Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.87 | From Chaos to Stillness: Putting Your Own Spin on New Year’s Resolutions, with Shay & Mariah

Transcript

Ep.87 | From Chaos to Stillness: Putting Your Own Spin on New Year’s Resolutions, with Shay & Mariah · Curiously Guided Podcast

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Curiously Guided Podcast.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: We're your hosts, Mariah and Shay.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Two online business strategists passionate about rewriting the rules to success within both life and business.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: This podcast started because we both felt frustrated by the lack of deep, meaningful, and transparent conversations around what it takes to actually run a business that we both feel good about.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: So we decided to create that for ourselves.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: We want our solo episodes and guest interviews to be examples of how you two can chase your dreams and go down your own rabbit holes, ultimately leading to a more sustainable and fulfilling life.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: We believe that curiosity is our superpower.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: And trusting the nudge is a muscle that's meant to be strengthened.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Especially if we want to create a lifestyle that feels good from the inside out.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: So are you ready to open your mind and let curiosity guide the way?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: Let's take this journey together.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: We're so glad you're here.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: Now let's dive in.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome back, friends.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: We are sitting here in real time at the end of 2024.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of that weird week in between um Christmas and New Year.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: And Mariah and I are both kind of in a, we don't really feel like talking kind of mood.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: So what we decided to do today in today's episode is um I'm honestly curious as we get to the end of the year here, every single year I find myself wondering, like, what do people do?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like what is a good thing to do?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: As I I want to do some kind of like reflecting on the past year and like planning for the future year and like being mindful and intentional.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: And at the same time, anytime someone's talking to me about like resolutions and goals, you guys know I'm rolling my eyes and I just think it's the stupidest thing in the world.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: So I just have been curious about like what people do at the end of the year to kind of be intentional and what what what do you do to reflect on the lessons that you've learned and and set intention for the new year?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um so that's kind of the intention for today's episode.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm hoping that you guys will share with us um what y'all do and give me some ideas as well.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: So we're just kind of looking um how to set ourselves up well for next year.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm curious what Mariah does.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: I've have a couple practices that I've played around with over the past half a decade, I guess, that I really like.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um and so yeah, let's just dive in there.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm curious, Mariah, like as I said all that, what what popped up for you?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's funny because it's I'm just interested to see, since you know, we're not coming back and shooting the intro after we listen.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm interested to see how long this episode is.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because you're like, well, you know, we're not really in the chatty mood, but knowing us, I feel like, and then it's gonna be like an hour-long episode.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: And that's usually what happens with like episodes with me and you.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of funny.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like when we have guests on, it's so easy for both of us to like ask questions and go down rabbit holes, and we have to be very intentional about timing because like we can talk to people for 300 years.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then when it comes to like recording episodes with me and you, I feel like half the time we're just like, I mean, we're just gonna talk about this topic and like we're just gonna see what the fuck comes out.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's only 15 minutes long or 20 minutes long, like it'll just be what it is, and then it's usually like 45 minutes long, an hour long, and then we're like, wow, oh, look at that! We we had more things to say.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm interested to see how long um this episode is, and I think that it's funny that the week in between Christmas, and you guys will hear this starting New Year's Eve.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I feel like it's it's funny how we're like, how are we setting ourselves up for success?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: How are we planning the new year?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: How am I setting intentions and setting goals?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: When like who gives a fuck?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, respectfully, respectfully, but like we do this to ourselves.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like we put on this pressure to like, I need a new year's resolution.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, do you?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if you want one, if you're using this as a time, like as a way to like close down a season or a cycle or whatever, but like I think, especially in the winter, it's a little tricky for me now that I'm kind of like more attuned to my energy levels and like what I'm actually looking to do.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like in the winter, it feels like just rest and relax and like try to take it slow.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: And like the last thing that I want to do is like plan out my next year.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, like, I I used to write down my goals sometimes in terms of like what I was looking to do, but I know we've shot episodes about this before, but like half the time pulling numbers out of my ass, and then I beat myself up for not hitting them at the end of the year.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I I think what I've learned this year, if we just want to kick it off in this place, I think one of the biggest things that I've learned this year on an even on an even deeper level is just to listen to what my body needs.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that was my lesson a lot.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've been navigating health things out of dear lord for like a decade.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I feel like this year was really me tuning in and trusting my body and trusting my energy and just like catching my thought patterns and trying to figure out like where they stem from and not like trying to make something out of nothing.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I have hired numerous health practitioners and like support system people, and like this year, I feel like I stopped seeing people for a long time.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like the lesson for me was really like, what do you need?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Why don't you get quiet enough?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: Because like my business has been, it grew a lot this year, and like I've been fucking busy, and it's been difficult when you get into a busy season, it's hard to like bring that slow season back in or like intertwine and interweave that slow season.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: And like when you're busy and you have a bunch of shit to do, the last thing that you do is give yourself space to listen to your body and get quiet on what you need.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like that's been the lesson over and over and over again.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, if I'm sitting here right now, what do I need?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I need rest.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I need to chill, I need to be in the awkwardness of like the next two weeks.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then maybe I'll have an idea of what I want the next year to be.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: But like right now, I literally just need to be a potato.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: I love that what you just said, the awkwardness of these two weeks.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_02: There's something about timing that you're saying that I didn't really put two and two together about before this conversation.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: I always feel like January 1st is the worst time to set a goal for the whole year.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'm just like a whiplash after the holiday season, and I haven't had time.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_02: It we talk a lot about seasonality in this time of year is winter.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: We're meant to be like the trees, like in rest mode, in restore mode, or like a bear in hibernation.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: And you're asking me to like be in all this what I consider like springtime energy of just like, what am I bringing forth and what are we growing and planting?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: And and um I it one of the things I wanted to say on this episode, I hadn't realized it, but I actually like to spend January almost like journaling about what um my intention is for the year, what's coming, what what was a present for me last year, what's present for me right now, what do I want to keep working on as we move forward?