Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / The Power of Showing Up for Your Happiness, Relationships and Success

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The Power of Showing Up for Your Happiness, Relationships and Success · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:12
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of Today.
0:17
Speaker 1: I feel like this is the tenth time in a
0:20
Speaker 1: row that my voice is husky and I've lost my voice.
0:23
Speaker 1: It is just I cannot get every time I get
0:26
Speaker 1: like a little bit sick, I can't shake a cough,
0:29
Speaker 1: and then the cough I'm pretty sure I'm no doctor,
0:32
Speaker 1: forces me to then lose my voice because I'm like coughing,
0:34
Speaker 1: cough and coughing, and I don't know if it's like
0:36
Speaker 1: my sleep's not as good as it used to be
0:37
Speaker 1: or whatever. But here I am again with a husky voice.
0:40
Speaker 1: So for those of you that have been with me
0:43
Speaker 1: since day one, this is very reminiscent of the early
0:47
Speaker 1: days of the podcast, where I was also teaching pilates
0:49
Speaker 1: like twenty plus classes a week, not projecting my voice properly,
0:53
Speaker 1: and straining my vocal cards within an inch of their life.
0:58
Speaker 1: So anyway, here we are. Now this episode of Today
1:03
Speaker 1: we're talking about I haven't figured out the title yet,
1:06
Speaker 1: but it's all about showing up. I'm going to be
1:08
Speaker 1: splitting it into two sections as showing up for other
1:11
Speaker 1: people and what that I mean, why that's so good
1:14
Speaker 1: for relationships? But selfishly what that does for yourself, so
1:18
Speaker 1: you know how it's like beneficial both ways and showing
1:21
Speaker 1: up for yourself consistently and what that can look like
1:24
Speaker 1: and how that can lead to overall success, not just
1:27
Speaker 1: professionally because of course yes, but also as far as
1:31
Speaker 1: genuine life satisfaction and genuinely feeling happy within yourself and
1:35
Speaker 1: feeling like you are on purpose and feeling like you
1:38
Speaker 1: are growing and feeling like you are hitting all those
1:40
Speaker 1: pillars of happiness that I talk about. So that is
1:43
Speaker 1: what we are talking about today. I also have a
1:45
Speaker 1: brain fact and we're going to be talking about brain
1:48
Speaker 1: fog and iron deficiency anemia. But before we get into that,
1:52
Speaker 1: if you are watching the video version of this, or
1:55
Speaker 1: if you're on socials watching this, I'm wearing the Argentina jersey.
2:00
Speaker 1: It is the World Cup, as I think anyone who's
2:02
Speaker 1: not living under a rock would know the men's football
2:06
Speaker 1: World Cup. And I'm wearing the Argentina jersey and I
2:10
Speaker 1: need to buy another three jerseys. So I love the
2:12
Speaker 1: World Cup. Just in general. I'm a huge, huge, huge,
2:14
Speaker 1: huge fan of football. My father is Argentinian, my mother
2:17
Speaker 1: is Uruguayan, and then my mom's extended family, grandparents, everything, Spanish,
2:23
Speaker 1: so I follow four teams passionately in the World Cup.
2:27
Speaker 1: So I've got four countries that I can go for
2:30
Speaker 1: so hard in the World Cup. And I feel like
2:32
Speaker 1: it's really cool to be able to really root very
2:34
Speaker 1: hard for four countries. So obviously Australia, my fuck and
2:37
Speaker 1: birth country, Uruguay, Argentina and Spain. Obviously, Argentina are the
2:43
Speaker 1: current World champions, so I'm wearing their jersey. I really
2:46
Speaker 1: need to get a soccer Uz jersey because yesterday I
2:48
Speaker 1: was watching the soccer Ho's the first soccer US match,
2:50
Speaker 1: and my anxiety, positive like healthy anxiety, was like peaking.
2:55
Speaker 1: It was just so intense, it was so emotional incredible. Anyway,
3:01
Speaker 1: I just absolutely love the World Cup. So you will
3:04
Speaker 1: see me in hopefully I'll get all the jerseys and
3:07
Speaker 1: you'll see me in like multiple jerseys throughout the World
3:09
Speaker 1: Cup and me just talking about how much I've loved
3:12
Speaker 1: the games. I will be waking up at two am.
3:14
Speaker 1: My voice will not recover, so just be prepared. Anyway,
3:18
Speaker 1: let's get into the topic. Also, Leonel Messi obsessed Anyway,
3:24
Speaker 1: the topic of today's no No, the brain fact of
3:26
Speaker 1: today and we're talking about this iron deficiency anemia now anemia,
3:32
Speaker 1: so that causes brain fog. Now, if you guys have
3:35
Speaker 1: brain fog and you've tried things that I've spoken about
3:38
Speaker 1: on the podcast, you've tried like you've really tied it
3:41
Speaker 1: up your sleep hygiene at night, you've really gotten off
3:45
Speaker 1: social media. You've done all the behavioral changes, and you've
3:48
Speaker 1: done them consistently, so you're not distracting yourself, you're time blocking,
3:53
Speaker 1: your monotasking, you are not on social media in the
3:55
Speaker 1: first hour or two of the day or in the evening,
3:58
Speaker 1: you're sleeping well, you're enough food, and you are still
4:04
Speaker 1: struggling with brain fog. And there isn't another major reason
4:07
Speaker 1: why that could be you may have low iron or
4:12
Speaker 1: you may have iron deficiency anemia specifically, which contributes to
4:16
Speaker 1: brain fog. And I'm going to explain why that is
4:18
Speaker 1: now when we're talking about anemia. Anemia is a medical
4:21
Speaker 1: condition which is characterized by a low red blood cell count. Okay,
4:27
Speaker 1: but there's kind of I'm not going to go into
4:30
Speaker 1: the details of it because I want to get into
4:31
Speaker 1: the brain fog side of things. But there's different things
4:33
Speaker 1: that can cause low iron and there's different kinds of anemia,
4:37
Speaker 1: but specifically we're talking about iron deficiency anemia, okay, which
4:40
Speaker 1: is I think one of the main kinds of anemia anyway.
4:43
Speaker 1: So the reason this kind of anemia can cause brain
4:46
Speaker 1: fog is because you are getting a reduction in oxygen
4:50
Speaker 1: supply to your brain, which is pretty scary if you
4:53
Speaker 1: think about it, because the brain consumes roughly twenty percent
4:56
Speaker 1: of your body's oxygen, which is a lot considering how
5:00
Speaker 1: many other organs we have in the body and how
5:02
Speaker 1: much kind of output certain organs in the body require
5:06
Speaker 1: energy output and all of that. So low hemoglobin levels
5:11
Speaker 1: will severely impact how focused you are, your attention, your
5:16
Speaker 1: mental sharpness, your memory, your ability to concentrate. It's going
5:19
Speaker 1: to impact all of that. So if you've got this
5:22
Speaker 1: mental fatigue or this constant brain fog and you can't
5:25
Speaker 1: seem to shake it through these behavioral changes, it's important
5:29
Speaker 1: to maybe look into getting tested for iron deficiency anemia.
