Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / Roles with a Purpose (Marriage as a Mission) Pt 2 - 329

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Roles with a Purpose (Marriage as a Mission) Pt 2 - 329 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

0:07
Daniel Moore: If we're being honest, most of us didn't walk into marriage thinking, all right, let's figure out roles, unity, and servant leadership.
0:15
Daniel Moore: We walked in thinking, we love each other, this is going to be great.
0:19
Daniel Moore: And then somewhere along the way, we realized love is real, but so are differences, expectations, and those why do you like it like that moments.
0:28
Daniel Moore: Whether it's how you load the dishwasher, make decisions, or handle stress, it doesn't take long to discover that marriage isn't just about feelings, it's about alignment.
0:37
Daniel Moore: And that's where God's design comes in.
0:39
Daniel Moore: In this week's episode, we're diving into what it really looks like to live out unity and complementarity in a biblical marriage, not as rigid roles or power struggles, but as a Christ-centered partnership that actually works in real life.
0:53
Daniel Moore: We're talking about how two people with different strengths, perspectives, and personalities can come together, move in the same direction, reflect something bigger than themselves.
1:03
Daniel Moore: Because the marriage shifts from me versus you to us for God's purpose.
1:08
Daniel Moore: Everything changes.
1:10
Daniel Moore: And trust me, this is where things start to click, the tension starts to ease, and your marriage begins to look less like a competition and more like a team worth rooting for.
1:20
Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life and More.
1:30
Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, about Olympic studies, a way to interview people that have inspiring stories.
1:34
Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and sitting over here next to me is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.
1:39
Michelle Moore: Hey, hey.
1:40
Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for joining us this week.
1:41
Daniel Moore: If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at marriagelifeandmore.com for our platforms.
1:46
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1:48
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1:50
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1:53
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1:58
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2:02
Daniel Moore: Give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcast, and we'd be thankful to you for doing that.
2:08
Daniel Moore: Well, last week we started off a new episode, and we were talking about roles in marriage because we know that in a marriage it's not just one person, you have two people.
2:21
Daniel Moore: And these two people have to know how to get along with each other, and we both have to know what our role is and in a godly way.
2:30
Daniel Moore: Because, you know, I can sit here and make up a role for for you.
2:34
Michelle Moore: I bet you like that one.
2:35
Daniel Moore: Tell you what you're gonna do and how you're gonna do it.
2:37
Daniel Moore: And you know, that's super easy.
2:41
Daniel Moore: We can all do that for each other if we just sit down and try it.
2:44
Daniel Moore: Yes, but that doesn't mean that's the way it's supposed to be.
2:47
Michelle Moore: Right, right.
2:48
Daniel Moore: And so we're trying to look at this in a little bit different way.
2:51
Daniel Moore: We're studying uh our book that we've got out.
2:54
Daniel Moore: It's Marriage is a mission.
2:56
Daniel Moore: And if you want to get a copy of that and follow along, you can go to our website and pick up a copy of that on Amazon.
3:02
Daniel Moore: We have our study guide there as well.
3:04
Daniel Moore: And you can follow along with us as we're getting into almost about the middle of this study at this point.
3:10
Daniel Moore: But we have reached this week to talk about the roles in marriage, and this week we're going to finish up that episode with part two.
3:32
Michelle Moore: God's design for leadership in marriage is rooted in something the world doesn't always understand.
3:38
Michelle Moore: And if we're honest, something we don't always naturally lean toward either: servant-heartedness.
3:45
Michelle Moore: When God talks about roles and authority in marriage, especially the husband's role as a spiritual leader, he's not talking about dominance, control, or my way or the highway.
3:58
Michelle Moore: He's pointing us to something far more powerful and far more challenging.
4:04
Michelle Moore: He's pointing us to Jesus.
4:06
Michelle Moore: In Matthew 20, verses 26 through 28, Jesus completely flips the definition of leadership.
4:14
Michelle Moore: Greatness isn't found in being served, but in serving.
4:19
Michelle Moore: That means the model for a husband isn't a CEO barking orders, it's a savior washing feet.
4:27
Michelle Moore: It's leadership that gets low, not loud, leadership that sacrifices, but not demands.
4:36
Michelle Moore: In God's kingdom, the strongest leader is the one who serves the most.
4:41
Michelle Moore: And that changes everything.
4:44
Michelle Moore: Because when you hear head of the home, it's easy to picture authority as control.
4:50
Michelle Moore: But in scripture, authority comes with responsibility.
4:55
Michelle Moore: Ephesians 5 25 doesn't say, husbands, make sure your wives follow you.
5:02
Michelle Moore: It says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
5:09
Michelle Moore: That's not a power statement, that's a sacrifice statement, and that's so good.
5:16
Daniel Moore: Yes, as we get started this week, I think that we've already hit on some really good points here and that you've just shared with us.
5:23
Daniel Moore: And I know that you have, you know, this as we've discussed before, you most of you that know our testimony, uh they most of you know that both of us have been married before.
5:33
Daniel Moore: And you know you've experienced a marriage where you didn't have much say so.
5:40
Michelle Moore: Right.
5:41
Daniel Moore: And when we got married, we've actually had our moments where we tried to, you know, be authoritative authoritative in different areas and you know, probably tried to tell each other what to do at times or whatever, because we weren't always cohesive really either, you know, in our relationship.
5:59
Daniel Moore: But as things have changed and as things have moved forward and we've allowed God to come into the mix and start changing the way that you and I do marriage, uh, it's a whole different scenario now.
6:13
Daniel Moore: It is than what it used to be.
6:14
Michelle Moore: It is.
6:15
Daniel Moore: And, you know, how does it make you feel, you know, to feel some of that freedom that you're that you feel like you have at this point to be the wife, to be uh a co-leader in the home, to actually feel like do you feel like at this point that you actually have some say-so, that things that you say actually does matter?
6:34
Daniel Moore: Um, you know, kind of what well, how do you look at that at this point in your marriage compared to where you've been in the past?
