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How to be an Authentic Parent with Paul Nelhart · The Spiritual Parent: Mindful Tools for Raising Spiritual and Conscious Kids

• 0:02
  Paul: but you know how a key has different teeth and the teeth and yeah, I don't think he drew out this up, this is maybe just a me thing, it was, um, the teeth that can be ugly and rigid and rugged, but it's kind of what gets you there, you know it's, that's what opens the door for you uniquely.
• 0:18
  Paul: Yeah, and um, you know so for me it's not sitting and meditating for two hours.
• 0:23
  Paul: I prefer a walking meditation as an example.
• 0:26
  Paul: Yeah, but it's kind of whatever is allowance of yourself to go to the state of being able to quiet the mind, to listen to the heart, that center point, that point between and you can listen, like you said, I hear my heart.
• 0:43
  Paul: However, you said that I hear my heart talking or I can listen to my heart, or whatever your son said.
• 0:48
  Paul: I don't remember, I can't remember what he said.
• 0:51
  Paul: I think he said I can hear my heart.
• 0:52
  Paul: Is that what he?
• 0:52
  Carrie: said Hear my heart, hear my heart.
• 0:54
  Paul: Okay, so you can listen to your heart, and those are some of the ways to get to there, and you shouldn't overcomplicate it.
• 1:02
  Carrie: Welcome to Heart to Heart Parents.
• 1:03
  Carrie: Let's connect with our kids and learn together.
• 1:06
  Carrie: I'm Keri.
• 1:07
  Carrie: I was a former teacher and speech therapist.
• 1:09
  Carrie: I'm also a parent of two spirited, gifted, highly sensitive kids.
• 1:14
  Carrie: I was quickly brought to my knees as a parent when I thought that I would see a rosy lens version of parenting, just as they present on Instagram, but I quickly learned that's not real life.
• 1:25
  Carrie: I will provide real life experiences and transform them into moments for connections and change for you to use in your house.
• 1:33
  Carrie: Hi there and welcome back to Heart to Heart Parents.
• 1:38
  Carrie: I am Keri, your friendly, intuitive mama, and I'm here with our Paul and he's back again.
• 1:45
  Carrie: We're on episode two.
• 1:47
  Carrie: Because we had so much fun we had to do it twice.
• 1:49
  Carrie: Thank you, paul, for being here again with us.
• 1:53
  Paul: I love it.
• 1:54
  Paul: Thank you so much.
• 1:55
  Paul: This is, yeah, this.
• 1:55
  Paul: This really was a lot.
• 1:56
  Paul: This has been so much fun so far, so I'm I'm glad to we can continue on the conversation.
• 2:02
  Carrie: Yeah, definitely yeah.
• 2:03
  Carrie: So oh, go ahead.
• 2:05
  Paul: Oh no, I was going to say is I actually had a leaping point?
• 2:07
  Paul: That's kind of just in my head.
• 2:09
  Paul: If it's okay if I kind of jump into it.
• 2:12
  Carrie: Love it.
• 2:12
  Carrie: Yes, go ahead Be my guest.
• 2:15
  Paul: Because, you know, because obviously, with, with the parenting and the view on the parenting and and I know that we've already kind of expressed you know that it's such a great honor to to be this and we become who we are through our children in so many ways and aspects of it.
• 2:30
  Paul: And there was, there was one thing that kind of popped in my head which is really interesting because it's almost and this is going to sound a little disjointed from the word awareness, but I'll get there.
• 2:42
  Paul: So one of the things I was thinking of with parenting is is this idea of you know the protectiveness and I it essentially is, you know, we come through this existence of, you know eons and eons of development and obviously at some point in our existence we were being chased by saber, tooth, tigers and whatnot.
• 3:01
  Paul: So there's these ideas of, and there's a conceptual idea that still carries within us of got to protect our kids, and there's this idea of almost like you're kind of protecting them from the world or the exterior.
• 3:12
  Paul: And I really think that that in this day and age too, that that there's a real deep sense of we're not just you know there's, rather than the protecting of the world, we're almost protecting them from our own interpretations and our own self-views and our own internal dialogues.
• 3:31
  Paul: Because when we talk about things like our personal dialogues or self-talk, those things, they're going to, depending on where we're at, if we don't have awareness or we're not in check with some of those thoughts, they're going to express themselves in a physical way, external of ourselves to and with our children.
• 3:57
  Paul: So I know that it sounds a little, it might even sound a little dramatic to be like well, we have to protect them from ourselves.
• 4:02
  Paul: And I mean I mean that just in a very emotional way that we bring our own interpretive baggage of sorts, you know, to play with that and and and those are the things that we're working hard because we've we've learned lessons and we've grown from them.
• 4:18
  Paul: And this is that time where we want to be able to pass those on, but having self-awareness with us personally first, to understand where are those, where, where's that talking point, where is the self-awareness, where are these thoughts coming from before they kind of transgress into the physical world with with children and their awareness and how we're showing up and how they're responding to us.
• 4:40
  Paul: So that's kind of where I wanted to kind of a little bit of leapfrog into that, into that relative thought process around awareness.
• 4:46
  Carrie: I love it.
• 4:47
  Carrie: That's so perfect, and I think understanding ourselves first is really helping to empower them.
