Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #4: The 5 Things No Child Should Hear From Their Parents
Transcript
- 0:03Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast. Hi's Doctor Justin Coilson,
- 0:07Speaker 1: and this is the podcast that's dedicated to making your
- 0:11Speaker 1: family happier. Well. Last week I shared the five things
- 0:14Speaker 1: that every child should hear from their parents every day.
- 0:17Speaker 1: This week, I'm turning the tables. I'm flipping it upside down.
- 0:20Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about the five things that no
- 0:22Speaker 1: child should hear from their parents ever. And I'll explain
- 0:26Speaker 1: why as we talk about these five things as well
- 0:28Speaker 1: as that.
- 0:28Speaker 2: In today's Ask Doctor Justin.
- 0:30Speaker 1: The question comes from a dad who had a very
- 0:32Speaker 1: frustrating incident occur in a playground where his friend ended
- 0:36Speaker 1: up taking it upon himself to discipline somebody else's child
- 0:39Speaker 1: and it very nilly got ugly. So I'll give my
- 0:42Speaker 1: suggestions on how to deal with other people's children, both
- 0:44Speaker 1: at home and in public places. And today my tip
- 0:47Speaker 1: of the week, well, it's a bit quirky. It's a
- 0:50Speaker 1: little bit of a life hack that I think will
- 0:52Speaker 1: help your kids to work out which foot goes into
- 0:55Speaker 1: which shoe. If you've got little kids and they always
- 0:57Speaker 1: put their shoes on the wrong feet, I think you're
- 0:59Speaker 1: going to love this idea.
- 1:01Speaker 3: Have you been wanting to attend one of doctor Justin
- 1:03Speaker 3: Coulson's parenting workshops, but so far your schedules simply haven't aligned.
- 1:08Speaker 3: Then let him come to you. You can have one
- 1:11Speaker 3: of Australia's most respected parenting experts in your loundroom. Learn
- 1:16Speaker 3: how to build a strong connection with your children, how
- 1:18Speaker 3: to really understand them, and how to discipline them in
- 1:21Speaker 3: ways that teach and that everyone can feel good about.
- 1:24Speaker 3: Plus you'll have all of your parenting questions answered without
- 1:27Speaker 3: even leaving your loungdroom. Organize some friends and enjoy an intimate,
- 1:31Speaker 3: thought provoking, fun evening in with a parenting expert in
- 1:34Speaker 3: your loundroom. Visit happyfamilies dot com dot a you slash
- 1:38Speaker 3: loungdroom for more information, or email Kylie at happyfamilies dot
- 1:42Speaker 3: com dot you.
- 1:44Speaker 1: When I was a child and someone called me a
- 1:46Speaker 1: name or said something unkind to me, I was taught
- 1:49Speaker 1: to respond with the old poem sticks and stones may
- 1:52Speaker 1: break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Well,
- 1:56Speaker 1: the truth is that woods do hurt. They did hurt me,
- 1:59Speaker 1: then they can still hurt me now, and they certainly
- 2:02Speaker 1: hurt our children. Fortunately for me, most of the time,
- 2:06Speaker 1: the words that hurt me came from people who ultimately
- 2:09Speaker 1: didn't end up meaning a whole lot to me, though
- 2:11Speaker 1: appears that are now long forgotten. They were teachers whose
- 2:13Speaker 1: classes are nothing more than a distant memory for more
- 2:16Speaker 1: reasons than one, I'm sure, and even strangers that somehow
- 2:21Speaker 1: I managed to offend. But at the time, it all hurt,
- 2:24Speaker 1: regardless of who said it and whether it hurts now.
- 2:27Speaker 4: Now.
- 2:27Speaker 1: There's a variation on the sticks and Stones poem that
- 2:30Speaker 1: goes like this, sticks and stones may break my bones,
- 2:34Speaker 1: but words can also hurt me. Sticks and stones break
- 2:37Speaker 1: only skin, while words are ghosts that haunt me. Pain
- 2:42Speaker 1: from words has left its scar on mind and heart
- 2:45Speaker 1: that's tender. Cuts and bruises now have healed. It's words
- 2:50Speaker 1: that I remember from time to time. People who matter
- 2:55Speaker 1: to us deeply say things that cut.
