Latest / Very Fine Friends / Sucker Lunch Punch

Transcript

Sucker Lunch Punch · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  hey hey how's it going yep yeah you know about my life i'm sorry
• 0:22
  yeah my house was 90 degrees for two days straight oh francis's air conditioner broke
• 0:30
  that is the worst um you did teach me teach me a valuable lesson or maybe it just illuminated
• 0:40
  something in that i'm not that far from being who i've always been you know i like to think i've
• 0:48
  made so much progress that I could never be dragged back down.
• 0:53
  But yeah, there is nothing like you being in your own home and it being that hot and
• 1:01
  you can't do anything about it to just like reduce you to the worst version of yourself.
• 1:06
  Oh yeah.
• 1:06
  Oh yeah.
• 1:07
  Yeah.
• 1:08
  Yeah.
• 1:08
  And it was father's day when it started.
• 1:11
  No, no, that could not have.
• 1:15
  He didn't have a good day.
• 1:16
  Yeah.
• 1:16
  I was going to say.
• 1:17
  oh no
• 1:19
  but it's all fixed now
• 1:23
  good
• 1:24
  good I'm glad about that
• 1:26
  I'm sorry
• 1:27
  hopefully you had a nice cold Father's Day
• 1:30
  I did I had a nice
• 1:33
  a nice cold Father's Day
• 1:34
  yeah
• 1:35
  I'm really sorry
• 1:38
  I believe you
• 1:39
  what did you do to mitigate it
• 1:42
  before it got fixed
• 1:43
  in terms of your overall cooling
• 1:45
  i called i called i got in my car and i went to home depot and i got a evaporative cooling fan
• 1:52
  and it helped if you were standing two feet in front of it and if you left that radius it was
• 1:59
  it may as well not have existed which is crazy to me because i thought it would have some overall
• 2:03
  effect on the room so but i didn't even get to benefit from it because so my dog doesn't sleep
• 2:08
  in my room she sleeps in someone else's room yeah and so i put it on her at night oh and then
• 2:15
  That was very generous of you.
• 2:16
  That would have been in bed with me.
• 2:20
  Summer, you're in bed with me tonight.
• 2:22
  And then I was very uncomfortable.
• 2:24
  Yeah.
• 2:25
  And then the next night, someone else lent me another one.
• 2:28
  So I had one in my room, which helped a lot.
• 2:30
  Yeah.
• 2:31
  Except I will say it added so much humidity to the house.
• 2:35
  Yeah.
• 2:36
  Yeah.
• 2:36
  Like I left in key.
• 2:37
  I had to get out.
• 2:38
  I just feel guilty.
• 2:38
  I'm like, I have to leave the house.
• 2:40
  I'm going somewhere with air conditioning.
• 2:41
  I'll be back.
• 2:42
  We had a dentist fair.
• 2:45
  He's good.
• 2:47
  Have you checked on him?
• 2:48
  I think he's still there.
• 2:50
  He said he was good.
• 2:51
  You cracked a window.
• 2:52
  Yeah.
• 2:53
  Well, he loves Mexico.
• 2:56
  That's...
• 2:57
  So that means he likes the heat?
• 3:01
  Isn't that what that means?
• 3:03
  Yeah.
• 3:04
  Sure.
• 3:05
  He loves going to Mexico.
• 3:06
  People that voluntarily go to Mexico in the summertime,
• 3:09
  they must really love the heat.
• 3:10
  Yeah, that's just science.
• 3:13
  Yeah, thank you.
• 3:14
  And he's fine.
• 3:15
  good good well i'm glad that your hell is over thank you that's yeah that's always my biggest
• 3:25
  fear going into the summer i remember a few years ago um this was before i started doing
• 3:30
  like a lot of things in the evening so i would just kind of be like home but we'd have like the
• 3:35
  window of time when the electricity is cheaper oh right it's like from four to seven it's the
• 3:42
  like this price is spiked.
• 3:44
  Yeah.
• 3:44
  Um,
• 3:45
  and so I used,
• 3:48
  I have a bunch of like,
• 3:49
  just like ice packs.
• 3:51
  And so I'd sit on my couch and I put like a big ice pack on my back just so
• 3:56
  that the air conditioning would be up really high.
• 3:58
  And then that's plebeian abuse to make people resort to such games.
• 4:02
  I know I'm willing to,
• 4:04
  I'm willing to just pay normal rates.
• 4:06
  Don't do,
• 4:06
  don't do this.
• 4:07
  Or here's the thing.
• 4:08
  Maybe neighborhoods should have micro grids.
• 4:12
  and we don't have to worry about the being a big city wide grid.
• 4:17
  Yeah.
• 4:18
  The fifth largest city in America.
• 4:20
  And we're all sharing electricity.
• 4:22
  Yeah.
• 4:22
  Maybe let's think about that when we build new communities.
• 4:25
  Yeah.
• 4:25
  Maybe there should be,
• 4:25
  everyone should have its own little tiny power station.
• 4:29
  I agree.
• 4:30
  Let's go as micro as possible in all city planning.
• 4:33
  I like that.
• 4:34
  Well,
• 4:34
  I just put my bid in for city idea,
• 4:38
  man.
• 4:40
  No.
• 4:40
  Oh,
• 4:41
  I just got a note.
• 4:42
  It's been accepted.
• 4:43
  I'll finish the podcast.
• 4:45
  Okay.
• 4:46
  Thanks.
• 4:46
  Thanks so much.
• 4:47
  I'm committed.
• 4:51
  Welcome to very fine friends.
• 4:55
  We're city idea men now.
• 4:58
  Officially.
• 4:59
  It's official.
• 5:00
  Yep.
• 5:01
  Congratulations.
• 5:02
  I'm really proud of you.
• 5:04
  Thank you.
• 5:04
  I believe you.
• 5:04
  You feel sincere.
• 5:09
  Well, other than that.
• 5:12
  Sorry, that was a losing my train of thought moment on the pod.
• 5:17
  It's really fun to have those in a recorded medium.
• 5:22
  Yeah.
• 5:22
  People don't even get the pleasure of watching me lose my train of thought.
• 5:26
  They just have to listen to it.
• 5:28
  Well, it makes you more real because it happens to everyone.
• 5:29
  So someone's in their car right now being like, oh my God, hurt you?
• 5:32
  Hurt you?
• 5:33
  Oh my God, she really is real?
• 5:35
  Just like me?
• 5:37
  You could have just saved a life.
• 5:38
  They could have been on their way to do something bad.
• 5:40
  no one's like me
• 5:42
  no one's like me
• 5:44
  I'm going to go do something bad
• 5:45
  wait what
• 5:48
  no
• 5:49
  no I don't have to
• 5:51
  my god
• 5:54
  I feel so seen
• 5:56
  almost Kermit
• 5:58
  your implication wasn't that this listener
• 6:00
  was going to go off themselves
• 6:02
  oh my god
• 6:03
  a giant cicada just flew into the window
• 6:06
  yeah
• 6:06
  because it didn't hear you make a mistake
• 6:09
  I was just going to say it's funny to me
• 6:14
  that your implication wasn't that
• 6:16
  our hypothetical listener was going to off themselves
• 6:18
  but rather that they were going to kill
• 6:20
  a bunch of other people
• 6:21
  now we don't have to
• 6:23
  I don't know how you got that from what I said
• 6:25
  play the tape back
• 6:26
  they were going to do something bad
• 6:29
  there's other bad things
• 6:31
  they're going to not recycle
• 6:33
  or rob a bank
• 6:35
  when you said recycling that's the first thing I thought of
• 6:37
  that's so weird
• 6:37
  but the bank has gone no no gone so deep cut that's why i'm going to rob a bank with a spear
• 6:45
  oh that would suck no one uses spears as as weapons britney does um you could go to the
• 6:55
  bank holding three spears and immediately throw the first one and like pin someone to the so they
• 7:00
  know you mean business yeah and then it's like i got two more spears yep give me the money yeah
• 7:06
  I think that would work.
• 7:08
  But also it's kind of a fun, it's a little more like whimsical.
• 7:11
  Like it puts you, it makes, it sets you apart.
• 7:14
  Oh yeah.
• 7:15
  They're probably a little unwieldy.
• 7:17
  Like carrying three of them is probably like, you probably just like,
• 7:21
  like someone has to help you open the door.
• 7:24
  We never go alone.
• 7:25
  It's the cardinal rule of.
• 7:26
  Of spearing.
• 7:28
  Don't spear alone.
• 7:36
  Francis goes silent and then writes something down.