• 4:54
  Carrie: Healing ourselves, healing any pieces that continue to come up in ourselves is really being aware of what's going on in our bodies, and that can help us to see what's going on in their bodies and help bring our awareness for them too, and teaching them how to, and modeling how to, be aware of what's going on in our body too.
• 5:13
  Carrie: So I love that Absolutely.
• 5:15
  Paul: Yeah, no, I fully agree, and we are with them most of the time.
• 5:22
  Paul: So that's why it's it's so important that we are that example and we are that guiding light within this process.
• 5:28
  Paul: That word awareness we had talked about that at one point as well too, and having children feel you know, how do you gain?
• 5:36
  Paul: Is it okay if I jump to awareness?
• 5:38
  Carrie: Yes, please Sure.
• 5:39
  Paul: Yeah, so you know, how do you get.
• 5:42
  Paul: How do you get maybe that's not the right way to say it, but how do you help children become feel aware, you know, creating the safe space for them to grow, but not too much of the doting over or the controlling bubble, putting the bubble wrap around them, letting them have those explorations, but becoming aware and becoming mindful and being that I do believe that that does have to a lot of it has to happen in a safe space, you know, or consistently, because if they are extended and they are aware and they are hurt by it, they will tend to close up and that's where those trauma points kind of set in.
• 6:25
  Paul: Yeah, you know, so you know.
• 6:28
  Paul: On that other end is is the awareness, I guess.
• 6:30
  Paul: Do you have a?
• 6:31
  Paul: Do you have a few thoughts on kind of just you know, childhood awareness?
• 6:34
  Paul: I mean, it's a big subject, I know they can't encapsulate it very easily.
• 6:37
  Carrie: but I think it's huge.
• 6:40
  Carrie: I feel like trauma and trauma is like the new super word.
• 6:44
  Carrie: I feel like trauma and trauma is like the new super word.
• 6:45
  Carrie: I feel like it is.
• 6:46
  Carrie: It's really good that we're becoming aware of these pieces too, because I think in previous eras we were not as thoughtful about it and we're bringing it to light.
• 6:58
  Carrie: And I mean, the other day my son said mom, it's really triggering me when you say that.
• 7:04
  Carrie: And I was like okay, maybe I have used a lot of mindful words around here, triggering him saying these things.
• 7:14
  Carrie: So or he said I'm feeling triggered right now and I'm like well, that's really good body and self-awareness, but also maybe I'm using too many, too many vocab terms around him.
• 7:24
  Paul: Right, I know, and it has.
• 7:26
  Paul: I know, and I don't want to get off too much, but it has.
• 7:28
  Paul: Some of those words have become a little bit, you know, socially spread and maybe even not in the right context.
• 7:36
  Paul: You know people always use them and you know, or they weaponize them in certain aspects.
• 7:42
  Paul: So but it is good that there's enough self-awareness to you know to to see that in that sense you know so and but you know there was.
• 7:53
  Paul: I think there was one other aspect too, is I I kind of wanted to bring up, cause it was we were talking about this, and again I always jump to something that sounds like I'm talking about it, but but I always bring it back.
• 8:04
  Paul: But we were talking just really about the different aspects and the balance again.
• 8:11
  Paul: But what I was reminded is and totally going to sound separated, but I'll bring it back is when you're talking about consumerism and marketing, there's the three big queen bees are when people are marketing and selling, and you know one of those drivers.
• 8:28
  Paul: So there's a human psychology and behavioral science.
• 8:31
  Carrie: Yeah.
• 8:31
  Paul: Should be like the eye, the other and the systems.
• 8:34
  Paul: And the systems could be like an ease of process.
• 8:36
  Paul: You're selling an ease of process, you're selling an accelerator, you're selling something that's solving a problem outside of the eye, and the other and the other is is how to?
• 8:46
  Paul: You know, how is the world perceiving me?
• 8:48
  Paul: You know, it's kind of those, those things, and the reason I bring that up is because it's it's not.
• 8:54
  Paul: There are people that at this, at this stage, I'm actually seeing a lot of people kind of almost check out of that consumer mindset, more and more, pulling themselves out of that in a real kind of societal way.
• 9:03
  Paul: But you're, you're seeing these adults that at one point were children and kind of.
• 9:10
  Paul: You know, where did that develop?
• 9:12
  Paul: Where did these key things develop, you know, and how are?
• 9:15
  Paul: How did that really kind of influence us?
• 9:17
  Paul: You know, the eye is the, the eye is obvious, but where were those influences when it comes to the other?
• 9:24
  Paul: And then where are those systems that are trying to, you know, solve our pain and ease our problem, ease our perceived problems?
• 9:34
  Paul: So so in the again, this is all in the holistic bubble of development and and and really kind of navigating.
• 9:44
  Paul: We'll call it because we're really talking about, you know, our kids and raising them to understand some of these things.
• 9:49
  Paul: You know it's like I'm kind of asking, it's kind of rhetorical, but it's like you know, so it's you know, where do you help them strengthen in the eye?
• 9:58
  Paul: You know the self awareness, the mindfulness, the your actions are doing and what you're saying you know we have to have some self-awareness and then you know so how you're strengthening your children in that window, you know.