- 3:00Speaker 2: They cut quite deep.
- 3:02Speaker 1: I've come to believe that sticks and stones may break
- 3:05Speaker 1: my bones, but words can cause untold damage for a lifetime.
- 3:11Speaker 1: If you'll indulge me for twenty seconds, you know that
- 3:14Speaker 1: I have a Christian faith. If you've been listening to
- 3:16Speaker 1: this podcast, and I don't normally share things related to Christianity,
- 3:20Speaker 1: but I just want to share some wisdom from James
- 3:24Speaker 1: in the Bible when he said this, for in many
- 3:26Speaker 1: things we offend all.
- 3:27Speaker 2: But if any man offend.
- 3:29Speaker 1: Not in word, the same is a perfect man, and
- 3:32Speaker 1: also able to bridle the whole body. In other words,
- 3:35Speaker 1: if we don't offend people with the things we say,
- 3:37Speaker 1: then we're pretty much perfect. Continuing the imagery of the bridle,
- 3:40Speaker 1: he says this, Behold, we put bits in the horse's
- 3:43Speaker 1: mouth that they may obey us, and we turn about
- 3:46Speaker 1: their whole body. Behold also ships, which, though they be
- 3:49Speaker 1: great and are driven of fierce winds, yet they are
- 3:52Speaker 1: turned about with a very small helm. And then James
- 3:55Speaker 1: makes his point, the tongue also is a little member,
- 3:58Speaker 1: just like the helm, or the or just like the
- 4:00Speaker 1: bit in the horse's mouth, the tongue is also a
- 4:02Speaker 1: little member.
- 4:04Speaker 2: That behold, how great.
- 4:05Speaker 1: A forest a little fire can burn, but the tongue
- 4:10Speaker 1: can no man tame. James says, it is an unruly evil,
- 4:14Speaker 1: full of deadly poison. And then he says this, out
- 4:16Speaker 1: of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing.
- 4:21Speaker 2: These things ought not so to be. I really love that.
- 4:25Speaker 2: I think it's really interesting.
- 4:26Speaker 1: That out of the same mouth that we out of
- 4:28Speaker 1: those precious promises and that love to our children, all
- 4:31Speaker 1: those beautiful things that I talked about that we can
- 4:34Speaker 1: say to our kids when I shared last week's podcast,
- 4:38Speaker 1: out of that same mouth, that same little member, we
- 4:42Speaker 1: also allow these destructive and harsh and even venomous words
- 4:46Speaker 1: to flow. We speak softly and lovingly and kindly in
- 4:50Speaker 1: one breath, and then sometimes within ten or twenty seconds,
- 4:54Speaker 1: we turn around and we berate, and we criticize, and
- 4:57Speaker 1: we demean, and we embarrass, and we inflict pain that
- 5:01Speaker 1: just lingers in the soul of our children, and sometimes
- 5:04Speaker 1: it stays there for a lifetime. There's every chance that
- 5:08Speaker 1: somebody meaningful to you, maybe even a mother or a father,
- 5:11Speaker 1: said something to you when you were young that you
- 5:13Speaker 1: have never forgotten. Even though you know they probably didn't
- 5:16Speaker 1: mean it, they meant it in that moment and it
- 5:18Speaker 1: stuck with you. So, with that a little bit dispiriting
- 5:24Speaker 1: thought in mind, here are five things that parents should
- 5:27Speaker 1: avoid saying to their kids because of the damage that
- 5:30Speaker 1: these words can cause. The first one, you're useless or
- 5:36Speaker 1: criticism generally. Now, it probably comes as no surprise that
- 5:39Speaker 1: research tells us quite clearly that messages like you're useless,
- 5:42Speaker 1: you're a klutz, you're an idiot, you stupid fool, are
- 5:46Speaker 1: quite unhelpful for our children. In fact, they're unhelpful for anybody.