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: And typically um the vision that I've had, you know, last January, my husband and I went to Mexico and I was on the beach, and I wrote this long, just like free brain letter to myself, what I wanted.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: And it was all about the idea of transformation.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: That was my word of the year last year.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm actually going to Mexico again mid-January, and I want to sit on the uh same beach basically and do the same activity.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, that's kind of cool, like every year to have this point in time about in January where I sit down and I just kind of like brain dump about all of this.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: What's been going on?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: What do I want moving forward?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_02: And um, that was really meaningful me, meaningful to me the whole year.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like I reflected on what I wrote that day um almost daily throughout the year.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: And that idea of like transformation was really present for me throughout the year, um, in good and bad ways.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I like what you're saying.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: I think there's something I've always maybe that's why I'm annoyed, is because I don't want to set a New Year's resolution right now.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_02: I want to just be chill.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: I want to just like sit with myself, be still, and like give myself a moment to see what pops up.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's funny because like, yeah, like we are recording this literally what, three or four days after Christmas.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: And like I just got back from Florida.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: We spent Christmas down in Florida with Andrew's family, and like coming back, especially after traveling, and then I'm celebrating Christmas tomorrow with my family, and my nieces are gonna be back in town, like whatever.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have the brain space to sit here and to like reflect and like how did this last year go and then like kick something off on like the first of the year?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: I agree.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just like, there's so much chaos here.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: I literally, so like today, this morning, I uh went to the craft store and got stuff to learn how to crochet.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I literally am just very excited to like in this next week, because I took next week's off too.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just very excited to like just be with myself and not make myself feel like I have something to do because that's what setting goals feels like right now.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like it feels force, it feels like I'm just adding another thing to my list for me to do.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, look, like figure out your new year's resolution, figure out a word for the year.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's just another thing on my to-do list, is essentially what it feels like.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't feel inspired to sit here and to reflect.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: I literally just want to be like quiet, solo dolo grandma sitting and crocheting right now.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that maybe that will change by next weekend.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: But like that's kind of why I feel like January, January's like uh January and December, I feel like are bonus months.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Do they ever really matter?
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what it we're just like flowing and dipping and diving?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: And just like half of January, you're kind of like recovering from the holidays, and then half of December, you're kind of like getting ready for the holidays.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so I actually like, I just Googled when you were talking, like when does the astrological new year start?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like in March, mid-March, end of March, around springtime.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: And like I like then to kind of plan things out, but I guess that also kind of makes it difficult for business because like Q1 is essentially already over.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: And aren't you supposed to already have your business goals and Q1 kicking off the year strong?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like, aren't you already supposed to have that done?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just interesting to notice like what my body wants, what I want, and then like how time is set up in society.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I it's crazy thinking about the seasonality of all this.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's really blowing my mind.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe the win really is did you set time aside this time of year to give yourself space and stillness, like you've done and not really demand too much, right?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: And see see what comes up of from it instead of I'm gonna jump into 75 hard, you know, in two days or like whatever that looks like for you.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because it just feels off.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: I I I'm really resonating with that idea of like uh I I haven't had enough time to think about it.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then then I'll I'll kind of contradict myself a little bit.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I will say, like, I really enjoy picking a word.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: And honestly, I've been thinking about my word since November.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: I've been kind of like, oh, what was my word last year?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: What's my word gonna be next year?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm trying to notice, and those times and throughout the next month, like what has been popping up for me.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: And the one thing about picking a word I will share what I have learned is like whatever word you pick is what you are gonna get tested on for the next year.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: And that's kind of why I don't like it, because it's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: But where I've landed is I do like it.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: And this year I'm gonna be a little cheeky with it.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I told you guys last year my word was transformation.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: In the past, I've done like unburdened, and wouldn't you know that year had so many burdens.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and transformation kind of sucked, to be honest with you.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of like fundamental changes that happened in my life last year, and it was awesome in some ways too.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but this year I was like, I'm gonna choose something like a little silly with the universe and like kind of see what happens.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I think the word I'm gonna use is like badass, like in everything.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like, does this make me feel like a badass?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_02: Is this making me feel more badass or less badass?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: And like that's gonna be, I talk a lot about having like a compass or like an anchor to kind of guide daily decisions a lot.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: It that's very helpful for me.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm interested to see how the universe challenges me on badass, but I feel like I'm gonna be really cool by the end of next year, so just wait for it.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, that that practice has been consistent for me over time.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: And um, my some of my friends do it as well, so we'll kind of reflect on it together.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: But I find it kind of, I don't know, just like something to like tether to day to day.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think I always like the idea of a word.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think that I've ever chosen a word.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: I've never really been called.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: I that's the thing.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: I just like having something consistent at the beginning of every year, maybe that's why I feel like I don't want to say I feel like resentful about the new year, but like maybe that's why I don't feel I don't know how I feel.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm kind of just like uh sitting here flopping.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: Don't demand anything of me.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's really reasonable.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's kind of that's kind of how it is.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I like to do it.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: Well, here's my question, Raya.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like in the past, you and I have gotten together and like laid out tarot cards.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_02: This is another practice that we did for several years, maybe like three, and we would every month, like January through December, would have its own card, and then we'd sit there and kind of journal about it.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: And um I'm just wondering why we're not doing that this year.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why is that also not hitting like it used to?