6:41
Michelle Moore: I look at it as, you know, in the past there was no say-so.
6:44
Michelle Moore: Yes, I have say-so, but the difference in the past, too, even if I did have a say-so, the head of the household was not a spiritual lever, uh believer.
6:54
Michelle Moore: So it would have been extremely hard to even kind of gear that marriage toward where we were supposed to be.
7:04
Michelle Moore: Right.
7:04
Michelle Moore: Now you are the head of the household.
7:07
Michelle Moore: However, you love God as much as you possibly can, and I know that.
7:13
Michelle Moore: So when you give me those choices, I take that to heart.
7:17
Michelle Moore: And you know, going before God, praying that I don't lead you astray in a situation or whatever when you, you know, when you've given me that choice.
7:27
Michelle Moore: But it it makes me feel like I'm important, you know, that you respect and you really look at what my response is going to be in that decision, and that it matters to the utmost of you because you love me that much and you put that much trust because my heart is right with God now versus before I just throw an answer out there and we like you said, we went back and forth.
7:59
Michelle Moore: But now it's like we both really trust each other and you know, we really just if you say this and I'm like, okay, your heart's right, this is where now don't get me wrong.
8:09
Michelle Moore: There are times that we call each other out.
8:11
Michelle Moore: If you've asked me a question and I give Yeah, and you're like, well, you know, what are you thought?
8:18
Michelle Moore: What are your thoughts of this?
8:19
Michelle Moore: Well, sometimes you can tell when someone's thoughts are based on feelings.
8:25
Michelle Moore: And if you're like, okay, Michelle, what's your say so on this?
8:28
Michelle Moore: You're gonna know if my response is based on feelings because you know me enough and you know my heart.
8:35
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
8:36
Michelle Moore: And I feel like, you know, as you're in a marriage, if you know your spouse and you know what they would normally say, because it's gonna be Christ centered.
8:45
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
8:46
Michelle Moore: And if it's not, then you're like, hey, and what you're really good is this about feelings, you know.
8:52
Michelle Moore: Are you are you answering us in feelings or are you being serious?
8:55
Michelle Moore: And it's like, oh, yeah, okay, you know, and then we talk about it.
9:01
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
9:01
Daniel Moore: And I know from my aspect of it as a husband, it takes a load off of me because I've been in a situation before where I feel like I was the one making the complete decision, and if everything failed and blew up, it was gonna be my fault.
9:15
Daniel Moore: And I don't like that.
9:16
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like I don't know how you know, guys that live their life like that in their marriages where they completely rule the roost and they never give their spouse an opportunity to ever make choices and decisions and help carry some of that load.
9:30
Daniel Moore: I don't know how they function.
9:32
Michelle Moore: You want me to tell you how they function?
9:34
Michelle Moore: Because if something wasn't right, it's still that spouse's fault.
9:38
Daniel Moore: It's true.
9:38
Daniel Moore: There's they played the blame game.
9:39
Daniel Moore: Yep.
9:40
Daniel Moore: They don't take responsibility for anything.
9:41
Michelle Moore: If they're not gonna be able to do it, it doesn't matter if you say something or you don't, you're gonna be the one that's gonna be held responsible for it.
9:48
Daniel Moore: Yeah, that's that's a very good point.
9:49
Daniel Moore: And we don't want that.
9:52
Michelle Moore: No.
9:52
Daniel Moore: It needs to be where both of us can come in together, make this choice, make this big decision, whatever it may be, pray about it.
9:59
Michelle Moore: You know, and there is no maybe.
10:00
Michelle Moore: You should be praying about it.
10:02
Daniel Moore: God's get God's input in the whole thing.
10:04
Daniel Moore: And then if it goes down in flames, we both take responsibility for that and we learn from it.
10:10
Michelle Moore: And you know, communicate what went wrong and going forward, what you guys could do better as a couple, because we've been there.
10:18
Michelle Moore: And if you don't take responsibility, the other partner is gonna be well, like, why should I say anything?
10:25
Daniel Moore: Yep.
10:26
Daniel Moore: And you know, that little statement, the strongest leader is the one who serves the most.
10:31
Daniel Moore: Uh that that says a lot because usually the people that are really good leaders, they are are always usually the ones that will actually jump in and do something.
10:44
Daniel Moore: They're the ones that they don't just stand on the sideline and just bark orders.
10:48
Daniel Moore: They get into the down and dirty with the people that's doing the things.
10:52
Daniel Moore: And I know for myself, I would much rather follow somebody that's willing to get their hands dirty just like me, rather than look at me as like, oh, well, you're the low person on total impulse, so you get to get your hands dirty while I sit here and watch you.
11:04
Daniel Moore: You know, I respect that person that actually jumps in.
11:07
Michelle Moore: I think that's a very good solid point because you should lead by example.
11:11
Daniel Moore: Yes, very much so.
11:13
Daniel Moore: And so I know with both of us, and we've talked about this before too, this is why when we get a this is why we get along so well in our marriage, because if we come into the home at any given moment we see that something needs done, we'll both jump in and do it, whether if it's together or if it's something I see and I'm like, well, I'm not doing nothing right now, I'll just go over and do it.
11:35
Michelle Moore: Right.
11:35
Daniel Moore: You know, I don't say, Oh, that's Michelle's job.
11:37
Daniel Moore: You know, I'm just gonna go.
11:39
Michelle Moore: He knows if he said that I'd punch him in the face.
11:41
Daniel Moore: That's right.
11:42
Michelle Moore: She I haven't said that in a long time.
11:44
Daniel Moore: It actually felt very violence would come out.
11:46
Michelle Moore: No.
11:46
Michelle Moore: But no, and you know, I came from a marriage where it was solely 100% my responsibility to cook, to clean, to raise the children, to work full-time.
11:57
Michelle Moore: I mean, when I say everything, and some of you women will resonate with that.
