Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 229: The Sound of Healing: Rob Tonkin on Music, Trauma, and Recovery

Transcript

E 229: The Sound of Healing: Rob Tonkin on Music, Trauma, and Recovery · Adult Child of Dysfunction

0:47
Well,
0:47
good
0:47
morning,
0:48
everybody,
0:48
and
0:48
welcome
0:48
back
0:49
to
0:49
another
0:49
episode
0:50
of
0:50
Adult
0:50
Child
0:50
of
0:51
Dysfunction.
0:51
Today
0:52
we
0:52
have
0:52
with
0:52
us
0:53
Rob
0:53
Tonkin.
0:54
And
0:55
I'm
0:55
just.
0:55
We're
0:55
just
0:55
gonna
0:56
jump
0:56
right
0:56
in.
0:56
We
0:57
had
0:57
a
0:57
little
0:57
bit
0:57
of
0:57
talking
0:58
beforehand
0:58
and
0:59
we
0:59
weren't
0:59
quite
0:59
sure
0:59
which
1:00
way
1:00
this
1:00
is
1:00
gonna
1:00
go.
1:01
And
1:01
I'm
1:01
very
1:01
curious
1:02
because
1:03
like
1:04
all
1:04
of
1:04
us,
1:04
he's
1:05
had
1:05
some
1:05
schmuck
1:06
in
1:06
the.
1:06
In
1:06
the
1:07
past
1:07
and
1:07
dealt
1:08
with
1:08
it
1:08
in
1:09
amazing
1:10
ways.
1:11
We're
1:11
going
1:11
to
1:11
start
1:11
off
1:12
by
1:12
talking
1:12
about
1:12
his
1:12
book,
1:13
which
1:13
is
1:13
literally
1:14
titled
1:14
Asshole.
1:15
I
1:15
think
1:15
it's
1:16
a
1:16
memoir,
1:17
right?
1:17
That's
1:18
correct.
1:19
So
1:20
I'm
1:20
going
1:20
to
1:20
jump
1:20
right
1:21
in
1:21
there
1:21
because
1:21
as
1:21
we
1:21
kind
1:22
of
1:22
talked
1:22
about,
1:22
like
1:22
not
1:23
many
1:23
books
1:23
out
1:23
there
1:24
jump
1:24
out
1:24
that
1:25
vividly
1:26
with
1:26
a
1:26
title.
1:27
And
1:27
if
1:27
you
1:27
look
1:28
at
1:28
the
1:28
book.
1:28
So
1:28
the
1:29
book
1:29
is
1:29
titled
1:30
A
1:30
Memoir.
1:30
If
1:31
you
1:31
look
1:31
at
1:31
the
1:31
book,
1:31
there's
1:32
a
1:32
picture
1:32
of
1:32
a
1:33
little
1:33
boy
1:33
on
1:33
the
1:34
front
1:34
of
1:34
the
1:34
book.
1:34
For
1:35
those
1:35
of
1:35
you
1:35
that
1:35
are
1:35
not
1:36
looking,
1:36
I'm
1:36
going
1:36
to
1:36
put
1:37
a
1:37
post
1:37
in
1:37
there.
1:37
But
1:39
how.
1:40
Just
1:40
talk
1:40
to
1:41
me,
1:41
Rob.
1:41
How
1:41
did
1:41
this
1:42
come
1:42
about?
1:42
First
1:42
of
1:42
all,
1:43
thanks
1:43
for
1:43
coming.
1:44
Oh,
1:44
thank
1:44
you
1:45
for
1:45
having
1:45
me.
1:47
It
1:47
came
1:47
about
1:48
because
1:48
I
1:48
had
1:49
a
1:49
life
1:49
of
1:51
a
1:51
lot
1:51
of
1:52
trauma
1:52
and
1:54
it
1:55
ended
1:55
up
1:56
into
1:56
wild
1:57
stories,
1:59
which.
1:59
Trauma
2:00
has
2:01
a
2:01
lot
2:01
of
2:01
addictive
2:02
qualities
2:03
such
2:03
as
2:04
being
2:05
addicted
2:05
to
2:05
excitement.
2:07
And
2:08
I
2:08
think
2:08
that
2:08
I
2:08
definitely
2:09
was
2:10
drawn
2:10
to
2:10
excitement.
2:12
And
2:13
specifically
2:14
the,
2:14
the
2:15
title,
2:16
it
2:16
is
2:17
self
2:17
deprecating,
2:18
but
2:18
it
2:18
also
2:19
has
2:19
multiple
2:20
meanings
2:20
because
2:21
it
2:21
refers
2:21
to
2:22
the
2:22
people
2:23
that
2:23
treated
2:23
me
2:24
like
2:25
an
2:25
a
2:25
hole
2:26
and
2:26
also
2:27
people
2:28
that
2:28
I
2:29
encountered
2:29
who
2:29
were
2:30
also
2:31
a
2:31
holes.
2:33
And
2:33
it
2:33
sort
2:34
of
2:34
crept
2:35
into
2:35
my
2:36
being
2:37
and
2:37
I
2:38
became
2:38
one
2:39
as
2:39
well.
2:41
Not
2:41
all
2:41
the
2:42
time,
2:42
but
2:43
I'm
2:43
sure
2:43
that
2:43
there
2:44
are
2:44
many
2:44
people
2:44
out
2:44
there
2:45
that
2:45
are.
2:46
That
2:47
know
2:47
me
2:47
and,
2:48
you
2:48
know,
2:49
had
2:49
some
2:49
encounter
2:50
with
2:50
me.
2:50
And
2:51
there's
2:51
a
2:51
certain
2:51
percentage
2:52
that
2:52
are
2:52
going
2:52
to
2:52
say,
2:53
oh
2:53
yeah,
2:53
he
2:53
was,
2:54
you
2:54
know,
2:54
or
2:55
somebody
2:55
I
2:55
fired
2:56
from
2:56
a
2:57
job
2:57
or
2:59
I
3:00
spurned
3:01
somehow.
3:03
So
3:03
that's
3:03
how
3:03
it
3:03
came
3:04
about,
3:04
getting
3:04
the
3:04
little
3:05
boy
3:05
on
3:05
there.
3:05
Well,
3:05
that
3:06
little
3:06
boy
3:06
is
3:06
me.
3:08
And
3:08
I
3:08
was
3:08
getting
3:08
ready
3:09
to
3:09
be
3:09
a
3:09
ring
3:10
bearer
3:10
in
3:10
a
3:11
wedding
3:11
and
3:12
I
3:12
found
3:12
this
3:12
picture
3:13
and
3:13
thought
3:14
of
3:14
the
3:14
concept
3:15
and
3:15
it
3:16
just
3:16
really
3:16
kind
3:17
of
3:17
fit.
3:17
I've
3:18
had
3:18
people
3:18
tell
3:18
me
3:18
they've
3:19
read
3:19
the
3:19
book
3:19
and
3:20
well,
3:20
I
3:21
don't
3:21
seem
3:21
like
3:21
an
3:21
asshole,
3:24
but
3:24
they're
3:24
not
3:25
reading
3:25
into
3:26
it
3:26
enough
3:27
to
3:27
really
3:28
realize
3:29
where
3:29
all
3:30
of
3:30
this
3:30
is
3:30
coming
3:31
from.
3:31
It's
3:31
not
3:32
a
3:32
book
3:33
where
3:33
I
3:34
just
3:34
go
3:34
off
3:34
on,
3:35
you
3:35
know,
3:36
what
3:36
an
3:36
asshole
3:36
I
3:37
was
3:37
and
3:37
what
3:37
an
3:37
asshole
3:38
everybody
3:38
else
3:39
was,
3:39
because
3:40
I
3:40
don't
3:40
blame
3:40
myself
3:41
and
3:41
I
3:41
don't
3:41
blame
3:42
others.
3:43
And
3:43
that's
3:44
one
3:44
of
3:44
the
3:44
healing
3:45
aspects
3:46
of
3:46
dysfunction
3:47
in
3:47
general
3:48
that
3:48
I
3:48
found.
3:50
So
3:50
there's.
3:51
There
3:51
it
3:51
is
3:51
in
3:51
a
3:52
nutshell.
3:52
Well,
3:53
that's.
3:53
And
3:53
thank
3:54
you
3:54
for
3:54
that.
3:54
Because
3:54
I
3:55
was
3:55
curious,
3:55
because
3:55
when
3:55
I
3:56
saw
3:56
the
3:56
title
3:56
and
3:56
then
3:56
I
3:57
saw
3:57
the
3:57
little
3:57
boy,
3:57
I'm
3:57
like,
3:58
is
3:58
this
3:58
about
3:58
you?
3:58
Is
3:59
this
3:59
about
3:59
the
3:59
people
3:59
that
4:00
hurt
4:00
you?
4:00
Is
4:00
this
4:00
about.
4:01
And
4:01
now
4:02
it
4:02
kind
4:02
of
4:02
all
4:02
comes
4:03
circle,
4:04
full
4:04
circle.
4:04
Like
4:05
it
4:05
was
4:05
about
4:05
the
4:05
people
4:06
that
4:06
hurt
4:06
you,
4:06
that
4:06
turned
4:07
you
4:07
into
4:07
the
4:07
person
4:08
that
4:08
you
4:08
became,
4:08
but
4:09
ultimately
4:10
are
4:10
not
4:11
so.
4:12
Right.
4:13
So
4:14
I
4:14
love
4:14
that.
4:15
So
4:16
talk
4:16
about
4:17
what
4:17
you
4:17
did
4:18
with
4:18
music,
4:19
because
4:19
I
4:19
love
4:20
the
4:20
fact
4:20
that
4:20
you
4:20
were
4:21
very
4:21
successful
4:22
very
4:22
early
4:22
on.
4:23
Like,
4:23
you
4:23
got
4:23
into
4:23
music
4:24
at
4:24
what
4:24
age?
4:25
Well,
4:25
I
4:25
got
4:26
into
4:26
radio
4:26
first,
4:27
which
4:27
is
4:27
what
4:28
music
4:29
was.
4:31
There
4:31
was
4:31
live
4:32
music,
4:33
but
4:33
this
4:33
is
4:34
the
4:34
70s,
4:35
and
4:36
I
4:37
lived
4:37
in
4:37
Sacramento,
4:38
and,
4:39
you
4:39
know,
4:40
the
4:40
entertainment
4:40
world
4:41
was
4:41
not
4:41
exactly
4:43
the
4:43
hub
4:43
of
4:43
our
4:44
city.
4:45
So
4:45
that
4:46
was
4:46
the
4:46
closest
4:47
I
4:47
could
4:47
get
4:48
to
4:49
my
4:50
dream
4:50
at
4:50
that
4:51
time
4:51
was
4:51
to
4:51
be
4:51
a
4:51
disc
4:51
jockey.
4:53
And
4:54
so
4:55
music
4:56
was
4:56
kind
4:56
of
4:56
a
4:57
salvation
4:57
for
4:57
me.
4:58
It.
4:59
And
5:00
being
5:01
associated
5:01
with
5:02
a
5:02
radio
5:02
station
5:03
gave
5:03
me
5:03
an
5:04
entree
5:04
to
5:04
that.
5:06
So
5:06
that's
5:07
how
5:07
I
5:07
entered
5:08
the
5:08
entertainment
5:09
world.
5:10
And
5:11
then
5:11
that
5:11
morphed
5:12
into
5:13
many
5:14
forms
5:15
over
5:15
the
5:15
years.
5:17
Everything
5:18
from
5:19
producing
5:21
a
5:21
television
5:22
series
5:22
for
5:23
PBS
5:23
that
5:24
involved,
5:25
you
5:25
know,
5:25
live
5:26
concert
5:27
footage,
5:29
to
5:30
producing
5:31
live
5:32
concerts
5:32
on
5:33
the
5:33
radio
5:35
for
5:36
international
5:36
broadcast,
5:37
to
5:38
radio
5:38
stations
5:39
all
5:39
over
5:39
the
5:39
world,
5:41
to
5:43
individual
5:44
promotion
5:45
of
5:46
concerts
5:47
and
5:47
events,
5:48
to
5:49
working
5:49
with
5:49
brands
5:50
and
5:50
helping
5:51
them
5:52
navigate
5:53
the
5:53
music
5:53
world
5:54
and
5:55
get
5:56
their
5:56
brand
5:57
associated
5:57
with
5:58
it
5:58
in
5:58
what
5:59
I
5:59
called
6:00
bands
6:00
and
6:00
brands
6:01
working
6:01
together.
6:02
And
6:02
I
6:02
was
6:03
bit
6:03
of
6:03
a
6:03
pioneer
6:04
in
6:04
that
6:04
world.
6:06
Very
6:06
cool.
6:06
But
6:06
music
6:07
ultimately
6:07
started
6:08
as
6:08
your
6:08
escape,
6:09
as
6:09
your
6:09
release,
6:10
as
6:10
your
6:11
kind
6:11
of
6:11
break
6:12
from
6:12
reality,
6:12
from
6:13
what
6:13
was
6:13
going
6:13
on
6:13
as
6:14
a
6:14
child.
6:14
Right.
6:15
Form
6:15
of
6:15
survival.
6:17
It
6:18
was
6:18
the
6:18
ticket
6:18
to
6:19
survival.
6:20
I
6:21
was
6:21
being
6:21
ignored
6:22
and
6:23
unheard.
6:25
At
6:25
least
6:25
these
6:25
were
6:25
the
6:26
feelings
6:26
I
6:26
had.
6:27
I
6:28
didn't
6:28
feel
6:28
like
6:28
I
6:28
belonged
6:30
to.
6:31
I
6:31
felt
6:31
a
6:32
bit
6:32
like
6:33
an
6:33
outsider
6:34
in
6:34
my
6:34
own
6:34
family
6:35
and
6:35
in
6:35
my
6:36
own
6:36
body,
6:37
even
6:37
in
6:37
my
6:38
own
6:38
mind.
6:38
I
6:39
didn't
6:39
know
6:39
what
6:40
was
6:40
going
6:40
on,
6:41
but
6:41
I
6:41
felt
6:42
some
6:42
validation
6:43
and
6:44
some
6:44
recognition
6:46
was
6:46
possible
6:48
through
6:49
radio
6:50
and
6:50
music.
6:51
And
6:52
I
6:52
sensed
6:53
that
6:54
being
6:54
in
6:55
the
6:55
limelight
6:56
was
6:57
going
6:57
to
6:57
help
6:57
me.
6:58
And
6:58
it
6:58
started
6:59
with
6:59
being
6:59
a
6:59
class
7:00
clown,
7:00
and
7:01
then
7:01
it
7:02
morphed
7:02
into,
7:03
you
7:03
know,
7:03
a
7:04
career.
7:05
Okay,
7:06
so
7:06
tell
7:06
me
7:06
about
7:07
that.
7:07
What
7:07
do
7:07
you
7:07
mean,
7:07
a
7:07
class
7:08
clown?
7:09
Getting
7:09
attention
7:10
from
7:10
others
7:11
and
7:11
disrupting.
7:12
I
7:12
became
7:13
disruptive.
7:14
Okay.
7:15
And
7:15
that
7:15
is
7:15
very
7:16
common
7:16
of
7:16
kids
7:16
that
7:17
are
7:17
going
7:17
through
7:17
trauma.
7:17
They're
7:18
either
7:18
silent
7:19
or
7:19
they
7:20
are
7:21
See
7:21
me,
7:21
see
7:22
me,
7:22
see
7:22
me.
7:23
And
7:23
they
7:23
have.
7:23
I
7:24
was
7:24
both.
7:25
Both.
7:25
You
7:26
know,
7:26
I
7:26
was
7:26
both.
7:27
Sometimes
7:27
I
7:28
couldn't.
7:29
I
7:29
was
7:29
shy
7:29
and
7:30
couldn't,
7:31
you
7:31
know,
7:31
get
7:32
out
7:32
of
7:32
my
7:32
own
7:32
way.
7:33
Like
7:33
in
7:34
that
7:34
cover
7:34
shot.
7:35
What
7:36
happened
7:36
after
7:37
that
7:37
smiling
7:38
kid
7:39
on
7:39
the
7:39
COVID
7:41
took
7:41
that
7:41
photograph?
7:42
I
7:42
was
7:42
supposed
7:43
to
7:43
be
7:43
a
7:43
ring
7:43
bearer
7:44
in
7:44
a
7:44
cousin's
7:45
wedding,
7:45
and
7:46
I
7:47
completely
7:47
balked
7:48
at
7:48
it
7:48
and
7:48
freaked
7:49
out
7:49
and
7:49
had
7:49
a
7:49
tantrum
7:51
and
7:52
refused
7:52
to
7:52
do
7:53
it.
7:54
And
7:54
so
7:55
while
7:55
one
7:56
moment
7:56
you
7:56
see
7:57
somebody
7:57
who
7:58
is
7:58
getting
7:58
the
7:58
attention
7:59
and
7:59
is
7:59
balanced,
8:00
I
8:00
couldn't
8:00
cope
8:02
with
8:03
attention
8:04
either.
8:04
So
8:05
it
8:05
was
8:05
kind
8:05
of
8:05
both
8:06
ends
8:06
of
8:06
the
8:06
spectrum.
8:07
Excuse
8:07
me
8:07
one
8:08
second.
8:11
Sorry,
8:11
I'm.
8:13
I
8:13
apologize.
8:14
I
8:14
had
8:14
something
8:15
in
8:15
my
8:15
throat.
8:16
You're
8:16
good.
8:16
Get
8:17
a
8:17
drink
8:17
of
8:17
water.
8:17
Do
8:17
what
8:17
you
8:17
got
8:18
to
8:18
do.
8:18
Yeah,
8:18
I
8:18
think
8:19
I'm
8:19
okay.
