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April 3 – Owning My Part · The Daily Ripples Podcast

• 0:02
  Hey, everybody, this is The Daily Ripple, and it is April 3rd.
• 0:07
  I'm here with not the co-host, but the host, Michael.
• 0:11
  And, yeah, let's get this thing started.
• 0:14
  Well, first of all, Corey, I would say, do you understand the definition of what a co-host is?
• 0:19
  Because by default, there's no host or co-host.
• 0:22
  We are both co-hosts.
• 0:23
  So that is, thank you.
• 0:25
  We needed that ego check right here at the beginning.
• 0:27
  So, yeah, absolutely.
• 0:29
  But yes, our daily ripple for April the 3rd is titled, Owning My Part, as a co-host.
• 0:37
  Owning my part.
• 0:39
  So the stone.
• 0:40
  Growth begins when I stop rewriting the story to protect myself.
• 0:44
  As long as everybody else is the problem, I remain stuck.
• 0:48
  Freedom starts when I admit my part.
• 0:51
  And the first ripple is practical.
• 0:53
  Today, I will examine where I have contributed to tension, conflict, or harm.
• 0:58
  I will resist the urge to defend or deflect.
• 1:01
  I am not required to be perfect, but I am responsible for being honest.
• 1:06
  Naming my part clearly is strength, not weakness.
• 1:09
  Ripple 2 is spiritual.
• 1:11
  When I bring my failures into the light before the Father, the Holy Spirit forms humility and
• 1:17
  clarity in me.
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  Shame loses its grip when truth is spoken.
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  As I follow Christ's example of repentance and reconciliation, I grow into a steadier,
• 1:27
  more compassionate version of myself. And as always, we will save our prayer for the end of
• 1:34
  the episode. So, Corey, when I was thinking about this one, especially the part, man, and that
• 1:41
  spiritual ripple really, as I was reading it, it jumped out to me. It says, shame loses its grip
• 1:47
  when truth is spoken. Because what I'm finding about myself, and this comes through, and before
• 1:53
  we started recording today, you know, we were kind of talking about some different things and this and
• 1:57
  that and the other. And one of the things we're talking about was that, you know, I've started
• 2:02
  going back to therapy for some of my own, you know, anxieties and fears and things like that, because
• 2:07
  I do think that, you know, for me, in terms of my mental and spiritual health, it's kind of a
• 2:14
  three-legged stool of faith, recovery, and then mental health, you know, practitioner or therapy.
• 2:20
  And I've kind of dropped the ball on that leg.
• 2:22
  And my tabletop has kind of been leaning a little bit recently.
• 2:25
  So I'm trying to resume, you know, kind of propping up that therapy leg.
• 2:28
  But one of the things that came out in my first session that I had recently as I started back
• 2:34
  was, you know, the therapist just said, sometimes, you know, therapists, they drop these little
• 2:39
  bombs on you, right, that you don't expect.
• 2:41
  And you're just sitting back and you're going, well, dang, you didn't have to do me like that,
• 2:46
  But one of the things that she said was that it sounds like I need to believe in the person that I am today instead of constantly bringing up the old me and trotting him back and dealing with the shame and the fears associated with the old me.
• 3:03
  So, yeah, I mean, that's right there with shame loses its grip when truth is spoken.
• 3:08
  And she spoke that truth bomb to me.
• 3:11
  And I've been having to sit with that the past few days and really ponder and look into that.
• 3:16
  So that's kind of where I initially went.
• 3:18
  But what have you got for us, Corey?
• 3:20
  Oh, man, I got quite a bit on some of this.
• 3:22
  Because, man, all this is interesting to me, right?
• 3:25
  And it aligns with the program in this book and part of my, I would say, plan.
• 3:35
  And my old sponsor, Doug Crell, he used to call me.
• 3:39
  He'd be like, hey, man, I was just seeing what your plan is.
• 3:43
  And I would say, what do you mean?
• 3:45
  And he would go, well, you know, you got the job.
• 3:48
  You got the house.
• 3:49
  You got the girl.
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  And maybe your plan's better than mine.
• 3:55
  And I was just seeing what your plan was.
• 3:56
  And I was like, what are you talking about?
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  He was like, well, my plan is this plan of recovery.
