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From Heartbreak to Healing: Matchmaking and Arranged Relationships for your Future · The Diva Details

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
• 0:05
  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
• 0:10
  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits.
• 0:20
  Just fearless conversations to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
• 0:31
  Well hello diva cat welcome back hello
• 0:35
  diva mia glad to be back wow it has
• 0:38
  been such long week i cannot wait to see you again
• 0:41
  yeah i'm glad to be back i'm actually looking forward for our podcast every
• 0:47
  day are you well it is fun well you know we have been talking a lot last time
• 0:55
  about dating apps and finding love and who you want to be with.
• 1:00
  I think there's other ways that
• 1:02
  we kind of missed out on, more traditional ways that people find love.
• 1:06
  I agree, yeah. There is so many ways.
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  I think the thing that pops up at most is matchmaking. Matchmaking by friends?
• 1:14
  By friends, become friends.
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  Oh, you know, and the goal, I think, when you find love is to find someone you
• 1:21
  can spend your time with that you're comfortable with.
• 1:23
  Yes. that makes you feel safe, that makes you feel wanted, and matches your energy.
• 1:30
  Yeah. I think energy is the key. You know, everybody's so tied up and they have
• 1:34
  to like the same things, but I don't agree with that.
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  I think energy, as long as they give you the care and consideration that you
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  need and deserve, it's a good match. It's a good match.
• 1:44
  You don't have to like the same thing, but after you're mad,
• 1:48
  you have a good energy, you click, you will have something in common and you'd
• 1:53
  like things to do together.
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  If you've got really close friends, to actually let them match you up. Because I think that a.
• 2:05
  Don't trust their friends to match them up and they're that they'll
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  go on a blind date because their friend sets them up with someone but
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  i've heard more and more that works out even better than the dating apps
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  oh my god i have a story you do oh yeah i know
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  this is very good friend of mine we grew
• 2:20
  up together so us three girls if i'm gonna
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  keep the name so it'll be easy right so no give fake
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  names yes you know i'm cat and
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  that's cat that's v and that's o and that's
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  p we grew up together all four of us okay so
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  we married to her husband and her
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  husband is that her husband have seven brothers really that's a lot of men yeah
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  there's seven brothers and one girl in that family the last one is that poor
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  girl that poor girl i told you her husband now her husband i'm gonna give him
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  the name pawn have the brother name i'm gonna give the name s Yeah.
• 2:59
  ASS? A-S-S? No, ASS, like letter S.
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  Yeah. Her husband has the oldest brother.
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  That he's very set in his way. He's older, you know. I think by the time they
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  met, my friend was already 54.
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  Yeah, and he's already 60 when they met.
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  And this guy never been married. I mean, he's dating and he never really,
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  you know. Because he was difficult.
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  Yeah. He wasn't asked. Yeah, he's very set his way, you know,
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  and we were like, oh my God, we just talk, you know, and we live in different states,
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  obviously, and then we just talk among us, then we try to get together at least
• 3:38
  once a month to talk, and we was like, oh, we are a perfect life,
• 3:42
  and then we're like, why didn't we think of this before, you know?
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  And then we hooked them up. They called each other. They had a conversation.
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  And then we was like, my daughter's wedding coming up. Why don't you come?
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  And, you know, she invited everybody. All of us went to the wedding.
• 3:57
  Diva Mia, things happened at the wedding. That's another thing. I don't know.
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  The wedding held in a nice hotel. We only see them at the ceremony.
• 4:07
  We didn't see them the rest of the time. Really? Yeah.
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  They've been married for, I want to say, almost 15 years.
• 4:14
  Wow. They don't have kids, though. And they were older, so it was 60 and she was 54. Yeah.
• 4:20
  So you set them up, or your friend set them up, and it was a brother of a brother.
• 4:26
  Yeah, brother of a brother. And why did you think that they would get along so well?
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  We're judging by the personality, because we know both persons very well.
• 4:36
  Yeah. That's another thing, too.
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  They were difficult people. Yeah, they're both antithetical,
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  and they're both very set in their way, coming in at that age.
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  And they've both been through good, bad, and different relationships.
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  And it's not safe. They were set in their ways, but similarly set in their ways.
• 4:54
  Yeah, similarly set in their ways. They say there's somebody out there for everyone.
• 4:58
  I think there's multiple people out there for everyone, honestly. Yeah.
• 5:02
  I think we have multiple soulmates. That's my personal belief,
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  is that we have multiple soulmates. we only have like one twin flame or two
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  twin flames but i think we have multiple soulmates and.
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  Especially with the number of people that are out there now.
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  I think so. You do have multiple sommeliers.
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  Some people took them the third time or fourth time to be safe forever.
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  Yeah. Till the end. Yeah.
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  And some people even go back to their first marriage. Their first marriage.
• 5:27
  Oh, my God. I've read that and I'm like, oh, my gosh, no.
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  And then some people are like that high school sweetheart, you know,
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  they stay up five and they go off to college.
• 5:36
  And then after college, they met again. Yeah. They're actually married again. You see?
• 5:41
  Yeah, they do that. Things happen. Love. It's all about love.
• 5:45
  It's all about love. Yes.
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  I think when you're setting someone up, you need to be clear about what you
• 5:53
  want or what they want. What they want.
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  Finding someone with similar personalities is a good one. Yes.
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  And here's the thing. Friends know people more better than other friends.
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  And you're already going to have similar interests if you guys are all friends.
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  Yes. So that's the thing. If you're clear about what you want and you have your
• 6:10
  non-negotiables. Everybody's got non-negotiables, right? I have so many.
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  That's another thing that I'm back to you. You need to trust your friend, Divamia.
• 6:19
  I need to trust you to set me up? To set me up. You set me up with.
• 6:23
  No, no. I'm thinking. I'm working on it very hard. Are you?
• 6:26
  Yes. Very hard. I'm very picky. Oh, we know.
• 6:29
  Yeah. Yeah. My husband happened back in that. He was already like,
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  you know, we're talking about you, obviously, at home. Oh, wow.
• 6:37
  My husband was like, oh, that's going to be a tough one. I can't think of anything. Little vixen. Yeah.
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  I think for me to open up my house and my heart to someone, they have to meet
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  the basic non-negotiables because I have so much peace by myself. I agree.
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  And I don't want anyone coming in and invading that peace for nothing.
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  Yes. And that's, I think, why.
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  I think that's why I'm still dating and dating different people because I just
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  haven't found someone that meshes with me and my family.
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  Yeah, yeah. Now, one of the things for people our age I know a lot is that women
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  our age, when they get divorced, if they have children. Yes.
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  And younger children, children that are still in the household.
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  A lot of times, because I did go through divorce coaching, which was very helpful.
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  So anybody out there that has gotten divorced, there's divorce coaching.
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  So if you've gotten divorced or you had a death of a spouse and you're starting
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  to date again, I recommend not just therapy, but also divorce coaching to get
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  your mindset back. Right. Wow.
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  Yeah. I was so distraught after the divorce because I was like,
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  I'm starting over. I don't even know where to begin.
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  And the divorce coaching helps. And one of the things they say is that at our
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  age, we're not having more babies.
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  No, no. I mean, I, maybe I could, but I don't think that's possible. No. And.
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  At our age, we're looking for a partner. Right. We're not looking for a baby daddy.
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  Right. You may have children in the house. Yeah.
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  And I said to my coach, I said, well, it's just so hard because I have all these things on my checklist.
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  And on top of that, they've got to be professional and fun for me and want to travel.
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  But at the same time, they've got to be a good dad and play with my kids and
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  blah, blah, blah. And she's like, uh-uh, stop. I'm going to stop you right there.
• 8:31
  Oh, wow. And I said, why? Right. And she said, you don't need a man to be a good dad.
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  What you're looking for is a strong man that is a good role model,
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  but not one that is going to be a father.
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  And because the kids are going to be gone. Right.
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  Does it matter if you have young kids? It does. It does.
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  But if a man is a strong role model, that will be something that the kids can look up to.
• 8:59
  For me, it'd heal for my divorce. I know. Two years yet, but I went through therapy.
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  Therapy. I went every week for probably six months.
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  And then I went to every two weeks. Now I'm down to about once a month.
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  Okay. And then I went to divorce coaching. It was like a 90-day program.
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  And then they have extended programs, if you like.
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  And it was a divorce coaching for professional women. So for women to kind of
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  get their mindset back, to focus on business again. Because I think as women,
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  a lot of times we wrap our purpose up in our men.
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  And when you get divorced, you lose part of your purpose in life.
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  Oh, wow. I think that's what part of the divorce is. It's like a death of that part of you.