5:34
Speaker 1: Go to the GP and say, I really want to
5:36
Speaker 1: get tested for this because I've done everything and i
5:39
Speaker 1: still have this brain fog and I'm really struggling to concentrate,
5:41
Speaker 1: and I've looked at the other co founding factors, and
5:43
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem to be those things, So why does
5:46
Speaker 1: it cause brain fog? So, like I said, it's got
5:48
Speaker 1: this reduced oxygen transport. Iron is absolutely crucial for making hemoglobin,
5:55
Speaker 1: and that's the protein in the red blood cells that
5:58
Speaker 1: move iron through like that move sorry oxygen through the blood.
6:03
Speaker 1: And when you don't have enough iron, then you're not
6:07
Speaker 1: getting enough oxygen to your brain cells. You're not able
6:09
Speaker 1: to get that transportation of oxygen to the brain cells.
6:12
Speaker 1: And because the brain takes a twenty percent of the
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Speaker 1: body's oxygen, we're going to see a significant decline in
6:19
Speaker 1: cognitive ability as one of the key kind of symptoms
6:25
Speaker 1: of having this low iron and anemia. So then because
6:28
Speaker 1: of that, you're going to get, you know, difficulty concentrating,
6:31
Speaker 1: You're going to be slower at processing things, you're going
6:34
Speaker 1: to have poor memory. And this is all because of
6:36
Speaker 1: low iron, and it's all because of poor oxygen transportation
6:40
Speaker 1: to the regions of the brain that we need. This
6:42
Speaker 1: is why separate to this, this is why I always
6:44
Speaker 1: talk about when we're talking about longevity and health span,
6:48
Speaker 1: the importance of doing things that's going to maintain the
6:52
Speaker 1: health of blood transportation throughout the brain, which ultimately will
6:57
Speaker 1: hopefully even like with or without iron, like for everyone,
7:01
Speaker 1: whether you've got an iron deficiency or whether you don't,
7:03
Speaker 1: the importance of having healthy blood flow to the brain,
7:07
Speaker 1: to all parts of the brain, because when you don't
7:09
Speaker 1: get oxygen to those parts of the brain very very quickly,
7:12
Speaker 1: you'll start to notice cognitive decline, whether it's acute short
7:15
Speaker 1: term or whether it's prolonged long term. And if you
7:17
Speaker 1: are suffering from low blood flow and low oxygen levels
7:22
Speaker 1: in the brain, then you may then suffer when if
7:25
Speaker 1: this is chronic and long term, you may suffer atrophy
7:28
Speaker 1: in the brain. This is where you're seeing shrinkage in
7:30
Speaker 1: the brain because we're not getting adequate nutrients too, like
7:33
Speaker 1: the areas of the brain that we need, So very
7:36
Speaker 1: important for you guys to get tested for this if
7:40
Speaker 1: you think that you may have it. Another symptom to
7:43
Speaker 1: watch out for is like depression, chronic stress, things that
7:47
Speaker 1: would mimic burnout, And one of them is like easily
7:53
Speaker 1: physically fatigued. So things like just going for like a
7:56
Speaker 1: brisk walk, you're more puffed out than you normally would
7:59
Speaker 1: have been, feeling exhausted after a full night sleep of
8:03
Speaker 1: what we believe is uninterrupted and you wake up and
8:05
Speaker 1: you could easily go to sleep again, or you're gonna
8:08
Speaker 1: need anap in the afternoon. You're just feeling exhausted. Your
8:11
Speaker 1: physical appearance, you look tired. So this is your skin
8:16
Speaker 1: just doesn't look doesn't have that healthy glow. You look malnourished,
8:20
Speaker 1: basically like pale skin. The inside of your lower eyelids
8:23
Speaker 1: to be super pale. That's something to look out for.
8:26
Speaker 1: And then another thing is like brittle nails and hair.
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Speaker 1: This is definitely not always a sign for because if
8:32
Speaker 1: you've got everything is healthy and you feel fine and
8:34
Speaker 1: you're just someone that happens to have brittle nails on hair,
8:36
Speaker 1: that doesn't necessarily mean that you've got an emia. Okay,
8:39
Speaker 1: but this is one of the symptoms you know when
8:41
Speaker 1: you bunch it all together. And then a really interesting
8:44
Speaker 1: one that I saw was this unusual cravings for things
8:47
Speaker 1: that are non food items, like it's like crunching on ice.
8:51
Speaker 1: This is new to me, so when I was doing that,
8:53
Speaker 1: when I was reading up on this for the sprain fact,
8:55
Speaker 1: I was like, I did not actually know that. So
8:57
Speaker 1: things that you can do, of course get a blood
8:58
Speaker 1: test figure out what's going on. If you do have it,
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Speaker 1: I'm sure that your doctor would give you, depending on
9:03
Speaker 1: how low your iron is, something to supplement it or
9:06
Speaker 1: like like whether it's iron supplements or if that's not
9:10
Speaker 1: going to cut it, you get an actual iron infusion
9:12
Speaker 1: that's going to make a huge difference to your energy levels.
9:15
Speaker 1: It will be day and night how you feel differently
9:18
Speaker 1: because you're getting that oxygen, the proper oxygen transportation to
9:21
Speaker 1: the brain, but then you're obviously throughout the whole body
9:24
Speaker 1: as well, and you're going to feel like a million bucks.
9:26
Speaker 1: But then of course making changes in your diet, so
9:29
Speaker 1: really include iron rich foods in your diet, red meat,
9:33
Speaker 1: Like for me, if I'm feeling a little bit like down,
9:36
Speaker 1: I'm like, I need to have steak tonight, or you know,
9:39
Speaker 1: if you're a vegetarian, you're having lentils, leafy greens, also
9:45
Speaker 1: like fish, poultry. And then importantly, if possible, pair these
9:51
Speaker 1: foods with vitamin C in your diet, because vitamin C
9:54
Speaker 1: actually helps your body absorb iron better, which I feel
9:58
Speaker 1: like should be a whole brain fact on its own.
10:00
Speaker 1: Why does vitamin say help your body absorb iron better?
10:03
Speaker 1: Maybe that's for next week or the week after whatever.
10:06
Speaker 1: So that is the brain fact of today. Now we're
10:08
Speaker 1: going to get into the topic of today's episode. I'm
10:10
Speaker 1: going to, like I said, I'm going to break it
10:11
Speaker 1: down into two parts. We're going to be talking about
10:13
Speaker 1: showing up for other people, and then I'm going to
10:15
Speaker 1: be talking about showing up for yourself. The first thing
10:20
Speaker 1: I want to talk about is showing up for other
10:24
Speaker 1: people and why this is so important for your relationships,
10:29
Speaker 1: for your overall life satisfaction, and also how that can
10:33
Speaker 1: rewire your brain. When you start showing up for people
10:37
Speaker 1: around you, the people in your inner circle, the people
10:39
Speaker 1: that are close to you, and also other people here
10:42
Speaker 1: and there, but overall, I'm talking about the relationships that
10:44
Speaker 1: you already have in your life. When you start doing
10:47
Speaker 1: that consistently, and when you start changing your tune of
10:49
Speaker 1: how you show up for other people, you are going
10:52
Speaker 1: to actually rewire your brain. Because before I talk about
10:57
Speaker 1: ways that you can start showing up. The reason this
10:59
Speaker 1: happens is because when you do things that are social
11:04
Speaker 1: and supportive and helpful to other people, when you make
11:07
Speaker 1: yourself useful, really useful, you start to release neurochemicals such
11:12
Speaker 1: as serotonin, it's that feel good neurochemical, it's that gratitude
11:16
Speaker 1: kind of that get released when we feel gratitude. Oxytocin,
11:19
Speaker 1: it's that bonding neurochemical dopamine. We're getting all these natural
11:24
Speaker 1: neurochemicals that boost our mood for starters, lower our stress overall,
11:31
Speaker 1: and it also gives us a stronger sense of purpose. Okay,
11:36
Speaker 1: so when we have these neurochemicals go up, when we're
11:39
Speaker 1: feeling better about ourselves, when we're feeling like less stressed,
11:43
Speaker 1: when we're feeling like we've got some you know, like
11:46
Speaker 1: some meaning in what we are doing, then we feel
11:49
Speaker 1: like we are living a life that is on purpose.
