Latest / Speak In Flow / Effective Communication and Overcoming Subconscious Barriers of Your Teen or Employee with Ashley Ikeda
Transcript
- 0:02Melinda Lee: Hello Today, my guess is Ashley, Ikeda. She's a
- 0:06licenced Marriage and Family Therapist and counsellor. I
- 0:10brought her on because as you all know, we have lots of
- 0:13communication breakdowns and families, it can be quite
- 0:17stressful. And so I wanted to hear from her expertise, what
- 0:21are some communication strategies to be able to
- 0:24overcome some of these breakdowns and build more solid
- 0:28relationships. And we're talking specifically around the
- 0:31communication between parent and child. I find it fascinating
- 0:36that even in the workplace, as a manager, the dynamic between
- 0:41parent and child is very similar between a manager and an
- 0:44employee. And so we're going to learn from Ashley, what are the
- 0:48specific strategies that can build people up, motivate them,
- 0:52or cause them to break down, and most of them, were actually not
- 0:56aware of what we're doing what we're saying to break people
- 1:00down. So if you have an authority over somebody, this is
- 1:04the best episode for you to learn how to use appropriate
- 1:08language in a powerful, effective way. I hope you enjoy
- 1:12it. Hi, Ashley, so glad you're here.
- 1:21Ashley Ikeda: Hi Melinda, thank you so much for inviting me
- 1:24Melinda Lee: Oh my God, you have so much experience and knowledge
- 1:26in this area. So I just want to dive right in terms of all the
- 1:31families that you've been supporting and helping. There's
- 1:35got to be a lot of different good communication and also in
- 1:40effective communication, ways of talking to each other. And so
- 1:44when you think about communication, what do you think
- 1:48about off the bat? And in terms of communicating with family?
- 1:52Ashley Ikeda: Yes. So in my position, I've been a licenced
- 1:56therapist for about six years. And so I've seen communication
- 2:02in in all sorts of forms, right. And I think the first thing that
- 2:05comes to mind is ineffective or unhelpful communication. And I,
- 2:13in my experience, I think there are both conscious, mostly
- 2:19unconscious biases that affect not only our way of
- 2:25communicating but affect our ability to listen and really
- 2:30hear what the other person is saying.
- 2:34Melinda Lee: So it's clowns, like because it's unconscious,
- 2:37we're not aware of it. And we all have them. And this type of
- 2:42unconscious lens, we all have it, and it prevents us from
- 2:46really hearing the other person.
- 2:50Ashley Ikeda: Right, so in my position, I work a lot with
- 2:54families, parents and teens especially.
- 2:58Melinda Lee: Yeah, There is a lot going on there a lot of
- 3:03baggage and different lenses. We don't want to hear somebody.
- 3:04Ashley Ikeda: Oh, yes, right. Not only is there the family
- 3:07history, but there might be trauma history. There's also
- 3:10cultural and generational differences that affect the way
- 3:14that we communicate. And the unconscious biases that I was
- 3:18referring to, we call them cognitive distortions. So
- 3:23they're thoughts that not only distort your perception, but it
- 3:28also affects the way that you see yourself how you see others
- 3:32how you see the world. And it also influences your emotions.
- 3:37Melinda Lee: So can you speak about that from the parents
- 3:39perspective? So what is happening with the parent, when
- 3:43they have these cognitive distortions? And what is the
- 3:46lens that they are speaking from?
- 3:50Ashley Ikeda: I think one of the most common ones are all or
- 3:54nothing thinking or black or white thinking. And also should
- 3:59statements.
- 4:00Melinda Lee: Wow, yeah. So what does that sound like?
- 4:04Ashley Ikeda: So I think typically, we label things as
- 4:09good or bad. Right? So I think of a teen is coming to the to
- 4:14their parent with an issue. Sometimes it's really hard for
- 4:19the parent to see the shades of grey that the teen might be
- 4:24experiencing, like, let's say, for example, teen is coming to
- 4:27their parents sharing that they recently use substances. Right?
- 4:33And instead of apparent coming from a place of curiosity, I
- 4:37think it automatically goes to a place of judgement. Oh, this is
- 4:40bad. Yeah. My team should not be doing this. Yeah. And instantly,
- 4:48there's a blocking communication.
- 4:50Melinda Lee: yeah I'm surprised actually, I would think that by
- 4:54now. But I'm just assuming by now that most parents are
- 4:59starting To be more open, or are you seeing seeing the is still a
- 5:03lot of black and white thinking you're bad, or you're good?
