Latest / The Kevin Stone Podcast / #10 "The Older I Get, the Less I Care What People Think"

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#10 "The Older I Get, the Less I Care What People Think" · The Kevin Stone Podcast

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  Speaker 1: Customized listener. Let's begin by cleaning those ears.
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  Speaker 2: Too, am I I'm a nobody. I just happened to
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  Speaker 2: have a camera and a microphone and an Internet connection,
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  Speaker 2: which makes me a superstar. I have beef ancheladas in
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  Speaker 2: the oven. Yes, and you made them? Or are they frozen?
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  Speaker 2: So they won't be frozen? In about thirty five minutes,
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Kevinstone Podcast, the show where I sit
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  Speaker 2: behind her microphone, talk about life, complain about things that
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  Speaker 2: probably aren't going to change, and occasionally stumble into something
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  Speaker 2: that resembles wisdom. Today we're talking about one of the
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  Speaker 2: unexpected benefits of getting older, not senior discounts, not going
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  Speaker 2: to bed at nine thirty and feeling good about it,
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  Speaker 2: not reaching the age where comfortable shoes become more important
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  Speaker 2: than fashionable ones. I'm talking about this. The older I get,
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  Speaker 2: the less I care about what people think about me. Now,
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  Speaker 2: don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying you should become a jerk.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not saying you should walk around saying I don't
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  Speaker 2: care what anybody thinks well, simultaneously making everybody around you miserable.
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  Speaker 2: That's not confidence. That's being obnoxious. What I'm talking about
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  Speaker 2: is reaching a point in life where you finally realize
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  Speaker 2: you can't make everybody happy. And the beautiful thing is
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  Speaker 2: you can finally stop trying. When you're younger, everybody's opinion matters.
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  Speaker 2: Think back to when you were younger. You worried about everything,
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  Speaker 2: what clothes you wore, what car you drove, what people
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  Speaker 2: thought about your haircut, where you worked, where you hung out,
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  Speaker 2: who you hung out with, whether somebody liked you, whether
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  Speaker 2: somebody didn't like you. You could have twenty people say
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  Speaker 2: something nice about you and one person say something negative.
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  Speaker 2: Guess which one you thought about all night? That one?
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  Speaker 2: What did they mean by that? Why don't they like me?
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  Speaker 2: Did I do something? Meanwhile? The other nineteen people have
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  Speaker 2: forgotten the conversation and are eating dinner, but you're holding
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  Speaker 2: an imaginary courtroom trial in your head. Exhibit A. Somebody
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  Speaker 2: didn't like my Facebook post. Clearly, civilization is collapsing. You
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  Speaker 2: eventually realize most people aren't thinking about you. Here's something
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  Speaker 2: that took me a while to understand. Most people aren't
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  Speaker 2: thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are.
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  Speaker 2: They're thinking about themselves. You're worried somebody noticed your shirt.
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  Speaker 2: They're worried you notice theirs. You're worried you said something stupid.
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  Speaker 2: They're driving home worried about something stupid they said. Everybody's
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  Speaker 2: walking around starring in their own movie, and occasionally you
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  Speaker 2: appear as a supporting character. That's it. You know, that
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  Speaker 2: embarrassing thing you did ten years ago that occasionally wakes
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  Speaker 2: you up at two o'clock in the morning. Nobody remembers
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  Speaker 2: nobody except for you. Everybody else has their own collection
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  Speaker 2: of embarrassing moments, keeping them away strangely comforting. You can't
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  Speaker 2: please everybody. This might be one of the greatest lessons
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  Speaker 2: you can learn. No matter what you do, somebody won't
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  Speaker 2: like it. Be quiet, never talks, talk, he never shuts up.
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  Speaker 2: Work hard, he's trying to make everybody else look bad. Relax,
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  Speaker 2: he's lazy, save money, he's cheap, spend money, he's irresponsible.
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  Speaker 2: Start a podcast? Who does this guy think he is?