• 4:02
  And I didn't know if you were in the same plan I was.
• 4:05
  And I, you know, cause I'd be out here, you know, just doing, you know, he would reel me back in.
• 4:10
  And no, and it was, so when I think about this plan and for me, this plan that aligns and, you know, a lot of different anonymous is aligned with this book.
• 4:21
  we talk about so much, but when it says freedom starts when I admit my part. And so I was just
• 4:30
  talking to a guy on the phone and I said, you know, today I look at it as how free do I want to be
• 4:35
  today? How free? And because when I think about part and I think about your part, well, she said
• 4:42
  this, well, I said this. Because on page 61 in the big book, it says, still the play does not
• 4:52
  suit him. And we're talking about the play I'm trying to arrange. The lights, the ballet, the
• 4:58
  actor, all this stuff. I'm trying to arrange all this, but the play is not suiting me.
• 5:01
  And just to clarify for anybody listening, neither Corey nor Pastor Mike are playwrights. We're
• 5:06
  referring to one of the great analogies or examples that are given in the big book of
• 5:11
  Alcoholics Anonymous about the ways that we, as alcoholics, often try to control everyone and
• 5:18
  everything around us, like a director trying to manage a play. Absolutely. So it says,
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  admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame.
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  So if I'm looking at faults and this and this and this, but flipping on to page 66 in the big books,
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  It says we turn back to this list, and the list is we listed someone's name who hurt us or did something to us or we think that wronged us.
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  The second thing we list is what they did to us, what they wronged us doing.
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  The third part of that list is how they affected us, our self-esteem, our pride, our ambitions, our pocketbook, and a couple more.
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  But this is the part where we make the flip and look at the other person's side of this, or my side of it, not the other person's.
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  And it says, and these are important words to me, we turn back to the list for it held the keys to the future.
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  So that's a big thing, keys to the future.
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  And it says we were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle.
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  We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us.
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  And so that's how I've lived my whole life.
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  And what a lot of the promise of this step, the fourth step, has done for me, has learned, has showed me that I'm the problem.
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  Because how difficult would it be for 20 people to act right for me?
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  You know, that's a big thing to ask, right?
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  Right.
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  But maybe it's not been them.
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  Maybe it's my point of view.
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  And my point of view is screwed.
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  So when I look and see, hey, you know, actually, I put that person in my life based off fear because I didn't want to be alone.
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  But then they broke up with me.
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  Now I'm mad.
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  And, you know, so I based a situation on Corey, on a situation because I was fearful of being alone.
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  And then that person hurt me.
• 7:16
  So invariably, I made the problem to begin with.
• 7:21
  But I want to blame everybody else.
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  And hold on one second.
• 7:24
  know, but on page 26, it tells me what a free man is. And it says, but this man still lives,
• 7:33
  and he is a free man. He does not need a bodyguard, nor is he confined. He can go anywhere on this
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  earth where other free men may go without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain
• 7:46
  simple attitude. And that simple attitude, man, I can walk today in Kroger. I can walk today in
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  Walmart. I can walk where other men go today and not feel less than, not feel more than. I can look
• 8:01
  people in their eye and be happy. And that is a thing that only God could have done. Well, and also
• 8:07
  those places you're talking about, Kroger and Walmart and walking down the aisles, I can even
• 8:12
  walk down the beer and wine aisle and not be compelled to buy something. Well, I mean, unless
• 8:20
  it's from my wife, but anyway, she's not one of us. But, you know, you get the point, you know,
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  I'm not compelled to do anything. So you're right. I mean, we can go and be contributing
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  members of society today, basically, whereas in our addictions, in our weakness, if you will,
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  at times, there's just, we're not contributing to anybody and we're just keeping ourselves
• 8:45
  trapped. The other thing that I wanted to kind of go back to a little bit was the practical ripple.
• 8:52
  You know, it says, I will examine where I have contributed to tension, conflict, or harm.
• 8:58
  And on that one, for me, my contributions to tension, conflict, or harm come straight out of
• 9:04
  my mouth, you know? And scripture talks a lot about the proper use of the tongue and the mouth,
• 9:11
  And, you know, especially, and again, going back to one of the most prolific writers and
• 9:16
  apostles, you know, in the Bible, the Apostle Paul, and it was in Ephesians 4 and 29 that
• 9:22
  he tells us, you know, do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what
• 9:27
  is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who
• 9:32
  listen.