- 5:08Ashley Ikeda: I'm I'm definitely seeing more of a shift towards
- 5:14understanding and realising that not everything is good or bad.
- 5:22But I still don't think that there's enough education that's
- 5:27provided generally, unless you've seen a therapist, you
- 5:32wouldn't know about cognitive distortions. And we have a lot
- 5:36of parents who come to us who have a general understanding of
- 5:43mental health, but I think there's still a lot to be
- 5:46learned. Yeah, yeah, I think the pandemic or the the, the
- 5:50pandemic has really, I think, normalised therapy, but I think
- 5:54the problem is, is that a lot of the teams are coming to us for
- 5:59therapy, but I know that in order for the team to change,
- 6:02the whole family needs to change.
- 6:04Melinda Lee: Right, right. Right. And so when the parent is
- 6:08speaking from probably, and so tell me a little bit more about
- 6:13how that usually the communication, how it comes
- 6:16across, like you say, they start to blame or shirt or, or label
- 6:20the child as your bad. They might start using words as like
- 6:24blaming words. So how can you do that? You're, you're you're
- 6:29you're wrong. What did you do and blame the child? And not
- 6:35necessarily take as much responsibility even though they
- 6:38might feel it? Yeah.
- 6:43Ashley Ikeda: So we learn how to communicate through our parents.
- 6:48Right? Socially culturally.
- 6:51Melinda Lee: Yeah.
- 6:51Ashley Ikeda: So if if you if you were taught to in that way,
- 6:57using blaming statements are, these are some of the common
- 7:05unhealthy, okay, communication strategies that parents use. And
- 7:10this is that sounds like blaming and accusing, like, Oh, you did
- 7:14it again? What's wrong with you? Like, let's say, like, a team
- 7:19puts a youth trying to cook something, and he puts his pan
- 7:23on the on the stove and starts to like, it starts to burn,
- 7:27right? So the parent may instantly blame and accused say,
- 7:30Oh, you did it again. You put oil in the pan, and you just
- 7:34left the room? What's wrong with you? You could have started a
- 7:36fire. Yeah, but that might sound like blaming and accusing.
- 7:41There's also name calling me and this could sound like how could
- 7:45you forget to walk your bike? Right? That was stupid. No
- 7:49wonder it got stolen. I can't believe you're solely
- 7:51responsible.
- 7:53Melinda Lee: That brings back memories. I wouldn't my dad used
- 7:56to say you're stupid. You're never gonna graduate. You don't
- 8:00know what you're doing. And his in his mind. He thinks that he's
- 8:04helping me. I mean, that was his upbringing. And that's probably
- 8:07how he was taught. Right. And so for him, for him to do that to
- 8:11me. I think he thinks that I mean, did you experience
- 8:13something like that? Definitely. It's a criticism, and they feel
- 8:18like that's how I'm going to help this person.
- 8:22Ashley Ikeda: Yes, it took me a long time to understand the
- 8:25difference between intent versus impact. Right, I received the
- 8:29same kind of upbringing. And while I believe that my parents
- 8:35had good intentions, right, she was trying to raise me to be a
- 8:38respectful person. But at the same time, the impact it had on
- 8:43me, I think, was damaging, right? Because I started to
- 8:47believe that everything I did reflected me as a person, the
- 8:51grades that I got the, the job that I had. And so I think it
- 8:57becomes really detrimental to a person's self esteem when
- 9:02they're being told you're stupid. You're dumb for doing
- 9:07these things, and then we internalise that belief. Gosh, I
- 9:11Melinda Lee: thought I was stupid for the longest time.
- 9:14That's why I went to GGU with you, when I saw you getting my
- 9:17masters. I was like, I'm gonna prove them wrong. So pardon him.
- 9:20It did work a little bit, because I wanted to prove him
- 9:23wrong. But at the same time, I know that was slow, like having
- 9:27me steady flow for a long time. One of the benefits of
- 9:33capitalising on someone's strengths or values, I think
- 9:36they just have a much better easier time and more flow and
- 9:40growth and expansion, versus a push or a pull or approving. I
- 9:45don't know what I mean. What are your thoughts around that? Like?