- 5:50Speaker 1: These messages undermine their feelings of worth, They make them
- 5:53Speaker 1: feel like they're insignificant, and they cause them to question
- 5:57Speaker 1: their capacity to be valuable to anyone in any circumstance,
- 6:02Speaker 1: even if we're playing or teasing. I think that these
- 6:04Speaker 1: messages really damage the security that our children need to
- 6:08Speaker 1: feel when they're with us. They need secure relationships. So
- 6:11Speaker 1: the opposite would be that we develop trust and that
- 6:14Speaker 1: we never ever ever call our children names or labels
- 6:17Speaker 1: that undermine that trust instead to flip it around. Instead
- 6:21Speaker 1: of telling them how useless they are, we invite them
- 6:24Speaker 1: to do things and then we talk about what they've
- 6:26Speaker 1: done and how capable they are. Now, the second thing
- 6:30Speaker 1: that we shouldn't say, and I know that this is
- 6:31Speaker 1: going to provoke a reaction, but the second thing that
- 6:34Speaker 1: we shouldn't say is you're so clever or you are
- 6:38Speaker 1: the best, You're amazing. First off, I've just said that
- 6:43Speaker 1: we shouldn't criticize. Now, in the next breath, I'm suggesting
- 6:46Speaker 1: that we shouldn't praise.
- 6:47Speaker 2: In the last.
- 6:48Speaker 1: Podcast, I mentioned that I'm going to do an entire
- 6:50Speaker 1: podcast on praise. This is a sneak preview of what
- 6:53Speaker 1: that podcast might contain. Why shouldn't we praise our kids? Well?
- 6:58Speaker 1: Unexpectedly can be really quite unhelpful for our children. This
- 7:04Speaker 1: is really counterintuitive, but bear with me for a second,
- 7:07Speaker 1: because it's been replicated in dozens of experiments with literally
- 7:10Speaker 1: thousands and thousands of children and students and even adults.
- 7:14Speaker 1: It is true that praising our kids for being such
- 7:17Speaker 1: a good boy, or such a smart girl, or such
- 7:20Speaker 1: a natural musician or sports person, or such a natural
- 7:24Speaker 1: artist or dancer can give a really big squad of
- 7:27Speaker 1: self esteem right there in the moment when it's delivered.
- 7:30Speaker 1: It feels so good when people say these things to us.
- 7:33Speaker 1: But the problems start a little bit later when our
- 7:36Speaker 1: kids experience perhaps are set back or a failure, and
- 7:39Speaker 1: they end up questioning the praise. They're thinking kind of
- 7:43Speaker 1: goes along the lines of this, hang on, if I'm
- 7:45Speaker 1: so smart, or if I'm such a natural at this,
- 7:48Speaker 1: or if I'm such a good kid, but I just failed,
- 7:51Speaker 1: I just got this wrong. Maybe they're wrong about me.
- 7:53Speaker 1: Maybe I'm not so smart after all, I just failed
- 7:55Speaker 1: that test. Or maybe I'm not so talented I just
- 7:57Speaker 1: got beaten in that competition, Or maybe I'm not such
- 7:59Speaker 1: a good musician because I just made fourteen mistakes when
- 8:02Speaker 1: I was playing in Thest Dedford. In fact, studies tell
- 8:05Speaker 1: us that kids feel that if we praise.
- 8:07Speaker 2: Them, they might not be that good at all. They
- 8:12Speaker 2: actually take the.
- 8:13Speaker 1: Praise as a judgment that they must need some special encouragement.
- 8:17Speaker 1: This is the case for kids with low self esteem
- 8:19Speaker 1: in particular, which is kind of ironic because you'd think
- 8:22Speaker 1: that if you said something nice to somebody with low
- 8:24Speaker 1: self esteem, you'd make them feel better about themselves. But
- 8:26Speaker 1: kids with low self esteem.
- 8:27Speaker 2: Actually feel worse.