11:51
Speaker 1: And I genuinely believe that it's really hard to feel
11:55
Speaker 1: like you have a purpose in your life if you
11:57
Speaker 1: are not factoring in your position in your community or
12:02
Speaker 1: in your society. And your purpose might also be, you know,
12:08
Speaker 1: helping nature, the environment or animals, this way of feeling
12:12
Speaker 1: useful and connected. But I believe that a purpose must
12:16
Speaker 1: have to do with you making yourself off value of
12:19
Speaker 1: use to the community around you. I don't think a
12:23
Speaker 1: purpose is something that you can do completely isolated in
12:27
Speaker 1: isolation and feel like you are fully validated, like feeling
12:31
Speaker 1: on purpose. It could be something small. You don't have
12:34
Speaker 1: to be saving lives, you don't have to be affecting
12:38
Speaker 1: thousands of people, but it is something that you think,
12:41
Speaker 1: I feel useful. I feel like I'm contributing. And when
12:45
Speaker 1: you look at older people who are already you know,
12:48
Speaker 1: like in their nineties or older, the ones that seem
12:51
Speaker 1: to still maintain really good social connections and still feel
12:55
Speaker 1: really happy and are able to live independently are those
12:59
Speaker 1: that are still feeling useful in life. They are still
13:02
Speaker 1: contributing in some way, shape or form, whether they're volunteering,
13:05
Speaker 1: whether they're still working, whether they hold a job, no
13:07
Speaker 1: matter what the job is, but they feel like I'm
13:09
Speaker 1: playing a role. I have a role to play, and
13:12
Speaker 1: people need me, and people need what I have to offer.
13:17
Speaker 1: Maybe it's it doesn't matter what the job is, but
13:19
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm one piece in this puzzle that is
13:22
Speaker 1: our society, and it's important. And then you feel good,
13:26
Speaker 1: you feel validated, you feel useful, and therefore you are
13:31
Speaker 1: able to have that purpose. That's why I always say
13:33
Speaker 1: to people, your purpose does not have to be your career.
13:35
Speaker 1: Absolutely does not have to be your career. Your purpose
13:38
Speaker 1: could be something that is more emotional based, or something
13:42
Speaker 1: that you do, you know, with your friends and family,
13:44
Speaker 1: but it's not something that generates an income. Your purpose
13:47
Speaker 1: could be I want to just like I always say,
13:50
Speaker 1: you don't know what your purpose is, just start by
13:51
Speaker 1: making three strangers smile every day, whether it's to a compliment,
13:54
Speaker 1: whether it's just eye contact and smiling, and then they
13:56
Speaker 1: smile back, and then you start feeling like, oh my god,
13:59
Speaker 1: I was a to affect someone's mood, even if just
14:02
Speaker 1: for a moment, And then you know what that feels
14:04
Speaker 1: like for you Selfishly, you think, well, yeah, I made
14:07
Speaker 1: their day, But I feel really good about myself right now.
14:11
Speaker 1: So what other ways can I encourage that feeling in
14:14
Speaker 1: myself and get more of that. So doing things like
14:18
Speaker 1: that for yourself, you're going to obviously, like I said,
14:20
Speaker 1: it will alter your brain chemistry. You're going to start
14:21
Speaker 1: to feel you know, it's going to lower this like
14:23
Speaker 1: chronic stress. You're going to lower that chronic stress. You're
14:27
Speaker 1: going to be able to balance your hormones and your
14:29
Speaker 1: neurochemicals a little bit better. When you start enhancing your
14:33
Speaker 1: serotone and your duber Men, your oxytocin and all of this.
14:36
Speaker 1: Another important thing is your focus will begin to shift.
14:39
Speaker 1: So for people that are really that have very low
14:42
Speaker 1: self esteem, this is one of the best things you
14:44
Speaker 1: can be doing to increase your self esteem. When people
14:47
Speaker 1: really struggle with depression and self esteem, a lot of
14:50
Speaker 1: the time they focus inwardly on things that they don't
14:54
Speaker 1: like about themselves. So when you're able to direct that
14:57
Speaker 1: attention from yourself and things that you don't like about
15:00
Speaker 1: yourself and things that you are always like, you might
15:02
Speaker 1: be holding yourself back from doing things because you think
15:04
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to do that. I
15:05
Speaker 1: can't like you're focusing so negatively on yourself. When you're
15:08
Speaker 1: able to divert that attention into something else or someone
15:12
Speaker 1: else whill you're able to contribute, you actually give yourself
15:17
Speaker 1: a break from worrying and these negative thought patterns, and
15:21
Speaker 1: then you're able to kind of move it to like
15:24
Speaker 1: I've actually helped this person, or I've helped this animal,
15:26
Speaker 1: or I've volunteered here, or I've given this person a
15:29
Speaker 1: piece of knowledge, and then you're like, I actually have
15:30
Speaker 1: something to offer. Let's say you've got really low self esteem.
15:34
Speaker 1: But you're very very good at web development. And a
15:39
Speaker 1: friend of yours says, oh, you know, I'm trying to
15:41
Speaker 1: build this website or whatever, and you think, you know what,
15:43
Speaker 1: why don't I give you an hour of my time
15:46
Speaker 1: and I'll sit down with you and I'll help you
15:48
Speaker 1: tweak a few things here. So you go and sit
15:50
Speaker 1: down and you help them tweak things. And for you,
15:52
Speaker 1: what's just second nature, and you don't even think about
15:54
Speaker 1: it much. This person's like, oh my god, you've saved
15:56
Speaker 1: me so much time. You have saved me so much time.
15:59
Speaker 1: Thank you. I really appreciate it. And for you, that
16:02
Speaker 1: one hour that you donated to this person, you think,
16:05
Speaker 1: oh my god, I actually feel useful. I was able
16:08
Speaker 1: to do something good for someone else. Okay, so that
16:11
Speaker 1: shifted focus is really really good when people struggle with
16:13
Speaker 1: self esteem or depression. Of course, then the next thing
16:16
Speaker 1: is social connections. You feel more connected with other people,
16:19
Speaker 1: your oxytocin goes up. It's like that bonding. We're like
16:24
Speaker 1: enhancing these deeper connections, and this directly is going against
16:29
Speaker 1: this loneliness that we feel. And then the next thing,
16:32
Speaker 1: because of all of this out our self worth is
16:35
Speaker 1: going to start going up and up and up, and
16:37
Speaker 1: then of course increased self worth is a big one.