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  So the divorce coaching helped. The divorce coaching was eye-opening.
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  Because when you want to be clear about what you want, and you can't be clear
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  to your friends until you know what you want. Right.
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  Part of it was to figure out what you wanted in a man. That was part of the
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  divorce coaching. Make your list of these are my non-negotiables.
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  And then one of the things, ladies, you should do is make your list of what
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  you want in a man in one column.
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  And then in the next column, see if you match it.
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  Okay. So let's say you want a man that's physically fit. Okay.
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  You want a man that's physically fit, but you weigh 350 pounds.
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  Well, yeah, that's not going to work.
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  That doesn't. met, right? And you're not going to have similar interests.
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  So if you want a man that's physically fit, are you going to the gym? Are you staying active?
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  Are you physically fit? If you want a man that's emotionally mature,
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  the question is, are you emotionally mature?
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  Look at the things you want in a man. You want somebody that respects you.
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  Are you going to respect him? You want somebody that makes you feel safe?
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  Are you going to give him the ability to allow him to trust you?
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  If you want somebody tall, it's okay. You don't have to be tall too.
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  But basically what you're doing is you're seeing what do I want in a person
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  emotionally, financially, physically, and then determining whether you match.
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  And if you don't, then you got some work on yourself to do.
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  Okay. So before everybody jumps in and says, I got to get divorced,
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  I got divorced, or I lost my husband, I got to find somebody else right away.
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  Get comfortable in your own space. Okay. And then get clear about what you want.
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  Okay. And then work on the parts that need work because we all need work.
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  Everybody out there needs work. Oh, yeah. We all need works.
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  Yes. Yeah. We've been married for a long time and we still need works and we're
• 11:30
  still working on it every day. It's a process. Right. It's a journey. It is a journey.
• 11:34
  And then you have to keep your mind open too, don't you think?
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  You do. You do. And you got to trust other people. Yeah.
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  I think one of the things I learned is that when I came out of my divorce,
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  I was not ready to trust anyone.
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  I was so closed down. You were in a dark space. I was in a dark place. I did meet a man. Okay.
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  And I opened my heart to him and I felt very vulnerable through the dating.
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  And part of the wonderful part of it was I didn't know if I could love again.
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  And to actually be able to be vulnerable with
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  that now we live in different states so
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  i don't think anything's ever going to work but to be vulnerable and
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  to care that deeply about someone again it was amazing yeah
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  and you'll get there you will you think you will everybody gets there if they
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  just don't rush it oh and they do the work on themselves you have to do the
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  work on yourself give yourself time give yourself whatever time you need now
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  i run a faster healer than most yeah But I also dive head in,
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  healing myself emotionally.
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  And I have two kids, so I didn't really have a lot of time to waste falling
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  apart. Yeah. If that makes sense. Yeah.
• 12:39
  It's hard to be kids, though, isn't it? It's funny, too.
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  A lot of people, when they get divorced, they have a friend that they end up being with.
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  You see? Because part of relationships is being friends with the person you're with. Right.
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  So if you can be best friends with someone and tell them everything and be open
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  and vulnerable to them, it is an amazing thing, right?
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  I think so. And that friend of yours, you have to trust him.
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  That's the one who's going to... You have to be able to trust him.
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  You have to be the right person. You have to match your energy.
• 13:11
  And sometimes it's just nice being able to open up to a friend and be vulnerable.
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  Because mine was an old friend. and i was able
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  to open up and be vulnerable yeah and he
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  made me feel safe i actually slept really well and it
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  was it was really good it was part of my healing yeah it
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  was part of my emotional healing maybe in the future you
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  end up in the same state who knows no i don't
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  think so nonetheless so talking about
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  friends again if you're gonna have your friends set you
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  up so you give them your clear you
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  gotta be clear about what you want and give it to them and then you've got to trust
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  your friend's judgment yes and be willing to
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  take the leap and if you're not there yet then work
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  on whatever you need to but you've got to trust their judgment because
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  they're only looking out for your best parts but don't let your friends
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  push you yeah that's until you're ready you know
• 14:02
  i talk about death of a spouse for divorce but
• 14:05
  some people have just been in long relationships and
• 14:08
  the breakup is just as bad as a divorce yes i
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  don't care what you said after two years that's a long relationship that
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  breakup takes a long time to you know so yours
• 14:18
  would be yeah for me i was what 28 years
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  see but you you did it quick man yeah i needed to yeah and then keep an open
• 14:27
  mind yeah you've gotta you gotta be open to other people and and what their
• 14:32
  thoughts are and and be willing to take criticism sometimes our ego will get
• 14:37
  in the way and we won't take criticism.
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  Regarding how we date.
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  And what we were talking about in the dating one is don't go and talk about
• 14:44
  your ex through the whole date. Oh, yeah. Because then you're not ready.
• 14:47
  Yeah. They know right away that you're not ready if you keep bringing up your pants. Yeah.
• 14:52
  One thing to do is to also set low expectations, but have high standards.
• 14:59
  Oh, I see. So you're going to get disappointed when you start dating.
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  And even if it's a matchmaking from a friend, that if you have really high expectations,
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  you're going to get disappointed.
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  But if you have low expectations but high standards on what you'll settle for, the one will show up.
• 15:14
  You might have to filter through some friends, if you're friends, for a while.
• 15:18
  And then you have to have boundaries. I know a lot of people that are coming out of marriages are...
• 15:24
  Or relationships they're desperate to find the next person that's not
• 15:27
  healthy no you need to have boundaries set so
• 15:30
  that you can know exactly who you're going to be with and exactly
• 15:33
  what you want with them don't put pressure
• 15:36
  on finding another one like within six months or anything like that because
• 15:40
  as soon as you do you put that pressure on it's going to make it terrible yeah
• 15:44
  like your your friend that was 60 right yeah he waited a long time to find his
• 15:49
  one but yeah And he was not rushing or anything. We just introduced them casually.
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  And we didn't know they'd been talking to each other. We gave them each their
• 16:00
  phone number, and we didn't know that they'd been talking to each other.
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  And next thing you know, by the time they met at our daughter's wedding, and they just played.
• 16:08
  Yeah. Did they give you feedback right away? Did they tell you what happened?
• 16:11
  Well, after the first phone call, you know, the girls, we talked, right?
• 16:16
  She'll call us, oh my God, I just got off the phone with him.
• 16:19
  The first time they called her, they talked for two hours. Wow. Yeah.
• 16:24
  But with them, I think it's easier too because both of them didn't have any
• 16:28
  kids, didn't have any children. Does it make sense? Mm-hmm. You know?
• 16:32
  So they know they click right away, and they've been on the—they leave into a different state.
• 16:37
  Mm-hmm. I think one in Seattle at that time and one in Washington, D.C. Yeah. Yeah.
• 16:44
  But she moved to him after they met. Yeah, they didn't have any big waiting.
• 16:48
  Yeah, that's a pretty far time zone difference, too.
• 16:50
  Yes, the auto in Washington, D.C., I don't know what the time zone is, but they talk.
• 16:55
  Yeah, the East Karen and Pacific are really different. So, wow.
• 16:59
  So, it's very successful.
• 17:01
  But you got to trust your friend. And you got to trust your friend.
• 17:03
  And you got to give feedback, too. So, if you go on a date and it doesn't work,
• 17:07
  don't be nasty with your friend, but be honest. So, you know what?
• 17:11
  I didn't like him because he was too pushy. Or I didn't like him because all
• 17:15
  he did was talk about his ex-wife or whatever it is.
• 17:18
  And you got to tell your friend whether it was good or not. And you know what?
• 17:20
  I honestly like to tell the people I'm with feedback, too. Okay, uh-huh.
• 17:24
  I'm not going to offer. Sometimes I offer.
• 17:28
  Because I do overshare. But if they ask what I thought of the date, I'll tell them.
• 17:34
  I'll be like, you know, it's just not for me because...
• 17:38
  I'm looking for someone that's maybe more career-focused or that wants to travel
• 17:43
  more often or that, you know, shows me a little more care and concern.
• 17:47
  That's true. If they're a nice person, they respect you, though.
• 17:51
  They respect what you need.
• 17:52
  Now, but if they come back, okay, I know what you need. They respect you need.
• 17:57
  Would you try another date with them or would you just stop like that?
• 18:00
  Well, I might, but usually you get a pretty good vibe on the first or second date.
• 18:04
  If you've gone through two dates and you're not meshing still.
• 18:07
  Yeah, next. You might want to cut your losses.
• 18:10
  And sometimes it's just not the right time, right? So maybe somebody sets you
• 18:13
  up and you're just coming out of a breakup and you're just, you thought you
• 18:17
  were ready, but you're not really ready yet.