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  Speaker 2: Don't start one? Nobody cares. Actually, that last one might
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  Speaker 2: be accurate, but you get my point. You can spend
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  Speaker 2: your entire life changing yourself to satisfy other people, and
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  Speaker 2: somebody will still complain. At some point, you have to ask,
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  Speaker 2: whose life am I actually living? Social media turned approval
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  Speaker 2: into numbers, likes, followers, shars, comments, views. Now, instead of
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  Speaker 2: wondering whether people approve of us, we can check wonderful,
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  Speaker 2: nothing unhealthy about that. You post something, then five minutes later, check,
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  Speaker 2: ten minutes later, check only six likes. Maybe everybody's working. Kevin,
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  Speaker 2: calm down. We have created an entire system where people
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  Speaker 2: can measure their popularity while sitting alone on the couch
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  Speaker 2: eating left over pizza. And sometimes we start making decisions
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  Speaker 2: based on what gets approval. We post what people want,
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  Speaker 2: say what people want, present the version of ourselves that
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  Speaker 2: we think everybody wants to see. Eventually you have to ask,
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  Speaker 2: am I living my life? Or manage being my public
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  Speaker 2: relations department? Getting older changes your priorities. Something happens as
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  Speaker 2: the years pile up, your priorities change. At twenty, you
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  Speaker 2: might worry about whether you're cool. At thirty, you're trying
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  Speaker 2: to build a life. At forty, you're wondering where the
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  Speaker 2: last twenty years went. And eventually you're standing in a
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  Speaker 2: grocery store wearing sweatpants, thinking, I really don't care anymore,
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  Speaker 2: and it's wonderful. You stop buying things just to impress people.
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  Speaker 2: You stop going places you don't want to go because
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  Speaker 2: you're afraid somebody will be offended. You stop forcing conversations,
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  Speaker 2: you stop chasing people, You stop trying to explain yourself
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  Speaker 2: to everybody. You begin understanding that peace is worth more
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  Speaker 2: than approval. That's when life gets interesting. Saying no becomes
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  Speaker 2: easier when you're younger. Saying no can feel terrible. Someone
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  Speaker 2: asks can you help me Saturday, and you don't want to,
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  Speaker 2: But instead of saying no, you create a complicated explanation, Well, Saturday,
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  Speaker 2: I think we're supposed to maybe go somewhere and it
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  Speaker 2: might have something going on around noon, but I'll let
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  Speaker 2: you know you're doing absolutely nothing on Saturday. Just say it. Sorry,
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  Speaker 2: I can't. That's a complete sentence. You don't need a PowerPoint,
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  Speaker 2: you don't need supporting documentation, you don't need three character witnesses,
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  Speaker 2: and you certainly don't need to feel guilty because you
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  Speaker 2: don't want to spend your entire Saturday helping somebody move
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  Speaker 2: a sectional couch down three flights of stairs. I've reached
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  Speaker 2: an age where if you bought furniture that heavy, that's
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  Speaker 2: between you, the furniture company, and God. We're going to
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  Speaker 2: take a quick break. When we come back, we're going
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  Speaker 2: to talk about the difference between not caring about what
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  Speaker 2: people think and becoming the person everybody secretly avoids at
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  Speaker 2: family gatherings because there is a difference, a very important difference.
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  Speaker 2: We'll be right back. Did you know that if you
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  Speaker 2: Welcome back to the Kevin Stone Podcast. Today. We're talking
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  Speaker 2: about reaching that point in life where you don't worry
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  Speaker 2: nearly as much about what everybody thinks. And before the break,
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  Speaker 2: I said, there's an important distinction because when somebody says
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  Speaker 2: I don't care what anybody thinks, sometimes what they actually
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  Speaker 2: mean is I'm going to behave terribly and nobody's allowed
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  Speaker 2: to criticize me. That's not what I'm talking about. There
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  Speaker 2: are people whose opinions should matter. Your spouse, your family,
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  Speaker 2: your close friends, people you respect, people who've earned your trust.
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  Speaker 2: If somebody who genuinely cares about you says Kevin, you
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  Speaker 2: might want to think about this. Maybe listen. The goal
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  Speaker 2: isn't to become immune to criticism. The goal is to
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  Speaker 2: stop giving everybody an equal vote in your life, because
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  Speaker 2: not everybody deserves one. Why should the opinion of somebody
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  Speaker 2: who barely knows you carry the same weight as somebody
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  Speaker 2: who's known you for twenty years. It shouldn't. Some opinions matter,
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  Speaker 2: some deserve consideration, and some belong exactly where you found
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  Speaker 2: them in the Facebook comment section. Here's another part of
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  Speaker 2: growing up. Sometimes criticism is correct. I know, terrible news.
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  Speaker 2: I'd much rather believe everybody who criticizes me is jealous, bitter, uninformed,
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  Speaker 2: or suffering from some mysterious personality disorder. But occasionally I'm wrong.
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  Speaker 2: Sometimes somebody points something out and you think, you know
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  Speaker 2: what they got A point. That's maturity. Not caring what
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  Speaker 2: people think doesn't mean refusing to learn. It means being
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  Speaker 2: able to separate useful criticism from meaningless noise. Ask who
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  Speaker 2: said it? What did they say? Do they actually know me?