• 7:41
  Oh, God.
• 7:43
  I said that one too.
• 7:46
  Quick interruption.
• 7:48
  Every week on the podcast,
• 7:50
  we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
• 7:57
  Throughout the course of the podcast,
• 7:59
  we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation
• 8:04
  without the other person noticing.
• 8:06
  If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
• 8:11
  And right before we die, we add up all the points.
• 8:15
  And then we get a prize, whoever has the most points, for guessing the most secret words.
• 8:21
  Here's Joe with today's secret words.
• 8:25
  Jenna's secret word is caterer.
• 8:28
  Jenna's decoy word is house guest.
• 8:30
  Francis's secret word is insignia.
• 8:33
  Francis's decoy word is
• 8:35
  whoopee back to the pod okay well we I think we just invented a fun new way to rob a bank
• 8:47
  which we've sorely needed.
• 8:49
  We did.
• 8:50
  It's guns too long,
• 8:51
  too long,
• 8:52
  too long folks.
• 8:55
  Uh,
• 8:55
  let's invent something else.
• 8:57
  What about a whip?
• 9:01
  Oh yeah.
• 9:02
  Whips are good too.
• 9:03
  I mean for specifically to rob a bank.
• 9:05
  Yeah.
• 9:05
  I know.
• 9:06
  Someone picks up a phone, hands flap with the whip.
• 9:08
  Yeah.
• 9:09
  Oh, a whip that has one of those sticky hands at the end of it.
• 9:15
  So then that's how you pick things up.
• 9:16
  So just one of those sticky hands.
• 9:18
  You're taking one bill at a time.
• 9:21
  Thank you.
• 9:21
  Thank you.
• 9:25
  Do you need a sack?
• 9:26
  No.
• 9:27
  No.
• 9:28
  I'm doing something.
• 9:30
  Tell the cops I need three hours.
• 9:35
  Well, let's keep this invention train going.
• 9:38
  It's time for the invention of the week.
• 9:43
  Inventions.
• 9:47
  What do you got?
• 9:51
  You know how I deeply value human life?
• 9:56
  Yes.
• 9:57
  I didn't mean to laugh at the beginning of that.
• 9:59
  Yes, you do.
• 10:00
  You know how sometimes life abruptly comes to a close?
• 10:03
  I do know that, yes.
• 10:05
  You know how some people are embarrassed by the idea of getting help?
• 10:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 10:12
  Well, I hope you're ready for my invention.
• 10:18
  I hope so, too.
• 10:20
  Because here it is.
• 10:22
  My invention is a life-saving device of proprietary technology.
• 10:30
  And basically what it is, is you know how some people choke?
• 10:33
  Yeah.
• 10:34
  That's scary.
• 10:35
  Oh, yeah.
• 10:36
  I was thinking about this as my dad was joking at that restaurant.
• 10:39
  You were inventing something.
• 10:42
  He's like, I'm saying like slow-mo, Dennis Francis, help me.
• 10:48
  And then you're just like, hold on.
• 10:50
  I've got it.
• 10:51
  Yeah.
• 10:53
  Yeah.
• 10:53
  I don't ever thinking like, oh God, I'm so glad it's not me because I'd be so embarrassed.
• 10:58
  Because I always thought like, if I get hit by a car.
• 11:01
  Dennis, you look ridiculous right now.
• 11:02
  I mean, I would feel, I always thought this, if I got like hit and there were witnesses,
• 11:07
  I would be so embarrassed that I got hit by a car in front of people.
• 11:11
  Bless you.
• 11:12
  We have a pet elephant.
• 11:16
  Anyway, so I came up with a solution to help chokers.
• 11:21
  Okay.
• 11:23
  Wait, did I ever tell you that that's one of my fears?
• 11:26
  Is that I'm going to choke to death while I'm alone?
• 11:29
  Are you for serious?
• 11:31
  Yeah.
• 11:31
  Jenna.
• 11:33
  We finally got to an invention.
• 11:34
  That's for you.
• 11:36
  What?
• 11:36
  Okay.
• 11:39
  It has commercial and residential application.
• 11:41
  Let me just explain what it is.
• 11:42
  Okay.
• 11:44
  It is a phone booth like contraption.
• 11:52
  All right.
• 11:53
  Go on.
• 11:55
  Stop.
• 11:57
  Where you open the door and when the act of opening the door,
• 12:00
  sets off an audible alarm and also contacts authorities okay okay and it talks talk hello
• 12:10
  it contacts authorities through a speaker phone system inside the we'll call it phone booth okay
• 12:16
  okay so it calls the police theoretically you're choking that's why you go in this device so you
• 12:22
  open the door alarm goes off calls the cops you get in and you stand on there's like feet plate
• 12:30
  like at um in the airport where it tells you where to stand yeah and a basically a device that
• 12:36
  mimics like the the abdominal thrust hand motion that you would have to that someone would need to
• 12:41
  do on you it comes like forward to where you're like navel where it's supposed to be it positions
• 12:45
  itself and it performs the act of the abdominal thrust for you so if you're alone or if someone
• 12:53
  else doesn't know what they're doing you don't have to choke anymore and if it doesn't work for
• 12:58
  whatever reason, the cops are on the line. Oh. And plus you have the added benefit of being in
• 13:07
  the phone booth. No one's watching you choke. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. So it's a
• 13:12
  nice privacy choking. Oh, okay. I do like the idea of, of having, uh,
• 13:26
  of having something that will help you when you're alone. See, that to me is number one,
• 13:33
  but I do wonder though, I think if you are, if I think cause like once you start choking,
• 13:39
  it's like you get the I'm dying reflex immediately right you get really panicked yeah yeah I think
• 13:47
  you would want other people around I think no I almost joked the other day and I did it very
• 13:53
  as soon as I realized what was happening I was at a work conference and a piece of watermelon slipped
• 13:58
  to a part of my throat where I didn't know it was going to happen and I sat there I was at a mixer
• 14:05
  after the conference.
• 14:07
  And I was in a conversation of people talking
• 14:09
  and I stood there and I could feel it.
• 14:13
  And I was just like,
• 14:16
  do I need to think about to myself,
• 14:17
  do I need to walk away or is this going to go down?
• 14:20
  And then I waited and in about 10 seconds it slipped down.
• 14:23
  I was like, okay, thank God.
• 14:25
  Wow.
• 14:26
  I do not want to be seen joking.
• 14:29
  Well, not everyone has your steely reserve.
• 14:33
  not everyone has the
• 14:35
  fortification that comes from
• 14:39
  not wanting to be embarrassed in public.
• 14:43
  I've been embarrassed too much.
• 14:45
  It's got to stop.
• 14:49
  So, okay, so I see why you would want it
• 14:51
  to be a phone booth with dark privacy
• 14:55
  no one can see in.
• 14:58
  Otherwise, I question whether or not it has to be
• 15:00
  this big, large thing.
• 15:02
  Couldn't it just be like, I'm picturing like one of those like boxing gloves on a spring
• 15:07
  that just comes out and just like punches you in the solar plexus or wherever it's supposed
• 15:12
  to be.
• 15:13
  Not the solar plexus probably, but wherever it's supposed to be.
• 15:15
  Mouth Hamid Mali.
• 15:17
  I remember I said Mali.
• 15:22
  Guess I don't mind being embarrassed on the pod.
• 15:24
  Idiot.
• 15:25
  Mouth Hamid Mali.
• 15:28
  I'm already writing that down as a name.
• 15:30
  That's great.
• 15:32
  okay how do how does it properly align how does it properly know where to go it has a camera system
• 15:42
  so people have different height like it can it just i want to say generate but that's not the
• 15:47
  word it can read you your body and it knows like where your abdomen is so it knows where to go
• 15:52
  What about kids?
• 15:56
  Yeah, it's the same.
• 15:58
  And it can detect your size.
• 16:01
  So if you're a kid, it applies less pressure.
• 16:05
  Also, I don't know if it would be, I would, whatever.
• 16:09
  Is that the only way to do it?
• 16:11
  The choking?
• 16:12
  No, there's also back blows.
• 16:13
  So it does that too.
• 16:14
  So it'll do it.
• 16:15
  We're like, I don't know if it's a one for one.
• 16:19
  I think it's a few thrusts and then switch.
• 16:22
  Yeah.
• 16:24
  That's like a last resort for kids and adults.
• 16:28
  You're supposed to just do compressions, basically.
• 16:31
  I'm recently CPR certified, so I can help with this invention.
• 16:36
  Nice.