8:20
Okay.
8:20
But
8:21
no,
8:21
that
8:21
makes
8:21
sense.
8:21
I
8:22
mean,
8:22
a
8:22
lot
8:22
of
8:22
people,
8:23
it's
8:23
coloring,
8:24
it's
8:24
drawing,
8:24
it's.
8:25
Music
8:25
is
8:26
huge.
8:27
I
8:27
mean,
8:27
even
8:28
the
8:28
type
8:28
of
8:28
music
8:29
you
8:29
listen
8:29
to,
8:29
I
8:29
tell
8:30
people
8:30
when
8:30
they're.
8:30
When
8:30
you're
8:31
depressed
8:31
or
8:31
you're
8:32
angry
8:32
or
8:32
you're
8:32
sad
8:33
or
8:33
you're
8:33
happy,
8:33
depending
8:34
on
8:34
what
8:34
it
8:34
is.
8:34
Like,
8:35
those
8:35
frequencies
8:36
of
8:36
music
8:36
and
8:36
the
8:36
music
8:36
tones
8:37
and
8:37
everything
8:37
really
8:38
change
8:39
you
8:40
in
8:40
general.
8:40
Even
8:41
not
8:41
just.
8:42
I'm
8:42
just
8:42
thinking
8:42
music
8:43
in
8:43
general,
8:43
not
8:44
even
8:44
going
8:44
out
8:44
and
8:45
pursuing
8:45
a
8:45
career
8:46
in
8:46
it,
8:46
but
8:46
just
8:47
the
8:47
power
8:47
of
8:48
sound.
8:50
I
8:50
agree
8:50
with
8:50
that.
8:51
And
8:51
I
8:51
saw
8:51
that
8:52
firsthand
8:53
in
8:53
my
8:54
own
8:54
life,
8:56
especially
8:56
in
8:57
writing
8:57
a
8:57
book,
9:00
knowing
9:01
what
9:01
music
9:02
is
9:02
in
9:03
the
9:03
background
9:04
and
9:04
tying
9:05
it
9:05
to
9:05
music,
9:05
which
9:06
I
9:06
did,
9:09
released
9:09
a
9:10
lot
9:10
for
9:10
me,
9:10
because
9:11
the
9:11
one
9:12
power
9:12
of
9:12
music
9:13
is.
9:14
Well,
9:14
there
9:14
are
9:14
many
9:14
powers
9:15
of
9:15
music,
9:15
but
9:15
let's
9:16
say
9:16
that
9:16
one
9:16
of
9:17
them
9:17
is
9:17
the
9:17
fact
9:17
that
9:18
it
9:18
can
9:18
take
9:18
you
9:18
back
9:19
to
9:19
a
9:20
memory
9:21
so
9:22
clearly.
9:24
And
9:24
that's
9:24
why
9:24
music
9:25
is
9:25
so
9:26
powerful.
9:28
We
9:28
can
9:29
remember
9:29
maybe
9:30
the
9:30
first
9:30
time
9:30
we
9:31
heard
9:31
that
9:32
song,
9:32
or
9:34
the
9:34
lyric
9:35
brings
9:35
us
9:35
back
9:36
somewhere,
9:37
or
9:37
the
9:37
melody,
9:38
it
9:38
doesn't
9:38
really
9:39
matter,
9:39
but
9:41
triggers
9:41
something
9:42
visceral
9:43
inside
9:44
of
9:44
us
9:44
that
9:45
can
9:45
unlock
9:46
other.
9:46
Other
9:47
pieces.
9:48
Also,
9:49
I
9:49
noticed
9:49
it
9:50
in
9:50
my
9:51
mother,
9:51
who
9:52
eventually
9:54
was
9:54
diagnosed
9:55
with
9:55
dementia.
9:56
And
9:56
I
9:57
noticed
9:57
that
9:57
music
9:58
was
9:58
an
9:58
important
9:59
healing
10:00
aspect
10:01
for
10:01
her
10:02
during
10:03
that
10:04
illness
10:05
and.
10:06
And
10:06
affliction.
10:07
And
10:07
so
10:08
it.
10:10
I,
10:10
you
10:10
know,
10:10
it,
10:11
for
10:11
me,
10:11
it's
10:12
done
10:12
a
10:12
lot.
10:14
I.
10:16
Because
10:16
I
10:16
did
10:16
it
10:17
as
10:17
a
10:17
career,
10:18
now
10:18
I
10:19
have
10:19
to
10:20
really
10:20
focus
10:21
on
10:21
music
10:22
sparingly.
10:23
I.
10:24
If
10:24
I
10:24
get
10:25
too.
10:25
Too
10:25
much
10:25
stimulation
10:26
from
10:26
it,
10:27
it
10:27
brings
10:27
me
10:28
back
10:28
to
10:28
work.
10:30
So
10:31
that's
10:31
a
10:31
little
10:31
bit
10:32
of
10:32
a
10:32
byproduct
10:33
of
10:34
immerse.
10:35
Immersion
10:36
in
10:36
anything,
10:37
probably
10:38
that
10:39
makes
10:39
sense.
10:40
That
10:40
makes
10:41
total
10:41
sense.
10:42
But
10:42
I
10:42
know,
10:43
talk
10:43
about
10:43
your
10:44
mom,
10:44
I
10:44
mean,
10:44
curious.
10:45
So
10:45
did
10:45
you
10:46
play
10:46
certain
10:46
musics?
10:47
And
10:47
she
10:47
would
10:47
light
10:47
up
10:48
and
10:48
have
10:48
some
10:48
like,
10:48
recognition
10:49
or
10:50
remembering
10:50
from
10:51
the
10:51
different
10:51
musics
10:52
that
10:52
you
10:52
played
10:52
for
10:52
her
10:53
or
10:53
did
10:53
she
10:53
just
10:54
make
10:54
her
10:55
peaceful?
10:56
I
10:56
think
10:56
it
10:56
was
10:57
a
10:57
calming
10:57
effect.
10:58
And
10:58
sure,
10:58
I
10:59
made
10:59
sure
11:00
I,
11:01
I
11:03
Music
11:03
was
11:04
always
11:04
very
11:04
important
11:05
to
11:05
both
11:05
of
11:05
my
11:06
parents,
11:07
coincidentally.
11:08
And
11:09
I
11:09
think
11:09
we
11:09
do
11:10
sort
11:10
of
11:10
become
11:10
our
11:10
parents
11:11
in
11:11
some
11:11
ways.
11:13
My
11:13
mother
11:13
was
11:14
very
11:14
artistic.
11:14
My
11:15
father
11:15
was
11:15
very
11:17
businesslike
11:18
and
11:18
organized.
11:19
And
11:19
I'm
11:20
somewhere
11:20
in
11:20
the
11:20
middle,
11:22
you
11:22
know,
11:22
I
11:22
would
11:22
call
11:23
it
11:23
creative.
11:25
But
11:27
my
11:27
mother,
11:28
I
11:29
remember
11:30
music
11:30
and
11:30
dancing
11:31
was
11:32
a,
11:32
was
11:33
something
11:33
that
11:33
really
11:34
moved
11:34
her.
11:35
And
11:37
my
11:37
father
11:38
played
11:38
music
11:39
by
11:39
ear,
11:41
not
11:42
sheet
11:43
music.
11:44
And
11:45
he
11:45
could
11:46
recall,
11:47
you
11:47
know,
11:47
varied
11:48
songs
11:48
and
11:49
things
11:49
on
11:49
the
11:49
piano
11:50
and
11:50
that's
11:52
what
11:52
he
11:52
would
11:52
do.
11:53
And
11:54
so
11:55
I
11:55
guess
11:55
together
11:56
it
11:58
played
11:58
a
11:58
role
11:58
in
11:59
both
11:59
of
11:59
their
11:59
lives
12:00
and
12:00
influenced
12:01
me.
12:01
And
12:02
then
12:02
I
12:02
have
12:02
three
12:03
older
12:03
siblings
12:04
who
12:05
also
12:06
got
12:06
very
12:07
into
12:07
dance
12:07
and
12:08
music
12:08
in
12:08
different
12:09
ways.
12:10
And
12:11
all
12:11
three
12:11
of
12:11
them
12:12
had
12:12
different
12:12
styles
12:13
of
12:13
music
12:13
that
12:14
they
12:14
were
12:14
listening
12:14
to.
12:15
So
12:15
I
12:15
was
12:15
exposed
12:16
to
12:16
all
12:17
this
12:18
varied
12:19
music
12:20
as
12:20
a
12:20
young
12:21
child.
12:22
They
12:22
were
12:22
10
12:23
or
12:23
9,
12:24
10
12:24
and
12:24
11
12:24
years
12:25
older
12:25
than,
12:26
than
12:26
myself.
12:27
And
12:27
so,
12:28
you
12:28
know,
12:29
I,
12:29
in
12:30
one
12:30
ear
12:30
I
12:31
would
12:31
have
12:31
Santana,
12:32
and
12:32
in
12:32
the
12:33
other
12:33
one
12:33
I
12:33
would
12:34
have
12:34
Curtis
12:35
Mayfield.
12:35
And
12:35
then
12:36
in
12:36
another
12:36
one
12:37
it
12:37
would
12:37
be
12:37
Van
12:37
Morrison.
12:39
And
12:40
all
12:40
of
12:40
those
12:40
are
12:41
very
12:41
different.
12:42
And
12:42
so
12:43
that
12:43
was
12:43
actually
12:43
kind
12:44
of
12:44
cool.
12:44
And
12:44
then
12:45
my
12:45
father,
12:45
you
12:46
know,
12:46
was
12:46
into
12:47
maybe
12:47
Bing
12:47
Crosby
12:48
and
12:48
my
12:48
mom
12:49
was
12:50
turning
12:50
on
12:50
to
12:51
things
12:51
like
12:51
Neil
12:51
diamond
12:52
or
12:53
Per,
12:53
you
12:53
know,
12:53
still
12:54
into
12:54
like
12:54
Perry
12:54
Como
12:55
or,
12:56
you
12:56
know,
12:56
these.
12:57
So
12:57
it
12:58
was,
12:59
you
12:59
know,
13:00
the
13:00
Beatles
13:00
played
13:01
a
13:01
huge
13:01
influence
13:02
and
13:02
the
13:02
Rolling
13:03
Stones
13:03
and
13:03
things
13:04
like
13:04
that.
13:05
The
13:05
good
13:05
music
13:05
back
13:05
then,
13:06
right?
13:07
Not
13:08
this
13:08
stuff
13:09
they
13:09
have
13:09
today.
13:10
I
13:10
shouldn't
13:11
say
13:11
that,
13:11
but
13:13
I'm
13:13
not.
13:13
Going
13:13
to
13:13
criticize
13:14
music
13:14
today.
13:14
I'll
13:15
just
13:15
say
13:15
that
13:15
it's
13:16
changed
13:16
a
13:16
lot.
13:17
And
13:18
for
13:18
me,
13:18
the
13:18
biggest
13:19
change
13:19
is
13:21
really
13:22
the,
13:23
the
13:24
pomp
13:24
and
13:25
circumstance
13:25
of
13:26
the
13:26
music
13:26
has
13:27
become
13:28
the
13:28
part
13:28
that's
13:29
out
13:29
in
13:29
front
13:30
of.
13:30
And
13:30
the
13:31
substance
13:32
is
13:32
what's
13:33
now
13:34
very
13:35
much
13:35
in
13:35
the
13:35
background.
13:37
And
13:37
a
13:37
lot
13:37
of
13:37
it
13:37
is
13:38
technology.
13:39
And
13:41
technology
13:41
has
13:42
changed
13:43
all
13:43
of
13:43
our
13:43
lives.
13:44
Everything's
13:44
immediate
13:45
now.
13:45
We
13:45
don't
13:46
think
13:46
long
13:46
term
13:47
anymore.
13:47
Everything
13:48
is
13:48
about
13:49
what's
13:49
happening
13:50
right
13:50
now
13:51
and
13:52
what
13:52
happened
13:52
three
13:53
weeks
13:53
ago.
13:54
We
13:55
don't
13:55
even
13:55
think
13:55
about
13:55
that
13:55
anymore.
13:56
That's,
13:57
it's
13:57
out
13:57
of
13:57
our
13:58
minds.
13:58
So.
13:59
And
14:00
I
14:00
think
14:00
that's
14:00
a
14:01
lot
14:01
of
14:01
social
14:01
media.
14:02
And
14:05
anyway,
14:05
I
14:05
think
14:06
the
14:06
same
14:06
thing
14:06
has
14:06
happened
14:07
with
14:07
music
14:07
to
14:08
some
14:08
degree.
14:09
And
14:09
all
14:09
of
14:09
entertainment
14:10
you
14:10
know,
14:10
I,
14:11
I
14:11
love
14:11
that
14:11
you
14:11
say
14:11
that,
14:12
though,
14:12
the
14:12
variation
14:13
of
14:13
the
14:13
different
14:13
music.
14:14
So
14:14
we
14:14
had
14:15
that
14:15
with
14:15
my
14:16
kids
14:16
growing
14:16
up
14:16
because
14:17
they
14:17
spent
14:17
a
14:18
lot,
14:18
a
14:18
lot
14:18
of
14:18
time
14:19
with
14:19
their
14:19
grandparents
14:20
and
14:20
their
14:20
great
14:20
grandparents.
14:21
So
14:22
they
14:22
got
14:22
all
14:23
the
14:23
old
14:23
music.
14:24
And
14:24
my,
14:25
my
14:25
youngest
14:25
son
14:26
is
14:26
a
14:26
perfect
14:26
example
14:27
of
14:27
that.
14:27
Like,
14:27
his
14:27
first
14:28
concert
14:28
was
14:28
Weezer,
14:29
and
14:29
he
14:29
listens
14:30
to
14:30
Eminem
14:30
and
14:30
he
14:31
listens
14:31
to
14:31
all
14:31
that
14:31
stuff.
14:32
But
14:32
then
14:32
one
14:32
day
14:33
he
14:33
called
14:33
me
14:33
up,
14:33
this
14:33
is
14:34
about
14:34
two
14:34
years
14:34
ago,
14:34
and
14:35
he
14:35
said,
14:35
hey,
14:35
mom,
14:35
you
14:35
want
14:36
to
14:36
take
14:36
me
14:36
to
14:36
a
14:36
concert
14:37
up
14:37
in
14:37
Jacksonville?
14:38
And
14:38
I
14:38
was
14:38
like,
14:39
sure,
14:39
who
14:39
are
14:39
we
14:39
going
14:39
to
14:40
see?
14:40
And
14:40
he's
14:40
like,
14:40
the
14:40
Spinners.
14:44
They're
14:44
still
14:44
playing,
14:45
like,
14:45
but
14:46
I'm
14:46
like,
14:46
but
14:46
it
14:46
was
14:46
so
14:47
great
14:47
to
14:47
have,
14:47
you
14:48
know,
14:48
like,
14:48
the
14:49
combination.
14:49
And
14:49
then,
14:50
like,
14:50
I
14:50
grew
14:50
up
14:50
with
14:51
my
14:52
dad
14:52
who,
14:52
you
14:53
know,
14:53
just
14:53
listened
14:53
to
14:54
kind
14:54
of.
14:55
I
14:55
don't
14:55
know,
14:55
you
14:55
and
14:55
I
14:55
are
14:56
probably
14:56
similar
14:56
ages.
14:57
You're
14:58
maybe
14:58
a
14:58
little
14:58
older,
14:58
I'm
14:59
not
14:59
sure.
14:59
But
15:00
yeah,
15:01
that
15:01
music.
15:01
And
15:02
then
15:02
it
15:02
was
15:02
like,
15:03
Even
15:03
now,
15:04
my
15:04
21
15:04
year
15:04
old,
15:05
you
15:05
jump.
15:05
You
15:05
jump
15:06
in
15:06
the
15:06
car
15:06
with
15:06
him
15:06
and
15:07
he's
15:07
playing
15:07
something
15:07
from
15:08
the
15:08
50s,
15:08
like,
15:09
what
15:09
are
15:09
you?
15:09
And
15:10
he's
15:10
like,
15:10
this
15:10
is
15:10
just
15:11
what
15:11
I'm
15:11
feeling
15:12
right
15:12
now.
15:13
Well,
15:14
there's,
15:15
there's
15:15
a
15:15
huge
15:16
body
15:16
of
15:16
work
15:17
in
15:18
contemporary
15:19
music
15:20
and,
15:21
you
15:21
know,
15:21
what
15:21
is
15:22
contemporary
15:22
now.
15:24
So
15:24
there's
15:24
a
15:24
lot
15:24
to
15:25
pull
15:25
from
15:25
in.
15:26
From
15:27
the
15:27
beginning
15:27
of
15:27
rock
15:28
and
15:28
roll
15:29
all
15:29
the
15:29
way
15:30
through
15:30
to
15:30
present
15:30
day
15:31
and
15:31
what
15:31
it's
15:32
influenced.
15:32
But
15:33
it's
15:33
definitely
15:34
in
15:34
a
15:34
transition
15:36
because,
15:37
you
15:37
know,
15:37
rock
15:38
music
15:38
is
15:38
a
15:38
fraction
15:39
of
15:40
the
15:42
popular
15:43
sounds
15:44
now.
15:45
And,
15:46
you
15:46
know,
15:46
people
15:46
are
15:47
always
15:47
saying,
15:47
well,
15:48
they've
15:49
been
15:49
saying
15:49
rock
15:49
is
15:49
dead
15:50
for
15:50
years,
15:50
but
15:51
it's
15:51
not
15:51
really
15:51
dead.
15:52
It's
15:52
just
15:53
this
15:53
giant
15:54
body
15:54
of
15:54
music
15:56
is
15:57
like
15:57
a
15:57
library
15:58
that
15:59
people
15:59
can
15:59
go
15:59
to.
