Latest / Beautifully Complex / 319: Using Music for Emotional Regulation, with Samantha Foote

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319: Using Music for Emotional Regulation, with Samantha Foote · Beautifully Complex

0:02
Speaker 1: So rhythm is innate in our bodies, like our bodies
0:06
Speaker 1: are rhythmic, like your heartbeat, you're breathing all of its rhythm.
0:10
Speaker 1: And there's actually this sing in neurologic music therapy where
0:14
Speaker 1: rhythm can prime your brain for different actions. So if
0:19
Speaker 1: you have a stroke, if you have a praxio, whatever,
0:22
Speaker 1: I can prime your brain to do those actions that
0:25
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be able to do by itself. And so
0:28
Speaker 1: rhythm is super cool.
0:31
Speaker 2: Welcome to Beautifully Complex, where we unpack what it really
0:35
Speaker 2: means to parent neurodivergent kids with dignity and clarity. I'm
0:39
Speaker 2: Penny Williams, and I know firsthand how tough and transformative
0:43
Speaker 2: this journey can be. Let's dive in and discover how
0:47
Speaker 2: to raise regulated, resilient, beautifully complex kids together. Oh and
0:52
Speaker 2: if you want more support, join our free community at
0:56
Speaker 2: hub dot beautifully complex dot life. Welcome back everyone to
1:03
Speaker 2: Beautifully Complex. I am really excited to be talking to
1:07
Speaker 2: Samantha Foot today about the role of music and music
1:13
Speaker 2: therapy in emotional regulation, in parenting neudiversent kids, even in
1:20
Speaker 2: I think the human experience honestly for everyone, and we're
1:25
Speaker 2: going to have a wonderful conversation that I think is
1:27
Speaker 2: really going to empower those of you who are listening
1:31
Speaker 2: to integrate music more and to seek out therapeutic ways
1:37
Speaker 2: to use music as a tool for fostering emotional regulation
1:43
Speaker 2: in other ways. I'm sure we'll talk about as well, Samantha.
1:47
Speaker 2: Will you start by letting everybody know who you are
1:50
Speaker 2: and what you do?
1:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I am neudivergent. I've been diagnosed with ADHD,
1:56
Speaker 1: and then I'm also a mom to three kids diagnosed
1:59
Speaker 1: with eighty autism, auditory processing disorder, lots of other things.
2:04
Speaker 1: And I have been a board certified music therapist for
2:07
Speaker 1: about fourteen years and I work with nerdivigent kids mostly.
2:13
Speaker 1: I work with adults too, mainly on communication, social skills,
2:19
Speaker 1: emotional regulation, things like that.
2:21
Speaker 2: Awesome. Were you doing this work before you were the
2:25
Speaker 2: parent of nerdiversent kids.
2:28
Speaker 1: Yes. It was funny because I was working with this
2:31
Speaker 1: kid and his mom was like, you are so good
2:34
Speaker 1: at working with nerdivigent kids, or she said autistic kids.
2:37
Speaker 1: Your kids are going to have autism, and I was like,
2:40
Speaker 1: that's not how that works. But when you marry someone
2:44
Speaker 1: whose family has autism in the family.
2:47
Speaker 2: That is how that works for sure. Yeah, so many
2:52
Speaker 2: of us come to this work because of our nerdiversion kids,
2:56
Speaker 2: and I always find it extra interesting when it was
3:01
Speaker 2: work you were already doing, and then you get to
3:04
Speaker 2: combine both of those things. You know, you get to
3:07
Speaker 2: have both the experience wisdom to share, but also your
3:11
Speaker 2: professional knowledge. I think it's kind of a double blessing
3:16
Speaker 2: almost for the people that you're working with, the kids
3:19
Speaker 2: and the family, So it's amazing. Can we start by
3:22
Speaker 2: talking about how music and emotional regulation are connected, maybe
3:29
Speaker 2: where you had that moment of connection or that aha,
3:34
Speaker 2: and why there's such a strong connection between the two.
3:38
Speaker 1: Yeah. I have been playing the piano since I was four,
3:42
Speaker 1: and that has always been my emotional outlet. So I
3:47
Speaker 1: would come home from school and practice the piano, and
3:51
Speaker 1: my mom knew exactly how I was feeling based on
3:54
Speaker 1: how I played a song, because I could play the
3:56
Speaker 1: same song in an angry way, in a happy way,
3:59
Speaker 1: in a way. She would come in after I was
4:02
Speaker 1: done playing and say, Okay, what's going on? Why are
4:06
Speaker 1: you so angry? And then we could talk about it.