12:03
Michelle Moore: And, you know, it is tough, it is hard, but you know, you just gotta stay, you know, true to yourself and the fact that Dan, once we got married, I think I was shocked at how much he did help me.
12:17
Michelle Moore: And, you know, I I look at it now and I think I'm extremely spoiled, as my son would say, Mom, you're so spoiled, it's not even funny.
12:26
Michelle Moore: And I'm thinking, no, really, honestly, he's taken his role as a husband to a level that it should be.
12:33
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
12:34
Michelle Moore: And, you know, yeah, I may be spoiled in some, but really honestly, I hope he learns what a husband should be and what a husband should look like, because in all reality, it is shared responsibilities.
12:46
Michelle Moore: It shouldn't be specifically one spouse to do it all.
12:50
Daniel Moore: Yep.
12:51
Daniel Moore: And so when we're looking at that Ephesians 525, that verse you just shared, uh, where it says, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
13:00
Daniel Moore: You know, that kind of love looks like patience when you're misunderstood, and it looks like listening when you rather fix the problem in 30 seconds, which a lot of us guys like to do.
13:09
Daniel Moore: Yes.
13:10
Daniel Moore: It looks like choosing connection over being right.
13:12
Daniel Moore: And sometimes being right feels really important in the moment.
13:16
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like you have those moments when you you just you you're the one that wants to take the lead and say, okay, this is it, and I'm right on this, and just accept it and move on.
13:25
Daniel Moore: Uh, but you know, we have to lay down our preferences, our pride, and sometimes even that last slice of pizza for the good of your wife and your home.
13:32
Michelle Moore: That's right.
13:33
Daniel Moore: As a husband, you know, we've got to make sure that if we're gonna, you know, be able to get along in our home and actually have that have that loving relationship between each other, like the Bible describes it should be, then it's always give and take.
13:46
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
13:47
Daniel Moore: And we have to make sure that um we both help each other out to the fullest extent that we can.
13:52
Daniel Moore: Right, right, right.
13:52
Daniel Moore: We don't push everything off on one spouse or the other.
13:55
Daniel Moore: And that's not what these roles are all about.
13:57
Daniel Moore: Right.
13:58
Daniel Moore: Um, these the Bible sets these roles as a foundation of what God expects out of us and the expectations that he has, but he does that with the uh from the side knowing that we're gonna do everything that we can to help each other, and we're both gonna feel important.
14:16
Daniel Moore: We're both gonna feel like we belong in this relationship.
14:20
Michelle Moore: When is it the same happy wife?
14:23
Daniel Moore: Happy life.
14:23
Daniel Moore: Happy life.
14:24
Daniel Moore: That's right.
14:25
Michelle Moore: Just remember that.
14:26
Daniel Moore: Yep, that rings true.
14:28
Daniel Moore: Uh, but biblical leadership doesn't elevate you above your spouse, it calls you to lay your life down for them.
14:35
Daniel Moore: And I really like that because that's what Jesus did for us.
14:40
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
14:41
Daniel Moore: And throughout the Bible, marriage is always likened to our relationship with Jesus.
14:46
Daniel Moore: And what Jesus did for us, that's what we should be doing for each other, regardless of what comes up or what the situation may be.
14:54
Daniel Moore: And we should be in 100% ready to give our life for our spouse or whatever it may be.
15:00
Daniel Moore: And that's how we should look at our relationship in a biblical way.
15:05
Daniel Moore: So, wives, your role in this dynamic is just as important and just as intentional.
15:09
Daniel Moore: Ephesians 5, 22 through 24 calls you to respond with trust and support.
15:14
Daniel Moore: Not because you're less capable or less valuable, but because you're choosing unity over competition.
15:19
Daniel Moore: It's not about losing your voice, it's about aligning your heart with God's design.
15:25
Daniel Moore: And if we're really honest about that, that's not always easy either.
15:28
Daniel Moore: I'm trying, trying to, you know, weigh those balances.
15:32
Daniel Moore: And but I do think that when we look at this, aligning our heart with God's design, it seems to me that a lot of times that the wives are a lot better at doing that kind of thing.
15:41
Daniel Moore: They they really can radiate the heart of Christ.
15:44
Daniel Moore: Uh, I think a lot better sometimes than husbands kind of do.
15:48
Daniel Moore: As husbands, we've got we're kind of a little rough around the edges sometimes and probably a little bit more matter-of-fact than some things.
15:54
Daniel Moore: And so we can come off kind of brazen brazen and kind of harsh at times, I think.
15:59
Daniel Moore: Where a lot of times the women, you know, you, uh, because you're like this, you know, you're they're tenderhearted.
16:06
Daniel Moore: Um you you're empathetic.
16:09
Daniel Moore: You know, you try to uh, you know, align yourself with whatever's going on in that moment.
16:15
Daniel Moore: You try to get inside of that to understand what is going on right now.
16:19
Daniel Moore: And, you know, that's the that's the heart of Christ, getting into the middle of all that and trying to figure that stuff out and then come to those solutions, right?
16:28
Daniel Moore: Whatever they may be.
16:29
Daniel Moore: And doing that, being, you know, sometimes as wives, your husband's leadership won't look polished.
16:36
Daniel Moore: You know, sometimes it's gonna look like I think this is what we should do.
16:40
Daniel Moore: Maybe, you know, it's like we don't really have a good side.
16:43
Daniel Moore: There's times that I'm very questionable when I make a choice and a decision.
16:46
Daniel Moore: And so I that's when I come to you and we'll bounce the ideas and stuff, you know, because I don't know it all.
16:53
Daniel Moore: And I'll be the first to admit that.
16:55
Daniel Moore: And so there's times that we both have to make those decisions and stuff because what you have to say will probably you know bring up something I never thought about, you know.
17:06
Daniel Moore: And we can it helps us make those decisions.
17:08
Daniel Moore: And in those moments, respect becomes a choice, not just a feeling.
17:12
Daniel Moore: It's choosing to come alongside your husband, speak life, and build him up, not tear him down while he's still figuring it out.