16:40
Speaker 1: Now I'm going to give you a couple of things
16:42
Speaker 1: that you can actually do, socially actionable things that you
16:46
Speaker 1: can put into practice. That's going to make a difference,
16:49
Speaker 1: and it's going to increase these neurochemicals. It's going to
16:53
Speaker 1: increase your levels of your self esteem, it's going to
16:56
Speaker 1: give you more purpose, and you are going to really
16:59
Speaker 1: feel more skl cessful. So when we talk about professional success,
17:04
Speaker 1: that's in the next section of this episode, where I
17:06
Speaker 1: talk about showing up for yourself, but when we're talking
17:08
Speaker 1: about showing up for other people, this is the kind
17:10
Speaker 1: of success that a lot of people talk about in
17:13
Speaker 1: the sense of like most of my listener questions when
17:15
Speaker 1: people write to me are around issues that they're having
17:18
Speaker 1: with relationships or how do I find a good partner,
17:20
Speaker 1: or how do I improve my romantic relationship? Or how
17:23
Speaker 1: do I find good friends? Or how do I attract
17:27
Speaker 1: good friends into my life? How do I improve my friendship?
17:29
Speaker 1: So I feel like I've got a tight knit, like
17:32
Speaker 1: good friendship circle where we respect each other. So all
17:35
Speaker 1: these things will help you. Now what I'm talking about
17:38
Speaker 1: right now. I want you to obviously take what I
17:41
Speaker 1: say with a grain of salt. I don't even know
17:43
Speaker 1: if that's that's what I'm trying to if that's the saying.
17:46
Speaker 1: But when I tell you that you've got to be
17:49
Speaker 1: doing things for other people, you've got to inconvenience yourself.
17:51
Speaker 1: You've got to be doing all these things. This obviously
17:54
Speaker 1: goes if you feel that the relationship is reciprocal, or
17:59
Speaker 1: if you feel if you don't feel like you're being
18:01
Speaker 1: walked all over. There are going to be circumstances where
18:04
Speaker 1: you follow everything I tell you to do, and then
18:06
Speaker 1: there's an individual in your life who will take that
18:08
Speaker 1: and try and milk you for what you're worth and
18:10
Speaker 1: all that. In that scenario, I still recommend you act
18:14
Speaker 1: this way to all your friends. And if someone then
18:16
Speaker 1: takes you for granted, takes the piss, tries to walk
18:19
Speaker 1: all over you never reciprocates, then it was well worth
18:22
Speaker 1: it behaving in this way and doing what I'm going
18:25
Speaker 1: to suggest, because then you don't have any any questions unanswered.
18:30
Speaker 1: You are able to say I showed up as the
18:33
Speaker 1: best version of myself, and this is how they treated me.
18:36
Speaker 1: Now I know how to move forward with this relationship,
18:38
Speaker 1: and I'll distance myself from this person, or I don't
18:40
Speaker 1: need to be their friend, or I don't need to
18:41
Speaker 1: be in a relationship, a romantic relationship with them because
18:44
Speaker 1: they don't value me. Okay, when people talk about people
18:50
Speaker 1: having to earn their time or their trust or whatever,
18:54
Speaker 1: I personally look at it differently. When I start a relationship,
18:57
Speaker 1: they get the best of me from the beginning, and
18:59
Speaker 1: it is up to you to maintain that or to
19:03
Speaker 1: lose it. I'm not going to stand there and give
19:06
Speaker 1: you the dregs of me and say the better you
19:09
Speaker 1: are to me, the nicer I'll be to you. You know,
19:11
Speaker 1: when people enter a relationship and say, well, if you've
19:14
Speaker 1: just entered a relationship, you have to earn my trust.
19:16
Speaker 1: If I'm entering a romantic relationship, I look at it differently.
19:19
Speaker 1: I will give you all my trust. I have no
19:21
Speaker 1: reason not to trust you. It is this beautiful standard
19:25
Speaker 1: of trust and it is yours to break. So if
19:27
Speaker 1: you don't break it, then I'm going to trust you wholeheartedly,
19:30
Speaker 1: and we're going to start on a really high note.
19:32
Speaker 1: I don't think it's healthy to start a relationship where
19:35
Speaker 1: someone has to scramble and earn things from you and
19:38
Speaker 1: start with distrust and start with you thinking the worst
19:42
Speaker 1: of them personally. That's what I believe. Okay, now having
19:49
Speaker 1: said what I've said, this is what I recommend you do.
19:51
Speaker 1: The first thing is inconvenience yourself for other people. How
19:56
Speaker 1: often are you actually inconveniencing yourself for your friends, whether
19:59
Speaker 1: it is going out of your way, giving your time
20:02
Speaker 1: to someone, doing a favor, cooking a meal for someone,
20:06
Speaker 1: picking up something for them, dropping this person off somewhere.
20:11
Speaker 1: I was watching this, I think it was I don't
20:13
Speaker 1: know where it was anyway, but this woman was saying,
20:16
Speaker 1: you know, people are so quick to be like, oh
20:19
Speaker 1: my god, my friend just asked me to do that,
20:21
Speaker 1: and it's such an inconvenience. And this woman was saying,
20:24
Speaker 1: if you're not inconveniencing yourself two or three times a
20:26
Speaker 1: week for the people around you, then you are the problem.
20:30
Speaker 1: When people talk about everyone wants a village, but no
20:33
Speaker 1: one wants to be the village, that's the issue. You know,
20:35
Speaker 1: we're so used to outsourcing everything or doing things for
20:39
Speaker 1: ourself that when someone asks a favor from us, it's like, oh,
20:43
Speaker 1: don't they realize that that's going to cut out an
20:46
Speaker 1: hour of my day, or don't they realize that this
20:48
Speaker 1: is an inconvenience because now I have to do And
20:50
Speaker 1: it's fine. You can say that and you can feel
20:52
Speaker 1: that it's an inconvenience. And certain things might be too
20:55
Speaker 1: much of an inconvenience, Like let's say you're allergic to
20:57
Speaker 1: dogs and someone says, can you mind my dog? That's
21:00
Speaker 1: fair enough inconvenience that you probably don't want to handle
21:02
Speaker 1: because you'll be blowing up in hives. So that's fine.