4:10
Speaker 1: But I really like the quote when words fail, music speaks,
4:14
Speaker 1: and I think that captures what music is is that
4:18
Speaker 1: it's another language that you can express yourself in and
4:22
Speaker 1: it does convey things that words just can't. And so
4:26
Speaker 1: when you're feeling like angry or sad or whatever, you
4:30
Speaker 1: can listen to different music and it can help calm
4:32
Speaker 1: you down. It's actually there's this phrase or this word
4:37
Speaker 1: in music therapy called the isoprinciple, and it's how you
4:41
Speaker 1: can take music and if you're angry or sad or
4:44
Speaker 1: mad or whatever, you listen to that music and then
4:48
Speaker 1: you slowly go to the emotion that you want to
4:52
Speaker 1: be feeling. So, if you're really angry, you listen to
4:55
Speaker 1: angry music and then you let your body fill those emotions.
4:59
Speaker 1: You go through all the emotion you know, and then
5:02
Speaker 1: you slowly move toward calm music or happy music, and
5:04
Speaker 1: that just helps your body kind of move through those
5:07
Speaker 1: emotions and not get stuck in the anger.
5:11
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that. And we're a musical family. I'm not,
5:15
Speaker 2: but every my husband and my neurodivergent kid are, and
5:19
Speaker 2: music is kind of everything for them, like it is
5:22
Speaker 2: the lifeblood for them to keep moving throughout the day.
5:28
Speaker 2: And I love that you're talking about helping us process
5:32
Speaker 2: emotions and I think maybe like I feel like when
5:35
Speaker 2: we hit the teen years typically maybe not typically, but
5:40
Speaker 2: for me, that was when I really started getting into music.
5:44
Speaker 2: And I think that's also when we really struggle with
5:47
Speaker 2: processing our emotions, and we're having lots of big emotions
5:50
Speaker 2: and lots of changes right that are coming through, and
5:53
Speaker 2: it is such a good way to feel what we're
5:55
Speaker 2: feeling and maybe something that feels safe to us in
5:59
Speaker 2: a way that feel safe to our nervous systems. Do
6:03
Speaker 2: you want to talk a little bit about rhythm as well,
6:06
Speaker 2: because I know that rhythm is so powerful in regulation
6:09
Speaker 2: and in our bodies and our nervous systems. How do
6:12
Speaker 2: you use that maybe through music therapy or how can
6:15
Speaker 2: parents use it at home to help with regulation?
6:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, so rhythm is innate in our bodies, Like our
6:23
Speaker 1: bodies are rhythmic, like your heart beating, you're breathing all
6:26
Speaker 1: of its rhythm. And there's actually this thing in neurologic
6:30
Speaker 1: music therapy where rhythm can prime your brain for different actions.
6:36
Speaker 1: So if you have a stroke, if you have a praxio, whatever,
6:40
Speaker 1: I can prime your brain to do those actions that
6:43
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be able to do by itself. And so
6:46
Speaker 1: rhythm is super cool, but I like to use it
6:49
Speaker 1: for emotional regulation, where let's say, Okay, I'm just going
6:53
Speaker 1: to tell you a story. I had two siblings come
6:56
Speaker 1: into my music therapy clinic and they were just arguing
7:01
Speaker 1: and fighting and yelling each other, and I said, okay,
7:03
Speaker 1: you sit in this corner of the room. You sit
7:05
Speaker 1: in this corner of the room. I gave them both
7:07
Speaker 1: a drum and I said, just drum it out. Just
7:11
Speaker 1: express your emotions, pretend you're talking, and just drum to
7:14
Speaker 1: that other person what you're feeling. And I said, you
7:17
Speaker 1: can't interrupt each other though, you have to wait until
7:19
Speaker 1: that person's done. And so they were very aggressive in
7:23
Speaker 1: their drumming when it first started, and then as time
7:27
Speaker 1: went on, they got less and less aggressive until it
7:30
Speaker 1: was more calm. Then they were able to actually have
7:33
Speaker 1: a conversation together and work it out. And so, like
7:37
Speaker 1: I said before, it's just that other language that you
7:41
Speaker 1: don't have a grasp on the words to use, but
7:44
Speaker 1: you can feel the rhythm in your body and then
7:46
Speaker 1: it helps you move through the emotions and calm down.