• 10:24
  Paul: And then, when it comes to the systemization, you know I talked about the manic side of give me the list, the to-do list, of how I work through these emotional problems.
• 10:30
  Paul: You know, and I'm just being silly with some of that stuff but some of those systemizations of you know, not going for the quick, the quick fixes, or you know the, the, the trying to find the easy button on things too, which probably plays in the, you know, certain level of confidence too.
• 10:48
  Paul: So I threw a lot at you and, like I said, it wasn't necessarily a direct question, but you know, in the eye or the other, you know, do you have a little thoughts in some of those windows when it comes to the kids and the community?
• 11:04
  Carrie: Yeah, we've.
• 11:05
  Carrie: So with this sorry, I'm trying to gather my thoughts with my kids, it's been a huge piece for them when they've when they've developed these mindful tools and we've developed them with them.
• 11:18
  Carrie: And we found a current center here near our house, a spiritual center that we go to and we've built like a community in the center where we have friends that are also in the similar mindset with their kids and raising their kids in similar ways.
• 11:36
  Carrie: And it's been really awesome because my, my son, he loves to talk about mindful tools that we've developed at home and he's like I'm using, I'm listening to my heart, do you listen to your heart?
• 11:46
  Carrie: And I'm toning down my monkey mind and I mean we have to use labels in our house because that's how we understand it.
• 11:57
  Carrie: It's a descriptive at a nine-year-old yeah, yeah, yep, yep.
• 11:59
  Carrie: So it's a different kind of label, but, um, so it's been.
• 12:00
  Carrie: It's been really eyeopening for him.
• 12:03
  Paul: That's beautiful that you found a community I don't know, um, yeah that's.
• 12:07
  Paul: I mean, that's an.
• 12:07
  Paul: That's a really beautiful thing.
• 12:08
  Paul: I personally have not.
• 12:10
  Paul: We have not found those communities.
• 12:13
  Paul: So that's amazing that you found the school and a community and the spiritual center to uh with with your family.
• 12:22
  Paul: You know, that's a real blessing.
• 12:24
  Carrie: Yep, and also, like our the teacher that supports the children in the, the spiritual center that we go to, she helped found the school.
• 12:31
  Carrie: So it was kind of this inner interlinking process that really helped us and we were like, okay, this really makes sense for our life and everything that our kids have really needed and they've just soared with these pieces that we've added to them.
• 12:46
  Carrie: For them.
• 12:46
  Carrie: It's just been this process of soaring and I really am a fan of keeping the kids in their heart space and keeping them listening to their heart, because I know so many of us as we go through grad school, as we go through college, we're building up these layers on us of not being able to hear our heart, because we're more and more in our minds with our research, evidence-based practice that I'm using as a speech therapist and all these different pieces that we're learning from our books and studying.
• 13:18
  Carrie: We're also trying to teach our kids to study and learn about orcas, because my son's really into orcas right now, but also teaching him.
• 13:27
  Carrie: You can turn down your monkey mind at times.
• 13:30
  Carrie: You can connect with your heart.
• 13:31
  Carrie: You can hear what your gut is telling you about this situation or and such.
• 13:36
  Carrie: So that's, that's just been really good.
• 13:39
  Paul: I absolutely love that the uh cause you really are.
• 13:43
  Paul: You created a safe space for the eye and the other and the community I mean yeah, yeah.
• 13:49
  Paul: Yeah, I can't say anything else, but that is amazing.
• 13:53
  Carrie: It's been and that's and that's kind of where I journeyed into the podcast world for us was.
• 13:58
  Carrie: This has been amazing for us and I want to try to figure out how to share this with other parents and these pieces and these ideas, and not necessarily that you have to come to the spiritual center that I go to, but find something for you that works in your family and that helps for your family.
• 14:17
  Paul: Yeah, so in the in the heart aspect of it too, do you believe that?
• 14:22
  Paul: I'm not believing this?
• 14:23
  Paul: Um, you kind of see your son when he says you know, listen to my heart.
• 14:27
  Paul: Is that?
• 14:27
  Paul: Is he kind of listening to his intuition a little bit, or the balance of the logic and the intuition?
• 14:32
  Paul: Is it kind of just this, just very easy, just open as a receptor into the world and really just hyper, hyper aware?
• 14:40
  Carrie: He's, he's all of those.
• 14:41
  Carrie: No, he's um, and I mean I he's, he's a Gemini, so I always joke he's the twin, where it's like he'll switch and then switch back, like it's like one side, he's logic side buddy, and then the other side, he is the all heart buddy.
• 14:56
  Carrie: And you know, sometimes the heart is very loud and jumping in sister's face and can't turn it off.
• 15:04
  Carrie: So or sometimes the buddy is in his logic piece and he can't see that mom's upset because she stubbed her toe and he wants to tell me 20 facts about orcas.
• 15:14
  Carrie: So we're really I'm and I love like the um.
• 15:19
  Carrie: The whole brain child has really been helping me a lot.
• 15:22
  Carrie: As you talk about the left and the right side, I don't know, if you've, um Daniel Siegel.
• 15:27
  Carrie: Um, yeah, it's been.
• 15:28
  Carrie: It was really helpful for me as a parent and I'm rereading it again, actually because it's like I read it when they were babies, but now reading it as he's a nine-year-old, it's a huge, huge piece to remind myself.