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  Speaker 2: Is there truth to it? If there is, use it
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  Speaker 2: If there isn't, keep moving. I've noticed something. The more
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  Speaker 2: comfortable you become with yourself unless you feel the need
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  Speaker 2: to explain every decision. Why did you change jobs because
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  Speaker 2: I wanted to? Why did you stop talking to that
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  Speaker 2: person because the relationship wasn't good for me. Why don't
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  Speaker 2: you go out as much anymore because my couch doesn't
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  Speaker 2: charge twelve dollars for a beer? Why did you start
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  Speaker 2: a podcast because apparently nobody stopped me. You don't have
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  Speaker 2: to present your life's decisions to a committee for approval.
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  Speaker 2: There are obviously decisions that affect other people. Those require conversation,
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  Speaker 2: But your personal choices you don't have to justify every
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  Speaker 2: one of them to the world. Here's the funny thing.
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  Speaker 2: You can do everything right and somebody will still talk
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  Speaker 2: about So let them people talk. That's what they do.
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  Speaker 2: You could dedicate your entire life to helping orphan puppies
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  Speaker 2: cross busy streets, while caring groceries for elderly people and
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  Speaker 2: somebody would say he only does it for the attention.
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  Speaker 2: What are you going to do Spend the rest of
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  Speaker 2: your life tracking down everybody who's misunderstood you. Good Luck's
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  Speaker 2: full time job with no benefits. At some point, you've
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  Speaker 2: got to know who you are, know what you stand for,
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  Speaker 2: try to treat people right, admit when you're wrong, and
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  Speaker 2: except that somebody somewhere still won't like you, it's okay.
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  Speaker 2: You're probably not wild about everybody you've met either. There's
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  Speaker 2: something incredibly freeing about finally being comfortable in your own skin.
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  Speaker 2: You don't have to pretend to like things you don't like.
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  Speaker 2: You don't have to laugh at jokes you don't find funny.
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  Speaker 2: You don't have to agree just to avoid disagreements. You
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  Speaker 2: don't have to become somebody else depending on who's in
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  Speaker 2: the room. You're just you. Some people will like you,
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  Speaker 2: some won't, Some will understand you, some won't. Some will
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  Speaker 2: hear this podcast and think I like that guy. Somebody
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  Speaker 2: else will think that guy needs to shut up, And
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  Speaker 2: somewhere there's probably somebody thinking, why does he keep talking
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  Speaker 2: about shopping carts because people need to put them back.
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  Speaker 2: We've covered this. I ain't One reason we stop caring
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  Speaker 2: as much about other people's opinion is that we started
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  Speaker 2: understanding something in time is limited. When you're young, life
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  Speaker 2: feels endless. There's always next year, someday eventually. Then suddenly
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  Speaker 2: birthdays start coming faster, years disappear, and you realize you
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  Speaker 2: don't have unlimited time to spend worrying about whether somebody
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  Speaker 2: approves of your life. How many hours have we wasted
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  Speaker 2: worrying about the opinions that didn't matter. How many decisions
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  Speaker 2: have people avoided because they were afraid of being judged?
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  Speaker 2: How many things have people wanted to try but thought, well,
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  Speaker 2: everybody say, who cares? Start the business, take the trip,
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  Speaker 2: learn something new, make the video, start a podcast, wear
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  Speaker 2: that ridiculous shirt, dance badly, sing badly, live your life
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  Speaker 2: with reason. Please don't interpret this as encouragement to buy
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  Speaker 2: a motorcycle and jump the Grand Canyon. Common sense still applies.
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  Speaker 2: We've already done that episode. Older, I get the less
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  Speaker 2: I care about what people think, not because other people
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  Speaker 2: don't matter they do, not because I'm always right. I'm
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  Speaker 2: definitely not, and not because criticism doesn't occasionally hurt. It does.
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  Speaker 2: I've simply realized that spending your entire life chasing approval
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  Speaker 2: is exhausting. You'll never catch it because the finish line
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  Speaker 2: keeps moving. So be a decent person. Treat people well,
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  Speaker 2: Listen to the people who genuinely care about you, learn
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  Speaker 2: from criticism when it's deserved, Apologize when you're wrong, but
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  Speaker 2: don't hand strangers the steering will of your life. They
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  Speaker 2: don't know where you're going, and half of them can't
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  Speaker 2: use the turn signal anyway. That's going to do it
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  Speaker 2: for this episode of the Kevin Stone Podcast. If you
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  Speaker 2: reach the point where you're starting to care a little
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  Speaker 2: less about what everybody thinks good, Maybe you're getting older,
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  Speaker 2: maybe you're getting wiser, or maybe you're just tired. I'm
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  Speaker 2: not sure there's much difference. I'm Kevin Stone. Thanks for listening,
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  Speaker 2: be yourself, treat people right, enjoy your life, and remember
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  Speaker 2: the people who matter won't require you to pretend to
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  Speaker 2: be somebody or not. And the people who don't matter, well,
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  Speaker 2: they're probably going to complain anyway.