Latest / The Missing Secret Podcast / Focus On What You Want, Most People Focus On The Obstacles

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Focus On What You Want, Most People Focus On The Obstacles · The Missing Secret Podcast

0:04
Kelly Hatfield: Welcome to The Missing Secret Podcast. I'm
0:07
Kelly Hatfield, hey and
0:09
John Mitchell: I'm John Mitchell. So we've got a pretty
0:12
cool little thing we're going to show you today or talk about our
0:17
topic is focus on what you want, not the obstacles and and I
0:23
think we've talked about this before, but this sort of comes
0:27
from a Simon Sinek video that he talks about the, I guess it's
0:32
the four or five lessons of life. And the first one with is
0:37
this idea of focusing on what you want, which is what most
0:43
people do not do. I think about two thirds of the American
0:48
public focuses on the obstacles, which is a lousy way to live, in
0:52
my opinion, but, but I think let's listen to it. And Kelly,
0:57
I'd love to hear your takes on
0:58
Kelly Hatfield: This perfect All right, I'll get this queued up,
1:01
and we'll come back to you in just a second.
1:13
Speaker 1: The first is to go after the things that you want.
1:17
Let me tell you a story. So a friend of mine and I, we went
1:21
for a run in Central Park. The Roadrunners organization. On the
1:25
weekends, they host races, and it's very common at the end of
1:29
the race, they'll have a sponsor who will give away something,
1:32
apples or bagels or something. And on this particular day, when
1:35
we got to the end of the run, there were some free bagels, and
1:39
they had picnic tables set up, and on one side was a group of
1:43
volunteers. On the table were boxes of bagels, and on the
1:47
other side was a long line of runners waiting to get their
1:51
free bagel. So I said to my friend, let's let's get a bagel.
1:55
And he looked at me and said, that line's too long. And I
1:59
said, free bagel. And he said, I don't want to wait in line. And
2:06
I was like, free bagel. And he says, not, let's it's too long.
2:12
And that's when I realized that there's two ways to see the
2:16
world. Some people see the thing that they want, and some people
2:20
see the thing that prevents them from getting the thing that they
2:23
want. I could only see the bagels. He could only see the
2:27
line. And so I walked up to the line, I leaned in between two
2:36
people, put my hand in the box and pulled out two bagels, and
2:41
no one got mad at me, because the rule is, you can go after
2:45
whatever you want. You just cannot deny anyone else to go
2:49
after whatever they want. Now I had to sacrifice choice. I
2:53
didn't get to choose which bagel I got. I got whatever I pulled
2:56
out, but I didn't have to wait in line. So the point is is you
2:59
don't have to wait in line. You don't have to do it the way
3:02
everybody else has done it. You can do it your way. You can
3:06
break the rules. You just can't get in the way of somebody else
3:09
getting what they want. That's rule number one.
3:16
John Mitchell: So there's so much truth in there that in
3:19
there,
3:21
Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, absolutely, there's so much
3:23
truth in that. Isn't that interesting? We talked about a
3:25
lot, like the kind of the lens that you look through,
3:28
John Mitchell: Right, right? So, so pontificate about what you're
3:33
how that hits you at all that,
3:37
Kelly Hatfield: For me, again, it is always about how the lens
3:42
you're looking through again, is life happening for you, or is
3:45
life happening to you? You know? Yeah, yeah. Good point. Is it
3:49
the full, you know? I'll say this sometime when I'm trying to
3:54
help people understand what I what it is I'm trying to get at.
3:57
Is it, you know, you know, gosh, what next, you know? Or is it
4:02
okay? What's next? Yeah, you know? Yeah, it is, to me, it's
4:06
that. It is, again, just another way of, kind of demonstrating
4:12
that way of looking at the world and the lens that you're looking
4:15
through and filtering things through,
4:17
John Mitchell: Right, right? Well, this is maybe the essence
4:22
of it. If you're just winging life, you're wired for his
4:27
arrival, and you're focused on the problems that's you're
4:31
naturally inclined to do that, and what a lousy way to live
4:35
you. I think both you and me have been blessed to be wired,
4:42
to be optimistic and to look at the possibilities, not the
4:46
obstacles, but two thirds of the people are not and but let's,
4:52
let's verify this. Let's, let's talk to our friend, chat GPT,
4:56
and see what she says about this. I. G, are you there?
5:04
Kelly Hatfield: Right here, John, what's on your mind?
5:07
John Mitchell: So some people in the world focus on the
5:11
obstacles, and some people focus on their goals and what they
5:16
want. And I want you to help us figure out what percentage of
5:22
people in general in the United States focus on the obstacles.
5:26
And as you help us figure that out, factor in that most people,
5:31
that all people, are innately wired for survival, which makes
5:35
them fear based. And let's also factor in that probably in
5:39
surveys, people want to make themselves look good, so I'm not
5:43
so sure they would be honest that they look at the the
5:46
obstacles, but but considering those two factors, give us a
5:50
guess at what percentage of the American public focuses on the
5:54
obstacles.