• 15:38
  Paul: Yeah, I'm sure you're picking up a lot of different information, yeah.
• 15:41
  Carrie: Yeah, but it talks a lot about the left and right side brain, so that's been really helpful for me to like.
• 15:48
  Carrie: Oh yes, you are in this state of right side, feeling the emotions, and I can't logically talk to you about the process of me needing to get your shoes on because we're going to be late.
• 15:59
  Carrie: We're supposed to meet somebody at the pool.
• 16:00
  Carrie: You know, I can't go through that right now.
• 16:02
  Carrie: I just need to meet you in this right side brain.
• 16:05
  Paul: Yep, Purely just an open nerve ending of emotion Um.
• 16:09
  Paul: I can see that Cause?
• 16:10
  Paul: Yeah, you, you do.
• 16:11
  Paul: They do get stuck in that too, so do my boys as well.
• 16:15
  Carrie: I totally recommend it.
• 16:18
  Paul: We're just looking at anything but uh, but what needs to get done?
• 16:23
  Carrie: I feel like I don't know.
• 16:25
  Carrie: Going back to the star children again yeah, I feel like so many of these kids are there, right, it's so true.
• 16:31
  Carrie: We go to our kids' school and there's so many parents that have sought this, this, this different alternative school environment out and I'm just like wow, these kids are so similar to my kids and my son loves it.
• 16:45
  Carrie: He said I never knew I could love school.
• 16:47
  Carrie: I'm like well, that's you.
• 16:48
  Carrie: You're around people that understand you and you understand them, and nobody's going to call you a grass picker here.
• 16:53
  Carrie: They're going to accept you for who you are.
• 16:57
  Paul: Yeah, and it's it really is.
• 17:02
  Paul: You know there was some, you know a lot, of that heavy judgment in certain, in certain structures with the kids.
• 17:05
  Paul: I know I experienced it.
• 17:06
  Paul: You know I was very turned off by school at a very young age and yeah, you know it's not a victim thing, it's just I was, you know, you're just at that age.
• 17:16
  Paul: You don't, you're not, you're not recognizing, you don't have the years of comparison.
• 17:21
  Paul: You just know, um, I, I, I'm not comfortable here.
• 17:25
  Paul: I don't, this doesn't feel right to me.
• 17:27
  Paul: That's all you know.
• 17:27
  Paul: Yeah, you have no way to have, uh, you know relevant, contextual, uh, you know awareness or you know field awareness about this.
• 17:37
  Carrie: Yes, and I've been doing even some healing myself from childhood at school, like where you don't have your voice, and finding your voice again.
• 17:46
  Carrie: Oh, going back to that shyness piece and all of these healing pieces that come out from school it's almost like school trauma, right Things that we had to go through in schooling and putting those layers on right, those layers of not hearing our heart because we're protecting ourselves in the school environment again too, and I don't want to go too, you know, too heavy on it.
• 18:06
  Paul: But there is.
• 18:07
  Paul: You know there was a program you know we were supposed to, you know, recite a certain in a certain way.
• 18:14
  Paul: We're, you know, deliver in a certain way, and you do kind of lose a little bit of that individual that I mean I'm kind of holding my throat chakra, I can feel it.
• 18:20
  Paul: You know the constraint on that you know, yeah, truly speaking your mind or ability even to being silly or, um, just having fun with the communication and having fun with the exploration of the subject matter too.
• 18:36
  Paul: And you know there's a, there's a saying about you know.
• 18:40
  Paul: You know a tyrant's enemy is humor.
• 18:43
  Paul: I'm not, I'm not saying school is a tyrant, you know is a tyrant, but there is a, there's an aspect of that control and because of you know we need to, we need to work through this agenda, you know, but there was.
• 18:57
  Paul: We need to work through this agenda, yeah, you know, but there was.
• 19:00
  Paul: And there was one other thing too, as you were kind of talking about with the people you've met is it doesn't have to be specifically what we're talking about here.
• 19:05
  Paul: There's many modalities and what's beautiful is that people are more open to it now.
• 19:11
  Paul: And I think some of that like heavy, we'll talk it.
• 19:15
  Paul: We'll say dominance, um structure, industrial revolution on structure of like push the bird out of the nest, type of thing and let them fly, you know, um, yeah, I just saw it too on instagram.
• 19:28
  Paul: It was funny.
• 19:29
  Paul: It was like there was something.
• 19:30
  Paul: It was like an old commercial from I don't want to say it was like the 80s, and it was like it's 10 o'clock, do you know where your children are?
• 19:34
  Paul: And above it it said man, those kids in the eighties must've been feral or something.
• 19:38
  Paul: You know.
• 19:38
  Paul: It was just kind of like funny.
• 19:39
  Paul: It was just like.
• 19:40
  Paul: You know, the world we're in right now is like I'm not, I don't, I don't let my kids walk to Walgreens, you know, half the time, or something.
• 19:46
  Paul: You know.
• 19:51
  Paul: It's just we used to.
• 19:53
  Paul: You know yeah and um, but there's also, you know there's obviously there's always pros and cons to some of that, the exploration and everything else.