7:49
Speaker 1: And so the rhythm, like when you get the right rhythm,
7:53
Speaker 1: you can just like kind of attach it to your body,
7:56
Speaker 1: I guess, and helps you move through thing is that way,
8:00
Speaker 1: and helps you accomplish things that you wouldn't normally be
8:02
Speaker 1: able to do.
8:03
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And what strikes me about that story too,
8:06
Speaker 2: is that it's coregulation. Yeah, Like they were sort of
8:11
Speaker 2: escalating each other when they came in, but you gave
8:15
Speaker 2: them the tools and the strategy to not only process
8:19
Speaker 2: those emotions but also to start coregulating to help to
8:23
Speaker 2: calm down, which is amazing.
8:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I always recommend to parents that if you
8:27
Speaker 1: do that with your kid, So let's say they really
8:30
Speaker 1: like drumming or they can use that as a way
8:33
Speaker 1: to calm down when they're escalated, match their energy. So
8:37
Speaker 1: you might not be escalated, but they are, and so
8:40
Speaker 1: match their energy while they're drumming and then come down
8:43
Speaker 1: as they come down, and then that will help them coregulate.
8:46
Speaker 2: Like you were saying, Yeah, you know, we talk a
8:50
Speaker 2: lot about we have to come into a situation calm
8:52
Speaker 2: We have to be regulated ourselves. If we want to
8:55
Speaker 2: help another kid regulate, there are times where we need
8:58
Speaker 2: to start by the energy, not necessarily the emotion, right,
9:02
Speaker 2: but the energy. And I love that you brought that
9:06
Speaker 2: up because we don't talk about that aspect of coregulation enough,
9:10
Speaker 2: and it's such a good point. And I'm just imagining
9:12
Speaker 2: like families now getting little bongo drums or something, and
9:15
Speaker 2: every time there's a sibling argument, it's like, Okay, go
9:18
Speaker 2: to your corners, get your drums. Like we're working this
9:20
Speaker 2: out right. It's a totally different way to handle a
9:25
Speaker 2: challenging situation and a great way, right, instead of lecturing,
9:30
Speaker 2: instead of punishing, instead of all these sort of reactive
9:34
Speaker 2: responses we might have, pulling out music, Implementing music can
9:40
Speaker 2: really change a situation, could change that tone and energy. Right,
9:43
Speaker 2: as you're talking about, do you want to talk to
9:46
Speaker 2: us a little bit about how music therapy helps to
9:50
Speaker 2: support all the different brains? Right? I know you talk
9:54
Speaker 2: about the fact that every brain is different. Maybe start
9:58
Speaker 2: with what is music therapy and then talk to us
10:00
Speaker 2: about how it really is so good at being individualized
10:05
Speaker 2: so that it meets every kid kind of where they are,
10:08
Speaker 2: every brain where they are, every nervous systole ry where
10:11
Speaker 2: they are.
10:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, So music therapy is just using music to accomplish
10:16
Speaker 1: non musical goals. I generally work on social skills communication,
10:21
Speaker 1: motor skills, cognitive skills, and emotional regulation. And then music
10:26
Speaker 1: therapists are everywhere, like they're in prisons and hospitals and
10:30
Speaker 1: hospice and you know, adult day centers, all those different places,
10:36
Speaker 1: and music is perfectly suited for every brain because all
10:43
Speaker 1: music is so different, Like there's so many different kinds
10:46
Speaker 1: of music that you can use. So people are always like,
10:49
Speaker 1: what music do I use with my kid if he's angry,
10:52
Speaker 1: And I say, I have no idea, Like I have
10:54
Speaker 1: to get to know your kid, like what music makes
10:57
Speaker 1: him angry or what music does he like to listen
10:59
Speaker 1: to when he's angry, because I like to listen to
11:03
Speaker 1: breakup songs, country breakup songs, you know, and my husband
11:08
Speaker 1: like looks at me every time I listen to those,
11:10
Speaker 1: and he's like, what are you okay?
11:12
Speaker 2: Are we okay?
