Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Famously Available And Finding Love After Reality TV with Mercedes Northup

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Famously Available And Finding Love After Reality TV with Mercedes Northup · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts, bring you the ultimate Summer of Love Tree.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: This is famously available. Mercedes, Welcome. I'm excited to be
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: speaking to you tonight. Now. Our listeners out there are
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: probably at this point going to be on the edge
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: of their seat to hear all the updates with you romantically,
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: and so let's share them with them. What's going on
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  Speaker 1: in your romantic life as of today.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Honestly, my romantic life is very lame right now. I'm
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: not gonna lie, but I feel like after getting this
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  Speaker 2: opportunity and all these things, I feel like I'm open
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  Speaker 2: to like talking to more people, but personally, I feel
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  Speaker 2: like it's been very lame.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Well, lame feels like a word to me that needs
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: some dissection. When you mean lame, do you mean inactive?
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Do you mean really terrible experiences like expand and on
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: the word lame a little bit.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, I definitely feel like it's inactive. But I
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  Speaker 2: feel like when I meet guys, I'm just very like,
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  Speaker 2: you're not it, You're not it. And it's because I've
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  Speaker 2: just been very in my head being like these guys
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  Speaker 2: are not it right now, Like I'm just not in
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  Speaker 2: the headspace I'm doing my own thing, Like I have
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  Speaker 2: all these things going on, but I feel like I
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  Speaker 2: just turned twenty seven, and I feel like I'm ready
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  Speaker 2: to like find someone, and someone who's actually like ready
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  Speaker 2: to start life with me. So I feel like I'm
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  Speaker 2: open to looking for someone.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, twenty seven, you're still so young.
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  Speaker 2: I know it is very young.
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  Speaker 1: You should take a breath here, I mean, I get it.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not here to tell you, hey, twenty seven is
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  Speaker 1: too young to really get serious or twenty seven is
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  Speaker 1: too old to get serious. That's not my intention here.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: But my intention is to tell you take a deep
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  Speaker 1: breath and just enjoy this season too, because you are
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  Speaker 1: still so young, so you do have time, but you're
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: telling me you don't necessarily want time. Like if you
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: found somebody right now that you could see yourself getting
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  Speaker 1: serious with, you're ready to get serious with them for sure.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like it definitely takes like the right person right,
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  Speaker 2: Like I'm not gonna be I don't know how to
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  Speaker 2: say this, like I feel like my person, like I'm
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  Speaker 2: gonna know they're my person, right And that's where I
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  Speaker 2: feel like right now, I'm in like an awkward phase
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: like you're in, like you have early twenties, you have thirties, right, Like,
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  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm right in the middle. Obviously I'm
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: at twenty seven to where it's like, I'm not like
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: dating just to date, like I'm dating to find someone.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: But it's like, you're gonna have to try to date me,
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  Speaker 2: if that makes sense, Like I'm not I'm not gonna
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  Speaker 2: be easy to get, like I'm gonna need you to
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  Speaker 2: like actually try and like, I don't know, does that
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  Speaker 2: make sense what I'm saying.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: We're gonna make it make sense because I'm gonna ask
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: some follow up questions here, okay that I hope help
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: all of us, myself, you and the listeners make it
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: make sense? Yes, I get it, but I'm assuming one
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: of the reasons in life that I believe that we
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: start to feel this excitement towards getting serious is some
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: external pressures friends, you know, finding their their spouses or
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: their partners. You know, friends and family kind of speaking
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: into you saying, hey, when are you going to meet somebody?
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Do you feel these pressures right now or those pressures
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  Speaker 1: non existent in your life?
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: I feel like yes and no. I feel like my
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: family not really. But I'm from a really small town
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  Speaker 2: in Iowa. So everyone that I like graduated with is
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: married and having kids. So it's like when I look
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: at my life, I'm like, oh my gosh, like I
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: am behind, Like I'm not doing the people are the
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: same thing that the people that I graduated with or
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  Speaker 2: like grew up with, but at the same time, like
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  Speaker 2: a whole have a different life than them. And I
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  Speaker 2: feel like my family is very like hey, like you're
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: doing your own thing, like there's no pressure, but I
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: definitely I feel like I put the pressure on myself
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  Speaker 2: to be like I need to be with someone, I
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  Speaker 2: need to like start that.
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  Speaker 1: But we've seen you date on reality television, so obviously
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  Speaker 1: there was a moment a few years ago that you
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  Speaker 1: felt like, Hey, I'm going to go on the show
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  Speaker 1: because I do want to meet somebody. I do want
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  Speaker 1: to find somebody. I think this is an avenue at
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  Speaker 1: which I can meet somebody. Be that beaches, be that
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  Speaker 1: a mansion, wherever you know the location is. You're ready,
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  Speaker 1: Did you take a step back after your experiences and
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  Speaker 1: kind of reevaluate if you're ready or not? Or have
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: you always been ready?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah? I feel like honestly, after The Bachelor and Bachelor
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  Speaker 2: in Paradise. I took a step back because I was like,
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  Speaker 2: I need a second to like think about everything. And
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: obviously dating on Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise is very
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: different than dating in real life, right, So, like I
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: feel like on Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise it was like, oh,
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  Speaker 2: like this guy's doing this and he's perfect, and it
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  Speaker 2: like brings your standards up. And then like you get
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  Speaker 2: to real life and it's like, hey, like not every
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: dude has a producer being like hey, you need to
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: bring her this or you need to say this. And
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  Speaker 2: so I feel like definitely getting back to real life
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  Speaker 2: made me like just take a step back and be like, Okay,
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  Speaker 2: what do I actually want? What do I need? What's
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  Speaker 2: important to me? That kind of thing.