- 9:49Yeah
- 9:50Ashley Ikeda: Well I think guilt has been used as, as a tool,
- 9:57right to keep people in the pack. Right, so we're ancestors
- 10:01of hunter gatherers, right? So we lived in tribes. And in order
- 10:06to keep a person in tribe, you, a person would have to use shame
- 10:10or guilt to keep them in. Yeah, yeah, I think there's that
- 10:14unconscious bias. But also, we have a negativity bias built
- 10:20into their brain, right. So it's much easier to point out the
- 10:23things that a person is doing wrong than it is to point than
- 10:28it is to point out when someone is doing something, right. And
- 10:33then also, I think we live in a very fear based mindset. Where,
- 10:40you know, a lot of our actions come out of fear. And I think a
- 10:44lot of parents have fears for their children. And I think we
- 10:49try to use like you're seeing with the flow mindset, right?
- 10:52Like, we use a growth based mindset, and wow, the person's
- 10:55strengths. Because I think that goes a long way. Because let's
- 11:00just say, you know, a team gets a bad grade on a test. And the
- 11:05parent is like, oh, what's wrong with you? How could you get that
- 11:08up? You're so stupid, that team will most likely never want to
- 11:12be a part of that classic. Right? Versus the parents, and
- 11:16hey, that's okay. Right? Mistakes happen. This is how you
- 11:19learn. This is how you grow. We can work on this. Yeah, I don't
- 11:23probably feel more motivating for the team to want to do more
- 11:26of that.
- 11:27Melinda Lee: Right? Right. So same thing with managers, right?
- 11:29So manager, you're talking about a parent and teen dynamic, where
- 11:34a parent will reprimand the teen and then the team doesn't want
- 11:38to do the activity or the homework and, and so similar
- 11:42dynamic with a manager and also an employee? Correct, right? It
- 11:47says a power you have to do you do have authority over this
- 11:50person. And so how you use your words, in terms of how to
- 11:54motivate that person is so important, right? If you're
- 11:57reprimanding the person, they're just in fear. And is that really
- 12:01what you want? Is that really going to create the outcome from
- 12:07a fear based mode versus someone that is free to, to because they
- 12:12feel confident because they feel they're not afraid of messing
- 12:17up? Right? Because if they're afraid of messing up, I found
- 12:20that is when people start to contract, and then it becomes
- 12:22worse. So if they're, if you're open as a manager, to allowing
- 12:24them to just mess up, as long as it's a safe area safe place,
- 12:33then they're going to be more open and experiment and get
- 12:36creative. And then they end up succeeding and doing things that
- 12:41are even, you know, beyond what you probably would have thought
- 12:44because they had the freedom to
- 12:46Ashley Ikeda: Right. Yeah, I think that's the
- 12:50Melinda Lee: growth mindset. Go ahead.
- 12:51Ashley Ikeda: Yeah. I just wanted to kind of piggyback off
- 12:55of what you were saying, right, in terms of managers and parents
- 12:58using punitive and harsh and critical ways of maybe improving
- 13:06their team, right, we talked about the the difference between
- 13:09intent versus impact. But I think the consequence of that
- 13:13strategy is that it damages the relationship. Yeah, right. This
- 13:17person will no longer wants to come to you when they are
- 13:21experiencing a problem. Right. And then now maybe they're
- 13:24they're, they're hiding their work or hiding the things that
- 13:28they're doing.
- 13:30Melinda Lee: Right. And parents, their wives, my daughter or my
- 13:33son in the room all the time. Yeah. Right. So
- 13:36Ashley Ikeda: I talked about keeping the lines of
- 13:38communication open. And in order for that to happen, there needs
- 13:42to be trust. And trust goes both ways. Right? I think trust has
- 13:48to be earned.
- 13:50Melinda Lee: So let's say what a parent has, there's some open
- 13:54line of communication, there's some trust there, what are some
- 13:58ways like and if I'm a parent, and I want to, I want to what
- 14:03does that call out a certain behaviour that I think that can
- 14:07be improved? Or that they can change? Like, what are some
- 14:10statements or suggestions that you have?
- 14:14Ashley Ikeda: So I think the first I think the first skill
- 14:19that needs to be taught in practice is active listening.
- 14:22And I think a lot of people think active listening is much
- 14:26harder than it actually is. Right? And yes, it is. It is
- 14:30complicated, because you do have to be aware of of your
- 14:39unconscious biases and also be aware of your thoughts and
- 14:42feelings that might come up if this a teen or an employee is
- 14:47coming to you in a place of distress. So you're kind of
- 14:51you're you're paying attention to both how you're, what you're
- 14:54thinking and how you're feeling and also trying to understand
- 14:57what another person is thinking and feeling Right. But in terms
- 15:02of active listening, the use of I statements is really
- 15:07important. Because so an if statement to sound like I think,
- 15:12or I feel, or I observed, I think a lot of people start off
- 15:17the sense with the word you, which can make a person feel
- 15:20defensive, and then they'll shut down and there is no longer that
- 15:25open line of communicating. The person has gone into that fight
- 15:30flight or freeze state.