• 16:37
  So we'll get you in the lab with the boys.
• 16:39
  And you're actually supposed to apply the same amount of pressure for kids.
• 16:42
  Oh, I didn't know.
• 16:43
  Yeah.
• 16:43
  Supposed to beat the shit out of kids.
• 16:44
  Yeah, that's just for fun.
• 16:45
  Oh, not babies, though.
• 16:47
  No, not babies.
• 16:48
  Babies are different.
• 16:48
  Babies, you do two thumbs on the sternum, and then you do the back blows, too.
• 16:52
  Oh, that's kind of cute.
• 16:55
  Two little thumbs.
• 16:56
  Live, goddamn it.
• 16:57
  Live.
• 16:59
  The baby was too embarrassed to be choking.
• 17:04
  That's you as a baby.
• 17:06
  I told you I had a babysitter and I almost choked to death
• 17:10
  and I went to bed and didn't tell her.
• 17:12
  No, you didn't tell me that.
• 17:13
  Yeah, there was a little action figure had like a bunch of like spikes,
• 17:16
  like a club that had spiked on it Yeah And I was like I don know I put it in my mouth and I accidentally swallowed it and I felt it go and like get stuck right here And I went up to the babysitter and I said
• 17:27
  I'm going to bed.
• 17:30
  And I went to,
• 17:31
  I just went to bed and laid down and went to sleep and then it must've
• 17:34
  gone down in the night.
• 17:37
  And then you,
• 17:38
  did you eventually pass it or is it still inside you?
• 17:40
  I never noticed.
• 17:41
  That was a very constipated child.
• 17:42
  So maybe,
• 17:45
  but yeah,
• 17:46
  this is a long standing.
• 17:47
  Wow.
• 17:48
  Yeah.
• 17:49
  That poor,
• 17:50
  that poor babysitter almost had a child die and sleep on her watch.
• 17:54
  I thought of that many times.
• 17:56
  Yeah.
• 17:56
  Oh God.
• 17:57
  Yeah.
• 17:57
  What if that hadn't worked?
• 17:59
  Because you were too embarrassed.
• 18:00
  Shame is a powerful motivator.
• 18:04
  Yeah.
• 18:05
  Oh,
• 18:06
  you would have ruined that poor girl's life.
• 18:09
  I'm sorry.
• 18:09
  It's not my fault.
• 18:10
  I I'm very shame based.
• 18:11
  This is why no one should turn me down ever.
• 18:13
  Babysitters could die
• 18:17
  Yeah
• 18:17
  Okay listeners
• 18:19
  You're real nice to Francis
• 18:21
  Okay
• 18:25
  So would it be like
• 18:26
  Can we make
• 18:27
  Is it
• 18:28
  Is it going to have to be like
• 18:29
  Very clear
• 18:31
  How do we prevent people from going in
• 18:33
  And just having fun
• 18:34
  Having fun
• 18:37
  I don't know
• 18:37
  There's probably some sicko out there
• 18:39
  That gets his jollies by
• 18:42
  getting punched yeah repeatedly as though he were joking yeah i oh okay there's a weird out there
• 18:49
  weirdo out there for everything or someone who never got love and recognition from their parents
• 18:53
  and wanted like a yeah oh the pat on the back thing i wonder if i could opt out of it that
• 18:59
  to me would be like i'd rather die don't i don't want to be patted on the back i hate when people
• 19:04
  slap me on the back hate it okay so it sounds like i see red like i like i actually am like
• 19:09
  this is i could flip out how about for you you can there can be a protocol where you can
• 19:17
  be like emerge like jenna what do you want that back below and you could be like
• 19:24
  yeah like okay give it to me oh maybe if you want to be able to use this service you get like some
• 19:32
  kind of like wristwatch or something that has that data programmed so when it scans your body
• 19:37
  like a life alert thing yeah oh yeah that's smart yeah yeah is there a way to make this more compact
• 19:44
  you don't instead of the phone booth yes phone booth is pretty compact well it's not really i
• 19:51
  don't want to put a phone booth in my house it's a lot of space for we do have a uh a version that
• 19:57
  like instead of your linen closet in your hallway we cannot we can turn it into so you're just
• 20:04
  taking a closet in your house and making it a choke chamber.
• 20:08
  That sounds gross.
• 20:09
  You know what I mean?
• 20:11
  I don't choke chamber.
• 20:14
  Oh my God.
• 20:14
  Another one.
• 20:18
  Um,
• 20:19
  okay.
• 20:19
  Just lost the perverts.
• 20:22
  No perverts.
• 20:24
  Oh,
• 20:24
  you're like 90% of our audience.
• 20:26
  They know they'll be back.
• 20:29
  They can't stay away.
• 20:31
  Um,
• 20:32
  okay uh i do think it would be fun like in a restaurant or something you could have like
• 20:38
  like it could look like a little british phone booth yeah yeah whatever that's what i was
• 20:43
  picturing or uh what are some other fun like what would the rainforest cafe one be like
• 20:50
  a treat like a inside a tree trunk that'd be cool dare i say rocco's modern life
• 20:55
  I mean that's good for
• 20:58
  dare you you must yeah
• 21:00
  rock goes
• 21:01
  modern choke
• 21:03
  choke goes
• 21:06
  modern life
• 21:06
  yeah
• 21:09
  now I want to think of other fun whimsical designs
• 21:14
  what if you
• 21:20
  were
• 21:21
  what if it's in the middle of the field and it looks like
• 21:24
  an outhouse
• 21:24
  oh but then would you get embarrassed going into an outhouse
• 21:28
  the middle of a field yeah yeah i'm joking thank god i'm in the middle of this field
• 21:34
  yeah oh that can't help me that's just an outhouse
• 21:37
  you know on your strolls through fields when you take large bites of chicken
• 21:45
  and don't properly chew them and then try and swallow i choked on a grape once too
• 21:51
  I was at sizzler.
• 21:53
  I remember I was with my grandma.
• 21:54
  Wait,
• 21:55
  great sizzler has grapes.
• 21:56
  Yeah.
• 21:57
  Fruit.
• 21:57
  Oh,
• 21:58
  add.
• 21:59
  Okay.
• 21:59
  Yeah.
• 22:00
  And she,
• 22:00
  and I was eating fast and she goes,
• 22:02
  but I slow down.
• 22:02
  And I'm like,
• 22:03
  I didn't slow down.
• 22:04
  And then I'm very next thing.
• 22:05
  I did was screw you grandma.
• 22:06
  I mean,
• 22:07
  it wasn't played.
• 22:08
  And the very next thing is a grape slid down my throat.
• 22:10
  And I,
• 22:10
  I like choked and it came out like it did like the pop out.
• 22:14
  Yeah.
• 22:15
  But no one like did anything.
• 22:16
  I was just like,
• 22:16
  and then
• 22:17
  hit your grandma straight in the face.
• 22:22
  She jokes on it.
• 22:23
  We're just joking back and forth.
• 22:29
  It's like ping pong.
• 22:31
  That was good.
• 22:34
  He's talented.
• 22:35
  Yeah.
• 22:38
  Thank you, baby.
• 22:39
  Sounds like me.
• 22:42
  What if it would be fun if a hospital had one that didn't look like that was
• 22:47
  like a fun and whimsical.
• 22:49
  What if it looked like a
• 22:50
  church confessional booth
• 22:54
  and it's in like the
• 22:54
  in the like church area
• 22:57
  of the hospital?
• 22:59
  Oh yeah,
• 22:59
  like in the non-denominational
• 23:01
  vaguely religious area.
• 23:02
  And you like go in to like pray.
• 23:04
  Next thing you know,
• 23:06
  you're not joking.
• 23:10
  I mean, you gotta admit
• 23:11
  this is pretty genius.
• 23:13
  I would say probably
• 23:15
  a good amount of restaurants would use this yeah um i would bet you large chains would
• 23:26
  probably even mandate it assuming that it really worked oh it works okay it works as well as hands
• 23:32
  and uh single people living alone oh yeah yeah yeah you can even lease it it's like a peloton
• 23:41
  um i yeah like a half like fun little instructors telling you how not to choke
• 23:48
  come on you can do it you got this don't panic this device works as well as hands
• 23:53
  now make sure you stand where the feet insignia thing is
• 23:57
  uh miser hands inside are they gonna be shaped like hands you're getting a haircut while you're
• 24:05
  You look amazing.
• 24:08
  So you don't die.
• 24:10
  Yeah.
• 24:12
  Did you see me drop my punches?
• 24:14
  I did.
• 24:14
  It was so embarrassing.