17:20
Michelle Moore: I think that's so important for people to hear because it's so easy to pick out people.
17:25
Michelle Moore: Well, one, you're gonna be critical to the person you love the most.
17:31
Daniel Moore: And you know, a lot of times, you know, wives don't give their husbands the benefit of the doubt.
17:36
Daniel Moore: And if it takes too long to make a choice or to make a decision, uh they might sometimes start kind of tearing at their husband a little bit and belittling, you know, aren't you ever gonna make this decision?
17:49
Daniel Moore: You know, can you not make choices?
17:50
Daniel Moore: You know, you can start seeing some of that attitude kind of come out.
17:55
Daniel Moore: But I think we can both do that to each other though, too.
17:58
Michelle Moore: Right.
17:59
Daniel Moore: Um, as far as that, as far as that goes, you know, you can think of it like this servant leadership and supportive partnership are two sides of the same coin.
18:07
Daniel Moore: One doesn't work well without the other.
18:10
Michelle Moore: That's good.
18:10
Daniel Moore: So if you're gonna be a in servant leadership, if you're gonna be a servant and be a leader in your home, uh you've also got to be able to support partnership because leaders are nobody if they don't have anybody to lead.
18:23
Daniel Moore: You know, there's just no way that that can happen.
18:26
Daniel Moore: And so there's times when I'm a leader in our home, and I feel like there's times when you're do a better job of leading, depending on the scenario, depending on the situation.
18:37
Daniel Moore: And so we both have to be willing to flip between those two roles of one time I'm a leader, next time you're a leader, one time I'm a partner, one time you're a partner.
18:46
Daniel Moore: And that's how that cohesion starts working between the two of us.
18:50
Daniel Moore: So share the next point there with us.
18:54
Michelle Moore: Yeah, a husband's love sets the tone and a wife's respect builds the rhythm.
19:00
Michelle Moore: But here's when culture tends to get twisted.
19:04
Michelle Moore: The moment you bring up words like authority, headship, or submission, people start racing for impact.
19:13
Michelle Moore: Why?
19:13
Michelle Moore: Because the world has seen leadership abused, it's seen authority used to control, manipulate, and harm, and because of that, it often rejects the biblical model altogether.
19:26
Michelle Moore: But God's design is nothing like that.
19:31
Michelle Moore: It's not about control, it's about commitment, it's not about being the boss, it's about bearing responsibility, it's not about power, it's about purpose.
19:43
Michelle Moore: And when culture looks at a husband serving his wife, sacrificing for his family, stepping into help after a long day instead of checking out, you know, they may call it weak.
19:57
Michelle Moore: It might joke about he's whipped.
20:00
Daniel Moore: Heard that before.
20:01
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
20:02
Michelle Moore: Meanwhile, when a wife chooses to respect and support her husband's leadership, a culture might label her as outdated or lacking independence.
20:13
Michelle Moore: But what God calls strength, the world often misunderstands.
20:18
Daniel Moore: And I find it interesting, you know, that culture that we live in today, how they do approach this.
20:25
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
20:26
Daniel Moore: Because we're even not just putting marriages aside right at the moment, just in the workplace.
20:33
Daniel Moore: Look how employees treat their bosses when it comes to uh being an authority and and submitting to the rules, submitting to the culture of the place that you work for, uh, you know, how they treat the headship of the place.
20:50
Daniel Moore: It's like there's not a lot of respect these days in a lot of different scenarios.
20:55
Michelle Moore: I think there's a lot of entitlement.
20:57
Daniel Moore: A lot of entitlement, yeah.
20:58
Daniel Moore: So the world does look at this very differently now.
21:04
Daniel Moore: And so it does make us as Christians, when we're trying to live the biblical model and work through authority in the way that God wants us to do that, I think it does make us look kind of weird sometimes.
21:16
Daniel Moore: And then when you bring this into the marriage scenario, there's so much pride in marriages these days that when they actually when couples that are full of pride actually see a couple that's trying to live biblically and being submissive to each other and sharing authority and all the things that the Bible wants us to do, um, they have a tendency to look and you know make joking comments.
21:40
Daniel Moore: You know, he's whipped, or you know, he's got her wrapped around, she's got him wrapped around her little finger.
21:45
Michelle Moore: We've heard that multiple times.
21:46
Daniel Moore: Oh, yeah.
21:47
Daniel Moore: It's like, no, we're being a husband and wife.
21:50
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
21:50
Michelle Moore: You know, that's that's a very good point.
21:52
Michelle Moore: Yeah, it's a very good point.
21:54
Daniel Moore: You you have to put that stuff to the side because if you get your feelings, you wear where if you wear your feelings on your shoulders.
21:59
Daniel Moore: Shoulder and things like that really bother you, um, that can really affect your marriage also.
22:06
Daniel Moore: You know, there's times that even guys when they get together and if they start talking to each other and start talking smack about, you know, the guy being whipped or whatever, you know, some some guys can really take that in a bad way and can change they can change the way they treat their wives, you know, to look tough to their buddies, you know.
22:28
Daniel Moore: And that's not the way it should be.
22:30
Daniel Moore: As husbands, we should be taking up for our wives and saying, no, it's not it's this way because I love her.
22:34
Daniel Moore: You know, there's no other way, no, no other question about that.
22:37
Daniel Moore: It's nothing about being whipped or anything.
22:39
Daniel Moore: I made this choice to be in this covenant with her.
22:42
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
22:42
Daniel Moore: I love her, she loves me, and our marriage works.
22:45
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
22:45
Michelle Moore: And you know, as you're saying that, hopefully you're around a group of friends that encourages that.
22:50
Michelle Moore: You know, if you're around uh uh some Christian buddies and if they're saying things like that, maybe it's time to stand up and say, hey, you know, this is biblical and why aren't you living, you know, living it out?
23:02
Daniel Moore: Yep.
23:03
Michelle Moore: And so hopefully, you know, if you do have Christian friends that are not in agreement with you, you do stand up for your marriage.