21:05
Speaker 1: But if we're saying someone's asking you to pick them
21:09
Speaker 1: up on the way or drop them off home and
21:11
Speaker 1: it's going to be a thirty minute longer route, But
21:14
Speaker 1: whatever are you willing to do these things? Are you
21:17
Speaker 1: willing to inconvenience yourself for your friends? Where you go
21:20
Speaker 1: out of your way and think carefully, ask yourself, really,
21:25
Speaker 1: how often am I actually doing that for people around me,
21:28
Speaker 1: for the people that I care for? And then think
21:30
Speaker 1: about it. If you're in a romantic relationship, when I
21:34
Speaker 1: start my day or when you start your day, do
21:37
Speaker 1: you think do you ever pause and think what can
21:40
Speaker 1: I do today that's going to make my partner's day
21:43
Speaker 1: a little bit easier, a little bit easier. What can
21:46
Speaker 1: I be doing? Imagine if you thought that about your partner,
21:49
Speaker 1: and if your partner thought that about you, think of
21:52
Speaker 1: all the things that you could do to take the
21:54
Speaker 1: load of the other person. And when you take the
21:56
Speaker 1: load of them, not only are you helping them, but
21:58
Speaker 1: you're also feeling good. And then if it's a healthy relationship,
22:02
Speaker 1: they're reciprocating and they're doing something for you. So then
22:05
Speaker 1: instead of relationships feeling like such hard work, you start
22:09
Speaker 1: to make each other's life easier. Like, yes, relationships can
22:13
Speaker 1: be hard work in other areas, but on a day
22:15
Speaker 1: to day basis, a healthy relationship should make the partner's
22:19
Speaker 1: life easier. That's the aim. How can I make my partner?
22:22
Speaker 1: How can I make my friend's day easier? How can
22:25
Speaker 1: I make my neighbor's day easier? Whatever? Are you ever
22:28
Speaker 1: doing that? So? The next thing is following through with
22:31
Speaker 1: your word unless you have a legitimate reason not to.
22:34
Speaker 1: If you say you're going to do something, do it.
22:37
Speaker 1: And if you are the worst at following through with
22:40
Speaker 1: your word, then the one thing I recommend before you
22:43
Speaker 1: start making promises is stop giving your word, Stop giving
22:46
Speaker 1: your word. Stop saying yeah, I'll be there, knowing you're
22:50
Speaker 1: going to cancel, or yeah I'll like I can do that.
22:53
Speaker 1: Another big one is when people say here if you need,
22:56
Speaker 1: I'm here if you need. I think, who was it
22:59
Speaker 1: that spoke about. Is there's someone who's really good on
23:03
Speaker 1: his who is it? Anyway? If someone's being interviewed, and
23:05
Speaker 1: he said one of the worst things you can do
23:07
Speaker 1: when someone's going through a hard time is to say,
23:10
Speaker 1: if you need anything, I'm just a phone call away.
23:12
Speaker 1: That's actually not helpful because when someone's going through a
23:14
Speaker 1: really hard time, or if someone's overwhelmed, if someone's busy,
23:16
Speaker 1: or they've just had a baby, or all these things,
23:18
Speaker 1: the last thing they want to do is feel like
23:20
Speaker 1: they're a burden. So it's all well and good for
23:22
Speaker 1: you to say, oh, here if you need. You've just
23:24
Speaker 1: lost a family member, and I'm here if you need.
23:26
Speaker 1: Just reach out. You feel like I've done something good.
23:29
Speaker 1: But the way he was explaining it is like you've
23:31
Speaker 1: literally just unburdened yourself. You've said, well, I've just I've offered.
23:36
Speaker 1: I've offered, so I've done what i can do, and
23:38
Speaker 1: I'm not like this isn't an attack. I think we're
23:40
Speaker 1: all so I've done it so many times where we say, well,
23:43
Speaker 1: you know, I've just I've offered. I've offered, and they
23:45
Speaker 1: know I'm here. But we all know it from personal experience,
23:48
Speaker 1: when you're going through a hard time, you feel bad
23:50
Speaker 1: reaching out and asking. Unless they are like the closest
23:53
Speaker 1: person in your life, maybe you don't feel that bad asking,
23:55
Speaker 1: but in general, you're not going to reach out to
23:58
Speaker 1: this person and say, oh, hey, you're not my best friend,
24:01
Speaker 1: but do you mind like cooking me dinner and bringing
24:03
Speaker 1: it over? Because I just I don't have the bandwidth
24:06
Speaker 1: to do that tonight. I'm just really struggling. You're not
24:09
Speaker 1: going to do that. So instead you got to think
24:11
Speaker 1: instead of me saying, if you're ever in a position
24:15
Speaker 1: where you're about to say, oh my god, I heard
24:17
Speaker 1: what happened, it's awful. If you need anything, let me know,
24:21
Speaker 1: think what could I actually offer them? Could I cook
24:24
Speaker 1: them something? Could I say do you need me to like?
24:27
Speaker 1: For example, when I first had the twins, my best
24:30
Speaker 1: friend live would call me and say, hey, I'm five
24:33
Speaker 1: minutes away. I'm just walking my dog. Let me pick
24:35
Speaker 1: up herbib and I'll walk him too. That is huge, huge,
24:40
Speaker 1: because if Tyrone wasn't at home and I was alone
24:42
Speaker 1: with the kids, there's no way in hell I could
24:43
Speaker 1: manage the twin prime plus hubib. So for her to
24:46
Speaker 1: just drop in and say, let me take your dog out,
24:48
Speaker 1: and she'd take him to the park and bring hibouck
24:49
Speaker 1: massive massive. I don't feel as guilty as a dog mum.
24:54
Speaker 1: A bib got to play with her dog. She's gone
24:56
Speaker 1: and done something, and she's just taken that burden off
24:58
Speaker 1: my hands, like beauty. So think about like and notice
25:02
Speaker 1: how that's not like it's crazy financial gesture. It's not
25:06
Speaker 1: some grass, but it meant so much. So things like
25:09
Speaker 1: that are so important and they mean so much to people.
25:14
Speaker 1: When Live was about to have her baby, I went
25:17
Speaker 1: over and I said, we're going to prep all this
25:20
Speaker 1: food together before the baby comes. So you've got all
25:23
Speaker 1: this food ready in and so we made all these
25:26
Speaker 1: emp and others. We made Aaron Cheni balls, all this stuff.
25:29
Speaker 1: So then she had all this frozen food that her
25:31
Speaker 1: and her partner could eat without thinking about cooking once
25:35
Speaker 1: the baby came. So like little things like that that
25:37
Speaker 1: you can do, whether it's your time, like a lot
25:40
Speaker 1: of them is. Giving your time is going to make
25:42
Speaker 1: such a huge difference, and it's going to make your
25:44
Speaker 1: friends feel so heard and cared for. Couldn't recommend it
25:48
Speaker 1: high sense. Now, the next thing that I want you
25:54
Speaker 1: to do is stop This is kind of I've already
25:56
Speaker 1: kind of mentioned this, but this is really important, especially
26:00
Speaker 1: well in every relationship, but especially in when you're in
26:03
Speaker 1: a romantic relationship like a partner, your life partner. Stop
26:08
Speaker 1: focusing on doing a big, grand gesture in place of
26:14
Speaker 1: doing all the little times that you've shown up day
26:17
Speaker 1: in day out, day in day out. That's a huge mistake.