• 18:19
  So your headspace isn't there. So that could be, I mean, it just,
• 18:23
  you know, everybody's different.
• 18:24
  Yeah, everybody does different. But then you said, you said the coaching is
• 18:29
  definitely helped. That's a coaching. I highly recommend.
• 18:31
  Even if you just came out of a long relationship, it doesn't have to be a marriage.
• 18:35
  They also help women that have gone through grieving and mourning their spouses.
• 18:39
  What it does is it just refocuses you on taking care of you,
• 18:44
  getting you back to where you need to be.
• 18:46
  Because I think we're all a little broken after a divorce.
• 18:49
  And women especially take it as a failure, right?
• 18:53
  Right, because we think that there's only one soulmate, there's nobody else.
• 18:56
  Well, I think culturally too, it's such a big thing.
• 18:59
  Oh my God, yes. to go through a marriage
• 19:02
  and when you get divorced for some
• 19:05
  reason the the stereotype is looked at on a woman as
• 19:08
  i posted something cute on my facebook page about what a man what a good man
• 19:13
  is like and then somebody responded back well you're obviously not a good woman
• 19:18
  you're divorced yeah that's another thing they label you right away and i was
• 19:23
  like they know nothing about my marriage or my divorce or what happened,
• 19:28
  but yet they always make that assumption that the woman failed,
• 19:31
  and that needs to change.
• 19:33
  Because women, I think we could 100%, most of us put 100% or 200% into our marriages,
• 19:40
  when they fall apart because of infidelity or...
• 19:44
  People just change or grow apart or whatever the reason they fall apart.
• 19:48
  I think women take it harder than men. Oh, yes.
• 19:51
  And men tend to go on to the next relationship very quickly.
• 19:56
  Well, only if the man's a narcissist.
• 19:58
  Typically, a man that was full needs to heal too. If they jump right into another
• 20:02
  one, there's a problem. There's a problem.
• 20:04
  And what do they say? If a partner is with another partner, it's three months
• 20:10
  of a divorce or serious relationship. they were probably dating them while you were together.
• 20:15
  Yeah, yeah, that's true. So people don't fall into a relationship a month or
• 20:19
  a week after you break up. Right.
• 20:21
  They're probably dating them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, mostly.
• 20:24
  I think if you can trust your friend to do it, and you can allow them to do
• 20:28
  it, and then you just go, you work through the process of first date,
• 20:32
  second date, and see if they work. Mm-hmm.
• 20:35
  What about arranged marriages? Because I've been hearing about some cultures in the U.S.
• 20:39
  Are still doing it. In the U.S., well, my parents are arrangement.
• 20:43
  Well, what cultures still do arrange marriages? I think the Indian,
• 20:47
  the Hindu, is still doing it.
• 20:49
  Well, I think Asia, you got what, the India, Pakistan, Nepal,
• 20:53
  Bangladesh, all those countries still have kind of arranged marriages.
• 20:56
  Yes, they do. Middle East also. Like Saudi Arabia now does. Yeah, Middle East they do.
• 21:02
  Even in here, they live in here, but they like to keep their culture.
• 21:06
  They like to keep between religions. And Iran.
• 21:09
  Yeah. I think a lot of the Muslim countries may. You're married to a Muslim
• 21:13
  man. I'm married to a Muslim man.
• 21:14
  Mine obviously was not arranged. It was just not arranged.
• 21:17
  Yeah, because, you know, I'm Buddhist and he's Muslim. Qatar,
• 21:21
  I think they do arrange marriage. Qatar.
• 21:24
  I think Dubai is also. You know, China used to, but I think it's becoming more
• 21:29
  and more less in China to have arranged
• 21:31
  marriages, but they still do some matchmaking amongst the parents.
• 21:34
  Do you know back in the 18th century, the Italians still do it? Really?
• 21:38
  Yeah. Well, that's kind of cute. I know. The Italians still do it.
• 21:42
  Back in there, back in the day. Start back in 18th century. Yeah, Japan. Japan makes big.
• 21:49
  Japan used to do it. I think they now do more love-making or love-matching.
• 21:54
  Thailand, you know, with the royal family. South Korea still does it. Yeah.
• 21:58
  I don't know about North Korea, but I know South Korea still does it.
• 22:01
  In Thailand, it's very big, too, between royal family.
• 22:04
  They arrange for them to meet.
• 22:07
  In Africa as well. Mm-hmm. So, and even in some Central American countries.
• 22:13
  So, originally, I think it's been about for a long time. It has in other countries,
• 22:17
  but I think you're seeing a lot of it happen culturally still in the United States. Oh, yeah.
• 22:23
  People of the same, you know, culture. Same religion, same culture, you know.
• 22:28
  They still try to matchmaking, I mean, arrange marriage.
• 22:32
  So there's differences. There's matchmaking amongst friends,
• 22:36
  and then there's more arranged marriage of parents.
• 22:40
  And now, when we talk arranged marriage, it's like you don't have a choice.
• 22:44
  No, no choice. Whereas matchmaking, you still have a choice.
• 22:47
  But when you're in an arranged marriage, you don't have a choice.
• 22:49
  Do you know anyone that's gone through an arranged marriage?
• 22:51
  My old parents. Yeah? Yeah. And they worked out? They worked out.
• 22:55
  My mom, my dad, yeah. And they're still together?
• 22:57
  Yeah. See, there you go. I mean, my dad deceased, but yeah, there was only one
• 23:01
  and only that my mom had. Yeah.
• 23:04
  You know, and they have four children. See, so arranged marriages do work if you have good parents.
• 23:09
  Right. I think that's probably very important to remember that if you have parents
• 23:15
  that are just selling you off, that's probably not a good thing.
• 23:17
  Yeah, but they're not always happy, though.
• 23:20
  We have a very good friend of me that we worked out together.
• 23:24
  She's very miserable, but she never seen her husband. She met her husband.
• 23:28
  They was arranged married through born parents, both sides.
• 23:31
  Wow. She was only 19. Back then, she lived in her family. And she's not happy. And she's not happy.
• 23:36
  He's already here in the U.S. And she was from India. They have one son together.
• 23:40
  And they're both from India? They're both from India. But the thing is,
• 23:43
  they're not always happy. But because of the culture, because she won't get
• 23:48
  divorced. Wow. She's not happy.
• 23:49
  He is miserable.
• 23:52
  We all hear it. Well, I hope that people out there that are miserable take some
• 23:57
  stop in their life, try to work on themselves, and then determine what they
• 24:01
  want to do. What do they want to do?
• 24:02
  I was one of those that would have stayed married and miserable for my entire life.
• 24:07
  Yeah. so i can feel for her yeah
• 24:10
  just because i had children and i didn't want to break up the family which
• 24:13
  is an old mindset i get it i don't know but i feel for yeah but because of that
• 24:19
  she let her son so her husband still want to arrange marriage with her son you
• 24:24
  know yeah but she said no she's not going to what she she's not going to put
• 24:29
  her son through the picture of the show yeah,
• 24:31
  And put another girl that she'd been living in it. And sometimes with the arranged
• 24:37
  marriages, there's a dowry still, right?
• 24:39
  Oh, yeah. Dowry is big. Yeah, so the dowry, or basically what's happening,
• 24:43
  if you don't know what dowries are, is when the parents of the wife gives money
• 24:48
  to the parents of the man.
• 24:51
  And it's either money to the parents or sometimes it's money just to the man
• 24:55
  to take the woman off the hand. Yeah, it could be the other side, too.
• 24:58
  So sexist, very pathogenistic. It's just so misogynistic. I just, but you know what?
• 25:04
  We're not going to judge other people's culture. No, we don't.
• 25:07
  But I would never allow someone to arrange a marriage for me.
• 25:09
  But that is just because I have a different culture.
• 25:12
  So if you're in a culture where that is the thing.
• 25:15
  And yeah, more for you. I went to a wedding. Sometimes it works out. Sometimes it works out.
• 25:19
  I'm very drunk movie. I was watching all this movie that the bride was crying the whole time.
• 25:27
  And then the parent was still happy.
• 25:29
  Yeah. But then I talked to my friend. And she said, that is not moving.
• 25:32
  That is happening right now in real life, too.
• 25:35
  Because the bride is crying. Yeah. They're not happy. They don't want to marry to the man.
• 25:39
  It depends. Do they tend to meet the person in advance on arranged marriages or no? Not always.
• 25:45
  No, not always. Mostly, the guy gets to see the girl. The girl don't get to see the guy.
