I'm all about finding and empowering the providers of positivity on this planet. I want you to have it, but I especially want those that you can reach to have it as well. Go check out your readiness. Just remember the name of the podcast, and we'll put this in the show notes too. Liveonpurposeradio.com/practitionerquiz. Now that's all one word, liveonpurposeradio.com, that's the name of the podcast, slash practitioner quiz. And what I'll do is walk you through a series of questions. You will get an analysis at the end on seven areas of clarity that will help you to move forward to become not only an expert in positivity models, but a provider of those positives to so many people who need it. And and a world that desperately needs the positives. Do... You go watch the news. You're gonna see what I'm talking about. There's an abundance of negatives. K? Who's going to bring the positives? And if you feel called to that at all, go take the assessment. Let's just see where you are. Live on purposeradio.com/practitionerquiz. I would love to play with you at that level. You know from listening in today where the model came from. Remember, positivity was not the plan. It was the lifeline. And now that that has come into my life, I'm so honored to be sharing it with you. And I sincerely hope that it elevates your experience on the planet. We've heard it. We've talked about it. It's time to go do it. Let's go live on purpose. Did you get what you came for? Give yourself the gift of taking real action on what you realized today. Please share this episode with someone you know would value it, and leave us a rating too. It's time now to live on purpose.