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Rabbi Moshe Haber -Lessons from Pirkei Abot: Character, Wisdom, and Likability 5.11.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  No lesson as follows. Abila Zabrazariao may listen to
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  his words. MN Torah and Derek edits.
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  MN Derek edits and Torah. What do these words mean?
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  Amen. Torah and Derek edits and then
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  Derek edits and Torah. So first of all, Derek edits is
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  a very broad state. What does Derek edits mean?
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  It doesn't simply mean what we think it means, which is being a
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  nice person. It means a lot more than that.
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  It means possibly good character.
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  It also means honesty and business, treating people the
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  right way. That is a very broad, very broad
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  category. The first part the rabbi is
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  saying is a man to write. What that means generally is, is
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  unless a person has guidance and it's hard to really be a good
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  person, someone wakes up in the morning, you know, someone you
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  know has a good feeling, he wants to be a nice person.
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  How do you define nice? How do you define good?
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  How do you define caring? All these things are really very
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  much subjective. And if we leave them up to our
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  simple mind, our mind alone, it's very possible and it can
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  become, you know, misguided. And I have a warm understanding
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  overnight as we know all the people that we've said this
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  before, all the people that are protesting on behalf of things,
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  they're always protesting on behalf of good.
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  No one ever gets up by protesters.
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  I'm protesting on behalf of evil.
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  Never. They just redefine what good is
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  and may be actually representing evil.
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  They think it's good, but it's not.
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  So the idea of the words that man to Ryan dedicated it means
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  you need to have guidance to Rob based guidance to know what
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  character means, because character is something can be
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  very subjected to our feelings, our emotions, what we believe,
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  and we need to have something coming from somewhere else to
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  give us guidance or to believe. That's the first part.
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  But the second part, once you understand that is the opposite,
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  which is really strange and main Derek edits and Torah.
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  He just told me I need Torah to be my guidance to figure out how
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  to carry, how to act, how to carry myself, how to be a good
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  person. I need to have guidance.
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  What's the flip side? What does it mean if I need the
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  Torah to give me guidance and then I'll act like a good
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  person? How do you say the other way
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  around? How do you say you need to have
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  Torah? What came first?
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  This is literally a scenario of what came first, correct?
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  But how do you explain that? The first step I got, you need
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  Torah in order to understand what good and bad is.
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  And then you're going to act because you're a good person.
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  You can act as a good way, but how do you go?
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  But you need goodness. You need to keep to our.
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  How does this work? The reality is if you look
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  around the world, you know how this works, that is.
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  And you know, if you have a bad guy guy, he's not a good person,
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  not a nice person, not a kind person, has 0 character,
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  whatever it is, and he tries to have Torah, the Mishnah is
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  telling you his Torah will not stick.
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  The truth is, the gardens of Torah really can mold a person,
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  but his Torah won't stick. If he continues remaining a bad
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  person, bad character person, the Torah that comes to him
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  won't stick. The way the rabbi on the side
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  says it, he'll forget his Torah. He won't develop anything from
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  the Torah that he learns. Because unless you're committed
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  to being a good person, the Torada you learn will have no
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  effects. You have to have a combination
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  of both. You need to have the source of
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  guidance in order to have a data chance that you want to have.
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  And you need to have a commitment to being a good
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  person in order for the Torada you learn to mold you.
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  This is the combination. I want to make sure this is
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  clear. Does it make sense?
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  You need to have both. You can't have one without the
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  other. You can't simply say I'm going
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  to be a good guy because, you know, we don't really know what
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  good is. You know, you know, if you go up
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  in a vacuum for sure, you have no idea what good is and you
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  need some sort of guidance. It's our parents, our rabbis,
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  our leaders, our upbringing. That's all part of it.
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  And now it's aura on the other side.
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  The person just says I'm Akiba Tura and there's no commitment
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  to their credits. That is, tura won't stick and it
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  won't mold and won't become a better person.
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  That's the combination. Next one is interesting.
