Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus IMPROV - Officer Gotta Feels
Transcript
- 0:00welcome to friends like us uh we're gonna do a little improv but first we need a suggestion
- 0:20producer give us a suggestion yeah we'll we'll riff a little bit first and then we'll do a scene
- 0:28your word is innocent innocent i feel innocent you look innocent thanks yeah you're welcome
- 0:42innocent of what any and all crimes and you're a lawyer we know you're a lawyer yeah i can think
- 0:51of a way to get out of anything like i can think of questions to ask where it's like oh i thought
- 0:55you meant like you had one foolproof way but you're saying in any situation yeah like there's
- 1:00questions that you can think to ask that here's here's one example okay if i got pulled over in
- 1:07my white camry and then i would go to court i'd be like your honor it's the best-selling color
- 1:12of like one of the best-selling models you're telling me you know a hundred percent that it
- 1:18was me and not some other white camry that drove by i don't think so you said you got pulled over
- 1:24right because he pulled over the wrong camry it's a white camry oh oh i see what you're saying
- 1:30i was like wouldn't the fact that you're in it prove that right because he pulled over the wrong
- 1:34car oh and the other guy got away because he was going so fast your honor nice robes by the way
- 1:40you look great in black very flattering um uh but what if i feel like someone's had to have
- 1:50tried that and it didn't work i'd have never heard it and you've been to every single every trial and
- 1:56i've read every court book every court book every documentary yeah they call them court books yeah
- 2:02and every documentary too wow yeah and i did a personalized tour with reese witherspoon
- 2:09oh what just reese and francis live right well she got a lot of experience from the legally blonde
- 2:16movies oh okay i see i see how you got there now i'm just saying yes um what if okay what if the
- 2:25scenario was um you are the only one in a store that's closed the alarm is going off and you're
- 2:32holding two really expensive bottles of wine that the store sells wine and the cops burst in and
- 2:39there you are the alarm going off and also you in a robber mask and gloves what would you say to get out of it the best robber mask and the best wine
- 2:52you're you're in the both everything is just the best selling you're in the robber mask i'm in the
- 3:01most popular color robber mask also i'm on ambien
- 3:07your honor i thought i was in bed these are wines i thought they were
- 3:13i thought it was paddling i thought they were flippers i'm sorry
- 3:17i don't even drink wine
- 3:20your honor why would i steal something i wouldn't use
- 3:25it's a good point innocent thanks look at the cops
- 3:33thought you did something didn't you double flip off i hold up the wines
- 3:38aha you still have the evidence
- 3:41no and now improv
- 3:47wake up babe wake up what what is it i was here i was here all night what are you talking about
- 4:03Where else would you have been?
- 4:05I was here with you and we were making love.
- 4:08What?
- 4:09Honey, I don't remember that.
- 4:11I blew your mind.
- 4:12Wait.
- 4:13Have you been having sex with me while I'm sleeping again?
- 4:16God, no.
- 4:17I wait.
- 4:18Till you awaken.
- 4:20Okay, well then why don't I remember this?
- 4:21You need to remember it.
- 4:23Remember, you changed my name in your phone to Oh God.
- 4:26What?
- 4:27Oh, actually, it is changed.
- 4:30I don't remember doing that.
- 4:31Some people may come to the door and they're going to say this man did a crime and I just need you to be there for me.
- 4:40Of course, yeah.
- 4:40I mean, of course, I'll be here for you.
- 4:44Whatever you need.
- 4:46Okay.
- 4:48I'm sleeping.
- 4:49Is that them?
- 4:52Okay, I guess.
- 4:53Hello?
- 4:54Hi, yes.
- 4:56It's three in the morning.
- 4:57Can I help you, officer?
- 4:58I'm looking for a very dangerous man.
- 5:02Oh, no, it's just myself and my husband here.
- 5:04Here's his picture.
- 5:06Oh, that's a picture of my husband.
- 5:08Yes.
- 5:09Do you know where your husband was tonight?
- 5:11I was told he was with me all night.
- 5:16You need to be straight with me,
- 5:18because the man in this picture has been accused of very heinous crimes.
- 5:23Multiple people are dead, and others are disfigured,
- 5:26and others left those people because of the disfigurement Oh wait hang on I getting a call Oh the caller ID says oh God I step outside
- 5:37Out of respect.
- 5:39Honey?
- 5:40What's he saying?
- 5:41He said multiple people are dead, and he has a picture of you.
- 5:44Oh, that's a load of shit.
- 5:45I didn't do that.
- 5:47Remember?
- 5:47We were kissing.
- 5:51I thought we were making love, and it blew my mind.
- 5:53Well, first we kissed, and then I rubbed you.
- 5:56I rubbed you the right way.
- 5:59That does sound like something I'd enjoy.
