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Rabbi Moshe Haber Iggeret Ramban: Humility, Contentment, and the Folly of Popularity 11.16.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Here's the concept we've been doing get and I'm Bond I What's
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  most unique about this letter he writes to the Sun is, as we
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  said, it's very simple to face value.
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  He's telling his son about good character and also very deep.
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  One of the most deep elements are how character goes step by
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  step. And if a person's on the right
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  track in character, they will get stronger and stronger over
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  time and they will develop themselves and his point in
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  every area of life. It will not just be told of the
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  people or told a sense of being a good person.
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  It'll be everything will be to Hashem.
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  It'll be to yourself. Character will change and mold
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  you if you do it properly. Step by step.
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  I want to review the steps quickly to get to our point.
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  And then I want to tell you over after our point of random phone
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  call conversation that I had from someone who called me last
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  Sunday. First step by step.
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  So he said so far, shma bini mussara vija my son, listen to
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  your father, Valati torch tuati Mehra and don't deviate from the
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  garden for your mother. A president should always make
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  sure to speak their words softly to everybody.
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  Uber holette at all times #1 consistently wants of you is to
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  kind of control yourself to always speak softly.
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  Like when a parent wants to yell at the kid and then they stop
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  themselves for a second and then they say the words and the
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  softer don't. That's his approach to life.
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  Oh, by Zeratin al Telmanacas. Somehow life works backward.
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  If you speak softly, you will get angry less.
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  Shimidad al Ahdib in Adam. And he tells us and emphasizes
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  just how bad anger is. Anger destroys lives.
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  Anyone who gets angry, they're literally open to any mistakes
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  in life. We'll call it from having that
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  mid of anger and allowing anger to control themselves.
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  Shinemar has said cost me the bear.
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  As the pasuk tells us remove anger from your heart.
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  There are very and you'll be able to remove from yourself bed
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  really anger is connected part and parcel along with bed.
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  Then the LA Ganum and bed means the ultimate bed.
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  We never want to have that kind of Ed Ganum Shinemar the
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  government shot Leomra so very simple talk softly, remove
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  anger, remove anger, remove banner from your life because
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  share everything that settlement I cause.
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  And when you do remove this anger from that life tale Ali
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  Baha mida TA aneva you will adopt an approach of humility.
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  Shahi mida tova mikola mida which humility is the number one
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  top best character traitor person should strive for?
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  Is humility shanimar akeb anava yerat Hashem at the heels of
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  Anava helps a person. If you are humble, you fear
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  garden. That last point.
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  We know of the connection. If you're humble, you create
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  more room for Hashem to exist and therefore you recognize and
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  fear Hashem more. Ubavu Anava and based on that
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  humility Taaler Ali vahami data, you'll have the proper O and
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  fear of Hashem. And how does that work?
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  How does the humility create fear of Hashem?
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  Very simple. If I take myself down, I
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  recognize more than Hashem exists.
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  KT10 a little bit hot Tamir, because you'll constantly think
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  with that humble, actually humble is really honest mine
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  because humility is reality. Being that we all know we're not
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  really the source of our successes.
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  So humble will make you think may I in Bata.
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  Where'd I come from? Which they came from?
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  Not much. Ulana Talek, Where am I going?
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  I'm going to not much. We shot.
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  These are strong words. We're no stronger on our own.
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  I'll read the English that they bring a maggot or a worm.
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  Maggot sounds like an old fashioned word, but it's a word
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  that they use knows, you know, you know, greater alone than a
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  worm on our own control. Fine, that's a strong word.
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  And even have the 120 a person has to keep this in mind.
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  OK, this is this point. Now I want to get to this next
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  point. What is you bring this idea.
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  He says based on this a person will lead.
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  So it seems to be going like a zig zig zag maze over here.
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  You're starting with the person talking softly.
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  You're heading to the person removing anger based on removing
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  anger is creating humility and based on humility is creating is
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  creating fear of Hashem. Based on fear of Hashem is
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  recognizing a life is about and based on that the next step is
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  this is surprising. Next step is having happiness in
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  your life. How does that come about?
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  How does lack of anger? I could see that.