11:15
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, we're totally fine. I'm just feeling
11:18
Speaker 1: a little angry right now, and singing these songs helps
11:21
Speaker 1: me calm down. And so I love music because it
11:25
Speaker 1: can be so different for every person and every person
11:29
Speaker 1: interprets it differently, and so yeah, everyone always asks me
11:34
Speaker 1: what music do you use for music therapy? I use
11:36
Speaker 1: it all like, it just depends what the kids need.
11:40
Speaker 1: And so like this one kid, he likes Asian like
11:46
Speaker 1: movie music, and I had never really been exposed to
11:50
Speaker 1: that before, and so listening to that with him and
11:52
Speaker 1: exploring that with him was really fun. Where Another Girl,
11:55
Speaker 1: the only song that we ever listened to and the
11:57
Speaker 1: only song I ever sang was Baby Shark. So it's
12:02
Speaker 1: just all across the spectrum of the music that you
12:06
Speaker 1: can use the different clients.
12:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just had Sheldon of Big Bang Theory pop
12:12
Speaker 2: into my head and his soft Kiddy song that everybody
12:15
Speaker 2: had to sing to him when he was upset or sick. Yeah,
12:20
Speaker 2: like we do sort of attach different feelings to different songs.
12:24
Speaker 2: They make us feel different ways, and sometimes it's like, Okay,
12:28
Speaker 2: this one song is what I need at this particular moment,
12:32
Speaker 2: or it could be this one genre right of songs,
12:34
Speaker 2: just one type. I've talked many times on the podcast
12:37
Speaker 2: about this before, and it's worth bringing up again that
12:41
Speaker 2: my son uses heavy metal music to calm himself, right,
12:46
Speaker 2: and it does that for him, where for me it's
12:51
Speaker 2: too fast, it's too much if my nervous system is
12:55
Speaker 2: already triggered, Like I can't handle that I need something
12:58
Speaker 2: more soothing, where he needs that really heavy rhythmic beat.
13:04
Speaker 2: And he even especially in high school. I don't think
13:07
Speaker 2: he does it as much now, but he's not as
13:09
Speaker 2: stressed out as he was in school now. But he
13:12
Speaker 2: would make drum beats on his iPad. He had an
13:15
Speaker 2: app for that. If he was getting really just regulated
13:18
Speaker 2: in school, he would, you know, either turn one on
13:21
Speaker 2: that he'd already created or create a new one. It
13:23
Speaker 2: was therapeutic, you know, for him. But yeah, be really
13:27
Speaker 2: open minded as to what music will help with what emotion, right,
13:31
Speaker 2: and what it can do to each individual's nervous system,
13:34
Speaker 2: because it can be really counterintuitive to how you think
13:38
Speaker 2: about it or you feel about it, right, Yeah, for sure.
13:41
Speaker 1: And I just wanted to say, you brought up a
13:44
Speaker 1: really good point about using like a computer program to
13:47
Speaker 1: make up beats. I had a client who did that
13:51
Speaker 1: and whenever he get mad, it just calmed him down.
13:55
Speaker 1: And so he was able to have better family relationships
13:57
Speaker 1: because of that. And so I was just gonna recommend
14:01
Speaker 1: some really good programs. There's Garage Band on all Apple products,
14:06
Speaker 1: it's free, and then launch Pad is good that he
14:09
Speaker 1: was using. And then there's one that I've been using
14:12
Speaker 1: called in credit Box, and it's so fun because it's
14:16
Speaker 1: just like you get a group of things that you
14:20
Speaker 1: can choose from, like beats you can choose from, and
14:22
Speaker 1: then it just has guys like lined up across the
14:25
Speaker 1: screen and you just assign an option to each guy
14:30
Speaker 1: and then he does it and it's like beatboxing. So
14:32
Speaker 1: it's not your typical drums, but it's beatboxing. And that
14:36
Speaker 1: has been so good with my clients who are non
14:40
Speaker 1: speaking they're trying to beat box. And then I actually
14:44
Speaker 1: found research that supported beatboxing actually increases language, and so
14:50
Speaker 1: it was just really fun to see that and see
14:52
Speaker 1: how they're improving and that, you know, everyone's like, oh,
14:55
Speaker 1: they're on the iPad. It's like they're frying their brain.
14:58
Speaker 1: They're on the iPad so much. But there's some really
15:00
Speaker 1: cool things that you can use on tablets to calm,
15:05
Speaker 1: you know, like to emotionally regulate, to learn to speak more,
15:09
Speaker 1: like all that different stuff.
15:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's so much, like I guess we could call
15:13
Speaker 2: it wellness tech now. In the episode that I recorded yesterday,
15:18
Speaker 2: I was speaking with the co founder of Meos, which
15:20
Speaker 2: is a neurofeedback band that you wear and it has
15:24
Speaker 2: an app and it gives you feedback as you're meditating
15:29
Speaker 2: or doing a mindfulness practice. It starts playing like storm
15:33
Speaker 2: sounds if your attention is waning and you're not focused,
15:37
Speaker 2: to help you come back right. And we had this
15:39
Speaker 2: conversation about how like we're so upset about screens and
15:43
Speaker 2: all the screen uses, all the tech, and some kids
15:45
Speaker 2: do spend way too much time on screens, but there's
15:48
Speaker 2: also technology that can be really healthy and beneficial in moderation.
15:55
Speaker 2: Everything is in moderation, right, So yeah, launch Pad was
15:58
Speaker 2: what my son used where don I'm gonna ask him
16:01
Speaker 2: if he's seen in credit box too. It sounds familiar,
16:05
Speaker 2: so he might have used that one in the past too.
16:07
Speaker 2: And it's so much fun, right, It's a creative outlet
16:10
Speaker 2: as well. It's the rhythm, it's the regulation, but it's
16:14
Speaker 2: also a really great way to be creative. And I
16:17
Speaker 2: think so many of our neurodiversion kids are super creative,
16:21
Speaker 2: and so it's just something really fun for them. Can
16:35
Speaker 2: we talk a little bit about when kids are in fight,
16:38
Speaker 2: flight or freeze, they're just regulated. They're in the thick
16:42
Speaker 2: of it. Parents are in the thick of it. Is
16:45
Speaker 2: that a time that we can use music to help
16:49
Speaker 2: to regulate. And what does that look like? I would
16:53
Speaker 2: imagine there's some dues and don'ts. You know, I talk
16:56
Speaker 2: a lot with parents about you know, when your kids
16:58
Speaker 2: just regulated less talk talking less words, right, they need less?
17:03
Speaker 2: So what does that look like with music in those
17:06
Speaker 2: times where we're really down in it?
17:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, so definitely use less words. That was the first
17:11
Speaker 1: thing I was gonna say. Yeah, and then if there's
17:14
Speaker 1: a song that you know calms them down, you can
17:17
Speaker 1: just put it on very quietly, don't overstimulate them, don't
17:22
Speaker 1: overwhelm them with the song. When I am in sessions
17:26
Speaker 1: with my clients and they become overwhelmed or overstimulated, I'll
17:30
Speaker 1: just play the ukulele just slowly and then it calms
17:35
Speaker 1: them down. I don't say anything, and sometimes they'll tell
17:39
Speaker 1: me to stop, and I respect that, but sometimes they'll
17:42
Speaker 1: just like sit down and just calmly listen to it
17:45
Speaker 1: for a while. So if you have a song that
17:48
Speaker 1: you know calms them down, definitely use that. It's not
17:52
Speaker 1: the time to be like, okay, we're gonna get out.
17:55
Speaker 1: It's not the time to teach new skills. Yeah, So
17:58
Speaker 1: you can talk about it before they get to that point, like, oh,
18:02
Speaker 1: when you get upset, I'm going to do this, and
18:05
Speaker 1: so you might practice drumming, and so when they do
18:08
Speaker 1: get upset, you can hand them a drum and they'll
18:11
Speaker 1: know what to do with it instead of just chucking
18:13
Speaker 1: it across the room right, you know. But if you
18:15
Speaker 1: wait until they're in crisis, nothing is going to work
18:19
Speaker 1: because they don't know what you're doing and they're in crisis.
18:23
Speaker 1: So I recommend just practicing things before, like picking a
18:26
Speaker 1: song that they like and you know, calms them down,
18:31
Speaker 1: and then practicing other things so before they get to
18:34
Speaker 1: that point, you can do like musical breaks, so you
18:39
Speaker 1: can like improvise on an instrument with them, or have
18:42
Speaker 1: a dance party, or do drumming together, or sing a
18:47
Speaker 1: song or write songs together. There's some really cool like templates,
18:52
Speaker 1: that's the word I'm trying to think of. There's some
18:54
Speaker 1: cool templates online that if you google mad libs songs,
18:58
Speaker 1: it will come up with a temp. It will come
19:00
Speaker 1: up with a song and they'll just do it mad
19:03
Speaker 1: lib style where they'll just erase some of the words
19:05
Speaker 1: or take out some of the words and you can
19:07
Speaker 1: add those words in and so you can do it
19:11
Speaker 1: in a silly way, like the kid doesn't know what
19:13
Speaker 1: the song's about. You can just say, okay, give me
19:16
Speaker 1: a noun, give me a verb, give me an adjective.