• 20:00
  Paul: But then there's also the safety of, in a certain aspect, in a certain time in the development, that you're allowing them to kind of be who they are and be that fill, that open vessel with things that they're putting in rather than the things that are being imposed and supposed to be put into it and there's going to be a whole lifetime of things and you know job situations or you know higher learning or whatever.
• 20:27
  Paul: That is that those things will.
• 20:29
  Paul: Those things will come, that's okay, but this is the time that they can build that foundational security within that.
• 20:36
  Paul: And but where I started that line was is really about the openness to modalities and openness to these conversations like this.
• 20:43
  Paul: Yes, I mean just honestly, I don't want to say 10, but for sure, 20 years ago, if we were talking about Indigo and rainbow and crystal children, you know this, it would have been, we would have been shunned by it.
• 20:56
  Paul: You know somebody would have been like you know this, it would have been, we would have been shunned by it.
• 21:02
  Paul: You know somebody would have been like you know they would have shut.
• 21:03
  Paul: Obviously they would have shut the podcast off or pretty early if that was, if that was the case.
• 21:04
  Paul: But but that's what's beautiful, that's the ability to for us as adults to get to this point where we can explore and now create that next, that world for, you know, the next generation or our direct children to be able to explore and explore those modalities, those keys, that the keys of and I say that I keep bringing up the modalities because not every modality is right for everybody.
• 21:29
  Paul: You know, there's there's breath work, there's yoga, there's you name it there's.
• 21:33
  Paul: There's the litany soundbass, there's you name it there's.
• 21:36
  Paul: there's the litany soundbass there's, you know, and and it's, it's great to explore all of those, those again, I keep using the word safe, but in those in the right context, to explore those aspects and then find those that that's helped to center and clear, clear your mind, clear the monkey mind and be able to help you silence your inner voice, not somebody else silencing your inner voice.
• 22:03
  Paul: You having that moment of taking the internal I call it the internal breath.
• 22:07
  Paul: You take that internal breath where your mind is and you can reset and re-approach it.
• 22:15
  Carrie: Yes, that's beautiful.
• 22:17
  Carrie: Yeah, I love that.
• 22:19
  Carrie: Yeah, there's so many modalities and there's a time and a place for everything, right?
• 22:25
  Carrie: My grandmother was shoving Ed Cartole at me for many, many years and I wasn't ready.
• 22:30
  Carrie: I was in my academic state and in college didn't have time, wasn't ready.
• 22:37
  Paul: You were still in the state of like everything had to be not everything, but most things had to be measurable.
• 22:41
  Paul: Yes, you had to be able to weigh them, measure them, count them.
• 22:44
  Carrie: Yes, and then they would have value, then they would be, real Right.
• 22:48
  Carrie: I was in control.
• 22:51
  Paul: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 22:52
  Paul: I need to be able to see, touch it, taste it, measure it, weigh it, and then it's real.
• 22:58
  Paul: You know, and if I can't see beyond that or I can't explain it, and then that goes into the gut where it's the, you know, you feel your way through it, you know you've been able to kind of bring that through into the uh, to the creative process of understanding.
• 23:13
  Carrie: Yep, Yep and yeah it, yeah, so it's it's.
• 23:16
  Carrie: You can find your modality.
• 23:18
  Carrie: Try, try several, because sometimes you end up liking them and you didn't realize you would.
• 23:23
  Paul: And yeah, I love that.
• 23:24
  Carrie: It's so, it's so wonderful.
• 23:26
  Paul: Yeah, there's a guy named Bashar.
• 23:27
  Paul: I think his name is Bashar and I you know he kind of does just like some channeling talks and stuff like that, but he I remember kind of hearing him talk about those modalities and the key, like he was.
• 23:37
  Paul: Maybe he didn't do it, maybe this is my interpretation, but you know how a key has different teeth and the key and the teeth and you know, I don't think he drew out this up this is maybe just a me thing, it was, um, the teeth that can be ugly and rigid and rugged, but it's kind of what gets you there, you know it's, that's what opens the door for you uniquely, and you know so.
• 23:58
  Paul: For me it's not sitting and meditating for two hours.
• 24:01
  Paul: I prefer a walking meditation.
• 24:03
  Paul: That's an example, yeah, but it's kind of whatever is allowance of yourself to go to the state of being able to quiet the mind, to listen, listen to the heart.
• 24:15
  Paul: That center points, that point between and you can listen to what you said is my, I hear, my, I hear my heart.
• 24:25
  Paul: However, you said that I hear my heart talking, or I hear my, I can listen to my heart, or whatever your son said.
• 24:28
  Carrie: I don't remember.
• 24:28
  Carrie: I apologize.
• 24:29
  Paul: I think he said I can hear my heart.
• 24:30
  Paul: Is that what he?
• 24:30
  Carrie: said Hear my heart, hear my heart.
• 24:31
  Paul: Okay, so you can listen to your heart and those are some of the ways to get to there, and you shouldn't overcomplicate it.
• 24:38
  Paul: And not everything is right for everybody.
• 24:41
  Paul: So don't turn dogmatic with the modalities.
• 24:44
  Paul: That's some of the stuff and that's the religio, the religions, the dogmas that you have to do one, two, three, four to do this and that's the entry point.