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  How does humility lead to fear of God and the fear of God lead
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  to happiness? That seems like a very funny
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  zigzag. How does that work?
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  Anger I understand. I understand how anger and
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  humility go hang the man. I understand how talking softly
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  and anger around the head, how does humility which which brings
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  in fear of Hashem and eventually leads to me recognizing what I'm
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  worth and somehow that's going to lead to happiness.
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  What is he saying over here? What's going on?
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  So this is the key point and I'll get to my phone call that
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  happened last week. Someone called me out of the
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  blue last Sunday afternoon, pulling out to my home for lunch
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  and the guy calls. I don't know his number.
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  I don't know his number. Saved.
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  And I told you that my phone was lost so forget about it.
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  And this person is a very, very fine person, but he's a random
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  individual who used to, turns out used to visit my father from
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  time to time and just schmooze about life.
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  When I say random, I mean he's not fully part of the community.
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  Nice person. And I didn't think much of that.
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  He had a whole opinion to life. He calls me up and he says you
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  have a minute. I said OK here.
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  Well, what's going on? He says, I want to ask you a
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  question. Does it bother you something
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  like this? Does it bother you that people
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  care about publicity? I said yes, it does.
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  He says, I, I believe that everyone out there, he tells me,
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  is getting more interested in publicity.
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  And I'm afraid, he tells me that it's even getting to the leaders
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  of certain positions in our community.
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  They care about publicity. It's such a strong statement.
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  I hear you. I said, I recognize your point.
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  I said, why does it bother you so much?
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  So he goes on. He said, the reason it bothers
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  me, this concept is because what happens when you care about
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  publicity and you start to feed into publicity.
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  I said, I hear you. And then he says, and the reason
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  this is happening for regular people, at least leaders, not so
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  much with regular people. The reason it happens is that
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  people feel insecure in life. And because they feel insecure,
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  they're and they enjoy the publicity.
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  And when they enjoy the publicity, they start to feed on
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  it. And that becomes the way of
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  life. So now leave out the leader part
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  because it's a complicated statement.
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  Yes, no, maybe. So a different conversation.
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  The general person, the regular person, average person today,
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  many people, his points are spot on.
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  And that is that publicity has become more of a thing that's
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  played out in my, my, my translation.
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  And that is and the world we live in today because of all the
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  talk and because of all the hype and because of all the regular
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  things that people say, the Instagram, social media, all
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  that we do get used to publicity.
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  And what ends up happening is we start to feed into the animal,
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  which means if someone sees your picture all over the place, I
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  just say argument take or people talk about you, whatever level,
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  then it feels good. And when it feels good, you want
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  to feed into more of that. You try to create content, that
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  concept of creating contest one of the most Hazit concepts in
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  the world. I see the essay after praying by
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  that class. I said, you know, you never hear
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  the Hollywood star. I was falling off from the
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  grace, right? They're no longer making a level
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  movies and really a big deal. And what do you find out?
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  They did something a little extreme in the street and then
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  you're just trying to make the papers, right?
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  That's Hazit. And that's because they're still
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  trying to get to the front of the papers one way or another.
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  They tried the original way. It didn't work anymore.
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  Now they're not as good looking at me more than old or whatever
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  it is. And now they need to try style
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  too. And that is because they've
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  gotten so used to publicity, and that publicity for them was
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  originally bloating them and building their ego and making
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  them feel special because in their mind, they couldn't think
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  of humility. In their mind, keeping myself
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  small would make me feel like a zero.
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  That was their mindset. They only knew when people talk
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  about them, they cannot, they have, no, they're not content at
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  all. And they cannot accept life
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  without being in the news. That's just their hey.
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  And to a certain degree that sounds very extreme.
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  That's Hollywood. But in our life, it's very much
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  the same in a different way. And that is that we like being
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  recognized. Everyone likes to recognize.
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  I like it, you like it, We all like it.
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  And anyone who says they don't is not being real with
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  themselves. You like being recognized, but
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  when you like it too much or when you feed into it or play
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  into it, then the concern is. This is his point exactly.
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  The concern is besides are the arrogance that might come and
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  all that above that is that the person inside is not content.