23:13
Daniel Moore: Yep.
23:13
Daniel Moore: You should never let anybody down talk your relationship and that marriage that you're in, because that is an institution that's been put there by God and God has a purpose for your union.
23:24
Daniel Moore: And that's Satan when he uses these people from the outside.
23:29
Daniel Moore: It may not look like that and they may they may totally disagree with you, but that is Satan trying to get in the middle of all of that when these people from the outside are making these comments and trying to disrupt something that God's created, the beautiful thing that God's created.
23:44
Daniel Moore: You know, and as we you know continue with that thought, a servant leadership may look weak to the world, but it's powerful in the kingdom.
24:05
Daniel Moore: And you know, if we look at this for a second, picture a husband coming home after a long day, he walks in, and the house is a little chaotic, kids are loud, laundry is multiplying like it has a life of its own, and dinner is still a big question mark.
24:18
Daniel Moore: This guy now has a choice.
24:20
Daniel Moore: He can disappear into the couch, scroll his phone, and mentally clock out, or he can step in.
24:26
Daniel Moore: Not because he's told to, and not because he's keeping score, but because he sees his wife, he values her and he understands that loving her well is part of his leadership.
24:36
Daniel Moore: So instead, he helps with dinner.
24:38
Daniel Moore: He folds laundry, even if he does it wrong in some ways, because you know, there is a right and a wrong way to fold towels.
24:44
Michelle Moore: Oh, we know that.
24:45
Daniel Moore: Oh, yeah.
24:46
Michelle Moore: After 20 some years, we finally got it figured out, though.
24:48
Daniel Moore: That's right.
24:49
Daniel Moore: You know, he may go in there and wrangle the kids into bedtime.
24:52
Daniel Moore: And in that moment, he's not losing authority, he's actually living it out.
24:57
Daniel Moore: Yeah, you know, that's what servant leadership looks like in real life.
25:00
Daniel Moore: And when a wife sees that kind of love and responds with encouragement, trust, and respect, guess what?
25:06
Daniel Moore: Something powerful happens in the home.
25:08
Daniel Moore: Yes, walls come down, unity grows, and peace settles in.
25:13
Daniel Moore: And why is that?
25:14
Daniel Moore: Because both are living out their roles and it's not perfect, you know, there's there's not a relationship out there that's perfect, but it's intentionality.
25:22
Michelle Moore: And if you're not doing any of that, and as Dan was reading for that example, let me tell you, try it.
25:29
Michelle Moore: See what your wife does.
25:31
Michelle Moore: And if she's nitpicking everything that you just tried, she's being critical and she needs to stop that.
25:37
Michelle Moore: Because when I mean, if Dan tries something and to help me in any way, shape, or form, and let me tell you, when I try to help him do certain things, I know 100% it's not right.
25:49
Michelle Moore: Because there is a lot of things, and he's got a lot of talents that I do not.
25:53
Michelle Moore: But you know what?
25:55
Michelle Moore: Never once have I ever heard him say, Well, you're doing that wrong.
25:58
Michelle Moore: You you it and same as me.
26:00
Michelle Moore: I mean, no, I'm a little nitpicky with some of the like loading the dishwasher or something like that.
26:06
Michelle Moore: I'm like, well, you can put more in there, you know, let's get them get all this in there, but not like in a critical way.
26:11
Michelle Moore: Right.
26:12
Michelle Moore: But wives, you know, be appreciative because honestly, it takes a lot for a man to work all day and to come home and do that, even if it's his role, he needs that encouragement and that, hey, thank you.
26:28
Michelle Moore: Thank you for doing that.
26:29
Michelle Moore: I see you, I appreciate that.
26:32
Daniel Moore: And remember, there's a lot of wives out there that don't, their husbands don't do that.
26:35
Michelle Moore: Oh, I used to get told at work all the time, well, he's definitely one of a kind.
26:40
Michelle Moore: And I'm like, yeah, and I know that.
26:42
Michelle Moore: And I'm very thankful for that, you know, because it didn't used to be like that.
26:46
Michelle Moore: And so, like, you know, I'm very, and I talk about Dan all the time.
26:50
Michelle Moore: People probably get tired of me, but I'm like, oh, my husband does that.
26:53
Michelle Moore: And they're like, he does what?
26:54
Michelle Moore: And I'm like, yeah, he does that for me.
26:56
Michelle Moore: But, you know, I mean, yes, I'm spoiled, but I'm also thankful I have a God-fearing, loving Jesus loving man that pours into me too, and uh, does help.
27:11
Michelle Moore: But just think about that.
27:12
Michelle Moore: You know, if you have a husband or a wife and they're needing help, just jump in there.
27:17
Michelle Moore: Yeah, they're gonna appreciate that.
27:19
Daniel Moore: And I'll tell you, the more that you help, the more likely you're gonna be that your spouse is going to want to jump in and help too.
27:26
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
27:27
Daniel Moore: And before you know it, you're both just doing everything together.
27:30
Daniel Moore: And there's no quarrels, no questions about, you know, who's gonna do this or who's gonna do that.
27:35
Daniel Moore: It does not matter anymore.
27:36
Michelle Moore: No.
27:37
Daniel Moore: Just get in there and do it.
27:38
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
27:38
Daniel Moore: And you'll find out that those fights and arguments that you have because you feel like one spouse is doing way more than the other and being taken advantage of, you'll notice those don't happen anymore.
27:49
Daniel Moore: And it's all going, it's all happening that way without even thinking about it.
27:52
Daniel Moore: You know, because it just becomes your lifeblood and how you are.
27:56
Daniel Moore: So go ahead and share the next two points there with us.
28:01
Michelle Moore: Healthy marriages aren't built on power struggles, they're built on mutual sacrifice.
28:08
Michelle Moore: The truth is servant leadership is upside down compared to everything the culture teaches.
28:14
Michelle Moore: The world promotes promote yourself, but Jesus says deny yourself.