• 24:54
  Paul: And if you can't do it, you're failing.
• 24:56
  Paul: And that's where people put pressure on themselves when it comes to some of the modalities, but it's none of them are meant to be that, whether they are or they're not.
• 25:05
  Paul: I mean, maybe they are in some cases, but you shouldn't receive them as as that.
• 25:09
  Paul: It's not a pain by numbers, it's, it's uniquely to yourself and it's uniquely to our children.
• 25:15
  Paul: They're not going to have the same set of entry points and opening or, you know, getting past any type of blocks that we do.
• 25:22
  Paul: You can't oppose our personal pains or interpretive views on that or get frustrated with them.
• 25:29
  Paul: You know, if they're able to hear their heart quicker than we are, god bless it.
• 25:34
  Paul: You know we don't have to retroactively tell them that they needed to go back and, you know, do 45 minutes of yoga before they come back and it's okay.
• 25:42
  Carrie: You know so you didn't follow the steps you got to go back rewind ground yourself first.
• 25:48
  Carrie: Let's start over.
• 25:50
  Paul: Exactly.
• 25:51
  Paul: Yeah, you just somehow you did it wrong, you're like, but I feel so peaceful.
• 25:54
  Paul: Nah, yeah, you just somehow you did it wrong, you're like, but I feel so peaceful.
• 25:56
  Paul: Nah, didn't live up to my interpretation of it.
• 25:59
  Carrie: I love it.
• 25:59
  Carrie: So, Paul, can you tell us anything about?
• 26:03
  Carrie: Are you doing anything fun for father's day?
• 26:05
  Carrie: I meant to ask you.
• 26:07
  Paul: Yeah, no, it's a.
• 26:09
  Paul: It is a father's day.
• 26:10
  Paul: Is it this weekend or next weekend?
• 26:11
  Paul: I?
• 26:12
  Paul: Don't even next week or two.
• 26:18
  Paul: So, um, most likely we'll, we'll just hang out as a family.
• 26:20
  Paul: I, I, I really like things pretty quiet.
• 26:21
  Paul: I'm not, uh, I'm not a big big event person necessarily, or sports guy or anything.
• 26:26
  Paul: Sure, simplest is best Just hanging with the boys and Kristen, I'm good to go.
• 26:33
  Paul: Uh, you know, with that, and uh and uh yeah, so and I'm good to go, you know, with that, and, and, yeah, so, and, and I think too, you know, in the sense of the fatherhood, and I'm not going to speak for fathers, but I would go back to that same thing is just that reminder to, if there was a father listening to this at this point, is, you know, it's just understand that have recognized that gratitude of the honor of being that dad, recognize that gratitude of the honor of being that dad and the recognition and your position to be able to really help those, those, those kids.
• 27:03
  Paul: And again it's they're not here for us.
• 27:05
  Paul: You know, in a sense we're here for them.
• 27:07
  Paul: It's a they.
• 27:09
  Paul: You know there's that idea of again of them coming through us means they're indebted to us in some way.
• 27:14
  Paul: It's the complete opposite.
• 27:16
  Paul: I, my life, is extraordinary and I am who I am because of them.
• 27:21
  Paul: It wasn't because, you know, in the reverse.
• 27:25
  Paul: So you know, I just that's just a short little, you know little quip on it, but you know, I hope that resonates with somebody out there.
• 27:35
  Carrie: It already resonated, I'm going to share it with my husband For Father's Day.
• 27:39
  Carrie: Sometimes we go hiking or canoeing, it depends.
• 27:42
  Carrie: Usually it's canoeing, my husband's favorite and, being from Michigan and getting all the gear and the children into the mindset of the canoeing often can be a battle sometimes.
• 27:56
  Carrie: Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure it's a challenge yeah, I love that mindset switch of the gratitude and my husband loves to go there and so I think that'll be a great piece is just being together and being grateful for the lessons we're given and the connections we have.
• 28:14
  Paul: Absolutely.
• 28:14
  Paul: And don't get me wrong, I don't have it all figured out Absolutely.
• 28:16
  Carrie: And don't get me wrong, I don't have it all figured out here.
• 28:17
  Paul: I don't have this.
• 28:18
  Paul: I don't have it nailed down.
• 28:19
  Paul: My monkey mind still still sets in pretty easy.
• 28:23
  Carrie: So it's so true, it's, it's definitely, it's a um.
• 28:26
  Carrie: It's not overnight.
• 28:28
  Carrie: It's like lifting weights, right, you, just you continue to lift your weights.
• 28:31
  Carrie: It gets a little easier.
• 28:32
  Paul: It's a practice.
• 28:33
  Paul: It really is a practice and the whole point of some of this too, being that it's a practice, is it's kind of a dance.
• 28:41
  Paul: You don't rush a dance, you dance to dance.
• 28:44
  Paul: You know it's the sense of.
• 28:47
  Paul: I had the.
• 28:48
  Paul: I kind of gave this example because work at some of the private equity world and some of the efficiency thinking and you know the straight line and stuff, some of the straight line thinking, the machine thinking, and I kind of joked.
• 29:00
  Paul: I was like, well, you know, some efficiency expert uh, decided on, you know how to improve an orchestra, you know symphony, you know they would just blend all the blend all the notes together.