- 15:32Melinda Lee: Right, right. Right. I love that. All right,
- 15:35right. So first, knowing where you're coming in with the
- 15:39unconscious bias or certain assumptions, beliefs, and then
- 15:45knowing that the other person also has them too. And so you
- 15:49know, how, like being aware of them as much as we can, and then
- 15:54moving more into active listening, trying to be present
- 15:58with the person actively listening to where they're at.
- 16:04And then using I statements, I language, so that I hear this.
- 16:08So let me understand. I had you know, if I get the straight, I
- 16:12hear this, I'm noticing this. And so then that way, it's sends
- 16:18this message that I am trying to listen, I'm trying to be here
- 16:22for you, versus trying to blame you for something. Right?
- 16:27Ashley Ikeda: Yeah, I think in my work with parents, they
- 16:33instantly jump into solution mode. Yeah. Right. Right. And
- 16:37they're they're trying to fix the problem, instead of just
- 16:41listening. Which is some, maybe something that all the person
- 16:46needs, maybe they don't need a solution, maybe they just need
- 16:50someone to listen. Right. And I think people really feel like
- 16:54they have to come up with the perfect response. But I shared
- 16:58this video often with parents, it's a video by Brene Brown,
- 17:03who's an amazing psychologist who talks about the difference
- 17:08between empathy and sympathy. Right? So empathy is really
- 17:13stepping into another person's shoes and being with them. And
- 17:18sympathy. It's a really cute little video where there's like,
- 17:21an animal down in the hole. And sympathy is kind of going into
- 17:27that hole with them and being with them. And sympathy is kind
- 17:30of this animal that's looking down into the hole, right and
- 17:35saying, oh, yeah, it really sucks down there. Yeah, yeah.
- 17:39And then they say the words, but at least right? Well, at least
- 17:42you have this and at least you have that.
- 17:44Melinda Lee: Yeah, all parents do that because they're trying
- 17:47to come like, they don't want the child to be hurting. So
- 17:52they'll just reframe it and say, at least it's not that bad. At
- 17:56least you have this, oh, I'm sorry, you're down there, and
- 17:59you're hurting. But at least there's this because we want we
- 18:02want to bring them the solution. And like you said, sometimes
- 18:05they just want you to be with them. Maybe the sadness with
- 18:09them or the disappointment. You know, they didn't get you know,
- 18:13when when rolled into they didn't get selected for the
- 18:15sports team. Well, whatever that is, right. Yeah, yeah. So tell
- 18:20me again, I mean, I'm so I love this stuff. I really love this
- 18:24stuff. Because I really I know that so many parents, managers
- 18:28are out there out there and just not having the right statements
- 18:31communication way to communicate with them. And I think this is
- 18:34so powerful and effective.
- 18:38And I don't know if we went back into what are those if I didn't
- 18:42need to correct or give them feedback about a specific
- 18:47behaviour, the eye language, there are certain statements
- 18:52like, we want to be direct, like how do we be direct and also
- 18:55empathetic at the same time without causing defensiveness?
- 18:59Do you have some tools for that?
- 19:01Ashley Ikeda: Yeah, so I think the first thing is maybe to
- 19:06externalise what a person might be feeling in order to create
- 19:11empathy. Right? So let's just say a team gets a bad grade on a
- 19:17test, right? Okay. Um,
- 19:20Melinda Lee: and they haven't studied, right? So let's just
- 19:22say, it's not only about the grade, but it's like, Hey, I
- 19:25noticed that you're out playing football or out watching TV, and
- 19:29then and then you get the bad grades. So we're noticing that
- 19:32the behaviour that led up to the bad grades that we want to call
- 19:35out how do we say that in an empathetic way?
- 19:40Ashley Ikeda: So there's a scene of psychology we say name it's
- 19:43attainment, okay, right, because emotions really do influence our
- 19:47thoughts and our behaviours, right? So most likely, this teen
- 19:51is already feeling guilty and bad about getting this bad
- 19:55grade. And if you instantly go into that solution Problem
- 20:00Solving now this you're not really empathising or validating
- 20:04this team's feelings. So first, they might say, hey, you know, I
- 20:08noticed that you're feeling really upset. Right? Is there?