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  The person inside feels like a 0 because they only recognize that
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  they feel good. It's like a certain drug, they
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  feel good when they're spoken about it's.
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  Almost like they don't have confidence.
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  That's what happens. It plays into insecurity.
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  It's not that they started off insecurity.
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  It plays into it. All right, I'll give you a
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  personal thing. If I would recognize, of course
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  I do care if there is speech after a class I do.
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  I said as before, I do care what people have to say.
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  I do, absolutely. But if I would base the speech
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  based on what's going to get in my mind the strongest reaction,
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  that was the sole basis of the speech.
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  Not, this is not to be confused with what's going to get people
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  to listen. Get people to listen is
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  important, but what's going to be the reaction it's going to be
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  exactly. It's going to be a different
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  speech. That's going to be a very
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  dangerous road to go down because then you tiptoe the
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  following lot. I'll tell you what it is because
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  I've gone through in my mind, you tiptoe the line of trying to
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  say a point. It's got to be a point, It's got
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  to be Torah. But trying to say a point that's
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  going to be something that's going to get a nice reaction and
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  you never actually say anything that carries weight that's going
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  to push the needle in people's lives.
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  Why? Because if you think about it
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  from a crowd perspective, a crowd to be pushed, you have to
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  hear something that is different than the way you're living right
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  now, right? So you hear a speech that's
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  going to push you, it's going to be different.
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  And when I hear something is different the way I'm living
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  right now, if you think about it, that means I'm not so happy
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  with the way I'm living right now.
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  My brother Abby Joe once told me a classic point.
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  I don't know if I've told this before, He said after a speech,
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  I always get a few people that come over to me and say, rabbi,
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  great speech. He said.
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  Usually it's the guy who's striving in that specific area.
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  So if I'm talking about a speech about learning to run, this guy
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  learns morning and night. He loves that speech.
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  And if it's the guy I'm talking about being a good husband, this
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  guy is a winner husband. So he loves that speech.
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  Or a person about giving time to your parent children, and he
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  spends every Sunday with his children.
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  He goes to that one, right? But how about the guy who
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  worries all day long and I speak to him about being calm.
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  He doesn't come over loving that speech because I just told him
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  that he has to tweak his life. And the truth is, and he's very
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  right about that point. So now if you speak with that
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  mindset and mind and you say to yourself, I only want to play
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  into their strengths because I want to make them happy and I
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  want to get a Khazeka Baruch. And trust me, that thought can
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  flow through your mind because you want to feel good.
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  Then what happens? You're playing to the crowd and
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  you are trying to create popularity, and that is a
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  reality. What ends up happening is based
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  on that. That becomes your drug.
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  That becomes your confidence, and then your real core
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  Confidence doesn't come from the inside, right?
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  This is true with speaking. How about with life?
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  How do you explain when people are very good to outsiders but
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  not so good to their children? How do you explain that to
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  reality in the world? We all have it.
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  We all face it. How do you explain how people
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  are very nice to the guy in the office, but not nice to their
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  children, not nice to their wife?
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  Why? Is it because their wife, they
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  used to? No, it's because there's a
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  certain feeling that you get when you give someone a smile in
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  the office and you know they appreciate it.
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  And when they appreciate it, they're going to build you up
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  and they're going to make you seem like a Sadiq.
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  And when you get that sort of sort of feeling of a Sadiq that
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  feels good when you come home and you say hello to your
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  children and they have say hello back and they have ignored you
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  and didn't feel like much. And then your kids, you know,
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  and you still, they they still don't react.
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  You say, OK, it's not worth much.
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  But how much more important and significant is it when you say
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  hello to your children? What kind of weight does it
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  carry? What kind of putting giving them
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  time? I face this whole time.
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  I can give, you know, people time.
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  And then I have my children and I don't maybe don't give them as
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  much time. And I always have to reset and
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  say, what's more valuable at the end of the day?
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  What's more, what's my job? My number one job is my family,
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  my number two job or another 1A is my other family, but my
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  family itself is number 1. And if a person does the
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  opposite way, what they're displaying as a lack of
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  understanding and basically showing themselves.
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  I like the feeling of being something out there.