26:20
Speaker 1: So people say, oh, but I bought you this fucking
26:23
Speaker 1: crazy expensive thing, or I went and took you out
26:26
Speaker 1: to this really lavish dinner last month, or I X
26:30
Speaker 1: y Z. They focus on these big gestures that maybe
26:34
Speaker 1: cost a lot of money or looked really impressive, but
26:38
Speaker 1: they're not there showing up day in day out unloading
26:41
Speaker 1: the dishwasher, you know, giving you an hour of your
26:46
Speaker 1: time while they take the kids, or whatever it is,
26:48
Speaker 1: whatever it is where you're not working as a team
26:51
Speaker 1: and you feel like this person is not showing up
26:53
Speaker 1: for me. I'm burdened, And unfortunately it's just often it's
26:58
Speaker 1: women that are the ones burden with more of the
27:00
Speaker 1: house tasks of men. But in general, whatever where you
27:03
Speaker 1: feel like they'll turn around and then do one big
27:06
Speaker 1: gesture and think, Okay, now I'm good for the next month,
27:08
Speaker 1: that's a huge problem. So with your partner and with
27:12
Speaker 1: your friends, make sure that you're not kind of buying
27:15
Speaker 1: the silence by doing one big gesture and thinking, am
27:19
Speaker 1: I actually showing up every single day to actually take
27:21
Speaker 1: the load of this person on like regularly. And if
27:26
Speaker 1: your partner is someone that does that, then it's I
27:29
Speaker 1: think important for you to speak to your partner and say,
27:31
Speaker 1: you know what the grand gestures should be the icing
27:34
Speaker 1: They don't replace the small every day showing up. They
27:39
Speaker 1: can't because you will be burnt out. And what good
27:42
Speaker 1: is a beautiful week away once every year if you
27:46
Speaker 1: are burnt the fuck out, it's useless. It means nothing.
27:52
Speaker 1: One week away of haha. If you then going to
27:54
Speaker 1: go back to this really burnt out lifestyle is pointless,
27:58
Speaker 1: and you then resent this person because you think for
28:00
Speaker 1: you it was so easy. You just you know, if
28:02
Speaker 1: you've got a job where you make a lot of money,
28:03
Speaker 1: you were able to afford it, no problem, But where
28:05
Speaker 1: are you showing your time for me, for the family,
28:08
Speaker 1: for the household, day in day out, day in day out.
28:11
Speaker 1: This is what burns relationships like crazy. Okay, So we
28:16
Speaker 1: don't want this occasional grand gesture in place of the
28:19
Speaker 1: daily moments. That consistency day to day is what provides
28:24
Speaker 1: a really healthy attachment in a couple, okay. And it
28:27
Speaker 1: builds resilience in a relationship where you can actually rely
28:30
Speaker 1: on each other. The worst thing in the world is
28:32
Speaker 1: you've got a partner that you're like, oh, no, I
28:34
Speaker 1: can't I can't lean on them. I can't rely on them.
28:37
Speaker 1: I know they're going to give me this thing, and
28:39
Speaker 1: they're very generous financially, but I know I can't rely
28:41
Speaker 1: on them. That's a big problem. So if that's them,
28:44
Speaker 1: pull them up on it, talk to them about it,
28:49
Speaker 1: because yeah, And another thing is if you ever feel
28:51
Speaker 1: like you are a burden to your partner by asking
28:53
Speaker 1: them to do something consistently, why do you feel that is?
28:57
Speaker 1: Is it because the standard has been set and you're
29:00
Speaker 1: both just used to that standard. Why you feeling like
29:02
Speaker 1: a burden to your partner. That should never be the case.
29:05
Speaker 1: So that is the first section that's showing up for
29:08
Speaker 1: other people in a nutshell. The ways you can do
29:11
Speaker 1: it is inconvenience yourself for other people multiple times a week.
29:15
Speaker 1: And it's not the same person multiple times, like at
29:17
Speaker 1: least three times a week or two times a week.
29:19
Speaker 1: You want to say, yep, I went out of my
29:20
Speaker 1: way for somebody in my circle. Next one is give
29:25
Speaker 1: up your time for other people. Giving up your time
29:27
Speaker 1: and it doesn't have to be a lot of time,
29:29
Speaker 1: but it's a gesture that shows that you are there
29:32
Speaker 1: for them. That is what makes a good friend. The
29:34
Speaker 1: next one is follow through with your word unless you
29:36
Speaker 1: can't give your word, in which case stop giving your word.
29:39
Speaker 1: The next one is change your mindset to what value
29:43
Speaker 1: can I provide to that person and not what are
29:47
Speaker 1: they providing to me? And hopefully eventually that becomes a
29:50
Speaker 1: reciprocal thing. Another one is get good at preempting other
29:54
Speaker 1: people's needs. So instead of saying here if you need,
29:56
Speaker 1: you think what could What is it that they're struggling
29:59
Speaker 1: with right now? Is it that they can't leave the
30:01
Speaker 1: house because they're sick, or they've got a kid, what
30:03
Speaker 1: could I do that would make it easy. I could
30:04
Speaker 1: pick up some groceries and drop it off. Is it that? Whatever? Okay,
30:11
Speaker 1: And then don't focus on grand gestures over the small ones.
30:15
Speaker 1: If you're already doing the small ones. The grand gesture
30:17
Speaker 1: is beautiful by all means, go nuts, but don't think
30:20
Speaker 1: that that's a replacement for the every day showing up. Okay.
30:23
Speaker 1: Your partner should be able to rely on you consistently
30:27
Speaker 1: and not think, oh, well, you know, they did that
30:29
Speaker 1: one really nice thing for me three months ago, so
30:32
Speaker 1: I feel bad asking for this. That's not good enough.
30:34
Speaker 1: Now we're moving on to personal showing up for yourself.
30:37
Speaker 1: Woody Allen said that famous quote of eighty percent of
30:40
Speaker 1: success is showing up, or the other quote is you
30:43
Speaker 1: have to be in it to win it, meaning that
30:45
Speaker 1: if you're not physically there, if you are not present
30:48
Speaker 1: showing up, rocking up, doing that thing being available, then
30:53
Speaker 1: you're just not at a chance to have that thing.
30:56
Speaker 1: That's why when we talk about making a career move,
30:59
Speaker 1: or trying that side business, or trying that new thing
31:02
Speaker 1: to change your physical or mental health, some of the
31:07
Speaker 1: hardest thing is just consistently showing up to that therapy
31:10
Speaker 1: session or to your meditation or to the gym or
31:13
Speaker 1: on that walk or whatever. Okay, and some of the
31:19
Speaker 1: biggest hurdles that we have to overcome is the change
31:23
Speaker 1: in who we are and our identity and actually rocking
31:27
Speaker 1: up because the doing of the thing is often nowhere
31:30
Speaker 1: near as hard as we preempted or it's hard, but
31:35
Speaker 1: we surprise ourselves with our abilities to do it. So
31:39
Speaker 1: for example, if you're studying something at university, you might think, well, yeah,
31:42
Speaker 1: my degree is hard. But once I started showing up
31:45
Speaker 1: consistently and doing the lectures and the tutorials and the
31:49
Speaker 1: added reading, it was doable. And it was more doable
31:53
Speaker 1: than I gave myself credit for. The hardest thing was
31:57
Speaker 1: believing that I could do it and rocking up day
31:59
Speaker 1: in day out, day in day out, dedicating the time,
32:02
Speaker 1: carving out the time and being there. That is half
32:06
Speaker 1: the battle. If you can just be there, half the
32:10
Speaker 1: battle has been one for you. And then if not more,
32:13
Speaker 1: if not more, and then the rest is just that
32:15
Speaker 1: effort once you're there. But once you're there, you've got
32:18
Speaker 1: the momentum and the effort is actually not as hard
32:21
Speaker 1: as you think. Okay, when I look at my degree,
32:25
Speaker 1: both my degrees, the hardest thing was carving out the
32:28
Speaker 1: time to do it was the time management. But being
32:31
Speaker 1: there once I was there, sitting at my desk at
32:35
Speaker 1: UNI in class, doing the extra reading, it wasn't that bad.