- 20:12Is there anything that happened today? So you want to just kind
- 20:16of pose a question, right? And use that
- 20:19Melinda Lee: naming it and naming the feeling,
- 20:21Ashley Ikeda: naming that feeling first. And you can also
- 20:25use yourself as an example, right? Like, oh, gosh, I'd be
- 20:28really frustrated or sad. If I got an F on my math on my math
- 20:33test.
- 20:34Melinda Lee: Right, right. Okay. Right. So we're naming it and
- 20:37then to tame it. So I'm frustrated and naming that
- 20:40feeling or that emotion. i Yeah, that's frustrating. You got that
- 20:45F? Or that's yeah, I'd be frustrated too. Like that. Okay.
- 20:50Yeah.
- 20:51Ashley Ikeda: And then you want to really, you want to
- 20:55externalise the problem, and have them understand that
- 20:58they're not the problem that but that this problem is here. Yes,
- 21:03that we are both as a team tackling the same side, we're
- 21:09not we're not against each other. But we need to figure out
- 21:14a solution to this problem. Yes, sometimes a person may not be
- 21:19ready for it yet. Right. So I always like to ask first, what
- 21:23do you need in this moment? Right, maybe, maybe this person
- 21:28just needs some space? Then when they're ready, when they're
- 21:33feeling more regulated? Because we can't You can't. You can't
- 21:39think rationally. While you're feeling stressed, or anxious or
- 21:45overwhelmed. Yeah.
- 21:47Melinda Lee: So many times, parents, managers, okay, let's
- 21:49come up with a solution. What are we going to do to fix this?
- 21:51How are we going to fix this? So you're saying like to ask for
- 21:54permission? Right? Like ask for permission? What do you need
- 21:57right now?
- 21:59Ashley Ikeda: Meeting a person where they're at? Yeah, yeah.
- 22:02Right. Right, instead of trying to rush the process, right?
- 22:05Because again, if if they're in that fight, fight or free state,
- 22:09you're not going to get a logical rational response. Yeah.
- 22:14Melinda Lee: Right. Right. Love it. So and then once they are
- 22:19feeling okay, they're ready, then what do we say to them? I
- 22:22love the and then also that the problem is outside? How do you
- 22:28do that? What are some statements? How do you
- 22:30communicate that to allow them to let them know that this is
- 22:33not you? There's so many times we can say you didn't do this
- 22:37right? And so then that means I'm the problem. How do you
- 22:41communicate and make it clear that there's a problem outside?
- 22:45Not you? You're not You're not the problem?
- 22:48Ashley Ikeda: Again, coming from a place of curiosity, right? And
- 22:51you have every right to express your observations using those if
- 22:56statements. Yeah, right. Like in, let's go back to the team
- 23:00who wasn't studying. And you could say, oh, you know, I
- 23:08noticed that last Wednesday, that kind of, after you got home
- 23:13from school, you just use you seemed really tired. And I
- 23:18noticed that that you you didn't study. Or maybe you didn't have
- 23:27enough time to study. So just coming at it from a place of
- 23:33curiosity, and most people know what they need. But you know,
- 23:43it's not about how smart you are, it's just about having
- 23:48effective strategies to be successful. Naming that, right.
- 23:54Like, again, same, you know, again, like I, it has nothing to
- 23:59do with you as a person, but there is this problem, right?
- 24:04And if the problem is not studying, and I think helping
- 24:10one understand the reasons for why they're not studying, right,
- 24:14because I think avoidance, it's another form of dealing it's
- 24:19it's a form of anxiety, right people avoid, because there is
- 24:24something threatening or something scary. Yeah, that is
- 24:29like a test. Yeah,
- 24:31Melinda Lee: you're bringing patients a lot of time with
- 24:33presentations. For exactly the same thing with a child and
- 24:39maybe they're just threatened. That's so true. Yeah, yeah,
- 24:44Ashley Ikeda: that was a way to cope. I'm going to avoid or I'm
- 24:47going to procrastinate, right. And so normalising that
- 24:52Melinda Lee: yeah, I love that. I love that. Wow, that is so
- 24:57good. That was so good. That was really how For
- 25:01Ashley Ikeda: think Well, I mean, this is one of the most
- 25:06common issues. Right. But yeah, I think there's that lack of
- 25:13understanding that I think a lot of what we do does come from
- 25:20that anxiety or fear, which I think is so ingrained in us.
- 25:26Right. And I think that's really I think, it starts in the ways
- 25:32that we communicate with each other. Right? Because, you know,
- 25:36I think the words that we say to each other are impactful, but
- 25:44also the words that we say to ourselves. Yeah. Right. And I
- 25:48think we are all so harsh and critical of ourselves. And I
- 25:54think we automatically just behave out of fear. Mm hmm.