16:00
And
16:00
I've
16:01
had
16:01
younger
16:02
people
16:02
turn
16:02
me
16:02
on
16:03
to
16:03
music
16:03
that
16:03
I
16:04
didn't
16:04
know
16:05
was
16:05
even
16:05
out
16:06
there,
16:06
that
16:07
was
16:07
from
16:07
the
16:07
50s
16:07
or
16:08
the
16:08
60s.
16:09
And
16:10
age
16:10
wise,
16:11
to
16:11
your
16:13
point,
16:14
I'm
16:14
63.
16:15
I
16:15
was
16:15
born
16:16
in
16:16
1962.
16:17
Okay,
16:18
so
16:19
a
16:19
couple
16:19
years
16:19
older
16:19
than
16:20
me.
16:20
Not
16:20
many,
16:20
but
16:20
a
16:20
couple.
16:21
Right.
16:23
And.
16:23
Yeah,
16:23
but.
16:24
Oh,
16:24
go
16:24
ahead.
16:25
Well,
16:25
I
16:25
was
16:25
just
16:25
gonna
16:25
say,
16:26
I
16:26
mean,
16:26
the
16:26
music
16:26
that
16:26
was
16:27
popular
16:27
when
16:27
I
16:28
was
16:29
born,
16:30
you
16:30
know,
16:31
the
16:31
Beatles
16:31
were
16:32
just
16:32
becoming
16:32
popular
16:33
in
16:33
the
16:34
uk.
16:34
They
16:34
hadn't
16:35
even
16:35
come
16:35
to
16:35
the
16:35
US
16:36
yet.
16:37
Bob
16:38
Dylan,
16:39
you
16:39
know,
16:39
was
16:39
popular
16:40
with
16:40
his
16:41
style
16:41
of
16:41
folk
16:42
music
16:42
still.
16:43
And
16:44
the
16:44
Supremes,
16:45
you
16:46
know,
16:46
were
16:47
popular
16:47
with
16:48
their
16:49
style
16:49
of,
16:51
you
16:51
know,
16:51
girl
16:52
groups
16:52
and
16:53
Motown.
16:54
And
16:54
so
16:55
that,
16:55
you
16:55
know,
16:55
it
16:56
was
16:56
a.
16:58
That's
16:58
a
16:58
very
16:59
diverse
16:59
array
17:00
of
17:00
things
17:01
going
17:01
on
17:02
in
17:02
our
17:02
society,
17:03
but,
17:03
you
17:03
know,
17:03
it
17:04
speaks
17:04
to
17:06
the
17:06
reflection
17:06
of
17:07
the
17:07
times.
17:08
Oh,
17:08
yeah.
17:09
Oh,
17:09
absolutely.
17:10
And.
17:10
And
17:11
that's
17:11
why
17:11
I
17:11
think
17:11
I
17:11
love
17:12
it
17:12
so
17:12
much
17:12
that,
17:13
like,
17:13
sometimes
17:13
my
17:14
son
17:14
will
17:14
be
17:14
listening
17:14
to
17:14
something
17:15
and
17:15
I'm
17:15
like,
17:15
what.
17:15
What
17:15
made
17:16
you
17:16
choose
17:16
this
17:16
today?
17:16
And
17:16
he's
17:17
like,
17:17
today
17:17
I
17:17
feel
17:17
like
17:17
an
17:18
old
17:18
soul.
17:19
I'm
17:19
like,
17:19
so
17:20
he
17:20
really
17:20
feel
17:21
like
17:21
he
17:21
listens
17:21
to
17:22
the
17:22
lyrics.
17:22
Like
17:22
he
17:22
knows
17:23
what
17:23
every
17:23
story
17:24
where
17:24
it's
17:24
funny
17:25
because
17:25
in
17:25
this
17:25
day
17:26
and
17:26
age,
17:26
it
17:26
seems
17:26
like,
17:27
like
17:27
you
17:27
said,
17:27
our
17:27
thinking
17:28
is
17:28
so
17:29
flitty,
17:30
like
17:30
so
17:30
off
17:31
there,
17:31
but
17:31
it's
17:32
like
17:32
he
17:32
knows
17:32
every
17:33
lyric
17:33
and
17:33
the
17:34
story
17:34
behind
17:35
every
17:35
song.
17:36
And
17:36
I
17:36
think
17:36
that's,
17:37
you
17:38
know,
17:38
that's
17:38
like
17:38
you
17:38
said,
17:39
the
17:39
depth
17:39
of
17:39
the
17:40
songs
17:40
is
17:40
just
17:41
kind
17:41
of
17:41
changed.
17:42
But
17:43
no,
17:43
I
17:43
love
17:44
that.
17:44
But
17:44
talk
17:45
about.
17:45
Talk
17:45
about
17:46
a
17:46
little
17:46
bit
17:46
more
17:46
about.
17:47
I
17:47
know
17:47
you
17:47
had
17:47
a
17:48
really
17:48
rough
17:48
kind
17:49
of
17:49
middle
17:50
teenage
17:51
type
17:51
years.
17:52
How
17:52
did
17:53
you.
17:53
What
17:53
things
17:53
did
17:54
you
17:54
use
17:54
besides
17:55
music
17:55
to
17:55
kind
17:56
of
17:56
jump
17:56
out
17:57
of
17:57
that?
17:57
Like,
17:57
did
17:58
you
17:58
ever
17:58
get
17:58
depressed?
17:59
Did
17:59
you
17:59
ever
17:59
get.
17:59
I
17:59
mean,
17:59
you
18:00
said
18:00
you
18:00
were
18:00
kind
18:01
of
18:01
an
18:01
a
18:01
hole.
18:02
Was
18:02
that
18:02
a
18:03
result
18:03
of
18:03
those
18:04
years?
18:07
I
18:07
think
18:07
there
18:07
was
18:08
an
18:08
undercurrent.
18:09
I
18:09
mean,
18:09
first
18:09
of
18:09
all,
18:10
I
18:10
grew
18:10
up
18:10
with
18:11
some
18:11
degree
18:11
of
18:11
privilege
18:13
I
18:13
didn't
18:13
grow
18:14
up
18:14
in.
18:15
I
18:15
think
18:16
there
18:16
was
18:16
a
18:17
misnomer
18:18
that
18:18
from
18:18
a
18:18
lot
18:19
of
18:19
people
18:19
that
18:20
they
18:20
think
18:20
that,
18:21
well,
18:21
if
18:21
you
18:21
grow
18:22
up
18:22
with
18:23
a
18:24
great
18:24
home
18:24
over
18:25
your
18:26
head
18:26
and
18:27
eating
18:27
good
18:27
food
18:28
and.
18:29
And
18:29
being
18:29
able
18:30
to
18:30
be
18:30
driven
18:31
places
18:33
and
18:34
having
18:34
enough
18:34
money
18:35
to
18:35
go
18:35
to
18:35
Disneyland,
18:36
that
18:37
everything's
18:37
great
18:38
and
18:38
you
18:39
are
18:39
a
18:39
happy
18:40
child
18:40
and
18:42
that's
18:42
a
18:42
ticket
18:42
to
18:45
happiness.
18:46
Well,
18:46
that
18:47
doesn't
18:47
equate.
18:49
It
18:49
doesn't
18:50
really
18:50
matter
18:50
what
18:51
socioeconomic
18:54
category
18:55
that
18:55
you
18:55
come
18:55
from.
18:56
So
18:57
I
18:57
had
18:58
some
18:58
degree
18:58
of
18:58
privilege,
18:59
but
18:59
at
18:59
the
18:59
same
19:00
time,
19:00
I
19:00
was
19:00
starved
19:01
for
19:02
attention
19:03
and
19:04
love
19:04
and
19:04
support
19:05
and
19:06
safety.
19:07
And
19:08
that
19:08
is
19:09
also
19:09
a.
19:09
Neglect
19:10
is
19:10
a
19:10
form
19:11
of
19:11
dysfunction
19:12
and
19:13
abuse.
19:15
And
19:15
so
19:16
that's
19:16
really
19:16
where
19:17
the
19:17
root
19:17
of
19:17
my
19:19
childhood
19:19
trauma
19:20
came
19:20
from,
19:21
is
19:21
it?
19:22
It
19:22
came
19:23
from
19:23
my
19:25
parents
19:26
being
19:27
too
19:28
busy
19:28
with
19:28
their
19:29
own
19:30
shit
19:31
and
19:32
not
19:32
able
19:33
to
19:33
focus
19:34
on
19:34
the
19:35
needs
19:35
of
19:36
a
19:36
new
19:37
child
19:37
in
19:37
a
19:38
family
19:38
that
19:38
already
19:39
had
19:41
five
19:42
people
19:43
in
19:43
it.
19:44
And
19:44
so
19:44
I
19:44
was
19:45
the
19:45
last
19:45
of
19:46
the
19:47
six
19:47
of
19:48
us.
19:49
And
19:50
I
19:50
think
19:51
that,
19:51
you
19:52
know,
19:52
my
19:52
mom
19:52
knew
19:53
that
19:53
she
19:53
didn't
19:53
want
19:53
to
19:53
be
19:53
married
19:54
to
19:54
my
19:54
father
19:55
the
19:55
day
19:55
they
19:55
got
19:56
married,
19:58
but
19:58
went
19:58
through
19:59
with
19:59
it.
19:59
And.
20:00
And
20:00
also
20:01
laws
20:01
were
20:01
very
20:02
different
20:02
then.
20:02
Divorce
20:03
laws
20:03
were
20:03
different.
20:04
Abortion
20:04
laws
20:05
were
20:05
different.
20:07
So
20:07
people
20:08
can't
20:09
really
20:09
look
20:09
at
20:09
it
20:10
through
20:10
Today's
20:10
lens
20:11
of
20:11
what
20:12
somebody
20:12
was
20:13
going
20:13
through
20:13
back
20:13
then.
20:14
But
20:14
when
20:14
you're
20:15
a
20:15
small
20:15
child,
20:15
you
20:16
feel
20:16
all
20:16
of
20:17
that
20:17
and
20:18
you
20:18
pick
20:18
up
20:18
on
20:19
all
20:19
of
20:19
those
20:19
cues
20:20
and
20:20
it
20:20
affects
20:21
you
20:21
in
20:21
a
20:22
bigger
20:22
way
20:22
because
20:23
you're
20:23
a
20:23
sponge.
20:24
And
20:26
I
20:26
didn't
20:26
know
20:27
what
20:27
boundaries
20:28
were.
20:28
I
20:29
didn't
20:29
understand
20:30
how
20:30
to
20:30
deal
20:31
with
20:31
my
20:31
feelings.
20:32
We
20:32
never
20:32
talked
20:33
about
20:33
feelings.
20:35
I
20:35
didn't
20:36
know
20:37
how
20:38
to
20:38
really
20:40
function
20:40
in
20:40
a
20:41
lot
20:41
of
20:41
ways.
20:42
I
20:42
just
20:43
wasn't
20:43
really
20:44
dealt
20:44
with
20:45
in
20:45
a
20:45
way
20:46
where
20:47
I
20:47
got
20:47
that
20:48
information.
20:49
And
20:49
so
20:50
you
20:50
start
20:51
going
20:51
through
20:51
life
20:52
and
20:52
you
20:53
get
20:53
your
20:53
job
20:53
and
20:54
you're
20:54
doing
20:54
well,
20:55
and
20:55
you
20:55
get
20:56
a
20:56
lot
20:56
of
20:56
atta
20:56
boys
20:57
here
20:57
and
20:57
there.
20:58
And
20:59
I
20:59
was
20:59
very
21:00
confused,
21:01
but
21:01
also
21:02
unaware
21:04
of
21:04
what
21:05
I
21:05
was
21:05
confused
21:06
about
21:06
or
21:06
what
21:06
was
21:07
really
21:07
driving
21:07
me.
21:08
And
21:08
when
21:08
I
21:09
say
21:09
music
21:09
was
21:09
a
21:09
form
21:10
of
21:10
survival,
21:10
my
21:11
career
21:12
became
21:12
a
21:13
driver
21:13
for
21:13
me.
21:14
If
21:14
I
21:14
can
21:15
have
21:15
some
21:16
of
21:16
the
21:16
success
21:17
that
21:17
other
21:17
people
21:18
have
21:18
and
21:18
I
21:18
can
21:19
be
21:19
like
21:19
that,
21:20
then
21:20
I
21:20
too,
21:21
will
21:21
be
21:21
a
21:21
happy
21:22
person.
21:23
And
21:23
I
21:24
didn't
21:24
know
21:25
that
21:25
consciously,
21:26
but
21:27
that,
21:27
when
21:28
I
21:28
look
21:28
back,
21:29
is
21:29
how
21:29
I've
21:30
analyzed
21:30
the.
21:31
And
21:31
traced
21:31
the
21:32
source.
21:32
And
21:33
so
21:33
it
21:34
came
21:34
out
21:34
in
21:34
a
21:35
lot
21:35
of
21:35
ways.
21:36
I
21:36
mean,
21:36
it
21:36
came
21:37
out
21:37
in
21:37
the
21:37
way
21:37
that
21:37
I
21:38
treated
21:38
other
21:38
people.
21:39
I
21:39
didn't
21:39
really
21:40
have
21:40
empathy
21:40
until
21:42
I
21:42
started
21:42
understanding
21:43
what
21:43
empathy
21:44
was.
21:44
And
21:44
that
21:45
was
21:45
my
21:46
first
21:47
understanding
21:47
of
21:48
empathy,
21:48
was
21:48
being
21:49
in
21:49
a
21:49
therapist's
21:49
office
21:50
in
21:50
my
21:50
late
21:50
20s
21:51
and
21:51
the
21:52
therapist
21:52
explaining
21:53
to
21:53
me
21:53
what
21:53
empathy
21:54
was,
21:54
which
21:54
I
21:54
didn't
21:54
even
21:55
know
21:55
how
21:55
to
21:55
feel
21:56
because
21:56
a
21:56
lot
21:57
of
21:57
my
21:57
feelings
21:57
were
21:58
numb.
21:59
Right?
22:00
I
22:00
couldn't
22:01
even
22:01
feel
22:01
things.
22:02
And
22:02
that,
22:03
strangely
22:04
enough,
22:04
that
22:05
helped
22:05
propel
22:06
me
22:06
in
22:07
business
22:07
and
22:07
success
22:08
because
22:08
I
22:08
could
22:09
give
22:09
a
22:09
crap
22:09
about
22:10
who
22:10
I
22:10
stepped
22:11
on,
22:11
because
22:11
I
22:12
didn't
22:12
even
22:12
feel.
22:14
I
22:14
didn't
22:14
have
22:14
a
22:14
conscience
22:17
yet.
22:18
When
22:18
I
22:18
look
22:18
back,
22:19
I'm
22:19
mortified
22:20
and
22:20
ashamed
22:21
of
22:21
how
22:22
I
22:22
behaved
22:23
in
22:24
certain
22:24
ways.
22:24
And
22:25
people
22:25
probably
22:25
thought,
22:25
oh,
22:26
well,
22:26
he's
22:26
arrogant
22:27
or
22:27
he's
22:28
an
22:28
asshole
22:29
or,
22:29
you
22:30
know,
22:30
he's
22:31
entitled
22:31
or
22:32
whatever.
22:33
I'm
22:34
sure
22:34
I
22:34
got
22:34
all
22:35
kinds
22:35
of
22:35
things
22:35
behind
22:36
the
22:36
scenes,
22:37
but
22:37
a
22:37
lack
22:38
of.
22:38
A
22:38
lack
22:38
of
22:38
feeling
22:39
and
22:39
a
22:39
lack
22:39
of
22:40
being
22:40
able
22:40
to
22:40
feel
22:40
is
22:41
such
22:41
a
22:41
trauma
22:42
thing.
22:43
But
22:43
you
22:43
don't
22:43
know.
22:43
You
22:44
didn't
22:44
know
22:44
any
22:44
better.
22:44
Like,
22:45
so
22:45
if
22:45
you.
22:45
If
22:46
you
22:46
don't
22:46
feel
22:46
your
22:47
own
22:47
feelings,
22:47
you
22:48
don't
22:48
understand
22:48
that
22:49
other
22:49
people
22:49
have
22:49
their
22:49
own
22:50
feelings
22:50
as
22:50
well.
22:51
Because
22:51
that's
22:51
a
22:51
lot
22:51
of
22:52
what
22:52
I
22:52
went
22:52
through.
22:52
Like,
22:53
I
22:53
didn't
22:53
have
22:53
that
22:54
empathy
22:54
because
22:54
I'm
22:54
like,
22:55
ah,
22:55
things
22:55
would
22:55
happen
22:56
to
22:56
me
22:56
and
22:56
people
22:56
would
22:56
be
22:57
like,
22:57
oh,
22:57
my
22:57
God,
22:57
Tammy,
22:58
that's
22:58
horrific.
22:58
And
22:59
I'm
22:59
like,
22:59
whatever.
23:00
Like,
23:00
I.
23:00
I
23:01
didn't
23:01
let
23:01
myself
23:01
feel.
23:02
I
23:02
didn't
23:02
even
23:02
know.
23:03
You
23:03
know,
23:03
sometimes
23:03
people.
23:04
I
23:04
remember
23:04
a
23:05
therapist
23:05
saying
23:05
to
23:05
me,
23:05
well,
23:06
that
23:06
should
23:06
make
23:06
you
23:06
really
23:07
angry.
23:07
What,
23:07
what,
23:08
what
23:08
do
23:08
you
23:08
feel
23:08
about
23:08
that?
23:09
I'm
23:09
like,
23:09
feel
23:10
like
23:11
I
23:11
don't.
23:12
So
23:12
how.