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  And this ends up, According to him, creating a hollow
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  existence. So when he says humility makes
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  you content, and it would sound like it's the opposite is
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  because humility keeps you grounded.
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  And when you remain grounded, what ends up happening?
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  You do the right things when they do the right things.
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  You constantly playing at the right chords and you're doing
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  things that are right for those around you and you're not busy
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  with what others have to say. When people think about others
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  have to say just thinking about the world, think about the homes
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  being built or the weddings people make.
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  When do people overspend on a wedding when they think about
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  others Have to say, I know I have a relative of mine who has
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  had parties in their family. I was just commenting to my wife
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  last night. You know, it's funny about them.
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  I don't think they're poor at all, but they seem to always
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  throw parties that are a little bit lower than the other person.
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  I said I think it's interesting. Baby I, I give them a lot of
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  credit for that. And what is it they want to save
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  the money for their children's weddings, for their children
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  getting married afterwards. They want to say them on the
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  right things. And they know they can get away
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  with a simpler party. Not all of us can get away with
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  a similar party. There might be someone involved
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  who wants it more extravagant. And you have to play into that.
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  You can't be a Sadiq on your side when the conspirator is
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  going to get upset or when your wife's going to get upset or you
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  shouldn't get upset. Have to be honest with yourself.
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  But when someone has enough confidence to do the things the
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  right way and they're really being honest in themselves,
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  saying, I don't care to play into what other people have to
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  say, those people are actually much more content than the one
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  who is busy with others have to say.
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  And we think, what do you mean? That person's getting all the
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  accolades. That person has everyone talking
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  about that. I'm guaranteeing they have more
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  confidence. We all know that's not a
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  reality. We all know the humility and
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  confidence actually go hand in hand, even though the sense is
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  that they should be the opposite because the humble guy acts in a
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  way that he's not caring but he's about to say.
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  So if that's the mindset, where is his confidence going to come
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  from? And the reality is, confidence
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  come from inside the real places of confidence.
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  Where does your confidence come from?
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  It comes from your family, it comes from those who you value,
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  and it comes from yourself. We all know why he does the
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  family members insult hurt you without much more and the
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  stranger's insult. Why is it the fan?
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  Why? Because these people are what
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  matter to you. These people are really the ones
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  who know you and you you recognize and value their
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  opinion because that's where your confidence come from.
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  It has to come from somewhere to being Sadiq and say I'm Anav.
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  I'm gonna should have been. Oh, I don't get confidence.
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  I'm anywhere. I on my own.
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  I'm floating. I'm great.
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  Very impressed by you. I want to be like you, OK.
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  And at times we are. But better and more real is to
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  have a very small circle of people who are your source of
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  confidence. And yes, at times they are going
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  to say something that's going to be a dagger because their words
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  carry so much weight being that they're your source of
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  confidence. Found me at this point.
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  But being busy with those who on the outside that is hollow and
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  it's sketch. That's a waste of time.
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  And it's very fake and it's it's completely superficial.
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  You know, you mentioned the ballplayer not going to say his
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  name. You mentioned the ballplayer
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  sports cars that were stole from him.
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  No, I have the command. Tell him I like this guy.
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  OK, used to be, that's the names.
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  This guy, I was thinking about this guy as he's my example.
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  He used to be a Mr. Small Time who made it big.
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  I watch his career, this guy, and I watch his life as well,
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  and I watch how his sort of egos started to change and his ego
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  started to change. In the end, I think I've seen
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  his ego become a highly bloated existence and he's very
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  conscious what people have to say.
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  In fact, I think he did like what women do to their face at
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  like 40 something years old because he's so confident.
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  He's more than that. It's not just the face.
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  His whole way became very like public and out there and and
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  changed because people got used to this guy was Mr. No name.
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  Hey, what were you used to call him to give him a name?
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  What's the name? I mean the name.
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  What were you talking about? What were you?
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  Talking about the quarterback was 1/6 exactly Brady.
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  What was he? What was he used to call him?
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  Mr. What's the guy's name? Mr. Irrelevant.
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  I don't know if he ever had that name himself, but he was there
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  was other guy, Mr. Relevant, right?
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  There was a quarterback they used to call Mr. Relevant.