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I liked that practice for a while.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's so funny because it's like I literally will pick one and then I'll stick with it for like three years.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, three or four years.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I think we've done it for like three or four years, where it's you kind of pick a tarot card for each month.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then I also would do um what is it, the other kind of cards, oracle cards.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: I would choose a tarot card and an oracle card for every month, and then just like write out what that meant in a journal and then have something to kind of reflect on.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: I noticed that it would give me anxiety throughout the year.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, the death card for July, like who's gonna die?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like July's coming.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then just like I wouldn't enjoy it as much.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: And then I would like hyper focus on it, and then I would, and maybe this is the way it's supposed to be of like seeing everything through the lens of the death card.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that was the gift.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of being like, oh, like July was fun, but it like gave me a lens to like take a look and kind of like reflect on.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I found that it wasn't as supportive as I wanted it to be.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: It kind of became obsessive, or I would completely forget about it for four months.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: And then I would be like, oh, look, the fool card was August, and then I didn't even remember what I did in August.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I don't even know if this is resonating, like whatever.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I kind of like as you're talking about the word, I think I'm gonna pick a word.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna pick a word this year.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I think I'm gonna do.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe on our next episode, I'll let everybody know what our word, what my word is.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I think that's the hardest part about all of this is a year is kind of a long time.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: I understand in the bigger picture, it's a very short time, but like it to do something consistently for a year is a lot to ask.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: So that was my problem with it as well.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: I would stick to it the first maybe six months, and then I would start to have some months coming up where I was like a little avoidant.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I don't even want to know what that's gonna mean.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: And then I would forget about it for the rest of the year.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: And and the the word for me, and I think everybody's different, but for me, it is something I can kind of consistently check in with because it's just like one thing.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um so yeah, let me know, like reflect on that to let me know.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: You have my word.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: I have worried about you.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh my word is nourished.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's my word.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: That feels good.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: And you want to be challenged on that.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_03: You're like, I'll show you how nourished I can be.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, here's the thing.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like, especially during busy season, like especially since business has gotten busy and like whatever, I feel like business is coming easy to me now.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: My word does not need to be like income, growth, ROI.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't it doesn't have to be that.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like it's okay, if business is busy and like things are working, how do I balance that?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's by slowness.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: And what does slowness really give to me?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: Nourishment.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: So how can I nourish myself even in the busiest of days?
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's gotta be like on a day-to-day basis for me.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm gonna have to like write this word everywhere.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: But like, how can I nourish myself?
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: And like nourishment looks different depending on the day, depending on how much time I have, depending on where I am in my cycle.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it just looks different depending on the month, depending on the season.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I think nourishment is a word that I would like to come back to over and over again because I mean, to be honest, like me and Andrew are gonna try to have a baby this year.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: And like, so that's a big thing when you're looking to like start a family and stuff like that.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Is like right now, before we even start, how can I nourish my body to be the best vessel for me to hopefully be able to create life?
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like, God willing, that we're able to get pregnant.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, how can I nourish my body and a body of a human that I'm literally creating?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then even after, when the baby comes out, it's like, how can I nourish myself in that season too?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I feel like everything is kind of coming down to nourishment.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: What I like about both of these words is they're getting at like feelings, um, which as we've talked about is like really the important driver behind everything.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how do you want to feel moment to moment or day to day, and then check in with that?
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_02: So, like for nourished, you can be thinking, you know, if a new opportunity comes your way, is this making me feel more or less nourished, right?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: Or how nourished do I feel right now?
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_02: What feels undernourished, you know, like what needs love?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: And for me, like the idea of like, does this make me feel more or less like a badass?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm avoiding something, that makes me feel like a turkey.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: It does not make me feel like a badass, right?
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_02: So, like that kind of feeling-based language, I think is very powerful for this kind of stuff.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I love that.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: The other practice I wanted to share that has helped me is um, you know, the reason I think we do all this stuff, I agree, I'm like resistant to it as well, but there's something about like stories and chapters and seasons that we as humans really like understand and conceptualize.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I think like it's almost like why people that live in places with seasons say they don't like California, you know, seasons kind of break up a year and it gives you like a way to remember what has happened.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: And if every day is just 75 degrees, for me, things can kind of like blend in together.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: And that's the same problem I have.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: I've noticed throughout my 30s, especially like if I'm not being intentional and taking time to reflect, everything just starts to blend together.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like all the years, especially with COVID, everything is just like turning into one.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: And the way that I combat that is with story, right?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like the human brain loves story, we love chapters, we like starts and ends.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so I literally around the new year will check in with some of my favorite stories.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: So there's a book called The Alchemist that um I reference quite a bit.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's a book that is super simple to read.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's been very meaningful to me.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'll read that about once a year around this time, especially it's winter.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's something I like to do in the winter is read more.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, another one that I've been feeling called to this year is called The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell, which is all about like the hero's journey.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: But um, something I heard Lewis Howes say a long time ago is he likes to revisit the power of myth once a year because it doesn't change, but he Is a human changes.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's a way for him to notice how he's changed in the past year.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: And like, oh, last year that really struck me, but this year I don't feel that way.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: And this year, this is really standing out to me.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: And so we always talk about it's really hard to measure growth, especially that kind of like more meaningful, deep growth uh in human human existence.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I think checking back in with for me, like these stories and these things that have been impactful for me regularly is really cool.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's a cool way to notice like how I'm The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is another one, like just how I have changed as a human.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that that's a really good way to think about it.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like I have a whole bunch of books too that like I really enjoyed, but like it's hard for me to come back to a book, essentially.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh yeah, I got the juice out of it.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's the same thing with like listening to a podcast, right?
