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137. Jealousy and Comparison · Impact Ready

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  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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  Hey team, welcome to the show. Today in this episode, we are
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  going to dive into something that we all experience but
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  rarely talk about openly, and that is jealousy and comparison.
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  Jealousy and comparison sneak into our lives all the time,
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  whether we're scrolling through social media or watching our
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  colleagues rise up and succeed, or maybe even just seeing
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  friends hit milestones that we've been dreaming about.
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  This can even happen within partnerships and marriages.
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  And here's the truth. Jealousy and comparison.
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  They're not just bad habits that we need to fix.
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  They're actually powerful signals in my mind because they
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  reveal 2 things. They reveal a fear that we hold
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  something that is deep inside of us, a fear that we've been not
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  wanting to look at, and then also a desire that we hide
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  something that is hidden from our view.
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  So let's get into that a little bit.
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  When you feel jealous of someone, what's really
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  happening? Because it's not just about
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  them, it's also about you. Jealousy is like a mirror.
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  It shows you something that you want, but deep down you don't
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  fully believe you can have. You fear that you're not good
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  enough, or you're not capable or not worthy or that it's too late
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  for you or you're too old to do something.
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  I remember dealing with a lot of jealousy in comparison when I
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  was younger. I think most teenagers deal with
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  this, and I remember one of the things that always really got me
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  into my comparison was around spring break time.
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  We grew up in a pretty wealthy town, and most families would go
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  vacation during spring break. They'd go to places like Hawaii
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  and Palm Springs and, you know, lots of cool places.
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  My family didn't have the money to do that.
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  And so we would often hang around town or maybe we'd go to
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  the coast for a couple of days, but it was raining at the coast
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  in the spring, and it just wasn't as cool.
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  Everyone would come back with their tans and their, you know,
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  their cool tropical vacation stories.
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  And that jealousy and that comparison was so real at the
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  time, but looking back now, I can see that it was also
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  illuminating a fear of mine. The jealousy wasn't just about
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  the vacation. It was fear of being left
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  behind. It was fear of missing out.
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  It was fear of maybe not ever having the money to be able to
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  take trips like that. And this is true of most things.
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  The jealousy isn't about their vacation or their relationship
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  or their career move. It's about your fear.
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  And it's the fear of being left behind.
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  Its fear of missing out on your potential.
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  It's of not measuring up. And that sting you feel when you
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  compare yourself, that's fear saying to you, what if that will
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  never be mine? But here's the flip side.
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  Comparison can also point to your hidden desires.
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  So it points to the fears that you have deep inside.
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  But it can also point to hidden desires.
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  Because if you didn't want that thing, if you didn't have a
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  desire for it, you wouldn't feel jealous.
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  You don't envy things that don't matter to you.
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  You might admire a famous opera singer, but unless you secretly
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  dream of being on stage singing opera, you won't compare
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  yourself to them. So when jealousy shows up, it's
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  actually illuminating your desire.
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  Maybe it's freedom, maybe it's love, maybe it's impact or
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  influence or financial security. That's a big one.
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  The problem is we often bury these desires.
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  It's strange, but I see so many people do this.
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  We get really weird about our desires.
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  We have shame about them, about wanting things.
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  Or we get embarrassed about having desires, or we get afraid
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  and we talk ourselves out of them.
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  Before we even start, we'll say things like, oh, that's
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  unrealistic. I could never do that.
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  I'm too late or too old or too unqualified.
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  And so instead of owning the desire, we push it down and it
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  shows up later in a twisted form as jealousy.
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  So what if instead of beating yourself up for comparing, you
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  saw your jealousy in comparison as a compass?
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  What if it was a signal to you that there was something for you
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  to uncover and look at? Any time you feel jealousy, you
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  can imagine that it's actually highlighting something that you
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  want in your life. That Co worker who got promoted,
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  that's your desire for growth and recognition.
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  That friend who ran a marathon, that's your desire for strength
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  and commitment and proving to yourself that you can do hard
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  things. When you can identify the true
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  desire, it's exciting because then you can take action on it
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  and you can sit in that energy and be inspired and appreciative
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  and enthusiastic instead of being in fear and scarcity and
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  lack. And that's the difference.
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  You take the fears, you take the jealousies, you take the
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  comparisons, and you make them productive.
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  When you can see these things in this way, it transforms the
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  shame into strategy. Instead of spiraling into why
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  not me? You can ask what's this showing
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  me about what I really want? Here's a few things that you can
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  do to use jealousy in comparison as fuel instead of poison.
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  The first thing that you can do is name the fear.
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  Always believe in naming things because as soon as you name
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  them, you start to get distance from that power that they hold
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  over you. So the first thing, name the
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  fear. Ask yourself, what am I afraid
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  of? If I admit that I want this?
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  Is it fear of failing or fear of judgement?
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  Am I fear of being disappointed again?
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  When you name that fear, it takes away its power.
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  The second thing you can do is to own the desire.
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  You know, I love radical ownership.
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  So when we think about this, we'd say, OK, instead of
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  pretending that I don't care, admit it.
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  Yes, I want that kind of relationship.
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  Yes, I want that financial freedom.
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  Yes, I want that opportunity. I want to stand on a stage and
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  lead. Owning it is step one to
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  creating it. The third thing you can do is
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  use it as a guide, because comparison will show you what's
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  possible. If they can have it, it means it
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  exists in the universe and that means it's available.
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  And the question isn't why them, the question is how can I?
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  The fourth thing to do is to take baby steps.
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  You don't need to leap overnight.
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  Just take one intentional aligned action that moves you
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  towards that desire every single day.
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  Whatever the desire is that that jealousy revealed.
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  I remember my coach said to me, you don't have to be afraid of
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  taking baby steps. Baby steps are actually the way
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  that everyone does it. It's very rarely one huge leap.
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  And that reminded me that all we have to do is show up every day
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  and take that one little action. That's the way that you can
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  rewrite the fear and turn it into progress.
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  So here's my challenge to you this week.
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  Be aware of the next time that jealousy creeps in, just pause
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  with it. Hang out with it for a little
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  bit. Don't run away.
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  Don't shame yourself for feeling it.
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  Just lean in and ask yourself what fear is this jealousy or
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  comparison exposing? And what desire is it pointing
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  to and revealing? Because when you stop seeing
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  jealousy as a flaw and start seeing it as feedback, it
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  becomes a very powerful tool. It's not there to keep you
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  stuck. It's there to wake you up to the
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  life that you really want to live.
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  And that's a very cool thing. So I hope this helps, Team,
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  remember, your fear is just your desire in disguise.
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  Don't bury it. Don't run from it.
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  Use it. Thank you for being here and for
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  listening. And as always, team, thank you
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  for being ready to Impact. Thanks for listening to Impact
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  Ready. I hope today's episode inspired
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  you to own your impact and recognize that you are powerful.
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  By elevating our energy and awareness, we can create
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  exponential change in this life. If you enjoyed today's insights,
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  share them with a friend and subscribe to the show for more.
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  I truly appreciate you. Thanks again for being here.