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  MN hochma en yira we say about people at the Avira Chama in
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  persons God fearing person. If a guy does not have any
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  knowledge, again any nod in your wisdom to be God fearing is a
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  sketch. He says he's God fearing.
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  He doesn't really know what God is.
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  He doesn't really have any sense of the concept of a God running
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  world. If he's just very simple minded
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  person, she be simple minded and Hochman, he has no understanding
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  of the world. He doesn't really I never really
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  learned anything or thought about anything.
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  The fact that he says that he's God fearing is not real.
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  He says he's God fearing doesn't mean the concept of what God
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  means. This doesn't mean you need to be
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  a philosopher, but that means you need to be a thinker.
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  If you're a thinker, then your fear of heaven is powerful.
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  If you have, then you're God fearing and then you're you're
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  out shamayim with something that's special.
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  Here's a person he thought about life and he looks up and he
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  realizes that Sham runs the world.
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  That's a God fearing person. But if someone is not a thinker,
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  is it out? He's really coming from nowhere.
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  The opposite if he's not God fearing and his wisdom is a
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  sketch as well. This is a surprising concept.
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  Can you find a person who's very wise, who doesn't believe in
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  God? You know, such people.
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  I think there are many people like that in the world.
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  And the atheists who are very smart scientists.
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  Many scientists. Exactly.
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  Amen. Yeah.
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  And they're not God fearing. They don't have wisdom.
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  Doesn't mean they're not smart. It doesn't mean they're not
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  intellectuals. They don't have real wisdom.
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  When they have a sense of who Hashem is and they have this
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  turn to live with the awe of God, then they're the intellect
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  becomes wise. They become not just smart
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  people or intellectual people to become a person with Hokhmah,
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  with wisdom. So again, you need to have the
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  combination like everything we have over here, you need the
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  combination. You need Torah with the edits,
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  need the edits Torah. You have to have the gardens for
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  the character and the character to absorb the gardens.
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  You have to have the wisdom to really appreciate who God is,
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  and you have to have an appreciation of God to really
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  appreciate wisdom. Next one is hard to explain or
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  skip. And there's another one, and
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  Anne Kemah and Torah and man Torah and Kemah.
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  What does that mean? What's camah?
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  Flower. If you don't have flower, you
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  won't have Torah. If you don't have sustenance,
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  it's impossible to learn. If you don't have learning, and
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  a person won't be blessed with the same Hokhmah, with the same
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  sustenance. This is again a combination
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  that's very powerful in the world we live in today.
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  I think. Look at all these she bought and
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  all the shoes and all the Kola Lim and all, everything.
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  They're all running on people who support them.
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  You take away the support, goodbye to everything, the shoes
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  which are running on a very fast pace and they're spending a lot
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  of money. The schools which spend
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  unbelievable amount of money, they call a lien, which 1000%
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  everything that they get is donations and have.
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  There's no giving back. So all that is all functioning
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  on Camach. Camach means supporters and
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  every home. The same way you want to learn,
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  you need to have some source of support somewhere.
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  You can't do without Amen Camach and Twitter.
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  But the second part is surprising.
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  Amen. Torah and Camach.
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  What does that mean, Evan Torah and Kemach?
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  I understand. It's very simple, very simple
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  math. If you don't have gas to fuel
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  the car, the car won't run. If you don't have money to fuel
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  the kohl, the kohl won't function.
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  I got that. If no one supports the family,
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  the family will not be able to learn.
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  What's the other part, Evan Torah.
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  You don't have Torah, you don't have money.
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  You could have money around Torah.
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  What does that mean? Won't be happy with it.
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  Oh, so I did very good. So I did the route as explained
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  is that event and Cam and Tara and Camach means everything over
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  here we're talking about is not just having actually retaining
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  and enjoying. When we came to wisdom, we came
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  to dedicated came to Tara. All these things on this list.
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  We're talking about things that you want to really have this
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  one, this example as well. If a person is not of Tara in
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  their life, the money that they have will either not remain or
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  not have any meaning. Everyone of us want to have
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  everything. We want to have tuda in our
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  lives. We want to have money, we want
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  to have it all. If you want to have this
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  sustenance the right way, you need to have tuda in your life.