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like you'll listen to like an inspirational, motivational podcast episode you're feeling on fucking cloud 700, and you're just like, hell yeah.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: But like that's cool.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a cool way to think about it in terms of like, if I listen to it again, what little things am I going to pick up on?
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like it does kind of anchor you back to when you either first read it or first listened to it, and then you're able to see how things have changed because, like, dude, life is a ride.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's wild, isn't it?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Just like everything changes, but nothing changes.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then you look back and you're just like, holy shit.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I was literally just thinking, like, I don't like staying up until fucking midnight.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: And like me and Andrew, we're probably not gonna do anything on New Year's, but like I was thinking the other day as I was driving, I was like, 10 years ago, Mariah would be so sad at the fact that like I'm getting a crochet hook and like trying to crochet something versus like trying to figure out like the new pop and spot of just like where to spend New Year's Eve and whatever.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like you think about it and you don't even see the changes coming.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like I didn't know when the last time would be that I would feel inclined to like go out on New Year's.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: But it happens.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like, oh, that's I'm not saying it's the last time, like we'll probably go out eventually, but like that's the last time that I was gonna be right then, right there.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so fascinating to like think about it.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: Damn, like, and I I see it with my nieces, and I'm obviously not a mom yet, but like I see it with my nieces of like with kids, they grow up so quick and the days are long, but the years are short.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: And like, isn't it annoying that what old people say like comes true?
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: Truly, you know.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: As a kid, how many times were you told, soak it in, youth?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, this is the only time you get to be a kid with no responsibilities, and you're like, F you, I just want to go to the mall with my friends, stop telling me what to do.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_02: And then as soon as you get out of that, you're like, oh my God, I just about everything, it's so hard to appreciate it, and it's a good lesson, some presence.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and Andrew said when we were in Florida, and he was like, There's a saying, I don't know who said it, but like, youth is wasted on the young.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: And like that was the first time that I heard it because you know, we were hanging out with Andrew's grandma, who's 90 years old, and she was in an assisted, she's in an assisted care facility now.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: And like, you know, she's telling us stories about things and wishing she could do other things.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like she it's interesting because I've also had this conversation with my mom.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like me and Andrew were talking, where it was like, in my head, I'm still 25 years old.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: Then I had a conversation with my mom, because you know, she's probably I think she's like 63, and she's like, it's crazy to me.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, like, I'm hitting retirement age when like in my head, I'm still 25 years old.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then I think about Andrew's grandma, who's 90 years old and an assisted care facility who like can't shower on her own anymore, and in her head, she's probably 25 years old, and like that's like heartbreaking to think about, and it makes you realize like what a gift the moment is, but it's so hard to sit here in this moment and remember and feel that it's a gift until you uh wish that you would have felt the present moment even more.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's kind of impossible, but there is a bit of like gratitude, you know, just like feeling grateful for your mobility that you can sit down and stand up off the toilet with ease and carry your groceries, you know, and like um really getting down to like the it's hard.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_02: My vision, oh my god, I can see things, you know, like there's just so many miracles that we are normal for us.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's the benefit of spending time around younger people.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: You mentioned your nieces and older people.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it gives us opportunity to kind of remember that life has seasons.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: And actually, as you were talking, one thing that popped up for me is I think what you and I are both craving is like this season is winter.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: That for older people is the final season of life, right?
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: So this time is, I think, a time to kind of do that deathbed type thinking.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what do you not want to be laying there in the nursing homes wishing you would have done?
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, when you really can't get out and go do things unless someone comes and takes off work and flies across the country and rents a car and is there to do for you, right?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like I think we all take that for granted, just like that loss of freedom that kind of comes at the end of life.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so, yeah, it's an opportunity to kind of like get real.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: We're in winter.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_02: There's gonna be a winter season for all of us.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like, what do we want to do now before we get there?
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like that, that's really powerful.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's just it is, it's it's really interesting to sit and to notice and like to allow yourself to like verbalize, to rationalize, and kind of like talk through this stuff and like have conversations, like you're saying with the younger people and the older people.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I was with Andrew's nieces, and they're asking me, like, oh, how did you and my uncle Andrew meet?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: And like they were asking me to show them pictures of like me in high school, and then I'm like, Oh, but in my head, I'm like, girl, I was just in high school, like last year.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm still with you guys, I feel that too.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just like, but they see me as like an older person.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the older ant, I'm not the you know, you look so cute and like pinching cheeks, ant, but like life is just so crazy, it really, really is, and I think like taking around now is a good time to sit and be a slug and be a potato, and like allow all of these aha moments to kind of come to you.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's the thing.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to go and do and force and like make myself be productive and like like I said, have something to check off of my list, but like I welcome the space to reflect without forcing myself to close loops that maybe aren't ready to close.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: Beautifully said, and like now is the time, right?
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like the holiday season, but it goes like it's so busy.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta do this, you gotta do that, you gotta do this.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just looking around and I'm just like, why?
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Why does it have to be this fucking busy?
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_01: Why do we have to fit all of these things and all of these Christmas parties and like whatever, whatever of like, and then we have all of these traditions that like hey, might have felt really fun, and like I do think that there's magic and like traditions that you can keep consistently, but we don't need a dozen fucking traditions, but isn't that the truth?