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  Speaker 1: You've had time now to process through this. You've gone
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  Speaker 1: on good dates, you've gone bad dates, and at this
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  Speaker 1: point in your life you are excited about what a
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  Speaker 1: few can bring. And so when you think about your
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: ideal partner, what are the characteristics that you haven't found
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  Speaker 1: yet but that you're looking for in this person.
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  Speaker 2: So when I pray at night about like the guy
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  Speaker 2: that I want, it's just someone who's very like relaxed
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  Speaker 2: and chill and goes with the flow, very similar to me.
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  Speaker 2: It's someone who loves no matter what, like comes in
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  Speaker 2: our life, no matter what circumstances, hard things like, they're
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  Speaker 2: always there. Yeah. I feel like at the end of
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  Speaker 2: the day, I just want someone who's real with me
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  Speaker 2: and who loves me like no matter what. And I
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  Speaker 2: honestly I feel like that's like really hard to find
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  Speaker 2: these days, which just sucks.
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  Speaker 1: And they're out there. I'll say that, Yeah, they are
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  Speaker 1: out there. There are people, great humans who are full
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  Speaker 1: engaged in finding a partner and they'll listen and care
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  Speaker 1: for and go through thick and thin with They're there,
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  Speaker 1: but they're not always easy to find, and they shouldn't be.
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  Speaker 1: They're easy to find. We wouldn't be sitting here today
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  Speaker 1: and there wouldn't be reality television shows, you know that
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  Speaker 1: have made a twenty four year career off of, you know,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: cultivating relationships. But you started this by talking about these
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  Speaker 1: dates that you've been going on, and that these dates
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  Speaker 1: you're you're oftentimes finding yourself. And I forget the exact
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: wording you use, but I'll try to get it close
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  Speaker 1: or get the sentiment at least right. You start it
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  Speaker 1: by saying that you go on these dates and they're
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  Speaker 1: just not it, that there's something about them that's just
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  Speaker 1: like missing the mark. But the characteristics that you just
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  Speaker 1: described are things that you know, I think most people
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  Speaker 1: only find out after many dates and maybe many months together.
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  Speaker 1: And so let's go backwards and talk about some of
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  Speaker 1: your dating history. What are some of the like non
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  Speaker 1: negotiable red flags that are popping up on these early
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  Speaker 1: dates that you're saying, Nope, I'm done, can't do it anymore.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like some red flags for me are
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  Speaker 2: so when I meet someone, I really definitely pay attention
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  Speaker 2: on how they treat their families, especially if they have
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  Speaker 2: like sisters or if they're close to their mom. Like,
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  Speaker 2: I definitely pay attention to those relationships because I feel
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  Speaker 2: like it doesn't say how they're gonna treat you. But
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  Speaker 2: I also feel like like if they're close, like my experience,
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  Speaker 2: if a guy is like really close to their sister, like,
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  Speaker 2: they're gonna treat you pretty good. And if they're like
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  Speaker 2: not and have a bad relationship with their sisters, they're
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  Speaker 2: gonna be the souls to be honest, And that's what
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  Speaker 2: I have found out, so I feel like really like
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  Speaker 2: paying attention to how they go about life and how
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  Speaker 2: they treat even like aside from family, Like if you
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  Speaker 2: go to a restaurant and they're mean to the waiters
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  Speaker 2: or they don't do twenty percent, it's like, okay, we
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  Speaker 2: are we the same?
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  Speaker 1: No, okay, but some of the reading of these situations
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  Speaker 1: are if they're close to their family. I get the
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  Speaker 1: waiter thing. I think that's a great read. I think
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  Speaker 1: it's a great first day read. I think it's a
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  Speaker 1: great I.
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  Speaker 2: Read that is such a good, great read on like sure, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: How do you treat the people that are caring for you,
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  Speaker 1: that are providing you this hospitality and this service? Awesome?
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  Speaker 1: But what other things are kind of standing out to
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  Speaker 1: you in the course of dating that are turnofs Because
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  Speaker 1: I'm sure positive in fact, that you've met somebody who
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  Speaker 1: is great to the staff, that is kind to you,
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  Speaker 1: that's saying all the right things, but you're still feeling
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  Speaker 1: like yet not it.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, well if we're gonna get yeah, okay. I
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  Speaker 2: feel like when I am talking to someone, okay, if
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  Speaker 2: I'm like on edge all the time, like if I'm like,
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  Speaker 2: when are they going to text back, and I'm going
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  Speaker 2: to my friends, I'm like, oh my gosh, they said this,
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  Speaker 2: Like what do I say? Like, what should I do?
