Latest / Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic / 74: The Surprise Is the Clue | How Your Reactions Reveal What You Think Is Possible

Transcript

74: The Surprise Is the Clue | How Your Reactions Reveal What You Think Is Possible · Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic

• 0:03
  Tania: Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free.
• 0:11
  Tania: I'm Tania Cervoni your host and fellow work in Progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole.
• 0:22
  Tania: Let's jump in.
• 0:27
  Hello, friends, and welcome back to another episode of Banish the Lies.
• 0:32
  I'm sitting here looking at photos from my last trip to Norway last month, where I was visiting my youngest sister, and it's bringing back memories of how I felt when I was there.
• 0:42
  There was something about that experience that I thought was worth exploring here, because it kinda surprised me how this trip opened up an interesting way for me to uncover some of the limiting beliefs that I hold.
• 0:56
  What I noticed specifically was this almost unexplainable feeling of possibility as I traveled from coast to coast, like so much more was available to me for my life.
• 1:11
  And as usual, when I have feelings like that, I get curious.
• 1:16
  Well, I get curious about the bad feelings, too, but in this case, I had this wonderful feeling, and I started thinking,"Okay, what exactly has changed?" Because, yes, I was in a new place, but I was also obviously the same person, you know, the same age, same abilities, same financial situation, all the things.
• 1:36
  So why did life feel so much bigger?
• 1:40
  Actually, expansion.
• 1:43
  Expansion really is the word that keeps coming to me.
• 1:46
  Life just felt so expansive.
• 1:49
  And as I started to think about this, and specifically what was different there versus when I'm at home, it occurred to me how much our familiar environments quietly reinforce our familiar ways of thinking.
• 2:04
  We wake up to the same four walls.
• 2:07
  We have our routines and our responsibilities.
• 2:10
  We're often around the same people, which means we often have some of the same conversations.
• 2:16
  And again, it's all good.
• 2:18
  There's nothing wrong with any of this.
• 2:20
  But I think over time we can forget that the life that we're experiencing is simply one version of reality.
• 2:28
  But eventually over time, it, you know, it starts to feel like this is the way life is.
• 2:33
  But then a shift can occur when we experience something new.
• 2:39
  And travel is obviously a great example of this, because you're suddenly surrounded by things that are unfamiliar, and sometimes those new experiences reflect back to us beliefs we didn't even know we were holding.
• 2:52
  So let me give you an example.
• 2:55
  When I was in Norway, we visited this gorgeous waterfall in a place called Vøringsfossen.
• 3:02
  I probably got that pronunciation completely wrong, so forgive me.
• 3:06
  Anyway, I saw this older woman, and I didn't speak to her, so obviously I don't know her exact age, but if I had to guess, I would say she was well into her 80s.
• 3:15
  And there she was climbing away with greater agility than I think that I had.
• 3:20
  And I remember watching her and feeling surprised, and I'm guessing many people might have shared my surprise.
• 3:26
  But the interesting part for me is what that surprise revealed about my beliefs around what is possible as we age.
• 3:34
  Or I think back to when I lived in France many, many years ago as I worked as a nanny, and the father of this family was this very busy, successful engineer who ran his own business.
• 3:47
  And every day he would come home for a two-hour lunch with his daughters, who also, you know, came home from school at that time.
• 3:56
  And I remember thinking,"Wow," like,"this is a thing?
• 3:58
  You can do that?" And I wouldn't have expressed it, this way at the time, but looking back, I can see that it challenged some of my assumptions about what a successful career allows and doesn't allow.
• 4:12
  And then I think about visiting family in Italy, this was back in 2007, and realizing that many of them were living with far fewer possessions and conveniences than I had back home.
• 4:26
  And yet there was this level of joy in their lives that didn't really fit with some of the beliefs that I've absorbed about all the things that, you know, all the stuff we need in order to have a good life And I'm not sharing any of these examples to suggest, okay, this is, you know, this is how we should all live.
• 4:43
  It's really not the point.
• 4:45
  These experiences though just showed me options I hadn't necessarily considered.
• 4:50
  And I think the really interesting thing to pay attention to in these moments is that surprise that I felt, because I think the surprise may be an important clue to pay attention to.
• 5:03
  When I saw that older woman climbing, I was surprised because her example violated an expectation I apparently held.
• 5:11
  You know, one I didn't necessarily know I was holding.
• 5:15
  So I think there's a really interesting invitation here to start noticing where you get surprised by the way other people live, and maybe even take it one step further by exploring questions like,"Why did that surprise me?
