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303: How to Prepare for a Successful School Meeting, with Penny Williams · Beautifully Complex

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Then the grand scheme of things, Grades are only one
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: measure of school success. We also have social emotional challenges,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: we have sensory challenges, we have executive functioning challenges. We
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: have other academic struggles like learning disabilities, we have following
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: the rules, and our kids could struggle in any or
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: all of those aspects, so those matter just as much
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: as grades do.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Beautifully Complex podcast, where I share insights
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: and strategies on parenting neurodivergent kids straight from the trenches.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: I'm your host, Penny Williams. I'm a parenting coach, author,
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: and mindset mama, honored to guide you on the journey
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: of raising your a typical kid. Let's get started.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Beautifully Complex today. I want to help
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: you to prepare for successful school meetings. I remember how
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: anxiety provoking and difficult and unpleasant and scary, honestly that
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: a lot of school meetings were for me, especially when
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: my kid was really little and I didn't know yet
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: how to navigate them and what to expect from them.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: And right now I'm sure that so many of you
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: have so much more fear and anxiety around the unpredictability
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: of our kids' rights, their disability rights. In the United
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: States here in twenty twenty five, as I record this,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: there are states who are trying to do away with
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: the five oh four laws and disability rights all together,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: and the federal government to talk about doing away with
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: the Department of Education. And for me, it's all just bonkers.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: And every time I see a headline about any of this,
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: I think, I can't imagine what parents are going through
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: right now who still have kids in school, because my
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: kid as a young adult and we don't deal with
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: IEPs and five h four's in school meetings anymore. And
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine what it's like for you right now
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: to be trying to navigate with such a moving target
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: and so much of a lack of security and so
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: much unpredictability. And we talk all the time about how
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: unsettling unpredictability can be for our neurodivergent kids, but it
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: can be really unsettling for us as well. So I
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: thought one way that I might be able to have
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: some impact in all of this when I really don't
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: have much, is to help you to really be able
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: to prepare for successful school meetings. So I'm not going
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: into what is an IEP and all of that, I'm
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: not going into what is a five to ZHO four plan.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I have previous episodes that cover that that can give
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: you that information, but I also just didn't want to
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: give you any misinformation with everything changing so much, and
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: a lot of it is state by state, So it's
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: not even whether or not you live in the US
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: as you're listening to this, but what state you're living
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: in in the US if you are in the US.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: And so what I can do is I can give
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: you some strategies and some tips on making these meetings
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: more successful, whatever the content of these meetings is. And
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: so that's what I want to outline for you here
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: in this podcast episode. My goal is to really help
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: you to feel confident and prepared for your school meetings,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: whether that's five oh four IEP parent teacher conference, a
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: meeting with a principal or the school psychologist or the
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: school guidance counselor right any of the people that you
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: might be meeting with about your child and their school experience.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: So let's dive into some of these key steps that
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: will help you to have productive and collaborative conversations, which
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I have always found is absolutely the most successful. We
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: are going to be talking about kind of three main
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: things here. Submitting your parent input ahead of time, understanding
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: sort of meeting structure based on the meeting that you're
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: having and I'll tell you about that, and then approaching
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: conversations as though you are all on the same team
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: working towards the same goal, which you are, but it
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: may not always feel like it, and sometimes certain school
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: personnel might not think that you're really on the same
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: team either, because there is so much misinformation and just
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: not knowing about the law and the requirements and the
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: rights of students. Teachers do not have to learn this
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: to become a teacher. They don't learn this in school.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: There's no requirement for it, and so most teachers just
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: don't know, and you're kind of on this journey of
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: figuring it out and navigating it together, which is completely
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: unfortunate and not all the way it should be. But
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: in my experience and in the experience of most of
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: the families that I've coached, we're all learning together. Teachers
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: just aren't informed about this, and it's not their fault.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: It's not at all their fault, and hopefully they're open
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: to learning so they can help your kid and all
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: of the other students whose lives they will touch over
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: the years by learning what the rights are and what
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: will be helpful to their neurodivergent students. Step one here
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: is about submitting to letters. One is a parent Present
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: levels of Performance, which we can call PLoP, which feels
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: very apropos right. It feels like, h yeah, pop Present
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: levels of Performance. And then also the Parent Concerns letter.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Here's why these two letters matter. Parents see aspects of