• 25:51
  See? Yeah, see, then I feel like we're property. I don't like that.
• 25:53
  Right, that's what I'm saying. You know, with you?
• 25:55
  Yeah, no, I'm too independent for that. Yeah, no, I don't think it's happened.
• 25:59
  And it will never happen to me or my family. Like, this generation, I think it's hard to do.
• 26:03
  But they still, some people still, in that D generation, they still want to do the arrangement.
• 26:09
  Even now, okay? Here's the other thing. As far as matchmaking goes,
• 26:13
  there's been a lot of people, they call them mail-order brides.
• 26:16
  Have you heard of those? Oh, yes.
• 26:17
  Where people actually go to a country that's not the U.S.
• 26:21
  Like a man, more likely it's a man, but there have been some wealthier women doing it lately, too.
• 26:27
  Is there? Yeah, you go and you pick a man. You pretty much own them.
• 26:31
  Similar to like the property of a woman. That's why that came to mind is where
• 26:35
  a man will go to another country and a woman wants to come to the United States.
• 26:39
  And they'll come. And they'll bring them over and marry them. Wow.
• 26:42
  Because then they can stay here as a citizen, right? So they can become a U.S. citizen after that.
• 26:48
  Yeah. Once they're married, there's a whole process I'm not going to go through.
• 26:50
  But I was surprised those male other brides still exist.
• 26:54
  Well, there are. There are. And there's been people that have gotten a couple
• 26:57
  of them and done polygamy with them. Oh, wow.
• 27:01
  They were cheap. And what happens is you have a 60-year-old man that wants a
• 27:05
  20-year-old bride and he's out of shape and nobody's going to touch him here.
• 27:08
  So he goes to another country and finds somebody that will.
• 27:11
  And they bring him over. Same thing with women.
• 27:14
  The women are doing it too. And the younger men? You go find it.
• 27:17
  They typically go younger. They don't go older. Oh, yeah. They're older.
• 27:20
  Men that are doing this and women that are doing the mail-order brags, they're going younger.
• 27:24
  Now, I don't know if they're going 40 years younger, but they are going younger.
• 27:27
  They tend to go 10 plus years younger.
• 27:30
  Because they want somebody that can keep up with their lifestyle.
• 27:34
  That person will tend to be dependent on you.
• 27:38
  I mean, they're financially dependent. The woman will come over,
• 27:41
  she'll cook, she'll clean, she might have babies, who knows.
• 27:43
  Yeah. They're more obedient. Same with the men.
• 27:46
  Oh, wow, like it's getting a doll. Like getting a piece of property that you
• 27:50
  can tell you what you want.
• 27:52
  I guess if the women aren't sold into it, meaning like it's not a sex trade
• 27:57
  thing and they're willingly going, I guess fine.
• 28:00
  It's fine, yeah. They sign their name on it. They'll know what they get into.
• 28:03
  You said they go to a different country. is the language interpreted the wrong way?
• 28:10
  I think we're a little spoiled in this country because most people speak English.
• 28:13
  I mean, you go to other countries and English as a second language is much more
• 28:17
  popular in almost every country than here.
• 28:21
  I mean, you can't go to places like China where the people never travel or Japan,
• 28:25
  but in Europe, you go to Europe and almost everybody speaks English. It is.
• 28:29
  Because when you go to places like that, you're going to find a lot of people
• 28:33
  that speak English and that are really close to, you know, just bringing them in.
• 28:38
  The other way you can actually meet people is there's travel dating apps now
• 28:42
  where you can meet somebody and have a travel companion. Did you see that? Yes, I saw that.
• 28:47
  I'm very good friends. But you know, there's another thing too,
• 28:49
  because travel and dating apps, they normally meet a range meet at the airport.
• 28:55
  Really? Yeah. So you meet someone at the airport and then you just jump on a plane with them?
• 28:59
  Yeah, I guess so. Wow. They meet at the bar at the airport. So the travel companions,
• 29:04
  now I would have to vet the person quite a bit. Yeah.
• 29:07
  I have to FaceTime, talk on the phone a lot.
• 29:10
  Yeah, you need to know who they are, no? Yeah, you do. Although I did travel
• 29:14
  and meet a person once, but I already knew him, so that was different.
• 29:17
  Yeah. For traveling, the traveling companions, some people just,
• 29:21
  they don't want a relationship or a marriage.
• 29:24
  Right. They want a travel relationship. Someone they can just call up and say,
• 29:28
  hey, you want to go for a trip?
• 29:30
  Uh-huh. And it's more of a, it's a mature relationship. They may still have,
• 29:33
  this may still be intimate on their trips, but when they come back,
• 29:36
  they go back to their lives.
• 29:37
  Who's paying for this? These persons pay for their own. Yeah.
• 29:40
  Although I guess you could see, I mean, if the guy's wealthy, maybe the guy will pay.
• 29:44
  Or if the girl's wealthy, the girl will pay. It just depends.
• 29:47
  I guess that's whatever arrangement. So you basically travel with somebody.
• 29:51
  You're a couple when you're traveling.
• 29:54
  And sometimes they're in your state, sometimes they're not.
• 29:58
  And then when you come back home, you just get back to your life.
• 30:01
  Oh, wow. It's like you get to have two lives. Two lives.
• 30:05
  And the best of both worlds, because then they're not invading your state.
• 30:07
  I feel like that person needs to be get away from their own life to go.
• 30:11
  It's like an escape. Yeah.
• 30:14
  Right? It's an escape. It's a different type of relationship. Yeah, yeah.
• 30:18
  That would not have existed 40 years ago. That exists now. No.
• 30:22
  You just travel with the person. You're happy with them when you're with them.
• 30:25
  And then when you're not, you might check in with them once in a while. But there's no.
• 30:29
  From whom you go back. There's no commitment. There's no commitment.
• 30:32
  Wow. So that's a new form of a relationship. I've been hearing a lot of people
• 30:36
  doing lately because, especially when they're out of state, you know,
• 30:40
  because long-distance relationships are hard.
• 30:42
  Don't have to be careful if they're with other people when they're not with
• 30:46
  you, like get them tested maybe before your trips or something.
• 30:49
  I hear more and more, though, about long-distance relationships nowadays.
• 30:53
  Long-distance is easier with video conferences. Right, because now we do everything else.
• 30:58
  Yeah, but I don't like long-distance relationships.
• 31:02
  Yeah, you need somebody just to drive to when you want something, right?
• 31:05
  I could do the dating one. I could do the travel one where I'm only with them
• 31:09
  once in a while and then I come back to my life. I'm going to be in a relationship.
• 31:13
  I don't want like a serious relationship. I don't want a long distance. Yeah. I don't trust it.
• 31:20
  And I think I, not that I'm super needy, but I would want someone to sleep with
• 31:24
  at night and snuggle with. And that's just the thing.
• 31:27
  If I'm going to be in a relationship, that's what I want. And that's another
• 31:30
  thing you could do locally too. Do they have adventure dates?
• 31:32
  Oh, there's adventure dates. Yeah, there's adventure dating.
• 31:36
  That has gotten taken off. Is it? It's not just adventure dating. It's activities.
• 31:41
  There's adventure dating where you go with just a small group or just a couple
• 31:45
  and you go on an excursion.
• 31:47
  But there's also these big activity groups now where you'll get 40 or 50 single people together.
• 31:54
  No one's set up with anyone. Okay.
• 31:57
  And you just go to the theater. or
• 32:00
  there was one where they went to whodunit murder type of
• 32:03
  mystery or you go to an escape room or you
• 32:06
  go to like you all go kayaking down a
• 32:08
  river or you go and you camp out overnight that is really taking off because
• 32:12
  then you're not fixed up with one person they match the number of men and women
• 32:15
  you're not fixed up with one person you end up probably spending time with one
• 32:20
  or two people the most and then you may or you may not connect and then you
• 32:24
  try if he doesn't work maybe You try it again another week.
• 32:27
  At least you know that the person you go with, they pick the activity that they
• 32:31
  all like that same activity, right?
• 32:33
  And another great way is, so those tend to be paid organizations.
• 32:38
  Oh, I see. Where you pay the organization and you also pay a ticket price to
• 32:42
  get into whatever activity.
• 32:43
  The other thing is Meetup. Have you heard of that app? Uh-uh.
• 32:47
  So there's an app called Meetup, N-E-E-T-U-P. Okay.
• 32:51
  In every city. If you're in a small town, it's not going to be as great.
• 32:55
  Right but in the bigger cities you go on these meetups they have different activities like
• 33:01
  And they don't balance men and women. So you just go, there's one for my town.
• 33:05
  And you go and they have like, the first time I went, it was actually the day
• 33:09
  my divorce was finalized.