28:20
Michelle Moore: The world says take control, but Jesus says take up your cross.
28:26
Michelle Moore: And in marriage, that difference shows up every single day in how you speak, how you respond, how you forgive, and how you serve.
28:35
Michelle Moore: But here's the beauty of it when a marriage reflects that kind of love, it becomes a living picture of the gospel.
28:43
Michelle Moore: It shows the world what Christ's love actually looks like tangible, sacrificial, and real.
28:51
Michelle Moore: And yes, it does take humility, and yes, it does take grace, and yes, it takes choosing each other again and again, even on the days when you don't feel like it.
29:06
Michelle Moore: But a home built on a servant leadership, that's a home filled with peace, respect, and joy that is isn't easily shaken.
29:17
Michelle Moore: When love leads and humility follows, marriage becomes a reflection of heaven.
29:24
Michelle Moore: So, no, God's design isn't outdated, it's not oppressive, it's not restrictive, it's redemptive.
29:34
Michelle Moore: And when both husband and wife lean into it, serving, supporting, loving, and growing together, they don't just build a good marriage, they build one that actually reflects Jesus.
29:51
Daniel Moore: Yeah, that first point there, healthy marriages aren't built on power struggles, they're built on mutual sacrifice.
29:56
Daniel Moore: We know what happens when marriages are built on power struggles.
30:00
Daniel Moore: You don't get anywhere.
30:02
Daniel Moore: It's like and nothing gets done because it's just like it when you have a power struggle going on in a home like that, it's usually just constant chaos because each spouse can't get over themselves long enough to get things done and make sure that the duties of the home and everything's taken care of and you know everything's put into place like it should be.
30:25
Daniel Moore: And so those power struggles are never gonna get you anywhere.
30:29
Michelle Moore: No.
30:30
Daniel Moore: And it for sure isn't gonna build the love between the two of you.
30:33
Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's actually gonna probably do the opposite, it's going to damage that love and that relationship, that closeness is probably gonna be non-existent because you're gonna be constantly, you know, fighting back and forth with each other.
30:47
Daniel Moore: Um, but when we sacrifice and we put everything out there and we we let each other know that, you know, this is nothing that you can't do or nothing that I can't do.
30:59
Daniel Moore: We can do this together.
31:00
Daniel Moore: Um, you know, we're on equal level playing fields here.
31:04
Daniel Moore: Uh that's when that relationship does start to grow.
31:06
Daniel Moore: It starts to look very redemptive.
31:08
Daniel Moore: It starts looking like something God has created at that point.
31:12
Daniel Moore: So I just think that's really cool how all that works and how that all comes together.
31:19
Daniel Moore: So as we continue here, we're going to talk a little bit about unity and complementarity.
31:25
Daniel Moore: And that at a biblical marriage are a lot like two hands working together.
31:29
Daniel Moore: They're not identical, but they're designed to move in sync.
31:33
Daniel Moore: One doesn't try to outdo the other, and neither one works well alone.
31:38
Daniel Moore: That's the picture that God gives us for marriage.
31:41
Daniel Moore: Not one person doing everything, not one person controlling everything, but two people embracing their God-given roles to build something together.
31:50
Daniel Moore: Because at the end of the day, marriage isn't about me versus you, it's about us.
31:55
Daniel Moore: A unified Christ-centered team.
31:58
Daniel Moore: When both husband and wife understand their roles and actually live them out, something shifts.
32:03
Daniel Moore: It stops being a competition over who's right, who's doing more, or who's carrying the weight.
32:09
Daniel Moore: Instead, it becomes cooperation.
32:11
Daniel Moore: You begin pulling in the same direction, even if you're contributing in different ways.
32:16
Daniel Moore: And that kind of unity, it doesn't just feel good, it preaches.
32:21
Daniel Moore: It shows the world what godly love actually looks like in real life.
32:26
Daniel Moore: And I think, you know, as you were talking earlier, when you talk to, you know, the people at work or whatever, and they're so shocked about about our relationship and how I do things for you and and that kind of thing in a roundabout way.
32:42
Daniel Moore: And of course, we're not doing this intentionally to be, you know, people to see see all of that or whatever, but behind the scenes that does preach.
32:52
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like whenever I do what a husband's actually supposed to do, and then you love that, so you're more than happy to share with other people the kind of marriage that you have, yeah, and the relationship that you have.
33:08
Daniel Moore: And, you know, I do the same thing because, you know, you bend over backwards to do your part in our home.
33:15
Daniel Moore: And, you know, so I'm out there telling my friends and people, you know, as as it comes up about our relationship and whatever.
33:23
Daniel Moore: And for once, people aren't hearing about a bad marriage where two people are just competing and trying to be better than the other one, you know?
33:33
Daniel Moore: And I think that in some ways that kind of preaches to them to maybe up their game a little bit in their relationship, hopefully.
33:41
Daniel Moore: And maybe that they would work on having a marriage similar to that because that's what God wants us to do.
33:47
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
33:48
Daniel Moore: And so that unity and that complementarity, when you put that put that into action, uh, it really changes the whole dynamic of what your marriage is.
33:58
Daniel Moore: Go ahead and share the next point there with us.
34:01
Michelle Moore: Um, unity and marriage isn't thinking the same, it's moving the same direction.
34:06
Michelle Moore: Let's make this practical.
34:08
Michelle Moore: Picture a season where a husband is working full-time and the wife is at home with young kids.
34:14
Michelle Moore: He's providing financially, she's nurturing the home, keeping the little humans alive, fed, and hopefully not drawing on the walls with a permanent marker.
34:25
Michelle Moore: And if they are, well, that's what paints for, right?
34:29
Michelle Moore: Different roles, same mission.
34:32
Michelle Moore: He's providing, she's shaping, both are building the same home.
34:37
Michelle Moore: Now imagine if the unity breaks down, if the husband sees his role as I bring the paycheck, so I'm done.
34:45
Michelle Moore: Or the wife begins to undervalue or resist his leadership, the things start to crack, not at all at once, but slowly.