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: their kid that the teachers and the staff at school
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: may not, So your perspective is providing critical insights that
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: the school personnel may not have. They may not have
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: the opportunity to see some of the things that you
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: see and you experience with your kid. I learned to
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: write these two letters first from a website called A
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Day in Our Shoes, which is a special education website
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: that I always found really helpful in my own journey
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: with school meetings and school rights and education. And what
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I figured out is that I really needed to submit
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: these before every meeting because I wanted the people who
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: were going to attend this meeting to understand where I'm
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: coming from, what my perspective is and what concerns I
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: am going to want to speak about in this meeting.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: If I don't give that to them ahead of time,
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: they get caught off guard with things that are on
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: our radar as a parent, but aren't on their radar
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: as the kid's teacher. And when we catch them off guard,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: often people's prickles sort of go up. Right. If you're
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: caught really off guard and you haven't had time to
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: really think about something, your nervous system might get a
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: little reactive about that. And so when we give them
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: this information about our perspective ahead of the meeting, we
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: are providing the opportunity for them to gather their thoughts
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: about it, gather their own perspective about it, and think
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: about what they might be able to do at school
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: to address these concerns that you're posing. And so they've
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: already had time to think through some of their responses
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: by putting it on their radar earlier. You're going to
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: include a few things in your PLoP your parent present
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: levels of performance. This is your parent PLoP, and I'm
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: sure the schools feel like it sort of plops in
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: their laps, right. It's an interesting acronym, but anyway, it
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: will help you remember present levels of performance and in
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: that letter, and I would recommend that you try to
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: keep this to less than one page, and don't make
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: it nine point type. To cram it into less than
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: one page. Be really intentional about keeping it short, very short,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: as short as you can to get your point across.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Because our teachers are busy and they're overworked, and they're
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: very short on time. So we want to make it
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: as simple as possible for them to take in our
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: perspective and the information that we want them to have.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: So we're going to include in this hopefully less than
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: one pager strengths and areas of growth. Always start with
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: the positive, always, always, always, So start by listing your
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: kid's strengths and any areas where you have noticed growth
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: around their school experience. So for me, a strength for
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: my kid would have been his verbal fluency because then
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: we can use that strength to help with a lot
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: of the challenges. So I would point out that verbal fluency,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: and I would point out any areas that we've seen
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: improvement in. Maybe there's been improvement with him being able
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: to stay in the classroom longer without being triggered and
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: needing a break, which did happen in the later years.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: So make sure that you're listing strengths and areas of growth,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: but keep them relevant to school, and keep them relevant
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: to the last maybe few months, six months, you know,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: what is the time period since the last meeting or
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: the last communication about accommodations or school performance or whatever
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: you met about last. Include their present levels, not just
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: in grades, because in the grand scheme of things, grades
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: are only one measure of school success. We also have
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: social emotional challenges, we have sensory challenges, we have executive
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: functioning challenges, we have other academic struggles like learning disabilities.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: We have following the rules right behavior management, as schools
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: would call it, and our kids could struggle in any
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: or all of those aspects. So those matter just as
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: much as grades do. So what I always did was
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: put the present grades whatever showed up in the school
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  Speaker 1: online system at that time, which typically was not up
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: to date, and then teachers or administrators will often get
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: upset with me for thinking that that was the current grade.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: But what else was I supposed to do? I was
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: using the information that I had, so I always put
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: in there. It's this grade on this date, in this platform,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: every time I put all of those details in, so
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: they knew where I got that information and why I
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: thought that information was accurate, and why I was basing
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: everything on that information. Attendance is another struggle that could
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: be part of your present levels of concern. So bullet
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: those out, but again keep them short, simple to the point.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Zero accusations here. There is nothing about this was implemented,
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  Speaker 1: This wasn't implemented. You're not supporting my kid well enough.
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  Speaker 1: Why can't you just do X, Y and Z. None
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  Speaker 1: of that in the present levels of performance. This just
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: needs to be your perspective on the facts of the matter.
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  Speaker 1: The last thing that you can put in your present
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: life levels of performance is any observations that you've made
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: in the home environment or other environments outside of school
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: that relate to school and education. Homework struggles are a
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  Speaker 1: school problem too. They are not just a home problem.