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  He's he's Mr. Relevant too, which means he started off as a
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  no name. But I've seen, I'm not going to
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  bash a guy per SE. He's actually comes across as a
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  nice guy and his interviews are actually pretty easy to listen
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  to. But you've seen a guy and you
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  can't blame him. He's not even Jewish, doesn't
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  have this moussard. You've seen the guy kind of
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  change because the world talks about you so much as is him
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  people out there. I could become the same way if I
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  would recognize how much people if I care of people talking
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  about me doesn't happen to me personally, but if it became a
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  thing that I'm at risk, I'm at risk of being busy with people
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  have to say, and then it changes your existence.
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  Thank God everyone by these tables is not that way and it's
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  not our DNA. We're not that style over here.
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  And better question, a lot of people are not that style, but
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  it really can become a thing. The woman talk about it, some
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  men talk about it. Probably this is.
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  It's very possible that someone's a world.
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  Renowned leader in a sure, sure. And then they run for animals.
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  Of course he cares what other people say, right.
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  And yeah, and he. I know such people.
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  And they work on themselves to be able to remain humble and
• 19:25
  trust me, Hashem creates for them a way of life.
• 19:29
  Either their wife, right? That's a reality.
• 19:31
  It's a big thing. Either their wife.
• 19:33
  That was this guy in Funko's point.
• 19:35
  But you know, you can't comment about these people with a great
• 19:38
  people. Sometimes a shem makes their
• 19:40
  wives funny. Some of the people like that who
• 19:42
  are very famous, their wives can careless.
• 19:45
  Their wives do not care about the publicity at all, right?
• 19:49
  They ran away from. It their wives are not
• 19:51
  interested the wife exactly, they're not interested in it.
• 19:54
  They don't really care for that that much.
• 19:56
  And I think it's a Shem's way by design, because you do care
• 19:59
  about what your inner circle thinks more than the world.
• 20:02
  Even if you are where we're not, even if you're getting 20,000
• 20:05
  views, whatever these numbers are for these types of people,
• 20:08
  you still care more about your inner circle than you do about
• 20:11
  the public. The public might push you barn a
• 20:14
  lot by saying you're great, you're great, you're great all
• 20:15
  day long, but ultimately when you come home and your family is
• 20:20
  not interested, a means actually 0.
• 20:23
  Well, the public doesn't know you, your family.
• 20:25
  Right. Exactly.
• 20:26
  That's why it doesn't mean that much.
• 20:28
  And that's where, Right, Right. Perception.
• 20:32
  Right. Again, this is not at all to
• 20:34
  reflect negatively on these people.
• 20:35
  They have no choice but to be public and they are changing the
• 20:38
  world. The reality is right, people who
• 20:40
  can remain humble and remain in their basement are not going to
• 20:43
  change the world. These people are, and God made
• 20:45
  them with the talent and the gift and the Torah and the
• 20:48
  knowledge to change the world. Say it.
• 20:52
  Best example I could think of as Haman and the the story of
• 21:00
  putting 100% Haman. What's the exact example?
• 21:03
  I had a conversation with someone last week about this.
• 21:05
  Haman is a person who is publicly widely acclaimed.
• 21:09
  He was borderline off with us and himself.
• 21:11
  People bowed down to him, people served him, and there's one
• 21:14
  person not serving him and drove him crazy and he desired to make
• 21:19
  a decree to kill the whole dude's people 'cause that one
• 21:21
  person went to high and ultimately it led to his demise.
• 21:24
  And my conversation with someone last week, a good person, a
• 21:26
  great person actually, he said, and I said the same thing.
• 21:29
  He says a little time. I said people make fun of Haman.
• 21:32
  The reality man Haman makes a lot of sense because by the way
• 21:36
  I'm with the high was no yo-yo. It was a big deal #1 and #2 it
• 21:40
  feels rough it it really does. She said, what do you mean?
• 21:44
  You have 999,000 people came, but one guy doesn't care.
• 21:47
  Makes a difference, Yes, If he's in my face, he doesn't care.
• 21:51
  And I know that he knows the truth about me 'cause I know
• 21:53
  he's more the highest. I think he's a good person and I
• 21:56
  know he knows my my, my real true colors.
