Latest / Career Skills with Fexingo: Hard Skills, Soft Skills, and Future-Proofing Your Career / How to Get Feedback That Actually Improves Your Skills
Transcript
- Lucas: So, you get feedback—from your boss, a peer, maybe a 360 review—and you nod along, maybe jot down a note. But a month later, have you actually changed anything? Statistically, probably not. Luna: That stings because it's true. I've had feedback that felt profound in the moment and then just... evaporated. Lucas: Exactly. There's a 2023 piece in Harvard Business Review that looked at why feedback so rarely leads to behavioral change. The core issue: most feedback is backward-looking. 'You did X wrong.' That triggers a defensive response, even if you don't show it. Luna: So the fix isn't more feedback—it's a different kind of feedback? Lucas: Right. The article popularized something called 'feedforward,' a term coined by Marshall Goldsmith. Instead of analyzing a past mistake, you focus on a future behavior. For example, not 'You interrupted people in that meeting,' but 'Next time, try pausing three seconds after someone finishes before you speak.' Luna: That's immediately actionable. It doesn't make you feel attacked; it gives you a script. Lucas: Exactly. And the research shows that people are far more likely to act on feedforward because it's future-oriented and specific. But here's the catch—most managers don't know how to give it. So the onus is on you to ask for it in the right way. Luna: Which brings us to the practical question: how do you actually solicit feedforward? I've tried asking 'What could I do better?' and got a vague 'you're doing fine.' Lucas: That's the classic trap. The question is too open. You need structure. I like the 'start, stop, continue' framework. After a project or a meeting, ask your boss or a colleague: 'What is one thing I should start doing, one thing I should stop doing, and one thing I should continue doing?' Luna: That forces specificity. I've seen that work well. There's also a simpler version—the two-minute feedback request. Lucas: Tell me about that. Luna: So, imagine you just finished a presentation. Instead of waiting for a formal review, you turn to a trusted colleague and say: 'Give me one thing you'd change for next time, in two minutes or less.' That's it. It's low-stakes, quick, and you get a specific tweak. Lucas: I like that because it kills the formality. Feedback becomes a habit, not an event. And that's key—the research shows that the more frequently you ask for feedback, the more comfortable you get with it, and the more you improve. Luna: But there's a psychological barrier, isn't there? Most of us avoid asking because we're afraid of hearing something negative. Or we think it makes us look insecure. Lucas: That's real. There's a term for it—'feedback avoidance.' And it's especially common in high-achievers. They don't want to reveal a weakness. But the irony is, the people who ask for feedback are seen as more competent, not less. Because it shows self-awareness and a desire to grow. Luna: There's a study by the corporate leadership council that backs that up. Managers rated employees who proactively sought feedback as more effective than those who didn't—even if the proactive ones had more areas to improve. Lucas: So the act of asking itself is a signal. And that's something we can all do starting tomorrow. Let me give you a concrete example. A friend of mine—let's call her Sarah—works as a marketing manager at a Fortune 500 consumer goods company. She was struggling with her quarterly presentations to the CMO. They always felt flat. Luna: Classic. I've been there. Lucas: So she started using the 'start, stop, continue' method after each presentation. She'd email the CMO's chief of staff with a short note: 'If you have two minutes, I'd love one start, one stop, one continue from today's deck.' The first time, she got back: 'Start—lead with the recommendation, not the process. Stop—using so many bullet points. Continue—the customer quote you opened with.' Luna: That's gold. Specific, actionable, and she could implement it immediately. Lucas: Exactly. She did that after every presentation for six months. And by the end, her presentations were completely transformed. She got promoted to senior marketing manager. She credits that feedback habit more than any training course she took. Luna: So the real skill isn't just receiving feedback—it's creating the conditions to get useful feedback repeatedly. Lucas: Right. And that's where 'feedforward' meets habit. If you only ask once a year at performance review time, you're getting stale data. The best feedback is real-time, tied to a specific event, and forward-looking. Luna: Which brings up the annual review. Honestly, I think the annual review is one of the worst feedback mechanisms we have. It's too infrequent, too high-stakes, and too tied to compensation. Lucas: I agree. Research from Gallup shows that only 14 percent of employees strongly agree that their performance reviews inspire improvement. The rest just feel anxious or indifferent. So if you're waiting for your annual review to get feedback, you're missing out on 11 months of growth. Luna: So the solution is to decouple feedback from evaluation. Make it a separate, informal process. That's why the two-minute request works—it's not attached to a raise or a rating. Lucas: And you can even do it with peers, not just managers. Peer feedback is often more honest because there's less power dynamic. One technique I've seen is to set up a 'feedback swap' with a colleague—you each observe each other in a meeting and then exchange one start, stop, continue. Luna: That's a great idea. It builds a culture of feedback within a team, which makes everyone better. And it's low-cost. Lucas: So, to wrap up the practical side: pick one framework—start/stop/continue or the two-minute ask—and commit to using it after your next three meetings or deliverables. See what happens. You'll probably start getting insights that actually change how you work. Luna: And if you do, you'll be ahead of most people. Because most people never ask at all. Lucas: Which is a shame, because feedback is one of the highest-leverage skills for career growth. And it's free. You just have to be brave enough to ask. Luna: Speaking of things that are free—or really, really cheap—this podcast is ad-free, and it stays that way because of listeners like you. If today's episode helped you think about feedback in a new way, it's the kind of thing that might be worth the price of a coffee to you. Lucas: Yeah, that's the link. If it was worth a coffee, you can buy us one at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's the smallest ask, and it honestly keeps us going. Luna: No pressure, just an option. We'll be back to the topic in a second. Lucas: So, back to that idea of making feedback a habit. One thing I've noticed is that the people who improve fastest aren't the ones who get the most feedback—they're the ones who process it best. They have a system for turning feedback into action. Luna: What does that system look like? I imagine it's more than just nodding. Lucas: Right. A simple system: after you get a piece of feedback, write it down immediately. Then, within 24 hours, write one specific action you'll take based on it. For example, if someone says 'you talk too fast,' your action might be 'at the start of my next presentation, take a deep breath and consciously slow down the first three sentences.' Luna: That makes it concrete. And then you can check back in a week—did you actually do it? Lucas: Exactly. And if you didn't, ask why. Was the action too vague? Too hard? Then adjust. This turns feedback into a continuous improvement loop, not a one-off event. Luna: That's the kind of thing that compounds over time. A 1 percent improvement every week is huge over a year. Lucas: And that's the real skill—not just seeking feedback, but having the discipline to act on it. That's what separates people who plateau from people who keep growing. Luna: Alright, I'm going to try the two-minute ask after my next team meeting. I'll let you know how it goes. Lucas: Please do. And listeners, try it yourselves. You might be surprised at how much you learn in two minutes. Luna: Until next time, keep asking the right questions. Lucas: And keep acting on the answers. See you.