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  Speaker 1: And so many schools want to tell us that they
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: don't have any influence on what happens at home. They're
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: only concerned about what happens in the time that their
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: kid is in their environment and their care. That is
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: not the case. It's not true their experience at school
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  Speaker 1: and with educational and academic challenges bleeds into home life
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: and homework time. Their mood, how their day went at
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: school bleeds into home life and homework time. There are
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: also things like emotional regulation needs. You might be seeing
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: that before your kid sits down to homework. You're finding
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: that putting a regulation activity in there, giving them a
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: movement break and making sure they're getting that is really
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: helpful for focus. If you're seeing that, add it to
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: your parent present levels of performance. Put it in the plot.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: It's going to help with discussions around strengths and weaknesses
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: because we want to use what's going well at home
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: to hopefully implement that at school to help that school experience.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Then you're also going to draft a parent concerns letter,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: again very short, less than one page, decent font size,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: don't make it tiny to squeeze it in, but outline
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: what your concerns are. And this is where you can say,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: I am concerned about the fact that this accommodation isn't
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: being implemented in this classroom. I am concerned about the
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: kids picking on my kid on the playground at recess
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: and not having enough oversight. I'm concerned about X, y Z.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: You don't have to say I'm concerned about every time.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I would give a heading, these are my current concerns
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: as of March fourth, twenty twenty five, and then bullet
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: them underneath that include things like specific challenges that are
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: impacting learning and also well being, not just learning, not
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: just academics, not just grades, specific challenges that are also
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: impacting your child's well being, their mental health, their emotional health,
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: their social health, their sense of felt safety while they
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: are at school. You can also add in your parent
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Concerns letter a request for any additional evaluations, observations by professionals,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: or requesting additional supports. You can put all of that
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: in this letter. What I would do is make it
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: a separate document and list it as an addendum to
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: the Parent Concerns letter. So here's my formal request for
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: an evaluation for occupational therapy or dysgraphia or dyscalculia or dyslexia,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: whatever your concern is executive functioning, and then at the
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: end of your Parent Concerns letter list it as an
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: addendum and keep it together with that, You're not always
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: going to have a request with your parent Concerns letter
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: like that, but if you do, you can can include
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: it there and definitely send it to them prior to
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: a meeting so that they are aware that you're going
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: to make that request. And then, lastly, in your parent
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Concerns letter, are any concerns about those current accommodations or
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: lack of accommodations? Is there an area that you feel
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: like your kid could really use more accommodation, more support.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: You can ask about that and let them know that
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: you're wanting to discuss that in your Parent Concerns letter. Now,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I want you to do two things with these two letters,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: your Parent Concerns and your Parent PLoP. You are going
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: to email them in to your kid's case manager or
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: whoever your point of contact is for special education at
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: least three days before your scheduled meeting. The earlier the better,
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: but you don't always have a lot of time. If
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: you can send it in a week before the meeting,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: absolutely do that. But if the meeting is scheduled for
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: a week from now, you're clearly not going to be
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: able to do that. Get it in as early as
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: you possibly can, but definitely at least forty eight hours
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: before the meeting, because they need to be able to
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: find the time to go through it before the meeting,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: otherwise it's kind of pointless at that point. I also
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: want you to submit it in a way that that
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: case manager can copy the text and paste it into
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: an IEP document if you're having an IEP meeting. So
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I was always sending word documents attached to the emails,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: and I let them know I'm attaching it here. I'm
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: attaching it in this format so that you can easily
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: copy and paste it into that parent concerns form field
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: while we're in the meeting, or even before we get
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: into the meeting, because here in my state of North Carolina,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: they would pull up that form online, they would project
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: it on the screen, and we would walk through it
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: and complete it as we were meeting. And if I
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: had a big list of concerns, there was a time
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: crunch and typically they would move me on before I
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: really felt like I got all my concerns there. So
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: this is a way to very easily have all of
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: your concerns documented in that formal, official legal document if
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: it's an IP. Step two is to ask for an
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: agenda and a list of attendees here's why you're going
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: to ask for a meeting agenda and a list of attendees.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: If you are worried about why the school called a meeting,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: then you're spending a lot of energy about that worry,
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: right If you're worried about who's coming to the meeting,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: how many people are going to be on the other