- 8:29Speaker 1: And the kids with high self esteem, well, they don't
- 8:31Speaker 1: actually need it because they already feel good about themselves.
- 8:33Speaker 1: So the praise doesn't really have an impact. But what
- 8:35Speaker 1: it can do is have a negative impact if they
- 8:38Speaker 1: do start to experience failures or setbacks. Like I said,
- 8:41Speaker 1: there's heaps and heaps of other research about this topic.
- 8:44Speaker 2: I will talk to.
- 8:44Speaker 1: You about it in an upcoming podcast, and I'll tell
- 8:47Speaker 1: you why I avoid praising my kids. But what we
- 8:50Speaker 1: can do to encourage them instead, because what praise is bad,
- 8:54Speaker 1: encouragement is good, and there is a difference between the two.
- 8:56Speaker 1: We'll talk about that in an upcoming podcast.
- 8:59Speaker 2: So us two things.
- 9:00Speaker 1: Don't criticize and don't praise. Try to keep those out
- 9:03Speaker 1: of your vocabulary. The third thing, why can't you'd be
- 9:06Speaker 1: more like so and so? I think that it's probably
- 9:11Speaker 1: pretty evident why this isn't helpful, But let me just
- 9:13Speaker 1: explain briefly. Comparisons, in a nutshell are deadly to self worth.
- 9:20Speaker 1: Comparisons are terrible because they fuel this idea that we're
- 9:24Speaker 1: not enough. And by the way, competition does the same
- 9:28Speaker 1: thing if we approach competition the wrong way. In fact,
- 9:30Speaker 1: i'd argue that competition can do this generally anyway. Feelings
- 9:35Speaker 1: of not being enough, feelings of being compared to somebody
- 9:38Speaker 1: else and not quite measuring up, can quite literally chase
- 9:42Speaker 1: our children through their entire lives, because there's always going
- 9:45Speaker 1: to be somebody that we can compare ourselves to who's
- 9:48Speaker 1: going to make us feel bad about ourselves. Comparisons are terrible,
- 9:52Speaker 1: and we need to keep them out of our vocabulary.
- 9:55Speaker 1: The fourth thing, I've actually heard parents say this, and
- 9:58Speaker 1: I cringe even saying it, because I'm sure if you
- 10:01Speaker 1: listen to this podcast, you never would say it. But
- 10:04Speaker 1: please don't ever say something like I wish I'd never
- 10:06Speaker 1: had you. I probably don't need to explain that one.
- 10:10Speaker 1: The damage that statements like that, or statements like I
- 10:12Speaker 1: hate you, they can cause such irreparable damage in some cases,
- 10:20Speaker 1: especially when it's said in the heat of the moment,
- 10:21Speaker 1: or especially when it's said in the cold light of day.
- 10:23Speaker 1: So please, please please bite your tongue, especially when your
- 10:29Speaker 1: teenage daughter slams doors and stomps feats and tells you
- 10:34Speaker 1: that she hates you, or when you're toddler says it.
- 10:37Speaker 1: It's not smart, it's not clever, it's not funny to
- 10:39Speaker 1: look at them and say, well, I hate you too.
- 10:41Speaker 1: That does nothing to make relationships better or to make
- 10:44Speaker 1: families happy. And the fifth thing is this because I
- 10:48Speaker 1: said so. See, as our children start to question this,
- 10:51Speaker 1: we can often feel quite threatened. We can take their
- 10:54Speaker 1: questions as an opportunity to tell them that we're powerful
- 10:59Speaker 1: to demand that ourchildren do as we say simply because
- 11:01Speaker 1: I'm the parent and I said so. And when we
- 11:04Speaker 1: do that, we teach our children to look externally for
- 11:07Speaker 1: somebody to tell them how to behave If we want
- 11:10Speaker 1: our children to do the right thing, because they understand
- 11:13Speaker 1: the reasons, because I said so is.
- 11:14Speaker 2: Never going to be useful.
- 11:16Speaker 1: Instead, we can take their questions as an opportunity for teaching,
- 11:20Speaker 1: as an opportunity to say, oh, that's really interesting that you're.