- 6:01You are so beautiful.
- 6:03Oh, not now, honey.
- 6:04The cops are still here.
- 6:05God, for me, I'm getting...
- 6:06I'm in the mood.
- 6:08Donald.
- 6:09Donald, not now.
- 6:11Haven't you ever wanted to?
- 6:12When the...
- 6:13Someone's in the other room with a badge?
- 6:15Oh, God, I love that.
- 6:17This...
- 6:17Wait, this is a dangerous side of you I've never seen before.
- 6:20Maybe the cops was...
- 6:21Get the cops out of the bed.
- 6:22Maybe the cops were right.
- 6:23Maybe you are the dangerous guy they're looking for.
- 6:26What?
- 6:26what honey i i'm just saying i don't
- 6:33wow officer officer i'm sorry about that yeah um anyway if we don't catch this guy
- 6:46uh well i'm gonna be embarrassed
- 6:49well i don't want you to obviously i don't want anyone to feel embarrassed in their job
- 6:57i i don't know if that's the man look you have a picture of a man that looks like my husband
- 7:02and you say that this is a dangerous man who's doing dangerous things yeah he's got he's wearing
- 7:09a name tag in the picture let me see if i can make it out donald that that is my husband's name
- 7:14but donald is the most common name
- 7:17and he does have brown hair which is the most common hair color
- 7:24huh hold on no one's ever tried this great questions well thank you they're not really
- 7:33questions they're they're more like statements to help you know yeah no this is a great defense
- 7:37i gotta think about this i'm not again i'm not trying to embarrass you at your job no but don't
- 7:42you care that multiple people are dead and multiple people are single you mean the people
- 7:49that were once with the people that are now dead they're victims too that's true no one ever thinks
- 7:55about the people that were in relationships with the dead people i'm sorry about the disfigured
- 8:01ones obviously their spouses had to leave it's not what they agreed to oh i thought this was
- 8:07murder we were talking about. No, some people are dead.
- 8:10But
- 8:11you not talking about their partners or spouses No I don care No no Only the disfigured ones Yes Oh The other people are they getting money from policies You have a very specific sense of who to feel sympathy and empathy for
- 8:28Yeah.
- 8:29Officer.
- 8:31Feels.
- 8:32Officer.
- 8:33I'm sorry.
- 8:33What's your first name?
- 8:34Gata.
- 8:36Gata Feels.
- 8:37Officer Gata Feels.
- 8:39Yeah.
- 8:40Oh, it's a beautiful name.
- 8:42Thanks.
- 8:42It's a, well, I, Cops run in my family.
- 8:45My dad's name is Cop.
- 8:48And he named you God of Feels?
- 8:51Yeah.
- 8:52Beautiful.
- 8:53I love a good story like that.
- 8:55Well, I don't know what to tell you, officer.
- 8:56My husband has apparently been rubbing me in just the way that I like.
- 9:02Okay.
- 9:03Oh, hang on.
- 9:04Oh, God's calling me again.
- 9:06Oh, I'll step into the pantry.
- 9:08Yes.
- 9:08Feel free to help yourself to animal crackers in there.
- 9:11Okay.
- 9:11Have a smart pop.
- 9:12Hello? He's still here, by the way.
- 9:15Oh, God, I'm ready.
- 9:17Are you telling yourself that you're ready?
- 9:19I'm telling you.
- 9:20Oh, okay, because you said, oh, God.
- 9:21I'm just hoping you defend me, the monster Donald.
- 9:24Wait, are you or are you not the monster Donald?
- 9:27Shh! Imagine my fingers against your lips.
- 9:30Were they against anybody else's lips or bodies tonight?
- 9:35Maybe with a gun or a knife?
- 9:41Um...
- 9:41Donald?
- 9:42Bernice, I think it's hot when you don't ask questions.
- 9:49Oh, Donald.
- 9:49I think it's hot when you kill people who are in the pantry.
- 9:58Oh, Donald.
- 10:00Bernice.
- 10:03All right, I'm going to keep you on the line.
- 10:05I don't know what I'm going to do yet.
- 10:07I like stabbing personally.
- 10:10Officer got a feels?
- 10:11Yeah.
- 10:12Oh, you went to town on those animal crackers.
- 10:15Oh my god, you make these?
- 10:18No, I bought them.
- 10:19I think it's Nabisco makes them.
- 10:23Anyway, I believe you.
- 10:26Oh, perfect.
- 10:28All right, no stabbing necessary.
- 10:29I didn't hear what you just said.
- 10:30I just got a check in your bedroom.
- 10:33Oh, you feel free.
- 10:35I mean, if you're not after my husband, then...
- 10:37No, that's what I'm looking for.
- 10:40Donald!
- 10:41Scold!
- 10:42Ha!
- 10:43Season.