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11 - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll · Classic Adventure Books - Daily

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  Chapter eleven. The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when
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  they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them, all sorts of little
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  birds and beasts, as well as a whole pack of cards. The Knave
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  was standing before them in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
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  him, and near the king was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in
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  one hand and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle
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  of the court was a table with a large dish of tarts upon it.
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  They looked so good that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them.
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  I wish they'd get the trial done, she thought, and hand round the
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  refreshments. But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began
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  looking at everything about her to pass away the time. Alice had never been
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  in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books,
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  and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly
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  everything. There. That's the judge, she said to herself, because of
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  his great wig. The judge, by the way, was the king,
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  And as he wore his crown over them, he did not look at all
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  comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming. And that's the jury box,
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  thought Alice. And those twelve creatures she was obliged to say creatures, you
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  see, because some of them were animals and some were birds. I suppose
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  they are the jurors. She said this last word two or three times over
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  to herself, being rather proud of it, for she thought, and rightly
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  too, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it
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  at all. However, jurymen would have done just as well. The twelve
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  jurors were all writing very busily on slates. What are they doing, Alice
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  whispered to the griffin. They can't have anything to put down yet before the
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  trial's begun. They're putting down their names. The griffin whispered in reply,
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  for fear that they should forget them before the end of the trial. Stupid
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  things, Alice began in a loud, indignant voice. But she stopped hastily,
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  for the white rabbit cried out silence in the court, and the King
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  put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round to make out who was talking.
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  Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
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  that all the jurors were writing down stupid things on their slates, and she
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  could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell stupid,
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  and that he had to ask his neighbor to tell him a nice muddle.
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  Their slates'll be in before the trial's over, thought Alice. One of the
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  jurors, had a pencil that squeaked. This, of course Alice could not
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  stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very
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  soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that
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  the poor little juror, it was Bill the Lizard, could not make out
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  at all what had become of it. So, after hunting all about for
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  it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the
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  day. And this was of very little use, as it left no mark
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  on the slate. How old read the accusation, said the king. On
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  this the white rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then enrolled the
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  parchment scroll and read as follows, The Queen of she made some tarts all
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  on a summer day. The knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts and
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  took them quite away. Consider your verdict, the king said to the jury,
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  not yet not yet. The rabbit hastily interrupted, that's a great deal
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  to come before that call the first witness, said the King, and the
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  white rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet and called out fast witness. The
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  first witness was the hatter. He came in with a tea cup in one
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  hand and a piece of bread and butter in the other. I beg pardon
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  your majesty, he began, for bringing these in. But I hadn't quite
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  finished my tea when I was sent for. You ought to have finished,
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  said the king. When did you begin? The hatter looked at the march
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  Hare, who had followed him into the court arm in arm with a dormouse.
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  Fourteenth of March, I think it was, he said, Fifteenth,
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  said the march Hare. Sixteenth, added the dormouse. Write that down,
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  the King said to the jury, and a jury eagerly wrote down all three
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  dates on their slates, and then added them up and reduced the answer to
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  shillings and pence. Take off your hat, the king said to the hatter,
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  It isn't mine, said the hatter. Still in, the King exclaimed,
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  turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact,
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  I keep them to sell. The hatter added, as an explanation, I've
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  done of my own. I am a hatter here. The Queen put on
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  her spectacles and began staring at the hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
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  Give your evidence, said the king, and don't be nervous, or I'll
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  have you executed on the spot. This did not seem to encourage the witness
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  at all. He kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily
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  at the Queen, and in his confusion, he bit a large piece out
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  of his teacup instead of the bread and butter. Just at this moment,
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  Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until she
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  made out what it was. She was beginning to grow larger again, and
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  she thought at first she would get up and leave the court, but on
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  second thought, she decided to remain where she was as long as there was
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  room for her. I wish you wouldn't squeeze, so said the dormouse,
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  who was sitting next to her. I can hardly breathe. I can't help
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  it, said Alice, very meekly. I'm growing. You've no right to
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  grow. Here, said the dormouse. Don't talk nonsense, said Alice more
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  boldly. You know you're growing too, Yes, but I grow at a
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  reasonable pace, said the dormouse, not in that ridiculous fashion, and he
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  got up, very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.