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: side of the table from you, is it going to
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: be intimidating? These are all certainly concerns that I had
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: and that I worried about, And what I learned to
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: do was just to ask, Okay, why are you calling
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: this meeting? Can you please send me the agenda for
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: the meeting? What are you wanting to talk about, and
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: who's going to be there. It also helps you to
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: get your mind wrapped around what they want to talk
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: about that may not have been on your radar, and
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: prepare your viewpoint on that, how you want to address it,
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: what your thoughts are, what accommodations or something like that
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: that you might want to request. So, just like when
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: you are sending in those letters ahead of time and
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: giving the school staff time to wrap their head around
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: where you're at and what you're going to want to
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: talk about, you can ask them to do the same
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: for you. Understanding who's present is also going to allow
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: you to tailor your questions and your concerns. So if
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: there's an occupational therapist president, for instance, you'll be able
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: to say, oh, okay, I can ask the OT about
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: the handwriting issues or the hyperactivity or needing more movement.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: So it just helps you to really create that plan
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: of action and understand what might be coming up. You
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: can identify areas where you need more data or clarification
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: once you get that information, and you can consider also
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: requesting additional staff if you feel that is needed. So
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: if you get that list back and it says one
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: teacher of maybe four or five or six if they're
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: in middle or high school, and one special ed representative
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: and that's it. But you want to talk about things around,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: you know, poor performance and reading or math or those
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: sensory issues, you might request that someone else be in
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: the meeting too, and OT speech therapist, a reading specialist,
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: and autism behavior specialist. There's so many specialists that work
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: in the school system and can help to educate everybody
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: at the table about maybe the function of behavior, why
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: it's happening, and what might be helpful, whereas if you
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: just have a couple people at the table who don't
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: really have the knowledge or understanding of those specifics, then
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: you may not get very far in that meeting. So
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: you know, make sure that everybody is coming who needs
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: to be there, and then you will make the meeting
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: as productive as possible. You will make the time that
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: everybody is giving to the meeting as productive as possible
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: to get the biggest outcome as you can from it.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Step three is to approach the meeting with a collaborative mindset.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: And I mentioned this a little bit at the beginning.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: It is so very very important to be mindful of
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: the language that you use and the way that you
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: speak to the school team, because we do get frustrated
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: as parents. It is really difficult to watch your kids
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: struggle in school. It is really difficult to wait for
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: long drawn out timelines. It is really frustrating when things
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: aren't going as maybe they had been outlined to go
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: during a meeting. So not sort of flying off the
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: handle right, not getting triggered yourself and being very emotionally
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: reactive is going to serve you and your kid best.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: One thing that I did when things were super hard
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: was to draft that email response where I wanted to
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: clap back to something somebody had said and then delete it.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I would not send that email, but it helped me
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: to get it out, to vent, to respond or react
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: in the way that I wanted to, and then just
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: take a step back from it and look at it
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: more rationally after that emotional storm and decide is this
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: something that I should send? Is this something that I
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: want to send parts of but I want to write
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: it differently? Is this something I should just delete and
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: move on? And I did different things at different times, right,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: but I was always going back before I sent anything
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: and looking at does this have a collaborative tone? Does
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: this feel like I feel like we're all in the
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: same team. Have I removed most of the emotion out
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: of this, because just going forward with emotion is not productive.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: It's not going to get you where you want to go.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: So you're shifting your mindset from confrontation to collaboration. You
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: and the school team should be working toward the same goal,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: which is helping your kid succeed in whatever way that
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: looks like for that kid, not in the traditional path
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: that society has decided. We're going to educate our kids
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: for centuries without changing. But what does success look like
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: for your child? Getting everybody on the same page with
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: that and working toward that goal as a team. I
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: want to give you a few strategies for effective communication
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: to you because it can be really hard again when
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: that emotional brain is taken over. It's so hard to
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: access your thinking brain and to be mindful of how
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: the other person is receiving what you're saying, the words
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: you're using, the tone of voice, and how it feels
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: to them. Use we language instead of you versus us.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: So we have come together to discuss my child's or