• 33:11
  And I went out, actually the day after, and it went out and it was at a bar.
• 33:15
  And they had an Eagles tribute band.
• 33:18
  So I went and listened to the Eagles tribute band, which was fun. I met a few people.
• 33:23
  You could tell a couple people were getting to know each other better in this group.
• 33:27
  Oh, wow. Another time they meet at a bar for happy hour. another
• 33:30
  time they might meet for dinner they might have one
• 33:33
  time they had a lego assembly session oh my god they had
• 33:35
  a halloween party they have swimming pool parties
• 33:38
  so and it's in your area so the
• 33:42
  meetup is different because the adventure ones you can bring people
• 33:44
  from anywhere the travel ones you can go right meet people
• 33:47
  from anywhere but the meetup you know i actually really
• 33:50
  like it because it tends to be free yeah i like that
• 33:53
  idea and if you don't have one in your area i think
• 33:57
  it's very minimal you organize one and
• 34:00
  become the the host i see and actually
• 34:03
  plan it so if you're a big planner you could actually organize
• 34:06
  it and then just start inviting single people in your area oh
• 34:09
  wow i actually am a meetup host for people because i did find and i'm not ageist
• 34:17
  but i did find that when i went to the meetups for my town everybody was over
• 34:22
  55 okay Except for me. And so I was one of the youngest people there.
• 34:27
  I want a wider group of people. So I did a meetup with an age restriction of 35-35.
• 34:34
  To 55 so i was trying to corner the market for
• 34:37
  people that are in a different age bracket i see
• 34:40
  and it worked i'm not doing i'm not as active as i
• 34:43
  should be in it but other people can also once you set
• 34:46
  up the group other people can set up i see
• 34:49
  but there's a company doing that though no not just no
• 34:52
  this is free meetup is actually free and
• 34:55
  individuals set up the event oh i see and sometimes there's
• 34:59
  paid events like you have to get tickets right and sometimes
• 35:02
  they just let you get your own tickets they just schedule it tell you
• 35:05
  where to go and tell you what time when you're there just they
• 35:08
  usually text say hey we're over in this corner i mean it's very and
• 35:11
  it's much more informal than the company that does
• 35:14
  the activities yeah yeah yeah i like that idea though is that fun no it is yeah
• 35:18
  you know you pick let's say you could pick one concert and set it up oh this
• 35:23
  is gonna be this concert who wants to meet and it's not just for intimate relationships
• 35:28
  i'm not a very a good friend that ended up being my nanny that way. You see?
• 35:31
  I ended up meeting a person that way. You can meet friends. You can meet associates.
• 35:38
  Oh, there's also meetups for interests. So like if you're like investing in
• 35:42
  real estate, you could go to that meetup.
• 35:44
  If you like computer programming, they have a meetup for computer birth.
• 35:47
  They have a meetup for swimmers. They have a meetup for people that like to do pottery.
• 35:51
  That is amazing. So even if you're in a relationship, it's a great way to meet
• 35:59
  people in a new area you move to. I agree.
• 36:02
  Yeah. I really can't say enough about the app Meetup. I think more people should
• 36:07
  be on it because it really does.
• 36:09
  It creates that social connection that I think we've lost in an age of dating app.
• 36:13
  Yeah. And it's free and you get to see a person.
• 36:16
  It's free. It's to think. The only person that has to pay for it is the organizer
• 36:19
  and they pay like a small monthly fee.
• 36:21
  Yeah. You can also message people. So if there's someone that looks interesting
• 36:24
  on the meetup, you can say, hey, are you going to go to this event?
• 36:27
  And kind of coordinate things. Yeah. So, no, I really like meetup because it's
• 36:31
  a great way to meet friends. It's a great way to meet people socially and to
• 36:36
  really start connecting with people.
• 36:37
  And I think it's more utilized by our age group than younger people.
• 36:42
  Although younger people are starting to get into it because they're realizing
• 36:45
  that community is important. Yeah, I think so too.
• 36:48
  Especially now, they need to get to meet people. Yeah, and then there's some
• 36:52
  that are singles for an area, so like it might be the town name singles,
• 36:56
  and then you can go to those meetups. Oh, wow, I like that.
• 36:59
  It's better than the dating apps because you don't have to worry about scammers.
• 37:03
  Yeah, I think so too, for the local people.
• 37:06
  It's great. I like that idea. Yeah, especially if you don't want to do the long
• 37:10
  distance relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 37:12
  How about single cruises? Single cruises. Well, that is something that's gained
• 37:17
  in popularity. I'm going to be taking my first cruise with you soon, as you know.
• 37:23
  There's not single cruises. I know. It's a ladies' fun cruise, yes.
• 37:26
  But you never know. It could be boys. It could be guys from cruise,
• 37:30
  another cruise. Oh, you don't know.
• 37:32
  You don't know who you're going to be. I would not set you up.
• 37:34
  I'll tell you that much. I would not set you up to this cruise ship because it's way too small.
• 37:40
  Yeah, don't leave me on a ship with some guy that's lingering and covering.
• 37:44
  I promise you. Okay. Yeah. You might get set up with a bartender.
• 37:49
  That's another thing that they have all few bartenders. Well,
• 37:53
  that's a hookup, not a setup. Yeah.
• 37:55
  And I don't do hookups, so that's not going to work for me. Single cruises a
• 37:58
  lot of people have been taking, or they also have single events where you go to a location.
• 38:03
  Yeah. And it's with a tour group. So, you know, that's a little different because
• 38:07
  it's similar to the companion dating, but it's with a bigger group.
• 38:11
  The cruises, you're kind of locked on a ship with all single people.
• 38:14
  There's no kids, typically.
• 38:16
  It's all single people, and they usually have limits on the age range,
• 38:20
  too. Well, if you don't like each other, then I jump off the boat.
• 38:22
  Well, no, because there's 200 other people that you could meet.
• 38:25
  Yeah, that's true. Yeah, there's 200 other people. It's still going to be fun.
• 38:29
  There's so many activities on the cruise. There is. And just because you go
• 38:32
  on a single cruise doesn't mean that you have to find someone. Yeah.
• 38:36
  Yeah. I think we put too much pressure on finding someone and not enough pressure on just having fun.
• 38:43
  That is so true. And there's a lot of people, you'll be surprised.
• 38:46
  They like to travel solo too.
• 38:48
  But people tend to think like if the woman travels solo, they try to find someone.
• 38:52
  But sometimes they want to be alone.
• 38:54
  I think that traveling by yourself is empowering.
• 38:57
  Right? I enjoy going to a bar, eating at the bar by myself, or even eating at a table.
• 39:03
  Yeah. I enjoy traveling by myself. I feel that it's very empowering because
• 39:08
  business people travel all the time by themselves.
• 39:11
  Now, I tend to, when I travel alone, go into a business event or activity.
• 39:16
  When you're not in a business activity, you're dining by yourself.
• 39:18
  You're doing activities by yourself.
• 39:21
  And I really enjoy it. My ex-boss actually met his partner.
• 39:27
  Traveling by themselves? Yes.
• 39:29
  Well, I mean, now, if you are traveling by yourself and you're interested in
• 39:35
  meeting someone, do not sit at a table in a restaurant.
• 39:38
  I highly recommend sitting at a bar, even if you're not a drinker,
• 39:41
  because when you sit at a bar, people look for single people at a bar.
• 39:46
  They don't look for single people sitting in a booth.
• 39:48
  And nobody's going to slide into a booth, but people might sit next to you in
• 39:51
  a bar. I see. You got it all done.
• 39:54
  Well, I don't drink, but I'll go sit at the bar whenever I sit by myself.
• 39:59
  Because then you also have someone if you want to talk to the bartender and you can.
• 40:03
  Yeah, the bartender could make you a yummy mocktail. My problem is I always
• 40:07
  take my computer and I slap it up on the bar and I'm still working.
• 40:10
  You're still working, see? Well, I'm at the bar, I work. Yeah.
• 40:13
  See? That needs to stop. That does. I know. I got to work on it.
• 40:16
  You need to work on that. You know, that's got to stop. Your phone away, your computer's away.
• 40:21
  No, but I'm not desperate for a person. I really feel like God is going to give
• 40:25
  me the right one when I'm ready.
• 40:27
  And I like to date. I like to see the things in different people that I want
• 40:32
  to have in my future person.
• 40:34
  I mean, because I've been out of the market for 28 years, I really didn't know what I wanted.
• 40:40
  And you also believe that's more than one sold me. I do.
• 40:44
  Your desires and your needs and your wants change over time.