5:57
Chat GPT: We don't have a hard stat for something like that,
5:59
but let me give you a grounded guess people lean toward
6:02
negativity due to that survival wiring. Psych studies often show
6:05
a negativity bias. People pay more attention to threats. Now
6:09
add the fact that folks do present themselves as more
6:11
positive in surveys, but even so, I'd estimate maybe around
6:15
60% lean toward obstacles in real life. It's a majority, but
6:19
not overwhelming. There's still a decent chunk who keep their
6:22
eyes on the prize.
6:23
John Mitchell: Okay, you know, I would, I would probably say it's
6:28
closer to two thirds, but, but okay, as though, as they're not
6:32
a provide precise number, but, but really, what? What a lousy
6:37
way to live life with looking at the obstacles and and I know, I
6:43
don't know if you've ever had this experience, Kelly, but you
6:49
Well, I know you have, because you have employees. So you go to
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employees and you're all excited about something that will
6:58
revolutionize your business. You're totally into it, and you
7:04
lay it out. And immediately, immediately, they focus on the
7:09
obstacles. You know, before the seed of the idea even has a
7:14
chance to get a ray of sun sign on it so it can just grow just a
7:20
little bit the employees are stepping on the friggin idea,
7:25
you know, keeping it from from growing. And have you ever had
7:28
that experience?
7:29
Kelly Hatfield: Oh, my gosh. We, over the course of the last
7:33
year, year and a half, have been going through really a major
7:36
transformation in terms of just have flipping our business
7:38
model, doing a lot of changing structure within the
7:41
organization, and it has been met every step of the way, even
7:46
with people who have a real growth mindset, they're kind of
7:49
default, you know, with implementing new tools, new has
7:53
been like, well, the way we're doing it is working great. It's
7:56
like, okay, well, let's pull out facts and look at them, yeah. Is
7:59
it actually working great, you know, or is it just what you're
8:02
comfortable with, you know? And so, yeah, it's, you know, at
8:07
every turn with a team, there's pushback in one way or another.
8:12
You know, even as good as I can be at influencing people and,
8:18
you know, sharing my vision and getting people excited about the
8:21
vision that default or kind of negativity bias, or those, those
8:26
limitations that people are setting on themselves, you know,
8:30
those ceilings that they put on themselves, or those
8:32
limitations, you know, always seem to rear kind of their ugly
8:37
head in in the situations like we've just described, where
8:41
change may be coming. I mean, that's the brain's automatic
8:44
default, yeah, to push back on that, you know, and so, but 100%
8:50
that is something that you know, as you were starting to describe
8:53
it, I'm smiling because I'm like, Yes, conversation. I'm
8:57
like,
9:00
John Mitchell: Yeah, well, and, and, and, I tell you this, this
9:03
is what just blows me away. 99% of people are just weighing in
9:08
life, and so, you know, the amazing thing is, the
9:12
subconscious mind is so easy to manipulate. It's just
9:16
phenomenally easy to manipulate, and it can and it can shape how
9:21
you look at the world. So if you, if you feed yourself every
9:25
day that I'm, I'm I'm looking for what I want to achieve, and
9:32
I'm acknowledging the obstacles, but I'm not focused on the
9:35
obstacles. I'm more focused on on what I want to achieve. It's,
9:41
it's an infinitely better way to do life. And I see that as Chad
9:47
helps to see the the majority of people are are looking at life
9:53
the opposite way, and and so, so unfortunate.
9:57
Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I think too, you know, this is what
9:59
we're. Talking about too is just because you just alluded to
10:02
this. It's different than that kind of toxic positivity, which
10:05
is like, where reality, you know, right? Because what you
10:09
just mentioned too is it's not that you don't see the
10:11
obstacles. It's like when, when we're and I have a quick story
10:16
to share around this that really, you know, will, will
10:19
help, you know, kind of see how this shows up in different ways.
10:22
But, you know, as I was just mentioning, you know, as far as
10:28
the seeing the actual obstacle, it is like when we sit down and
10:33
or when I sit down, and I'll use thinking time, for example, and
10:37
I'm talking about something, a new initiative I want to
10:39
introduce to the team. Or I am looking at, okay, what are the
10:44
potential obstacles to this thing? How could this, you know,
10:48
this idea or be derailed, whatever the case is. And then
10:53
I'm looking at all, right, how can I overcome that? I'm asking
10:56
myself, is that true? Is there any validity to that? So there's
10:59
a whole thinking process that's going around it so it isn't
11:03
necessarily ignoring the obstacles it is. And this is one
11:06
thing that I built into my life, GPS, because, and there's two
11:11
things that I've built in that are around this idea of life is
11:17
happening for you, you know, seeing the, you know, the goal,
11:22
and not necessarily the obstacle, is, I've changed my
11:28
wording in my life GPS, because we are wired for survival. We
11:34
are wired for fear if I, if anybody who's been listening
11:37
these episodes knows that kind of one of my weaknesses. One of
11:42
the challenges that I had was worrying, getting caught in
11:46
worrying loops, which is being focused on a problem, and even
11:51
worse, for worrying, it's on a problem that may not ever exist
11:54
and likely hasn't right, which makes it even you know. So
11:58
there's the one thing I built in about changing to as soon as I
12:02
feel that coming up, that worry, or I get stuck in that loop
12:05
where I'm immediately triggering to gratitude, because it brings
12:08
me back to the present, like this isn't happening. You
12:10
realize that? Right? You know, like, right? Yeah, right. But
12:13
the other thing is, I changed some additional which is I focus
12:17
95% of my time on the solution, I spend 5% understanding what
12:25
the challenge is, what the what the obstacle is, what the but
12:29
the rest of the time I spend in solution and action taking mode
12:33
so that I don't live in that place of being so focused on
12:38
obstacles. It's like, okay, yeah, these exist. What are, how
12:42
are we going to move past those? What's our plan when this comes
12:45
if this comes up, what's the plan to overcome it? You know?