32:38
Speaker 1: It wasn't that I mean, I loved what I loved
32:40
Speaker 1: what I studied. But even then it was difficult, but
32:43
Speaker 1: it was enjoyable difficult, if that makes sense. So really
32:46
Speaker 1: the hard thing was the showing up, the making sure
32:49
Speaker 1: I had enough time to show up. How do I
32:50
Speaker 1: juggle one time? So if you knew deep down that
32:55
Speaker 1: almost anything you wanted, as far as more knowledge, more resources,
33:01
Speaker 1: more health, more strength, more mental health was just by
33:08
Speaker 1: like managing your time and yourself better. And then once
33:12
Speaker 1: you were already there, it was kind of you were
33:13
Speaker 1: already fifty sixty percent there you would do it. If
33:16
Speaker 1: you could solidify that belief in your head, you're probably
33:19
Speaker 1: more likely to put more of an effort into showing
33:22
Speaker 1: up consistently, and then like, because I want you to
33:24
Speaker 1: think of examples for yourself where once you're already doing it,
33:27
Speaker 1: it's actually not that hard. So studying for me, that
33:30
Speaker 1: was always always a pleasant surprise that once I was
33:34
Speaker 1: already doing it. It really wasn't that bad, working like
33:37
Speaker 1: any job the whole, and then you get then you're like,
33:42
Speaker 1: it's actually not that bad. I actually like it. I
33:44
Speaker 1: actually get to interact with people. It's just oh on
33:46
Speaker 1: some there. Another one is working out the start of
33:50
Speaker 1: the run the fuck my life. And then once you're
33:52
Speaker 1: like a few cases in and you're like, I'm feeling
33:53
Speaker 1: really good and dolphins pumping. IM feeling fucking great. I
33:56
Speaker 1: know I'm gonna feel a bit better for the rest
33:57
Speaker 1: of the day. Cleaning. I'm huge with that. Set a
34:00
Speaker 1: fucking alarm and i start like a timer, I start
34:03
Speaker 1: cleaning and I'm in the fucking zone. If that time
34:05
Speaker 1: it goes off, I'm like, do not interrupt my fucking flow.
34:08
Speaker 1: Another one is organizing. You're like organizing your emails inboxes, this, that,
34:13
Speaker 1: And another one is networking, like reaching out, talking to people,
34:16
Speaker 1: meeting your people, doing things like that. So what are
34:20
Speaker 1: ways that we can do this? The first thing I
34:22
Speaker 1: always recommend, and I'm not going to go crazy depth
34:25
Speaker 1: because I've got so many different podcasts that cover kind
34:28
Speaker 1: of how to be more organized or how to do
34:30
Speaker 1: like the best to do this stuff. Your life. But
34:31
Speaker 1: a big one is do not strive for perfection. Do
34:36
Speaker 1: not strive for perfection, because if you put the focus
34:42
Speaker 1: on a flawless journey, you never get to where you
34:46
Speaker 1: want to be because life will always get in the way,
34:49
Speaker 1: or not even get in the way. Life just is
34:52
Speaker 1: what it is. You don't even want to look at
34:54
Speaker 1: it as getting in the way, in the way of
34:56
Speaker 1: what right it is life. So if you look at
35:00
Speaker 1: it that way and say, given that life is life,
35:04
Speaker 1: and there's x amount of things that are in my
35:06
Speaker 1: control and x amount that are not, I'm going to
35:08
Speaker 1: factor in a good thirty percent chunk where I'm not
35:12
Speaker 1: gonna be able to do this certain thing, and I
35:14
Speaker 1: will factor it in as a given, not like, oh,
35:17
Speaker 1: there's gonna be a time, No, it's a given. There's
35:20
Speaker 1: gonna be a weekend where my best friend rocks up
35:22
Speaker 1: from another city and I'm just not in the fucking
35:24
Speaker 1: rood to work out because we're going for a walk
35:27
Speaker 1: and getting donuts. You don't even feel bad because you're like, great,
35:30
Speaker 1: that's literally part of life. That is what I'm here for. Okay,
35:34
Speaker 1: there's gonna be times where you're actually unwell. There's going
35:37
Speaker 1: to be times where maybe shit hits the fan at
35:40
Speaker 1: home or at work and your time management goes out
35:42
Speaker 1: the window that day, and it is what it is.
35:44
Speaker 1: So I don't even want to look at it as
35:46
Speaker 1: things getting in the way. We are just living our lives.
35:49
Speaker 1: So if you kind of look at and you split
35:51
Speaker 1: it how you want to split it. But I'm saying
35:52
Speaker 1: seventy thirty roughly. If you're aiming for a seventy percent,
35:57
Speaker 1: aim for a fifty percent hit rate when you do things,
36:00
Speaker 1: and then increase it as it becomes your habitual wave
36:02
Speaker 1: of being. You'll be amazed and how many things just
36:07
Speaker 1: become a habit and you do them more than you
36:09
Speaker 1: thought you would do. But at the very least, you're
36:12
Speaker 1: doing it fifty percent of the time, at the very least,
36:15
Speaker 1: and you'll be amazed, because if you're striving for perfection,
36:18
Speaker 1: you want to do it every day. Three days in
36:20
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I can't do it, Okay, Okay, next
36:22
Speaker 1: Monday or next next After my holidays, then I'm really
36:25
Speaker 1: going to lockdown. And I've got a holiday coming up
36:27
Speaker 1: in two weeks, and then the holiday is two weeks,
36:30
Speaker 1: so then we're talking another month, right, I'm not going
36:32
Speaker 1: to sign up for that gym because I'm going away
36:34
Speaker 1: in ten days, four or five days, and then on
36:36
Speaker 1: the four excuses, all this bullshit, instead of thinking, you
36:40
Speaker 1: know what, it's never going to be perfect. When I
36:44
Speaker 1: get back from those holidays, there's going to be another
36:45
Speaker 1: thing that happens, and another thing that comes up, and
36:48
Speaker 1: another thing and another thing. You can't wait for just
36:52
Speaker 1: the smoothest sailing ever, because that's not what life is about.
36:56
Speaker 1: So then the more you do this, you're going to
36:58
Speaker 1: realize that it's easier and easier for it to be
37:00
Speaker 1: part of your habitual way of being. So go check
37:02
Speaker 1: out my neuroscience of Making and Breaking a habit. I
37:05
Speaker 1: think I did that a month ago also, and that
37:08
Speaker 1: will give you a better insight into what I'm talking about.