• 24:15
  It was.
• 24:16
  Oh my God.
• 24:16
  I wish I had a machine to kill both of you.
• 24:20
  Because I value human life so much.
• 24:21
  Hey, punch us hard enough.
• 24:23
  Yeah.
• 24:24
  Oh my God.
• 24:24
  What if our machine?
• 24:25
  No, it won't.
• 24:26
  What?
• 24:26
  I was just thinking statistically it might kill someone because hands could kill someone.
• 24:31
  Yeah.
• 24:31
  yeah that's the only thing i worry about is you know just general liability the first time
• 24:36
  someone steps into one of these like you'd have to have it be everything inside would see this is
• 24:43
  the problem everything inside would have to be filmed yeah well first to prevent pervs yeah
• 24:47
  my experience filming does not prevent pervs no but i mean in terms of being able to prosecute
• 24:54
  the pervs oh yeah we get to rights yeah yeah that should be the slogan of like an attorney
• 25:00
  vote for me if you want to pee the pee
• 25:04
  but so that you could prove like they weren't their feet weren't in the right place or whatever
• 25:13
  like you weren't standing where you were supposed to right also it's like by proceeding with this
• 25:18
  machine you acknowledge that you may be seriously injured or killed nod yes to agree i don't know
• 25:25
  if that would hold up in court.
• 25:27
  What if someone chokes like this?
• 25:32
  Nod and hold your hands above your head.
• 25:35
  That's how I choke.
• 25:37
  I'm just saying, we're trying to help, but we can't do that
• 25:39
  if we're sued. Right.
• 25:41
  Stop being so litigious, you little
• 25:43
  assholes. Let us punch you and stop suing us.
• 25:46
  Yeah, we're punching to help.
• 25:48
  Yeah, what don't you get?
• 25:50
  Help punch.
• 25:52
  Help punch.
• 25:54
  Lunch punch.
• 25:55
  That I like that I like boxer lunch like box lunch yeah i really do want it to be like one other like boing like springy
• 26:12
  bento boxer you did it again you like i like lunch punch better though okay but yeah but
• 26:19
  you just improved my thing yeah i did yes sugar crush get him out of here
• 26:27
  get him out of here um
• 26:31
  that's me getting punched oh love it and if it's in a gay bar it can be called fruit punch
• 26:40
  uh yeah i would say that assuming the liability issues could be worked out and like
• 26:50
  you'd have the like i would think every mcdonald's would have one yeah
• 26:55
  you know what I was thinking too
• 26:58
  these can contain
• 27:00
  AEDs
• 27:02
  and it could
• 27:04
  is that the
• 27:05
  is that the
• 27:07
  you can't do that yourself
• 27:10
  because if you need one you're unconscious
• 27:12
  but someone could get you to the machine
• 27:15
  and then there's a screen that tells you what to do
• 27:17
  it also instructs on CPR
• 27:21
  so is this just like a
• 27:23
  is this becoming
• 27:25
  just like a little like AI robotic hospital room.
• 27:32
  Does that help or hurt?
• 27:34
  It hurts because I want it to take,
• 27:36
  I want it to just be a fun little phone booth
• 27:38
  that just does one thing, stops people from choking.
• 27:41
  Okay.
• 27:42
  Yeah, let's do that.
• 27:43
  Let's leave the other stuff out of it.
• 27:45
  Okay.
• 27:46
  And it also takes four pictures of you
• 27:48
  over the course of 30 seconds
• 27:49
  and prints out a cute little cut out of it.
• 27:51
  Yes, a little photo booth.
• 27:52
  I kind of don't hate that.
• 27:55
  but they're just for you.
• 27:59
  You,
• 28:00
  so that no one else can see your embarrassment.
• 28:02
  Yeah.
• 28:04
  Unless you stop paying your lease payment.
• 28:06
  Then it goes viral.
• 28:09
  Yeah.
• 28:09
  What if it's like,
• 28:10
  it extorts you.
• 28:11
  What if it's like,
• 28:12
  we saved your life,
• 28:14
  Francis,
• 28:14
  we saved your life.
• 28:15
  If you don't want this footage released,
• 28:17
  you'll give us $2,000.
• 28:21
  Well,
• 28:22
  I would pay since I invented this.
• 28:25
  to avoid getting help.
• 28:27
  I put like a ski mask on before I go in it.
• 28:29
  I'm like, prove it.
• 28:34
  There's a little ski mask dispenser on the outside.
• 28:37
  For ultimate privacy.
• 28:41
  All right, well, look out restaurant world.
• 28:43
  Here we come.
• 28:46
  Throat pump.
• 28:50
  I'll write it down, but I don't think it's our best.
• 28:55
  the lunch punch will be in probably every single restaurant and home starting
• 29:02
  by the time this airs. Yeah. Yeah.
• 29:06
  So be a little reckless with your food listeners just for fun,
• 29:10
  just to try it out. Yeah. Chew light and fast. Yeah.
• 29:13
  You got a life to live. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's our tagline.
• 29:18
  Life's too short to chew.
• 29:19
  I think swallow
• 29:25
  you've got a life to live is better
• 29:27
  yeah
• 29:28
  well you've gone places
• 29:31
  alright well
• 29:33
  that wraps up the invention of the week
• 29:35
  it's time now for our
• 29:39
  next segment
• 29:41
  stalking Francis
• 29:45
  the stalker is
• 29:48
  very big
• 29:50
  what's that about
• 29:52
  well Francis
• 29:53
  we follow each other on maps
• 29:56
  as you know
• 29:58
  what
• 29:58
  sometimes when you're not around I just like
• 30:02
  to look and see
• 30:04
  where you are and
• 30:05
  you have a little bit of explaining to do
• 30:08
  oh
• 30:09
  okay
• 30:11
  what do you mean
• 30:13
  well
• 30:15
  I saw you at Uncle Pete's Dirty Caterer.
• 30:26
  And I know that you're planning an event coming up soon.
• 30:32
  Why would you choose a dirty caterer?
• 30:35
  It says it right in the name.
• 30:37
  No, you misunderstand.
• 30:40
  It's not dirty like adult.
• 30:43
  it's dirty like soda do you know that term uncle pete invented the dirty soda
• 30:49
  wait i know i was thinking dirty as in gross oh as in not clean no i understand that that makes a
• 30:57
  lot of sense but no i i'm just trying to give him business because as someone who also invents
• 31:02
  things i wanted to make sure you know uncle pete he takes off and doesn't get his shit stolen from
• 31:11
  someone else who came in late but did it better wait so is the is he a caterer that's just dirty
• 31:21
  soda what what is dirty he does he does a soda bar what's dirty soda yeah it's soda with stuff in it
• 31:32
  this is like a new is that is that like the the gross stuff that mormons drink
• 31:39
  No, it's like a new thing.
• 31:40
  What do Mormons drink?
• 31:42
  The kids are drinking it now.
• 31:43
  It's like Dutch Brothers, I think they have it or something.
• 31:47
  Yeah.
• 31:48
  Can you give her an example?
• 31:49
  What's in it?
• 31:50
  I think it's just like they just add like a bunch more sugar.
• 31:53
  Yeah, I think that is something that Mormons are doing.
• 31:57
  That's a big thing.
• 31:58
  Yeah, you just add flavored syrups and cream.
• 32:00
  It takes the sugary soda and it just makes it more disgusting.
• 32:06
  Oh.
• 32:07
  All right.
• 32:07
  Okay.
• 32:08
  I guess.
• 32:09
  Yeah.
• 32:09
  So we're cool,
• 32:10
  right?
• 32:11
  Well,
• 32:11
  if that's going to be the only thing at your party,
• 32:14
  I guess I'll have some dirty soda.
• 32:16
  Okay.
• 32:18
  Um,
• 32:19
  I wasn't going to say anything,
• 32:21
  but since you opened this can of worms,
• 32:24
  I noticed that you visited a very interesting place as well.
• 32:29
  Oh,
• 32:30
  you don't say.
• 32:31
  Yeah.
• 32:32
  You,
• 32:32
  um,
• 32:33
  on my maps anyway,
• 32:34
  it says that you were at the taxidermy factory.
• 32:40
  Yeah, that's right.
• 32:42
  I took myself on an adult field trip to the taxidermy factory.
• 32:47
  A field trip?
• 32:48
  Yeah, you know how when you were a kid you used to go on field trips to factories and stuff?
• 32:55
  Or production places?
• 32:57
  Or different interesting things?
• 33:00
  I just thought it would be an interesting place to go.