• 40:48
  As you mature and change, hopefully you've matured and changed over time.
• 40:52
  As you mature and change over time you want
• 40:55
  your needs your desires what you're looking for in a partner it all
• 40:58
  changes oh so don't and here's the
• 41:01
  thing once you start dating it's going to change more because you're going to
• 41:05
  go out with somebody and say to yourself i don't really care if they don't open
• 41:08
  my car door but maybe you do i kind of do i didn't care when i was married because
• 41:13
  that never happened when i was married but now i enjoy it when a man opens the
• 41:18
  door for me i like it i I love it.
• 41:21
  I like that level of care and consideration, but I didn't have it on my list
• 41:24
  of wants and needs, right? You should also prioritize your wants and needs.
• 41:28
  There should be a list of these are the 20 non-negotiables and then these are
• 41:31
  the extra 10 nice to have.
• 41:33
  Yeah. You know, like I want a man here. Is it a non-negotiable?
• 41:37
  No. No. Because if I found the right one, we would figure out a way,
• 41:41
  but it's really a strong want, right? Yeah.
• 41:44
  I want someone that I can talk to. That's a non-negotiable.
• 41:48
  Yeah. I want someone I can open up to and be vulnerable. That's non-negotiable.
• 41:53
  No, somebody has to eat up in your level of your head. And I want a man that
• 41:56
  makes me feel safe. Yeah.
• 41:58
  And honestly, sleep is my determining factor.
• 42:01
  Can I sleep through the night and feel safe? Like sleep, sleep, not upset.
• 42:06
  Sleep next to someone and feel safe. Feel safe. That's a determining factor
• 42:11
  for me. See? So everybody has their own.
• 42:14
  Make sure before you get started on all these different dating apps,
• 42:17
  you're really clear. Or not dating apps, but dating processes, I guess.
• 42:21
  Now we need to talk about the most expensive way to date.
• 42:25
  There is, yeah. A very expensive way to date. It's called matchmaking,
• 42:28
  professional matchmaking.
• 42:30
  Okay. There are some lower cost places.
• 42:33
  You don't want to do lower cost, especially you. Oh, for me, no.
• 42:37
  There's different costs. They can range from like 50 bucks a month to thousands of dollars a month.
• 42:42
  Oh, wow. Yeah. The thing is, there's national companies and there's local companies.
• 42:47
  So you have to remember that.
• 42:49
  So matchmaking can get really expensive.
• 42:52
  There's also social media matchmaking.
• 42:55
  So basically with the matchmaking, the difference is, is that you have a professional
• 42:59
  that's looking at your profile and they are determining it's different than
• 43:04
  the dating apps they are going to determine that you are a good fit now i'm
• 43:09
  interested to see if ai artificial intelligence,
• 43:13
  changes the way matchmaking is done because if you put in specific parameters
• 43:17
  and backgrounds and histories the computer might be able to match people better
• 43:21
  than people people oh yeah so this is going to be interesting the way AI is
• 43:25
  going to help evolve the dating process.
• 43:28
  Basic memberships for different, for some matchmaking services are about a thousand
• 43:34
  to five thousand dollars and that can be monthly.
• 43:36
  Oh wow. There's also mid-tier services that are five thousand to twenty thousand.
• 43:41
  They're going to match with a millionaires or something? Yeah,
• 43:43
  when you go to this level of matchmaking, you're going to be doing this and
• 43:49
  sometimes they have fixed, sometimes it's not monthly.
• 43:51
  Sometimes it's just a fixed fee until they find you the right person.
• 43:54
  When you go to this level, when you're spending, you know, $5,000 a month or
• 43:59
  $20,000 for a service, you're expecting results and a partnership.
• 44:04
  Yes. You're not in this. Let me go out there and sample the merchandise.
• 44:09
  No. So I would not do a matchmaking service until you're darn ready to get married
• 44:15
  or in a serious committed relationship because it's expensive.
• 44:19
  It is expensive. The people that are doing matchmaking are not doing it to date.
• 44:24
  They're doing it to find their one. They're like, I don't have enough time to
• 44:27
  go out there and date. I don't want to deal with the dating apps.
• 44:30
  I'm going to trust this matchmaking company, put my love life in their hand,
• 44:34
  and hopefully they find someone.
• 44:35
  This is also something for more, it's more of a luxury thing. Go on.
• 44:39
  The cheaper ones, the online ones are, it's not going to be as good of a deal.
• 44:43
  But the more luxury, even if you're spending a thousand a month,
• 44:45
  you're going to find someone that's at a different level.
• 44:50
  Economically. Wow, I think I saw that ad last time I traveled. Yeah?
• 44:54
  On the American airline. Oh, yeah. And there's online matchmaking. Yeah, I saw that.
• 45:00
  And then they also have the luxury ones.
• 45:02
  Okay, and that can range from $20,000 to $100,000 to find your match.
• 45:06
  Oh, wow. They have to look at your profile. Now, in order to get in,
• 45:10
  you have to hit the qualifications, right? Right. There's Luma.
• 45:14
  That's a luxury matchmaking. There's Selective Search.
• 45:17
  That one costs, I think, $25,000 to about $50,000. hello
• 45:20
  her international oh that one's really
• 45:24
  pricey it's 30,000 to 300,000 it's very
• 45:27
  prestigious some celebrities use it are
• 45:30
  these like yearly or monthly or some are
• 45:33
  monthly some are yearly but it's not 300,000 a month
• 45:36
  oh okay i hope not i don't
• 45:39
  know i'm not in that qualification level but
• 45:42
  there's just different areas and then you have like it's like a 2,000 entry
• 45:46
  fee or something like that talkify is big i've been hearing a lot about talkify
• 45:51
  i see ads for it all the time that's actually a matchmaking service and you
• 45:55
  have i think you start around three thousand just to get into the program what
• 45:58
  about the three days rule what do you mean
• 46:01
  I've never been, I've never seen anything about the three-day rule.
• 46:04
  Yeah, so Talkify is one that people have been really talking about lately.
• 46:09
  I don't know what the quality of people are, but typically if somebody's spending
• 46:14
  that much money, they're serious about their relationship.
• 46:17
  And you also don't really have to worry about them being a scammer.
• 46:20
  That is true. Because it's not a menial, like, small amount.
• 46:24
  There's also matchmaking services based off your religion. You can find a Catholic
• 46:29
  matchmaking service. You can find a Muslim matchmaking service, et cetera.
• 46:33
  And then there's the dating apps. Of course, we've already gone through the
• 46:36
  dating apps. It's interesting.
• 46:39
  Talkify is the big one. Oh, the three-day rule. Yeah. That one's using AI and humans.
• 46:45
  You see? So that might be, it's a hybrid. So you use a little bit of human interaction
• 46:50
  with AI. That'll be interesting.
• 46:52
  Maybe I'll look into it. That's what I said. But I'm not ready for that.
• 46:55
  I'm not ready. And that one's between $5,000 and $25,000. You know,
• 46:59
  I have probably a year or two before I really want to get into a relationship. So if I'm still single.
• 47:05
  You might not be single by then. I know. But if I had to be single.
• 47:08
  I know as much as you don't want to, but I think you won't be single in less than a year.
• 47:13
  I'm in no rush. Yeah, it's just
• 47:14
  interesting that you can have all these different types of dating apps.
• 47:18
  And then all these types of matchmaking. And then you got your friends.
• 47:21
  If you're open to finding someone. Now, here's the thing. I think it's important
• 47:25
  to be open, but at the same time, not be desperate.
• 47:29
  Yeah. Because when you're desperate, you will take anything.
• 47:34
  And it's important to find someone that you can spend time with.
• 47:37
  Because remember what it hurts like when your heart gets hurt.
• 47:41
  And if you're desperate, you're opening yourself up to the same person.
• 47:45
  It tends to be that way, though, if you're rushing into it. Yeah,
• 47:50
  it does. Yeah, I'm so excited about the AI compatible one.
• 47:53
  I like that one. See, three days, three days rule.
• 47:57
  Yeah, it's because you highlight that one. Isn't it interesting?
• 48:00
  It's a hybrid AI and human.
• 48:03
  The one that was here in town, they call me all the time now.
• 48:06
  I didn't end up setting up. It sounds like I'm just not really ready yet.
• 48:10
  So I decided to take my time.
• 48:14
  One of the things that you need to figure out is why do you want to use a matchmaker?
• 48:18
  Are you not trusting the process yourself? The biggest thing is are you emotionally
• 48:22
  ready? You don't want to jump $25,000 into a matchmaking thing and then say,
• 48:26
  oh, wait, I'm not ready to get married.