37:11
Speaker 1: But when you start doing something often enough that it
37:15
Speaker 1: becomes part of your identity and not something that it
37:17
Speaker 1: feels like such a slog to do but it's easier
37:20
Speaker 1: to do, then when you do have that weekend off,
37:23
Speaker 1: you go on holidays, or you just have a day
37:24
Speaker 1: where you're like, today is just a pajama day and
37:26
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do it, you have guilt free
37:30
Speaker 1: time off doing that thing guilt free. So my biggest
37:36
Speaker 1: piece of advice is when we are talking about showing
37:39
Speaker 1: up for ourselves, we are showing up consistently often, but
37:44
Speaker 1: it is not every single day, and you should show
37:47
Speaker 1: up for yourself as an individual every day. But let's
37:49
Speaker 1: say we're saying I'm showing up by going to the gym,
37:53
Speaker 1: then the gym's not going to happen every single day
37:55
Speaker 1: for most people. And that's fine. And because you do
37:57
Speaker 1: it often enough, the day that you don't go zero
38:00
Speaker 1: guilt attached, because you're like, I can rely on myself now.
38:03
Speaker 1: I know I go at least fifty percent of the time,
38:06
Speaker 1: and I'm happy with that. And because I really enjoy it,
38:08
Speaker 1: and I'm noticing my self esteem go up, my strength,
38:11
Speaker 1: my confidence, I feel good, I'm likely to just start
38:13
Speaker 1: going more anyway. And the times that I can't great
38:16
Speaker 1: Same with studying, same with cleaning, same with organizing. You
38:19
Speaker 1: start making it a habit. The new habit of yourself
38:23
Speaker 1: becomes that. So the biggest thing is stop trying to
38:26
Speaker 1: have a perfect track record a perfect hit rate, and
38:30
Speaker 1: if you do, go for a perfect hit rate, because
38:32
Speaker 1: you're doing a seventy five hard or a challenge. Make
38:34
Speaker 1: sure it's fun, make sure you're having a good time,
38:36
Speaker 1: and it's not something that's going to make you feel
38:38
Speaker 1: shit about yourself. If you're someone that really beats yourself
38:41
Speaker 1: up and it really affects your self confidence and your
38:43
Speaker 1: self esteem when you fail a challenge, do not do challenges. Okay,
38:49
Speaker 1: it's not worth it. If you're someone that just does
38:53
Speaker 1: it for fun, is like, let's see, this is possible.
38:55
Speaker 1: It's going to be a good time. But if you failed,
38:57
Speaker 1: you knew you wouldn't be awful to yourself, then by
39:00
Speaker 1: all means, give it a go. And I find challenges
39:03
Speaker 1: can sometimes be a really good way of like a
39:06
Speaker 1: little jump start or ale like an intense course before
39:10
Speaker 1: you then taper off and do it a bit calmer.
39:12
Speaker 1: I'm all for doing a challenge here and there. I
39:14
Speaker 1: genuinely love doing a challenge, but that's not even what
39:17
Speaker 1: you need. You don't even need a challenge of like
39:20
Speaker 1: perfection for thirty days in a row for you to
39:22
Speaker 1: make consistent change. Okay, So we're talking about something that
39:27
Speaker 1: is something you can do more often than not repeatedly,
39:32
Speaker 1: whether it's the time aside for studying, I'm going to
39:35
Speaker 1: make three phone calls a week to particular people that
39:38
Speaker 1: I need, or I'm going to send three emails out
39:40
Speaker 1: a week, or I'm going to be writing two sub
39:42
Speaker 1: stack articles a week, which is what I'm trying to do,
39:45
Speaker 1: or one podcast episode a fortnite. How am I showing
39:49
Speaker 1: up for myself consistently enough? Notice that I don't have
39:52
Speaker 1: to do it every single day. And if there's a
39:54
Speaker 1: week where I'm not able to upload something, it's not
39:56
Speaker 1: the end of the world because I've had twenty weeks
39:59
Speaker 1: in a row when I have been able to do it.
40:01
Speaker 1: Or you know, whatever it is, you will realize that
40:05
Speaker 1: your aim is more often than not that's it. Or
40:08
Speaker 1: another thing that I could recommend is no more than
40:10
Speaker 1: two days off in a road. That's another really big one.
40:12
Speaker 1: When you start to do these things where you show
40:15
Speaker 1: up for yourself, it is just the being there that
40:18
Speaker 1: makes the difference. And once you are there, trust me,
40:21
Speaker 1: it is easier to actually flow through with that thing.
40:24
Speaker 1: And when you do this consistently enough, consistently is not perfect,
40:30
Speaker 1: by the way, consistently enough, you get better at goal adherence,
40:34
Speaker 1: You trust yourself more, you have more integrity within yourself.
40:39
Speaker 1: You're more resilient. You're able to be like, Ah, even
40:41
Speaker 1: the times that I'm not that into it, I've realized
40:43
Speaker 1: that showing up is the hardest part. And now I'm here,
40:46
Speaker 1: you give yourself another chance to do things again and
40:49
Speaker 1: again and again. You're better at forgiving yourself when things
40:53
Speaker 1: don't go perfectly or don't go your way. Because of
40:55
Speaker 1: that resilience that you're building up for yourself, you're understanding
40:58
Speaker 1: your own needs better, and you're learning what you want
41:02
Speaker 1: and what you don't want, what works for you, and
41:04
Speaker 1: what doesn't work for you. If you're always stopping, starting, stopping, starting, Oh,
41:07
Speaker 1: I've gotta wait for these I'm gonna way, you're never
41:10
Speaker 1: gonna have clarity on what you want in your life.
41:12
Speaker 1: But if you can show up for something again and
41:14
Speaker 1: again and again and again and again, that's where you
41:16
Speaker 1: start to build that knowledge about what you want and
41:19
Speaker 1: what you need in your life. That's when you really
41:21
Speaker 1: get wise. And then you're able to kind of redirect
41:25
Speaker 1: if you need and point to the things that you've
41:28
Speaker 1: now learned about yourself, or things that you've gotten better at,
41:31
Speaker 1: or skills that you've kind of honed in on, and
41:33
Speaker 1: you're able to kind of move forward in life. If
41:36
Speaker 1: you're always waiting for this perfect thing, then you're actually
41:39
Speaker 1: never showing up for yourself. You're actually not showing up
41:41
Speaker 1: the way you think you're showing up. So that is
41:44
Speaker 1: what we're doing, guys. That is the podcast episode of today.
41:47
Speaker 1: Hopefully that planter to seed. Hopefully you're able to be like,
41:50
Speaker 1: you know, what, what can I do today? That's going
41:52
Speaker 1: to be just me showing up. If showing up is
41:54
Speaker 1: the hardest thing, if just rocking up is the hardest thing,
41:57
Speaker 1: what can I do to make sure I rock up
41:59
Speaker 1: and then see what unfolds after that? Okay, so hopefully
42:02
Speaker 1: that helped. And showing up for the other people part
42:05
Speaker 1: was really like really the main body of this episode
42:07
Speaker 1: that I wanted to lean into. But anyway, that is
42:10
Speaker 1: all for today's episode. If you aren't already following my substack,
42:14
Speaker 1: please go and check out my substack. It is nuts
42:17
Speaker 1: on themine dot substack dot com. I'm posting there twice
42:21
Speaker 1: a week. And yes, that is all. Anyway, love you
42:24
Speaker 1: guys so much. Get into the World Cup. I'm so excited. Anyway,
42:28
Speaker 1: that's all. As always remembered, be kind to yourself, become
42:30
Speaker 1: to your brain. Don't take it from anyone, and especially
42:32
Speaker 1: don't take shit from yourself. Don't care