Latest / DA CREW Podcast / LET THE HEALING BEGIN WITH APOSTLES LEE AND DR KIMBERLY THOMAS | The weight of emotional responsibility in marriage

Transcript

LET THE HEALING BEGIN WITH APOSTLES LEE AND DR KIMBERLY THOMAS | The weight of emotional responsibility in marriage · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome. Welcome.
• 0:11
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• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Where voices rise, stories shine. Purpose meets the world.
• 0:22
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• 0:24
  Speaker 4: Come on in.
• 0:25
  Speaker 5: This is where it starts.
• 0:27
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• 1:00
  Speaker 6: From the mic to the nations. We build transformation.
• 1:06
  Speaker 5: Change begins with us.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: Faith, purpose, power, trust.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Seen around the world tonight.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: Dark, cruel, shining, bright.
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: Come on in.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: This is where it starts.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: We are the change. Right here in our hearts. Welcome home.
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: It's time to open your heart. Speak truth. Stand in faith.
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: And let the healing begin Oh Every first and third
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: Sunday 8 p.m.
• 1:53
  Speaker 8: Eastern Time Apostle Lee and Dr.
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: Kimberly Bring healing to your mind Streaming on the Crew
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: Podcast Network YouTube, Facebook, Kik and Twitch Faith, truth, and
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: real relationships. This is what your spirit's been missing.
• 2:20
  Speaker 5: Let the healing begin.
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: Let the truth be told. Let faith rise up.
• 2:25
  Speaker 6: And restore your soul.
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  Speaker 5: His and her perspective.
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  Speaker 4: Wisdom from above.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: Talking like pain.
• 2:32
  Speaker 6: Family and love.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: It's time.
• 2:50
  Speaker 8: Marriage isn't always perfect, but healing is always possible. Welcome
• 2:57
  Speaker 8: to Let the Healing Begin with your hosts, Apostles Lee
• 3:02
  Speaker 8: and Kimberly Thomas. This podcast tackles real life issues with
• 3:06
  Speaker 8: raw truth and a powerful his and her perspective. We
• 3:11
  Speaker 8: talk marriage, We talk sex. We talk loss, love, and
• 3:16
  Speaker 8: relational challenges couples don't always say out loud. If you're
• 3:22
  Speaker 8: ready for honest dialogue, faith-filled insight, and a practical wisdom
• 3:29
  Speaker 8: that restores connection and strengthens your marriage, you're in the
• 3:34
  Speaker 8: right place. Come, journey with us as we let the
• 3:39
  Speaker 8: healing begin.
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: Hey, good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome.
• 3:50
  Speaker 7: Welcome to another episode of Let the Healing Begin. We
• 3:54
  Speaker 7: are your hosts, Lee and Kimberly Thomas, and we are
• 3:58
  Speaker 7: so glad that you have joined us tonight for this
• 4:03
  Speaker 7: opportunity to come into the room tonight for Let the
• 4:10
  Speaker 7: Healing Begin. We are so grateful that you are here.
• 4:15
  Speaker 7: We are live and in living color, as you can hear.
• 4:18
  Speaker 7: But we just are thankful for this opportunity tonight to
• 4:23
  Speaker 7: come into your homes. So we are here not to
• 4:27
  Speaker 7: claim that we have the monopoly on this thing called marriage,
• 4:30
  Speaker 7: nor to think that we have mastered this thing called marriage.
• 4:34
  Speaker 7: But what we do have is a marriage. We have
• 4:37
  Speaker 7: years of experiences. And most of all, we have a
• 4:41
  Speaker 7: mandate from God to share that experience with you as
• 4:45
  Speaker 7: you journey through this thing that we call life as
• 4:50
  Speaker 7: a married couple. So tonight we are going to embark
• 4:54
  Speaker 7: upon one of our hot topics from our repertoire of topics.
• 5:00
  Speaker 7: And it is marriage is a covenant and not a competition.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: So again, why do women keep score?
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  Speaker 5: I don't think that only women keep score.
• 5:19
  Speaker 7: I think actually that men and women both keep score
• 5:23
  Speaker 7: in marriage and.
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  Speaker 5: It is not healthy. It is not healthy.
• 5:29
  Speaker 7: It should not be done because we're not in a competition,
• 5:33
  Speaker 7: but we are in a covenant with one another. So
• 5:37
  Speaker 7: it is very important for us to be able to
• 5:40
  Speaker 7: understand that communication is key. That's the most important thing
• 5:45
  Speaker 7: that helps us to get to that place of not
• 5:49
  Speaker 7: being in competition, but being in a covenant. So many times,
• 5:56
  Speaker 7: from a woman's perspective, a woman sometimes feels as though
• 6:04
  Speaker 7: our husband does not hear us. He does not listen
• 6:08
  Speaker 7: to us. We're not really asking him to fix everything.
• 6:12
  Speaker 7: We don't want him to fix everything. But what we
• 6:16
  Speaker 7: are simply saying is that.
• 6:19
  Speaker 5: We want you to see us. We want you to
• 6:22
  Speaker 5: see us.
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  Speaker 7: So sometimes we feel a little bit invisible in relationships
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  Speaker 7: and in our marriage because of life. You know, life
• 6:32
  Speaker 7: be lifin', everything be going on, And we just want
• 6:36
  Speaker 7: to know that you see us. We want to know
• 6:39
  Speaker 7: that you actually are here emotionally. And a lot of
• 6:44
  Speaker 7: times that's where the disconnect comes in because many times
• 6:49
  Speaker 7: we feel that we have the emotional responsibilities that are
• 6:54
  Speaker 7: not always visible.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, the emotional responsibility that's not always visible. Yeah. And
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: you feel like you're invisible for the simple fact that
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: He don't climb the walls every time you say something.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: Or because he's watching TV at that particular time. And
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: you start, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He be like, okay,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: all right, all right, all right. And it's amazing how
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: a lot of times women will wait till you're right
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: in the middle of your movie. And baby, so and
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: so and so and so and so and so. And
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: you're like, okay, all right, all right. But then y'all
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: get mad. why don't you just wait till like after
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: the movie? Why is it that you feel like you're
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: not invisible and you become visible in the middle of
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: the movie?
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: Well, I think it goes a little deeper than that.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: I think it goes.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, I just love one little scenario of that
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 7:58
  Speaker 5: But I think it.
• 7:58
  Speaker 7: Goes a little deeper than that for women because we
• 8:03
  Speaker 7: feel that we have Or we carry the emotional responsibility because,
• 8:09
  Speaker 7: you know, we're always the.
• 8:11
  Speaker 5: Ones to remember birthdays. We're always the one that have
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: to keep up with the appointments.