• 33:04
  I personally don't have any pets, so I thought that this isn't fair.
• 33:08
  I'm not going to get to appreciate the joys of taxidermy.
• 33:12
  I'm being punished for not being a pet owner.
• 33:14
  So I took myself on a little self-love date, field trip,
• 33:22
  and I'm not ashamed.
• 33:28
  And I saw how the turkey was stuffed, literally.
• 33:38
  Good for you.
• 33:39
  I didn't know.
• 33:41
  Yeah, it's okay.
• 33:43
  I think it's beautiful the way that we can preserve things.
• 33:51
  And in that way, a bobcat never has to die.
• 33:55
  That's a great slogan for them.
• 33:57
  well I ripped it right off
• 33:59
  one of their business cards
• 34:01
  oh I see you brought
• 34:03
  oh look it says field trip receipt
• 34:06
  on the card
• 34:06
  it does
• 34:07
  I was like you're wasting good card stock
• 34:10
  by putting your receipts on your business cards
• 34:12
  and they're like but this is how we do it
• 34:14
  in the taxidermy business
• 34:15
  so anyway
• 34:18
  hopefully
• 34:19
  hopefully they get
• 34:22
  receipt paper sometime soon
• 34:23
  that was like one businessman
• 34:26
  man to another.
• 34:27
  I'm just trying to
• 34:28
  impart some wisdom.
• 34:28
  That was nice of you.
• 34:28
  They're probably stuck
• 34:29
  in their ways.
• 34:31
  Yeah.
• 34:32
  Yeah, they are a bit.
• 34:33
  It is an antiquated
• 34:34
  business.
• 34:35
  It was fascinating
• 34:36
  to me that they use
• 34:37
  all different types
• 34:38
  of wood as the base
• 34:39
  for their mounting.
• 34:42
  I didn't know
• 34:43
  what an interesting observation not that i wouldn't think you would be looking at
• 34:51
  it's one of those things you learn on a field trip i had to wear a hairnet too which i thought
• 34:58
  was weird why i don't know they didn't really explain it i just had to wear a hairnet and
• 35:03
  booties maybe it was a sterile environment the booties made more sense but anyway
• 35:12
  I am unlike you.
• 35:15
  I feel no shame.
• 35:19
  Great callback to my shame.
• 35:22
  I apologize.
• 35:24
  No, that's totally fine.
• 35:27
  But I did have a question about something that I saw.
• 35:35
  This was like, it was like 1133 PM.
• 35:42
  Last night, you were at a place called Rent-A-House Guest.
• 35:48
  Can you explain that?
• 35:55
  Yes.
• 35:58
  I could.
• 35:59
  A late night house guest rental?
• 36:02
  Oh.
• 36:05
  Yes.
• 36:07
  This actually makes perfect sense.
• 36:09
  and is in no way weird.
• 36:14
  So you know how I love comedies?
• 36:16
  Uh-huh.
• 36:17
  Well, I recently read an article in Fortune
• 36:21
  that said it's really uncouth to laugh alone.
• 36:26
  And it's the first sign of being crazy.
• 36:28
  What you know is one of my biggest fears.
• 36:30
  Yes.
• 36:31
  To be nuts.
• 36:34
  So I'm like, oh, I really got to catch up on my favorite comedy show.
• 36:37
  I can't do it alone.
• 36:38
  So I zipped on down to the place and I leased someone for the night to laugh alongside me.
• 36:50
  What did you watch?
• 36:54
  Debbie Does Comedy.
• 36:57
  You didn't watch the movie Houseguest?
• 36:59
  Houseguest, Strings in Bed.
• 37:01
  Which is a great movie, by the way.
• 37:03
  And you would need a laugh partner throughout that.
• 37:05
  It's a fantastic movie.
• 37:07
  Oh, no.
• 37:07
  If you're doing it right, you'll laugh enough for two.
• 37:10
  But you want, it'll be like, you want the laughter of four.
• 37:12
  It's true, yeah.
• 37:13
  You're a man with riches.
• 37:15
  You want to share them.
• 37:16
  Yeah.
• 37:17
  Well, I had to sign a waiver saying we would specifically not watch that movie.
• 37:20
  Why?
• 37:22
  Because it's in the name of their business.
• 37:26
  Then they might be liable for like lawsuit type, like intellectual property law.
• 37:32
  They stay with the article too.
• 37:33
  Yeah.
• 37:33
  What kind of wait?
• 37:36
  So did you have to tell them what you were renting your house guests for?
• 37:39
  Yeah.
• 37:39
  So there's no confusion.
• 37:40
  A lot of people apparently are trying to get prostitutes.
• 37:45
  So there's a big confusion in the industry.
• 37:46
  This is a very legitimate upstanding business.
• 37:49
  Not you.
• 37:50
  Me?
• 37:50
  No, no, no, no.
• 37:52
  Okay.
• 37:52
  I wouldn't even know what to do with one.
• 37:54
  What was your favorite joke?
• 37:55
  And Debbie does comedy.
• 37:58
  For 20 minutes, there was choking noises.
• 38:02
  and the range on her to make them sound different was very funny.
• 38:10
  She's like a Michael Winslow type of vocal artist.
• 38:14
  Yeah, I could do a little reenactment if you need proof.
• 38:16
  No, that's okay.
• 38:17
  Okay.
• 38:18
  I'd like some proof.
• 38:20
  That is really funny.
• 38:25
  And there's more than one of me here, so I felt okay laughing.
• 38:28
  Yeah.
• 38:29
  Anyway, you can call them if you want to double check.
• 38:31
  Okay.
• 38:31
  Well, let's not blow past my concerns, which I actually, because I have both of your locations on Google Maps, and I saw both of you at the same place without me, and I did not appreciate that.
• 38:47
  But I also didn't understand why you were there, because the place that you were at was Papa Sylvester's Adoption Agency for Really Abused Children.
• 38:58
  that's an easy explanation you were both there on like a wednesday morning too
• 39:05
  yeah like the middle of the day like you both should have been at work
• 39:08
  but you know how francis and i we like to get to the mall early and walk
• 39:16
  and get our walk in we're like pep steppers he knows you know you know that we just yeah we just
• 39:24
  power walk around the mall before the stores are open.
• 39:27
  When I see you guys power walking around the mall
• 39:28
  on Google Maps, I don't think anything of that.
• 39:31
  That's business as usual.
• 39:32
  Well, on this particular Wednesday morning,
• 39:35
  we're doing our pep steps.
• 39:37
  We're in our matching tracksuits.
• 39:41
  And who do we run across but an abused child?
• 39:48
  and this child was crying and crying and crying and we were like hey there you look lost and abused
• 40:00
  and we knew this place had abused children in the title so we were like i know where you're
• 40:08
  supposed to be get back in there so we were just doing a good deed we're returning an abused child
• 40:16
  to the adoption center from what,
• 40:18
  from whence it came.
• 40:19
  Yeah.
• 40:20
  That's all.
• 40:21
  Child was crying too much to tell us if we were right or wrong or to thank us.
• 40:25
  But yeah.
• 40:25
  So waiting on that gratitude card.
• 40:28
  Yeah.
• 40:29
  Little asshole.
• 40:30
  Yeah.
• 40:30
  I hope that assuages you.
• 40:35
  I'm assuaged.
• 40:38
  Oh.
• 40:46
  Debbie did that same thing.
• 40:50
  Oh, you have seen the movie.
• 40:52
  I was behind you in the couch.
• 40:57
  Francis.
• 40:58
  I was getting a pleasure to have it too.
• 41:00
  Oh, you have something to say?
• 41:03
  Yep.
• 41:04
  More wild accusations.
• 41:07
  Ballerinas, ballerinas, ballerinas.
• 41:09
  Why were you there?
• 41:12
  Are you kidding?
• 41:14
  No.
• 41:15
  I'm curious.
• 41:18
  This is, you feel so stupid.
• 41:22
  I said, I was driving my car.
• 41:23
  Uh-huh.
• 41:24
  And I hit a swan.
• 41:26
  Oh, no.
• 41:27
  And it went, and its leg was wonked, and its wing was bent.
• 41:35
  And I was like, no, what do I do?
• 41:39
  What do I do?
• 41:40
  And I Googled swan wonk.
• 41:46
  And then a lot of stuff came up that I didn't want to see.
• 41:49
  And then on the third page,
• 41:50
  I was reminded that every swan is born knowing the choreography,
• 41:59
  the black swan,
• 42:01
  the movie.
• 42:04
  And I was like,
• 42:05
  I got to get the swan.