19:18
Speaker 1: Or you can do it in a more serious way
19:20
Speaker 1: where you say, okay, the song is about this, what
19:23
Speaker 1: word could go in this spot? And that way it
19:26
Speaker 1: helps keep the kids so they're not getting over stimulated,
19:30
Speaker 1: because music can help with stress reduction, and so if
19:35
Speaker 1: they're not getting to that point of overstimulation, then you
19:40
Speaker 1: don't have to worry about what to do when they're overstimulated.
19:42
Speaker 1: But if you can just do some musical breaks with them,
19:45
Speaker 1: that can help them not become so overstimulated.
19:51
Speaker 2: I feel like too, you can have conversations when things
19:53
Speaker 2: are good and say, you know, sometimes when you're having
19:56
Speaker 2: a really hard time, I want to help you. Do
19:58
Speaker 2: you think there's particular music, particular song that if I
20:01
Speaker 2: played it it would help you out? Right? Like you
20:04
Speaker 2: can establish that ahead of time too. But definitely no
20:07
Speaker 2: teaching in those moments. Yeah, no problem solving, No anything
20:13
Speaker 2: that's super intensive. It just doesn't work because our thinking
20:17
Speaker 2: brains are offline at that point. Yeah, can we talk
20:21
Speaker 2: about any other strategies that you have, any other simple
20:26
Speaker 2: ways that we can maybe incorporate music into our daily routines.
20:32
Speaker 2: Parents have a full plate, right, We're really busy, there's
20:35
Speaker 2: lots going on. We don't want to add a lot
20:37
Speaker 2: of time. How do we weave it into what we're
20:39
Speaker 2: already doing.
20:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I would say have playlists ready to go. So,
20:45
Speaker 1: for example, if your kid is angry and you want
20:49
Speaker 1: to use the ISO principle to get them to come,
20:52
Speaker 1: have a playlist ready to go where you can just
20:54
Speaker 1: hit playing. You don't have to go searching for the songs.
20:56
Speaker 1: You can just play the playlist and help them get
21:01
Speaker 1: to where they need to be. The other thing is
21:03
Speaker 1: you can use music for transitions. So if your kid
21:07
Speaker 1: has especially like pathologic demand avoidance, where they go into
21:11
Speaker 1: fight or flight just by you asking them to do something.
21:15
Speaker 1: And we know that a lot of neurodivergent kids have
21:18
Speaker 1: trouble with transitions, and so if your kid goes into
21:22
Speaker 1: fight or flight every time they have a transition because
21:24
Speaker 1: you're asking them to transition to do something new, you
21:27
Speaker 1: could have a song that plays, or you can have
21:30
Speaker 1: just an interlude that plays and they know when they
21:33
Speaker 1: hear that song that they have until the end of
21:35
Speaker 1: the song to transition to the next activity. So if
21:39
Speaker 1: it's a five minute song, they have that whole five
21:42
Speaker 1: minutes to transition. And it's not you telling them, Hey,
21:46
Speaker 1: you need to go get your shoes on. Why aren't
21:48
Speaker 1: you putting your shoes on? Go get your shoes on.
21:50
Speaker 1: They just know that, Okay, I hear this song, I
21:53
Speaker 1: need to stop what I'm doing, and then I need
21:55
Speaker 1: to go get my shoes on. Yeah, and then you
21:58
Speaker 1: can have like a visual schedule, so if they don't
22:00
Speaker 1: know what they need to do, they can look at
22:03
Speaker 1: their schedule and say, okay, I'm doing this right now.
22:06
Speaker 1: So let's say they're putting on their clothes and then
22:09
Speaker 1: the song starts and they need to go make their
22:13
Speaker 1: lunch or something. I don't know. You can have the
22:15
Speaker 1: visual schedule there so it reminds them of what they
22:18
Speaker 1: need to be doing, so they don't have to remember.