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's too many, it's too many.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're running ourselves into the ground, and now we can't even enjoy the tradition because we have so many fucking traditions and parties and blah blah blah for months.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: We've we've been celebrating for months because then it's right out of Thanksgiving into this, into New Year's, and then I'm sure you guys have this too, but it's friends things and family things and split families, and it's not even relaxing.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_02: It it like um one thing I shared with Mariah before we hopped on here was like I really wanted a goal of like a chiller Christmas this year, whether that you know it's hard to say no to family stuff.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, I'm not gonna say that we successfully did that, but I just tried to bring like a chiller mindset about it.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like whatever I needed to bring for the party was gonna be chill, it wasn't gonna stress me out.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever I needed to wear was not gonna stress me out, and I just went with an attitude of like, this is my holiday, and I have spent so many stressed and rushing and busy, and that is the fucking opposite of what I want with my life.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_02: And it's it's it turned into a nightmare.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_02: I was dreading it.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: And this year, actually, talking about gratitude, I was like having a little bit of anxiety.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, the holidays are coming, it's crazy, it's stressful, it's busy.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then I was like, what a blessing to have all of these friends to do things with, all of this family that wants to get together and celebrate and ritual.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's all such a fucking blessing.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, how can I come at this with a different attitude?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_02: Because the busyness just like sucks it out of me.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: It kills it for me.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's a distraction from like, and I know it's like the true meaning of Christmas, but like it really is, isn't it?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like, regardless if you celebrate Christmas or like you celebrate a different holiday, like I think the core meaning of all of them, and I could be wrong, but like I think it's love.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: Loving ourselves and loving the people around us and like spending time with each other, and like maybe that's why I feel a little bit repelled to like, oh, keeping up with the Joneses, gotta do this over here and gotta do that.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: And fuck me and Andrew's Instagram photo here and there, right?
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, lighting's gotta be perfect, and like, yeah, and like me and Andrew, we didn't send out Christmas cards this year, and then I like for a second, I'll beat myself up.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: For a second, I'll be like, Well, you know, we've been dating for five years, and like that's we should send a Christmas card.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, holy who says who says who says I have to send Christmas cards?
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_01: I've sent Christmas cards last year because I was in Tampa, Florida celebrating Christmas, and it was just me and Andrew, and we had no social obligations.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought it was fun to like hand make watercolor Christmas cards for everybody, and I sent them out and I enjoyed it.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_01: And now this year we just moved into this house that we've been waiting for, and like there's no fucking way I'm sending Christmas cards this year.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_02: I like you're bringing up another idea of like um something we do around this time of year, and we've hosted workshops around, but there's that like more and less activity.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I think this is a good time of year to like take stock.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_02: Here's what I have done in the past.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: These are the things that are still working for me.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, these are the things that are not working for me.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so for you, you were like less Christmas cards this year, you know, less bus for me, less busyness, you know, like more peace, more spending quality time with family and not beating myself up because I'm not spending Christmas cards.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_02: But I think there's like more that more and less activity is awesome all the time.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_02: But I think this time of year is a good just take inventory.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: What are your habits?
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: What are you doing daily?
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: What's going on in your life?
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_02: And like what is serving you and helping you get in what feels like a better direction and what is feeling like a drain right now, and how could you get those off your plate?
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I feel like this awkward ass week around now, like getting clear on like what traditions you want to keep for next year, and like which ones did you notice maybe overwhelmed you?
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: And now you're looking back in hindsight and you're like, yo, fucking string and popcorn to put on the mantle has stressed me out for a decade.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: Can you write that idea down and like put it somewhere?
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we when I have things that I want to remember about for the holidays, I like put it in the Christmas tote.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like I have Christmas pajamas that I put into the Christmas tote.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to think about these until I'm ready to take out the Christmas tote.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, actually, this is a pretty fucking good idea.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm gonna do it this year, but like writing down all of the things that I don't want to forget about, or it's like, oh, do questions for myself.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to send out Christmas cards this year?
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to?
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_01: We used to, I used to make homemade pierogies with my cousin.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: Haven't done that in a couple of years, but I'll put that on the list.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: So then in, you know, after Thanksgiving, when I'm trying to think about the holidays, do I want to connect with my cousin?
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_01: Do we want to make pierogies this year?
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: Do I want to host Christmas?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: Do I want to host?
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_01: I just hosted a um a Christmas brunch with a bunch of my friends.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_01: Do I want to do that this year?
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I think like that might be a good anchor to where I'm not having to hold extra things in my brain.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: But instead, when I take out the Christmas tote, oh, here's a list of traditions or like a list of ideas that I can do this year, I get to choose which ones are going to feel good.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: Do I want to think about Christmas cards?
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: Do I not?
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that's that's not a bad idea because then it's like out of sight, out of mind.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's such a good idea.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then the idea of taking that practice and doing it in the new year in January as well, like we're talking about.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um the idea of a Christmas, just like having something where you're like, I know it's in one place, I know it'll be there for me when I'm ready for it.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_02: But right now there's not enough bandwidth in here is a really cool idea.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then I also one thing that was popping up for me as you were talking was I've felt this way about motherhood before.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like there's this pressure with Instagram and social media to like almost be performative, like, and no shade on any of this stuff.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_02: But like now we have gender reveal parties and we have like this and that and the other, and everything is like we're all trying to like one up each other, you know.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: And there's this pressure.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_02: My friend was like pregnant and she was like, I just don't want to share a ton online, but I feel like I have to.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_02: And we have this, I think that's what the holidays as well, is like we have this pressure.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's like almost, I call it like a performative, like I gotta perform the holidays.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_02: And because we want to, it's fun, it's an awesome time of year.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_02: We want to watch our favorite movies and we want to make sure that we're getting our things done that we like to get done.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: But I feel like there's this tipping point of when it changes from these are the things that I like and bring me joy to okay, now I'm trying to perform for the Graham, right?