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  The Mishnah is telling you because that'll make all the
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  income that you have much more enjoyable, a better way of life
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  spent properly used, the right way.
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  All that will come if you have the guidance and the tuda.
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  So the Mishnah is telling us that every area of our life
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  requires literally A2 front approach, or better yet,
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  requires balance. You need to have both.
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  You can't have anything without the other.
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  You can't have toda without money.
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  It's not really worth anything having money without Toda.
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  This all part of the mindset, the Mishnah.
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  All right, these are the ideas. Now I want to tell you one more
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  Mishnah, one more Mishnah, and then we'll close.
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  And this is a wild constant because people would definitely
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  think unlike this upcoming of itself.
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  Vishnu, listen, these words, who are you all made call Serua
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  Cabrio? No, Jaime, anyone who's well
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  liked by people, let me ask you a question.
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  Is popularity A Torah concept or not as being well liked as being
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  someone who's charming? Are these things Torah concepts
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  or are these celebrity concepts? What are they?
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  I don't know who? Well, me maybe more anxiety,
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  right? Correct.
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  It's not charming someone that people like.
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  Someone's a likable person like to be around.
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  Someone who people enjoy to be around.
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  Isagi Ruach hamakom no Haimeru. Hashem likes if people like you,
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  it's an indication, and that's a trigger for Hashem to like you.
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  Because Andrew javiot no haemeno, someone who's a prickly
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  person who's difficult to be around, every time you're around
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  them you're uncomfortable. Such a person.
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  And ruach hamakom no haemeno, Hashem doesn't like him, doesn't
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  enjoy him either, doesn't say I don't like him.
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  And ruach hamakom no haemeno, Hashem doesn't find them
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  pleasant either. The example that they give is
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  Noah. Noah in the beginning of Torah
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  was considered Noah Khan. Back home.
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  He was pleasant eyes of Hashem and he was Noah, pleasant eyes
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  of people. So I've always wondered about
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  this Mishnah, what is this? What he was?
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  Both people enjoyed him. Although he couldn't really have
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  an influence, people enjoyed him.
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  I've always wondered about this, Mr. Harshad.
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  It doesn't say anything about Torah.
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  It doesn't say anything about observance.
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  It says if people like you, God likes you.
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  If people have a hard time with you, you're not comfortable
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  around people, people don't find themselves comfortable around
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  you, then Hashem doesn't find you pleasant.
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  What is this concept? Let's be much more straight.
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  If you're a good Jew, Hashem likes you.
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  If you're not a good Jew, you know you're sitting left to
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  right. God has a problem with you.
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  That would have been an easy mission.
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  Now, I would have wrote the mission.
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  Now that would have been simple. Open shop, a good Jew.
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  God likes not so God doesn't like.
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  What is this people like you, Hashem likes you, people don't
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  like you, Hashem doesn't like you.
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  What is this concept was to be the other shame likes you and
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  then the people like that's also a question, correct?
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  What is this concept? Shame created the people, he's
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  judging on his creations how they react to the other people,
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  and then he's from it. Good.
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  So the idea is like this Exactly.
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  The truth is, the answer is which, not his.
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  Look around the world, look around the community, look
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  around your families. The people who are pleasant,
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  they're not just pleasant in one area, they're just everything
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  about them is worked on character.
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  To be pleasant, you're a person who doesn't insult very easily,
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  doesn't get insulted so fast. To be pleasant, you're a person
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  who instead of looking and seeing my flaws, you're looking
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  for my positives. To be pleasant, you're a person
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  who doesn't, after we leave this conversation, go to the nice guy
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  and talk about me, right? To be pleasant, you're a person
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  who if I wronged you one way or another, you don't make the
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  biggest deal, you let it go, right?
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  These are all the traits of You're easy.
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  There's nothing better around people than being easy.
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  Otherwise, if you're not easy, if you're difficult, everyone
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  that's on the toes, everyone's on age.