- 11:22Speaker 2: Asking why, why do you think? Why don't you tell me?
- 11:26Speaker 1: Get their input, and if they have no idea, then
- 11:28Speaker 1: we might spend some time explaining why.
- 11:32Speaker 2: Now, no parent's perfect. There's every chance that our kids have.
- 11:35Speaker 1: Heard at least some of these words from us at
- 11:37Speaker 1: some time. But as we limit these phrases or eliminate
- 11:41Speaker 1: them and replace them with much more constructive phrases, our
- 11:45Speaker 1: kids will thrive. So five things to kick out of
- 11:49Speaker 1: our vocabulary. Number one, you are useless. We shouldn't be criticizing.
- 11:53Speaker 1: Number two, you're so clever, let's avoid praising. Number three,
- 11:57Speaker 1: why can't you be more like? We need to kick
- 12:00Speaker 1: out comparisons. Number four, I wish I'd never had you,
- 12:04Speaker 1: or I hate you. At number five because I said so,
- 12:08Speaker 1: so I'd like to hear from you. Go to Happy
- 12:10Speaker 1: Families dot com dot a u slash podcast slash four
- 12:13Speaker 1: as in the number four, and tell me did someone
- 12:17Speaker 1: ever say something hurtful to you? What things have stuck
- 12:20Speaker 1: with you that you just wish you hadn't heard? Leave
- 12:23Speaker 1: your answer at Happy Families dot com dot us, slash
- 12:25Speaker 1: podcast slash four and I'll be back in a second
- 12:28Speaker 1: with some advice for a dad who wants to take
- 12:30Speaker 1: disciplining other people's kids into his own hands.
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- 13:23Speaker 4: Toilet training easy as one too. We available at major
- 13:27Speaker 4: online booksellers now or at Happy families dot com dot AU.
- 13:32Speaker 1: I received this email from someone who wanted to have
- 13:34Speaker 1: a pretty serious question answered. This is what the email said.
- 13:37Speaker 1: Dr Justin, my three kids and my friends to little
- 13:41Speaker 1: ones were playing in the enclosed playground at the tavern
- 13:43Speaker 1: while we were waiting for our meals to arrive. Four
- 13:46Speaker 1: of our five kids came out of the playground along
- 13:49Speaker 1: with other people's kids or crying, within the space of
- 13:52Speaker 1: a few minutes, claiming that another child in there had
- 13:54Speaker 1: pushed them and yelled at them.
- 13:56Speaker 2: And then another lot of kids came out as well.
- 13:59Speaker 1: One lady saw and she came up to us and
- 14:01Speaker 1: told us that she was a school teacher and wanted
- 14:02Speaker 1: to address the child, but didn't feel right her child.
- 14:05Speaker 2: Was also pushed.
- 14:07Speaker 1: The final straw came when my mate's little three year
- 14:09Speaker 1: old girl came out crying, saying this kid had pushed her.
- 14:14Speaker 1: My mate got up and went into the enclosure. I followed,
- 14:17Speaker 1: and we saw this kid push another kid during this time,
- 14:20Speaker 1: my mate was not happy. He slapped his hand on
- 14:22Speaker 1: the side of the playground, which made a very loud noise,
- 14:24Speaker 1: and in a heavy voice told the offending kid to
- 14:26Speaker 1: cut it out and play nice. The kid, almost excuse
- 14:29Speaker 1: the language, crapped his pants. Minutes later, the offending kid's
- 14:34Speaker 1: parents tried to find out who the adult was that
- 14:37Speaker 1: readed their child. My mate admits he was probably a
- 14:39Speaker 1: bit over the top, but he was at his wits
- 14:41Speaker 1: end and enough was enough. The father of the offending
- 14:44Speaker 1: kid was very angry. After about ten minutes walking around
- 14:47Speaker 1: huffing and puffing, he and his family left. So did
- 14:51Speaker 1: my mate do the right or the wrong thing? What
- 14:53Speaker 1: should parents do if their children are bullied in the playground? Well,
- 14:58Speaker 1: great question. I'm not sure that there are any hard
- 15:01Speaker 1: and fast rules here, but I think that there's a
- 15:03Speaker 1: few basic principles that I can share that are helpful
- 15:07Speaker 1: rules to live by, including the following. Here's the first
- 15:10Speaker 1: thing I would say, don't ever threat Sorry, don't ever
- 15:13Speaker 1: threaten or hit or intimidate another person's child, Because no
- 15:19Speaker 1: matter how big a bully or a brat your child
- 15:22Speaker 1: might be, how would you feel if a stranger or
- 15:26Speaker 1: perhaps even a friend, was to hit or frighten your child.