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to show everybody how good of a holiday season I'm having.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I agree.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_01: Or like, oh, I watch the Santa Claus every single year.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: We have to squeeze it in.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, are you squeezing it in because you just like it's just a thing to do, or are you squeezing it in because like it really means a lot to you, and you're gonna sit down and be in the moment and cherish it and be with it.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think there's just a lot.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: This time of year is just so interesting in terms of like how we feel, how chaotic it can feel.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be chaotic.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: All of the things that us as humans add to our plate, and like I've said it a million times, I think social media is fantastic.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's amazing.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_01: But holy fuck, does it add a fuck ton of things to our plate?
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_01: And like I feel like, especially for creative people, right?
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm pretty creative.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm seeing all these ideas of like, oh, I can make this gingerbread house, I can make homemade stockings for us this year, and I can do this, and I'm gonna make all these cookies, and I'm gonna make these blah blah blah.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden, you're not enjoying any of it because you made a list of shit that you want to create.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_02: It's just or you're shaming yourself because you are not this idea you have in your mind of like the perfect mom during the holiday season or whatever that looks like in your life, right?
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because you see someone in Utah with this like bomb ass spread, you know, and you like couldn't get it together.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that that's that's definitely part of it.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: And like, we're celebrating Christmas with my family tomorrow.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: And like, I'm very grateful that it's not on Christmas because we're gonna order pizza and wings.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody's coming over to my house because my house is decorated.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, my mom and my brother didn't even decorate for Christmas this year, and they were just like, I don't fucking want to.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to decorate that felt fun for me, and I was like, I'll host.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_01: But like we just got back in town.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: We also just moved in 45 days ago.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I am not cooking, so like open to ideas.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: We can make sandwiches, and so we're just gonna do pizza and wings.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_01: And then I even to my brother, I literally was like, I don't want gifts.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: Me and Andrew, we don't want anything, we don't need anything.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: And my brother was like, Thank God, because like I don't want anything and I don't need anything.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I told him, I was like, moving forward, why don't we just buy gifts for the kids?
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_01: We'll just buy gifts for the kids.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need anything.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_01: We'll just, I don't know, maybe laugh.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_01: We'll play like Monopoly or something, we'll play sorry or whatever.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: And like I noticed that, like, you know, kids look forward to opening up gifts and stuff like that.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I was, I was a kid once.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_01: I used to enjoy opening up gifts, but like my nieces know that like I ain't getting you a gift.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna get you something that we can do together and like experience together.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so they know that when they're telling me what they want, I'm like, is there a concert coming up?
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_01: Is there like a play coming up?
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like, is there something that we can do together?
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: Or like, is there a movie you want to see?
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_01: Do we want to go to the bookstore?
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_01: Do we want to go thrift shopping?
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I want to do something with you.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that that has imprinted a little bit on them because like now for the holidays, like they want to play a family game.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like they don't like, they'll open up the gifts and they're very grateful for things, but like that's not what they really, really want every single year.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's like every time, like on Thanksgiving, we stayed and we played Monopoly.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: And like my niece was like upset that we were like about to not play Monopoly because she's been looking forward to it.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like it was such a really good reminder that like the gift is fine and like it's thoughtful and all of that, but like we really just want to create memories with our people, and we I think also not just memories of like sitting around on the TV, like watching TV, we want to laugh, we just want a fucking reason to laugh with our people.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_02: That's beautiful.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm kind of like thinking, wow, this has turned into like a debriefing slash decompressing from the holiday season.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: But I I think that one one of the things I said in a group text with some college friends this week, we were kind of talking about like holy moly this time of year.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, like what it reminds me of is I feel like this like pot of like boiling water that's like just about to boil over.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_02: But I think like that's kind of the beauty about this time of year is it brings everything all in your face at once, and you're with your family and all of the people who know how to push your buttons, and it's a lot of stress and pressure and expectation and wanting to get things and be happy.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_02: And um, what you're saying is really like that is it at the heart of it.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_02: We just want to like make memories with our people.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think a lot of us feel that way.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think the holidays is a really, even though this is like full circle, I think it's awesome that we have the holidays this time of year because I feel like it puts us all through the ringer.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_02: It forces us all to be like, or at least I hope it is, what is important to me?
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_02: What really fills my cup up in life, and what is a drain?
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I only have so much bandwidth, so I have to start editing.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_02: You know, how do I get out the bad stuff and bring in good stuff?
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I just feel like the holidays kind of forces us, whether we want to or not, to like get real honest.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's like, all right, I'm gonna put everything on your plate all at once.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what do you really like here?
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think that's the hard thing too, is like we do have a limited bandwidth.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's like we want to do all of these things, you know what I mean?
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what it also brings up, and I'm sure that we have some people listening that could relate, but like right now, this holiday season, I haven't had a good relationship with my dad over the past couple months.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_01: And like it's difficult.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_01: My dad wasn't invited to Thanksgiving, nobody told him about Christmas tomorrow, and like that's tough.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's fucking tough.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, around the time when, like, you know, you're seeing families all together and whatever, and it's like, and then it brings up this turmoil of like what could be?