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  Speaker 2: What should I say? I feel like that's like such
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  Speaker 2: a big in my head. I know that it's like
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  Speaker 2: if you're thinking that, like you should maybe like take
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  Speaker 2: a step back and be like, is it that serious,
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  Speaker 2: Because like, at the end of the day, you should
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: if you really like someone and you feel like they're
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  Speaker 2: vibing with you, you should be like, I'm going to
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: say what I want. It doesn't matter, like they're going
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  Speaker 2: to text back when they want to text back. But
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  Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of the times, like if
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  Speaker 2: I am thinking about, you know, when are they going
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  Speaker 2: to text back? What are they going to text back?
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  Speaker 2: And what am I going to respond? I feel like
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  Speaker 2: that's like a red flag for me.
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  Speaker 1: And I think that comes from a place of security too.
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  Speaker 1: If they're the right person and you know they're the
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  Speaker 1: right person and you know their character, there won't be
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  Speaker 1: those concerns because communication will be clear or you'll have
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: the best and you know, with your expectations of them
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  Speaker 1: will always lean on the side of hey, something had
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  Speaker 1: to have happened that they're distracted and they just can't,
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  Speaker 1: but goodness, they'd want to be messaging me.
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  Speaker 2: See. And that's why I feel like I've given up
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  Speaker 2: on dating because I was before, like I honestly have
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  Speaker 2: not talked to someone seriously for like a year, and
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  Speaker 2: that's because, like I feel like I was so in
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  Speaker 2: my head about everything, like and it was breaking me down.
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  Speaker 2: Like I was like, oh my gosh, like I am like,
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  Speaker 2: this is not who I am, This is not how
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  Speaker 2: I am in a relationship. And so I was like
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  Speaker 2: I took a step back because I'm like, why am
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  Speaker 2: I being like this? Like I don't understand why, but
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: I think at the end of the day, like I
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  Speaker 2: knew that he didn't like me the way that I did,
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  Speaker 2: and so it was making me insecure and it was
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  Speaker 2: just like not a good situationship. And because of that,
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  Speaker 2: I feel like I haven't gotten in, like I haven't
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  Speaker 2: tried to get into a better one because I've just
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  Speaker 2: been like trying to better myself and like being able
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: to get to the point where I can be good.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah does that make sense?
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  Speaker 1: It does.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm gonna lean in as we close up here,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: and some rapid fire questions kind of relating to what
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: you just said. You said you've given up on dating.
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  Speaker 1: Is that still true today?
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  Speaker 2: Kinda yeah, I have not been trying to date at all.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: When is the last time you're in what you would
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: consider a semi serious relationship?
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: This is so embarrassing. It was so long ago. Honestly
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: two years ago, so probably like five months before that.
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  Speaker 1: Five months a long time, so over two and a
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  Speaker 1: half years.
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  Speaker 2: Right, is that? Right? Was paradise two years ago?
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  Speaker 1: I wasn't there. I don't know, I don't I have
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: no idea Easton would know. Eastan's a big fan of
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: the show. He would know exactly.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: When you're on his head. It's been two years. Unfortunately,
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  Speaker 2: it has been two years for me.
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  Speaker 1: I don't think that's embarrassing at all. In your cities,
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  Speaker 1: I think that's beautiful. And that's remember this, And I
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: don't know if this will be helpful or hurtful or whatever,
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  Speaker 1: but it's my story and so I'll share it. I
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: remember laying in my bed one night after my breakup
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: from the show and going, I think I need to
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: be okay with being single forever. I think I just
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: need to get to a place where I'm okay being
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: single forever. I was twenty eight years old at the time,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: and I remember this whole process and this whole prayer
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: of like, just give me the piece, give me the joy,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: give me the fulfillment if I'm single forever. And guess
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: what happened. I met my wife like a month later.
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  Speaker 1: So I had given up, I had gone over, you know,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: so long without a serious relationship, and then all of
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: a sudden, out of nowhere, my wife popped in. And
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: so I think it is it's funny and it's a cliche,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: but I think it's these moments where we do kind
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: of throw up the white flag and we say, hey,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: we're done, We're not doing this anymore, that all of
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: a sudden, our hearts change. Question for you is, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: you've given up on dating. It's been a long time
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: since you've been in a serious relationship. But the final
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: question is are you willing to try again? Like, if
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: that person comes by, are you willing to at least
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: give it a chance to maybe disrupt all of the
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: past and all of the bad dates that you've had before.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Yes, I am definitely willing. I feel like it'll take
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: the right guy. It's definitely not going to be easy,
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: but I feel like if a guy comes around that
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: catches my attention and proves to me that he's worth it,
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: then I would definitely give it a try for sure.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: It's all we need to hear. Mercedes, thank you. I
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: appreciate it. Thanks for your vulnerable honesty. The listeners are
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: going to absolutely love it, and I'm very excited to
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: see where this journey goes same.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: I'm super excited. I think it'll be fun