22:20
Speaker 2: All of that. Yeah. Taking yourself out of the equation
22:24
Speaker 2: a little bit. I always talk to parents and coaching
22:27
Speaker 2: about how do we set up systems and strategies and
22:30
Speaker 2: tools so that at some point we can take you
22:33
Speaker 2: out of the middle. Of it, and they can succeed
22:35
Speaker 2: with that strategy or tool all without us in the
22:38
Speaker 2: middle of it. And you know, a great start to
22:41
Speaker 2: not nagging is using a different way to queue, right, Yeah,
22:44
Speaker 2: different signals other than a parent asking or demanding that
22:49
Speaker 2: things be done. I love that. Yeah. My son's first
22:52
Speaker 2: grade teacher was amazing with music for transitions. She had
22:57
Speaker 2: particular songs for every transition throughout the day. Kids knew, oh,
23:02
Speaker 2: the song came on, it's time to clean up what
23:04
Speaker 2: I'm doing and go to my desk, or it's time
23:07
Speaker 2: to get up and go to carpet time. She even
23:09
Speaker 2: had music for math, just all kinds of music. It
23:13
Speaker 2: was amazing and it really engaged every kid, right, So
23:20
Speaker 2: instead of you know, my distractable hyper a little thing right,
23:24
Speaker 2: not hearing instructions or not being able to respond right away,
23:28
Speaker 2: the music was the cue that really helped him to
23:30
Speaker 2: be able to make those transitions easier. And I'm sure
23:34
Speaker 2: that was true for a lot of kids in that classroom.
23:37
Speaker 2: So you know, we can use it not just at home,
23:39
Speaker 2: but in most any environment.
23:42
Speaker 1: Yea.
23:42
Speaker 2: I would play particular songs in the car, especially on
23:45
Speaker 2: the way to school because school was so stressful. So
23:49
Speaker 2: I learned what to play and not to play, and
23:51
Speaker 2: I was not allowed to sing along ever, So I
23:53
Speaker 2: could not play songs that I couldn't help myself, but
23:56
Speaker 2: to sing along because it was really upsetting to him
24:00
Speaker 2: listen to somebody sing along or kids songs, kids singing
24:04
Speaker 2: like kids Bop or whatever, like regular songs but with
24:08
Speaker 2: a bunch of kids singing and could not stand it.
24:10
Speaker 2: I've never quite figured it out, but that was really
24:13
Speaker 2: interesting for a really long time. That would just send
24:16
Speaker 2: him over the adge. So you have to know your kid, like,
24:19
Speaker 2: not every song for kids is going to work for
24:22
Speaker 2: your kid. You know, not every kid is going to
24:24
Speaker 2: even like kids music. Some of them are going to
24:26
Speaker 2: want more adult or nuanced music. So really getting to
24:31
Speaker 2: know our kids, I think is one of the biggest
24:33
Speaker 2: keys that you're sharing with us here.
24:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, and for kids who don't like kid music, I
24:40
Speaker 1: would recommend listening to Stephanie Lovel's music because it doesn't
24:44
Speaker 1: sound like kid music, but it is like it's age appropriate, right,
24:50
Speaker 1: but it doesn't sound like kid music. And I use
24:53
Speaker 1: her music all the time because my kids didn't like
24:56
Speaker 1: kid music either. My son did not like music when
25:00
Speaker 1: he was born, I took him to like a mommy
25:04
Speaker 1: and me music class, and he cried through the whole thing,
25:09
Speaker 1: and so we stopped going obviously, like after a couple
25:12
Speaker 1: of times, you know, And he did not like listening
25:16
Speaker 1: to music, Like every time I turned music on, he
25:18
Speaker 1: would cry. And then when he was three years old,
25:21
Speaker 1: he found the song the theme song to Cops. That
25:26
Speaker 1: was his song. And then he found the theme song
25:30
Speaker 1: of Oh, it's a Kenny Loggins song, the Camber. No,
25:34
Speaker 1: it's it's on the movie with Tom Cruise in the eighties.
25:40
Speaker 2: Some people will know he loved, love, love.
25:43
Speaker 1: Those songs, and those two songs were the only songs
25:46
Speaker 1: that we could play or he'd become overstimulated, overwhelmed and
25:51
Speaker 1: just cry and have meltdowns. So it's just really interesting.