• 48:28
  Or, oh, wait, I'm not ready for a serious relationship.
• 48:31
  That's a big thing. Because the other people are. The other people in the matchmaking
• 48:36
  are. They're ready to go.
• 48:38
  Well, they're willing to spend that much. They're willing to go. They're ready.
• 48:42
  Now, I'm not saying that you get into a matchmaking situation and you find Mr. Right.
• 48:47
  Right. Because you still have to have chemistry. There still has to be a mesh.
• 48:50
  I think it is kind of nice that you find someone that's probably closer.
• 48:55
  And I will say as a professional woman, it's hard to find professional men at
• 49:02
  my level that are still single. You think so?
• 49:05
  Especially the suburb island. I live in a suburb that's upper middle class. Yeah.
• 49:10
  Lower wealthy. It's kind of upper tier middle class. And it's the suburb of married people.
• 49:16
  I'm telling you, I look around. There's so few married people in my suburb.
• 49:20
  So I really have to go farther out and farther away, and I don't really know
• 49:24
  because I'm new to the area as well.
• 49:26
  I would say that it's kind of difficult.
• 49:29
  You don't want to go that far from home either, though. And I also don't want
• 49:33
  to go out with a player or someone that's...
• 49:35
  Yeah. But at the same time, if I found someone today who was the one,
• 49:40
  I would make myself ready.
• 49:42
  I just, I'm not looking for the one. I'm looking to make sure I know everything,
• 49:47
  or at least mostly of the stuff that I want.
• 49:50
  Have run into a couple guys that were really close. They weren't it.
• 49:55
  There were too many. They call them red flags. I call them boundaries,
• 49:59
  boundary blocks. I just think that they don't meet all your checkbox.
• 50:03
  It's a checkbox. Yeah, it's a list of things. And here's the thing.
• 50:06
  I don't want to settle. I'm not going to settle and be miserable.
• 50:10
  I will only let somebody into my life if they're, and I don't think anyone should
• 50:14
  settle. We're all different.
• 50:16
  You're going to find someone that matches your level of crazy because we're
• 50:20
  all a little crazy. We're all crazy.
• 50:21
  So if you can find someone that matches your level of crazy, that's great.
• 50:25
  You got to make sure that they match your values. I think values and morals
• 50:29
  is very important. I agree.
• 50:31
  And I don't want to talk too much about a religion, but spirituality or religion
• 50:35
  is important too. It's a big thing, you know, and culture.
• 50:38
  You have to have someone be the same culture.
• 50:40
  You don't actually have to have the same culture. I married an Eastern European my first time around.
• 50:45
  So you don't have to have the same culture either.
• 50:48
  You just have to be able to be open to other futures. Open to other futures.
• 50:51
  I would say that you would have to match values.
• 50:55
  So like if you believe that cheating is wrong, they should believe that cheating is wrong.
• 51:00
  If you believe that stealing is wrong, they should believe that stealing is wrong.
• 51:05
  Totally. You don't have to be of the same political party, although I will say
• 51:09
  it tends to make an easier marriage if you are.
• 51:13
  But there are plenty of people that are like some conservatives, some liberals.
• 51:18
  That get along just fine. Yeah. But I will say it does make it a little easier
• 51:22
  if you are, you know, the value system.
• 51:26
  And that's the thing about the political parties. It's they should just be a
• 51:30
  value system. It's not the things that I value.
• 51:34
  That's the things that you value. We're different political parties.
• 51:37
  We may not value the same things, but we still respect each other.
• 51:39
  Right. It's a value thing. It shouldn't be a religion because people fight over
• 51:43
  religion. People want to go to war and battle over religion.
• 51:46
  Oh, my God. And that's what it seems like with the political parties lately,
• 51:49
  but it really should just be a value system. These are my values,
• 51:53
  and that's what I hold dear.
• 51:54
  But you can have people in the same political party or whatever that has a completely
• 51:58
  different value system. Oh, yeah.
• 52:00
  And some people value going to church every Sunday.
• 52:02
  Some people value going to church twice a week. Some people value not going
• 52:06
  to church at all. But they're still spiritual.
• 52:10
  Yes. Doesn't mean they go to church. That means they're not spiritual.
• 52:13
  I like to sleep and pray in my bed. There you go. And some people raise their
• 52:18
  children with strong morals and values, even though they don't go to church. That is true.
• 52:23
  And then there's different religions and you have to decide whether you can
• 52:26
  be with someone in a different religion.
• 52:29
  Yeah. I mean, that's a cultural thing too, right? Right. And people do that
• 52:33
  all the time, but you have to be open to it.
• 52:36
  It can't be a non-negotiable and then you find someone and say,
• 52:40
  oh, well, maybe this person will work out when you were so committed to it being
• 52:44
  a non-negotiable. Yeah. And then lifestyle.
• 52:47
  Do you want to travel? And they don't. They don't want to get on a plane.
• 52:49
  That might be a deal break. That's a no-no. Yeah. It was a huge problem.
• 52:53
  And then there's people that have healthy lifestyles. They like to get up on
• 52:56
  Saturdays and go for a bike ride. Right. Or go for a hike.
• 53:00
  And their partner's like, I want to sleep in. Sleep in, yeah.
• 53:02
  Pat over here wants to sleep in. I sleep in. Yeah?
• 53:06
  Well, sleep in to me like sleep till 8. And does your husband like to sleep in?
• 53:09
  Yeah, on the weekend. Do you? We don't get out of bed till 7.30. The same value system.
• 53:14
  Yeah. All those things are important to know before you start.
• 53:18
  The value system. You need to know. A why do you want that? Yeah.
• 53:22
  Oh, the why is important, but not as important as the what.
• 53:26
  What you're looking for is important. The why is therapy session.
• 53:31
  But the what is, you know, because you may say, I want a person that makes me
• 53:35
  feel safe. And then you go to your therapist and they say, well,
• 53:37
  you must have not felt safe as a child.
• 53:41
  So, I mean, that is a therapy thing. So I don't really care about the why.
• 53:45
  I think in life, it's short and trying to figure out the why on every aspect
• 53:50
  of our challenging personalities is a waste of time, personally.
• 53:54
  Because we could dissect our personalities until there's nothing left.
• 53:58
  It's all perfect. And by then, there's no one left.
• 54:02
  Everybody's got flaws. Oh, yeah. If they're flaws, you can live with and just
• 54:06
  work around. And you might find a partner that's got the exact same flaws.
• 54:10
  Yeah. If they say they don't have that money. Everybody's got flaws. Yeah.
• 54:14
  Everybody's got little insecurities here and there. I don't care who they are.
• 54:17
  Yeah. But that's okay because the person that you're with should love you with those flaws.
• 54:23
  And they should love you with those insecurities. They shouldn't be trying to change you. Yeah. No.
• 54:28
  You can't change people. Yeah. You don't change your husband.
• 54:32
  I mean, I think people grow together.
• 54:34
  And change a little, but core values, those don't change. Yeah.
• 54:40
  I think we complement each other as the day goes on. And complement?
• 54:45
  Yeah. Do you think that your core values are the same? No.
• 54:50
  No? No. So what does he have in a value system that you don't?
• 54:55
  He's very clean and neat.
• 54:57
  And you're not? I don't. So that could be an issue too. That could be a non-negotiable for someone.
• 55:01
  Yeah, for someone non-negotiable. Yeah, but for him, I know it bothers him.
• 55:05
  It made me become a little bit neat.
• 55:09
  The man is still full. He's undershirt. When we first met, this is how neat he is.
• 55:15
  He's still full. He's undershirt just by coming out from the package.
• 55:19
  Oh, wow. I don't full. I just throw in a drawer. So he's a little OCD. A little.
• 55:23
  Yeah. No, not little. A lot. So he's very neat and organized and everything
• 55:28
  has to be in place in your tornado.
• 55:31
  Yeah, a tornado. I throw everything in. That made me first. You're like,
• 55:34
  it's on the hanger. Yeah, it doesn't matter.
• 55:36
  But right now? He'd go through the closet, make sure the hangers and all the
• 55:39
  shirts are facing the same way. Yes.
• 55:41
  But right now, I think we blend into each other. You know, it's funny.
• 55:45
  Before I had children, I think I was a little OCD too.
• 55:49
  You do? I think I was so organized and I always had my shirts facing the same direction.
• 55:54
  I had all my closets organized by color.
• 55:56
  I had everything organized and put away. Because when you don't have children,
• 56:00
  you have a little bit more tie. But then you have children and you're still working full-time.
• 56:05
  What happens is you just naturally change a little.