• 8:16
  Speaker 7: We have to make sure the family needs church responsibilities,
• 8:21
  Speaker 7: our children and what the children need.
• 8:24
  Speaker 5: And then the household details.
• 8:26
  Speaker 7: And so there are hundreds of other things that we
• 8:29
  Speaker 7: feel that we are emotionally responsible for. And in those moments,
• 8:36
  Speaker 7: it seems as though our husbands don't really recognize, they don't.
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: Recognize the fact that we're still here.
• 8:44
  Speaker 7: You know, it's like, you know, and I've said this
• 8:49
  Speaker 7: before to you because, you know, I carry a nice
• 8:55
  Speaker 7: size handbag.
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: And in that handbag, I.
• 9:01
  Speaker 7: Have probably more of everybody else's stuff than I have
• 9:07
  Speaker 7: of my own stuff because I have to keep up
• 9:09
  Speaker 7: with the appointments.
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: I have to keep up.
• 9:12
  Speaker 7: Especially when our children were growing up. I had to
• 9:15
  Speaker 7: keep up with their appointments. I had to know when
• 9:19
  Speaker 7: we were supposed to be where, what time, what day,
• 9:22
  Speaker 7: how we were going to meet up if we weren't together,
• 9:26
  Speaker 7: you know. okay, I'm going to arrive home at this time.
• 9:29
  Speaker 7: We're going to leave at this time so that we
• 9:31
  Speaker 7: can be in one car and not be in multiple cars.
• 9:34
  Speaker 7: But we got to make sure that you're ready when
• 9:36
  Speaker 7: I get home so that we can get on the
• 9:38
  Speaker 7: road because we got to be here at a certain time.
• 9:41
  Speaker 7: And so then when I come in after stressing the
• 9:45
  Speaker 7: fact that, hey, we're leaving at this time, we got
• 9:49
  Speaker 7: to be on the road at this time. And then
• 9:51
  Speaker 7: I come in the house after I sat in the
• 9:54
  Speaker 7: car for 10 minutes and I come in the house
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  Speaker 7: and I'm like, You ready?
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: Like oh no I'm getting ready.
• 10:03
  Speaker 7: You getting ready so now I'm feeling like okay well
• 10:07
  Speaker 7: what was the point in me pointing what was.
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: The point in me saying these things what.
• 10:13
  Speaker 7: Was the point in me telling you this because now
• 10:16
  Speaker 7: it's like he heard nothing I said Nothing.
• 10:20
  Speaker 5: So, in that moment, you don't see me. You don't
• 10:24
  Speaker 5: hear me.
• 10:25
  Speaker 7: You're not understanding what I am saying.
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: That is nothing. It is not.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Okay. Now, all through history, women have always took this
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: leadership role as, I'm going to keep up with birthdays.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: I'm going to keep up with the appointments. I'm going
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: to Do the house, this, that, and the third. And
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: the man say, okay. Then after a decade or two,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: maybe three, you don't see me. You don't hear me.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: You don't understand me. But the moment that the man
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: tries to grasp these things, you're not doing it right.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: That's not how it goes. We don't do it like that. See,
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: women take and put themselves in this position. Then all
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: of a sudden they don't want the position when it
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: looks like, again, like you say, a man's point of view,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: that he's really laid over there chilling and enjoying himself.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: And she's in the kitchen, like she said, slaving and
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: washing the clothes. And you're just laying there. But did
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: you ever think about when he tried to do that,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: he just didn't do it right? Well, no. He didn't
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: do it to your satisfaction. It's supposed to be like this,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: and it's supposed to be like that. Okay, I've heard
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: all the different scenarios. I'm going to put this out there. Now,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: this one right here, this man, I can do all that. Cook, clean,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: the whole nine. I'm well-rounded. I can do it all.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: But the problem is, I married this woman, right? And
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: she told me, I love to see you to eat.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: I cook so I can just watch you eat. I'm
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: good with that all the time because I like to eat.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: You understand? And I'll be waiting for it. And then
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: she was like, really? I'm like, yeah. You know, if
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: I'm held to something, I'm going to hold you to something.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Everything you chose to do, I'm allowing you to have
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: all of it. See? It's not a problem. That's the problem.
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: So the task, the task isn't always the problem.
• 12:58
  Speaker 7: It's The feeling behind the task is the emotions behind
• 13:11
  Speaker 7: the task. It's not just the task. It's wondering, hey,
• 13:14
  Speaker 7: do you see me? Hey, do you appreciate me? Hey,
• 13:18
  Speaker 7: do you still value me? Hey, are you.
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: Going to help me? That's where.
• 13:27
  Speaker 7: All of the emotions come in. So here we're looking at, hey,
• 13:32
  Speaker 7: you know, it's not just a task. Okay, I'm good
• 13:34
  Speaker 7: with doing the task, but do you even see me?
• 13:37
  Speaker 7: Do you recognize sometimes that Hazel is not on duty?
• 13:40
  Speaker 7: Do you understand that Hazel do.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: Get a day off?
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: Do you understand that? Because sometimes it seems as though.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 13:53
  Speaker 5: You don't understand that because, you.
• 13:56
  Speaker 7: Know, there are times when I'm just like, okay, I
• 13:58
  Speaker 7: don't feel like it. Are you going to cook tonight?
• 14:00
  Speaker 5: No, that's what I got a wife for.
• 14:02
  Speaker 7: You know, my wife said, how about you share the responsibility?
• 14:07
  Speaker 7: So now it's not the task. It's the feeling behind
• 14:11
  Speaker 7: the task. Because when I don't feel like it, you know,
• 14:15
  Speaker 7: and I say, hey, honey, will you help me?
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: Or listen, babe, can you do this or can you
• 14:19
  Speaker 5: do that? You know, it's that feeling. It's that feeling of,
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: you know, are you going to help? Or why are
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: you not helping? You know, that's, that's mostly what it is. Like,
• 14:31
  Speaker 5: it's not, well, are you going to help me? It's like,
• 14:33
  Speaker 5: why are you not helping? Why are you? I just said, X, Y,
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: and Z. Why are you still sitting there?
• 14:40
  Speaker 7: Can you not understand what the words that are coming
• 14:43
  Speaker 7: out of my mouth?
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: And so these are the things that we have to understand.
• 14:47
  Speaker 7: And so then it becomes a thing of, you know, um,
• 14:52
  Speaker 7: I don't want to do this by myself. I don't
• 14:54
  Speaker 7: want to feel like I'm the only one that's doing this.
• 14:57
  Speaker 7: And that's when the tit for tat comes in. That's
• 14:59
  Speaker 7: when the let's keep score. Because now that you may
• 15:05
  Speaker 7: verbalize all this stuff, you may say, well, you know what?