• 9:33
  And so, this thing about, you know, using our talk and our language to build others up rather
• 9:38
  than tearing them down. I mean, everywhere in the world that you go these days, there's division,
• 9:48
  there's conflict, there's negativity. And for me, I have to think about, am I contributing to that
• 9:54
  negativity or am I contributing to the solution to that negativity? And because I can go into that
• 10:01
  negative spiral and be right there with everybody else, and I have to be intentional about backing
• 10:07
  myself out of those situations and thinking about if I even need to say anything at all in a given
• 10:12
  situation, is it from a place within my heart of trying to be helpful and loving and of service,
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  or am I just complaining like everybody else, if that made sense?
• 10:22
  Absolutely. I've come into this place, and we talked about it vaguely a couple weeks ago,
• 10:28
  But I've looked at some things and I've found that I do not have the luxury of normal people.
• 10:37
  Oh, no.
• 10:40
  And this book kind of relates, it kind of references different places.
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  Like most people live off self-propulsion.
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  The idea that I'm presently maybe or now or were like other people has to be smashed.
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  And I think there's a really good point on page 66.
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  It says, if we were to live, we had to be free of anger.
• 11:02
  The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us.
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  They may be the dubious luxuries of a normal man, but for the alcoholic, these things are
• 11:09
  poison.
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  And I had to reference my mother a lot, but my mom is a normal person.
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  My mom can get on a rant for a day about something that happened to her, and she'll be like, you
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  know, I just can't believe that happened.
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  I just can't believe it.
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  Can you believe it?
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  And at some point, I'm like, hey, mom, you know, it's not that big of a deal.
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  Because I can't go down that rabbit hole anymore.
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  And I had no idea the 1939 definition of brainstorm was a transient fit of insanity.
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  So a temporary time of insanity.
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  So the grouch in a temporary time of insanity is not for us.
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  I can't go down those rabbit holes because I get on that tornado ride.
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  Yeah.
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  And I'll ride it all the way out.
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  And I'll hurt people.
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  I'll say mean things.
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  And the cool thing is this program gives me something to do.
• 12:01
  The recovery program that I'm in gives me something to do.
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  And it asks me to invite God into it immediately.
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  And when I do that and then I think about somebody else,
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  I say I'm sorry if I hurt somebody in the process.
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  And I talk to somebody about it for some reason, man.
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  I live a very peaceful life because of that.
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  And it gives me a plan of what to do.
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  And I never had a plan, Michael.
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  never never knew what to do when things popped up and all this i just acted chaotic chaotically my
• 12:32
  whole life i like you know man i hate bill but you know he talks about this train and yeah today i
• 12:41
  can rock just just to clarify the words you said were not your intent you don't actually hate bill
• 12:46
  but anyway bill i don't hate bill but you know man i hate that like his analogy is starting to grow
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  me. Anyways. That's what a sponsor does, man. Don't knock it. That's what I'm supposed to do.
• 12:56
  But I tried to change the analogy to asteroid, but whatever. So today, you know, before on a train,
• 13:04
  I would, if something happened, I'd be up disturbing everybody, telling them, hey,
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  you're not going to guess what so-and-so did, disturbing everybody on the train. But today I
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  can sit when things are not going the way I want them to, or my feelings are hurt. I can sit in a
• 13:19
  calm manner through that. And I can be peaceful in the train car rather than being a disturbance
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  to everybody in my life. I think it's pretty cool.
• 13:28
  Absolutely. And you just brought it right back to the end of that spiritual ripple,
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  because it sounds like you are growing into a steadier and more compassionate version of Corey.
• 13:39
  So that's exactly what you just said. And that's only through God working in and through you as he
• 13:45
  does with each of us. So, unless you have some final thoughts, I'll launch us into our prayer
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  for today. That's it, buddy. Our prayer for today. Father, give me courage to own my part without
• 13:56
  excuse. Through your Spirit, form honesty and humility in me, and shape my life in the likeness
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  of Christ. Amen.
• 14:31
  Amen.