• 42:06
  I got to get them around people who can help.
• 42:11
  And then I turned and there was,
• 42:15
  as I was holding this one,
• 42:16
  ballerinas,
• 42:17
  ballerinas,
• 42:17
  ballerinas shit.
• 42:20
  And no.
• 42:24
  And,
• 42:25
  um,
• 42:26
  I rushed in.
• 42:27
  I had this one and they were doing a beautiful rendition of Mary Poppins,
• 42:33
  which is a new ballet that's coming to Broadway.
• 42:36
  way soon. And I was like, stop very pop. Stop. I had to make a stupid joke. Yeah.
• 42:41
  And I'm like, please, my swan. And they all looked and they knew immediately
• 42:46
  like it injured And I like yeah and I just crying I was injured I don know who did it I did lie I don be judged And they were like put him down put him down And they and I set him down and they didn say another word
• 43:00
  They just immediately started doing the dance.
• 43:04
  And the swan got up.
• 43:08
  Unwonked its leg.
• 43:11
  Fixed its.
• 43:11
  What did that sound like?
• 43:15
  Crazy.
• 43:16
  It's crazy.
• 43:16
  I was,
• 43:17
  it was beautiful.
• 43:17
  I was moved to tears.
• 43:18
  Wow.
• 43:20
  Yeah.
• 43:21
  But you feel...
• 43:23
  Well, I guess I'm glad that he didn't end up in the taxidermy factory with me.
• 43:28
  I wonder what kind of wooden base they would have given him.
• 43:35
  I don't know.
• 43:36
  I think they only take unwanked animals.
• 43:39
  Taxidermy factory.
• 43:41
  Well, no, I mean, they like money.
• 43:43
  They'll take anything.
• 43:44
  That's one thing that they told me.
• 43:45
  and I was like if you like money so much
• 43:48
  stop giving out receipts on business cards
• 43:50
  little tip from me to you
• 43:54
  yeah well I hope they listen
• 43:56
  yeah
• 43:56
  oh they're listening
• 43:57
  they were actually playing the podcast over the PA system
• 44:02
  yeah
• 44:02
  and all the factory workers
• 44:04
  were laughing and stuffing
• 44:06
  and it was beautiful
• 44:08
  and it was the night before Christmas
• 44:10
  Jenna why were you at these lips
• 44:12
  aren't your lips incorporated
• 44:13
  the band that does funky town
• 44:21
  uh i don't know what they do here's the thing yeah get yourself out of this one okay
• 44:31
  okay
• 44:31
  you know how much i love
• 44:39
  lips.
• 44:42
  Right.
• 44:43
  You know that.
• 44:44
  Yeah, I guess.
• 44:45
  I'm a big fan of.
• 44:46
  Yeah.
• 44:46
  If I look back at it.
• 44:47
  Yeah.
• 44:47
  Yeah.
• 44:48
  I'm also a big fan of surprises.
• 44:52
  You know that too.
• 44:55
  I was having a series of lips installed in various places on my body in unexpected places.
• 45:05
  I want, I want to be able to back into things and give it a kiss.
• 45:13
  Are you saying you've, I have slips.
• 45:17
  I have seven new sets of lips at various places on my body.
• 45:23
  Why?
• 45:26
  Again, I'm not ashamed.
• 45:29
  Oh, uh, I, because I like that, that.
• 45:35
  That sensation of that.
• 45:38
  And I thought, why should my head get all the fun?
• 45:43
  Maybe my knee pit would like a little of that action.
• 45:49
  I guess those lips will never be chapped.
• 45:52
  I'm not ashamed of it.
• 45:54
  I have a set on my back and I've been backing into things and.
• 46:00
  Well, giving my approval to those things.
• 46:03
  Are these new lips bound by your matrimony?
• 46:09
  No, they're their own lips.
• 46:11
  Because they came after.
• 46:12
  Exactly.
• 46:13
  Yeah, your husband didn't marry those lips.
• 46:15
  Nope.
• 46:16
  Nope.
• 46:17
  Okay, is that why you did this?
• 46:19
  No, well, no, it was just an added benefit.
• 46:22
  It was more just I wanted to try something else.
• 46:26
  So the funny thing is these lips are now mine, incorporated.
• 46:32
  Oh.
• 46:33
  okay i'm sorry i i still don't understand but i accept thank you yeah and again i am not ashamed
• 46:43
  not ashamed of this can you smoke out of all of them yes and i am currently okay i have seven
• 46:52
  tiny cigarettes going i don't know why the cigarettes are tiny the lips are regular size
• 46:55
  i thought you were smoking more than usual yeah like visually yeah everywhere but
• 47:00
  Blooming.
• 47:01
  Everywhere, but my head mouth.
• 47:03
  That's the cancer hole.
• 47:04
  Yeah, that's the cancer hole.
• 47:04
  The other ones don't get cancer.
• 47:06
  No.
• 47:06
  Yeah.
• 47:07
  Well, that's a great benefit.
• 47:08
  Yeah.
• 47:08
  Every smoker should do this.
• 47:11
  Thank you.
• 47:11
  Yes.
• 47:13
  See, I'm a trendsetter and I'm saving lives.
• 47:17
  So.
• 47:18
  Can you close them, like, permanently if you're done with one?
• 47:25
  If one of them gets a little mouthy, I will silence it.
• 47:28
  Yes.
• 47:29
  Okay.
• 47:30
  and yeah,
• 47:33
  I'm just in a lip period of my life.
• 47:35
  Okay.
• 47:36
  Thanks.
• 47:37
  Yeah.
• 47:39
  All right.
• 47:40
  Well,
• 47:40
  I guess we've figured out where we were and why we were there.
• 47:47
  Good for us.
• 47:48
  I'm glad we had explanations for all of our recent behavior.
• 47:51
  Yeah.
• 47:51
  Hey,
• 47:51
  I would never do anything to embarrass you guys.
• 47:53
  Thank you.
• 47:55
  Yeah.
• 47:55
  I appreciate that.
• 47:57
  That wraps up stalking Francis.
• 48:00
  you just got stopped.
• 48:05
  We live interesting lives.
• 48:07
  Maybe we're boring.
• 48:10
  This could be boring.
• 48:11
  And other people are way crazier.
• 48:14
  Yeah.
• 48:14
  And they're doing crazier,
• 48:15
  crazier things.
• 48:17
  Yeah.
• 48:17
  And we think we're crazy,
• 48:18
  but we're just like vanilla.
• 48:19
  I know.
• 48:20
  Like you found an abused child.
• 48:22
  Boo.
• 48:22
  Who,
• 48:23
  who cares?
• 48:23
  Who didn't?
• 48:24
  Yeah.
• 48:25
  We're all abused.
• 48:27
  Yeah.
• 48:29
  Uh,
• 48:29
  right.
• 48:30
  Well, it's time to abuse our listeners with one final segment.
• 48:35
  The big question.
• 48:37
  The question is very big.
• 48:42
  Do you have a question for me?
• 48:45
  I do have a question.
• 48:46
  Okay, good.
• 48:50
  The question is.
• 48:52
  Very big.
• 48:56
  My well-trained, very fine.
• 48:57
  The question is, I'm going to task you with coming up with a concept for a new television show.
• 49:07
  And you have to tell me what the premise of the show is and like what kind of show it is and what it's called.
• 49:15
  Okay.
• 49:16
  So just Jenna, take your dream job and then just do it right now.
• 49:22
  Perfectly.
• 49:23
  Yeah.
• 49:24
  Okay.
• 49:27
  real quick what would a choking sound sound like
• 49:31
  okay that was good debbie was that you hi big boy okay here's an idea that i think would sell
• 49:42
  i would uh it's a bit of a reality show
• 49:48
  I would
• 49:53
  find various
• 49:55
  animals. Every episode would be a different animal.
• 49:59
  I'd strap a GoPro to that animal
• 50:02
  and then I'd release it at Disneyland
• 50:04
  and watch the footage would be the show.
• 50:09
  People would watch that.
• 50:10
  And it would be various kinds of animals.
• 50:13
  So at some point
• 50:15
  it could be
• 50:18
  something like a cat
• 50:21
  just like people might not take notice of
• 50:23
  or
• 50:25
  it could be an alligator
• 50:27
  and then that episode would just be a bunch of people
• 50:30
  noticing it and then running away screaming
• 50:32
  what if the people on the show
• 50:35
  they had to release an animal
• 50:39
  they're choosing that
• 50:41
  doesn't get noticed or gets noticed the least
• 50:45
  while doing the most excursioning.