34:54
Michelle Moore: Tensions build, misunderstanding grows, and before long, you're not working together, you're working against each other.
35:03
Michelle Moore: But when both spouses recognize the value of what the other brings, when they support each other, speak life into each other, and honor each other's roles, that's when peace starts to settle in.
35:15
Michelle Moore: That's when the home feels ordered, not chaotic, that's when the marriage begins to reflect God's design.
35:23
Daniel Moore: And something you mentioned in this section is something that is one of my pet peeves.
35:26
Daniel Moore: And that is when you do have a stay-at-home parent and the other one works.
35:34
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
35:34
Daniel Moore: Uh, and then they try to say, This is mine, I make the money, I pay the bills, uh, this is everything has to do with me.
35:44
Daniel Moore: You get what I let you have, you get whatever's left over, you know, whatever that whole argument is.
35:50
Michelle Moore: Or I'm not helping with the kids because I worked all day.
35:52
Michelle Moore: That's what you're there for.
35:53
Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's, you know, that's a cop out.
35:55
Daniel Moore: I mean, that's that's lazy, that's worthless.
35:58
Daniel Moore: I'm just gonna get to the point with it.
36:00
Daniel Moore: That is not how God designed this.
36:03
Daniel Moore: And, you know, whenever parents when there is a stay-at-home parent, uh, I'm hopefully there's a good reason for that.
36:12
Daniel Moore: God bless, whatever that may be.
36:13
Daniel Moore: And that is a full-time job.
36:15
Michelle Moore: It is a full-time if you have kids, additional full-time.
36:19
Daniel Moore: Yep.
36:20
Michelle Moore: Because you never get away.
36:21
Daniel Moore: No.
36:22
Daniel Moore: And so that doesn't the the spouse that's working at that point, that does not relieve them of their duty to be a husband or a wife, depending on which one's staying home, and still help.
36:37
Daniel Moore: I mean, that that does not relieve any of that.
36:40
Daniel Moore: And so, you know, each couple knows their own dynamic.
36:45
Daniel Moore: You know, if there's a stay-at-home uh parent involved in the relationship, that's up to you to evaluate why that's taking place and why that's happening, if it's something that's needed or whatever it may be.
36:56
Daniel Moore: But if you do come to that decision where you feel like that there should be a stay-at-home parent, and that's how that your household's going to run, that's how all of that's going to work, you still fall underneath these same guidelines as married couples who actually work two jobs.
37:13
Daniel Moore: You still have to be unified with each other, you still have to help each other around the home, you still need to share, make sure your roles are still the same.
37:22
Daniel Moore: There's nothing that changes.
37:24
Daniel Moore: And too many times I see where, you know, some of the spouses that work and make the money or whatever, they're okay and agree to the stay-at-home parent, but then they gripe about it constantly.
37:36
Daniel Moore: And they belittle that parent that's staying at home and make them feel like they're worthless and they're not contributing, and and you know, they don't have anything because everything is the other spouses, because they're the one that makes all the money.
37:48
Daniel Moore: There's just a lot of stuff that goes into that that's not biblical and not godly.
37:52
Daniel Moore: And I think that there needs to be some realignment there.
37:56
Michelle Moore: I was gonna say that the way I was thinking about that is perfectly is your heart's not right with Jesus.
38:02
Michelle Moore: Because in all reality, if you're taking it out or you're saying things like that, or you're doing things, you are definitely not aligned with the heart of God.
38:11
Daniel Moore: No, not at all.
38:12
Daniel Moore: And you know, a healthy marriage isn't built on equal roles, it's built on equal commitment to the same purpose.
38:18
Daniel Moore: Complimentarity also shows up in decision making, and this is where things can get real for a lot of couples.
38:24
Daniel Moore: Ephesians 5 23 says the husband's the head of the home, but that doesn't mean he operates like a one-man board meeting, taking executive decisions with zero input.
38:33
Daniel Moore: A wise, godly husband leans in, listens, and values his wife's voice deeply.
38:38
Michelle Moore: It's funny because I was getting ready to say something about Proverbs, and I think you're getting ready to mention that.
38:43
Michelle Moore: So I'm I'm glad you're getting ready to read this.
38:45
Daniel Moore: Yep, 31 verse 11 in Proverbs paints a powerful picture.
38:49
Daniel Moore: The heart of her husband trusts in her.
38:51
Daniel Moore: That kind of trust doesn't happen in silence, it happens in conversation.
38:55
Daniel Moore: It's built in those late-night talks, those what do you think we should do moments, and even in those occasional disagreements where you both have strong opinions and really neither of you is wrong.
39:05
Daniel Moore: They're just different.
39:06
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
39:07
Daniel Moore: And you know, those conversations sometimes take longer than expected.
39:10
Daniel Moore: What starts as a five-minute discussion can turn into a 45-minute deep dive with side stories, emotional layers, and at least one.
39:18
Daniel Moore: That's not what I meant.
39:19
Daniel Moore: But that process, that's where unity is formed.
39:22
Daniel Moore: Because unity isn't one person always giving in, it's both people moving forward together, even if one is ultimately leading the direction.
39:30
Daniel Moore: Good.
39:31
Daniel Moore: Godly leadership listens before it leads, and unity grows where voices are valued.
39:36
Daniel Moore: We also see complementarity and spiritual growth.
39:40
Daniel Moore: A husband stepping into leadership by initiating prayer, opening scripture, or setting a Christ-like tone in the home.
39:46
Daniel Moore: It's not about checking a spiritual box.
39:49
Daniel Moore: That's servant leadership and action.
39:51
Daniel Moore: It's saying, as for me and my house, we're going to follow the Lord, as it says in Joshua 24, 15, and then actually living that out.
39:59
Daniel Moore: And wives, your roles in that is just as powerful.
40:02
Daniel Moore: Encouraging him when he's trying, even if it's a little awkward at first, speaking truth when needed, discipling your children, and using your spiritual gifts to build up your home.