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  I was nervous what they're going to say.
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  Everyone is careful. If they don't say anything and
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  then they say the one thing and you catch it and you keep it
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  with you and you never let it go.
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  That's a person who is not easy. And that's a person.
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  If you're not easy, then you're checking all the boxes of pretty
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  much flawed character. Because like I said, you don't
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  go over insults easily. You probably that person
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  probably says negative things. He probably notices my flaws.
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  He's going to catch me on my mistake.
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  We all make mistakes. He's going to catch my mistake.
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  He's going to get angry, he's going to get insulted.
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  He's going to by the way, along with not being easy, he's going
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  to be very loud. All the trace of not being easy
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  or all flawed character. So really what he's saying is
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  like this, that Hashem throws you into the fire of being among
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  people in that, in that you know that much bit of being among
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  people, you have to work on yourself, have to develop softer
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  character, easier character. If you do that, it's basically a
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  trial of a person becoming Nawakhla Hashem.
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  How do you become easy to Hashem when you worked out all your
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  different character for us and you make yourself softer and
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  softer and softer in these ways and he developed an easy way.
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  Hashem likes you. That's the reason.
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  It's not saying that popularity is a thing.
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  No, popularity is not a thing. Being easy, being likable
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  usually carries with it all these.
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  We thought all these worked on carried.
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  Some people are born with it, which is great, and some people
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  work at it. And when you work at it and you
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  develop yourself, it's literally a real life example.
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  Being easy, being well liked is a real life example of all our
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  character challenges being developed.
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  And you know people, I know people who are easy.
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  We love to be around them. I remember I had a friend who
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  was in high school. This guy we had like in my
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  class, for some reason, we had two crews.
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  There was one crew and another crew.
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  This guy crossed all the both crews.
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  He wasn't the smartest guy in the world.
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  He wasn't, you know, the wealthiest kid, which didn't
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  really matter in my school. What was he?
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  Just a purse? Easy to be around.
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  Just have a good time around them.
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  It's light, it's fun, it's chilled.
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  It's not too heavy, not too difficult there, doesn't make
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  problems. I remember everyone liked him.
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  It just crossed my mind because I never understood why he was so
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  popular. But this is really why.
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  It wasn't cause anything else. We didn't have any of the reason
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  to be popular in yeshiva. What else can make you?
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  He's not the starting quarterback.
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  He's not, you know, wealthy didn't matter in my school
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  'cause we were just living in a dorm.
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  It doesn't make a difference. So what was his popularity?
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  Just being easy. And the truth of the matter is,
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  if you become an easy person, everyone loves you.
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  Everyone enjoys the comeback. And that is the definition of
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  hen. Noah.
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  Flip it around, Noah matzah hen because we're noon and hen
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  flipping around. It's hen.
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  Noah. Hen is the same word.
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  He was an easy person. He was a likeable person.
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  He was. Therefore that's the real
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  definition of charming. Tells him charming doesn't mean
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  you could woo people. Charming means you're likable.
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  And when you're likable, you've developed all these difficult
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  character traits, you've worked at them.
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  Sometimes it's harder for people, sometimes it's easier.
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  And once you work at them, Hashem looks at that person and
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  says, OK, through life you've developed in my eyes, you've
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  developed too. And you know, Akhla Hashem, your
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  pleasant eyes are Hashem, that a bond says that a person who has
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  this trait, even if he makes commit sins, not often, but even
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  if he commits sins, and he may not be tippy top when it comes
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  to halacha if he's tippy top in this area, God protects such a
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  person more than he would protect the regular person.
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  Because if Hashanah likes you, like everyone else likes you,
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  and you get a little bit of a pass, this is not bond rights,
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  OK? In fact, he explains that Noah
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  during that time should have been thrown into the Mabu like
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  everybody else. But because he was a likable
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  person, Hashem liked him. God gave him special protection.
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  To avoid the novel because likable is not God's eyes, is
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  something unbelievable. Hashem loves you and therefore
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  gives special protection. That's the ideal stopping this.