- 15:30Speaker 1: In most cases, most parents would probably be pretty upset.
- 15:34Speaker 1: They'd like you to deal with their child in nice ways,
- 15:38Speaker 1: in more effective ways. It's just not okay. So what
- 15:42Speaker 1: other options are there? Well, I'd say option number one,
- 15:46Speaker 1: find the child's parents. Not all parents are going to
- 15:49Speaker 1: respond warmly to another adult dobbing on their child, But
- 15:52Speaker 1: unless a parent appears overly aggressive, I think the best
- 15:55Speaker 1: thing to do is actually go to the parent of
- 15:58Speaker 1: the child who's behaving in that anti social way and
- 16:01Speaker 1: politely let them.
- 16:02Speaker 2: Know what's going on.
- 16:02Speaker 1: You might say something like, look, I'm sorry to bother you.
- 16:05Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you've noticed, but little one seems
- 16:07Speaker 1: a bit upset. He or she has been hurting some
- 16:10Speaker 1: of the kids in the playground. I thought I should
- 16:12Speaker 1: come and let you know. Now, if the person in
- 16:15Speaker 1: that scenario in the email that I mentioned had gone
- 16:19Speaker 1: and found the boy's father rather than taking things into
- 16:21Speaker 1: his own hands, I think that the father probably would
- 16:23Speaker 1: have responded a bit more calmly. He might have been
- 16:25Speaker 1: a bit up there, it might have been a bit embarrassed,
- 16:27Speaker 1: but I don't think he would have huffed and puffed
- 16:29Speaker 1: while he tried to work out who's scared his child.
- 16:32Speaker 1: I actually did this fairly recently in a park. The
- 16:34Speaker 1: parents jumped off their seats and they came running. When
- 16:37Speaker 1: I mentioned it to them, they were pretty embarrassed about it.
- 16:40Speaker 1: They got their little one away from the other kids
- 16:41Speaker 1: straight away, and I actually felt so bad for them
- 16:45Speaker 1: that I wanted to apologize to them and let them
- 16:47Speaker 1: know that, look, everything's okay.
- 16:48Speaker 2: I just wanted to let you know.
- 16:51Speaker 1: So that's my first tip. Find them and quietly and
- 16:54Speaker 1: gently say I'm not sure if you've noticed, but there
- 16:57Speaker 1: seems to be some problems in the playground. Your little
- 16:58Speaker 1: one seems to be upset and seems to have hard
- 17:02Speaker 1: a couple of kids, okay. The second tip is this,
- 17:05Speaker 1: remember what discipline is and what it's not. If you
- 17:08Speaker 1: feel that you're the one who needs to deal with things,
- 17:12Speaker 1: remember that discipline is not punishment. Discipline is not consequences.
- 17:16Speaker 1: Discipline is not being the big adult who frightens people. Instead,
- 17:21Speaker 1: discipline is about teaching kids good ways to act, and
- 17:24Speaker 1: it's about helping kids solve problems. If a child can
- 17:27Speaker 1: be approached and spoken with kindly and be given appropriate
- 17:30Speaker 1: and gentle guidance. It's unlikely that other parents are going
- 17:33Speaker 1: to be offended by what we're doing. If we can't
- 17:37Speaker 1: find the child's parents, we might walk over the child
- 17:39Speaker 1: and say something.