23:13
How
23:13
can
23:13
you
23:13
treat
23:14
other
23:14
people
23:15
as
23:15
if
23:16
they
23:16
have
23:16
feelings
23:17
when
23:17
you
23:17
don't?
23:17
And
23:18
that's
23:18
totally
23:18
understandable.
23:20
Well,
23:20
also
23:22
identify,
23:22
you
23:22
know,
23:23
why
23:23
does
23:23
a
23:24
kid
23:24
have
23:24
a
23:24
tantrum?
23:25
Well,
23:26
kid
23:26
has
23:26
a
23:26
tantrum
23:27
because
23:27
they
23:28
don't
23:28
know
23:28
how
23:29
to
23:29
express
23:29
what
23:30
they're
23:30
feeling.
23:31
And
23:31
so
23:32
for
23:32
me,
23:32
I
23:33
must
23:33
have
23:33
been
23:33
in
23:33
some
23:34
pretty
23:34
dramatic
23:36
situations
23:37
because
23:38
I
23:38
had
23:38
a
23:38
lot
23:39
of
23:39
tantrums
23:40
and
23:40
I.
23:41
I
23:41
didn't
23:42
like
23:42
the
23:42
way
23:42
I
23:42
was
23:42
being
23:43
treated.
23:44
And
23:44
I
23:44
knew
23:45
it,
23:45
but
23:45
I
23:45
didn't
23:46
know
23:46
how
23:46
to
23:46
express
23:46
it
23:47
because
23:47
I
23:47
was
23:47
too
23:47
young
23:48
to
23:48
understand
23:49
it
23:49
and
23:50
I
23:50
was
23:50
still
23:50
developing.
23:52
I'm
23:52
not
23:53
making
23:53
excuses
23:54
for
23:55
kids
23:55
having
23:55
tantrums.
23:56
I
23:57
mean,
23:58
I'm
23:59
not
23:59
a
23:59
parent,
23:59
so
24:00
I'm.
24:01
And
24:01
I'm
24:01
not
24:01
blaming
24:02
my
24:02
parents
24:02
either.
24:03
They
24:03
had
24:04
their
24:04
own
24:04
stuff
24:04
that
24:05
they
24:05
had
24:05
to
24:05
deal
24:05
with.
24:06
And.
24:06
And
24:08
a
24:08
lot
24:09
of
24:09
this
24:09
is
24:09
generational,
24:10
so
24:10
they
24:10
were
24:11
handed,
24:11
you
24:11
know,
24:12
giant
24:12
trash
24:13
bags
24:14
full
24:14
of
24:14
crap
24:15
that
24:15
they
24:15
carried
24:16
around
24:16
with
24:16
them,
24:17
and
24:17
that
24:17
weighed
24:18
them
24:18
down.
24:18
And
24:19
then
24:19
they
24:19
didn't
24:20
really
24:20
know
24:21
how
24:21
to
24:21
communicate
24:21
with
24:22
one
24:22
another
24:22
very
24:22
well.
24:23
And
24:24
they
24:24
didn't
24:24
teach
24:25
any
24:25
of
24:25
us
24:26
kids
24:26
how
24:27
to
24:27
communicate
24:28
with
24:28
others
24:30
because
24:31
it
24:31
was
24:31
just
24:31
constant
24:32
chaos.
24:33
Right.
24:34
And
24:35
there
24:35
was
24:35
alcohol
24:36
involved
24:36
and
24:37
there
24:37
was
24:38
shouting
24:38
and
24:39
a
24:39
lot
24:39
of
24:39
profanity.
24:40
And
24:42
so
24:43
then
24:44
you
24:44
go
24:44
through
24:44
life
24:45
trying
24:45
to
24:45
recreate
24:46
those
24:46
situations
24:48
subconsciously
24:48
because
24:49
that's
24:49
what
24:50
is
24:50
comfortable
24:50
to
24:51
you,
24:51
which
24:51
is
24:52
crazy,
24:53
but
24:53
that's
24:54
the
24:54
root
24:55
of
24:55
dysfunction.
24:56
And
24:57
so
24:58
I
24:58
went
24:58
through
24:58
life,
24:59
you
24:59
know,
25:00
with
25:00
this
25:00
addiction
25:01
to
25:01
excitement,
25:02
as
25:02
I
25:02
mentioned
25:03
earlier.
25:03
And
25:03
that's
25:03
just
25:04
me
25:05
trying
25:05
to
25:05
recreate
25:06
all
25:06
of
25:06
these
25:07
scenarios
25:08
to
25:08
make
25:09
myself
25:10
feel
25:10
comfortable
25:10
or
25:11
to
25:11
soothe
25:11
myself.
25:12
And
25:12
I
25:12
picked
25:13
up
25:13
a
25:13
lot
25:13
of
25:13
other
25:13
bad
25:14
habits
25:14
to
25:14
soothe
25:15
myself
25:15
in
25:15
the
25:15
process.
25:18
I
25:18
understand
25:19
that
25:19
one
25:20
totally.
25:20
For
25:21
people
25:21
that
25:21
don't
25:21
understand,
25:22
it's
25:23
really
25:23
hard
25:23
to
25:23
describe
25:24
and
25:24
explain.
25:24
Explain
25:25
how
25:25
your
25:25
brain
25:25
works.
25:26
The
25:26
fact
25:26
that
25:27
you
25:27
will,
25:28
you
25:28
know,
25:28
you
25:28
grow
25:28
up
25:29
with
25:29
a
25:29
narcissistic
25:30
parent
25:30
and
25:31
you're
25:31
going
25:31
to
25:31
marry
25:31
a
25:31
narcissist.
25:32
And
25:32
it's.
25:33
It's
25:33
very
25:33
hard
25:34
for
25:34
people
25:34
to
25:34
go,
25:34
well,
25:35
you
25:35
grew
25:35
up
25:35
like
25:35
that.
25:36
Why
25:36
didn't
25:36
you
25:36
see
25:36
the
25:37
signs?
25:37
Well,
25:38
I
25:38
did
25:38
see
25:38
the
25:39
signs,
25:39
but
25:39
your
25:39
brain
25:40
would
25:40
rather
25:40
be
25:40
comfortable
25:41
and
25:41
familiar
25:42
or
25:43
be
25:43
it
25:44
craves
25:44
familiarity.
25:45
It's
25:46
drawn
25:46
to
25:46
that.
25:47
And
25:47
that's
25:48
why,
25:48
you
25:48
know,
25:49
I
25:49
always.
25:49
We
25:49
talk
25:49
about
25:50
cycle
25:50
breakers,
25:51
you
25:51
know,
25:52
you
25:52
have
25:52
to
25:52
be
25:53
that
25:53
one
25:53
that
25:53
goes,
25:54
I'm
25:54
gonna
25:54
ignore
25:55
the
25:55
red
25:55
flags.
25:56
I
25:56
know
25:56
exactly
25:57
what
25:57
my
25:57
brain
25:58
says
25:58
go
25:58
for.
25:59
And
25:59
what
25:59
is
25:59
such
26:00
so
26:00
wrong
26:00
for
26:01
me?
26:02
And
26:03
it
26:03
is
26:03
very
26:04
hard
26:04
to
26:04
understand
26:05
because
26:05
people
26:05
go,
26:05
you
26:06
grew
26:06
up
26:06
with
26:06
an
26:06
alcoholic.
26:07
Why
26:07
would
26:07
you
26:08
drink?
26:08
You
26:08
grew
26:08
up
26:08
with
26:09
this.
26:09
Why
26:09
would
26:09
you
26:09
do
26:09
that?
26:10
And
26:10
it's
26:11
because
26:11
you.
26:11
It's
26:12
all,
26:12
you
26:12
know,
26:12
one
26:13
and
26:13
two,
26:13
like
26:14
you
26:14
said,
26:14
you're
26:14
from.
26:15
It's
26:15
familiar
26:15
and
26:16
it's.
26:16
You're
26:17
drawn
26:17
to
26:17
it,
26:17
and
26:17
it's
26:18
so
26:19
frustrating
26:19
for
26:19
people
26:20
to
26:20
understand.
26:20
But
26:20
I.
26:21
I
26:21
totally
26:22
get
26:22
it.
26:23
If
26:23
we
26:23
fast
26:24
forward,
26:24
though.
26:27
You
26:27
brought
26:27
up
26:27
a
26:28
good
26:28
point.
26:29
It's
26:29
when
26:30
you
26:30
realize
26:31
that
26:32
you
26:32
want
26:32
to
26:32
change.
26:34
And
26:34
that's
26:35
what
26:35
happened
26:35
to
26:35
me.
26:36
I
26:36
kept
26:36
bumping
26:36
into
26:37
walls
26:37
and
26:37
I
26:37
kept
26:38
saying,
26:38
why
26:38
is
26:38
my
26:38
life
26:39
not
26:39
working?
26:40
What
26:40
is
26:40
going
26:40
on
26:41
here?
26:41
I
26:42
would
26:42
blame
26:43
other
26:44
people.
26:44
Well,
26:45
that
26:45
person
26:45
was
26:45
a
26:46
jerk.
26:46
That
26:47
person
26:47
was
26:47
an
26:47
asshole.
26:49
I
26:49
didn't
26:49
deserve
26:50
to
26:50
be
26:50
fired
26:50
from
26:50
that
26:51
job,
26:52
and
26:52
I
26:52
got
26:53
fired
26:53
several
26:54
times.
26:54
Or
26:54
I'd
26:55
have
26:55
some
26:55
kind
26:55
of
26:55
sex
26:56
capade,
26:57
and
26:57
I'd
26:57
be
26:58
like,
26:58
well,
26:58
it
26:58
was
26:58
her
26:58
fault.
26:59
You
26:59
know,
26:59
she.
26:59
You
27:00
know,
27:00
why
27:00
did
27:01
I
27:01
pick
27:01
such
27:01
a
27:02
horrible
27:02
person?
27:03
My
27:03
picker
27:03
is
27:03
off,
27:05
you
27:06
know,
27:06
and
27:07
these
27:07
are
27:07
all
27:07
just,
27:08
you
27:08
know,
27:09
horrible
27:09
excuses
27:10
for
27:11
not
27:12
feeling.
27:13
And
27:13
so
27:14
what
27:14
it
27:14
comes
27:15
down
27:15
to
27:15
is
27:16
tuning
27:16
in,
27:17
because
27:18
this
27:19
is
27:19
the
27:20
transformed
27:21
Rob
27:21
speaking.
27:24
I.
27:25
I
27:25
now
27:26
realize
27:26
that
27:27
the
27:27
answers
27:28
to
27:28
all
27:28
of
27:29
life
27:31
lie
27:32
within
27:32
myself.
27:33
And,
27:34
yeah,
27:35
my
27:35
ability
27:35
to
27:36
tune
27:36
into
27:36
those
27:38
answers
27:39
is
27:39
really
27:40
the
27:40
key.
27:41
And
27:42
so
27:43
I've
27:43
spent
27:43
a
27:44
lot
27:44
of
27:44
time
27:44
and
27:45
energy
27:48
trying
27:48
to
27:48
change
27:48
myself
27:50
in
27:50
order
27:50
to
27:52
be
27:52
closer
27:53
to
27:54
that
27:54
reality
27:55
of
27:55
who
27:56
I
27:56
am,
27:56
which
27:57
sounds
27:57
very
27:58
cliche,
27:59
but
28:00
I
28:00
had
28:01
to
28:01
really
28:01
understand
28:02
that
28:02
and
28:03
be
28:03
guided
28:04
more
28:04
by
28:05
my
28:05
individual
28:06
self
28:07
and
28:07
also
28:08
take
28:09
responsibility
28:10
just
28:10
for
28:11
me
28:12
and
28:12
nobody
28:13
else
28:14
and
28:15
stay
28:15
in
28:15
my
28:15
own
28:15
lane.
28:17
I
28:17
know
28:18
when
28:18
you
28:18
were
28:18
talking
28:18
back
28:19
about
28:19
how
28:19
when
28:20
you
28:20
just
28:20
thought,
28:20
well,
28:20
if
28:20
I
28:21
could
28:21
get
28:21
half
28:21
the
28:22
prestige
28:23
and
28:23
the.
28:23
The
28:25
whatever
28:25
of
28:25
all
28:26
these
28:26
other
28:26
people
28:26
in
28:26
the
28:27
music
28:27
industry,
28:27
that
28:28
you
28:28
would
28:28
be
28:28
happy
28:28
again.
28:29
I
28:29
remember
28:29
thinking,
28:29
and
28:30
I
28:30
would
28:30
just.
28:30
In
28:30
this
28:30
conversation,
28:31
I
28:31
was
28:31
thinking
28:32
to
28:32
myself,
28:32
so
28:32
when's
28:32
he
28:33
gonna
28:33
say
28:33
he
28:33
realized
28:34
that
28:34
it
28:34
wasn't
28:35
about
28:35
that,
28:35
that
28:35
it
28:35
was
28:36
inside?
28:37
There
28:37
you
28:37
go.
28:37
Touche.
28:38
I
28:38
was
28:38
like,
28:39
here
28:39
it
28:39
comes.
28:40
Because
28:40
it
28:40
is
28:40
the
28:41
truth.
28:41
We
28:41
spend
28:41
so
28:42
much
28:42
time
28:42
looking
28:42
for
28:42
external
28:43
things
28:43
to
28:44
help
28:44
us,
28:44
to
28:45
make
28:45
us
28:45
better,
28:45
to
28:45
give
28:46
us
28:46
more
28:46
money,
28:46
to
28:46
give
28:46
us
28:47
more
28:47
this.
28:47
To
28:47
that.
28:48
And
28:48
so
28:48
that
28:48
we're
28:49
like,
28:49
we
28:49
want
28:49
the
28:50
same
28:50
thing
28:50
at
28:50
the
28:50
end
28:51
of
28:51
the
28:51
day.
28:51
We
28:51
all
28:51
just
28:52
want
28:52
peace,
28:52
and
28:53
we're
28:53
looking
28:54
way
28:55
too
28:55
much
28:55
from
28:55
the
28:55
outside
28:56
to
28:56
try
28:56
to
28:56
find
28:56
it
28:57
when
28:57
it's.
28:57
It's
28:58
really
28:58
all
28:58
in
28:58
here
28:59
and
28:59
inside.
29:00
And
29:00
just
29:00
the
29:01
decisions,
29:01
like
29:01
you
29:01
said,
29:01
that
29:02
you
29:02
make
29:02
on
29:02
a
29:02
daily
29:02
basis.
29:03
You
29:04
know,
29:04
once
29:04
you.
29:05
I
29:05
mean,
29:05
knowledge
29:06
is
29:06
power,
29:06
but
29:06
not
29:07
until
29:07
you
29:07
put
29:07
it
29:07
into
29:07
action
29:08
and
29:08
do
29:08
something
29:09
with
29:09
it.
29:09
So
29:10
it's
29:10
like,
29:10
you
29:11
know,
29:11
that
29:11
none
29:11
of
29:11
that
29:11
crap
29:12
was
29:12
your
29:12
fault.
29:12
You
29:13
know
29:13
that?
29:14
But
29:14
at
29:14
the
29:14
same
29:15
time
29:15
it
29:15
happened,
29:16
it
29:16
made
29:16
you
29:17
different,
29:18
and
29:18
now
29:18
it's
29:18
time
29:18
to
29:19
take
29:19
responsibility.
29:21
Well,
29:21
you
29:21
carry
29:21
a
29:22
lot
29:22
of
29:23
shame
29:23
from
29:24
that,
29:24
too,
29:25
when
29:25
you
29:25
start
29:26
admitting
29:27
these
29:27
things
29:27
to
29:27
yourself
29:28
and
29:28
stop
29:28
living
29:29
in
29:29
a
29:29
form
29:29
of
29:30
denial.
29:31
And
29:31
people
29:32
talk
29:32
about
29:33
AA
29:34
and,
29:35
you
29:35
know,
29:36
coming
29:36
out
29:36
of
29:37
denial
29:38
in.
29:39
In
29:39
programs
29:40
like
29:40
that,
29:40
recovery
29:41
programs,
29:42
and
29:42
that's
29:43
really
29:43
the
29:44
essence
29:44
of
29:45
how
29:45
they're
29:46
able
29:46
to
29:46
heal
29:47
themselves
29:47
and
29:48
stop
29:48
drinking
29:49
and,
29:50
you
29:50
know,
29:50
put
29:50
the
29:51
cork
29:51
in
29:51
the
29:51
bottle,
29:52
so
29:52
to
29:52
speak.
29:54
But
29:56
I
29:57
believe
29:57
that
29:57
there's
29:57
also
29:58
that
29:59
same
29:59
thing
29:59
with
30:00
our
30:00
emotional
30:00
sobriety.
30:04
So
30:04
it's
30:05
really
30:05
about
30:06
making
30:06
healthier
30:07
choices
30:08
and
30:09
taking
30:10
responsibility
30:11
for
30:11
the
30:11
choices
30:12
that
30:12
we
30:12
do
30:12
make
30:13
and
30:13
for
30:13
the
30:14
mistakes
30:14
that
30:14
we
30:14
do
30:15
make.
30:17
And
30:18
that
30:19
takes
30:20
a
30:20
lot
30:20
of
30:20
work
30:21
to
30:21
get
30:22
to
30:22
that
30:22
point.
30:28
Also,
30:30
a
30:30
big
30:30
part
30:31
of
30:31
it
30:31
for
30:31
me
30:33
has
30:33
been,
30:34
look,
30:35
there
30:35
were
30:35
chapters
30:36
and
30:36
chapters
30:36
and
30:36
chapters
30:37
between
30:37
childhood
30:38
and
30:38
where
30:38
I
30:39
am
30:39
today.