• 21:58
  Of course that kills me. Same thing is true when your
• 22:01
  wife says the comet that hurts. The reason it hurts is because
• 22:04
  she knows the truth or she says she knows the truth or she's
• 22:07
  making like, and that hurts even if the world makes me do a big
• 22:10
  deal. And that's because your
• 22:12
  confidence has to come from the small circle.
• 22:15
  The best place for it to come from is yourself.
• 22:18
  The best people out there are people who can create a world
• 22:21
  where their confidence comes from themselves.
• 22:23
  And not an arrogant, pompous way.
• 22:25
  Rather in a personal on my own, I have an understanding of life
• 22:29
  kind of way. That's really a very humble
• 22:31
  person. Because if your confidence comes
• 22:33
  from yourself, that means you're not building on outsiders and
• 22:38
  them giving you respect and needing them to say anything.
• 22:40
  That's a humble person. At the same time, a super
• 22:43
  competent person is a super humble person in reality,
• 22:48
  because you shave out all the externals and you come down to
• 22:52
  the bare person. That's very humble, that's also
• 22:54
  very confident. That's a reality.
• 22:56
  And actually a super arrogant person is a person who's super
• 23:00
  busy with popularity and also he's insecure because if you're
• 23:05
  busy with popularity and your world is based on the outside,
• 23:09
  then you need it. This is on the outside.
• 23:11
  You saying your last breath is, you know, you made it to me on
• 23:14
  the outside. What?
• 23:15
  Imagine what? Our rabbi also gives you
• 23:18
  clarity. 100% things that around 100%.
• 23:20
  And to outweed the things that you think.
• 23:22
  Those learning job creates humility because you start to
• 23:26
  enjoy reality when you enjoy real, you start to not care for
• 23:30
  this fake stuff out there. Reality is someone saying your
• 23:33
  name is nothing, doesn't do anything for you, doesn't mean
• 23:35
  anything, just maybe makes you more money or more fame.
• 23:38
  It's still nothing. Cavort is something that people
• 23:40
  love, but it's also saying that actually has no real credence or
• 23:46
  purpose in the world. It's the most hollow existence
• 23:48
  out there, yet the biggest that people run after is the world we
• 23:51
  live in. It's.
• 23:52
  Artificial fulfillment. Yet the Torah is genuine.
• 23:55
  For Zach. Zach.
• 23:56
  But doesn't feel like artificial film before you.
• 23:59
  Had. That's the reality.
• 24:00
  When you're when you're a player and all of a sudden now you go
• 24:03
  into the big leagues and you're a big thing, doesn't feel.
• 24:06
  No, it feels as real as it gets. There's a reason that people run
• 24:09
  into cover and feels as real as it gets and it drives people
• 24:13
  crazy. And anyone who claims that they
• 24:16
  don't care about Kavod or or claims that it doesn't drive
• 24:18
  them crazy, it's not being real with themselves.
• 24:20
  Either the change of circle or we have to work on our circle of
• 24:24
  Kavod. Where is it coming from?
• 24:26
  My main place of Kavod needs to be myself, yes, with what helps
• 24:30
  me using my family, my inner circle.
• 24:32
  That's the idea I was telling you.
• 24:33
  So he was telling you. When you develop yourself, you
• 24:36
  end up becoming a very humble person and that leads to a very
• 24:39
  content person. That's the best thing you can be
• 24:42
  is to be content. Everything becomes more real,
• 24:45
  more genuine and more special when you're content and
• 24:47
  everything is a headache and 1/2 when you're not content and
• 24:51
  arrogance leads to that and you immediately leads to this.
• 24:54
  That's the hope we can all have to follow this way of content.
• 24:57
  What's up with this? They'll say the worst thing in
• 24:59
  Hollywood is to win. Winning a Oscar.
• 25:02
  Sure, Tyler, very good 100%. Nowhere.
• 25:06
  You're playing into that, right? We're fighting for that.
• 25:08
  That is why all those child stars had my humble opinion, why
• 25:13
  there was the guy from Home Alone and all those guys and it
• 25:15
  became anything. That guy was something else that
• 25:19
  me. Hey, girl, I said.