• 50:48
  Like there's like two levers to it, you know?
• 50:52
  Yeah.
• 50:56
  Like it's like a contest.
• 50:58
  Yeah And you lose points if like it bites a child or something That okay We have a place for that child to go That abused child
• 51:10
  It's called heaven.
• 51:12
  We'll see.
• 51:14
  Hope you were baptized kid.
• 51:18
  They weren't.
• 51:20
  I'm afraid you're being a dumb bitch.
• 51:26
  Yeah.
• 51:26
  uh there could also be a um we could have a
• 51:32
  like a guessing it's like maybe we wouldn't say what kind of an animal it is and then
• 51:39
  viewers would have only from the pov yes oh that's interesting yeah because the whole the
• 51:45
  whole the whole episode would just be footage from the animal's pov so well obviously it would be
• 51:52
  it would have to be big enough to hold
• 51:53
  the
• 51:55
  well we could invent
• 51:57
  proprietary camera
• 51:59
  technology we could like strap it
• 52:02
  to like a cricket or
• 52:03
  something ants can carry
• 52:05
  50 times their body weight
• 52:07
  we could do that once
• 52:09
  okay maybe even twice
• 52:12
  it just goes back down the tunnel
• 52:13
  like we're just watching like it's an ant
• 52:15
  yeah it's in the hive
• 52:17
  and yeah so you'd never quite
• 52:19
  know what you'd get I think Disneyland would be a fun place
• 52:21
  but it could be really any place with a lot of crowds.
• 52:24
  No, no, you're right.
• 52:25
  They're going to want in on this.
• 52:26
  Yeah, but don't take your partner in this.
• 52:30
  You're our guest, Disneyland.
• 52:32
  Be our guest, not the other way around, okay?
• 52:34
  Oh, that was bold of you.
• 52:36
  Well, I'm sorry, but I don't want them to take this over and ruin it.
• 52:43
  Bob Iger, you keep your filthy hands off.
• 52:45
  And the animals can wear little vests that say working animal.
• 52:48
  Please don't touch.
• 52:49
  well no I mean I feel like well eventually people will catch on because they'll know the show
• 52:53
  so they won't be surprised by it but I want it to be like like I think an alligator would be a lot
• 52:59
  of fun they can move fast too they can yeah and you know everyone signs away their life without
• 53:05
  realizing it anyway anyway so they can just add that language to like you we might get hurt or
• 53:10
  seriously killed yeah yeah again just like wait I meant seriously hurt or killed not nod your head
• 53:19
  They were funnily killed.
• 53:21
  Whimsically killed.
• 53:24
  Legitimately murdered.
• 53:25
  Although this would actually be a very whimsical way to get killed.
• 53:28
  He was murdered by this tiny animal on a GoPro.
• 53:32
  Yeah, a chipmunk would be fun.
• 53:34
  Birds, if you could contain them.
• 53:37
  You can't.
• 53:38
  I know.
• 53:39
  They fly free.
• 53:42
  They fly free.
• 53:46
  They fly free.
• 53:49
  just like bags on Southwest airlines.
• 53:52
  Not for long.
• 53:55
  Well, I think, I think that show would sell.
• 53:57
  I think people would watch it.
• 53:59
  Yeah. Yeah. That was great. Really good.
• 54:01
  I mean, you know, it's not my, you know, reality TV appeals to a
• 54:09
  face or instinct, but that's okay. We're trying to make money here.
• 54:13
  100%. Yeah.
• 54:13
  so i don't know what i'd call this what's a good name for this show um
• 54:21
  well they've already got animal kingdom so maybe we could play with that oh like the magic kingdom
• 54:30
  yeah
• 54:33
  or like is there a word that rhymes with witch that has to do with animals
• 54:39
  can be Blair
• 54:41
  something
• 54:42
  yeah well we can take we'll put a pin in the name
• 54:53
  oh
• 54:54
  naming it's not my forte
• 54:57
  but Joanna where are you at Joe
• 54:58
  uh
• 55:01
  well I have an idea for a show
• 55:03
  do you have an idea for a show
• 55:04
  mm-hmm
• 55:06
  I can make it quick and then you could go
• 55:08
  or I can make mine quick
• 55:10
  I'll make mine quick
• 55:11
  how about you both make it quick
• 55:13
  okay
• 55:14
  that rhymes
• 55:18
  with which
• 55:19
  Blair Bitch project
• 55:21
  okay here's my concept
• 55:23
  it is a
• 55:25
  it's a drama
• 55:28
  and it's very serious
• 55:29
  and it's about roommates who
• 55:31
  are going through life changes
• 55:32
  but randomly
• 55:35
  throughout every episode
• 55:37
  someone sits on a whoopee cushion and then everyone else says whoopee
• 55:47
  and then acts as though it didn't happen
• 55:51
  so it's just like a little gag
• 55:59
  throughout yeah yeah but but then it is gone
• 56:10
  and then they return to being like should i pull the plug on grandma yes yes yes you can't
• 56:20
  she's carrying my child would you
• 56:22
  i'd be like kill them both
• 56:27
  this defies god's plan
• 56:32
  would you have other whimsical things that happen throughout or just that well i think every season
• 56:41
  should be different okay but that will be the first season because it will also be the name of
• 56:49
  the show what's the name whoopi with a period at the end of it and we could get a a cameo by whoopi
• 57:00
  goberg i'm sure she'd love to do that yeah yeah and someone sits on her and then yeah it's never
• 57:09
  addressed and everyone yells it out yeah yeah that would be very funny to me okay you think people
• 57:14
  would watch this i would yeah i think so too you never know what when it's gonna happen
• 57:18
  I know.
• 57:19
  Yeah.
• 57:21
  Joe, you had an idea.
• 57:25
  I was trying to think of like a show where it's a reality show
• 57:29
  and it's very like guerrilla filming, like on the fly, like G-U-E.
• 57:38
  Hey, that's my idea.
• 57:40
  No, G-U-E-R.
• 57:42
  Oh.
• 57:43
  Like documentary style, but it's following like
• 57:45
  an international heister or a criminal
• 57:50
  and they're anonymous the whole time.
• 57:52
  They have a mask on the whole time and it's just following them,
• 57:54
  performing heists and putting teams together.
• 57:58
  And if they get caught, then that's the end of the season.
• 58:01
  And the audience can be involved
• 58:04
  by donating money
• 58:06
  for them to buy supplies or whatever.
• 58:09
  Wait, so they're doing crimes?
• 58:11
  Yeah, like heist type things.
• 58:14
  So they're just any kind of crimes, but it's being televised.
• 58:17
  Yeah, but it's being televised.
• 58:18
  So if they get caught, well, it seems like that might help the cops catch them.
• 58:24
  Can the cops watch?
• 58:26
  Well, they're not supposed to.
• 58:28
  Honor system cops don't watch.
• 58:30
  We don't release it till it's over.
• 58:32
  This gives me an idea for another reality show.
• 58:34
  We've tape all cops all the time.
• 58:38
  Make sure they're not watching this show.
• 58:41
  Should we make it so that they can't turn the cameras off?
• 58:44
  Yes.
• 58:46
  No, no, no.
• 58:46
  It's like the point of the people that are filming.
• 58:48
  You call it body can't.
• 58:49
  The people that are filming and editing and producing this content,
• 58:54
  it's a small team of people that don't want these people to get caught by the cops
• 58:57
  because the longer the season goes on,
• 58:59
  the more money from watchers they'll get donated.
• 59:02
  So they just have to be really good at being criminals.
• 59:06
  Yeah, exactly.
• 59:07
  And so you could be like oh you remember that one team from that one or like that one person from that one season Like they were so good Like they lasted like 20 episodes Yeah That would be interesting Yeah And there a
• 59:19
  there's a line like you can't do certain no murder.
• 59:22
  Yeah.
• 59:22
  No,
• 59:22
  nonviolent crimes only.
• 59:23
  Yeah.
• 59:24
  Yeah.
• 59:25
  And the company will,
• 59:26
  will reimburse cause it's,
• 59:29
  you know what I'm saying?
• 59:30
  Like,
• 59:30
  so if they go like knock off an ATM,
• 59:33
  do you need to call the cops?
• 59:34
  We'll be able to have a producer walk up and be like,
• 59:35
  it's for a thing.
• 59:37
  We replace what's taken.
• 59:38
  otherwise they'll shut us down.
• 59:40
  And I really like your idea.
• 59:41
  Okay, fine.
• 59:43
  I'm sorry, people just want their stuff.