30:40
And
30:41
I
30:42
was
30:42
chasing
30:42
and
30:43
chasing
30:43
and
30:44
running
30:44
and
30:45
running
30:45
and
30:45
running.
30:46
And
30:46
I
30:46
was
30:47
kind
30:47
of
30:47
in
30:48
that
30:50
almost
30:50
like
30:50
a
30:50
fight
30:51
or
30:51
flight
30:51
mode
30:52
my
30:52
entire
30:53
life,
30:54
like
30:54
an
30:54
animal
30:55
that
30:55
was
30:55
looking
30:56
ahead,
30:57
trying
30:57
to
30:57
control
30:58
everything
30:59
in
30:59
my
30:59
environment,
31:00
to
31:01
make
31:01
sure
31:02
and
31:02
manipulate
31:03
everything
31:03
in
31:03
my
31:03
environment
31:04
as
31:04
a
31:04
form
31:05
of
31:05
control,
31:06
not
31:06
consciously
31:07
right,
31:08
but
31:08
in
31:09
order
31:09
to
31:09
survive
31:10
and
31:10
feel
31:11
okay.
31:12
And
31:13
then
31:13
I
31:13
had
31:13
to
31:13
just
31:14
say,
31:14
okay,
31:14
that's
31:15
enough,
31:15
you
31:16
know,
31:16
because
31:16
it
31:16
gets
31:17
worse
31:17
and
31:17
worse
31:17
and
31:18
worse
31:18
as
31:18
you
31:19
get
31:19
older.
31:19
And
31:19
I
31:20
found
31:20
many
31:20
ways
31:21
to
31:21
soothe
31:21
myself.
31:22
As
31:23
I
31:23
said,
31:23
not
31:24
just
31:24
altered
31:24
states
31:25
of,
31:26
you
31:26
know,
31:26
substance
31:27
abuse,
31:28
but
31:28
workaholism,
31:30
you
31:30
know,
31:32
avoidance.
31:34
You
31:34
know,
31:35
there
31:35
are.
31:35
There
31:36
are
31:36
a
31:36
myriad
31:36
of
31:37
ways
31:37
and.
31:38
And
31:38
so
31:38
many
31:39
different
31:39
compulsions
31:39
that
31:40
we
31:40
can
31:40
have.
31:41
But
31:41
ultimately,
31:44
I
31:44
think
31:44
that
31:47
when
31:47
you
31:47
get
31:48
to
31:49
call
31:49
it
31:49
the
31:49
other
31:50
side,
31:50
the
31:51
work
31:51
never
31:51
ends.
31:53
And
31:53
I
31:54
had
31:54
to
31:54
go
31:55
back
31:56
into
31:57
the
31:57
wounds,
31:58
and
31:58
I
31:59
had
31:59
to
31:59
spend.
31:59
And
31:59
I'm
32:00
still
32:00
spending
32:01
time
32:01
in
32:01
these
32:02
wounds
32:02
now.
32:02
There
32:03
are
32:03
a
32:03
lot
32:03
of
32:03
people
32:04
that
32:04
practically
32:05
say
32:05
to
32:05
you,
32:05
move
32:06
on.
32:06
We.
32:07
Why
32:07
are
32:07
you
32:07
spending
32:08
so
32:08
much
32:08
time
32:08
in
32:09
the
32:09
past?
32:09
Stop
32:10
living
32:10
in
32:10
the
32:11
past.
32:11
Why
32:11
do
32:11
you
32:12
keep
32:12
bringing
32:12
up
32:12
these
32:13
bad
32:13
memories?
32:14
Well,
32:15
because
32:17
I
32:17
will
32:18
equate
32:18
it
32:18
to
32:19
a
32:19
physical
32:19
injury.
32:20
If
32:21
you
32:21
go
32:21
to
32:21
a
32:21
doctor
32:22
because
32:23
you
32:23
broke
32:23
your
32:23
arm.
32:26
It's
32:27
a
32:27
process
32:27
that
32:28
you
32:28
go
32:28
through
32:28
in
32:29
order
32:29
to
32:29
heal
32:29
that
32:30
arm.
32:30
Well,
32:31
okay,
32:31
so
32:32
first
32:32
we're
32:32
going
32:32
to
32:32
diagnose
32:33
it,
32:33
and
32:33
now
32:34
we're
32:34
going
32:34
to
32:34
set
32:34
it.
32:35
We
32:35
might
32:35
have
32:35
to
32:35
rebreak
32:36
it.
32:36
Let's
32:36
put
32:36
it
32:37
in
32:37
a
32:37
cast.
32:37
Let's
32:38
then
32:38
put
32:38
it
32:39
in
32:39
a
32:39
brace,
32:40
you
32:40
know,
32:41
then
32:41
let's
32:41
do
32:42
physical
32:42
therapy,
32:43
and
32:43
then
32:44
let's
32:45
treat
32:45
it
32:45
differently
32:46
for
32:47
a
32:47
year.
32:48
And
32:48
okay,
32:49
now
32:49
we're
32:49
healed.
32:50
And
32:50
you're
32:51
always
32:51
going
32:51
to
32:51
be
32:51
reminded
32:52
when
32:52
the
32:52
weather
32:53
gets
32:53
bad
32:54
or,
32:55
you
32:55
know,
32:55
something
32:55
else
32:56
that
32:56
it's.
32:56
It
32:57
might
32:57
be
32:57
there.
32:57
You're.
32:58
You.
32:58
You
32:58
know,
32:59
I
32:59
broke
32:59
a
32:59
toe
33:00
a
33:00
long
33:00
time
33:00
ago
33:01
surfing,
33:02
got
33:02
caught
33:02
in
33:03
a
33:03
leash,
33:03
and
33:04
it
33:04
ripped
33:04
my
33:04
toe
33:05
forward
33:05
and
33:05
kind
33:06
of
33:06
pulled
33:06
it
33:06
and
33:07
mangled
33:08
it
33:08
kind
33:08
of.
33:08
And
33:09
there's
33:10
not
33:10
a
33:10
lot
33:10
that
33:10
they
33:11
do
33:11
for
33:11
toes.
33:11
I
33:12
mean,
33:12
sometimes
33:12
they'll
33:12
re
33:12
break
33:13
them
33:13
and
33:13
reset
33:13
them
33:14
and
33:14
they
33:14
just
33:14
tell
33:15
you,
33:15
this
33:15
is
33:15
what
33:15
the
33:16
doctors
33:16
told
33:16
me.
33:16
Tape
33:17
it
33:17
to
33:17
your
33:17
good
33:17
toes.
33:19
And.
33:20
And
33:21
I
33:21
took
33:21
a
33:21
bunch
33:21
of
33:21
pain
33:21
pills
33:22
and
33:22
walked
33:23
around
33:23
for
33:23
a
33:23
while,
33:23
and,
33:24
you
33:24
know,
33:25
it
33:25
wasn't
33:25
a
33:25
pleasant
33:26
experience,
33:26
but,
33:27
I
33:27
mean,
33:27
that
33:27
was
33:27
years
33:27
ago.
33:28
And
33:28
believe
33:28
me,
33:29
I'm
33:29
still
33:29
reminded
33:29
of
33:30
it
33:30
because
33:30
you
33:30
use
33:30
your
33:30
feet
33:31
every
33:31
day
33:32
and,
33:34
and
33:34
so
33:35
it'll
33:36
always
33:36
be
33:36
there.
33:36
So
33:37
I
33:37
think
33:37
emotionally
33:38
it's
33:38
the
33:38
same
33:39
thing
33:39
from
33:40
those
33:40
traumatic
33:41
events
33:42
that
33:42
happen.
33:43
And
33:43
if
33:43
we
33:44
go
33:45
into
33:45
them
33:45
and
33:45
we
33:46
look
33:46
around
33:46
and
33:47
we
33:48
try
33:48
to
33:49
prod
33:49
a
33:50
little
33:50
and
33:51
poke
33:51
at
33:51
them,
33:52
but
33:52
with
33:53
an
33:53
understanding
33:54
and
33:54
a
33:55
new
33:55
outlook
33:56
and
33:56
really
33:57
understand
33:57
the
33:58
source
33:58
of
33:58
where
33:59
it
33:59
happens,
34:01
then
34:01
we
34:01
can
34:02
heal
34:02
from
34:02
that.
34:04
And
34:05
so
34:05
that's
34:05
been
34:05
my
34:06
method.
34:07
And
34:08
a
34:08
lot
34:09
of
34:09
it
34:09
also
34:09
is
34:10
re
34:10
parenting
34:12
myself.
34:13
And
34:14
that
34:14
started
34:14
in
34:15
therapy.
34:15
And
34:15
then
34:15
I've
34:16
continued
34:16
that
34:16
in
34:17
a.
34:17
In
34:17
an
34:17
emotional
34:18
recovery
34:18
program,
34:20
which
34:21
is
34:21
a
34:21
constant
34:23
tool
34:25
that,
34:25
that
34:25
I've
34:26
learned
34:26
where
34:27
I'm
34:27
literally
34:28
talking
34:28
to
34:28
the
34:29
younger
34:29
self
34:30
in
34:30
my
34:30
mind,
34:31
sometimes
34:31
even
34:31
out
34:32
loud.
34:33
People
34:33
might
34:33
think
34:33
that's
34:34
insane,
34:35
but
34:35
it
34:36
actually
34:36
works.
34:37
And
34:37
I'm
34:38
identifying
34:38
which
34:39
child
34:39
it
34:39
is
34:40
within
34:40
me.
34:40
Is
34:41
it
34:41
the
34:41
angry
34:41
teenager
34:42
or
34:44
is
34:45
it
34:45
the
34:45
toddler
34:46
who
34:46
isn't
34:46
getting
34:47
the
34:47
attention,
34:48
or
34:48
is
34:48
it
34:49
the
34:51
preteen
34:52
that's,
34:53
you
34:53
know,
34:54
has
34:54
stars
34:54
in
34:54
his
34:55
eyes?
34:56
Which,
34:57
which
34:58
part
34:58
of
34:58
me
34:58
is
34:59
reacting
35:00
to.
35:01
To
35:01
a
35:01
situation
35:02
that
35:02
has
35:02
to
35:03
be
35:03
reprogrammed
35:03
in
35:04
that
35:04
moment?
35:05
Right.
35:05
And
35:06
as
35:06
a
35:06
matter,
35:06
I
35:06
mean,
35:06
and
35:07
at
35:07
the
35:07
end
35:07
of
35:07
the
35:08
day,
35:08
they
35:08
all
35:08
have
35:09
to
35:09
be,
35:09
like
35:09
you
35:10
said,
35:10
every
35:10
moment,
35:11
every
35:11
experience
35:11
gets
35:12
stuck
35:12
kind
35:12
of
35:12
in
35:13
a
35:13
different
35:13
place
35:13
in
35:14
time
35:14
in
35:14
your
35:14
subconscious
35:15
mind.
35:15
So
35:16
you
35:16
have
35:17
to
35:17
go
35:17
back.
35:17
I.
35:18
We
35:18
Were
35:19
just
35:19
joking
35:19
about
35:19
this
35:20
the
35:20
other
35:20
day.
35:20
The
35:20
first
35:20
time
35:21
a
35:21
therapist
35:21
said,
35:21
put
35:22
a
35:22
little
35:22
picture
35:22
of
35:22
yourself
35:23
on
35:23
the
35:23
mirror
35:23
when
35:24
you
35:24
were
35:24
like
35:24
four
35:24
or
35:24
five,
35:25
or
35:25
when
35:25
you
35:25
think
35:25
all
35:26
this
35:26
stuff
35:26
started
35:26
happening
35:27
and,
35:27
and
35:27
talk
35:28
to
35:28
her
35:28
and
35:28
tell
35:28
her
35:29
you're
35:29
there
35:29
for
35:29
you
35:29
or.
35:30
And
35:30
you
35:30
love
35:30
her.
35:30
And
35:31
I
35:31
was
35:31
like,
35:31
okay,
35:32
that's
35:32
really
35:32
weird.
35:32
Until
35:33
it
35:33
wasn't.
35:34
And
35:34
then,
35:35
you
35:35
know,
35:35
and
35:35
it
35:35
became
35:36
just
35:36
such
35:36
part
35:36
of
35:37
life.
35:37
But
35:38
the
35:38
other
35:39
message
35:39
I
35:39
kind
35:39
of
35:40
get
35:40
from
35:40
all
35:40
this,
35:40
too,
35:40
is
35:41
like
35:41
you
35:41
were
35:41
saying,
35:41
why
35:41
do
35:42
you
35:42
keep
35:42
talking
35:42
to
35:42
it?
35:42
You
35:43
need
35:43
to
35:43
explore
35:43
it,
35:43
you
35:44
know,
35:44
and
35:44
in
35:44
your
35:44
mind,
35:45
you
35:45
need
35:45
to
35:46
prod
35:46
and
35:46
poke,
35:47
because
35:47
it's
35:47
all
35:48
stuck
35:48
in
35:48
your
35:48
nervous
35:49
system.
35:50
Everything
35:50
in
35:50
your
35:50
subconscious
35:51
is
35:51
stuck
35:51
in
35:51
that
35:52
nervous
35:52
system.
35:52
And
35:53
like
35:53
you
35:54
said,
35:54
you
35:54
walked
35:54
around
35:54
your
35:55
whole
35:55
life
35:55
in
35:55
fight
35:56
or
35:56
flight,
35:56
and
35:56
that's
35:57
your
35:57
nervous
35:57
system,
35:57
and
35:58
that
35:58
wreaks
35:58
havoc
35:59
on
36:00
your
36:00
body.
36:01
It
36:01
just.
36:01
It
36:02
does
36:02
such
36:02
a
36:02
number
36:03
on
36:03
your
36:03
body.
36:03
So
36:04
every
36:04
time
36:04
you
36:04
can
36:05
tell
36:05
that
36:05
story
36:05
and
36:06
talk
36:06
it
36:06
out
36:06
and,
36:07
and
36:08
feel
36:08
better,
36:08
a
36:09
little
36:09
bit
36:09
better
36:09
about
36:09
it
36:10
at
36:10
the
36:10
end,
36:10
it's
36:11
a
36:11
little
36:11
bit
36:11
of
36:11
a
36:11
release,
36:12
and
36:12
it's
36:12
a
36:12
little
36:12
bit
36:13
of
36:13
healing.
36:13
And
36:14
the
36:14
more
36:14
I
36:15
tell
36:15
people,
36:15
the
36:15
more
36:15
you
36:15
tell
36:16
it,
36:16
the
36:17
better
36:17
it
36:17
gets
36:17
and
36:17
the
36:18
easier
36:18
it
36:18
gets
36:19
until
36:19
you
36:19
can
36:19
tell
36:20
it
36:20
with
36:20
literally
36:20
no
36:21
physiological
36:22
reaction
36:22
at
36:22
all.
36:23
Then
36:23
it's
36:23
gone.
36:23
It's
36:24
just
36:24
a
36:24
story.
36:25
And
36:26
I.
36:26
I
36:26
think
36:27
age
36:27
brings
36:28
wisdom,
36:28
but
36:29
at
36:29
the
36:29
same
36:29
time,
36:30
if
36:31
you
36:31
don't
36:31
work
36:31
at
36:31
it,
36:32
you
36:32
can't
36:32
find
36:32
that
36:33
calm.
36:34
And
36:36
one
36:36
thing
36:36
I
36:37
know
36:37
I've
36:37
been
36:37
able
36:38
to
36:38
do
36:38
is
36:38
find
36:39
a
36:39
much
36:40
calmer
36:41
place.
36:41
I
36:41
still
36:41
get
36:42
anxiety,
36:44
which
36:44
is
36:45
part
36:45
of
36:46
my
36:47
trauma
36:48
coming
36:48
up.
36:49
It
36:49
happens
36:50
all
36:50
the
36:50
time,
36:53
but
36:53
much
36:54
less
36:55
frequently
36:55
and
36:56
much
36:56
less
36:57
severe.
36:58
And
36:58
I
36:59
can
36:59
usually
37:00
catch
37:00
myself
37:01
and
37:02
I
37:02
can
37:02
calm
37:03
myself,
37:03
whether
37:03
it's
37:04
through
37:04
breathing
37:05
or
37:05
tapping
37:05
or
37:08
varied
37:08
methods
37:09
that
37:09
I've
37:09
learned
37:10
or
37:10
making
37:11
the
37:11
connections
37:12
intellectually
37:14
to
37:16
why,
37:17
who's,
37:18
what,
37:18
oh,
37:19
the
37:19
child
37:19
is
37:19
reacting.
37:20
Okay,
37:21
let
37:21
me
37:21
tell
37:21
the
37:21
child
37:22
it's
37:22
going
37:22
to
37:22
be
37:22
okay
37:24
that,
37:25
you
37:25
know,
37:26
this
37:26
situation
37:27
is
37:27
not
37:27
their
37:27
fault.
37:28
And
37:28
here's
37:28
how
37:28
you
37:29
deal
37:29
with
37:29
that.
37:30
And
37:30
now
37:31
I'm
37:31
giving
37:31
myself
37:32
the
37:32
love
37:32
and
37:32
the
37:32
safety
37:33
and
37:33
the
37:33
support
37:33
and.
37:34
And
37:34
the.
37:35
And
37:35
the
37:35
wisdom
37:36
that
37:37
I
37:37
need.
37:39
Yep,
37:39
Absolutely
37:40
love
37:40
it.
37:40
So
37:40
for
37:40
the
37:41
guests
37:41
and.
37:41
Or
37:41
for
37:42
the
37:42
people
37:42
listening,
37:43
what.
37:43
You
37:43
mentioned
37:44
breathing,
37:45
you
37:45
mentioned
37:45
tapping,
37:46
which
37:46
is
37:46
eft
37:47
tapping,
37:47
and
37:47
we
37:47
talk
37:47
about
37:48
that
37:48
a
37:48
lot
37:48
on
37:48
this
37:49
podcast.