• 29:10
  Paul: So you just go there and it would be ding, okay, we're done, you know.
• 29:13
  Paul: And, um, you go there and it would be ding, okay, we're done, you know, and, um, you know, the whole point of a lot of this is the practice is that it's that experiential time and to be there presently at you know some adults.
• 29:26
  Paul: Uh, you know, we we do have that's a.
• 29:28
  Paul: It could be a challenge for us.
• 29:29
  Paul: You know, when we're wrapped up in our, in our days, our weeks, our, our mon, our monies, our careers are you know, uh you know, and remembering to kind of listen to the music and make sure you remember that to to dance all the steps you know.
• 29:43
  Carrie: So that's beautiful.
• 29:45
  Carrie: It's so true Cause I think in so many of the spiritual worlds when you're reading on things like the tips to here's your tips to be enlightened, like I got the instructions.
• 30:01
  Paul: I'm going to knock these out.
• 30:02
  Paul: I am feeling great and then all of a sudden, at one in the morning, I'm staring at the ceiling, stressed out.
• 30:08
  Paul: I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't sleep.
• 30:10
  Carrie: Well, you missed step number four.
• 30:11
  Carrie: That's why.
• 30:12
  Paul: Yeah, exactly.
• 30:13
  Paul: So you know, I must've skipped a step somewhere and and I don't mean to go here cause this is one of those long, long conversations, but I'll condense it was in that sense too is the beating ourselves up and the self-talk and all those things is is some of that stuff with the awareness is that you become hyper aware and you can become too hyper aware of everything.
• 30:35
  Paul: Yes, everything all of a sudden starts to have meaning and you start judging, weighing and measuring everything on an emotional scale and not everything can.
• 30:47
  Paul: And you try, you know, and like there is, there is some, and that's what some of those, some people talk about when they start on the spiritual journeys too, is they'll you get caught in a little bit of that trap?
• 30:57
  Paul: You know, it's this, you know it's uh, the recognition of the catalyst.
• 31:02
  Paul: You know the remembrance of the catalyst and then you create, creating series of negations where you're like it's not this, it's this, it's this, not that you know, and just really dive and overanalyze it.
• 31:16
  Paul: And you know.
• 31:17
  Paul: One other thing too with that is that some things with awareness is, once you become a bit more aware and again it's not a level, it's just personal tone is that can't fool yourself with the delusions you know some of that stuff meaning that you know the, the, the BS or the lies you told yourself at one point that you can kind of convince yourself on.
• 31:38
  Paul: You know those get dispelled.
• 31:40
  Paul: You know as your awareness grows, so you become hyper aware of everything at some level.
• 31:47
  Paul: You know, I don't want to say that it can become painful, but it can become very like you know, the world becomes much more vibrant in that sense and when you cut things out, like, you know, the drinking or any other substances in your life and gluten for us?
• 32:04
  Carrie: Yeah, Honestly seriously.
• 32:07
  Paul: You know even some of the oils and the fast foods and you know whatever somebody criticizes that but, like you know, yeah, yeah, you improve your diet.
• 32:14
  Paul: You're not drinking alcohol, there's no other substances, things like that.
• 32:18
  Paul: You, you really physically, are more aware, and then when you open your spiritual channels, you're even more aware and this world can be very hyper, uh, you know, vigilant on it, very focused on it.
• 32:30
  Paul: So I only say that because I've got, I've caught, caught in that trap many, many times and become, you know, so swung and on the other side of of that, where you're like, okay, this is too serious now.
• 32:41
  Paul: Now I'm so serious about this, like I'm, I'm skipping the steps and the dancing and listening to the symphony, you know, just like rushing the notes, you know, so, um, that's it.
• 32:58
  Carrie: I.
• 32:58
  Paul: I, you know, without without expanding and going off on a tangent with that one, I think that's a that kind of self-explains, you know self-explanatory.
• 33:01
  Carrie: You know, two of my favorite things for those is is you're talking about music, is dancing with my kids just like opens the door, lets out that energy, gets me out of my head space.
• 33:13
  Carrie: And singing like going in the shower and singing podcasting, I guess, is part of it too, but yeah, just like getting that energy flowing.
• 33:24
  Paul: We'll do like parody, parody singing, like we'll just, you know, we'll take a tempo or something like that I'll just start, like seeing some parody.
• 33:33
  Paul: It's terrible, it's absolutely terrible.
• 33:34
  Carrie: The words don't rhyme.
• 33:35
  Carrie: I include the boy's names in there and then you know, maybe I'll just start like seeing some parody.
• 33:37
  Paul: It's terrible, it's absolutely terrible.
• 33:38
  Paul: The words don't rhyme.
• 33:38
  Paul: I include the boys names in there and then maybe I'll tease them a little bit, and then they, you know, and uh, yeah, some of that flex on the you know those, those creativity, uh, but I, I definitely I think you know the singing and the dancing.
• 33:51
  Paul: There really is something to be said about that, because the point of that is is purely for the, the process and the enjoyment of that.
• 33:59
  Paul: It's not to get to the end of it.
• 34:01
  Paul: Yeah, it is to to do that and be doing that.
• 34:06
  Carrie: Yep.