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: this student's even struggles with turning in homework. We are
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: going to come up with a strategy or a support
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: solution to try to help student X have more success
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: getting credit for assignments they have completed. State your concerns
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: as observations, not accusations. No accusations. There is a time
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: and a place for that. If things have really gone
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: off the rails and you've done everything you can to
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: be collaborative to work with them, and you are not
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: getting the same back, then accusations can come into play.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: You have rights under the law to challenge the school's decisions.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: That's where accusations come in. They don't come in in
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: our run of the mill school meetings. When you state
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: your observations, then it feels collaborative to everyone in the
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: room and seated at the table. Ask open ended questions too,
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: For instance, what strategies have you found helpful in the
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: classroom to address the need for movement between lessons? Or
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: how can we work together to support student exes executive
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: functioning challenges? Or at home when student X has a
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: problem getting started on the math worksheet, I have found
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: that folding it up so they can only see a
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: couple problems is super helpful. Do you think that might
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: work in your classroom? And leave it at that? So
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: stay settled, try to stay regulated, and be solutions focused,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: because that is going to be the best possible outcomes
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: for you, for your kid, for the school staff, for everyone.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: But that's the way that you get to where you
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: need to be for your kid. Who is the purpose
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: of these meetings right? A few additional tips I just
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: want to give you for a smooth meeting, Bring your
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: documentation everything that you emailed in. Bring a printed copy,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: maybe bring a second copy so that you can also
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: hand it to them to ensure that they have it
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: in front of them and that they will be able
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: to read it if they did not prior to getting
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: to the meeting. You can have reports, both private and
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: school reports, report cards, emails. If there's something in an
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: email you want to discuss, samples of your kid's work,
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: outside evaluations, internal school evaluations, anything and everything that can
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: help with addressing struggles, help with your kids succeeding at school.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: You can insert into these conversations. You can have them
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: applied to their school record. You know, I brought every
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: outside evaluation. I handed them a copy of it, and
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: they put it into his school file. I also, the
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: first several years before I had an iPad and could
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: have better portable referencing of documentation, I had like a
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: three inch binder and I put every school evaluation, every
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: private evaluation, all the samples of work. Because we struggled
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: with dysgravia, so I needed those samples of the writing
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: to be able to ask for accommodation. I put in
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: there anything that my kid had said was a concern.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: I was making notes of that as well. I also,
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: of course had pen and paper to take notes and
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: a highlighter so that I could highlight things maybe in
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: a prior IP or something like that. I typically had
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: an IP document that was marked up with what I
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: felt like needed to be changed and modified so that
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: the IP would work better for my CAD. And you
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: can also bring a support person. You have a right
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: to bring someone else to the meeting. For our family,
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: my spouse was paid hourly and it didn't make sense
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: financially for us for him to attend all the meetings
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: with me. I had more flexibility in that regard, and
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: so I was attending on my own. There were times
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: where I asked our private therapist to attend a meeting,
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: where I asked a private occupational therapist to attend a meeting.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Once or twice I brought a friend who also navigated
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: IEP meetings with their own kid and knew how hard
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: it was to be there alone and would offer to
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: go along with me. So you have a right to that.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: Definitely let them know that don't show up with an
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: outside professional without no notifying them that you're bringing an
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: outside professional. They will feel like that is hostile. It
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: may not be intended that way, but it will come
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: across that way to some people, so definitely let them
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: know if you are bringing anyone to the meeting with you.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: And of course you can bring an educational advocate, which
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: would be amazing. A lot of people don't have the
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: financial means to have an educational advocate, but if you do,
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: by all means, it is going to help you to
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: navigate the system and to get the accommodations that your
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: kid needs. I want you also to really clarify the
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: next steps before you leave the meeting. Have a verbal
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: wrap up or debrief. Right at the end, you could say,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: can we confirm what action items each of us is
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: going to take and work on moving forward, I the parent,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: am going to talk to my kids therapist about his
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: reactivity when he feels like another student has wronged him. You,
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: special coordinator, are going to help the teachers implement these
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: two new accommodations. Right, you're just saying, reiterating, this is
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: what I know I'm doing, this is what I know
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: you're doing, and it gives the opportunity for someone to
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: speak up and say no, I understood that differently. And