• 5:31
  What assumption was I holding?" Maybe even,"Where did I get that?
• 5:36
  And what else might be possible for me?" Because I think the deeper realization for me was that these assumptions and beliefs don't just shape what we believe to be true, they can silently remove options from our lives.
• 5:52
  You know, when we have thoughts like,"I'm too old to do that," or,"People like me don't do that," or,"This is what a successful career has to look like," or one that I know that I've held for a long time, this idea that meaningful work has to be hard, you know, it has to entail sacrifice.
• 6:12
  All these types of beliefs can lurk beneath the surface, and the problem isn't just that those thoughts can feel restrictive, it's that they can eliminate possibilities before we ever get the opportunity to consider them for ourselves.
• 6:28
  And I don't think this means we have to start questioning every belief we hold about life, but I do think it's worth noticing the ones that might be quietly limiting our options, because maybe there are possibilities we haven't considered simply because we've never seen them.
• 6:46
  And I think that's one of the gifts that the trip to Norway gave me.
• 6:50
  It reminded me that reality is probably always bigger than the story I've been telling myself.
• 6:56
  And this is also why I think travel can really accelerate this process so much because, well, think about how much novelty gets packed into even a relatively short trip.
• 7:10
  You know, you get exposed to different customs, different priorities, different food, different architecture, um, even a different pace of life and different ways of living.
• 7:22
  And that causes you to constantly bump into things that might make you think,"Huh, I didn't know people did that," or,"I never thought about doing it that way." And those moments can create this permission space to question and to imagine and consider possibilities that your usual environment may not regularly reflect back to you.
• 7:48
  Now, to be clear, tr- it's not the travel that's creating the possibility, but it just makes the possibility easier to see.
• 7:56
  And the good news is you don't have to go to Norway to experience this.
• 8:01
  Although if you've never been to Norway, I highly recommend it.
• 8:04
  It is truly gorgeous.
• 8:05
  It's unbelievable.
• 8:07
  But we can introduce novelty in our ordinary lives in really simple ways.
• 8:14
  You know, maybe you just simply take a different route to get somewhere, or you explore a neighborhood you've never visited.
• 8:21
  Perhaps you take a class in something you've never tried, or one of my favorites is to read a memoir or a story of someone whose life is completely different from yours.
• 8:34
  You can even have a conversation with someone who's either considerably older or younger than you, or just go somewhere you normally wouldn't go.
• 8:43
  And this isn't about doing novel things just for the sake of doing novel things because God knows we don't need another self-improvement project to add to our to-do list.
• 8:54
  It's really about introducing something different and then paying attention to your reaction.
• 9:01
  And just get curious, you know, when you see something that makes you stop and think like,"Whoa, wow, I didn't know people do that," or that they do it that way, or maybe you find yourself surprised that someone that age is doing something, or that someone could live with so much less and genuinely seem happy.
• 9:24
  Those little reactions are interesting Because there might just be a limiting belief waving its hand at you.
• 9:30
  And I really do believe the surprise is the clue to pay attention to.
• 9:35
  And this isn't about necessarily having to change anything about your life, but just having the opportunity to play with new possibilities.
• 9:47
  You may discover another way of living and decide,"Nope, not for me," and that's perfectly fine, but now you actually made a choice, and I think that's where the expansion happens because before you knew that that option existed, there wasn't really a choice to make.
• 10:04
  So if you've been feeling a little stuck or maybe feeling, you know, that proverbial groundhog day lately, or you'd just love to feel a little more expansive about your life and what's possible for you, maybe play around with introducing a little novelty.
• 10:21
  Again, doesn't have to be a trip overseas or anything dramatic, just something that takes you outside the version of life you see every day, and then pay attention to what surprises you, what makes you think,"Huh, I never considered that option before." And maybe that's where expansion lives.
• 10:43
  Not necessarily making your life bigger, but just raising the roof on what you've allowed yourself to believe is possible.
• 10:55
  Tania: Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies.
• 10:57
  Tania: If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in.
• 11:02
  Tania: And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too.
• 11:05
  Tania: Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them.
• 11:08
  Tania: I'm Tania Cervoni and until next time, be kind to yourself.
• 11:13
  Tania: And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.