• 56:08
  So I'm okay. As long as the stuff's picked up off the floor,
• 56:11
  I'm okay. Is it in a bin? I don't care if the bin's organized.
• 56:14
  I think you change. You change. That's why your list of things of what you want has to change.
• 56:23
  Right. So it's not a fixed meeting. Yeah, it's not fixed. And what you were
• 56:27
  looking for in your first partner, your first marriage...
• 56:31
  Or the guy you just dated shouldn't be what you're looking for now.
• 56:35
  Because if you want the exact same thing as you just had, you're going to get
• 56:39
  the exact same result. Yeah.
• 56:42
  And people don't realize that. If you find a person that's exactly like your
• 56:46
  last, you're going to get the exact same. You need to elevate yourself.
• 56:52
  Yeah, I agree. Yes. Yes. Do better.
• 56:55
  Yeah, of course. Don't go back to the same person. Don't you believe that people
• 56:59
  tend to fall in the same path?
• 57:01
  They do. If they haven't worked on themselves, that's why I said you need to
• 57:05
  work on yourself and go to therapy, coaching, energy healing,
• 57:09
  whatever you do, go for a meditation retreat, yoga.
• 57:12
  When people don't work on themselves, they get into a pattern and they find
• 57:16
  the exact same person over and over.
• 57:18
  If you had an abusive man or a man that cheated on you and you don't change
• 57:22
  you, you're going to find the exact same abusive man and man that cheats on you in the next partner.
• 57:28
  They'll all start off nice because they always do you'll be attracting the exact same person
• 57:33
  so until you elevate you you won't
• 57:37
  find what you're looking for you need to work on yourself
• 57:40
  first yes and i still have more work i think to do on
• 57:43
  me that's i think the reason why people have tried to set
• 57:45
  me up and i've gone on a few dates and they were fun you know i'm wrong but
• 57:50
  it was i wasn't where i need to be in order to find the person that i want to
• 57:53
  have i think you're just not ready yet you just need time for yourself more
• 57:58
  i think well and i'm enjoying my time that's another thing that's what i think
• 58:02
  i want to say some women enjoy their time way too much.
• 58:06
  And next thing you know you love being by yourself but
• 58:09
  that's when the travel act comes in soon my goodness that's
• 58:13
  why i'm afraid for you anyway yeah well i look
• 58:16
  into the ai thing i really am intrigued by that ai company
• 58:19
  that yeah i know what was it called that three three
• 58:22
  days rule three days rule so basically
• 58:25
  in three days they find your match that'd be kind of i don't know we'll look
• 58:28
  into that i will do the i will
• 58:32
  do the research and say you do that test and give us a feedback give you the
• 58:35
  feedback yeah look at that yeah interesting so they have the three days rule
• 58:40
  group they have over 250 000 people ready for really so that's 250 000 people
• 58:47
  that are paying between $5,000 and $25,000.
• 58:50
  So you're going to be an upper-middle class in order to get into there.
• 58:54
  But at least you better be ready for relationships. You need to be ready.
• 58:58
  Yeah. And they match you. So you have to... It's a dating app,
• 59:02
  again. I mean, it's an app that's expensive.
• 59:05
  It's modern matchmaking, is what they call it.
• 59:07
  They do have date coaching. So how to treat someone on a... I hope they can
• 59:12
  teach men how to treat women. Right.
• 59:14
  Planning on your date for you. That's so many. Although I do want a man that can plan a date.
• 59:19
  So if they do too much planning and too much coaching of the man,
• 59:22
  am I going to be the same person? You know what I mean?
• 59:24
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they vet the people. So they do screen them.
• 59:28
  They probably do background checks, which is nice. This is nice. I like it.
• 59:32
  I do too. You should try and give us a feedback for next. I'm not going to do it right now.
• 59:36
  Yeah, when you're ready. I'm not ready for that. Because this looks like they're
• 59:40
  ready to be intimate and ready for relationship.
• 59:43
  They also have a three-day role called the millionaire date matching or matchmaking.
• 59:47
  So the million-dollar matchmaking. So that is for people that are in the high net worth.
• 59:52
  So those are really vetted. It's probably more expensive.
• 59:56
  They can't see a level dating. I mean, the men are not going to think of themselves.
• 1:00:00
  They don't have to have somebody play and date. Oh, yeah.
• 1:00:03
  Well, you know, here's the thing. A lot of times men have assistants that plan
• 1:00:08
  dates anyway, five treasins, stuff like that.
• 1:00:11
  It's a minimum of a 12-month membership, though.
• 1:00:14
  It's a minimum of three carat diamond engagement ring.
• 1:00:18
  You better be ready. Well, there you go. So if you want at least a three carat,
• 1:00:22
  I have that in my first marriage.
• 1:00:24
  If you want at least a three carat diamond ring, there you go. Oh, wow.
• 1:00:27
  This thing's interesting. So three-day roll, it's something new.
• 1:00:31
  It's probably because it's got the AI component that I haven't heard about.
• 1:00:35
  The fact that they've got 250,000 people in it is interesting.
• 1:00:39
  And it looks like it's just in the major cities.
• 1:00:42
  So it's currently Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles, Miami,
• 1:00:47
  Orange County, New York, Philadelphia, San Diego, San Francisco,
• 1:00:50
  Silicon Valley, Washington, D.C., Seattle, and Atlanta.
• 1:00:54
  The only problem with these matchmaking is you're limited to the number of people...
• 1:00:59
  That actually are in those locations and
• 1:01:02
  in this app so you know kind of like
• 1:01:05
  all the dating apps i guess you're limited but there's gonna you're gonna have
• 1:01:08
  a less you know it's gonna be less people and the
• 1:01:11
  nice thing is is that you can also kind of pick on you know age that's an age
• 1:01:15
  group yeah 32 for 40 50 well and here's the thing if time is valuable time is
• 1:01:21
  very valuable to me they say within three days you know if the person's the
• 1:01:26
  one or not so they're gonna match But instead of 20,
• 1:01:28
  that's kind of their ideology.
• 1:01:31
  Sometimes it may only take one or two matches.
• 1:01:33
  But you are committed to 12 months. It might be. It might be.
• 1:01:38
  You think it's the way for me to go? I do so too. It's interesting, right? Yeah.
• 1:01:43
  I just like the fact that each group had all kinds of professions.
• 1:01:48
  It's for people very intentional about dating. Dating.
• 1:01:51
  With a human touch, but also a computer. I like that relationship wellness,
• 1:01:56
  prioritized relationship. They focus on long-term compatibility.
• 1:01:59
  And that's the goal, right?
• 1:02:01
  All of this whole conversation today has been about, what's the goal?
• 1:02:06
  The goal is to find that person that you match with for the rest of your life.
• 1:02:12
  I mean, to me, I don't want to do it worst again ever. I don't want to go through that again.
• 1:02:17
  No. The goal for me is to find my person, when I'm ready, that I can have as
• 1:02:24
  a loving, loving companion.
• 1:02:27
  That matches my love, matches my energy, matches my caring and commitment.
• 1:02:31
  Yeah, but regardless, you have to be ready, though. You have to be ready.
• 1:02:34
  So don't do the matchmaking unless you're ready. Right.
• 1:02:37
  Is there anything else we haven't covered that you can think of as far as the
• 1:02:41
  companionship levels, the matchmaking?
• 1:02:44
  I think we've covered most of everything. Most of it. So if you listen to our
• 1:02:48
  last podcast and the one on dating apps, I think you're ready to go.
• 1:02:51
  You're ready to go. Or at least to take the next step and maybe get a coach
• 1:02:55
  or a therapist or go on a healing retreat of some sort.
• 1:02:58
  Oh, a big thing on healing, the retreat. Yeah.
• 1:03:01
  Yeah. I mean, Miraval had been there. That was nice. Been there a couple of
• 1:03:04
  times. Yeah, it's nice to get yourself ready.
• 1:03:08
  But when you're ready, if you listen to these last two podcasts,
• 1:03:11
  this one and the one before on dating apps, I think you could find exactly what you're looking for.
• 1:03:15
  Yeah, you're Mr. Rice. It's out there. Remember, there's more than one soulmate.
• 1:03:19
  More than one soulmate. Let's wrap. Let's go back to the beginning. Yes.
• 1:03:23
  Well, I think I'm ready to go, DivaCat. What about you? I am ready.
• 1:03:28
  All right. Well, this is Diva Mia signing off. This is DivaCat signing off.
• 1:03:32
  I hope it's helpful for you guys. And all the listeners.
• 1:03:35
  Have a wonderful week. You too, Diva Mia. Ciao, ciao. Ciao.
• 1:03:41
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• 1:03:47
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• 1:03:57
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