37:50
But
37:50
what
37:50
are
37:50
some
37:51
other
37:51
methods
37:51
that
37:52
you
37:52
use
37:52
when
37:52
you're
37:53
starting
37:53
to
37:53
feel
37:53
that
37:54
anxiety
37:55
and
37:55
you
37:55
just
37:56
to.
37:56
To
37:56
calm.
37:58
I
37:58
mean,
37:58
breathing
37:59
and
37:59
meditation
38:00
are
38:00
some
38:00
of
38:00
them.
38:02
For
38:02
me,
38:03
I
38:03
have
38:03
to
38:03
regulate
38:04
my
38:05
body
38:06
with
38:06
physical
38:07
movement.
38:09
So
38:10
I
38:10
keep
38:10
a
38:11
very,
38:11
I
38:12
mean,
38:12
not
38:13
to
38:13
the
38:13
minute
38:14
or
38:14
anything
38:14
like
38:15
that,
38:15
but
38:15
I
38:16
try
38:16
to
38:16
keep
38:16
a
38:17
pretty
38:17
constant
38:18
routine
38:18
in
38:19
my
38:19
life.
38:20
Without
38:20
order
38:21
in
38:21
my
38:21
life,
38:23
I
38:23
don't
38:23
feel
38:24
comfortable.
38:25
So
38:26
not
38:26
on
38:26
an
38:27
OCD
38:27
level,
38:29
but
38:29
enough.
38:30
And
38:31
of
38:31
course
38:31
OCD
38:32
is
38:32
part
38:32
of
38:33
this
38:33
as
38:33
well.
38:34
That's
38:35
another
38:35
symptom
38:36
that
38:36
develops
38:38
and
38:38
people
38:39
don't
38:39
really
38:39
realize
38:40
why
38:40
they're
38:40
trying
38:40
to
38:40
control
38:41
everything.
38:41
But
38:42
it's,
38:43
you
38:43
know,
38:44
if
38:44
you're
38:44
obsessive
38:45
about
38:45
everything,
38:46
you're
38:47
generally
38:48
trying
38:48
to
38:49
keep
38:49
yourself
38:50
out
38:50
of
38:50
danger.
38:51
And
38:51
that's,
38:52
you
38:52
know,
38:52
one
38:52
of
38:52
those
38:53
symptoms.
38:53
So
38:53
it's,
38:54
for
38:55
me,
38:55
it's
38:55
regulating
38:56
a
38:56
lot
38:57
of
38:57
those
38:57
kinds
38:57
of
38:58
things.
38:58
The
38:58
food
38:59
that
38:59
I
38:59
eat,
39:00
how
39:00
I
39:01
exercise,
39:02
the
39:02
amount
39:02
of
39:02
exercise
39:03
that
39:03
I
39:03
do
39:03
in
39:04
a
39:04
day,
39:04
all
39:05
of
39:05
this
39:05
is
39:05
on
39:05
a
39:06
broad
39:06
scale
39:07
so
39:07
that
39:07
I'm
39:07
able
39:08
to
39:08
deal
39:08
with
39:08
smaller
39:09
situations
39:10
that
39:10
come
39:10
up.
39:11
And
39:11
then
39:12
also
39:12
just
39:12
asking
39:13
myself,
39:14
you
39:15
know,
39:15
is
39:15
this
39:16
really
39:17
worth
39:20
losing
39:20
sleepover?
39:21
Right.
39:22
And
39:23
so
39:24
is
39:24
it
39:25
in
39:25
my
39:25
control?
39:26
I
39:26
mean,
39:26
it
39:27
might
39:27
be
39:27
as
39:27
simple
39:27
as
39:27
me
39:28
asking
39:28
myself
39:29
that
39:29
question.
39:31
This
39:31
is
39:31
out
39:31
of
39:32
my
39:32
control.
39:32
Is
39:32
this
39:33
any
39:33
of
39:33
my
39:33
business?
39:35
Do
39:35
I
39:36
need
39:36
to
39:36
give
39:36
advice
39:36
when
39:37
I'm
39:37
not,
39:37
when
39:38
I'm
39:38
not
39:38
asked?
39:42
So
39:42
it's
39:43
all
39:43
of
39:43
those
39:43
things
39:45
essentially
39:47
how
39:47
you
39:48
would
39:48
speak
39:48
to
39:49
a
39:49
small
39:49
child
39:50
who's
39:50
freaking
39:51
out.
39:53
And
39:53
so
39:53
whatever
39:54
method
39:54
I
39:55
can
39:55
come
39:55
up
39:55
with,
39:57
it
39:58
might
39:58
be
39:59
self
39:59
care
40:00
or
40:00
it
40:00
might
40:00
be
40:01
a
40:01
treat.
40:01
Oh
40:02
well,
40:02
let
40:02
me
40:02
go
40:02
give
40:03
that
40:03
kid
40:03
ice
40:03
cream
40:04
right
40:04
now
40:05
because
40:05
that's
40:06
going
40:06
to
40:06
make
40:06
them
40:06
feel
40:06
a
40:06
little
40:07
better.
40:07
And
40:07
then,
40:08
you
40:08
know,
40:08
that
40:08
can
40:09
also
40:09
develop
40:09
into
40:09
an
40:10
eating
40:10
situation
40:11
disorder
40:12
and
40:12
you
40:12
can
40:13
become
40:13
obese.
40:13
I
40:14
mean
40:14
there's,
40:15
everything
40:15
can
40:16
be
40:16
extreme,
40:16
but
40:17
if
40:17
you
40:17
do
40:17
things
40:18
in,
40:18
in
40:20
good
40:20
measure,
40:22
I,
40:23
I
40:23
think
40:23
I
40:23
use
40:24
a
40:24
lot
40:24
of
40:24
those
40:24
things.
40:25
I
40:25
mean,
40:26
there
40:26
were
40:27
probably
40:28
the
40:28
three
40:28
or
40:28
four
40:28
things
40:29
that
40:29
helped
40:29
me
40:29
the
40:30
most
40:30
in
40:30
my
40:30
life
40:31
overall.
40:32
One
40:32
was
40:33
yoga.
40:34
I
40:34
did
40:35
20
40:35
years
40:35
of
40:36
yoga,
40:37
which
40:37
I
40:38
think
40:38
what
40:38
I
40:38
got
40:38
out
40:39
of
40:39
that
40:39
was
40:40
being
40:40
able
40:40
to
40:40
sit
40:40
through
40:41
pain
40:43
and
40:43
being
40:43
able
40:44
to
40:44
stretch
40:46
in
40:46
ways
40:47
that
40:47
I
40:47
never
40:48
thought
40:48
possible.
40:50
And
40:50
I'm
40:50
not
40:51
talking
40:51
about
40:51
just
40:52
physically.
40:53
You
40:53
know,
40:54
it
40:54
helped
40:55
me
40:55
in
40:56
every
40:56
way.
40:57
And
40:57
then
40:58
for
40:58
me,
40:58
the
40:59
next
40:59
thing
40:59
was
40:59
surfing.
41:01
It
41:01
was
41:01
something
41:02
I
41:02
learned
41:02
at
41:02
43
41:03
years
41:03
old.
41:03
And
41:04
I
41:04
was
41:04
paranoid
41:05
of
41:05
the
41:05
ocean
41:06
because
41:06
I
41:06
had
41:06
a
41:07
near
41:07
death
41:08
ocean
41:08
experience
41:09
in
41:09
my
41:09
twenties.
41:10
And
41:11
so
41:12
I
41:12
had
41:12
to
41:13
face
41:13
the
41:13
fear
41:14
of
41:14
the
41:14
ocean
41:15
and
41:15
then
41:16
also
41:16
learn
41:17
something
41:18
that
41:19
is
41:19
always
41:20
changing.
41:22
Surf
41:23
isn't
41:23
like
41:23
skiing.
41:25
It's.
41:26
The
41:26
mountain
41:27
is
41:27
solid,
41:28
the
41:29
Snow
41:29
is
41:29
there
41:30
when
41:30
you're
41:31
surfing.
41:31
It's
41:32
constantly
41:32
changing
41:33
and
41:33
moving
41:33
and
41:34
you
41:34
are
41:34
moving
41:35
with
41:35
it
41:36
and
41:36
adapting
41:37
to
41:37
it
41:38
in
41:38
order
41:38
to
41:39
master
41:40
it.
41:41
So
41:42
that
41:42
also
41:43
taught
41:43
me
41:44
fun.
41:44
Believe
41:45
it
41:45
or
41:45
not,
41:45
it
41:45
wasn't
41:46
fun
41:46
at
41:46
the
41:46
beginning,
41:48
but
41:48
it
41:48
became
41:49
fun
41:49
once
41:49
I
41:50
got
41:50
over
41:50
a
41:50
lot
41:50
of
41:51
the
41:51
fears
41:52
associated
41:52
with
41:52
it.
41:55
And
41:56
the,
41:56
and
41:56
last.
41:57
And
41:57
of
41:57
course
41:58
therapy
41:58
throughout
41:59
all
41:59
of
41:59
this
41:59
in
42:00
varied
42:00
forms,
42:02
probably
42:02
the
42:03
therapy
42:03
that
42:03
got
42:03
to
42:04
the
42:04
core
42:05
the
42:05
quickest
42:05
was
42:06
EMDR
42:06
for
42:07
me,
42:08
which
42:08
took
42:09
me
42:09
back
42:09
into
42:10
a
42:10
lot
42:10
of
42:10
the
42:10
wounds
42:11
on
42:12
a
42:12
guided
42:12
basis.
42:14
And
42:14
lastly
42:16
for
42:16
me
42:16
has
42:17
been
42:18
an
42:18
emotional
42:19
Recovery
42:20
program,
42:20
a
42:20
12
42:20
step
42:21
emotional
42:21
recovery
42:22
program
42:22
which
42:23
brought
42:23
me
42:24
into
42:24
more
42:25
of
42:25
a
42:25
public
42:26
environment.
42:27
I
42:27
know
42:27
that
42:27
sounds
42:28
weird,
42:28
but
42:28
into
42:29
a
42:29
group
42:30
where
42:30
I'm
42:31
hearing
42:31
stories
42:32
from
42:32
other
42:32
people
42:34
and
42:34
I'm
42:34
able
42:34
to
42:35
share
42:35
my
42:36
stories.
42:37
And
42:37
it's
42:38
that
42:39
we're
42:39
not
42:39
commenting
42:40
on
42:40
one
42:40
another's
42:41
stories
42:41
ever
42:44
yet
42:45
we
42:45
are
42:46
taking
42:46
it
42:46
all
42:46
in
42:47
and
42:48
letting
42:49
people
42:49
be
42:50
in
42:50
their
42:50
own
42:50
pain.
42:51
If
42:51
they
42:51
cry,
42:52
we
42:52
don't
42:52
comfort
42:53
them.
42:54
You
42:55
know,
42:55
it's.
42:56
Which
42:56
is
42:56
part
42:57
of
42:57
learning
42:58
how
42:58
to
42:58
stand
42:58
on
42:58
your
42:58
own
42:59
two
42:59
feet.
43:00
And
43:01
it's
43:01
a
43:02
really
43:02
interesting
43:02
process
43:03
and
43:03
that
43:03
has
43:04
given
43:04
me
43:04
more
43:04
tools
43:05
than
43:05
any
43:06
other
43:06
programs.
43:08
Interesting
43:08
because
43:09
that's
43:09
one
43:09
of
43:09
the
43:09
things
43:09
that
43:10
a
43:10
lot
43:10
of
43:10
people,
43:10
I
43:10
get
43:10
the
43:11
feedback.
43:11
Well,
43:11
I
43:11
went
43:11
to
43:12
that,
43:12
I
43:12
went
43:12
to
43:12
aca.
43:13
I,
43:13
I
43:14
like
43:14
that
43:14
people
43:14
get
43:14
to
43:15
share,
43:15
but
43:15
I
43:15
wish
43:15
they
43:16
had
43:16
given
43:16
some
43:16
advice.
43:17
And
43:17
I'm
43:17
like,
43:18
that's
43:18
not
43:18
what
43:18
it's
43:18
about.
43:19
It's
43:19
just
43:20
about
43:20
people
43:20
sharing.
43:20
It's
43:21
about
43:21
people
43:21
letting
43:22
go
43:22
and
43:22
talking,
43:23
like
43:23
you
43:23
said,
43:23
sitting
43:24
in
43:24
their
43:24
emotions.
43:24
But
43:25
I
43:25
know
43:25
I'll
43:25
get
43:25
that
43:26
comment
43:26
a
43:26
lot.
43:26
People
43:26
want
43:27
to
43:27
jump
43:27
in
43:28
and
43:28
intervene
43:28
and
43:29
help
43:29
and
43:30
give
43:30
their
43:30
advice.
43:32
Oh
43:32
no,
43:32
no,
43:32
no,
43:33
no.
43:33
But,
43:34
well,
43:34
aca,
43:35
you
43:35
mentioned
43:36
it.
43:36
I
43:37
usually
43:38
don't
43:38
like
43:38
to
43:38
name
43:39
the
43:39
program
43:39
because
43:40
it's
43:40
actually
43:41
a
43:41
tradition
43:41
that
43:41
they
43:42
don't
43:42
really
43:42
like.
43:42
Because
43:43
if
43:43
I
43:43
was
43:43
to
43:44
do
43:44
something
43:45
that
43:46
was
43:46
to,
43:47
let's
43:48
say,
43:49
disturb
43:51
the
43:51
general
43:51
public
43:52
in
43:53
some
43:53
way
43:53
and
43:54
people
43:54
were
43:54
associating
43:55
me
43:55
with
43:55
aca,
43:56
I
43:56
could
43:56
endanger
43:57
other
43:57
people's
43:59
process
43:59
and
44:00
their
44:00
health
44:00
and
44:01
the
44:01
reputation
44:02
of
44:02
aca.
44:03
But
44:04
since
44:04
you
44:04
brought
44:05
it
44:05
up,
44:05
I'm
44:06
not
44:06
going
44:06
to
44:06
pretend,
44:08
but
44:09
one
44:10
of
44:10
the
44:10
things
44:10
in
44:12
the
44:13
process
44:13
is
44:14
if
44:15
you
44:16
like
44:16
with
44:16
anything
44:17
they
44:18
have
44:20
the
44:20
people
44:20
that
44:21
set
44:21
that
44:21
program
44:22
up
44:22
in
44:22
1978
44:23
and
44:23
the
44:24
ongoing
44:27
metamorphosis
44:27
of
44:28
it,
44:28
let's
44:28
say,
44:28
and
44:29
evolution
44:30
is,
44:30
it's
44:31
really
44:32
quite,
44:34
quite
44:35
powerful.
44:36
And
44:37
the
44:38
thing
44:38
that
44:38
works
44:39
for
44:39
me
44:39
in
44:39
it,
44:40
and
44:40
I've
44:40
only
44:40
been
44:40
doing
44:41
it
44:41
for
44:41
Less
44:41
than
44:41
three
44:42
years.
44:43
But
44:43
I
44:44
really
44:44
focus,
44:45
have
44:46
focused
44:46
on
44:46
it
44:47
as
44:47
a,
44:47
as
44:47
a,
44:48
as
44:48
a
44:48
cornerstone
44:49
to
44:49
my
44:50
healing.
44:51
And
44:52
it
44:52
took
44:52
me
44:52
a
44:52
while
44:53
to
44:53
really
44:54
allow
44:54
myself,
44:55
but
44:55
I
44:55
had
44:55
to
44:56
surrender
44:56
to
44:56
it.
44:58
So
44:58
that's
44:59
step
44:59
one.
45:00
I
45:00
mean,
45:00
I
45:00
remember
45:01
my
45:01
therapist,
45:02
she
45:02
led
45:02
me
45:02
to
45:03
it,
45:04
but
45:05
she
45:06
had
45:06
me
45:06
lay
45:07
on
45:07
the
45:07
floor
45:07
of
45:07
her
45:07
office
45:08
once
45:08
and
45:08
said,
45:09
okay,
45:10
let
45:10
go.
45:11
And
45:11
I
45:11
was
45:12
like,
45:12
what
45:12
am
45:12
I
45:13
doing
45:13
here?
45:13
You
45:14
know,
45:14
this
45:14
isn't.
45:14
What
45:15
do
45:15
you
45:15
mean?
45:15
Yeah,
45:16
Scream,
45:16
do
45:17
whatever
45:17
you
45:17
need
45:17
to
45:17
do.
45:18
Let
45:18
it
45:18
out.
45:19
Let
45:19
go.
45:19
Surrender.
45:21
You
45:21
need
45:21
to
45:22
feel
45:22
the
45:22
earth
45:23
and
45:23
let
45:24
go.
45:24
You're
45:25
tightly
45:25
wound.
45:26
And
45:26
I
45:27
thought,
45:27
wow,
45:28
okay.
45:29
And
45:30
I
45:30
didn't.
45:31
It
45:31
took
45:31
me
45:32
a
45:32
while.
45:33
But
45:35
to,
45:36
to
45:36
what
45:36
you're
45:37
talking
45:37
about
45:37
within
45:37
aca,
45:38
if
45:39
you
45:39
work
45:39
the
45:39
program,
45:41
the
45:41
little
45:42
steps
45:43
and
45:43
the,
45:44
and
45:44
the
45:45
learnings,
45:46
it
45:46
chips
45:47
away
45:47
in
45:48
a
45:49
slow
45:49
process,
45:50
and
45:50
it
45:50
enables
45:51
us
45:52
to
45:53
really
45:54
stop
45:55
intellectualizing
45:56
all
45:56
this
45:56
stuff
45:57
and
45:57
to
45:58
really
45:59
help
45:59
with
46:00
a
46:00
reprogramming
46:01
of
46:01
sorts.