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  All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the hatter,
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  and just as the dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the
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  officers of the court, bring me the list to the singers in the last
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  concert, on which the wretched hatter trembled so that he shook both his shoes
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  off. Give your evidence, the King repeated, angrily, or I'll have
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  you executed, whether you're nervous or not. I'm a poor man, your
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  majesty. The hatter began, in a trembling voice. I'm I hadn't begun
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  my tea, not above a week or so, And what with the bread
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  and butter getting so thin, and the twinkling of the tea, the twinkling
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  of the watt, said the King. It begun with the tea. The
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  hatter replied, Of course, twinkling begins with the tea, said the King,
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  sharply, do take me for a dunce. Go on, I'm a
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  poor man, the hatter went on, and most things twinkled. After that,
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  only the march hare said I didn't. The march hare interrupted in a
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  great hurry. You did, said the hatter. I deny it, said
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  the march hare. He denies it, said the king. Leave out that
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  part well, at any rate, the dormouse said. The hatter went on,
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  looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too, but the
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  dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep. After that continued the hatter. I
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  cut some more bread and butter. But what did the dormouse say. One
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  of the jury asked that I can't remember, said the hatter. You must
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  remember, remarked the king, or I'll have you executed. The miserable hatter
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  dropped his tea cup and bread and butter and went down on one knee.
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  I'm a poor man, your majesty, he began. You're a very poor
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  speaker, said the king. Here. One of the guinea pigs cheered and
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  was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. As that is rather a
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  hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They
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  had a large canvas bag which tied up at the mouth with strings. Into
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  this, they slipped the guinea pig headfirst, and then sat upon it.
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  I'm glad I've seen that done, thought Alice. I've so often read in
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  the newspapers at the end of trials there with some attempts at applause, which
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  was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. And I never understood what
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  it meant till now. If that's all you know about it, you may
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  stand down, continued the king. I can't go, no loa, said
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  the hatter. I'm on the floor as it is. Then you may sit
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  down, the king replied. Hear the other guinea pig cheered and was suppressed.
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  Come that finished, the guinea pigs, thought, Alice, Now we
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  shall get on better. I'd rather finish my tea, said the hatter,
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  with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
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  You may go, said the king, and the hatter hurriedly left the
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  court, without even waiting to put his shoes on, and just take his
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  head off outside, the queen added to one of the officers, but the
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  hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the door. Call
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  the next witness, said the king. The next witness was the duchess's cook.
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  She carried the pipper box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it
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  was even before she got into the court. By the way the people knear,
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  the door began sneezing all at once. Give your evidence, said the
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  king. Saunt, said the cook. The King looked anxiously at the white
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  rabbit, who said, in a low voice, your Majesty must cross examine
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  this witness. Well, if I must, I must, the King said
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  with a melancholy air, And after folding his arms and frowning at the cook
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  till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said, in a deep
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  voice, what those hearts made of? Peppa? Mostly said the cook.
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  Treacle, said a sleepy voice behind her, Call that dormouse. The Queen
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  shrieked out, behead that dormouse. Turn that dormouse out of court, suppress
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  him, pinch him off with his whiskers. For some minutes the whole court
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  was in confusion getting the dormouse turned out, and by the time they had
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  settled down again, the cook had disappeared. Never Mind, said the King,
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  with an air of great relief, call the next witness, and he
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  added in an undertone to the Queen. Really, my dear, you must
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  cross examine the next witness. It quite mixed my forehead ache. Alice watched
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  the white rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see
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  what the next witness would be like, for they haven't gotten much evidence yet,
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  She said to herself, Imagine her surprise when the White Rabbit read out
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  at the top of his shrill little voice, the name Alice. End of
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  Chapter eleven.