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: You ain't doing nothing. What you do around here? And
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: then that's when the heated fellowship starts.
• 15:15
  Speaker 7: That's when all this other stuff comes into play that
• 15:18
  Speaker 7: brings the competition in. Because then all of a sudden,
• 15:22
  Speaker 7: Now the man wants to say, well, listen, I do this,
• 15:28
  Speaker 7: I do that, I do the other thing. You know,
• 15:30
  Speaker 7: I pay the bills. I make sure everybody good. I'm
• 15:34
  Speaker 7: making sure that, you know, the house is taken care of.
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: I'm making sure that the yard is taken care of,
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: you know, and I'm doing this and I'm doing that.
• 15:43
  Speaker 5: And so now it's like a tit for tat.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Hold up. Now I heard you name out a lot
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: of stuff.
• 15:51
  Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: And, you know, what if he was to say, you're
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: going to help. I do this. I do what you're doing.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Come on. You heard me say clearly I did all
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: of that. But then, okay, we're just talking now. Let's
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: switch roles. I'm going to do what you do. You
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: do what I do. And how do you think that's
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: going to turn out? I'll tell you, and you've got
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: to answer. I'm going to tell you, it's going to
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: be a disaster. You know why? Because you ain't going
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: to be able to do what I do.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: Nope.
• 16:30
  Speaker 7: Some of it.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: You ain't going to be able to do what I do.
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: Some of it.
• 16:34
  Speaker 7: You have taught me well. Now, you may be speaking
• 16:40
  Speaker 7: for other people, but not for this one. See, because
• 16:45
  Speaker 7: I done laid grass.
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: I done cut trees with you.
• 16:49
  Speaker 7: I done turned riches with you. I done mowed grass
• 16:52
  Speaker 7: with you. I done went under the car with you
• 16:55
  Speaker 7: and got greasy and holding up transmissions and motors and
• 17:00
  Speaker 7: all of these things.
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: So you may be talking about somebody else. And yeah,
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: somebody else may be in that situation to where it
• 17:07
  Speaker 5: is like that.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: But what I'm telling you is, that's a help me there.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: You understand?
• 17:12
  Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: But the other part, you know, you have to realize
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: how you started that thing off. Oh.
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: You have to realize how you started it off, you know,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: and just being real with it. You know, sometimes people
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: don't pay attention to each other because when I'm talking
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: and you're not listening and then I'm looking like, I
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: know she heard me. But you, you know, you turned
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: off the speaker. You did.
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: Have a great egg anointing.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Right. Okay. Okay. You got a great egg anointing. Now,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: why is it that whenever the man gets the egg anointing,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: it becomes a problem? A problem ain't a problem until
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: it's a problem. And you make it a problem when
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: it wasn't no problem. I just turned my egg on.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: That's all. You know, and then sometimes for real, That's
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: what you do. See, what you got to understand is
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: the way people are raised. Females are born nurturers. Yeah.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Soon as they're able to walk, they snatch the nipple out,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: take the bottle, and give you a baby. Take care
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: of the baby. And everywhere you go, the year and
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: a half, two years old, you can't leave the house.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: I got my baby. You got to take care of
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: the baby. See, you're being trained from a little bitty thing.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Train to take care of the baby. Then when you
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: get older, I got to find someone to take care
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: of because I can't take care of the baby no more.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: So now I get a friend or a boyfriend, if
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: you will. I got to make sure he tight because,
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: you know, that's my man. All righty then. Cut your hair.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Start wearing more wrinkled up clothes. All that. You want
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: to take over stuff. He was comfortable. But now he
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: done got the other way. All right. Sit on it.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I'll bring it to you. Now when he sit down,
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: you say you're tired. All right. But you wasn't tired
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: from the get-go. Now you're getting tired. You see? Now,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: every now and then, old boy comes in. He cook
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: or have food done and stuff like that. You know
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying? I'm talking about my house, not because
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: that's what happened.
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you do.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I cook. I clean. I do it all. I don't
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: have no problem with it because it don't take me
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: but a minute to run through it like whirlwind. You
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? That's what I do. A lot
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: of men don't do that. So why are you going
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: to get mad in the midst of 20 years together?
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Now you mad all of a sudden for the same
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: thing been going on the whole time. To me, that's crazy.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: That's probably crazy to him. You was good all this time.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Why you mad now? Ain't nobody here. It's just you
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: and me. I should never get dirty, but you mad
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: because I'm relaxing and you had a stressful day. He
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: got that I don't care anointing. I ain't think about
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: them people. I done gave them my eight hours. I'm
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: going to my sanctuary and I'm resting. Now here come
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Tallulah coming in the house. Because these people done acted
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: a straight Lulu with her. And now he supposed to get, oh, honey, baby,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: don't do that. It's okay. It ain't going to work
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: like that. You got to realize where it's at. Sometimes,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: you know, it says, let the healing begin. So, you know,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: you got to digress from being Tallulah and act like
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: somebody with some sense and say, listen, baby, let me highlight,
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I need to talk to you for real. This, this, this, this, this, this, this, this.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: And then I'm good to tell you, do you hear me?
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: Do you understand? I want to make sure you understand
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: clearly the words that are coming out of my mouth.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Because if I mention it, it's a problem to me.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: It may not be one to you, but it's to me.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: And then if I don't, Or you don't react to it.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: Then you can be saying that. I'm invisible. Right.
• 21:17
  Speaker 5: And so in those moments. That's when the heated fellowship.
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: Leads to an argument.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: You see that? Going back to the heated fellowship. Right quick.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: See how she got calm. Then the heated fellowship and
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: the argument. Really.
• 21:34
  Speaker 5: That's when the heated fellowship. Turns into an argument. Because now.
• 21:38
  Speaker 5: is where the scorecards come out. Who does more? Who
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: sacrifices more? Who's more tired than the other person?
• 21:48
  Speaker 7: And so this is why we're telling you that you
• 21:52
  Speaker 7: cannot look at your marriage as a competition.
• 21:56
  Speaker 5: It's a covenant. As we said, it's a covenant. We
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: join together.
• 22:03
  Speaker 7: So that means that sometimes we have to establish There
• 22:08
  Speaker 7: it is.
• 22:09
  Speaker 5: Some workaround rules.
• 22:13
  Speaker 7: Not so much ground rules, but just some workaround things,
• 22:17
  Speaker 7: some workaround activities. Okay, so, you know, with us, the house,
• 22:24
  Speaker 7: that's me. The yard, outside, all of that stuff, that's him.