46:02
Of
46:02
what.
46:02
And
46:03
it's
46:03
not
46:03
telling
46:03
you
46:04
how
46:04
to
46:04
act.
46:05
It's
46:06
just,
46:07
it's
46:07
really
46:07
remarkable.
46:08
It
46:09
really.
46:09
And
46:09
I
46:10
wasn't
46:10
digging
46:11
on
46:11
ACA
46:11
at
46:11
all.
46:12
I
46:12
was
46:12
just
46:12
saying
46:12
some
46:12
of
46:13
the
46:13
reactions
46:13
that
46:13
I
46:13
get
46:14
from
46:14
people.
46:14
I've
46:14
been
46:14
in
46:14
ACA
46:15
for
46:16
18
46:16
years,
46:16
16
46:17
years,
46:17
and
46:17
I,
46:18
I
46:19
value
46:20
it
46:20
a
46:20
hundred
46:20
percent.
46:21
I
46:21
was
46:21
just
46:21
saying
46:21
how
46:22
people
46:22
want,
46:22
are
46:22
like,
46:23
they
46:23
want
46:23
to
46:23
intervene
46:24
and
46:24
they
46:24
want
46:24
to,
46:24
they
46:25
want
46:25
to
46:25
put
46:25
their
46:25
two
46:25
cents
46:26
in.
46:26
They
46:26
don't
46:26
want
46:26
to
46:26
just
46:27
sit
46:27
and
46:27
listen.
46:28
That's
46:28
all
46:28
I
46:28
was,
46:29
I.
46:29
There
46:30
are
46:30
some
46:30
meetings
46:31
that
46:31
I've
46:31
attended
46:32
where
46:33
they
46:33
have,
46:35
you
46:35
know,
46:35
what
46:35
we're
46:36
talking
46:36
about,
46:36
for
46:36
those
46:37
that
46:37
probably
46:37
don't
46:37
know
46:38
is
46:38
crosstalk
46:39
is
46:40
what
46:40
it's
46:40
called.
46:41
It's
46:41
when
46:41
it's
46:42
essentially
46:42
when
46:43
you're
46:43
either
46:43
comforting
46:44
or
46:44
commenting
46:45
on
46:45
somebody
46:46
else's
46:46
situation.
46:47
And
46:49
if
46:49
somebody
46:49
asks
46:50
for
46:50
something
46:50
after
46:51
a
46:51
meeting,
46:51
of
46:52
course,
46:52
you
46:52
know,
46:53
you
46:53
can
46:54
help
46:54
another
46:55
person.
46:55
It's
46:55
not
46:56
like
46:56
you
46:56
want
46:56
to
46:56
just
46:57
put
46:57
your
46:57
hand
46:57
up
46:57
and
46:58
say
46:58
no.
46:59
Right.
47:00
But
47:01
at
47:01
the
47:01
same
47:01
time,
47:04
within
47:05
the
47:05
meeting,
47:05
it
47:05
creates
47:06
a
47:06
safer
47:07
environment
47:08
for
47:09
everyone
47:10
without
47:11
really
47:11
trying
47:12
very
47:12
hard.
47:13
And
47:15
I've
47:15
been
47:15
to
47:16
a
47:16
couple
47:16
of
47:17
meetings
47:17
where
47:17
crosstalk
47:18
is
47:20
actually
47:21
encouraged
47:21
and
47:22
allowed,
47:23
and
47:23
I
47:24
did
47:24
not
47:24
find
47:25
them
47:25
to
47:25
be
47:25
as
47:25
helpful.
47:27
I
47:27
mean,
47:27
I'm
47:27
open
47:28
to
47:28
it,
47:28
but
47:28
it.
47:29
I,
47:30
I
47:30
think
47:30
there
47:30
are
47:30
some
47:31
people
47:31
that
47:31
think
47:32
they
47:32
have
47:32
all
47:32
the
47:32
answers
47:34
and
47:34
then
47:35
they're
47:35
trying
47:35
to
47:36
tell
47:36
somebody
47:36
else
47:36
how
47:36
to
47:37
act.
47:37
And,
47:39
and
47:39
as
47:40
I
47:42
try
47:42
to
47:42
help
47:42
other
47:43
fellows
47:43
or
47:44
begin
47:44
to
47:44
sponsor
47:45
people
47:46
in
47:46
the
47:46
program,
47:48
I'm
47:49
kind
47:49
of
47:49
learning
47:49
my
47:50
own
47:50
boundaries
47:51
and
47:53
a
47:53
lot
47:53
of
47:53
Listening
47:54
versus
47:55
telling.
47:56
And
47:57
then
47:57
kind
47:58
of
47:58
trying
47:58
to
47:59
pinpoint
48:00
something
48:01
in
48:01
the
48:01
program
48:02
that
48:02
they
48:03
can
48:03
hang
48:04
on
48:05
instead
48:05
of
48:07
telling
48:07
them
48:07
how
48:08
to
48:08
act
48:08
or
48:08
what
48:08
not
48:09
to
48:09
do
48:09
or
48:09
what
48:09
to
48:09
do.
48:10
Well,
48:11
my
48:11
favorite
48:11
express
48:12
expression
48:12
in
48:12
all
48:12
of
48:13
those
48:13
is
48:13
take
48:13
what
48:13
you
48:14
love
48:14
and
48:14
leave
48:14
the
48:14
rest.
48:16
Right.
48:16
You
48:16
know,
48:16
that's
48:17
really
48:17
what
48:17
it
48:17
is,
48:18
is
48:18
you
48:18
get
48:18
out
48:18
of
48:19
those
48:19
programs
48:19
what
48:20
you
48:20
want
48:20
to
48:20
get
48:20
out
48:21
of
48:21
them
48:21
and
48:21
what
48:21
you
48:21
put
48:22
into
48:22
them.
48:22
Like
48:22
anything
48:23
in
48:23
healing,
48:23
honestly,
48:24
you
48:24
got
48:24
to
48:24
do
48:25
the
48:25
work,
48:25
you
48:25
gotta.
48:26
But
48:26
you,
48:27
you
48:28
have
48:28
to
48:28
surrender.
48:28
I
48:29
mean,
48:29
I
48:29
think
48:29
surrender
48:30
is
48:30
the
48:30
best
48:30
word
48:30
in
48:31
any
48:32
big
48:32
broad
48:32
healing
48:33
arena
48:34
is
48:34
just
48:35
at
48:35
some
48:35
point
48:35
you
48:36
have
48:36
to
48:36
surrender
48:36
to
48:37
whatever
48:38
it
48:38
is,
48:39
whether
48:39
it's
48:40
your
48:40
higher
48:40
power,
48:40
whether
48:41
it's
48:41
a
48:41
system,
48:42
whatever
48:42
it
48:43
is.
48:43
You
48:43
have
48:43
to
48:43
know
48:44
that
48:44
you
48:44
have
48:44
to
48:44
let
48:45
go
48:45
of
48:45
some
48:45
control.
48:47
For
48:47
me,
48:48
surrendering
48:49
equals
48:50
one
48:50
word
48:52
vulnerability.
48:54
And
48:55
I
48:55
couldn't
48:56
be
48:56
vulnerable
48:58
in
48:58
very
48:58
many
48:59
situations.
49:00
I
49:00
was
49:00
very
49:01
rarely
49:01
vulnerable.
49:03
And
49:03
that
49:04
means
49:04
I'm
49:04
not
49:04
really
49:04
being
49:05
honest
49:05
with
49:05
myself
49:06
and
49:06
I'm
49:07
not
49:07
really
49:07
being
49:07
honest
49:08
with
49:08
other
49:08
people.
49:09
And
49:13
when
49:13
the
49:14
therapist
49:14
explained
49:15
this
49:15
to
49:15
me,
49:16
it
49:16
blew
49:17
my
49:17
mind,
49:17
really.
49:18
It
49:18
was
49:19
such
49:19
a
49:19
simple
49:20
thing.
49:20
And
49:20
I'm
49:20
like,
49:20
what
49:21
do
49:21
you
49:21
mean
49:21
I'm
49:21
not
49:21
vulnerable?
49:22
And
49:22
I
49:23
of
49:23
course
49:23
denied
49:23
it
49:24
at
49:24
first
49:24
versa.
49:24
Yes,
49:25
I
49:25
am.
49:25
I've
49:25
always
49:26
been
49:26
vulnerable.
49:26
I
49:26
can
49:27
express
49:27
my
49:27
feelings,
49:28
you
49:29
know,
49:29
I
49:29
tell
49:29
people
49:30
how
49:30
I
49:30
feel
49:31
and
49:32
I
49:32
don't
49:32
stand
49:33
for
49:33
things
49:33
and
49:34
blah
49:34
blah,
49:34
blah,
49:35
until
49:36
I
49:36
really
49:37
got
49:38
deeper
49:38
in
49:39
and
49:39
I,
49:39
and
49:39
I
49:40
understood
49:40
that
49:41
vulnerability
49:42
is
49:43
powerful.
49:45
And
49:45
now
49:46
the
49:46
more
49:47
vulnerable
49:47
I
49:47
am,
49:48
I
49:48
feel
49:49
more
49:49
empowered.
49:50
And
49:51
hence
49:53
I
49:53
wrote
49:53
a
49:53
book
49:54
which
49:55
wasn't
49:55
on
49:55
my
49:55
agenda
49:57
in
49:57
my
49:58
life,
49:59
but
50:00
I
50:00
couldn't
50:00
have
50:00
been
50:01
more
50:01
vulnerable
50:02
in
50:02
my
50:02
book.
50:04
So
50:05
I
50:05
kind
50:05
of
50:05
put
50:05
my
50:06
whole
50:06
life
50:06
out
50:06
there
50:07
for
50:07
other
50:07
people
50:08
not
50:08
to
50:08
tell
50:09
them
50:09
how
50:09
to
50:09
live
50:10
and
50:11
not
50:11
to
50:12
tell
50:13
them
50:13
what
50:13
to
50:13
do.
50:14
I
50:14
just
50:14
shared
50:15
my
50:15
story,
50:16
hoping
50:17
that
50:17
that
50:18
story
50:19
might
50:20
help
50:20
other
50:20
people
50:21
make
50:21
their
50:22
own
50:22
realizations
50:23
and
50:24
get
50:24
on
50:24
a
50:24
path
50:25
to
50:25
changing
50:25
and
50:26
healing
50:26
themselves.
50:28
Because
50:28
I
50:28
spent
50:29
years
50:29
reading
50:29
books
50:30
about
50:30
things
50:30
and
50:31
self
50:31
help
50:32
books
50:32
and
50:32
intellectualizing
50:33
all
50:34
this.
50:34
Oh,
50:34
that's
50:35
it.
50:35
Okay,
50:36
so
50:36
if
50:36
you
50:36
put
50:37
the
50:37
this
50:37
here
50:37
and
50:38
the
50:38
that
50:38
there,
50:38
of
50:39
course
50:39
it's
50:39
attachment
50:40
theory.
50:41
Oh,
50:41
that
50:42
makes
50:42
sense.
50:42
And
50:42
then
50:43
I
50:43
would
50:43
get
50:43
that
50:43
one
50:44
and
50:44
then
50:44
I
50:44
would
50:45
understand,
50:45
okay,
50:46
well
50:47
th,
50:48
this
50:48
theory
50:49
and
50:49
this
50:50
theory
50:50
and
50:50
this
50:50
theory
50:51
and
50:51
everybody
50:51
is
50:52
telling
50:52
you
50:53
what
50:53
to
50:54
do.
50:56
And
50:57
I
50:57
also
50:57
started
50:58
realizing
50:58
that
50:59
the
50:59
message
51:00
is
51:00
the
51:00
same
51:00
in
51:00
every
51:01
single
51:01
self
51:01
help
51:02
book.
51:03
You
51:03
know,
51:03
do
51:04
it
51:04
my
51:04
way
51:04
and
51:05
you'll
51:05
be
51:05
healed.
51:07
And
51:08
I
51:08
don't
51:09
think
51:09
that
51:09
that's
51:09
how
51:10
it
51:10
works.
51:10
I
51:10
think
51:11
we're
51:11
all
51:11
very
51:11
different
51:12
and
51:12
we
51:12
have
51:12
to
51:12
do
51:13
what
51:13
feels
51:13
right
51:13
to
51:14
us.
51:15
And
51:15
like
51:16
you
51:16
said,
51:16
take,
51:17
take,
51:18
take.
51:19
What
51:19
you
51:19
need
51:19
and,
51:20
and
51:20
leave
51:21
the
51:21
rest.
51:21
Well,
51:21
I
51:21
say
51:21
that
51:22
all
51:22
the
51:22
time
51:22
because
51:22
people
51:23
are
51:23
like,
51:23
well,
51:23
what
51:23
do
51:24
you.
51:24
What
51:24
do
51:24
you.
51:24
What
51:24
works?
51:25
And
51:25
I'm
51:25
like,
51:25
I
51:26
threw
51:26
everything
51:26
at
51:27
the
51:27
wall.
51:27
Some
51:27
of
51:28
it
51:28
worked
51:28
for
51:28
me,
51:28
some
51:28
of
51:29
it
51:29
did
51:29
not.
51:29
Like,
51:29
it's
51:30
like
51:30
throwing
51:30
spaghetti
51:30
at
51:30
the
51:30
wall.
51:31
You.
51:31
You
51:31
stick
51:31
with
51:32
the
51:32
things
51:32
that
51:32
stick
51:32
and
51:33
you
51:33
get
51:33
rid
51:33
of
51:33
the
51:33
rest.
51:33
But
51:34
I'm
51:34
not
51:34
telling
51:34
you
51:35
what's
51:35
going
51:35
to
51:35
work
51:35
for
51:35
you.
51:35
I'm
51:36
just
51:36
sharing
51:36
what
51:36
worked
51:37
for
51:37
me.
51:37
Same,
51:38
same
51:38
exact,
51:38
exact
51:39
thing.
51:39
Because
51:39
we're
51:40
all
51:40
unique.
51:40
We're
51:40
all
51:41
different.
51:41
We
51:41
all
51:42
get
51:43
stuck
51:43
on
51:43
different
51:43
spots.
51:44
I
51:44
mean,
51:44
it
51:44
doesn't
51:44
matter.
51:45
Every,
51:45
every
51:45
healing
51:46
journey
51:46
is
51:46
100%
51:47
unique.
51:48
So
51:49
what
51:49
do
51:49
you
51:49
have
51:49
to
51:49
lose?
51:50
Yeah,
51:51
that's
51:51
what
51:51
I
51:51
said.
51:51
I
51:51
threw
51:52
everything.
51:52
I
51:52
don't
51:52
care.
51:53
You
51:53
want
51:53
to
51:53
try
51:53
this?
51:54
But
51:54
I
51:54
was
51:54
a
51:54
chronic
51:55
learner,
51:55
too,
51:55
so
51:55
I'm
51:55
like,
51:56
oh,
51:56
you
51:56
think
51:56
I
51:56
should
51:56
go
51:56
to
51:57
an
51:57
NLP
51:57
practitioner?
51:58
Well,
51:58
let
51:58
me
51:58
get
51:59
certified
51:59
in
51:59
that
51:59
first.
52:00
And
52:00
then
52:01
I
52:02
was
52:02
really
52:02
bad.
52:02
Like,
52:03
I
52:03
was
52:03
not
52:04
going
52:04
to
52:04
be
52:04
anybody's
52:04
guinea
52:05
pig.
52:06
But
52:06
I,
52:06
I
52:07
mean,
52:07
these
52:07
were
52:07
very
52:07
experienced
52:08
people
52:08
that
52:08
I
52:09
was
52:09
going
52:09
to.
52:09
But
52:09
I
52:09
had
52:10
to
52:10
learn
52:10
a
52:11
little
52:11
bit
52:11
about
52:11
it
52:11
before
52:11
I
52:12
went,
52:12
so.
52:13
But
52:14
yeah,
52:14
you
52:14
have
52:14
nothing
52:14
to
52:14
lose.
52:15
None
52:16
of
52:16
these
52:16
things,
52:17
short
52:18
of
52:18
going
52:18
online
52:19
and
52:19
doing
52:19
some
52:20
crazy
52:20
deep,
52:21
deep,
52:22
deep
52:22
dive
52:22
when
52:23
you're
52:23
not
52:23
with
52:23
somebody
52:24
safe.
52:24
I
52:24
don't
52:25
ever
52:25
recommend
52:25
that.
52:25
If
52:25
you're
52:26
out
52:26
there
52:26
listening,
52:26
there
52:27
are
52:27
some
52:27
people
52:27
that
52:28
online
52:28
that
52:28
can
52:28
bring
52:29
you
52:29
to
52:30
spaces
52:30
you
52:30
don't
52:31
need
52:31
to
52:31
be
52:31
unless
52:31
you're
52:32
with
52:32
someone
52:32
safe.
52:33
So
52:33
always
52:34
feel
52:34
safe.
52:34
That's
52:35
my
52:35
biggest.
52:35
But
52:36
try
52:36
anything.
52:37
It
52:37
can't
52:37
hurt
52:38
emdr.
52:38
Absolutely
52:39
amazing.
52:40
Absolutely
52:40
amazing.
52:43
Okay.
52:43
With
52:43
somebody
52:44
who's
52:44
certified.
52:45
Right,
52:45
right.
52:46
And.
52:46
And
52:47
is
52:47
also
52:47
a,
52:48
a
52:49
clinically
52:50
trained
52:52
therapist
52:53
and
52:53
has
52:54
the
52:54
write
52:55
letters
52:56
behind
52:56
their.
52:57
Their
52:57
name.