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, and I sometimes get stuck.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_01: I have to kind of ask Andrew for support.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'll get stuck and like fuck, if he wasn't, if my dad wasn't my dad, and my dad's an alcoholic, and like if he wasn't such an alcoholic, he could be a really great guy.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: I remember there was like years where like he wasn't drinking, and like the holidays were so fun, and I have such fun memories.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: And like that fucking sucks around this time to be like, I wish that he was different, but knowing that there's nothing that I can do about it either, that's just another layer of complexity where it's like we're seeing, and I have a like one of my longest friends, like her mom just passed away, literally a couple days ago.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_01: And like Christmas is forever changed for her.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: And like we also have that where it's like now we're either sitting in grief or like sitting in in something sticky.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's not busyness.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's just sadness, grief, and the and then we're also having to sit in that during the time when like we're busy and over planning and having to think about this, or if we get too quiet, now we're gonna have to sit in the sadness and the grief even deeper.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: So then what would I rather do?
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: Over schedule myself or sit in the shit.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm like, neither.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_01: I want to eat Christmas cookies and be bloated so that I don't have to think about jack shit.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: Numb.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_02: Option three.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_01: Truly.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_02: Something you said that really shocked me.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_02: Not shocked me in a good way.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: You said wishing things were different, but not being able to change anything.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think that in terms of like my lesson, where you were talking about like what lesson you've learned this year.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's been something that like how do you deal with things that you do not want?
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_02: You do not want them to be there.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_02: You wish that they were different, but you have really no control over it or very limited control.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so that idea of like radical acceptance about what is has been very like real for me this year.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like, Jay, be honest about like what is what is real here.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then the second fold of that lesson for me is in the nature of this podcast, trusting myself.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_02: I have shared early in earlier episodes, um, one of the things I walked through this year was transition, a big transition in my career path.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I was in a pretty bad job situation for a while that I started, like you were saying, Mariah, like listening to your body, my body started to like physically react.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so I resisted it for months.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like Mariah was so annoyed with me.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was talking about leaving this job for forever, and I was hemming and hawing about I was not annoyed.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_02: I interpreted that.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_02: I was annoyed at myself and I projected it on you.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but um I'm I just felt kind of like I knew what to do a long time before I actually did it.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_02: And it was a good reminder.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_02: And honestly, I feel supported by my body.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_02: I was kind of like, okay, it's good to know that like when things are awry and my logical brain is taking over and I'm not like listening to myself, my body's gonna act up in some way.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_02: And that's a wonderful thing.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's like a data point that, like, hey, something's out of alignment here.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like, thank God that right I started twitching and wouldn't stop twitching, right?
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_02: And so I am ending the year feeling like more like confident in myself and my body, and like I know that I have the systems in place even when things are out of whack that I'm gonna support myself.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm hoping that next year I can maybe trust myself a little sooner, right?
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_02: I can maybe, hey Shay, you know what's right for you.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like, don't feel like you need to ask everybody about it and make it logically make sense in all these ways.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like, trust yourself.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_02: You start you have a whole podcast about trusting your intuition.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like, so so that's kind of my intention for next year.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that's what I've learned is just like stop arguing with what is, accept what's here.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_02: And then, like, how do you feel right now?
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_02: How what do you think right now is the best way forward?
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_02: You've always shown up for yourself, you've always made good decisions, and we've always figured it out, right?
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so we'll just like hopefully get a little bit stronger at that next year.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I feel like like with your situation, you were like you already knew.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think that you give yourself enough credit because like you already knew, but like three years ago, you I think you would have like it would have been more subtle, but like this time around, it was so obvious that like you weren't coming in.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I wasn't there for all of your conversations, but you weren't coming in being like, I don't know what to do.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_01: You were coming in being like, fuck, I think I know what to do.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like you connected the dots so quickly.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that like maybe in your perspective, you were ruminating, so it felt like it was a long time.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: But like to me, I feel like you had this idea, you allowed yourself to sit with it, you maybe got outside clues, let the universe show up, and like you connected the dots.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like most people don't quit their job or have a career change until something's been happening for like a decade.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_01: So the fact that like you noticed it and you kind of shifted things within a couple months is pretty fucking cool.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's growth.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for reflecting that back.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_02: And this is kind of making me feel like when you know, another tip.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's helpful.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_02: Have conversations like this with your friends.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like, um, I will often talk with Mariah or my friend Samantha of like my interpretation of events over the past year, and then they'll say back to me, like, Oh, hey, that's interesting that you are telling yourself that story.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_02: But let me tell you from my perspective, this is what that looked like.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_02: And 100% of the time, your friend's perspective is way more empowering than yours is.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_02: So take some time to like, maybe if your friends are game for it, go out to dinner, schedule a night away, like maybe make some stillness time with you and people that you trust and love and think that they have your best intentions at heart, and kind of reflect with them and see what their reflections are towards you.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that idea sounds so fun to me right now.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like the idea of like just a couple friends getting together and like in because I feel like setting goals and everything and reflecting, it's very individualistic.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: But as you're saying, as you kind of just pointed out, sometimes your perspective is skewed based on previous stories, or like maybe you don't notice how good of a year you had, or like you don't remember all of the things that you were excited about, but like that was a core memory unlocked for your friend, where like they saw your eyes light up, and like that happens to me all like all of the time when I talk to Shay.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it literally is like, I'll say something, and she's like, Oh, like can we stop for a second?