• 22:29
  Speaker 7: So when we start getting to some type of understanding, baby, listen, X, Y,
• 22:37
  Speaker 7: and Z.
• 22:38
  Speaker 5: Is in the house. Okay, so this is what we
• 22:41
  Speaker 5: got to do in the house. Okay, P, Z, and Q,
• 22:45
  Speaker 5: they in the yard. Okay, this is what needs to
• 22:48
  Speaker 5: be done in the yard.
• 22:50
  Speaker 7: And so sometimes you even have to collaborate and work together.
• 22:54
  Speaker 7: So we got X, Y, and Z in here. We
• 22:57
  Speaker 7: need to tackle this together so that we can go ahead,
• 23:01
  Speaker 7: get this done, and we both can relax. P, Z,
• 23:07
  Speaker 7: and Q.
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: Okay. So, hey, I'm going out here. I'm mowing the yard.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: Well, let me help you. I'm going to pick up
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: the pine cones.
• 23:15
  Speaker 7: I'm going to patrol the yard, make sure nothing is
• 23:18
  Speaker 7: out there. So that way you don't have to stop
• 23:21
  Speaker 7: and do this and do that and then try to
• 23:24
  Speaker 7: mow the yard.
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: I can just help you in this area.
• 23:27
  Speaker 7: You can mow the yard. We can get done together quickly.
• 23:31
  Speaker 7: And then we can be about our business and about
• 23:33
  Speaker 7: our day. But so many times, you don't have that.
• 23:37
  Speaker 7: You have the competition. Well, I had all this to
• 23:40
  Speaker 7: do in the house. So you can do all that.
• 23:42
  Speaker 7: It ain't going to hurt you to go out there
• 23:44
  Speaker 7: and pick them sticks up and do all this stuff
• 23:46
  Speaker 7: and mow the yard. So we have to understand it's
• 23:49
  Speaker 7: a covenant. We work better together than pulling in opposite directions.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: But some people don't work better together. in those areas. Because,
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: you know, some women, they're not going to get their
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: fingernails dirty. No. They're not going to get no dust
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: in their hair and they're definitely not getting up under
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: that car. They're going to ask you, what's wrong with you?
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: Have you lost all your screws? You see, I don't
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: have that. It's just simple as that. You know, I
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: got a woman that's staying with me and has always.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: But for those of you that desire that, think about
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: that when you get started. You know, if you want
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: to pamper her and keep her looking like the little queen,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: and when she tells you, it's hot. It's too hot.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Remember what you chose and what you started. Yes. The
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: only way you don't allow something to get started is
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: don't let it get started. You see? I understand about,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: you know, not being seen, not being heard, not listening
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: to me. You didn't hear a thing I said. I
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: get that. Been there, done that. You know, I didn't
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: even get a trophy. I got a T-shirt. And it
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: had holes in it. So it really didn't matter. But
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: when you have that type of situation, when you're letting
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: the healing begin, You have to just digress from the
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: nonsense and really just say, hey, listen, this, this, this, this.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: And then take the time to really agree to disagree agreeably.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: But then at the same time, if we're here together,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: this is not a my, your, this is our. But
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: somebody has to be tolerant enough in their mind to say, well,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: you know, I know that's a bit much for this
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: person right now. So I'm kind of have to work
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: you into this right here because, you know, When people
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: get set in their ways and they're doing just what
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: they do, it becomes aggravating. And then you got to think,
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: that's been the job that you chose from the beginning.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Just like him. He used to come home, clean the yard,
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: clean the cars, put gas in your car, do all that. Now,
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, his car clean, your car dirty. Well,
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: you just washed yours three times and you ain't washed
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: mine in two months. Okay, well, ain't that your car?
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: That's what you're here. But you got to think. How
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: long did you allow that to happen? So see, some
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: of it is not his fault or her fault. It's
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: your fault, him or her, because anything that you allow
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: to go on like that and then it gets to
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: the point where it's aggravating to you, ask the question,
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: how long did I allow this to go on? If
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: it's something that you don't like, don't let it get started.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Then you have to have this type of conversation where,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: you know, it's tit for tat. It's my yo. I
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: did this. You did that. And it don't equal up
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: the same. If you're together, you're one. You're not divided.
• 27:03
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: You're one. You see? And then sometimes it's just do
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: something different. Just do something different. You know, start off.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: This is what we're doing. This is what it is.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: What do you have to do? Nine times out of 10, nothing.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: Don't ever say that to a woman because she got
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: something for you to do. So ask this question. What
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: do you have to do or what is it that
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: you want me to do? Then I can tell you
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: that I'm not doing that or I don't want to
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: do that. See, and then don't be afraid to say that.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: But don't be mad when she tells you, I'm not
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: doing that. I don't want to do that either. It's
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: a give and take situation. And that's where you got
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: to be with it at all times. You know, because here,
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: you're not a Siamese twin. You weren't born together. So
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: we ain't going to like everything that she likes. And
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: she's not going to like everything that I like. But
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: some things we're going to have to just do. And
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: it's just simple as that. Because we're one. We're going
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: to keep each other happy. At least we should. And
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: that's the give and take part of it. But don't
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: keep score. Definitely don't do that. Because men 9 times
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: out of 10, you ain't going to win. Because they
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: don't forget nothing. So don't start to keep and score stuff.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Just say, okay, baby, I do better. But do better.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: But then that's vice versa. Because some men are just
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: the opposite. They cook, they clean, they do all this,
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: and she come home and chill. She don't cook, she
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: don't clean, she don't do nothing. You started that, so
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: don't get mad with that now. You started it. Anything
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: you start, you got to keep it up. Don't get
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: weary in what you're doing. Don't do that, because you
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: started that. You know, listen here. Okay, I understand you
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: don't cook and you don't clean, but you know what?
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: You're going to have one of them days a week
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: that I need you to do that. Designate some stuff. Look, well,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: I need you to do this, this, this, and this.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: That makes it easier for me. It ain't hard. But
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: if you started, oh, it's okay. It's all right. It's okay, baby.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: I got it. All right. That's going to be permanent
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: to your brain in a few years. Because You're giving
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: of yourself. too much. You're human. If the relationship is
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: what it's supposed to be, then make it what it
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: should be. Ours, not mine. This is our responsibility. Right.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: The words that you speak over your relationship ultimately shows
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: you who and what is going to turn out to be. Yes.
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: And that's so true.
• 30:14
  Speaker 7: What we really think about a lot of times is,
• 30:19
  Speaker 7: you know, in the keeping score, we want to be like, well,
• 30:23
  Speaker 7: who's right? Who's wrong?
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: But the whole thing about it is there's no.