• 59:47
  Tell them to stop.
• 59:48
  Well, this way the integrity of your concept remains intact.
• 59:51
  Okay, fine.
• 59:54
  See that?
• 59:55
  That's called peacemaking.
• 59:58
  Wow, I wish we had video of that
• 1:00:00
  that we could release to the public.
• 1:00:04
  Show called Compromise,
• 1:00:05
  where no one's happy at the end.
• 1:00:08
  That's the definition of that word.
• 1:00:14
  Well,
• 1:00:14
  okay.
• 1:00:15
  We've,
• 1:00:15
  I think we have three hits on our hands.
• 1:00:18
  Oh yeah.
• 1:00:19
  Oh yeah.
• 1:00:19
  And they could probably go on the same channel,
• 1:00:20
  like one after the other.
• 1:00:22
  So you're,
• 1:00:23
  yeah,
• 1:00:23
  you're not,
• 1:00:23
  you're going to,
• 1:00:24
  yeah,
• 1:00:24
  it's appointment viewing.
• 1:00:25
  Chive TV.
• 1:00:26
  No,
• 1:00:27
  fuck Chive TV.
• 1:00:29
  We need our own channel,
• 1:00:31
  new channel,
• 1:00:32
  three shows and then go in the nothing else all day.
• 1:00:35
  It's a blackout screen with animal noises.
• 1:00:37
  Go live your life.
• 1:00:38
  Yeah.
• 1:00:38
  When it's not live, it's reruns of Golden Girls,
• 1:00:40
  but that's the only buffer.
• 1:00:43
  Are we in on this?
• 1:00:45
  I think we just did.
• 1:00:45
  I think we just invented a new network.
• 1:00:48
  Clink.
• 1:00:48
  VFF TV.
• 1:00:50
  Yes.
• 1:00:52
  Well, see you in the champagne hot tub.
• 1:00:57
  Yeah.
• 1:00:58
  All right.
• 1:00:59
  That answers the big question.
• 1:01:02
  The big question.
• 1:01:04
  It's time, Francis.
• 1:01:06
  I heard that people hate this segment.
• 1:01:09
  We should just cut it.
• 1:01:10
  The only one that I've heard that hates it is you.
• 1:01:12
  I can't.
• 1:01:14
  What happened to me?
• 1:01:16
  You were winning for so long.
• 1:01:18
  All right, let me go first.
• 1:01:20
  I'm 11 and a half points ahead, I think.
• 1:01:22
  Jesus age.
• 1:01:24
  I know.
• 1:01:24
  And if it's the worst.
• 1:01:28
  Is it ballerinas?
• 1:01:30
  No.
• 1:01:30
  Thank the Lord.
• 1:01:31
  I know.
• 1:01:32
  That would have been great if it was.
• 1:01:33
  Yeah, it would have been great.
• 1:01:34
  I mean, not sarcastically, would not have been great.
• 1:01:39
  Spear?
• 1:01:40
  No.
• 1:01:41
  Spears?
• 1:01:42
  No.
• 1:01:45
  Unwieldy?
• 1:01:47
  Nope.
• 1:01:49
  Catering?
• 1:01:50
  Nope.
• 1:01:53
  Mounting?
• 1:01:54
  Nope.
• 1:01:57
  Tracksuits?
• 1:01:59
  Nope.
• 1:02:01
  Disneyland?
• 1:02:02
  Nope.
• 1:02:03
  abused no
• 1:02:05
  compromise
• 1:02:10
  nope
• 1:02:10
  is your decoy word booties
• 1:02:27
  no
• 1:02:28
  is it your word no
• 1:02:30
  that's all I had
• 1:02:33
  god you are so close no don't tell me that don't tell me that no so close oh wait
• 1:02:42
  close to the word yeah
• 1:02:47
  close in topic or close in sound uh both you said a different version of the word no
• 1:02:59
  I did?
• 1:03:02
  Yep.
• 1:03:03
  I did.
• 1:03:06
  I did?
• 1:03:07
  You did.
• 1:03:10
  And you crossed them all out,
• 1:03:12
  so now you can't see the words that you...
• 1:03:14
  Mount?
• 1:03:17
  No.
• 1:03:18
  Oh.
• 1:03:19
  I don't know.
• 1:03:22
  Oh, wait!
• 1:03:22
  Joe wants me to get it.
• 1:03:23
  I want you to get it.
• 1:03:24
  I want you to get it.
• 1:03:25
  Joe wants me to...
• 1:03:25
  I need it.
• 1:03:26
  You're so close.
• 1:03:28
  I need it.
• 1:03:28
  I need it.
• 1:03:30
  I need it.
• 1:03:31
  Disney.
• 1:03:32
  No.
• 1:03:34
  No.
• 1:03:35
  Okay.
• 1:03:36
  He's saying before that.
• 1:03:38
  Oh, we're done with you.
• 1:03:40
  No.
• 1:03:41
  Oh, oh, caterer.
• 1:03:43
  Yeah.
• 1:03:47
  Caterer.
• 1:03:48
  That was my secret word.
• 1:03:52
  Good job, Francis.
• 1:03:56
  Yeah.
• 1:03:57
  I can't believe you said catering and not,
• 1:04:00
  especially because you said catering.
• 1:04:02
  I don't think you ever said caterer,
• 1:04:04
  which is amazing that you danced around saying it.
• 1:04:08
  Boy, I was playing with fire.
• 1:04:09
  Yeah.
• 1:04:10
  She said the dirty caterer first
• 1:04:13
  for the word catering ever came up.
• 1:04:15
  Yeah.
• 1:04:18
  Yes.
• 1:04:18
  Good job.
• 1:04:21
  And my decoy word was house guest.
• 1:04:24
  Did I say that?
• 1:04:25
  Oh, it doesn't matter.
• 1:04:26
  It doesn't matter.
• 1:04:27
  but I don't think you did.
• 1:04:29
  Oh, okay.
• 1:04:30
  Woof.
• 1:04:30
  Woof.
• 1:04:31
  Nice work.
• 1:04:33
  Woof.
• 1:04:35
  All right.
• 1:04:38
  Woof.
• 1:04:39
  I'm worried.
• 1:04:40
  I'm worried that.
• 1:04:47
  You're worried.
• 1:04:48
  I said your word.
• 1:04:51
  Okay.
• 1:04:51
  Taxidermy.
• 1:04:53
  No.
• 1:04:54
  Okay.
• 1:04:54
  Good.
• 1:04:55
  Because I said that a bunch of times.
• 1:04:56
  That was my ballerina moment.
• 1:05:02
  A suage?
• 1:05:04
  No.
• 1:05:05
  A suage.
• 1:05:07
  Gratitude?
• 1:05:09
  No.
• 1:05:10
  Immune?
• 1:05:12
  No.
• 1:05:17
  Wonked?
• 1:05:18
  Or wonk?
• 1:05:20
  No.
• 1:05:21
  That's funny.
• 1:05:22
  Swan?
• 1:05:24
  No.
• 1:05:25
  that was real lips oh i know you said no no incorporated no okay and i have one final guess
• 1:05:39
  and i don't know if i should do it as your decoy or your main word that's the problem i have every
• 1:05:48
  week. I was so, I'll be shitting my pants with booties. Could you said it twice? I don't
• 1:05:56
  know. I'm going to guess it as your decoy word. Is it whoopee? Oh, there goes my point.
• 1:06:11
  no you still you're still net one you i am yeah because you guessing my word
• 1:06:17
  that's two points that's two points decoy is only one point yeah and you both said your word so net
• 1:06:22
  net you're up one hey that's something what was your so your decoy was whoopee what was your
• 1:06:27
  real word insignia you did not do that i thought for sure you were gonna pick that up when did you
• 1:06:36
  say it was during invention of the week when you're like you know there's very clear directions
• 1:06:40
  Like when you step into the box, you're to align your feet to the feet insignia.
• 1:06:47
  I did not pick up that.
• 1:06:49
  That is not how that word is used.
• 1:06:51
  Well, good job.
• 1:06:53
  Thanks.
• 1:06:53
  Hey, I'm coming back slowly.
• 1:06:55
  Surely you won.
• 1:06:56
  You won the day.
• 1:06:57
  You won the day.
• 1:06:58
  Wow.
• 1:07:01
  Debbie taught me that.
• 1:07:04
  All right.
• 1:07:05
  Well, suddenly Francis likes the game again.
• 1:07:07
  So I guess we'll do it again next week.
• 1:07:09
  All right.
• 1:07:10
  Bye.