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: then I always followed this up with the same thing
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: in writing via email. Typically within one to two days
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: after the meeting. Here's an email to just sort of
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: wrap up the content of our meeting on March fourth,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: twenty twenty five, regarding student name. I'm writing this email
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: to make sure we're all on the same page and
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: to help you by condensing it down into a step
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: by step overview something like that. Right, and so, Okay,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: you principal said you were going to do this, You
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: specialized educator said you were going to do this. I
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: said I'm going to do this and this. You know,
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: then everybody has it in writing, and they then have
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: the opportunity in writing to say, no, that's not what
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: I understood, and you can sort of head off some
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: of these miscommunications and misunderstandings before they take on a
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: life of their own. If you have very different understanding
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: of what's going to happen than some of the school
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: staff who was in the meeting, and then it doesn't
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: happen the way you thought it was, and then you
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: get upset and you start going into it two weeks
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: down the road, like we could have prevented that by
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: sending this quick follow up email that says, here's what
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: I understand we're all doing. In response to this meeting
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: we had about student acts on this date. That's really
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: going to help. And it's just sort of a professional
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: way of doing it. It's not I don't think you're
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: going to do X, Y and Z, so I'm going
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: to email you and tell you what you have to do.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: It's not that it's just a wrap up. It's a courtesy. Honestly,
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: when I worked corporate, I had a corporate job in
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: my twenties, this is standard practice. When you leave a meeting,
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: you email everyone with the understanding of the outcome and
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: the next steps, and so that's what you're doing here,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: just to make sure that everyone is on the same page.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: So let's recap really quickly. You're going to submit your
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: parent input ahead of the meeting, at least two days.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: You're going to put it in a format that they
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: can copy and paste it into their documentation, and that's
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: going to include your parent concerns letter and your parent
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: present levels of performance or PLoP. You're going to ask
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: for the agenda and the attendees if it is a
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: meeting that they called, if it is a meeting you requested,
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: you can ask them if they have anything to add
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: to the agenda and who will be attending representing the school,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: and you're going to try your very darndest because I
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: know you're human and none of us are perfect, and
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: we are all going to lose it at a school
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: meeting at some point. As a parent, it's just going
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: to happen. But try really hard to approach the meeting
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: collaboratively as though you're all on the same team, because
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: that's the goal. The goal is that you're all on
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: your kid's team. You are the expert in your kid.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: You spend the most time with that kid, so your
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: voice matters, your perspective matters. Even if a meeting doesn't
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: go the way you planned or hoped. Progress happens in
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: little steps. Focus on one step forward, and this was
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: a challenge for me. You know, when my son first
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: got in IEP, he was in third grade, so I
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: would say, gosh, fifteen years ago. Probably. They were very
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: structured about the way that they approached every kid who
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: needed help. They started at the very bare minimum zero technology,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: would try each thing for like a month and then switch.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: And it drove me nuts because I was trying to
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: tell them that I had already tried those things, we
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: knew they didn't work. Either in the prior school year
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: or at home or in private therapies, and I felt
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: like we were wasting time. So try to focus on progress.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: But you can also keep not pushing because that doesn't
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: sound collaborative, but keep trying to make sure everybody is
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: still going forward and still focusing on the goal for
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: your kid. So I hope that this really helps you
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: with your school meetings. This gives you structure that you
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: can follow to make sure everyone's on the same page,
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: to keep yourself from worrying about who's going to be
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: there and what they're going to talk about, and feel
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: really prepared and hopefully even confident about advocating for your kid.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: I will link up any references that I've talked about
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: here anything else that might help you at Parenting ADHD
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: and Autism dot Com Slash three zero three for episode
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: three hundred and three. And I really hope this has
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: been helpful for you. I would love for you to
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: go there and comment on that post. Let me know
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: what you've learned, what strategy did you try, how did
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: it turn out. I would love to hear from you,
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: and of course subscribe and leave a review for the podcast.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: It just helps me to be able to help more
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: families like yours. I will see you on the next episode,
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: Take good Care. Thanks for joining me on the Beautifully
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: Complex podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share,
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: and don't forget to check out my online courses and
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: parent coaching at PARENTINGADHD and Autism dot com and at
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: The Behavior Revolution dot com.