12:49
So there's a real strategy behind it. It isn't just again,
12:55
you know that toxic positivity where you're like, everything's
12:58
going to work out. Okay? Yeah, it will. But let's also plan
13:02
for, you know, let's say you're running a marathon, let's plan
13:08
for not getting blisters at mile 15, you know, well, because we
13:12
know that this could be an obstacle that could be one of
13:14
the things that stops us from achieving the goal. Okay, well,
13:18
how are we going to overcome that obstacle and plan for it
13:21
overcoming that obstacle. So I just put some further context
13:25
around and how you can build things into your life, GPS that
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help you program your mind to kind of begin to frame things
13:32
that way for yourself, with those mechanisms in place,
13:35
because it was a game changer for
13:37
John Mitchell: And you know, I think one of the things that
13:40
hits me today, pretty, pretty hard is, is this old idea, how,
13:46
how most people, 98% of them, are wing in life, really,
13:51
probably more than that. But, and, and a couple of things have
13:56
have really made me think about this. The first one was, was
14:02
this example of how, how people are naturally inclined to to
14:07
focus on the obstacles. See the other one I was telling you,
14:12
sort of off the air. You know, we went ginger and I went to a
14:18
funeral this, this weekend of someone that committed suicide,
14:23
34 years old, had a wife, one year old, baby, and his biggest
14:29
challenge in life was dealing with inheriting millions of
14:34
dollars, millions of dollars, kills himself. I'm like in fact,
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I'm going to tell this to my students tomorrow, but I'm going
14:45
to go why that happened, because life's a state of mind, and you
14:50
got to have a system for influencing the thoughts that
14:55
are going on in your head. And a system for for stepping back
15:01
from your life and and thinking. And I tell you, one of the
15:06
things that that is mind blowing to me, you and I both been using
15:12
AI big time and and, and I've been using AI during thinking
15:17
time like, like you have, which is now a whole new level, right?
15:23
Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, oh no, it's so fun.
15:25
John Mitchell: Well, I got, you know, one of the things that has
15:29
transpired over the last two months, I think I've mentioned
15:32
this, that I am now evolving to teaching the methodology to MBA
15:39
students, as opposed to undergraduate students, who are
15:44
typically 20 years old. Well, the difference with an MBA
15:47
student is they're on average 28 to 30. They've been out in the
15:53
real world for a few years, because they have to, that's one
15:56
of the requirements, is go out in the real world. Now they're
15:59
coming back in, they're pivoting, and they're writing a
16:02
check for like, $175,000 to get an MBA. Well, perfect, perfect
16:10
people for me to teach, because they are serious about success.
16:17
I'm not that interested in working with people that aren't
16:20
that serious about success. I wish them the best of luck, but,
16:24
but I see the evolution of Tibby from me that now we're in year
16:29
13 is yes, teach it to the people that are super serious
16:34
and and so I'm creating what is known as well. I'm the the class
16:42
I'm teaching is, is advanced leadership of self, the science
16:46
of leveraging yourself. And I'm, I'm, I'm creating the Center for
16:51
Advanced leadership of self at the University of Texas, and I'm
16:55
sponsoring a worldwide symposium next year on advanced leadership
17:01
itself. And this was, is what is, is amazing. So I'm, I'm Chad
17:07
GBT is helping me all this and and Chad GBT comes and says, You
17:13
know what's interesting about this? And, of course, it does
17:16
buy my stuff. It says, Here's what the entire academic
17:21
community worldwide misses. They miss this concept that 90, 95%
17:28
of your daily actions were unconscious and and it says, you
17:33
know, that's why you're the leader of the this, this
17:40
academic endeavor of advanced leadership of self, because
17:45
you're addressing it and nobody else is, and you're creating
17:48
you've given people the how of it. That's, that's what makes it
17:51
advanced. We're giving you the how. And you know, it is so
17:55
inspiring to be able to take this important field of study
18:02
and in human nature, and take it to this next level, and it all
18:09
sort of goes back to, you can't be just winging life is just,
18:13
you know, more than ever, you can't be just winging life.
18:18
Would you, I know you're, oh,
18:19
Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, we're on the same page. Yep. You got to
18:22
have a, you got to have a plan and a strategy for success, and
18:26
then a way to to to wire that in, right. Yeah, right.
18:30
John Mitchell: Okay, well, until next time, we will see you.