40:13
Daniel Moore: You know, that matters very deeply because the truth is spiritual leadership in marriage isn't a solo act, it's a partnership.
40:21
Daniel Moore: Both parents, the the both spouses, the husband and the wife, need to be on the same page spiritually in order for this to work out well.
40:30
Daniel Moore: So go ahead and share the next two with us there.
40:34
Michelle Moore: Yeah, a Christ-centered home is built when both spouses invest spiritually, even if they do it differently.
40:40
Michelle Moore: And all of this, this unity, this complementarity, it's about more than just making daily life run smoother.
40:50
Michelle Moore: It tells a bigger story.
40:52
Michelle Moore: Ephesians 5 3132 reminds us that marriage points to something greater, the relationship between Christ and his church.
41:02
Michelle Moore: That means your marriage isn't just personal, it's purposeful.
41:06
Michelle Moore: It's a living, breathing reflection of the gospel.
41:10
Michelle Moore: When a husband leads with love and a wife responds with trust, it mirrors Christ's love for the church.
41:18
Michelle Moore: When both walk in humility, grace, and unity, it becomes a testimony, whether you realize it or not.
41:27
Michelle Moore: Your neighbors see it, your kids feel it, and the world notices it.
41:32
Michelle Moore: A unified marriage doesn't just bless your home, it becomes a witness to everyone watching.
41:38
Michelle Moore: And that's why this matters so much.
41:42
Michelle Moore: Because when you embrace God's design, when you lean into unity instead of fighting for control, when you value the complementarity instead of comparing roles, you're not just strengthening your marriage, you're glorifying God.
42:00
Michelle Moore: You're building something that lasts and you're leaving behind a legacy of faith, stability, and love that echoes far beyond your own lifetime.
42:12
Daniel Moore: So I think as we you know start to get to the wrap-up here of this episode, this is just a good way to finish it.
42:19
Michelle Moore: That's good.
42:19
Daniel Moore: Because again, even if we're looking at this biblically, you're not just being a wife because the Bible tells you to do certain things.
42:28
Michelle Moore: Right.
42:29
Daniel Moore: I'm not just being a husband because the Bible tells me to be a husband a certain way.
42:33
Daniel Moore: We're doing this because our relationship matters.
42:35
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
42:36
Daniel Moore: The unity that me and you have between each other, it matters.
42:40
Daniel Moore: And whenever we have an opportunity to share our experience with other couples that are fighting some things we've been through already, and just because of our story, they change and things get better for them, that matters.
42:54
Daniel Moore: And I think that's God's whole plan and purpose for us as married couples, is that whenever we fulfill the roles and the way that He has created them to be filled, He knows that it's not just going to only affect you and me, it's not only gonna allow us to have a great marriage, but that's gonna eventually pour out into elsewhere.
43:16
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
43:16
Daniel Moore: And other people can actually feed off of what we have.
43:20
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
43:20
Daniel Moore: And then they can start seeing changes in their own marriage if they'll apply the things they see us doing.
43:26
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
43:26
Daniel Moore: And I think that means a lot.
43:28
Michelle Moore: That's good.
43:28
Daniel Moore: It really does.
43:30
Daniel Moore: So marriage works best when two people stop competing for position and start committing to purpose.
43:36
Daniel Moore: So whether if you're out there navigating busy seasons, big decisions, or just figuring out whose turn it is to take out the trash, remember this.
43:45
Daniel Moore: As we've said so many times, you're on the same team.
43:48
Daniel Moore: Woohoo! And when you live like it, your marriage becomes something truly powerful, something beautifully aligned with the heart of God.
43:57
Daniel Moore: So as we wrap up this week's episode and uh part two actually of this episode, we'll be getting on to a different subject next week, which is going to be a really good one.
44:24
Daniel Moore: Just want to remind you that you can visit our website at marriage lifeandmore.com.
44:28
Daniel Moore: And if you love this podcast, love these episodes, please subscribe and share.
44:32
Daniel Moore: That helps our podcast to grow and helps us get out to people that need to hear these episodes.
44:36
Daniel Moore: Because we know that people struggle in marriages everywhere.
44:40
Daniel Moore: And if something that can be said in one of these episodes would help them, that's what this is all about.
44:45
Daniel Moore: And you become a part of that whenever another marriage makes something happen and goes in a good positive direction because of something that you shared with them.
44:54
Daniel Moore: So we just ask you to do that.
44:56
Daniel Moore: We thank you for it in advance.
44:58
Daniel Moore: And again, you can check all that out at marriage lifeandmore.com.
45:02
Daniel Moore: So to wrap up this week's episode, here's the takeaway.
45:05
Daniel Moore: Unity in marriage isn't something you stumble into, it's something you choose again and again.
45:11
Daniel Moore: It's choosing us over me, even when you're tired, even when you disagree, and even when you're both pretty convinced that your way makes more sense.
45:20
Daniel Moore: At the end of the day, you're not in opposing teams, you're building the same life, serving the same God, and moving toward the same purpose.
45:28
Daniel Moore: So, as we're going into this week, take a step back and ask yourself, how can I support my spouse better?
45:33
Daniel Moore: How can I contribute to unity instead of tension?
45:36
Daniel Moore: Maybe it's listening a little longer, encouraging a little more, or letting go of the need to win that one argument you've been holding on to since well, we're not going to bring that back up right now.
45:48
Daniel Moore: Small choices like that are what builds strong Christ-centered marriages over time.
45:52
Daniel Moore: So remember, your marriage is more than just your relationship.
45:56
Daniel Moore: It's a reflection of the gospel.
45:58
Daniel Moore: And when two people commit to walking in humility, love, and purpose together, it becomes something powerful, something steady, and something that points straight back to Jesus.
46:08
Daniel Moore: So, Michelle and I, we're cheering you on, and we'll catch you next week in our next new episode here on marriage life and more.
46:17
Daniel Moore: Well, that's all for this week, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
46:23
Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting to Gap Ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week.