• 30:28
  Speaker 7: Right, there's no wrong. The thing that we have to
• 30:31
  Speaker 7: understand is that in life, so many people have gone
• 30:37
  Speaker 7: through their life in competition, in competition in their families.
• 30:42
  Speaker 7: in competition at work in competition in the church in
• 30:47
  Speaker 7: competition everywhere so you can't expect them to deviate when
• 30:51
  Speaker 7: it comes to marriage they still are in competition even
• 30:55
  Speaker 7: though you should not be you should not be in
• 30:58
  Speaker 7: competition there is no competition it's nothing like oh well
• 31:02
  Speaker 7: you know I achieved all of this and he didn't
• 31:06
  Speaker 7: achieve nothing. That's not how we're supposed to be.
• 31:09
  Speaker 5: We are one. We work together. We are better together.
• 31:13
  Speaker 7: And when we don't keep score, we can learn how
• 31:17
  Speaker 7: to love and live and walk in this thing together.
• 31:20
  Speaker 7: It's so many things that we often do and say.
• 31:26
  Speaker 7: And When we say things, you say things sometimes.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: Out of anger.
• 31:32
  Speaker 7: During heated fellowship, a lot of stuff comes out. And
• 31:35
  Speaker 7: those are things that you cannot take back. You cannot
• 31:39
  Speaker 7: press the rewind button and think that they're going to
• 31:41
  Speaker 7: rewind back in your mouth and that it'll.
• 31:43
  Speaker 5: Be like they never were spoken.
• 31:45
  Speaker 7: You have to understand, as Lee has said, how you
• 31:50
  Speaker 7: start things is how.
• 31:52
  Speaker 5: Things ultimately will be.
• 31:56
  Speaker 7: Sometimes you can go back to the drawing board and
• 31:59
  Speaker 7: you can say, okay, hey, we did it like this.
• 32:03
  Speaker 7: So now can we try to do it like this?
• 32:06
  Speaker 7: Or can we do it like this? Or can we
• 32:08
  Speaker 7: make some changes? It's nothing that ever has to be
• 32:11
  Speaker 7: set in stone because the thing is life changes.
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: People change.
• 32:18
  Speaker 7: You change, your size change, your age change, times change,
• 32:26
  Speaker 7: how you feel changes. And so there are many different changes.
• 32:31
  Speaker 7: Society changes. There are so many different changes. And sometimes
• 32:35
  Speaker 7: finances change. You can't do the same things that you
• 32:39
  Speaker 7: once may have been able to do because your living status,
• 32:44
  Speaker 7: your finances, and things of that nature they, they've changed
• 32:48
  Speaker 7: and they won't allow you to.
• 32:50
  Speaker 5: So this is when you have to understand that now
• 32:53
  Speaker 5: marriage is not a covenant.
• 32:55
  Speaker 7: I mean, marriage is not a competition. It is that covenant.
• 32:58
  Speaker 7: That means that we have to pull together even the
• 33:00
  Speaker 7: more sometimes to where You know, you have women that says, oh, well,
• 33:04
  Speaker 7: he's supposed to take care of me. And you may
• 33:06
  Speaker 7: have started off taking.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Care of her.
• 33:08
  Speaker 7: You may have said, oh, well, baby, you ain't got
• 33:11
  Speaker 7: to work. You ain't got to do this. You don't
• 33:13
  Speaker 7: have to do that. And now that the life is
• 33:16
  Speaker 7: life and now you're looking at her like, girl, you
• 33:20
  Speaker 7: better get up and go to work. And she's looking
• 33:24
  Speaker 7: like you said I didn't have to work. You were
• 33:27
  Speaker 7: going to take care of me. Well, first of all,
• 33:29
  Speaker 7: two things need to happen. Common sense, first of all,
• 33:31
  Speaker 7: need to Kick in. Because need more will make you
• 33:36
  Speaker 7: want to do more.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: Should.
• 33:38
  Speaker 5: Well, it should.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 33:39
  Speaker 7: When you go without having the things that you enjoy
• 33:43
  Speaker 7: in life, and now you're down to the bare minimum
• 33:47
  Speaker 7: of your necessities. And you can't enjoy all these things.
• 33:51
  Speaker 7: You can't go out to Wendy's and get a four
• 33:53
  Speaker 7: for four and split it. You need to get up
• 33:56
  Speaker 7: off your tough and go to work. You need to
• 33:59
  Speaker 7: try to figure out some kind of way because when
• 34:02
  Speaker 7: you pull apart and not together, that makes it very
• 34:06
  Speaker 7: hard for a marriage. You cannot sustain a marriage when
• 34:11
  Speaker 7: the house is divided. And so that means that, like
• 34:15
  Speaker 7: the word says, a house that's divided against itself is
• 34:19
  Speaker 7: It will not stand. And so you're imploding from the
• 34:23
  Speaker 7: inside out. Your marriage is imploding. You are in this
• 34:28
  Speaker 7: marriage and you are imploding because of the simple fact
• 34:32
  Speaker 7: that you started off this way. And maybe the intentions
• 34:36
  Speaker 7: was good. Maybe the intentions were for you never to work.
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: Maybe the intentions were that he would always be able
• 34:44
  Speaker 5: to take care of you, but life started lifing.
• 34:46
  Speaker 7: So if you continue in the path that you're in,
• 34:50
  Speaker 7: you're either going to live in lack or you're going
• 34:54
  Speaker 7: to have a husband that's going to work himself to
• 34:56
  Speaker 7: death trying to please you instead of you joining with
• 35:00
  Speaker 7: him and understanding that you are there as a help meet.
• 35:05
  Speaker 7: That means that you help meet the need, not your need,
• 35:08
  Speaker 7: but our need. And so it's so important for us
• 35:13
  Speaker 7: to understand that it's not a competition. It's not that
• 35:16
  Speaker 7: when something happens or life changes and the husband is
• 35:20
  Speaker 7: no longer able to fulfill the things that he started
• 35:24
  Speaker 7: off doing, that now you get your grip and you go.
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: And basically, you know, oh, well, he on his own
• 35:31
  Speaker 5: because you know what? Oh, he couldn't take care of me.
• 35:34
  Speaker 5: He couldn't do this. He couldn't do that. No, you
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: were living above your means and he allowed it.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Ah, there you go.
• 35:41
  Speaker 7: He allowed you to live above your means and to
• 35:46
  Speaker 7: put yourself in a class. And now that he is
• 35:50
  Speaker 7: not able to sustain your means.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: He's meaningless.
• 35:56
  Speaker 5: Above and right. Now he's meaningless. Now he is.
• 36:02
  Speaker 7: He is not worthy. Now, you know, you have these standards.