25:54
Speaker 1: And now he can listen to anything. He's ten years
25:57
Speaker 1: old and he can listen to pretty much anything. But yeah,
26:02
Speaker 1: it was really interesting. When he was a baby, this
26:04
Speaker 1: music was way too overstimulating for him.
26:06
Speaker 2: And so that's okay, Like, yeah.
26:09
Speaker 1: We talk about all these music strategies, but if your
26:11
Speaker 1: kids are over stimulated by music, don't force it. Just
26:15
Speaker 1: find something else that they like.
26:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, for sure. So what is one small, actionable
26:23
Speaker 2: way that parents or teachers walking away from listening to
26:28
Speaker 2: this conversation can begin to use music as a tool
26:33
Speaker 2: as a strategy.
26:35
Speaker 1: I would just build in a musical break every day
26:40
Speaker 1: for your kid, whether that's playing an instrument, having a
26:44
Speaker 1: dance party, making up silly songs. So writing blues songs
26:49
Speaker 1: is really easy because it's problem problem solution. So if
26:53
Speaker 1: your kid is hungry, you can say, oh you are hungry,
26:57
Speaker 1: Oh you are hungry, let's go eat us sandwich. And
27:01
Speaker 1: so you can just make up silly songs like that.
27:03
Speaker 1: And that might seem overwhelming for some people. So just
27:08
Speaker 1: start small, just you know, churn on a dance song
27:11
Speaker 1: in the morning to get going if that's something that
27:14
Speaker 1: your kid likes, or turn on a song at night
27:17
Speaker 1: when you need to clean up the house and say, okay,
27:20
Speaker 1: we're gonna clean while this song is playing. And just
27:24
Speaker 1: pick one of those things. And if people need ideas,
27:26
Speaker 1: I mean, message me, and I can give you lots
27:28
Speaker 1: of ideas and how you can use music in your life,
27:31
Speaker 1: but just pick one of those simple musical things that
27:34
Speaker 1: you can do throughout the day and just start doing
27:37
Speaker 1: that one thing every day.
27:39
Speaker 2: Love that tell everybody where they can find you online
27:42
Speaker 2: so that they can learn more from you, maybe work
27:45
Speaker 2: with you.
27:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can go to every brain isdifferent dot com
27:49
Speaker 1: and you'll find more information about me, more information about
27:52
Speaker 1: the services that I offer, and if you want to
27:54
Speaker 1: follow me on Instagram or anything like that, that will
27:57
Speaker 1: all be on there.
27:58
Speaker 2: And I'll link all of that up for everyone in
27:59
Speaker 2: the show notes to make it really easy to find
28:02
Speaker 2: at PARENTINGADHD and autism dot com Slash three one nine
28:07
Speaker 2: for episode three nineteen. You have inspired me, Samantha, to
28:13
Speaker 2: incorporate more music in my day and maybe start the day.
28:18
Speaker 2: I was doing that for a while. I would sit
28:20
Speaker 2: with coffee and put on some music and I always
28:22
Speaker 2: felt better. And then I just get busy and I'm like, eh,
28:26
Speaker 2: you know later, and I get away from it. And
28:29
Speaker 2: so now I'm gonna make it a point. I'm going
28:32
Speaker 2: to get back to having more music in my day,
28:36
Speaker 2: and hopefully parents and teachers listening are also inspired to
28:40
Speaker 2: do the same and to really help their kids grow. Right,
28:43
Speaker 2: we're talking about emotional growth and regulation. So I appreciate
28:48
Speaker 2: so much the work that you're doing, and you're sharing
28:51
Speaker 2: some of your time and wisdom with us today. It's
28:53
Speaker 2: really appreciated.
28:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.
28:55
Speaker 2: I will see everybody in the next episode. Take good care.
29:00
Speaker 2: I see you. You're doing hard and meaningful work and
29:04
Speaker 2: you don't have to do it alone. If you found
29:06
Speaker 2: this episode helpful, share it with someone who needs it
29:10
Speaker 2: and leave a quick review so others can find this
29:12
Speaker 2: support too. When you're ready for next steps, the Regulated
29:17
Speaker 2: Kids Project is here with the tools, coaching, and community
29:21
Speaker 2: to help you raise a more regulated, resilient child. Get
29:25
Speaker 2: more info at regulated kids dot com.