52:58
Exactly.
52:59
Because.
52:59
Yes,
53:00
because
53:00
I
53:00
say
53:00
that
53:01
people
53:01
on,
53:01
like,
53:02
there's
53:02
so
53:02
much
53:03
information
53:03
online
53:04
and
53:04
it
53:04
can,
53:05
it
53:05
can
53:05
be.
53:05
Some
53:06
of
53:06
it's
53:06
right,
53:06
some
53:06
of
53:07
it's
53:07
wrong,
53:07
but
53:07
make
53:08
sure
53:08
that
53:08
you're
53:08
with
53:08
somebody.
53:09
Anything
53:10
that
53:10
you
53:10
try
53:11
new
53:11
safe
53:12
be.
53:12
Be.
53:13
Make
53:13
sure
53:13
you're
53:13
with
53:13
somebody
53:14
that
53:14
you
53:14
feel
53:14
safe
53:14
with
53:14
and
53:15
has
53:15
the
53:15
knowledge
53:16
and
53:16
the
53:16
experience
53:17
and
53:17
the
53:17
credit,
53:18
whatever
53:18
it
53:18
is,
53:19
to
53:19
make
53:19
sure
53:20
that
53:20
you
53:21
are
53:21
going
53:21
to
53:21
be
53:21
taken
53:21
care
53:21
of.
53:22
Because
53:22
people
53:22
can
53:22
do
53:22
more
53:23
harm
53:23
than
53:23
good.
53:24
Well,
53:24
I've
53:24
had
53:24
people
53:25
ask
53:25
me
53:25
do.
53:25
So
53:26
do
53:26
you
53:26
want
53:26
to
53:26
be
53:26
a
53:26
life
53:27
coach
53:27
now?
53:29
And
53:29
my
53:29
Answer
53:29
is
53:30
no.
53:32
Not
53:32
because
53:32
I
53:32
don't
53:33
want
53:33
to
53:33
help
53:33
people,
53:34
but
53:34
because
53:35
I
53:35
think
53:36
when
53:36
people
53:37
are
53:37
coming
53:38
to
53:38
me
53:39
for
53:39
advice
53:40
on
53:40
how
53:40
to
53:40
live
53:41
their
53:41
life,
53:41
I'm
53:42
not
53:42
qualified
53:43
to
53:44
tell
53:45
somebody
53:45
how
53:45
to
53:45
live
53:45
their
53:46
life.
53:46
I'm
53:46
qualified
53:47
to
53:47
listen
53:48
and
53:48
I'm
53:48
qualified
53:49
to,
53:49
you
53:50
know,
53:50
point
53:50
them
53:50
in
53:50
the
53:51
right
53:51
direction
53:53
or
53:53
a
53:53
direction
53:54
that
53:54
I
53:54
believe
53:54
will
53:55
help
53:55
them.
53:56
But
53:56
I'm
53:56
not
53:56
going
53:56
to
53:57
pretend
53:57
to
53:57
know
53:58
things
53:58
I
53:58
don't
53:58
know.
54:00
And
54:00
I
54:01
think
54:01
that
54:01
there
54:01
are
54:01
a
54:02
lot
54:02
of
54:03
people
54:03
out
54:03
there
54:03
that
54:04
have.
54:04
And
54:04
I'm
54:05
not.
54:05
I
54:06
sound
54:06
like
54:06
I'm
54:06
slamming
54:07
life
54:07
coaches
54:08
because
54:08
there
54:08
are
54:08
probably
54:09
are
54:09
a
54:09
lot
54:09
of
54:09
very
54:10
good
54:10
ones
54:10
out
54:10
there
54:10
that
54:11
can
54:11
help
54:11
in
54:12
career
54:12
or
54:13
help
54:13
in
54:14
daycare
54:15
or
54:15
help
54:15
in
54:16
child
54:17
situations
54:18
or
54:20
postpartum
54:21
or
54:22
whatever
54:22
they
54:23
are.
54:23
I
54:24
mean,
54:24
there's
54:24
all
54:24
kinds
54:25
of
54:25
practitioners
54:26
in
54:26
today's
54:27
world,
54:27
and
54:27
many
54:28
of
54:28
them
54:28
are
54:28
very,
54:28
very
54:29
good,
54:29
from
54:30
astrologers
54:31
to
54:31
whatever.
54:32
And
54:34
so,
54:35
you
54:36
know,
54:36
herbs
54:36
and
54:37
this
54:37
and
54:37
supplements
54:38
that
54:38
and,
54:39
you
54:39
know,
54:40
more
54:40
power.
54:41
But
54:41
I
54:42
just
54:42
can
54:42
speak
54:43
for
54:43
me.
54:44
I.
54:44
It.
54:45
I
54:45
don't
54:45
have
54:45
a
54:46
great
54:46
amount
54:46
of
54:46
comfort,
54:47
and
54:47
I
54:47
would
54:48
never
54:48
be
54:48
able
54:48
to
54:48
charge
54:49
somebody
54:49
money
54:49
for
54:50
that.
54:51
But
54:52
anybody
54:53
who's
54:53
called
54:54
me
54:54
for,
54:54
you
54:55
know,
54:55
mentorship
54:56
or
54:56
help
54:57
and,
54:57
you
54:57
know,
54:58
what
54:58
would
54:58
you
54:58
do
54:58
in
54:58
this
54:59
situation?
54:59
Well,
54:59
sure,
55:00
I
55:00
can
55:00
share
55:00
that,
55:01
you
55:01
know.
55:01
Yeah.
55:02
Yep.
55:03
And.
55:03
And
55:03
that's.
55:04
I
55:04
think
55:04
that's
55:05
important
55:06
to
55:06
know,
55:07
especially
55:07
since
55:07
this
55:08
podcast,
55:08
a
55:08
lot
55:08
of
55:08
people
55:09
are
55:09
just
55:09
starting
55:09
on
55:09
their
55:10
healing
55:10
journeys.
55:11
Be
55:11
comfortable
55:11
with
55:12
whoever
55:12
you're
55:12
talking
55:12
to.
55:13
Yeah,
55:13
there's
55:13
a
55:13
lot
55:13
of
55:14
great
55:14
life
55:14
coaches,
55:14
but
55:14
I've
55:15
also
55:15
been
55:15
coached
55:16
in
55:16
people
55:16
telling
55:16
me,
55:17
you
55:17
know,
55:17
as
55:17
long
55:17
as
55:18
you're
55:18
one
55:18
step
55:19
ahead
55:19
of
55:19
the
55:19
people
55:20
you're
55:20
coaching,
55:21
and
55:21
I'm
55:21
like,
55:21
you
55:21
know,
55:22
that's
55:22
great
55:22
if
55:22
you're
55:23
doing
55:23
Facebook
55:24
ads,
55:24
because
55:25
if
55:25
someone
55:25
gives
55:25
you
55:25
500
55:26
and
55:26
says,
55:27
Grow
55:27
my
55:27
Facebook
55:27
page.
55:28
And
55:28
it
55:28
doesn't
55:28
grow,
55:29
oh,
55:30
well.
55:30
But
55:31
if
55:31
someone
55:31
gives
55:31
you
55:31
500
55:32
and
55:32
says,
55:33
I
55:33
want
55:33
this
55:34
massive
55:34
transformation
55:35
with
55:35
these
55:35
different
55:35
modalities,
55:36
and
55:36
you're
55:37
one
55:37
stepping
55:37
step
55:37
ahead
55:37
of
55:38
them,
55:39
not
55:39
so
55:39
much
55:39
of
55:39
a
55:40
good
55:40
scenario.
55:41
Right.
55:42
I
55:42
mean,
55:42
that's.
55:42
That's
55:43
kind
55:43
of
55:43
a
55:43
whole
55:43
nother
55:43
topic,
55:44
but
55:44
we
55:44
won't
55:44
get
55:44
into
55:45
that.
55:45
But
55:46
this
55:46
has
55:46
been
55:47
absolutely
55:47
amazing.
55:47
I
55:48
love
55:48
your
55:48
story.
55:48
I
55:49
love
55:49
your
55:49
tenacity,
55:50
I
55:50
love
55:50
your
55:50
general
55:51
life
55:51
lessons.
55:52
I,
55:52
I
55:53
appreciate
55:53
that,
55:53
and
55:53
I'm
55:54
sure
55:54
the
55:54
listeners
55:54
do,
55:54
too.
55:55
But
55:55
if
55:55
people
55:56
want
55:56
to
55:56
work
55:56
with
55:57
you,
55:57
like,
55:57
what
55:57
do
55:57
you.
55:58
You're
55:58
not
55:59
a
55:59
life
55:59
coach,
55:59
but
55:59
do
56:00
you
56:00
work
56:00
in
56:00
this
56:00
arena
56:01
or
56:01
do
56:01
you
56:01
just
56:01
like
56:01
to
56:01
talk
56:02
to
56:02
people.
56:02
And
56:02
share
56:02
your
56:03
Book,
56:04
I
56:04
think
56:05
I'm
56:05
on
56:05
the
56:05
latter.
56:08
I'm
56:08
happy
56:08
to
56:09
talk
56:09
with
56:09
anyone,
56:11
but
56:13
that's
56:13
not
56:13
my
56:14
career
56:14
or
56:14
my
56:14
life's
56:15
goal.
56:16
But
56:16
I
56:16
do
56:16
think
56:17
that
56:17
if
56:17
people
56:18
read
56:18
my
56:18
book,
56:19
they'll
56:19
be
56:20
entertained.
56:21
And
56:22
so
56:22
I
56:23
don't
56:23
think
56:23
you
56:23
get
56:23
entertainment
56:24
from
56:25
a
56:25
lot
56:25
of
56:25
self
56:25
help
56:26
books.
56:26
And
56:26
I
56:26
don't
56:26
even
56:27
know
56:27
if
56:27
I'd
56:27
put
56:27
my
56:27
book
56:28
in
56:28
a
56:28
self
56:28
help
56:28
category.
56:29
But.
56:29
But
56:30
I
56:30
have
56:30
had
56:31
a
56:31
lot
56:31
of
56:31
people
56:32
now
56:32
who
56:33
have
56:33
read
56:33
my
56:33
book
56:35
tell
56:35
me,
56:36
and
56:36
this
56:37
was
56:37
an
56:37
intention,
56:37
but
56:38
I
56:38
didn't
56:38
know
56:38
if
56:38
it
56:39
would
56:39
work
56:39
because
56:39
I
56:40
had
56:40
also
56:41
a
56:41
lot
56:41
of
56:41
book
56:42
people
56:42
and
56:43
publishing
56:44
people
56:44
and
56:44
experienced
56:45
writers
56:46
tell
56:46
me
56:46
you
56:46
can't
56:47
do
56:47
that.
56:47
That's
56:48
not
56:48
what
56:48
a
56:48
memoir
56:49
is,
56:49
Rob.
56:50
You
56:50
can't
56:50
combine
56:51
a
56:51
memoir
56:51
with
56:52
a
56:52
self
56:52
help
56:52
book.
56:53
And
56:54
I
56:54
could
56:55
have
56:55
put,
56:56
well,
56:56
I
56:56
could
56:56
have
56:56
put
56:56
a
56:57
little
56:58
synopsis
56:59
at
56:59
the
56:59
end
56:59
of
57:00
each
57:00
chapter
57:00
saying,
57:01
well,
57:01
here's
57:01
what
57:01
I
57:01
learned.
57:02
But
57:02
I
57:03
actually
57:03
designed
57:04
the
57:04
book
57:04
in
57:04
a
57:04
different
57:05
way
57:05
at
57:06
the
57:06
suggestion
57:07
of
57:07
an
57:07
experienced
57:09
editor
57:12
who
57:12
is
57:12
a
57:12
friend
57:12
of
57:13
mine
57:13
and
57:13
thought
57:14
that
57:15
really
57:16
tell
57:16
the
57:17
story
57:17
and
57:18
keep
57:18
people
57:19
in
57:19
the
57:19
story.
57:20
And
57:20
so
57:21
that's
57:21
what
57:21
I
57:21
did.
57:21
Now
57:22
they
57:22
can
57:22
pick
57:22
up
57:23
on
57:23
a
57:23
lot
57:23
of
57:23
things
57:24
I
57:24
didn't
57:24
need.
57:24
I
57:25
tried
57:25
to
57:25
create
57:26
scenes
57:26
so
57:27
that
57:27
they
57:27
would
57:27
just
57:27
experience
57:28
and
57:28
feel
57:28
and
57:29
go
57:29
through
57:30
my
57:30
life
57:30
with
57:31
me.
57:31
And
57:32
so
57:32
people
57:33
say,
57:33
oh,
57:33
it's
57:33
a
57:33
page
57:34
turner
57:34
because
57:35
it's
57:35
written
57:36
in
57:36
that
57:36
way.
57:37
Well,
57:37
then
57:37
in
57:38
the
57:38
last
57:38
part
57:39
of
57:39
the
57:39
book
57:39
where
57:40
I'm
57:40
still
57:40
telling
57:40
stories,
57:41
but
57:42
now
57:42
I
57:42
share
57:43
a
57:43
lot
57:43
more
57:43
of
57:44
my
57:44
personal
57:45
thoughts
57:46
about
57:46
where
57:47
I
57:47
am
57:47
now
57:48
and
57:49
how
57:49
I've
57:50
transformed
57:51
in
57:51
this
57:51
kind
57:51
of
57:51
thing
57:52
so
57:52
people
57:52
can
57:52
take.
57:53
Take
57:53
what
57:53
they
57:53
want
57:54
and
57:54
I
57:54
don't
57:54
do
57:54
it
57:55
in
57:55
a
57:55
way
57:56
where
57:56
I'm
57:57
hopefully
57:57
talking
57:58
down
57:58
to
57:58
anyone
57:59
or
57:59
I'm
57:59
telling
57:59
them
57:59
what
58:00
to
58:00
do.
58:00
And
58:01
so,
58:02
sure,
58:03
my
58:04
advice
58:05
to
58:05
people
58:06
is,
58:07
you
58:07
know,
58:09
probably
58:10
more
58:10
than
58:10
anything,
58:11
if
58:12
I
58:12
had
58:12
to
58:12
tell
58:12
my
58:13
younger
58:13
self
58:14
advice
58:15
and
58:15
somebody
58:15
asked
58:16
me
58:16
this
58:16
question
58:17
and
58:17
I.
58:18
And
58:18
there's
58:18
a
58:18
song
58:19
and
58:19
there's
58:19
an
58:19
Allman
58:20
Brothers
58:20
song,
58:21
you
58:21
know,
58:21
walk,
58:21
Don't
58:22
Run.
58:24
And
58:24
I
58:24
was
58:24
running,
58:25
running,
58:25
running,
58:25
running
58:26
my
58:26
entire
58:26
life.
58:27
And
58:28
I
58:28
would
58:28
say
58:28
if
58:28
you
58:29
can
58:29
slow
58:29
down
58:30
just
58:30
a
58:30
little
58:31
bit
58:31
to
58:32
try
58:32
to
58:32
listen
58:33
into
58:33
yourself,
58:35
then
58:36
you
58:37
can
58:37
learn
58:38
a
58:38
lot
58:38
more.
58:40
And
58:41
that
58:41
would
58:41
be
58:41
the
58:42
only
58:42
thing
58:42
that
58:42
I
58:43
could
58:43
possibly
58:43
tell
58:43
people
58:45
on
58:45
a
58:45
broad
58:45
scale.
58:47
Love
58:47
it.
58:48
That
58:48
gives
58:48
me
58:49
goosebumps
58:49
because
58:49
I
58:49
literally
58:50
just
58:50
had
58:50
this
58:50
conversation
58:51
and
58:51
whoever
58:52
I
58:52
talked
58:52
to
58:52
yesterday,
58:52
Juanita
58:53
something,
58:54
she
58:54
literally
58:55
said
58:55
almost
58:55
the
58:55
exact
58:55
same
58:56
words
58:56
and
58:57
so
58:58
clearly
58:58
it
58:58
needed
58:58
to
58:58
be
58:59
heard
58:59
from
58:59
someone
59:00
today
59:00
or
59:00
yesterday.
59:02
So
59:02
thank
59:03
you
59:03
so
59:03
much,
59:03
Rob.
59:04
Well,
59:05
I
59:05
appreciate
59:05
you
59:05
having
59:06
me
59:06
on.
59:06
I
59:07
enjoyed
59:07
talking
59:08
and
59:09
meeting
59:09
you,
59:10
and
59:10
I
59:11
hope
59:11
the
59:11
viewers
59:11
or
59:12
listeners
59:12
enjoy
59:12
it,
59:13
too.
59:13
Oh,
59:14
I
59:14
hope
59:14
so,
59:14
too.
59:14
I'm
59:15
sure
59:15
they
59:15
will.
59:15
And
59:15
for
59:15
everybody
59:16
out
59:16
there
59:16
listening,
59:16
you
59:17
heard
59:17
another
59:17
story
59:18
of
59:18
hope
59:18
and
59:18
healing
59:19
and
59:19
how
59:19
music
59:20
can
59:20
change
59:20
a
59:20
life
59:21
and
59:21
change
59:21
yours.
59:22
And
59:23
start
59:23
looking
59:23
inside.
59:24
Start
59:24
being
59:24
aware.
59:25
Start
59:26
loving
59:26
what
59:26
you're
59:26
seeing
59:27
inside
59:28
and
59:28
knowing
59:28
that
59:28
you
59:29
are
59:29
so
59:29
worth
59:30
every
59:30
single
59:30
step
59:31
you
59:31
take
59:31
on
59:31
your
59:32
healing
59:32
journey.
59:33
We
59:33
will
59:33
talk
59:33
to
59:33
you
59:34
next
59:34
week.
59:34
Bye.