• 36:07
  Speaker 7: And this is the thing, because people will class themselves
• 36:11
  Speaker 7: in such a way that they have such high standards
• 36:14
  Speaker 7: that they feel like, you know, oh, well, if.
• 36:17
  Speaker 5: You can't do this, then.
• 36:19
  Speaker 7: You're good for nothing. You no longer are used to me.
• 36:24
  Speaker 7: But was he ever a real use to you other
• 36:27
  Speaker 7: than being used by you? And see, these are the
• 36:30
  Speaker 7: things that we have to understand that some marriages are
• 36:33
  Speaker 7: not built on love. Some marriages are built on materialistic things.
• 36:37
  Speaker 7: Some marriage are built on sex. And that's where the
• 36:40
  Speaker 7: competition comes in because love is not there. Love was
• 36:45
  Speaker 7: not the foundation. When love is the foundation, love covers
• 36:50
  Speaker 7: a multitude of faults. That means that if my spouse
• 36:54
  Speaker 7: is unable to do the things that they used to do,
• 36:58
  Speaker 7: I'm going to cover them.
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: I'm not going to get out.
• 37:01
  Speaker 7: I'm not going to talk about them. I'm not going
• 37:03
  Speaker 7: to drag them. I'm not going to share it with
• 37:05
  Speaker 7: my girlfriend. And knowing that her mouth has holes in it,
• 37:10
  Speaker 7: and she's going to share it with everybody and their mama.
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: And now my.
• 37:14
  Speaker 7: Everybody, when we go out, everybody's looking at my spouse,
• 37:19
  Speaker 7: you know, with the screw face and they're saying, you know,
• 37:22
  Speaker 7: he ain't hitting on nothing.
• 37:24
  Speaker 5: He can't do this. He can't do that. He can't
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: do the other thing.
• 37:27
  Speaker 7: And the only way somebody can wash your face with
• 37:30
  Speaker 7: something or have something to talk about or attack you
• 37:34
  Speaker 7: with is that you give them the ammunition. That's why
• 37:38
  Speaker 7: it's so important that you keep your mouth closed. What
• 37:41
  Speaker 7: goes on in private is not to be blast out
• 37:45
  Speaker 7: in front of everybody.
• 37:46
  Speaker 5: You do not have to tell everybody.
• 37:47
  Speaker 7: You see, that's how competition, that's how division and dissension
• 37:52
  Speaker 7: gets started because we get in a place that the
• 37:56
  Speaker 7: marriage is no longer a covenant, but it's a competition
• 37:59
  Speaker 7: because now you're running competition and your spouse don't even
• 38:03
  Speaker 7: know that you're in competition with your girlfriend and their spouse.
• 38:08
  Speaker 7: So your girlfriend's spouse has the means and he's able
• 38:11
  Speaker 7: to do all these things for her that your spouse
• 38:15
  Speaker 7: is not able to do. So now your spouse is worthless.
• 38:18
  Speaker 7: Now your spouse can't do this or either you're making
• 38:21
  Speaker 7: them try to put themselves in a situation that they
• 38:25
  Speaker 7: know that they are not financially able to sustain. Because
• 38:31
  Speaker 7: You're in competition, not only in your household, but with
• 38:35
  Speaker 7: the household down the road.
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: And you know what?
• 38:37
  Speaker 7: Your girlfriend probably lying. She probably lying about all the
• 38:42
  Speaker 7: things that he's doing.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, child, he does this.
• 38:44
  Speaker 5: He does that. Oh, yeah. Girl, he bought me this car.
• 38:48
  Speaker 5: He did this. He did that.
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: But.
• 38:51
  Speaker 5: He couldn't buy you this car.
• 38:52
  Speaker 7: You bought this car. Your mama, your daddy, or somebody
• 38:55
  Speaker 7: bought the car for you.
• 38:56
  Speaker 5: And now you running around because you want to look grand.
• 39:00
  Speaker 7: He bought you this. Oh, girl, you see this ring? Baby,
• 39:03
  Speaker 7: it came from paparazzi. It just looked like it's the
• 39:07
  Speaker 7: real thing. That's why she don't let you see the
• 39:09
  Speaker 7: back of it because it has a stretch band to it.
• 39:12
  Speaker 7: You get so caught up in all these things that
• 39:16
  Speaker 7: people are saying to you. And you really don't know.
• 39:20
  Speaker 7: And so now you're in this competition. You run a
• 39:23
  Speaker 7: competition with your husband or your wife, because this is
• 39:28
  Speaker 7: what John Doe and Sally Sue is doing.
• 39:32
  Speaker 5: And so now this is what you should be doing
• 39:34
  Speaker 5: for me. Oh, don't you know you got a gold mine?
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: You don't know?
• 39:38
  Speaker 7: You don't know you got a gold mine? And you
• 39:42
  Speaker 7: can't do what needs to be done? Oh, it's a
• 39:46
  Speaker 7: privilege for you to be with me. This is how
• 39:50
  Speaker 7: people talk to their spouses.
• 39:52
  Speaker 5: When things go wrong.
• 39:54
  Speaker 7: You know, oh, you were privileged. You were privileged to
• 39:57
  Speaker 7: even be with me. You were privileged to even have
• 40:00
  Speaker 7: my time. You were privileged that I even looked at
• 40:03
  Speaker 7: you and all of this. Well, baby, he might feel
• 40:05
  Speaker 7: the same way.
• 40:07
  Speaker 5: You were privileged.
• 40:10
  Speaker 7: But sometimes we get high on ourselves and we forget
• 40:14
  Speaker 7: about the covenant.
• 40:16
  Speaker 5: That we made.
• 40:17
  Speaker 7: And then we become the competitor. Now we're competing against.
• 40:24
  Speaker 7: The one that we're supposed to love.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: And that's the part right there. You're supposed to love him.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: And here's the thing. If he was not this, that
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: or the other. Or vice versa. Why are you still
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: with him? Realize, know and understand. When you begin to
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: talk about your mate. And tell whomever about your mate.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: And you're talking about yourself. Yeah. Remember, you're still there.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: Right there with them. See? So you can't put them
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: down and place yourself up. Right. And we're still standing
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: here together.
• 41:05
  Speaker 7: Right. Right.
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: And that's the thing. You can't put somebody down without
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: being down with them. And that's the thing.
• 41:13
  Speaker 7: You can't hold them there without you being right there
• 41:16
  Speaker 7: along with them. And that's the sad part because you
• 41:19
  Speaker 7: see so many people that go through this, so many
• 41:23
  Speaker 7: people that run competition in their marriages. And it's sad.