- 26:02Because we're not growing or learning from in that place.
- 26:05Yeah.
- 26:06Melinda Lee: Right. Because we're afraid that we're not good
- 26:08enough. Now, we're afraid that other people are experiencing,
- 26:12they're not good enough. And so we start to speak from fear.
- 26:17Love that. And so what is one piece of advice or a couple of
- 26:21statements that you want to leave? Parents?
- 26:30Ashley Ikeda: One, one thing that I learned from one of my
- 26:36professors in grad school is when he was teaching us active
- 26:40listening, he said, it's really simple. You just basically have
- 26:44to repeat the last that last sentence that the person said,
- 26:48yeah, right. Right. Right. But the way that you say it could
- 26:56create an opportunity for more conversation, right. So maybe we
- 27:03could try practising this maybe. Melinda, do you mind just saying
- 27:06anything that comes to mind?
- 27:09Melinda Lee: I am passionate about leadership. Hmm.
- 27:15Ashley Ikeda: You're passionate about leadership?
- 27:18Melinda Lee: yeah, It's just that I think we need really
- 27:23great leaders, and we need to be able to lift each up as leaders
- 27:33Ashley Ikeda: So we need great leaders, right. And we need
- 27:36great leaders to lift each other up. So in the first, the first
- 27:41sense, right, I just kind of reflected back what you said,
- 27:44but in the form of a question.
- 27:48Melinda Lee: Yeah. Right. And so it's, it's more about, like, how
- 27:52we say it. More about, yeah, the connections, you gave me a
- 27:57connection, you connected with me and how you said it, not just
- 28:01like your professor said, which he had good intent, but the
- 28:04impact was missing. All right, yeah. Good intent in terms of,
- 28:08yes, the words are right, you did what he said. But then the
- 28:12impact is, you want to, we want to include the connection part.
- 28:16And don't forget that as parents, as managers, as leaders
- 28:21with authority over others, we want you know, and you have good
- 28:25intentions. Just be aware that just because you have good
- 28:29intentions doesn't mean that you're making the impact. And so
- 28:33just being more aware and intentional with your own
- 28:37biases, and be able to say things that so that the other
- 28:41person receives it.
- 28:43Ashley Ikeda: Right. And that requires your full presence.
- 28:47Yeah. Yeah. And attention. I agree. Yeah. With them, going
- 28:55into a hole with them. Yeah. And the other thing that I wanted to
- 28:59mention with that, as I was starting as a therapist, I had
- 29:05kind of like a young client, tell me something quite
- 29:09traumatic. And, you know, I was just beginning of the therapist.
- 29:12So I didn't know what to say I was just I was, I was like, I
- 29:18didn't have I didn't know what to say. And I said nothing. And
- 29:22then I actually started to cry. And we were just crying
- 29:26together. And in my supervision, I was telling my supervisor, I
- 29:30was like, Oh, my gosh, I failed as a therapist, like I didn't
- 29:33have anything to say we were just crying. And all she said
- 29:37was she just said you did what you need. You did what needed to
- 29:40happen. Like, okay, and then a year later, I get a note from
- 29:48this client. And she writes, she writes thank you for not knowing
- 29:53what to say. So sometimes that can be the point perfect
- 30:00response.
- 30:01Melinda Lee: Yeah, for sure. For sure. That's beautiful.
- 30:06Ashley Ikeda: Yeah. So I think as long as it's coming from a
- 30:09place of presence and authenticity, you don't have to
- 30:14worry about coming up with the perfect response. Because again,
- 30:17like that connection piece, I think that connection is so
- 30:21important. And that's what's most meaningful, that we all
- 30:25have a need to feel heard, and to feel understood. That really
- 30:32makes a big difference.
- 30:35Melinda Lee: And that is effective communication. Thank
- 30:40you, Ashley. That was amazing. Thank you so much for sharing
- 30:44your expertise and knowledge. I trust that people out there
- 30:49leaders out there are hearing this and receiving this and
- 30:53using it to become better leaders.
- 30:56Ashley Ikeda: Absolutely. Thank you so much, Melinda. This is
- 30:59actually a great experience. This is my first podcast. So I
- 31:03honoured that you had been on here and it was lovely speaking
- 31:06with you.
- 31:07Melinda Lee: Yes, yes, it was super fun and so impactful.
- 31:11Thank you, Ashley. Take care. Bye bye all