• 34:07
  Paul: Which is interesting, and I do think, Alan, about that quite a bit with with the dancing Um as well.
• 34:13
  Paul: You know it's, it's a practice, so oh, I love that.
• 34:17
  Carrie: Okay, paul, you have to tell us what is your super human power.
• 34:21
  Carrie: Oh, I love it.
• 34:23
  Paul: I love it.
• 34:23
  Paul: So I would say, I'm going to just say, I'm going to encapsulate into one word and I'll expand but, uh, uh, fluidity.
• 34:31
  Paul: Being fluid, I would say and I say this because I think in this season of my life, which actually ties into kind of what the last thing I was talking about is becoming a bit too rigid, even in the exploration of spirituality and modalities and in a sense of I'm trying to free myself from the structures of this world and I swing the other way.
• 34:56
  Paul: So you know being fluid and you know it's kind of being the glass or you know being the frozen water or being the steam and being able to, you know, adapt and be in this world is there is a great comfort and ease to that when you're able to be flexible.
• 35:14
  Paul: And there's the things you can change and there's things you can't change.
• 35:18
  Paul: And those things you can't change, you know, sometimes you do just flow through them.
• 35:24
  Paul: So being through that flow, Love it.
• 35:28
  Carrie: That's wonderful.
• 35:29
  Carrie: Do you have a favorite color?
• 35:30
  Carrie: Because I am very fluid in my personality and my mindset, so I'm trying and I can never choose a favorite color.
• 35:38
  Paul: It's interesting, it's over time, and I do see a lot of like colors and or colors and things like that.
• 35:45
  Paul: You know, I think some of it too is some of it's to draw what we're working on, you know, from a chakra standpoint too.
• 35:53
  Paul: Like, right now, I'm just gonna say orange.
• 35:55
  Paul: Yeah, you see, because we were talking about the earthly material thing.
• 36:00
  Paul: You'll see those lower chakras.
• 36:02
  Paul: You know, if you were to say what's pick a color, I'm gonna say you know yeah, I love it you know, cuz some of that stuff's working on the power centers and stuff, or we become, it would be the blue, the um, you know, the throat chakra and stuff which could be a balance of the heart on either side of the heart.
• 36:20
  Carrie: Oh, I'm wearing my larimar.
• 36:22
  Carrie: It's my throat, chakra one that I always wear, so I love it is that?
• 36:28
  Paul: so do you not have a favorite color, or is it?
• 36:30
  Paul: Is it is it based on it changes it changes.
• 36:33
  Carrie: So for a while it was this color, and then, more recently, it's become more of a um, like purples I'm drawn toward purples, which um, kind of those higher.
• 36:43
  Paul: Yeah, I love that.
• 36:44
  Paul: Those some of the wisdom colors, the knowledge colors.
• 36:46
  Paul: Yeah, so that's what I'm thinking.
• 36:50
  Carrie: Yeah, so it's really cool.
• 36:51
  Carrie: But my daughter made me choose this shirt today so she was feeling in the heart chakra with the green.
• 36:56
  Paul: Apparently, so I love jumping into it.
• 36:58
  Carrie: It's really fun.
• 36:59
  Paul: Yeah, beautiful, nice balance.
• 37:01
  Paul: It's face between again too.
• 37:03
  Carrie: Oh, there you go, love it, throw in the heart, yep.
• 37:06
  Carrie: Well, thank you so much, paul.
• 37:08
  Paul: Absolutely.
• 37:08
  Paul: This was great.
• 37:17
  Carrie: This was so much for being here.
• 37:17
  Carrie: Oh, I forgot to ask you how can our listeners find you?
• 37:20
  Carrie: You mentioned, or we mentioned, intrinsic mindset podcast.
• 37:23
  Paul: So intrinsic mindset again.
• 37:25
  Paul: My name is Paul Nelhart and right now it's mostly on Instagram at intrinsic mindset.
• 37:32
  Paul: I do have the YouTube channel and some of my other social media handles are all going to be under intrinsic mindset, but I'm in Intrinsic Mindset, I do have the YouTube channel and some of my other social media handles are all going to be under Intrinsic Mindset, but I'm in the process of building and formally launching everything, so still a little bit early stage, yeah, but yeah, if anybody wants to reach out, please reach out.
• 37:48
  Paul: I definitely would love to continue any of these conversations with anybody who's open.
• 37:53
  Carrie: Yes, and I love following your Instagram handle that you mentioned, and we'll put it in the show notes, because that's a great way to follow you and then we can keep up to date with when you launch.
• 38:04
  Paul: I love it.
• 38:04
  Paul: I love it.
• 38:04
  Paul: I'm actually about to release a bunch more shorts on that Instagram too over the next few weeks and stuff.
• 38:10
  Paul: I've had some more guests on my show and we'll have you on my show as well too.
• 38:14
  Carrie: Great, I'd love that.
• 38:15
  Carrie: Thanks so much for coming on and connecting.
• 38:18
  Paul: Thanks, Carrie.
• 38:21
  Carrie: If there's a parent that you think this could resonate with, please be sure to share it with them so we can all benefit from each other.
• 38:27
  Carrie: Follow Heart to Heart Parents Podcast on Instagram for daily fun ideas and tips.
• 38:33
  Carrie: Happy week.