- 17:40Speaker 2: Like, is everything okay?
- 17:41Speaker 1: You seem to be upset at the other kids, and
- 17:43Speaker 1: then have.
- 17:44Speaker 2: A conversation with them, And if that doesn't go too well,
- 17:45Speaker 2: ask if the little guy or a little.
- 17:48Speaker 1: Girl can walk you to his or her parents, and
- 17:52Speaker 1: remember again to approach them with a big smile and
- 17:54Speaker 1: say hi, you must be this little guy's mum and dad.
- 17:58Speaker 1: A third tip that I would give is this, sometimes
- 18:00Speaker 1: it's just best to leave. If a child or her
- 18:03Speaker 1: parents are aggressive or abusive or otherwise being completely anti social.
- 18:08Speaker 1: Sometimes it's best to just find another place to play,
- 18:11Speaker 1: or find another place to eat, and go somewhere else.
- 18:14Speaker 1: I know that this is inconvenient, I know that you
- 18:16Speaker 1: shouldn't have to do this, but sometimes it can be
- 18:19Speaker 1: the difference between being on edge versus having a really
- 18:22Speaker 1: nice time out in public. And I think the reality
- 18:25Speaker 1: is some people really are unfortunately quite unreasonable, and there's
- 18:29Speaker 1: not much we can do about it, if anything at all.
- 18:31Speaker 2: Now, if this was to happen at home.
- 18:35Speaker 1: Then I would say the child needs to be taught.
- 18:37Speaker 1: You're going to have a relationship with this child first
- 18:39Speaker 1: of all, and with the parents, so there's some sort
- 18:42Speaker 1: of trusts, and I think that this is going to
- 18:45Speaker 1: be the time where you can actually do a little
- 18:47Speaker 1: bit of teaching. So I'd recommend separating the kids and
- 18:50Speaker 1: having a quiet chat. You might say to the child,
- 18:53Speaker 1: you seem to be really struggling to get on with
- 18:54Speaker 1: the other kids today, Is everything okay?
- 18:57Speaker 2: Can I help? Or you might just ask them what's.
- 18:59Speaker 1: The right thing to do if you're unhappy? Is hitting
- 19:03Speaker 1: or hurting okay? Or is it something else that you
- 19:05Speaker 1: could do instead? When we ask questions and when we
- 19:07Speaker 1: gently guide our children, we typically get much better results. Also,
- 19:12Speaker 1: just something that I'd add, I hate it when this
- 19:14Speaker 1: happens to me, So don't tell the parents. Oh look,
- 19:18Speaker 1: you know your child was actually a bit of a
- 19:19Speaker 1: problem today.
- 19:20Speaker 2: Is everything okay?
- 19:21Speaker 1: Because if you've dealt with it, there's probably nothing else
- 19:25Speaker 1: that needs to be done unless it's really serious.
- 19:28Speaker 2: If you've dealt with it, let it go.
- 19:29Speaker 1: It can be really embarrassing when somebody collects their kids
- 19:32Speaker 1: and then they get told about all the things that
- 19:34Speaker 1: their kids have done to cause dis harmony. If you'd
- 19:36Speaker 1: like to ask me a question, you can visit happy
- 19:38Speaker 1: families dot com dot I use slash questions and either
- 19:41Speaker 1: leave me a voicemail message or email me with your question.
- 19:44Speaker 1: That's happy families dot com dot I use slash questions
- 19:47Speaker 1: and I'll be back right after the break with my
- 19:49Speaker 1: tip of the week.
- 19:51Speaker 3: We all love our children, but sometimes they can make
- 19:54Speaker 3: life challenging, and we're all searching for the right answers.
- 19:57Speaker 1: In the end, all we want is.
- 19:59Speaker 3: Happy children and happy families. Doctor Justin Coulson is one
- 20:04Speaker 3: of Australia's most respected parenting voices. His seminars equipped and
- 20:09Speaker 3: empowered thousands of parents to make their families happier. But
- 20:13Speaker 3: sometimes getting to a parenting seminar can be tough. Now
- 20:16Speaker 3: you can watch one of doctor Justin's seminars from the
- 20:19Speaker 3: comfort of your own home and at a time that
- 20:22Speaker 3: works for you.