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like, isn't that cool that you wanted that like last year, and now you're just nonchalantly just being like, Oh, yeah, it's here, like, not a big deal.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_01: And like, I think that it's cool to be in conversation with people where you can verbalize to rationalize and like reflect in conversation because like that's not a normal practice.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_01: Even when we were pulling like um tarot cards and stuff, it's very like internal.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I do think that there is, you know, we do have to go internally, but I think combining that with like community and friends and like being able to talk through it can connect dots and see things a little differently, and it might just inspire us and motivate us even more to be like, wow, I didn't even see things like that.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe that's something I'm gonna try.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_01: That makes me more excited about like in January to like think about the new year's.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, let me talk with some of my friends that like want to sit down and like hold space.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_01: You have to pick the right friends though, because I have some friends that might take it, like, I didn't do anything this year, I have nothing fun to celebrate.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Yeah, I need to be around some people that like are are down to celebrate the little stuff and the big stuff and like all of the stuff in between.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_01: And hold space for grief and sadness, like you said, and have the emotional awareness to realize that like just because I'm verbalizing to rationalize doesn't mean that I need you to solve my problems, because that can happen with friendships too, where they're they start spewing out ideas and you're like, girl, I didn't need that.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I literally just I'm just talking, I'm yapping over here.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that honestly, if we're gonna like kind of conclude with one thought, is what I was hoping to take away from today's episode is like what makes you feel excited right now of all of these things we've talked about.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe none of them do.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's fine too.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_02: Go.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_02: Your homework is to go and try to find some other things.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_02: But like there'll be one practice, however wild it is, that like feels exciting or fun right now.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_02: And like maybe that's what you try this year.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and then let it be okay if that's not the same as last year.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_02: Who the fuck cares?
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like Mariah said, why?
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_02: Who's making these rules?
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_02: But I do think there is some power and having some ritual um and and some grace for yourself.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_02: Navigating this time of year is hard.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_02: It brings up, I love that you brought that up about family.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_02: It brings up a lot of things, a lot of things that we wish were different, um, and a lot of awesome things.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_02: And so, yeah, like you said, it's always a balance.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_02: Go internal, give yourself some stillness, but also bring in some people who you trust and get their feedback and and let us know what you guys are finding exciting.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I think that's kind of a nice place to wrap up.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_02: Do you have any other final thoughts or anything you want to share?
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_01: No, I kind of really like that perspective.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that maybe that's it's so funny because it's like literally, I did not think about what we were going to talk about on this episode before we kicked it off.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_01: So, like I think it's cool just reflecting on how and where the conversation kind of went.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm noticing like me kind of closing some loops and kind of like seeing what I'm craving because I'm noticing in almost every conversation, I'm noticing like, oh, community, like relationships.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's kind of where my energy is craving to go versus like the individualistic way that I've been doing things, and like I am me, and I have always been very much me.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's very hard for me not to be me, and like I am very independent, and I wore that as a badge of honor for a really long time, but it's interesting that it's like now I'm kind of like craving, craving like that deeper meaning in community.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_01: So it's interesting for me to notice that like I'm maybe being called to reflect in that way versus reflecting in a way that like feels so siloed.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yeah, I feel like allowing yourself always everything, right?
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_01: Allowing yourself to get quiet with yourself, allowing yourself to get curious about what you're really craving right now and like being honest about it instead of being like, I'm craving to write a list about all of the goals that I've hit this year.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like maybe you will, but maybe that's not until the second week in January, maybe that's not until March.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_01: Don't force yourself to do things just because everybody else is doing them.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_01: When really I feel like if we were to slow down and to listen to ourselves, we get the medicine that we need right now without all of the bullshit resistance that we make up in our head.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like we create so much friction for what we do and like our to-do list and all of the shit, especially now, like the holidays going into the new year and like planning and doing all of that.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I guess it's like, can you find the path of least resistance that feels the most, feels the most nourishing to you and the or the most joyful for you, or the most restful for you?
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you're just like rip-worn, you're you're fiending off of this chaotic energy and like you want to keep it going.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, like, how can you give yourself more of that?
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_01: But like you're not gonna know what that is unless you give yourself a hot second.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, even if you're driving to the grocery store and you're just like, Mariah, I ain't got no fucking time to do jack shit.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_01: Don't listen to something when you are driving to your next errand.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I've had to do lately, where it's like I'm overstimulated, I'm working, I'm trying to do this, I'm trying to figure out what the fuck I'm gonna have for dinner.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to, I don't know, now I'm learning crochet, and then I got a podcast recording I got to do, and I got to do all these things.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_01: I just won't play anything on when I'm at the gym or when I'm driving to go and get groceries.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_01: And like even just taking that like five to ten minutes can be enough for like some new level of awareness to come in.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think what I took away there was permission to let this look different.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_02: I think you and I both entered this episode being like, oh, we feel like this planning the new year has to look this certain way.
• 56:22
  SPEAKER_02: But really, the whole point is that we're being mindful and intentional and we're learning and growing and and thinking about are we making memories with our loved ones?
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_02: You know, are we prioritizing the things that give us the most joy and love in this life and what changes need to be made?
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like some kind of practice, but honestly, that practice could look like a whole bunch of fucking shit.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_02: It could look like you're saying where you're leaning more into where am I craving relationship and community or me, like I wanna like maybe take a pool dancing class.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_02: Does that make me feel badass?
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like it's just it can look so wild and different, but I do think the ritual or the practice of it and starting to think about it, and maybe it lasts for three months and goes all the way through spring.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_02: I hope it goes all the way through the whole year with you.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_02: But um, yeah, just give yourself a moment and and ask yourself if there's, you know, why you why do it why do I have to do it that way?
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I'm gonna do it this way, and I think that's awesome.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_02: But I think that's um a cool place to close this episode down.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_02: Remember, friends, you have the power to create whatever the hell you want.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_02: Follow the nudge, ask questions, and let curiosity guide the way.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_02: We'll see you in the next episode.