• 41:28
  Speaker 7: It's sad to see that. It's sad to see husbands
• 41:33
  Speaker 7: and wife in competition with each other. trying to one-up
• 41:37
  Speaker 7: one another, trying to make sure that, you know, hey,
• 41:41
  Speaker 7: I did this before you did it and I got
• 41:44
  Speaker 7: this before you got it. It's not supposed to be
• 41:46
  Speaker 7: like that.
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: We're in a covenant.
• 41:49
  Speaker 7: That means that we have an agreement and we made
• 41:53
  Speaker 7: an agreement between ourselves before God to love each other,
• 41:58
  Speaker 7: to cherish each other, to take care of each other
• 42:01
  Speaker 7: in sickness and in.
• 42:03
  Speaker 5: Health, whether we rich or we poor. We right here together.
• 42:08
  Speaker 7: If we eat bologna sandwiches, which I don't like, but
• 42:12
  Speaker 7: if we eat bologna sandwiches, we eat bologna sandwiches together
• 42:16
  Speaker 7: and it's nobody's business.
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: We eat bologna.
• 42:20
  Speaker 7: If we don't have two nickels to rub together, We
• 42:24
  Speaker 7: gonna dust the land out of our pocket. We gonna
• 42:27
  Speaker 7: take what we have and we're gonna utilize it to
• 42:30
  Speaker 7: do what it is that we have to do. And
• 42:33
  Speaker 7: so that's the thing. You don't see that in marriages.
• 42:35
  Speaker 7: You see more of the competition. When we were in
• 42:39
  Speaker 7: a situation because we had other people that had their
• 42:44
  Speaker 7: hands in our finances and they made statements, oh, well,
• 42:49
  Speaker 7: we're gonna make sure that we get ours before you
• 42:52
  Speaker 7: get anything. And they tried. They really did. They tried
• 42:57
  Speaker 7: to do that. But one thing that we understand, even
• 43:00
  Speaker 7: in those type of situations, you know, when you blend
• 43:03
  Speaker 7: families together, then you have individuals that really don't want
• 43:08
  Speaker 7: to see you with who you're with. And so they
• 43:11
  Speaker 7: try to create all kinds of havoc and all kinds
• 43:16
  Speaker 7: of divisions. And your family, because they would rather you
• 43:21
  Speaker 7: be by yourself, broke, busted, and disgusted than to have
• 43:25
  Speaker 7: somebody that will stand with you. And so I stood
• 43:29
  Speaker 7: on the back end of a whole lot of stuff.
• 43:34
  Speaker 5: And I was affected by a whole lot of stuff.
• 43:38
  Speaker 7: But that never took any love that I had for
• 43:41
  Speaker 7: my husband away. That didn't take it away. So, okay,
• 43:46
  Speaker 7: so now this is what they're doing?
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Fine.
• 43:49
  Speaker 5: So that means that we got to regroup.
• 43:51
  Speaker 7: That means that we got to think differently. Okay, so
• 43:55
  Speaker 7: they don't want us to have anything. And so they
• 43:58
  Speaker 7: going to get theirs before we get ours. They going
• 44:01
  Speaker 7: to make sure of that. Okay, well, fine and good.
• 44:04
  Speaker 7: But what we have, we're going to take it and
• 44:06
  Speaker 7: we're going to put it together and we're going to
• 44:09
  Speaker 7: keep living. We're going to keep doing what we do.
• 44:12
  Speaker 7: And one thing that we know and we understand the
• 44:15
  Speaker 7: principles of tithing, the principles of sowing and reaping. And
• 44:18
  Speaker 7: that's what we did with the little that we had.
• 44:22
  Speaker 7: We took our little and placed it in his hand
• 44:25
  Speaker 7: so that he can make much. And so sometimes it
• 44:28
  Speaker 7: may have been, oh, well, we don't have gas enough.
• 44:31
  Speaker 5: For both cars during the week. So what we going
• 44:34
  Speaker 5: to do?
• 44:34
  Speaker 7: We going to fill up one car and we going
• 44:38
  Speaker 7: to go and do what we do.
• 44:39
  Speaker 5: We going to go to work. I'm going to take
• 44:41
  Speaker 5: you to work. I'm going to take the baby to school.
• 44:44
  Speaker 5: I'm going to go to work.
• 44:45
  Speaker 7: I'm going to get off and I'm going to do
• 44:47
  Speaker 7: it in reverse. I'm going to pick the baby up
• 44:49
  Speaker 7: and then we're going to come and pick you up
• 44:51
  Speaker 7: and we're going to go home. We're going to eat,
• 44:53
  Speaker 7: we're going to sleep and we're going to drink and
• 44:55
  Speaker 7: we're going to be married. Just what we were supposed
• 44:58
  Speaker 7: to do.
• 44:58
  Speaker 5: It did not matter.
• 44:59
  Speaker 7: And see, this is where so many people allow things
• 45:03
  Speaker 7: to happen in their marriage. When you have a blended family,
• 45:06
  Speaker 7: when you have a family where you have children that
• 45:11
  Speaker 7: are on the outside and And then you have a spouse.
• 45:16
  Speaker 7: You allow that to come in and.
• 45:18
  Speaker 5: Disrupt your house.
• 45:20
  Speaker 7: No, what you need to do is you need to
• 45:22
  Speaker 7: even get closer to your spouse. You need to get
• 45:26
  Speaker 7: closer to them so that you are able to make it.
• 45:32
  Speaker 7: And people don't want to see you happy. They want
• 45:35
  Speaker 7: to see you in a place. So now, yeah, let's
• 45:38
  Speaker 7: run this competition. So we're going to do this. This
• 45:41
  Speaker 7: is what we're going to do. And now when things
• 45:45
  Speaker 7: start to get all unraveled because of other people that
• 45:51
  Speaker 7: are in the mix that don't want to see your
• 45:53
  Speaker 7: marriage survive, they would rather.
• 45:56
  Speaker 5: You be alone.
• 45:58
  Speaker 7: You have to understand this is the time that we
• 46:01
  Speaker 7: come closest together. This is a time when the covenant
• 46:04
  Speaker 7: really stands the test of time. This is the time.
• 46:07
  Speaker 7: This is where we say, you know what? We stood
• 46:11
  Speaker 7: before God. And before man, and we took some vows
• 46:14
  Speaker 7: and we said whether we were sick or in good
• 46:17
  Speaker 7: health or whether we are rich or whether we are poor.
• 46:20
  Speaker 7: And baby, if we down to just eating a can
• 46:23
  Speaker 7: of our enos, you take three and I'll take three,
• 46:26
  Speaker 7: then that's what we're going to do.
• 46:28
  Speaker 5: That's what we're going to do.