- 20:23Speaker 4: In this seminar video available online now, you're invited to
- 20:26Speaker 4: sit in on one of doctor Justin's parenting seminars as
- 20:30Speaker 4: he takes you from confusion to clarity, combining parenting research
- 20:33Speaker 4: with heartfelt stories. You'll discover the three essential keys to
- 20:37Speaker 4: raising a resilient child and creating a happy family. What
- 20:40Speaker 4: your child needs from you from doctor Justin Coulson at
- 20:43Speaker 4: happy families dot com dot Au. Download this ninety minute
- 20:46Speaker 4: seminar now or purchase the DVD at happy families dot
- 20:50Speaker 4: com dot au.
- 20:51Speaker 1: So this week's tip of the week is for kids
- 20:53Speaker 1: who struggle to get their shoes on the right feet.
- 20:55Speaker 1: Here's an idea that is so easy you wonder way
- 20:58Speaker 1: you never thought of it earlier. All you need to
- 21:00Speaker 1: do is grab a sticker that they really like, slice
- 21:03Speaker 1: it in half straight down the middle, place the less
- 21:05Speaker 1: left half of the sticker into the left shoe and
- 21:08Speaker 1: the right half of the sticker into the right shoe.
- 21:10Speaker 1: Every time your child grabs his or her shoes, all
- 21:13Speaker 1: she has to do is match up the sticker. She
- 21:15Speaker 1: knows which shoe goes on which foot. It's that simple,
- 21:18Speaker 1: and that's my tip of the week. That's also it
- 21:20Speaker 1: for this week's podcast. So if you have any questions
- 21:22Speaker 1: that you'd like answered, visit happy families dot com dot
- 21:24Speaker 1: au slash questions and I will do my best to
- 21:27Speaker 1: answer you in an upcoming podcast. You can also leave
- 21:30Speaker 1: a message a voice message or send me an email.
- 21:33Speaker 1: If you visit that site, happy families dot com dot,
- 21:36Speaker 1: you slash questions at that page. Also, if you've enjoyed
- 21:39Speaker 1: the episode, you can find the outline, the ideas, the resources,
- 21:44Speaker 1: and other links in the show notes at happy families
- 21:46Speaker 1: dot com dot. A U slash podcast slash four that's
- 21:50Speaker 1: with the number four, not the word for And if
- 21:53Speaker 1: you think that this podcast could make your family happier,
- 21:56Speaker 1: if it's giving you room to improve and ideas to
- 21:58Speaker 1: make life better, or if you think that it could
- 22:01Speaker 1: make other people's families happier, I'd be really grateful if
- 22:03Speaker 1: you'd visit the same website, happy families dot com dot.
- 22:06Speaker 1: I use slash podcast slash four, and there you'll find
- 22:09Speaker 1: a prepopulated Twitter or Facebook post that you can share
- 22:12Speaker 1: with your friends, your followers, and get the word out
- 22:15Speaker 1: about the podcast.
- 22:16Speaker 2: I'd also be really.
- 22:18Speaker 1: Really delighted if you would rate the podcast on iTunes.
- 22:22Speaker 1: I've mentioned this before, but it's your ratings that determine
- 22:24Speaker 1: the likelihood of the podcast being discovered by other people.
- 22:29Speaker 1: The ratings increase the visibility of the podcast, and it
- 22:32Speaker 1: helps other people to find out how I can help
- 22:35Speaker 1: them to.
- 22:36Speaker 2: Have happier families.
- 22:37Speaker 1: So that's it for this week. Thanks again for listening,
- 22:40Speaker 1: and I'll be back next week with another hopefully terrifically
- 22:43Speaker 1: exciting podcast. Until then, remember you don't have to be
- 22:47Speaker 1: the best parent in the world. You just have to
- 22:49Speaker 1: be the best parent in your children's world.