• 46:30
  Speaker 7: If we don't have a glass to drink out of,
• 46:32
  Speaker 7: we only got the can that the vainas came out.
• 46:35
  Speaker 7: We're going to fill it up with some city punch
• 46:38
  Speaker 7: from the fountain and we're going to drink that and
• 46:40
  Speaker 7: we're going to be happy.
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: We're going to be together.
• 46:43
  Speaker 7: It's the thing that really determines if your marriage is
• 46:49
  Speaker 7: built on a foundation of love or if it's built
• 46:52
  Speaker 7: on something else.
• 46:53
  Speaker 5: Because when there is love, love covers everything. Love covers.
• 46:58
  Speaker 7: And the thing about it, people never knew the stuff
• 47:04
  Speaker 7: that we endured. They never knew what we went through.
• 47:07
  Speaker 7: They never knew that we were working basically on one paycheck.
• 47:12
  Speaker 7: They never knew that. They never knew the, the, the
• 47:16
  Speaker 7: things that we had to endure, how money was coming
• 47:20
  Speaker 7: out of our households, going to different households and people
• 47:25
  Speaker 7: that were receiving it. They were glad they were laughing
• 47:28
  Speaker 7: and they were using it for their own selfish means,
• 47:30
  Speaker 7: not using it for the purpose that they were getting
• 47:33
  Speaker 7: it for. but they were using it to better themselves
• 47:37
  Speaker 7: so that they could be in competition of what they
• 47:39
  Speaker 7: thought they saw. And so this is the thing that
• 47:43
  Speaker 7: we have to understand that, you know, it's something to.
• 47:47
  Speaker 5: Be in a marriage and to have outside competition, but it's.
• 47:53
  Speaker 7: A whole nother animal to be in a marriage and
• 47:56
  Speaker 7: have the competition from within. And so you got to
• 48:00
  Speaker 7: learn how to stand your ground in your marriage. And
• 48:06
  Speaker 7: when competition tries to come up, you have to cut
• 48:09
  Speaker 7: it off. You have to sever it because marriage is
• 48:14
  Speaker 7: no place for competition.
• 48:16
  Speaker 5: It's no place for it.
• 48:17
  Speaker 7: You have to understand that you're going to have all
• 48:20
  Speaker 7: this outside adversity. You're going to have all this other
• 48:23
  Speaker 7: competition and different things from the outside. So why would
• 48:27
  Speaker 7: you tear it down from the inside?
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: Because you don't have that. stability that you really want
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: and you don't know that you're tearing up what you
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: really need and you know a woman builds a house
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: you know and her husband makes the life worth living
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: so you got to be a woman and he definitely
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: got to be a man and a lot of times
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: it's not that in either event you got a whole
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: woman And no, man, you got a young man or
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: a child or you got a whole man and a
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: childish woman. You know, they hadn't matured enough to really
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: understand what life is. They're looking at what they see
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: on TV and what it looks like in somebody else's household.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: Like the old saying said, until you walk a mile
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: in my shoes, you don't know what it is. Exactly. See,
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: so you got to realize that it's about you and yours.
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: And that was always, that's always been my saying. It's
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: about me and mine. And after I take care of that,
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: if I'm able... and I choose to, then I'll help you.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: But I got to take care of what God has
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: given unto me.
• 49:46
  Speaker 5: Exactly.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: See, because if you able-bodied, then we can do this together.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: But see, sometimes God allows you to go through things
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: just to show you how strong the relationship can be.
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: People come into your life to bring havoc, but if
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: you turn the situation around, some people are assigned to
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: you to bring you grief, but it's If you accept
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: it as grief, that's what it'll be. I tell them,
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: thank you. See, because I know it's something good on
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: the other side of that. But you got to look
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: for it. You got to search for it like silver
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: and gold. You got to search for it. And then
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: once you start searching for it, guess what? You'll find it.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: If it's yours, because you know what? If this relationship
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: can stand the test of time, see what time does
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: Because time brings time. And see, the thing that used
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: to be your headache is now your laughing point. Because
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: you remember when they used to do this and they
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: used to do that? And now, look, we good. Wow.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: And you notice, they still in the same place. Because
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: God was teaching you how to stand through all adversity. Yes.
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: And once you learn to stand through all that adversity,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: people get upset. They get mad because you know what?
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: I have no more control. You take your power back
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: and you cling to the one that you and that
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: God allowed to be with you. The one that you said,
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: I want to spend the rest of my life with.
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: Remember the things that you came out your mind with
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: and remember why you got together. Stand on that. Then
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: you got it right. The world say stand on business.
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: I say stand on the relationship, the covenant that you
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: made with the individual that's beside you. Because at the
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: end of the day, I don't care how mad he
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: or she gets, let something happen to them. Now you're
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: running to make sure they're all right, but you're so mad.
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: That tells you right there. You're so upset and you
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: can't go nowhere. Really? Come on now. Don't get mad
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: to get out the house. Just go. Once you start training, see,
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: that's another form of training. When you start training people to, oh,
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be home at 630. I'm going to
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: be at 7 o'clock. Oh, I'm home. I'm home. Okay,
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: but you really want to go, go, go. Okay, now
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, it ain't got to be too much.
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: The weight is on your shoulders. Now you got to go. Well,
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: where you going? You been doing it all this time.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: Don't start it. Know that I love you. You love me.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: And guess what? They know they way back home. And
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: if they love you enough, they're not going to disrespect
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: you by coming in at all times and hours because
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: they know that ain't the right thing to do. Right.
• 52:41
  Speaker 7: So we're going to close on this note. A wise
• 52:47
  Speaker 7: woman builds her house and a fool plucketh it down
• 52:50
  Speaker 7: with her hands.
• 52:52
  Speaker 5: Ladies, listen. Marriage is a covenant and not a competition.
• 52:59
  Speaker 5: Treat it as such. and let the healing begin. Have
• 53:04
  Speaker 5: a great night, everybody. We'll see you guys next time.
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: You've been tuned in to Let the Healing Begin, where
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: we heal, grow, and rise. Through the word of God,
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: we pray tonight's show blessed your heart.
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: Now let the healing continue.
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: You came in heavy, carrying the pain.
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: But God stepped in and called your name.
• 53:51
  Speaker 4: What was broken, he can restore.
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: He's opening healing like never before. Tears may fall, but
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: joy will rise. Faith is waking up inside. Every wound,
• 54:17
  Speaker 3: every scar, every hidden thing. Lay it at the feet
• 54:24
  Speaker 3: of the King.
• 54:26
  Speaker 5: Let the healing begin. Let the peace flow in.
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: Let the Word restore your soul again. Let the healing begin.
• 54:41
  Speaker 5: Let your heart be.